My love, I still can’t believe that I got this good news yesterday. As expected, I was too late sending my files for the apartment I showed you in my previous post. It was already rented to someone else. But yesterday I got a call with the news that I got a similar apartment a few storeys higher. 😀
A higher home means a better view. 🙂 I’m sooo happyyy I still can’t believe that this is real! ♥
Like before that call I spent my hours in stressed couch cuddle mode (watching the Belgian series “De Bunker”), thinking of planning new visitations while knowing that there’s almost no chance of finding an apartment I’ll like more than this one, worried about getting any before uni starts next Tuesday. That worry is gone now yay. I’m signing my rental agreement tomorrow. 🙂
Yesterday early I was worried about having a place to stay, and now there are moving boxes in my room. 🙂
So the timing is already nice. Then there is the modernity of the building (in contrast to the other places visited) and apartment yays: there is an elevator, the walls are steady, there are high windows I’ve dreamt of when I was little, it has the kitchen with oven without microwave exactly the way I want it, rental price includes gas and electricity, the location is sooo chill (next to a supermarket, close to central station, a direct public transport line to the uni (and there is a toko very close by omg)), it is not student housing and I have a bath tub. 😀 Such yays. ♥
Though I’m still very afraid of sudden rejection if, for example, I’m stuck in traffic long again tomorrow or the deposit is not transferred on time. If all goes well – and those worries thus not happen – I’m handed the keys on Friday, which is then when I’ll start moving though having to balance that with family visiting from the Bahamas.
Until I have the keys, I don’t feel certain about my living guaranteed (yet). But I do slowly start to feel that my new life is coming closer. One in which I live on my own in a new environment. Sooo exciting! Though a bit emotional.
The people I see frequently, I might now see once every two weeks or something. Or even less. All my life, I’ve been a distress beacon to many people, giving advice and stepping in to help out. Now I’m becoming long-distance support. Trading my familiarity for a foreign place where I don’t know anyone. I wonder if I’ll make new friends. I know there might be moments of missing the familiar coziness of the environment I’ve lived in all my life. But I’m happy about where things are going.
I’m happy about finally having something serious to do again (a reason to leave the house every day instead of being inside, typing). I’m happy I’m getting the chance to strengthen my position on the labor market. I’m happy to be working towards becoming ProfFangs. I’m happy to be buying my own groceries and living in my own house culture. I’m happy about moving to Belgium, where I’ll still be blending in in an environment that is exotic to me, though being able to speak my first language (Dutch). (I wonder if I’ll also speak with a sexy soft g by the time I have my bachelor’s.) I’m happy I’m taking a strategic distance from psychiatric surveillance. And most of all I’m happy to be able to be alone whenever I want to and have a chance to start over (though with this blog that is not 100% possible).
Meoww I’m going to flip some (subtle flavor) coconut pancakes and slowly start getting to these boxes.
By the way, how do you know to visit my blog only when I’ve posted something new, without looking here to see if there’s something new?
I’ll be typing in Dutch later.
15:13 (03:13 PM) [GMT -2]
Capelle aan den IJssel
Het gaat lekker snel ineens allemaal. Over minder dan een week zal ik alleen nog maar met cijfers bezig zijn. Heerlijk. Ik kan echt niet wachten!
Hoe ik dat verder met de verwerking van de informatie die ik heb gekregen bij het bespreken van mijn essay en het nieuwe boek dat ik wil schrijven ga combineren moet ik nog uitvogelen. Maar ik heb nu infinite tijd voor mezelf dus in principe maak ik me daar geen zorgen om. Van koken tot schoonmaken: alles kan nu op mijn eigen tempo.
Hmmm ik heb het huurcontract nog niet getekend en de borg nog niet overgemaakt – dat gebeurt morgenochtend – dus het voelt nog een beetje te vroeg om definitief te juichen. Als er maar niets misgaat. 🙁 Dan kan ik morgen beginnen met wat Ikea dingen in elkaar zetten. Misschien.
De “droominrichting” die ik portretteerde in mijn vorige (was het de vorige of die daarvoor…¿) blog post is in strijd met de realiteit. Ik heb traditioneel een oude bank en andere oude meubels die ik aangeboden heb gekregen. Echt ontzettend lief. (Plus als ik die bank opnieuw zou kunnen bekleden, maar dan met zwart leer, dan vind ik dat misschien zelfs leuker dan Ikea’s FRIHETEN in “bomstad zwart”.)
Wel ga ik echt proberen te pleiten voor een matras en een bedframe (in plaats van alleen een matras in de beginopstelling), want ik ben bang dat alleen een matras op de grond in mijn nieuwe huis een slechte uitwerking op mijn depressie zal hebben. Als iemand dan vraagt waar ik woon zal ik mijn best moeten doen om niet in tranen uit te barsten als ik zeg dat ik mijn leven in Nederland heb omgeruild voor een matras op de grond (wel een matras dat heel lief is voor mijn Wirbelsäule), op een manier waarop het niet klinkt alsof ik een emotioneel wrak ben. En misschien wat andere basismeubels, zoals een eettafel. Ik wil zo graag mijn autisme gerust kunnen stellen.
Wat fijn was aan mijn “droominrichting” was dat het qua kleuren en stijl een geheel was (zwart, bruin, beige, wit en donkerblauw en rood als kleuraccenten, steeds in precies dezelfde tint). Dat wil ik blijven nastreven en als het dus storend wordt voor het geheel, en dus voor mijn mentale rust, zal ik moeten kiezen voor niets in plaats van iets. Misschien dus een matras op de grond, maar ik hoop het niet.
Als je verhuurder bent en dit leest: mijn misschien karige beginopstelling zegt niets over de betaling van mijn huur. Geen zorgen daarover. 🙂
I wonder if my Graeynissis will come to visit me. Zou zorgeloos gezellig zijn. 🙂
Tegelijkertijd is die opkomende intense eenzaamheid wel een zorg. Ik wil graag mijn nieuwe adres bij de KvK registreren, maar wil tegelijkertijd niet dat alles en iedereen mijn precieze adres weet want wie kan me daar beschermen behalve ikzelf? 🙁 Ik ken niemand daar. Hopelijk komt daar snel verandering in. Maar vertrouwen is wel een dingetje. Het zal relatief lang duren voordat ik iemand bij me thuis uitnodig. Ik zou het ook fijn vinden om 4 sloten op mijn voordeur te kunnen doen, maar ik weet niet hoe de verhuurder daarover denkt. Morgen zal ik het vragen. 🙂
Wat trouwens echt een upgrade is bij dit appartement is dat ik nu bij een kantoorgebouw naar binnen kijk in plaats van bij een hotel. Een leuker en veiliger uitzicht. 🙂
En ik ga me trouwens niet uitschrijven in Nederland en beschouw dit adres, waar ik voor minstens drie jaar zal wonen (misschien tenzij ik ineens miljonair word ofzo), mijn kotadres. 🙂
🙂 🙂 🙂
Veel yays mijn miauw. Als ik nu ga slapen is het voor het gevoel sneller morgen.
Trouwens ligt het aan mij of is/lijkt de Nederlandse politiek ineens een stuk warmer? There’s no more sneak dissing? Big yays for thisss.
Welterusten liefjeee ♥
– xxx –
22:43 (10:43 PM) [GMT -2]
Capelle aan den IJssel
My time to think yesterday got me so many woahs, my meow. My first woah is that this week is a week in which I have 0 plans (hopefully aside from signing the contract for the apartment I’ve slowly fallen in love with :D), after such a long time! Didn’t realize how much my brain needed rest after I wake up the next morning, feeling like just laying down and distracting my mind with technology at least as possible at first. To just let everything that has happend sink in and scrutinize it. (Usually I’m suppressing what is there anyway. Plain reasoning is what I did until I wanted to flea from my realization and tried to escape my thoughts by playing choices romance games on my phone (and Cody Cross 🙂 )) Yesterday, I was in bed until about 6 PM when I went to a birthday party with my family.
The realization of having given my first presentation about my ideas instead of about what a teacher orders me to do is not entirely there still. I wonder what the effect of this will be, because this was something unusual for a presentation in general (for I was doing propagandist things) and any type of societal research is usually not done for free. I wonder about its general effects. If people will go to work with a different view tomorrow.
Furthermore I’m still surprised about how things started off and the results. Surprised about the start because I froze up so badly I didn’t think I would make it to the end. Plus people stopping by to take pictures and videos of me while I was presenting and people dropping by and walking away was taking me out of my concentration. And overhearing “Too slow,” “Too fast,” “My goal for the future is to go to the bathroom now,” and other things like that in conversations. And being way overdressed. I was really surprised to get any positive feedback at all. Though I don’t know if that is honesty or politeness. It doesn’t matter anyway, I really like that a large group of people thought along actively and was willing to share their answers with me.
When it comes to the results, I was very surprised. My coordinates are (40, -50) and the majority of people were in the region -5 < x < 60 and 0 > y > -60. That is very positive in a way, because that means that it’s not the end of the world for most people, when we put a definitive end to the routine the world seems so attached to (because there are so many other ways to do things I really don’ttt understand why so many people on this planet keep living for it if they hate it too).
But if this sample suits the rest of the world, I see the views of right-wing change and left-wing change is what my compass does not reveal. I don’t know how many people would be happy with the D.O.C.I.S. type of change. Something I reallyyy wonder is if the European Union will still have open borders in 10 years, and what this place will look like demographically. Another thing I wonder is why so few people are causing change to the system…? That is what worries me.
What I want to achieve is the implementation of the D.O.C.I.S. International system. How to use my research to push that is what is currently eating me up.
The party yesterday was fun. My cousins celebrated their birthdays together at the community center of their neighborhood, with friends and family over. A lottt of familiar faces asking me about Antwerp, who I could also tell about the interesting discovery of the day before. I’ve talked about the topic of change with them very often in the past and guess the compass would place them in group 4 as well. Next up should be a redefined political compass, I think. Because I’m quite sure that though we all want change, our views of what change should look like differ. (I’m pro closed borders, for example. That creates a better incentive to support your own community first, creates better demographic oversight and is much better for international cooperation (because better demographics create a better idea of what a country’s strengths and needs are, without not knowing where your population has scattered to).)
I don’t talk about my views on closed borders often because when I do it is agressively verbally attacked with arguments about unity and stuff. While I think that closed borders create a different type of unity. It could lead to independent nations cooperating together instead of having the artificial European Union forcing an internal market.
But because views like this differ, I think demographically the world should have people with the same political views living together. Instead of everyone mixed up the way it is now. The unification of similar minds is a different type of peace and happiness.
Anyway what I wanted to say is that my mother’s Volvo broke down last Thursday (reparation costs will be like 4K 🙁 🙁 🙁 ) and that she now drives in one of the types of car I used to arrange for the people whose cases I was handling.
The new Astra is a really chill car and it’s pretty fast for a regular gasoline-powered car. My mother says she wouldn’t mind owning one and if she goes for it or something similar (like she said) I won’t stop her. 🙂
Meoww I’ve broken some speed limits with it driving to the party and back home later. Without tickets of course. 🙂 It’s very different than the turbo diesel Volvo with leather seating though. But this car had some extra yayness over it in a way because it made me think of Tishe so much. It has left this longing I was trying to rid myself from though. Like why is it here if I’m just some lackey. 🙁
Ah yays, I just received my father’s income information as well and have sent my motivation and all income information of my parents and I to the person who manages the apartment I wish to hire. It has been received and will be processed tomorrow, I heard. I really hope the apartment has not been rented to someone else yet.
After all of the party socializing and people saying that they’ll pray (or duimen depending on philosophy) for me getting that apartment, I have become so dreamy about it. I couldn’t sleep last night because I wanted to see how much my dream apartment interior would cost. (I don’t know what my definitive interior styling budget is yet…) But aaaaah check out the highlights:
Okay when I was there there were a lot of people standing in the living room, so I’m using pictures of the estate company’s website (plus shout out to Ikea):
No TV meubel because I don’t want a TV. Like I don’t want a microwave either. I’ll go for paintings and sculptures omg yayyy. 😀
Ah and on the wall that is sort of 3D’d away from the main living room wall, I would like to use school board paint so that I can write out my brainstorm ideas with crayons. Of course I will paint it white again when I move out of this apartment. 🙂
A closet of 2 meters width will be at the wall you can’t see (at the back of the photographer of this picture). I hope my ironing board fits in it.
I’ve chosen more combi’s as well. Like beige hoeslaken with black sheets.
Et cetera meooow I really hope that I will be selected for this apartment. 😀 (Plus if not, I’ll probably have a very hard time in 2 weeks… 🙁 )
Meow meanwhile I’ve become a little more active on Twitter again. I’ve been creeping down my timeline without posting for a while. The political turbulence is going into a direction that worries me because it feels like it will make me more powerless or something. The fighting offense with offense and things about culture and history being digged up and stuff are sensitive topics to me. Because my view is uncommon and people judge my descent too quick.
I had this geography teacher in middle school. Forgot her name but my friends and I used to call her “that crying face from 9GAG”. She, though there was not a single chapter in that book that had anything to do with Suriname, felt that she had to lecture her students that all Surinamese people wear fake gold, all Surinamese people get their living expenses covered by the government for free (I am not part of that dumb measure), all Surinamese people believe that they may stay home when it rains and other bullshit. A lot of Dutch people from her age (30-40) are convinced of the same nonsense, I’ve noticed. (Aside from classic all-purpose racism and fables about history (that the Dutch Golden Age was positive and slavery was fair) and sex related (big genitals and skill because of dance moves) things some people of more various ages are convinced of.) My god I’m so happy I’ve never seen her since I left school.
Meoww big yays for catching up with you. I’ve been bathrobe petting all day, though. Now I’m going to send Friday’s pictures to Alexandra (who treated me dinner on Friday, too sweeet meow now I want to treat her with something in return), take a shower and go to bed.
22:57 (10:57 PM) Capelle aan den IJssel
Featured image by Alexander Krivitskiy from Pexels.
I’m on my way to Grand Vision for my presentation now. Instead of driving there myself, which was the original plan, my father had to be in Amsterdam anyway so he is dropping me off. Now I can have some beers as well yay. 🙂 (Ahahaha I really feel like jugging some, but will keep it appropriate haha.)
This is such an interesting moment in my life. I hope this will be the first of many speaking opportunities. For that I need to perform well today.
Starting with being on time omg we’re stuck in traffic. 🙁 That’s not a super big deal at the moment for we left on time enough. What is stressing me out a little is that we are going to pick up my uncle first – visiting from the Bahamas for a cryptocurrency event – and I want to be at Grand Vision an hour in advance. Now yes I was being a little slow with getting ready (and I stained my dress with bronzer omg Friday the 13th ahahahahaha) but meow dropping me off only takes a second and I don’t know how long my uncle will take to get into the car and how terrible the traffic will be in the center of Amsterdam. I’d like a moment of zen before I begin, instead of running in and having to start right away.
Hahahaha I’ve taken a funny measure to hide my sweatyness earlier (one of the reasons why I took long to get ready). I’ve taped some panty liners onto the inside of the armpits of my dress to absorb my sweat ahahahahaha. I hope to be able to lift my arms without feeling embarrassed and that they won’t fall out of my dress ahahahahaha.
Meowww I’m a tiny bit nervous about using the right words for slide transitions. (You know, the words you say right before you go to the next slide, to keep everything making sense.) And about being able to hide my nerves. But I’ll be fine though. The worry is not that much. I’m more focused on having fun. 🙂
I’m going to revise my slides and will probably be here again at the end of the day. Ciaooo xxx
15:20 (03:20 PM) [GMT -2]
Ah yay I will be dropped off first. 🙂 🙂 🙂
As I’m writing this, I’m in the metro to home. At Oostplein currently. The realization of having experienced the moment I have been living up to is not entirely there yet. But I feel the rush of excitement and happiness all over. 🙂
Though in the beginning of my presentation I was rustyyy. Haha I was really lost for words, exactly with the transition of slides thing I mentioned earlier, and explaining the endeavor of my business and what that has to do with the personal ambitions of every single person on Earth and causality and stuff… It was rusty xd.
But at a later point I became more loose. Especially at the more interactive part, being able to get more direct feedback from my audience. I had no idea if they were enjoying it or not, which made me overthink my words a lot in the beginning. It was my first time doing this after all.
We were with a very diverse group of people from different backgrounds and different ages (though mainly people in their twenties and thirties). Our outcome is very interesting: the great majority of people (no definitive calculations yet, but let’s say 90%) values independency over stability and would rather see their life change than see it stay the same. All that is thus left is providing them an opportunity that suits there wish of more independency, which is what D.O.C.I.S. International is all about. 🙂
More about that and other cool things tomorrow because I can barely keep my eyes open.
