My last couple of posts I have spent clarifying that what I state here is not fiction, but a sketch of what the future looks like in an ideal situation, in my view. A selection of people I’ve come across in any way, have, with the (alternative) potential I see in them, occurred in this diary, in the context of my business. Because I think that the unification of us would make an incomparable difference. Never before have I displayed these individuals with an image, as (some of) those who I consider the Graeynissis with whom I will build the Fangyist nation. Here is a hypothetical organizational D.O.C.I.S. draft.

My love,

In yesterday’s This is not a Game (opens in new tab), I already took what for me is an enormous step, displaying who I refer to as Victishe. I feel I sound silly. Because I’m just typing and thinking about you all day. After the whole schizophrenia situation, I fear expressing my feelings and ideas in regard to the future, because they’re huge and I see immense potential in them.

> You are my Graeyniss

People like to talk ideas out of my head. That is why I have not shared this, the faces to nicknames and ideas, directly with anyone. Not even in my public diary. I feel slightly emotional as I’m writing this, for I see that the reality factor couldn’t have been realized by the majority up until this point. And you might have noticed that I mean you, but I have never told you that you are that Graeyniss.

You remember the outline for the future D.O.C.I.S. International I describe. It’s still in development and still undergoes change. Like how I very recently stated that it’s better if I am an entity separate from the parliament, like a queen. That because of the protection of overall power. I cannot be harmed politically, grant you absolute power and the public can’t do anything about it. (Without us, Earth would be an indescribably awful place.)

I never told you about this – the faces to names – because I assume(d) that you will not give up your present life for a life with me. (Seriously, this idea has no chance of succeeding without you at all.) But maybe schizophrenia related dream deterring indoctrination had gotten the best of me. Are you interested in becoming a part of this? (There is no better moment to say it than now, because in 2018 the idea wasn’t as developed and tomorrow is Monday.)

Positions within D.O.C.I.S. International are for life. In the beginning (which could basically be tomorrow or even right now), these highly ranked Graeynissis will, together with me, officially define the laws and outlines. Afterwards, you are in full control of the department you will have shaped up to your vision.

I’ll be doing this with SEO optimized use of full name et cetera.

Some spots still need to be filled up.

D.O.C.I.S. International structure

Keep this structure in mind. 🙂

Role descriptions are open to (better) alteration to your talents. For now the context in which I describe roles is about rebuilding a new world and for that creating local subdivisions within the international body. But there is more to it, as the definition will say. Here we go, in randomized order… This is a hypothetical organizational D.O.C.I.S. draft:

> The D.O.C.I.S. International Council

~ D.O.C.I.S. International Parliament

Praesens: Victor Geskes

Victor Geskes D.O.C.I.S. International A Hypothetical Organizational D.O.C.I.S. Draft

Victor Geskes – Praesens

The Praesens is the main correspondent of D.O.C.I.S. International and is in charge of internal and external communication strategy. In context, Illuminatus Intelligens Victishe translates my international reform strategy to a business reform strategy that suits common business language. This begins with officially defining and communicating the purpose of D.O.C.I.S. International as an internationally operating entity. Afterwards, local subdivisions have to operate according to the guidelines of the organization.

Strategicus: Benoît Crutzen

Benoît Crutzen D.O.C.I.S. International A Hypothetical D.O.C.I.S. Draft

Benoît Crutzen – Strategicus

The Strategicus systemizes the balance between individuality and mathematics. In context, Illuminatus Intelligens B creates models and processes for the registration and count of Fangyists, as well as the management of their freedom of choice (related to the question: “How to equally divide resources over individuals in such a way that their needs are supplied to its maximum extent?”). He will later also supervise university policy.

Economicus I: Sander Renes

Sander Renes D.O.C.I.S. International A Hypothetical D.O.C.I.S. Draft

Sander Renes – Economicus I

Economicus I determines the international strategy for the management of tangible resources in all territories (called divisions) owned by D.O.C.I.S. International. In context, Illuminatus Intelligens Sander defines under which strategy tangibles will be accounted for in all divisions and supervises market behavior. For potential market failure, he defines re-establishment strategies (which are social strategies, instead of the financial measures we know today).

Economicus II: Lorenzo Dal Maso

Lorenzo Dal Maso D.O.C.I.S. International A Hypothetical D.O.C.I.S. Draft

Lorenzo Dal Maso – Economicus II

Economicus II defines the value and management of intangible resources in all divisions of D.O.C.I.S. International. In context, Illuminatus Intelligens Lorenzo determines how intangibles will be accounted for in all divisions and supervises market behavior. The Economici together determine how the shift from intangible and tangible resources under the same value system can be separated, by means of sustainable strategy.

Cultor I: Kendrick Duckworth

Kendrick Duckworth D.O.C.I.S. International A Hypothetical Organizational D.O.C.I.S. Draft

Kendrick Duckworth – Cultor I

The Cultores determine the overall strategy related to the exposition of culture throughout all divisions of D.O.C.I.S. International. Cultor I is head of the strategy related to education. In context, Illuminatus Intelligens K-Cuddle defines how to communicate the definition of D.O.C.I.S. International to its Fangyists.

Cultor II: Tyler Okonma

Tyler Okonma D.O.C.I.S. International A Hypothetical D.O.C.I.S. Draft

Tyler Okonma – Cultor II

The Cultores determine the overall strategy related to the exposition of culture throughout all divisions of D.O.C.I.S. International. Cultor II is head of the strategy related to entertainment. In context, Illuminatus Intelligens Tyfang defines with what the mental and physical effort of initiating real global change through D.O.C.I.S. International will be alternated with, in the first weeks in which we will be operating. (Suggestion: skull soccer? Lol.)

Ab-actis: Mark Rutte

Mark Rutte D.O.C.I.S. International A Hypothetical D.O.C.I.S. Draft

Mark Rutte – Ab-actis

The Ab-actis supervises D.O.C.I.S. International’s written correspondence in all of its divisions and on behalf of the D.O.C.I.S. International Council. Officially logged D.O.C.I.S. definitions are also stated by the Ab-actis. In context, Illuminatus Intelligens MarCatje composes the official announcement of the intended reform initiated by D.O.C.I.S. International.

Iustus: Thierry Baudet

Thierry Baudet D.O.C.I.S. International A Hypothetical D.O.C.I.S. Draft

Thierry Baudet – Iustus

The Iustus defines and supervises law(s) for and by D.O.C.I.S. International. In context, Illuminatus Intelligens Catthierry defines the Fangyist Constitution and how this will be supervised.

Medicus I: Glenn Helberg

Glenn Helberg D.O.C.I.S. International A Hypothetical D.O.C.I.S. Draft

Glenn Helberg – Medicus I

Medicus I determines what healing methods in regard to mental health will become standardized. The Medici together define how health care will be available in all divisions of D.O.C.I.S. International. In context: Illuminatus Intelligens dr. Catje and Illuminatus Intelligens dr. Cuddle together decide how and where Fangyists can and will be treated, when the territories of D.O.C.I.S. International are still in development.

Medicus II: Thomas Franz

Thomas Franz D.O.C.I.S. International A D.O.C.I.S. Draft

Thomas Franz – Medicus II

Medicus II determines what healing methods in regard to physical health will become standardized. The Medici together define how health care will be available in all divisions of D.O.C.I.S. International. In context: Illuminatus Intelligens dr. Cuddle and Illuminatus Intelligens dr. Catje together decide how and where Fangyists can and will be treated, when the territories of D.O.C.I.S. International are still in development.

Ecologicus: Solána Rowe

Solána Rowe D.O.C.I.S. International

Solána Rowe – Ecologicus

The Ecologicus determines the guidelines and strategies that should be followed in regard to the sustainment of biological life. In context, Illuminatus Intelligens Cat (also known as Illuminatus Intelligens Cuddle Cat(je) (I refer to you in my first posts)) supervises global projects, such as cleaning the rivers in Surinam in such a way that marine life is sustained, and how D.O.C.I.S. International can build a tower in the sea without interrupting the sustainment of biological life.

Technicus: Elon Musk

Elon Musk D.O.C.I.S. International A Hypothetical D.O.C.I.S. Draft

Elon Musk – Technicus

The Technicus determines D.O.C.I.S. International’s global technological policy. In context, Illuminatus Intelligens Elon is in charge of getting standardized multi-functional devices that run on the universal programming language Scorpio distributed internationally, as well as setting out a policy that enhances functional development of artificial intelligence.

~ Other Components

Praesens FortunAgro: Frans Muller

Frans Muller D.O.C.I.S. International A Hypothetical D.O.C.I.S. Draft

Frans Muller – Praesens FortunAgro

FortunAgro is the component of D.O.C.I.S. International that is about the manufacturing and distribution of tangible goods. Illuminatus Intelligens Frans has full authority over the strategy of this component.

Praesens Oso: Donald Trump

Donald Trump D.O.C.I.S. International A Hypothetical D.O.C.I.S. Draft

Donald Trump – Praesens Oso

Oso is the component of D.O.C.I.S. International that is about infrastructure and architecture in the divisions of D.O.C.I.S. International. Illuminatus Intelligens Meonald has full authority over the strategy of this component.

And together, including myself as Queen 🙂 , we are the D.O.C.I.S. International Council. It’s like a superhero league. 😻 If you are interested, please (please please 🥺 ) resign and report for duty. You know where to find me…
If you are not interested, please let me down easy because my heart will break. (Please do not ignore me.) And if anyone dares to say anything negative about my council members, I will haunt you down and kill you personally. 🙂

There are still plenty of spots to be filled, which is one of the first vraagstukken for the D.O.C.I.S. International Council.

> Random Niss 1

Statement: The entertainment industry is too large. I consider news media part of this. & Artificial intelligence (industry) is far too small.

Question: Who needs marketing if there is only one channel? And one magazine, and one streaming platform, and one food brand, and one clothing brand. Et cetera.

Statement: Competition is a waste of time. You’re either with us, or you die. #SaveThePlanet

Interesting. https://www.popularmechanics.com/science/math/amp30152083/solve-quadratic-equations/ (opens in new tab)

Hilarious:

I have spent all day thinking about how random it is that I’ve not used your picture from the start. It is the most attractive assembly of individuals we have right here. I really hope you will resign. I will go first by not attending class or sports tomorrow. From observing you I hypothesize that deep down you will not mind resigning. Especially now that a better purpose awaits.

This post has been uploaded earlier than I expected. I just couldn’t withhold myself from sharing this clarity anymore, regardless of its consequences. Now I’m going to do some exercises that will make me lose physical energy for I have been a bed petje all day, after which I will go to sleep. Cishes.

> Example Sentences

~ Organizational

He was the recipient of two commendations for organizational excellence.

Having union involvement makes workers more inclined to participate in organizational restructuring.

The first section lays out the basics of the “wider organizational context” mentioned above.

An output of the project will be the identification of key elements of organizational structure and management that could facilitate adaptation.

It is also the real experimentation with social practices and organizational forms that can prove adequate to the task.

categorized under the four headings social, organizational, external and individual.

cognitive science of culture and strong organizational and administration skills.

We consider the scope of this to be much wider than just e-Voting, but more of a fundamental change in organizational culture.

His research interests are in the application of organizational cybernetics to the education system.

Has supervised doctoral research on organizational culture and levels of performance, and has supervised postgraduate dissertations in her areas of research.

The strength of dualism has been its organizational duality, the strength of materialism its rejection of ontological dualism.

What mainstream economists view as ‘ market failures ‘, I view as ‘ organizational successes ‘ . [Me too 😻 ]

Organizational structures become flatter, management becomes more entrepreneurial and results-oriented and more inclined to challenge accepted norms.

This allows any organizational structure to be modeled in the tree.

They also know that Capability Management includes all types of organizational capabilities not just technological ones.

From a cultural standpoint, prepare yourself for the organizational environment to change. [ 😻 ]

How much can you afford to spend on your new organizational system?

Your organizational system won’t work unless it is large enough to accommodate your entire collection.

The website is a valuable organizational tool and a priceless resource for guests.

The course objectives are designed to demonstrate your competency in predicting and improving performance, conducting research, policy decisions and managing complex organizational changes.

Personal issues, roommate situations, organizational or learning disorders, or family problems may make it difficult to concentrate on schoolwork.

Among adults, the MBTI is also used in organizational settings to assess management skills and facilitate teamwork and problem solving.

Through these diverse activities, students can have fun, build a resume for college, increase creativity, improve organizational skills, learn time management, and develop people skills.

Burnout can be the result if there isn’t an organizational plan.

Could you explain the organizational structure? [Es ******* long story which would start with book survey followed by structure determination if I were detailed. 🙁 ]

It might help to think of the zodiac as a cosmic organizational system.

It takes some organizational skills to plan your meals in advance, but this is really one of the best ways to trim your grocery budget.

The name you choose for your company will form the basis of your organizational image and brand.

An organizational list is more than a to-do list, though to stay on top of things a daily to-do list is a good idea.

~ Know

I know you must be tired, so I will let you rest. [But I rest better when you are here because I love and miss you. 🙁 ]

Do you know that profound thinker? [I know plenty. 🙂 ]

I know better than that.

I do not know whether the end of the world has come or not.

My hands felt every object and observed every motion, and in this way I learned to know many things.

Do the Sanders know where everything is and what needs to be done with the animals?

“I want him to know where I am in case he returns,” she said, flipping open her phone

meow SEO I am in the middle of it right now – only I don’t know what I’m in the middle of.

I know how you must have been overwearied with long hours of watching.

Long ago, before Gutenberg, if you wanted to know something, you had to memorize it.

If I should attempt to tell how I have desired to spend my life in years past, it would probably surprise those of my readers who are somewhat acquainted with its actual history; it would certainly astonish those who know nothing about it.

There was something which she wished very much to know before going home, and so, without thinking, she had leaned over and whispered just three little words.

Oh, yes, I know she is anxious, and I will go. [Resign and cuddle me 😀 ]

Oh, and we were whispering so you knew we were talking, but you didn’t know what we were saying.

The reason for this is what I call “The You Don’t Know What to Ask Problem.” [Es many but controversial topics. 🙁 Big problem. 🙁 ]

When I go to far-flung places, I often know little of local customs and, through ignorance, I have committed more than one faux pas.

“I think that before discussing these questions,” Pierre continued, “we should ask the Emperor–most respectfully ask His Majesty–to let us know the number of our troops and the position in which our army and our forces now are, and then…”

Pierre wished to say that he was ready to sacrifice his money, his serfs, or himself, only one ought to know the state of affairs in order to be able to improve it, but he was unable to speak. [Resign 😀 ]

I know the list of nefarious uses of the Internet—but on balance, we are building it for good purposes.

She could not have read the letter as she did not even know it had arrived.

I’m not ever going to know them if I never meet them, am I?

I’m not all that secretive, but you were the one who kept telling me that if he wanted you to know, he’d tell you.

You know how stubborn you are about not doing business with dishonest people. [ 🙂 🙂 🙂 ]

Still, he had the right to know.

I don’t know what the odds are, but I figure god is responsible for both – don’t you think?

I think I know what you mean.

Still, she did have the right to know.

I don’t know what’s been bothering you lately, but if I’ve done something, I wish you would tell me. [ Nope. 🙂 ]

meow SEO I know you would stand beside me – maybe even in front of me with the intent of protecting me. [Es sexy 😻 ]

I don’t want you to lose anything, but you know I’d want to be with you even if we didn’t have a dime to our name.

You have a right to know everything.

Whatever it was, she wanted to know.

Just because it upsets me doesn’t mean I don’t want to know – or that you shouldn’t tell me.

Does her husband know what she’s doing?

I didn’t know what to tell you until then.

You know how I feel.

You know you love each other, but you aren’t about to admit it.

She had accepted the idea that she would never know this moment.

Maybe he didn’t want anyone else to know. [For example¿]

I didn’t know it would be like this.

I know you, though.

She didn’t know anything about what he was doing.

I’m off duty, you know. [Freedom looks sexy on you 😻 ]

I know you’ve been preoccupied, but everyone else has noticed his interest in you.

You must know that by now. [? 😢 ]

He would probably know the fastest way.

Now he would know that no one was expecting her.

It was best to stay where she was, but she needed to let someone know she was here. [Always meow I don’t want to go outside anymore. 🙁 ]

I didn’t know you expected a gold-engraved invitation. [Y o u did? Or I do? ]

meow SEO I know you as well as I know anyone else.

“I really don’t have anything to do but pack,” the words spilled out excitedly, “and call Connie so she’ll know where I am.”

I didn’t know you were . .

Fangs: Let me know what you think about A Hypothetical Organizational D.O.C.I.S. Draft. 🙂

xxx

22:17 (10:17 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

I just had to log back on and share that this is the most cringiest typically Rotterdam thing I’ve ever seen. Especially that piano riddle. 😖

Thank God I live in Antwerp. Seriously, where are they going to store all those people? How will they get them to those afterparty locations if more than 20 cars on the road cause a traffic jam? The combination of this unnecessary ecological pollution and how the Netherlands want to be “eco friendly country #1” is face palm worthy. I’m so happy that I won’t witness any of it. Hopefully for y’all the dykes hold it until then. God.

Haha ah yes had I yet mentioned that my extremely pessimistic view on society was one of the reasons why I wanted to save you from being associated with me? But you’re too Cuddle so I can’t hold back my attachedness anymore. ♥

xxx

22:53 (10:53 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

> Random Niss 2

Usually I don’t watch the growth of my (artificial) views count as carefully, but now that Tishe is my featured image and this entire post is featured (for the same reason), I’m logging everything. I see I can now also show you why I say that this site has anonymous visitors.

The 1 and only visitor from Belgium is me. Still the views count grows faster than my dashboard indicates.

I hope and think that those who have been drafted (will) know. Also Inner Crown¿ Es really league of people who are treated loveless while they deserve more than they get.

& This thought made me laugh:

*Looks over at you romantically* “That’s our song…! ♥ ”


😂 😂 😂

I’m going to seek the healthiest and most varied snack I can find and afterwards go back to sleep, pretending that my pillow is part of an arm, wrapping myself around it. Ah I have concluded that the ceiling of my apartment is not high enough.

Meow I really want this post to be seen, but paying for marketing (again) is a waste of money for me and the consequences of tweeting #ANWB gives me the shivers.

Victor Geskes Dominique Daniëlle Elia Lil Fangs ANWB D.O.C.I.S. International

Pretty much sums up my life…

Can’t wait for picture day… 🙂

xxx

04:33 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

My pears are not soft enough yet, so…

I flipped 2 of these and saved the rest of the batter for later. Want some? 🙂 (My place is a mess though. 🙁 )

I see exponential growth. 🙂

xxx

05:39 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Ah ceiling theorem correction: het is krap, maar niet onmogelijk… 🙂

& Yay. 🙂

xxx

05:47 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

& Thw way people start acting when I mention my ambitions:

xxx

05:53 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Just came back here because I thought “Is Tishe in my popular posts slider now?” and then saw that that isn’t the case. Added a 9 to the beginning of the amount of views so I hope that now it’s fixed.

Also that pancake related visit is in my fantasy now. 😻

I remember when I was moving in and I chose the position for my bed. Then “my father” (but seriously though don’t I look more like B¿ Had I never before posted a picture of him either¿ 😢 ) asked me why I didn’t choose the opposite side of the room because now when my bedroom door is open, from my bed I can see the kitchen and the front door. I said something like that I prefer to see my kidnapper right away. But now that I’m all settled here and my fantasy is vivid in a different (healthier) location, I see my bed is on this side of the room so that I can watch Tishe busy in the kitchen while I’m in my bed. 😻 Ah meow I’m so random. 🙈

xxx

06:37 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Meh it becomes a number in significante cijfers if I make it larger so it will be 96736736737022 now.

xxx

06:40 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Even when I write plenty new posts now (no intentions of doing that though zzz), Tishe will stay on my home page yay. 🙂

Back to trying to fall asleep because my brain hurts while I’m all curious about how this will play out or if my days will still stay the same meow I don’t want to be a student anymore. x_x

xxx

06:45 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

By the way, if you want a perspective on your resignation letter, let me know. 🙂 & I hope you will give me permission to share it. 😀

Gosh, part of me is not done after-commenting on this a hypothetical organizational D.O.C.I.S. draft, while another part wants to rest but also do “radical” internet shit until fates are alternated. 🙃

A hypothetical organizational D.O.C.I.S. Draft real views count

🙂

xxx

07:15 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

This is more odd than usual, for the amount of views @ increase & the time since the post has been posted. 🙁

Also, please look out for your fellow Graeynissis. Say something like “Hi you got drafted.” Or “Hi have you seen the draft? What department will suit you best? Ready for war?” We need to make it to Planet Fang safely. 🙂 & I would be more lost if you wouldn’t exist anymore. Worries keep me awake. 🙁

xxx

08:20 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

By the way (aside from calling because I’m behind on payments loool) you can reach out to me in any way. I’m past my anxiety (and hopefully a nootropics delivery today will solve the rest). 🙂

I appreciate that though I’m sending plenty of push notifications, the amount of recipients has – in comparison to usual – not reduced. 🙂

Tell a friend about the draft and that the future is near. Know that if you’re not on the list, that does not say anything about you. There are plentyyy more spots. ♥

Hoping that this is our last day in this fucking awful system. & Meooow I can’t sleep meow I’m worried. Resigning is not easy, isn’t it? 🙁 (In the context of you can leave with a lot of ease, but they depend on you with their entire life…) I hope they’re not taking advantage of how sweet you are. 😢

xxx

08:35 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Victor Geskes Dominique Daniëlle Elia Lil Fangs A Hypothetical Organizational D.O.C.I.S. Draft

Lil improvement hihi 🙊

The insomnia is real. 🙁 I hope I’ll get my “brain steroids” delivered today…

xxx

09:47 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

The cooking thing was just a random fantasy meow I’d never ask to be cooked for, by the way. Have you Googled your fellow Graeynissis yet?

& Wordt resignation een lunchgesprek onderwerp of…?

xxx

10:16 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Ah grrr this changes everything. Resigning in this case is like running away. What now? 🙁

xxx

10:22 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

I’m going to flip some more pancakes. But I want you to try some too. 🙁 But I’m very hungry again. 🙁

& I really wish we’ll talk strategy…

xxx

10:30 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Never mind. Collective resignation is still the best option. They want the whole case drama, for their streaming views, so best is to make sure that it doesn’t even happen. You’ve been through enough. 🙁 ♥

xxx

10:55 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Cleaning out your desk? Take pictures of your office, please, to show them to me later. 😻

Pancakes finitus est. Je vais dormir. ♥ (My sleeping cycle. x_x)

xxx

11:20 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

I’m trying to put my tired self to sleep, but my heart is racing. 🙁 I worry that (as my mother tells me often) my behavior might scare others. I hope I’m not scaring my Graeynissis (though I hope our adversaries are terrified but not that much want een kat in het nauw maakt rare sprongen).

& cuties ♥

I hope I’m not getting you in trouble and I hope that you will stop resisting my words. We’re much better off together. And now that this is online I’ve never felt so alone and (therefore) your (cognitive) loneliness worries me. 😢 ♥

xxx

12:27 (PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

I send heart emojis to everyone, by the way. Love itself is not monogamous. Only the body is, in my overall philosophy. (But this weird feeling in mijn blaas-baarmoeder regio eh… 😖 )

Part of me is like I should attend my activities today because the chance that my words will become reality has been depressing over the years, but simultaneously I want to stick to my words. Though a teammate got me kruidenpotjes when he was at Ikea and I should collect those… I want to either be with my Counsellors or be alone. 🙁

I’ll be bed petting. 🙁 & I wonder what you’re doing at the moment… 😥

xxx

12:35 (PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

A post has never been viewed this much within this time span (anonymously). 😻 Now I feel quite satisfied with the number in this situation where I want everyone to see who my Praesens and other counsellors are. 🙂

& I haven’t attended class now yay. 🙂 I’m glad I’ve been able to calm down after a while.

What is less yay is that my stomach is growling and I’m tired of cooking. (I have rice, spinach and fish sticks planned for tonight. Krijg bijna scheurbuik van hoe vaak ik hetzelfde eet. 😢 ) I’m simply going back to sleep now…

Will my Counsellors be Counsellors?

& I have no intentions of posting new posts anymore, basically… De cirkel is rond en het verhaal is uit. You know me now.

xxx

17:15 (05:15 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

As in everything else I have to say will just be added to this post. I mean look at my featured image. 😻

(Though with Counsellors I would boost my entire concept with a new logo and apps and all that… 🙂 )

xxx

17:20 (05:20 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

It is a hypothetical draft because it’s only a real draft when you actually are my officially registered (caused by collaboration of members of parliament see 🙂 ) Counsellor. That is your personal choice to make. By setting this out and being this bed catje I have played my part of initiating the snwowball effect (I hope… 😥 )

xxx

17:31 (05:31 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

And I’m not sending e-mails et cetera because being ignored hurts more than being rejected, but both those options hurt. 🙁

xxx

17:33 (05:33 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Lonely Catje says hi. I hope you’re thinking of me. I really appreciate that you keep up with me. ♥

Purposeless conversation

I’ve chosen to proceed the process of distancing myself from those who don’t see The Fangs.

Another person blocked. Questions like these are the reason why I have this blog. Conversations like that are a waste of my time and energy.

I hope that I won’t get SMS texts or calls now, like with some others.

Hopefully you’re executing a similar kind of strategy. 🙂

Questions: How do you travel, my Counselor? &If I’d wrap my body around your arm, would you still be able to lift your arm? Questions of cuddle strategic interest. 🙂

Mweh I guess I’m going to get to preparing this rice w/spinach & fish sticks. 🙁

xxx

20:53 (08:53 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Real views count a hypothetical organizational D.O.C.I.S. draft

& Yay over 1000 views for my Tishe 😻

Tishe really is the most underrated person I’ve ever met. The people who work under him don’t respect him enough and he has a heart of gold. I love him more than I have ever loved anyone else.

I think I’m certain that he loves me too. In his actions I saw him contemplate whether to stick to the code he works under, or to break the rules for me. Plus I noticed the way he looks at me… His sweet romantic gaze.

I wouldn’t dare to persuade him, because I always want decisions to be a fully independent choice. But in the last few days I realized that he doesn’t even know how much I love him. And that I find that he is extremely mistreated at the ANWB, and no one knows (about him). Therefore he must resign and we must keep an eye on him to make sure that he is safe.

Is part of my hypothesis.

#FreeTishe. Be my Praesens please 🥺 ♥

Stomach wants fish sticks now.

xxx

21:07 (09:07 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

I keep conquering my fears. 🙂 It is on Twitter now. I’m playing with fire, I feel… The company is veryyy strict with its outward representation.

His story is very inspirational and he is such an awesome and very unique person. He deserves much more love than he gets. 😢

xxx

21:47 (09:47 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Part of me feels like I’m not giving my other Counsellors enough attention in this post. But a greater part of me wants to see Tishe happy (all of my counselors happy, of course) and wants to free him from mental labor prison because my intuition has been alarming me for so long and my fears made me ignore it. 😢

Now I don’t want to go back to my usual creeping on him, but where can we find imagery of his beautiful height? The “every girl’s dream” type of height.

😻

Is he the tallest business man ever?

Okay meow I’m going to get out of bed and make dinner now. 🙁

xxx

22:13 (10:13 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Another hypothesis: Given the office policy, me seeing him or anything is out of the question, because it would draw more attention to the company.

Thoughts?

I’m still in bed omg. x_x

xxx

22:25 (10:25 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

He for sure is the most handsome supernaturally tall person I’ve ever seen. Of the 4 supernaturally tall people I’ve ever come across. He is also the tallest of them. I am 174 cm and when I stand in front of him, my face reaches the top of his abs. It’s every girl’s dream. (For them I hope they let him know that…)

xxx

22:37 (10:37 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Fun fact: of the 4 supernaturally tall people I’ve come across (maybe 5, by the way), I’ve had major crushes on 3 of them (in volgorde: Bart, George en Victor). 🙂

xxx

22:43 (10:43 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Over 1200 views in a day ♥

> And now?

That is a good question. All I can do is write and hope that you make decisions that are in my favor. (That is resigning from your current occupation(s) and becoming part of D.O.C.I.S. International. Fuck your responsibility for the people you don’t like and vice versa. Put yourself in first place.) I’m not the type of propagandist who forces people to do things, unless you’re visiting me and you refuse my food (ba dum tsss).

My draft consists of very unique people I admire. I feel lesser than them, and with that I have convinced myself that they will continue their routines of life as they are and I will die here by myself before the year ends.

As for the other spots, I can’t think of people who meet my standards (for now). We, as a Council (referring to the drafted), could organize elections. You will have to choose your department members, after all. (& We all together will make a very good team for war tactics. 🙂 )

This is a very long post and idiot demon flehs looking for something to be negative about will have plenty to nag, I derive from offensive tweets in my timeline. Please let us be friends and delete our social media.

