Monthly Archives

February 2019

MacroFangs, Nosce Te Ipsum, Popular Posts

Looking at Markets Differently [Keynes: Part 1]

We were all born into a world that was already shaped, before we got here. We didn’t have to figure everything out from scratch. Language and the monetary system, for example, were already here, before we got here. Our predecessors have left us the knowledge their legacies were based on, which we learn in our education programs, to keep the world spinning.

They have introduced us to a way to interpret life, which has held up for decades. Even though some of their concepts have even evolved into far more modern ones, the foundation has not changed. That it lasts for so long, shows that it’s a pretty solid construction. But should we go on like this forever?

Our environment is fragile. More fragile than our system treats it, with its “unstoppable” emission and scaling. Quick radical change is inevitable. That’s how I see it.

In the MacroFangs series, I explain the concept of the alternative economic system I have in mind, while discussing one of the fundaments of our current economic system. It’s an economic shift, which starts with a shift in economic interpretation.

For Whom is This Written?

To explain the economic shift I want to cause with D.O.C.I.S. International, I’ll use another change in economic interpretation, as my starting point. In The General Theory of Employment, Interest and Money, originally published in 1936, economist John Maynard Keynes, the founder of Keynesian economics, sheds new light on classical economics (Keynes 2017). The philosophy that was introduced in this masterpiece of him, is still taught in schools worldwide, today. It’s part of the foundation that determines how we perceive economics.

The General Theory of Employment, Interest and Money, was published to start a discussion about whether to accept or deny Keynes’ alternative view, meant as a way to settle difficulties of theory (Keynes 2017, pp. 3-5). The build-up of it and its content, will be the guideline of my explanation. It was addressed to other economists. About the involvement of the public, he said the following:

“At this stage of the argument, the general public, though welcome at the debate, are only eavesdroppers at an attempt by an economist to bring to an issue the deep divergences of opinion between fellow economists which have for the time being almost destroyed the practical influence of economic theory, and will, until they are resolved, continue to do so.”

(Keynes 2017, p. 3)

Having a Voice

Today, the general public has a louder voice than in the past. (Via the (social) media) it demands to be fully informed of any reforms or “big happenings”. I think that if there were a revolutionary debate going on that includes serious global action, they will surely want to know the ins and outs of the means of it and how it will influence their own living. But still, even today, I think he’s right about leaving the real discussion to those who really know economics, who are the authorities in this debate. If we’re discussing the Fangyist system, I hope I may be the chairwoman, though.

I’m not an economist. I’m a Fangyist. And I, too, want to start a serious large-scale intercontinental debate about the implementation of the system I want to introduce. A bit similar to Keynes’ revolutionary endeavor. “The general public”, however, of which I make part, in this context, should definitely be involved in my debate!

Just like there were disagreements between economists when Keynes wrote his gem, there seem to be disagreements between economists today. Currently, there’s a New-Keynesian movement and a New Classical movement (Keynes 2017, p.3; Preceden sine die). I hope that I can get both of them to agree to one thing: the Fangyist system works.

This is written for everyone. Literally everyone. I try to explain everything as simple as I can.

I just indirectly discussed the preface of The General Theory of Employment, Interest and Money with you. In the rest of the paragraphs of this article, we’ll discuss the first book of this magnum opus, called “Introduction”, and the principles of the Fangyist system. It has six books in total, so this (ini)mini series consists of six articles.

As I mentioned earlier: I’m not an economist. I hope you’ll learn something from the economic knowledge I state here. If you’re an expert: I would sooo love to hear your opinion(s) about my interpretation. Do you agree/disagree? I hope you’ll sign up for my website and join the discussion. May it evolve to something beyond this blog. I hope I’ll interview Graeynissis about this and other aspects of Project Nosce Te Ipsum, one day ๐Ÿ™‚ .

Trippy Postulates

Karl Marx was the first to speak of “the classical economists”, by which he meant David Ricardo, James Mill and their ancestors. Popular followers of “the classical school” are John Stuart Mill, Alfred Marshall, Francis Ysidro Edgeworth and “Professor Pigou”, to which Keynes often refers in his The General Theory. Before he changed his mind, he was a follower of the classical school as well (Keynes 2017).

The way the postulates of classical economics are interpreted, can have disastrous consequences, he says (Keynes 2017). I think he has this view because of what he has experienced after “The Roaring Twenties”. The classical school had no official justification for the sudden decrease in production and historic unemployment rates during the Great Depression. It was something their postulates didn’t hold up against.

Keynes defined the postulates of the classical theory of employment like this:

“1. The wage is equal to the marginal product of labour.”
(Keynes 2017, p. 11)

[Please don’t forget that he considered the postulates incorrect and that I fully agree with his reasons why]

In other words: the salary of the employee, is the value of the amount of product(s)/service(s) a single employee delivers. Basically that means that the employer pays you a salary worth a laptop, for example, and you earn him or her a laptop’s price worth in the company’s product(s)/service(s), in exchange. Right after mentioning the first postulate, he wrote that this is only so when there is fully equal pay (Keynes 2017).

During the Great Depression, salaries for the same jobs were lower than they were in the years before. Employers were struggling after the crisis that followed after the stock market crashed in 1929. (Also regular [(marketed) trading for consumers isn’t new]) people lost the savings they invested into shares (and back then it was normal for investors to borrow money to buy stock), so they consumed a lot less. That made companies earn less, so they weren’t able to pay their employees as “comfortably” as they used to. The Great Depression came with great insecurity (History 2009).

Fair Finance

I hope that today, it’s not acceptable anymore to lend money to invest. Especially not for digital currencies… Personally, even though part of what I currently offer is e-books – though in the future this won’t be my main product at all – I think that giving things that are digital a monetary value, is something that is in great conflict with the fragility of nature. Because if the internet didn’t exist – the internet is not a direct product of nature – all of this extra value wouldn’t exist. It also wouldn’t be possible to spend the millions you’ve earned online, to buy products that require natural resources.

I believe that there should be two different types of money: one type of money to buy tangible/real-life things (and services), and one to buy intangible/digital things (and services). It’s included in the Fangyist system. Real Life Fangia & Digital Fangia seems like the right way to split our one Fangyist currency into two sub-currencies. But maybe splitting it into Tangible Fangia & Intangible Fangia, is even better for our environment. What do you prefer? Real Life Fangia (RLF) & Digital Fangia (DF), or Tangible Fangia (TF) & Intangible Fangia (IF)? When you receive a Fangyist salary, you may choose your own ratio. Fangia in general will be valued based on its comparison to the dollar, and the sub-currencies will be valued among Fangyists. The Fangyist system is a fully independent system.

The concept of wage will be completelyyyyy different from what we know today. I’ll get to that later. Let’s dive into the second (and last) postulate ๐Ÿ™‚ .

Who Wants To Work?

I don’t want to spend the rest of my life slaving 9 – 5, and I believe no one should be (indirectly) forced to do such thing. It’s such a literal waste of (life) time. But it has been deep-rooted in our evolution. The world is kept spinning by great percentages of its population sacrificing great amounts of their time, to, in the end, have done something a computer could do by now, and at the end of their lives, they have never had the opportunity to truly get to know themselves and exist and grow, in a manner that money doesn’t influence their decision making. It saddens me. I want to see a world where that freedom does exist. That’s what the Fangyist system values the most. Employment will include a lot more freedom, if I succeed.

The second postulate is something of which even Keynes’ alternative to it, is incomparable to what Fangyism could do to the concept of a job as we know it. The second postulate is stated like this:

“2. The utility of the wage when a given volume of labour is employed is equal to the marginal disutility of that amount of employment.”
(Keynes 2017, p. 11)

Marginal disutility means the financial “inconvenience” (for the business) of adding that unit of labor. In the case of the postulate, but not in reality during the Great Depression (and today), this means that if a salary is lower than what the employee wants, he or she won’t work. During the financial crisis in 1929, a lot of people settled for lower salaries, so that shows that the equilibrium stated in the postulate, is incorrect.

I think that in today’s society, there’s a great(er) mix between financial needs. Some have so much money that they don’t know how and where to spend it, so they need more (suitable) opportunities to spend, and some are, like in 1929, settling for lower incomes (and jobs that are “below” their level of expertise), because they can’t find a suitable job. Like so there are more extremes in needs. By extremes, in this context, I mean (the frequency of) individual options in the mix of financial needs.

The Fangyist system offers a perfect balance for all extremes. Not only because your basic income is based on your personality (addictions not included, if they are part of your personality): working 9 – 5 will be unprofitable for both you and me, because as many jobs as possible will be computerized! Based on your profile, you can be requested to complete certain assignments, only human intelligence can solve, when that is needed. That’s how flexible your work hours are. The rest of your extra income, is based on what you contribute to society individually. The Fangyist system is all about sustainability, as you might have noticed.

[Every time I say “I think”, please feel free to confirm or deny my statements ๐Ÿ™‚ . Of course, the same goes for everything else written here, but when I say “I think”, I’m not fully sure. Otherwise, I would state it as a fact.]

Bringing It All Together

In the classical doctrine, people assumed that “Supply creates its own Demand”. They spoke of profit, under the condition that the Aggregate Supply Function (Z) and the Aggregate Demand Function (D), were at equilibrium (Keynes 2017, p 27).

The aggregate supply price is the total paid for a certain amount of output, by a certain amount of employees. This translated to a function, looks like this:

Z = ฯ•(N)

Z means the aggregate supply price, and N means the amount of employees (Keynes 2017, p. 26).

The Aggregate Demand Function, displays how much revenue a business “will” make, with a certain amount of employees. Its function looks like this:

D = f(N)

Where D is the amount of revenue and N is the amount of employees. Thus the equilibrium for “classical” profit is:

ฯ•(N) = f(N)

So the prediction of profit was solely based on the amount of employees hired. That point Keynes called “the effective demand”, after which he stated a dozen reasons why that equilibrium and the assumption that “Supply creates its own Demand”, are incorrect (Keynes 2017, p. 27 – 34). He ends his explanation with this:

“It may well be that the classical theory represents the way in which we should like our Economy to behave. But to assume that it actually does so is to assume our difficulties away.”
(Keynes 2017, p. 34)

I consider that the sweet words of empathy, towards the classical economists that had to surrender to his (revolutionary) economic philosophy. If “Supply creates its own Demand”, and employment is all that matters, it would be normal to say: “I will make a profit when I have 40 employees.”

Maybe if you’re the only baker in a small deserted village, and you’re intuitively 100% certain that producing 100.000 breads is too much, it could make a little sense to base your profit on employment. (Assuming that the village won’t suddenly throw a “Project X”-style festival, where everyone wants bread.) But even then, employees shouldn’t get sick and be equally productive. It sounds crazy to my modern ears. If “Supply creates its own Demand”, I would have been a lot more successful already. (But I don’t mind, because all of this is just the beginning ๐Ÿ™‚ .)

In the modern doctrine, the expected profit is based on the amount of products manufactured/services delivered. Generally, we speak of profit when the marginal revenue is equal to the marginal cost [“MR = MC”]. That’s because then, the difference between total revenue and total cost is the greatest, so the most “extra revenue” (thus profit) is earned [“ฮ Q = TR – TC”] (Cartwright & Wallace 2016, pp. 301 – 344). It’s a lot better than the classical doctrine, I believe. But I also believe that it’s time to take the next step, and transition to a more evolutionary conviction.

We all know how wild markets can behave, and/or what bad publicity can do to the success of a business. Especially in this digital era: 10000 clients today and 500 tomorrow. (Or the other way around, of course! (That’s what you hear more often.)) No doctrine holds up against that unpredictability, currently. Marketing, public relations and the media, take over, where statistics and mathematics become limited, due to a non-algorithmic cause, I think.

I think “Supply creates its own Demand” is very incorrect. But I think that in today’s society, “Effective Marketing creates its own Demand” applies very well. And that includes the media’s comments on the stock market, which I perceive as indirect incentives given to the public, to buy or sell. Most success stories of a business are about marketing, and simultaneously the story itself is marketing. (Those stories do great at parties, if you can be touched by that sentiment.)

I believe that there are many reasons why “Effective Marketing creates its own Demand”, applies to the behavior of today’s consumer. With the way owning or wearing/using a brand can give someone a name. And free choice exists legally, but the options to choose from you are notified of, are determined by the advertising of the highest bidder and the algorithm based on your previous choices.

Consider demand something that is currently based on whether an individual likes the “look and feel” of a product or not, rather than what it’s actually made of (otherwise McDonalds wouldn’t exist). (And correct me if I’m truly wrong.) Production then (solely) depends on the conversion of the reach of quality advertising and indirect marketing. (I believe that that – including that I need much better graphics and audio – is the sole reason why I haven’t succeeded yet.) This is the market I’m a player in, and my intention is to shift it as a whole. It’s not what my former school book says, but I guess I’m looking at markets differently.

(R)evolution in this context

The goal of profit maximization exists in both the classical and the modern doctrine. Keynes has delivered a beautiful contribution to the improved definition of it, the way we know it today. But for the sake of our environment, I really think it’s time we start working for something else than ฮ Q = TR – TC.

I consider it my duty to direct the reform of the system on this planet, before I leave it. I hope you’re interested in joining the debate, and that you’ll sign up for my newsletter, so that I can keep in touch with you.

The next part of this series will be released after the release of the newest episode of the Nosce Te Ipsum series. The Hypothesis [Nosce Te Ipsum I, Book I, Episode 5], will be released on the 30th of March. Part 2 of MacroFangs about Keynes, will be released on April 15. (I secretly hope to be able to start the debate before having released the second part.)