Goooood night ♥
– xxx –
22:30 (10:30 PM) [GMT -2]
Capelle aan den IJssel
Good evening ♥
We are on the verge of presentation day. I intended this to be a day of relaxation and it was. 🙂 Aside from my car adventure…
Another Fangs Car Adventure
Passing cars, driving 140 km/h where the speed limit is 100, is a habit of mine. I know the risk I am taking and do not recommend it to anyone. It used to be 160 with a speed limit of 100, so in that sense I’ve changed. But the rush of speeding is one of the things I love most about my life.
Earlier today on my way to see doctor Helberg Amsterdam, around Delft, I pass another herd of cars driving 140 km/h and slow down behind a car that is doing the same thing in a slower pace. In the right corner of my rearview mirror I see a white car with blue and orange color accents move two lanes to the left. I start slowing down.
The car in front of me moves over to the right and am still driving above the speed limit, though “only” 20 km/h now, but the cop car was right behind me. To prevent “onnodig links rijden”, I pass all cars that are driving close behind each other on that same pace and move a lane to the right afterwards. And another one.
Usually I feel a bit annoyed when people pass cars in a pace that feels only 1 km/h harder. A maneuver taking more than 30 seconds to pass a car. Now I was guilty of it myself stressed out by my slow pace, stressed out of fear of getting in trouble with the law.
The cop car ends up in front of me. I fear seeing the “POLITIE, VOLGEN” sign to pull me over. But the car moved another lane to the right, taking the exit to The Hague. I was free to increase my pace to 140 km/h again. (And 170 km/h where 130 is the speed limit.)
After visiting doctor Helberg I went to Alexandrium to buy a subtle shade of lipstick (because deep red is unprofessional, I think¿).
When I was almost there, on the highway, switching lanes became very difficult and the car started to make stange noises. But the notification screen did not indicate any issues. I didn’t understand what was going on and slowed my pace to the legal limits.
Off the highway, I had to hang on to one side of the steering wheel and pull on it with my entire body weight to make a turn. Parking was tough exercise.
In the shopping center I called my mother saying that I’ll bring the car to her office so she could call the *word that impacts my heart rate more than ANWB does (starting with a ends with ale) [it has sooo much Tishe it makes me feel like hiding underneath the sheets from the impact it has on me. I should see a therapist for that (hahahaha) but it’s all sooo embarrassing]*. The filter in the reservoir for power steering was torn. And some other stuff. We now have a replacement Opel Astra I will take to Amsterdam tomorrow. I will miss the turbo diesel engine of my mother’s car, but at least we have a replacement car.
Especially with my international travels and stuff, I should get an ANWB membership or something. And general travel insurance. But money…
My appointment with doctor Helberg was really chill. I was happy to inform him that I have felt a lot less suicidal since I switched from the surveillance in Rotterdam to his second opinion. Especially because with this clean slate my words are not solely focused on pleading not-schizophrenia for the sake of saving my medical record, but being able to voice all of the stress and suicidal thoughts that had added up to.
What was even more yays were our tangents about the differences between the emotional brain and the cognitive brain, and about politics in the context of my essay. I always feel like an hour to speak to him is too short, because there always still is a lot I want to mention when I leave.
When I came home – I took the metro from my mother’s work home after dropping the car off there – I made myself some fried noodles for late lunch and went to sleep for I couldn’t sleep (again) last night and was very tired.
Now my sleep meter is refilled. I’m going to eat, make some little changes to my presentation and shave. Tomorrow is the big day ayyy. I’m looking forward to it. I hope I’ll radiate good energy meow currently that is my greatest worry.
See you later or tomorrow ehehe xxx
21:33 (09:33 PM) [GMT -2]
Capelle aan den IJssel
Currently, I’m having lunch at Esco*bar, while revising my text/essay.
Not really a place to work at, but I can find my concentration by blocking out all sound by playing music (paradox lol) haha… It’s a nice place for students, I think.
Before this, I checked out of the hotel after frying an egg, showering and doing the morning dishes. It was my intention to just find a dress at the first store I walk in to, but I see it has to be Christmas time to pull off something like that? Dresses were hard to find in general. It took longer than expected.
Meanwhile I’m on my way to my next apartment visitation. A bit late again. 🙁 It’s at 3, but according to maps I’ll be there at 8 minutes past. See you later x
Updated 15:02 (03:02 PM)
Okayy the apartment I just visited is more modern than the one I visited yesterday. Modern in the sense that it only operates on water and electricity. No gas. That’s a big plus, but it’s less spacious, though. Aside from a sitting/lounging area and a dinner table, I don’t think there’s space for a separate desk.
I didn’t take any pictures because it would be breaking privacy laws. The situation was a bit sad. The bedroom had a large mattress on the floor and an Ikea mat with roads on them, I also had when I was little.
Instead of a sitting area with a television there usually is in a living room, there was a large bed for 2 people there (and no television). The most shocking part of this for me was that the lady who answered the door is pregnant. That’s quite a life.
Now I’m on my way to my final visitation. This apartment is my favorite next to the apartment I wasn’t selected for. It’s a few minutes from the hotel. After this I’m going home. Meow I’m tired and I saw heavy traffic. 🙁
15:41 (03:41 PM)
The apartment was even chiller than I expected it to be. There were 5 more people present to look at it, when I was there. What I find chil is that it does not only have a supermarket below the modern complex: it also has a parking garage. 🙂 Not that I have my own car, but still… When it comes to that: it’s veryyy close to the central station and has very good sound isolation. Sound isolation is sooo important to me meoww I want thiss.
There were too many people standing in the living room to make a picture of it. But this apartment in this modern buildings called Vista will hopefully be mine. That’s only possible if my father allows me to share a written overview of his last three months of salary. I hope I could do this before tomorrow ends. 🙂
After the visitation, I drove home right away. The visitation with the pregnant lady took less time than expected, so my time in between visitations I used to collect my luggage and car at the hotel (especially because reception closed at 17:30 and I might have had to sprint to not be stuck without access to car and luggage), then take the car to the apartment.
It took me more than 2 hours to get home, because traffic was crazy. Even the navigation system’s recalculation to avoid traffic still had me stuck in traffic. But I came home to this 😀 :
But first I had to go to my mother’s workplace because she prints my presentation hand-outs for me and there was some trouble with the formatting when she opened the second document.
Going to my mother’s workplace for printing reminds me of my high school days haha. ♥
Though now one hand-out has my serif font on it – this one – and the other hand-out (for keeping) is printed in Arial. 🙁 I find it a waste of paper to reprint everything in Bookman Old Style just for the font, but two different fonts is a bit disturbing.
At home I wanted to go to bed right away, but I couldn’t resist seeing the dress I bought. It’s… sparkly, I noticed. I didn’t see that online. Otherwise I wouldn’t have bought it for this occasion. The print is, however, still amazing. I wish it were just all cotton. But I want to be taken seriously… So I’m glad I have my back-up dress. Though still major yays for DHL’s fast delivery and Fashion Nova its unique assortiment. 🙂
The rest I’ll be checking tomorrow. Now I’m going to continue sleeping. I wanted to practice my presentation again tonight but I’m too tired. 🙁 So goood night ♥
– xxx –
00:13 (12:13 AM) [GMT -2]
Capelle aan den IJssel
My precious blog visitor ♥
Sorry for the delay, my dear. During the day I realized that I really had to test my presentation on that same day, because tonight I will be in Antwerp and having to make big changes on Thursday would be too late to implement new feedback comfortably.
So I spent my entire Monday (plus Sunday partly) crafting 58 PowerPoint slides, cooking, (partially) listing what points to make per slide and writing several different types of hand-outs (for both individual and group assignments).
At some point I decided that I should better wing it for now, having noted key statements for only the first 6 slides, because it was getting late and I really needed to try the presentation that day, to make use of the feedback.
It was already 12:35 AM, when my mother and I had our cups of tea, ready to walk through this. I was very glad that she was still awake.
From my side I noticed that I was lost for words often from wanting to make the statements that are in the written essay, but having forgotten how I formulated it. So I need to read my essay a time or two and reflect that to my presentation to make sure that I get my point across.
My mother said that the overall presentation was fun, but that I should explain the “formula” better. To make sure that my audience goes home uplifted and with the feeling that my presentation has added something to their lives. You know: “Wat heb ik eraan?”
The “formula” is about this:
I agree with her. There was an entire section about personal mission in regard to “The Compass” I had left out, because of the time. And because of that, it was a lot less clear why I mentioned what I mentioned in the earlier parts of the presentation and how the question is answered at the end, by the things we have done in the meantime. So that is one of the things I’m going to change when I’m hotel chilling.
This test presentation took about 45 minutes. There were questions asked in the meantime, but the group assignments we could not do (because for that I need at least 4 people and we were with 2), so time-wise it seems like it’s going to be tight. Though at first I was trying to say as many words as possible per slide, it seems like I should better focus on keeping it short. But not too short…
I’m very happy we’ve done this now. Then I have today for little edits and Wednesday to try again. If I’ll try again again on Thursday I don’t know… Maybe I’ll spend that day only focusing on rest and relaxation.
For now I’m going to spend some time on rest and relaxation as well. Good night ♥
– xxx –
Updated 04:03 (AM)
Capelle aan den IJssel
I’m in the metro in Antwerp as I am writing this. I figured I might as well check out what public transportation is like here, since I might be doing that a lot from September 24th onwards.
Meanwhile I have visited the apartment.
This place has no home office though and is next to a relatively busy road, but I could make myself at home here for sure.
Haha my pictures are really random because I was taking them mid-conversation by squeezing my HTC U11 every time entering a different space.
All these apartments are nice but deep down my heart desires a remote piece of land… For now I just need to get through these university years though. 🙂
Restaurant dinner? Not today 😀
This whole journey was quite rushed for I packed just a few minutes before leaving and I was just in time for my visitation by coincidence. I overslept so had dropped my mother off at work to take the car to Antwerp around 14:40.
I checked in at Arass Hotel at 15:30 – breaking some speed rules don’t try that at home – and then struggled with getting the car into the right garage for a while.
There were two garage entrances through the same gate and I saw that the hotel garage entrance required a special key, so decided to park in the other garage just to check in and take my suitcase to my room for a second.
So after checking in and dropping off my bag – plus quickly changing shirts because my adrenaline driving makes me sweaty ahahahahah – I had to drive that Volvo station out of the narrow garage backwards, hoping that no one would attempt to enter it in the meantime. When it comes to that, I was lucky that only one car arrived right after I just left my parking spot. I used my room key to get into the hotel garage – without any new scratches [note I have never scratched a car] 🙂 – and there I’ll leave it probably until I go back home.
On my way back towards the hotel, I was in doubt whether or not to eat in a restaurant tonight. But my room has a little kitchen and Delhaize (shout out to ((pretty eyed)) Frans I hope you think I’m cool haha) is right across the road, so…
I’m going to take a nap, cook and spend the rest of the night chilling in my panties yay. The last time I were all alone like this was in Egmond. So I’ll be enjoying my alone time for now. And tinkering my presentation of course. Tomorrow is for city exploration. 🙂 See you later xxx
Updated 19:40 (07:40 PM)
Antwerp net niet Zurenborg
Simple Dinner Yays
My dinner was very nice. I don’t know what to do with my left-overs. Maybe I’ll be in the mood for a late night snack though. 😸
In other random news:
Oh and meooow my dress will be delivered on Friday between 10 AM and 3 PM… I’ll leave the house around 2 PM so I really reallyyy hope it will be there on time. But I should look for a back-up dress, which is what I’ll do tomorrow between 11 and 3 because I have some hours to kill until my next two apartment visitations.
More randomness: it has been a very long time since someone I passed on the street has made me go 😻 . But woaah today when I walked outside Delhaize there was a super tall and muscular guy with brown hair, thick eyebrows and cheeks like Andreas Eriksen, which made me almost want to enter owl mode spinning my neck 180 degrees because damn… 😻 Haha hellooo Belgium. 😀 😻 Ahahahahahaha
More more randomness: I randomly got my period last Thursday. It’s random because last time was September 2018 or something. Usually it’s fucked up, but I was actually quite happy with it because it’s a confirmation dat de boel nog werkt enzo. (Harry Mulisch reference looooool.) It must be from stress relief. As long as it stays infrequent because other than that I still really don’t like that strange part of nature. 🙂
I say stress relief because I’m starting to see ways to get my concept, including myself with all that I can do, off the ground again, hoping coming Friday will get me good references. And meowww I should get a Wiki page online. Maybe I could do that on Thursday.
For now I’m going to clean the kitchen and see what’s next. Goood night in advance. ♥
– xxx –
Updated 23:07 (11:07 PM)
Antwerpen Borgerhout ¿
It has been a while. Excuse my absence. I have been working on this awesome essay:Evolving Individualism in the 9-5 Economy
The concept I had laid out months ago. Thought that it was going to take just a few hours and a few pages to work it out, but after my last diary post I saw that I needed a lottt more words to explain the entire concept in detail to someone who would not see me explain it in person. I’m glad that it’s finished now. 🙂 Finished and featured! You should read it. I predict what you should personally do to become happier. 🙂 Do you agree with my suggestion for you?
After my tour for groceries, from my last diary post (opens in new tab), I succeeded in trying to make extension box braids for the first time:
Friday morning I thought of looking online for a dress to wear next Friday. Something with a bit of character… I ended up on Fashion Nova (opens in new tab (discount 🙂 )), with no equivalent stores to be found, and though I was expecting to not be able to receive it in time – since it’s shipped in from a different continent – the cart indicated that my order could be delivered by Monday if I ordered within 6 hours or so…
It’s really cool. I thought it would suit the evolutionary futuristicness of the essay’s theme. But for a Beer & Learn I felt I would be Alice in Wonderland-style overdressed…
And with the upcoming start of university in mind, plus maybe other interesting moments coming up as well, I bought other things, including this:
And I ordered some butt lifting shorts there (something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time, but then thinking “noo let me keep it natural” every time… Now I’m letting that go. I’d like some turning heads meowww). Plus, with that tight white dress in mind, I bought a waist corset at Zalando that same day, which came in the mail yesterday:
(Another controversial picture… I am simply showing a life in as much detail as I can.) This in combination with those butt shorts will look good in that dress. 🙂 I’ll feel comfortable presenting, if it is here on time… The estimated delivery time became Wednesday after it was shipped out, and now it is estimated on Friday itself… 🙁 🙁 I might have to look for a back-up dress…
As long as I look D.O.C.I.S. representable and somewhere in between formal and informal, to suit the event and not have my appearance as a distraction in a negative sense… Because if I’d see this, I would certainly go:
It is the first time in my life that I see my name on a poster like that, which is very exciting! 😻 This is visible all through the office building now. I hope that a lot of people will come. 😀
Alexandra has given them very cool designs. I’m very happy and thankful for the effort she has put in making this all possible for me. 🙂 I will do my very best to leave a positively unforgettable impression. 🙂 Hopefully this opportunity will lead to more public speaking opportunities.
Monday and the rest of this Sunday will be spent on my PowerPoint presentation and mapping what should be on my Wikipedia pages (in such a way that it will be accepted, because it would be such a shame if it were deleted…). I’ll practice the presentation in front of my family (like the old days…).
Tuesday and Wednesday I have more apartment visitations planned in Antwerp, where I will spend the night and hopefully find a comfortable pair of heels.
Thursday morning I will see doctor Helberg and spend the rest of the day relaxing.
And Friday is the day of Beer & Yays (lol I won’t be saying yays). I am sooo curious about the way my audience will respond to what I have to say. A great part of it will be about incentivizing them to share their stance about controversial career-related statements with me. I wonder if it will be all-yay openness or defensive openness (when views vary too much)… I’ll be prepared for both, for both are reasonable and both ways can be a lot of challenging fun, though hoping for the most peaceful experience. 🙂 (Especially because I want to be doing this more often…)
After Friday, I’ll have a week of chilling left before uni starts… 🙂 It’s all yays. 🙂
Meowww I’ll be working on this PowerPoint now… And on my hand-outs. 🙂 If you would, during a presentation, be asked to fold a piece of paper 4 times, to write some stuff on it that will be used later in the presentation, would that be yay or nay? (Polling software does not support the type of calculation required for this presentation.) I would think it’s yay because it’s different than usual. But in that same way some could think that it’s un-yay because it’s different from usual in an old-school sense…
Anywayy see you tomorrow. 🙂 ♥
– xxx –
Updated 20:57 (08:57 PM) [GMT +2]
Capelle aan den IJssel
Good morning ♥
Yesterday morning, around 9 AM, my sister and I arrived on Schiphol airport.
We met our loyal family friends from Amsterdam, considered family, at the Departures 2 parking lot, where they went to with two cars: one of theirs and one of ours, so that I could drive my sister and myself home.
My need-for-speed-within-boundaries style of driving brought us home sooner than the navigation system indicated. After having disarmed the home alarm system one of our neighbors watched the remote of while we were gone (haha oops I rang the doorbell exactly when he was walking around in his underpants. “I do that often, too,” unfortunately did not make it less uncomfortable for him haha), I practiced this jazz tutorial while I waited for my sister to be done showering so that I could take a nap.