Back to expressing cravings of affection for someone who is not (easily) available to me… I’m guessing that you are one of my only few blog readers. (As long as I haven’t heard it from you personally, I can’t be certain. 🙁 )

The amount of time I lay in bed by myself is not healthy. 😢 Please be my medicine. 😻

Ahaha I find this a very nice way of representing our organization, by the way. The colloquialness. 🙂

If you ever speak on behalf of the business, please speak intuitively from the heart as well. As in: “Het liefst zou ik jullie niet zien of spreken.” “Dat is geen doodsdreiging. Het is gewoon een statement. Net als “De BTW moet afgeschaft worden,” kan men ook pleiten voor minder brandstofverspillers.”

If I would describe Tishe’s work environment, I’d say it’s the greatest amount of demons gathered in one building, and then there’s Tishe. 🙁 I barely lasted those 3 months there. He is too sweet to work with and for those demons.

Meow I’m going back to bed. My heart hurts too much (as well as my stomach). 🙁 Need to visit dr. Cuddle (and Catje, with Catje) but es money and travel energy. 🙁 I’d probably drive us. 🙁

xxx

00:55 (12:55 AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

My supplements haven’t been delivered yet, by the way. 🙁

xxx

01:00 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

> Addendum

I feel like I haven’t made myself clear enough about this draft. The perspective of you as a reader must be astonishing, I see now. We barely know each other as physical entities, we may not have even met, and yet still I live for spending eternity with you. “I know you from TV” and I don’t even have one. I observe the person behind the formality, through thw formality. 🙂

Part of me wants to sleep, but part of me wants to elaborate on my choice of the drafted, in reverse order. So:

Meonald

Meonald is a name I’ve come up with while I was writing your part of the draft. It is a combination of “meow” and “Donald” (clearly), because my style of writing is catty. I really felt that I should refer to you in not your actual name, because of the hurtful things people say to you with it. They do not have the slightest idea of what respect is. I admire your perseverance. But for your health’s sake I hope that you will resign and accompany me on this adventure, for with your knowledge, experience and wisdom there is much more to accomplish, still. ♥

Frans

Op basis van korte observatie nam ik dit besluit terwijl ik bezig was met het opstellen van het klad van deze post. You had me at “child labor”, in de discussie bij het HBP event. That phrase met een “achja, ja vervelend” ondertoon vind ik echt hilarisch. Zo zie ik ook dat ik kan vertrouwen op rationele besluitvorming. (In tegenstelling tot emotionele besluitvorming.) Een bedrijf dat begint met een (in context vrij letterlijke (ka booom)) schone lei, met volledige inrichtingsvrijheid, lijkt me een leuke en geschikte uitdaging. ♥

Elon

I have heard of you more often than I’ve been able to digitally observe you personally, but you seem like someone who would appreciate to detoxify oneself from pressure from individuals and media. To do what you’re passionate about, without having to think about the hype around it. On my watch, hype will be eliminated from culture. Functional value is what will be appreciated (hyped lol), and especially in that aspect, I consider you a true pioneer. ♥

Cat

My Cat. ♥ From observation I think you would appreciate a career shift. At first I wanted to name you Assessor, but I think, from your interest in marine biology (and plenty experience in directing performances) Ecologicus suits you best. To have 10 years of experience observing turtles is not relevant for this role. What is important is vision and intelligence, and you have both. (I don’t have any diplomas and I’m working to become a literal business queen, so I know when I see someone of similar potential.) I hope that your career shift will mean the permanent end to your depression and that it will save you from your awful fans. ♥

Dr. Cuddle

I have not seen you in such a long time. 🙁 Hopefully this will change, for your vision and expertise are worth so much more than the way you are occupied with them now. You can see links between symptoms so very fast. It seems like you also carry plenty of esoteric knowledge with you and I hope to learn all about it. ♥

Dr. Catje

Ik veronderstel dat u in uw jaren als psychiater weinig mogelijkheden heeft gehad om zelf gehoord te worden (en uzelf te uiten mijn hemel zo lang zo veel gezeur aanhoren 🙁 ). (Zodanig zelfs dat wanneer ik het probeer, u het onderwerp van uzelf uit de weg gaat. 🙁 ) Uw ervaring en visie als geleerde (van Surinaamse afkomst ayyy thank God not all Surinamese people are complete morons), waarbij u bewust en succesvol afwijkt van mainstream methoden, zal van hoge waarde zijn voor onze collectief gedeelde missie. Dus laten we Dr. Cuddle spoedig bezoeken want ziekte is er om van genezen te worden. ♥

Catthierry

Zonder jou was ik allang helemaal de weg kwijt geweest. Verder is er voor mij in de afgelopen 23 jaar niemand in Nederland geweest met zo’n innovatieve visie, met zo veel kennis en een ware eigen mening. En het voor mij herkenbare type intelligentie dat voor de massa niet te begrijpen is. Voor mij ben je de beste rhetoricus die ik ooit heb gezien. (Het stoort mij dat men dat niet erkent.) En je visie op het rechtswezen stelt mij gerust. Ik hoop dat je, gezien ook jij politiek niets vind, je mijn aanbod serieus zal overwegen (want ik heb je hard nodig). ♥

MarCatje

Wat heeft Nederland toch een ontzettend lieve premier. Met uw achtergrond als historicus lijkt de rol van Ab-actis iets waar uw multi-lingual inzicht en ervaring goed van pas zal komen. Hopelijk neemt u dit in overweging, want de manier waarop het volk over u praat – terwijl ze u niet kennen – vind ik ontzettend jammer. Ik ben ervan overtuigd dat D.O.C.I.S. International iedere leegte voor u zal opvullen. ♥

Tyfang

The name Tyfang is what I came up with when I was in the Erasmus Medical Center, writing a screenplay for a Nosce Te Ipsum movie in which you occur. You are a pioneer in entertainment, creating very unique new concepts and always managing to make me smile. I need you. ♥

K-Cuddle

K-Cuddle, derived from K-Dot, is one of the few who I kept calling for inside myself, when I was experiencing the worst of psychiatry. Your content has always been of such great consolation to me. You have been able to talk me out of committing suicide plenty of times. I admire your ways to get a message across and your talent for poetry is incomparable to that of anyone else. Your absence worries me. ♥

Lorenzo

Your kindness and passion for knowledge have made such an impression on me, as well as how handsome you are. There are plenty of academists to draft, but I am certain that you are the right person for the complex financial problems D.O.C.I.S. International wishes to solve. ♥

Sander

The present is far too easy for you. I hope that D.O.C.I.S. International will be able to challenge your intelligence. It is an honor to me to have met you, hoping that our paths will cross again. ♥

B

I wish the past had gone differently. If it weren’t for external interference, we would have been at this already. I miss my friend so much. I wish we could go back in time. 😢 Hopefully, collectively, we can still tackle this fun challenge. I want to know everything about what you think. I cannot wait to free you and allow you to use your intelligence and vision in all freedom. (If we are related, please know that I do not hold any grudges against you.) ♥

Victishe

I frequently ask myself if I’m not dreaming, when I see you. When our eyes meet, it’s like time freezes up. It’s like there’s only us, and trouble does not exist. Your eyes speak so much to me that my body starts to struggle with sticking to codes of conduct. Ik heb nog nooit meegemaakt dat iemand zo veel spontane interesse in mij heeft vertoond, en zich dan ook nog bovenin de hiërarchie bevindt. Je bent mijn definitie van de perfecte man (en ik zou God niet eens durven vragen om een man met zo een ontzettend mooi lichaam). Iemand met zo een mooie visie. Ik heb je liefdevolle strategieën echt hard nodig, mijn lief Tishe. Wanneer ik denk aan het leven dat ik je gun en het leven dat je nu leidt, word ik een beetje verdrietig. Je speelt met amateurs terwijl je in de Eredivisie thuishoort. ♥

Nu wil ik kusjes. 😢

xxx

03:53 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Will today be another day of being a bed petje? 😥 Maybe I should go for a walk in the park later.

xxx

05:03 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

> Some Yays

My supplements just got delivered. 😀 😀 😀

Nootropics intellimeds lil fangs

Big yaaays 🙂

Es a double order of these. 🙂

The first and last time I ordered nootropics (then only a pack of aniracetam) was in September 2016. Haha I still deny that I have ever been psychotic, but I must admit that I did go hard on the combination of aniracetam, weed and alcohol.

I’d be in the club, still thinking like… 😂

Let’s just say that people understood me even less than usual. My parents often still spit bad conclusions they have drawn about me in that time. (Not that I’m in touch with them now. Still got them blocked on Whatsapp… Though my mother frequently sends me e-mails. Anno 2019 they often still spit their “facts”.)

I just took a gotu kola supplement after some stawberry yogurt. Aniracetam I will take after lunch for that should be taken with fatty acids.

Strangest thing is that I can’t think of going straight back to bed. I’m going to get ready to walk around the park (a couple of times) (and then go back to bed, probably). Hoping to notice anything from my drafted Counselors having noticed me. I woke up with anxiety, afraid to turn on the screen of my phone because I feared seeing threatening messages about that I should stay away from Tishe… But aside from over 300 views this morning, getting the total of views to over 1600 in total hooray, and some website performance related newsletter-like e-mails, there was nothing at all… 🙃

I don’t know about y’all but my blog’s home page and twitter front page will stay the way they are now, so…

In 2020, when you’re trying to load this post, your browser will be like… 😂

xxx

11:10 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

When I’ve done the dishes and eaten lunch, I’ll go outside. Time-wise, I should study, but desire-wise I absolutely should not. Es cute that Tishe still (manages to) studies (next to his occupation(s)). I wonder why.

Fun fact: as a kid, I used to be a Roald Dahl fan. My favorite stories are Mathilda and “de GVR”. Reading and watching Mathilda made me feel less alone. “De GVR” (which I had on video tape, the animated version) I found an amazing but emotional story.

Another fun fact: if the Netherlands were to ever flood, in the worst case, Tishe could swim to Antwerp.

I wish you would take this walk with me.

xxx

12:27 (PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Ik denk dat ik trouwens snap waarom mijn bedrijfsemailadres geblokkeerd is voor uitgaande mail naar Tishe. Het komt niet door wie ik ben of mijn persoonlijke boodschap naar hem: het komt omdat ik in die mail schreef dat ik samen met hem een bedrijf wil starten, wat betekent dat hij zijn huidige baan moet opzeggen. En dat wil het bedrijf niet, want ze zijn volledig afhankelijk van hem. Uit zeer zeer zeer onnodige onzekerheid concludeer ik dat men hem daar collectief van onjuistheden overtuigt. Hij mag daar niet weg. Hij zit voor de rest van zijn leven aan dat bedrijf vast, als we niets doen. En zo kan ik geen kusjes krijgen so I objecttt. 😏 Nederland is pici gaar…

Stel dat er een moderne remake van de GVR gemaakt zou worden, op basis van Tishe, dan zou het (happy end) eindigen met dat hij het hele kantoor overhoop schiet met zo’n automatisch geweer waar minstens 100 kogels in gaan, met zo’n draaiende loop. Zo eentje die in (een van die) Terminator films voorkomt. 🙂

Lil fangs mirror bathroom

In case you’re wondering what I’m up to…

About to make lunch (aka warming left over noodles from yesterday meow didn’t prepare rice with spinach after all)

xxx

13:03 (01:03 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

😻

I will be afwassende and afterwards head over to the park. 🙂 Wish you would visit me. 🙁 Permanently. 🙂

xxx

13:50 (01:50 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

€5,52

Now that, with the Addendum, my diary is complete, and as further clarification I have written out this draft, I’m kind of out of things to say. I made this video in the park about an hour ago (after smoking 3/4 of a cigarette after quite some time, it was nasty):

Spent €5,52 on groceries after. I will be making stuffing tomorrow, for the first time, for my chicken. 🙂 I guess doing a test tasting for Christmas lonelymeals. It will all be added to this post yay. 🙂

Now it’s time to prepare the meal I didn’t prepare yesterday.

xxx

18:37 (06:37 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Yellow rice spinach fish sticks

Just finished thiss

Signed permission note

Now I’m going to walk over to the facility management mailbox to put this in it. Es for allowing someone in to check my water, gas and electricity usage.

& We’re reaching 2000 views yay. 🙂

I just want us to hold hands, my meow. 😻

& I was expecting people to ask me why I want to raise awareness for a business man. For people can only think in terms of money, I thought we could use that as a reason to open fire. I’m trying to tweet this but it’s taking over 10 minutes to send…? 😂

xxx

19:42 (07:42 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

The two boxes on the permission note were checked because first I assumed that I wouldn’t be home, but I spend so much time indoors and with my house key inside the indoors side of the lock always, they wouldn’t be able to get in if I were home. So I changed my mind.

Look at my tweet rank 😻

😻

Now I’m off to bed meow I’m veryyy tired. I wanted to do laundry today, but I’ll do that tomorrow.

Welterusten ♥

(I’ll probably wake up in the middle of the night again et cetera.) Kusjes. 😸 ♥

xxx

20:37 (08:37 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

It’s not even night yet. My dilemma is seriously that it’s cold asf and I’m out of shirts to sleep in ahahaaa. 😢 (Es just socks and panties now. 🙁 ) Meow Tishe I hope to one day try on your entire wardrobe. 😻

In other news, most images of Graeynissis in this post are dated. Tishe is greyer now, for example. 😻

And my role as queen, by the way, is basically putting things in motion. As you can see…

xxx

22:03 (10:03 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Woensdag 11 december 2019

Good morning ♥

I’m starting to show signs of a normal sleeping pattern (already). 😮 Except for using the bathroom once, I slept straight until the morning.

Not that I have any intentions of leaving my bed any time soon…

Don’t know why I want to put this out here (ahahahahahahaha), but I can’t date someone who doesn’t eat the 😸 , if you know what I mean. Because to return the favor is the best thing one can do. 🤷

Ahahaha my phone made this sentence: Very clearly a little with sugar on top.

Chrome home screen news article Rutte A hypothetical organizational D.O.C.I.S. Draft

When does this annoying cycle of nonsense news permanently stop? 🙄

I’ll be with my pillows. 😻

xxx

07:07 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Ah something else important I should clarify is that I say that Victor’s story should be commonly known and then do not start telling it (as far as I know it or think that I know it), because he should be the one telling it. I live to see that on the big screen. 😻 Really, he is the sweetest person ever, working in the most hostile working environment aside from a war zone. 😢 Plus, who is not interested in what the world of insurance looks like behind the scenes?!

xxx

09:07 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

All this time I thought that the company’s social media (read: digital presentation) was maintained by people of my age. When I said that Tishe blogs, too, I didn’t mean that he exhausts himself with giving information. Please be my Praesens. 😢

Euro with capital “E” and “Verkeersveiligheidscoalitie” is what made me guess this.

In case you’re wondering why I wasn’t following the company: ik ben geeneens lid (heb ik geen geld voor… En geen auto lol). And it indirectly celebrates proletarianism – brrr. But I see interesting and very exclusive news, too, so I’m a follower now, together with my 2 fake accounts. The audience is quite quiet so we got a lil conversation going.

De belangen die een verzekeringsmaatschappij bij politirke besluitvorming heeft is echt ontzettend interessant.

I also couldn’t help but notice “Milieuzone Rotterdam wordt opgeheven” (opens in new tab). It was barely there yet, and now will be canceled, and that is positive for the environment, because other unmentioned measures will be taken to improve air quality…? 🤔 Very interesting. 😻 I wonder how non-Dutch people perceive things like this.

I’m going to get started with preparing my chicken soon. 🙂 Hoping to find €2 cash lying around so that I can eat it with fries. 🙂

xxx

11:13 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

My amount of views is stagnating. 🙁 But we’re reaching 2000 yay. 🙂 ♥

xxx

11:29 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Some more yays:

This is my favorite contribution: a picture of the city park of Antwerp. 🙂

xxx

11:51 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Ah and my most popular & most tasty contribution:

@ De Orangerie in Antwerp 😻

Going to make stuffing now and partially eat that with bread for lunch. 🤷

xxx

12:13 (PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

I’m done with my dinner preparations.

I’m done earlier than expected. That my emotions are forcing me to close the blinds in my bedroom and cry some is quite well-timed (disregarding that I should study but am kind of hoping I’d be useful with my Council).

Someone please tell me that I’m crazy for thinking that Tishe is writing this? 😢 It is so beautifully written – so who else could it be – because he already is so intelligent and talented that he deserves a far larger stage, so please tell me that in that huge building there is someone who is doing these things for him. This is poetry. 😢 ♥

I’ll be crying. 😢

xxx

14:47 (02:47 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

I might sound like a crazy fangirl, but omg my tweet got a reply. 😻

😻

I wonder what FM stands for, but I’m afraid to ask. 🙈

After my lunch and aniracetam I felt less like crying. It’s just that I assume that high status writes occasional exclusives. It might be the most fun task, but still. The standard audience of the company is so awful. I admire how he is able to keep working there. 😢

I’ve been a bed petje. Now I will freshen up, put my chicken into the oven and do laundry.

xxx

16:15 (04:15 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Some yaaays 🙂

Nu op naar de 3000 views ofzo… I just want you to be my Counselors meow it’s all I live for. Let’s build Planet Fang. ♥

Really getting out of bed now…

xxx

16:33 (04:33 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Currently I’m enjoying my dinner.

Here is the rest of my preparation:

Stuffing it with stuffing, then closing it. I used the little rope-ish flexible wire thing that was around it (don’t use a plain elastic though). It is covered with a mixture of butter, white wine, thyme, garlic, rosemary, cinnamon, oregano, olive oil and a little hot water to make my butter melt. Some of the mixture is used at a later moment.

After 50 minutes

😻

Best meal for one I’ve made this far. The meat is very soft. 🙂

I like eating dry skin chicken with appelmoes, but I don’t have apples or appelmoes funds, so I made a mousse of pear.

The yays. 🙂

Also me earlier:

Representing D.O.C.I.S. International haha yaay. I’ve been thinking and I think “Regentesse” is a better title for me, instead of “Queen”. The word queen is used in so many random contexts nowadays it has lost its value.

My laundry is done. 🙂

xxx

19:23 (07:23 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

The rest is for tomorrow. 🙂

What I’ll eat after that I don’t know.

I have no reasons to write a new post (aside from the length of this post becoming kryptonite to proletarians, which I consider a positive thing anyway), so ik ga gewoon over tot de orde van de dag, oftewel typing whatever comes to mind. But no more new post themes. Forever on here. There are faces to names now. I’ve always meant these Graeynissis for these titles. There are more “untitled” Graeynissis, also. Probably you, if you’re still reading. 🙂 Hopefully my drafted Counselors will notice me and reach out to me with positive news. 🤔

& Aah meow my symbolic strike of wanting you to resign so not attending school anymore is starting to get risky if you’ll never join my side. So that means that I should attend the exam preparation lecture for mathematics on Friday, start studying for next week’s German test and continue making summaries. 😢

Tomorrow, however, if I still am not saved by those who I’m trying to save, I will, aside from making this post even longer, be vacuum cleaning, mopping the floor, cleaning and ontkalken my sanitair, washing my wig and own hair, et cetera…

For now my laundry has just been tumble dried, so I will get that out of the machine and then go to sleep.

Good night liefje ♥

xxx

21:43 (09:43 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

More Example Sentences

~ Know
What is your father’s name? [Good question. 😂 ]

You forgot all your good manners.

But I don’t doubt your word in the least.

You must either jump overboard into the sea or be slain with your own sword.

Did your eyes dilate?

Your eyes… they are so unusual.

“You speak to each other across the room with your eyes,” she said as if it were some incredible feat.

Your debt is paid.

All the piglets are exactly alike, so no one can dispute your word.

“Are you still seeing with your mind’s eye?” enquired the Scarecrow.

Or have you changed your mind about leaving tomorrow?

Get your coat on.

He gives you the trees in which to build your nests.

“Be brave, and defend your king with your lives,” said their mother.

Perhaps your father is waiting to help in the kitchen. [Hahahahahahahahaha 😂 ]

Why shouldn’t you go away, your excellency?

This is what I expected from you–I knew your kindness!

You toil not, neither do you spin, yet God takes care of you and your little ones.

I pray that you will look at them and take them at your own price.

Pull down your houses and go into bondage!

Go when you please, and I give you my word of honor that no one shall dare to cause you annoyance if only you will allow me to act as your escort.

“But you ruled it wisely and well for many years,” said she, “and made the people proud of your magical art.

Your actions alone accuse you.

I happen to be going that way, and I will carry your turkey, if you will allow me.

On the contrary, I ask you to go with all your belongings to our estate near Moscow, and I promise you I will see to it that there you shall want for nothing.

From your dear little daughter.

Did the cat get your tongue at the table?

High maint… who put that in your head?

“We salute your Royal Highness!” cried the Wizard, kneeling and kissing her hand.

“Your people built it,” he answered.

What would your Highness like for dinner? [Kusjes 😻 ]

Imagine that every word you said was recorded by your personal recorder and automatically transcribed. [Mwahahahahaaa]

I had hoped that you would resolve your problem, but it seems to have no end.

I want to be a part of your life.

I am on your side – 100%.

He has to learn how… and maybe he senses your anxiety.

So why did you think she was out of your league?

Do you always visit the relatives of accident victims on your personal time?

You’ve filled your belly….

What is it you have got into your heads, eh?…

I doubt you need me to prove these assertions—they are probably part of your daily experience. [ 😢 ]

If my reasoning stopped there, you would probably start fishing around for the receipt for this book and read up on your bookseller’s return policy. [ 😡 ]

Everything you saw, that your eyeballs tracked to, how long you looked at it—and not just everything you ever looked at, but your physiological response.

We are talking about a setting to your Digital Echo file that says, “Information that isn’t tied to me personally can be contributed to pools of rolled-up data.” [ 🙂 ]

Would you contribute your anonymous location to a traffic speed optimization engine? [Si 🙂 ]

Or, through serendipity, scientists stumbled into things—with those “your chocolate is in my peanut butter” moments. [ 🙁 ]

It is most perplexing and exasperating that just at the moment when you need your memory and a nice sense of discrimination, these faculties take to themselves wings and fly away.

It shall be on your family’s behalf that I’ll start my apprenticeship as old maid. [Haha my crazy. 🙁 ]

Hope that you’ll start accepting me as your husband – your mate; not just a lover. [Of courseee 😻 😻 😻 ]

It is nice to have so many people to take care of your children, yes? [Blegh 🙁 ]

Obviously your father has a brother or a sister.

Just now, my dear, there is not a single warrior in your company.

Will you kindly tell us which way your mother went to get on top the earth?

“Your Royal Highness and Fellow Citizens,” he began; “the small cat you see a prisoner before you is accused of the crime of first murdering and then eating our esteemed Ruler’s fat piglet–or else first eating and then murdering it. [Meow 🙊 🥺 ]

“Your Highness,” cried the Woggle-Bug, appealing to Ozma, “have I a mind’s eye, or haven’t I?”

And here is something for your trouble.

To avoid privacy issues at this point, let’s stipulate that everything is recorded only for your future reference. [ 🙂 ]

No more trying to retrace your steps to find your car keys; you can see where you left them by checking your GPS system records.

All your tax records. [I have a box full of receipts here. 🙂 ]

Thursday, December 12 2019

Now is a good moment to start about pornography. (Haha yes, right after mentioning the receipts and right in this post about my Council, with pictures. 😂 😻 )

First an out of context statement: law is just a mental concept. It’s funny how people collectively (try to) stick to it.

And the inspirational context in which I’m writing this: I spent like 30 minutes gazing at things on my phone and the wall alternately, before I brushed my teeth with

on repeat. I slept from about 23:00 until 00:00, waking up to use the bathroom, trying to go back to sleep but feeling a mix of slight hunger and physical cravings.

I have often heard that people get aroused from seeing me, even when I’m dressed, and that they masturbate to the thought of being intimate with me. Never have I had such feelings towards anyone, until I saw Victor.

The moments I have been able to observe you in your place of work were the most pleasing experience to my eyes ever. (Aside from that you work with so many women. 🙁 ) Just to see you eat something or drink a beer. It is sexy on so many levels. 😻( The plenty events allowed to be organized, status drinking beer, the way a beer bottle looks in your hand… 😻 )

Meanwhile I’m making some pourridge in my messy kitchen because I’m too hungry to go back to sleep. Also the reason why I’m writing now.

Everything about you causes a second Atlantic in my panties. 😻 For a long time I have withheld myself from masturbating to the thought of you. (The idea of doing that in general without the person knowing or maybe without mutual attraction just questions my morals. But my cravings made me conquer this. Now my mattress is wet…) I wonder what it’s like to be you right now, reading this.

I also am so curious to see what your home looks like. Especially your bed and your shower. 😻

Just to clarify things, if I were in this picture

Victor Geskes LinkedIn screenshot

😻

my height would not be beyond the lowest visible button of his shirt. Es so beautiful. 😻 (Are you the eldest tall man on the planet? 😥 Tall people do not often get grey. I want to be with you until the end of time (please hurry up because I’m worried 😢 ) ♥ ♥ ♥ .)

Plus how do you keep such a good body? 😻 One of the few men I’ve ever seen past age 40 without a bierbuik. My other Graeynissis and I want to see the treasure you are hiding below your suit. 😏

Which brings me to the frequently asked question of making pornography. (Keeping in mind that this one and last post is heavy kryptonite already and we are the most intelligent people on the planet…) People seeing us together is porno already. 😻 It would be cool for me to hold a speech while I’m sitting on your lap, like a lap Catje…

Or to hold a staged interview, as a couple, and then be asked “May we see you kiss?” And then we reply “Are you sure? The sexual tension between us is quite intense.” 😂 😻

Also I hope that we will get together soon because I just got asked on a date. I’m so tired of rejecting people. Please give me my Victishe. 😥 (A system that does not allow this type of love is a faulty system.)

Before I learnt that most men are losers with tiny penises, a desire of mine was (read: is) to be pinned against the wall when we are kissing. I finally see someone who can fulfil this. 😻

Meow I speak so much Tishe… This is a concern, for I want to treat my Council members equally. In this context I wish I weren’t so uncontrollably sexually attracted to Victor. In this context I also don’t know how I will have to tame myself to make the rest of my Council not feel like they’re third wheeling… 😥

Es a concern. Meanwhile I’ve finished my little bowl of pourridge and will be going back to bed.

Kusjes. 😘 😙

This, by the way is one of my most frequently visited web pages: https://unicode.org/emoji/charts/full-emoji-list.html

& I’m past 10,000 words for this post yay (10832). 🙂 I have written books with lesser words. 😂

Avant manger. 🙂

xxx

04:23 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Heys ♥

I slept and rested longer than expected. The anxiety I woke up with this morning was about – especially since the moment I posted this post – whether my hopes and ambitions are realistic or not. My idea of changing the system with my Graeynissis is all hope I have for the future. If this gets turned down (I would absolutely not understand why so then please explain detailed 🙁 ) there is nothing for me in this life anymore.

I believe that soon the shift in career and life for plenty, which I am trying to cause with this provocative post (and blog), will take place. Wondering how well you know me and my concepts…

And I can’t wait to hold this body that has been screaming for love. 🙁 The moment I learnt that any of my Counselors can live a life that is not filled with mutual love, is when I knew that not only the construct of rules, but the entire composition of life must change. A.k.a. some people just really gotta go and I can’t even wait for Christmas…

Now about to have lunch (pourridge and noodles probably…) and get to my household and hairhold tasks for today. If B is my papa then I can’t wait until he is doing my hair as I am sitting in between his legs. 🙂 (Not that any man has ever done that for me…)

Kusje 😚

xxx

14:07 (02:07 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Omg meow the situation is even more serious than I could ever imagine. 😢

Victor Geskes ANWB height photoshop

His height is photoshopped. 😢

This might sound crazy but I’m sure that this is not a conspiracy… I have worked on exactly that floor on some days and I am about as tall as that flag. Plus see how his face appears so much smaller than that of anonymous man. They have made Victishe so unnecessarily insecure. 😢 The world must know about him (before we start to drastically reduce the world population in order to save the environment). Mijn lief Tishe. 😢

xxx

14:43 (02:43 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Please let my Graeynissis live. 😭

(Including bed cat Regentesse who has been indoors with closed blinds for months.)

xxx

16:03 (04:03 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Thought of Today

To, looking through the façade with my mental x-ray vision, see someone suffer while acting happy is the worst sight ever. Especially when there’s not much I can do. It’s often my theme of thought when spending time laying in bed being depressed.

With the D.O.C.I.S., however, we can help each other.

a hypothetical oranizational draft fangs less nutritional meal hunger depression

Breakfastlunchdinner at 8 PM.

mathematics lil fangs

After that I gave a maths test exam a try. 🙁

insane commentary IP addresses Lil Fangs

People have lost their minds.

