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June 2018

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Friday, June 29, 2018

Rotterdam, 07:47 (AM)
I’m on my way to Den Haag again. My job interview was yesterday. When I was about to leave, I realized I couldn’t find my public transportation card. So in an impulse, I decided to take the bicycle… (Is that a “literally translated” Dutch “figure of speech”?) It was 1 hour and 23 minutes from door to door. When I started cycling, I called the person who was going to lead the group assesment to tell him that I was going to be there at 9:15 (maps said my estimated time of arrival was 09:10, but I told him I was going to be there later than my time of arrival, because I was hungry and I knew at some point I was going to stop to take the “krentenbol met pindakaas” out of my bag (to cycle and eat at the same time)). One street I entered, because I wasn’t looking at the screen when I did. My phone compass is broken, I think? Sometimes “the map” keeps flipping itself as if I’m spinning around in circles. Then the navigation voice ends up saying “go right”, while, from the perspective I’m approaching the intersection from, I’m supposed to go left. I ended up cycling past the highway, my arrival time 09:37. Around nine, I received a phone call from someone else from the same organization. He asked me to tell him when I’m there. Twenty minutes before my arrival time, he called me again, to ask me if I wanted to come back the next day and to tell me “I made a bad impression by being late” (ouch :[). So here I am, going to Den Haag again.

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“Upgraded Mac&Cheese”

While the water for the pasta is getting heated up, chop up an union, a tomato, some old cheese, some bleu d’auvergne (or another type of blue cheese of your preference), some port salut and some machengo. If there are other types of cheese you prefer, you could use them too. I think for the best taste experience, you should include blue cheese. You could grate the cheese instead of chopping it up, but since it will end up melting anyway, just using a knife is faster. 

When the water is boiling, add the non-stringy shaped pasta of your preference to it, as well as vegetable stock block.

Blog, Online Diary, Uncategorized

Monday, June 25, 2018

Rotterdam, 22:58 (10:28 PM)
I just went for a run. (I accidentaly wrote “rum” and then backspaced it.) Tomorrow, I have a job interview in Den Haag and the deadline of my two websites (including their apps) is in two days. I haven’t had much time to write blog posts…

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Episode 0: Chapter 1: An Introduction To Project Nosce Te Ipsum

Today’s media culture has incentivized me to contribute to the world with this project.

By explaining what the benefits for you are in Nosce Te Ipsum I, Book I, Episode 1, I give you a quick explanation of the new concepts of the project.
* A chance to

Bernays: (forbidden?) commercials for cigarettes

Episode 1 = Episode 0

Blog, Online Diary

Sunday, June 17, 2018

17:41 (05:41 PM)
Hi Cuddle
How’s your day?

I’m going to cook right now, then do some website maintenance and work on my new free content, and go for a late night run. My mother went back home not so long ago.

Drafts, Recipes

Toast with eggs without a toaster

I don’t have a toaster here, but I felt like eating toast with fried eggs. I ended up taking out the center piece of the bread like this:
image

Crumbing the part I had taken out, in the mixture of eggs, tomatoes, sardines and mediterranean spices. I put the pieces of bread into a frying pan with some butter, baking it very lightly before adding the egg mixture into the center part. By frying it a little before you add the mixture, the bread stays crisp, which makes it feel like you’re eating toast, even though you’re not using a toaster. (If you have a toaster, you could put the bread in there before taking the center piece out and adding it to the mixture. Then you don’t have to fry the bread first.)

Blog, Online Diary

Saturday, June 16, 2018

17:58 (05:58 PM)
Hey :]
How’s your day?

I’m having guests over in my apartment in Bad Boekelo right now.

20:08 (08:08 PM)
The pictures I made somehow cause an error in the articles I put them in – the articles from yesterday – so they’ll be pictureless. Unfortunately.

21:04 (09:04 PM)
I’m going to sleep early today. I decided to make my mathematics test tomorrow, so I need to be sharp for that. Doing that tomorrow will be the most efficient.

I’d love to hear how your day was. Text me if you’re reading this. It will become a good morning text, though, because I am exhaustedddd. I’m going to try to improve my sleeping rhythm this week, starting today.

Good night <3
-xxx-

Drafts, Recipes

What I made for that visit

Pasta with paksoi and paprika. I didn’t have any other vegetables… But it’s about the combination of spices that turned out soo well: kerrie, white wine, (extra) cinnamon, creme fraîche and a stock block.

Blog, Online Diary

Friday, June 15, 2018

13:19 (01:19 PM)
Hey sexy
Cuddle me?

I’m so “x_x” I’m still in bed. I’m cuddling my pillows, pretending that they’re not pillows, but it’s not really working for me, since they’re not kissing me back. (Am I lonely? “Nahhhh.”)

I have so many things to do, but tonight my mother is coming here around 10 PM and she has invited her friend and her grandchild to come over tomorrow. (I don’t want any of them to come over, actually. I’m losing SO MUCH TIME, I’m not in the mood for more than 24 hours of smalltalk [after my trip to the US, I’m so less used to it, too] and I know they’re going to somehow talk about the “family problem” “I HAVE CAUSED” [I disagreeee!!!!!! But what’s the point of arguing for myself if everyone is on their side :[ ] which is SO UNCOMFORTABLE and unnecessary. I don’t know why it has to be brought up so many times. It can’t be “solved” anyway. I’m not going to let myself be yelled at or talked down on, so I’m not getting back in touch with anyone.

I’m losing so much time with this visit, I’m in bed because I feel so scared of missing my deadline. I don’t want to have to share someone else’s bed again… I want my own bed. In my own very private place, where I choose who visits me (that would be only you).

I wanted to cook for them. But my mother wants to eat out, so we’re going to eat out. First I tell her I can make a reservation here at the resort. Her reply was: “That’s fine, but isn’t there something else in the neighborhood?” So I send her some restaurants that are close by. She says: “That’s all very chic. I’d love to have a chic dinner with you, but it’s not very convenient right now, because “our friend” is bringing her grandchild.” Things like that can really trigger me. First of all, I don’t even want to eat out. Second of all, I’m not out to make you pay for something expensive. That’s nothing like me. (But mind you that “expensive” actually doesn’t even exist for her, if you look at how much money is coming in every month and how much is going out. Compared to “the maximum” of what I could ask. (I always pick the cheapest option, if they offer to give me something.) I also can’t help that there are only chic restaurants in the neighborhood. And I think that you should never take a child to any restaurant (unless it’s a “children’s restaurant”) anyway. That must be the most boring thing ever for him/her.

On Wednesday evening, I made her dinner and a dessert. I thought it would be nice to eat at the table and drink some wine. But she preferred to sit in front of the TV. The same as she wanted, the next day, when I made her breakfast. It’s funny how my parents ALWAAAAAAAYS get their way. When I was a kid, we never went to the “children’s activities” I wanted to go to. We always did what my father wanted to do. Often something related with planes, because he wanted to become an army pilot.

I keep feeling uncomfortable with venting to you in these posts, because I don’t want to bore you with this “drama” (I really don’t like drama). I don’t want to lose you as my reader…

Okay, so I need to have breakfast, still…

19:58 (07:58 PM)
image

Here I am, waiting voor mijn “patatje mayo met een kaassouflé”, in the restaurant of the resort I’m staying at. This while last week, I was still living low-key, in Miami. The stroller in the back gives you an impression of the type of guests this resort has. I love it here. It’s so calm and the people here are so open and friendly. Yesterday, the bus driver dropped me off at the resort. My battery died when I was at the bus stop. Right before it died, I made a little road map in my notebook. But it was getting dark and it was a quite long walk, so I’m so glad he did! Also, as a black person who has been stigmatized incredibly often, I felt so good and trusted about that he gave me the box with ticket money to hold.

02:22 (AM)
I thought I wouldn’t be able to pull this off in one night, starting after dinner, but I did it:
image

*image* [my phone keeps giving this error message when I try to upload it]

I only have to link it to my website. Or the Docis International website… Hmmm…. I’ll sleep on that.

Good night, my Cuddle
I love you 😀
(I’m doing this for some cuddles of you. Boii if I would see you wear a shirt that says “Meow…”… Meow…)

-xxx-

Blog, Online Diary

Thursday, June 14, 2018

13:40 (01:40 PM)
Heey :]
How are youu?

The train I got into just departed from Den Haag Centraal. I’m on my way to the final stop: Enschede. From there I’ll take the bus and then walk to the apartment. Around 18:02 (06:02 PM) I’ll be there. In the meantime, I’ll be working on Project Fangs: the official marketing campaign behind Project Nosce Te Ipsum.

15:46 (03:46 PM)
“Haha” I noticed that my phone launched the camera out of nowhere sometimes. I just found out that my “squeeze force level” went from not even half way the bar to the maximum of the bar. So “shoutout” to the HTC U11 for giving me stronger hands :D. But still, why launch the camera when I’m not even touching my phone¿?¿ (Haha is it “haunted”? *Likes pictures from the 90’s out of nowhere*)

Boii I just saw that the very last bus to the village near the resort goes at 18:22 (06:22 PM). My only option after that is a 2 hour walk. My train gets to Enschede at

Instagram video (pre-marketed)
Clips of the following songs

Online heist: “Lil Fangs for Praesens”
The introduction text of the introduction text of the introductory test
Ben & Milkyas? The only ones involved with funds of D.O.C.I.S. International bought a Corporate Island. I think I’m just going to make this paragraph the text of both the introduction video

[“Yo did you block me?” “I didn’t… I just needed to break contact with my parents. (And no one else, actually.)” Boiii if you knew the crises I’ve averted by going off the grid twice. Is it really that bad that you had to think about me

21:59 (09:59 PM)
I was in Rotterdam from about 11. I drove with my mother from Enschede to Rotterdam.

After hearing church bells in the city centre [at first, I thought I was tripping big time, but then, I realized: in the Netherlands, it’s normal to see “the time on the wall”. It made me ferl like time haunts you in this fast 9-5 economic culture. As in: churches in the middle of the city. With big clocks on their towers. Do they ring the church bells in every city? Abroad as well? It’s already loud… Then there’s this “It’s the first Monday of the month” air alarm, which is also way too loud. (And think about people with trauma’s who can get very scared of the sounds of these things…)], while there was no church, I realized: I’m not made for living in a (“big”, crowded) city. There’s this “We all turn on the TV or play music when we’re alone because we’re scared blah blah” piece of “common knowledge” (ew) going around, but I know that doesn’t go for everyone. It doesn’t apply to me. I know it doesn’t apply to these graenissis and the older (educated) people here on the countryside as well.

