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Art

Art, Images, Online Diary, Popular Posts

Operation Sunnyhoes Day 5 [Thursday, August 29, 2019]

Heysss ♥

Today’s island tour was a lot of fun! I’ve taken many pictures. Here is a sneak preview:

Why you’re getting a preview now is because I need to get ready for the Jazz Festival real quick… I was quite tired after the tour of quite some hours, so I’ve been napping. Napping for too long… I can hear Juan Luis Guerra play from where I’m at. The festival terrain is right at the entrance of the resort we’re staying at. I don’t know any of today’s artists. but I love hearing new sounds. (Plus it might be so that I know popular songs but not the artists.)

I’m going to continue to get ready. See you later ♥ (I hope I’ll really see you!)

~~~

Updated 19:57 (07:57 PM)
Piscadera

FestiFangs

FestiFangs

Juan Luis Guerra North Sea Jazz Curacao

Juan Luis Guerra

Aymee Nuviola North Sea Jazz Curacao

Aymée Nuviola

Aymee Nuviola North Sea Jazz Curaçao

With dancers ayyy

It was nice. 🙂 I really love live music. (Hopend dat niemand nu verwacht dat ik verheerlijkend over sfeer, gezelligheid en kippenvel enzo ga praten zoals men dat doet wanneer het over muziek gaat. Ik probeer gewoon positief te zijn en te blijven.) I wish I could speak Spanish (or Italian or better Latin).

Unfortunately I didn’t make it to the end of the festival. During the second performance it was already very hard for me to lift my feet when dancing, but leaving felt disrespectful. My entire body felt a lot heavier than normal. It was quite a relief when my mother and sister wanted to leave during a Latin cover of a song of KC and the Sunshine Band (I so loved when I was little), to get some drinks.

On our way to getting drinks (I needed some moisture to take with me as I carried myself to the apartment), I proposed to go home. I wasn’t the only one tired.

So I dragged myself up the hill, way behind my mother and sister. Havana D’Primera we’ve heard from the apartment.

From all artists of today, I’ll look some songs up on Spotify for sure. 🙂

But now I’m going to bed. Haha I can barely keep my arms lifted to type and still I’m typing this why am I doing that to myself.

Love youuuu ♥

Goood night ♥

~~~

Updated 00:21 (12:21 AM)
Piscadera

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Operation Sunnyhoes Day 3 [Tuesday, August 27, 2019]

Heysss ♥

The hunt for cuddles is still on. Not really spotted approachable potential cat preys yet…

Currently sitting on my lil throne, restrategizing…

Auntiyays

Just kidding, I’m not using strategy on this. Finding a Catje is a matter of luck. I was watching TV and chatting with my fam. And waiting for a proper internet connection so that I can tell you about earlier…

It was a lot of fun going to the casino with my (don’t tell my other aunts :x) favorite aunt, sister and 17 year old cousin. We went to the Renaissance casino, not Princess (oops excuses I informed you incorrectly x_x).

She has rented the yayest cars of the 3 rentals we have here. 🙂

Such a nice sight coming out of the garage 🙂

My aunt gave all of us $100 to play with. She likes playing (alone) at the high bet tables.

My cousin, sister and I started off with this hehe. It was funny. 🙂 Way in the end of the night I made a little profit with this.

We also played blackjack at a lower bet table. After having blackjack twice in a row, everything went downhill for me and I stopped playing ahahahah.

My “losing” facial expression (issa joke ofc I can take a loss)

I lost $70. x_x But it was great fun! 😀

On top of the chillness and chill lifestyle of this aunt of mine, other things I find chill about her is the traditional knowledge that doesn’t sound like superstition.

Today, for example, she told us that though many Surinamese Creoles these days cook with onions and garlic, the original Creole kitchen didn’t include those ingredients. Slaves didn’t have access to those ingredients. My great grandparents even also prepared traditional dishes without those ingredients. It was when the multicultural society in Surinam started to blend, the Creole kitchen adopted onions and garlic.

And she has interest in a diverse range of cultures and classes, without judging negatively, so that is the greatest yay for me. Plus she likes art (and real estate). 🙂

All of her houses have art in it (not only for safeguarding money in a tangible way) 🙂

I’m exhausted meoooow good night ♥

~~~

Updated 04:25 (AM) [GMT -4]

Piscadera

Heysss ♥

I’ve been working on the draft of Evolving Individualism in the 9 – 5 Economy, instead of going to the beach again. It’s yays. 🙂 I hope to finish it today, to then go over it again a few dozen times and turn it into speech format. And work on the drafts of my wiki pages. 🙂

But before I take a little break to go swimming here at the pool on the compound on which my aunt’s holiday apartment is, I logged in here to share some random things:

  • I just signed up for an info evening about combining work and study at the University of Antwerp on September 4th.
  • I’m in the posession of Florins now, because when I handed in my profit cards at the casino, I asked for Florins instead of US dollars, supporting the local currency a little. 🙂 (Plus it was yays that my aunt let me drive her car. 🙂 (Though it was because she has trouble with her knee. 🙁 ))
  • For the Operation Sunnyhoes headers, I use an image of a women and a man alternately. It would be very funny to use a picture of Victishe or Catthierry for tomorrow’s header. 😂 Like they’re actually involved in this, while, in reality, I’m here chilling in holiday isolation with mommy and daddy, and I’d randomly take some image off of Google ahahahaha. Plus my posts are just a random description of my thoughts, not really a serious mission the title implies. Do you get my sense of humor? Everything is a hyperbole, unless it is actuallt that big, hahaha… 😂

Meoooow I’ll be swimminggg. And I’m in loveee with the catje on the header image. 😻

~~~

Updated 17:48 (05:48 PM) [GMT -4]

Piscadera

Swimming was greattt 😻


Meoow I love tropical nature sooo much. I really want to live in an environment where palm trees grow (in an outmost modern economy), when I live independently. That’s one of the reasons why I want to move to California. 🙂

Such an exotic audience today. 😻

Meoow I didn’t get to work on my essay and speech anymore. 🙁 I thought we were going for a drink and a quick snack, but I just came back from Avilla Beach Hotel, where I was with my family.