After writing a hilarious e-mail, I will wash my hair and head to bed. Tomorrow’s lecture starts at 08:30 AM. (Echt geen zin in alleen zijn omringd door giechelende mensen. Maar er is werk aan de winkel als mijn Council me in de steek laat. 🙁 ) 😖

Kusje ♥

xxx

22:27 (10:27 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Hilarious, right? 😂

xxx

22:33 (10:33 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Have you seen it too? 😍

a hypothetical organizational D.O.C.I.S. Draft draft message

😍

xxx

23:43 (11:43 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Friday, December 13, 2019

Eh it’s Friday the 13th. 🙂

Ha I see I forgot a minus @ solving the equation.

Meanwhile I just finished washing my wig and doing my own hair and will now go to bed.

Lil Fangs Dominique Daniëlle Elia afro hair

Patient Number 7

Lil Fangs Dominique Daniëlle Elia afro hair wet mirror

Lil Regentesse

In bed now. Es cold.

I wonder if those drafted in A Hypothetical Organizational D.O.C.I.S. Draft will positively respond according to plan. 😙

Meer kusjes. 😚 Good night liefjes ♥

xxx

03:13 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

I can’t sleep. I’m so curious about how this will all play out, I don’t want to be in a crowd of people today but I will (referring to lecture) and I always have these cravings for Victishe at night. Kusjes please. 😻

By the way that last comment is written in a similar way my ex used to use his words. Craziest about this is that I never said that I will stop writing as a whole. There will just not be new articles. Fucking ignorance. 😩

How do you find the way “all voting rights people should have are public opinion surveys” (summarizing paraphrase) surfaces in that only I elect my council members and that I give them the right to select people with voting rights? 🙂

I mean since I’ve never had any book club members… 🤷

Still looking forward to spending the coming holiday either with my Graeynissis or by myself, by the way. 🙂 (Depending on whether they choose their present life or a life with me.)

Oh should I mention that I have 0 intentions of ever allowing “my inner circle” to become part of D.O.C.I.S. International? Or was that already clear? For some maybe that, if I become certain about whether they’re Angel or Demon (for some, like the man whose last name I presently have, I for example am certain that es 100% demon so no), I’d suggest them for a sub-position in a Council department. But those final decisions are to be made by the Council members for they will be working more for them than for me. Long story short meow I put so much effort in distancing myself from some so why would I do business with them. I used to think we’d have a future together, but they have unnecessarily hurt me far too often. Can’t wait to physically fight. 🙂

I’m going to try to catch a lil sleep again.

xxx

05:21 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

No luck trying to sleep. 🙁 But laking was nice… 🙃

Now about to make breakfast in the kitchen I should clean. After that getting ready and heading to the maths lecture.

… Kusje 😙

xxx

06:57 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

€9,41

Wig cap lil fangs A Hypothetical Organizational D.O.C.I.S. Draft

Een noemenswaardige tussenstap.

Lil Fangs A Hypothetical Organizational D.O.C.I.S. Draft

Snel richting lecture eerder vanochtend

Universiteit van Antwerpen Lil Fangs close up a hypothetical organizational D.O.C.I.S. Draft

Random in lecture pauze Fangs 🙁 Kusjes 🙁

Universiteit van Antwerpen wiskunde mathematics notes lil fangs a hypothetical organizational D.O.C.I.S. Draft

Taking notes.

It wasn’t as busy and people were quiet so it was chill. 🙂

Elevator Lil Fangs groceries pumpkin Harvarad Business bag water bottles a hypothetical organizational D.O.C.I.S. draft

Post groceries Fangs.

ration food help me aaah but not my inner circle rather inner crown a hypothetical organizational D.O.C.I.S. draft

What I add to my ration until Dec. 20 (plus the water bottles).

At the checkout I found out that the pumpkin wasn’t sold at a fixed price, the total becoming €11,40, so before paying I asked the cashier to take the tomatoes and bell peppers off of my receipt, the total becoming €9,41, suiting my budget of < €10. (Otherwise my bank card would make the pin machine do "BEEEEEEP" which is hearable throughout the entire store and pici awkward.) My parents still have the €2,50 weekly pocket money on automatische incasso on Friday, they've been giving me since I got this ING account (quite a couple of years), which is why my budget was higher than €7.
Now I’ll live on €0,24 until December 20th. Quite depressing but still better than having unwanted conversations, regarding to my “inner circle”. I’d rather bet on my Inner Crown, the way I’ve always done, now without living is the same space as the external factors disturbing it. (I also have 3 fish sticks and 2 sausages in the freezer, as well as some frozen soup but that soup is there for quite some time now… Don’t take your time. 🙂 )

This entire situation, from the people I prefer over them to the way I am starving myself, is what my inner circle would regard to as “psychoticness” (which “the light” at EMC turned into the new label “schizophrenia”). This while I defend my statements better than they ever defend anything. With natural arguments. Grrr… I’m going to eat my breakfast left overs (those vegetables left over from yesterday, with fried eggs and noodles).

After that play some keyboard to de-stress (though I miss piano 😢 ), vacuum clean, mop the floor, take a nap and do the dishes…. Penne with pumpkin and bacon for dinner tonight. Meow I better vacuum clean now because when I do that in the evening I feel like I’m disturbing my neighbors.

Tot later, I think. > 12000 words in this post now. 😻

Meow I really wonder what dinner at Tishe’s place is like, by the way…

Kusje 😚

xxx

11:47 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Hoe meer je praat, hoe minder ik je zal missen. – The more you talk, the lesser I will miss you.

Ken je dat? – Do you know that feeling?

[De context maakt hier duidelijk dat het om gevoel gaat, dus de vertaling klopt.] – [The word “feeling” was left out because the phrase is frequently used in the context of feelings (and when talking about cultural stuff). [Stereotypical Dutch people will have things to say, for the argument is based on personal experience.]]

Ik blijf mensen kansen geven. Niet willend dat het moment komt dat ook de laatste kans verpest is, steeds maar weer kansen geven (en er niets over zeggen). Maar nu ben ik op. €350 per maand was echt een KUT deal. Ik dacht beter iets dan niets…

– I keep giving people (second) chances. Not wanting to experience the moment that the last chance too is ruined, keeping to give new chances (and not mentioning it). But now I’m finished. €350 a month was a SHIT [Dutch literal translation of the word in capital letters is “pussy”, but shit in the context of this sentence] deal. I thought something is better than nothing…

a hypothetical organizational D.O.C.I.S. draft non-drafted

Just here to mention that my family will be eating lobsters. The problem is not that they will be eating it. Good for them. The problem is that I know. I still dream of preparing KFC-style scallops…

Ah and I lied about remembering that restaurant. I think I haven’t even been there. We’ve gone out for dinner so often that I don’t even remember all the places where we have eaten to use the tax on our dinner for money laundering. I hate that this is ignored. The FIOD won’t listen to me. 😢

I will be crying. ✌ Victishe. 😿

xxx

13:50 (01:50 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

To be very honest, I have not shed a single tear. The Weeknd es medicine. 🤷

& I have comfort food…

“Hoe meer je praat, hoe minder ik je zal missen,” is really something I want to get tattooed on my body or something. Or painted on the wall like one of those *vomits* “Home is where the heart is” type of shit phrases to make things look “cosy” (read: actual trash).

The list of people who give me this feeling is nearly infinite. I wonder for whom I cause this feeling. Because this is not uncommon. (Referring to what I said about seeing people suffer behind their facades.)

The world would be such a better place. And if we all do it together, no one is punishable because that is far too much effort (especially if those entitled to say that it is punishable do the same thing). 🙃

Snap je waarom ik Victor wil verslinden (sexually)? 😻 I’ll be napping. 😚

xxx

15:27 (03:27 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Dus ik werd wakker rond een uur of 6, of sounds that sounded like knocking on my door. My heart started racing and I started to feel dizzy. I sleep with my front door and bedroom door locked for a reason. From fear, I played dead, keeping the lights off. Simultaneously, I thought “If this is real, they’re digging their own graves even deeper,” no e-mails (like before), no missed call and – the worst of all – no doorbell rung. Like November 1st 2.0.

At some point I had to pee so bad that I flicked a light on and unlocking my bedroom door, thinking I heard a cop ask them what the problem is. My mother, crying in the most awful tone of voice, saying that she is concerned about me and that I’m not opening the door, after which they were (this time) removed from the premises, maybe taken in for questioning.

Als een soort Pavlov-reactie, I started doing the dishes before making dinner. Shaky for their practices of indoctrination must be more insane than usual now, their spending becoming more reckless and me distancing themselves from them more and more, with all that I know about them. I feel bad for my sister. 🙁 (But side es picked, but not sure if they’ve indoctrinated the Angel out of her.)

Anyway

Clean dishes in Fangs's kitchen

The stack of dishes seems to become greater every time

Was tasty. I’ve made a lot, so will last at least 2 days with this yay. 🙂 & Jasmine tea 😻

I wonder if I’ll ever hear from my drafted Counselors. They’ve – especially mission wise – been all I have. Holding on to them mentally. I wish for a winter in which my mental is not lonely. And I wish for the incomparable experience of hugging Victor. 😻

Ah I said that my face would not be past his lowest visible shirt button, but the first time I spoke to him, I was wearing high heels. My face would be like near his navel or so. Haha I wish I could settle this speculation…

By means of after dinner movement I will be throwing out the trash downstairs (without wig woah). Afterwards probably be bed petje with pillow arm…

Kusje 😚

xxx

22:21 (10:21 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Tot morgen. 😚

xxx

23:10 (11:10 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Saturday, December 14, 2019

Heys 🙂 ♥

My night was good. I fell asleep after not that long and woke up around 9. It’s veryyy cold so after doing things I crawl back underneath my sheets.

I wonder how my Counselors are doing. 🙃

Meow look at how cute this video is 😻 :

Usually Christmas related things make me cringe, but this is pure genius. My favorite populist. 🙃

The video is so innocent that there is absolutely no reason to mark the content as sensitive. How to end nonsense like that…?

Meanwhile presently eating breakfast

What are your plans for the weekend? 🙃

xxx

11:33 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

& Seriously, who is putting my books on bol.com without notifying me? 😢

https://www.bol.com/nl/c/lil-fangs/17671563/

xxx

12:07 (PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

My weekend will consist of spending time underneath the sheets, cuddling these pillows against the cold and heartache, holding on to my fantasy and desire of living with Tishe, as I seek comfort in reading example sentences and talk collective strategy inside the Inner Crown. 🙂 Ah and making the new practice exam for economics tomorrow… 🙁

Es random because I had already distanced myself from my “inner circle”, yet still they didn’t want to believe it (which is psychotic, as is culture in Rotterdam). A headache free end of 2019 is sealed and the Volta is almost complete. Now it’s like the final weight is off my shoulders… Okay almost final weight… Here is some more weight:

*Inserts pictures*

Haha whattt

Lil Fangs about God and Messiah not Jesus text message A hypothetical organizational D.O.C.I.S. Draft

Relevant. Very relevant.

View on what indoctrination is and on what being indoctrinated is is different.

My spirit is not fucking weak.

Et cetera I woke up to 85 messages of these

I haven’t responded because all I can do from here on out is rage and we’re in the same class. I cannot be around regular folk anymore. This is insane.

Yay Example Sentences

~ Regent
The regent was president of the council of state, of which the knights of the Golden Fleece were members. [Regentesse @ D.O.C.I.S. International es same construction. 😘 ]

~ My

“My breath is bad,” she said, squirming in his arms.

But never mind; be brave, my friends, and I will go and tell our masters where you are, and get them to come to your rescue.

Once you have tried my goods I am sure you will never be without them.

Oh no; it’s just Eureka, my kitten. [Viper. 😻 (I’ve never owned a cat.) ]

“My gown isn’t silk,” she said, smiling. [Es cashmere 💁 ]

At this point, if you follow my reasoning, we have established at least the possibility of a bright future.

My third wise saying is– [Hoe meer je praat, hoe minder ik je zal missen. 🙃 ]

It is with a kind of fear that I begin to write the history of my life.

I’ll lend you one of my night gowns and find some clothes for you to wear in the morning.

I found my part.

I am recording my settings.

She whispered in my ear, you won’t believe it.

My wife quickly recovered and smiled.

I wish you would go and fetch my satchel, two lanterns, and a can of kerosene oil that is under the seat.

The beginning of my life was simple and much like every other little life.

Wait a moment, I’ll get my work….

Well, if my cooking is that bad… [Heard that too often. 😈 Es clear that this is also the ultimate revenge rite? 😘 ]

He and Jonathan are my cheerleaders now.

I have his name, but he is not my father. [?]

I spend less time waiting for Excel to do a recalculation of my formulas today than I did on my 386 in the 1990s, even though my spreadsheets are thousands of times more complex.

How would you feel if I was fighting with my brother and wouldn’t tell you what we were fighting about? [Most likely indifferent…]

And as I look to the past and the present, I see two phenomena that especially drive my optimism. [Revenge & kissing? 😀 ]

I earn my living by it. [For me it’s being a student. Grrr…]

My point is: While the Internet does all those things, it is not accurate to say the Internet is only any one of them.

After reading my arguments, you may or may not believe the future I describe is inevitable, as I say it is.

“I have brought my work,” said she in French, displaying her bag and addressing all present.

“My turn,” he said softly.

😻

Persistence

My amount of views has grown quite very stagnate, by the way. Which is cool, for now I feel like this is my private space again, in which I can truly speak freely. Like farting in an empty room.

#Inserts picture*

Gugh

Probably people – echt verwend – expect me to write new posts, still. It is the unification of the D.O.C.I.S. International Council or the end of my live. Binary and simple. The only way in which I am positive about binary thinking.

Which automatically means, like I said, there are 2 teams in this: team Fangs and team Demons, in which those who have chosen the side of my parents have also chosen their team (switching sides not possible), for which they will now have to pay. 🙃

xxx

14:35 (02:35 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Sunday, December 15, 2019

Heys 😸 ♥

I’m just here to state that I’d like to adjust my speculative ceiling theorem from “slightly uncomfortable, but not impossible,” to “I would like to see you inside my apartment, but I suggest chances are high that it doesn’t suit your height at all.” Though my bed is high, so you could maybe sit on that for a little while? 🙊 Then we could have some tea and afterwards head for the horizon for eternity with our Graeynissis. ♥

I can’t wait to see this Regentesse-based system in practice. (Neither can you, right? 😻 )

Furthermore, my day of self-cuddling wasn’t bad, though my heart has been acting up for at some moments – after having drifted off to sleep quite some times – my chest hurts a lot and it’s like I can’t breathe. And I will change my sheets now and take a shower (my panties are a disaster from how wet the thought of you makes me 😻 ).

Good night. ♥ Wish you were here. 😥

xxx

01:33 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Sheets changed sunt

And I changed my phone background haha 😻

I really felt like telling you that.

And just to be clear, my dear Fangyist, now is the moment to do what I taught you. I am very interested in your personal interpretation. 🙂

Kusje 😚

xxx

03:07 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

My stomach was growling again so I made some pancakes. I’m starting to run out of my stash of soy milk and coconut milk now. 🙄

The routine. 🙄

Ah and I have found inner-consensus on the meaning of what taking a few seconds to look at the ceiling while clenching your right hand palm in between the fingers of your left hands is an expression of, after I purposely held your hand for too long, caressing the back of your hand with my thumb as I looked deeply into your eyes, when we shook hands the this far last first time ( 😢 ): it meant “Omg she caressed my hand!” Sorry for thinking otherwise. I miss you so much, my Tishe. 😢

Last time we met is about a year ago. I don’t know exactly when because I don’t look at old posts to compare e.g. dec. 15 2018 with dec. 15 2019. December last year was so traumatic because of Berlin, I don’t want to look back at anything about that at all.

The next time I see you, my Graeyniss (I believe that there will be a next time), I will jump into your arms. ♥

I love you.

Kusje 😚

xxx

06:02 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Heys ♥

I just finished my 90 minute practice exam for economics in less than 30 minutes and did quite terribly. (I’m talking 2,71 out of 20 points.) For the test is online until 9 tonight, I just wanted a hint of the correct answers, for later studying pusposes. In my actual study progress I’m now at chapter 3 of 12 with summarizing, after which the next steps are memorizing and practicing. So I didn’t expect to do well, but 2,71 is quite painful…

If the D.O.C.I.S. revolt revolution goes through, none of it will matter, which is why I was starting to wind down, but if my Council bails on me then I have to keep stuffing my brain with controversial knowledge because my student loan is my most important income at the moment. Then make tests etc for 3 years and then jump off of my apartment building because there is no way in hell I’d ever apply for a job again. My god if I fail…

Okay, by the way, education does play an important role for D.O.C.I.S. International, but intelligence and competence are far more important. Plus I am Regentesse with Council… And the rev rev can’t wait much longer meow look at what the proletariat is doing to presidents.

Also realizing that what I experience with Tishe is love at first sight. I’m gonna need these kusjes… Please. 😢

I’ll eat my lunch pear now. Bed petting day 884286325878.

Kusje 😚

xxx

16:37 (04:37 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

In my bakje in the fridge there is now a little bit left over for late night snacking, so tomorrow I will have to cook again. 🙁

Eet smakelijk. 😚

xxx

18:37 (06:37 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Monday, December 16, 2019

My love,

The more I think about this, the more beautiful I see the situation stick together. It is think and not write in this context, for my content is simply read but never mentioned to me. In this same way – the problem with diverging conclusions – I have left the Inner Crown component out of the core of this draft. Because a lot of people do not understand it. But I see how everything was meant to go this way and can only go this way, if my perception of the Inner Crown is correct.

For if I am correct – this is simply a thought which has never been confirmed – the way I’ve experienced 2 years of psychiatric indoctrination, being told that “Benoît Crutzen is not real the way I perceive him”, that I cannot change the world, that president Trump would never do business with me, that my intelligence does not count as long as I don’t have a university degree et cetera (still “secretly” sticking to my beliefs and lying to the indoctrinators), you, as member or enthusiast of the Inner Crown, must have experienced and might be experiencing a similar kind of dream deterring “Lil Fangs/Dominique (Daniëlle) Elia is not real” type of indoctrination.

I am trying to break this cycle in which ignorant demons have the upper hand for the system is on their side. The system allows them to decide what the intelligent do, through legal constructions that will seize to exist in the Fangyist system. The situation sticks together beautifully.

First of all, let me point out that the Fangyist system is a parallel system. In other words, for demons the world will stay as it is and we will have a secluded life of our own. If one prefers to question me, overthrow my power or harm my Fangyists in any way, that person is a disturbance to the Fangyist system and is therefore unwelcome. We allow that person to be the demon he/she is, as long as he/she does not cross the line of our parallel system, for that brings us in danger and then we will have to defend ourselves.

Secondly, I would like to emphasize that I’m very aware that the change I propagate is very permanent. I f***** hate the system we presently live in and so do my Fangyists, so we live to permanently change that. The actual motion of change I am putting in motion with my temporary identity of (purposely kept out of the spotlight) propagandist.

What I ask of my Council members is not a simple request, for there is an entire “social network (of dependent people)” attached to their present positions and present routines. They are free to decide whether they prefer a new life or sticking to their present one. I’ve expressed doubt about which choice they’ll make (though I’d hate my routine if I were them too (as in I hate my present routine and would hate being a *insert what you do for a living* for plenty hours of my life, desiring change)). But now I think that their choice is easily made and the difficulty has more to do with the Inner Crown.

Es a Random Selection of Members of the Inner Crown¿

Most of/all of my drafted Council members are members of the Inner Crown. This is a guess I haven’t dared to express online because of the way indoctrination (I’m talking Bavo Europoort and EMC) has traumatized me in expressing what I actually think. Now that I have distanced myself from my parents and live across the Dutch border, as well as have 0 social contacts, I feel more free to express my true self here.

To a member of the Inner Crown, this request is, in an emotional context, a no-brainer. They know all thoughts I have ever had, and thus also know that this revolt revolution is what I have been preparing myself (and through their natural adaptation them as well) for my entire life. In a social and legal context (plentyyy of dead weight), however, it is not as easy to accomplish (but still very feasible 😚 ).

Through the Inner Crown, you know me for 23 years already. (So long that it might even be hard to remember the before-time.) You live for two, and with this have plenty to share. The very first time voicing your experience of the Inner Crown to someone you have been close with is an exciting experience (though also a little terrifying from the fear of being used for research). But then that person/those people (often) respond in disbelief, for they want to have that special power and they do not want to lose you when you start a new life. They might abuse authority “for your own good”, exposing you to indoctrination. (Speaking from personal experience.)

So then when I, 23 years later, summon the plenty of people who experience the Inner Crown (and enthusiasts), the people in the other corner will try to use their old methods again. And they might have worked. But not anymore. Because I am confirming the experience without my member ever opening up to me about his/her experience.

Members of the Inner Crown have never in real life (not physically, not digitally) told me about their experience of me. In person, we have a better connection than with others. Our conversation is adapted to my train of thought (plenty more non-verbal communication than usual) and when our together time is over we struggle to not tear up, for it’s back to our social dead weight. But after the traumatic way their inner circle has treated them when opening up, just telling me your experience comes with plenty of complications. Especially because afterwards we’ll never want to go back to the lives as we live them (routinously) currently. We are literally made for each other, as complements, and you are, by your social dead weight, not allowed to tell me that.

I am their savior for it is terrible to have to stomach so much demonic hate. I put an end to that system and I know that they are more prepared than I can imagine.

The permanent change, swapping our social dead weight for Inner Crown (and enthusiasts (…?)) only, is what we dream of. Social dead weight will say that we do not belong to each other, because of our descent, age, et cetera, but we know that that is nonsense. Our strategy for uniting people is far better (effectively, friendship-wise, …) than the present system ever has been. Especially because the present system allows for only one-sided indoctrination (in severe disadvantage of the supernatural). The present system allows the weak to be strong, while the Fangyist system allows growth that suits one’s intelligence.

Unification in 2019 is better than unification in 2017 or any other earlier or later year, for now I’ve lived among humans for 2 years with the knowledge of the Inner Crown, having been able to make an honest choice between homo sapiens and homo economicus. Humans, with their fake love tactics, have fucked up big time, while I have given them plenty of chances. I now know for certain that I will never regret choosing to permanently live with the Inner Crown. Plus, without this detour of 2 years I would have never met my soul mate who I haven’t personally told that he is my soul mate. As in I have eternal love for every member of the Inner Crown (and enthusiasts), but only one I can eternally sleep next to.

That being said…

I now have 2 things to state:

1) If you do not accept me as your Regentesse with absolute power, you are not allowed to become part of the Fangyist system. And not only are you not allowed to try to directly influence me (like how I know my inner circle far too well): disobedience will get you banished.

2) Last year’s Christmas, I related semi-restoring contact with my family with my company image. That was because not celebrating Christmas at all was not an option for me, then, for I was staying over at family friends, not being able to afford a place of my own. And celebrating Christmas with a family that is not my blood will give both them and my own family more reasons to talk shit behind my back.

This year, I have no intentions of restoring contact with any members of my inner circle, for it is “hoe meer je praat, hoe minder ik je zal missen” anyway man it’s all social dead weight I’ve had to suffer from for so long before I could find this long needed distance.

I hope for a Christmas with the Inner Crown. Even more I hope for them to permanently leave their present lives behind and eternally live with me on this new adventure. (It’s a huge step saying goodbye (system-wise, for the system depends on you meow stop keeping it intact 🙂 ♥ ), but the sense of danger that comes with that is amazing, isn’t it? 😻 )

Thus, to clarify: I myself, without being influenced in any way, give consent to exchange my permanent life (living alone in Antwerp), for a life with the Inner Crown, regardless of their race, age, height et cetera. Direction et cetera is officially stated after the first official Council meeting.

I will now go back to laying in bed with my eyes closed, pretending to be spending time with the love of my life, until the love of my life is here.

> 15000 words yay. 🙂

Kusje 😚 (in this context (hi-bye anyone), I prefer it in singular form.)

xxx

03:17 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Game Over

I have to be creative with the ingredients I have left in my house, for I have to last with this until Friday. (As in coming Friday is my payday.) I had one pack of noodles, one egg, one tomato and 3/4 pumpkin left. With half the egg, half the tomato and the noodles, I’ve fried some noodles for breakfast.

*image*

Wishing my phone background will become more than just a phone background omg meow let’s cook something or something…

And with about 1/2 pumpkin and the other 50% egg I had left, I’ve improvised a pumpkin spice cake which is now in the oven.

*image*

Oven-ready. If it’s good I’ll share the recipe.

(I have not slept last night.) Tonight I’m going to improvise something with the can of beans and 2 sausages I have left. And tomorrow I’ll prepare a curry with pumpkin and chickpeas, with the bit of rice and the 3 fish sticks I have left over. After that it’s going to be very tough, but I’ll find a way to manage. I’ll wait for my council, no matter how long. It’s that or the end of my life, nothing else interests me, and in a way I’m indifferent between which option it becomes.

Statement: the democratic system is the greatest sect after all religious institutions combined. (People believe that order is their enemy, they believe that they have power, people do things in name of “the people”, people crave for short moments of fame introducing new bullshit, et cetera and that shit just goes on and on and on and on. It’s so crazy.)

There are people who claim that I should not be listened to, and that with my business people should not get involved, for it will be bad for their reputation in this demon world. Though there are so many bad people in this world. Why do they put so much effort into proclaiming that I’m a bad person? They don’t do that for just anyone. It must be clear to them that because of me their lives will end soon enough, for they are, in reality, the reason why this world is such an awful place. Soon it will be game over for those demon motherf*******. (I advise demons to commit suicide, for that is the least awful way to go.)

“I ain’t evil but I got some bad intentions.”

Nap time. 🤷 I’m not going anywhere today, if I’m not going for a walk in the park later. 🤷

xxx

08:23 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

My day of bed petting was great. I can do this forever. ♥ (Much and much nicer than proletarian activities.)

In the freezer I found a piece of salted meat and some madame jeanette peppers, so I prepared Surinamese style bruine bonen for the first time ever (as in usually a relative cooks that and I didn’t know how to make it until I saw the ingredients here (opens in new tab)). I ate it with couscous because I don’t have that much rice left and of couscous I have enough to last past Friday.

~inserts pictures~

Tussenproduct

😻

Earlier 😻

Left overs 😀

Afterwards I cleaned my water cooker pot using my last bit of self-made apple cider vinegar, put some Duck (cleaning substance) inside my toilet and took a shower. The dishes I’ll leave for tomorrow.

Ah and for the pumpkin cake Surinamese people would say “A kuku fadong”, “the cake has fallen” for it has no hint of air in it and it’s quite mushy. Next time I should use more flour and/or some zelfrijzend bakmeel. I’m still going to eat it though meow it’s part of my ration. 🙃

My phone background stays sexy. 😻

Back to fantasy dreamland ciao I miss you.

Kusje 😚

xxx

20:37 (08:37 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Dinsdag, 17 december 2019

Mijn lief ♥

Ik houd het hoofdzakelijk op het Nederlands vandaag. Door de recente actie van zin doordrijvend gerelateerd onbegrip ben ik liever niet direct te verstaan. Brrr, mensen. Wanneer worden dat soort dingen strafbaar?

Raad eens wat ik vandaag heb gedaan? 🙊 Ja, precies. Twee keer opstaan om te plassen en verder achter elkaar in slaap doezelen. En gisternacht, toen ik maar moeilijk in slaap viel, ben ik alvast watertandend aan mijn lijstje begonnen voor wanneer mijn kleine hongerwinter voorbij is:

~image~

😻

Het liefst bracht ik vandaag net zo door als gisteren, maar gisternacht herinnerde ik me dat ik morgen een klein examen Duits heb, dus ik zal later wat stof doornemen…

Mijn huidige situatie voelt sinister aan. Ik ben altijd al eenzaam geweest, en woon eenzaam sinds eind september. Daar heb ik in principe vrede mee. Wat de situatie sinister maakt is dat ik mijn met gaten gevulde sociale vangnet heb losgeknipt en ik nieuwe “Maar je hoort bij ons. Je komt niet van ons af blabla”-style acties vrees. Als het goed is kan zoiets niet afgedwongen worden omdat ik over de grens leef. En – hoewel ik in mijn oude leerpatroon verzeild ben – ik studeer nog steeds, met volle zeilen gericht op mijn tentamens zolang mijn Council niet samenkomt. ( 🙁 )

Op dit moment haal ik blijdschap het meest uit mijn momenten met gesloten ogen. De momenten waarop ik me inbeeld dat de sociale last volledig achter de rug is en voor niemand meer bestaat, waar ik samenleef met degene naar wie ik zo diep verlang. In het momentum tussen slaap en wakker zijn, intens gefocust op hoe goed ons samen zijn voelt, lijkt het alsof het moment al daar is. Alsof ik al geen seconde meer zonder je spendeer.

