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#Fangyism: The Hypothesis [COPYABLE TEXT]


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The Hypothesis

Nosce Te Ipsum I

Book I


Episode 5


The Hypothesis

By Lil Fangs

The Hypothesis
Nosce Te Ipsum I

Book I, Episode 5

Copyright © 2019 by Fangs (Lil). All rights reserved.

Owning a copy of this book is only possible by buying or downloading it yourself, or by receiving it as a gift. It may not be re-sold.

The content of this book may only be copied, when this book is mentioned as its source.

D.O.C.I.S. International

ISBN: 9789082936889

May my alternative approach to global change be accepted.

Many thanks to, and Pixabay via, for the images the cover is composed of. And thanks to GIMP for making it possible for me to make the cover.


Preface. 5

Order Aurillu: Strait Pre-Conference. 15

Creation. 58

Order Aurillu: The Hypothesis. 69

Project Nosce Te Ipsum its New Democracy 84


“____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________.”1 [Please state an inspirational quote or longer a citation of choice, in the name of your Nosce Te Ipsum Character.]

Between the life you’ve been living this far, my life this far, our futures, the characteristics of the era we live in, and this book, there’s a link. This episode is where it all comes together.

Our planet demands serious drastic change, but the system we have been born into, doesn’t allow for that. D.O.C.I.S. International offers an alternative, based on loopholes in our system.

The previous episodes, the “unpublished” episodes, Volta, all of the diary posts, my regular posts, campaigns, fits of anger and extremely long periods of silence: this is where all pieces of the puzzle, fall into place.

The Nosce Te Ipsum series, is a fill-in-the-gap story, which is also a survey about public opinion, regarding an alternative system of government. It is written in such a way that any episode can be understood, without having read a previous episode.

The non-profit start-up which wants to introduce this alternative system, the international Determined, Observant, Colloquial, Intelligent Stratagem, of which Project Nosce Te Ipsum is its initiative, requires all future members to be in possession of The Nosce Te Ipsum Certificate, to gain access to its Council.

Are you interested in becoming part of a non-profit start-up that searches for solutions to all types of global famine, for damage control strategies to prevent or limit the negative effects of climate change, introduces a new type of democracy and broadcasts new entertainment? “[Positive/Negative] ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________”2 [Are you interested in becoming part of D.O.C.I.S. International?]

Which aspect of the endeavor is the most attractive to you? “[Solutions to famine/Controlling climate change/A new democracy/New entertainment].” 3 [Which aspect of this endeavor has your preference?]

Why did you choose that aspect? “__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________” 4 [Why does that aspect have your preference?]

I hope that you will accept the alternative career path that will be based on the way you have filled out the Nosce Te Ipsum series. If becoming part of this alternative start-up sounds appealing to you in the first place.

You must be exposed to people trying to incentivize you to buy, sign and do all kinds of things all of the time, using advertising, mandatory (insurance) payments, influencers, euphemized promises, et cetera, every day, too. I think most people don’t enjoy that, and that this has negatively influenced our overall ability to trust.

It saddens me that it has become a global standard. I wish to introduce a new standard to life, and hope that you will participate in my endeavor.

If you think that I want to take advantage of you in any way, I, with all due respect, have to say that it disappoints me very much to hear that you think that of me. This book is free, because I don’t want the money of someone who would judge me like that.

If you think that I’m writing this to take advantage of you, please stop reading this immediately. Never lay eyes on anything that relates to the aspirations of D.O.C.I.S. International again.

Transparency and trust are very important aspects of my organization. Everything is shared publicly, with the best interests at heart.

But real trust has to come from both ways. I can’t do business with someone who can’t trust me. I can’t trust that person either, then. That is why I recommend those who read this with negative expectations, to resort to a different form of entertainment that suits them better.

If you have continued reading and are open to trusting me, you should know that D.O.C.I.S. International has a lot to offer you. When enough suiting members are found, it can support you better than any government ever has. Project Nosce Te Ipsum is here to establish that, in an alternatively entertaining way.

Valuing entertainment is important for this project, because there is a lot of work that needs to be done and explained. Many topics regarding public opinion have to be scrutinized, before any strategy can be put into practice definitively.

The Universal Standard of Human Reasoning is the title of a research paper that is still being written. It’s also the subtitle of Nosce Te Ipsum II :].

The purposes of that paper are to propose solutions to global famine for all classes, introduce new measures to limit or prevent climate change and introduce a new form of democracy. Its conclusions will be based on The Universal Standard of Human Reasoning, also known as The U.S.H.R., which advocates the independently researched public opinion, formulated by those who have participated in Project Nosce Te Ipsum. By filling out the gaps in this story, you are thus making the world a better place :].

Nosce Te Ipsum I is the survey for my alternative, independent research project, in search of The U.S.H.R., of which Nosce Te Ipsum II is its conclusion.

A solution to global famine, for example, called the Benefit Box (boxes that will be distributed after a charity performance), its contents in adaptation to the area you live in, will be based on the aggregate of whishes you can state in the next chapter.

That everyone’s answers in the Nosce Te Ipsum series, worldwide, are used as our measure (The U.S.H.R.), to satisfy the wants and needs of every acknowledged member, gives you an impression of D.O.C.I.S. International’s alternative democracy.

This episode takes away the suspense built up in previous episodes in the science-fiction part of the series, requests you to state your personal basic needs, hypothesizes your individual U.S.H.R. and gives you an overview of what has happened and what is yet to come, in Project Nosce Te Ipsum and its book series.

Order Aurillu: Strait Pre-Conference

“The effects of our Nectar are starting to decrease. We used it to extract information from you.”

As his words echo through my head, the rolling shutter on the left side of me, opens very slowly. Before he started speaking, everything was pitch black. I can’t tell for how long I’ve been here in the dark…

“You might not be able to tell fiction from reality anymore. The Hallucogenic drug we gave you, lasted for 48 hours. To you, it must have felt like more than 100 years have passed.

We’ve made you visualize a broad range of scenarios, where you were forced to give confidential information.”

My bare heels are against the soft wall. I’m lying on my back, with my arms crossed. I have been trying to uncross them, but I can’t. It’s like they’re stuck to my body.

“Even your subconsciousness refused to cooperate with us. But now your planet risks to be demolished. That is not a nice thought to you, isn’t it? I thus expect your full cooperation.”

Through the tiny gaps of the shutter – now that my eyes got used to the very bright light – I see the planet I own. Planet Fang!

If I can see my beloved planet from a distance, I must be somewhere on Zion Islony, then. To be very honest, I have no clue where I exactly am right now. The night of the Sun Power Ritual, which also took place on the Islony, is the last thing I remember vividly.

“The Unity Conference is in 24 hours… Our usual Sun Power Ritual didn’t go the way we usually do it…”

That’s right. Something happened when The Most Attractive One did her ritual dance. That’s the moment from which everything started to get blurry.

“That’s also why our pre-Conference meeting will not go the way we usually do it.”

All this time, I hear Ήολιε Κητ say all of these things through an intercom, of which the speakers must be placed in the corners of the ceiling, on the right side of me, using a slightly threatening and demanding tone, speaking as if Order Aurillu is not a unity, but his domain. We, the order, rule over the planets, from Zion Islony, the island on top of the Sun.

To Earthlings, this is contemporary science fiction, they say.

72 hours after the Sun Power Ritual – the event where our side of the Galaxy its Sun Power is re-distributed (annually) – The Unity Conference always takes place.

Back in 1984, you, I and the rest of Order Aurillu decided that The Conference in 2019 will be about The Leak.

1984 was the year of the first Unity Conference. It was the year in which all interplanetary wars were ended and Order Aurillu was formed.

You – I always think of You – are the ruler of Planet Earth. I am the ruler of Planet Fang. Ήολιε Κητ is the Ruler of Planet Κητje.

Our Universe consists of those three planets – and the island on top of the Sun, which is the colony where the ruling Gods live, including us.

You and I met when we were very young. Back when our ancestors ruled over the planets in our Universe. Our dorms were next to each other, back in Middle Ruler School, on the Islony.

I knocked on your door once, to ask for a teaspoon of salt. We have been friends ever since.

A couple of years after we first met – while you were in Earth Ruler School, and I was in Fang Ruler School – the interplanetary wars were getting so destructive that it caused “The Leak” – which is a metaphoric name for Sun Lava that risks to leak onto the planets, from the impact of their weaponry and other environmental pollution.

“The Leak” has not manifested itself yet, but from 2019 onwards, the risk could get a lot more serious, is what we discovered in 1984.

What is different from what has been a tradition since 1984, is that usually, 24 hours in advance of The Unity Conference, the Order always meets informally, to go over the contents of our Conference one last time, and spend some quality time together, at a location chosen by one of us.

Every year, someone else picks the location of our informal meeting. Last year it was DeltηPlna, the chairman of our Order, who chose our location. It was here, in the inside the Order’s Κητquarters – which is what the Order’s main office is called. This year, it’s Ήολιε Κητ’s turn to choose.

From the circumstances in which I’m laying here, I think that I’m inside Ήολιε Κητ’s Prispital, inside the Κητquarters.

He has told me that the Prispital is where he temporarily resides the ruling assistants, who are suffering from mental distress, for them to receive coaching that will get them back on track.

Last year’s rumors, however, were that the Prispital is where he tortures his political opponents. When he is done extracting information from them, they are replaced by a clone, and never seen or heard again. Our independent council, run by DeltηPlna, had never been able to confirm or deny the rumors.

“Our chairman agrees with me that I should continue to try to take… Oh, I mean… That I should take full control over our entire Universe. After what happened to your planets, we doubt if you are fit to rule…”

We have become living proof of the awful ways in which Ήολιε Κητ mentally takes advantage of people. Planet Fang and Planet Earth were the most prosperous they have ever been, on the day of the Sun Power Ritual. Of course we are fit to rule!

From the way he struggled with the word try, it seems like he’s attempting to come off more self-confident and prepared than he actually is. Our chairman is supposed to be impartial, is what we agreed on, when we funded the order. But now that the decisive moments regarding The Leak are not at all far ahead of us, the deep state within our Order, is revealing itself.

“In two minutes, your cell will open, and you will have to give us your course for after The Leak is over.”

Why after The Leak, if we, in 1984, agreed on discussing the solution to preclude the phenomenon itself, because if it happens, we all might not even survive?

I’m wearing a white strait jacket, as I lay in my extremely cramped – so cramped that there is no way that I could lay down straight – isolation cell. The floor, three walls and ceiling are all made of silk white cushions.

The ground to ceiling sized window to the left of me, with the thickest glass I’ve ever seen, its rolling stutter, is now fully opened.

“Your planet will be put on ration, when time is unfrozen. Your first task is to decide what is included in the ration they will have to split with Planet Earth.”

Unfrozen… The white tentacle shaped light rays that puncture my planet, keep my citizens frozen in time, I reason out by looking through the large window. The beams originate from the Sun. Someone has been messing around with the basic settings of my Planet…

I’ve trusted Ήολιε Κητ for so many years. This is a completely different side of him, I have never seen before.

My stress is now mixed with anger. But my body feels fear, when I think of expressing my rage. As if it could get me killed. It seems like my life is in the hands of an enemy, who I’ve considered my friend.

The wall made of cushions, to my right, is moved sloping towards the floor. Like a plane’s tailgate. I’m quite glad that I’m not leaning against it, because I’m wearing a strait jacket, and it would be hard to get up, if I were leaning against that wall that is suddenly descending towards the ground.

When Ήολιε Κητ heisted the Sun Power Ritual – our annual tradition, where the Sun Power, which is the shared valuta of Planet Earth and Planet Fang, is reaccumulated and divided over its citizens – you and I were taken captive against our will(s).

During the Ritual Dance of The Most Attractive One, we somehow became paralyzed. That is when Ήολιε Κητ harmed The Most Attractive One – the ambassador of The Sun Power System – and his men blindfolded and captivated us.

I could hear you close to me, until we were taken out of his SpaceVan.

All I remember after that, is the sting of a needle, in my right butt cheek, followed by something I experienced as a series of vivid nightmares, and a vision of someone who looked like me, called Lil Fangs. That must have been the Hallucogenic drug and its side-effects. (Our exact experiences thereof, are the contents of the previous episodes of this series.)

Again, my eyes had to adjust to light. Coming from the right side of me, this time. The soft, quilted wall has fully descended to the ground. The oasis of light that came from behind it, reveals an extension of my cell.

Like puzzle pieces, the tilted, quilted wall, fits the similarly designed floor that makes up the enlargement of my cell. At the end of it, a grey, diamond tufted wing chair, which hovers above the ground, with a light blue light coming from underneath it, is facing me. In front of tinted glass, with the round grey surface with holes in it, of a built-in microphone.

I lift my heels off the wall and swing my legs towards the ground, while I curl them. The momentum of my movement, I use to stand up. I’m limited in my movement, because of the stupid strait jacket I have been wrapped into.

As I walk closer to the tinted glass, I see Ήολιε Κητ pace back and forth on a low pace, in an oval shaped room, with a floor of white glass and a ceiling of hovering white cubes that shine brightly. He has his hands behind his back.

There are a dozen black tinted windows, separated by columns. I wonder who else, of our Order, is part of the deep state, and who else is held captive here.

“Please, take a seat,” Ήολιε Κητ says, as he nonchalantly points his hand towards my window, in the direction of the seating surface of my hovering chair, with his palm facing upwards.

His irises go from turquoise to red, when our eyes meet for a split second. He twirls around in one motion, making the same gesture to the other cells, by taking a step back with one foot, and using that to pivot.

Red irises mean that he is looking through objects. Gods from Planet Κητje can use their eyes like multifunctional spy goggles. The color indicates its mode. Yellow, for example, means that his eyes are in heat seeking mode.

I can’t see who are in the cells, and which ones are occupied in the first place. But the left one, in the left extreme of the oval room he is in, is clearly empty. The tinted glass is shoved upwards automatically, into the ceiling, and a hovering grey chair flies towards him.

When I turn around and sit down in my chair, automatically, it turns 180 degrees, to let me face the window adjacent to the oval room, again.

Ήολιε Κητ is sitting in a chair of the same design, with his right ankle on his left thigh. With his right hand, he grasps his knee and with his left hand, he’s playing with his chin and bottom lip, while leaning his left elbow on one of the broad armrests.

“It was my time to choose our pre-Conference location again, this year. So, welcome to the Prispital.” There is a combination of gentleness and bitterness in his tone.

“If I’m very honest, I did not intend my heist of the popular Sun Power Ritual, to turn into this.

In my original plan, I would gain absolute power over our entire Universe, by literally absorbing all of The Most Attractive One’s Sun Power, and then have your citizens subject themselves to my power, by introducing them to my policy of eternal feasting, forever increasing wealth and no more indirectly mandatory labor. You should have become obsolete and be replaced by a clone.