The last picture is awa limunchi (excuse my spelling if it is incorrect), water with lime and sugar, which is drunken very often here. 🙂 It was yays. 🙂

Now I’m tired meooww. Goood night ♥

– xxx –

Updated 23:37 (11:37 PM) [GMT -4]

Piscadera

This sexy Catje is photographed by Marco Lima from Pexels 😻

Art, Blog, Ex Animo, Media, Nederlandse Tekst, Nosce Te Ipsum, Online Diary, Popular Posts, Reflections, Strategy

Disrupting The Silent Pyramid [Tuesday, June 4, 2019]

00:35 (12:35 AM)

I just finished my essay Disrupting the Silent Pyramid! It’s the best essay/plea/call-to-action I’ve written this far, I believe 🙂 . It’s exactly 2500 words and maybe re-sold for a lower price, if the profits are shared with me. I’m going to put it in my store now 🙂 . Here’s the cover image:

Doesn’t that look awesome? 😀

~~~

01:26 (AM)

[products category=”essays-3″]

There it is 🙂 . It’s also a main menu item:

Yay :D. This really is a must-read! 😀

Please check out the product page! It includes the best product description I’ve written this far 🙂 .

I hope you will support my independent living, by purchasing my essay, so that I, in return, can support your independent living.

I’ll put this on my Instagram and Twitter, and after that, I’ll go to sleep.

I hope I’ll wake up rich and won’t have to move in to a homeless shelter or into my room in my parents’ house again. Then I could just be myself and truly make a change, and can finally leave this schizophrenia nonsense behind me. I really hope you’ll be on my side ♥ .

Good night, my love (if you’re on my side) ♥

xxx

10:49 (AM)

Good morning 🙂 ♥

With an aching chest, I’ve been seeking a homeless shelter for my situation, but I can only find shelters that include psychiatric care. (Aching because this is what it has come to.)

So basically I have about 2 hours until a conversation I don’t even want to have takes place and I will be forced to move back in with my parents.

There are no quick and easy ways to commit suicide in this vicinity. But at “home”, there are. The session that will take place at 1 PM, will be themed with making me feel guilty about the things I’ve said about my parents, followed by them listing reasons why they think I’m psychotic. So I think that afterwards, I’ll feel enough pain and strength to end my life.

In case my essay suddenly starts selling only after I die: the profits must then be divided over Thierry Baudet’s campaigns, President Trump his fight for justice, even better holidays for Victor Geskes and Benoît Crutzen, and my sister’s future (and only she may decide how her share of my funds are spent, which she may only share with her parents buy buying tangibles).

Mind you that the essay is for about 90% about life in general – touching on the aspects of The Silent Pyramid, including how to unveil someone’s identity – and less than 10% about the way I feel about my life in this situation, from the bottom of the Pyramid.

I see people looking at my content frequently and not buying anything. I don’t want to tear up my heart, trying to figure out why they don’t – unless it’s for the looks of it, for which I, as you know, don’t have the funds.

I’m still in bed. But I’m going to get up now, then get ready for the worst session I don’t want to have, and continue to contemplate suicide, for as long as people only read my free content, but don’t buy anything from me.

Ciao xxx

~~~

12:55 (PM) 

The sale of my essay will end after that ugh session. I’ll then stall my suicide until it’s clear if anyone will financially support me by buying my essay or not. It would be a waste of life dying and then finding out that there are many people I can discuss the contents of my essay with, actually peacefully disrupting it in practice.

~~~

16:25 (04:25 PM)

Meowww…

This is such a random week…

I was glad to come home to this new fan! 🙂 My previous one was old and squeaky… [And there will be solar panels placed, next week!]

I unpacked and cleaned my room right after coming home… Meanwhile, the sale has ended. The amount of sales is still 0. I hope I could still somehow convince some people to make the purchase.. I really need to move out 🙁 .

The Dutch health care system, for people with a low income like me, works in such a way, that you can only see a specialist after being referred by a non-specialist healthcare professional. So to be able to get a second opinion, I need to become a patient of the department I was in in 2017-2018 – the VIP department [a Dutch abbreviation for “early intervention for psychoses”]  – which is where the crisis center has referred me to, and then hope that at that department, they are willing and able to refer me to someone I can talk to, who is open to give me a real second opinion.

The only reason why I put so much emphasis on  correcting my medical record, is because I aspire to get a role in society that comes with a lot of responsibility. If I were a schizophrenic, that could get in the way of my sense of responsibility. That is why I want that out of my file: it is not true. There is nothing wrong with my sense of reality…

I wouldn’t mind if my file says that I’m depressed because I have certain ambitions, but am considered too young to make them reality, and I’m being ignored by the people whose attention I desire to have 🙁 . And that I’m lonely :(. Therapy sessions unfortunately can’t change that. But refusing therapy is against the will of my mother… I desire to start off as an official authority’s sidekick and in that way get my schedule full…

I need someone I can really talk to. And cuddle… There are so many (business and science related) things I still wish to learn, from individuals. And I wish to befriend people who do enjoy to hear my ideas about social hierarchy and stuff… Who don’t consider that schizophrenia… x_x

Meanwhile, my heart is getting more and more attached to the idea of being the lifetime companion of someone who is very tall and sexy, with a lot of responsibilities and grey hairs 😻 . I would finally have someone I can talk to, someone I’d enjoy listening to, and one of the few people on this globe I actually truly feel physically attracted to… It’s very random that it’s not someone from my own age, but I love it! (Hoping that my heart won’t be broken…) Don’t know how to make that reality, though… Aside from buying a small house near the German border and then throwing a wildly sexy house warming party for Graeynissis?

Speaking of Germany… I came home to this x_x:

Meoooow x_x. Please buy my essay ahahaha…

Mwehh I’m so lonely 🙁 . Please buy my essay and make me feel less aloneee. I’ll give you the Cishes I’ve been saving up 😀 ♥

I’m going to take a nap… And later work on my websites, now that I’m behind my laptop again… I’ll talk to you later xxx

~~~

21:44 (09:44 PM)  

Heyy ♥

My nap was good. I ate pizza borromea afterwards. Now I’m back in bed…

A week ago, just like that, I was staying in a different room. And now I’m back here. Aside from a different hairstyle, it hasn’t brought me much.