My nap was very enjoyable, as well as having my own room after a week of sleeping in a shared bedroom (if you know what I mean). I’m going to miss the apartment in Curacao and the setting it came with, though.
After that, I wrote and uploaded the first D.O.C.I.S. Assignment (opens in new tab). I think it is fun. Hopefully you think that too.
Creating it was quite an occupation, so I unfortunately chose to order sushi instead of having dinner around the block.
After that I cleaned the kitchen a little and went to bed again.
Ah I have some pictures I took before leaving Curacao, for on here, which I hadn’t shared yet:
I wish my lifestyle were like in Curacao always. Miss it alreadyyy. 🙁
Now it’s 06:40 AM and I’ve been awake since about 5 AM, looking up inspiration for my Wikipedia page, the best supermarket (for I have to go to three different locations to shop anyway and they all have supermarkets, so I might as well shop at the cheapest one, but then again I’d like to be time-efficient…) and braiding tutorials.
Our fridge, freezer and cabinets have been emptied of edible food before we left for Curacao. This is an impression of my fat groceries list (though meanwhile more products have been added to the actual list):
[ ] Krentenbollen
[ ] Limoenen
[ ] Truffelkaas
[ ] Pannenkoekenmix
[ ] Kokosmelk
[ ] Vochtig toiletpapier
[ ] Kipfilet
[ ] Kabeljauw
[ ] Eieren
[ ] Bananen
[ ] Pijnboompitten
[ ] Chorizo
[ ] Feta
[ ] Tomaten
[ ] Melk
[ ] Yoghurt
[ ] Brood
[ ] Duo penotti
[ ] Vanillesuiker
[ ] Pindakaas
[ ] Saffraan
[ ] Veldsla
[ ] Spinazie
[ ] Druiven
[ ] Aardbeien
[ ] Walnoten
[ ] Aardappelen
[ ] Gemberbier
[ ] Bakbanaan
[ ] Markoesasap
[ ] Cassave
[ ] Palmolie
[ ] Madame jeanette
[ ] Maizenakoekjes
[ ] Extensions
[ ] Klemmen
[ ] Kleine elastiekjes
[ ] Steelkam
[ ] Haarkapje
[ ] Tandenborstel opzetstukken
[ ] Infuser bottle
[ ] Paksoi
[ ] Tayer
[ ] Lamsvlees
[ ] Drumsticks
[ ] Kruizemunt
My route will be:
Shopping Center Alexandrium (for the most complete “toko” (click for more info (opens in new tab)) and the best and closest by hair shop)
–> Poelier Dijkshoorn (because I’m also in the mood for their ready-made chicken wings I haven’t eaten in a literal decade)
–> De Koperwiek (for new attachments for my toothbrush, as well as fluoride free toothpaste (I just thought of, wasn’t even on my list) and a new infuser bottle (had I shared that the other one fell apart on the train to Amsterdam a few months ago¿) and, according to my little search, the relatively cheapest supermarket (Jumbo > Plus)
–> Winkelcentrum Puccinipassage (for cheese and maybe a remainder of groceries and maybe fresh fruit) –> Home
I wonder how long this will take me. I’m going to clock it. 🙂
Though I already miss not having to cook in Curacao, I’m happy with my diverse schedule of today. Yays for having things to do. 🙂 (Instead of having only computer tasks all day.)
After grocery shopping, most of my time will be devoted to working on my essay. It will be a lot longer than my other essays, because I want to be more elaborate than I usually am. It will be online before the week ends. (Including the PowerPoint slides for it. 🙂 )
For the coming event at the University and my upcoming speech and my appearance in general, preferably I’d like a new custom made wig, but that’s crazy expensive and will take a while to be made and delivered, so my best alternative is box braids. I’m tired of twist braids. Box braids have always been something I considered too difficult to do myself, but I’ve become courageous and excited for trying it, after watching these two tutorials:
I’ll start this process off today, after having uploaded my (answers to the) Assignment 1.
My exact tasks for today are:
- Somehow find things to make breakfast with
- Shower and stuff
- Scan in Assignment 1 and request apartment visitations in Antwerp
- Drive around doing grocery shopping (don’t forget big grocery bags and checking gas)
- Eat drumsticks
- Work on essay
- Cook and eat (mac&cheese + salad)
- Box braids (preparations)
I’ll also share my Assignment 1 here and how much time I took for this shopping for groceries. Other than that, that will be it for today. See you in a few. xxxxxxx
Updated 07:47 (AM) [GMT -2]
Capelle aan den IJssel
Here is the finished Assignment 1, also downloadable on The Fangs. (20:57):Assignment 1 in practice
Can you decipher what my greatest privacy concerns are? Let me know. 🙂
And grocery shopping went faster than I expected. I’ve clocked itt:
11:08: Started to drive towards Shopping Center Alexandrium.
11:20: Realized that I forgot the shopping bags on the table, so arrived back home.
11:33: Paid for the parking meter at Shopping Center Alexandrium (€1.72, 1 hour), turning on the music in my earphones to do shopping in the Amazing Oriental (€19.50) and the hair shop around that block (Toko Alexandria, €51.96).
11:55: Parked near Poelier Dijkshoorn (€22.20 for the groceries).
12:15: Arrived at De Koperwiek, answering some texts and setting de parkeerschijf.
12:22: Shopping in Ekoplaza. (€28.46)
12:32: After having put my Ekoplaza groceries in the car, arrived at Jumbo.
13:02: Having loaded the car with the Jumbo groceries (€77.20), in doubt between walking all across De Koperwiek for that infuser bottle or trying to find it in Shopping Center Puccinipassage (low chance of succeeding, but quicker).
13:15: Arrived at Shopping Center Puccinipassage.
13:30: Driving away from Shopping Center Puccinipassage.
13:50: Watching a cheerleader talent show on Spike together with my sister and her boyfriend, while eating “een Italiaanse bol” with truffle cheese and a croissant with ginger jam, after having eaten a handful of mini drumsticks and having stacked the groceries in the fridge, freezer and cabinets.
I felt all yays after having been so productive and having a house full of all kinds of food I like. While shopping, I realized things I hadn’t put on the list, such as mandarins, edge control, a courgette, a cucumber, truffle mayonaise… Things I did not find were an infuser bottle and kruizenmunt.
After a while, I got very tired, so I’m eating late…
I need to get better at making meals for one… Or find a companion… (But the thing is that I’m kind of not (at all) interested in meeting your family and also not very much in introducing you to mine…)
Being able to set my own house policy is something I love soooooo muchhh.
Meoow I’m going to continue on my essay and get started with these box braids. 🙂 I’ll see you tomorrow.
My websites will be down for a while though, because I’m going to do a PHP update on all of them. I’ll share on Twitter when I’ll do this. Hmmm I’ve been above personal averagely absent on Twitter. I guess reading my timeline is a bit frustrating to me, for the amount of nonsense that is considered serious facts.
– xxx –
Updated 21:33 (09:33 PM) [GMT -2]
Capelle aan den IJssel
This is my home country, but as long as the majority of Caucasian Dutch people do not understand that I have the right to be here just as much as they do, this place does not feel like home. (Yes, I wish I weren’t born here either. Take me to Planet Fang please. 🙁 )
Let’s discuss the topic of privacy. The PDF file below is our first D.O.C.I.S. Assignment, getting creative with the book 1984 by George Orwell and the topic of privacy.Assignment 1
The D.O.C.I.S. Assignment was originally posted on The Fangs (opens in new tab).
The featured image is from Wikipedia (opens in new tab).
To become a member of The D.O.C.I.S. Book Club, please click here (opens in new tab).
Here is an example of a finished Assignment 1:Assignment 1 in practice
With D.O.C.I.S. Assignments, there is no wrong!
North Sea Festiyays
In Rotterdam they let me in with my camera, so I gave it a shot here as well.
But I had to walk back to the apartment to drop it off because even though I mentioned that there is almost no difference between that camera and a phone camera, it was protocol and some artists don’t like being photographed like that, but if I would have had a fat sports lens on it, they would have allowed it in… x_x
(This is funny if you’ve read two posts ago:) Het was zo ontzettend mooi! Ik kreeg er kippenvel van.
Kenny G’s music used to make me very emotional as a kid. (That means that it touches my soul.) My mother and grandfather listened to it sometimes.
A lot of songs played made me feel like slow dancing in dim lights. It was also cool that they were playing jazz classics from old to new. I feel like diving into jazz chords now. 🙂
The loss of Maurice White still hurts. The new generation of artists performing in his place do very well. That warms my heart.
He has such good songs. 🙂 And played nice classics.
Haha I imagined myself entering creep mode on Victishe. Singing songs like Ain’t no Mountain High Enough and Ain’t Nothing Like the Real Thing, as I run after him and he is trying to escape ahahaha it would be a funny sketch. (Though also a lil painful.)
I used to listen to their music a lot when I was in primary school. And they have plenty of hits. I knew many songs (except “Where is the Love” except where that line is sung).
Maroon 5 is rehearsing, I hear (12:07). It’s too bad I can’t see them.
Sunnyays and Sunnyhoes
If I ever want ro read back my holiday in Curacao 2019, I can simply search “Sunnyays” or “Sunnyhoes”. It is also an interesting display of social isolation.
My flight has been delayed with an hour. I’m going to pack my last things and soak in the bath tub.
I hope to finish my essay on the plane. And by the time I land (September 1st), the D.O.C.I.S. Store will be fully online, and at 8 PM (GMT +2) the Book Club assignment will be online.
I’m going to get to it. xxx
Updated 12:27 (PM) [GMT -4]
On the featured image is Jhene Aiko, one of the prettiest artists I listen to. 🙂 The image is downloaded from Google Images, but was originally posted on HipHopDX (opens in new tab).
Good day ♥
By the time I upload this, it is probably afternoon, so that’s why I’m saying “day” instead of “morning”.
It is my second to last day here on Curaçao, which will be devoted to working on my essay (plus some things for the Book Club and Bookstore due on September 1st), maybe some swimming and after that the second and my last night of North Sea Jazz Curaçao.
My Regular Duties
On September 1st, the assignment for the D.O.C.I.S. Book Club will be announced. On September 13th, I’ll be giving a speech about “Evolving Individualism in the 9 – 5 Economy” at GrandVision in Amsterdam (I look forward to 🙂 ).
Furthermore, I want to have my Wikipedia pages finished soon, there are still a lot of pictures I’ve taken this Summer, which I’d like to sort out and make a LilFangs.com picture album of, I’m trying to plan more visitations for apartments in Antwerp, et ceteraaa.
The assignment will be one of creative writing about privacy, using 1984 as a frame of reference. You’ll see it (either way), for it will be announced both on The Fangs and here. I hope you will do it. 🙂
When I’m home, I’ll be practicing my speech and upload the essay. I like speaking for an audience (that does not want to see Fangs fall, I hope). It is quite something to have the opportunity to do this for GrandVision. 🙂 ♥
It is my intention to have ny Wikipedia pages finished before September 13th. The pictures thing I hope won’t become a task I’ll postpone forever.
The Hunt for a Home
When it comes to finding an apartment in Antwerp, I see this is quite hopeless. Basically, I don’t care what apartment I move in to, as long as the costs for it aren’t out of the roof and it is less than 20 minutes from Campus Middelheim by bike.
The problem is that I’m a student who is colored, with a Dutch passport. That is three strikes. With some shady sole proprietor business: four strikes. Students are known for nuisance and making a mess, I might as well be seen as someone with a fake passport if one is not familiar with the Dutch colonial history, the reason why I’d rather study in Belgium than in the Netherlands is not easy to understand and my income is a big question mark topped off with a student loan. Still, I don’t want to settle for a car. I just want to be able to be all alone when I want to. 🙁
What My Body Needs Even More Right Now
What my body needs even more than the type of penetration that makes one feel like life is great and problems do not exist, is something I do not have simple words for. I’ll use a description. You may, if you like, define how to call it. (Though this may be influenced by interpretation.)
I really crave to be all alone. Time may go faster. To be able to travel to tropical islands all by myself is what I’m working towards. That is a way different experience of the calm aura tropical nature has over itself.
What would be even better, is to be with someone with whom being together feels the same as being alone. Then spending time with someone else is not stressful to me. Where I can be myself without a 10-year explanation for a simple thought of mine. (Seeing all of those US Open games makes me want to play tennis with exactly that type of friend.)
This is all not what I expected it to be. I thought that being here would be relaxing to me and that this festival would be one where everyone dances and mingles with everyone. But I feel – though basically unavoidable – I should watch my actions to not end up in some gossip scheme and it’s the usual clusters. I mean if you know me from my blog, I wish I was easy to be approached in person. But I am not. My environment is not inviting. Not in the Netherlands and also not here. Operation Sunnyhoes is a literal mission impossible.
Especially after being barked at for not wanting to repeat my answer – of which I knew it would not be judged mutually anyway – for a forth time, and staying silent instead of saying “Excuse me, what the fuck do you think you’re doing talking to me like that?”, I knew for sure that I should move out at all cost.
It is my intention to be at the festival from the start to the end, today. My choice of artists to visit is rather intuitive. Pitbull, Kenny G, Earth, Wind & Fire, Michael McDonald (and a bit of Maxwell… Exactly they are at the same time 🙁 ) and the Black Eyed Peas I have intentions to see. I’m going to try to do this by myself, because that is much more comfortable dancing, walking and deciding where and when to sit and stand. I’ll take my camera this time. 🙂
Yesterday I learnt that I cannot dance comfortably to music that is written in a major scale for the largest part. I already most often play music in minor (both on the piano and on Spotify). And I learnt that I’d rather make live music than listen to live music.
I feel like trash because I want to be all alone. I’m going for a quick dive and get to writing. xxx
Updated at 13:27 (01:27 PM)
Today’s featured image is my favorite actor: Chris Pine. (Especially after Star Trek. 🙂 ) I found this image on Google Images, originally posted on Variety.com (opens in new tab). The look of thoughts and/or responsibilities (anything) keeping one awake looks very sexy on him. And it suits the state of Operation Sunnyhoes.
I thought of using an image if Victishe for featured, but feel I really can’t do that without permission and would not ask for that on this satiric set of blog posts.
Today’s island tour was a lot of fun! I’ve taken many pictures. Here is a sneak preview:
Why you’re getting a preview now is because I need to get ready for the Jazz Festival real quick… I was quite tired after the tour of quite some hours, so I’ve been napping. Napping for too long… I can hear Juan Luis Guerra play from where I’m at. The festival terrain is right at the entrance of the resort we’re staying at. I don’t know any of today’s artists. but I love hearing new sounds. (Plus it might be so that I know popular songs but not the artists.)
I’m going to continue to get ready. See you later ♥ (I hope I’ll really see you!)
Updated 19:57 (07:57 PM)
It was nice. 🙂 I really love live music. (Hopend dat niemand nu verwacht dat ik verheerlijkend over sfeer, gezelligheid en kippenvel enzo ga praten zoals men dat doet wanneer het over muziek gaat. Ik probeer gewoon positief te zijn en te blijven.) I wish I could speak Spanish (or Italian or better Latin).
Unfortunately I didn’t make it to the end of the festival. During the second performance it was already very hard for me to lift my feet when dancing, but leaving felt disrespectful. My entire body felt a lot heavier than normal. It was quite a relief when my mother and sister wanted to leave during a Latin cover of a song of KC and the Sunshine Band (I so loved when I was little), to get some drinks.
On our way to getting drinks (I needed some moisture to take with me as I carried myself to the apartment), I proposed to go home. I wasn’t the only one tired.
So I dragged myself up the hill, way behind my mother and sister. Havana D’Primera we’ve heard from the apartment.
From all artists of today, I’ll look some songs up on Spotify for sure. 🙂
But now I’m going to bed. Haha I can barely keep my arms lifted to type and still I’m typing this why am I doing that to myself.
Love youuuu ♥
Goood night ♥
Updated 00:21 (12:21 AM)
Gooooood morning ♥
There’s no better way to start the day than by searching my favorite picture from my favorite Dutch politician. 😻 Ahahaha I’ve seriously dreamt about this last night, but in the dream I couldn’t find the picture. I’m glad I’ve found it. 🙂 It was shown on the (gossip) news when I was visiting my grandmother quite some months ago, and has not left my mind ever since.
I love this expression of (European?) liberalism so much. Especially because he is a politician (and my Catthierry 😻 ). It is revolutionary. 🙂 ( 😏 😏 😏 ) [I don’t remember if it was broadcasted before or after the elections…]
There is a little hesitance in doing this. But this will be a good post… 🙂 It’s not like I’ll get sued for using this image… Right…? 😀
Meoww I’m going to get ready for the city tour we’re going to do on jetskis. 😀 It will be my first time jetskiing.