Blog, Online Diary

Wednesday, June 13, 2018

16:36 (04:36 PM)
Good afternoon :]

*cuddles you*

I wish I could bring us together, in a non-mainstream way and in a non-mainstream setting. (If the cuddle were real, I wouldn’t have been able to make that last statement. I want real cuddles :[.)

My next strategy for cuddling you is: finishing “the overview” I started a few days ago, PR branding myself and Nosce Te Ipsum (“the semi-mainstream way”) and making some free content (as part of the marketing campaign).

I came up with making an animation video yesterday. That will be added to the list I showed you two days ago. I also came up with the deadline for preparing the campaign: June 25. Today, I’ll list the detailed steps of all aspects of the preparation of this campaign.

How this could lead me to cuddling you? If you’d think this is “sharing with the mainstream proof” material [as in: you could say “I’m proud of sharing this and showing this side of myself” without having the feeling that you’re lying and being eaten alive by the masses], you could openly “hop on the private Nosce Te Ipsum train” (instructions you’ll see on the renewed website) and never feel alone in a “world” full of ?¿?¿?¿. In the meantime, we’ll be making big moves. “Big moves” as in: living a completely new lifestyle, which is incomparable to any other lifestyle [I’m talking about building a new corporate state, running it and designing the lifestyle full of relaxation that goes with it (yes, running something big and relaxation go hand-in-hand, because the organization routine is already made and we don’t work with people who like/cause chaos (sorry for saying “yes”… As if you’d think like that. The mainstream is getting to my head :[))]

Blog, Online Diary

Tuesday, June 12, 2018

18:02 (06:02 PM)
Good evening, sweetie
How’s your day?

I’m trying to oversee what my next next move should be. In a literal sense, I’m very thirsty, so the first thing I’m going to do next is buy some water. I’m “like, really thirsty”. [“Looking at my own blog like… Damm, you thirsty????????”]

Hmm… I wrote “June 127″… I think that should be 7 days from June 25. [Referring to an aspect of the Nosce Te Ipsum storyline that is going to bridge the gap between a few storylines.] The day on which a lot of stuff is going to happen. If things go my way… On the way I try to make it play out. I have an appointment at the KVK office on the 25th.

My mother is staying over at the appartment on Wednesday evening. I’m going to make breakfast for her.
[I don’t want to live in Rotterdam, actually… Een tijdelijke woning in Enschede? Ja, dat is prima. Eerst huur ik een woning in Rotterdam. (Ik moet wel…) Dan start ik de Project Fangs marketing campagne. Samen met de productie van Nosce Te Ipsum Episode 0 [de online heist video: “Lil Fangs for Praesens” (selling snapbacks)]. That means I must be done with everything by June 25.

Parody Look Alive by … & Drake ? (Make a voice sample.)

[I’ll be making a new EP(isode).]

Make an animation explaining what Nosce Te Ipsum is. A marketing campaign, based on “Lil Fangs for Praesens”.


So you just read my thoughts in its actual pace. As in, that’s how I reason things out. Unnecessarily fast, because there’s a lot of information I have to keep in the back of my head, to oversee that the next move is the right move.

Blog, Online Diary

Monday, June 11, 2018

11:27 (AM)
Good morning, my Cuddle
How was the rest of your morning?

I’m sitting at the Starbucks in the center of Utrecht right now. Earlier, when I was having breakfast at the hotel, I saw that I “won” a shot at one of the houses in the Rotterdam housing lottery. It has two bedrooms – of which one will become my home office – and an open kitchen. The apartment building has an elevator and the total living space is 46.1 square meter. (That’s 496.2162 square feet.) I’m tenth on the list of potential renters…

23:38 (11:38 PM)
I’m on a tight schedule of strategizing and putting strategies into practice, so I haven’t really had time to finish this “overview” I was telling you about yesterday.
I made another overview though, haha. Here’s what I’ll be doing the coming (two?) weeks:
image

And this is what I’ll be doing tomorrow:
image

Printing documents needed to be allowed to sign the “rental agreement” [I’ll only get the chance to sign if “lottery numbers one to nine” either don’t show up, aren’t available between 13:00 and 13:15 (01:00-01:15 PM) on Thursday or aren’t “in love” with the apartment. I think it’s really cool being able to have an office in a cheap apartment. “I’m so blessed with this opportunity.” (These things make me go crazy.) To truly “fall in love” with a home, though, I’d have to be in a different coutry, so for now, I’m taking all chances. That’s why I’m going to be there an hour early. (Especially because it takes 3 hours to travel from where I’m staying now, to “my home town”, Rotterdam, where I was born. (My parents’ house is five minutes walking from Rotterdam.) Now I’ll be staying/The apartment I’ll be visiting is in a completely different area, though. Very close to the Rotterdam airport (I’ve only visited once in my life, to go on a tour. Either with school or with my parents).)] I’m going to do tomorrow, so that I don’t necessarily have to leave the resort apartment I’m staying at right now. I “moved” from Utrecht to Bad Boekelo in Enschede today, thanks to my mom. I’m really happy she’s helping me out. I do not at all feel comfortable with the fact that I depend on anyone’s help right now, though. It keeps me from speaking my mind and makes me feel way smaller than I truly am. (I formulated the end of that sentence like that on purpose. I need to get my confidence up.)

To come back to what I said about not being able to “fall in love” with a home here: it’s because the country doesn’t feel like home to me. Yeah, it’s over-propagandized to say: “My country over everything. I love it so much, and I’ll die for it,” and I used to do the same thing (in a lighter form) with Rotterdam, but I learnt that it’s more “following the custom” and “the feeling of having to fit in”, than that it is actual love. There are certain aspects in the national culture I just REALLY don’t like: the directness and the nosiness. Today, while I was walking “back” from Starbucks to the hotel I was staying at in Utrecht, when I was almost there, I walked a short part of the road on a “small” pavement (small for Dutch standards… In the US I had to walk over the road sometimes (with my suitcase ahahah) [I’m saying that because that fleh was just overreacting. Not because I want to “diss the US”.]), because Google Maps let me enter the road from that way and I was just following the paved roads. [This sounds like a story on the over 9000 level of shallowness, but it’s about the example of nosiness. Plus, this minus the example is a “regular story”, if you’d hear what hear when I’m around other people.] I took a picture of the road, after “it” happend:
image

A bus driver stopped right next to me, to point at the other side of the road, to show that I was walking on the wrong side of the road. There were cars and other buses behind him… There were people in the bus… Now, if I’d say: “Just mind your own business. I know what I’m doing,” I’m the rude one. I just nodded “yes” and continued walking. I wanted to wait until I could see the traffic lights and approaching traffic properly, plus, there were bushes where I’d have to cross to reach the pavement, if I’d “take a hard left” after taking “the bus driver’s “advice””. There’s this conservative type of person in this country, who assumes black people “don’t know how things go around here” and they love to tell exactly the black people about it. I’m so used to it, but it’s so insulting. It’s the reason why I adapted my Dutch accent (and English accent) to a more “white sounding one”… I just want to “blend in” and not have that type of conversation. Ever (again)…
So I told this to my mother, after she introduced the topic of “the neighbor’s girlfriend moved in with him” and we “discussed” this “extensively”. (I used to be able to “divert” topics like these smoothly into conversations about topics that do matter, but now my level of “I really don’t give a fuck” is so high internally, that I just say “Oh wow” and then ask a question (after so much mental pressure because how the fuck can you ask a question based on that) or I make some question-like sounding-statement (haha it sounds as vague as it is, but it “keeps the conversation going” [as long as we don’t talk about my “running away” again…]) I try to keep my mind focused on my path and my peace, but during such conversations and hearing her say: “god god god god dammit” after “other drivers drived fucked up(ly)” (late anticipation…), I can’t find my full conversation. It makes me feel so frustrated internally, but I don’t want to talk about it with anyone who enjoys smalltalk.) I told her the same bus driver story. She replied with: “Oh, hahahahahaha. He probably thought that you looked stupid and that’s why he said it.” I immediately got this feeling as if someone squeezed my heart. My heart beat semi-increased, I felt a lot of pain, had cold sweat, “suddenly”, et cetera. I’d never say something like that to her, unless she does something like it first, and I have to “shoot back” to decrease/indirectly vent my own pain. Later, when I spoke about how I want to decorate my apartment by making all furniture myself, with my low budget, she somehow dropped: “Yeah normally people start collecting things before they leave, or they save up for it. You have nothing. No collection of things (“uitzet”), no savings. Nothing. Hahahah. Yeah, you’ll just have to use camping chairs as dining chairs in the beginning phase.” Again, the painful feeling re-surfaced and I became silent again. For about an hour I only responded with “yes”, “no” or “wow” to the things she said. (“Wow” always applies. “There’s a new supermarket…” “Wow.”, “My tracking bracelet is logging my sleep correctly/incorrectly/very accurately/whatever…” “Wow.”) Yeah, it’s true I have nothing. But you don’t have to rub it in my face, laugh about it and think that it’s normal. But still, according to all of the Netherlands, I have a very loving mother. She just sent me a text that said: “Good night. I hope you can get used to living where you’re at right now and that you’ll be able to sleep in that foreign environment. <3" In that text I see a lot of false assumptions [I easily adapt and sleep more comfortable anywhere but at my parents' house] and no love. "But she sent a heart emoji, so it's love." I told myself I need to stop being so bothered by the only people I interact with, but I actually know I can only solve it by buying them out. For my sanity, for my peace of mind, for my "now you really can't talk back", for my most silent "I told you so" and for being with my true loved ones, I have to buy them out with money I've earned from using my talents. "I'm busy working forever." But I'll never come home saying: "Yippee I got a promotion." ("Now I'll definitely give up on my real dreams and grow old at that desk.") I'm the boss on a level so high I should have been in the shadows, but it's so "paradigma shifting" it has to have a face. [Sorry for my harsh (confronting...?..........) view on reality... I'm trying to solve this life's path though. (I will!) I try to limit these "I don't want to work for a boss" observations, but I need to get this off my chest, just like the feeling of annoyance I get from my environment. You're my "luisterend oor" (if you don't mind...) :]. (I'm saying that because I know A LOOOOT of people who say "Oh yes. You can talk to me bla bla I really want to hear it and be there for you etc etc etc," but start to judge me or change the topic to whatever they want to talk about, as soon as they get the chance.)]
Meow :[. Another night without no cuddling.