Voorheen vond ik altijd dat in een relatie momenten van afstand een vereiste waren. Nu ben ik in de veronderstelling dat een relatie die uit “Nu even niet,” momenten bestaat, geen gezonde relatie is. Met jou kan ik me zoiets totaal niet voorstellen. Wij bij elkaar zijn als een N en een S magneet. Het heeft me nog nooit zo veel moeite gekost om van iemand af te blijven. 😻

Voordat het noodlot onze paden liet kruisen, zou het idee van zo een hechte band vrij angstaanjagend hebben geklonken. Maar nu is “Wanneer?” 😻 (toch¿ 😢 ) het enige waar ik aan kan denken. Een volwassen man. 😻 Met perfecte handen. 😻 Serieus eindelijk iemand die de spanning uit mijn nek, schouders, billen en benen kan masseren. 😻 Zoals Arthur met die steen en dat zwaard is het nog nooit iemand gelukt om die spieren los te krijgen. Please let me return the favor. 😻

Het kan, toch? 😥 Houden jullie de potential book club meeting dates aan…? Van mij mag het absoluut eerder. 😀 Maar ik zal mijn best doen om tot die tijd voldoening uit mijn fantasieën te halen.

Ik heb morgen een toets Duits maar wil eigenlijk liever niet gaan omdat ik een bepaald persoon absoluut nooit meer wil zien. Geen idee hoe ik daarmee om moet gaan… Met de eerste bijeenkomst van het Council is het voor de toekomst geschetste D.O.C.I.S. International een officieel feit. Maar zo lang dat niet het geval is zit ik vast aan dit reguliere leven.

Dit reguliere leven dat zich weer een voorstelling van intimiteit zal maken. (De eenzaamheid en het vele slapen zijn absoluut niet gezond. (Waarvoor mijn voorstelling van intimiteit in de realiteit wel een heel goede vorm van herstellingstraining zal zijn… 😻 (Random maar ik vraag me af hoeveel rondes tot de magnetische intensiteit afneemt van “te sterk” naar “normaal” waarbij ik dan ook een gesprek zou kunnen voeren met iemand anders…))) Tot later of tot morgen. 😘

Kusje 😚

xxx

15:33 (03:33 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

(Hopend dat mijn woorden realiteit worden.) Mijn social anxiety is erger dan ooit, dus mocht je me ooit willen verblijden met je aanwezigheid, dan is het het beste om me een (Whatsapp-)bericht te sturen waarin je, naast vrij te spreken 😻 , toelicht hoe onze dag eruit zal zien (hoe laat je er ongeveer zal zijn, eventuele dresscode, etc…). Mijn deurbel klinkt als een gillend persoon dus wil ik graag van te voren weten wanneer ze af gaat. Kijk me nou hardop dromen… 😻

Toen ik wakker werd van nap nummer 858538744554759 zag ik dat ik twee gemiste oproepen van mijn oma had… Ze belt gewoonlijk met respectloze uitlatingen, waarbij ik dan “omdat Surinaamse cultuur” beleefd blijf. Als ze bij mijn ouders thuis langs komt en ik zit beneden, negeert ze me al-tijd. Kom ik later naar beneden en groet ik, dan is het: “Oh, ben jij er ook?” People take my presence for granted. Ongeacht de reden voor het telefoontje, bel ik niet terug. Ongeacht de consequenties. 🤷

I’m excited for my first burden-free, decoration-free Christmas. 😀 Burden-free as in I won’t be looking at live burdens while eating… They’ll still be a burden weighing down my heart. 🤷

Vandaag was uiteindelijk wel een dag als gister. Duits morgen wordt een freestyle… Ik hoop in staat te zijn een boek open te slaan voordat ik vertrek. Nog meer hoop ik in staat te zijn te vertrekken… Soms krijg ik een waas voor mijn ogen waarbij ik voor me zie dat ik iedereen die me ooit heeft pijn gedaan, met mijn blote vuisten diezelfde pijn inflicteer. Ik wil niet naar school. 🙈 (Klinkt als 4-jarige ik, 5-jarige ik, 6-jarige ik, …)

~ image ~ (doe ik omdat ik nu met klad versies werk omdat deze post zo ontzettend lang is… Ik vraag me af wat mijn featured image hiervan vindt? 😅 (Ik heb letterlijk geen idee…))

Net gegeten en klaar voor ronde 2…

Wil je me in slaap spoonen? 😻

Kusje 😚

xxx

19:33 (07:33 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Wednesday, December 18, 2019

Heys ♥

There are 2 thoughts that have been spooking through my mind, which I would like to share:

1) Though my story is done (that which D.O.C.I.S. International propagates as a publishing business… I just pushed everything for free instead for getting people to pay for thing requires a lot of ” 🤢 ” (read: pzazz)) and I am burning my boats (sealed by this post), part of me really has no idea what I’m getting myself into, linking people of “faceless businesses” (as in those who truly own the business are unknown to the public, in contrast to D.O.C.I.S. International, which is a business with a face (mine)) to this shift…

I see no succes without them (as in cannot be replaced by regular people), and I can’t imagine someone not wanting to go on this adventure, but anything is possible… To want to stay away from news media is very understandable, but why does the world not know Victishe? Es so mysterious. 😻

2) I do not want children at least the coming 10 years. Just really felt like pointing that out. I don’t have time for that and the thought of having to do that before having established my business (“in future form”) makes me nauseous. My desire is to be with someone with whom I can grow career wise, aiming to create a new business empire, who then also is my only sex partner. Just that and nothing more. (Sure I’m down for official stuff, but just like I have 0 children related desires, I’m just as indifferent when it comes to marriage. 🙂 ) And “I don’t have a family”, but… Aah scary topic. 🙈 I’d settle for and be comfortable in any situation, as long as you are there.

Such frightning thoughts on my mind while I have 0 idea of what my Council members think about any of this… I mean I can speculate, but as long as he/she has not spoken, nothing is for certain. (& Present your D.O.C.I.S. case? 😀 ) The pain of rejection is frightning. But I can take (another) loss, in case that will be the case. Speak from the heart. 🙂

Blegh German test today meow I really don’t want to go. I already feel that my results for this entire semester are going go be terrible. 😢 Which is quite freaking me out… But I’ll give everything a fair shot. Starting with exam prepping from next week onward… 😭 (Unless my Council saves me jwz.) I’ll use the rest of the week to be depressed in my bed. Plus can’t study on an empty stomach…

I just feel like I’d be far more productive as Regentesse. Which is something that is not taught in any school…

& Random maar dit is kapot grappig 😂 :

Meow I really don’t want to make this test but as long as a Graeyniss does not become a positive externality, I have no choice. 🙁 Because at some point somehow my research is going to pay off…

All in all D.O.C.I.S. International is all I live for. Es clear by now.

Back to reading some example sentences and going to bed after I’ve finished reading the page.

Kusje 😚

xxx

01:20 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Heys ♥

Before I continue: If you cook with canned beans, drain out the can moisture first. I don’t know what I was thinking…

“I’d rather die (from starvation) than ask someone for money and with that update him/her with my financial situation personally day 87189782890890891789.” My day was relatively all right. Last night I found a pack of mini pistolets (“slightly” past due but I’m still alive), after which I started to dream of eating an omelette with tuna. So in the afternoon (haha yeah my morning was like snooze snooze snooze snooze snooze) I flipped a couple of bags and found €8,50! There is a God. 😀

~images~

brokeness

Some yaaaaays 🙂

So I had a reason to wear more than a bathrobe.

~images~

And still have some change left. 🙂 (Next thing I’m in the mood for is a kaassoufflé.)

~images~

I was reallyyy in the mood for thisss. 😻 Bittere groenten waardoor ik het gevoel krijg dat ik gezond bezig ben haha…

My witlof and omelette were nice. While & after eating (around 4 PM), I saw what I had to know for the test for the first time and tried to memorize as much as I could.

I was done with my test in less than 15 minutes. The professor announced that the results for the previous test were in, and that those could be reviewed after making the new test. When I was done, I just went straight for the exit… (The first to leave the room… 🙂 ) I don’t like grades meow I’d either feel stabbed in the heart or feel pressurized thinking “My average may only increase.” So if it’s up to me I’d learn my results way at the end of the first curriculum, hearing whether I got my propedeutics or not.

After that I washed 1/3 of the dishes and improvised a meal with stuff I found and some witlof. 🙂

Now I’m quite tired. The point is I don’t need anyone and I can take care of myself.

I’ve been reading quite some example sentences, not sharing them for I wanted to see if I’d gain more from if I don’t look in a “which ones would I like to share” type of way. But last night I read these irresistible gems:

~protect

A woman has a right to protect herself – any way she can. [For real? Hmmm I’ve been googling a little and haven’t found any news about any female beating someone to death for whatever reason. I see room for emancipation. 😂 ]

She was trained to assess, protect, repair, and sustain government systems through any kind of crisis. [Heyyy 😸 😻 ]

It was the only way to build the army she needed to protect her world. [So accurate…]

Your special gift will protect you. [ Kusje? 😀 ]

The same skill you have that we would help you learn to use is also of interest to those we are trying to protect humans from. [Hmmm…]

Truth or Dare?

Meow I really love this post. Mostly because the relationship between my days and the overall D.O.C.I.S. is better visible in this way. Like really some people think that my previous posts were all separate stories…. 🤦

There is still a link between my days, the D.O.C.I.S. and this draft which has been part of the reason why I was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Ik wacht wel tot het kwartje valt hoor. Ik heb alle tijd. Or until the moment some *** with a foaming mouth calls me to tell me that I should stay away from meneer Geskes…. 🙃 Is toch wel apart, deze aanhoudende sexy voorpagina? 🤷

Sorry but I’m just so very attracted to people who are hardly reachable, with a lot of weight on their shoulders. (Haha jaaa tuurlijk, iedereen heeft dat… Gtfoh 😂 😂 😂 ) &Me stalking Tishe has nothing to do with neither information nor money. It is all about sex. 🤷 Meow please. 😻 🤤

Maybe I shouldn’t be insecure about whether this will be appreciated or not. I should assume that you have the same mission? I should be advertising this post? If I had some coins to spend, I would have. Though people would probably respond like 🤪 as usual.

The views in this post were stagnating, until today. 😀

Hi there, anonymous visitors. 🙃

Let’s spice things up a little… Truth or dare?

Truth 1: Would you participate in The D.O.C.I.S. Revolt?

Dare 1: I dare you to be a positive externality Graeyniss. 🙂

Truth 2: What do you know about the stuff that is going on behind my back? 🙃

Dare 2: I dare you to send me a letter. 🙂

Truth 3: Are you sexually attracted to me?

Dare 3: I dare you to post a Fangs-style diary post and tag me in it.

And good night. 🙂 ♥

xxx

22:52 (10:52 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Thursday, December 19, 2019

I’m in bed at the moment. A bit too energized feeling from when I was hyping to music while taking my make-up off etc. Meanwhile, I was thinking…

I have the Blackboard app on my phone, which is how I stay semi-up-to-date with uni stuff, receiving notifications whenever there’s a new announcement. In the morning, there was a notification about the test location being changed for a room that was only just large enough to fit all students in it, with no further reason why (usually the reason why is explained). I really wonder why that happened. The prof even mentioned that it was not good decision to switch rooms.

Not everything is about me – thank god – but I would be very hurt if it were because of what I have been writing. I’m not that stupid that I wouldn’t see a room change. (That would be an insult to me.) I don’t even know anything about most people there so why would I want to harm them? 🤷 The only person who has hurt me, I simply ignored, just like I ignore the others who have hurt me. (I will never restore contact with them. That is how I channel my anger.) There was a seat free next to the person who had been texting me like some psychic specialized in being insulting, but I chose to sit in the front instead.

Please tell me that this world is not that cruel. I’ve been insulted enough already.

& @ Dare 3: I mean write about your thoughts and actions through the day. &If it’s on a social network I don’t use or is in another way unreachable to me then please post it in the comment box.

Today I will make a exam prepping schedule and enjoy the warmth of my sheets.

xxx

01:23 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

The News…

I couldn’t sleep and got hungry…

~image~

One with ginger jam and peanut butter and one with Nutella

Then I saw Twitter news. Ik wil hier niet teveel woorden aan vuil maken want het is precies wat ik al 1000 keer heb gezegd: mensen hebben geen idee waar ze mee bezig zijn. Het is nog niet eens door de senaat en de vlaggen hangen al uit.

Here is a Twitter conversation between myself and I:

What is your response to this, Tishe? Here is mine:

Now that my “alt-right” opinion is out there with hashtags and all, right underneath where I demand attention for the existence of Victor, director of the most cringy extreme left type of business, I’m just hoping to get him to voice himself. Directors may have opinions too. Regardless if they are similar to mine or not.

Isn’t it the utmost selfish from democrats to do this right before Christmas? Because they clearly already knew the outcome. (Though I don’t mind because I don’t like Christmas anyway, so if you, my Fangyists, are interested in a Christmas D.O.C.I.S. Revolt then let me know. 🤷 ♥ )

Just asking the questions not one (proletarian) democrat has any answer to. I stand with Meonald. ♥

Now I’m going back to trying to catch some sleep.

xxx

04:23 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Heys meow I haven’t been able to fall asleep yet. And I just thought of how I earlier stated that I have never had intentions of harming innocent people. Let me further clarify that with saying 2 things:

1) Those who I am trying to rid myself of are not innocent people.

2) If you can genuinely laugh or genuinely express any kind of positivity about an image like this:

~image~

Immoral. Childish.

I know more than enough. With the emphasis on genuinely, for if the anti-Trump ratio wherever one is at is 30 to 1, I can understand that one decides to giggle along. But if you disagree that that type of imagery is the most severe hatred-filled type of propaganda of today, which is the main cause of today’s culture being a complete failure, then Fangyism is not for you.

Do not mistake my scrutiny for hatred. 🙂

Sleep attempt 4. I guess political tension is keeping me awake. Seriously, what does this mean to power [now that “the revolutionists” are without a plan? Plus how may the speaker of the house be partisan (if she and top democrats demand “bipartisan” treatment)… Dit systeem is zo lek als een mandje. I can’t wait until the stock market hits. Grrr. That will force the world having to be figuratively reset.]¿¿¿

Kusje 😚 Tishe ik mis je 😢

xxx

07:17 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Ugh polithoughts… So I guess America is getting ready for Michael Pence as president, right? 🙃 Hopefully things will go less hateful for him.

Question: May someone run for president again after having been empeached?

I’d rather focus on poliTishe, now… The situation is probably not followable for many (look at my kryptonite post 😂 ). Because I haven’t seen him in ages and my feelings just keep evolving. (The more I interact with others, the more I miss you. 🙁 ) I feel like someone who is older would appreciate me more. He must be numb to the routines in life as well. And I know he has interest in seeing the system change, from which I conclude that he doesn’t think in a “succes is education or going viral” way like people my age (and younger and older) do. I want to know everything you think. 😻 (You must be a great fit for Fangyist politics. 😻 )

Meow stomach wants to eat something with tuna. Kusje 😚

xxx

09:55 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Friday, December 20, 2019

I love my university meow. 😻 Who came up with exams right after the December holidays? Not only do I now not have time for holiday bullshit because I hate it. I also don’t have time for it because I have to study. 😀 No relatives and no “friends” meow leave me alone. I’m studying. Just look at this schedule:

~images~

It’s nice that my book club doesn’t have any members, because I don’t even have time for that. 🙂 Council members are still welcome though. What would be nice would be a bed that could fit about 7 Tishes, on which we could then hold a study chilling and be cuddly. You could work on your D.O.C.I.S. case, while I’m studying for my exams. I just really want these fucking titles in front of my name.

Before I started writing this post, I thus finished the task I had given myself (and I finished making my schedule and eating and stuff (after staying in bed until like 7 PM)):

Economie; Samenvatting jaar 1 semester 1

And I just ordered my sister a turtleneck with a cool print, for Christmas and her birthday. (Please do not say anything about my preference is more important than a gift etc.) My zorgtoeslag and monthly study financing have been deposited, so I have over €1050 to spend now util the end of January “yay”. 🙂 Transferred everything to my savings account right away meow. It was my intention to buy it at H&M because I still have a gift card that can only be used in the Netherlands. Apparently it can not be used online, so I took the scarf away from my shopping bag. 🙁

Tomorrow I’ll do some strategic grocery shopping, budget-wise, cooking time-wise & lasting to preferably past New Year’s with what I purchase (because I don’t have time & I reallyyy don’t like fireworks). Haha I’m ending 2019 with a bang by the way, wanting people to quit their fireworks while I’ll be studying. 😂

Meow it would be nice to have Tishe as my study buddy… To make out in between study sessions. 😻 And you could practice your speeches with me as your test-audience, being kissy by means of letting you practice under complex circumstances. 😻 Yesterday it was exactly a year ago when I saw him last.

~ image ~

I was early. ♥

Seeing that picture as a thumbnail at Google Photos’ memories just made me click on it and look through a part of what I was doing exactly a year ago. I was in search of an income, last year, and was invited to some Christmas “brainstorming” (no one did) event where Tishe was present in such a beautiful suit, my meow. I had crazy plankenkoorts wanting to talk to him (plus this blog creates quite the tension), and then he started the conversation and my voice was out of control and stuff. 😻 Plus that’s when I saw that he has buns. 😏 I really care for a grabbable behind, my meow… (Not that I did lol. I’m shy. 🙊 ) Had I already said that I’d rather get a Tishe with that shirt and both keep them forever? & I really wonder meow: are there pictures from the first time we met? 😻

Meow usually I don’t like studying, but I love exam periods. That is when life encourages isolation from disturbances. (If I still lived with my parents, it would have been a given that I’d fail my tests because they would demand my attention. My poor sister.) I’m hyping to my old study-playlist meooow studying with me is a little party 😻

Listen to mixes by xDooody on #SoundCloud

Before I go to bed. Two more things:
1) Why the fuck are people saying that Trump is impeached while it isn’t through the senate yet? That’s the same as me saying “The people on this page are official members of the D.O.C.I.S. International Council” while they haven’t even confirmed this.
2) Since the entire world is involved in this, we can start a war based on pro and anti-trump supporters. (Sides may be rechosen, but Oso determines whether there’s a place for you, so…)

I will be writing less. Morgen: wiskunde, afwassen, boodschappen.

Tot ziens. 🙂 ♥

xxx

04:03 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Meow it’s so cold that I can’t fall asleep from shaking. 🙁 And I miss Tishe. 🙁 After the hell I went through last year, I was really looking forward to seeing him and had been writing about my excitement for that for quite long. But at the event itself it was just so busy… When he walked in with his clique, I was having a conversation with someone and considered it rude to just walk away from the conversation to hug him on first sight. It was a business event. So I waited until after his speech.

I joined the conversation he was having with 2 other people, but didn’t have anything to say in contrast to the first time I eavesdropped as conversation starter tactic. He introduced himself with his first name and a handshake and I started speaking to him in English with my voice on the highest pitch ever.

Literally: “Victor.” “Heeeeyyyyy how are youuuu?” *holds hand way too long during handshake* 🤦 “Jaa goed. En met jou?” Then I didn’t know what to reply because I was going through the worst feelings I’ve had in my life. I recently got raped in Berlin and hadn’t spoken about that with anyone and also hadn’t pressed charges or killed the motherfucker, but even stayed in that person’s house for like 2 weeks. Holding back my tears, I replied: “Ook goed.” Then I couldn’t think of anything to say. He asked: “Hoe gaat het met je boek?” And after that my responses just became worse man people could overhear our conversation and that made me act even more odd. Not much later he left for he had another event to attend. 😢 I was there just to see him, but stayed until the end. 😥 I miss him more every day. 🙁 I hope he will spend his holiday with me.

Speaking of holidays… This is the main reason why I want closed borders:

When the place floods, the people need to be at home because mainstream Dutch people on a holiday are the worst kind of people e-ver. It’s impossible to ever create order after the seasonal exodus. Poor people who depend on their tourism.

I wish you were here though meow, spending your holiday with me. And basically giving me enough money to retire and thus not be concerned about those titles in front of my name…

Also, I said this:

🤷 I’m going back to trying to sleep pretending that Tishe is keeping my feet warm.

Kusje 😚

xxx

07:17 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

~ image ~

Jullie gaan lekker 😻

Somewhere in between 16:53 and 20:51, before I went grocery shopping, I felt some heartache from how unnoticed this post is. So I updated the date on the post to today. I see it has a positive effect. 😻

~ images (3) ~

I’m so happy that I have nice foods to eat. 😀 😻 (Plus if the pleuris uitbreekt for whatever reason (like that farmers want to protest on Christmas day etc., presidents are harassed, there is more division in Belgian politics than usual, etc… We’re on the verge of something…).) Y’all ready for Fangs Christmas Lonelymeals? 😀

~ images (5) ~

Now I’m finishing my meal. While hyping to my “old” SoundCloud music yay. 😀 Wtf has happened to love and music? 😀

~ images (2) ~

About to get started with Mathematics now and afterwards do the dishes… Featuring sexy fantasies as usual. Haha I must note, on the flashback to December 19, 2018, that in his speech, Victor said something like “When there is free beer there are always people,” and I had to laugh so hard that I really made a fool of myself. Like people giggled a little and then were silent again, and I was trying so hard not to disturb his speech with my laughter. 😂

Miss you. 🙁 (Not you, if you are a backstabber.)

Kusje 😚 (Not for you, if you are a backstabber. (And nooo I’m not a backstabber. I’m a headshotter fam watch your back. 🙂 ))

Haha ~evolution~

xxx

22:33 (10:33 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Saturday, December 21, 2019

Y’all know what’s good?

~image~

coconut milk + condensed milk + brandy + lychees (with pit if you like something to suck on) 😻

My ultimate after studying snack. It’s late, but I finished sooner than I expected. So now I’ve found this little moment to share another array of thoughts about the state of my organizational offer.

If the drafted individuals were my neighbors, I would have had clarity by now. But in a way it’s good that I still have no clue. (Noo it’s not a definite no, though if I were living in Rotterdam still they would have considered this another reason to feed me anti-psychotics for this I’m sure. (For the Inner Crown is the exact same type of “untrue only if denied” type of situation. & A nurse laughed at me when I said that I want to get my medical record deleted because according to the Patriot Act the US government may review Dutch medical records, saying “Well that’s not a big deal right. It’s not like you’d do business with the US president haha”. Just make sure to watch your back, too. 🙂 ))

It’s good that nothing has happened yet, because dropping everything out of nowhere, while still being part of a perhaps unappreciated social circle, would cause major micromanaging interference for sure. Plus, it would be way funnier for you to do a “new year, new me” type of thing.

Imagine MarCatje in a professional D.O.C.I.S. directed video (a professionality that has not been seen ever before (as in I’m not doing that yet fucking money issues grrr)), announcing his resignation like “Beste Nederlanders. 2020 is het jaar van een nieuwe Mark. Ik heb een nieuwe uitdaging gevonden. Ik ben nu Ab-actis,” and then in the video you see him ride a bicycle with me on a steer seat hyping to whatever beat is playing in the video. Es just an example. 🤷

My mission is to change the concept of government. There are multiple ways to do that:
1) Titles in front of my name @ education -> working experience & research -> governmental influence (working for the state (or some international body) 😖 it’s why I’m a student right now)

2) People read Nosce Te Ipsum (or just my blog even 🙄 ) -> community -> community influence (is not working, but es better because my “product” has become a highly legally discriminatory one)

3) Money -> influence (would be a lot less exhausting in comparison to the exhausting path to influence I’m on right now. I could, for example, outsource or hire people for plenty of tasks I’m doing in a less than mediocre way now because there are so many.)

Side missions of mine are to unite the Inner Crown and to sleep next to (and with) Victishe for all eternity.

I have never been more certain about anything in y entire life. Especially because I’ve been devoted to my main mission forever, the Inner Crown since 2017 and Victishe since 2018. And the missions are intertwined. 🙂

Meow I’m going to turn my music off (lol), shut off the lights in the living room, brush my teeth and bitje and go to bed. These Tishe cravings are annoying meow why can’t I just kiss you. 🙁 It gets worse every night, every time I think that I’ve reached the limit of my screaming hunger for you.

Today will be themed with doing the dishes (haha), doing laundry, looking at 4 hours of law lectures and cooking my quick shrimp dish.

Good night 🙁

Kusje 😚

xxx

04:37 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Meow I’m done with studying for today.

~ images (2) ~

Again, earlier than expected. I think I’ll use this extra time to make a head start with continuing to work on my summary for economics.

~ images (3) ~

The increase in views for this post is very nice. I wonder if it’s because of the “holiday”. & The amount of anonymous visitors is quite remarkable. This is actually a popular post.

According to the H&M and PostNL e-mails I’ve received, my sister must have received her gift by now. If both the billing and shipping address are mentioned on the receipt in the package, she will (for sure) know that she received it from me. Otherwise 🤷 . I think it’s a really cool top and would have bought it myself as well if H&M in Belgium sold it too in my size (es only sold in plus size here).

Now I’m going to take half my stack of shrimps out of the freezer to let it defrost, and take a nap. See you later. 🙂

Kusje 😚

xxx

17:07 (05:07 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Ahahahaha it would be a crime if I wouldn’t share these tips with you 😂 :

xxx

17:17 (05:17 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

I was planning on eating my meal with spinach, but then I saw this witlof or witloof in Flemish ready to blow out its last breath.

“Go on without me. I will not be around for much longer.”

Big yays 😀

My meals get yayer by the day. I have some food related remarks to state:

~ In regard to Fangs’ Christmas Lonelymeals: yesterday, whole chickens were sold out already and I have no intentions of leaving the house for grocery shopping any time soon, so I bought a little hen, visible on my last grocery table yesterday. IT is in the back of my freezer now. (Tip: do not expect me to go to the Netherlands for Christmas. 🤢 🤢 😩 )

little hen

Meowww

~ In regard to yesterday’s fries: I have switched to ovenfriet because the last two (should not even have been 2) times I went there the girl behind the counter made me wait fucking long before taking my order (seriously showing someone a video on her fucking phone) and the second time, another girl behind the counter took my order right away and wanted to throw in new fries, but then that ***** (she made the fucking list) stopped her and gave me re-heated old fries. I was on a budget, so I ate it.

Non-food related remarks:

~ These songs should really be on Spotify:

Listen to Flying Lotus – The Kill (feat. Niki Rand) by benimnetz on #SoundCloud

Listen to 10 – Chris Brown – AWOL by Christopher Brown on #SoundCloud

~ In regard to the Ab=actis commercial: instead of hyping, it should be smooth jazz while on a golden bicycle, looking like royalty.

~ I hope people are shipping FangTishe. Because I am…

I will be hand washing the dishes and washing my hair. (Laundry will be a task for tomorrow.)

This is out of control?

It was cool that my deadly amount of writing was getting some more attention, but now seriously how do you even know about the existence of this post? And why visit my site anonymously meow I don’t bite? (Unless you’re an immoral fuck. 🤷) Fu-cking hit that donate button, please. 🙃

Dag.

(Kusje 😚 )

xxx

21:47 (09:47 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Sunday, December 22, 2019

Heysss meow. Last night, after doing the dishes and untying my twists, I was so tired that if I’d wash my hair I would pass out in the shower for sure.

I used to be bullied for the way my natural hair looks, but I actually like my hair like this. During my exam preparation period, I might live wigless. (& That pink shirt is the most comfortable piece of clothing I have ever slept in. Especially in this cold.)

But tomorrow there will be someone coming to see how much water, gas and electricity I’ve used. I hope it will be a chill person… The guy who installed my internet has been calling and texting me on my Belgian number he had because technicians call their customers before they show up. In the Netherlands that would be against the rules. I’m not sure about Belgium but I think the same rule goes here.

Seriously, man, texts like “Hey I live really close by.” “Please pick up the phone.” (And is the polite way of stating it. It was “Pak is af, aub!”) That phone is permanently off, now. 🙂

Haha I wish it were Tishe at my doorstep tomorrow. Like one of those “Did someone order a pizza?” type of porno, but then insanely hot. Ahahaha meow. 🙊

I signed a little form saying that I’d be present, but I have no idea between what times this is supposed to be. And I’ve been told to empty out my bathroom cupboards and sink, but I don’t know if I should make the way to the electricity meters free as well? My voorraadkast/rommelhok is so messy that emptying that out can get me killed for sure.

Yesterday, I was thinking… If I pass out in the shower, or slip and fall, or tyf off a ladder, people would know that I have died from it when my body starts to smell worse than the Camembert in my fridge. And if I’d have to go to the first aid or anything else, too, it’s basically einde oefening, then. 🤷 I would then be found and way after that people would finally start reading my shit and then I’d be like Rembrandt. Or Jesus…

Speaking of einde oefening: on top of me not visiting my social weight in the Netherlands, do not expect me to invite anyone over for Christmas or New Year’s either. Even if I wouldn’t have had exams, I would have “happily” celebrated this by myself. And you know it: don’t even try to come over, because I will not even open the door. 🙂

I will be enjoying the fireworks from the rooftop terrace of my building by myself. 🙂 (Throwing anyone who lights fireworks from the rooftop off of the building. 🙂 ) Did you know that I’ve never in my life kissed anyone at 12 AM on New Year’s? Besides my parents because they always demand me to be with them on New Year’s… It will be my first year in total freedom. Yay Belgium. 🙂

I have just devoured one out of two blocks of Camembert for lunch.