Am I the only one who finds it frustrating that I still have no real-life touchable (in contrast to people I could sext, but I don’t like sexting…) hoes…? My body reallyyy needs it. To go cold turkey from having sex at least once a day for a year or so was already not easy. And now I’ve been deprived for about 7 months. Gosh, I don’t like sounding like this. Don’t want to sound the way I currently sound. But to fix that, I need… It’s a paradox.
Updated 11:20 (AM) [GMT -4]
The only time I had sort of done it before, was virtually, trying to escape cops in Grand Theft Auto… Jetskiing was so much fun! 😻
I shared one with my sister.
She jetskid us from Jan Thiel to Willemstad, across such pretty sights! I took some pictures:
I jetskied us back. Once I got the hang of it, I wished the tour was longer… Meoow I really want to go again. 😀
(Another thing I wish to do again is sailing! 😻)
We might go jetskiing again on Friday, from Jan Thiel to the Spanish Waters lagoon. But there’s the North Sea Jazz Festival as well, and I was quite tired after the ride…
Currently, we’re at Tony Roma’s. Though I usually prefer haute cuisine-ish restaurants, I really love this place! I’m waiting for a set of tasty appetizers and my rib-eye and ribs.
Ahahaaa there is an huge controversy-paradox inception behind this series of posts, topped off by this post’s header image, I will elaborate on later.
Eet smakelijk sweet Catje of mine. 😀 ♥
Updated 20:13 (08:13 PM) [GMT -4]
Should one share his/her most intimate thoughts on the public internet? As far as I know, most people find that people should not be that open on the internet, because the information could be used for the wrong purposes and because they find that those feelings should be shared with the people in their environment rather than on the web.
I disagree with this. Yes, good things can always be used for bad purposes, but that should not be a limitation. It is much better to be who you are and do what you want. But I find that the system (social norms, certain laws, etc.) does not allow for that. Posting a nude picture on the internet is allowed, but going grocery shopping nude is not allowed, for example. The internet is more free than real tangible life is, so, for me, here is where my freedom is.
The next layer of this controversy-paradox is openness about anything sex related. From the people I’ve come across, most of them are far from comfortable talking about anything sex related. They are also most often very conservative, finding that sex is only for the one you will spend eternity with. And that a girl out for a one night stand is always a slut.
Again, I disagree. Until I’ve had my first relationship, I too was saving myself for anyone to spend the rest of my life with, and be monogamous, et cetera (though – especially with pornography allowed – I don’t know who anyone is able to stick to “no sex before marriage” (especially because what if it’s bad…)). Now I do not think that man was made to be monogamous. Temptations are always there.
I’m not saying that you should fall for every temptation. But wouldn’t it be nicer to indulge more often than to resist? If no-strings-attached were something you could really be open about. Family dinner conversation type of normal (though some minds really are not that flexible).
Though many people assume this, [seriously, why? 🙁 ] I really am not a slut. 🙁
I like one night stands, but I still have standards… It has to be someone I find attractive, it must be someone with whom I can have a proper conversation (including that he/she is ambitious because otherwise I’ll feel too ambitious and that is an awful feeling), someone who is most likely to not carry STD’s (not tooo many partners (that’s also way less drama)) and someone who seems like a good lover… I can sense that in the blink of an eye, unless I’m drunk. When I’m drunk, my needs are greater than my scrutiny and I often forget 90% of everything, and then feel worried about my actions the day after. I have a scar on my knee from kissing an artist on stage and then falling off the stage… I don’t even know what artist it was… 😩 Ever since what happend in Amsterdam at the beginning of this year, I’ve been watching how much I drink… But I kind of feel going wild catty on the festival, starting Thursday…
I don’t like the type of girls who speak loudly with high pitched voices, hanging over everyone and touching everyone, making a scene about the most superficial nonsense (and everyone hears what it’s about)… Especially because I’m colored and my life is all over the internet, people mistake me for that person. I’m so very reserved in person… I’m looking for someone who is able to break through that barrier. 🙁
The paradox is that basically no one likes dramatic females who share everything online and make scenes in person (and neither do I), but I do carry a lot of mental baggage with me which is the main reason why I crave for no-strings-attached slightly rough sex… 😀
I’m going to sleep now. It’s late and I have to get up early…
Good night ♥
– xxx –
Updated 01:30 (AM)
The hunt for cuddles is still on. Not really spotted approachable potential cat preys yet…
Just kidding, I’m not using strategy on this. Finding a Catje is a matter of luck. I was watching TV and chatting with my fam. And waiting for a proper internet connection so that I can tell you about earlier…
It was a lot of fun going to the casino with my (don’t tell my other aunts :x) favorite aunt, sister and 17 year old cousin. We went to the Renaissance casino, not Princess (oops excuses I informed you incorrectly x_x).
My aunt gave all of us $100 to play with. She likes playing (alone) at the high bet tables.
I lost $70. x_x But it was great fun! 😀
On top of the chillness and chill lifestyle of this aunt of mine, other things I find chill about her is the traditional knowledge that doesn’t sound like superstition.
Today, for example, she told us that though many Surinamese Creoles these days cook with onions and garlic, the original Creole kitchen didn’t include those ingredients. Slaves didn’t have access to those ingredients. My great grandparents even also prepared traditional dishes without those ingredients. It was when the multicultural society in Surinam started to blend, the Creole kitchen adopted onions and garlic.
And she has interest in a diverse range of cultures and classes, without judging negatively, so that is the greatest yay for me. Plus she likes art (and real estate). 🙂
I’m exhausted meoooow good night ♥
Updated 04:25 (AM) [GMT -4]
I’ve been working on the draft of Evolving Individualism in the 9 – 5 Economy, instead of going to the beach again. It’s yays. 🙂 I hope to finish it today, to then go over it again a few dozen times and turn it into speech format. And work on the drafts of my wiki pages. 🙂
But before I take a little break to go swimming here at the pool on the compound on which my aunt’s holiday apartment is, I logged in here to share some random things:
- I just signed up for an info evening about combining work and study at the University of Antwerp on September 4th.
- I’m in the posession of Florins now, because when I handed in my profit cards at the casino, I asked for Florins instead of US dollars, supporting the local currency a little. 🙂 (Plus it was yays that my aunt let me drive her car. 🙂 (Though it was because she has trouble with her knee. 🙁 ))
- For the Operation Sunnyhoes headers, I use an image of a women and a man alternately. It would be very funny to use a picture of Victishe or Catthierry for tomorrow’s header. 😂 Like they’re actually involved in this, while, in reality, I’m here chilling in holiday isolation with mommy and daddy, and I’d randomly take some image off of Google ahahahaha. Plus my posts are just a random description of my thoughts, not really a serious mission the title implies. Do you get my sense of humor? Everything is a hyperbole, unless it is actuallt that big, hahaha… 😂
Meoooow I’ll be swimminggg. And I’m in loveee with the catje on the header image. 😻
Updated 17:48 (05:48 PM) [GMT -4]
Swimming was greattt 😻
Meoow I love tropical nature sooo much. I really want to live in an environment where palm trees grow (in an outmost modern economy), when I live independently. That’s one of the reasons why I want to move to California. 🙂
Such an exotic audience today. 😻
Meoow I didn’t get to work on my essay and speech anymore. 🙁 I thought we were going for a drink and a quick snack, but I just came back from Avilla Beach Hotel, where I was with my family.
The last picture is awa limunchi (excuse my spelling if it is incorrect), water with lime and sugar, which is drunken very often here. 🙂 It was yays. 🙂
Now I’m tired meooww. Goood night ♥
– xxx –
Updated 23:37 (11:37 PM) [GMT -4]
Gooood morning ♥
Operation Sunnyhoes continues. I can’t quit it with my body in need like this (even if it’s just some kissing), even though it’s not easy doing this from the isolation my family cohort is, in which I’m isolated in my thoughts. Chances to randomly chat up someone when I’m anywhere is practically impossible in between the “Let’s go here,” “Let’s sit here,” “This person/they think(s) that…” “Look at those people there.” (And then I feel embarrassed.) I’m very used to it, though, so “no big deal”… 🙂
How life would be different if the outside world were more approachable to me and if I were more aporoachable, I often wonder. I hope that by moving to Antwerp, I will be able to feel it.
I worry too much about the impression I make to be my actual self, when I like you, though. But when we are used to being around each other, that worry fades.
I have some pictures to share:
Today, I’m going to another beach (leaving here in a few hours) and in the evening to a casino with my (favorite :x) aunt. 🙂
Right now I’m going to eat some. My sister fried an egg for me. 🙂 ♥ So I’ll see you later xxx
Updated 11:01 (AM) [GMT -4]
Heyy I’m at Mood Beach now. 🙂
In reality that space was there because I left some for my mother. I’m here with my sister, parents and two cousins from Suriname.
It’s a really chill beach. 🙂
I just swam some.
After that, I swam some more.
Now I’m back here to reveal you another layer of Operation Sunnyhoes:
The Sunny Side of Operation Sunnyhoes
Operation Sunnyhoes allows me to not beat around the bush. Against all (non-officially-stated-ish) rules of professionalism, I want to both do business and get no-strings-attached kissy with you. Without doing anything low-key. Now my intentions are very clear.
Though I wouldn’t mind being monogamous with anyone mature and about 1.5 times my height, I’d rather be able to get the best of everyone. 🙂
I am – happy to have found a word for it – so very sapiosexual and would like to be as open as possible about this. Are there conventions for that yet?
Plus in this way there is enough space in my fantasies for both Victishe anddd Catthierry! 😻 Wish I could make that more than just a fantasy haha meowww. Ahahahhahaha 😏 😂
Meoow I’m going to a casino tonight (I believe “Princess”). Hoping to spot some Catjes. 😻
Some random pics:
On the first day of my stay here, I shared a random moving picture or road rails. Here is the same view during daylight.
Here colonial houses are colorful. 🙂
Updated 17:51 (05:51 PM) [GMT -4]
Yays we’re leaving for the casino around nine. 🙂
Tomorrow we’re going to a (or the¿) beach at Jan Thiel. On Wednesday, we’re going jetskiing and out for dinner at Tony Romas. On Thursday, we’re going on a little jeep safari and boat tour, plus it will be the first day of the Curacao North Sea Jazz Festival. On Friday, it’s the second day of the Jazz Festival. And on Saturday, my sister and I are going home. Such fun activities. 🙂
I’ll be soapy showering and then napping for about an hour. xxx
– xxx –
Updated 19:00 (07:00 PM) [GMT -4]
Top of the morning to you, my dear ladies and gentlecuddles. 😏
Operation Sunnyhoes has kicked off way better than the pre-opening of my bookstore and book club admissions has. My gut tells me that I’m doing the exact opposite of what I should be doing, as I want to get a complex international business concept of the ground. Because Operation Sunnyhoes is far from politically correct. (Like will this make you shy away from me even more? 🙁 ) But meow maybe it works the other way around… I like taking risks.
Better Policy, Better Hoes
I pay my hoes “in (literal) natura”. From kisses (etc. though it depends on how attracted to you I am) to self-prepared dinners. That’s nothing new.
What is new is that now I say that the person is my dearly beloved hoe in advance. Instead of getting mad kissy (frequently) and then have to later explain that a monogamous relationship is not what I want in life ever (honestly)… (Though I can go a long way for some extremely good sex. As in I’d marry Victishe just to know if it would feel like what I think that it would feel like…)
Excuse me, I’m going to make my breakfast pudding. xxxxxxxxx
Oh well I wanted to make breakfast pudding, but then I spotted some fish and Surinamese ginger ale, and my featured image was loading slowly still, so…
I’m still here. 😀
I’m loving it hereee. Much more than my first time (because then it was because I wasn’t trusted to stay at home without going missing, which is the greatest insult ever).
Meoow I took a picture of our snacks of yesterday:
It was fun chilling there. 🙂
When it comes to infrastructure and attractability to tourists, Surinam can, I think, learn a lot from the Dutch Antilles. (They also have much better ties with the Netherlands, compared to Suriname.) Asphalt roads without holes in them… Better maintained colonial houses, etc.
Meooow I want to get no-strings-attached kissy. I hope to find that here. Hopefully at the Jazz Festival. Even more hopefully before the Jazz Festival.
Ah we’re going to do some shopping and head to the beach. I’ll check-in on you later. And write a part of my essay tonight. 🙂
Updated 10:53 (AM) [GMT -4]
Hehe I went to the grocery store to buy a sponge, among other things. Not only for better solo shower yays. Also because I like sponging in my hoes. I’m telling you I’ll be good to you my meowww. ♥
Ahahaha my aunt’s property surveyor here is such a catje. 😻 But just for looking, I guess, for he sounds like a “I have left my life in the Netherlands behind to enjoy the sun here adventure” family man haha… But meoow grey hair and blue eyes are one of my many weaknesses… 😻
Currently I’m at PortoMari with my parents. I hope to spot some sea piglets here. 🙂 If not, I’ll be enjoying the beautiful sea either way. 😻
Updated 14:30 (02:30 PM) [GMT -4]
Meoow I have a complex thought to share…
I think that are people visiting the Jazz Festival in Curacao next week. I wonder if my very frequent audience includes my parents…? That would be a bit awkward. x_x I mean you’re cool and all but this is not written in the context of the things I’d happily discuss with someone who considers himself/herself my overseer.
Operation Sunnyhoe. x_x It was already hard because I’m never alone. 🙁 Now it’s even more awkward. 🙁 This whole internet thing. 🙁 To quit all of my internet activity (and emigrate) suddenly doesn’t sound that bad anymore. x_x
But it could still also include some sexy wild Graeynissis. 😀
I really wonder who my visitor from the United States is. 😸 😸 😸
Meooow I never fully succeed in the missions I create for myself here, so, honestly, I just want Operation Sunnyhoe to be successful.
Good night for now ♥
– xxx –
Updated 00:43 (12:43 AM) [GMT -4]
Heyyy Fangs here with the Sunnyays 😸
We’re on sunny Curacaooooo 🌞
Just arrived at my aunt’s holiday apartment. It’s my second time on Curacao. 🙂
Meowsss I’ll be socializing and chat you up when I’m alone. 🙂
Updated 16:42 (04:42 PM) [GMT -4]
Currently, I’m laying on this like cat royalty. After eating the tasting like home dinner my aunt’s housekeeper who is one of the 11 people holidaying(-ish for she cooks, cleans and does our laundry and such) here, I got ready for going out later:
I want to get kissy, my meow…
As I was reading De Buitenvrouw (which has waaaaay more sex in it than I expected… My fantasy was so triggered ahahaha I just stopped reading at some point. We were flying in sardine class because there were no comfort class seats left)…
Ah meow we’re leaving so I’ll be back in a few hours, to continue the story that is yays xxx
Updated 20:05 (08:05 PM) [GMT -4]
The conclusion of the story the previous text was that I need new hoes… But I’ll explain that further in a few. 🙂
Currently I’m chilling at Bij Blauw. 🙂
Updated 20:42 (08:42 PM) [GMT -4]
As I was reading De Buitenvrouw, and while I recognized the perception many Dutch people have described to me (often men) in respect to how they respond to Creole people (women) in the story – and (a thought I don’t really share) how, as a Creole mix born in the Netherlands both Dutch and Surinsmese culture still feel a bit foreign to me, I realized that only the ensurance that I’ll have good sex on a daily basis can make me decompress.
I love Zwagerman’s recognizable style of writing! It’s funny, sexy and detailed the way most modern Dutch literature is. At some point I had to stop reading because I was getting turned on haha. (I love the feeling, but not when I can’t vent it meow I need new hoes…)
In between all the (more and more mission impossible I’ll become a high school maths teacher 🙁 ) things I’m trying to accomplish, and the way I over-value performance like I’ll get a grade for everything I do (it’s never really just for fun), I crave someone to grab.
Last Thursday (it is Saturday today), I was in Amsterdam, for a psychotherapy session. We are discussing my past to present lifeline and were at the chapter of my ex. The reason why I found it so hard to break up with him is because I had no better sex alternatives. We had sex at least once a day when we were spending time together, I always subtly demanded. It was the way I could forget everything that was on my mind. We were always quite rough, which made those moments true highlights in my life (I still think about it a lot).
I went cold turkey on my sex addiction. (Well cold turkey in the sense of not having a partner.) Ever since that, I feel like such an insecure plain jane, while that is not even me. I genuinely think that if I’d have a few people I could have good sex with, I’d enjoy life so much more.
So I need new hoes… When I was younger, I always had quite some people I always had slightly naughty conversations with, but then I was still a virgin (because I was waiting for that special someone 🙁 ), so they never became my hoes…
I need new hoes… You’re not going to do anything with The D.O.C.I.S. Store, are you? You could also become my hoe, which has similar corporate influence benefits. It might even be better than being a Book Club member.
Please be my hoe. 🙁 ♥ I’ll treat you very good. Though we might be more physical than talkative, I’ll brighten up your life for sure.