And I feel like too much has happened in this household. I shouldn’t be here. (Hehe my phone’s keyboard suggested “I shouldn’t be single”, to which I agree as well.) In practice, the situation is calm, but I feel so much underlying pressure.

Please buy my essay 🙁 . It might sound foolish to purchase a €1177.77 editable and resellable document, but the words in it are incomparable to anything else. It contains truly new information!

I want my writing to become a luxury product. Not only because I need to earn a serious income to accomplish my goals in life: I find my topics and style of writing that unique as well. I may get some compensation for this, right? 🙁

Now I live in the constant fear of getting an intervention again. My blinds are closed and my lights are off. Wishing I were alone so no one – with authority over me – can see me show this odd behavior. (Not even beginning about my odd e-mail behavior that is often ignored 😿 .) Simultaneously, I wish I had someone to make out with, so that I don’t have to think about the state my life is in.

My ambition to get enough essay sales before tomorrow, so that I have an alternative to going back to that psychiatric treatment I was under in 2017-2018, was called “unrealistic”. I know it’s overambitious, but I’d like to prove them wrong 🙁 . My alternative is searching an office job I don’t even want, and I’m mentally really not ready to start, in a job interview, saying things like: “Ik ben op zoek naar een nieuwe uitdaging.” “Ik ben een teamplayer.” “Een gezellig team met leuke collega’s.” While I actually hate it… Please make my fate a little better :(.

On my essay: I must say – though I assume that you know – that in the pyramid of social hierarchy, official authorities are further at the top. In reality, they adapt to what trend followers demand from them (or accuse them of), which puts them in a lower position in our current reality, is what I see. (But now I’m giving away the content 🙁 .)

Is anyone in the mood for rough and wildly passionate sex? Because I really want to forget that I exist.