Now I’m going to work on my summary for Economics and later do household tasks blegh.

Kusje. 😚

xxx

12:47 (PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Meow I’m at the beginning of chapter 6 now, with summarizing.

Economie; Samenvatting jaar 1 semester 1

I did chapter 5 today, as well as laundry and napping. And getting distracted for a few minutes, by a notification for this video:

Het is democratischer om weg te lopen? Men heeft toch het recht om zelfstandig te kiezen met wie hij/zij praat? Die man klinkt net mijn “familie”. 🙄 Het is slechts zijn keuze om te bepalen hoe hij zijn partij representeert en als hij dat wil doen door in die situatie verder niet op de vragen in te gaan, moer dat gewoon kunnen. Ik ben het hier niet met meneer (¿) en de voorzitter eens. �

I’m sooo exhausteddd but tomorrow I have a busier day of studying planned and today I want to finish chapter 6 and 7 as well. Plus I still need to empty out my bathroom cabinet and put dishes in kitchen cupboards. (& There are just switches in my rommelhok, so no need to risk my life trying to arrange that. Though I should get a box to put my bathroom stuff in…) And I keep spending time writing because it’s the only way in which I can express myself because I’m the lone FangCatje. Ah and I have to get up early because I don’t want to be in my pyjamas/in the shower when the meters checking individual (most likely male) rings my doorbell. I’ll just finish only chapter 6. 😥 It seems like we need to prepare until chapter 12 instead of 14 anyway…

Another thing aside my fatigue that has thrown me off was the e-mail my mother sent me, which I saw when I e-mailed myself a back-up of the summary until mid chapter 5 before I took a nap. My heart is thorn and divided, and it gets worse every day. On the one hand because I’m better off alone (in comparison to being with my social circle), which makes me think whyyy Goddd why does social contact always hurt so much. And on the other hand because I have been falling for the same fake love tactics over and over and over again. I don’t like sounding corny, but 2020 it seems like I’ll be using a strict “new decade, no toxicity” policy. (The end of the next decade I will be over 30 mayne whaaat. 😮 )

Let me illustrate with a random example:

There is this poor girl who is very talented and pretty, who seeks soul-connections with people and very rarely finds them but keeps hoping for them with every new person she meets. And there is this middle-class guy who has no unique talents, hasn’t been touched in a decade and would do anything to get what he wants. They meet each other for the first time in a club.

Let’s (LOL) assume a “Stackelberg-ish-situation” where the guy takes the initiative to make first contact and is the most socially dominant.

She is singing to a song he knows as well, and he jumps in and makes it a duet. After the song has ended, they exchange some thoughts about the artist, he compliments her voice, she returns the compliment (out of politeness) and he asks if he may buy her a drink.

From this she derives that he is attracted to her, while she is not attracted to him, but he seems like a nice person and she has been drinking tap water from the sink in the bathroom stall all night. Socially, she counts this as 2 – 0,5 (compliment + drink vs genuine sounding compliment).

When he asks her what she would like to drink, she says: “I’ll have what you are having,” because she doesn’t know what budget they’re working with and she considers asking that as rude (because that is what her family has taught her). They drink a shot of tequila and walk to sit somewhere to nip their double shots of whiskey. She had already had quite some drinks before going to the party. Enough to lose her friends.

He asks her if she’s single and she replies that she has never had a boyfriend before and doesn’t even have kissing experience. He expresses astonishment. She returns the questions. She expresses (fake) astonishment, by means of being polite, considering that a social 3 – 1 (2 compliments + drink vs 2 genuine sounding compliments).

Though she does some attempts to change the subject, they both see what the conversation is built up towards. Physically she has been craving for kissing experience, tired of waiting for the right person. She is trying to convince herself just to go with it, because there seems no way out. After some words the guy considers smooth, he leans in for a kiss and she answers it, attempting to perform as well as she can with her sense of balance lost from the alcohol in her system and her 0 kissing experience.

Their kissing is getting them aroused. In a way, she is enjoying building up her experience because she has never experienced this physical sensation before.

The party ends. She doesn’t want to go home because she has awful parents. He invites her to come over to her place for another drink. She goes there and though she has lost all boundaries, she stays a virgin but they do masturbate each other with their hands and perform oral sex. The sexual actions performed give her the social score 10 – 8.

They start dating. A few years later she is a stay-at-home mom, the guy has anger issues and at some point she commits suicide, leaving the score 352 – 281.

Fuck the system. Reset the Earth. The only way to prevent well-known situations like these is to – Fangyist system – re-structure society with intelligence and ambition-based communities.

(The only way my life is different is that I’m too proud to drink from bathroom stalls, since the anti-psychotics I became very bad in giving fake compliments so I often just keep quiet, I’ve never gone home with someone after a party in that way and between first, second and third base there was a greater time laps (of days-few weeks). If my analysis is correct, Victishe is not the type of person who would treat me like that. On the contrary… 😻 )

The e-mail threw me off because of the sweet words used. When someone is not directly mean towards me, I find it hard to refuse because there is no direct ground for me to refuse. And since money counts in my perspective, she (and everyone else basically) is leading in our social score (so much that I lost count, but my “family” loves to remind me of it). (It’s why I’ve been saying that I want to buy them out.)

It (always) feels wrong to post content of others without their permission, but to show you what I’m expressing my emotions about:

It’s complicated. 🙁

My social score tells me that I should go (it’s not a good system lol), but my heart tells me that I shouldn’t. What am I going to do when I’m there? Be informed with the latest news (last time it was new lamps), sit in front of the TV and have most people share their (emotional) problems with me. And when I express a view of mine, they AL-WAYS start a discussion about why what I say/believe is “factually” not true. So often that I’d rather not speak to them ever again. They hurt.

In a mother I seek emotional guidance, but this is more of an emotional burden. (Especially because her advice is always to stop aiming high and to stop believing that I can make a difference et cetera. Is that because she wants me to have a small empty life in the Netherlands so that she can settle her empty nest syndrome and thoughts about her (read: their) retirement care?) I don’t understand why she even says that they want me there. We all know how it would go: I’d just let them shit all over me and complain about it on my blog, and then hope I don’t end up in a mental institution. How is choosing to live without me not better than living with me, “after all the things I’ve done” (a line they use sooo frequently)? Seriously? Plus, I have exams and my study schedule is exhaustively fatal, so in no way could I go there even if I wanted to.

Though there is money involved, responding is allowing more heart-tearing messages. I’m not responding and I’m sure as hell not going. Somehow you’ll read this anyway, so now you know for sure, too, mother.

Ah meow I’ll just fix the kitchen, put away my laundry, wash my hair and empty my bathroom cabinets. 🙁 & My breasts hurt like crazy, by the way. I can barely lay on them. 🙁

Kusje? 😢

xxx

22:33 (10:33 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Monday, December 23, 2019

I had to come back here to state that from anger I just literally had a heart attack. But it actually ended on a quite positive note. I even got a new follower¿

First some background context:

I posted images of the previous text in bold and then summarized the underlying message using my 3 accounts.

Then, from the same category as the twerk videos I wish to ban, I saw this immoral video:

[Before I continue: erotic imagery as a whole I do not intend to ban. I just have a problem with barbaric erotic imagery.]

I’m glad that it ended peacefully and that my, after this new follower, took the mature initiative of ending the discussie. If this were a discussie with my family things would have gotten physical by now. I do feel plenty of anger flowing through my body, still, and haven’t moved from my desk chair ever since my last update.

My palpitations and dizziness have become less. I’ll get to my remaining tasks now. 🙁 Hopefully the meters checking guy won’t be coming too early… And hopefully that was my last online discussion ever because my enlarged heart will not bear shit like that for much longer. Council, please. 🙁 (Best thing about my blog is that it silently incentives people to behave at their best.)

xxx

00:39 (12:39 AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

I took this picture earlier yesterday to show you the incense holder I made haha.

Es all emptied out. My meters are ready to be checked. 🙂

And I cleaned the cabinet as well as my stove and ate some knackebrod and fruits and stuff. I’m not sure if I’m eating kumqats right¿ I took them because they looked like awarras on quick sight and afterwards just plain curiosity. But I peeled one like an orange and then just chewed it¿ I like pure lemon juice so it wasn’t bad, but I don’t know if I’m going about this the right way? I should ask my neighborhood neighbors maybe, but I’m scared. 🙊

And my wig and I have taken a soapy shower.

Now I’m in bed, not understanding why I said that the childish debate ended positive, because I slayed that shit and wouldn’t mind getting at it a few rounds more. Until we fight to our deaths. 🙂

Haha grrr my anger mayneee. Part of the reasons why I need a Tishe:
1) He seems like someone with a sexy temper, too, and I find growling men the hottest thing I’ve ever seen (unless it’s “my father”, ugh 🙄 ).
2) I could sexy playfight him using actual muscle and he wouldn’t budge. And then make that lead to sex. 😻

Gosh I hope he’s into me, by the way, otherwise I’m guilty of digital rape, too, and that is one of the plenty things I wish to battle. I can’t help that I love you, my meow. But if you’d personally state that you’re not into me then I’ll (cry in private and) stop. 🙂

Anyway, my alarm is set for 09:00 AM.

Kusje 😚

xxx

03:17 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Morninggg ♥

A rare morning Fangs. Morning Fangses are nearly extinct.

Somehow I got out of bed after snoozing my alarm only once. 🙂

Presently having breakfast before 11.

~ Random intermezzo~

I killed a mosquito in the darkness, as I was underneath the blanket to protect my skin from it. I wonder if that’s blood is mine…


~End of intermezzo~

I’ll dive into sociology in a few. Law afterwards, then maths and then economics. How far I’ll get, I’ll see. I’m thrown off by the fact that my family/inner circle related point will be made probably way after New Year’s and that I have the feeling that that fucking ignorant fuck from yesterday has not learnt his lesson.

Which brings me to the following proposal, Council. Remember the sketch/improv video I showed in Read at your own Risk (opens in new tab)? How about we hold a rally in which, not only informing our Fangyists with our plans for 2020, we send a message to the public that we Fangyists are not to be messed with, so we capture that Twitter asshole and I destroy his skull on stage? Thoughts? 🙂

Ik hoor het wel. 🙂 ( & Wanneer horen we meer over the impeachment?)

Kusje 😚

xxx

10:33 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

I’m done with my sociology task for today yaaay. Summarizing lesson one. I consider a lot of it een hoop linkse onzin, but I’ll just memorize it for now because I just want to fucking pass my exams. 🙂

Sociologie; samenvatting

Next up is checking a three-hour law lecture. No sign of the meters checking individual this far. Hopefully they’ll not skip me. I really wonder if I’ll have to pay extra, or if I’ll get a refund. No idea what the average consumption of gas, water and electricity for solo Belgians is. But I don’t have a TV and I don’t use the heater, yet on the other hand I use the bath tub relatively frequently, washing an afro plus wig takes way longer and I don’t know if washing by hand or using a dishwasher is more parsimonious.

To my “family”, I’d like to say, “Please, keep your money,” but meow I’ve been eyeing these glasses for quite a while…

Lennon @ Ace & Tate 😻

If the meters are checked early and I finish watching my lecture before the optician closes, I might go today… 🙂

Meowww imma get to it.

Kusje. 😚

xxx

13:05 (01:05 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Not long after my last update, my water meters were checked. I thought it would be done by someone who works for the water/electricity firm, but it was done by the guy from facility management who handed me the keys to my apartment in September. I asked him how I could get a price indication, and he told me that he lives together with a friend and they paid €75 for 3 months. If my usage would be the same, I would get a refund, for now I pay an advance of €40 a month. 🙂 So hoping my usage is below €120…

🙂

The state of the meters when I moved in I am told to receive. When he arrived, I was working on my asparagus-potato soup. I felt I needed some relaxation after sociology, before starting with law, so I washed the dishes, cleaned my kitchen (haha there was so much dirt on my kitchen tiles meow) and made the best soup I have ever made. 😻

After that, I went to Ace & Tate. I tried on some glasses frames and took some ugly pictures with them. I liked Lennon in satin gold, as expected 🙂 , the most (though in black was the opportuniteitskost(?)). When I asked if I could arrange a prescription measurement, I was scheduled for an hour later. 🙂

I just did some more mini research about the difference between cylinder and sphere. So cylinder is general blur due to the way light is processed on the retina, and sphere is blur caused by short or farsightedness. When I checked online stuff to show you my new prescription, I first thought “Huh, was it filled out incorrectly¿” But no. It’s just big yays for Belgium (again), for my current glasses are absolute trash. Someone please, after going missing in 2017, do not tell me that racism and false propaganda have caused my . No wonder I keep my phone so close to my face.

Really, when I was done with my eye test, I was stunned. Like “Oh, so this is what seeing is like.” 🤤 Very good optician. 😻 I can’t wait until my new classes are delivered. 😻 Probably in 2020. 🙁 But now I’ll have something I can look forward to with certainty… & Now I get why I get tired so fast… (Probably one of the causes. For tachycardia & aortic insufficiency are the other.)

So I plenty of years I’ve been told and been saying I only have cylinder for my prescription, but that is nonsense. (Is there in Belgium no “colored people have alternative physique” policy? Because yay finally normalization.) I started off with a mix of cylinder and farsightedness at age 14. As a kid, when I used to say that I had trouble seeing, doctors would tell me it’s only cylinder and for that glasses are unnecessary. (I really do not like the Netherlands, the more I think of it. Though people like that are everywhere. They are in excess there.) Plus look at the size of my handwriting…

I’ll probably be short on money at the end of the month, like when I decided to order enough nootropics to survive a nuclear catastrophe with, but it’s another investment well done in the context of my approaching exams and my writing and strategizing for D.O.C.I.S. International.

& Coincidence? I think not…

*x-files whistle* 👁

Es because around Christmas, I get money to buy my own gifts. Here’s a sign of me on December 22, 2017, by the way:

At “creative class” in EMC.

Ha I decided to go home for a couple of minutes, after I scheduled my very spontaneous prescription measurement. Instead of being in the business and togetherness of people. Especially because the spontaneous glasses and great groceries are the only Christmas spending I allow myself to do. Tomorrow I’ll pay my rent, internet and health insurance and then the party is over. So I went home for 25 minutes to use the bathroom, eat some soup, eat a Snickers, have a glass of water and then just sit and breathe and think oh my god meow 3 years ago vs now what does the future hold are exams really necessary because I’m fucking exhausted, wanting to do something productive for my exams because once I relax I lose exam performance improvement opportunities.

I traveled by bike. Es about 15 minutes from my place. It could be done in less, but now with the holidays it’s trippily busy on the Meir. (I just came up with a new Fangyist word and would like to end up in children’s high school books as literature goddess for using the word trippily.) Better would be to walk through the huge crowd of people, but I kept spinning back my pedals to keep balance and not have to put my feet on the ground. Every time, I think: “It’s actually quite crazy that I’ve never knocked down anyone with my bike.” There are different ways to go there, but that part of the city I know the best without depending on Google Maps.

On my way home after prescription measurement and ordering my glasses (unfortunately blue light filter glasses in stock don’t go further than -3 and I have -4 now. 🙁 But finally writing this much will destroy my eyes less soon enough still yay. Imagine I didn’t spontaneously visit the optician today), when I was almost out of the crowded part of the city, I could choose to keep kicking back and forth my pedals, or swerve in an angle of nearly 90 degrees to the right to pass a woman with a cart and a baby in it from the front, and a girl walking with her squad but being on the phone from the back. The chance of succeeding wasn’t high but I was running out of patience, so I did my maneuver and touched the right backside of her right shoe, and said “sorry sorry sorry,” after which she started swearing in Flemish, and I said “Kill (Surinamese for “dude”) fuck you ik zeg toch sorry,” after which I had to mentally meditate on “NIET AFSTAPPEN. NIET AFSTAPPEN. LAAT HET GAAN,” because boy some people like testing my temper. 🙂

Afterwards, I made a happy meal:

Low carbs. 🙂

And before I started writing, I watched 1/3 of a law lecture. I’m tired. 🙁 But law, mathematics and economics need attention otherwise I’ll fall behind on schedule. 🙁 🙁 🙁 What to do? 😢

I wonder what my Counselors are up to right now… 🤔 And how they think about my offer… My door is always open. 🙂 (Not literally. lol. And not for my parents or anyone else who likes to yap about my behavior. 🙂 )

Ha I missed sexy water meters checking Tishe in technician for Essent-like business type of clothing. 😏 🙊 😂 Meow I miss him in general meow. Even when I’m not talking to him, I just feel happier when he is around. The same goes for the rest of my counselors. Really, going anywhere knowing that they will/could be there makes me feel like the stereotypical child being informed about a potential trip to Disney Land. Please make me happy? 🙁

I’m quite good at blind typing, which is why I can keep going. When there’s a red line underneath my words, indicating error, I put my nose near my laptop screen. I’ve been so used to seeing like this that I never realized how bad my eyesight with glasses was. How long will I have to see like this? 🙁 (The eye test lenses testing optician object was digitized yay by the way. Es cool advancement 🙂 )

Es cute btw. The optician told me that my right eye has changed by 0.5 and my left by 1. Otherwise I would have just thought “wow my eyes have evolved to a completely different dimension” (goedgelovig). It’s sweet that he didn’t say that the previous person who measured my prescription is crazy (zacht uitgedrukt). Mind you that I was high on anti-psychotics the previous time I took an eye test, so my behavior was probably dim and (especially in Rotterdam) people find that all too fun and like to get some memories out of it. And I let them. Until I get my revenge. The people who helped me at Ace & Tate here in Antwerp genuinely have nothing to worry about. 🙂

Meow I’ll watch the rest of the lecture from my bed and try to catch up with economics and mathematics tomorrow somehow. 🙁

Kusje? 😢 Dag liefje. ♥

xxx

21:14 (09:14 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

I really just want to do this.

But it will be a valuable piece for the Fangs museum, so I’ll keep it. Though I won’t be wearing it anymore because what’s the point. My nose is still almost touching my phone screen to be able to see what I’m typing.

Disregard the lighting, my bedcatness and that the distance between the lenses do not suit the distance between my eyes because mine will be made to size.

Es cool.

Es cool.

Es cool.

My body is shaking.

I have closed off for the day. (The shadow some will see when blowing out last breath.)

Closed off for the day.

My painful breasts and I have moved ourselves to my bed. I’m not going to exhaust myself with exam preparations today and tomorrow I will take a day off from studying (and buy some groceries because I’m almost out of toilet paper, water bottles, butter, eggs, Listerine and toothpaste. So Lidl, Kruidvat en Holland & Barrett are on my to visit list for tomorrow. Weer over de Meir fietsen haha), because I keep putting away my emotions by exhausting myself with work, but tomorrow my message will have been transferred because it will be Christmas eve and I will be in my apartment by myself. And then it will be Christmas and I will be in my apartment by myself. And then it will be New Year’s and I will be in my apartment by myself. No therapist can heal me from that shit because only blood percolating the ground will teach people a lesson. And then it’s 2020 and my resolution will be to fucking flood the dykes in the Netherlands and to destroy the stuwdam in Suriname.

Why the fuck would voluntarily celebrate Christmas with people who I’d rather see dead? You just have to see what I do on those days to see that I am writing the fucking truth. And that I’d rather not be prosecuted for murder, so I’m doing it this way.

In other news, I hope you will rid yourself of your social disturbances for Christmas, too, my dear Graeyniss. And I hope you’ll give me kusjes. 🙊 I have plenty of soup left. 🙂

Come get some. 🙂

Do you not eat food that is more than 4 hours old…?

Meow pain and want kusjes. And I should change my sheets but I need jetons for the washing machine for my mattress’s fitted sheet. So I’ll allow myself to pass out from fatigue now. Ciao.

xxx

23:27 (11:27 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Tuesday, December 24, 2019

My heart hurts.


I don’t know why I keep protecting her. Here is something in random order:

Too many thoughts keep me awake while I am so exhausted. On the blog I’m so very passionate about, I said that I will not respond and do not want to see new incoming messages from individual. So don’t send me new messages and please do not send me tangible sentimental text. Jaa geurstokjes van Rituals zijn trouwens wel echt super nice mayne thanks. Ik zal het pakje afwachten en hou het niet bij je in de verwachting dat ik het zelf kom halen. Je zal me nooit meer zien.

xxx

00:15 (12:15 AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Zo lang ik dat soort mails krijg word ik trouwens niet met rust gelaten. Per mail start de teller weer vanaf 0. (Nog niet eens beginnend over de rust wanneer 30 meter ondergronds.) Kayleigh moet uit huis geplaatst worden. Kom je bij mij wonen? 🙊

Late night snack ieks.

Kusje 😚

xxx

01:48 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Never gets old 🙁

I increased font sizes further 😔

Reading back gets more painful by the day. What are your holiday plans?

“My parents” (Elias) are schizophrenics.

xxx

03:37 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Do you see the sad face, too? 🙁

Ik heb mijn maximum tolerantie voor bullshit bereikt. Ik zit er nu echt dorheen. I hope Tishe will save me. 😢 ♥

Good night.

xxx

04:02 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Dilemma: I can’t stop crying, but I really have to go to the stores today because of Christmas closing. 🙁

xxx

10:20 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Ha, so the question is not if I’ll have to pay extra, but how much I’ll have to pay extra… I should move to Suriname, for there is water in excess there, which is probably where I got my habits from. Plus in the Netherlands male individual house owner has plenty illegal computers spread throughout the house, so with my water and gas usage it just balances out.

I might have to start working at a strip club or something to be able to pay for this…

I don’t think it’s visible on my face that last night I cried loud enough to figuratively (don’t understand why not literally actually) cause a neighborhood-wide noise complaint.

But I can keep my tears in for now, I think. Hopefully no one will use trigger phrases like “Happy holidays”. Emphasizing that missing my family is not the reason for my tears. The reason why is because I have that family and I can’t wait until most of them are dead.

The office building across is closed (wow), so there’s a chance other stores will be closed as well. I’m still going to give it a try. Starting with picking up jetons…¿

Kusje 😚

Tishe? 😢

xxx

14:13 (02:13 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Haha what the fuck

H&B: €3,49; Kruidvat: €15,07; Lidl: €11,70.

Plus €30 for 5 washing jetons and 4 drying jetons. I’m in the mood for penne with improv bolognese sauce so that’s why the stuff I didn’t mention before. And I’m not pregnant hooray. 🙂

Now back to bed, hoping to not cause another potential noise complaint, after grilling some sausages that are approaching the end of their time, and some more left over best soup I’ve ever made. I love asparaguses.

xxx

15:57 (03:57 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

While I was cooking my pasta, I realized that I bought the sausages for stuffing, so now I’ll use my pasta’s left over mince (the amount that will be left over after I eat it for lunch as well) with knäckebröd for stuffing my lil hen tomorrow. Ah it’s a rooster, by the way, not a hen.

I hope people understand why I cannot forgive them for the way they spread lies about me when and after I went missing. And that when I say that I’m done with someone, I am really done with that person. I won’t fight them or even personally inform because (especially after their predictable response(s)) my temper will make me kill them and I don’t want to get in trouble with the law more than I already have.

Tomorrow I should continue studying maar mijn hoofd staat er echt niet naar. Perhaps I’ll go for a walk in the park. For now I’m going back to bed. 😚 (No noise complaint crying @ my nap, by the way. 🙂 Though my heart still hurts from sadness.)

Merry Christmas.

Good night

xxx

22:23 (10:23 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Wednesday, December 25, 2019

Heys 🙂 ♥

The yaaaaays. 🙂 Why am I not obese¿

My lil rooster is defrosting, I just had lunch and I just paid my rent and internet for January, plus my health insurance for December and I sent an e-mail to the books distribution center for I was sent a payment reminder yesterday for a bill I paid on November 29th.

Yesterday I said that I pay €40 per month as an avancr for water, gas and electricity, but I see I pay €165 a month for that haha. My total rent per month is €740 including the advance. I just thought the amount consisted of €700 plain rent and €40 advance, but it’s €575 plain rent and €165 advance. 🙃

I think I’ll spend the rest of today on household tasks and watching the rest of the law lecture, instead of going to the park today. After this nap meoww my body hurts….

I’m more at peace with my lonely Christmas than I expected to be. Every time, for example when I see people be happy together and then feel lonely, I think to myself “Well would you want to hop on the next train, then?” And then every fiber in my body screams “nooononono”. So I’m good. 🙂

Another sign that I’m good is that I randomly got my period yesterday. (Haha ew. 🙁 ) My stress levels are usually so high that I don’t even get it. But it explains why my breasts are hurting. And I’m just glad that all of this excess life juice is leaving my system now. 🙂 That probably caused 90% of my irritability. (The other 10% is my lil PTSD. 🙂 )

Meoww I’ll be napping. ♥ I hope you’re having a less lonely Christmas, because loneliness still sucks regardless of the fact that I’m at peace with it. 🙂

Kusje 😚

xxx

12:56 (PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Fangs’s Lonelymeals Day 1

Hey Sweetniss ♥

Finally, it is time for Fangs’s Lonelymeals. 🙂 For my fellow great people who are celebrating Christmas solo (physically and/or mentally), I hope to amuse you with a menu that is not only tasty, but also quick and simple. 🙂

Here’s our lonely menu:

Day 1

~ Appetizer: improv Javanese bakabana
~ Main: lil “oriental” rooster featuring mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce and some veggies
~ Dessert: tiramisu and physalis

Day 2

~ Starter: tomato soup
~ Main: steamed salmon with mashed potatoes and spinach
~ Dessert: tiramisu and physalis (lol)

My rooster is almost done defrosting. In the meantime I will be cleaning my kitchen. Stay tuned. 🙂

xxx

16:25 (04:25 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Meow I just whipped the batter for the baka bana to let it rest for a few.

For ease, in case you’d like to follow, let me share my cooking schedule:
– Defrosting rooster further and letting batter rest while quickly cleaning kitchen
– Marinading rooster, then taking a shower
– Stuffing rooster and putting it in the oven
– Bringing potatoes to a boil
– Chopping veggies and letting them cook for a few
– Bakking bana
– Grilling veggies, mashing potatoes and taking lil rooster out of the oven

There’s a chance eating appetizer + cooking will be simultaneous. 🙃

Cleaning kusje 😚

xxx

16:55 (04:55 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Ha flipping over lil roosty and seeing its muscle mechanism respond to the movement is like it’s still alive. I wonder what his life was like… 🤔

Estimated dinner time: 8 PM.

xxx

18:20 (06:20 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Een momentopname.

I forgot to include the cranberry sauce in my mini schedule, but I put that (water + cranberries + honey + sugar) on the stove right before bakking bana. My dinner time was about 20:30 (08:30 PM) because I decided to wash my hair and take a picture (so comb it until satisfied).

I wish to create a line of hair products that suits my hairtype because there is absolutely no hair product that suits my hair texture. Random.

Anyway my meal was great. Though wine makes me feel like kissing. 🙁 (Es only fucked up because I’m Tishless. 🙁 (Oooh my god my e-mails from Christmas last year. 🤦 ) I’m going to spend some more quality time with lil roosty and come back when/if I get some inspiration to write.

Kusje 😚

xxx

21:07 (09:07 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Still no inspo… I do think that me executing my plans for the holidays is another way of getting my message across, instead of being the person who has written more than anyone else ever has.

I’d like to ask for a moment of silence…

He was a great guy…

He was tasty. And he went so well with my cranberry sauce. 😢

Haha.

Well I guess I’m going to get cozied up underneath the sheets. By myself… Part of me has been telling me to get the Council idea and feelings for Tishe out of my head (even way before this post), but I just can’t stop having hope for this. It is literally all I have. After this day, I hope you see it, too.

I hope my life will take a turn soon because all of my memories make me want to scream.

Haha wows. Es unimaginable. I did not expect to have made it to this safe haven, away from my family, by now already. And did not expect to still be all alone.

Haha meeeee

Lol me towards all the people I’ve curved if I can cat Victishe.

Es too many of them. 🙁

Time to refrigerate left overs and imagine cuddling someone who could perform the greatest curve of the decade on me. 🙈

If this blog didn’t exist, you wouldn’t have known an apartment to myself means finally happy lonely Christmas away from burden family yay. Death to all those who didn’t believe me. (That includes them.) 🙂

Kusje 😚

xxx

23:00 (11:00 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Thursday, December 26, 2019

Heys ♥

Aside from getting up to grab some yogurt from the fridge, I’ve been in bed all day. The lowest temperatures of the season haven’t been reached, but it’s cold enough for me to want to cuddle up all day. Cuddle up until around 4 PM because that’s when I’ll start to prepare part 2 of Fangs’s Lonelymeals. 🙂 (The salmon will be steamed with kumqats. 🙂 )

Ha I skipped out on dessert yesterday, so more for today. 🙂 & Today the meal will be done sooner because preparing the salmon is less time consuming and other than that it’s a matter of defrosting spinach, cooking tomato soup and warming up mashed potatoes. 🙂

I’m in doubt between waiting for an indication from my drafted Counselors, or just taking my websites and social media offline already.