“The big checklist” will change this, though.

Thank you for reading me <3. [Not "this", in this context.]
I love you 😀

Cuddle me
-xxx-

Blog, Ex Animo, Online Diary, Random Thoughts, Reflections

Sunday, June 10, 2018

20:18 (08:18 PM)
Good evening <3
How was your day?

There are two topics I’ll elaborate on today. One sad, one “happy”. It’s “happy” because of the paradox I’ll mention in between the topics. Yesterday I mentioned the turbulence in my life, but I didn’t elaborate on it. That’s the sad part. The “happy” part is my struggling having a “finish line”. I often say “this is it”, but those points don’t have a “finish line”. Now I’ve finally been able to picture one. It requires A LOT of work, but it’s so worth it. I’m going to push myself to beyond my limits and achieve everything before June 25.

The sad part
Since December 2016 (or should I say December 2015…) my life has been turbulent. Every time I think the turbulence is about to end, it becomes worse. I can only pull some strings and hope they’re the right ones, when it comes to achieving my goals. It goes the same way for receiving love back.

[Funny how how I’m writing this [I’m sitting at Loft 88. Table for one. My starter was nachos with cheese and everything. My main dish is fish & chips, because they don’t have a “fish of the day” today.] the “restaurant cat” [in every restaurant I’ve been at, the restaurant owned either a cat or a dog. One even had this “food bowl” for guest animals on the terrace] tried to snatch away my fish. I was literally saying: “Yo… Don’t do this… Please go away…” to him/her, while waving my hand a little. Of course he/she didn’t respond to that. So the woman sitting all the way on the other side of the terrace [there are not that many people here right now, especially not compared to Friday] walked up to me, saying: “Are you scared?” I replied “No,”, but that wasn’t entirely true. I’m afraid of how unpredictable this cat is. Is there an action of mine that could trigger this cat to scratch or fang me? I mean, I spotted him/her before, walking and “climbing” around. But I never expected to actually see [I wrote “expect” instead of “actually see” before, which actually applied to the reality of the situation more, but “actually see” sounds “more human” and less “to complain about”, so I picked “actually” after reading back the sentence a little. A little, because I don’t really have time to review my blog posts, because I write so much and do so many things on the side. All by myself…] him/her to jump onto the lounge sofa I was sitting on, basically planting its nose against the little bucket that had my fish & chips in it.
She made this large clapping motion, using “all of the components of her arm” [normally, at least for me, when I clap, at for example some theatre show, at the max, I’m using my full “under arms” and might include some bicep movement, but she was using her full shoulders for this movement], while saying “HÉ, GA WEG.” (Thats: “Hey, go away”.) The cat jumped off the couch. “You should just use a little “URGHHH”,” she said, while making a bicep curl movement with one arm and putting this “using intense muscle power”-look on her face. Then she walked away. Exactly that is what my family said when my aunt’s guard dog tried to attack me. But I don’t have this type of expression in me, really. Not anymore. Not after I realized I don’t fit in and I shouldn’t want to fit in, because my target audience doesn’t exist in my environment. I’ll never truly fit in, here. Not as myself. I realized this around December 2016.]

The life I’ve been striving for since day 1, is the life in which I bring a completely new concept to life on a very young age, and let my environment [from all my relatives, to my friends, to random people I meet on my path, with an interesting story] lift on my success, allowing them to achieve all of their life goals with so much ease. Whether it’s kick-starting their career, getting that one job or getting that one car/house/whatever.
Some thing that kind of bothers me, is that I could have been doing these things I’ve been doing right now, at a much younger age (because this is not a “new talent” or whatever), and get a status that suits me assigned to my name. I’m “that very young very talented black female who made it on a very young age”. I feel bad about still having to struggle to “get there”, while I could have already “been there”. And every time I think: “After this decision/”release of work”, I’ll be internationally recognized, and the struggle will be over. Not only for me,” my mission gets sabotaged. Too bad that until last Friday, I’ve been dependent on other people. To summarize my dependency: for investments I depended on my father and for publicity I depended on my family and friends. They all don’t share. (Even though they all said they would, at first.) Only my mother shares. I’ve already spent too much text elaborating on how this sticks together in so many ways in both these diary posts and Nosce Te Ipsum I, Book I, Episode 1, that I won’t go into this much more. In the end, it’s all just in my mind, because I don’t even see or talk to these people anymore (I don’t have them on my social media, including Whatsapp). I’m just very disappointed and am bothered by them saying: “Oh, you must be crazy and it’s not that bad, actually,” because I never said it directly to them [They say “it’s not that bad”, because “otherwise I would have told them directly”. But how about it was so bad I didn’t say anything about it, because I didn’t expect them to be so hurtful and actually find it normal. The masses find it normal to yell insults back and forth and then make up. I don’t find that normal. Do that to me once and I’m done with you, because I would never do that to you. Don’t pollute my mind with that hateful nonsense. Examples of things that were considered normal, but I didn’t find normal, but I didn’t respond to, are:

  1. My father “saying”: “You’re insane! But you’re lucky I’ve not given you “the Surinamese upbringing”, otherwise I would have been telling you you have shit in your head (but then using the Surinamese “catchphrase”).” *5 mins later* “You have shit in your head!!!!!! You have shit in your head! You have shit in your head!”; “You don’t know the system and will never be able to change it, because you don’t have enough working experience, common knowledge and people knowledge.” and “You’re a liar and a betrayer! You tried to steal money from your grandmother!!!” on one night. (Why the FUCK would I steal money? And especially why steal my grandmother’s?? I have all of my father’s online banking passwords (because I used to do his bookkeeping) and “even that” I haven’t touched… Not even when he “forgot” to transfer my allowance every month (because he didn’t want to make it automated “for some reason”).
  2. My “friend” walking up to me. I arrived a little late on this day we went to a museum with school. My “friends” were standing in a circle. He walked up to the middle of the circle, holding a chicken wing in his hand. “We all went to KFC this morning, but we didn’t invite you, because we knew you’d be late,” he said. I thought he saved one for me. He moved his arm as if he was going to give the piece of chicken to me. I adjusted my face to it, expressing “Oh, what a surprise! How nice of you!” Even though I already felt “stabbed in the heart” after hearing that they had such bad expectations of me and did something “fun” without me. Then he put the piece of chicken in his mouth, saying: “Oh boy, it’s sooooo gooood,” and everyone in that group started to laugh. The rest of the day, I spent with a different group of friends. (I was late because I was putting booze in a plastic bottle at the last minute. Had to wait until my parents went to work.)
  3. My ex-boyfriend (who then was still my boyfriend) finding it weird that I stopped sharing my feelings with him, after:
    • Me: “I’ve been feeling so lonely. I really don’t like sleeping alone. May I sleep over at your place?”
    • Him: “No.” [Thinking back at this: who the fuck says no to having a shot at sex? Who the fuck says no to being cuddled to sleep? Why the fuck do you say no without an explanation? Who the fuck lacks so much empathy to still let me sleep alone? (Everyone in my environment. He isn’t the only one who I’ve told this. But I stopped asking, because I don’t want to be touched by people who are so cold.) Why the fuck was I feeling lonely from the beginning of the relationship? (Because it sucked.)]
    • Me: “Why?”
    • Him: “I don’t know. I just don’t want to.”
      • (But later sleeping over at each other’s houses suddenly became a habit. And he kept sending me messages about him missing me and shit. I guess my Cuddle is just that good.) Or this one:
    • Me: “:p is an emoji I used to use when I was on MSN.”
    • Him: “What is MSN?”
    • Me: “Huh? Haven’t you used MSN? It was so popular!! It’s a messaging service. Basically Whatsapp for computers only.”
    • Him: “What does MSN stand for?”
    • Me: “I don’t know.”
    • Him: “Oh my god, you’re so retarded. How can you not know what the abbreviation stands for, while you have been using it all the time?”
    • Me: “It stands for Microsoft Network. I just Googled it.”
      • As if he knows what ING stands for… Or “dot com”… Don’t Google it now that I said it. Fucking hypocrite. (I still want my notebook back, though… Don’t burn it or use it as rolling papers, please.)

Now to them, it’s normal to be so hurtful and then expect me to get over it. I might have done things back, after I thought they really crossed the line, but they reach limits my heart just can’t copy. For those who just tuned in: this is what I consider beyond hurtful. I just gave these examples for those who haven’t read previous posts and Nosce Te Ipsum, Book I, Episode 1. From now on, I’ll heavily reduce mentioning these painful things. I’ll only mention it, when I have another fucked up day, after having to meet the flehs again and having to see “the counsellor”], but it surfaced [they found out through snitching] after “I got snitched and was stuck in the system” (I’m talking about “unjustified psychiatry”, not prison. But I think it feels the same way). [Had to think of this: I told this psychiatrist I felt hurt because another friend called me a pussy for having tried to commit suicide, and she replied that I shouldn’t feel like that, because by calling me a pussy, “he’s actually saying he cares”. Fuck off. With “I care” you say you care. Okay, I hope that was the last “flashback haunting me”.]

It’s 00:49 (12:49 AM) already. I’ve written the rest of the story structure already, but I’m going to go to sleep. “Going to bed early” is one of the things I’ll be working on in these beast mode weeks. Just like finishing this explanation is one of my last extensive updates, until I have backed up all of my work and renewed my websites. Anything before 02:00 (AM) is “going to sleep earlier”. My goal is a 0900 – 2300 rhythm (0900 AM – 1100 PM). I’m building it up slowly. 2300 – 0000 (11 PM – 12 AM) will be for my pre-sleeping routine (dancing, meditating, cuddling…). More about this in a coming NTI episode!