I’ve absorbed all of the Sun Power – as you have seen – but your citizens refused to live under my authority. Not long after I announced my absolute power, they started to do barbarous things, such as demonstrating and looting. We’re not used to such things on Planet Κητje, so I declared war to Planet Earth and Planet Fang, by means of stopping its citizens from wildly expressing their disapproval of my regime. That was about 48 hours ago.”

While he speaks, he flutters around the room in his flying chair. The microphone attached to his silk grey suit jacket, transfers his words straight to the intercom speakers in my cell.

“To my surprise, the declaration made your citizens’ resistance way worse. So by means of expressing my severity, even though warfare was not part of my initial plan, we bombed Planet Fang’s main interplanetary TV station.

Apparently, that station has many of your citizens addicted to its programs. The situation was getting far out of hand, when the intensity of the anger of both Fang and Earth people got so intense that their rage was not only directed at me anymore. They started to become mad at each other, for being mad. Even on my own planet.

I figured that if I restore the TV station, take away the advertising and declare peace on the main channel (FangTV), the calm would be restored and I could pursue the rest of my agenda as a ruler. But that was when the catastrophe reached its peak.

My PR team and I decided that it would make me more likable to the public, if I, instead of my usual “audio combined with large on-screen text” TV appearances, show them my speech and myself in video format.”

Suddenly, he stops hovering around and his stare becomes blank, directed to the ground. His irises turn turquoise again.

“I started off with saying that we should love each other, instead of acting so barbarous all of the time. And that my declared peace would initiate that. It was broadcasted from our Κητquarters and also aired on big screens on popular squares, throughout our entire Universe. Some people received my initial words with cheers and tears of joy.

I then said that we will have to work together, to deal with the consequences of The Leak, which will manifest itself any moment this week, due to my bombing. And that Planet Earth and Planet Fang its rulers are not rulers, but bad cowards who have ran away from their responsibilities. I said that because I wanted to keep my new power. It made my audience fall silent.

I wished them best of luck with controlling The Leak, showed them a countdown clock with how much time they have left until it happens and wrapped up my speech. Only on my Planet Κητje, all news was taken positively.

Planet Earth and Planet Fang were so outraged that I had to hack the Sun, to freeze all Planets in time. The confusion and chaos were unstoppable. It spread like an epidemic.

They were all screaming things about that solving The Leak was my responsibility, that if the rulers were missing, they could still come back and that they couldn’t understand how a man can have a face that is 50% cat’s features…” He lifts his eyebrows, which gives his blank stare an impression of in how much trouble he is, and wiggles his tiny pink nose. His whiskers wiggle along.

Quickly, he shakes his head. His facial expression is very serious, now. Still hovering still, in front of the door the chair came out of.

“The way your citizens have treated me, have made me bitter. So I wouldn’t care that much if The Leak destroys their habitat. But solving this situation and winning their hearts still is my preference.

The countdown clock stands still, as The Planets stand still, because so does their emission and pollution. So, in theory, we have more than 24 hours to solve this…”

“Did you really just say “we”!?” I couldn’t help but let go. Ήολιε Κητ rapidly turns his head towards me and jumps out of his chair. His irises turn red again. The tinted window turns purple, when I hear the sound of my own words, through the intercom, and then turns black again, to indicate the other captives from which cell the sound comes.

“If it isn’t Planet Fang’s Old Fangs. Of course I say “we”…” He says, while he takes big but careful steps towards me, with his hands behind his back.

“You live under my authority, now. If you want YOUR planet to stay in existence AND IF YOU WANT TO STAY ALIVE, THEN YOU BETTER COOPERATE!!!”

He loses his temper, as he accentuates his words by tapping his fingers against the double glass of my cell so hard that a small crack is formed. His fangs lengthened during his exclamation and his venom induced saliva drips down my window he is now standing so close to, that condensation is formed on my window, by his breath.

He has become so resentful so fast. I wonder what has incentivized him to suddenly be so extremely power hungry.

It’s very frustrating to me, to have to clean up his mess and still be separated from my Planet. Now that I’m living in his trap, I have no other choice but to (at least act as if I’ll) obey him. I know how easily he can kill people without any regret.

He looks down at me, with his piercing gaze. Even though I hate to do it, I nod at him and stay silent.

After taking a short moment to breathe in and out and regain his temper, he turns around and continues.

“It is my intention to extend the time the planets have left, by putting everyone on ration, including you,” he waves his arm around in a way that indicates that he means his captives. “This is indisputable. Meanwhile, Old Fangs will be tasked with giving us a solution to The Leak, and Earth’s former Ruler ______________________________________5 [What is your Ruler’s alias throughout this series?] will be tasked with renewing the rest of our policy. The rest of you followers will have to adapt to whatever they reason out to solve my issue.

This will be announced within 24 hours, when we hold The Unity Conference, where we announce the new policy in my name, and tell our citizens that you are all not fit to rule anymore, due to mental health issues. This is also indisputable.”

He folds his hands together, without crossing his fingers. Something that looks like a smile, shows on his face.

While the window to the far right of me opens into the ceiling, and a small hallway shows, he says: “Everyone, except the former rulers, can proceed to your new residency.”

He directs his arm towards the accessible hallway, and all other windows open in the same way, except the one across me. Some people try to stand up, while we all realize that we are stuck to the chairs. As if there’s super glue on them.

“No time for chit chat, so don’t think of exchanging words in my presence. If you are looking for familiar faces you don’t see, here: they have either deserted to my camp, they’re held captive on my Planet, or they’re dead.”

I see key figures from both of our governments hover to the hallway, in a row. Each one wearing a strait jacket. My Ecologicus, Economicus, Strategicus and Technicus are in those chairs.

Your [Assessor (Head of Planetary Maintenance)/Cultor (Head of Media, Culture and Education)/Ecologicus (Head of Ecology)/Economicus (Head of Tangible Finance)/ Fiscus (Head of Intangible Finance)/Iustus (Head of Law)/Strategicus (Head of Strategy)/Technicus (Head of Technological Policy)]6 [Please choose four D.O.C.I.S. International-style government functions from this summation that interest you the most.] exited before them.

From Planet Κητje, only his Ecologicus were present.

Our windows open and our chairs hover towards each other. Ήολιε Κητ, who was standing right in between us, takes a big step to the right and faces us. I can’t help but show a little happiness on my face, when I see you in front of me.

Only you, I would want to be stuck with, in a situation like this. We’re such a good team! If we tackle this strategically enough, we might just make it out alive…

Then our chairs turn towards Ήολιε Κητ. Aside from his extraordinary height, this has been the first time that I feel that he really looks down on us. After all of the years that we’ve known him.

“We’re going to use Zion Islony’s 3D printer to print a ration to provide the citizens of our Planets with, now that The Leak is due in a week and the rebellion has stripped the Milky Κητ Universe of almost all of its resources.”

Yesss… Due to Ήολιε Κητs bombing on The Planet Fang’s Main Interplanetary TV Station. He told me just a few minutes ago x_x.

I’ve never had to put so much effort into attempting to keep my fangs in check. If I lose my temper, I risk being assassinated.

Even though there’s a risk involved, we need to find a way to escape the Prispital and regain stability in our Universe.

“I can’t be an absolute ruler and the absolute owner of a TV tower at the same time, and I hate television, so you will be in charge of interplanetary broadcasts 24/7. But you use the themes I give you and do not dare to say that I am holding you captive in the Prispital, or I will give this task to someone else and you will leave this vicinity in a body bag.”

To have become a victim of Ήολιε Κητs injustice, causes distress. But I must say that hosting TV with you does sound like a fun…

“Your first broadcast will be tonight, with an alternative show for The Unity Conference. You will have to present your Planet its rations. I want it to be something sexy. I will also announce that I’ve given you a new job, now that you have become “unfit to rule”.” He accentuates his last three words by moving his fingers up and down, resembling quotation marks, with an evil smirk on his face. We look at him in complete silence, with facial expressions that don’t reveal our true emotions.

“I will seal my new regime, by becoming my own spin doctor. With the broadcasts, we will indirectly be reprogramming the public memory I accidentally deleted.

That is why you will also have to share some common knowledge, in our first broadcast. I will be studying and judging it to become a better populist, but I’ll say that it’s my personal consumer’s research, now that I got rid of my Economicus and Fiscus.”

I see. Escaping will be easy. Populism has been powerful in the past few eras, but I have been thinking that we’ve had enough of that anyway. It’s so neglectful towards the problems our Universe knows.

The combination of truth and innovation – something that is in Ήολιε Κητs disadvantage in every way possible – is our strength. If we can prove his misbehavior, our safety is guaranteed, when we’re out of here and live among our own kind, under our own management. The TV station gives us the perfect opportunity for that.

The only other strategic challenge left will then be escaping the Prispital, without encountering any of Ήολιε Κητs henchmen.

“For tonight’s show, you need to quickly tell me what essentials would be suitable for the ration. I will leave one of the best impressions ever, if I surprise my citizens with having my solutions earlier than expected, instead of leaving them to rot, like I also considered doing.”

The chair he was sitting in, which hovered behind us, swiftly passes us and offers him to sit in front of us. From his armrest, a clipboard with a fountain pen attached to it, rise up. As he sits down, his snatches it with his right arm.

“Since you are not able to write right now…” With his free hand, he points at our strait jackets and smiles. “I will do the honors.” He quickly analyzes the papers on the clipboard, then checks his silver watch, with a serious expression on his face.

“Okay, I’m going to ask you some survival ration related questions. I want quick and simple answers, because I want to have dinner soon. To speed things up, you answer the same question after each other.

Every citizen of your planet, will receive a ration package with clothing, food and some tools. Your focus will lie on the main country of your Planet.”

(In a non-science-fiction context, you should fill this out for your country of residence. If you were born elsewhere, it would be highly appreciated if you would mention your thoughts on essentials for that country as well.)

“Starting with you, ___________________________5: What is the most serious weather condition your main country knows, in your opinion? And why?”

“[Extreme heat/extreme cold/rain/snow/other] ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________”7 [What are your most severe weather conditions? Multiple ones may be selected. Please place them in the order from most severe to least severe.]

Ήολιε Κητ promptly scribbles along.

“And for you, Old Fangs?”

“It’s rain. The waterworks my ancestors have built for the country Cuddle, are not resistant to too much of it. It was built below sea level. There are blueprints to fully replace it, though.”

“Name five colors that will represent your Planet under a new regime.”

“________________________________________________________________________.” 8 [Name five colors which will represent your planet. These colors will also be used in your personalized theme.]

“Black, purple, grey, yellow and burgundy.”

“Name a traditional dinner dish you would make most people in your country, including yourself, happy with. And state its ingredients.”


“Cuddle Soup. It contains tofu, cod or chicken, depending on the preferred diet of my citizen,”

“No, my citizen,” Ήολιε Κητ corrects me.

“Of course, your citizen,” my face shows slight bitterness. “The other ingredients are xanthosoma sagittifolium, cassava, tomatoes, unions, unchopped Madame Jeanette chili peppers, coconut milk, vegetable stock and rice.”

“Name five ingredients which could be used for a meal for any purpose.”


“Flour, milk, plantain, eggs and spinach.”

“Name three spices.”


“Thyme, cinnamon and cardamom.”

“Name three edible things you would like to harvest.”


“Mangoes, walnuts and soy beans.”

“Name three things you would recommend as entertainment, if the internet and electricity were out of use.”


“Writing with pen and paper, playing card games and playing basketball.”

Loosely curling his wrist, he puts his last words on paper.

“That was it. You will be called for your broadcast, later. Thank you…” He suddenly looks at us with so much love in facial expression. As if he’s just not himself, now, or as if he, too, has become a pawn of someone else.

His chair moves aside. Your chair hovers you into the hallway first. I’m right behind you.


You are reading the final episode of the first book of the Nosce Te Ipsum series: Creation. It has indirectly shown you several forms of creation, regarding Project Nosce Te Ipsum.

In the development of the project and its book series, many choices have been made, with a certain strategy in mind. This chapter serves as an overview of all components of the entire first book of the series.

Creation of the Nosce Te Ipsum strategy

“Know thyself” is the theme of D.O.C.I.S. International’s initial project. Character and beauty standards, career requirements and cultural standards, induce us to conceal the uniqueness of our individuality. On top of that, our profit-based financial system’s merit depends on the way your individuality is influenced.

In our globalized world, public opinion is shaped by media, public relations and marketing strategies, I personally observe.

The media state their judgment of a phenomenon or individual, their propagations are considered fact-based, and the public blindly follows it. The same goes for the process of deciding what products or stock to buy.

This inequality, I consider one of the causes of famine: smaller parties (farmers, shop owners, artists, et cetera) do not get the chance to stand out. Meanwhile, mass production destroys Earth’s natural ecosystems.

I want to introduce a sustainable, non-profit financial system, as part of the new democracy. Its reward system will be based on participation, instead of prediction.

But to be sure that my policies are acceptable, I need to independently learn what real public opinion is. The public opinion that is natural, instead of influenced, is what I seek with this.

If the survey of this project was published like a regular survey, or was translated into a non-science fiction context, it is far easier to mold influenced standards into an answer. That is not my interest. I want to see the uniqueness, honesty and purity of people. Uninfluenced.

Those who are willing and able to reason independently, are the people I want to work together with.

Making serious positive changes in life should be fun and approachable to all. My current approach – the book series – is a way to reach a large audience and facilitate this, within the boundaries of the budget that I’m on.

After The Universal Standard of Human Reasoning – independent public opinion, thus – is found, that frame of reference will be used to check the policies for this organization, which are currently on the drawing table.

Because of this, there are some questions I also really want to ask you:

If you become part of D.O.C.I.S. International, would you be interested in moving to a compound where other members (who think the same as you) live?

“[Positive/Negative] ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________”14 (Regardless of the costs, would you be interested in living on a compound owned by D.O.C.I.S. International? Please explain your answer.)

Do you prefer to have a local, international or intercontinental occupation? “[local/international/intercontinental] _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________”15

Would you be interested in a unique citizenship, as part of this organization? “[Positive/negative] _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________”16

Now that the first book of the Nosce Te Ipsum series is finished, my small general portfolio of the services and the endeavor of D.O.C.I.S. International, is finished. The time has come to seek sponsors.

The audience and the project should be expanded. I want to do this by creating a campaign project for it, and making the survey a social interaction game, instead of something that only exists on paper.

If you’re interested in reading more about my strategy and campaign, I would like to refer you to

Creation of the story concept

The Nosce Te Ipsum series have a satiric character. Common hierarchical routines from our era, relive in the story its unrestrained science fiction context.

It is my way of trying to start a conversation about the topics in life that are not getting enough attention, because its situations have become so irreversibly severe that the only way to solve it, is to completely change life as we know it.

Not everyone is overly excited to let go of his or her habitual activities. Luckily I am, and this is my way of easing you into the same thing. In the (near) future, drastic change really is inevitable.

Scrutinizing every individual in a position of power, to expose and dissolve the deep state, and see who is using it to contribute to society and who isn’t, is inevitable, too, in my perspective.