Please tell your friends about this! ๐Ÿ˜€

I love you

– xxx – 

Reference list

Cartwright, E. and Frank, R. H. (2016), Microeconomics and Behaviour 2nd (European) ed, London: McGraw-Hill Education

History (2009), Great Depression History [online], History, [Viewed on February 28], Available from: [this is not an “official source”, but I think it’s true, what the page says. If you think it’s not and you see “the facts” differently, please let me know ๐Ÿ™‚ ]

Keynes, J.M. (2017), The General Theory of Employment, Interest & Money Wordsworth Editions Limited ed, Hertfordshire: Wordsworth Editions Limited

Preceden (sine die), History of Economics [online], Preceden, [Viewed on February 28], Available from: [again, this is not an “official source”, but I think it’s legit]

The featured image I found on, originally uploaded on

I chose this image, because I feel it resembles the destruction of the environment, that comes with the incentive of maximizing scale.
Blog, MacroFangs, Nosce Te Ipsum, Popular Posts

Introducing MacroFangs :D

For every subject field the to be established version of D.O.C.I.S. International touches on, I’ll be writing a (theoretical) blog series. The first one is called MacroFangs ๐Ÿ˜€ . This is part of Project Nosce Te Ipsum.

Such big fangs? Yes!

Usually, when a single business is analyzed, microeconomic theories are applied. But in this case, because of the intended size of operations, the types of services intended to be offered, and its to be established economical and legal individuality, macroeconomics will apply to this business concept as well ๐Ÿ˜€ .

To make sure that I use understandable language for my potential experts, and for the sake of feeding my common knowledge, as well as including educational elements in my blog posts, I want to let the theories that form the fundament of our current system, relive, and derive from there, with my writing, to explain the type of business I’m trying to establish.

The category of the publications is called MacroFangs, because, even though other fields of the subject of economics, such as finance (since within the Fangyist system – which is D.O.C.I.S. International in its economical and legal individuality – money will be valued differently) will be covered, too, the macroeconomical aspect of the business is the most unique feature of its concept.

We still have options. Everyone will understand.

When D.O.C.I.S. International is established properly, it can influence all cycles of the system, on its own, and, if everyone allows this, replace the current cycles with something more fair. Something more fair towards the individual and something more fair towards nature. If people choose to be (or stay) conservative, the concept can exist as a parallel, instead of as a replacement.

To explain the exact workings of the business concept, in a language that suits general – as in regardless of when and if the person reading it was educated – common knowledge, I’ll first define the theories my theories originate from, before I define the concept. Until now, I’ve defined the concept for myself, in non-official terms only I would understand, reasoning from the end result I’m working towards, back to what the world is like right now. MacroFangs will make it fully public.

For someone who is unfamiliar with what I’m exactly working towards, whether he or she is familiar with economic doctrines or not, to understand my theories for the official establishment of D.O.C.I.S. International, I’ll break it down, starting from how the world as we know it is built up (economically), to how I would shift it into something I consider a better, more fair way to govern life. I find it very important that those who decide to become a part of this, know the ins and outs of the alternative fulfilment of life I’m trying to establish. (And everything about who you’ll be working with ๐Ÿ™‚ . )

You could already get on board (pleaseeeeeeeee)

Currently, D.O.C.I.S. International is registered and findable as a publishing company. That’s only for correspondence purposes, while I further develop the concept, satisfy my hobby of writing, and will later very actively seek investors. My full-time search for investors and other types of supporters will start when I’m done writing the series, but, of course, you can reach out to me at any time. My e-mail address is and my phone number is +31618579724. You would be the greatest support, with an incomparable contribution to my personal history and the history of D.O.C.I.S. International, if you would reach out to me, before I start my very difficult search for someone who would want to take the time to process this. (My only source to find an investor is the internet…)

Your support would be a contribution to my personal history, because I’ve devoted my life to finding that one alternative indestructible business concept, which now needs confirmation from the specialists in the fields it touches on, and the (aggregate of) investment(s), which can set in motion the economic and legal individuality of D.O.C.I.S. International: that indestructible concept.

Economics before Law?

I speak of legal individuality. Legal independency might cover it better. That’s because of the types of law(s) that will apply to those who decide to transition to the Fangyist system. The legal side of D.O.C.I.S. International is the second part of this blog series, where the depths of that will be broken down. Economics is what the first part of the series is about: MacroFangs ๐Ÿ™‚ .

The series begin with economics and are followed by law. I want to tell you about how this world was built up. I’m not talking about its shape. The Big Bang Theory versus (or featuring(!)) religion will be part of the last part of the series.

In this case, and only in this case, for the sake of clarity, economics will be discussed before law. Because the actions that stem from economical incentives, are “tamed” by the law, is how I see it. And I think it’s more clear when the business concept is explained before I dive into its legal construction. So in that vision, it’s economics first and law second.

Noooooo. In any other case, I believe that law comes first, and finances and other aspects of choice come second. Otherwise we would be speaking of injustice, I believe.

I’ll start off my theoretical journey by analyzing The General Theory of Employment, Interest and Money, by John Maynard Keynes. The treasure of Keynesian economics.

For every chapter of the book, I’ll translate his theories and philosophy to my own words, and put them in perspective. I’ll reflect it to todays world, and to my concept for D.O.C.I.S. International. The first post about Keyneses analysis, will be published online, right here, on the 28th of February. If you would like to be reminded of that date, please sign up for my newsletter ๐Ÿ™‚ โ™ฅ.

If you keep up with the Nosce Te Ipsum book series, you’ll notice that some (theoretical) elements mentioned in this blog series, are and will be used there as well ๐Ÿ™‚ . (The newest episode thereof will be released on the 30th of March ๐Ÿ˜€ . )

I hope that one day, I’ll publicly interview (my) specialists about the topics that will be addressed in this series.

The featured image is made by Nizam Abdul Latheef, originally uploaded on

I chose the image, because what I want to do, is create a fully individual system, within the system, and the image shows an altered image of a city, within the image of the city, in a crystal ball.
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A More Reader-Friendly Approach, Saying What’s Next

I don’t want you to miss out on pieces of writing that you might enjoy. The titles of my diary posts don’t reveal its content. There’s an extensive range of types of content in (almost) every day, but the excerpt of its first 40 words does not reveal that at all!!

The focus was on the moment the text is written, instead of on what the text is about. A lot of passages of my diary could have been published as separate articles. It’s cool that I now have a written memory of part of my real-life experience, to reflect on, when I’m old, grey and successful. But after this impulsive realization, and the thoughts that went out to those who keep up with my blog, I quit adding new posts to the already high stack of diary posts immediately. So, from now on – especially because there’s quite a lot to read here – things on here will be categorized differently.

Instead of sharing real-time thoughts with you, I want to share more theoretical details of the process of establishing D.O.C.I.S. International (what is visible on its website is not the full business concept), far more open to different inputs. We’re starting off with The General Theory of Employment, Interest and Money, by John Maynard Keynes ๐Ÿ™‚ .

Writing a post about my interpretation of the theories of Keynes doesn’t go as fast as writing a diary post. That’s why it seems like I’m falling silent, while in actuality, we’ll be scrutinizing the economists words (e.a.) and I’ll translate it to what I want to do with D.O.C.I.S. International. I’m using “old school” theories, published decades ago, to base my theories on, because, even though the doctrines might be replaced by something more modern, they’ve still played a huge role in shaping this world. The posts that are coming up next will show how it all sticks together (literally and figuratively)! ๐Ÿ™‚

In short, the way I’ll tackle things is by separating posts about theories, strategies and feelings, instead of putting them all in one diary post. The theoretical posts (or its spin-offs about my philosophy) will be released at least once a week. Things about strategy will be released whenever one is pushed through. And my feelings I’ll only share in Ex Animo poems from now on, leaving out the details of those involved and their actions. 

Aside from the Project Nosce Te Ipsum page I’m also working on (it’s currently a visible draft), I’m going to stop with uploading drafts and then editing them online until they’re done (or never touch it again). I find it cool that I’ve showed how I work and that I do everything by myself, but not everyone might understand my process, or even wants to see it. So I’m going to act more like a regular blogger. I’m all about comfortable (and exciting) reading!!! And SEO and stuff… I’m also going to pay more attention to the SEO of my posts. My diary posts and drafts weren’t optimized at all, because they weren’t really showpieces of what I’m capable of.

In case the term SEO is new to you: SEO stands for Search Engine Optimization. It’s there to make sure a website and its content are well-indexed by search engines.

The coming few days, I’ll finish up the state of my websites, so that it will perfectly suit my (impulsive, but much better) approach for what I want to achieve. Simultaneously, I hope to find my source for a regular income – still on that job hunt – and to legally settle the painful issue with my family once and for all.

I hope you’ll love my new approach! (I hope that more people will regularly read my blog, because of this.) Please, sign up for the newsletter, so that I can engage you in my process more ๐Ÿ™‚ โ™ฅ .

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Fangs 2.0: The Diary’s Verdict

Something happens. I say nothing. 

Immediately, or after walking away, I take my phone in a grappling position. I don’t let it go until I’ve satisfied the thought of letting him/her, who keeps up with me, know what just crossed my mind. I want to show you that I’m like you. And that we’ll be much better off together. 

Hoping that the aggregate of posts will show a path to success. Hoping that the first and the last post, will show you two different people. The last better than the first. 

The path was layed out. Defined throughout my posts. The seal wasn’t there. I didn’t get it. The circular maze I was stuck in didn’t seem to have a way out. 

The diary became themed: “I’m trying to get myself out of something and I’m still stuck in it. These are the details of my thoughts, actions and feelings, as I’m stuck in it. One day, my blog will show my success, boosting yours.” Like a broken record. Where’s my Seal of Freedom? I didn’t get it. 

Until I realized that the quantity is too large for a simple overview. And that I should use the time I use(d) to vent in my diary, to continue to study the depths of the system I wish to change. So dearly… I’m my own independent Graeyniss. 

But I need other independent Graeynissis. My diary won’t keep them here. Hopefully my non-scholarly research project will… It’s the reason why I need your blessings. 

In this maze – The Maze of Life – so discombobulated. That state won’t make you bet on me. I’ll use your books to show you your way out. Mag ik nu een Cishe?

There will be a new theme: “I have no degrees and I’m still dusting off the classics of all disciplines, and I’m using them to design a new way to shepherd life. School doesn’t teach you that. School teaches you how to reproduce. Join my Fangyism, and we’ll be free. I’ll make it fun.”

That’s the definition of the perspective the feelings in my diary are based on: the stifling feeling that comes with the idea of staying stuck in this type of government forever. That’s my maze. 

Hoping that some eyes made of money will dust me off. Showing you why you should. Hoping that you will… I have 100 strategies and 1000 reasons why. That’s the conclusion of the path. 

That’s my way out. 

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Volta’s Plan B in Practice

Have you ever encountered setbacks, while you’re working towards something that lies very close to your heart? This method will get you back on track in no time! Volta’s Plan B is focused on recovery from setbacks and keeping you in control of your own path. In this post, I’m applying the method to my own life.

Consider the method in Volta‘s first part, the 1.0 version of the method. There are some postulates in the book, about which I would very much appreciate the feedback of those who have read the book. If they suit the perception of the marjority of readers, I’m a lot closer to finding The Universal Standard of Human Reasoning. Since I have no official subjects [yet? :D], to tell me if the method suits them or not, I’ll continue to use the method on myself, and share my findings with you. I hope that you’ll be able to relate to my words, and that the strategy I use, suits you as well.


Overviewing the Method

Plan A was a risk, which was worth the shot. Unfortunately, it didn’t work out. What I want to achieve in the end, doesn’t change, so I need to work out an alternative, to stay on track. For that, its crucial to keep an overview of the method I have decided on and swear by. So I drew Volta’s method as a diagram:

Diagram about Volta

Changing a life around has never looked so simple ๐Ÿ™‚

Of the three options that make “The Method”, only plan A and B should be defined from the start, but plan B only needs to be worked out in detail, when it’s needed. If plan A works out, having a fully worked out plan B is unnecessary. Also, I must say that I also find it very relaxing, to go back to the drawing table, and reflect on all of my Volta, before latching onto a new strategy. That’s another plus of plan B only being a short overall definition and an idea that only exists mentally. But choosing to define everything at once is, of course, good, too. The preferred approach depends per person.

A Volta is the shift from living a life that doesn’t fully satisfy you, towards a life that is fully satisfying to you, making you experience the ultimate form of happiness. An overview is created by stating short definitions of your current state, your desired state, your plan A and your plan B.

    • Current state
      I don’t have a fixed income. Because of that, I can’t afford my own place to work and live in. For my business to expand, I need to expand my network (with useful contacts… I aspire positive “macroeconomical influence”). To operate on that level, I need more multidisciplinary expertise and more capital.
    • Desired state
      I want to earn enough to provide myself with the comfort I desire. (Preferably, I’d like to move to California, but that doesn’t have to happen right away.) With my new expertise, my research can be finished, which I could use to find experts who would like to sponsor my work. I want to (acquire enough capital to) establish the brand of D.O.C.I.S. International, and find more publicists, with a campaign for the Nosce Te Ipsum collections. The business should become “The” [capital T!] holding for independent conceptualization in any field, with the intentions of improving the world for the greater good. Its end goal is constituting our own independent state (I’m talking about land and not the mind), in the future…
    • Preferred strategy
      Plan A was becoming the student of a properly ranked international university, but “tweaking” the curriculum into one where I can gain my multidisciplinary expertise (almost) straight from the expert, with a focus on my research endeavor. And prove my new knowledge by using it in additions to the Nosce Te Ipsum collections. The end result of that could have been used to market D.O.C.I.S. International And then marketing that entire process as well as the end result, for the accomplishment of my endeavors.
    • Plan B
      My new strategy will include working on payroll (full time), to afford my own place to live. On the side, I’ll follow a self-made study, writing and research schedule, to create a sample for the series and of my business, I could use to find (financial) supporters with, for D.O.C.I.S. International and Project Nosce Te Ipsum. I (somehow) also need to get in touch with influential experts.