I’m leaving the rest of the structure as I made it, even though I’ll be continuing in a new episode. (I wrote a large part on my laptop this time. It feels like using my laptop I write a lot less words per minute…)

Good night, my love <3

-xxx-

The Paradox
Haha ojoooo

The “happy” part
 
01:47 (AM)
So I just made an account on Spreadshirt. Initiating my clothing line from there will be soooooo much cheaper and more large-scale proof than screen printing the shirts myself. With the shirts (and other types of clothing) pre-printed, it’s easier and cheaper for me to add hand-made prints with beads on them. Today’s Jan Taminiau exhibition was so inspiring!!! (And I rarely have other people inspiring me!!!)

Here are some pictures:



04:44 (AM)
Ahahahahah I just had the most genius idea for self-marketing. You see, people only engage in projects when they seem popular. Popularity basically equals trustworthiness. It’s, these days, hardly possible to start a project “completely from scratch”, having 0 followers. No matter how awesome your project is. You either already have all of the popularity and start a new project, to which your audience immediately contributes/which your audience immediately supports, or you have a little bit of popularity and get a marketing/PR team who invests (time-wise as well as financially) in your project. If you have money, you could also hire a team. I can’t do any of this… But I know something that’s going to give the impression of already being very succesful with my project: I’m going to write two Wikipedia pages: one for myself and one for Project Nosce Te Ipsum. After that, I’m going to spend a little on Google Adwords (to make my page top-ranked when you search my name) and a little on Instagram marketing. I already have more than 1500 followers on Instagram and more than 900 followers on Twitter. But these followers are “un-targeted”. (Targeting them is more expensive, but as soon as I get to Bad Boekelo, I’ll have some “investment funds” (not more than €150 for sure ahahahaha) available. After/before/during the instagram campaign, I’ll target about 100 people. That’s enough to start with, for sure).

I’m too excited to sleep, but I’m still going to try it again…

Slaap lekker <3
xxx

Blog, Online Diary

Saturday, June 9, 2018

04:29 (AM)
Hi Cuddle <3 What do you think of when you can't sleep? Can you list the topics in fixed categories? (I'm asking this for NTI purposes... The second question is a yes/no one. I'd also like to know why your answer is yes/no.)
Normally I start “a new blog day” after I’ve woken up, but I haven’t been able to sleep this night. This is such a turbulent moment in my life. (Or should I say: my life has been so turbulent since last year and it just keeps escalating… Every time I think it can’t get worse, it gets worse.)

I miss being in The States so much…
I’m going to try to sleep again. Then I’ll tell you about the escalation tomorrow. If I have a moment for it… I don’t really have moments to myself now. And I don’t like being on my phone, when I’m with someone else (in public). It makes me feel uncomfortable while writing…

21:51 (09:51 PM)

I have a few minutes to write something. We’re at resraurant Het Zuiden in Utrecht now. My mother and I. The food here was sooo nice!! And the host/waiter is so cute haha. I’m waiting for my mother to come back so that we can head over to the car. I’m really tired after more than 50 km (31 miles) of cycling [I haven’t cycled since I “lost” my bike exactly one year ago]. Boii my butt hurts so much from it ahahaha. Nahh but seriously, it must be bruised or something, because every leg movement hurts. It was worth it, though! I want to get back in shape before the astronomical start of the summer. I’ll succeed in doing this!! If my temporary place in Enschede has a gym……. Otherwise, still, I’ll make some changes. But I want to be chiseled!!! My confidence and “feeling-of-self” need this…

Blog, Online Diary

Friday, June 8, 2018

22:35 (11:35 PM)
Hey,
Alles goed?
:p
(I’ll leave the translation up to your imagination this time. #elchallenge #I’mchallengingyou #pleasedon’tcomplainaboutthisnon-basicness)

Blog, Online Diary

On My Way: Wednesday, June 6, 2018

11:36 (AM)
Good morning <3 How was your night?
I thought I snoozed my 08:40 (AM) alarm, but apparently I canceled it. Woke up at 09:50 (AM), still very tired, so I kept on snoozing my alarm until 10:30 (AM). I still had to get ready and [I already showered in the evening. The original plan was to still shower again, but I didn’t have time for that, since I still had to] pack and do the dishes. Apparently doing the dishes isn’t mandatory.

While packing, I got a call from the front desk, with a reminder that check out is at 11. Then, it was 10:45 (AM). I still took the time to brush my teeth, semi-conceal the bags underneath my eyes and accentuate my eyebrows. Plus, I scraped the cheese that got stuck to the frying pan off the frying pan. I let it soak overnight, so that it came off easily. I was at the reception at 11:20 (AM).

13:29 (01:29 PM)
I’m at the Miami-Dade public library now. Ahahaha it’s quite funny that I haven’t visited the beach here, but I have visited the library. I come off more nerdy than I am. (The beach has too many people (tourists) to be able to fully relax anyway, if you’d ask me if I like popular beaches.)

I’m going to work on my scheme for funding my start-up and the backbone of episode 0. I’m making the backbone now, so that I know what I need to write in my “business application form” as a summary of all business activities… I always want to tell people what my project is as fast as possible. But all aspects of it are so new, I just really need a longer time to explain, if I want to make it very clear.

18:07 (06:07 PM)
I’m about to drop off my bag for my Aer Lingus flight to Amsterdam, with a transfer in Dublin.

19:20 (07:20 PM)
Now I’m sitting at the gate. I just had an overpriced tuna sandwich and saw a large crowd of people be mad at the airport staff. I guess their flight is canceled. I’m not sure why they were mad, because they were screaming in Spanish, but it’s not like the staff can change anything about it… They’re just following the policy they’re taught to follow. There were even a few cops here to try to calm the raging crowd down. People were filming it…

Ah, anyway, at the library, I signed up for an appointment to register my sole proprietor business. It’s on the 22nd of June (my payday, so that I’m sure I’ll be able to pay the fee). I also made the structure and the beginning of the “prologue” of Nosce Te Ipsum I, Book I, Episode 0. My free episode. On top of that, I listed some tasks for the coming weeks, I checked in or my flight, checked how many Expedia points I have after so many different hotels in these two weeks here (the longest I’ve stayed in the same hotel here is three days… But still… Zero points!?!!??! Fleh) and, of course, I wrote this little 13:29 piece.

I’m calling the little process of the foundation of my sole proprietorship “Project Fang”. I’m going to list its aspects and then come back to you.

21:01 (09:01 PM)
Aiight so I’m very happy about what my mom has planned for me and moving out. I’m only freaking out about seeing my father again. If I’ll see him again… I don’t even know, because I won’t be staying at home. I’m afraid he’ll continue with his rampage he started in the text message he sent me, when I left them the letter on how I’ve actually been feeling for a long time, on the day I left. I’m in the air as I’m writing this, so I can’t search the link right now. (And since I write so much, there’s a chance I won’t find this back.) But it was the May 25 post, if I’m correct. When he thought B was some psychotic idea and not an actual person, he was very verbally and physically hurtful as well. I wouldn’t mind not seeing him ever again at all. Only with my mother, things are different. There are so many things I know we’re both aware of, but have never talked about. According to her words, we must be feeling the same way.

Until Monday, I’ll be staying in Utrecht with her. She booked us a room. That’s so sweet of her. After that, I’ll be staying in a temporary apartment, until I “win the housing lottery” and get my own apartment. In the Netherlands (or at least in Rotterdam), for renting houses, they work with a lottery system. You pay a fee to get access to the online portal that facilitates the “lottery”, you select the houses you like and get a response when you’ve been randomly selected. My mom had spontaneously signed me up after we got in touch again.


I have a statistics test on Wednesday and I’ll be in Utrecht, chilling with my mother, until Monday, so I won’t be working on Fangs that much. For some reason that causes a little tension in me. Not being able to work… (And that while people in my environment always call me “the lazy one”. That’s just because my focus on my own projects is greather than my focus on regular things. I never told them about what actually keeps me occupied. What’s the point, if they’re not doing something similar… Yeah, they might have seen it on TV, and that’s why they give opposing advice as if they’re experts, but I can’t take it. I put way more thought in my actions than they know and than I mention. I never made any homework exercises, and if I’d suddenly get chores around the time I have tests, my grades would suffer, because I always oriented myself on the study material about one to two weeks before the test. I basically had to ask myself: “So what have we actually been doing these eight weeks?” That doesn’t mean that I didn’t ask questions during class and make notes. I was also able to answer my teacher’s questions, still. I just needed to study how to back up my answers. They might think I’m lazy and stupid, but I still graduated from the highest level of high school education in the Netherlands, so… I was also often late at school or at appointments with friends (but never late at work), because I actually really really didn’t want to go, and this was one of the factors making me wake up tired and feeling stuck to my bed like a magnet. I cared about my social status, though. That’s why I always showed up, stayed a virgin until finding “the one” (boii………. I was 19 and impatient, so I have the label “husband to be” away way too easy…) and focused on being friendly always (unless people really crossed the line) and being a good shoulder to lean on. If you’re not telling these people you’re doing it consciously (something I never did), that’s how you become a taken for granted pushover. You go the extra mile for them, while they start insulting and judging you as soon as they get the chance.)

Not being able to work causes tension, because I need the “end product” to finally take days off. Or to be able to have an off day, on which I don’t think about it the whole day. I only know if my end product is a right end product, when it’s out.

Blog, Nosce Te Ipsum, Online Diary

“Fangs”: Tuesday, June 5, 2018

22:06 (10:06 PM)
Hi Cuddle
What did you have for dinner today?

Another nice day has passed. I had breakfast around nine. I had a bagel, of which I put strawberry jam on one side and apple jam on the other. Actually, I wanted to have strawberry jam on both. (But I really don’t like asking for things…) (I didn’t put both bagel sides on top of each other, haha. I ate them separately.) And I had some oatmeal with cinnamon and something else.

After that, I wanted to go back to my room to take a nap. Yesterday, when I wanted to extend my stay, the girl (with such cute fangs) at the reception told me the policy is to wait until the day itself. So today, I went to the reception to extend my stay. I decided to not transfer the remaining amount on my debit card to my prepaid credit card, because it might not be transferred at the moment I need it. (It takes about 24 hours and I heard that I was going to fly home on Wednesday, on Monday. So the chance that, if I’d transfer the amount of an extended room to my prepaid card on Monday afernoon, the amount would be on my card by Tuesday morning, was way too small.) It was better to just leave it on my debit account and pay for the room in cash, like I did in previous hotels.