Ah a problem with hoeing is that I made this promise to myself that I won’t take any sex preys of mine to my parents’ house anymore. The walls are too thin and the idea is making me feel sick. Need my own house. 🙂
Another problem is that I suck at sensing whether someone is into me or not. Especially with women I suck at sensing that. (I think? I don’t like asking because I don’t like hearing that I’m wrong?) I often feel the need to just kiss someone, but what if they’re like “Eww get off of me.” Then I’d be like a rapist.
By the way – I heard of this term a few days ago – I think I’m “sapiosexual” (sexually attracted based on someone’s intelligence). (I think everyone is sapiosexual…) No further explanation needed (but you can ask me if you want meow I’m just tired now).
I’m starting my hoe recruitment tomorrow. Requirements:
> Being able to have passionate sex with someone who you are not dating.
> Enjoys kissing (including hickeys).
> Has a goal in life.
> We do not insult each other. We explain our underlying emotions if something is up.
> For men: size does matter…
> For women: basically don’t make a big deal out of nothing (including yelling over nothing)…
Let’s make each other happy. 😻
You won’t be my secret hoe. I will show you to the world. ♥
My recruitment goes by both me randomly picking people on sight and being sent a personal message by anyone who would like to be my lifetime hoe. I will love you so you will be with me if you don’t leave me.
Looking forward to North Sea Jazz festival even more now. 🙂
Furthermore, I’m having a great time here. 🙂 It would be even better with some hoes. No relationships and meet-the-parents and marriage and babies and stuff blegh.
Good night ♥
Updated 00:07 (12:07 AM) [GMT -4]
My loveeeee ♥
I’m back yays 😀
My days of being absent here are over now, because… The D.O.C.I.S. Store (opens in new tab) is now open for pre-orders! 😀
The reason why it is open for pre-orders – and not real orders yet – is that the online configuration of the store and the Book Club are done, but I need to be home to process the orders, and I’m going on a little holiday today. 🙂
Meooow I’ve been working quite hard in the last few weeks… Developing my lil online empire, searching for an apartment, watching my grandmother’s house as it is being renovated, going to the gym with a friend of mine, psychotherapy sessions (with emphasis on high intelligence) in Amsterdam every week and writing some blog posts in between.
But now I’ll be chilling for a while. And hopefully see orders and subscriptions pouring in… 😻 I hope all of this work was not for nothing…
And I’ll be taking you with me, on my journey to sunny Curacao. 😀
Haha I was packing today and decided to check out and see how the t-shirt dress I bought today would look together with a mix of two colors of lipstick… You have not seen my face since Egmond? 😮
I think it’s yays. 🙂 I wish I weren’t single. 🙂
Anyway meoowww I will be sharing a lot more things with you. (A lot more things except details of who is signing up et cetera of course because that is a type of privacy even an online diary has to respect. I love keeping professional secrets. 🙂 )
But after my lil powernap… We’re going to start driving at like 7 AM and now it’s past 04:30 AM… I was making sure that my store is finished (though I still want to add a lot more things to the assortment… At least it functions properly, the front page has had a make over, all legal documents are up to date, et cetera…) I really can’t wait until the online community environment I’ve created is in use!!! 😀
Ah the idea that we could be voting and sharing thoughts with newly made international friends, and doing projects together and stuff… I reallyyy hope you will sign up!
Meowww I’ll be napping… xxxxxxxx
Updated 04:38 (AM) [GMT +2]
Capelle aan den IJssel
Good morning 🙂 ♥
How was your night?
Mine was veryyy short, but my sleep itself was comfortable.
I’m already in airplane mode though, hehe:
That shopping bag in the back of the picture is what our family friends in Amsterdam will be given along with two cars to keep in front of the house to save parking costs.
Had I already shared that I have changed the policy for the Book Club in such a way that now both Online members and Full members can be authors for The Fangs? 😀
Hmmm by the way, the last few times I was on a long trip from home, I shared everything here and all went well. I don’t want to jinx it but I just want to share this… 😀
Meoow I’m going to put this phone away. I have a flight of near 10 hours ahead of me…
Meanwhile I’m at the check-in.
Hehe I downloaded Doom for the Nintendo Switch last night. 😀 #Graeynissis
Ah and this flight will be one with one of the last 737’s, I heard… (Tense…)
See you later. ♥
Updated 09:26 (AM) [GMT +2]
I’m still in the Netherlands, because we missed our flight. I misread our ticket and assumed 10:55 – our flight time – was the time of our gate closing. In hindsight, it was very clearly written on my boarding pass I hadn’t read 🙁 :
Our before-flight list of tasks was: buying shag (father), buying books/magazines (mother) and eating something (sister and I)/having coffee (mother).
I thought they call names through the intercom when passengers are late, but by the time we arrived at the gate, they were already taking our luggage out of the plane. My father could have gotten on it, still, because he wasn’t eating or having coffee at an airport restaurant…
“Relax, they’re not leaving without us (and I assumed 10:55),” was what I said right before he advanced ahead and my sister and I were still eating.
My mother, sister and I arrived at the gate in the middle of a debate about why we should still go on board. We’ve been in situations like this often enough to know how everyone responds. My father fights his anger as he debates about why things should go his way, my mother is in light panic and defends my father, my sister and I respond quite neutrally.
After the stewardess who still got on board received a sarcastic “Enjoy your flight. Letting us get on that plane is quicker than taking our luggage out,” I tried to save the flight personnel from a further escalation, asking what the usual procedure is when one misses a flight. There was another flight leaving in about two hours later, and we had to go to a certain desk to rebook our flight.
At that desk, we were too late to get tickets for the other flight, so now we’re flying tomorrow…
This will now forever be a thing. “Quadruple check your boarding time.”
Meowww I’m going to have some dinner and then share what else is and has been on my mind…
Updated 20:20 (08:20 PM) [GMT +2]
Capelle aan den IJssel
A Feeling that is Hard to Describe
When we were told that we were not allowed to get on the plane anymore, and everything thus went a lot different than I had expected it to go, my brain entered this “slow motion observer mode” state. Observing the situation and seeing what the best quick solution is.
And meanwhile, I also thought of how small the chance of ending up in that situation was, because about 6 weeks ago, I wasn’t even planning to accompany my family to Curacao. It were my intentions to stay home while they were there, because I considered that something that suits the word “holiday” better. But when my mother told me of how my sister does not like to travel by plane alone – for she has school and my parents want to stay for a week longer – I somehow let myself be talked into this holiday. I’ve found peace in it, looking forward to enjoy tropical nature, nice weather (for more comfortable clothing (because dresses are the ultimate yays to me)), live music and a different crowd.
But when it comes to the tension in this family, I think I have reached my max. Ever since all that happened in 2017, our situation has already been more tense than usual.
I already barely have something to talk about with them, aside from the tension, our past and some regular anecdotes. And now with this “we missed our flight for no reason and that cost my father €700” situation on top of that, plus the rest of the family (from Suriname and the Netherlands) waiting in Curacao (we will be staying in my aunt’s holiday apartment there, with a group of 11 people)… Ugh, meow… x_x.
Guess what our topic of conversation will be when we arrive. (Plus my suitcase is already there and my aunt’s suitcase will fly along with us tomorrow…)
In “slow motion observer mode”, I thought: “God, I want to be alone. And I want to relax. My brain still needs to decompress from working on my business with very little sleep or rest. I really wish that I had my apartment in Antwerp (anywhere abroad, honestly) already. Though I see no way to accomplish that anytime soon… We can’t not go to Curacao, because it is impossible to decompress if we suddenly don’t go at all anymore.” I’m really glad that we can still go. Now I appreciate the holiday even more than before.
It is my intention to decompress, there. Though, honestly, I don’t know how to do that. Gaming, exercising, writing, making music and even talking are very pressuring activities to me, because I always feel the need to make it “the best thing I have ever done”.
Swimming is very relaxing to me, especially from the way it feels and how much I love the sound of water, so much that I find it hard to get out of the pool or sea when my body is starting to tremble from fatigue.
The D.O.C.I.S. Store
And though decompression is my aim, I still want to finish my “Evolving individualism in the 9 – 5 economy” essay, write my wikipedia pages (for D.O.C.I.S. International, “Lil Fangs” and The D.O.C.I.S. Book Club… Plus actually also Fangyism and Project Nosce Te Ipsum, but I don’t see those topics get accepted into the encyclopedia…) and practice some mathematics… Plus maybe still work on The D.O.C.I.S. Store some more. But putting effort in that last thing might be wasted energy…
I should be marketing my store and my book club. But I can’t, for I need my last money for stock management in case people decide to order books and/or sign up for the book store.
My prices are calculated in such a way that every purchase is also an investment in a various range of process components (packaging material, personalized gifts, books in stock, D.O.C.I.S. editions (hardcovers with an introduction written by me), web development (mobile apps, desktop apps, marketing, the development of my programming language called Scorpio…) et cetera… 😀 )
But to market The D.O.C.I.S. Store with its odd pricing sounds like something I shouldn’t be doing. Also, I’m aiming for a specific kind of audience, so I don’t want to attract too much attention with something that is not fully established yet (as in I’m doing everything by myself and the Book Club does not have any members yet (for I am “Graeynissis”). I’m looking for people who don’t need much further explanation, so that I can form a sample group with them and use material of D.O.C.I.S. International in (interactive) practice as marketing material.
So that when they see what we are doing, they want to join in, too, and understand it. But I have nothing to prognosticate anything D.O.C.I.S. International’s future related with. I need a miracle…
Meoow I wish I had an investor. 🙁
The next update I’ll probably share when I’m in Curacao, hoping to have some yays for us. (Though mild yays because I feel the strong need to be alone for a while, or be with a Graeyniss… Also because I feel sooo kissy… Why is Victishe so hard to get? 🙁 Any cat Graeyniss is hard to get. 🙁 )
See you in less than 24 hours! Hopefully with the yaysss. (Hopefully spotting you anywhere. I’d like to hang out with someone who is my mental age (666).) ♥
By means of not pressurizing myself anymore, I’ll be laying in bed while staring at the ceiling, instead of working on the assortment (adding my own books to it… Haha hadn’t even done that x_x).
– xxx –
Updated 23:55 (11:55 PM) [GMT +2]
Capelle aan den IJssel
The Fangs is looking for authors! I hope you are interested. 🙂 Here are some reasons why you should write for The Fangs:
Reason 1: International audience: We all think big
The Fangs is created for the international audience of people who all have one thing in common: we think big. Regardless if our backgrounds are similar or not, in our thoughts, we look far and beyond. The Fangs is the safe haven for exactly those unique trains of thought. This is THE place to share them!
People from various ages, various countries and various genders (will) come here, with various education backgrounds and various interests. You will definitely find a new audience here, and your current audience will enjoy it here as well. 🙂
Reason 2: We can Create a Snowball Effect
The Fangs is part of D.O.C.I.S. International. Currently, the organization attracts a small international audience, with just one author. (Per month about 150 cookies-accepting frequent visitors (with 1000 views) from 12 countries on average.) That might not sound spectacular, but if all frequent visitors would become authors for The Fangs, and they would share their work with their individual audience, and everyone would do that, we’d create a snowball effect and become legendary online authors (or more 😀 ) within a year’s time!
Without paying a single penny on marketing, and you’re posting ad-free. 😀
Reason 3: Limitlessness & Versatility
On The Fangs – as long as you don’t discriminate or disrespect people (though you may, of course, be informal) – there are no limitations to what you may post, and there are no limitations to how much you may post. (And you can also post under a secret alias, if you like. 😀 )
The way it currently looks is not the way it will always stay like. By voting and sending me messages with suggestions, this blog can be further edited in a way that suits your preferences. On the private social network on this site, there already is a poll about categories, waiting for you:You don’t have to worry about webhosting, SEO, marketing, coding, branding, et cetera. Just do what you love. (If that is webhosting, SEO, marketing or writing code: you could join the FangTech team 🙂 .) Fangs takes care of the rest. 🙂 With your subscription fee, you are making the further development of this concept possible. ♥
Reason 4: Fun Extras 😀
Writing for The Fangs comes with very fun extras. 😀 Such as international meetings with your fellow users of this website, the opportunity to obtain a higher function in D.O.C.I.S. International, fun (writing) assignments, a private social network with a forum, and more. 😀
This is all possible if you become a member of The D.O.C.I.S. Book Club (and it is not a dusty boring book club where your unique interpretation is fully ignored 😀 ) !!!
Reason 5: You will be one of the first D.O.C.I.S. International Pioneers
D.O.C.I.S. International (opens in new tab) is still in its baby shoes. But it has revolutionary great intentions. With your name here as one of the first official members of D.O.C.I.S. International (because that is what authors for The Fangs (as well as Book Club members)) are, you will be (literally) writing history!!!!!!! ♥
Do you also have a lot of unshared thoughts? Are you in the mood for something new? Are you creative? Do you also wonder what the thought patterns of people with views similar or opposite to yours look like? Then the D.O.C.I.S. Book Club might be something for you. I hope that you have been thinking of becoming a member.
This article explains what you can expect as a member of the D.O.C.I.S. Book Club and what The D.O.C.i.S. Book Club Alliance stands for. It is written with the utmost transparency, hoping that that will spark your excitement about becoming a member. Though it may also have the opposite effect… Either way, you will be well-informed after reading this. 🙂
The D.O.C.I.S. Book Club really is not a regular book club. Mainly because the books themselves are not our focus. They only serve as a medium. We will be doing something revolutionary.
You know the way books are traditionally discussed. “What does this passage resemble?” Or “What did the author mean by this?”And then endless discussions follow, focused on “what the experts say”, citations are thrown back and forth for proof, et cetera, et cetera… We are not that book club.
A debate about what the one right interpretation of book or text is, will not get us far. There is never just one universally correct interpretation, because everyone perceives from his or her own unique perspective. The D.O.C.I.S. Book Club will not persuade you into a view you cannot identify yourself with.
“Did reading this book lead to any insights in your own life?” “How do you interpret this passage?” “Why?” That will be our focus. A very pure form of self-reflection. Not only to create a safe haven where you can sit back and think of yourself in peace, occasionally disregarding all that society demands from you.
An interpretation that may seem obvious to one or even to a large group of people, can be surprising to someone else. The D.O.C.I.S. Book Club embraces thinking differently. We will examine various perspectives. It is fun and important to learn how other perspectives are built up. Those insights we can use to think of alternative ways to improve and govern a society. 🙂 You will be 100% encouraged to unveil your intelligence in a context where your creativity has no boundaries.
You can expect an environment in which you can be yourself. What you share will be pondered with respect and serious interest. Your horizon will be broadened. The D.O.C.I.S. Book Club is a genuine asset to your life.
I hope I have been obvious enough about this: the Book Club is part of my Stratagem. To provoke the discussions others are trying to avoid. Because yes, interpretation is anything but universal. The D.O.C.I.S. Book Club is friendly terrain for alternative views. It will be our strength.
The way we will discuss our quarterly themes is very practical. When we compare our reflections of self, we will list our similarities and differences. To have our own definition of what ceteris paribus is. We can use that to develop a completely new system. 🙂
And it does not stop there. As a member of The D.O.C.I.S. Book Club, you can make your voice count in many different ways. From writing articles for The Fangs to (with a compensation) having a say in the business operations of D.O.C.I.S. International. And every member may co-decide by voting. What direction would you like us to head towards?
The D.O.C.I.S. Book Club Alliance Agreement is not as binding as it sounds. It means that you may publish anything you want, here, if it is your composition. That you may start a debate against someone if you find that what he or she has published is wrong. That you have voting rights and the right to participate in D.O.C.I.S. elections (but that, if you are participating, you may not vote for yourself (for candidates are never rivals)). That you may leave the Book Club whenever you want, though we rather have you stay with us. And most of all that we treat our fellow Book Club members with respect.
You are very welcome to become part of D.O.C.I.S. International I hope you will sign up.
Last updated: August 21, 2019
This Agreement is composed for you (“you” means “potential Book Club member” or “Book Club member”, depending on what suits the reader of this agreement best, and will also be named “Book Club member”, “member of D.O.C.I.S. International”, “member” because this is about Book Club memberships), to ensure that you are aware of what requirements D.O.C.I.S. International should meet for its Book Club members, as well as know what is expected from you as a D.O.C.I.S. Book Club member, when you become an official member of the D.O.C.I.S. Book Club.
Article 1: Definitions
1.1. D.O.C.I.S. International (in the Agreement also referred to as “proprietorship”, “organization” and “I”)
D.O.C.I.S. International, also known as “Fangs”, is the sole proprietorship registered under Dutch Chamber of Commerce number 71968253, from which websites https://docis.international, https://store.docis.international, https://thefangs.nl and https://lilfangs.com are operated.
1.2. The D.O.C.I.S. Book Club (in the Agreement also referred to as “Book Club”)
The internationally oriented Book Club operated by D.O.C.I.S. International, whereof memberships are sold in the D.O.C.I.S. Store. Members of The D.O.C.I.S. Book Club are also called members of D.O.C.I.S. International.