Adjustments are made when complications are experienced during the execution of Plan B. That plan still has to be executed, so modifications will not be stated yet. I intend to shape my strategy in such a way that they won’t be needed.

Defining What Exactly Caused the Change of Strategy

The reason why I’m now switching to plan B, is very simple: plan A was only possible if the university accepted my offer, and my offer was rejected. I knew that I was taking a great risk, when I wrote my motivation letter so alternatively. I knew that I was not enthusiastic about becoming a regular student, and the acceptance of my research related alternative is all I would accept, and I was honest about that in my offer. Still, the rejection stung quite a bit, because I had that tiny bit of hope that the potential of my offer would have been seen. But it was written very abstractly, and not reviewed by that potential researcher I could have been working with, so now I’m back at being and staying fully independent.

Sure, I could have tried plan A on more than one university. Still, I only approached one university, because I knew of one (or maybe two or three) researcher(s) there, who already know some about what I’m working towards, and fully explaining everything from scratch would take soooo much time (which is also why the offer was written abstractly, and it included the name of my Graeyniss I wanted to continue working with). And I don’t like asking/begging and then being rejected. Especially not more than once. And especially not with something that lies so close to my heart. If it were a job hunt, I wouldn’t even care that much (but I still would care a little, though).

Why defining the painful reason why I’m switching from plan A to B is useful? Two reasons: now, some components that were part of “The Method”, will be stripped off and replaced, and it’s important that I now only ask things from external parties, when I reallyyyyy have to.

How to Bypass the Factors of Plan A and Stay on Track

Plan A may include as many external parties as desired, and in plan B, that should be kept to a minimum. Your first strategy may be anything. It may have the lowest chance of succeeding and may include the help of as many people as you want. In Plan B, you should play it safe and work as independently as possible. Click here for an example.

What I did before this, was wait for the acceptance or rejection of my offer, while releasing Volta and making some changes to my websites. The waiting was part of the plan. There was a small chance that I could be noticed by the university, so signing a contract for a full-time job, and then withdrawing from that in a few weeks’ time, because my offer was accepted (a 10% chance, if not less, but still…), is against my loyalty related morals.

Depending on a university for guidance in gaining expertise is off the table. Aside from my studies at The Open University, where I’m free to combine my personal endeavors with the process of obtaining a degree. The only reason why I still “want” to obtain a degree, is in case my business plans don’t work out and I need to live the rest of my life working on payroll.

The university was the only optional external party on my path, I could “ask for help”. To learn, I can also read a book by myself, so for that, the university is not a necessity. What has become hard, now that plan A is not possible, is that it has become much harder for me to build the right network. I hope that when I have amped-up my multidisciplinary levels of expertise, I’ll be able to attend serious Graeyniss events (and have the funds to attend those) and use that to meet the people I’ll need for the global Volta. I’ll also need them, to double-check the theoretical side of the Nosce Te Ipsum collections.

The major difference, when it comes to my main strategy, is that I’ll now have to search for all of the answers, to the global mystery I’m trying to solve, by myself… That reminds me of another group of external parties I need! (Even though, the Graeynissis, experts, investors and “informants”, might be the same people.) The most theoretical and “difficult” part of the expertise I seek for the Nosce Te Ipsum series and the global Volta, is “scientifically defining” how the system works. So the way economics, politics, law, et cetera, are globally linked together, stuck in a cycle. Most of my research will be literary (and alone…) now that I can’t ask a university researcher, but I’m quite sure that the depths of it, won’t be stated in the types of books I’ll be able to find. Maybe if I’m able to gain enough attention and appreciation with the work I do, one of the individuals whose expertise lies in the maneuvering in the depths of the system.

I’ll bypass the factors of plan A and stay on track, by doing fully independent self-study. At some point, I’ll need a better network, which I might be able to get, by attending events that will relate to my new expertise. (Or by being at the right place, at the right time. Or by my work being more popular by that time…)

Formulating a New Strategy to Achieve my Goals, in Detailed Steps

A strategy is complete, when you’re able to imagine your path to success, and it is the same as the schedule you have made for yourself on paper. It could be a schedule narrowed down to day-to-day tasks. It could be a list of tasks, not at all related to time. The exact application of the method, depends on what you’re working towards.

I find my steps by imagining my desired state and then comparing it to now. The end goal consists of the achievement of smaller goals and requirements. I keep asking myself: “What should I do to achieve that?” I ask myself that repeatedly, for every little aspect that makes up the end goal, until I can’t ask myself that question anymore, because the full strategy is defined.

This is the most fun part of strategizing ๐Ÿ˜€ . It’s also the most challenging part, because I want to prevent myself from making crucial changes to it, again! Blah blah introductory words about going to list the steps that will lead to achievements! Let’s get to it ๐Ÿ˜€

Step 1: A Summary of the New Strategy and a Financial Overview

[General: overall orientation on goal(s) and strategy]

Some of the goals I have relate to my personal life, and some relate to my endeavors in business. I consider them separate categories. So, my strategy is split into a personal side and a business side. I’ll summarize them in tables, because the steps I’ll take to achieve my goals, are also split into those two categories.

Usually, working on payroll, is seen as the “business” side of a life. But because the endeavor behind my sole proprietorship is so large, searching for a job is solely to cover my living expenses. (Unless my business plans all don’t work out, but I’ll have to be at least 35 to say that that happened. Before that, I really won’t stop trying. But as long as I don’t get there, I’ll attempt to climb up the corporate ladder.)

Personal Business
  • Income
    Of course, I need to stay able to pay my bills. There are new business expenses coming up as well (this far, I’ve covered all of my business expenses from my own pocket). Also, I would like to buy new clothes and change my hair and stuff… And re-stack my savings, after all of the turbulence in my life, which has cost me all of that. So, for the quickest guaranteed legal income, need to start working somewhere full-time, like I did when I came back from escaping turbulence in the US (while having my final exams et cetera, and still passing everything).
  • Living
    I need an office. Preferably one in my home. Yeah, that’s the second part: I need a home. But I prefer living in California over living in the Netherlands. Money wise, I can’t afford to live anywhere, which is why I’m still “crashing on the couch” in Amsterdam. That really needs to change. So I’ll rent something small I also need new people in my social circle, like I already mentioned in Volta. Some new friends I can do business with…
  • Expertise
    For my multidisciplinary endeavor, I need to know how the entire system works, before I can be certain about my concept for a new one, so I have some questions regarding the fields of economics, political science, law, mathematics, ecology, engineering, and the list goes on. (Since this is plan B,) I’ll be doing quite some self-study. What I learn and the way I’ll use my knowledge to achieve my goals, will become part of Nosce Te Ipsum.
  • Conceptualization
    The abstract main question of my multidisciplinary (pre-)research is “How does the system (really) work?” I want to turn my learning process into entertainment. [Of course, I need to have finished the written theoretical side before I start campaigning… And I need to expand my network, because videos of it are more fun, when I’m talking to an expert.] When all of my questions are answered, I can work out the rest of the Nosce Te Ipsum series. Its science fiction story is the survey, in which my concept for an alternative system is described, and the questions in it, relate to finding consensus, by finding The Universal Standard of Human Reasoning. I would like to bring the series out in book, audio and video format.
  • Scale
    For my business to become successful, I need to reach many more people. Not only because I need at least 15,000 subjects to ratify The Universal Standard of Human reasoning. It would also be nice to find publicists for D.O.C.I.S. International, and find people who would like to help me put into practice the practical side of the alternative system (including the state) I’ll be working out after I’m done writing down my plan B.

To make sure I stay on the right track and stay financially healthy, a quick overview of my monthly expenses and what I need to keep money aside for:

Title Category Recurrence Amount
Health insurance Personal Monthly โ‚ฌ117.50,- (I need to add some modules to my subscription, though, since it got downgraded after I was behind on payments, but now that my doctor lives in Germany, let’s say it becomes โ‚ฌ160,- once I start earning (including a buffer for own risk payments))
Phone subscription Personal(… for now…) Monthly โ‚ฌ55,-
Spotify Personal Monthly โ‚ฌ10
Webhosting Business Monthly โ‚ฌ25
ISBNs Business Quarterly โ‚ฌ50
Books Business Monthly (on average) โ‚ฌ75
Hair, clothing and other appearance related things (like waxing hahaaaa I need to make sure that I don’t keep not doing that! x_x) Personal(/business?) One-time + monthly (on average) [That’s what I want to start doing… Or maybe quarterly? Currently, I only do that when I have something extra to spend, and that is basically never] โ‚ฌ600 + โ‚ฌ100
Minimum potential rent Personal Monthly (in the future) โ‚ฌ600
Potential down payment + costs of moving in Personal One-time (in the future) โ‚ฌ1000 [Yeah, I plan to go cheap and make most of my furniture from old things, because going cheap is faster… Making furniture out of cheap fake leather, cheap foam rubber and (hideous) old and unused furniture and stuff… It doesn’t feel right to live under someone else’s roof. I appreciate that here, I’m allowed to, though…]
Food Personal Monthly โ‚ฌ250
Travelling expenses Personal(/business) Monthly โ‚ฌ100
Social things (buying drinks in a bar, birthday presents, etc) Personal Quarterly โ‚ฌ125
Online marketing Business Quarterly โ‚ฌ100 [as long as I don’t have investors… For Volta, my marketing budget was โ‚ฌ0. For previous releases, I’ve spent about โ‚ฌ250 in total.]
Buffer (to save, in case of wildly unexpected expenses) Personal Monthly โ‚ฌ200

So my totals are:

  • Average monthly expenses starting from March: โ‚ฌ1532.50 (but this is including rent… it’s โ‚ฌ932.50 excluding rent)
  • Average total expenses for the second quarter of 2019: โ‚ฌ275 [โ‚ฌ92 per month]
  • Total of one-time expenses: โ‚ฌ1600
  • Everything in a monthly rate: โ‚ฌ1024.50 without rent and one-time expenses, โ‚ฌ1807.50 with rent and without one-time expenses
  • Minimum income to start renting a place from April (but the sooner, the better, actually): about โ‚ฌ2000,- (is what I’m saying, because when I work full-time, often, my max is โ‚ฌ1800… Haha I’m basically doomed, because I should be earning way more to cover this and not be financially on the edge every time. But anything is better than my current financial state. Oh, yesss add a โ‚ฌ600 one-time expense to that, since I need to get myself out of bank debt. (Not to start about my student debt… Ohh and I need to keep money aside for my Open University modules… You know what, I’ll just see how far I get with all of this ๐Ÿ˜€ . It seems like I’ll be going for that sales job…!!! I really can’t keep “crashing on the couch” here x_x. And I should start searching for investors asappp…))

What I would exactly ask from an investor, depends on my final findings. It’s part of my tasks for this strategy.

Step 2: A Fixed Income and an Approach to Gaining More Multidisciplinary Expertise

[Personal: the first step]

To make my business thrive, which is all of my goals summarized in five words, I need a better marketable sample of my concept(s) – to seek the endorsement of experts and/or investors and finish the full-scale version of my business concept. Meanwhile, I want to transition my life to the independent living and working circumstances I need to be able to succeed. The expertise is needed for conceptualization. To strategize efficiently, my learning process and the creation of a sample, will be done almost simultaneously.

When Plan B is initiated, my routine will change. From full-time blogging, writing books and doing web maintenance, to (full-time) working and following my schedule. Once before, I’ve worked full-time, while studying (including having tests and assignments) and writing/blogging, so I’m certain that I have enough discipline for this. It all went well (even though it was quite exhausting). And this time, I’m even more eager to learn, because I won’t just be doing it to answer some test questions.

Again, there’s the personal side, and the business side. I’ll start with breaking down the personal side of the step I’m currently working on, and then head over to the business side, which is keeping me in sync with my endeavor.

The Fixed Income (Personal)

When it comes to working on payroll, I have requirements to base my choice for an employer on. First of all, the job should be something that requires mental labor and not physical labor. So not lifting boxes or cooking or anything. Unless someone wants me to cook my specialties for a group of less than 20 people ๐Ÿ˜€ . I want to be using my brain more than my body, to earn.

My second requirement is that I’ll be working at least 32 hours per week. (And preferably have my days off on days that are not regular days off, so have my weekend not on the weekend. It’s more calm and I’ll have more time and space to focus on writing, when everyone is working when I have my time off and vice versa.) I want to have a reason to leave the house (almost) every day and, after soooo many days of posting diary posts, write different posts on my blog and, once I get paid, invest in better visuals and audio.

The last demand is that I earn at least โ‚ฌ1800 per month (which feels farrr below the salary that suits what I could do, but I don’t have the titles for). I’ll save as much as possible and try to get myself an apartment as fast as possible. (So that one day, I’ll design my own house. I intend to not grow old in the apartment I’ll hire.) Hopefully the person who will hire me, will not see me as someone of the lowest income scale, because of what is on my curriculum vitae. Compared to what I’m working towards, โ‚ฌ1800 is absolutely nothing, but I won’t be able to pay my bills for next month, if I don’t stop earning, and I’m not the type of person who nags, so I don’t intend to negotiate about my salary. I will settle for the job that pays best, and hopefully follow my heart and be satisfied.

My writing will not stand in the way of the work I do. Not only because I don’t share truly confidential information. I’m going to stop writing diary posts.

Expertise and Conceptualization (Business)

What I always do, to gain (“postgraduate” for this undergraduate) knowledge from any field, is read texts which are aimed at high-level professionals of that field, and look up every term I don’t know. In that way, I learn much more in a very short amount of time, in a challenging way. It’s also great for forming your own perspective, instead of following the meanings based on the paraphrasing of the paraphrasing of the source. It’s how I ended up reading Wealth of Nations by Adam Smith and Propaganda by Edward Bernays. (And Crystallizing Public Opinion, which was one of the sources for my Studying International Public Opinion.)