Apparently this hotel doesn’t accept cash. My mother’s credit card was expired, and booking for the room via iDeal (that’s basically the Dutch paypal for debit accounts), wasn’t accepted here, because I needed the card to confirm the booking. My mother solved it, though (I definitely have this “fast pace problem solving skill” from her), by using my father’s card to book it via Expedia. <3!
I didn’t take the nap I wanted to take (since I went to sleep around three and had to get up for breakfast around eight), because I was busy with my mom and I was a little bit worried about having to travel again with this suitcase that has a broken back wheel and then having to pay for a restaurant again, because I probably wouldn’t get a room with a kitchen again, and then hope the other hotel does accept cash, et cetera. I had to fix the reservation extention issue before twelve. After going down the elevator a second time, to see if it worked out, and it did, the guy at the reception asked me to write a very good review in which I mention him, because everything worked out well. And I did. Here’s my review: https://goo.gl/maps/Z4b2ti4pBsD2. I added the part about the cute fangs girl just before I posted the link. I think it’s very fair mentioning her, too. Too bad I’m not sure about what her name is.

… I had dinner and jasmine tea (from Paris, haha (that was from around the time I started this blog)) for lunch. After that, I went to the pool. I basically spent the day “baantjes trekkend” [Dutch for swimming back and forth across the length of the pool, but literally translated, it’s “pulling little rows”] and working on my start-up business for Project Nosce Te Ipsum. I’ve written down all factors I had to take into consideration, from start to finish (of the “start-up phase”), from the order in which I need to do things, to finances.

So, yesterday I mentioned that yesterday was a new starting point and that my future looks so much brighter, and that I was going to tell you why. Here’s why: it’s because yesterday I came up with the idea to secretly start another business. Secretly in the sense that my parents [or at least my father… My mother tends to just agree with what he says, because, when they’ve made a “parental decision”, they tend to bring the news as one body that has reached a consensus] don’t want me to do business, so I won’t tell them about it. They’re scared the Dutch Tax Agency comes empty the house because of “my lousy bookkeeping”/me being behind on tax bills/me not filing my tax reports. Fam… If that ever happens, the Belastingdienst (Dutch Tax Agency) or FIOD (Dutch Fraud Police) barging in the house, it’s because my father has been committing fraud since the day he started his business… Or even before he started it, if the expenses from then were “the costs to start the business” (“actually known as” family dinners and takeout eaten while watching Family Guy).

But I’ll be moving out, so the address of the business will be my home address (omgg I’m gonna have a home addresssss :DDDDD). In my home, no one will ask me questions about what I’m doing, with the intention of stopping me from doing it. (I don’t think my mother would actually want to stop me. It’s because my father says she’s too helpful and not strict. And now, “because I failed”, everything is her fault.)

The business will cover all components of the multinational holding that will thrive from Project Nosce Te Ipsum, in its “baby form”. It’s a quite bulletproof strategy. I’ll now sell items that also attract the mainstream. I have to be able to keep the attention of everyone, and “the leading party now” is “the mainstream” [the hardest party when it comes to keeping someone’s concentration, so I have to do something simple], whose attention I need to start a trend, in which I claim the non-mainstream, who are actually leading the mainstream (I’m talking about musicians, professors and founders of “truly new concepted” businesses, plus individuals who are living creatively out of this “business is life and judge whoever is not in it”-flehniss [“niss” is a Cuddle dialect ending of an English word (I just thought of adding “fleh” to the Urban Dictionary, just like “Liée”)]), but are being pushed around, because they don’t have the primate and thus have a lot of reasons to get judged unnecessarily easily. [I’m going to tell you something about the way I construct sentences at the end of this post.] I mean the “academici” (academia/academics) who focus on getting enlightening insights into this universe, by the way. Not those who are just out to make a name. They can keep doing weird shit for attention. The fuck… STAY AWAY from my project!!! Why does someone want to know the exact number of dead babies/children (in a “developing country”)? EVERY YEAR!?! AND THEN MAKE A TREND??!!? Ew… How does an idea like that come to life¿?¿? They often don’t even do it alone… [Maybe it’s a country with a different culture that now suddenly feels it has to “Westernize” because they’re called “developing” in the world of globalization(?), by the way. Yes, everyone needs water, but not everyone needs a Facebook account… (So I’m saying things like internet access and being able to celebrate your child’s birthday at McDonalds doesn’t say anything about the wealth of a country. What needs to get fixed is the access to basic facilities. For that, D.O.C.I.S. International doesn’t need a government. We can solve this. Globally.)] Fucking creep. It’s already bad that it happens. Why do you want to dig into the numbers…? Invest that time [and those HUGE funds TO JUST LOOK INTO SOME FUCKING EXCEL FILES FROM HOSPITALS… (and then still blow up the numbers, huh?) It’s just dropping by, phoning, or [the most “business” thing of this age [“omg I have so many of them”, “even on a holiday, I just HAVE to check it”, “you never guess who responded to my message”, “I use it for procrastination”, “blah blah blah”]:] e-mailing all hospitals/funeral centers/graveyards in a country. You really don’t need years, entire armies of scientists and millions of dollars for that…] in finding a proper solution to it… You’re using it to say: “This is “Wakambe”. (*insert very traditional sounding name*) Wakambe eats three grains of rice a day. Help him eat four grains of rice a day, by donating just $4 a week,” and then fill your own pockets… With all those charity projects, the world could have looked so much different already… (Especially with those European/western food surpluses… Just give it away?)

[In case you wonder why I’m not even going to bother getting a PhD, etc.: it already takes “half your life span” getting the titles, and then you have to “fight for your life” to get a little bit of attention for the months (years?) of work you put in. And then “the winner’s prize” – when it comes to attention – goes to those who research chaos, destruction and (increasing) profits(!!!), instead of those who focus on prosperity (or just the beautiful wonders of the surface we walk on and everything above and below it). Maybe Nosce Te Ipsum would get noticed a tiny bit, when I’m way dead and my great great gread grandchild decides to dig into who I was or someone opens some “history capsule” with my notebooks in it. If you feel stuck in that world: no worries!!! I’ll have a much better alternative for you, during and after Project Nosce Te Ipsum :D. (That’s also why Project Nosce Te Ipsum is a fully independent research project (I wouldn’t even accept funding from those creepy profit hungry parties), by the way.) Also: cuddle me :D, because I find having dregrees and feeling slight frustration about wanting to get your passionately done research put on a pedestal very sexy. Hehe.]

Fact: one of the main reasons I started this independent research project is to get Cuddles. I’m very easily attracted to a certain type of personality. But in my environment, that type of personality [100% passion, true ambition [= seeing true potential (in yourself)] and love, plus not saying “eww omg ughh” to having to use your brain(s) [the #1 reason for me cringing. I find that “pussy mentality” “ew” (just like saying “pussy”?)]] is a rare find.

So for the coming weeks (I can do this in less than a month), I’ll be making a summer clothing collection (all made by my own hands), turning my websites into official online businesses (https://docis.international will become the Project Nosce Te Ipsum portal and https://lilfangs.com will become the “online start-up” with the summer collection, my blog and a separate section on EVERYTHING you need to know about Project Nosce Te Ipsum), writing episode 0 (a free episode), writing episode 3, making cooking videos, making an intro and outro for my youtube channel and making an online diary “series” on the process of this start-up and project. For the summer collection, I’ll be “screen printing” my shirts by hand. In that way, I can make unique designs (excuse my French, but 90% of today’s t-shirt prints suck because they’re way too similar).

My sole proprietor business will be called “Fangs”. I came up with the name as I was writing my “to do list”.

Why this will work? I’m going to buy followers and views/likes, which will make my work seem popular. Those who stumble upon my page will consider me a more trustworthy and succesful source. (My followers/following is so low right now, my accounts seem like spam accounts…) Even though I am, of course, a very driven and trustworthy source, I guess I need to “buy the status” and have a fake one, before it becomes real. Also, maybe then you, as low-key reader of my blog, who isn’t allowed to associate with “spam accounts”, would suddenly be able to cuddle me whenever? And also, I’ll finally be a “sole proprietor” again. When people ask me what I do, I finally have a proper answer. In fact, I’m back at the same level as I was when I was studying at Erasmus University, but now I don’t have to go to mandatory classes. (I really don’t like obligations like that. Just say “here are your books and on these dates are your tests”. Stop “pampering me”. (Baby context.))

When I buy these followers and “engagement” (likes/views), I need to have them on all my accounts, by the way. Otherwise it won’t seem realistic, haha. “1000 Instagram followers, 50 Twitter followers, 0 subscribers and 20 views on Youtube, no Soundcloud plays other than those of myself….” Ahahahahaha.

I first thought of keeping it to myself. But then I realized, by the time those who don’t know if they want to work with me, reach this post, it won’t matter anyway. Either that person is too judgmental to even participate, or that person is open minded enough to see that even without real followers, I’m still good at what I do. First I thought: “Man, I should have never deleted my accounts, now people will not want to follow me.” But since I can buy 1000 followers for $7 (or less…(?)), that problem is solved. My previous followers (“my friends”) weren’t truly interested in my material anyway. (In the sense that, when I ask them what they’ve done on a free day, it’s: “Watching Netflix all day. I’m so tired et cetera et cetera,” and then later they’re giving me “life advice” because they believe I’m crazy and I need their “just stop it, just don’t think about it, just let it go, just give up” demotivating words to make me feel better.) No, thanks. I’d rather invest in getting an audience (not even necessarily someone to cuddle with, but just someone who enjoys to keep up with my work). Also, it makes a very “wow you have fans”-impression, that I’m following only less than 200 accounts and more than 1000 followers. Call it Fangyism. I never followed a marketing class.