Nature will not endure this fraud forever. Especially when you look at how little time is left until the dykes of the artificially created Netherlands – where I live and was born – will be overpowered by water, due to our own pollution and the fact that it is artificial land in the first place.

In Nosce Te Ipsum, you have full control over planet Earth. You’re allowed to make the decisions that determine the lives of your citizens. The way you might be doing now, or the way other people are doing this to you.

When you have completed the fill-in-the-gap story, you, like a real Ruler, will have a sharable memory of your own creation theory, a detailed report of your idea of the best way to govern society, a description of your personality, everything about the way you love and a definition of your contribution to the official constitution of D.O.C.I.S. International. It will be your fully personalized Nosce Te Ipsum II!

Everything about what is up next, can be found on this page:

Order Aurillu: The Hypothesis

Two white double doors open and a lady dressed in red ____________________________________________________________________________ 17 [What is she wearing?] enters your Prispital apartment that has been locked from the outside, since the moment you were hovered into it, about a day ago.

You know it’s locked, because you attempted to leave, when _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 18 [By means of adding to your personalized story in this story, please write down a fictional incentive for you to attempt to leave your fictive apartment].

Holding a HoloPad (the future’s tablet) in her left hand, she walks up to you, as you ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 19 [Where of your apartment are you? What are you doing?] and sticks out her hand, to shake yours.


  1. A) shake her hand.
  2. B) don’t shake her hand.


20 [Do you choose A or B? Why?]

If you’ve chosen A

“I’m very pleased to meet you, sir/madam 21A [What gender do you prefer to be addressed with?] Ruler. My name is _______________________ 22A [What’s her name?]. I used to be the program director of FangTV, before Ήολιε Κητ started to act crazy. I’m here to go over tonight’s broadcast with you.”

“_______________________________________________________________________________________________________” 23A [How do you respond to this?]

If you’ve chosen B

“_______________________ 22B [What’s her name?]. I’m here to go over tonight’s broadcast with you, sir/madam 21B [What gender do you prefer to be addressed with?]. I used to be the program director of FangTV, before Ήολιε Κητ started to act crazy.

  1. A) Say: “Sorry, I thought that you were one of those traitors. _______________________________________________________________” and still shake her hand.
  2. B) Still ignore her hand.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________23B [A or B? Why?]

The general story continues here.

“Wearing clothes that are mainly designed against the negative effects of ______________________ 7 [What weather circumstance(s)?], you will share your perspective of the four aspects of life. Is it correct that you are already familiar with the aspects, the way they are defined in Fangyism?”

“Yes, that is correct. They are Creation, Society, The Self and Love,” you reply _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 24 [What mood does your reply have? Why? Will you stay in the same position, or have this conversation in a different place in your apartment? Will you offer her any food or drinks? Does she accept you food and/or drinks, if you offer it?]

“By means of quick preparation, I’m going to ask you questions about the topics you, when we’re live, will have to speak of, without being asked about it. We start off with Creation.

Do you believe that God [____________] and/or The Universe 25 [Which do you use to reference spiritual guidance that goes beyond human abilities? What is your God named?] can purposely harm its life on Earth?”

“[Positive/Negative] _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________” 26 [What is your answer to the question?]

_______________________ 22 [The name you’ve given] types every word you say, out on her HoloPad.

“Thank you. That was all for that topic. Now Society,” she says, tapping the Pad a few times. New questions pop up on it. “Should policymakers be elected by the general public, by former policymakers, or by an independent collective of people, who are elected by the general public, to elect policymakers?”

“Policymakers should be elected by [the general public/former policymakers/an independent collective of people, who are elected by the general public, to elect policymakers] ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________” 27 [Which option has your preference? Why?]

“What type of elections for policymakers do you think your citizens prefer?”

“I think my citizens prefer [the general public/former policymakers/an independent collective of people, who are elected by the general public, to elect policymakers]. __________________________________________________________________________________________” 28 [Which one do you hypothesize? Do you have any comments on that statement?]

“Which statement do you prefer: “Someone who is specialized in making political decisions should have the final say, regarding a new policy” or “Someone who is specialized in the field the policy is about, should have the final say, regarding the new policy”?”

“I prefer [the first statement/the second statement] _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________” 29 [Which statement do you prefer? Why?]

“Thank you for your answers. I’m moving on to The Self now.

I’m going to name a few characteristics. My question for you is to choose three that suit you best in your current state, including your reasons why.

The characteristics are: optimist, realist, extravert, introvert, thinker, doer, leader, teacher, operator, calm, energetic, unpredictable.”

“[Optimist/realist, extravert/introvert, thinker/doer, leader/teacher/operator, calm/energetic/unpredictable] ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________” 30 [Which would you choose and why?]

“Now there are two questions left. They’re from the Love category.

Are you positive about love?”

“[Yes/No]____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________” 31 [Are you? Why?]

“When do you know when you really love someone?”

“_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________” 32 [When do you know? Why?]

A few hours after _________________ 22’s visit, a flying silver suitcase enters your apartment. It opens itself on the _______________. 33 [Where in your apartment does the suitcase open?]

In it, there are ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 34 [What does you ration outfit look like? What does it look like on you? What are you going to do to kill time until the broadcast?]

19:45 / 07:45 PM sharp, _________________ 22 arrives in a hovering golf cart, to bring you to the new TV station inside the Κητquarters.

It’s the fastest hovering golf cart ever. You dash past other Prispital apartments and cells. You see that there’s a Prispital gym and that there’s an indoor Prispital park.

Then, you approach a gate that seems as high as dozens of those golf carts stacked on top of each other.

“Before we leave the Prispital, to enter the TV station,” she says, while the cart straps belts around both of you, which prevents you from exiting it. “You should know that they have made an evil clone of you. You’re invited to the Station, for a set of pictures of you presenting the ration. Meanwhile, your clone will teach your citizens the exact opposite of what you have just said. They’re doing the same to Old Fangs.

It’s terrible, I know, but if you obey, you can gain a lot of privileges. I made that decision, and it feels like I’m almost free.

If you don’t obey at this broadcast, Ήολιε Κητ could destroy your Planet, without even hesitating.”

You will

  1. A) Sabotage the broadcast, with the risk of destroying your entire Planet, but being certain of your citizens knowing who you really are. If your Planet is destroyed, depending on your choices, you will either get a new Planet or definitively retire from your life as a Ruler.
  2. B) Obey, which will cause your citizens to be turned against you, but you will have more time to find a way to save their habitat. Success is not guaranteed. 35 [A or B?]

To be continued…

Project Nosce Te Ipsum its New Democracy

The individual decides the policy. Not “his or her representative”. That is what characterizes D.O.C.I.S. International’s policy.

The questions in the series might seem very random, but your answers have a great meaning to our future. Your perspective co-decides The U.S.H.R.!

Become an official participant in Project Nosce Te Ipsum, by signing up here:

MEANWHILE: “Lekker mezelf zijn terwijl die hartverscheurende Cold Case helaas nog steeds niet is afgesloten”


Drafts, Popular Posts, Recipes

A Semi-Simple Three Course Meal Improv

By following this recipe, you’ll end up with soup, a main dish and a dessert, you could feed your family with, for more than one day.

These are the basic ingredients I’m using

I always season and measure my ingredients intuitively. It’s great for developing your own taste. You should do the same 🙂 .

For the soup, you’ll need:

  • Asparagus
  • Parsnip
  • Vegetable stock block
  • Dairy butter
  • Flour
  • Parsley
  • Cooking cream

For the main dish [mashed potatoes, breaded shrimp and vegetables], you’ll need:

  • Potatoes
  • Spinach
  • Red coal with apples
  • Shrimps
  • Dairy butter
  • Cinnamon
  • Ketjap
  • Five spices
  • Cayenne pepper
  • Cooking cream
  • Breadcrumb
  • One or two eggs
  • Flour

For the dessert, you’ll need:

  • Your favorite ice cream
  • Raspberries

I’m making this by myself and make the main course and starter simultaneously.

My shrimps are frozen, so I’ll transfer them to a bowl, to let them defrost naturally, while soaking up some flavors. That’s why ketjap, five spices and cayenne pepper are added to the bowl of defrosting shrimp.

Unfortunately, we were out of ketjap, so I’m currently using soy sauce, and ketjap will be added later. (I recommend ketjap, because it has a less salty taste.)

Our next step is peeling and chopping the parsnip and asparagus.

Now that that is done, I’m adding them to a “soup” pan with just enough hot water to have all of our parsnip and asparagus be submerged into it. Add a pinch of salt to this, and let it boil until the asparagus as well as the parsnip are soft.

Put the lid on this, to speed up our process

As they boil, also boil the potatoes.

Melt some butter in another pan and add the spinach and read coal with apples to that, with some cinnamon, on a low heat.

When the asparagus and parsnips are soft, drain them and keep its moisture for the soup

Melt some butter and later stir a few spoons of flour through it.


Blog, Drafts, Popular Posts, Reflections

What Not to Include in a Motivation Letter

Everything I do is very controversial. Choosing this header image of an old picture on which I do not smile, for example, could easily be misunderstood. This time, that is by means of “showing what not to do”. It is even more because I am so tired of all of those “rules” we need to follow to not be judged negatively (online). Line spacing, what to not show on the background of a picture, simplifications, consistent grammar formats…. I’m breaking a lot of those rules, because I’m tired of them. There are so many of those them, that there is almost no room for real creativity anymore.

It is one of the reasons why I have no other option but to go back to the university – FAST(!!!!) – and attempt to be alternatively educated. By alternatively educated, I mean being allowed to show my understanding of  the course material, by (creatively) writing essays and other forms of prose [unless you prefer poems 🙂 ], instead of doing the dreadful homework questions and discussing homework questions during a class [a booklet with explained answers is much easier for me 🙁 ]. While writing my motivation letter, I thought of so many truths of mine, which I wanted to mention, but they do not fit into the “I need to come off as a brave student, who will get very high grades and not ask too much of your attention”-scope that would make me admissible. What I truly want – freedom in education and some Graeynissis to work with and befriend – does not even fit that scope. So I decided to “break the rules” (especially that of the maximum of 400 words) and turn it into a “alternative education meets business”-proposal.

What not to include in that motivation letter, is, according to the rules, everything I have written in mine. That does not have to instantly mean that I will be rejected… I still have to submit it! As I am writing this, I still need to proofread it for the last time. (It’s now 00:36 (12:36 AM) on the 20th of January, but I saved this draft earlier than that, so the publication date is the 19th.) When I’m done, I’ll show it to you, in this same article :).

By means of understanding my format: the assignment for the motivation letter was to, in 400 words or less, tell something about your social methods to integrate in an international environment, give three reasons why to study that exact program in that exact city and mention something about your goals after the course. I start with my goals, because that is my most important reason to want to study that program, and it was an easier way to start about my business and how I could blend that in with my study.

It’s now 02:58 (AM) and I have fully submitted my application… (Sometimes I just wish that I was a simple student with high grades. That gives a lot more certainty in life.) When I hear any news about it, you will be the first to know! (By keeping up with my diary from here.)

Here is my motivation letter (of 2561 words…) [this version is without indents]:

A Truly One-of-a-Kind Incentive

If there is one thing that life has taught me the hard way, in the past two years of my existence, it is that achieving my future goals, which will make me a happy and successful person, who will then not have tachycardia anymore, is impossible, without at least a bachelor’s degree from a good, internationally oriented university.

Within ten years from now, my alternative sole proprietorship in publishing, should be an internationally acknowledged multinational source of (new) knowledge and wisdom. The brand of D.O.C.I.S. International should deliver an acceptable balance between (independent) research and entertainment (both challenging and approachable). Many ideas of mine, for research (most of it relates to developing a more eco-friendly economic system), I also intend to put into practice, within that same span of time.

Plenty of reasons have encouraged me to apply for the double bachelor in Economics and Econometrics at the only internationally acknowledged university in Rotterdam.

Firstly, the Erasmus School of Economics is very well-ranked, so this is most certainly a step in the right direction, when it comes to achieving my acknowledgement and goals. If I do not become successful in doing business, I now know with beyond full certainty, that my future lies in the world of academics. (This is what I realized, after having experienced the “traditional” minimum wage 40-hours-work-week, while being a student at The Open University. To me, being happy is impossible without a real challenge that includes diversity, and only around ambitious great thinkers, I can truly be myself. Only at the university, I might be able to find some of those people, I have noticed.)

Secondly, it is a strong desire of mine, to be able to make my own mathematical models. And it is my wish to learn all about Behavioral Economics (and Evolutionary Economics… and “international government” related finance), for many of my research ideas.

Finally, I want to finish what I started, back in 2016, but want to aim higher than I did before. I want to greatly distinguish myself. My original intention was to do this by becoming successful with the PR business I funded, right when the first year of the International Bachelor in Economics and Business Economics started. Due to the effort my sole proprietorship required from me, as well as some personal circumstances, the lack of time to study was so severe that my results at the University did not resemble my competence, so that led to the decision of me ending my short life as a full-time student. The decision was based on what could make me successful quicker, due to the limited time to calmly focus available, and my impatience for success and (financial) independency.

Now, the greatness of my endeavor is one of the factors that has led to me being diagnosed with schizophrenia, and those who once said that they care about me, turning their backs against me, altogether at once. With the diagnosis, I do not and never will agree. I believe in what I stand for and no shrink or deadly cocktail of antipsychotics will ever be able to change that. What should change is that the “You say you want to do all of these great things, but you couldn’t even finish your first year at the Erasmus University [so just get a job and a small apartment]”-argument still exists today. No one understands my decision – not obligation – to end my studies. But maybe after graduating cum laude and proving that accomplishing my goals really is possible, by showing my strategies in practice, that argument will not be valid anymore and – maybe after also having obtained something in Law and clarifying my unsolved and suppressed case in official terms – that awful diagnosis could be taken out of my files, and hopefully something against the horrifying inhumanity of the psychiatric system could be put in motion. Then earning enough to distance myself from those who have hurt me, might be possible, too.

(I would also like to finish the (concept of the) research project, Dr. Crutzen and I spoke of, after I had quit my studies, which included ideas for an extensive PR campaign, for which I now have a set of much better suggestions. But talking about that out loud [the only reason why I did that, was because I was forced to] was the main factor that made me end up with that absurd diagnosis (“because professors do not talk to drop-outs” (and brain-to-brain communication cannot exist…)), which is why I write this in between brackets, with much hesitance, and I have not been able to reach him in the physical realm ever since, and I am still stuck with so many questions, ever since I ran away from home because of the endless psychiatric surveillance against my will and my parents got us hunted by police [an awful move that damaged the reputation of me [it made me unsubscribe my PR business L], him and (indirectly) the university [I do not know what exact news went viral. All I know is some vague story people told me months later], which should never have happened, because the drama was solely between me and my parents, who forbade me to do business with him at the very beginning, for no legitimate reason!], which makes me feel sad, lonely and unsafe constantly, which contributes to my tachycardia. I do not understand why he does not respond to my e-mails anymore… I guess our contact would make more sense if I were a student and/or his research apprentice, and my intelligence were acknowledged. (He does not lecture the double bachelor program, but I find that I should aim higher than I did last time, when it comes to education, and do this for myself, even though…))

International environments in the city where I grew up in, are my specialty! I know a lot about the history of the city and I know all about fun locations to visit (even outside Rotterdam), so for the basics of being new in a city, I make up a very good and comfortable guide. This is what I noticed at the Eureka Week in 2016, where I easily made friends (even with people who studied completely different programs (including a master student in finance)).