1.3. Online Member
An Online member of the D.O.C.I.S. Book Club is someone who is entitled all of the features of the Online membership (https://store.docis.international/book-club#memberships).
1.4. Full Member
A Full member of the D.O.C.I.S. Book Club is someone who is entitled all of the features of the Full membership (https://store.docis.international/book-club#memberships).
1.5. The D.O.C.I.S. Store
The (online) store of D.O.C.I.S. International is named “The D.O.C.I.S. Store” (https://store.docis.international).
1.6. The Fangs (also called “TheFangs.nl”)
“The Fangs” is the collective blog and (e-mail) magazine of D.O.C.I.S. International. With “collective blog”, I mean a blog on which articles are written by more than one author. Via The Fangs, the interactive side of the D.O.C.I.S. Book Club is operated. (https://thefangs.nl)
1.7. The D.O.C.I.S. Assignment
A D.O.C.I.S. Assignment is a creative assignment that is done for the D.O.C.I.S. Book Club.
Article 2: Initiation of Membership
2.1. Someone is considered an official member of the D.O.C.I.S. Book Club when he or she has received a confirmation, by D.O.C.I.S. International, of the receipt of his or her subscription fee.
2.2. To become a member of the D.O.C.I.S. Book Club, the potential member has to submit the sign-up form for the Book Club membership that meets his or her preference (https://store.docis.international/book-club#memberships). The potential member is entitled one membership and not multiple. After submitting the sign-up form, the member has to transfer his or her subscription fee to become an official member.
2.3. Aside from being suspended from the D.O.C.I.S. Book Club (Article 4, Section 7.4.2), there are no limitations to becoming a member of the D.O.C.I.S. Book Club.
Article 3: Subscription Payment
3.1. D.O.C.I.S. International has to notify its Book Club members when it is time for them to renew their Book Club subscription. It does this with sending out an invoice to them. Book Club members are responsible for paying their subscription in time.
3.2. The start days of the quarters of a year are: January 1st, May 1st, July 1st and October 1st.
3.3. 15 days before a new month-based quarter of the year starts, D.O.C.I.S. International should send out its invoices for the renewals of Book Club subscriptions. If it is, by the Book Club member, not paid on the first day of the quarter yet, it should send a reminder.
3.4. If D.O.C.I.S. International, for whatever reason, sends out the invoice less than 15 days before the quarter starts, the count of the 30 days the Book Club member has to pay his or her subscription fee, start on the day the invoice is sent out.
3.5. If the subscription is, within 30 days of receiving the invoice for subscription renewal, not paid by the Book Club member yet, D.O.C.I.S. International is entitled to freeze the member his or her account on TheFangs.nl.
3.6. Current accepted payment methods are bank transfers and PayPal transactions to the account of D.O.C.I.S. International (owned by D. D. Elia).
3.7. The Book Club member is entitled to change his or her subscription for the next quarter, by submitting the form about changing the member’s membership, in his or her account settings on TheFangs.nl. The subscription renewal invoice the member receives should have the subscription fee of the selected membership on it.
Article 4: The Fangs
4.1. Both Online members and Full members are entitled to make use of the private social network for Book Club members that is on TheFangs.nl.
4.2. The private social network consists of a forum, a set of pages where one can add friends, write private posts, send private messages to D.O.C.I.S. Network friends, edit his/her profile page, find other members and make groups, a Book Club page with information about the theme, books and assignment for the quarter, a voting page, where one can vote for books and for whom should get a higher function in D.O.C.I.S. International, and an account settings page, where one can add or take away additional features to his or her Book Club account.
4.3. Additional features to one’s private social network account that are available to both Online members and Full members are: becoming electable for higher functions in the D.O.C.I.S. International and signing up to publish a self-composed work with D.O.C.I.S. International. This can be added to one’s membership via Account Settings.
4.4. Additional features that are only available to Full members are: being allowed to suggest books for the Book Club and having access to the date picker for International Book Club meetings.
4.5. A special account feature that is only given to a member (both Online and Full) after he or she has motivated his or her reasons why, is: being an author for The Fangs.
4.6. Authors for The Fangs may, on our collective blog, only post materials that are originally composed by them. If there are other sources used for their original work then the sources have to be mentioned.
4.6.1. Settings that apply to all accounts on The Fangs may not be changed without permission of the owner of D.O.C.I.S. International. This includes the creation of categories.
4.6.2. Authors for The Fangs may not make profit of their authorship on The Fangs without sharing that (a little) with D.O.C.I.S. International.
4.6.3. Only with permission of the owner of D.O.C.I.S. International, posts may be featured.
46.4. Authors for The Fangs are allowed to create their own post tags and permalinks.
4.6.5. Authors for The Fangs may refer their readers to other websites.
4.7. If a Book Club member finds that a post that is published on The Fangs is offensive or incorrect or another reason it is – according to that member – disputable, the member may open a dispute about the post via Account settings.
4.7.1. A dispute may only be opened if the Book Club member who wishes to open it, motivates his or her reasons why and what the consequences for the author should be.
4.7.2. The standard setting for a dispute is a written debate where the D.O.C.I.S. Nicknames of the pro and contra parties are visible. The person who opens the dispute may, however, choose to stay anonymous if he or she motivates her reasons why.
4.7.3. If there is more than one person opening a dispute against the same post or against the same author, an equal amount of Book Club members who are not against the writings of the author will be sought, to give the pro and contra parties equal strength. The seeking may be done by the author, given that he or she sends this request without using offensive language towards the parties opening a dispute against him or her.
4.7.4. The final judgment and consequences of the debate are decided by a member of the D.O.C.I.S. International Council who has been entitled to do this (elected as Mediator). This member also organizes and supervises the debate.
22.214.171.124. If the roles for supervising and judging debates have not been assigned yet, or if there is another reason why the entitled members cannot supervise and judge the debate, the final judgment and the consequences of the debate will be decided and spoken out by the owner of D.O.C.I.S. International.
126.96.36.199. The most severe punishment for publishing a disputable post, especially when what is written is in conflict with The Alliance (Article 8), is a permanent suspension of the author’s Book Club membership.
188.8.131.52. If the author is not suspended, the people or person opening the dispute and the author or the author and his or her defendants, all together, will have to do a bonding assignment together that relates the theme that has caused the dispute, to keep our collective alliance strong.
184.108.40.206.1. The Mediator decides what the bonding assignment will be.
220.127.116.11.2. If one who has to do a bonding assignment according to Article 4, Section 7.4.3., refuses to do this, the Mediator is entitled to question the continuance of the refusing member’s membership.
18.104.22.168.3. The bonding assignment has to be sent to the Mediator within eight weeks and has to be made public by the Mediator.
4.7.5. All Book Club members are entitled to know the pro and contra arguments for and against the disputed post.
Article 5: The D.O.C.I.S. Assignment
5.1. Doing a D.O.C.I.S. Assignment is voluntary, unless:
5.1.1. Unless a dispute is the reason why, according to Article 4, Section 7.4.3..
5.2. A D.O.C.I.S. Assignment is created and assigned to members, by the owner of D.O.C.I.S. International, unless:
5.2.1. Unless the owner has given official permission to let an assignment be created and assigned by someone else.
5.2.2. Unless the reason for the assignment is a dispute, according to Article 4, Section 7.4.3., and the owner is not the Mediator of the dispute.
5.3. Assignments may not include publicizing private credentials, unwanted physical activity or anything that can be considered offensive by the person who the assignment is assigned to.
5.4. The standard time span for a D.O.C.I.S. Assignment is eight weeks.
5.5. There should be reading material for the Nosce Te Ipsum Thesis with every theme.
Article 6: Elections
6.1. Both and only Full members and Online members may participate in elections for higher functions in D.O.C.I.S. International.
6.2. Both Full members and Online members may vote in elections for higher functions in D.O.C.I.S. International.
6.3. A person participating in elections may not vote for him or herself.
6.4. The owner of D.O.C.I.S. International is the only person entitled to organize elections.
6.4.1. The owner of D.O.C.I.S. International is entitled to select people for a pre-selection committee, in case there are more than 50 applications in total for the organized elections.
22.214.171.124. The pre-selection committee is entitled to filter out two thirds of the amount of applicants they are assigned, based on how well they meet the requirements for the function they are applying for in comparison to the other applicants.
126.96.36.199. If an applicant is not selected in the pre-selection, the pre-selection committee has to notify the applicant why he or she is not pre-selected.
6.4.2. The owner of D.O.C.I.S. International has to narrow down the amount of candidates to ten candidates per function. These are the ten candidates the members of The D.O.C.I.S. Book Club will be allowed to vote for.
188.8.131.52. If there is more than one spot for a function available, the amount of available spots is multiplied by 10 for the amount of candidates for the function. (E.g. there are 3 spots for Mediator available, so there may be 30 candidates the Book Club members may vote for, unless there are less than 30 candidates in total.)
6.4.3. Before the voting, the candidates are allowed an equal amount of individual broadcasting and collective broadcasting through the media of D.O.C.I.S. International.
184.108.40.206. Individual broadcasting is considered a broadcasting organized by the candidate, on a medium that is selected by the owner. (E.g. on a certain date, all candidates may publish one blog post and one video on all media of D.O.C.I.S. International.)
220.127.116.11. Collective broadcasting is considered broadcasting of all candidates together, in a friendly or competitive setting.
6.4.4. For which functions there will be elections (including an explanation of the functions, the selection criteria for the functions and the compensation for the functions), when the elections period will be and when members can apply for a function has to be announced at least a month before members can start to apply.
6.5. Quarterly book selection votes have to be narrowed down to ten potential options. This may be done by the owner or by a pre-selection committee created by the owner.
6.6. There is one vote allowed per D.O.C.I.S. ID.
6.6.1. Members are allowed to vote blank.
Article 7: International Book Club Meetings
7.1. International Book Club meetings may only be organized by the owner of D.O.C.I.S. International.
7.2. International meetings may only be attended by Full members.
7.3. Entrance to the Book Club meeting event should be free of charge.
7.4. Before the event, all attendants have to be asked if they wish to not be seen on any pictures and videos made at the event. This wish has to be obeyed.
Article 8: The Alliance
8.1. The goal of The D.O.C.I.S. Book club is to add to the member’s reflection of self and to show the member various ways of interpretation, all meant to stimulate finding new practical solutions to the problems we are facing in society, as a colloquial collective.
8.1.1. A solution found by The D.O.C.I.S. Book Club may only be made public outside of our Alliance when it has been patented.
8.2. Members of The D.O.C.I.S. Book Club treat each other with respect, regardless if this is interpreted formally or informally.
8.3. Disagreements between members of The D.O.C.I.S. Book Club are never settled with violence.
Hehe according to my schedule, I should actually be working on some legal documents right now, but I reallyyy want to share what was on my mind last night, as I was trying to make my thoughts enter sleep mode.
Sexy Pajama Party
I had this fantasy of being at “a” festival, where everyone can just be themselves without having to behave politically correct and stuff. As I was walking from one stage to another, I spotted Catthierry.
As usual, I was overwhelmed by “How should I behave?”-questions. But different from usual, I decided to be my touchy and open self, instead of trying my best to keep my distance and not speak of emotion.
In the assumption that he remembers me, I greeted him with a friendly hug and started the conversation off with a “Kom je hier vaker?”, as we secluded ourselves from familiar faces. In our conversation I was touchy the way I want to be when I have a conversation with someone. From my most emotional layer of self, I shared that I ran away from our last (and first) conversation because him handing me my business card made me want to cry. Like I always try to befriend Graeynissis and you always run away from me. 🙁 We have such similar characters that I can’t consider anyone else a friend the way I consider a Graeyniss my friend on sight. And that I have a lot of respect for the way he copes with the fucking dumb people he has to debate against. Plus that I hope that my touchiness is not disturbing to him, but that I assume this is not because I noticed hella sexual tension between us, though I respect his relationship and therefore am just a touchy friend.
We later run into Marcatje and I share with them my hypothesis that Cathierry and Marcatje actually have very similar views, but that Catthierry argues from a revolutionary point of view and Marcatje argues from a point of view that takes other people and their interests into consideration as well, even when they are not similar to his. And that I’m certain that in my Book Club I can get them to reach a consensus.
~Fast forward because I’m losing time~
The next day, at some big concert, I spot Victishe. I tell my relatives with whom I’m visiting the festival that I’ll see them later, maneuver myself through the crowd and wrap myself around him, hugging him without even having said hello. He (to my great surprise) wraps his arms around me. (Not caring about the eyes on us because everyone is crazy intoxicated anyway.)
He lowers himself to be able to hear me. I cover his opposite ear with my hand and put my other hand on his shoulder, as I apologize for my early informality, which was not meant as disrespect, but done with the idea that formality creates distance and I do not want any distance between us, my lips nearly touching his ears. Him, too, I ask if he “comes hier vaker”.
Our conversation is fun, we run into Catthierry, Marcatje and even more Graeynissis. Then we suddenly were like “Ay let’s ditch this party,” and head over to someone’s trippy large house to continue our party there.
When I have awesome visions of things like this, I always ask myself: “Could this become reality?” My conclusion is no, because, even if we’d say that we’ll all fly to the Netherlands on Monday and that my sister and I will thus stay a little longer and go home by private plane, my father would never allow us to do that… (That is my most heavyweight reason why no haha.)
But Seriously thooo
I haven’t even started to imagine what Curacao can be like yet… I don’t know who is going to North Sea Jazz Curacao? I hope YOU are!!! 😀 I really hope that I’m your favorite author and that you’ll greet me when you see me, even when I’m with my family. Because I’ll be with my family all of the time. But I’ll definitely bring along a stack of business cards and hope that I can get some people excited for my book club and/or buying books in The D.O.C.I.S. Store and/or investing in D.O.C.I.S. International.
I really look forward to it. 😀 I hope I can buy some new clothes before going there because my clothing kinda sucks haha…
Meoow last night I also saw that I haven’t been selected for that one apartment that was yays, with the little office and balcony and stuff. It, again, overwhelmed me with “Why is The Universe doing this to me? 🙁 🙁 🙁 ” type of thoughts. But honestly, I hope that I’ll be refused for the other apartment as well, because it’s impossible to ship packages from there.
To stay in hotels and/or drive from Capelle to Antwerp very frequently is also mission impossible, if I want to ship these books out in time.
So strategically, I hope that before September 23rd I’ll already be selling way over my maximum capacity, so that I have no other choice but – within The D.O.C.I.S. Network – seek for investors and have the numbers from the first month as proof that you’ll surely earn back more than you give me. And then buy a mansion somewhere hahaha. And donate some stacks to the creators of my WordPress themes and plugins… Especially because I’m breaking some rules (mentioned that before). x_x
Meowww I’ll be writing legal documents xxxxx
P.S.: What I do makes that I am master of most disciplines enough, except mathematics, evident, right?
P.P.S.: Meow I didn’t mention that I haven’t had sex in sooooo long that I feel like I could throw myself at anyone, but simultaneously try to think like the way I would think if I were sexually satisfied instead of unsatisfied, though I don’t even know what that feels like (anymore), which is all making me way overthink the way I express affection and attraction, as well as the way I express myself in general. As in if I weren’t craving for physical intimacy, I’d still be touchy, but the touchiness would have a more neutral influence on me.
P.P.P.S.: Haha the last time I travelled overseas was when I was attempting to escape my life. Now I wonder what going through customs with my family will be like ahahahaha.
It seems like everything will be finished on time! I’m here with a lil status update. 🙂
Today I’ve been working on the online environment of our (assuming that you’ll sign up 😀 ♥ ) D.O.C.I.S. International Network. You’ll be able to access the Book Club Forum, vote for D.O.C.I.S. International related things, add and private message friends, form groups for any cause, and much more depending on what you choose when you sign up (write articles, suggest things, sign up for elections, etc.). 😀
You can sign up from August 23rd onward, though The D.O.C.I.S. Store officially opens on September 1st. From September 1st onward, orders will be shipped et cetera, but to receive what you order sooner, I recommend you to sign up and/or order things before September 1st. 🙂 Then you also receive all Book Club info from the start (the start date is September 1st), instead of catching up.
I’ve been working on the online aspects of my business for quite some days in a row now. That includes the D.O.C.I.S. International website (finally)! I my hope hard work will pay off by seeing you sign up. Otherwise it would have been for nothing. 🙁 I’m a little nervous because I don’t know what to expect. But the prospect of what I’ve been creating in practice is exciting. 🙂
On my list of tasks are:
- Testing the online environment again
- Finishing the renewed Terms and Conditions + Return Policy, as well as The D.O.C.I.S. Book Club Alliance Agreement (which sounds more binding than it is)
- Editing my administration system and then testing it again
Currently I’m doing everything a bit old school and analog, using websites instead of apps and a hand-crafted administration system instead of a pricey online tool, but I hope that that will be considered proof of independent character that makes you want to work with me. It all leaves room for infinite growth. 🙂
Meowww I’m going to eat some and then continue. Blogging less because that time is better spent creating some international fun for us.