The majority of people on this planet are highly convinced of complete nonsense. If they wouldn’t have had any opposition, the system would have destroyed itself already. They are still busy causing their own downfall without realizing it.

The only way to preserve order and to prevent the Malthusian effects that the growing overpopulation (with wrong attitude) will have, is to wipe those people out. When I execute this – if I’m the one executing it – I won’t be blogging/twittering/online whatevering about that.

Most people don’t even have the slightest idea why and what I write (and don’t understand why I don’t want them to understand) in the first place. I’d love to quit in advance, but quitting now can terminate my safety. With no (trustable) friends and family – rather people who would harm me first (as you may know, right) – continuing my life in lonely exile without any online representation can be dangerous for me, for if I were raped again this time I live all alone in a city where I don’t know anyone and if it wouldn’t be on this blog then no one would know this at all (if the Inner Crown has restrictions based on inexplainability to the disturbing majority).

Thoughts?

Kusje 😚

xxx

14:35 (02:35 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

I won’t delete my accounts because then my embedded tweets on here would become inaccessible and that would mean that my example of the ignorance of the average Twitter user wouldn’t be visible anymore, which I don’t want yet, as long as breaths.

But the app is not on my home screen anymore. 🙂

It’s deleted from my phone. No more notifications and bad tweets seen by these eyes. 🙂

Really, the people tweeting like they’re guru’s were starting to get on my nerves. Things like “I can see when relationships won’t last but I allow people to have their fun,” “Girls like penises,” “We fail and then we fail again,” oh my god it’s so toxic. 😩

~ Intermezzo of sad haha’s ~

This looks like a Greek tragedy 😂

🙁

One of the most emotional Spongebob moments 😢

Hi there. 🙃

Fangs 🙁

~ End of intermezzo of sad haha’s ~

I’ll open the thematische rubriek and afterwards share some thoughts, after which I’ll get cooking mweh want to stay in bed. I think I’m good at systematically disrupting derailed “cultural” sentiment.

Fangs’s Lonelymeals Day 2

I just took my 2 rectangle-shaped pieces of salmon with skin out of the freezer.

Because I only have 1 pan of the right size for the soup I’ll make (the one in which I put vegetables yesterday, for the other one, which had cranberry sauce, will be used for spinach), and the faster the better, I won’t filter out the tomato skins in my improv domates çorbasī in another pan.

Schedule:
– Letting salmon defrost while laying in bed.
– Chopping tomatoes.
– Wrapping salmon + kumqats e.a. in aluminium foil and putting that in the oven.
– Bringing soup to a boil.
– Warming spinach & warming mashed potatoes.
– Eating starter and main.
– Taking the leaves from physalis and filling a little bowl with them.
– Eating that and/with tiramisu for dessert.

So presently I’m at the laying in bed part. I’ll update the post with what I’ve written here in this note now (which is what you’re reading right now) and then I’ll continue writing and afterwards update again.

Plus I came across this: https://www.cnbc.com/amp/2019/12/26/pelosis-best-move-might-be-to-keep-impeachment-in-her-pocket.html

Why the fuck then start the impeachment process in the first place? &She is clearly anything but bipartisan so she really has to go.

xxx

16:49 (04:49 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

I recently spoke of the future banishment of barbaric erotic imagery in “my community”, and that in barbarian communities it will not be banned. By “my community”, I mean the highest order of Fangyists. For our levels of high performance, disturbing imagery will not be tolerated.

Barbarian communities are basically all those who decide to not become a Fangyist/who are not allowed into the Fangyist community, not based on ethnicity, gender, age et cetera. They may and will live in eternal chaos (I mean if you like protesting go ahead and protest all your life), from which we Fangyists will legally seclude ourselves in our parallel system.

I wonder what New Year’s will be like… Most people will be drunk again, putting their lives on the line using fireworks. Like I said last year, if bombs were dropped, if guns were perpetually firing, people wouldn’t even notice. The only reason why people act so butt hurt about death for personality reasons is because they fear being next.

That’s my venting for now. Next up is a nap of 30 minutes and continuing with my cooking schedule. By the way, I’m letting my salmon defrost simply by putting it on a plate on the kitchen table. Hmmm ay I should be studying. 🙁

xxx

17:13 (05:13 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

The inside of a salmon pack. Es in the oven now.

My quick soup (butter + flour + vegetable stock + tomatoes) was nice.

Now I’m going to warm the spinach and mashed potatoes.

xxx

20:33 (08:33 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Es tasty. 🙂

I wonder what Christmas at the northern side of the border was like, with me missing ba-dum-tssss. What reason was given for my vanishing in 2017? Certainly not the truth, which is that my parents are fucking insane. My sister has chosen to side with them so there’s not much I can do about that. 🤷 I’m fine by myself.

Look at last year’s slavery. No wonder they wanted me to be present this year.

When it comes to studying, I’m so far behind on schedule now that I’ll have to reschedule all of my studying. Or perhaps I’ll just have to do resits for every subject. (Ughhh. 😭 ) I don’t know how I’m going to do that next curriculum because somehow I’ll have to pay my tuition myself. Next semester also drama because how am I going to pay for my course books¿

I’ll continue this education path to survival if my drafted Council members don’t make the right decision. The right decision is turning life around 180 degrees. No one else can do that with me.

Hopefully I’ll be more energetic tomorrow, because I’m running out of butter, I should go for a walk or something & I need to get studying. Ha & I wonder when I’ll receive my perfume, Rituals package & sentimental tangible text written by a relative. (If you knew me, you’d know that doesn’t suit me. But I act happy with everything I get. 🙂 )

Again, I hope my sister has received her turtleneck. 🙂

The next thing you’ll see me live through by myself is my sister’s birthday and New Year’s. Death to everyone who believes that was said in that message about me going missing was true.

I’m going to eat some more, take a shower, eat some more, stare at the ceiling for a couple of hours and fall asleep. Missing handsome Tishe. 🙁 Seriously, Victor, waarom ben je zo lekker? 😢

Over 30000 words yay. 🙂

Kusje 😚

xxx

21:36 (09:36 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Friday, December 27, 2019

Do the people viewing this have any intentions of saying hello, or will I be celebrating Christmas 2020 by myself as well¿

Meow I’ve been reading some example sentences.

~ Serene

In more serene surroundings perhaps we could come to some understanding and move forward in a mutually peaceful way.

Perhaps I may prove useful to your Serene Highness.

Commerce is unexpectedly confident and serene, alert, adventurous, and unwearied.

But his character remained serene and unshaken in dignity.

Virgil is serene and lovely like a marble Apollo in the moonlight; Homer is a beautiful, animated youth in the full sunlight with the wind in his hair.

“Ready, your Serene Highness,” replied the general.

She is sitting by me as I write, her face serene and happy, crocheting a long red chain of Scotch wool.

He watched her sleep, wishing to know her dreams; wondering if he would ever see her face this serene again.

A billion consciences sitting under the serene surface of the water.

The air was temperate, the sky was serene, the silver orb of the moon was reflected from the waters, and all nature was silent. [Es the silence after we shut barbarians up for all eternity. 🙂 ]

The change from storm and winter to serene and mild weather, from dark and sluggish hours to bright and elastic ones, is a memorable crisis which all things proclaim.

But the prevailing impression we carry away after reading him is that in all his early satires he was animated by a sincere and manly detestation of the tyranny and cruelty, the debauchery and luxury, the levity and effeminacy, the crimes and frauds, which we know from other sources were then rife in Rome, and that a more serene wisdom and a happier frame of mind were attained by him when old age had somewhat allayed the fierce rage which vexed his manhood.

1 The genial fellowship of the philosophic community that he collected in his garden remained a striking feature in the traditions of his school; and certainly the ideal which Stoics and Epicureans equally cherished of a brotherhood of sages was most easily realized on the Epicurean plan of withdrawing from political and dialectical conflict to simple living and serene leisure, in imitation of the gods apart from the fortuitous concourse of atoms that we call a world.

I have not considered it right to conceal from your Serene Highness what I have seen.

“Would not your Serene Highness like to come inside?” said the general on duty in a discontented voice, “the plans must be examined and several papers have to be signed.”

All their faces were as serene as if all this were happening at home awaiting peaceful encampment, and not within sight of the enemy before an action in which at least half of them would be left on the field.

Anyhow his Serene Highness knows you and will receive you graciously.

He was commonly compared to Olympian Zeus, partly because of his serene and dignified bearing, partly by reason of the majestic roll of the thundering eloquence, with its bold poetical imagery, with which he held friend and foe spellbound.

What is the pill which will keep us well, serene, contented?

It was so utterly beautiful – so serene.

He looked out the window momentarily and saw a 737 leaving a contrail at 33,000 feet in the serene blue sky.

In the serene atmosphere of my earthly Paradise I would be safe from all evil. [Es w/Regentesse 🙂 ]

She was serene in the grand pas de deux.

very salutary is an occasional hour of serene sadness, indeed a good agony will sometimes yield a grand harvest.

serene elegance and beauty.

serene ambiance within the visitor space.

serene, exotic beauty.

There’s a wide range of entertainments for every taste, all within a beautifully serene environment. [Es Planet Fang. 🙂 ]

You’re so calm, dear, and so resolute, so serene! [ ♥ ]

I am better now, but not quite serene.

Therefore the Master remains serene in the midst of sorrow.

Somehow, listening to the silence I feel myself becoming serene.

In his last years, living in a serene and – ?R�CH5�N02 – >R�CCH�N02 >R1>C(RSR2R3)C�N02.

On the political storms which shook his country and drove him from one employment to another, he seems to have looked not with the passionate participation of a Dante or a Michelangelo but rather with the serene detachment of a Goethe.

At the same time it is probable that the serene joys of virtue and the grieflessness which the sage was conceived to maintain amid the worst tortures, formed the main attractions of Stoicism for ordinary minds.

Technical Maintenance Your web site is like the proverbial swan, serene on the surface but paddling like mad underneath.

Nell could hardly believe this was the same young woman she ‘d always admired for her serene elegance and beauty.

Stay 1 night at the Monastery in serene surroundings. [Cool. 🙂 ]

I could feel my whole being getting drawn into the serene, exotic beauty.

There are options, like a silver metal contact lens case, that mean you don’t have to break up the theme of your bathroom counter with a piece of plastic on display that sticks out like a sore thumb against your serene decor.

So, they hold their confusion, doubts, and fear within themselves, putting on a brave and almost serene front for their parents.

A serene opening – Whenever you first open a “ghost video” where the first part of the video is a very calm and quiet scene, the odds are good that you’ve just opened up a “scream” video.

He demonstrates a solitary routine in a serene setting.

Serene Comfort’s mission is to offer “comfortable clothes that are all about serene comfort.”

Serene Comfort’s return policy is very lenient.

~ Extensive intermezzo of sad haha’s

Haha I went “Just one more Snapchat memes account,” so often that I’ll regret this when waking up meow. But it was nice to see relatable things. Now I’m tired and still need to brush my teeth. Another day of severe loneliness ahead of me horaay. 🙁 I hope this hit to the sleeping schedule won’t make me lay in bed all day…

Slaap lekker meow kusjeee 😚

xxx

03:20 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Haha I just had to come back to show you the spontaneous meme I just made:

😂

Belgium es my freedom.

Good night. ♥

xxx

03:50 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Another one 😂

xxx

04:25 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Well today will be bed petty… I haven’t slept for a single minute. Somehow I’ll have to get up to buy new water bottles, butter, noodles, et cetera. I’ve been up all night, first pondering about the situation with my family and how I think my sister is the only (personality/intelligence wise) savable person left but am powerless, after which I found my distraction in making memes:

Dark Dank FangyMemes

😂
I just devoured my last packs of noodles and will now try to catch some sleep.

Good morning 😚

xxx

08:54 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Heys ♥

I assume that no one is expecting me to explain why I prefer to spend these days alone instead of with my social weight. Over 600 posts in several formats have been devoted to that. Never will I change my mind. I just wonder if the false message spread about me, affecting my credibility as a propagandist, will be reverted and if anyone would like to be my new family. “Funny thing” is if my parents or grandmothers passed away, I wouldn’t even know. And that I can already feel the strange indifference in my emotions. When it comes to my education and my business endeavors, they have been standing in my way.

Haha in bed I suddenly had to laugh about the thought “What if I spent a day of Christmas this year with Tishe?” (For he is single papa right? 🙁 (😻 🙊 ) ) My family would have portrayed him as a serial killer for sure and blamed him for not spending time with them instead of themselves. Ha imagine we’d be in some French restaurant, his legs folded under the table, and then my parents would disturb us with their nonsense. Ha nope I had to visualize it to see that that was 100% impossible. I don’t even know why I feel entitled. 🤷

I got out of bed around 6 PM. Then:

At Lidl the butter and prosciutto I usually get were out of stock, so I got this butter of €5. Ah and the price includes 6 bottles of 2L water.

At the toko I spontaneously decided to buy leave-in and try it on my hair to see if it helps prevent the shrinkage and drying out of my natural coily fluff.

At Delhaize there was a technical issue with foreign cards, so I got €20 cash from an ATM to pay for my groceries.

For my wrap, I used dried coriander, dried cumin, cayenne pepper, paprika powder, garlic, dried celery and Aromat, instead of the ready-made spice mix. And while cooking I made some more memes:

Now tomorrow I have intentions of cleaning the kitchen, doing laundry, watching the rest of that law lecture I hadn’t finished watching and study some math, otherwise the exam period is going to be extremely tough.

Part of me is wondering if in 2020 everyone is spontaneously going to stop living their dull routines and do something radical, just because it’s that overly hyped start of a new decade. In case you want the dust to settle differently, you know where to find me. 🙂

Something I do miss is living near a forest. When I’m outside now I’m ever inhaling car fumes and I have to travel to I don’t even know where to take a long walk in a remote area. Hmm I should go jogging soon… Best before the 31st or after the 1st because I really do not like fireworks. Hopefully I have enough groceries to last past that stuff…

I’m going back to bed. 🤷

Here’s my latest music addiction, by the way:

Kusje 😚

xxx

23:30 (11:30 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Saturday, December 28, 2019

Presently…

I couldn’t find the inner non-tremblingness to fall asleep. Then I put my focus on making memes by means of self=expression, but that just made my feelings worse.

For how much longer will my life be stagnate? Without the unification of this council, I think everyone’s life will stay stagnate. After everyone is established in their positions, we can start recruiting Fangyists. That will all be so much fun, my meow. 🙂 I really look forward to this.

What makes my offer different from other offers is that it’s an occupation-based offer, where you’re practically free to decide your own salary, for the amount of money to convert in Fangia is the result of our collective strategizing, aside from us all going all=in, of course. 🙂 Life’s a gamble. 🤷

Soup es finished. I miss my Tishe.

Kusje 😚

xxx

04:44 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Gifts from my family have arrived.

Hartelijk bedankt. ♥
My thorn and divided heart and I will now be enjoying a lecture about international law.

Kusje 😚

xxx

12:33 (PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

I’ve just finished watching that lecture.

Es fun. 🙂

Next up: dutje -> douchen (& trying new hair product yay 🙂 ) -> dishes -> koken -> eten -> wiskunde

😥

Kusje 😚

xxx

15:23 (03:23 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

My nap had become some serious hibernation. I just stuffed myself with the last wraps and chicken stuff I had laying around. After this I will eat some kiwi’s to make myself feel a little healthy.

Transparency: I, again, have not replied.

I thought of this: het geschil dat ik heb is een geschil met de staat? Ik ben enorm de dupe geweest van dat onterecht psychiatrisch toezicht en die zoekactie, wanneer ik zeg dat mijn ouders mijn probleem zijn luistert men niet meer en 50% van mijn tachycardia komt door de manier waarop het volk op de politiek reageert. Thoughts?

More FangyMemes

I had some trouble finding the mental strength to lift myself out of bed, so…

Snapchat had some funny niss too:

Next up is doing maths and doing dishes blegh (for dishes and time of day). 🙁

Kusje 😚

xxx

21:53 (09:53 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Sunday, December 29, 2019

Een momentopname

I’ve eaten too many of those chocolates. Now I feel like vomiting. 🙁

The purpose of the study schedule I made during this post is to have seen all material before the “focus days”. The “focus days” I call the few free days before an exam, which I was hoping to use for only revision, instead of for binge-studying new material. But I haven’t changed a thing and will be binge studying new material during my focus days. By means of damage control, I have these intentions:

Doing as much as possible for that subject on that day.

My schedule of exams

There’s still a chance I pass everything. But then I do need to buckle down for economics, mathematics and accountancy. And I shouldn’t disregard informatiesystemen because it’s so easy.

These dishes are still waiting for me. 🙁

I came across this:

I have changed for the better. 🙂 And the understandability rate of my writing, as well as my English in general, have improved big time. 🙂

Tomorrow is my sister’s 18th birthday meoww. I wish things weren’t as turbulent. And that most (read: practically all) people in our circle had different intelligence and different personalities. But it is as it is, unfortunately. Regardless of what the plans are, I will not be attending. I will send her a message, if she hasn’t blocked me by then.

Now I will be blasting music (in my earplugs) and doing the dishes so that waking-up-in-the-morning Fangs will be thankful for my actions of this night. Alvast welterusten.

Kusje 😚

xxx

02:13 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

The yays. 🙂 Though I went to bed past 5 AM. Presently, I’m enjoying my dinner.

Mid eating. Imagine the fish sticks.

I remember my sister and I filling up these paprikas with sushi rice for the first time like it was yesterday. 😢

Getting out of bed wasn’t easy, so guess what I got…

More FangyMemes

I’d like to elaborate on a particular meme. It is in almost every situation that I do this. Whether it is someone claiming that they know anything about me and then using trash arguments to state that I purposely did something evil, or an “airy” conversation about politics, I always just stop talking somewhere in the midst of the conversation, to prevent rage and me choking that person to death.

My father claiming that I’ve been stealing money from my grandmother, some random crisis center therapist claiming that I have no right to a share of family capital because my relatives have worked hard to earn that money (really, shut the fuck up and die), my mother stating anything, people speaking like they know Meonald personally… I always end up with…

Then they say: “What’s up?”
I reply: “NOTHING. 🙂 ”
Then they say: “Clearly something is up. You probably don’t want to admit that I’m right, because (…)”
Then I say: “SURE. 🙂 ” and give dry responses so that the conversation dies out, while struggling to not kick them in the face.

Ah glad I could get that off my chest a little. Keeping so much to oneself gets frustrating at some point. 🙃

Some yays for the taming of my natural fluff:

My new glasses will be delivered tomorrow (morning). 😀 😀 😀

From the amount of “there’s someone at your front door” Ring messages I get on my phone, I hypothesize my sister celebrates her birthday today.

Meow I’m going to do my laundry and do some math. 🤷

Kusje 😚

xxx

19:27 (07:27 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Monday, December 30, 2019

Random niss:

Something on my mind during my study break:

I look like anyone but top right 🤷

During my break from studying, I spontaneously decided to give this website web app functionality. Though the only thing I might ever do is give my brand an entire make-over when I have an officially registered Council. Get the Fangs app and stay tuned. 🙂 (Though you need to close the app and open it again to refresh because pull to load is a pro feature and I need to watch my spending. 🙁 )

Haaa siii I have a new phone background. 😻 In case you want a new background 🙂 :

It’s my sister’s birthday. I’ll message her later today, because openhearted messages sent by me often ruin her day and then it’s better to have that in the middle of the day, to have settled emotions at night, instead of going to sleep with the message just received or something like that. I just want to wish her a happy birthday. Don’t think it’s that necessary to explain why I have no intentions to ever go to the Netherlands again, especially because my reasons why are highly convinced harsh negativity, so I’ll try to not mention that. I still don’t know if D.O.C.I.S. International could be something for her or not. She’d have to let go plenty of people if yes, though. (Another thing I will not mention in the birthday message. My absence might hurt, so it’s my intention to soften that with the message.)

This is still A Hypothetical Organizational D.O.C.I.S. Draft. It is an abstract display of devotion and real strategy. Last year around this time, I was so extremely sick of spending time with people I don’t actually like (but still staying polite and listening to their stories and stuff man torture), general depression and my lack of greatness, that suicidal thoughts had taken me to a very dark place. I don’t think being alone on New Year’s this year will cause that exact same feeling, but the bad year for D.O.C.I.S. International and “councillessness” will make me feel grief at that overly sentimental overly hyped moment the decade changes, most likely. Blegh I don’t even like sleeping alone with feelings like these, so especially on moments that should be of togetherness, it hurts.

Meow and I’ve been having bad dreams again. 🙁 (Ha that’s when I usually say “I should get smoking weed again”. But noo es illegalized here & my tachycardia doesn’t seem to like it.) I usually forget my dreams fast if I don’t write them down right after waking up, but the image of…

You know how freaky slimy aliens in movies often have trippy mouths that are like a meat eating flower with hella teeth and other freaky stuff? I dreamt I lived in an apocalyptic situation and that I had to watch pigs, for farming purposes, but safari-style. They climbed street light poles and made highly pitched sounds as both their mouths and asses had the alien features I just described. Meow I barely dare to go to sleep, honestly. 🙁 In situations like these… A Tishe. 😢

But meow my glasses will probably be delivered between 9 and 11, so I’ll try to catch some sleep.

Kusje 😚

xxx

04:03 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Transparency: I sent my sister this.


I tried to keep it as non-emotional as possible, but that didn’t go too well. By means of preventing a cold-hearted back-and-forth, like when I sent that letter, I blocked her after sending it. This year I really have set a record for blocking people and cutting people off. 🙁 (And it’s only the beginning. x_x )

I’m a 3 mayne and you?


Just thinking of studying and household ****** to not have to think of my feelings (alone with plenty of words unspoken) and finances (ha deurwaarder).

Busy with lesson 2 out of 6

Meows I got an e-mail earlier with that my glasses would be delivered at max 13:20, but no sign of the mailman/mailwoman yet. 🙁 When filing out my address at my optician, it clearly said “bus 7.5”, but in the tracking mail I received, it said “bus 7” so maybe that’s the problem. 🙁 (If the mailman/mailwoman doesn’t look at names at all buses 7.) Ha I haven’t showered yet because I don’t want to be in the shower when my glasses are being delivered. A signature is required.

Ah meow I see the moment of delivery has just been changed. 🙁 🙁 🙁 I hope to at least enter (gosh why am I hyping this hype meow it’s just the number of a year) 2020 with proper eyesight. After at least 2 years of trash eyesight. 🙁

I still need to buy some groceries… Might as well get to that now. I should later elaborate on how I mentioned “to be part of D.O.C.I.S. International one has to be free of social weight” (for it’s full focus on the mission) earlier. Es cool aspect of “publishing business”. 🙂

Kusje 😚

xxx

16:03 (04:03 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Meow I took these screenshots and then forgot to include them:


I usually have solid experiences with bpost. But es okay, it will be tomorrow in no time. 🙂

& The Fangs app now updates when I update the post sooner, because I changed the default caching strategy from “cache first” to “network first” TechFangs yay. 🙂

Shower timeee.

Kusje 😚

xxx

16:20 (04:20 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Before showering (a snack)

Bij Delhaize is Dreft 5 euro ofzo en bij Lidl nog geen 2, dus heb ik mijn ceylon voorraad maar aangevuld, in plaats van mijn matcha voorraad (want die verkopen ze niet bij de Lidl). En rond Kerst was eendenborst €14,95 ofzo en nu €5 dus ik kon het echt niet laten liggen. 😻 Duck for my New Year’s meal yayy. The pesto is for when I’ll eat my shrimp with penne (and spinach¿).

Eatings now but es too much meow. Tishe… 😥

I will be brief. (As brief as possible…) Two relevant things I feel I have to mention before I pass out from severe fatigue:

The difference between destroying the system from the inside out and destroying the system from the outside in

I’ve had a phase in which I was determined to become a spy, with great interest in becoming able to influence the political system while “hiding under some meaningless little job”. To destroy the system from the inside out, because it’s faulty.

Destroying the system from the inside out is when people from several institutions simultaneously make decisions towards a certain goal, making its rules and procedures powerless. Like what’s happening now with the media being biased and democrats trying to establish some wacky new world order.

But in 2016-2017 I realized that if one destroys the system from the inside out, there is no fundament anymore and (thus) no order. (Don’t we all want to live in peace? (Those who say “no” and act cynical gotta go.)) So I started to reason out a way to destroy the system from the outside in.

Destroying the system from the outside in is much harder, especially when being part of the system. But geluk bij een ongeluk a trash social circle, being unrightfully reported missing, having unrightfully lived through psychiatric procedures and now being a first year bachelor’s student in Belgium at age 23, have put me in complete isolation and everyone knows that I live in isolation. Plus my finances are a mess. So in that way, (instead of loyally working at some business all my life and/or being part of some community or something) I consider myself as “not part of the system”.

Have you seen the (first¿) Simpsons movie? There’s a giant bowl or a force field or something placed over the city, there, and new rules count as soon as the bowl is placed. It illustrates what destroying the system from the outside in looks like. Instead of throwing the system off of its fundament, the fundament is encaptured and replaced. To achieve that, new laws and procedures are needed, and that is what has become (I like the non-serious-soundingness of my made up names) D.O.C.I.S. International with its Fangyism.

Destroying the system from the inside out: using established laws and procedures to make present power powerless.

Destroying the system from the outside in: using completely new laws and procedures (defended by new grounds as reason for replacement*) to make present power powerless.

* my name being damaged for no reason (once people understand Fangyism, they will see there’s no reason to say “well first we destroyed it, but now she’s destroying it herself” dumb fucks), people using the same loopholes to commit fraud (I know a case of fraud committed inside the Dutch government (es like 6 types of fraud committed by one person and he’s still alive and doing fucking nothing with it man wtf) we could use to send a message), the intercombination of politics and media becoming sickening, most people being depressed by the routine of life in this system, the Fangyist revolt/Fangyist revolution is really cool, et cetera…

No social weight inside D.O.C.I.S. International

All of the people who get you in your feelings (negatively that is) (mainly because that’s all they can do) have to be out of your life (one way or the other…) for you to be allowed in as a member of D.O.C.I.S. International. Because I need your full focus. Love et cetera are allowed, but they should be assets and not liabilities. Your social circle may not distract you from your mission. The mission is that of your own, granted by D.O.C.I.S. International.

Es transparent meets top secret organizational policy yay. 🙂

Now I’ll put my left overs in the fridge and pass out. Meow haven’t done enough for accountancy today. 🙁 Exam might not go well. 🙁

Eh and direct refresh has become impossible even on the regular website. 🙁 But I like Fangs app. 🙁

Kusje 😥 😚 😚 😚

xxx

22:03 (10:03 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Tuesday, December 31, 2019

Heys ♥

Had a comfy breakfast earlier 😻

(You might remember me stating that I don’t like broccoli. It depends on the way it’s prepared. When I was little little, my grandmother used to feed me little pieces of raw broccoli, when she was cutting that for dinner. I like broccoli when it has exactly that bite and a hint of butter in its flavor. When it’s cooked all soft, it’s my greatest enemy.)

Waking up on Oudejaarsdag (New Year’s Day) in the Netherlands is like waking up in a war zone, with the perpetual sound of exploding fireworks from 6 AM in the morning. To buy “illegal” fireworks in Belgium is an absolute trend. Now that I know a slight bit about “European law”, I’d say that they shouldn’t be called illegal because as long as the product is allowed inside Europe, it should be legal inside every country? (But then again weed is commercialized in the Netherlands and not in any other European country so idk.)

Since plenty of Dutch people go to Belgium to buy fireworks, I expected a similar kind of noise when waking up. But it was even more silent than usual. Usually, I frequently hear sirens (living close to a police station) and sounds that sound like gunshots more than fireworks every now and then. But now it’s practically all silent. (Maybe es because the neighborhood I live in that I hear no fireworks¿ Or maybe Belgium doesn’t have as many vandals as the Netherlands has (have¿).)

My glasses have been delivered. 🙂 But maybe I was wrong about my prescription? 🙁 Maybe I do have all cylinder. Or maybe my eyes need to get used to the glasses. The note that came with them said that it takes a few days before one’s eyes are used to new glasses. At first I was very concerned because it was like I could see better without them or with my old glasses even. But now, after a few hours, I can keep my phone further away from my face when I write, in comparison to the past two years.

Caution: severe nude bed pet modus is activated.

This is what I look like when I’m writing, most of the time.

Haaa. I really like my new glasses. 🙂

Haaa I’m sooo bed catty today. 🙈 I should be working on my economics summary, but I’m quite mentally exhausted from all this (like I’ve never had a holiday in my entire life) and I imagine that Tishe is cuddly, which makes me want to stay in bed more than anything else.