Please say something 🙁 .

~~~

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Dominique Daniëlle Elia CV (curriculum vitae) in het Nederlands

Dominique Daniëlle Elia

Praesens (D.O.C.I.S. International)

 

Algemene persoonsgegevens

Geboortedatum: 1 november 1996 (22 jaar)

Geboorteplaats: Rotterdam

E-mailadres: d.danielle.elia@gmail.com (persoonlijk)

Adres: XXXXXXXXXX Capelle aan den IJssel

 

Persoonlijke doelen

Langetermijndoel

Op de lange termijn wil ik, door middel van het combineren van wiskundige, economische, wettelijke en didactische kennis, graag bijdragen aan de hervorming van het internationaal politiek-economisch systeem, met een (nog) sterke(re) nadruk op duurzaamheid. Dit of via het bedrijfsleven, of via de politiek zelf.

Korte termijn doelen

  • (Minstens) mijn bachelor in de wiskunde behalen.
  • Lang genoeg werkervaring opdoen om officieel aantoonbaar op hoger dan junior-niveau te kunnen presteren.
  • Mijn netwerk uitbreiden ten gunste van mijn langetermijndoel.
  • Een nieuwe strategie uitdenken om als zelfstandige dichter bij mijn langetermijndoel te kunnen komen.

Educatie

Diploma’s

  • Marnix Gymnasium: Gymnasium

Behaald in 2016

Profielkeuze: Economie & Maatschappij met Duits, Latijn, wiskunde B en informatica

  • The Open University: Open Bachelor’s Degree

Nog niet behaald

Georiënteerd op (Financiële) Wiskunde

Certificaten

  • British Council
    • Cambridge First Certificate English
  • European Piano Teachers Association
    • Niveau C2
  • Basis Flight Simulator certificaat

Werkervaring

  • Neridus-IT: Boekhoudassistente

augustus 2013 – september 2016

Het bijhouden van de financiële bewijsstukken (zowel digitaal als fysiek) en de financiële correspondentie tussen het bedrijf en het (uitbestede) accountantskantoor.

  • Zowel Delfshaven: Financieel hulpverlener (vrijwilliger)

juni 2016 – september 2016

Het ordenen van de administratie, opstellen van persoonlijke budgetten, inlichten en aanvragen voorbereiden, van mensen met financiële problemen in de regio Delfshaven, in een bijstands- en/of schuldsaneringstraject.

  • Elia PR: PR consultant (zelfstandige)

september 2016 – december 2017

Het ontwikkelen van PR strategieën en campagneconcepten voor individuen, op basis van de technieken van de grondleggers van de PR, in een uiterst alternatief, modern jasje.

  • D.O.C.I.S. International: Auteur, onderzoeker, (PR) strateeg en webdeveloper (zelfstandige)

juli 2018 – heden

Het ontwikkelen van een onderzoeksproject met toekomstige bestuursuitbreiding, aansluitend op mijn langetermijndoel, door middel van een invulverhalenserie (om zo te beginnen met een consumentenonderzoek dat uiteindelijk aanduidt aan welke eisen de internationale gemeenschap wil dat een revolutionair politiek-economisch systeem voldoet). Dit concept is echter nog niet officieel aan de man gebracht en dient op dit moment meer als een hobby waarmee ik ook een zakcentje verdien.

  • ANWB: Telefonisch hulpverlener

augustus 2018 – september 2018

Zomerkracht op de afdeling gespecialiseerd in de internationale voorziening van huurauto’s voor mensen die pech hebben gehad onderweg, maar toch hun vakantie willen voortzetten.

Overige (Informele) Ervaring

  • Ervaring met koken

Ik sta al van jongs af aan in de keuken, ken veel diverse kooktechnieken en smaakcombinaties uit keukens uit vele verschillende landen (met name Suriname, Nederland, Italië, Frankrijk en India), ontwikkel zeer regelmatig mijn eigen recepten (want ik hou van gevarieerd eten) en kook ook regelmatig driegangendiners voor groepen van 5 tot 10 mensen.

  • Ervaring met lesgeven

Over lesgeven (en spreken voor publiek) ben ik zeer gepassioneerd. Ik heb in veel verschillende disciplines (bij)les gegeven, waaronder: wiskunde, economie, PWSsen schrijven, piano spelen, vechttechnieken, basketbaltechnieken, koken, Engels, Nederlands en omgaan met telefoons en computers.

  • Ervaring als model

Van kleins af aan doe ik af en toe modellenwerk op aanvraag of voor eigen bedrijfsdoeleinden.

  • Ervaring als actrice/figurant
    • Acteren vind ik ook ontzettend leuk. Ik heb hier een beetje ervaring mee (door school, dansoptredens en sketches met mede hobby video sketch makers.)

Publicaties

Boeken

ISBN: 9789082936803

Gepubliceerd op 24 september 2018

Een heruitgave van episodes over mijn onderzoeksproject en science-fiction verhaal die ik eerder had gepubliceerd, maar later van het internet af had gehaald in verband met de controverse achter het publiceren van mijn persoonlijke verhaal in het verhaal en het risico dat dat kon zijn voor een baangarantie.

ISBN: 9789082936810

Gepubliceerd op 30 september 2018

Een introductie van het invulverhaal en de onderzoeksmethode achter het invulverhaal, waarin de lezer de protagonist is en de ingevulde informatie zal worden gebruikt voor het zoeken naar “The Universal Standard of Human Reasoning”, die nodig is voor het vinden van een politiek-economisch consensus.

ISBN: 9789082936834

Gepubliceerd op 30 november 2018

Een uitweiding van het invulverhaal, met als thema de (bedrijfs)filosofie en strategische uitdagingen binnen het onderzoeksconcept, gecombineerd met een vroege poging tot ledenwerving.

ISBN: 9789082936896

Gepubliceerd op 30 januari 2019

Een lang essay over een non-cijfermatig algoritme voor levensverbetering en de toepassing hiervan.

ISBN: 9789082936889

Gepubliceerd op 30 maart 2019

De onthulling van de spanningslagen uit het eerste boek van het invulverhaal en de laatste invulvragen die samen de hypothese van The Universal Standard of Human Reasoning vormen.

Long-read Artikelen

Publicatiedatum: 28 februari 2019

Dit is deel 1 van de artikelenserie die gaat over de macro-economische gedachte achter de organisatie die ik wil starten en over de economische hervorming van Keynes.

Publicatiedatum: 15 april 2019

Deel 2 van de serie over macro-economie in de context van mijn (hopelijk) toekomstig bedrijf, gaat in op hedendaagse voorbeelden van marktfalen en de (zelf ontwikkelde) wiskundige basismodellen achter mijn idee van duurzame hervorming.

Karaktereigenschappen

Positief Negatief
Communicatief sterk Soms verlegen
Doortastend empathisch vermogen (Vrijetijds)workaholic wat betreft auteurschap en onderzoek
Leert snel Gebruikt soms complexe woordkeuzes en zinsconstructies
Initiatiefnemer

 

Hobby’s

In mijn vrije tijd dans ik graag. In het verleden heb ik ballet (3-4 jaar), streetdance (12 – 14 jaar) en hip-hop (16 jaar) danslessen gevolgd. Ik heb vroeger ook judo (4 tot 8 jaar), pençak silat (6 tot 12 jaar) en tennislessen (3 jaar eventjes en toen 10 tot 12 jaar) gevolgd. Vanaf mijn veertiende tot mijn achttiende speelde ik voor Rotterdam Basketbal. Sinds mijn negende speel ik piano.

Tekenen (en schilderen en beeldhouwen) doe ik met slecht weer met plezier. Fotograferen doe ik ook heel graag. Vooral wanneer ik reis, wat ik ook erg vaak met vol enthousiasme doe. Ik ben in Nederland (Amsterdam, Texel, Ameland, Hoenderloo, Maastricht, Enschede, en nog een paar steden), Duitsland (Berlijn, Stuttgart, München, Düsseldorf, Trier, Wiesbaden en Meerbusch), Frankrijk (Parijs en diverse delen van Normandië), België (diverse plaatsen in de Ardennen en Antwerpen), Engeland (Newcastle), Ierland (Dublin), Suriname (Paramaribo en twee plaatsen in “de binnenlanden”), de Bahama’s (Nassau), Spanje (Ibiza), Italië (Rome, Udine, Verona, Venetië en Brugnera), Turkije (Marmaris en Alanya), Griekenland (Kreta) en de Verenigde Staten (Miami, FL; Baltimore, MA) op vakantie geweest, gedurende mijn hele leven, en zou graag nog veel meer van de wereld willen zien.

Verder lees ik ook graag informatieve klassiekers (zo kom ik bijvoorbeeld aan mijn PR basiskennis), ben ik bekend met programmeren met Visual Basic (en heb ik ook ervaring met programmeren voor Android, Java (in het algemeen) en C# (voor Unity)), kan ik Access databases bouwen (zo heb ik mijn eigen boekhoudsysteem gemaakt, voor mijn persoonlijke administratie), beheers ik HTML en CSS, spreek ik vloeiend Engels (en kan ik een beetje Frans spreken (en het bijna vloeiend verstaan (als het niet te snel en geen gebroken Frans/straattaal is)), Sranan Tongo kan ik redelijk verstaan, Duits kan ik redelijk spreken en vrijwel vloeiend verstaan), maak ik soms beats met Reason Lite, ga ik regelmatig naar de sportschool (voor krachttraining), houd ik van (neo-soul/rap/hip-hop/jazz/klassiek/R&B) muziek luisteren, fietsen en sprinten, ben ik de laatste tijd een beetje Italiaans aan het leren, en – last but not least – schrijf ik heeeeel veeel (voor mijn persoonlijke blog LilFangs.com 🙂 ).


If you are interested in becoming part of D.O.C.I.S. International, please read my Business Overture 🙂

Art, Blog, Images, Online Diary

Wednesday, January 9, 2019

12:38 (PM) 

Good afternoon 🙂 ♥

I just finished my first meal of the day

My body feels less weak than yesterday, but weaker than the day before that.  I don’t feel strong enough to go for a walk, later, but I’m going so crazy from being indoors all of the time. I want to move some. So I might still just do it. 

But first… I’ll take a short nap on the couch… 🙁 My level and frequency of fatigue are insane :'(. Love you xxx