The home page of this blog has the D.O.C.I.S. Agenda on it now. 🙂
Hoping to see you sign up soon. ♥
– xxx –
My dear reader,
The completion of the online D.O.C.I.S. International empire is getting closer and closer. 🙂 And so are my trip to Curaçao, the start of university in Antwerp and finding an apartment. It’s all yays. 🙂
Earlier today, I visited the south of the center of Antwerp to see another potential apartment. It is located in such a nice neighborhood! I snapped some quick pictures…
But still they don’t display how pretty it was. 🙂 Usually, when I think of a city center, I think of an overdose of car traffic and cramped streets. This was meowww. 😻 I like this neighborhood more than the neighborhood of the first apartment I visited, but I like the other apartment a lot better. The other apartment suits my long-term view much better. That one has a home office, a spacious living room, a bathroom and a balcony. The apartment I visited today is small and has the shower cabin in the bedroom. It feels cramped on the one hand, but sexy on the other hand. To get creative with a tiny space sounds like fun, but I prefer the first apartment. So today I visited a good second option. Though I’m not sure about how to manage things if I have a lot of packages to send out and have to get them down 6 spiral stairs because the apartment is not on the street-side of the building… I’ll find a way. 🙂 (But I reallyyy hope the other apartment in Berchem will be mine!)
Meowww this was an introductory anecdote towards what I’d like to say about my personal endeavors combined with how open I am about my personal life, including how I sometimes write explicit passages about people I feel attracted to, then share some hopes and worries about the Book Club, and then say some things about how I have a maximum capacity when it comes to the amount of book orders and book club members I can handle personally (including the queries I’ll write for most digital processes), and how I have a non-outsourcing expansion strategy ready for when this happens (but need the sales first to be able to put it into practice). But now I need to visit my grandmothers to pick one up and pick paperwork up from the other. After that I’ll continue and make a day-to-day schedule for the coming few days, because I want to finish everything in time for my holiday, to let my holiday be a holiday. 🙂
See you in a few (hours) xxx
Updated 20:02 (08:02 PM) [GMT +2]
Capelle aan den IJssel
I have a few minutes to type now yay.
What I told you before is what I’ve done and seen objectively. (Oh I’ve also driven past one of the campus I’ll spend a lot of time at, to get a glimpse. There’s a museum close by, it’s in another chill neighborhood and seeing it makes me even more excited about going there. 🙂 I wish I had this idea back in 2016… Antwerp is awesome. 🙂 )
I do this very publicly because I feel that my actions are otherwise not understood. Plus sometimes I make a decision in April and that then plays out in June or something, or predict something… It makes me feel comfortable, making my long-term vision clear. And I also use this diary to keep an oversight of all of the things I’m doing and working towards. But I think it will take a very long while before this diary is understood in a professional context…? Can you imagine the CEO of anything blogging about his/her love life, ambitions beyond his/her function and work stress? In D.O.C.I.S. International as an alliance of individual business entities, this can be more than normal. Not that everyone has to share everything the way I do, but this type of openness should be normal to make sure that people are not suffering in silence… Intelligent issues can be solved better when they’re logged like this.
Though I can really understand it if some people would rather not have (a specific set of) other people they don’t want to know about what’s on their minds, let alone talk about it. Like the intense way I sometimes express my attraction for someone. How I thought that what I felt for my head B is physical love. It’s still a type of love though. I felt a strong need to cry on his shoulder when we were having that conversation my mother arranged. It would still not surprise me if it turns out that he is my father¿ We seriously look alike¿ Right? When he said “Talk to your dad”, my brain’s CPU was overclocking and my stomach turned from the idea of asking him if he is referring to himself or the man whose last name I had for my parents married two weeks before I was born. But he said that we’ll meet again meow he’s really cool and my public speaking example so I hope this is happening. Plus I don’t know that many people in Belgium… Though meow I feel a bit like hiding because all the attached sounding writing of my first year of blogging was all kinda weird. x_x Oh my god that christmas thing. Via this diary it has become a painful memory. 😩 When I wrote that Christmas song parody, my brain didn’t let as many toxic memories through as now. Though I know my brain is still not the way it was before the nonsense with psychiatry, police, pills et cetera started. It now always feels pressurized.
Another painful thing logged is me stalking Victishe. x_x And having this nickname for him. x_x And then I said something like: “This ****** “employee” of him who was barking at me about sending him messages doesn’t mean that he’s not in to some hugs and kisses from me¿ (though that was not even the main content of the messages meow I’m subtle-ish though my diary is public haha trippy situation).” And that I will finish my business websites and everything and then contact him again as a business doing some innocent e-mail marketing… But meow I’m not going to do that anymore. I really don’t want to risk another barking ***** in my ear omg. x_x Plus I really don’t like to be ignored. I’m future royalty meow please give me a little attention. 🙁
At first, I thought of sending all Graeynissis I’ve ever met an e-mail about my bookstore and book club. But for some reason they think “I’m not going to respond to this,” to everything I send. I’m not sending it to be ignored. 🙁 I really want them to become members of my book club, but maybe sending nothing is better or something?
My greatest worry about my book club is that no one will sign up. 🙁 (And I don’t give away free memberships (to the people I know)… I treat my members equally. 🙂 Plus the price is based on expenses I make for every member. To send a package from the Netherlands to the US, of the average size and weight a D.O.C.I.S. package will be, is like €65…)
I hope people will sign up. The concept is so much fun!!! Right!? I hope I can just start from the start, because I can’t fake an active book club the way I’ve been faking an active comment section and blog under the name “Graeynissis”, to incentivize people to join the conversation on here.
With “start from the start” I mean this: the first month the Book Club will be active is September. The theme of the month (for it’s just one month of the entire quarter and there are quarterly themes) is (spoiler alert) privacy. At the end of the month, I’d like to show the awesomeness we’ve made with the theme “privacy”. For our collection of memories and for the spectators (those who like to occupy themselves with D.O.C.I.S. things but not become a member), that will be fun to look at. It’s also indirect marketing for more Book Club members, when they see the greatness we’ve been creating. But if no one signs up and under the theme “privacy” there will just be emptiness… Who wants to become member of a book club with no members but just a lonely Fangs? 🙁
I reallyyy hope you’ll sign up. I know you’re out there!!! I know you want to spend time with me very much! Please do. 🙁 ♥ Meoooww cattention. 😿
Another reason why I need Book Club members and Store sales is because my parents will pay my tuition and €300/€350 (I agreed with my mother on €350, she didn’t remember (every penny spent on me is a penny too much so she always estimates lower prices around my father) and my father prefers €300, but when I was apartment shopping online I assumed €350) of my rent for only three years… Once I get used to the freedom of living alone, I don’t want to hand that in ever. I’m not even there yet and look at how chiseled I’m trying to act to not make them change their minds on me. x_x Plus no idea how else I can get a PhD without my parents paying my tuition? I can’t become a trainee of Victishe to pay for this meow please…
I can handle max (very near passing out from capacity overload max) 50 sales per week and, about 1000 Online and about 300 Full Book Club members (though the web servers might need support a lot sooner) per quarter, by myself, in this sole proprietorship setting. My prices include a margin to have enough capital to carry the investments I’ll need to set up my own distribution center, have my own printing press and my own servers and stuff. Plus to finally hire people, but – before that – invest in robotics so that I don’t hire people and then replace them, but hire them for a task I will never let a robot do. 🙂 ♥
When I’m at my max production capacity, packing boxes, doing accounting per sale, making new user accounts, writing newsletters (though it will be your articles in the newsletter, I still write like an introduction or an end text or something. Or something in the middle you know wassup), it will take a bit long before you receive what you order. Delivery takes relatively long in the beginning phase, because for your sale, I’ll have to order the books at the distributor and wait until they are all delivered. It might take long, but you will always, I repeat, ALWAYS (!!!) receive what you pay for!
The price is set up in such a way that I can buy packaging boxes and packaging lints, labels, personalized gifts and the book(s) you buy, after the first sale I make. And then have a little margin that is my income after the 9% revenue tax reduction. So meow…
Get it? 😀 We’re financially bulletproof. ♥
Meanwhile this website is also a lot faster now, because I deleted the webshop that was on this blog that didn’t have any sales ever anyway… (*heart shatters*)
I’m going to bed. Good night. ♥
– xxx –
Updated 01:36 (AM) [GMT +2]
Capelle aan den IJssel
Oh haha meow I forgot to include this funny book description (it’s funny and appropriate right¿):
[click on the image and it will take you here]
And my schedule will follow in a fewww I can’t go to sleep without this oversight.
Updated 02:03 (AM) [GMT +2]
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Oversight is here. Am I de-stressed? Not as much as I hoped. My schedule is tight as fuck. 😀 (Biggest problem is that most people don’t take me seriously. 🙁 )
Haha max capacity. 😢 If I just had an investor, I didn’t have to break my brain over a way to monetize a WordPress website without paying €2300+ for a WordPress theme… 😩
But I have intentions of recommending people at the North Sea Jazz festival in Curaçao to buy things in my bookstore, so it better be finished… 🙁
Updated 03:46 (AM) [GMT +2]
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My Graeynisssssssss ♥
As a regular Dutch person would say, “I don’t want to fall with the door in house” (AHAHAHAHAHA) but I’m going to dive right into it! Looooook at this:
The D.O.C.I.S. Store is getting a lot closer to being finished. 😀
What it looks like in practice? Amazing! 😀
I really hope you will sign up!!! ♥
Oh and meoww D.O.C.I.S. International has a new logo:
I don’t know if you click on the links I share in my blog posts, so that’s why I’m showing screenshots… And I just took away the slider on the home page, because it had waaaaaaaay too many slides anyway (taking them all away would take a decade because that goes per post) and it was making my blog slow… Now there’s “an advertisement”.
Meooow I’ve been spending sooo much time behind my screen… I’m going to call it a day. Tomorrow there’s another road trip to Antwerp planned to visit another apartment, in case the apartment I’m opting for now refuses me… I’ll be here again with more yays tomorrow!
Goood nighttt ♥ ♥ ♥
– xxx –
Updated 22:33 (10:33 PM) [GMT +2]
Heyyy ♥ ♥ ♥
How was your weekend? I hope you’ve made some fun memories.
I’ve been working on the fun memories we’ll create as a future international book club. Omg meoow I really can’t wait until everything is done. (Though I’m a bit worried about if anyone who now frequently visits my blog will sign up…) It will be such fun! To have nerdy hangouts together… Once every quarter, I’ll rent a location where the D.O.C.I.S. Book Club (also known as the D.O.C.I.S. International Council) will meet up. It’s very easy to combine with your current occupation, regardless of what you do. 😀 And meanwhile we’ll also spend time together all over the world my meooow I really can’t wait. 😀
There will be two types of memberships – one online and one full. The full one includes a quarterly meet-up where we’ll exchange thoughts and ideas in person, and do something fun that has something to do with the theme of that quarter (coming up with sketches and filming those, cooking, yoga, anything…). After the first meet-up we might decide that we want to do this more frequently…? I hope so meowww… I will send you a date picker for the meet-ups (and try to be the first to claim a spot in your agenda every time hehe yaay). I want to include the Christmas holidays as an option… Like let’s do something completelyyy different for the first time in our lifetime… But it might be too radical for a start (or for ever) – that depends on what the majority selects on the date-picker – so there will be “normal” potential meeting dates on the list as well.
Creating the Book Club page and the sign-up form for it is what I’ll do first after adding all of The Store’s books to The Shelf. This far, in about three evenings I’ve added about 60% of available books to them. Today, I’ll go to my grandmother’s at 8 AM to babysit her house while she’s at her club and her bathroom and washing room are being renovated. So then I can start early for a change… I hope I’ll be done adding books to The Shelf before Wednesday. Then the real fun starts meowww: making the Book Club page, adding my own policies to it (which you really have to read meow it’s important and will be summarized as well), finishing the D.O.C.I.S. International website and then finishing The Fangs (on which Book Club members can be authors yayyy ♥ ). Plus Wikipedia (for which I should actually let new professional pictures be made… But I need an income meow please buy some books when the store is done)… 😀
Other little changes I’ve made to the store are:
From reading that I hope that people won’t interpret that as me saying “Ooh noo we have no privacy anymore with all of this “improving” technology,” because I don’t consider it something Big Brother-like. I just hear people in my environment say that a lot. Just like I think we should actually even have less privacy, because then we can do better research haha…… You’ll get a fun “finish the introduction” writing assignment about privacy if you sign up in or before September. (Assignments that will never be graded, my meow. Just loved. 😀 ) It will be fun and important for the course of D.O.C.I.S. International meow please stay tuned. (Everything will be finished by August 23 because from then I’ll be tropical beach chilling and I want to not have to think of a big list of web development tasks when I’m there… 😀 )
The discount is that you’ll get 4 months for the price of 3 months… When I first made this page I wasn’t sure about in what types of memberships I’d divide this and what good prices for them would be (to cover the expenses I’ll make per membership, set aside money to rent an event location, offer you a deal that is fair and simultaneously include a margin to cover unexpected costs). Now I know… And I’ll devote an entire article to the financial and operational side of D.O.C.I.S. International (and thus the D.O.C.I.S. Store and the D.O.C.I.S. Book Club). (Because my pricing is far from regular, when you compare it to other book sellers and stuff…)
It takes long, but it’s worth it. 😀 And yesss we’re going back to dictionaries meooow I want to achieve that! We should start to let go of the way the internet does all of the thinking and searching for us. (Not only to be prepared in case of any long-term black-out.) It’s also better to embrace the advancement of technology, while letting go of attachment to the internet… Then we all develop. 🙂
Something else I’ve been spending some time on on Sunday, was the buildup of my presentation and contents of the essay “Evolving Individualism in the 9 – 5 Economy”. For that I’ll study profiles based on this:
Meow I can’t wait to show you the essay about that either! And I’m calling research dibs on it… You may attack me on that statement if you have found something that actually looks like this, because I’ve been searching for relevant studies about this like crazy and I haven’t found a thing…
Speaking of research dibs… I made a ResearchGate account today, which you visit by clicking here. Please follow me so that I can follow you yay. 🙂 I’m thinking of sharing my essays on there… And I hope the Book Club will lead to new (research) collaborations!
This diary is changing, because I’m – again – starting to have less time to write in it, because of the web development I’m currently doing. When the D.O.C.I.S. Store is up, when the Book Club will be yaying and when I’m a full-time student again, there will be more moments where I can’t write extensive blog posts every day, so I’m thinking of what the best way will be to keep you up-do-date with important lil breakthroughs and satisfy your needs for brain food… I think that you will find even more satisfaction in being an author for The Fangs and reading (self-reflection) posts from your fellow (anonymous) Graeynissis. 🙂
I’ll be back here on Tuesday (mid)night. Apologies for posting this later than Sunday evening…
Love you my meowww ♥
– xxx –
Updated 00:33 (12:33 AM) [GMT +2]
Capelle aan den IJssel
My long-term vision is getting clearer. 🙂 I can now explain it better to you as well:
When the D.O.C.I.S. Store is finished, the Fangs Store will disappear.
This post is called First Light, because with an impression of the D.O.C.I.S. Store home page being finished and doing my first potential apartment visitation in Antwerp, an impression of what my life will look like from the end of October is in sight.
Today I haven’t added that many books to the store yet. I’m almost home now after visiting my first potential apartment in Antwerp. I can see myself live there. It’s quite spacious, it has a balcony that looks out over a quite green area and it has room for a home office. 🙂 There are a lot of competitors for the apartment though so I’ll sign up as a candidate before Monday and hope they’ll pick me… (My head is spinning when it comes to figuring out how to do my proprietorship taxes if I live in Belgium as a Dutch student… Plus figuring out where I can buy personalized high quality packaging materials for the lowest price et cetera… It’s on my to-do list of before August 23. 🙂 )
After the visit we – my mother and I – ate at a restaurant a street away from the apartment.
I only ate a main dish though because my mother is still dieting, only eating a starter, and I didn’t want to eat while she’s not eating. But meow I’m satisfied. 🙂
By means of boosting tomorrow’s productivity, I won’t be working on the D.O.C.I.S. Store until midnight again today. My sleep schedule is messed up from doing that a few days in a row now haha. Plus I’m quite tired from driving to Antwerp also… On top of the continuous web store maintenance I was doing haha.
Meooowwwwwww I really can’t wait to hopefully have you as a member of my book club and exchange thoughts with you and hopefully have you by my side as member of the D.O.C.I.S. International Council. 🙂 ♥
I’m working really hard for it. 🙂 To further boost that process, my next diary post will be posted on Sunday evening instead of tomorrow and I’ll go to bed early tonight.