On my sentence structure: I’ve decided to, to make it easier to read for you, use “square brackets” for my in-text comments. Either when they should not be on the foreground, but I still want to mention them, or the comment is in the middle of a sentence. For my end-of-sentence comments, I’m still using normal brackets. To those who are anti long sentences: fleh. From a very young age, I used to get compliments on my writing skills. This stopped when I was in high school. Then it became: “boohoo your sentences are too long.” (And since Nosce Te Ipsum, they have become twice as long.) I like challenging my reader with complex sentences. The only reason people want short sentences is because they’re (believing that they’re) dumb. I’m against over-appreciating simplicity. One of the few things I actually have an opinion on. (There are so many things I don’t give enough fucks about, to form an opinion on/about/over. (Like mis-used grammar. Ugh. As long as the message is clear… Or “Woaah beef between Pusha T and Drake”. Oh my goddddd. Why do people care so much??? What is the “good” in it? Why the fuck do you want to know the details? Why do you list them? You’ve listed them and picked a side. And now what…? Exactly. On to the next one… Nahhh man. When I was 13, I used to dig into that kind of stuff, because I wanted to fit in. (And I did.) Now I see grey haired men do the same thing for a living… Was it a business “back” then, too?)

So I make long sentences, because I consider it an art form. It’s also a taboo, but not to everyone. (I actually started to make long compound sentences, to save time. Can you imagine what Nosce Te Ipsum’s first episode would look like, if I would drastically decrease my amount of compound sentences? Or this post? For episode 0, I do plan on “not saving time” and describing things very clearly, and thus make less long sentences, but I’ll never hide my skill. I want to be the *insert Greek/Roman author name here* of this age. I want, later, in schools, the youth to be scrutinizing Nosce Te Ipsum, with a teacher asking questions like: “Why did Lil Fangs put the comma in this part of the sentence?” I’ve over-thought every single detail. It’s all planned out. (Okay, except the sentences I started, but then I started to write another part of the story that comes after it, before I’ve finished the sentence [the rest of the paragraph], and the other part of the story becomes so long that I either forget about or can’t find the sentence. But I won’t change it, because it’s part of my art. If you want perfectly boring short sentences on another story or “informative lifestyle book” about work life, you’re reading the wrong thing.)


Okay… I wanted to go to sleep “early”, but I also wanted to tell you this, and I know tomorrow I’ll want to tell you a lot of other things as well. I don’t want “work” to stack up. (02:23 (AM)…) [Also, YES, I use “, and”. Never when I list only two things(, though!). It’s for pronounciation and oversight reasons. And when it comes to punctiation, I’m breaking hella rules too. I like it that way. I do it consciously. I know EXACTLY what rules I break. (Dumb flehs telling me I’m a bad writer or telling me I don’t possess a language, for breaking “style rules”……. I stopped using formal language when talking to my professor(s) in an “after class” [“oh boohoo, it’s “lecture”] setting…)]

Good night, my cuddle
I love you so much
-xxx-

PS: I can’t find the part where I mentioned what the length of my lines would be, if I would make less compound sentences [the editor I’m using doesn’t have a ctrl + f (find) function. I say ctrl + f, because that’s what I thought, but I’m actually using my phone to write this. (It also doesn’t have spelling and grammar check. And I don’t want “Grammarly” (I keep coming across this ad…)…))]. But: “If I would write non-compound sentences, the book would have been at least three times as thick and it would have taken three times as much time to write it. That was time I didn’t have, at that time. For episode 0, “I’ll go less compound”, because it will be the “paradepaardje” [*opens “mijnwoordenboek.nl” for a proper translation* (I need example sentences for the context. Google Translate doesn’t have that…)… So I always go to “mijnwoordenboek” [= “mydictionary” (but “yourdictionary” is my fave English online dictionary, by the way… Boiii I have spent DAYS reading example sentences for improving my writing and because it’s better than most books that are released today, when it comes to content and style of writing… I don’t know who has written/selected those, but that person/those people is/are most def my #1 author of all time… After him/her/them, a long list of authors from Antiquity follows…(*drops mic*))] via Google, because that saves typing and waiting for the page to load (most of all). I usually end up on mijnwoordenboek, but this time, I didn’t need a context [of course, the word is so unique and thus already context-specific], Google already showed only one translation and mijnwoordenboek didn’t even have the word in it. It’s)] (showpiece) of Project Nosce Te Ipsum and shallow judgmental people who don’t like using their brains because they’re dumb, need to know they should shut the fuck up and keep their hands off my project… They won’t read this… Unless someone “leaks it” saying “ooooh Lil Fangs is bad and dangerous”. HA! YES! To their corrupt, creepy, disgusting, unnecessarily powerful position, I am!!!

Damn. It’s 02:36 (AM) now.
Okay, now it’s 02:54 (AM). This is what I meant by starting a new paragraph without having finished the previous one. I did finish all of the last paragraph, I think. (Looking back takes too much time…) [Wow. That should be a quote. “Looking back takes too much time.” – Lil Fangs. I SAID IT FIRSTTT! For sureeee. [Since “not putting way too much effort in adjusting your work until it fits the same boring standard as everything else ever published” is “bad”… Bad Fangs… *puts hand in front of mouth and looks fake surprised/guilty*] Looking back in time, thinking about past(-)time, is wasted time, because you want to move and are focused on moving forward.] So I wanted to say something about the time… Yeah, my alarm goes off at 08:40. Luckily I can sleep on the plane (if I finish making my daily/weekly schedule for starting “Fangs”, at the library I’m going to tomorrow, after having checked out).

I’m going to send this update to Jean, and then catch some Z’s. [By not using “, and” when listing two things, I mean, I don’t say: “These are apples, and pears.” This “, and” was a “pronunciation reason”… It’s “pronunciation” and not “pronounciation” isn’t it…?]

xxx
(03:06 (AM))

PPS: *yesterday’s reason number 2* (I don’t remember how I formulated it, but I haven’t explained all of it yet, acually)… Oh, yes, I remember: my future looks brighter than ever, because I now see the moment I can truly “sit back and relax”, and watch the numbers grow, while focusing on only innovation of what I already made [okay, or be stressed out because the numbers don’t grow (flehs always mention this), but then, still…], because I now have my business construction. There will be a moment, when I say “we’re open now” (during a “launch party”… (for one…?) I’ve calculated the moment when I’m going to buy my followers… So at least “I’ll go viral” (either only to myself, or you’ll actually see my page go “viral”)) and I’ll officially be done with all the preparations of doing official business. I’ll have a “routine” (but a historically creative one), that won’t require as much stress and effort as now. Liée!

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Drafts, Recipes

Pasta: higher budget

When I spent two days with basically no food, I thought of what I would make if I would have an infinite budget and an infinite set of ingredients to choose from. I was still thinking of making something that is prepared quickly, so I thought of this:

Pasta with grilled salmon and white asperges, with butter sauce with thyme and lime. (I’ve made a lot of pasta lately. That’s because, before that, I was eating a lot of rice. I have a library of rice dishes, like I have a library of pasta dishes.)

When I’m out there, I’ll re-write this draft and film myself preparing the dish.

Blog, Drafts, Recipes

Pasta: fast & low budget (vegetarian)

This was by far the fastest dish I’ve ever made.

I used:
Pasta
Grated cheese (a lot)
An union
Tomatoes (a lot, I used 5, but this is not “for one day”)
“Sea salt with Mediterranean herbs” (the mixture I’m using also has a hint of red pepper in it)
Unsalted butter

If you’re on a budget, like I was, when I came up with and cooked this, this is a very tasty and financially strategic dish. For $16 I bought everything new, at the Publix supermarket (I also bought chewing gum). (This is a relatively expensive supermarket. You could get these things for even less.)
Since I’ll be here in Miami for only one more day, and I have no other groceries here, I’m going to eat the same thing tomorrow.

While the water for the pasta was getting heated up, I cut the onion and tomatoes. I started to boil the pasta. In a separare large frying pan, I fried the union in butter and added a little of the spice mix to it. When the unions “became see-through” (not literally), I added the tomatoes. Add some spice. When the tomatoes start losing their shape, add the pasta. (Add spice again.) Let the mixture cook for a while. (I like every taste of my food to be in the foreground. But I don’t add that crazy much every time. I think it’s because they’re not fresh herbs, that the taste isn’t that strong, so you need more. It still tasted really nice, though. (Way nicer than I expected.)) When the pasta is al dente (add a little bit of water and let it evaporate, if it isn’t), stir in the cheese. (They only had these big bags of grated cheese at the supermarket. (They’re big compared to Dutch standards. There were even bigger bags…)) The amount of cheese I used is enough to call it “mac and cheese with tomatoes and Mediterranean herbs”. (Even though, “normally” (it’s not that often) when I make mac and cheese, I add creme fraiche and garlic to the mixture.)

Eet smakelijk :]

Since I was cooking for only one person, from all the tomato mixture I made (I used about five large tomatoes. The union I bought was so big, compared to Dutch standards) I only used half to add the pasta and cheese to. The other half, I put aside to cool, to refrigerate and use tomorrow.

Tomorrow, I’ll boil the rest of the bag of pasta I have, heat up the tomato mixture, add the pasta, drained, and add the cheese to it. An even faster version than today’s. You could also put the mixture in the freezer, in case you have a day on which you don’t feel like cooking, but still want to eat home cooked food, or you want to save up (again). Or both, hehe.

Because I don’t have olive oil and salt here (I checked into this kitchenette hotel room today), I stirred the pasta (I used rigatone, but you could use any type of pasta with this mixture) while it was cooking and added a cube of butter, after draining it, to prevent it from sticking.

Blog, Online Diary

The Turning Point (Of No Return): Monday, June 4, 2018

16:37 (04:37 PM)
Hey sweetie,
How are you?

I feel SOOO GOOOOD today! I haven’t felt this uplifting feeling of inner peace and happiness for so long… My future looks brighter than ever.

So I was basically stuck in Miami, struggling to find a next step that gets me closer to my final goal (a historically big one…). At some moments, just giving up would have been so much easier. But I could never settle for that.

I’m giving you this tiny summary of the last two weeks of my life, because I consider this day a new starting point in my life. (I succeeded  in achieving that one thing I came to do here: starting over.) After this, I’ll tell you why this is a new starting point and why my future looks brighter than ever.

