00:40 (12:40 AM)
My Catje ♥
I hope you had a nice weekend. 🙂 I wonder if you have plans for the Summer holidays. For me it will be living through the planning I’ve said “Yes,” to, for good reasons. But still I hope that there are a lot of people accross the globe who like to read my blog and who would like to get practical about it. It seems like this is something too controversial to openly express your appreciation for or something. While I’m not doing anything illegal. I hope someone will break the barriers between me living in toxic relationships “while the world knows”, but being some unemployed person who’s battling the incorrect schizophrenia diagnosis, who will start a new life in Antwerp in 77 days in real life, and me consciously provocatively giving “the whole world” so many topics to discuss with me openly and internationally. With me, not without me meow I’m lonely enough already. 🙁
77 days is long, my meow. 🙁 Gladly I have enough time to set up my store before the curriculum starts now yay. If I break my family ties, I’ll have no financial safety net at all anymore. So it’s very important that I have enough opportunities to earn (without having to apply for a job and having to prove myself for some recruiter ugh ew 😩 ).
I really wonder if I’ll find love in Antwerp. It would be awesome my meoww. I’m so lonely. 🙁 And after leaving this life behind for good which I won’t tell anyone new I meet because I don’t like talking about the drama in my life when I want someone to like me (but then if I want that person to know who I am there’s no other way but to vent all of this drama 😩 ), I’ll for sure need someone who cuddles me to sleep every night even more than I do now.
It won’t be easy to find someone who’s hotter than Victishe. I was so surprised when I had a conversation with him for the first time, thinking: “You are so perfect meowww.” 😻 It’s too bad he’s unapproachable for me now. 🙁 Especially because now if I’d be exclusive with someone, I want to think and feel: “There’s no one sweeter than you. There’s no one I find more attractive than you. There’s no one I can be myself with more than you.” He (or she but I think a he is more likely to happen because I really can’t tell when another female likes me and what I should do then) has to be someone I can grow old with. I don’t know if I want that relationship to be monogamous with getting married and having children et cetera, or more of an intimate group of friends with whom I share the same ambition. The second option sounds far more appealing to me, because I don’t like the isolation of intimacy that comes with a monogamous relationship. I’d rather have a very close relationship with everyone I find attractive, who finds me attractive. I wonder if the older men who I find the most attractive would dare to take that chance with me. Many people might be jealous of how hot we’ll be together. 🙈
Hehe I really genuinely hope we’ll become a D.O.C.I.S. family. Once there’s no family circle family who (if not physically then verbally or strategically) interferes in my relationships anymore, we’ll have free game yays. 😻 77 days left.
Those are my pre-bed thoughts.
Sweet dreams, my Catje ♥
– xxx –
13:37 (01:37 PM)
It’s Still Far from Optimal
Good afternoon 🙂
I’m going to stay over at my aunt’s again today. I really need a change of scenes every now and then.
Moving to Antwerp is a more drastic form of that same need. Though it’s more of me trying to create a better living environment for myself with what I have available. If I had more available, or if my father weren’t hoarding his money, I would have gone to the United States already for sure. When it comes to that, following a course in Dutch is a disadvantage. But moving to Antwerp is still the best I can do for myself.
Though this is all unnecessary and my offer for thinning out the world population by means of saving the planet and fixing my financial situation by speeding up the inheritance process if you know what I mean always stands. Once I’ve fully mastered the subject of mathematics as Illuminatus Intelligens ProfFangs, I can do that even better. It allows for a very interesting form of people management. 😂
When the Netherlands flood because of these dumb fucking idiots, you’ll think of me. Part of Belgium is below sea level as well. Maybe they do want to think ahead with me. 😜
By the way, aside from my financial situation being very unstable when I move to Antwerp, another problem will be, especially now that I mentioned my search for my significant other, that I know no one who could protect me there. Imagine the type of questions I’m asked on ASKfm being asked to me in real life, and I answer those questions because I’m just verbally open and not because I’m in to that person, but that person could still mistake it for me being into that person and whatever happens next I’ll have no one watching over me. Mweh who can I trust in this life…
Meoww I’m going to get packing and cycle to my aunt’s xxx.