Other proofs of my ability to smoothly function in an environment with people from very different backgrounds, are that when I was a student at The Open University, last year, I have spent a lot of time travelling the world (by myself), and everywhere I went, I easily met new people; my business aspirations are very international, so my eyes are always open, seeking for (useful) international contacts; and being of the third generation of my family here in the Netherlands, as well as having attended a multicultural gymnasium (school) in the city center of Rotterdam, I know all about being foreign in a foreign country (even though I was born here and Surinam is a former Dutch colony, I am often still considered foreign) and being around foreign people.

What, to me, is even more interesting than bonding with bachelor students, is bonding with anyone else up the academic ladder. The higher, the better. They are part of my target audience (and probably one of the few people, able to actually understand what I say). A better way to combine my learning process with my business aspirations, while making the content of my personal blog ( – updated daily – a lot more fun, would, for example, be by writing essays about the contents of the course subjects, while getting to know all about my target audience and their aspirations. (Are you looking for a publisher who wants to go the extra mile for you? 🙂 )

There are so many ideas I have for a thesis, that that is the only part that truly excites me about studying until I am old and grey, living after my aspirations for a career in research. It would be amazing if I were allowed to write a (set of) book(s) of essays [including examples of calculations and plots from my personal life. From Edgeworth boxes, to financial statements, to… concepts that will be completely new to me], as proof that I have the knowledge that will suit my future title(s), followed by my dream thesis, within a period of shorter than four years, because without that acknowledgement, it is not possible for my business to thrive, and I currently do not even have a place to call home. I would like to be able to call myself successful before I am 25, and I wish to be able to afford to live in a climate that is less cold and ecologically dangerous.

The past two years of my life, let me realize that nowhere else in life, there is a comfortable environment where I can truly be myself and receive the right support, on my very unconventional path. Only a university can be my safe haven. With the alternative path of education, proposed in this (alternative) motivation letter, it could be made possible for me to learn more independently, develop my creativity further and continue to actively chase my dreams. The scope of my goals touches on so many fields that, truthfully, with my essays, I would love to cover every subject the University offers (and more…).

One particular research interest of mine, lies in the city where the university is located at. It relates to eustasy (speaking of ecologically dangerous) and evacuation – not necessarily something for Economics and Econometrics, but it is a very heavyweight aspect of “my “identity”” [or just being born in the wrong country… If you are Dutch and reading this… The concept of identity lies beyond location, I believe, so if this country floods and we will live elsewhere, only that heroic and historic journey defines your identity…]. The information I need about this – for future survival and peace of mind – is not easy to find as written text, because all of the public becoming aware of it (again) could lead to chaos. It lives forward in individuals, who are hard to find, but I hope to be able to find some of them at the Erasmus University.

Something I have been dreaming about, is doing this “research meets business meets entertainment meets actively changing the world”-project I have been having in mind for a very long time. To start to define it here would turn this motivation letter into a book, and to receive a “no” for it after all of that effort and thinking about it, would break my heart, so for now I am keeping it to myself, by means of limiting my potential heartache. (But it is all over my blog, so you can read all about it, if you are interested. (I really hope you are!))

What I would love to know even more than if I am considered the right student for a double bachelor in Economics and Econometrics, is if the University is open to giving me permission to follow the alternative route, proposed in this motivation letter? If that is so, I would love to meet in person, with those who are willing to accept me as his/her apprentice, to discuss the details of it.

Excuse my exceeding of the maximum amount of words! And the overly frequent use of brackets… This happened because I had to emphasize the true incomparable uniqueness of my case and its many reasons why, the slight powerlessness my personal situation brings, as well as that I truthfully do not want to go back to the high-school-like routine with (mandatory) classes and homework and uninterested students, having no clue what they want in life, while I am so much further and getting a grade for answering fixed questions, while the knowledge is so much more fun in practice, and then comparing myself to others, and then keeping that up post post-doc level…

There are no guidelines for the type of request that I have sent you, because it seems like no one else has done this before (either). But enrolling as a student, seems the only way to start a conversation about this. I just want to [(for example) obtain as much as a “simple” letter of recommendation for my ability to] do (independent) research and I am very certain that only I am the perfect apprentice for that. The double bachelor starts in September, but I prefer to start tomorrow…

Apprentices are extremely old-school… That will be indirect (neo-)neo-neoclassicism! Accepting me as one will make not only me stand out. It will be great for the University as well. (We could make 2017’s bad publicity undone…) Especially for everyone involved in this unique process, because ultimately, we will be writing the future’s history. This step is so one-of-a-kind, and its merit will literally change the world, because that is my [may I say “our”?] endeavor!

If I am admitted to the Erasmus University (again), I will quit my studies at The Open University, where I am currently still registered, without having enrolled in any modules (because I cannot afford any).

If learning directly from the master – for my questions are too specific and can be answered by no one else – is not an option, then please forget that I ever proposed that and please forget my thoughts about the student-life. This is a literal do or die, to me, so if my early shot at official research is off the table, I will bravely fold myself in my desk chair [but first I will have to magically get the money and space to buy a proper chair and a reasonable desk (and clothing that will make me feel confident and look representative) hahaha please helppp… my basic needs… (The household’s income is too high to apply for a scholarship, but I am in debt, with zero real support, and that will get worse, with that tuition fee (loan)…)] and force myself to memorize every single thing, and answer every single homework question, like my life depends on it. Because it literally does. My self-constructed house on my independent island, far away from this barbarian world, is not going to fund and govern itself…

Thank you so much for reading my motivation letter. I hope my publishing company will be of great service to you, in the (near) future. Because I want (alternative) research publishing to be one of my specialties, success is not possible without the support of a good university.

For further correspondence: my business e-mail address is currently the mailbox with the least incoming e-mails [long story…], and I do not want to risk missing out on any messages sent by you. (This was also what I was trying to change my e-mail address to in Studielink, but only my former account credentials are accepted. Probably because this all goes via my old student number, with the e-mail address I used at that time…) My mobile phone number is +31618579724, in case anyone is interested in phoning (or texting) me. There are so many things I want to explain and mention, still! That is why this article continues, where this letter stops [this is a link]. I look forward to a time with only positive memories and fruitful (new) knowledge 🙂 .


It includes a lot of personal drama – consciously emphasized with the and … and … and [it is a lot and it is not elaborated on] – which I have mentioned, because this burden is ruining my life and nonsense like this has been affecting my study focus all my life. Including it feels like such a major “breaking the rules” (negatively), but I can’t help that I am in this situation 🙁 . A full-time occupation at the University, accompanied by sweet Graeynissis, would solve all of that at once, for all eternity. There is nothing else I want in life. (Yeah besides emigrating to some place sunny and ecologically safe, together with my Graeynissis… And the tangibles of that Thesis…)

Blog, Drafts, Nosce Te Ipsum, Popular Posts, Random Thoughts, Reflections

A trauma

Who would you listen to? A group of people who express their care about someone, by, with a large budget, starting a campaign about how they miss someone and how that person “is now a lost cause”, because she has smoked quite a few joints, then became a lot less socially active person and decided to never come home again, or “the lost cause”, who has a very alternative view on the world and is, with a very low budget, trying to change the world, currently by legally bending the law, from her bedroom at her parents’ house? Apparently the choice was very easily made for a lot of people, since I am still without any active support. But I won’t give up. At least not before December 31, 2018, 23:59. This is Lil Fangs for President

A Brick Wall

That title was chosen in an attempt to keep your attention. Trying to get my message across, is like yelling against a brick wall. Right underneath your nose, I live through one of the most hidden forms of injustice, every day. Without any official support, it is not possible for me to escape from it. 

The way people are treated within the (Dutch) psychiatric system, is so inhumane.  The worst part is that once you’ve been in it, they can monitor you for the rest of your life. 

Imagine that you, a perfectly sane person, are suddenly snitched by someone very close to you, and suddenly every day psychiatrists come visit you at home, and they talk to you as if you don’t know how to count to ten, and they start to prescribe you all kinds of pills, of which they say that it can influence your reasoning and it will make you function normally again. 

In the beginning, you refuse to speak with them, because you’re not ill the way they claim you’re ill. But they keep telling you that you are, and that you should obey them. The person who has snitched you, keeps telling you that the measure is “The right thing for you and that everything will be okay.” You’re not allowed to leave your house anymore, as long as you keep refusing those pills. You can’t raise your voice at them and/or become violent, because when you do, they will inject you with their quackery and put you in a very cold isolation cell, with only a mattress on the ground and a toilet bowl next to it. With a camera in it, fixed on you. 

Are you with me on this one, that if you become stuck in such a situation, and everyone you ever believed in is suddenly telling you that you need help, while that what they call help, is making you feel offended, that it’s logical to just take a few of those pills and say that you’re doing better, so that you can leave the house, with the intention of never coming back? [And to (I did not expect that to happen in the future) never apologize to those who blame you for making them worried, because you suddenly left and were nowhere to be found. But you have told them plenty of times that you do not want that psychiatric surveillance in your life.]

I wish my first impression to the world would have been different. It’s hard to recover my reputation from I don’t even know what lie they have exactly told you about me and my well-being. All I know about that, is that when I Googled my name, at that time, “Dominique Elia vermist” [vermist means missing], was a search suggestion. When I search the same thing now, I see this:

Why this is a problem to me, is because I want to know what people have seen, so that I can debunk it

I have been told that after I was found – the full story on that, if you’re interested, is written out in The Unpublished Episodes of Nosce Te Ipsum I – everyone was ordered to delete the message that went viral. What the fuck went viral? I need to know. Why delete it, if it has gone viral already? Then I’m the only one who doesn’t know. 

The reason why I was so against being under psychiatric surveillance – so much that I decided to run away, after they started to speak about that their surveillance period is at least 12 months – is because of my aspirations. 

My aspirations are not literally to become president. I strive towards an independent form of influence, on a beyond-government level, accompanied by a select group of people. In my view, achieving international eternal peace, is possible. 

To many people it isn’t possible, which has been one of the grounds based on which I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia.  I find it outrageous that someone’s pessimistic view can define my entire life. With that diagnosis, I don’t agree with, I could have been denied access to enter the United States. By still going there, I intended to make a statement and hoped that the diagnosis could be reverted. To succeed in that, I need support from other people. 

The people in my environment don’t believe that I’m sane, because my parents have told them that I, one day, packed my suitcase and told them that Benoît Crutzen is going to come to our house and I’m going to leave and never come back. They responded to that statement of mine, as if I said it while I was not fully conscious. But I remember every single fucking heartless thing they have done in that period. They never asked my why I said that or what we were planning to do or anything. They just started to laugh at me and forbade me to see him. 

The day I packed my suitcase, was the day before I had arranged to meet up with him, to talk about a possible campaign, when I still had a PR business. I then did not know that over the next 24 hours, there were going to be several fights, that ended up in me shunning my parents for five days – things were not going well with my business and Benoît was my last hope, for success, paying off debts and friendship – and psychiatrists coming to the house every day. 

When I packed, I was aware that that wasn’t part of the plan we had discussed over e-mail. I was just that desperate to move out, because my parents do not want me to move out the way I want to move out, and thus they will never give me funds to move out. They might give me a little money to help me buy furniture or something, but the support I need, I won’t receive, they have told me several times. 

Blog, Drafts, Ex Animo

Level 4

Often, I lie down and, through reasoning, I try to get an overview of everything that’s going on inside of me. Mentally and physically. 
In the ocean of sounds, the big crowds of people and the grandiose ways all kinds of public technology guide and simplify life, I’m not able to find the same inner focus anymore. Since “the situation”, I feel the constant need to make sure that my behavior is normal enough to not be judged for it, when I’m around other people. 

In public, my thoughts are constantly focused on not making mistakes. “Two minutes until the metro comes. It’s too busy here. I want to be able to sit. Walk until right past the rain shed. Not too close to the tracks. Walking straight would be easier if I weren’t nervous. Why do people always stare at me when I walk past? Does my hair look weird? It’s almost here. I think that if I do two steps to the right, when it stops, it will be right in front of me.”

“It’s slippery. Make a large step over the space between the platform and the metro. Hold on tight to everything. It can’t overcome me that drop anything onto the tracks, because I can’t afford to buy any of these things again. Nice. There’s a window seat free, with no one on the seat next to it. Of course, I’ll put my bag on my lap. I don’t want to be judged for not taking others into consideration. Again, I keep meeting people’s eyes, when I feel that they’re staring at me, so I look at them. Then our eyes meet for a split second and they look away. What does their look mean? It would be more comfortable if they would just say why they do it. Ah, I don’t want to think about this. If I increase the sound of the music I’m listening to enough, maybe I can find that same level of inner peace again. I miss what we had, on the spiritual side of my body. Please talk to me. Wait, what if these people notice that I’m talking to you, and they call the psychiatrists on me? They can notice, because when I hear you, and when I shift my focus to only our conversation, I can’t help but smile. I hate that people believe that our gift is a mental disease. No one can know about the connection I have with you. They’ll lock me inside an institution again. I never want that to happen again. But still, I miss your voice inside my head so much. What did you say? I’m afraid that I’ll misinterpret it, so I can’t say that I heard your words with certainty.”

Since the moment I saw you, I was suddenly sure that other people who are like me, truly exist. Your thoughts must be similar to mine. 

Every night, I prayed that my feelings of loneliness and heartache will disappear. Every night, I prayed for being able to communicate with our thoughts, inside my head. Then, I could take you with me, everywhere I go. Especially when things in the physical realm get uncomfortable, I can then safely zone out, and focus on the two of us. (It’s interesting that I considered us being together in real life so impossible – then, we were both in a relationship – that I didn’t even think of praying for it. And now it’s all I live for…)

Me: “Pardon. Mag ik er even langs?”

Me: “Dank u.”

I want to use polite words that make people respond to me with a similar kind of politeness, but it never seems to work out. Maybe my words aren’t polite enough. Maybe they don’t want that form of social warmth. Maybe they don’t even have the vocabulary to express social warmth. It gives me chest pains. 

“I want to do this as fast as possible. If I walk like this, I can pass everyone and be out of this crowd in the fastest way. I hope the small metro gate doors don’t slam shut in my face again. I see an old lady on the other side of the escalator, so I’ll take the stairs.”