With this new starting point, I wonder what I should do with all of my old material. I want my audience to believe in me. I want to be a leader. We all know moments of “less cheered on emotions” [I don’t say weakness, because we’re not weak], such as sadness, frustration, disappointment and anger. In my previous material, I’ve shown you all of mine. In my videos, books and posts, I talk about my fears, when it comes to the safety of (what is left of) my status, my frustration when it comes to not being heard in my past, and many other things. I wanted to show this, because I want to show you all of my reality. I want to be the first one who describes personal emotions with so much detail and realism. But now that I want to start on doing business, and I want to get to the top with it, I wonder: should I delete all of my previous posts, delete all of my videos and re-write the first two episodes, to, from now on, make this “chiseled business impression” on you, like everyone does? (To play it safe…) Or should I keep things as they are, risking a lot of negative judgment for my previous material?

I don’t know what it’s like to read this from someone else’s perspective. This is a question only my audience can answer. … I know only two people keep up with my blog… Or at least, only two people have told me that they read/have read it. (Are more people reading it¿) So I think the best thing to do now, is to ask them what I should do. Should I keep my old material (but archive it separately?), or should I delete it?

01:33 (AM) [I always start a “new day” post, after I’ve slept. I still have to go to sleep, so I consider this moment as still Monday.]
I have a long checklist of things to do tomorrow (including some relaxation. Something I haven’t had in a while). Then I’ll tell you about my new insights.

After I wrote that part of the post, I was busy looking for plane tickets and a place to stay, with my mother, and I was talking on the phone with Jean about my blog and a lot of other different topics. While on the phone, I was walking to the supermarket. It was about 25 minutes walking. I had to stop at a gas station, before I got there, because the thunder and rain were so heavy I could barely look through my glasses. The bad weather didn’t last that long at all, though. (I’m used to Dutch weather…)

When I was almost at the grocery store, my phone battery was at 1%. I seized a moment to memorize some street names. I did my grocery shopping (ended up donating $1 (yeah, I paid $17… (reference to “today’s” dish)) because I would feel bad for saying “no”)) and made my way back with so much ease. It felt so much faster than when I walked to the supermarket.

Back at the hotel, my clothes were so wet, and all of my other clothes are dirty (I’ll be hand washing them tomorrow morning), I decided to cook wearing only my panties. I’ve never done that before, but it felt so “free”! I was listening to music in the meantime. Also, I felt like showering, but was also hungry, so, “to be more efficient”, I decided to eat dinner while taking a bath. Another fun experience. It would have been more fun if I weren’t alone, though. Does this sound crazy to you? (I know some judgmental people will say “Oh boyy this is soo wrong omgg blah blah”. Ugh.)

After months, I’d taken the initiative to watch some TV. I felt like relaxing some more. I found Adult Swim. Basically the only channel I can watch without cringing too much (together with Cartoon Network). [I need FangTV…]

I cleaned the kitchen. (Had to go “downstairs” (that’s what it feels like, to me, here) to ask for a container for my left over tomato mixture, a water boiler and some form of soap to do the dishes with (either for handwash or the dishwasher). This cute guy in the elevator called me cute. His name is Frank. (I really lost my game when it comes to having first time conversations, but I will be back…)) I’m about to go to sleep. I just wanted to write this down, because I want to remember what I’ve done every day. The concepts I mentioned earlier, the concepts I want to tell you about, still remain “alive” tomorrow, so that isn’t really that “day-specific”. Even though this day is a special day. Because now I know I’ll safeguard my future. The strategy I have now, consists of SO MANY sub-strategies, it must be bulletproof. That’s the one thing I’ve kept my mind occupied with, since the moment I realized I was able to reason with an inner voice: a bulletproof strategy to achieve all of my goals comfortably. It’s such a large concept, I’m going to postpone telling you about it. I still want to go to sleep before the sun comes up… (That’s also why I postponed telling you about all of Nosce Te Ipsum. But that will be over, too, thanks to this strategy!)

So I’m going to bed. I hope your day was at least just as good as mine.
Good night <3 -xxx-

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Sunday, June 3, 2018

15:58 (04:58 PM)
Hey

What is the most fun thing you have ever done?


I still haven’t eaten anything today. Yesterday I had 3 slices of bread, one with strawberry jam, one with orange marmelade and one with butter, a cinnamon roll and three cups of ramen noodles. They’re all things I actually don’t want to consume, because they have no nutritional value. But with the hunger I had, I had no choice.

I basically can’t pay for food today. It’s crazy how two summers ago, I was feeling such intense inner peace on Nassau, and now I’ll, from tomorrow, not have a bed to sleep in anymore.

In my “normal social environment”, people call me boring and crazy, because I don’t propose to go to parties or other places anymore. I don’t tell them that I have done all these things 1000 times already, and it’s not fun to me anymore. Especially not because they call me crazy and treat me differently. If I can’t do my project, or at least be with people who respect me, I don’t want to live anymore. I don’t even know why I keep posting these updates. No one reads them. I don’t “praise” them that much, because in every post you see my sadness, while I’m actually a happy and energetic person. There’s no way I’m going to go back to the Netherlands and there’s no way I’m going to be homeless with a 20kg suitcase.

I’ve been contemplating ways to end my life. What makes it hard is that I must succeed at once. I can’t pay for being in a hospital and I don’t want to be in a hospital. I don’t want to survive and have lost my cognitive abilities, physical functions or something else. I need to do this before 11 AM tomorrow, though. Because I will be so sad after having to check out and not having a place to go to. I don’t want to experience that pain I’ll feel.

I don’t even know why I’m sharing this. Because this leaves a very wrong impression. If someone would give me a challenge, a purposeful challenge, I wouldn’t have had these feelings at all. I should keep these feelings to myself, but if I’m gone tomorrow, these flehs will know that it was planned. I don’t ever want to see them again, and it seems like suicide and not Nosce Te Ipsum is my way to achieve this. I’m so sad right now, but I can’t cry.

I don’t even feel that bad about being hungry anymore. I don’t want to feel mad about you knowing about this, but not even telling me why you’re not doing anything. If you’re done with me, at least let me know. Because then I won’t feel this slight “maybe I should stay”-emotion. Going with “maybe I should stay” means extending my suffering, because whatever it is I do, I stay alone.

I don’t want to do this anymore. Fuck everyone calling me weak for having suicidal thoughts. I can’t help that you have no ambitions, don’t know what it’s like to live to leave a legacy behind, have no sense of empathy and can settle for a meaningless fate.

You live to pay your bills. And spend your free time doing things that fit the same image. “A lot of laughing and smiling, then it’s good and worth memorizing.” If you’re happy with that, that’s fine. I really mean that. Of course! Why would I want to improve it, if it’s already enough for you?

But for myself, I don’t want to live in a routine that now is the same as it will be in 60 years. I don’t know how to do this… I don’t want the hotel staff to notice either… I’m afraid they’ll get me stuck in the same system, if I catch their attention too much…

There’s a pool here. I’d love to just swim, but I want to be alone. I’m also too weak to swim right now, in the sense that I’ll faint, because I need to eat.

I want to do something fun, actually. But I’m too broke and too alone. Being in this room with closed curtains and broken airconditioning is so depressing. If I check out tomorrow and find another place to go to (because, yes, I have $100 to spend until June 22, so I could now book a hostel bed), I would still be so lonely and worried about being able to pay for things. (A job can’t change that, since I only have my high school diploma.)

Why? Just tell me why. I’ll try to change it, unless you don’t want me to. I’ve left the Netherlands, because I want to be with you. You know this. But still I’m so lonely. Why don’t you say that it’s my fate to just die, then? I’m just stuck with all these questions I can’t answer, now. But answering them could be so easy. Why can’t you/don’t you reach out to me? Am I too sad? You would change that, if you’d just not ignore me anymore…

19:53 (07:53 PM)
A part of me tells me to delete everything I’ve published. A part of me tells me I should leave everything as it is. Everyone knows ups and downs. We are taught to hide our downs, but I want to show you mine. I’m not ashamed of them. (I’m just a bit afraid they’ll keep getting worse.)

I can’t give up on getting a chance to be with you. It’s the reason I’m still alive. It’s what keeps me going, even though I’m still stuck with so many questions…

So not one ATM gives out bills of 10 dollar… The only thing I could buy with my ICS card is the $1.69 BK deal for 10 spicy nuggets.

I’ve realized what my way out of this is, though. In that way, I won’t have to live from day by day, I “buy more time” to get myself out there and I might get the chance to make new friends. This is not the first time it crossed my mind. I just didn’t want to ask for a favor…

02:36 (AM)
I have to plan my next move so carefully…

Videos

Nosce Te Ipsum I, Episode II

This is another episode that was deleted… This is not entirely how the project “will go down”. It’s now less “risqué” haha. (Unless you prefer this…)

By “predicted outcome”, I actually meant “hypothesis”.

Blog, Online Diary

Saturday, June 2, 2018

13:23 (01:23 PM)
Hii
How are you?

I’m in the hotel lobby of the hotel I checked out of at 11:30 (because I had to), waiting for the airport shuttle.

I’m uploading the video I made last night, while updating the D.O.C.I.S. International website.

I saw the deposit I made on my prepaid creditcard isn’t transferred yet… It must be transferred today, otherwise I won’t be able to check in at the next hotel… I really hope I’ll get it in time :[.

What I’ll be doing today – either way – is:
* Uploading the video
* Making an episode 2 page
* Editing the episode 1 page
* Posting the video on my social media

And then hope for a miracle…

01:03 (AM)
Since I’ll have to live from about $10 until Monday, I decided to skip lunch and dinner today, but eat the cups of ramen noodles I bought when I was at the previous hotel…

I really want this to change… I’m not going to be doing this all summer… Almost run out of money, then last minute still find away to move around some savings or whatever, then last minute book another hotel room, I can’t book for longer than two days, then spend 2 days being stressed out, trying to find a way to alter my life, then have a last minute semi-life saving impulse on the day I have to check out… (And then the cycle starts over.)

Earlier today, I ended up telling my mother where I am. I think, in the past year, or maybe even in the past few years, she has been adapting herself to my father, and that’s the reason she’s so hurtful sometimes. I don’t think it’s in her nature. Especially because my grandfather raised her. She proposed to visit me here. I don’t want her to see me in these circumstances, which is why I haven’t responded to the message yet.