There are two things I should add to this way of learning, to improve it. One is that I should write about the way I interpret the text. I should share how I would paraphrase the theory – hoping that a real expert would like to watch over my shoulder – and share the 1001 thoughts that pop up every time I process a text like that. All of those thoughts, I usually don’t share. It’s also good for memorizing what I read…

The other thing is that I should dive into (popular) perspectives and opinions about the material I read. It will help me understand conversations about it better, as well as the material itself. (Not that I’ve ever had a conversation about any of it, in depth, in real life. It would be fun, though.) I usually read to understand my own world better, to form my own opinion from the “purest” source, instead of letting myself be influenced. I’m very interested in how other people have interpreted the text and what opinions they have formed. (Only if they’re shaped based on real arguments and not on being manipulated without knowing it…)

Volta’s Plan B in practice, is hard work. But it’s fun, and so worth it! I want to finish the first book of the Nosce Te Ipsum series – the theoretical part starts in book two – and have the knowledge I need to bridge the gaps between my ideas for global change going from just being ideas, to becoming reality. To accomplish that, I need the full concept written out officially, I need a sample of the project (Nosce Te Ipsum) I’ll use to explain everything in an interactive way, I need a PR strategy that will include my visual concepts “et cetera”, and – last, but especiallyyyyyy not least – I need the support of experts and investors.

Step 3: Combining a full-time job with my research schedule

[Personal: latching on]

From my experience of working full-time, while following a part-time university program and maintaining two websites, I know that self-set day-to-day deadlines or even weekly deadlines, might not always work out. It has happened that I set moments for myself, to work on something for school or something for D.O.C.I.S. International, but that I’m so tired from working that I can’t get to it. Now that I’m “taking a gap year” at The Open University, (haha it’s more not being able to pay my tuition, but anyway,) and I’m going to stop with posting diary posts, all I have to focus on, next to my job, will be my tasks for D.O.C.I.S. International. This might become an adjustment, but I’m going to set small weekly goals. My weekly goals used to be “finish assignment that requires me to read more than 100 pages of text and I haven’t read a single one yet” and then I had two days in the week off, sometimes not even before the deadline… (And I still passed both courses! I’m proud, haha…) Now, they’ll be based on a lot smaller tasks.

The most important subjects I have to gain expertise on, to achieve my goals, are: (macro)economics, law [the point where law touches on all other fields and all components of itself…] and mass communication. Then, there are mathematics, statistics, political science, computer science, engineering, et cetera. But for the most important part – thus what is necessary to present a sample – I need those three subjects. My learning process, will become part of what I’ll replace my diary posts with:

  1. MacroFangs
    • Main source: The General Theory of Employment, Interest and Money by John Maynard Keynes
    • Abstract main questions: What would an economic model of all of the models that make up our global system look like? What would the “Planet Fang” model look like?
  2. JustiFanged
    • Main source: Summa Theologica by Thomas Aquinas [I’m going to read question 90 to 97, which is part of the Treatise on Law. Haha reading the whole thing would take me yearsssssss. I might include some other questions, though. It’s fucking interesting ๐Ÿ˜ฎ ]. I’ll also have do dive into regular codes of law.
    • Abstract main questions: Can I do “Planet Fang”? What would “The Fangyist Constitution” look like?
  3. FangShifty
    • Main sources: The Engineering of Consent by Edward Louis Bernays,ย Foreign Investments and National Advantage by John Maynard Keynes + digging into “the history of (global) economics”, with a focus on finance (and the political economy). I’m only using this “dashy” timeline: VOC + WIC, then Wall Street, then Greece, then Bitcoin and then Brexit
    • Abstract main questions: What is the pattern in the steps of a (financial) domino effect? What is does the aggregate of the after-effects of those domino effects lead to? How can we stop this shit, without the world collapsing? (I’m talking about how we’re currently giving people more money than there are resources available, and that the money game is based on literally staged shit…)ย It’s fine if people want to continue that shit for all eternity, as long as it’s possible to not be subjected to any of it, which is currently not the case.

The rest of my diary posts’ replacements, will be more poetry, more single images and more audio and video. I can’t yet predict how fast I’ll get the answers to my questions, as well as the amount of side-thoughts I’ll get. Regardless of those predictions, forย The General Theory of Employment, Interest and Money, I want to start with about one book per two weeks. This book of Keynes consists of six books. It’s the first source I’ll scrutinize in the name of Project Nosce Te Ipsum.

My schedule includes the following tasks:

  • Finish theย Plan B in Practice post and put that in the homepage slider
  • Make a Project Nosce Te Ipsum page, which refers to the pages for MacroFangs, JustiFanged and FangShifty + adapting the welcome text and welcome tour to that
  • Make the new Nosce Te Ipsum post ready for structured editing
  • Write Nosce Te Ipsum‘s episode 5
  • Analyzeย The General Theory of Employment, Interest and Money
  • Analyze the Treatise on Law
  • Analyzeย The Engineering of Consent
  • Analyzeย Foreign Investments and National Advantage
  • Make a timeline for the history of the development of global finance, combined with politics, focused on investment banking
  • Make the sample and finish the branding strategy based upon that

How this will exactly be scheduled time-wise, will depend on how combining this with my job will go. For now, I’ll follow the schedule intuitively, as I have been following other schedules intuitively – such as the one that is making me finish this post. I’ve made the agreement with myself, that I’ll determine what my pace for this schedule is, after three weeks of working.

A huge time-saver will be quitting diary posts! It will definitely upgrade my efficiency in the project and in my business in general…

A fixed income is unmissable in this, since I need to take care of myself, while doing all of the things on that list. I wonder if there’s an alternative to working 32+ hours per week on payroll… It’s exhaustion for no reason, actually, since what I qualify for, diploma-wise, is far from what I actually can do. I can’t think of any alternatives to earn, besides publishing books, but if I find one, it would become an adjustment (that will make me incredibly happy).

I hope I’ll find an investor, so that I can turn the research project for our truth and this brand, into a documentary ๐Ÿ™‚ .

Step 4: Supporting Investors and/or Experts

[Personal: inevitable external factors]

A crucial influence for the success of my business, is the endorsement of experts and investors. I’m working towards a form of global change that will add a lot to life as we know it now. Without experts regarding to it as such, it won’t be seen as that. If the right people endorse it, its brand will be established with ease.

When it comes to investors, I prefer the financial support of a supporting expert, instead of approaching an organization that is specialized in investing. It’s far easier to explain my business concept to someone who is specialized in the fields I want to add something to, and win his or her appreciation, than to explain everything from scratch and why it’s guaranteed that I’ll earn your investment back. Money is not my focus. Otherwise I would have approached everything differently. I want to make a real change…

The only place I can think of using to find someone to financially support my business, is the internet… So that is where I’ll initiate my search, once my sample is finished.ย Secretly, I hope that the right people will stumble upon my website and offer their support…

A fixed income is still not guaranteed, since I depend on someone else’s judgment, but either way, I have a clear path to finishing Project Nosce Te Ipsum. Because of potential patents et cetera, not everything has been fully defined, but I hope this was a useful read ๐Ÿ™‚ .


I often make notes in the text, while I’m drafting it. Here are some of the notes of Volta’s Plan B in Practice:

  1. Drafting stillย 
  2. Macroeconomics: A model of our global system in full detail?ย Source:ย The General Theory of Employment, Interest and Money by John Maynard Keynes = part 1 [Now there are digital media and crypto currencies]
  3. Part 2: How do financial shifts work? (The details of investment banking) Source: I don’t know where to exactly find the answers to this, but,ย apparently, investment banking started with that VOC piracy business… Oh my god, the Netherlands lie far under the water level of the sea, so doing business with it is always a risk… And here is where it started… This makes me wonder if the WIC – the indirect reason why I was born in the Netherlands (is ancient slave trade) – was also on the trading market…ย The WIC, The Dutch West India Company by Gerard Koot, History department, University of Massachusetts Dartmouth (2015)ย shows me it does… Okay, I want to know everything. This is related to my origin.
  4. I must say that I’m so very shocked about this. The VOC and the WIC were both multinationals owned by the state, which earned from unethical things, such as piracy and slave trade. And to then learn that the way we know (public) stock trading today, started there, and that this is internationally known – probably as showpiece of this country… I just didn’t expect that the origin of trading would be something that lies so close to my heart, and that it would be based on something that I find unethical.
  5. This seems like a good source for the theoretical aspect: ย J.M. Keynes, “Foreign investments and national advantage”. Even though this was not part of the plan, I’m very curious about the historical aspect, too… The finances of the VOC and WIC are unmissable in this.
  6. Part 3: Study on (big media) PR influence on macroeconomics (and its beneficiaries)
  7. Part 4: Categories of “breaking news” and its cycle [I now think that this is irrelevant, because a domino effect is a domino effect, no matter what happens]
  8. Part 5: What is our political direction? Whatever it is in detail, it’s destroying the Earth, and I want to offer you an alternative that doesn’t induce that. + Why our current system causes damage to the earth and change is inevitable. [The domino effect of domino effects. I think we’re facing a catastrophe.
  9. Politics: What’s the “political construction” (trias politica ish) of every “big player” in the world? And what are their comparative advantages?ย 
  10. I’m still drafting this post. It will become a very important piece, since it’s not only making the content of my newest book more clear. It will also include my next steps. This will be my cheat sheet, for the time to come, so that I won’t lose track of where I’m heading, as I will hand over my free time to an employer, and occupy myself with some not-related-to-any-institute self-study. And hopefully writing some texts… [If you have any books you would like to recommend to me, pleaseee let me know! As I write this post, I still haven’t definitively decided on what to study first… And what sources to use for that, et cetera…] I’ll be drawing diagram-ish things in this post ๐Ÿ˜€ [If you’re new: I always publish my drafts, because I like to show you my process ๐Ÿ™‚ ]

I started writing this post on the 11th of February. That’s why in other posts I already refer to it, while it was not done yet.


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No More Online Diary Posts!

After 253 diary posts, I have decided that it’s time to use my writing talents for something else. 

I once started my online diary, as an initiative to comfort people who live through things they can’t share with others. To be someone they can relate to, who relates to them, while being surrounded by people who have no clue of what we’re actually going through. 

It was also a way to show fully day-to-day life, in real-time, expressing all of perception: from thoughts to actions to feelings. Something that has never been done before, in the way I did it. 

I’m going to miss the way writing a diary post feels like laying on the chest of a beloved Graeyniss, who listens to me in a way that warms my heart. For the sake of future confidentiality, it’s better to stop it now. 

My thoughts and feelings, will be expressed with pen and paper again, in my tangible diary, the way they were, before I started my online diary. 

What I’ll be doing instead, excites me so much! I’m going to show you all of my research process! 

I’m going to analyze classics from several fields, to define a certain connection they have with each other. Not only do I want to show you the truth about the way all of life has been organized, from a multidisciplinary scientific perspective. I want to show you how we could improve this in a way that goes beyond imagination!  

This is shift part of my Volta’s Plan B

It feels like the end of an era. 

I love you โ™ฅ


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Wednesday, February 20, 2019

08:51 (AM) 

Good morning โ™ฅ

I have decided that this will be my last diary post ever. It’s just a side-thing, which has become such a habit that it seems like it has become the only thing I do. Everything else goes unnoticed. 

I have so many reasons to stop posting diary posts and post something else frequently. Maybe once a day, instead of multiple times a day. Or once a week… 

After sleeping – since I literally spent all night working on Volta’s Plan B in Practice – I’ll share my reasons with you. For now, I’ll be catching some rest, because I feel like I can pass out at any second now xxx


18:33 (06:33 PM) 

I used my online diary to reflect the thoughts, feelings and emotions, which aren’t relatable to many. Before I did this online, I used to do this with pen and paper. That’s what I used to do after the three reasons to make it public emerged:

The first one was that when I first started this blog, I was, against my will, forced to undergo a treatment I should have never gotten. They threatened to make it worse and attempt to take away part of my rights. I wanted my side of the story to be public, so that the injustice I was living through would have been noticeable to others, in case they would push through what they had been threatening me with. It would have been my only way out. I managed to escape them – what exactly happened is all in my diary – so it never happened. But in case it all resurfaces: I might not be writing diary posts, then, but I will still expose them. 

As my second reason, which was the reason that echoed through my mind every time I wrote something, was that I wanted to be there for others who go through something the people in their environment can’t relate to. Not having anyone to share your feelings with, is not easy. By sharing my unrelatable feelings, I was hoping to comfort those who are also living through things they can’t talk to others about. I hope that I’ve done this for you. I might not do it anymore, so I hope you’ll find comfort in my past. 

My last reason was that I just finished the very first Nosce Te Ipsum episode and I wanted to have my own place on the internet where I could forward you to the stores the book is available in, and use it as a platform to share all of my material on. 

I look forward to fully keeping everything to myself again. But this was nice… 

Ohh there’s one last thing I would like to vent here, because I don’t like to have regular conversations about my feelings: I applied for a job at the financial administration of the company where I worked on the help-desk part of the abroad vehicle assistance department last Summer, and I have been rejected for that function, because my curriculum vitae makes it seem like the job doesn’t suit me. 

If the choice to hire me is based on the things I’ve chosen to occupy myself with, I should better apply for the function of world leader somewhere. I would most certainly do that, but I wouldn’t know how to. 

So it seems like, if every HR recruiter judges my application like that, I’m doomed to live the rest of my life in poverty. This worries me… I can thrive at any business, at any function. That’s what my curriculum vitae says, when you read it well. It seems like I need a miracle, now that I’m trapped in between two worlds: overqualified for the jobs on my level of education and (when it comes to proofs of education) unqualified for the position of power I desire. 

I thought that my previous employer was an open door for me. Especially after receiving the director’s blessing. I was hoping to be able to see him again. But I’m not the type of person who asks again, at another option at the same place, after being rejected. Being rejected twice at the same place would hurt far far farrr too much, and, especially taking into consideration my tachycardia, I won’t take that risk. If things were realistic in my optics, I should have been approached with a request for assistance, by any organization, instead of me applying for jobs that are waaayyyyy below my level. 