~~~

13:03 (01:03 PM) 

Change of plansss. I find myself too smelly to lay on a couch that is not mine. So I’ll be showing firsttt… 

~~~

18:01 (06:01 PM) 

I decided to draw today

😀

Yayyss

I’m almost donee but part of the fam came home and we’re about to have dinner now. Meoww two days until I hopefully have some better health…

~~~

18:59 (06:59 PM) 

This is where I was before around dinner:

The black has a sort of confusing effect, because it was used to outline and for facial features, but I think that will be less, when I’m done

Meoww I can barely keep my eyes open. My chest pains are appearing more frequently, too 🙁 . I’m glad I only have to entertain my weakened self for one more day, tomorrow, and then Friday we’re already heading to Germany. 

In case I fall in a deep sleep that takes me overnight 

Good night

I love you 

xxx – 

Art, Blog, Images, Online Diary

Wednesday, January 2, 2019

00:25 (12:25 PM) 
My growling stomach indicated that it’s time for my pre bed meal, so…

Yehesss 😀

I’ve never uploaded a picture of me while I’m cooking, but I’m most often in pet mode while I do this, and the lighting….

What I fried the egg with

I’m drinking jasmine tea with this… Meow .

Where I was before this? After coming back “home” from the party, where I was very awkward and it is and was eating at me, playing games on my Switch and writing that other Dutch post. I often write posts without mentioning anything about it in my diary.

All of this blog posting, is something I do, because otherwise, I would have no ways of being able to express my true self. I just keep explaining the benauwende situation I’m in, hoping that someone notices me and saves me. I don’t mean benauwend in the sense that anyone is actively torturing me or anything, but I just need to be assisted in an environment that truly suits me. It’s the inner rage of mental and physical loneliness.

By the way, you know how in any movie/series/whatever the person owning a huge corporation is most often the bad guy? (It’s most often a guy… (Ugh movie females are most often so passive and dramatic.)) I think that’s why most people assume that I’m evil, without them even knowing what I’m trying to do. (I don’t want to use a word that gives me palpitations when it’s used in the context of me, but that’s psychotic as fuuuuuck…)

When I was playing a boxing demo [that word reminds me of when I was in EMC, and there, just like at Bavo Europoort, people were struggling with giving me a diagnosis (they just completely ignored the clearing my file part), so at some point I was invited to give a “demo”, where I had to discuss my case in a small lecture room, where all the psychiatry related doctors were present. And then I was given those official diagnoses you can see in 180 Days of Fangs… Domme klootzakken… Ik hoorde dat er een zwembandjes sale was ergens 🙂 . ], while SBS6 was on, and I heard a girl collected more than €10000, by diving into the water every day, from the Summer until her nieuwjaarsduik [diving in the cold can get you sick 🙁 ]. She was sponsored to do that. The money is used to build houses in Africa somewhere.

I have not raised or earned a single penny with this, and what I do is historic. Do you understand why I want to die? Ik ga echt niet weer 40 uur fucking klantenservice shit doen. Dan kan ik ook niks posten hѐ. Where the fuck do I sign up for doing simple shit for a lot of money? That way of generating funds is such crazy non-value…. My project really is fun 🙁 . The easiest way to understand is by either letting me put it into practice, or letting me make a drawing of what it looks like. I currently don’t even have money or space to make art. Ah meow 🙁 .

I’m going to bed. Tomorrow… I don’t have a reason to go outside. I do want to. But for what… It’s cold, so no long solo walks 🙁 . I’ll make a beat and draw some 🙂 . I hope I’ll get a response to that book sized email I wrote, since that meow now almost doesn’t have a holiday anymore…. My last resort employer… Sexy cattttttttt…

Good night

Sribi switi [ = slaap lekker = sweet dreams (is what comes closest to it… It’s actually “sleep good”, but that doesn’t sound as romanticized as I mean it) ]

xxx

03:39 (AM)

Meow ♥

I already had quite some trouble falling asleep, and then, suddenly, somehow – maybe it was The Head Cuddle¿ – I thought that maybe I wrote the date on that second Dutch article incorrectly. And I did. Of course, it’s 2019 now, ha-ha.

I’m still tired, so I will continue to attempt to fall asleep. Reminder to self that I elaborate on my issue with generalizations on gender later. I speak of tomorrow, earlier in this post, but I mean today, after waking up.

Ciaoo xxx

~~~

08:34 (AM) 

My growling stomach indicated that…

It’s peanut butter jelly time…

Haha I’ll again be closing my eyes sooon. Mind you that I still haven’t seen a phycisian for the white blood cells in my urine, which might influence my very frequent hunger. I now find all hunger too soon, because I’m so tired of the act of cooking. Every for me edible thing a Dutch supermarket has, I’ve eaten a zillion times in my life already.

~~~

16:47 (04:47 PM) 

Hey 🙂

I saw that I have some cash left in my wallet, so I’ll use that to buy pencils and a sketch book 🙂 . Then I can show you my design for that cape I mentioned a while back :D. I also feel like eating spaghetti with a lot of vegetables, so that’s my other reason for going outside today 🙂 .

I feel quite stupid… The staircase here isn’t even suitable for what I intended to do to myself. I have to go home for that. My parents finding me, feels like a more comfortable way of saying “fuck you” to them. All my life, they’ve been telling me that they’re good parents. As a child, you easily mime what your parents say. That you have a semi-well paying job, doesn’t directly mean that you’re a good parent. Neither does not having a drug problem and not attacking your child whenever things are not going your way. That they use that as arguments as to why they’re good parents, is very vomit worthy.