My breasts still hurt, by the way? They really need kusjes. 😚

It seems like today will be a day of laying in bed all day. Aside from frying my duck breast (and potatoes from the oven and either witlof or broccoli and carrots) later and getting up to get my laptop so that I can work on my summary from my bed.

How will you be entering 2020?

Kusje 😚

xxx

13:43 (01:43 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

A thought that crossed my mind last night, by the way, is that I now study to create opportunities for myself, but if I were with Tishe there would be more comfortable and easy ways to create those opportunities (related to the system and the knowledge he posesses 😻 ). Meow it’s interesting that I allow myself to think of the future, but not allow myself to believe in the idea of us together, because if I get attached to that idea and you tell me that you’d rather not live that life, then I have nothing else to live for. Because meow the potential of us together is so amazing. 😍

Nap timeee.

Kusje 😚

xxx

14:35 (02:35 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

My duck was yayed.

Though très crispé. & Yays voor potatoes with appelmoes 😻

After dinner, I worked on my economics summary.

Economie; Samenvatting jaar 1 semester 1

Ha I find plenty of the fundaments of this system so very disagreeable, and I think my summary shows (that)…

Closing off 2019

I feel that with my new glasses I need a more Regentesque wardrobe…

I have decided to, instead of going to the rooftop terrace, enter 2020 from my bath tub. Social anxiety and the potential invisibility of fireworks are my main reasons for this change of heart. (Plus I’m afraid of fireworks, but if the building catches fire, I won’t be safe anywhere (though being in bath tub es still better option then, too, especially because I’m a water bender hehehe).) A New Year’s bath is also traditionally Surinamese, though I’ll be drinking wine and there’s no “7 ghosts” elixir, kosher water and rose petals in my tub haha.

It will be a phoneless moment. I’ve been saying that 2019 was trash like the years before, but the way I’ve ended it is better than I could have ever imagined. My younger self would be proud and happy. Though sapiens are social beings, the base perspective of science, and thus it might be hard to see why my exile is so much better than being with those who formed my social circle, I’m happy that there’s practically no way back.

All my life I have allowed people to walk over me. They would tell me that that’s what I deserve and I would tell them that they are right. (When I was younger, I used to believe it. And now I’d rather see those people lay in a casket. (Gosh, how times change haha.)) I believe that there are people out there who wouldn’t treat me in that way. Potentially because they have been treated in the same way. They might be hard to find and reach, but as long as it’s not a person like that crossing my path, I will spend my days alone. I’m at peace with that, as far as I can be. I mean the daily dosage of kusjes I need is still high, but rather no kusjes than bad kusjes. 🤷

I’ve “ruined my own birthday party by being high”, ignored my inner circle for months, been a no-show on “important” December events, have this blog, et cetera. So in my view there’s, fucking big yays, no way back now. Never can I restore the god awful soul tearing relationships with the people I never wish to see again anyway.

Ask the 1996 – 2018 versions of me if I ever expected to accomplish this desire before the age of 30: they would all say “no”. (It would happen when I’d purposely not have time for them anymore, getting a severely life-consuming job, I would say. Then, I never thought of this strategy.)

I never expected to finish the year so satisfied. In the beginning of this year I was contemplating suicide while living with family friends, and now I’m about to soak in my own bath tub, with a glass of wine at candle light. Of the things I had to do to accomplish this, I’m not proud. But in this case het doel heiligt de middelen 100%. So all-in-all I’m very proud of myself. 🙂 And I’ve written such cool essays this year. 😀

It’s odd. I’m so happy, actually, but I have no one to share my happiness with. (Tishe… 😢 ) The way social environment influences one’s happiness is intense. Being able to live in exile without going insane is a display of true strength, I believe.

There are still plenty of bad things I’ve let myself be convinced of (this year, as well as all previous years of my life), which I should still reason out of my system. I may feel good about my beliefs and my actions. They are real and right. Others might disagree. I shouldn’t give a fuck about that. I should be open about what I stand for and defend that with all my might, whenever my heart says so.

I wonder what the comimg decade will bring me. Will D.O.C.I.S. International replace the present system by the end of the next decade?

I wonder if I will be as alone at the end of 2020. I wonder if I will get my propedeutics in 2020, and if I will be able to pay my tuition for the next curriculum. (Otherwise it might be another year of trouble. 🙁 )

I wonder if my drafted Council will ever become my real life Council. And how much fun that will be in practice, or how I will handle being rejected by them. (Es practically why I don’t put more effort in attempting to get an answer. Though the methods available to me are extremely limited anyway.)

It might still increase further, but I will show you this by means of closing stats for this year.

Interesting.

I did not expect to make this comeback.

I’m happy with this amount of non-incognito views and viewers.

Look at how international D.O.C.I.S. International has been 😍

I hope 2020 will be a more Regentesque year for The Fangs, because I’m kind of bored and exhausted from this diary concept and I have so many ideas lying on the shelf, for which I need Councilesque support.

When my thoughts say “2017” or “2018”, my stomach turns, but “2019” feels good and I am welcoming “2020” with open arms.

I wonder if I ever were to suffer and write about that again, if people would just keep reading and not reach out again. (I’m kind of counting on you because I can’t trust my social circle. Had to try many ways to make that transparently clear to you, so no hard feelings.) I hope to break the barriers between my online presence and my audience soon enough.

My dear Cuddle, Sweetniss, Graeyniss, Meow, (…), I hope you feel at least as good as I feel, when you reflect on 2019. Thank you so much for siding with me through my good and bad times. I wish you all the best for the coming decade. May you accomplish all of your missions. And may we work together. 🙂 ♥ 2020 will be our year, like all of the other coming years will be (haha (n + 1)).

Hopefully I’ll be the first to tell you: “Happy 2020! ♥ ” (I sort of just did.)

I love you sooo much! Really, words can’t describe how much I love you. ♥ ♥ ♥

My bath awaits me.

I will enter 2020 wearing my favorite panties. 🙂

Ahahaha imagine if there were a Y2K but then for social sciences because now there are new “twenties” and at 12 AM things are like “kabooom” because of that. 😂

Veel kusjes 😚 ♥

xxx

23:25 (11:25 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Wednesday, January 1, 2020

Well, I thought my next update would be in the morning or later. But my stomach…

Craved the Fishniss.

I’m really starting to think I have a serious tape worm or something. The amount of food I consume in a day is not feminine. But es probably because I’m tall and use 100% of my brain.

In bed, I was thinking. I really want to grow into an actual Regentesse this year. That means that I should encourage Fangyists to march in the same direction (not literally (sorry for saying that, some)).

To you and through the Inner Crown, I have been explaining my ideas scattered over blog posts, books and videos, and through abstract thought. A new oversight is needed, and I need you to ask me questions, because I don’t know what is unclear and what isn’t. I’m just writing down anything that comes to mind, hoping that it’s clear enough. 🤷

Steps into the expansion of the D.O.C.I.S.

Meow I’m still a bit of a tired petje (and it would be a waste of energy if it wouldn’t happen) so I will, again, be as brief as possible.

Step 1: A Reading

“Let’s start the year airy,” or something, like people always say. And let’s say the people drafted here turn their lives around (as well as the Graeynissis not mentioned in this post).

I hold a reading somewhere, explaining my idea for society, what D.O.C.I.S. International exactly is and how I’ve been trying to express that through the books, diary posts, essays, videos et cetera. Afterwards, you can ask me questions.

If the Council is yayed (I further explain what I ask from council members during this reading), we make it official.

It will be a D.O.C.I.S. International event and all D.O.C.I.S. International events are recorded and transcribed. The videos and transcriptions are then made publicly available. (Something I’m missing from a lot of institutions.)

Step 2: Council Displays

Members of the D.O.C.I.S. International Council present what strategy they will use to intertwine the D.O.C.I.S. (read: Regentesse’s) demand with their personal mission. (Personal mission = that which you write things about in your notebook while the teacher is explaining something but your mind is somewhere else, your own unique success.)

These presentations are held in order of individuality, and will be held in multiple days, for some roles are complementary. (Some will have to adapt their strategy to the strategy and demand of someone else. That’s also why I haven’t narrowed this post down to the individual Fangyist citizen yet.)

The Display Days would then thus be organized in such a way that the least complementary Council members present their strategies first. Also recorded and logged, and we all take notes, for it’s very, ve-ryyyyyyyyyyyy important Fangyism. (Later taught in Fangyist schools. 🙂 ) For some, what is told in a display has to be implemented in their own strategy. I will define the goal of the individual display and the complementary relationship of the role in between brackets.

Day 1:
~ Cultor II
[Is important and “in use” even before we are established, good for opening in a way that people see the fun of Fangyism from the start.]

~ Strategicus
[We start with 0 registered Fangyists and strive to expand and replace all existent components of the system. How to translate defining clear goals, assigning roles to the individual Fangyist and smoothly reach our goals, to models and procedures (where success and/or failure can easily be measured, regardless of scale)?]

~ Ecologicus
[What ecological policy, supervision and projects will D.O.C.I.S. International put into practice, based on the vision I explained during my reading?]

~ Cultor I
[How to explain what is happening in the context of past to future? And how to communicate that which we wish to teach, which will replace the fundament of our present system?]

Day 2:
~ Economicus I & Economicus II
[An impression of scale is derived from the Strategicus @ day 1. How to introduce the Fangia and its currency system, replacing (a parallel of) that which is present? (Including access to resources (including real estate).)]

~ Iustus
[Through the development process that is defined by the Strategicus @ day 1, the Fangyist identity is established. How will the individual rights of a Fangyist be categorized, and how will the Fangyist be protected from dysfunctional laws in parallel systems?]

Day 3:
~ Praesens Oso
[Based on the Strategicus’ impression of scale and the Economici’s strategy for real estate, taking into consideration the policy of the Ecologicus and the rights defined by the Iustus, what will Oso’s strategy be for the infrastructure and safe living of Fangyists?]

~ Medicus I & Medicus II
[An impression of scale is derived from the Strategicus @ day 1. What is the best way for a Fangyist to get access to health care? (And how will that be different from the present?)]

~ Praesens FortunAgro
[Based on the Strategicus’ impression of scale, the Economici’s policy for the Fangia and taking into consideration the policy defined by the Ecologicus, under what policy will presently existent brands be unified or kept independent?]

Day 4:
~ Technicus
[Taking into consideration the Strategicus, Economici, Medici, Praesens of Oso and Praesens of FortunAgro, what are D.O.C.I.S. International’s opportunities for automation to scale? (Technicus es also Praesens of Intelligentia.)]

~ Ab-actis
[How will language barriers between Fangyists be solved and supervised? Based on all previous displays, what should be (“extensive referendum-ish”) asked from Fangyists on their initial registration? How will D.O.C.I.S. International’s announcements, procedures, laws, definitions (et cetera…) be logged?]

~ Regentesse
[Based on all previous displays, I will state D.O.C.I.S. International’s long term vision.]

~ Praesens
[Based on all previous displays, where do we start and how do we proceed? What is the best way to communicate that to the public?]

By the way, Planet Fang = the whole world, when we’re done, doing things well.

Step 3: Recruitment

Based on all displays, all Fangyists will become responsible for an individual component of our mission. Let the fun begin. 😀 (Proceed, actually. 😀 )

Step 4: Fangyism

When every Fangyist has a role in D.O.C.I.S. International and the Senate as side-component of the Council is installed, we, all Fangyists, will basically get to work…

Meow I am made to destroy the system and rule. After I’ve written this down now, I will be able to sleep better, with the thought that you have seen this.

By the way, Belgium, why are shops closed on New Year’s Day? I mean it’s cool, I’d appreciate a day off if I worked in one, and I have enough stuff to eat in the house, but I’d like to get some grated cheese for tonight’s penne and don’t understand the motivation behind the closing (besides alcohol¿)…

Meoww good morning haha. I’ll be napping. The size of this post. 😻

Kusjeee 😚

xxx

05:45 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Meow when I updated the post and wanted to send out a notification, I saw that the update had 0 receipients, which is odd because my phone and my laptop are at least 2 receipients, in regard to that people may unsubscribe but I won’t. I don’t use any other type of social medium, so I hope notifications to work after this. (Otherwise it feels like I wrote it for nothing. 🙁 )

& Meanwhile I’m about to fry some noodles because I got hungry again haha……

Kusje 😚

xxx

06:20 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Meowtjes my push notifications aren’t working anymore. 😥 I hope people are not thinking that this is the end of my online presence? It’s only the beginning meow. If you’re reading this, please tell a friend. My push notifications aren’t working anymore. 🙁

My noodles were nice.

Kusje 😚

xxx

06:47 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Haha whooops I’ve been in bed all day. 🙈 PillowTishe says hi. 🙈

I didn’t expect to get any “Happy New Year” messages, but I’ve received 3 texts and 1 e-mail. Truly astonishing. Especially because, aside from yesterday’s blog posts, I haven’t told anyone Happy New Year first. Transparency: to the New Year’s texts I have responded. To the New Year’s e-mail I haven’t responded, because I don’t want to allow new pain into my life.

My heart hurts under this persuasion.

I got them memes

Please be my Fangyist this year. 🥺

I’ll be whipping my penne with shrimps, working on my summary for informatiesystemen and hand washing my dishes. 😩

Kusje 😚

xxx

18:29 (06:29 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Was nice. Though cheese was missed.

I have summarized the introduction and chapter 1 of what I need to know for Informatiesystemen. 🙁

Informatiesystemen; overzicht

Ik wil niet meer. 😩 Niks ten nadele van mijn professoren of de universiteit. Ik heb eigenlijk gewoon niets met het schoolsysteem in het algemeen en zou me liever met Regentesque zaken bezighouden for a living. Alstublieft. 😩 Ik ben zo moe van gestandaardiseerde controversiële “feiten” uit het hoofd leren, die men, als er niets gedaan wordt, in 2095 nog steeds aan het herkauwen is. 🙁

I have switched from the house mixtapes I used to listen to, to “my rap classics”, as background music while doing student stuff (read: slave to the system). During a mini break, I made this meme aan de hand van:

Haha lyrics say es “cheese” but I hear “cheeks”.

Now it’s time for washing dishes. 😭 Tomorrow I really need to vacuum clean and mop my house because I haven’t done that in ages. 😩

I would, by the way, rather not engage in conversation at all, unless it’s about Regentesque Sachen with someone who can make me feel Regentesque. Please tell me that isn’t 100% impossible. 😩

Kusje 😥

xxx

22:27 (10:27 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Thursday, January 2, 2020

I didn’t expect to actually do this all without collapsing. I’m wowed.

My mood has shifted from content (I realized that in way previous posts I’ve written contempt instead of content haha very big difference) and happy to gloomy and lonely. I go through these shifts often and was hoping to last a couple more days or hours with the happiness I felt yesterday.

I used to be the type of person who could and did hang out with anyone, until I learnt that that is wrong. A lot of people spend time with people they hate, express that hate during their time together and then laugh it off. They do that because they have awful personalities and have no one else to spend their time with.

The good-hearted party is might be unaware of the hateful identity of the person he/she spends time with, the first time he/she comes across a person like that. The pain caused by the person might not be understood, then. But once this happens more frequently, the good-hearted party recognizes a demon, he/she starts to defend his/heart while still sticking to “Biblical morals” the demon disregards.

Is there someone I haven’t spent more than 3 hours in private with, who understands what I write, who would like to be my friend so that I can cut the people with whom I have a past off? They don’t even know how much they hurt me. It’s not worth explaining it to them because then I’d still be talking to them and I don’t want to do that.

Confession: the concept for D.O.C.I.S. International includes warfare. I’m in doubt between strategizing this as a Council, assigning this as a task for a newly drafted person or expanding one drafted Council member’s authority. To cleanse the Earth from purposeless consumers who stagnate innovation processes.

I don’t understand how people can read this but not reach out to me. Do I really need to collapse, commit suicide or kill someone before people get my message? I’d gladly kill someone, but the problem is that I then ruin my future.

My exams start in 4 days. I’ll most likely fail and then jump off my building. If not, I wonder what Summer 2020 will be like, being indoors and not even having uni stuff for a reason to leave the house. Seriously, you are going to just keep watching? I’ll remember that. 🙂

I’m going to take a shower.

Godverdomme 😚

xxx

02:27 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Ah, by the way, about step 1: how about I just answer questions and we just eat some edibles together? I’d rather not live through my traumas once more.

& Cattierry, how about we change Iustus to Iustis and Iustis to Iustus? I think that sounds better. 🤷

My virus scanner keeps giving me an alert about some “craftprimes” piece of malware. I can’t seem to delete it or stop my browser from allowing itself to be exposed to that connection. I just want a new laptop. This laptop is a piece of fraud anyway. 🤷

Meanwhile I’ve eaten a ton of olives and some tiramisu because I’m getting snacky again. 🙁

Now I’m really going to take a shower.

Ugh 😥 😚

xxx

02:50 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Taken after first hapje

I’m so tired of cooking. 🙁 Cooking meals for one and cooking in general. 🙁 It takes way longer to prepare food, than eating it. If I wasn’t preparing it by myself and eating it during a nice conversation, I would enjoy it. So much of my time of day is invested in cooking and other running a household related things. I wish I could just focus on my business (and being a full-time student doing things in far less than half-time). Focus on my real business concept and not on just doing as much as I can as a sole proprietor.

Eating out is financially not an option for me. 🙁 My parents paid for all those restaurant dinners. Not I. They are (more) rich (than the government knows). I am poor (and try to hide that… Think that’s going quite well). Getting a student job is morally not an option for me. I can replace governments by snapping my fingers if people were to respect my authority, so why would I serve sandwiches? I’d then rather starve.

Last night, before my second to last update, I decided to update my home page. I had forgotten that that text was there. When I wrote the previous home page text down, I didn’t have a mental image of the exact outcome, but figured that the completed list of D.O.C.I.S. tasks on my living room wall would result in the best I’ve ever done for my business. But I don’t have that much energy left. Especially now that I’ve decided to go back to school in an attempt to ensure myself of at least a (slightly above) modal income in the future. That in combination with persisting in what I wish to do together with you, but then by myself (by just writing hoping that there’s someone who can read me, but this far I’ve been answering questions that make me repeat what I’ve just written down (like “What are you doing in Antwerp?” 😩 🔫 ), while I am giving you material for the deepest conversation of all time), is deadly exhausting. I can’t finish that list. Ever. De vork is in tweeën gebroken. Zo veel hooi ligt erop. En ik ben op. 😥

As far as I know, there are no laws, procedures or institutions that could support me in the problems I am dealing with. My case is that one-of-a-kind. What I’m presently doing is an improved version of my running away in 2017, because now I can sort of afford a place to stay, and everyone is acting all casual about it. I don’t know a definition for the leech-like, toxic, soul-draining type of personalities that make one consider committing suicide, but I find that it should be illegal to be forced to stay in touch with people who act so barbaric and immoral and proclaim that they are (more) normal (than I).

If I didn’t have this website, I would have been dead by now. There are still plenty of things happening behind closed doors that I can’t explain here, but when I express my suffering people tend to try to be less toxic. I can’t explain most things because they consist of 23 years of stacked situations manifesting new situations. (In the context of “alles is contingent, maar niet arbitrair” haha I should be studying for my sociology exam right now. 🙁 ) It should be illegal and it is distracting me from performing at my best.

That I have this blog on which I put people on blast is not right, indeed. But if I wouldn’t have had this, they would have eaten me alive by now. They have each other and I have no one. Plus, they have spread a world-wide lie about me when I was missing, ruining my first impression, so I think we’re far more than even.

There should be a program in which people are isolated from toxic people. (The problem would be too many applicants, which brings me to D.O.C.I.S. International.) There should be a legal minimum percentage of income/capital parents should invest/give to their children. Education should be based on intelligence and personal endeavors. (Haha schietcursus? 🥺 ) Murdering a bad person shouldn’t be punishable. And all-against-one hatred should be punishable. It all leads to D.O.C.I.S. International. Death is the easiest solution.

Now there are two parties who could die. It is I, or them. We cannot exist in the same world. (Have you ever had a conversation so bad that you feel like jamming a knife into your ear? Now imagine that that person demands your attention all the time.)

If you choose me as the candidate for death, I will accept my fate. I don’t knoe what death is like, but I already enjoy the idea more than my present life (alone in great city with great apartment, with only toxic people from my social circle to talk to and studying below my level of capacity). Though think of what I have to offer by myself, in comparison to what they have to offer as a collective. Then think of the future.

I’d like to point out that with some members of my social circle I’ve just grown distant and they shouldn’t think that my disgust is expressed towards them (Selin, for example 😥 ♥).

Ha, another thing that costs more time to create than to consume is written text. I write for hours and it’s read like the back of a shampoo bottle.

Another example of powerlessness is illustrated here (opens in new tab). 🙃

I don’t want to do anything but cuddle PillowTishe and try to feel better, but I’ll give myself until 4 PM for this and afterwards work on my summary for sociology and buy groceries. 😩

Help me nou. 😭

Kusje 😚

xxx

14:45 (02:45 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Brace yourself for the wildest display of melancholy ever displayed. As I was composing my shopping list, I figured it’s a good idea to spoil myself with stoofpeertjes and Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. 😍 😻 😍

So I got readyy. (Stayed in bed until about 6 PM, by the way… 😅 )

Haha I lost a lot of time I should have spent on sociology… x_x Last time (the day I ordered my glasses) I did chapter 1, there are about 11 chapters to cover left, for today I still need to start & for sociology I have 4 focus days planned…

I really like my new glasses. 😻

Es the yays but my eyes still need to get used to them¿ There are moments of very bright focus, both far away and close by, but most of the time it feels like I’m drunk haha… Es normal that eyes have to get used to glasses, especially because these are my first fully far sighted type of glasses, but it supposed to be like this…? How long is the average adjustment period¿

I need more all black clothing and a new coat my meowww. Feeling slightly Regentesque.

I saw an e-mail about this online phone book company from which I received a sales call after I just registered my business. I let a page be made for D.O.C.I.S. International. It was free for the first year. Then a couple of weeks ago I received a bill of €120. I didn’t pay it. They threatened with an incassobureau and that they would delete my page in the phone book. Then today, I received an e-mail with that I’ll receive €120 from them¿ Can I buy a new coat¿ What is happening¿

~ Lil intermezzo ~
So in bed I was sad. Getting ready, shopping, unpacking groceries, eating dinner and preparing stoofpeertjes I was extremely happy. But now that I saw something
I was, just now, googling “D.O.C.I.S. International Places” to find the page for my business, but I couldn’t. What I did find is SOME FUCKING ANNOYING SHIT. SHIT LIKE THIS IS WHY I DON’T GOOGLE MYSELF, MY BOOKS OR MY BUSINESS. WHO THE FUCK IS DOING THIS???

First people are selling illegal copies of my books, and now this:

If my family is behind this… Know that your days are counted. I don’t give a fuck if I’d spend the rest of my life in jail. I just had to leave a review. I bet that address in Leiden is where my family keeps their drugs lab and stacks of illegal money and illegal computers and shit. And then blame me for it and say that I’m an intelligent schizophrenic so that I only get TBS without knowing it and they get away with all of their shit. Whether it’s true or not, just fucking die.

DIEEEEEEEEEE

The place will be updated with the correct address soon. 🙂 Problem is that Google will send a verification letter to the address and I’m not on speaking terms with my parents who I’ll throw knives at. I hope Google sends a bomb. 🙂 My tachycardia is acting up… 🙁 Because I want to cap bitches so bad.

I wish I could add my Belgian address to this as well, but I haven’t signed for that when I signed my rental agreement, I am still a Dutch citizen, my chamber of commerce thingy is registered at my parents’ address (where I lived until about September 20, 2019) and I don’t earn anything with my business anyway. 🙁 Those who illegally sell my books are probably making a living out of it. 😭 Here’s (in a new tab) that page I’m glad to not be paying for because it portrays me more bad than good. (You might have to search “Fangs” or “D.O.C.I.S. International”.)
~ end of intermezzo ~

Delhaize: €13,15

Bladerdeeg for pasteitjes. 😀 Rookworst because I’m in the mood for stamppot. 😀

Lidl: €33,61

I bought prei because I couldn’t find andijvie or boerenkool for tomorrow’s stamppot. I just had to get those granola bars, which are the same as the ones I bought in Wiesbaden. Aside from the memories, they’re tasty. This night’s pasta left overs were with cheese. 🙂

House pants 😀

I struggled with this for some time, afraid to break the bottle. (Because that would be a waste of wine.)

When I just turned on the stove.

I came home from grocery shopping around 8 PM. (I use 8 PM instead of 20:00 because in an international context, 8 PM is relatively easier to follow for everyone.) I was done unpacking, warming my food and jumping around my place from stoofpeertjes happiness around 9 PM. I turned on the stove for my stoofpeertjes around 9:30 PM. It’s now past 11. I’ve been internally raging for another lie about me on the internet. And the heat for my stoofpeertjes was not high enough, so they’re not done yet. I’ve used this recipe (opens in new tab) but used 300 ml wine, 100 g sugar, ground cinnamon because I couldn’t find cinnamon sticks anywhere, 6 cloves and the bay leaf. 🙂 It’s actually the first time in ages I sort of stick to a recipe haha… I chose to follow the recipe for 4 people because I had exactly 1kg of peren and figured what I don’t use I’ll turn into compote and make a cheese platter for. 🙂

It’s time to do some stuff for sociology, by means of satisfying the version of me that will be making the exam for that on January 27th.

For accountancy, my focus days start tomorrow. My exam for that will be on Monday. Tomorrow, I have to go past the library to print evidence that I’m a TEW student, because the student card is access to the exam location and my student card says that I’m a Mathematics student. To prevent “Your card says that you’re a Mathematics student, so you’re at the wrong location,” I will print evidence of that I switched programs during the semester. Probably people in Belgium are more chill about things like this, but still can’t take the risk.

I’ll be back to show you my peertjes and ice cream. 🙂 It’s unfortunate that I’m not sharing it with you over a glass of wine. 🙁 Hopefully in the future we will.

Kusje 😚

(Fun fact: did you know that my dildo is catching dust? It’s nothinggg like the real. The times I’ve tried with it can be counted on one hand. It’s not working for me at all… I’ve been back at three times a day hand lakings for quite some time now. Wishing it was Tishe’s hand haha meow. 😍 (I really hope he’s into me because otherwise that statement was digital rape haha… (“Haha” because I think I’m sure that he thinks getting kusjes from me is yays. Otherwise es not funny. 🙃 ))) Ah meoww I don’t like when I stop writing you because you’re Cuddle. But meow sociology and peertjes for noww. 😚

xxx

23:33 (11:33 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Steamy 😋

Es the yaaaays 😀

I’ve eaten one more peertje after that. The flavor is perfectly subtle! 😻

(To my sweet surprise) I have done 3 chapters of sociology. In just a couple of hours, and the essence of some stuff I have now already memorized. Now there are 8 left for my 3 focus days. Seems feasible. Especially if I don’t start past 11 PM. Without taking nootropics.

What I do for my sociology summary is using the powerpoints to refer to the glossary and put some stuff in my own words, but mostly copy glossary definitions (because in my own words my personal view would shine through and I personally disagree with a lot of things that are stated as facts here. Like that arbeid is het hoogste goed. Er is meer in het leven dan slaaf van het systeem zijn. Velen kunnen gewoon niet zo ver denken. Ik zou zeggen dat gelukkig zijn het grootste goed is). Here it is:

Sociologie; samenvatting

Now I’ll be wig washing and cuddling PillowTishe. Tomorrow library, Kruidvat, some lil groceries, beast mode accounting studying and making stamppot. Es yay but tiring. (Haha tering.)

Ciaooo ♥ 😚

xxx

02:22 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Meow I feel too empty without push notifications working, so I’ve been trying out some options to solve it (first installing a completely new plugin, but that made things worse, so now I switched OneSignal functionality on and off haha…). There’s no reason given as to why my notifications are not received, so I don’t really know what else to do. Hopefully it just works now…

xxx

03:03 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Es still not working 🙁

My phone and laptop are at least 2 subscribed subscribers. Blegh. 🙁

But tired petje. 😴 😚

xxx

03:11 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Ik wil kusjes. 😭 Ik ben moe, maar kan maar niet in slaap vallen. 😢

Wanneer heeft Tishe tijd voor mij? 😥 Wil je een peertje? 😍 Ik heb er nog 3. 😀

I’m glad I discovered that a library computer isn’t needed to print in the university library, so I don’t have to take busy hours into consideration and have from 08:30 AM until 7 PM to print. I could even print on Saturday, I believe. But es better that I print and cook today so that I can focus more tomorrow. Though I still need to vacuum clean and re-unpack that box. I’ve unpacked it a little further when I washed my wig a couple of hours ago.