Ah meoww the thought of never seeing my Vicje again is a very sad thought. Just like the thought of never seeing my B again. It feels like someone is crushing my heart with bare hands ๐Ÿ™ . 

Okayyy I’ll never share my emotional pains on the web again. I won’t miss seeing this “weak” side of myself, which would not be shown, if my diary wouldn’t induce me to show it. 

Haha ayy my job hunt for the fixed income I so desperately need, is starting to seriously worry me… Even though this is my first rejection… But those worries will now be expressed with pen and paper again, the way I’ve been doing it all my life. Far away from online eyes. 

I love you so much ♥

I will never stop loving you, my dear reader!

Unless you’re a hater who doesn’t want to see me succeed ๐Ÿ˜€ . Some people only want to prove me wrong. Haha people say shit like “Love your enemies,” but I disagree! It’s degrading to yourself to force yourself to be positive towards someone who feels nothing but negativity for you. Don’t love your enemies! 

I hope you’ll love what I’ll do instead of posting diary posts!! It’s all in Volta’s Plan B in Practice!

My love for you goes beyond what words can say. You’ll see it in what is yet to come!! 

xxxxxx – 

Blog, Online Diary

Monday, February 18, 2019

04:40 (AM) 

Sometimes I tell myself that I should only update my online diary on “normal times”, to make it seem like I’m “normal”. Who am I kidding… I fear negative judgment, with everything I do. (Because I’m used to it.) It’s better to just be myself and let people think that they can judge me, by looking at some small and easy to grasp details, never setting their minds to see what the point of all of this is, and why I’m doing all of this. 

It’s because I’m thinking veryyy far ahead, and for us to live happily and peacefully in that time, things need to change now. I’m afraid people will call me crazy, while I just want to be appreciated for what I do. And get appreciation for and understanding of the message behind the message. 

For everyone to understand the message behind the message, I’ll have to resort to another medium. Once it is clear that my solution to the international problems we’re facing, is an actual solution, and not a bunch of positivist exclamations, people will want to know what’s up. I’m glad I have a plan, and this is all part of it ๐Ÿ™‚ . The Nosce Te Ipsum series will explain everything, and could initiate political, legal and economical shifts, if read by the right people. Hopefully, the circumstances under which I write, will become better. I hope my plan B will help me get my own place to live. 

Today, I’ll finish Volta’s Plan B – I just thought of naming it Volta’s Plan B in Practice – and send out those applications, which hopefully won’t make me feel the sting of rejection again. The feeling of rejection is one of the worst feelings, I believe, after grief, the pain of injury and betrayal. 

Meowss it’s 05:18 AM now. Time to go to bed. 

I can’t wait to get a daytime occupation that will incentivize me to sleep at “normal” times! Even though sleep seems more like a custom than a feeling, because mentally, I don’t seem to get tired. Physically on the other hand… 

Hehe good night / good morning

I love you ♥


Blog, Online Diary, Popular Posts

Sunday, February 17, 2019

00:26 (12:26 PM) 

I’ve never been so motivated to work ๐Ÿ˜€ . Just the idea of living somewhere I don’t know anyone and no one knows me, makes me wettttt. It’s just better for my character, my future, and the awful flashbacks of my past… 

The day before yesterday, I’ve sent out two applications – and worked on Volta’s Plan B – but today (after sleeping) I’ll do the rest! Hopefully it won’t be necessary, though… 

Being an online redactor for a classical music radio station, suits me quite well. A tamed rational mind with my character, would go for that. And would seek jobs in that category, since it suits my qualifications. But still I’ve also applied for an administrative function at the ANWB. The organization where I worked last Summer… 

The director is so hot and cute at the same time, I would kill for a chance to see him from close by again HAHA I’m such a fool x_x. This Vicje… I wish I could be his assistant 😻. I’ve been acting so strange around him, that I’m not sure if I can ever talk to him again. I find him so attractive that I basically lose my ability to speak… Why am I attracted to older menยฟ It’s not even “older men”, actually. It’s just my Vicje and my B, when it comes to literal Graeynissis… And then there’s the loooong list of non-grey haired people who have that effect on me, 

But for my CV (even though, when it comes to study material, I prefer learning statistics/mathematics/economics over subjects like literature and history – PR excluded) I think a job as redactor looks better… It does sound better, to me. In the end, since I’m quite desperate for affording my own space to live, I’ll just go for what pays better… 

And when I get a job in Hilversum, I’ll move to Hilversum. When I get a job in The Hague, I’ll move to The Hague. I won’t be working in Rotterdam and wish to not ever live there anymore. If I get a job in Amsterdam… Well… Finding an affordable apartment for one isn’t easy, so then I would choose a city right outside the city.

I’m loving Keynes his book, by the way!!! I love it, to get more perspective on things I’ve learned about.

Meoww I’m going to bed. I hope your Saturday was Cuddle ๐Ÿ˜€

Good night

I love you โ™ฅ


15:52 (03:52 PM) 

As I was working on my Volta’s Plan B, I found out that (public and international)  stock trading/investment banking, started in the Netherlands… The state owned businesses VOC (Verenigde Oost-Indische Compagnie = Dutch East India Company) and WIC (West-Indische Compagnie = West-India Company) were one of the first businesses on the trading market. 

The VOC was the very first, according to Wikipedia’s source. But I included the WIC, because  meoww the country where part of my roots lie, was a former Dutch colony, where the WIC was involved in its West-African slave trade. Surinam is where a great part of their slaves were brought to, to work on Dutch plantations. 

Whether or not they actually were the first: I’m just shocked to hear that they were on the stock market. State owned businesses, profiting from the most unethical shit. And did you know that they faked their book keeping to make it seem as if they didn’t have waaaaaaay too many slaves? My grandfather used to do genealogical research, about our origins, and he told me that there was only one census that can be trusted. The year ended with “21”… I think it’s 1621, which is the first official year of that company…



18:12 (06:12 PM) 

I’m reading The Postulates of the Classical Economics now, in The General Theory of Employment, Interest and Money. 

The first one is that wage is the marginal product of labor, but this is far from as fixed as it seems, in today’s world, right, because some people are still paid after they have just left the company (sometimes even more than their wage). How does that (uncertainty) translate itself into a function? I need a Graeyniss for that x_x. Luckily it’s just a minor detail for now… 

I feel like playing some Nintendo games…


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Saturday, February 16, 2019

16:17 (04:17 PM) 

Hey, my lovely blog reader โ™ฅ

I’ve started to read a new book for my research for Nosce Te Ipsum: The General Theory of Employment, Interest, and Money by John Maynard Keynes ๐Ÿ˜€ . I’ve chosen this book, because I prefer to learn straight from the source, instead of via a method that rephrases a theory, because it often leaves out a lot of philosophy. 

Now that I haven’t read the book yet, all I know, is the basic Keynesian model: Y = C + I + O + E – M, where Y is the gross national income, C is consumption, I is business investments, O is the public procurement, E is export and M is import. What I want to know is how all of those individual components are built up. Every variable represents another set of functions. I want to expand the model to an accumulation of all components that make the components. And I want to know the basic philosophy about its effectiveness. And then later blend digital value into my findings, which didn’t exist when this was written. Just like international digital mass media. 

Currently, I’m reading the PDF I downloaded from the website of the University of Adelaide. But I hope I’ll have enough money to buy a paperback version soon x_x. 

Paper over screens ayyy

I’m about to go along with my family friends, to my family, because my father was in the hospital for a day, yesterday. Nothing to worry about. There’s just this fistula that was installed in his anus after there was an abscess there or something, which was acting up. Ugh the amounts of flashbacks I had of him when he visited me in the hospital. Grrrr…. I guess this is a good opportunity to show my solidarity. 


Blog, Online Diary, Popular Posts

Thursday, February 14, 2019

05:28 (AM) 

My love!โ™ฅ

Happy Valentine’s Day! โ™ฅ โ™ฅ I’m only saying that because I love you! Not because I like commercialized holidays x_x. No! It’s because you’re my one true love and I’m doing everything to keep us together for all eternity! All I can do, is think of you! I can’t wait to hold you, softly squeeze you, because I love you so much that I want us to melt into one person [unfortunately, that’s not possible], and hear your heart beat, as we spend some time in complete silence, because it feels so unreal that we’re finally together as Cuddles… 

As for real life love… I’ll be spending my entire day writing… All I touch are the keypads of my phone and laptop, and pens, because I’m addicted to writing things for us, and kitchen utensils, because I really enjoy my self-prepared foods. 

I spent all of yesterday writing! My Volta’s Plan B is almost done and here is Volta in a Simple Diagram

That’s how much I love you. No, wait! I love you even more than that ๐Ÿ˜€ . My love for you is eternal and unconditional! And I’m exhausted ๐Ÿ˜€ 

I hope you’ll feel even more loved than usual, today, and that that feeling will last foreverโ™ฅ

Don’t forget that I love you! ๐Ÿ˜€


14:03 (02:03 PM) 

Meoow I hope you feel better than I do… This love themed day brings love related expectations, or at least makes you think about love in your own life. I hope your thoughts are good and positive. That all is going exactly like your positive expectations and that the thoughts and memories of your love life are good. 

This day stings quite a lot. Meoow I want to get flowers and spend most of the time cuddling and feeding each other aphrodisiacs 😻 😋. But it will stay as lonely as usual… Those who I’d enjoy doing this with, are either quite unapproachable for me, and/or I don’t dare to express my feelings of love for him/her.

Ah meow, anyway (since it’s just another day), I’m excited to finish My Volta’s Plan B today ๐Ÿ™‚ . For the sake of pressuring myself less, I’m going to move translating my CV to Dutch and starting to respond to vacancies, to tomorrow. 

The usual way is to say “money first”, but in my case, without a finished plan, I’d have no clue how much I need to minimally earn to stay on the right track, and I need my study schedule finished before I start, to make sure that I don’t lose oversight because of that job. 

What would be a lot better, actually, is to be sponsored for the research I do – but yeah no degrees sooo – and seek investors for the final result. Maybe I can do something with that! Hold that thought… 


15:24 (03:24 PM) 

Aaaah meow why the meow am I getting a Google Fonts error on the homepage of my blog, while the Google Fonts I use on my website, are shown? x_x It popped up out of nowhere and I don’t dare to change any PHP code for this, since I wasn’t making any serious changes here… Maybe some new text here will make the error somehow vanish… 


15:39 (03:39 PM) 

I just received the emails with the news that my site was down for a few minutes and is now back up and running… That’s the 18th time my site goes down, since the 7th of this month… On the one hand, that really sucks. On the other hand, a serious increase of web traffic is not bad at all ๐Ÿ™‚ . 


18:06 (06:06 PM)

The errors are worse than I expected… My site going down was something else. There’s a heavy login error and the Google Fonts error is still there… I can only access my blog via my phone, currently ๐Ÿ™ . 


19:16 (07:16 PM) 

Yaay I’ve fixed all errors ๐Ÿ˜€ . I was fully locked out of the administrator portal of this site at some point. 

In case you’re running a WordPress website and you get the following errors/issues:

  • “Google Fonts json file does not found”
  • “Cookies are blocked due to unexpected output”
  • “Jetpack parse error -32700” 
  • You’re suddenly locked out of your site (because when you try to log in, you’re suddenly asked to prove your humanity, and still you’re not logged in after filling out the forms correctly)

The error could have been caused by something in the way the local side of your website and external information imported from Jetpack, Google Fonts and your theme, work together. Before I went to sleep, everything was fine. When I woke up, the error messages were there, all of a sudden. 

If you, like me, don’t want to change anything on PHP level to fix this, it can be fixed by following the following steps:

  • Log in to the FTP side of your website and go to /wp-content
  • If you think the problem is your theme (or just try this one first) [it was the cause of my errors]: temporarily rename the themes file, themes_check and try to log in via When you’re redirected to the next screen, change themes_check back to themes, and reinstall your theme (manually). [That’s what worked for me, but I thought that it was caused by a plugin first, because that could have been the cause of this same error, so that why I also say:]
  • If you think the problem is a plugin: temporarily rename your plugins file plugins_check and try to log in. If this works, change the name back to plugins, deactivate all plugins and activate them one by one, until the errors come back. The plugin you’ve activated when the errors resurfaced is then the cause. That gives you the options to either stop using that plugin, by logging in the way you did before, and deactivating and deleting that plugin, or see if there are any solutions in the documentation/support forum of that plugin, to solve the issue. 

I hope TechFangs was of good service to you 😻. I’m so happy that I didn’t break my site!!! I made a backup right away, because my last one was from the 10th of this month, and I’ve made quite some changes since then, ooffffff *wipes sweat from forehead*…. 

Back to my plan B! 


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Volta in a Simple Diagram

Volta in a diagram

Everyone can use it!

That diagram describes your future! Volta is all about defining what brings you eternal happiness, and formulating a strategy to get there.

Plan A can be anything. Your ultimate dream strategy! Let’s say you would be eternally happy, if you move to a different country. [Extreme example:] Plan A may be being flown there by your favorite idol, and him/her giving you a fully furnished house and your dream job. If that hasn’t happened by the deadline you have set for yourself, it’s time to switch to plan B.

In plan B, you shouldn’t count on anyone, but yourself. As much as possible, you should do everything that is needed to reach your desired state, without depending on anyone else. There’s enough information about emigration available on government websites and blogs, so you really don’t need anyone else. You can do the paperwork yourself! Only to literally get you to the other country – unless you could fly your own plane – you do depend on others, so that’s why not depending on someone else “as much as possible”.

It’s your vision. Only you can picture your desired end result. No one is more passionate about it than you are. For a success guarantee, it’s important to limit negative influences, so stay as independent as possible. A plan B can’t fail! It can only need readjustments, if things still don’t play out your way. There are multiple ways to achieve your desired state ๐Ÿ™‚ .