Ohhh and I finally fixed the color issue with this website’s logo yesterday! 😀 I used the logo right away to personalize my Spotify page. I’ll reupload my Revenge of the Nerds to the online music stores before I create my Wikipedia page. And probably upload some samples and a piano improvisation as well. 🙂Please check out the playlist I’ve been having on repeat. 😀
“Betawoman” was a name under which I wrote poetry for a very short while, when I had Elia PR… It stands for the female equivalent reverse of “alpha male” haha… That was also when I created my Spotify account… 😀
Especially these two songs I added to it yesterday:
Kendrick (K-Cuddle) his background singing ♥
And I’m addicted to thisss
I’ll see you on Sunday ♥
– xxx –
Yesterday, I didn’t post here. Writing a blog post takes quite some time. Time I used to make efficient D.O.C.I.S. progress (and make soup and do other duties).
What is visible in The D.O.C.I.S. store now is what I did two nights ago. I spent almost the same amount of time preparing the store back-end and front-end for those 4 books, as I did for 36 books today. The first 4 books, I sought the cover image, updated my assortment details on Excel (including formulating a D.O.C.I.S. Code for each book) and filled out the product page book by book. Now I have Excel and the collection of cover images ready to be put on the product pages. This will speed up my process a lot. Here you can see what will be available before August 23rd:
I’m already loving this store and it’s not even finished yet! ♥
Around 11 AM I’ll get started with making the other product pages (now on a more comfortable pace yays). I might even still publish a product or two right now, because it’s quite addictive somehow and I want to see everything done so very much. If I continue on this pace, I’ll be done before August 23rd for sure. 😀 My brand will be done by the time I give my speech…
Yess my proposal to give a speech is practically approved yaaayyyy 😀 ♥ I wish my essay for it were finished already, because then the person who is in charge of the event knows what to expect better haha… But [spoiler alert¿] it will be great philosophical and inspirational business-ish fun with a Kahoot-like quiz at the end to seal yays. (Though I’ve been looking for quiz presentation software where, basically, every answer given gives the user a score and the total score gives the user a profile, and that profile will be used for group assignments. So you give answers on multiple choice questions about opinion, where, for example, a score 0 – 25 means that you dislike change and prefer things to stay the same and 75 – 100 means that you embrace change. I can’t find presentation software where results are added up question by question. Only that stats show after every single answer. If this type of software doesn’t exist (yet), I could also either count for the attendants using a blackboard, or let the audience count by themselves. That depends on how many people attend…) It’s basically my debut as a public speaker, but I won’t call it that because then people will look at me like I’m a rookie, which I’m not :x. Plus I’m getting paid for it yayy more space to breathe. These web domains are some investment. Might as well start earning it back…
Furthermore, today I’ll visit doctor Catje in Amsterdam. And – was good at this but since 2017 I quite suck at being direct – I’m trying to rid myself of this Rotterdam-based psychiatric surveillance I’m under (of which the dr. Catje second opinion is part of my strategy), but I keep saying “yes” to talks I don’t want to have. I don’t know why I’ve been sounding so appreciative about it – probably just happy to be out of the crisis center. Plus then there is empathy and I don’t want my diary to be a thorn in someone’s eye. But seriously though I don’t gain anything from their surveillance. I don’t know why I’m still so lenient towards it. Especially now that I’m making this progress meow damn. Two days ago, I received an invitation letter for an intake for a different department of the Rotterdam-based psychiatric organization that is still keeping tabs on me (which all started with that request from my parents over two years ago). I called it off today. Because my Thursdays are saved for dr. Catje. But that won’t make them stop seeking contact with me… If I want to talk to them, I’d reach out to them… I really need to proclaim a louder “no” against any intake chat. I’ve seriously had over 20 psychiatric intake-like conversations. Every time people ask an hour of my time to talk to me, and then when I’m there I get the question: “Why are you here? What are your life problems?” That’s my greatest problem. Anyway changing the topic…
At first, when I started to set up The D.O.C.I.S. Store, I was thinking “Will people actually be interested in buying books here…? 🙁 ” But yes meowww I need to add a little explanatory text on why the prices are relatively high and why there is only a very specific selection of books sold. You get a special gift with every purchase meow (D.O.C.I.S. notebooks, scarves, ties, socks, calculators, wine, etc…) and it will be wrapped in a special box and there will be a D.O.C.I.S. ribbon around your package (ahahaha :x), the paper order summary that comes with your purchase will be personalized, and so on…. Can you imagine being part of the D.O.C.I.S. Book Club? 😻 😻 😻 (That’s an even better deal meowww…) The D.O.C.I.S. Store is only for people who value authentic quality over price. Plus it will be hand-packaged and hand-shipped, which I can’t do in a lower price range. (It’s my student side-job, so I can’t handle 100 orders a day and thus it’s better if my pricing is a little strategically unattractive… Plus my store is for nerds and the world doesn’t have enough nerds. Haha nerd. (Says the nerd.)) You will love this as much as I do, if you’re not also loving it already. 😀
Meow I’ll be adding like 2 more books and then I’m going to sleep. I might update my blog again later. Though I’ve been spending quite some time behind my screen lately and I want to cut down on that again… But then again, there is plenty enough time to be screenless (and dancing like a wild Catje) when I’m in Curaçao. 😀
By the way meow this is extreme. I’ve never had 5 mosquitoes in my room at the same time? Lil sting party over here. 🙁
Updated 01:57 (AM) [GMT +2]
Capelle aan den IJssel
Hiii ♥ ♥ ♥
I have such interesting fun to share with you today! And also one thing that is a lot less fun. I’ll start with the non-fun. Let’s get that over with:
To many this might sound crazy, but now I have proof that the tunnel(s) in the dyke around my neighborhood will function as sluices to protect Rotterdam when the IJssel floods. (I explained this in practice on August 2 and have plenty of posts in which I express my worry about this.) When I was young, in primary school, I have learnt to accept this fate that comes with living in a sort of human sacrifice neighborhood. But I still don’t want to die unnoticed, in case it happens: a new watersnoodramp. There are water management strategies in the case of flood, as you can see on the above image (…[I expected a more massive type of door instead of a garage door…]), but there are no people management/evacuation strategies. (I know saving everyone is impossible, but to at least prevent the loss of Dutch (and Surinamese) intellectual heritage that lives forth in people, by saving some people…) That’s why I’m sharing this (and the powerless paranoia it causes) with my international audience of blog readers.
That was the non-fun. I wanted to show you this door on the day I went to Egmond, because that was the first day they were doing tunnel maintenance, but then it was still open. When I was on my way to have dinner with a friend in Rotterdam yesterday evening, though I already took my bike in case of a detour, I was hoping the tunnel would still be open, because that would save me a detour of over 10 minutes. But if it weren’t closed, I wouldn’t have had the chance to share this with you. 🙂
Which brings me to the yays: yesterday was so much fun! I’ve been lucky to have met such a kind soul. I’m so happy to have met someone who is also an intelligent and ambitious, creative and independent thinker. I feel like we’re a genuine inspiration to each other. And she has proposed such great growth opportunities! Of the exact details I don’t want to reveal too much, especially because my little web-empire is not finished yet and want it to be an asset to our names when it is brought forward officially, but [confirmed rumor] I might get the chance to speak for a professional audience [my idea to speak of “Evolving individualism in the 9 – 5 economy” would then be a (then published) essay based on which I’ll speech has to be approved higher up first] and D.O.C.I.S. International might function as official research publisher of work written by her. Many yays for D.O.C.I.S. if it can finally start to function as an international medium for other people as well instead of just me! 😀 ♥
I’ve had such fun my meowww. Laughing and sharing ideas as well. Unfortunately I didn’t take any pictures and don’t have any other physical reminders of this memorable fun moment, but I know this will be stored as a happy memory and I have the memory written down in my paper diary as well. (Spontaneous idea I just got: if we’d do a research book campaign internationally, we should do a photo shoot for it. 😀 ) Haha I asked her if she still wants to be associated with me after Facebook and Instagram marked my content as “too controversial to publicly show”, and she didn’t even say “no” ahahahaha yay. 😀 I thought she didn’t want to be friends with me, when I didn’t hear from her after I sent her a message. But I understand replying later meow I do that very often myself. Now she has moved to Rotterdam for her 4th year academic internship, which is awesome. 🙂 I’ve mentioned when I first met her, at the HBR Executive Event in Amsterdam in April.
I was quite nervous about making a new friend, because I have been living in isolation for 3 years hahaha… I was afraid that nerves from not knowing how to have friendship-like conversation anymore would make me act weird – I just worry about leaving a good impression a lot – or that it might become awkward, or that I’d get lost in explaining why I’m not a schizophrenic (ahahahahahahahaha I’m happy I succeeded in completely avoiding the topic haha yay milestone), or that I would have to adapt and end up talking about things that don’t interest me, but none of this happened! Absolutely none meow I’m so happy I could just be myself without any worries about the way I behave. 😀 What made me even happier is that she has so many creative ideas and also takes action for it. I appreciate this so much that I seriously almost wanted to cry out of happiness when I was on my way home. Not often do I experience situations in which I can be myself and someone understands me when I explain myself, and then be able to see that person more than just once. And then also recognize thoughts and traits of myself in her. 😮 (In most situations I keep re-explaining myself in different words and at some point just give up and not talk about myself at all anymore, but with her I didn’t have to do any of that.)
Hopefully this blog post isn’t creepy or attached-sounding to her… Though to long-term growth and friendship yays. 😀
In other news… I’ve improved my recipe for pancakes by using both cow milk and coconut milk, along with vanilla sugar, vanilla essence, cinnamon, raisins and skinned apples.
And another yay is that I’ll be in Berchem on Friday to check out a potential apartment.
For the rest of today – for my D.O.C.I.S. renovation progress is a day-to-day thing – I’ll be:
- Fixing The D.O.C.I.S. Store logo
- Updating The Store’s product catalog and payment gateways (iDeal payment support will be there from around September though…)
And then later up will be the book club page and the home page. When the store is finished, I’ll update the links on the D.O.C.I.S. International website and the content of the website itself (and try to make it look a little less plain HTML-ish). After that I’ll be working on Wikipedia pages for my endeavor and I. 😀 (And after that will be Curaçao!)
May we all have another day of yays. ♥
– xxx –
To work more efficiently, I’ll post one status update a day again, instead of multiple ones per day.
Last night I came back home after spending about two weeks in Egmond. Now there are 18 days left before going to Curaçao, where I’d like to relax without having to think of unfinished D.O.C.I.S. related things or about finding an apartment in Antwerp, so I’m working on those things now.
I hope to notify you with positive news about finished websites, having found an apartment and campaigning the D.O.C.I.S. book club, soon.
– xxx –
“Sunday, August 4, 2019” will be an ex animo (poem “without thinking”) post instead of diary-ing all day.
I won €6 in the lottery, I just saw. No jackpot but still something. 🙂
— The Fangs (@LilFangs_) August 4, 2019
Actually, this is not much of a poem. More uncontrolled prose.
Over 550 blog posts, all written from the perspective of my eyes. Are they not provocative enough? 🙁 I can’t hear you. Why?
Over 206,000 / 206.000 (two hundred and six thousand) [international writing] words, written in the perspective from me to you. You, whose beautiful eyes are going over this page. What do you see?
Are you A, B or C?
I want to know. Not only your perspective. Also the perspective “you to me”.
I hope it’s different from what I’m used to. I hope you’re C.
You see, I can’t hear people’s internal dialogues when they talk to me. But I can estimate them by asking questions and reading their body language.
My powers never reach the core, though I try. What is going on in your outmost personal layer? Especially now that my writing has reached it, but I haven’t. (Not yet? 🙂 )
Why I want to know? Because I’m an ambitious, affectionate and cuddly person and I want to know if you’re that person too. Society doesn’t embrace that openness, but we should.
When I study anyone’s behavior, I see their attitude towards the world. But I can’t see if they’re A, B or C, without getting hurt. I’ve never reached the core.
What is your attitude towards me? A, B or C?
“I really admire her. I love what she’s doing. I wish I could do it myself.
Where her theories come from, I don’t know. I need more proof to be able to trust it. My own life would become damaged if I go all-in on this and it turns out to not be feasible. Like could it still all be schizophrenia and not real? I can’t imagine that that could be the case, but still can’t rule it out if I haven’t seen her theories in practice. Why did she exactly become labeled as a schizophrenic anyway? I still have the feeling that there’s a lot more to that story.
Everything that is going on in this world makes it hard for me to trust. Media accusations versus personal counter-accusations. That that will ever be something of the past? The future she portrays sounds too good to be true. I want to believe in it so much, but my heart would become irreparably damaged if I would trust this and it turns out not to be true.
I wouldn’t be able to formulate any theories like hers myself, but if they’re true, I could learn them and implement them in my life. I could use her theories to realize my own dreams and make a living from that. I would love to move to Planet Fang. It feels like there, eternal love and eternal happiness really do exist.
Privacy wise I have nothing about me she may not know. I would love to be her (social) research subject, sharing my thoughts with her, to improve life on Planet Fang. I think I could realize my dreams, doing what I want in life and also being part of D.O.C.I.S. International.”
“I want to have sex with her. I want to do that every day. But I can’t love. I don’t love her. Though she should love me so that I can have her with me for the rest of my life. I will tell her I love her so that she will tell me the same.
To let her become the royalty she wants to be? No. I will make sure that that won’t happen. If there’s anyone who deserves to be the last new royalty introduced to the world, it’s me. I want the money and fame. If she gets it before me then I will make sure that I’m with her when it happens and eventually cause her downfall and say that I was the mastermind behind everything.
She says that she wants to create a better world blah blah. We all know that that is not realistic. Because the whole world is like me and I love to watch people clash. If it doesn’t happen naturally then I’ll cause it. It’s my favorite topic of conversation. Life is boring without clashes.
Haha that she’s diagnosed with schizophrenia is great news to me. It’s hilarious, really. And that she went missing and that that went viral and stuff hahaha. She’s always emphasizing that she is a good person and now all of that effort was all for nothing. She’s a demon too and I will get her to confess this, to seal the fact that she’ll never make it. I can’t wait to dry her tears of failure.
If I’m jealous of her? Nooo she shouldn’t think that she’s better than I. I don’t really understand most of her theories, but I still memorize everything so that I can make it look like I’m the mastermind behind D.O.C.I.S. International, when the time is right.
I will lie about my personality in her research so that I can gain access to the highest layers of Planet Fang. That is what my talent is: using sneak tactics to climb up the ladder.
Life should stay exactly like it is. I have it good and she may not have it better than I. If she gets money then I want to get it too. Love does not exist. I love her deception, acting like she can improve the world. If I can’t improve the world, then no one can. I don’t want to see anyone get successful with that.”
“I love her. I’m in love with her. We’re soul mates. But I don’t tell her this. I’m afraid she will reject me. I’d rather not let my dreams of using my intelligence to destroy the system together with the love of my life come true and find happiness in her online reality, than feel the eternal sting of her potential rejection. Even though it’s just a probability statement.
I can relate to every single word she writes and/or says. It’s like she speaks of my life instead of hers. I have felt so alone in my intelligence for so long. I can’t believe that she’s real. This is more mental comfort than I could have ever asked for. This is what I have missed all my life. Now I know that I’m not alone.
I have a lot of self-formulated theories, too. Some are similar to hers, some are different. Intelligent people often make the same observations and realizations.
That I could start a new life with her sounds like an absolute dream. But it’s such a great risk for my current career and my family. Even though these attachments are just mental concepts. I should choose me, like she says I should. Chances are high that we will be successful. That we will write history… I want my name in the history books too, as part of her story…
I’m afraid that my emotional problems will make her run away from me like other people in my life do. But she sounds like it will actually draw us closer and make us stronger than we already are. Fully immune against demons.
From her words it sounds like our attraction will be mutual. But that really sounds too good to be true. Either way, life is so boring and I really want the challenge she offers. I want to be part of the board of D.O.C.I.S. International.”
What will be the future of us?
If you’re A, I would allow you to live on Planet Fang. I would absolutely love to meet you. I find it important to know how I can make my stratrgies better suit your ambitions, so that my power on Planet Fang will not bother you. We will not physically spend eternity together, for if you can’t formulate theories like mine by yourself I will have so much to explain and that will hold me back, but mentally we will still always be together. You will be in my thoughts often. Your life on Planet Fang will be the best ever.
If you’re B, you will not gain access to Planet Fang. You’re a disease to good people. I can’t wait to kill you with my bare hands. The next war this world will know will be the war against you and your fellow demons.
If you are C, I love you just as much as you love me. We are complements. I can’t even be successful without you and I don’t want to do this without you, even if I could! You have the intelligence and affection I need.
Would you vote honestly if you knew that your choice could mean instant death? I’ll classify the world in A, B, C, regardless if you vote or not, for your digital footprint reveals enough, and my A’s and C’s will live their best lives.
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