With things like jumping in front of a train, there’s still a very slight chance of surviving (there was this documentary I saw on national television…)… I don’t know how I’m going to pull it off, but this is just my fucking last day. My life just doesn’t make sense and I hate being stuck in it. I should have just done it on New Year’s.

~~~

21:49 (09:49 PM) 

Here’s a sketch-ish drawing of the cape I spoke about a few posts ago:

My pencils aren’t sharp enough for the glasses with a similar design and I’m tired of drawing now, so she looks a bit evil… Because of the in between space, the needles won’t hurt the person who’s wearing the cape. By pulling the triangle, you can put on the capuchon. The male’s design is different around the shoulders. 

I try to show a different balance between a formal and informal style of clothing. A fur collar is relatively informal, and so are spikes, but I think it still looks quite formal. Purple would have been a cool color, too.

The colored design has a smooth looking type of fabric, because I used the fine liner too fast, but actually I prefer it geplooid like that drawing on the right.

For our polygamous wedding, I’ll make some cool designs, too. (Haha funny use of tenses. As if it’s planned…) I would love to live with all of my loves in one big house .

I’m a tired petje now… I also made a salad for dinner in the meantime. Apparently spaghetti was already planned to be today’s dinner, because the grandchildren were visiting. We played on my Switch and drew together.

I used tomatoes, olives and feta cheese with some pre cut supermarket salad packs. The dressing was made with oil, mayonaise, oregano, soy sauce and garlic.

Before I started with the colors

My heart hurts 🙁

Je snapt toch wel dat ik er helemaal doorheen zit

Oh my god :'(

The raising billions using PayPal thing doesn’t feel comfortable at all, by the way. I’m “glad” no one has donated anything, besides myself. That one euro has vanished into thin air. I’m going to take the thing offline. Tomorrow… I’m tired 🙁 .

My one very important rule my life, is that I should leave it before my Cuddles and Graeynissis do, because I cannot physically and emotionally exist without them. Not that we are that right now, socially. I’m still alone…

The trippiest thing about being where I am right now, is that I have so many belongins of mine here, that I basically can’t move anywhere else without help of anyone. And that I’m far too broke to travel.

The sign up deadline for a next year of study at The Open University, is in 3 days. I don’t have the money to enroll. I’m also not enthousiastic about studying.

My head is spinning with future related worry. In the end, this world is still so dumb, faulty and meaningless, I don’t know why I keep letting myself be exposed to all of this pressure all of the time. The only way to escape it is by dying. My bank account is on – €497,03 and my limit is – €500. With the amount of cash I have, let’s say somehow I would get hired, I could travel there, but I wouldn’t be able to travel back home.

On the gender thing: I hope the men who are my audience – from my statistics (and real life sort of haha) I know that my websites aren’t doing well with the majority of women – aren’t staying away from me, because they think I’m like the passive women who keep emphasizing that they don’t know about most things that are going on in reality, and cry over broken nails and shit. (It sounds like torture being in a relationship with someone like that.) You might also know that I won’t blow my entire income on shopping for clothing and other shiz. You have seen my entire wearable wardrobe at least six times by now.

I want to have your heart… Figuratively, of course. With my love, I want to make you feel the best you have ever felt. Please be mine 🙁 . We kunnen zo veel waarde aan elkaars leven toevoegen. Een gezinsleven is niet de essentie van het leven. We moeten het beste uit elkaar halen, in een creative en routinevrije context. You’ll always feel loved and be happy and free, surrounded by truly like-minded people.

The stupidity of this world would not be a disturbance anymore, when you’re with me. Please be my Cuddle 🙁 . I don’t want to die alone 🙁 . I don’t want to feel the feeling of loneliness anymore.

I just finished my pre-bed-meal. I’m going to sleep. I’m so tired 🙁 .

I love you so much, you’re the reason why I’m still alive.

I wish I could be with you

Sleeping alone sucks big time

Good night

xxx

Art, Blog, Ex Animo, Images, Nosce Te Ipsum, Online Diary, Random Thoughts, Recipes, Reflections, Videos

Tuesday May 15, 2018

19:58 (07:58 PM)

I was starting to feel bad for leaving. But then I heard (in English, with an intentional “funny accent”), while this mf was poking in my belly (that already hurt): “You need to start working out. Damn. Go to the gym six days a week.” You need to buy proper groceries and stop buying takeout food you overweight fleh. I didn’t say a thing. If I would speak my mind, I could terminate my mission.

And that was before I received my second round. They don’t need to eat as much as I do. They don’t get as fucking hungry as I get (I’m talking headaches and near fainting). Because they don’t use their fucking brains.

The first round I had ordered three small rolls. The second (and last… even though I could still eat more) round I had five small rolls.

I know that “relationship ending” conversation with my sister is one of her “succesful” anecdotes. How tf can you do that and then say: “Can I borrow your charger?” “Can I borrow your calculator?” “I forgot my *fucking essential products*, can I borrow yours?” “I don’t like fish. Can you cook something else.” “I’m having friends over, could you cook this and that for them?” I haven’t finished that one NTI story about “our fight over Whatsapp and SMS”, but she had taken two days off school after a fight she had caused herself. Telling everyone “I had another attack of craziness”. Even this fleh stalker friend of my parents knew it right when it started. I was at my grandmother’s then. My grandma was at the hairdresser. I was working on NTI. I had blocked her on Whatsapp and SMS. She called my grandmother’s house phone a few times, but I didn’t pick up. I unblocked her for a second to tell her she should stop calling, looking for beef, and focus on her tests. She ended up coming by my grandmother’s house. I told her she should go back home and study. She said she wanted to “talk it through”. I asked her: “What is there to talk about?” Then she said: “Yeah I was pissed because you said these mean things about our parents and you told me to pick a side, so I picked theirs, since you were being so hateful.” I told her that I hadn’t told her to pick a side. I had said that I want her to make an independent decision, so I wasn’t going to argue for why she should pick my side. [She has cleeearlyyyy picked my parents’ side. So when Nosce Te Ipsum is succesful, she won’t get any benefits of the project either. She was the only exception, in the end. But fuck that. More benefits for you is a way better decision, my cuddle. Remind me that I never change my mind on this, even when they use their nasty “passing guilt” tricks on me.]