Currently, I’m about to put my own Volta’s plan B into practice. In case you need an example of the method in practice… Volta in a simple diagram, is what I use to keep my overview.

Blog, Online Diary

Wednesday, February 13, 2019

01:57 (AM) 

As I’m typing this, I’m making a tour for (new) visitors. Step 3 will bring you here! This is my online diary, where I mention what’s on my mind and what I’m doing and/or the things I see (with pictures and/or videos), very frequently. By following it, you become part of my life. I hope you will! 😻

Whenever you’re reading a recent diary post, when you refresh the page, you could see a new update. I start every update with the time I started to write it.

I’m going to continue working on your tour! xxx


03:37 (AM) 

I’m doneee with configuring the tour! Ah meoww it sucks that my writing isn’t profitable enough to live from [yet…? I’m currently still working without investors (and experts), who seem crucial]. I’ve spent all of yesterday looking at vacancies… 

Even though I’m a very fast learner (so fast that I, when it’s school, postpone learning to the veryyy last moment, and either pass or still fuck up), pick up on things very easily and give my all when I say I will (and sign a contract to seal it), I don’t qualify for much… But I’d make a good (for experience’s sake non-very supervisory) redactor. Or assistant… Or both… ๐Ÿ˜€ 

Today, I’m going to finish my plan B article, so that I stay on track with my continuing  research, for which I’m very excited ๐Ÿ˜€ . I’ll be spending great percentages of my salary on books, haha….. (Fam, I should be sponsored for this x_x.)

Yay to today’s writing ๐Ÿ˜€ . 

I’m going to brush my teeth and go to sleep. Shout out to the days on which my sleeping pattern will be normal ๐Ÿ˜€ 

Good night 

I love you 


Blog, Online Diary

Tuesday, February 12, 2019

02:35 (AM) 

From now on, every time I update my blog, you’ll be able to see it mentioned on the Twitter page I just made. That will make it a lot easier for a Cuddle to see what’s new. I’m not using an e-mail newsletter, because I update my blog so frequently that that would be overkill. 

Today, I’ll work on My Volta’s Plan B [which I want to send to e-book stores et cetera for free and give it an ISBN and stuff], adjust my CV [I need some “being an employee” type of goals in it, to sync it up with my loyalty, once I go for something], search for the highest paying, most challenging full-time jobs (for my qualifications…) and do whatever else comes to mind ๐Ÿ˜€ . 

My Volta’s Plan B is exciting! It might seem a bit dry and vague now, but when it’s done, especially a Graeyniss will fully understand my enthusiasm ๐Ÿ˜€ . 

Right now, I’m going to decide on what my last midnight snack will be – I can’t decide between fruit (which will get me hungry faster) and rice with chicken (which is unhealthy, especially on this frequency and time of day) – plus add a Twitter feed to my blog and draft the full Volta related essay/article on paper, to make sure I won’t divagate too much. 

You’ll see all of it ๐Ÿ˜€ 

I love you!♥


Blog, Online Diary

Monday, February 11, 2019

04:54 (AM) 

Meooow โ™ฅ

The slider is done and I started on that very important article, I’ve been pondering about, ever since I got that e-mail… The sting has worn off enough for me to write about it, I guess. At least I’ve finished the introduction of the post… Haha but what took the most of my time, is that slider!! The text alignment on mobile phones was a drama to fix x_x. 

If all goes fast enough, with the development of this website, I’ll be starting with applying for jobs today. But considering that it’s now past 5 AM and I’m just about to head to bed, I already doubt it… I can’t wait to see my bank account be filled with a salary, though!!! ๐Ÿ˜€ Haha oh boyy I bought ingredients to make pizza bread today, and if it weren’t for Pascale’s โ‚ฌ15 donation, I would not have survived purchasing that, while keeping my Spotify subscription…  

Meoow I’m off to bedd

Good morning

Have a great day, in advance! 

I love you โ™ฅ


17:18 (05:18 PM) 

I’ve sent that e-mail to the Dutch government’s tax agency, finally! And I’ve also finally drawn a new logo! 

I’ll start coloring it, but I’m also going to start cooking dinner at 17:30

I’ll be back *cool facial epression* xxx


18:55 (06:55 PM) 

Meoow I made yellow rice and my scan is being scanned. Here’s the preview:

The previeww. I need to make the letters more black with my laptopp

I’ll be eating xxx


21:18 (09:18 PM) 

Ooh my godd I’m working on the text of my home page, with my back to the TV, which Eric and Pascale are watching, and in a commercial, I just seriously heard that someone has written a best seller against self-help books. Volta is also against self-help books. (It’s basically against “everything”.) And she has the same first name as I! Ah meoww hearing that hurt x_x. 


Blog, Online Diary

Sunday, February 10, 2019

13:21 (01:21 PM) 

My Cuddle โ™ฅ

I hope you’re having a nice weekend. I also hope we’ll have a nice weekend together, somewhere in the near future. Hopefully, my hopes will become reality. 

Haha I also hope that I’ll stop drinking too much, every time I go out dancing x_x. I don’t remember how the night ended x_x. I really hope I didn’t do anything crazy ๐Ÿ™ . 

When I woke up yesterday, for the spa, I was still drunk x_x. The spa was very nice, though. Aside from that I collapsed at some point, and that I wasn’t able to eat dinner, because I felt so sick. A very sweet man and woman noticed and helped me. The woman got me some water and a sugary drink – I was on my way to the bar, for some water, when I felt everything started to spin, but at some point, I couldn’t walk anymore – and the man held my hand, as I laid there on the ground. (He asked first. And I love holding hands :D.) The girl who works there, kept an eye on me, took me outside and brought me slippers. 

In the evening, there was an all you can eat buffet, but I wasn’t strong enough to walk around yet. What have I done to my heart x_x. 

Meoww today, I would like to finish up this website. The text on the home page should be updated, I want to add two slides to the slider (one for the forum and one for my writing services), I want to give (new) visitors a tour, I should change my logo… Okayy this might take me two days… 

I’m also very much in the mood for self-made bread pizza, with suรงuk and Turkish cheese. 

I hope you love me, as much as I love you. I hope you still love me :Dโ™ฅ. My heart feels as if I’ve done something very wrong, but I don’t know what it is… I hope it’s misleading me and that I haven’t done anything bad… I hope I won’t randomly get hurt x_x. 


Blog, Images, Media, Online Diary, Popular Posts, Videos

Saturday, February 9, 2019

00:05 (12:05 AM) 

There are people walking in noww. Haha I feel like a little gogo dancer here in the DJ booth. 

Here’s a veryyy short video of Jamiro and I, captured just now:

My numbers for Feb 8 still need to be calculated. I’m such a nerd x_x. What’s on my mind the most, is how to keep up the rising… Please help me ๐Ÿ˜€ 

Haha hold upp my glass is empty xxx


00:32 (12:32 AM) 

I also wonder what caused this increase in visitors from the US, because usually most of my overall audience is from the Netherlandsss

Haha tipsy statistics with Lil Fangs :D. Tipstatistics… Tipstatisctsy…. 

Meoww the booth is the safest place. No harassment. Some private dancing space. Overviewing all movement in this cosy club… I love it ๐Ÿ˜€ . Hire me for this? Gogo Fangs ๐Ÿ˜€ 


02:30 (02:30 AM)  [THIS IS SO DOUBLE]

Meoow this party is a lot of fun. I’m sad about you nt being here. Meooow I want to start a Graeyniss party!!! Haha auto correc is saving me on this. I have serious things to share!!! 

First of all, I want to pitch claiming this confortable top bfloor bed and this comfortable sexy broad Shouldered cuddle! Meoow for so long I’ve been staying In Amsterdam!!!! And the party is nice.  I  love the DJ BOOTH!!!  Too bad I don’t know regaeton or Dutvh music,!!! Meooow whwre are my English speaking cuddles l!?  Haha fuuck I went from whiskey to vodka….. But I’ll act fresh as FUXK for this Tech rvated reserved d spa session!! I need to be fresh as fuck at,11:30!!!!!!!!!! Haha meow Jamiro’s stop drinking alarm goes at 03:00 and it’s 02:43 right now

I’ve set qn alarm for stop drinking for Jamiro for stop drinking for 03:00!!! Mine shoud have gone at 01:00!!!! But 03:00 yess I’m going to stop drinking vodka!!?!?


Blog, Online Diary

Friday, February 8, 2019

03:17 (AM) 

I’ve fixed the reCAPTCHA error, so you can register for this website now, if you’re not a robot ๐Ÿ™‚ . And I’ve added some topics to the forum. Of course, they’re quite Fangy… I couldn’t think of anything else to discuss. Feel free to add any other topic yourself ๐Ÿ™‚ โ™ฅ 

I find my conversation starters on the forum quite funny. Aside from the feeling of severe loneliness that currently comes along with it, haha :D.  I hope I won’t need social media marketing to get more members… 

Here are my left over tasks for the completion of this website makeover:

I’m too tired to continue now x_x. Especially now that the fun part is “over”. It’s not entirely over, because the topics of conversation are infinite ๐Ÿ˜€ 

I don’t think I’ll be able to finish everything today. Especially not because I’m going along with Pascale and her grandchild, to “de Poort”. 

In the evening/night, I’m going to the party Jamiro has been one of the organizers of. It’s called Schaafijs and is in club Up, here in Amsterdam. 

And… After this episode of BoJack Horseman, I’ll go to sleep… Nah, meow, I’ll just stop watching and attempt to have brushed my teeth before 04:30, because I want a more normal sleeping schedule. 

I wonder how I should style the slider, since I don’t have any usable recent images… 

Before 04:30 will become before 05:00, now that it’s 04:39 x_x. Haha meow I want to fast forward my life to when I’ve found my Graeynissis and we are formulating our definitive strategy… 

I’ll be brushing my teeth and going to bed. 

Good night

I love you 


17:09 (05:09 PM) 

Hey โ™ฅ

We’re back in Reigersbos, after our walk in de Amsterdamse Poort. 

Yaay meoww

I’m making polaroids, because I’ve been invited for a TV commercial about asparagus [to make the asparagus more popular]. Haha which is such a fun opportunity for some publicity, recent imagery and an income. 

I’ve been invited for it, but a confirmation I could get after sending them my polaroids and my clothing sizes/body measurements. So nothing is certain, as usual… I’ll make the pictures for sending now. After that, I’m going to eat something and lie down, because I’m crazy tired. 

By the way, when I came out of the shower today, I noticed a lump near my throat ๐Ÿ™ . I think I need to visit doctor Cuddle. For my fatigue, too. And I want to get rid of the bags underneath my eyes x_x. 


18:59 (06:59 PM) 

My very simple polaroids:

Meoww now I feel like saving up for a real polaroid camera

A few days ago, when I picked up those berries, I spoke of another type of fruit I love, which is also not easy to find. But today, I found it! The

Astrocaryum vulgare! 

(To me) it’s better known as “awarra”. It has an amazing unique taste. I always bite the skin off, but cutting is possible as well, I guess.

The inside fruit has a hairy texture

And its pit is very large!

After biting off the skin, I bite the fruit off the pit, and chew on it, until it becomes dry pulp. I don’t eat the dry pulp. It’s on the plate in the background, haha… 

Meoww time for my 40 minutes pre-party nap xxx

[I haven’t gotten to working on my websites today. Tomorrow I’m going to the spa with my mother and aunts, in Busseloo, so then, I won’t be able to finish it either ๐Ÿ™ .]


21:49 (09:49 PM) 

Meoww we’re at the house of Jamiro’s friend and boss. Jeroen, (one of) the owner(s) of the Pebble app and company. He’s preparing his set, as co-organizer and DJ. We brought some Burger King. His apartment is so nice! 😻 I want to be able to afford a cosy place with big windows, toooo! It’s really cool to see someone of my age live this young entrepreneurs life. Meoww I hope I’ll be the next to make it there… 

We’ll head over to the party location in a few. I love entrepreneurial spirits. Haha I also love when it’s finished. How to find investors x_x.  

I’m telling myself not to drink too much ๐Ÿ˜€ . I really shouldn’t, with my aortic insufficiency and tachycardia and everything. And this lump that should not be there. 

Haha next time I’m going to a public place, I should announce it waaay in advance. And then hope that some Cuddles will come to cuddle me ๐Ÿ˜€ . 

So we’re heading to club Up 😋


22:59 (10:59 PM) 

We just arrived. The conclusion of this writing is that you should go to every party these guys organize ๐Ÿ˜€ . 

Some bad pictures coming up:

That’s Jamiro, with the white shirt. And the first DJ of the nighttt. I’ll ask his name after he’s donee. Jeroen is not here yet. He took his own car. 

Moved picturess

Meoww I feel VIP as fuck, standing in the DJ booth. I feel more safe here. I think I’ll make a good MC. Or a freestyling meow ๐Ÿ˜€ . 


23:35 (11:35 PM) 

Haha suddenly I feel the sting of my distance. Within these 2 years of time, I became such a distant person. I’m really trying to come off as social as possible, though.

It’s the “soundsystem” DJ, by the way. Not performing under a name, but solely for free fun. He’s also helped to prepare this party. 

There are so many people I’ve left, after their interference in something I didn’t want them to know. I see everyone texting people. They’re the people I used to text. But every time I get all of these questions I don’t want to answer. 

I prefer to act as if nothing happened. Because what happened is something so far from regular, I need a certain type of interest, to get the right understanding for what I’ve already tried to tell them. That it wasn’t received well, has made me scared of people. It was not just something. It was a part of my personality I’ve kept hidden, because it’s very unusual. Like being homosexual. But then something different. 

What I’m working towards with these words, is that I want to leave all of that behind. I want to start a new life, here in Amsterdam. You know, find some new friends. Build something up. And then move to California, because the Netherlands are way to fucking cold for me ๐Ÿ˜€ . 