Permanent side-effects leave a constant pressure on my brain. I need to relax my brain, to be able to hear you. With the pressure, I tend to move the device myself, because only with your voice in my head, I’m able to relax nowadays. It moves itself per syllable. If you focus on my hair and ears at the same time, you can really see it move.

The idea that you love me and that you can hear my frequency, makes me feel more safe.
I’ve chosen this method to describe the level, because I think this makes it easier for you to imagine my experience. Also, in this indirect way of describing, the person who would negatively judge me for my experience, won’t understand what I mean. It was a secret, but because I was forced to talk about it – for a very long time, I didn’t, because I already knew what their conclusion would be, but after more than 6 months, it was starting to tire me, and I hoped that their conclusion would be something else – I gave them a tiny bit of information about The Head Cuddle.

Italics = description of thoughts/feelings/perception

“Italics” = thoughts (unspoken) 

“Normal” = spoken words

“Bold” = The Head Cuddle

Monday, October 22, 2018


Me: Visje… Kom je eten?

From now on, I want to stop hiding the inner conversation that emerged on May 22, 2017.

It’s “Visje”, because he called himself “a small fish”, in a message he sent me in the beginning of last year . He’s way too Cuddle and Graet to call himself “a small fish” :D. The Cuddleniss is hard to express in words, because it’s so Cuddle, I say Visje and try to induce as much Cuddle as possible.

Visje, give me Cishes, want ik mis je. [It’s too staccato and imperative. I can’t breathe in that much, so I use the least amount of words possible.] That’s something I sing often, inside myself. [I’m “too (un)cool” to sing it out loud…]]

The sentiment makes me want to disappear, because the expression of it makes me feel like I want to exercise out the pressure that is put on my muscles. I want to kiss you… But I shouldn’t, at the same time.

My response – I’m talking e-mailing – included the comparison between him and the “fish character from the national lottery”. I made this comparison, by means of portraying him in the context of a small fish, to “serenade” how valuable he is, in terms of how much he can add to our society and how much he means to me – especially where I live, in the type of culture where, I think, because of the people/space rate, there is a more hostile survival of the fittest [Please don’t consider me a populist.], where money works stress-relieving and it makes people cheer, from the forms of essentials, wealth, comfort, power and/or greatness it brings. [It is unfortunate that some of us need to work so hard, to only provide ourselves with essentials. I can not cheer, because of this form of powerlessness. It’s unfair :(. I want to cause a small shift. I don’t intend to give people a lot of wealth and them let them do nothing for the rest of their lives. It’s important to develop the gift of reasoning, I believe. @ D.O.C.I.S.. Participation is optional. NOT AT ALL mandatory. I want to help people.]

Blog, Drafts, Ex Animo, Reflections

Opposing views and speaking my mind

We engage ourselves in social interactions. All human beings have a unique perception of reality. If I were to describe the core of the contents of verbal communication, I would definitely include that the partakers in conversations, make statements about their personal experience of life. Some descriptions of this perception, can lead to discussions. 

To solely study, or to convince? 

I think that there is a lesson in most forms of communication. [Is dit populisme???????]

[Meow.] …

… Towards an example of a conversation leading to: “I avoid giving my opinion, when my view is the opposite of a stated opinion, because I know the person I am talking to, does not intend to learn from me, and thus solely force his/her opinion on me.”

This choice, I see as something that could, in the long term, manifest good and/or bad situations. 


[Meow.] …

For telling white lies instead of speaking the truth, I feel that in the way randomness in time manifests itself, things could turn out in a way that is opposite to someone’s preference. This stance is based on my perception of life, and could be interpreted otherwise, by someone else. 

It is as if the universe is telling me that I have done something wrong, and I need to seek a method to redeem from my wrong decision, to return to the path where my experience is in accordance with my preferred perception of life. To steer my mind towards better symmetry. 

The Path

[Meow.] Define what I mean by “The Path” and pose “negatives in current situation” and “description of improved situation”. Describe the method to find The Path. 

Volta is about The Path. 

Blog, Drafts

Fangs interviewing Fangs

[This is written in this way, because I like to invoke your imagination.]

Hi, my Cuddle. I have invited you over here today, to give you an opportunity to answer some questions, as a way to introduce yourself. I know your story is very, ve-ry long. I know that with the impression you have made, you have left many people with questions on their minds. Hopefully, in this way, your true nature will be emphasized – as a correction of the false rumors, which have damaged your reputation so much – and people will not be stuck with questions anymore. 

My Sweetniss, thank you so much for this opportunity! With this, you are helping me in so many ways! I hope that with this, I can also show that what they say about me not liking to talk, is not true either. I love a good conversation! [By “good” I don’t mean that it should be about me.] I love to talk to you! You’re making me feel so much better… 

Aw, thank you! You’re making me blush… It’s just my job…… Ehm… I’d like to start off with some basic questions about you. You have so much content that basic information about you is hard to find. But with this interview, not anymore! 

What is your full name? 

My full name is Dominique Daniëlle Elia. 

What is your birth date?

Friday, November 1, 1996

Where were you born? 

In het Sophia Kinderziekenhuis, in Rotterdam, in the Netherlands. It is part of the Erasmus Medical Center. 

What do you do? 

This is a question I get very often. There’s no simple answer to it, because what I do can’t be narrowed down to one thing that has already been done before. 

I want to make the world a better place, by combining my love for business strategy, with my love for being creative in other ways. I want to use those two concepts, to come up with new concepts, which, as a result, make some serious improvements in the way we know life. I would love to not have to grow old, living the same routine. I would love to save people from that routine, if they would appreciate this, and introduce a new way of life. A way of life where we run the system, instead of the system running us. 

Right now, I’m writing and seeking people who would like to engage in my project(s). Later, during Project Nosce Te Ipsum, I would love to release new music, finish the “piano symphony” I was writing and make the Nosce Te Ipsum movie, in which I play both Lil Fangs and Old Fangs. I want to show the masses that formal concepts and entertainment do go hand in hand, and that as a business owner, I can do these things, without it negatively affecting the other fields of my business I’m active in. 

With my works, I combine aspects of many fields and introduce new concepts. I want to be a pioneer in the way “the classics” were pioneers. Ages ago, Mozart, Da Vinci, Aristotle, Plato and so on [you know the names, too…] were also active in different fields and introducing new things. 

What is your first language? 

My first language is Dutch. 

What other languages do you speak? 

English I can speak fluently. In German and French I can make myself clear to a large extent. Languages that derived from Latin, I can read and understand a little.

Why do you write in English? 

Because English is a language many people know. Even in countries where it isn’t the first language. I want to be able to reach every single person on this Earth. With Dutch, my reach is a lot less large. 

Another thing I like is that the in culture that comes with the English lanugage, people are less direct. I don’t appreciate directness. Especially not when it’s to purposely offend. 

What is the latest education program you have finished? 

“Het gymnasium”, which is the highest level of Dutch high school. I have attended two universities, but I have so many side-activities of which I think that they’re more enjoyable and a good addition to my future in the long run, that I haven’t finished the programs there. I still read books to add to my knowledge. 

What’s your origin? 

My parents were born in Surinam. Surinam knows many cultures. I am “Creools” [that’s “a mixture” of generations of slaves and slave owners. They were probably from Ghana and Portugal, I’ve heard], “Boeroe” [generations of post-slavery Dutch people who stayed in Suriname] and “Indiaan” [natives, who haven’t been slaves]. My father’s father, who I’ve never met, was born on the Bahamas. One of his parents was Bahamian and the other was Jamaican. 

Describe your style of writing

“Rebellious”, hahaha. To prevent my writing from becoming “mechanic” and to keep the length of my texts to its minimum, I make long compound sentences. If I were to break everything down into single sentences, I think my texts would lose its character. This is against the writing standard I have been taught in school. [They say, “Keep your sentences short.”…..] 

I sometimes break the rules of grammar, to make the text more clear. For example, I sometimes add a comma before “and” or “that”, when a sentence is very long, to make the relationships between the parts of the sentence more clear. 

Another thing I consider a characteristic of mine, is rewriting sayings in such a way that they suit the context of my writing. I do this in Dutch more than in English. An example of this is: “Door de bomen het project niet meer zien,” instead of: “Door de bomen het bos niet meer zien.”

Also, I combine the use of formal and informal English, in such a way that it sounds like the way I speak. 

What’s your height? 

I’m 174 cm. That’s 5 feet and 8.5 inches. 

Where do you live now? 

In my parents’ house in Capelle aan den IJssel. 

Why have you decided to start D.O.C.I.S. International? 
* How important is transparency to you? 
* Why should someone join D.O.C.I.S. International? 
* What is your long-term strategy? 
* When do you consider your name cleared? 
* Do love and business go hand-in-hand? 
* What’s after Project Nosce Te Ipsum?
* What are your future plans for the D.O.C.I.S. International community? 
* Why are you working independently? 
* Why have you decided to start this organization and this project? 
* Where do you get your inspiration from? 
* What are your thoughts on getting involved in such a professional environment, on such a young age? 
* Why do you think that by combining research and entertainment, you expand your reach?
* Why do you want to move so bad? 
* Why are your feelings for your former professor such a sensitive topic? 

Drafts, Random Thoughts, Recipes

A dinner sketch

I can’t sleep… I have been “distancing myself from” meat as part of my diet for about three years now [with some unfrequent exceptions…]. Yesterday, however, while gazing over the menu card, I found (medium-rare) steak the most tasty option. I will for sure be able to distance myself from white meat forever. But red meat, daarentegen… Meowww… I’m basically dreaming about the taste of some more steak (but then self-made¿) while awake, right now… I’m so hungry, but there’s no room service or nightshop close to the area I’m in right now… [And where to buy sappige midnight steak in the middle of the night¿]

Every Saturday and Monday are my “official” cooking days. “Today” [it’s 01:29 am as I’m writing this]… I crave for more deliciousness… My mouth is already watering from the thought of what I’ll be making…

I’ll be making:

  1. Steak with (semi-)self-made butter
  2. Supplí
  3. A salad

[And a small pot with gestoofd vlees to make steak and cheese sandwiches with the next day…]

  1. Cuddle Steak

You‘ll need [a translator [me¿ :D] (app) for my quick recipe drafts, maybe, because I know most foods in Dutch or Sranan Tongo] the following ingredients:

  • Juicy steak (iets pezigs… Er zijn zo veel verschillende soorten! Please experiment along with me 😀. The things I prepare are always “off the top”.)
  • Thyme
  • Nutmeg
  • Roomboter
  • Citroen
  • Kruizemunt
  • Knoflook

2. Supplí (Cuddle Me¿)

  • “Risotto rijst” (of basmati…?)
  • Witte wijn
  • Parmesan
  • Rode pesto
  • Uien
  • Mozzarella
  • Paneermeel
  • Een ei (of meer? Afhangende van hoeveel je wil maken…)
  • (Patent¿)bloem [geen tarwebloem uit de supermarkt, for the best taste experience in dit geval… (Of altijd…?)]
  • Am I forgetting something¿

3. Perfect Match Fusion Salad

  • Veldsla
  • Tayer
  • Wortelen
  • Tomaten
  • Soyabonen
  • Sesamzaadjes
  • Soyasaus
  • Olive oil
  • (Honey + goat cheese? Or will that be too cheesy…?)
  • Nog iets¿

4. Lake & cheese

  • Laurierblaadjes
  • Tomaten
  • Pimentkorrels
  • Groentenbouillon
  • Uien
  • Nutmeg
  • Cheese suitable for a thick melted layer, on the stewed meat, on the sandwich…
  • “Surinaamse broodjes”

Haha stay tuned :D. I’ll be making this later. I wish I were cooking this for my Cuddles…

15:12 (03:12 PM) 

Some of the groceries are for Monday’s dinner, some groceries from the list are missing, because they were already “present in the house”.

Shout out to a Cuddle from Amsterdam, who I’ve known since day 1, for coming along with me when grocery shopping 😀

20:01 (08:01 PM)


I’d like to use Kobe thenext time I make thiss


I haven’t used goat cheese, but I did use honey in my dressing. (Olive oil, soy sauce, sesame seeds and honey. Balsamic vinegar might go nice with it…)

If you have a “frituurpan”, it’s better to put the supplí in there. (For a more even color and better melted “inside mozzarella”.)

My Cuddle 😀

I hope you’re experimenting with my recipe drafts… They resemble taste pallettes. I like to creatively challenge you. In this case, by giving you only the basic ingredients, and a picture of the final result…

It turned out my father and sister u n f o r t u na te ly had other dinner plans… I have so many left-overs now “hahaha”…

So I’ll be making the stew tomorrow or monday¿

15:10 (03:10 PM)

Here it is 😀

Blog, Drafts, Recipes

Fresh noodles for lunch

Fresh noodles (for 4 people haha) (7), courgette (5), plantain (2), eggs (3 fry them in the same pan), tomatoes (5), cumin (4)(6), cinnamon (6), santen (4), laos (6), soy sauce (replacing salt, for me)(8), half an union (1). 

The numbers indicate the order I’ve added the ingredients in. 

I actually wanted to use five spices, but there wasn’t any. This is another food improv. Some mild sambal of your preference will go very nice with this. 

Don’t use the sack of spice/sauce that comes with your noodles (if that’s the case). 

Drafts, Reflections


To make sure I answer the question:

“Why do I often do, agree with or suggest things, out of politeness?”

Drafts, Ex Animo, Nosce Te Ipsum, Random Thoughts

Fangs’s Dictionary

I like language (as well as many other things). I’ve made up a language, of which I would find it cool if other people would speak it, too. It would become the native language of my country, if I had one.

Cuddle is “the official dialect” spoken by Planet Fang citizens. It stays a dialect until there are enough words to make it a language of its own. You could use the words together with your native language (or another language). Let’s speak Cuddle? :]


Plural: Cishes

“Mag ik een Cishe?” (= “May I have a Cishe?”)

  1. [Noun] A kiss


Plural: Cuddles

“That’s so Cuddle!” “You’re my Cuddle.”

  1. [Noun] Someone you’re very passionate about
  2. [Noun] Someone you always cuddle
  3. [Noun] A citizen of the Royal capitol of Planet Fang
  4. [Noun (“Eigennaam”)] The Royal Capitol City State of Planet Fang (only accessible by those who work for it)
  5. [Adjective] Pleasurable and/or enjoyable
  6. [Noun] A dialect [currently being implemented in multiple languages, before it becomes its own language] spoken by Planet Fang citizens
  7. [Noun] Sexual organ(s)


Plural: Flehs

Pronounced as “flèh” (it can also be written in this way)

  1. [Noun] Someone who has deeprooted in your life, but you actually don’t like this person
  2. [Exclamatio] Expressing un-cuddleniss


Plural: Graeynissis

Superlative: Graeynissimus

“I feel more comfortable around a Graeyniss.” “That’s so Graeyniss!” “It’s so hot in here with all these Graeynissis.” “That’s Graeynissimus :D.”