In my dream case, I would tell her, tomorrow, that I can’t see her yet, because I need to hide, because of the court case we’re preparing. I’m actually not ready to see her yet, because my body needs to “un-pain” and I need a better status.

I’ve had to endure so much pain in the last few years, my body already gives me “here comes pain”-signals, before they (a long list of people) have opened their mouths. I need to adjust myself, in the sense that I need to learn to trust people in such a way, that I can have a conversation with them, without expecting to get hurt. I still keep most of my thoughts to myself nowadays, but I want to change that. I want those pain signals to be gone.

I need a better status, in the sense that I need a large group of people to openly (long story…) believe in my projects, and bring my projects to life. Then I won’t have to endure conversations anymore, where all of my mistakes are brought to the foreground, and I get the advice: “Stop working on these projects. Just find a regular job,” because my projects “still haven’t worked out yet”. That advice hurts me so much, because I then tend to defend my project and say why it still has potential, and that person then still defends why I’ll fail. If I’d just be working on my project, that topic of conversation wouldn’t be there. I wouldn’t be looked at “in the context of failure” in the first place. Here, in this city, people don’t know the false “viral loser story” about me. (I think…) (But that might change, if I become “the homeless tourist”… I’m definitely not going to do that… Staying outside.)
Like I said in the Episode II video, if I can’t work on altering the general perception of life to the idea of Nosce Te Ipsum, my life has no purpose. I can’t be happy working a routine job, knowing that I could have exactly changed that standard in life. If I would have a basic job, it doesn’t matter if I come home tomorrow or in 20 years, my “private life” routine would be just as similar every day and meaningless as the job I would have. I can’t do that. I want to work for my money, of course, but I want to challenge myself. I prefer suicide over an empty routine.

I say “that we have to hide because of the court case we’re planning”, because I actually want that to happen in real life. If you would see this video and share it with your audience (with some positive thoughts added), the project would have a huge audience in no time. Then, I would be seen as an actual target of equal power, to those corrupt people at the top. I like a challenge. I like this form of danger (because I’m good at being a step ahead, when strategically reasoning). And I’m indifferent between being dead or working 9 – 5, so I don’t mind taking this risk. It’s for a very good cause.

I’m so hungry already, but I have to fall asleep. Tomorrow I’ll buy a pizza and divide that over my day. Then, I’ll have enough food on my stomach to swim, I think. Ohhh wait… This pizza place opens at 4… Maybe I can score a cheap salad somewhere…? Fleh. I just want to be able to cook. I miss my own food.

I hope these sad feelings will be gone soon. That’s only possible with your support…

I’m going to sleep.
Good night, my love

-xxx-

Online Diary

Friday, June 1, 2018

20:18 (08:18 PM)
Hey <3 How's your day? What are your plans for this Friday night? I’ve been busy all day… I’m still busy, actually. I’m about to record a video on NTI’s second episode. I made “a drawing” for it. First I wrote from right to left, but when I tried to test how it would look on camera, I noticed the viewer would see the text backwards. I could  have decided to flip the image with the video editor, but for some reason, I just really don’t like looking at a video in mirror image. So I wrote the new text backwards (and used symbols to save a little bit of time (and try to keep the attention of a semi-larger audience…)). It also helps me “start the conversation” with a little more ease. I seriously need protection after telling you one of the (main) goals of this project, concerning gun violence…

Blog, Nosce Te Ipsum

Table Of Theses Topics Covered In Nosce Te Ipsum III

Subject Thesis subject
(Fangyist) History »       Keeping Planet Fang’s history up-to-date

»       Correcting for the asynchrony in international history (People contributing to S.I.P.O. tell me what they know about international history, A.I. reads it and categorizes it.)

»       Nosce te Ipsum

»       A male first lady

»       The solution to war

»       Fangyist import duties

(International) Business »       D.O.C.I.S. international

»       Charity (Nosce te Ipsum) [the trade agreements]

»       Planet Fang (embassy/“fun house”)

»       Supermarket

»       The government as a business

»       Auctioning art

»       (Re-)allocating assets and turning it into valuta

»       Businesses as part of the government

»       Fangyist import duties

»       Air Fang

»       The D.O.C.I.S. International Network

»       Daniëlle Crutzen human stock

»       The Planet Fang (Cuddle) Card

(International) Economics »       Ever-growing stock

»       Human stock

»       Evolutionary economics

»       New valuta

»       Nosce te Ipsum

»       Auctioning art (for stock)

»       The U.S.H.R.

»       (Re-)allocating assets and turning it into valuta

»       Businesses as part of the government

»       Fangyist import duties

»       Taxating art

»       Daniëlle Crutzen human stock (D.I. personal tax a.d.h.v. zelf bepaalde koopkracht (S.I.P.O. uitgavenpatroon))

(International) Law »       The Nosce te Ipsum court case

»       D.O.C.I.S. International contracting

»       Planet Fang Law (all natural drugs are legal)

»       The U.S.H.R.

(International) Politics »       Planet Fang

»       The life of a propagandist president

»       Changing the news (the muse president)

»       The solution to war

»       A male first lady

»       The U.S.H.R.

»       Businesses as part of the government

»       Fangyist import duties (remember we’re a corporate island… (except the outer ring?))

»       Air Fang (a bathtub in a plane? With fishes?)

»       Running a country (het aantal Cuddle stadstaten is gelijk aan het aantal overige continenten (Europa (etc.) in The First Ring (Caribische Eilanden (Cuddle, Planet Fang (D.O.C.I.S. International’s Corporate Island) in The First Ring))))

(Mass) Technology »       Mobile gaming console

»       FangPen (with text-to-speech, writing-to-text, painting-to-image)

»       Trading aid (monthly/weekly/daily coaching based on your income etc.)

»       An entertainment application

»       Games

»       The Docis International website

»       Nosce te Ipsum

»       Air Fang

»       Scorpio as cross-platform programming language (phone-to-gaming-console etc.)

»       A laptop or phone with two touch screens (the “mood ring” on the back of your screen with the touch screen off when you’re holding your phone in your hand (Pocket Hologram, HoloTV (touch screen afstandsbediening/”wii console” (“Neem je afstandsbediening mee. Het is je telefoon. Wow.”))))

»       Music Production Programming (The HoloLap has a DJ panel app)

»       Special fingerprint touch screen pen

Architecture and Real Estate »       The Cuddle Palace

»       Cuddle (the capitol of Planet Fang)

»       The rest of Planet Fang

»       Compounds

»       Embassy/fun houses

»       Research centers

Artificial Intelligence »       The Suit

»       The Glasses

»       The Wig

»       Holo Docises

»       W.T.F. is happening to my brain

Athleticism »       100m sprint

»       Basketball

»       (Pole) dancing

»       Tennis

»       Dans-turnen

Crisis Management »       Evacuating Planet Fang

»       The Water-Ramp

»       No weapons as a threat

Culture »       Genealogy

»       Cuddle Culture

»       Amical abstinence

Design »       Vehicles (a car, a motorcycle (Grind), the FangShip (presidential boat (for all Cuddles)))

»       Clothing

»       Cosmetics

»       Art (taxating, making)

»       Furniture etc.

»       The Water-Ramp

»       De Onderzeeër (“by spaceship”, in Cuddle)

»       (Deodorant, (washing machine) soap, perfume, etc.) scents (one named “outer space”)

Ecology »       The Water-Filter

»       The solution to war

»       Cuddle Park (The start of building Planet Fang)

»       Shipping animals

»       The Planet Fang Royal Gardens

Engineering »       The Slide

»       The under-water roller coaster

»       Submarines

»       The Water-Filter

»       The Water-Ramp

Entertainment »       Performing music

»       Composing

»       TV (channel + cartoon + presenting the news)

»       Movie producing

»       Acting

»       Poetry (Latin)

»       (Creative) writing

»       Nosce te Ipsum

Fangyism (Propaganda) »       Ever-growing stock

»       Acknowledging the international government

»       The life of a propagandist president

»       The solution to war

»       Evolutionary economics

»       Changing the news (the muse president)

»       A modernized think-tank

»       Spin through rumors

»       Re-illuminati religion

»       Campaigning in 2018

»       Nosce te Ipsum

»       Snitchig (and stigma) [fake concepts]

»       A male first lady (also about courtship)

»       New education (The School of Propagandists)

»       The U.S.H.R.

»       Fangyist import duties

»       Subliminal messaging

»       The Pressure Group (NTI I)

»       The New Narrative (NTI III, my thesis. Also known as The Fangyist Constitution. NTI #1 is me changing my name, my biography and creating Planet Fang and its future.)

»       NTI II

»       NTI III

»       S.I.P.O.

»       Versax Time (als erkenning van intelligentie)

»       PR with numbers (Identity Branding using the U.S.H.R.)

»       The U.S.H.R. 100 digit code

Food (and cooking) »       Additive free, biological halal food for mass production

»       Becoming a Docis-Crutzen reseller

»       THC active food and drinks

»       Embassy restaurants (food pallettes)

»       Fangyist import duties

Linguistics »       A U.S.H.R. dictionary (originating from Latin)

»       Making up new (international) words

»       The Suit

»       The Wig

»       Cuddle Culture (speaking Cuddle)

Mathematics »       Nosce te Ipsum

»       I love diversity (the future)

»       The U.S.H.R.

»       Subject layers

»       S.I.P.O.

»       A.I. stuff

»       Engineering stuff

Medicine »       Natural medicine

»       How nymphomania has a hold on your life

Neuroscience »       W.T.F. is happening to my brain

»       The Wig

»       The Suit

»       Subliminal messaging

Psychology »       Finding yourself (Re-illuminati rituals)

»       A new cure to mental illnesses

»       Subliminal messaging (N.L.P 2.0)

»       My biography (NTI #1)

»       Nymphomania

Retail/Export »       Farming (to-home)

»       Lifestyle collection

»       Charity (Nosce te Ipsum)

»       Importing everyone’s wish lists

»       The embassy as local export location

»       Becoming a Docis-Crutzen reseller

»       Fangyist import duties

Statistics »       Nosce te Ipsum

»       I love diversity (the future)

»       The U.S.H.R.

»       Subject layers

»       S.I.P.O.

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