Then she said: “No, you have never said that.” I said: “What the fuck? Why would I lie about that?” She said: “Because you always want to be right. I hate it when people lie to me.” I immediately handed her my phone, after she said hers was empty, after I had told her to prove to me that I was lying (which was bullshit). I showed her the message saying that independent decision thing. She said: “No, that’s not what I’m talking about.” I told her: “Well, find your message, then.” Being damn sure I didn’t say it and she wouldn’t be able to fucking find it. She couldn’t find the message. She told me I had deleted the message, because I wanted to be right. Okay, I know I’m good at being steps ahead and stuff, but what the fuuuuuck is this??????? If I would have deleted only that message, I would have somehow known that she was coming to my grandmother’s house. And then I would have spontaneously deleted that one message? Because my sixth sense would tell me she would come looking for more beef or something? Hell fucking no, man. Ahahaha. I don’t even know how that should have made sense. I wonder how she couldn’t see how dumb she sounded. They always say shit like: “You’re always doing evil shit, but you never look in the mirror, Dominique.” Do they even know what a mirror is? (Do they even mother fucking know me?) What the fuck do you do by making that statement (evil motherfucker)? When I was little, I would actually adapt my behavior and beliefs to these statements, saying “Yes. I am evil. I am dumb. I am not enough. Etc. Etc. Etc.” Hmmm… I tried to commit suicide when I was 10… Hmmm… Coincidence? I think not. Fucking murderers. This type of satanistic people have had the primate for as long as I have been alive. (Not only in my family. In sports. In music. In politics. In PR. In sneaky shadow government shit. In everything. My grandfather is the only exception I have known, who was also aware of this. Too bad my parents let him die.) IT HAS BEEN ENOUGH. I’VE HAD IT WITH THESE PEOPLE. THEY DO NOT HAVE THE ABILITY TO TRULY EMPATHIZE (they don’t even know who they are or what they want…) AND THUS SHOULDN’T BE THE ONES SETTING THE STANDARDS. BEING A HATER SHOULD BE DISCOURAGED. BEING A “NERD” SHOULD BE ENCOURAGED. NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND. DUMB MOTHERFUCKERS.

Why isn’t she diagnosed with fucking paranoia? Is it just me, or does she sound fucking dumb re-starting a fight over a letter about me wanting to put more love into our relationship? In a way, I’m happy I found out she was a snake (too), before I would have ran away and still kept her in my life. What if this side of her had revealed itself to me, mid Nosce Te Ipsum? That would have been fucked up for all mankind. She wants to become a psychologist… What the fuck… “I’m depressed.” “No. You’re lying!!!!” Ahahahaha. (I type “haha” but I want to cry so loud about this. I haven’t told anyone about this and ALL these motherfucking snakes know we have had this fight. They have NO sense of empathy. FUCK them. Let them watch Netflix for the rest of their lives and stay THE FUCK out of my project. Blacklist.)

The story about this beef is even longer. It turned out that my mother had brought her to my grandmother’s house (of course…). It turned out that she had brought a friend along, who was waiting in the car outside. They said things like: “I don’t understand how some people say words hurt them.” “Maybe you just have a very heavy form of autism, Dominique.” “No. Going to the psychiatrists is good for you.” I bought a new pack of cigarettes that day. After I had quit for a while. I really needed some moments to be outside. Alone. Not in the same space. I can’t be in the same building (any building) as them, without feeling sooo much stress. I’ll tell you the full story later. I have saved the entire Whatsapp conversation, I’ll DEFINITELY show you and translate for you. I need this. But it’s getting late. It’s 04:18 (AM) now. I was about to go to sleep, when I checked the layout of my article, and saw that a sentence, about me not having finished a topic in NTI, wasn’t finished. I ended up typing out this entire story. I’ll make this article a featured one. It shows the snakey side of my “main” family members. (The only people I see these days. 24/7. Since I broke contact with all of my “friends”.) Hopefully you, my Cuddle, understand why run. Moments like these would empower my suicidal feelings, when I was younger. Now they empower my fire that on the one hand makes me want to fight them. But knowing they believe I’m crazy, my arguments won’t be listened to – I would just get locked into an institution with a warrant, thanks to them (snakes) – my fire empowers my ability to very carefully and secretly strategize my escape, after which we’ll be able to fight “an equal battle”. Now, if I fight back, I could get locked up. Then, they could get locked up for fraud, sexual intimidation, sexual harrassment, being shitty parents, emotional damage on a hisoric level (affecting my hidden witnesses, which makes all of this soooooooooooooooooo much worse, since they stay hidden when I’m unknown and “crazy”), and soo many many many more things.

So, before I started re-editing, I was talking about my father…

Making the same “joke” more than twice is also getting fucking annoying. I told my mother I just texted someone, asking if she can make box braids for me. This man keeps saying: “Haha did you say butt braids?” “Ohhhh you’re getting butt braids.” People don’t believe me anymore when I say this man behaves so fleh, but today I took a picture that says “endless possibilities” when it comes to this man’s personality. Oh my god.

01:23 (AM)

I’m now at question 5 out of 9 questions. Every question has quite some subquestions. (Question 3ai,ii,iii,bi,ii,iii…) For question 6 I need to install a computer program with this shitty internet connection and I have never used the program before. My alarm goes off at 8. We’re going to be wandering through the jungle all day… I’m just making this test to shut these people the fuck up. But I shouldn’t fuck up myself to be able to have more ammo to fight them off. I’m so extremely tired. I can’t even sleep after my day in the jungle because I need to untie all of my braids, wash and condition my hair, comb it and braid it into the right model. For the next day.