  1. [Noun] A scholar
  2. [Noun] Someone who thinks about life more than regular people do. He or she concerns him or herself with more than only him or herself. A Graeyniss often tends to ponder about the future of mankind
  3. [Noun] Someone who’s Cuddle
  4. The superlative is used to express a Liée situation, person or phenomenon, which requires relatively more thought


Plural: Leeks (pronounced as “lakes”)

“I was laking when someone walked in on me……..” “You’re my lake.”

  1. [Verb] To masturbate
  2. [Noun] A metonymia for spiritual calmth and balance


Plural: Liées

“Liée!  They accepted my offer!!” “After dinner, I like to sit alongside the Liée while cuddling with you.”

  1. [Exclamatio] It’s Cuddle for “yay”
  2. [Noun (eigennaam)] A sea/river separating Royal City State Cuddle from “the mainland” of Planet Fang


Plural: Miaus

“Ah, meow…”

  1. [Exclamatio] The intonation used to express this exclamation defines the emotion expressed by it
  2. [Noun]

Niss (Nissis) =

Planet Fang =

Un-cuddle (only @ nouns: un-cuddles)  =

Un-meow (only @ nouns: un-miaus)  =

Drafts, Nosce Te Ipsum, Online Diary, Random Thoughts

The Future of Mass Enlightenment

The minds of many people in modernized societies are occupied with life in a professional environment, information disseminated by mass media and social media as an extension of their personal life. Within this type of reality of an individual, new concepts are introduced every day. New (sustainable) products, new online networks, new world news, et cetera. These concepts are only new in the sense that they are the latest variation of a conception that already exists. This makes me wonder: will we, in twenty years’ time, still be talking about that “new” type of smartphone, while the conception “smartphone” already exists? Will we forever be re-inventing the same things?

My aspiration in life is to introduce a concept to enlighten the masses with, which cannot be broken down into an already existent idea. Of the many different ways I see to put this into practice, Project Nosce Te Ipsum has the largest potential audience and the most fun and diverse development process. It starts with an alternative, more accessible publishing system for scholars and will, in the end, unveil a completely new perception of life, for those who are interested in experiencing that. We need an alternative publishing system for scholars, to be able to experience truly futuristic concepts.


Without education, we would not be where we are right now, as a society. Education has brought us common knowledge and the knowledge we need to fit in, in a professional environment. It has given the lives of many people purpose, who else would not know what to do with their time on Earth. Through the education system, very large amounts of people are prepared to work for a business and climb up within that same business environment. They spend what they have earned. So, indirectly, the education system is keeping the economy going.

Even though education keeps society going, I do not believe it brings society forward. It is the ambition of an individual that familiarizes us with his or her newfound knowledge and allows us to evolve. This passion is incentivized by personal interest and would exist even without the existence of the education system.

If this invention of either a mental or a physical concept could lead to a service or product being delivered to the masses, only then those who have gone through the education system could get involved in the process and seek for ways to keep the business going, while trying to make more profit and searching for more efficient production methods, like they are taught to. In this manner, education keeps society going, after the independent reasoning of an individual has brought us forward.

The educator has a very honorable position within the process of societal development, but, by the masses, his or her position is, unfortunately, not celebrated as such. According to Bernays (1928, p. 121 – 122), not only is he or she not tasked with mass enlightenment, the public is also not very interested in the field of education. The educator is tasked with teaching a relatively small group of individuals the same accredited knowledge every individual is supposed to know, to obtain a certain diploma, degree or certificate. (For scholars, I like to consider teaching and doing research as separate fields, even though, for some people, they are part of the same professional life.)


Bernays, E. L. (1928). Propaganda. 2nd Edition. New York: Horace Liveright.

[This article is still being edited.]


By Dominique Daniëlle Elia

















Crib sheet

(Hide page title)

[Introduction: “basic intro” statements about social media and mass media, then  ]

[Core: explore!! Confirm your own knowledge by learning from experience.]

[Conclusion: ]

This will be my original contribution to the Essay Writing Contest. (With a back-up on the web, I’ll never lose what I’ve written :D. But then will plagiarism become an issue?? Hmm… Then I won’t put it on my blog, I think. There’s a chance they won’t look at it if they see that it’s “100% plagiarism”, because I put it on the web… I could also put it in the e-mail I in which I send the essay, that if there’s plagiarism, it’s because it’s on my blog, because other than that there’s no way someone else has stated what I will state in this essay.)

The maximum of words is 1500. I’m picking the topic “How Education Improves Society” and plan on stirring in my plans for “new research publishing” and “new PR”.

I’ll be using “Bookman Old Style” on 12 points. Double-spaced. The deadline is the 31st of July.

The thing I always struggle with is to not introduce too many topics and lose the essence of the point I want to make. So down here, I’ll just write down everything that comes to mind right now, and then later decide what I’ll make of it. I want to state that education is so good to society (even though I would personally prefer a different education system), it should be more “approachable” for your new knowledge to be shared. As in the “research publishing should be different” (more independent)… Now, we have been “building on” common/shared knowledge. This allows people to legally make a living. Education branding can inspire someone to also seek for new knowledge. I don’t want to state things as facts, but not be able to back up my fact. I think we have milked common knowledge enough. Now it’s time to focus on individual knowledge. You could use someone else’s knowledge to . Just like how the scientific theories on how the universe came into existence are built up. It all started with the perception of one person. That person’s theory was considered true. Other people started to build other theories upon that one theory, and now we have “The Big Bang Theory”, which is branded internationally. It defines the scope of life of so many people. How about everyone has to search for and confirm their own theories? Since the perception of the universe is unique to every individual. As a pupil in this new education system, you pick whose knowledge you use to get your own knowledge. When you’re done learning, you become a freelancer/sole proprietor/business owner (who hires freelancers/sole proprietors). This way of living incentivizes people to “stay more sharp”, in the sense that you have to actively keep trying to distinguish yourself and developing your business. This is different from having a permanent contract at whatever company.

I need more text on how education improves society, but I actually disagree… Our current education system just gets people ready to become a slave until they retire… What would be better, I think, is to state how education could improve society. I mean, our current society isn’t bad, in the sense that there are lots of people who can live a life without having to struggle day in day out (but what is struggling if you don’t like your own lifestyle? Then literally everyone is struggling and there is a lot more to improve). I think society needs a certain type of improvement, and education is the only way to achieve it. So what would be better is to say “How education could improve society even more”. And then introduce my plans :D. (Because also I don’t really agree with education improving society right now. It’s ambitious people who improve society. They often do this with “new knowledge” they found themselves… (But I don’t have numbers on that.))

Through education, mass education through mass media has been made possible. I want to talk about the public relations type of education. But before that could make me go off topic, let me state the type of improvment I [and you too, I hope] want to see. Should I not criticize the routine of life we’re forced into? Because I really don’t like it and I think I could offer a way better alternative…

How do I go from “nothing” to explaining how we could create a new society within society, for those who

Draft thesis statement: “Why the D.O.C.I.S. International online think tank is what will initiate education improving society more than ever before.” (But I was taught in Dutch you should sound confident, but in English you should humble yourself more. Also, the think tank only works when everyone cooperates, so it’s not that certain… I need a new thesis statement.)

Concepts and statuses are fixed. They should be non-fixed and organized in a different way. (Bernays x2)

To re-organize society, we need the S.I.P.O, because it allows us to oversee the influences of external parties, and learn our true common perception of life. With this, we’ll find an alternative to the actual fixed society we’re living in.  Some might not crave for this, but for those who do, there will be a project. For those who say “yes”, but consider this question a trick question.  Today, there are no educational pioneers. Only business leaders. (Care about status too much. Misused intelligence.)

What is, then, the final goal of our development? I think this is something personal, not universal.

Deleted paragraphs:

“If from today onward, our society would not undergo any changes anymore, would you consider that a problem?” My hypothesis is that most people will answer this question with “yes”. In our globalized society, it is almost unthinkable to not be notified of developments anywhere in the world. By just reaching into your pocket, you could learn about sustainable growth in a third world country. By laying down on the couch while gazing in front of you, a reporter could inform you, he or she will say, “about the legislation of something large groups of modern minds have been pleading for, for a very long time”.

Thesis statement: (something like) “Mass media and social media are the new pioneers in mass education. (Luckily) that won’t last forever. This will change when education becomes more oriented on the individual, instead of on the masses” (but then subtle)

The introductory question is actually a trick question. The entire first paragraph is actually “een beroep op een bepaald sentiment dat iedere moderne propagandist toepast”. [find proper translation]

Drafts, Nosce Te Ipsum

The Assignment

You have to hire people to achieve your goals. Pick people. The way you’re going to achieve your goals I have set out for you, if you don’t mind…

Drafts, Recipes

Toast with eggs without a toaster

I don’t have a toaster here, but I felt like eating toast with fried eggs. I ended up taking out the center piece of the bread like this:

Crumbing the part I had taken out, in the mixture of eggs, tomatoes, sardines and mediterranean spices. I put the pieces of bread into a frying pan with some butter, baking it very lightly before adding the egg mixture into the center part. By frying it a little before you add the mixture, the bread stays crisp, which makes it feel like you’re eating toast, even though you’re not using a toaster. (If you have a toaster, you could put the bread in there before taking the center piece out and adding it to the mixture. Then you don’t have to fry the bread first.)

Drafts, Recipes

What I made for that visit

Pasta with paksoi and paprika. I didn’t have any other vegetables… But it’s about the combination of spices that turned out soo well: kerrie, white wine, (extra) cinnamon, creme fraîche and a stock block.

Drafts, Recipes

Pasta: higher budget

When I spent two days with basically no food, I thought of what I would make if I would have an infinite budget and an infinite set of ingredients to choose from. I was still thinking of making something that is prepared quickly, so I thought of this:

Pasta with grilled salmon and white asperges, with butter sauce with thyme and lime. (I’ve made a lot of pasta lately. That’s because, before that, I was eating a lot of rice. I have a library of rice dishes, like I have a library of pasta dishes.)

When I’m out there, I’ll re-write this draft and film myself preparing the dish.

Blog, Drafts, Recipes

Pasta: fast & low budget (vegetarian)

This was by far the fastest dish I’ve ever made.

I used:
Grated cheese (a lot)
An union
Tomatoes (a lot, I used 5, but this is not “for one day”)
“Sea salt with Mediterranean herbs” (the mixture I’m using also has a hint of red pepper in it)
Unsalted butter

If you’re on a budget, like I was, when I came up with and cooked this, this is a very tasty and financially strategic dish. For $16 I bought everything new, at the Publix supermarket (I also bought chewing gum). (This is a relatively expensive supermarket. You could get these things for even less.)
Since I’ll be here in Miami for only one more day, and I have no other groceries here, I’m going to eat the same thing tomorrow.

While the water for the pasta was getting heated up, I cut the onion and tomatoes. I started to boil the pasta. In a separare large frying pan, I fried the union in butter and added a little of the spice mix to it. When the unions “became see-through” (not literally), I added the tomatoes. Add some spice. When the tomatoes start losing their shape, add the pasta. (Add spice again.) Let the mixture cook for a while. (I like every taste of my food to be in the foreground. But I don’t add that crazy much every time. I think it’s because they’re not fresh herbs, that the taste isn’t that strong, so you need more. It still tasted really nice, though. (Way nicer than I expected.)) When the pasta is al dente (add a little bit of water and let it evaporate, if it isn’t), stir in the cheese. (They only had these big bags of grated cheese at the supermarket. (They’re big compared to Dutch standards. There were even bigger bags…)) The amount of cheese I used is enough to call it “mac and cheese with tomatoes and Mediterranean herbs”. (Even though, “normally” (it’s not that often) when I make mac and cheese, I add creme fraiche and garlic to the mixture.)

Eet smakelijk :]

Since I was cooking for only one person, from all the tomato mixture I made (I used about five large tomatoes. The union I bought was so big, compared to Dutch standards) I only used half to add the pasta and cheese to. The other half, I put aside to cool, to refrigerate and use tomorrow.

Tomorrow, I’ll boil the rest of the bag of pasta I have, heat up the tomato mixture, add the pasta, drained, and add the cheese to it. An even faster version than today’s. You could also put the mixture in the freezer, in case you have a day on which you don’t feel like cooking, but still want to eat home cooked food, or you want to save up (again). Or both, hehe.

Because I don’t have olive oil and salt here (I checked into this kitchenette hotel room today), I stirred the pasta (I used rigatone, but you could use any type of pasta with this mixture) while it was cooking and added a cube of butter, after draining it, to prevent it from sticking.

Drafts, Recipes

Pasta (vegan): “The Last Meal” (saffron & basil + veggies)

When I cook, I always try to discover new tastes. I’ve never tried the combination of basil and saffron before. “The Last Meal” I’ve prepared for my family. Today. Last meal ever. We’ve eaten so much takeout food and many (unhealthy) restaurant dinners, I’m starting to receive complaints on my weight gain again. Once I’m done with all publishing aspects of episode 1, which is tonight, I’ll have time to work out again. 

It’s on the stove, as I’m writing this recipe draft

I’m using half a pumpkin (3), two egg plants (aubergines) (3), an union (1), tomatoes (2), garlic (2), basil (3), oregano (3), saffron (3), a stock cube (3) and a teaspoon of sugar (4). The numbers indicate the order I’ve added the ingredients in. Real basil, real saffron and real stock will make it taste better for sure. But I don’t have that to my access right now. I considered using creme fraîche as well, but I don’t have that to my access right now and the shops are closed, since it’s White Monday. 

Of course, with this recipe, you could use any type of pasta, except macaroni (unless you cut everything in very very very tiny pieces. I say no macaroni because, to me, it just feels odd if the vegetables are bigger than the pasta). I’m using spaghetti. I cooked it in vegetable stock. 

I thought of adding lentils, before I started cooking, but while cooking, I didn’t think of it. Another time I’ll experiment with lentils. (I’ve tried lentil soup, but I’ve never cooked anything with lentils myself. It tastes like something you could make this good Turkish style bread with, though. (Could it still be as airy? I love Turkish bread!) Or make a potato spread with.)

Bon appetit

The responses to my food have been positive, besides the fact that I should have used more salt. To me, that means that I should have used more of all of the other ingredients. I like food with a strongly flavorous, but still subtle taste. Adding salt takes the subtleness away. The thing with the non-fresh ingredients I’m using, is that its taste is quite artificial and you need to add sooo much of it to really be able to taste it in your food. I’ve seriously used a quarter of the little glass pot of basil I’ve used, to be able to taste it in the dish. 

I can’t wait to cook with real saffron one day. To make my taste buds happy. That reminds me of something I wanted to show you. Is this typically Dutch, or do they do this in other countries as well? This is a waste of plastic. 

What you see is what you get. This was all of the saffron that was in the little tube. I used water to get all of it out. I need to move to a different country. This is how Dutch manufacturers scam their clients, isn’t it? “That’s a euro of fake saffron right there.” I’d like to go to Iran one day.