Anyway meow look at this 😍 :

Inschrijvingsbewijs NL

Es what I will be printing. Here is the same document in English:

Inschrijvingsbewijs EN

I was tired, but now I feel like running around and destroying things. (Not that I will, for I have discipline.) I’ve been playing this on max volume:

All my favorite music of right now is in this playlist:

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5zLmAjam8YwFQIoFV3Es3n?si=vUmlhWE2QsSvCIjbDNakww

Haha Kay, this beat sounds like that beat I made in the Sims, right? 😂

This song reminds me of Selin 😥 ♥

Why does mandatory family related attachment exist? We’ve never finished our bucket list. 🙁 Examples of other people I intend to protect during the upcoming war are Elgin, Marsha, Susan, Bart, George and Tessa. My selections, like that of Council members, are always intuitive. Will you be part of my Senate? 😀

I’ve made some memes:

I saw this image on Google memories and didn’t know whether to share this or not. But meow, here is a rare picture I have of my ex:

This was not in Zeeland, not in that colonial style hotel but in that other hotel I paid for we visited. I don’t remember where this was. I was high all the time anyway. 😂

When I couldn’t sleep earlier, I was looking for a way to watch full Key & Peele episodes. Then I saw this wtf ad:

Tip: beleg dan helemaal niet. Pull the fuck out? Ahahahahaha wtf. Ben ik effe blij dat ik geen aandelen heb. “Mijn vader” gaat sowieso failliet. 😂

A lot of random information and images in this update, not focused on my underlying feelings in all of this. I just finished my breakfast. The main reason why I got out of bed.

I whipped some bacon and stoofpeertjes kookvocht through my pasta. Haha what. Should I even be eating this meow it’s 3 days old?

Plenty of shit here is eaten more than a week old or way past due. Save my KayCatje. 🙁

I’m in doubt between going to the library when it opens, or first going back to sleep. I’d rather go now, but my brain is tired of thinking and my body feels like collapsing, while my heart is like yaaaay cyclingggg. If I go to bed, I’ll probably be a bed petje until late in the afternoon. 🙁 But I don’t want to collapse meow I’m going to try to sleep again or something. 🙁 Though have King Kong on repeat now so I don’t know… Tisheee mayneee waarom werk je nog steeds bij dat kut bedrijf? 🙁

Kusje? 😥 ♥

xxx

07:51 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

🤷


Fave?
😀

Kusje 😚

xxx

10:55 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

B @ subconscious parallels @ Inner Crown 😂

Made that while cutting and eating kiwi’s and carrots before leaving.

Also done

The yays. Quickest library visit ever.

Wet Catje1

I don’t like my other jacket anymore and this one I wore open because it doesn’t close well. It was raining. I feel I’m getting sick. 🙁

Wet Catje2

Kruidvat: €14,83

Oral-B toothbrushes were 1 + 1 gratis. Ha and I’ve been surprisingly talkative today. Usually when I can’t find something in a store, I keep searching until I find it. This time I decided to just ask. Had to mime what scheerschuim is. Is there a different word for that in Flemish? & I eavesdropped in a conversation in which someone asked if she could return 2 out of 4 contact lenses something she had bought, to which I really feel I had to add that the box should be unopened (as in the sticker must still be on it) to be entitled to a refund.

Lidl: €3,97

The cashier, the same one I had asked to return two of the items I intended to purchase, when I was severely on a budget earlier in this post, complimented me on my hair, then mentioned that she is (colored, also wearing artificial hair like me) looking for someone else to model her hair, so I suggested to give her the website where I got my wig from, so she gave me a piece of receipt on which I wrote “divaswigs.com” with the purple highlighting marker that was in my bag. That note will be worth tons when the Fangs museum is here.

Pasteitjes1 😀

The state of my natural hair ft. wig.

Though I didn’t have a folder to keep it in and es black & white, it’s here.

Stagnation 🙁

Pasteitjes2 😀

Now I’m exhausted and going to take a nap. Somehow I need to do 3 chapters of accounting today and make myself dinner.

Kook voor me, alsjeblieeeft? 😍 Ik kan niet meeeeer.

When it comes to that one e-mail, by the way: I’m done lying. I hope 2020 will be a year free of lies. Starting with me not telling people I don’t love that I love them. 🤷 I love my sister meow don’t get it twisted.

Kusje 😚

xxx

15:30 (03:30 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Saturday, January 4, 2020

Style update 😍

I made this website after publishing my first book. Then, my face was unknown. After writing over 100 pages in 14 days, my mentality for creating this website was “I will not spend more than 30 minutes working on this.” And because my face was unknown and I write under the alias “Lil Fangs”, I figured my theme had to have a “feminine tech” kind of look. (Which is why I stereotypically chose pink.) By means of pointing out that I do this all by myself.

I’ve always not really liked the way this website used to look, but had grown attached to it at some point. That a monospace font is a Fangs thing. But I actually really don’t like sans-serif fonts. And the playfulness of the theme doesn’t suit my aspirations. Though I’m happy that I’ve had it for a while, so that those who judge a book by its cover can rightfully fuck off.

So, when the stagnation of views frustrated me again, I decided to finally do something about the appearance of my website, including the best logo I’ve ever made. I changed the tagline, which, in that “not more than 30 minutes” policy, basically was *inserts random word*. Before that, I never said meow by means of self expression. Now it’s a common thing for me to say. And Marsha knows how much I fear cats. 😂 Though I like their cuddliness. 😚 And Regentesqueness.

I decided to swap fonts, to still keep that “top secret material publicized” monospace effect (it suits Tishe very well in the title of this post 😍 ), with the beautiful EB Garamond as body font.

I love the change. Now I finally feel good about this website. And the reading experience is so comfortable. 😍 I feel bad for our eyes reading my previous font… Really, the pressure on my brain reading the traumas I’ve write out here is now a lot less, haha.

Ha es cool that I now have a new wig, new glasses, a little bit of clothing that suits my height and a website theme that suits my personality far better. The “tone of voice of my written text” is so much better now. It’s Regentesque. 😍

Accountancy Focus Day 2

Before I took my nap, I changed the font and logo of this website. Afterwards, I woke up around 7 PM. So tired that I considered giving up on my exams and going back to sleep without having dinner. As I got out of bed to pee, I thought of how it won’t take that long finishing my study tasks and how I shouldn’t give up because with successfully passing my exams I will shut up so many people and that will feel sooo satisfying.

So I have done lessons 2 – 4 today. And have one pasteitje left.

Memorizing theory + examples of basic entries -> becoming able to adapt myself to any exam question

Later today lessons 5 and 6, making stamppot and vacuum cleaning + mopping + dishes. Then Sunday for revision. And then I’ll be prepared for an exam better than I usually am, in regard to my Middle School, High School and Erasmus University days.

After I finished the accountancy task, I felt it would be wrong to prepare stamppot. For its heaviness and the time of day. So I made this soepje with bacon, potatoes, prei, broccoli, witlof, een tomaat, kokosmelk, kerrie en selderij.

Es tasty. 😍

I’m going for a lil round 2 now and add some kookroom to it. After that, I’m going to bed again.

Meow I wish my Tishe would come over for dinner today. I have 3 peertjes, still (you’re entitled to 2 out of 3 😍 ), some left over soup and then tomorrow I’ll prepare stamppot with speksneden instead of spekreepjes. That’s quite a royal winter’s meal. We have so much to discuss! 😀 😍 Especially when you tell me that you have resigned from your present position and will now be my full time Praesens. 😍

Kusje 😚

xxx

01:15 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

What the meows, my meow? I still can’t sleep. 🙁

After eating some more soup, putting my left overs in the fridge and pondering my general existence for a little while, I brushed my teeth for the third time today. Before today’s toothbrush, I used an organic toothbrush with replacable brush hairs. But I felt I needed a brush with more firm brush hairs. Especially now that I’ve been eating a lot of sugary things lately (far more than usual).

Es big difference since exiting 2019 Fangs

There are random things on my mind:

1. Where is Emma Chamberlain going? I watch her episodes on Snapchat relatively frequently and she has been saying that she’s going on a trip for quite some episodes, but then doesn’t say where and on what occasion. Curiosity. 😸

2. Just like my theme and “meow” were jokes, Fangyism is another. It is a satirical term. There are so many -isms in this world that are treated like the holy shell in Spongebob, while they shouldn’t be taken as seriously because it makes people use theory before reason. Fangyism is the -ism that says “fuck that” to all of that. 🙂 Also, according to Fangyism, there is an end to suffering for everyone. For some that may be new purpose. For some that will be laying in a casket.

3. It would be nice if D.O.C.I.S. International were a safe haven for Fangyist celebrities, and that we make sure that the exposure of those members are positive and meaningful, instead of “Kanye West untied shoelace”

4. Do you know that story of that lady with a Dutch nationality and Surinamese ( + B¿ ) roots who lived in Antwerp and visited a kosher cheese store? Yeah, me neither. 😂 But perhaps today I will. 😀

Meow I was thinking of how I still have a little bit of cranberry niss left, and how I put some stoofpeertjes kookvocht in a jar because it didn’t fit into the container with the stoofpeertjes anymore, which thus could be used for other purposes. I was thinking of mixing it with ginger marmelade and kiwi, into a compote. And then eat that with delicacy cheeses, on a cheese platter (for which I’ll get woudbrood 😀 ). 😍

So I googled the closest by cheese store for me, and saw that it’s a kosher cheese store, which I find exciting. 🙂 Though meow I have so many questions that it’s terrifying as well as exciting, because I don’t know? As in I know so little about Jewish culture. And what I know or think I know, I either got from non-Jewish people or from the internet.

Questions I have or had were “What is kosher cheese?” and “Is the store open on Saturday?”

Now I’ve done a few minutes of googling around and conclude that kosher cheese is not a specific brand of cheese, but cheese prepared in accordance with the halakha, more specifically, prepared with nonanimal rennet, because (and this is what most non-Jewish people know) dairy mixed with animal product is not kosher (and then two kitchens and no Jesus (as Messiah) and that’s all “we” (non-Jewish (colored) people know, most often). And I’ve seen that kosher truffle cheese exists. 😍 I hope the cheese store here has that. 😀 My cheese-related question I have answered.

When it comes to opening hours I really don’t know. And I feel like the FBI agent stalking me through Google will think I’m stupid if I would search that. Now in Middle School I – excuse me for my unknowingness considering religious habits an exception to the “holy 9 – 5 (haha sociology 😂 )” – was taught that the Jewish Sabbath is on Friday, but bible study made me think it’s generally on Saturday. Is that a day off?

Plus I have Talmud related questions – I don’t think everyone has an answer to them – because when I saw a comparison table of the Babylonian Talmud and Israeli Talmud next to each other, I thought Babylonian > Israeli? Could stating that get me in trouble¿ I had found this really cool interesting website, in old school HTML, with interesting wisdom like “don’t expect anything from the government”, but I don’t remember the url. 🙁

Also, there are sooo many religious/cultural rules. 😮 How does it feel to break such a rule when you know it as a rule? (For me, my soup had bacon and kookroom in it, and I’m used to making combinations like that, so what kind of badass does that make me?) Also I wonder, if it is explicitly said that dairy and animal products should not be combined, does that mean that the combination is not good for one’s health? Ha thoughts. 😀

5. Had I here yet mentioned that I’d like to have a grill with Fangs and a Jewish jeweller? Es just cool meow two ethnic groups who know the least about each other. Though it makes me a little nervous meow I don’t know what to think and what to expect. And the highly potential mutualness in that makes it better but worse at the same time.

6. I might have to watch my spending again soon, but it seems like I’ll make it to the end of my financial month comfortably if I keep up this pace and if my €47,18 phone bill is my last bill for this month. (Then I’ll have like €60 until the end of this month haha… Es a lot in comparison to last month.)

I’m going to try to sleep but my random cheese adventure worried about pulling a closed door stress is keeping me awake. 😂 Tishe ga je meee? 🥺

Kusje 😚

xxx

06:37 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

My place has zilvervisjes 😖

When I moved in here there was an epidemic and the advice was to turn the heating lower. Then, I didn’t notice any of that and now I spot one daily. Maybe it’s just one¿ I don’t know, but I don’t like and would like a Tishe to climb and hide from direct exposure to insects. I don’t even use the heating (and still sleep panties only (with socks now), wild meow).

I probably can’t sleep because my family still exists and I crave experiencing Tishe’s embrace for the first time.

Kusje? 😀

xxx

07:00 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

I’ve been able to catch a little sleep. 🙂 Still in bed I am (lol Yoda), tired. Tired and anxious meow my social anxiety is making me consider not going at all. Social anxiety and fatigue meow I wouldn’t mind staying in bed all day. But exams. 🙁 And cheese plate. 😍 I should gather strength. 2 PM isn’t potential lunch break time, I’m guessing.

It’s an intercontinental day today 😀

The yays. 🙂 I hope I will be able to afford to travel when I get an opportunity to earn money. And though I’m very attached to my apartment and living routine here, I hope to be able to move to the countryside, some place sunny. And I hope to move in with Tishe, but not in the Netherlands… (Because of the dykes, weather and commonly accepted harsh mentality.) Es odd meow I don’t know him that well, but I’m so sure he is the one for me. 😍 I can’t change my mind. 🤷

Meow I should shower and eat some soup. And then leave my house meow it’s just a 5 minute walk from here. But I’m so tired meow I’d rather not even study.

But my in-a-couple-of-hours version of self will be happy when I’ve finished my study tasks for today. And will be even happier with kosher cheese I’m sure. 😍 My heart already wants to go back to traumatic Berlin to order lamb shashlik once more omg. 😍 My expectations are high. :p

Meow I’m still doing this student thing and last post strike, but I’d rather be spending time with Tishe and other selected members of D.O.C.I.S. International. My time here has been a good transition period I will never forget, but I want to move on further and get ready to kill the man whose last name I carry and be Regentesse and stuff.

I really hope this will somehow be my last day living without Tishe by my side, because I’m having a very hard time not being able to soothe my mind by looking at him living life. But I’m, as you can see, quite powerless in getting him to bring his sexy ass over here. Help? 😢

On cheese: to be continued meow I’m very tired. And assume I’ll otherwise have to wait until Monday. 🙁 (But then again I reallyyyyyyyyyyy don’t know.)

Kusje 😚

xxx

13:31 (01:31 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

I’m not going. 😢 The osgood-schlatter type of pain in my right knee I’ve been trying to ignore (when Tour de France style cycling 😂 ) has gotten so bad that I walk with a limp now. And I feel like my writing about it has made my social anxiety worse. And I’m currently in the kitchen warming my soup in a pan, while my last pasteitje is in the oven, after consuming which I want to go back to bed.

I did yesterday’s study tasks in such little time and what I need to do for today are 2 lessons instead of 3, so it’s hard for me to fool my mind into getting it to want to start with studying sooner.

Meow I should see a doctor for so many reasons maar denk je is gratis. 😂 I feel gang$ta.

Other things I think I know about Judaism, by the way, are not necessarily two kitchens, circumcision, bar mitzwa, Israel/Palestine and having plenty of control in (some) markets. What I wish to know more about the most is why are there kosher elements in traditional Surinamese ceole things? (Fun fact: my ex was circumcized.)

The some place sunny I should move to is Suriname. Because my mindset about immigration says so, because there is the most space to undisturbedly Regentesse (it’s hardly populated so there’s basically only one city to bomb) and because there’s plenty space for my Tishe there. (Ha it sounds like some starter family wanting to move to a suburb to have more space for the kids.) (Plus at some point I thought I spotted a slight Surinamese accent @ Tishe but felt silly wanting to ask.)

Meow it’s silly mayne the main reason I study is because I just want to shut people up. I don’t even truly intend to do anything with a degree. Which makes having one feel even more satisfying. But I’m exhausting myself. Why do I have so many demons in my life? And why have they given me social anxiety (ha irrevertible for cynics (Elon used that word on Twitter and now I’m addicted))? I can’t even buy some cheese. I really feel like hiding underneath my sheets.

Meow, where is my Tishe? Where are my kisses? 😚 Really, next up for me is some sort of marriage and ruling the world.

You know what my favorite threat from the man I will kill soon is? “Anders ga je met een blauw oog naar school. Echt waar, zo’n dik oog.” (And then he illustrates it with his hand.) Ah or “Bel de kindertelefoon dan. Wat ga je ze vertellen? Ze kunnen je toch niet helpen.”

Please, help me. 🙁

Kusje 😚

xxx

14:47 (02:47 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Ha yes thus the only thing I’ve learnt from my parents is discipline because after threatening me I always obeyed. Of course you love me, silly fuck.

Ha and that story of that story of that lady with a Dutch nationality and Surinamese ( + B¿ ) roots who lived in Antwerp and visited a kosher cheese store was that it didn’t happen, because she was suffering from social anxiety. 🙁

I don’t have gang members, a car and guns so I can’t help my sister and other people in a situation like hers (and mine) (yet). I do have LilFangs.com and D.O.C.I.S. International.

Food es finished. I’ll be sleeping.

Help. 🙁

Kusje 😚

xxx

15:13 (03:13 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Story update: es no cheese for the rest of the month meow. I have less than €50 left. Do you know that story of that man who was the biggest fraud in the world, but who let his children be poor as greatest dekmantel, and then they killed him? I want cheese B’s. 🙁

Help. 😭

Kusje 😚

xxx

15:33 (03:33 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

I got op around 7 PM, mentally ready to make stamppot met prei en speksneden. But then I saw that I had only 5 potatoes left. So I quickly devoured a Snickers to get my blood sugar something proper enough to not pass out…

NL07INGB0004501373 t.a.v. D. D. Elia, thank you, Snickers. 🙂

And quickly limped to Delhaize, which was still open.

Delhaize: €3,49

Now my potatoes are boiling and the rest of my ingredients (prei, speksneden, ui & knoflook) are cut/(and) peeled.

I miss my cheese and I miss my Tishe. 🙁 My stoofpeertjes kookvocht will go bad if I don’t consume it with delicious cheese. 🙁 And I might miss out on the most interesting spontaneous conversation with someone I don’t know, of all time. Which is why I have this social anxiety.

Ha es funny, I’m socially 100% ready to propagate a new world war (if I’m granted (legal) immunity (*competition TV show jury undertone* 😂 )), but this social cultural step makes me anxious. Because I’m afraid to be stigmatizing.

I get deadly aggressive when people ask me things like: “You’re not a Christian? 😮 ” “You don’t like the song “Oh jaja”? 😮 ” “What was segregation in the United States like?” “How do you (people) celebrate New Year’s/Christmas/Easter/ritual offerings?” “When do you wear traditional clothing?” “You do not think eating chicken is the greatest good in life? 😮 ” ” So I don’t want to do that to someone else. That’s the only reason why I’m anxious: the fear of saying something wrong, or having a “mismatching conversation” in any other way. Because every group of people has people to like and people to dislike. I don’t think one has to be a scholar to answer my questions, but I also think not everyone can answer my questions. Haha meow the pressure I’m putting on myself and the person selling cheese.

Ah one more thing I know is goede feesten (*Nederlandse boeren boy accent*). Ah and attractive people (with very cool clothing styles). And another question-ish thing is: I assume that the Messiah is expected in your present life. Otherwise it would be a very sad existence. And otherwise it’s like inverse Christianity.

Meow my dinner is almost ready. I just need to wait until my rookworst is done. Waar ben je, Victishe? 😢 Ik heb nu geen trek meer in soep, omdat je nog steeds niet bij me bent. 🙁 And I can’t eat these peertjes without you. 🙁 (Stamppot will be devoured soon though I’m starving.)

No clue what it’s like to be living life and have a person have a full website on which some wild Catje is referring to you (all of the time). But es real meow.

A problem I have with my approaching exams, by the way, is that phones are not allowed inside the examination room and that the advice is to leave one’s phone at home. I feel unsafe without having my phone with me. 🙁 I don’t know how to go about this… But I will make every exam. Regardless of how prepared I am.

Rookworst ready est. I’ll be studying and eating.

Kusje 😚

xxx

21:33 (09:33 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Ahahahaha by the way, that thing on that one picture was not a zilvervisje, but a booger I flicked against the wall. 😂 Because I later tried to touch it to see if it would move and then I realized it was a booger. 😂 (& Yeah I’m nastyyy.) I do have zilvervisjes, though. They often keep me company when I’m on the toilet.

& Ah there’s a black ice alert for tomorrow. 🙁

& Science be like: “One can use a trash can to collect waste, to collectively throw that away at one moment.” (Anonymous, 800 B.C.)

Blegh. 🙁

My food was nice. 🙂

Kusje 😚

xxx

21:57 (09:57 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Sunday, January 5, 2020

Seeing “2020” in the date feels like I’m writing from the future, while I’m in the future. Es because I’m not yet used to seeing “20” as the last two digits of a year I’m living in.

I’m done with the exam preparations of Focus Day 2. 😍

Compact summary 😻

“Focus” Day 3

For later today, I will keep this little notebook next to my bed, to read over my mini overview/summary a couple of times, and then later today practice some exercises. And then I’ll certainly be able to understand what is asked in the exam questions, fill out an answer and hopefully even pass. 🙂 (It will be my first attempt for feedback, for I never attended lectures and tutorials (and don’t have the course book), so I have no idea. From my basic knowledge of accounting and this preparation I might be able to pass.)

I’m really going wild with this, meow, more assumptions/questions: when the Messiah is discovered, you will be throwing a party, right? Is there a fixed procedure for that? And what is one’s individual purpose in regard to the relationship with that Messiah? Will he/she be honored in Regentesque ways? Does the Messiah have to be Jewish? Is it true that one can only be Jewish if his/her mother is Jewish? (Is what I’ve been taught in school, but then the religious community size solely depends on children per family and is structurally completelyyy isolated from the rest of the population?) Like I can’t sign up anywhere? (Otherwise there should be Facebook ads or something for that, right? 😂 ) Plenty of questions… 😀

Mayne my mind is uncontrollably generating questions. Am I craving answers on the level of craving Tishe? Especially with randomly dropping the attractiveness bomb (I don’t think I’ve mentioned that before here) like it’s nothing. Like I wouldn’t mind getting answers. I can’t really share thoughts like these with the majority of my circle, because they’re anti-Semite.

Examples: “If you were Jewish, I wouldn’t have let you stay in my house.” @ when I was staying in Amsterdam. My mother and her excessive statements. And this one time I helped a former ANWB colleague with his thesis, he said “Oh ja, veel Joden hier,” loudly exactly when a Jewish family walked past. I kept silent. And felt embarrassed and like starting a heated debate, but what’s the point. (I don’t know who I’m defending, and rarely defend, because – as you can see from the ignorant Twitter debate with person whose head I will smash on stage as a warm-up – I don’t stop until the person has a change of heart.)

I feel really awkward. 😂 Because my neck often feels like doing an 180 when I see an attractive Jewish person, and that is then exactly why I act like I don’t even see that person at all. Now it feels like I’m spilling beans, which is making me feel awkward. 😂

My questions, Tishelessness and I are going to have a little snack and go to bed afterwards. Probably won’t be able to sleep because I’ve slept all day and have barely moved. But hopefully I won’t feel like writing because I spend too much time staring into screens.

Seriously though I miss his embrace I have never felt the most at night. He is a Fangs magnet. I could barely talk with my hands the first time I had a conversation with him, because otherwise I would be touching him (and that would be in-office harassment¿). I want to be touching him meow he has the most attractive body I have ever seen. 😍 And he’s so funny meowww please spend time with meee. 😢

I have a headache. 🙁

Kusje 😚

xxx

01:07 (AM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Meow it’s 12:40 PM as I’m writing this and I’ve just eaten some yogurt and gone over my written summary for accountancy. Next up is practicing exercises and, not long before bed, going over my summary once more. And then tomorrow morning revise. I might just make it.

Thoughts 1

I was thinking – a continuation of yesterday’s expression of my Judaism related thoughts – of how plenty of non-Jewish people justify their anti-semitism with an argument that is actually very empty. It has started as a Muslim argument and made its way into European conversation, I think. Related to the growing size of Israel and shrinkage of Palestine.

I used to be one of the people saying this, for I have let myself be convinced of this by mr. Elia (haaa wth 😂 ). (Severe ignorance ahead.) It is that in WWII, structurally, horrible things were done to Jewish people, and now Jewish people are doing horrible things to Palestinians. Plenty of people, including the former me, see all of present Judaism through this scope. (Why is this taught in (middle) schools?)

But it doesn’t make sense at all. It would be the same as me saying that I hate all Europeans because (some of) their ancestors were slave owners. First of all: one does not consciously choose the culture he/she is born into and the cultural history thereof.

Second of all: within one cultural/ethnic/religious group, there are a very diverse range of people. In regard to the way their heart is. In Fangyist context: both in Palestine and Israel there are people who are welcome in the Fangyist community and barbarians.

One can’t judge all Jewish people based on that one conflict (he/she knows from TV).

I’ve had that view from the moment I saw a documentary about it with my parents, shortly after which it was a topic for the school subject “Levensbeschouwing”, around age 13. Then in my first 5th year we had a mandatory module about the Middle East for our final exam (but schoolexamen and not centraal examen) and relatively spent plenty of time with Muslim students. But had this realization/change of heart when I moved to Antwerp. I just observe cute ways of living meow I feel weird for how I used to see the situation.

And people should look at a religion from the context of scripture only. So not even take into consideration religious preachers.

Now in regard to – the topic that interests me the most – the acknowledgement of a Messiah, I think that that’s something that can divide the entire world (again).

First I’d like to share this thought: if it were a white male with a beard (the “default” image of God or Santa Claus), Jewish, would people find quicker consensus then if this were, let’s say, a colored female who is not Jewish?

I don’t know any Jewish people (well), so I can’t estimate personality and conversation algorithms with certainty, but I’m guessing that – like I meet all kinds of people everywhere who are fine with their life consisting of 8 hours of slavery and spending the rest of the time watching TV, saying that the world will never change (because then they would have to start using their brain) – within the Jewish community there are people who are not expecting a Messiah regardless of who that is, and people who are convinced of specific chatacteristics for this person. (Including thoughts about how non-Jewish people should be treated.)

So, basically, there will never be a moment when people say “That’s our Messiah” and then all fingers point in the same direction.

Let me illustrate: 30% of all Jewish people say “Lil Fangs is the Messiah”, and by means of balancing things out in regard to the “natal Judaism admission barrier”, 15% of the non-Jewish world population acknowledges Fangs as the Messiah as well, there will be a huge divde among people. A WWIV (so many bombs have been dropped since WWII that that should be called WWIII) level of conflictual tension. Fangyists would have to collectively move some place else to be able to live in peace.

Thoughts 2

Oprichtingskosten have afschrijvingen in present accountancy. In Fangyist economics, oprichtingskosten are a fixed value that is defined in a completely separate financial aspect.
It would just be to in 20 years say, “This is what has been paid to fund the organization, and this is how much revenue has been earned with that funding.” The value can’t vanish.

Present accountancy is too focused on calculating profits and losses, for that has, in reality, the least amount of value. A profit in 2019 and a profit in 1996 of the same currency value, are still different profits because of inflation and changes in purchasing power. Es 100% pointless.

Thoughts 3

I recently mentioned that I act like I don’t see him/her when I see an attractive (Jewish) person. With this I should mention that I treat people equally, as in when I’m outside in public, I act like I don’t see anyone at all. I’m not looking for small talk or unspecified friendships. Only if we can talk serious Fangyism, I’m genuinely interested in a friendship.

And meow any form of communication with someone I find attractive makes my heart go crazy so severely that I can literally faint. If I were to see Victishe, I could literally faint.

Meows my blog/website/niss is currently being backed up, so I will upload this later but do use a time stamp.

I’m now going to fry some noodles (plenty carbs though 🙁 ) and – finally – vacuum clean my place. After a little nap…….

Kusje 😚

xxx

13:45 (01:45 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

My nap was nice. It’s 5 PM now and I just got up. I’d like to go back to bed soon. But exam. 🙁 Though I might still just go back to bed in a few. It’s better to listen to my tired body than my revengeful heart, in this case.

This is the best ramen ever. 😍

I still haven’t vacuum cleaned. x_x I really don’t like doing it. 🙁 Meow I’m convinced that one day my palace will have very advanced cleaning robots.

Did you know that most of my content is Tishe bait? But es not working. 🙁 But meowww 😍 :

Look at those dimples. 😍 😍 😍

Ik wil echt heeel graag een kusje. 😭 😍 What a Catje gotta do to get me one of those? 😍 En meow je handen zijn zo heerlijk zacht. 😍 I wish we could just be cuddling instead of me having to make exams far below my potential and you leading far below your potential.

But meow if I’ll enter tomorrow still by myself, I better finalize my exam preparations. Still very uncomfortable with the idea of not being allowed to take my phone with me. 🙁 But I’m glad there’s camera surveillance (and military surveillance) near my house.

Meooow ik wil niet meer. 🙁 🙁 🙁 But I’ll be doing accounting stuff after which I’ll go to bed again. And then be awake all night. 🤷 Ooofff and throwing away my trash right now mayne it smells. 🙁

Kusje 😚

xxx

17:30 (05:30 PM) [CET] Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Monday, January 6, 2020

Well, I’m glad I didn’t take that nap after my nap and started with accounting right away (plus oven steaming salmon in between). Practi