Funny thing, that I told my mother I shouldn’t go to Suriname because I have tests, to which she replied: “But that is “ongezellig” [fuck that subjective bullshit word] and you’ll get plenty of time to make the test.” To them, plenty of time is when I take the shortest naps ever during the day, because I don’t get to sleep at night. “I’m wasting my time.” They say. Fuck them to the power of infinity. Squared. I am so fucking pissed. I just had this “flash forward” of how this discussion (they’ll start a fight) after I’ve told them I didn’t finish the test, because of the remaining activities during this holiday and the internet connection. They’ll feel like “it’s their fault”, since they’re the ones “in charge of the activities”, so they’ll start using all kinds of shitty argumentation, to put the blame on me. As fucking usual. As ALL fucking flehs do. I’m going to make an audio recording of the conversation. (I’ve also made an audio recording of when my father and I dropped my aunt off, picking up the car she picked us up in, and changed pants (in the same room… But that is “normal”)… More fraud talk, immoral statements and shallow nonsense from their side.)

I’m so heartbroken over losing my streak of A’s… I could literally cry. This reminds me when I got my first 9 out of 10, when I was 6, and these flehs started to diss me. I’m back at exactly this again. The way history repeats itself is crazy.

Then I had taught myself to say “fuck it” (internally) and aim for putting in the least effort possible, but still pass, so that I can still say that I didn’t put all of my heart and soul into it, when I don’t get the (100% out of 100%) result I want and could easily achieve. I’m already not giving it my all, this Open University, but I was still getting representations “of my intelligence” as my results. I always tell people my low grades are a choice, and they don’t say anything about my intelligence. They don’t understand that decision and still call me dumb. Dumb motherfuckers (who are getting soooo blacklisted). Shit like this (my parents making decisions) are ALWAYS the MAIN factor, causing me having to get a low grade. A decision like: “Today, we’re going to clean the entire house. Je mag niet “weer” [I literally did that once, when I was 14 or so. But now that they treat me like I’m crazy, I do it as often as possible. Since, “since I’m crazy”, project Nosce Te Ipsum is my full time job. On the side, I deal with full time bullshit. Every moment I have to relax, I use to relax. (But what is relaxation if I use it to write these very long updates…?)] je snor drukken. [That’s Dutch for a very barbarian way of saying: “Don’t bail the fuck out again.” (So “double-barbarian”, since I said “fucking”.) Literally translated it’s: “Don’t press your mustache again.”]” When I know I only need three days of non-stop studying to pass a test. Then I do need those full three days. Dammit.
I would rather finish the test than go to the jungle, because, for my “ego” I prefer an A+ over “interesting pictures”. “Relaxation” (making pictures, looking for pretty sights) would be more fun than doing math (because it’s a test (for a grade) and not Nosce Te Ipsum or a puzzle), but the “relaxation” is accompanied with flehs. I want these pictures. I want to sleep in the car for three hours extra (because I don’t even have the entire day to make the test (need to take the London time zone into consideration), so I wouldn’t be able to sleep extra during the day if I would stay in the hotel to make the test. Who else has ever said “to stay in the hotel to make the test”? Ahahahahahah. I write so much and make so many videos and (written) music and other stuff, but feel like these are things no one can relate to, and thus I will only get judged (stabbed in the heart, figuratively) for. I make it for cuddles, though. It’s 02:20 now. I’m going to finish my short letter on why I’m not finishing it, then submit it, try to fall asleep for way too long and then hear my alarm go off at 8 AM. *Sarcastic :D*

Good night, sweetie

I wish we were just cuddling

And these flehs didn’t exist

(If I only had to take myself into consideration and not my parents and the rest of the globe (since I need to take them into consideration when they try to put the blame on me, e-ve-ry time), I would have been more relaxed, I would have been a different person, we would have been together already, we would have made so many positive changes, we would have been so much more happy, I wouldn’t have known what having a stroke feels like, et cetera. Fleh.)

I love you so, so much

-xxx-

03:01

I’m now submitting the test and I still need to pack… It’s so hard to fall asleep because my grandmother doesn’t want to sleep with all the lights off. The light in the bathroom stays on. When the light in the bathroom is on, the “air filter” goes on as well… It’s like sleeping on a plane…

05:05 (AM)

I just added so many tags to this article. Oh. Reminder to self to make a recipe for fish soup with lemongrass and coconut milk (and many other ingredients. Don’t try making soup with only those two ingredients because it will have a very “weak” taste). Boom. Now it’s a recipe too. Oh and also, Nosce t’ipsum EP(isode) 1 is online on Tidal and Google Play. I went to an art gallery today. I’ve said this in my video, but I’m typing it again now. This is inefficient. I’m tired. I still want written and video diaries though.

I need something to be cornerstone content. Something that is a very close reflection of self. Something that represents all of my situation… Hmmm… Heheheee. That’s why I want this to be in all categories. Even though there are spelling and grammar errors. Call it “natural typing”. Flehs got nothing on me.

For the sake of my escape, thank god I didn’t take the blood test. Six days left. They will not read a word of the words I’ve written.

 

dominique elia missing for SEO reasons.

dominique elia missing, yes. Noooooooooo. (That’s “speaking Rotterdams”…)

[As in those who knew about me going missing don’t know my side of the story, but they should… The “search content” should be re-directed to this…]

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Art, Images

Me acting as if I’m not planning the perfect escape

It’s alt + tab, for my fellow sneaky peeps. (Sneakily avoiding uncomfortable conversations.)

They kept walking in on me, in the home office, while I was planning my secret trip and stuff, buying a plane ticket (+ “visum”) and booking a hotel room, while working on my statistics assignment…

Art, Drafts

Zendusa

“That looks cool. Is that Medusa?” “No… But thanks.” I didn’t want to make anything “Medusa related”, I just wanted to show a beautiful body, with “big hair”, sitting in a meditative position, resembling calmth. I shaped the body out of one piece of clay, I first made cylinder shaped. The hair was attached later, just like the layer of black glass paint. I made this in the hospital as well.

“Zendusa on dusty piano.” (It sounds like a saloon piano.)

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"Alternative text"... maybe some settings need to be changed in order for you to view the image?
Art

Nosce Te Ipsum (image)

"Alternative text"... maybe some settings need to be changed in order for you to view the image?

Nosce Te Ipsum – by Lil Fangs

This is a drawing I made with pastels and chalk crayons, while I was at EMC. I scanned it and added some effects with photoshop, to make it seem more “computerized”. This is the end result. It’s the cover image of Nosce Te Ipsum I’s very first episode.

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