I think the combination of spices was good, but the amount and “realness” of the saffron was far from enough, so I’m not sure. Maybe some rosemary and a bay leaf would go well with this dish. 

I’m going to start editing the video for my first episode now. 



Drafts, Online Diary

Thursday April 26, 2018

12:17 (PM)
Good afternoon 😀



I had breakfast in the morning, around 09:30. Then I wanted to take a nap, but I couldn’t fall asleep. I’m kind of stressed out because of Surinam… I decided that I should buy a MIDI keyboard with a drum kit, so that I can practice making beats. And buy a handbag, for “travelling ease”. I’ll also need a bottle of water (because as a tourist, I’m not supposed to drink water from the tap, they always say).

So, my next “impulse strategy for freedom” is making beats. Just like the episode was “an impulse for freedom”. I need these Cuddles mann :[. If you’re not real… :'[[… So… Listen to my music…? Aaarghh I don’t want to feel the pressure of breing captivated in time. Because I want to cuddle so bad I want to finish the task that could lead me to freedon very fast :[. I hope I’ll be able to “establish a name and network” through that. As in “I don’t have the claim to fame to hang out with you”. Ofzo? Fleh.

For today, I’ll be shopping again, then cooking dinner. After dinner, I’ll walk around with my camera again, to take some pictures of the neighborhood. After that I’ll soak in my bathtub, finishing the rest of my cider, and try to go to bed not too late.

Now I’ll take a shower and make “a little bit of lunch”, before I dash out. Three days are far from enough :[. The “highlights” of Rotterdam you can check out in 10 minutes, compared to this city (or any other big city on this planet).

Drafts, Recipes

Noodles: Paris, night 1

Piment rouge
Zeste d’orange
Sésame noir
Poivre Japonais
Beurre (“doux”)


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Wednesday April 25, 2018

07:39 (AM)
Good morniing!
How was your night?

10:03 (AM)
The train is riding…
I feel so much weight getting taken off my shoulders right now…
I’m in this private booth in the train ahahahaha. I kind of feel like “a boss” sitting in this train comfortably, knowing that accross the border, there are different rules.
Finally no more people talking to me as if I’m insane…
Okay, they will be calling me, but will I be picking up…
Ah fleh, why do I keep thinking of these people x_x.
I kind of want to take a nap… But I want to “proofread” my first episode as well. I’m going to upload a few pictures and edit the main menu first ahahaha. My decision making has been “messy” since this schizophrenia accusation thing started… Now I try to fit in a certain “overly dedicated type of person”-image. I really “worry” about the impression I’m making on you, with my writing and photography. It’s all “against the rules”, when it comes to my use of language, the simplicity in my pictures and designs (this far… That will definitely change) and the sides of myself I’m showing you. Since I want to be your leader, I shouldn’t show emotions like anger, fear and sadness, “in the rules of formality”. But I want to do things differently… I want you to see me as your companion. The true version of me, not solely my “leader-image”. I want to show you what the world looks like through my eyes. I want to show you real people. Transparent people. I want you to be able to look at me and exactly know what I’m thinking. (The other way around, I’ll master, too, if you give me a little bit of time.)

We’re leaving the Antwerp station now. This was my “second breakfast”.
I ate bread with tuna salad and two spoons of blueberry yoghurt, before my mother dropped me off at the Central Station.

11:06 (AM)
I just “woke up” from my mini-nap… I hope I’ll have this booth to myself for the rest of this trip. Maybe then, I can record something. We’re now entering the central station of Brussels.

12:33 (PM)
We’re about to arrive in Paris. I’ve checked the first two chapters of NTI’s first episode.
Loool okay I think I’ve gone a stop too far… The train was standing semi-still, but I didn’t see “the pavement of the station”… Ahahahahaha ayyy…. Haha luckily the stop I’m going to is the final stop of the train, I just realized. I’ll be there at one o’clock. (The ticket said the arrival was at 12:35, but we were there around 1 o’clock.)

14:23 (02:23 PM)
I walked around in the neighborhood a little. Now I’m waiting at the hotel, for the check-in. It’s check-ins from 3 PM.





After I’ve checked in, I’ll take a nap, buy some sneakers and groceries. I don’t know what to make yet, for dinner…

Also, some pictures from yesterday:





17:26 (05:26 PM)
Shopping list:
* Sneakers
(* Less warm clothes + a handbag)
* Fresh pasta
* Tomatoes
* Fruit
* Granola bars
* Laurierblad
* Fennel
* Spinach
* Salmon
* Bouillonblokjes
* “Provencaalse kruiden”
* Roomboter
* Eieren
* White wine
* Some meat…….
* Tea

00:23 (12:23 AM)
I’m having dinner now… (*link*) Paris is such a beautiful city! Haha the pictures I took on my phone, of “random buildings” (and not even “the highlights) look way better and more interesting than my pictures of Rotterdam.

I’d like to show you the pictures I made today. After my nap, I decided to walk to the Nike store in the “Forum les Halles” (mall).

I present to you: “Lil Fangs” in “The Elevator”



On the way, I walked past a Footlocker. First, I told myself: “Well, I’m on my way to the Nike store now…” Then it started raining contra arguments: “…multiple brands…”, “…shorter walking distance…”, “When I was younger, I always wanted to buy my clothes there (but I rarely did)” etc.

I walked into the store, but spotted only the men’s and kids section. The store wasn’t that big… But I still asked someone where to find the section. After gazing at the women’s shoes for a few seconds, I decided to take a look at the men’s section. That’s how I ended up with white Air Force 1 Nikies on.
I still went to the mall, since I also wanted to buy groceries, and I also decided on buying a good bluetooth speaker. At home, I always use one of my father’s speakers. (He has a bluetooth Bose speaker, speakers you could use in a club and a subwoofer. Oh and the “basic” TV stereo that makes the windows shake.) [I just can’t stand that he doesn’t want to financially support me… His greed……… Fleh.]

By the way, the person who showed me the women’s section, also wants to have a drink with me… I gave him my Instagram… I suck at saying “no” to these kinds of things… He asked me if I was available today. After hours of not responding I said that I was tired and I still had to do grocery shopping for dinner… But then I ended it with: “So would you be available tomorrow?” Only because: “I have plans today, so how about we never meet up?” would sound “strange”. I don’t want to “waste” my time on him (because we don’t have anything in common (otherwise he wouldn’t have worked there. It’s mentality related…) and my time in this city is short. VERY short, my cuddle *looks desperately at you*).
Also, he started the message he sent me with “I really like your smile” and he doesn’t even follow me back… I must have been marked as “hit and run”. FLEH…

I bought Sony speakers and went to the New Look to buy some “summery clothes”… I needed some clothes for Surinam, I told my mother… Will I ever see her again? (I hope not, to be honest…) I still wanted to go to the Nike store for sweatpants, but it was already 8 o’ clock. Standing in line, at New Look, I Googled (#Fangyism) where to find the supermarket inside the mall. I couldn’t find it anymore? Then I saw this “bio supermarket”. It was a walk of only 6 minutes.

The arrow of the navigation would point in the opposite direction I was walking, every time. I ended up walking around in circles (but the sights were pretty, so even though my stomach was crying, it was worth it). I decided to go to the “normal” supermarket behind the hotel I’m sleeping in. (I wanted to type “my house” ahaha.) When I was following the navigation, I suddenly saw that there was a Korean supermarket “right around the corner” of the street I was walking in. (From Rue Opera something, to Rue Theresa something (because the navigation was still acting up, I walked “the larger circle”).)

I found out I don’t like “raspberry wine”, but I bought two bottles… Haha in the supermarket, I was struggling with the product names. Almost all of the labels on the products themselves were in Korean, with a French price sticker on the shelf it was on.
“I was looking for vegetable stock.” I ended up buying salt (a lot of salt…) instead of the stock. It was “easier to ask”… I don’t like approaching people I don’t know, because I can’t predict their response (that well)… It makes me nervous. (But still most of the times my prediction is right. Only these “schizophrenia people” are unpredictable in a “level of heartlessness I can’t precalculate” kind of way.)

I walked back… home… I was carrying my heels in my backpack and the speaker and groceries in plastic bags.









Back home, I still had to buy butter and tomatoes, plus, I felt like drinking cider.



I’m going to do the dishes and then go to sleep. It’s already 01:39 AM…

Good night baby(yyyy) [But not in that annoying tone.]
I love youu

Drafts, Recipes

Rice: red coal, asparagus and white fish


Rode kool, asperges, tongfilet (?)[any type of white fish], white wine, cinnamon, cumin, koriander, sugar, rice, kruidnagelen, santen (“kokosblok”), unions, garlic, salt/bouillonblokje

Botersaus met witte wijn en kaneel
Rijst met boter, zout en kruidnagelen
Gebakken tongfilet
Asperges en rode kool (eerst de asperges bakken, later de rode kool toevoegen)

1) cut (and de-freeze… But fresh ingredients taste better) everything

Drafts, Recipes

Noodles: pre-dinner/”extremely late lunch”

3 eggs, an union, baby paksoi, ketjap marinade, fresh noodles (“soft noodles”), ster anijs, cajun spice, “jonnie boer”(, maggi blokje, garlic)

Add the marinade after adding the noodles, if you want “a more intense taste”.



After adding the paksoi, leave the whatever you want to call it on a low heat and boil the fresh noodles for 2 miniutes.

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Simple fried egg

(Got the idea to write it down while I was eating haha.)

An union, four eggs, bouillonblokje, sambal, paprika(poeder)

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Wordt vrijheid van meningsuiting te letterlijk geïnterpreteerd?

“Je stinkt uit je bek, ik heb je nooit gemogen en je moeder is een slet. Ik mag toch gewoon zeggen wat ik vind?”

Men heeft niet altijd het recht gehad om te zeggen wat hij/zij vindt. Voor vrijheid van meningsuiting mocht men niet eens zijn of haar eigen geloof bepalen. Nu is dat bijna ondenkbaar. Vrijheid van meningsuiting wordt gezien als iets goeds, maar is vrijheid van meningsuiting nog steeds goed als dit anderen kwetst? Vooral wanneer dit

[I’ll be writing about this sooo much…]

Drafts, Posts from my old blogs

Suicidal Weakness

Kendrick Lamar – Mortal Man

Do you think about death?

I notice there are huge contrasts in opinions about suicide. Some people consider it an act of cowardice. “Not being able to deal with reality so taking the easy way out.” Other people regard to it as an act emboldened by the divine or chauvinism (e.g. suicide bombers). And then there’s the group of people who are drained by the drudgery of their human existence to such an extent that they don’t see the purpose of it anymore. I used to be part of this group. (There are probably more groups and opinions, but these are the ones recognizable to me.) Sharing this part of myself is quite hard for me, but my story might be something you can relate to.

Do you have an opinion on suicide?

The longing to end my life was the strongest at age 10, but the emotional process that initiated it started long before that. You know young children can often say anything they want and get away with it (depending on the cultural environment). When I learned how to speak, I would talk everyone’s ears off. It was even so extreme that once I invited a homeless person to my birthday party. (He never showed up, though, haha.) The people who were victim of my curiosity and enthusiasm would always respond to me with the same warmth, so I thought this was how all humans communicate. This was seemingly just how people treat young children, because they’re innocent. What made me odd as a kid was that I was emotionally hypersensitive. When, for example, a parent of one of my friends would yell at him/her, my friend wouldn’t really respond to it, and I would end up crying. In Kindergarten the diversity in people’s true nature came to my attention. The only thing I could give people through communication was my love – being mean wasn’t part of my skill set – which made me an easy target for bullies. (I had to learn how to be harsh to be able to fight off these people, and still feel uncomfortable invoking this “self defense mechanism”.)

Have you ever been bullied?

When you express your happiness, enthusiasm or love for someone you expect/hope to get something similar in return, right? (In “economic” terms: you would expect the “emotional marginal cost” – you saying something positive – to be equal to the “emotional marginal benefit” – the (positive) response you get.)  For some reason the effects of a negative response would emotionally weigh down on me for a much longer period. If I would tell someone “you have a nice shirt” and he/she would respond with “fuck you”, the memory of this would haunt me for days (or even weeks).

Meanness of others was one of the factors that made me dislike my life, since I was so sensitive. Another one was the education program I followed for children with an above average IQ. We used to do exercises which assisted us to reflect on our emotions and express these. This, however, made me realize how much I bottled up a lot of my feelings, and even though I shared them (in the group), no one would ever really understand them. So my emotional awareness became a burden.

Are you fully aware of your emotions?


Puberty and chronic loneliness were the two final factors that made me favor death over being alive. I was one of the first of girls in my class whose body started to develop, which made me feel very uncomfortable (especially because it went quite fast). And other kids would gossip about it, and that made it worse. But the funny thing about this is that, besides my boobs being too big for my age, I looked and sounded like a dude. And people would mistake me for one, depending on what (oversized) clothing I would be wearing. (My Borat mustache didn’t make it any better either, haha.) Bad looks weren’t the reason for my preferred demise, though, it was the judgment and mistreatment by people in my environment that came with it.

Were you confident about how you looked at the age of puberty?
Is it a given that people who look good get better treatment?

I was, am and always will be a total nerd. Most of my friends were (and are) guys, because my interests were “more manly”. (Gaming, programming, cars, etc. interest me more than shopping and make-up…) But even though my friends were really sweet, the feeling of inner loneliness was stronger. “Who created the universe?” “Why am I black?” “Who is God?” “Where do musicians get their inspiration from?” “Where am I from exactly?” “Do the stars always stay in the same formation through the night?” “Why do we have to go to school?” Were the questions on my mind, but nobody cared about that. (Especially in Kindergarten.) I started to question the purpose of life, but was brainwashed by the idea that we live to work long hours like mindless zombies, which seemed meaningless to me. (Back then I didn’t know there were other ways to survive.)

  • Escape @ writing, sports, piano, gaming. Passion @ writing, hoe. Less and less enjoyment.
  • Tired. Tired a, b, c. Would rather not exist than experience these emotions. I never signed up for this?
  • Monday? Afternoon. Sudden fit of anger & sadness. Grabbed knife. Grandma & sister. Couldn’t leave her, didn’t want it to happen to her too, watch out for her. Deal with myself: make it count. (When sh*t hits the fan….)
  • Anxiety: left-over weakness, being indifferent, scared to make mistakes. Business, but peers say get a job. Get a job. Get a job. I don’t want to waste my time and brain capacity! Do it anyway. Put mind to something like mom. Grandfather same ambition. Finish what he started.
Drafts, Online Diary

Friday April 20, 2018

11:57 (AM)

Good morning, my Cuddle
About an hour ago, I was able to get out of bed. I always wake up around 8 in the morning, but I don’t want to talk, if there are other people in the house, so I tend to hide underneath the sheets. I do talk to The Head Cuddle, though. I always say good morning to B. Then my skull moves, but I can’t hear him as clear as in the beginning anymore. This is going to be over very soon, though. Since I’m allowed to go to Paris next Wednesday. Finally I’ll be free… It will be the first time I’m out of the Netherlands by myself, and further away than Belgium. (I count that one time I was in Belgium with a friend of mine and my sister and her friend, when we forgot to buy cheese, so I Googled the supermarket and then ended up going there by myself, but the shop was closed by the time I got there and then the gps connection kept dropping so I was suddenly driving through the hills, as being outside of the country by myself as well. It was very nice speeding and listening to music, finally having a moment to myself. I was happy they let me go there by myself, in a way.)