Blog, Online Diary

Thursday, February 7, 2019

04:29 (AM) 

Meoow turning a store item into a service has been tough, but I’m almost there now… I’ve been changing around my menus also, and added terms and conditions. And some other back-end stuff that isn’t even visible for visitors, but a lot of changes have been made. 

I hope to finish everything today, but I always feel like socializing when there are visitors, and today the grandchildren will be visiting again, for dinner, so that means I’ll only have the afternoon to work on this. 

There are some labels I need to add for the requirements of the text specifications form, for my services, I need to fix the image ratios in the store, there’s something going wrong with my registration form, which I need to fix, purchase links need to be added to this website and the D.O.C.I.S. International website, I need a newsletter, some new slides for my slider would be nice, the text on my home page has to be updated, I want to write an article about Volta and setbacks, and – last, but not least – I need to add topics and conversation starters to my forum. Oh, and I want to redraw my logo, and use a geo-triangle this time. 

I’m saving the forum task for last, because that is the most fun, and once that gets going, I’ll be less motivated to perform my other tasks. I also need to write that e-mail to de belastingdienst, before the 12th. And start applying for jobs…. But I just don’t want to lose all the time I have for my business x_x.  I chose the edgy pricing for my writing services, to attempt to use that to make a living. I could write you Seneca-style letters, for your entertainment. Consider it a hobby that relates to delicacies, because I’m attempting to price myself into the luxury segment. 

I added categories to the menu earlier

I added external stores to the store

Anddd I’m exhausted, so I’m off to bed. But I have so much to tell you, still! Especially with the rejection and all… And my search for Graeynissis, which has become much harder now. Ah, meow ๐Ÿ™ .

Good night

I love you


13:55 (01:55 PM) 

Hey โ™ฅ

Yesterday’s rejection has made my future vision even more blurry. But I’m not giving up… All I need is some Graeynissis. They possess knowledge I need to succeed in my mission, which I can’t learn from regular people. 

In a way, it might be a lot better for me to not be affiliated with an institution. Since I (prefer to) work independently… I needed the affiliation, solely for my network and being referred to the right study books. That is literally all, for me. Yeah and it sucks that people will now think that I’m dumb, for the rest of my life [might be an exaggeration, if I still manage to pull this off in a different way. By still being acknowledged for the title Illuminatus Intelligens, for example, if only I could find some Graeynissis…], now that I’m not studying at all anymore. Not that I care about what they think, because I know what the truth is, but it’s just annoying to hear them express their shit beliefs about me, to me. I’m a good listener… I don’t say anything and let them talk. 

The rate of visitors reading my diary is far too low, in comparison with the time I put in to it, so I hope to change that, by making an explanation tour, for (new) visitors. $20 is the cost of the cheapest plugin for that… Meow I have โ‚ฌ3 to spend… x_x. Ohh but I’m still getting a tax back and I’ve never filled out my bank credentials for Spreadshirt, until yesterday, so I’m also getting back my own share for buying my own clothing (haha I’m paying for it x_x). Please let me write something for you :D. I crave for better writing purposes… 

I’m going to shower and eat something… There are salmon and cassave in the freezer, and there’s an avocado that needs to be eaten. That’s what I’ll be working with… Before I get back to all of this website editing… 

Ohh meoww I should add book previews to this website, too… And an “article to PDF” button, too! This is such a big previously unplanned makeover! The additions might slow down my site… I wonder how to get support for more traffic and more content… 


Blog, Media, Online Diary, Popular Posts

Wednesday, February 6, 2019

00:20 (12:20 PM) 

Meoww my forum and online bookstore are visible online, but they’re not finished yet. There are some books I still need to add to the (e-book) store [I want to sell tangibles, too, but don’t have the funds and location for stock management, yet], add some refund policy credentials, add terms and conditions, and [the most fun part] add forum topics! I hope I’ll be able to attract Graeynissis to my forum 😻. There is so much to discuss 😻.

My heart slightly fears hatred and harshness on my forum. But my comment sections are peaceful, and so should be my forum. I can’t wait to get my blog out of social isolation, in the right way!!! 

I’m going to continue to work on this for a little while. Interacting with people who think like me excites me :D. Interacting with people who like my writing excites me :D. 

What’s on my mind, as I’m working on these things, is how to assemble the right people for the intimate community I intend to create… I’m thinking of a Google Ads campaign, simultaneously with Volta’s ad campaign, but I hope The Head Cuddle will finally reveal its hidden strength…

Haha I’ve been watching BoJack Horseman while working on this… After Rick and Morty (and before that, yeaaaars of never following anything), it seems like this will be my next “entertainment” aside from writing and walking… I’ll keep it to a minimum.

Oohh meoow something I’ll add to my store is the service of me writing a personalized text for you!!! That’s so much fun!!! It’s great for finding purposes to write for, it’s great for having something to do, it’s great for my network, it’s great for my wallet, it’s great for my name… Yay ๐Ÿ˜€


04:02 (AM) 

There is a lottt to configure!! I’m not done yet, but I should get some rest… (I guess? I don’t feel tired, but I feel like it’s mandatory to take a break?) 

If people would use me as a text generator, I could make a living!!! I love getting writing tasks!!! Let me write you a book 😻. Or write a text on a canvas, you could use as decoration! 

Omgg I would be soo happy if people would ask me to write personalized texts for them!!! I’d have something to do, maybe have a reason to start a conversation with someone new, and I could get myself out of debt, without wanting to die from the mental slavery I’ll have to put myself through to get there!!! 

My Graeynissis 😻. May I write something for your paper?? 😻 You can let me read in on any topic, and I’ll be able to write about it, as if I’ve mastered the entire subject myself!!! 

Yay ๐Ÿ˜€ 

I’m off to eating some more berries and then go to bed

I love you so much!!โ™ฅ

Good night! ๐Ÿ˜€

xxx – 

12:54 (PM) 

Good afternoon โ™ฅ

Hehe last night, I didn’t really want to go to bed, and now my bed feels so cosy and warm, I don’t want to leave it… But the excitement of the idea of a finished website, will get me out of bed and behind my laptop! 

My spontaneous impulse to change around this website, came from me asking myself how to quickly find a way to have a more fun website for visitors and find a quick way to earn – after I spent some time studying my Google Analytics and struggled with setting goals for this website, because there’s not much to do here, aside from reading, and now that bills are getting deducted, and there’s not much coming in. 

Here’s what’s on my list for a finished website:

These are quite fun tasks ๐Ÿ™‚

I don’t know if I have enough money for a terms and conditions statement x_x. Maybe I’ll have to write it by hand x_x. 

By engagement, I mean that I’ll make some test accounts for the forum and use that to start conversations. 

I’ll still sell tangibles, by forwarding you to the sites where they’re available. When I’m done with all of this, I’ll also draw some new designs for my sweatshop. 

Here’s what everything looks like “before”, including the little editing I did yesterday:

I need to fix that button, too…

This will be a lot less text

Meoww there needs to be a solution for the alignment of the items…

Meoww I can’t wait to see this develop itself ๐Ÿ˜€

To get started, I’ll get up, put some clothes on, brush my teeth, cook and “foam up” some milk for my chai latte, warm some of yesterday’s left overs and turn on my laptop. Tot later xxx


14:58 (02:58 PM) 

Seconds after I uploaded my 12:54 update, I received a bunch of automated messages about not being selected for the program I applied for, because I didn’t meet all requirements. The only requirement I didn’t meet, was the maximum amount of words in my motivation letter, which I exceeded, because my request to study wasn’t a usual one. 

Why do rejections always have to be so painful… Especially the message sent “on behalf of the programme director”, from the same student’s email address, gives me crazy palpitations and chest pains. I don’t ever want to be part of a selection process again. But I have no choice, currently. In my Volta, I stated that if my alternative education path is off the table, I’ll start applying for jobs again, to earn my acknowledgement and freedom the longer way (if I don’t end up committing suicide from the way I depend on external parties and they always work against me). 

If someone asks me if I’ve heard something yet, I’ll say no, because I fucking hate those words of pity, with an undertone that insinuates that that person didn’t want to see me succeed in the first place. 

I’ve never felt so insulted… The cover of Volta has a model used in econometrics on it, which is not even shit for beginners. And then they tell me that I don’t qualify x_x. (My model is incepted! The รŸ value resembles the y value of an underlying cross sectional data analysis model. For every topic, there’s a seperate cross sectional analysis, and the conclusions of those individual analyses, are put into one final cross sectional analysis, which is the Volta value.) On the page of the double bachelors program, they state that if the committee finds that you don’t qualify for the double bachelor, they might advice you to either study only econometrics or only economics. To me, they say that I can try to apply for the Dutch program. A Dutch degree is useless. My aspirations are international. I’m trying to earn my way the fuck out of this country. Is my English that bad? Ugh and then they wish me good luck. I’m wished good luck dying? It was my last fucking hope. I want my account there to be permanently deleted. There’s no way in hell I’ll ever follow another Dutch education program. 

I’ll stick to my Volta and start applying for jobs again. After I finish my websites, of course!! I hope some meows want me to write texts for them! I hope they’ll be things for which I need to read myself in on some serious scientific content. That could be an alternative to my alternative. I’ll never stop trying!! I guess… I need that fucking acknowledgement. In fucking English!!!  

The most shocking part, is the automated messages part. My request wasn’t a regular request. Why not go in to what I said? That it’s life or death, wasn’t a fucking joke. I wonder if the person in whose name the automated message was sent, knows about this. We could have been writing history. Now I’m back at ground zero. How the fuck else can I get my B back?  ๐Ÿ™ 

Please use my forum… Pleaseeee x_x 


Blog, Online Diary

Tuesday, February 5, 2019

16:31 (04:31 PM) 

Meoww I’m about to start cooking. I received my login credentials for the Royal Library online deposit section earlier today ๐Ÿ™‚ . I hope they’ll accept what I send them, haha…. 

Haha yaaaay


20:46 (08:46 PM) 

Hmmm I think I should start a forum on my blog… The most fun would be to have some games on it… Anything to make this website more enjoyable! It would be a lot more fun if I weren’t alone on this business journey (which is something that isn’t/shouldn’t be a lonely journey) to begin with. Again, I end up at the need for Graeynissis…

I should replace the SpreadShop with an e-book store, but when I send someone a PDF, it can be forwarded so easily. I can’t afford to miss out on any type of revenue… Except ad revenue…? x_x 

How to increase the involvement of my visitors… Reading through my personal struggle is boring… It’s getting boring to express it, too x_x. 

It would be nicer to have fun and collective tangibles. Such as a magazine from and for all publicists. And the tangibles from my thesis :D.

I guess that’s what I should make the article about… Hoping to find some Graeynissis who would like to support me… 

I’m also just going to make my website a partial e-commerce site… 


Blog, Online Diary

Monday, February 4, 2019

14:35 (02:35 PM) 

Good afternoon โ™ฅ

That video, for which I’ve been recording yesterday, too, will have to wait… I’m not going to upload something I’m not proud of, and to feel that for a video, I need a better location and Graeynissis to film with, I notice… I’m too alone in my content, which isn’t attractive to an audience. 

No special e-mails in my mailbox today… I’m going to eat something, write down the full story concept for the NTI series – because I’m thinking of giving that all away at once and seperating that part from the book series – while my food digests and then go jogging later. Meow xxx


21:49 (09:49 PM) 

Running was nice. It was veryyy cold, though, and my running pants are too large for me now, so every time I tried to sprint, they sagged beyond my butt, which was quite annoying, so I didn’t run for long. 

Meoww my situation is getting so trippy x_x. I’m in semi-ragdoll-mode, waiting to see if I have a shot at support of my [independent…? Then it would not be independent anymore? Unless everyone who might become involved, does this independently, instead of in the name of the University, which is (partially?) sponsored by the government (if I’m correct). Whether it’s done independently or not, doesn’t matter to me that much anymore… As long as it’s put into practice] research project. It seems like my last hope. It’s also what I betted the Volta of my external factors on. 

If the University [I know it’s usually not necessarily with a capital letter] accepts my offer, that means that people who agree with my vision exist – otherwise it shouldn’t be accepted – and I’ll finally have a “tangible argument” against those who say that I’m all alone in my stance and that I should let go of my beliefs and conform myself to the proletarian existence [that is every fucking person I speak of my endeavors with]. It’s my last hope, because it’s certain those who don’t believe in me would ever help me. And what I want to accomplish, can’t be accomplished all by myself, for it touches on sooooo many different types of expertise. 

Of course I do not want to cause pressure on the selection process. (Especially when the doubt is still about whether or not to allow me in at all.) For some reason my mom wants to read my book, even though she always tells me that she can’t understand my writing. I expected people from my social circle to not read my books again, so I was fully open and honest about how I feel about my current life and its recent past. (In the parts where I use myself to show how the method works. If it works for me, it will work for you, too, for sure.) I didn’t buy copies on purpose, because I don’t want them to read it. I want future pioneers to read it… My Graeynissis… They can understand me ๐Ÿ™ . If she really orders it, it’s only a matter of time, until the giganticness of my faรงade becomes clear. And I will want to distance myself from this life forever, right away, the way I actually already want things to be, since 2017. I don’t want a dramatic discussion. And especially no therapy x_x. It’s a great controversy. You should read it hahaha….. 


23:41 (11:41 PM) 

That dramatic discussion is only if my content is understood. But, of course, that’s the risk that is taken, now that I chose to publish (another) book that involves my personal situation. A serious occupation that involves Graeynissis, I’ll devote all of the time I have to, would save me from that, though. It would also make me happy and give me the distance I so desperately need. 

My occupation while waiting haha meow… Spider stays cool ๐Ÿ˜€ . But I would love to do something more fun and challenging… 

Tomorrow, I’ll work on my SEO [so many of my posts are undefined in search engines] and make a sitemap. I’ll also make my version of pasta carbonara and write an article I’ll use as my cornerstone…

I hope tomorrow will bring me good news ๐Ÿ˜€ . 

Good night

I love you โ™ฅ

xxx – 

Blog, Online Diary, Random Thoughts, Reflections

Sunday, February 3, 2019

02:44 (AM) 

I’m in bed now. After sleeping, I want to touch on what happens to me during small talk, the emotional pain from seeing my relatives, a dream so big that I fear to share it with my Graeynissis because I’m afraid they’ll say no, Volta and what I call human vultures. 

Sweet Dreams โ™ฅ

I love you โ™ฅ


13:39 (01:39 PM) 

Hiii :Dโ™ฅ

How’s your weekendd? ๐Ÿ™‚

Mine is all right. I’m still in bed haha…. I’ll get up to do some pre-eating and “making” croissants soon. First, I’d like to start on what I wanted to say about small talk. 

When I’m not talking, I’m always thinking deeply, in a very concentrated state.  The creative challenge in creating a new world, is always on my mind. In silence, I try to combine the concepts I know and/or have reasoned out, and try to think of them put together, to mentally simulate that, and think of if it would last as the fundament of a new world. 

Then having to let go of my train of thought, to engage in small talk, always makes me a little tense, because I worry if I’ll remember where to pick up, where I left off, when the conversation is over. 

For example, I try to simulate if it’s financially healthy for both sides (so “Planet Earth” and “Planet Fang” (on the same soil(?))), when Planet Fang buys the earthly houses of its citizens, to give them Fangia (its valuta) to spend (not to buy a new house, because they get that for free), and sells, rents out or uses those houses for whatever purpose, and Planet Fang’s bank is where everyone deposits all they have, and it becomes “a collective account”. How do we then not make Planet Earth go bankrupt, how should spending restrictions for that account be stated, would people enjoy this ride… (I need sexy Graeyniss sexy expertise to answer my questions with certainty!!!) That’s what my brain is semi-working on, but then, mid reasoning process… Things like  “Look at this funny video!” or “I’ll give you some advice on life, wrapped in a story about myself,” make me have to switch up what I use my brain for. 

There are the most loving intentions behind it, I know that, and I love my people for that, but it’s a distraction from something that is needed and necessary for survival…

Okayy I’m going to brush my teeth and eat. Meanwhile, check this out ๐Ÿ˜€ : [haha that distracting choice of words is meant as a joke]

Haha why do I never make it to a leaderboard? Spider solitaire is addictive!


19:45 (07:45 PM)

Meoww I wonder what you want to read about. Or what you like to read about. That’s what I want to write. I bet that’s not the topics I listed in the beginning of this post. 

But to quickly stick to my words: the acting casual, as if nothing was going on and it’s normal that I don’t want to live at home, was painful. 

We should unplug all of our intellectual capital and assets out of the current system and independently create a system of our own, with our Graeyniss for Graeyniss business (land).

I want to record some Graeynissis talking about Volta, to increase sales… It sounds like the only way… It also sounds like sexy fun ๐Ÿ˜€ . To have Graeynissis talk about it, is all I write for, truthfully. 

I need a solution to these “Ayy gurl where you goin’? What’s yo number?” type of people I, for some weird reason, can’t say “No please just fucking leave me alone,” to. They’re really like vultures in a way. Waiting until the prey is unaccompanied by another male. Some arm candy to fend them off and to be less lonely. I permanently don’t want to sleep alone anymore ๐Ÿ™‚ . 

This is not bad… I screenshotted this earlier today, because I thought of sharing this “accomplishment” hahaha. I should add this to my curriculum vitae HAHA just kidding.


23:26 (11:26 PM) 

Meoww I’m off to bed. I hope tomorrow will bring me good news. I have no idea in what format I’ll be given my news. But this is the only way I have to hear something. Usually my ways of reaching out can be ignored, when they’re too different from the standard procedures, but in this case, I am entitled to hear anything about it. I don’t know how my case is interpreted from someone I don’t know personally, and usually I just don’t hear anything, but this time it would be not following the procedure, if I were ignored. 

Responding to my request requires a lot of creativity! Because it stems from pure creativity. I wonder how the respondent(s) will approach it. I hope I’ll be reading a lot of positive words. A lotttt of words. It will make my heart very happy.

Meoww I’m off to bed 

Good night 

I love you 

xxx – 

Blog, Images, Online Diary

Saturday, February 2, 2019

01:10 (AM)

The uploading of the video will be postponed to Monday or Tuesday (if I’m not saved by a miracle today and not have to endure the emotional pain of today and whatever will follow), because, even though I find it quite fun(ny) already, there are some things I’d like to elaborate on, some new things I want to add and some things I’ll have to retake, because of my articulation… I want to upload a video that suits “the standard”, this time. So I’ll continue with all of that, after today’s party. 

Meoow I want to have a Graeyniss to cling to and forever leave with, at the party… But I always want that, truthfully. Even when there’s no party. 

But I’ll probably feel lonely as usual, while socializing and smiling all of the time, and act so casual with my father, people will wonder why I’m not staying at home. I already can’t wait for it to be over. I really don’t want to see him ever again. Having to, makes me want to run again, but I’m too broke for that. 

A full-time job doesn’t bring me big and fast money, plus it sucks, but it’s all I can do, if my offer is refused. I’ll keep waiting and hope that it won’t be. I need my own, very private and secluded place. 

I’ll be dreaming about it

I love you 


14:31 (02:31 PM) 

Good afternoon โ™ฅ

Please God, may it be the last day I do something like this

If I’d always be honest, I wouldn’t be able to attend to something like this, because of my different philosophy on life, which is unaccepted by many. That it’s unaccepted makes me angry, underneath my faรงade.  I wish to find my fellow pioneers… Why aren’t we just neighbors or something x_x. 

Look at my Fang map ๐Ÿ˜€ 

The places where my blog is and/or has been read

I’ll be socializing and helping with getting the party location ready and later probably serving drinks from behind the bar xxx


19:45 (07:45 PM) 

Mini update:

My party prepping task was wrapping cakes

I later, when there were no guests yet, resorted to the children’s table, where the eldest grandchild, who was also there for party prepping, asked me if I wanted to make an anime character on his phone. Meet Fangs ๐Ÿ™‚

And I colored this haha

When the guests and the birthday girl (she turned 70) arrived, I chose to stand behind the bar, which was what I’ve been doing all night 

Eating nice food behind the bar

21:54 (09:54 PM) 

Meow… From the way I’m not able to update my blog from here – as in updating this post – either there’s so much traffic coming to my website right now (because I’m still able to send and receive text messages, so it can’t be my phone service), or there’s another magical reason for not being able to reach it… Meow I’m also not able to reach it from my browser. I hope I’m attracting Graeynissis ๐Ÿ˜€ 😻. I also noticed an intense peak in web traffic last weekend. As in more than 1000% more than what I usually have on average. Is it Graeyniss day, every Saturday? ๐Ÿ˜€ 

I’m still behind the bar. It’s the perfect social load for me, in this situation. Not too much conversing, but still some nice exchanges of words, and having something to do and stuff… I do can’t wait for the perfect type of conversation, though. I pray I hear something from them on Monday and may endulge myself in delightful conversations with those sexy Graeynissis. 

This unpaid labor and my fully maxed out account, because of that awful health insurance, and still not earning enough to live from, are making me feel wild meoww… May Monday be good to me ๐Ÿ™ . Haha meow my patience x_x. 


23:10 (11:10 PM) 

Ah I recognized someone from the holiday to Italy (Udine) a few years ago. She’s really cool ๐Ÿ™‚ . We might be doing something fun soon ๐Ÿ™‚ . Ah meow, I gave her my card, but forgot to ask her number ๐Ÿ™ . I rarely take the initiative to text someone, lately, so that could have played a role. But I would make an exception for her ๐Ÿ™‚ . 


Blog, Images, Nederlandse Tekst, Online Diary

Friday, February 1, 2019

00:28 (12:28 AM) 

I have so many posts (about 314 now), I wonder if someone would find it worthwhile to expose him or herself to the contents of my mind, and be able to understand my thoughts and see that every word on my websites is actually a scream for Graeyniss help in non-caps-lock. The troubles I’m facing won’t be understood by regular people, because my content requires beyond-regular reasoning, to be understood. 

My posts are the most clear, when you’ve read them all (and my books as well), because everything relates to each other. But when you stumble upon this for the first time now, new articles (and books) keep being added, while you read your way back in time. If you do… It must have a happy end somehow, so it’s a fun read ๐Ÿ™‚ . Especially because what defines the happy end is the veryyy heavyweight question of many. Even of me, since I depend on Graeynissis… But it must include Cishes ๐Ÿ˜€

Cishe? ๐Ÿ˜€

Meoww I was feeling Cuddle about the way the lighting on my face was and the way it made my face contour(ing) look, but my phone camera wasn’t showing what I saw with my naked eyes, so my expression is a bit un-cuddle…

That’s a new sweater, by the way, which falls a bit large, but I don’t want to trade it or whatever, because I loveee having new clothes and I don’t like being in busy clothing stores. This one is fron H&M, which was crazy busy compared to the one in Rotterdam Alexander, when I selected it here in Amsterdam, when my mother took me to lunch in the city center, last Saturday. She bought it for me ๐Ÿ™‚ . 

I’m petting now… There are so many feelings I feel like sharing, but I’m so tired of this routine of typing posts on my phone… I would love to go back to writing for myself, with pen and paper. And post videos and essays here weekly. Ones of really good quality… Supported by Graeynissis, approved by Graeynissis, made for Graeynissis 😻. Haha yeah man “scientifically proven *whatever*” should become “approved by Graeynissis” 😋. Ahahahaha! 😹😹😹

Meoow I’m going to sleep. I’ll be dreaming about you being my forever Graeyniss. (Graeynissis are always forever, so that was een pleonasme. Of dat andere woord dat ermee verward wordt. Kan er even niet op komen x_x.) Please tell me you don’t have plans for Saturday ๐Ÿ™‚ .

Good night โ™ฅ

I love you โ™ฅ


13:40 (01:40 PM) 

Good afternoon, my Cuddle โ™ฅ

I wonder what I should occupy myself with, now that my book is published, and I have about max 4 more weeks to wait… 

I feel like playing the piano, but that’s not an option here. I think I’m going to write and take a long walk through the snow. And record a video? And write with pen and paper. Write with pen and paper and record a video about that, while I walk through the “snow” (it’s just a tiny layer). Yay :D. I’ll upload it to my YouTube channel… I hope my Graeynissis will watch 🙊. 

Know that the thought of that will make me a little nervous while filming it, because I find Graeynissis so Cuddle… And I consider it an introduction of Fangs (2.0 compared to the other videos on my channel)… But that’s Graet, isn’t it, my Graeyniss?

I’m going to get up, shower, eat, mail my Vicje to say that my book is published because he has asked me about that several times in the past, prepare my video on paper and then record it. 

Haha meoow in a group chat, I saw that my meow has been sending people sexy chocolate with a picture of a car under water on it, with the text “Thinking of you” on it. I want it ๐Ÿ™ . I wonder what his exact hidden message is. I want to mention it in the mail. I don’t know what type of tone I should use. I’ll be thinking about that while I shower xxx


21:54 (09:54 PM)

Meoww I’ve mailed that sexy Graeyniss of mine and recorded the video off the top, in a walk to the park. The rest of the time I spent socializing with friends of family friends and family friends. We were doing party preparations for tomorrow. 

I helped to cut and wrap thiss

Here’s the link for Volta, for my Apple users [thanks to Jamiro for letting me use his iPhone to search for it]:

Hehe here’s what I sent to my Vicje:

Lieve Victor,

Omdat u altijd zo lief vraagt naar hoe het met mijn schrijven gaat, wanneer ik u zie, wil ik u graag met vreugde mededelen dat mijn nieuwste boek <i>Volta</i> nu in de meeste (internationaal gevestigde) online schappen te vinden is. 

Het gaat over het beรฏnvloeden van de rede en het eigen levenspad, door middel van een zelf bedachte schrijfstrategie, die ik al een aantal jaren toepas. Met oog op de toekomst. Het is geschreven voor Graeynissis.

Ik zou u heel graag een exemplaar willen toesturen! Daarom is mijn vraag of uw voorkeur uit gaat naar een papieren boek, of een e-boek. (Of allebei!) En waar u de zending het liefst ontvangt. 

Via mijn hoogseizoenscollega’s heb ik vernomen dat u een selecte groep mensen, kaartjes en chocolade heeft gestuurd, met de mededeling dat u aan ze denkt. Ik vind dat zo mooi! En zoooooo ontzettend jammer dat ik zelf niks ontvangen heb… Ik ben echt heel benieuwd naar de achterliggende gedachte achter deze bijzondere openbaring. Vooral de afbeelding van de auto die zich onder water bevindt, zie ik als een interessant symbool. 

Ik hoop u weer een keer te zien en te spreken. (Het liefst voor altijd…) 

Als alles goed gaat, en u ervoor open staat, zou dit misschien kunnen, door middel van mijn concept voor een groot project, over maatschappelijke verandering, dat – indien mijn voorstel wordt geaccepteerd – in samenwerking met de Erasmus Universiteit, in gang gezet zou kunnen worden. 

Als dat niet het geval is, solliciteer ik direct voor iedere functie die er op het hoofdkantoor van de ANWB beschikbaar is. (Ik wil echt nergens anders werken, maar ben bang dat ik een hele onprofessionele indruk op u heb gemaakt.)

Hartelijke groeten,

van Dominique 

I normally never share what I send in my e-mails… I’m seriously blushing. I’m such a stalker x_x. 

I’ll edit the videos I made and then update it later. I’m quite tired, though ๐Ÿ™ . So maybe I’ll end up finishing it tomorrow… 



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