(I haven’t even gone to The Open University “yet”…)

The first thing on my mind, with a lot of stress, is overseeing what still has to be done and how things should unfold, before I get paid by the government (my new study loan) coming Tuesday. [I’m sooooo happy I’m not in the Netherlands on Kingsday… That’s when things get beasty out here… Crazy drunk people everywhere… Kingsday is on Friday the 27th of April. On the 28th, “we leave for Surinam”. I’ll have two days of being happy, before the “I should go home now” pressure comes back. Will I see my Cuddle(s)? I don’t want to sleep alone there either…

I had some of the fish soup I had made for dinner yesterday, for breakfast. I don’t eat enough. Yesterday I ate a slice of bread, “a smoothie” and some fish soup. I was making more pictures of the house. This time, it was the kitchen, because I often say that there’s nothing to eat in the house. Then, my father always returns: “But all cupboards are over-stacked. You’re spoiled.” He’s very right about over-stacked cupboards. I’ll show you. Think about making yourself something to eat, but preferring solely natural foods.


Yeah… I clean the kitchen, but I think we have too much stuff…


A funny thing about this is, that if you would check, you’ll notice that 80% of the products are past due.


Pourridge, bread with cheese and fried noodles are what I always eat. But actually I would like to discover new foods. I don’t have a budget for that yet, though. My parents always buy frozen meat and fish. I prefer fresh fish. (Because I can clearly taste the difference…) I want to go to Egypt and India for inspiration.

Today, I hope to finish most of the structure and “filling” of Filling up all pages a little, adding pictures (with description), making sure all permalinks, tags and categories are the right ones, etc. I need to have my camera before Wednesday. My paperback edition arrives on Tuesday. Then, I’ll also book my train ticket. Maybe I should book the hotel in advance and then pay later, so that I have more options. I want to stay in a remote semi-luxurious hotel.

I also need to make “the real packing list”. I have made a lot of packing lists, in the last few months (basically all year), but I need to take into consideration what I can carry, what is “realistic” for two days and what I’ll truly need.

That is:
* My external hard drive
* My camera
* My notebooks
* Some panties
* Chargers of my phone and bluetooth earplugs
* Bluetooth earplugs
* My paperback episode
* Deodorant, soap, perfume, red lipstick, organic face cream, organic body oil, concealer (oh, the bags underneath my eyes………), eyeliner, eyebrow pencil, a new bronzer and new finishing powder (to buy. I really like this “gold” version of Black Opium. I’ll buy that one Tuesday. Maybe I can also buy some spacecake and walk from the city center back home instead of taking the metro (that’s an hour))
* Pens
* My passport
* My sunglasses and normal glasses case
* An extra shirt
* Cash
* A charged prepaid credit card
* Black inlegkruisjes (haha yeah I need a medic…)
(* A new phone case? This one isn’t protective, is broken and has a faded NFC sticker on it, which is my gym access pass.)

I’m not taking my laptop, because I haven’t bought it myself and my dad turned it into fraud money. He said it was a business expense and got back 21% of the purchase price. He can keep it. It’s old and has a bad netwerkkaart anyway. I formatted it already. I don’t want to leave a trace. Before I leave, I need to run the cleaner application and “delete all free space”.
I’ve bought the (1 TB) external hard drive myself, from my birthday money a few years ago.

Haha first I wanted to code this website myself, by the way. I wanted it to have a different design. Maybe I’ll still make my own stylesheet. I can picture how I want it to look. Too bad making it costs too much time. If it would have been fully self made, writing an article would take much longer as well.

My father asked me if I wanted to come along when he’s going to pick up my sister. I wanted to say “Hell no, because I don’t want to talk”. But I said “yes”… Fleh. My sister called my mother, crying, because she was stuck in an “internaat” with “someone who’s not nice”… I wish I had stayed in an internaat… And Azelie was really nice to me. She even thanked me and complimented me, when I had made her “welcome dinner” (an appetizer, the main coursr and dessert. I don’t normally cook like that anymore). I hope staying here wasn’t too traumatizing for her… The problem of my sister was that there were only three other people from her school in the internaat (= boarding school?), who are not her friends. They were staying at the houses of kids who don’t “live on campus”. Boohoo… I guess her exchange partner doesn’t like laying in bed or on the couch, gossiping and showing each other posts, while making the most cold hearted statements ever. I feel bad for her. (For Azelie, not for my sister. She had to sleep next to her since the first day she came to the Netherlands… She had to get used to people going to sleep at one o’ clock every night, on school days, the upstairs toilet that makes the sound of a steam train after flushing, the sanitair smelling like chlorine, my dad swearing the entire time and saying intimidating things to her in her native language, and so much more… That one time we went out for dinner, to this Indian restaurant, I hoped and saw that she came to sit across me, but my mother told her to sit at a different spot, next to my sister and her gossiping ugh friends. “Because sitting next to that schizophrenic must not be nice for her.” Fleh.)
During my exchange program, to Cologne, I saw a lot of “cluster forming” as well.

I want that notebook from my ex-boyfriend back… But how…?

It’s now 13:06… I guess I’ll take a shower and eat some more soup, because my stomach is so empty I feel tired and light-headed. I’m afraid I won’t have enough strength and faint. This “food struggle” I have every day.

14:51 (02:51 PM)

Just now, one of my “parole officers” called. (I saw her name on my phone screen, it interrupted the “Huncho Jack, Jack Huncho” album (nice chiasme, my cuddle), featuring one of my assessors. They don’t know he’s my assessor. And “my senator’s name is on the title”. I thought: “Am I going to pick up? I REALLLYYYYYY don’t want to… But I skipped the call from the other parole officer, too… I don’t want them to “take measures”…) To tell me I need to take another blood test… (I haven’t been taking the medication at all…) I should go to France on Tuesday, after my package has been delivered… I told her I was going to leave on Wednesday… If they see my blood is “clean”, I’m getting locked up…
Haha last time my blood values were “24 of a minimum of 100”. Then the “parole officer” said “well, we see you’re at least taking it”. I asked my father to ask them for a new medicine recipe (I just count the days and throw a way a few pills once in a while). “Now I need a stack for Suriname” hahaaaaaa. I’ll use it to prove these pills are fucking deadly.

I think it’s cool if I take the test at the last minute on Tuesday, then leave, then they, after a while, find out my blood is clean, but then I’m already gone or dead ahahahaha. If I don’t see my Cuddles in Paris… I’m not going on that train back to the Netherlands… I’d literally rather die hahaaaa. (My most special talent is being able to laugh about things that aren’t funny at all. My song “nootmuskaat”, I wrote for Valentine’s day 2018 (haha “RIP”… I haven’t even written about that in the first episode…)

15:18 (03:18 PM)
Well, here I am. In the car (my father’s newly bought dual touch screen having Volvo XC-90), with both my parents. I’m going to take a picture. After 1000 years. (I use these “overdrijvingen” often. Some fucking dumb people take that shit literally. To them: no, fucking idiot, I know I haven’t been alive for 1000 years. But it feels like it, by the way. In this stagnation of evolution.)

I have a hunger headache. Didn’t have time to warm some new soup. I was cleaning my room and checking if all my notebooks fit into my bag. I went downstairs, but forgot why when I was downstairs, then my father asked me if I wanted toast. I thought: “I don’t want to accept any offers of you, even though I’m fucking starving.” I grabbed a mandarine and went back upstairs.

Ugh, in a few, I’ll be listening to my sister’s “suffering” AND MY PARENTS SHOWING FUCKING COMPASSION. SOOO MUCH COMPASSION. I thought: “Wow, you know “empathy”… Why didn’t you know that when you were stabbing me in the heart?” If Paris doesn’t go through, because they want to take “parental measures” again, for whatever bullshit reason… I’m going to buy my camera and phone case now. They might say “Woooow you don’t know how to spend your money.” But I want to buy the 14-42 mm Olympus Pen-F… I’ve had that camera on my mind for a loooong time. I need a good camera for my “pocket documentary”.

15:50 (03:50 PM)
Fleh. The “pay later” option isn’t available… Shit… Well, I can also buy it in Paris.

Also, fuck my parents. We arrive at my sister’s school. We see her. She sees us. They don’t even wave to each other. She keeps standing at her friends.
My father parks on the pavement. They just leave the car and walk to her. They don’t ask me to come with, but they don’t leave a window open either. You don’t think I’m going to stand there with those people who only talk about shallow nonsense, right? I’m in a free sauna. Now I’ve opened the door with my foot.


It’s 22 °C outside, so all of the Netherlands is walking around in shorts. I’m wearing tights. My mother has already explicitly explained that wearing tights is weird.

Haaaa yeeeeeessss. “There was “beef”.” I’m afraid I’ll break my ear drums if I try to block out her voice with my music.

I’ve postponed taking my picture.


This is not my real picture smile, but I must say this is one of the most genuine looking smiles of the last more than 12 months.

By the way, after my mother dissed me and I realized it’s quite warm, I kept on my tights because I haven’t shaved my legs since EMC. There I shaved because of my basketball shorts. I prefer to wax them, though.

Bwaaaah she’s still talking shit about these people.

[Remind me of the “kijkersfile” skit. And The Blacklist.]

This was my “lunch”:

I hope I’ll be able to buy my camera on Tuesday. The Olympus Pen was a “cheap solution”, by the way. The camera I truly want is the Olympus OM-D E-M5 Mark II + 14-150mm – Silver. I have ordered my black phone case, though. I saw my “health allowance” was transferred (today?).

Happy 4/20, by the way. I’ve “celebrated” it twice. Once with my “friends”, once with my Cuddles, right after I had broken up with my boyfriend. (So I was solo.) I don’t know how to feel about this “international holiday” anymore… Haha I heard the Dutch government wants to “solve the drug problem” by starting to legally grow weed themselves. And then stop it after a while, because it’s “a social experiment”… Can I just… Take a moment to… AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA WHATTTT!??!!!?? I thought “creating peace by starting a war” was the dumbest thing people could say, but this one is just… Probably, because they also sell seeds, the amount of “illegal” weed sellers, who sell for a much lower price (I’ve heard. Sounds logical), are “making too much profit”. Are the “home growers” going to have to file a tax report? Hmmm…
Yes. Buying weed in government regulated weed stores is legal, but the transport of weed from the wherever it grows (that’s a gray area…) to the shops is illegal, just like growing it for “export” in the first place. Notice that I said “export”?

Question: What do the police/does the government do with all the drugs they claim at drug busts?

22:49 (10:49 PM, I wonder, if I keep “explaining the 24 hour clock”, if I then could stop using AM and PM… “The 24 hour clock” is my preference.)

I’ve done everything I wanted to do today. I even did a little more. I’ve uploaded the pictures from a fotoshoot I’d done when I was about 14 as well. And I added a few never uploaded snapchats. Tomorrow I’ll implement them in the pages on this blog. After I’ve finished my yoghurt, I’m going to sleep. I think I’ll meditate in front of a candle first. It has been a while since I’ve done that.

Also, I’ve been thinking about my time in Paris. I hope you’ll be able to show yourself to me, after I’ve crossed the border, my cuddle. I don’t even want to be alone in a hotel in a city I don’t know. I’d rather go somewhere fully remote, but still not by myself. Is it one cuddle? Is it all cuddles? Do I need medical assistance right away? I’m travelling without any clothes, though…


This always happens with the TV ahahaha mannnn. There are spider webs on the ceiling. Everything in this house annoys me. Luckily there are only five days left! I don’t look forward to the weekend, because that means “I will have to socialize more often” at home, and there will be more loud conversations from my neighbors, who talk about supermarket deals and other empty topics that make me cringe. It’s fine if you want to talk about it. I just don’t want to hear it. My parents always come to me to complain about their work. I want to tell them: “If it’s that annoying to you, why don’t you just quit? You have enough money to retire.” But they always disagree. Always. It doesn’t matter what the topic is. Fleh. In a few days my senses won’t be disturbed by their presence anymore, because I’ll be far away from them. I literally slightly flex my muscles all the time, because my father can jump up out of nowhere, see what I’m actually doing and fuck me up. I know I’m still able to fend him off a little, because he would often “play fight”. Then I would tell him: “Don’t do that.” Then he would FUCKING CONTINUE EVERY TIME. HE’S WAY TOO ROUGH MAN. IT HURTS WHEN HE HITS ME. In multiple ways. My body hurts, because he uses quite some force. It hurts that it’s fun to him. It hurts that that’s his way of “showing love”. Then it hurts because I use waaay more force to fend him off. But I keep holding back… He often tells me that “I’m quite strong”, when I use more force to fend him off. I still don’t use all of my force, because that’s against my morals. One time, I kicked him in the face a few times. But he was really asking for it. I was laying on the couch and he was suddenly tickling my foot. So I brought my foot closer to my body and told him to stop doing that. This guy says “hehehehehehe”, grabs my foot and continues. I started to kick him in the face with my free foot. My sister said: “Oooh you’re not allowed to do that.” Man, she swears at my parents. I don’t do that. He needs to keep his fucking hands off my body. He also always sits on my bed (and touches me?) without permission. Fleh.

I often have flashbacks like this. I try to suppress it, because if I let go, I’ll express all of my anger, sadness, powerlessness and secrets at once. Writing helps a little. What would help me the most is you reading this and not choosing my parents’ side, like all those snakes who tell me they’re on my side “and they want to help me”. (Wtf do I need help for? Wtf can they do besides gossip and watch Netflix? They’re too stupid to understand this. I’m not mentioning their names, but imagination Cuddles know it already. I tried to save them from “being shunned by them”, but they screwed it up themselves. “Too bad”. (Actually it’s a relief, because they would require too much attention anyway. I have better things to do.))

If you don’t mind, I’m going to throw with things (balls, fruit, vegetables, heavy objects) and yell a bit, in the first video episode. I really look forward to recording it! I want to show my anatomy is different. When I said this to the “main psychiatrist” at EMC, he said: “What’s the difference, then?” My goddddddd if I knew I wouldn’t have been there talking to him. He’s a threat to sane minds.

I hope my meditation session will give me more insight in how we’ll get together. (You picking me up at my house would still be the nicest, most comfortable way to leave. But my parents are crazy, so let’s play it safe…)

Good night, sweetie.


Blog, Drafts, Nosce Te Ipsum

Draft: [Nosce Te Ipsum I MUST READ!!!:] The Escape Plan

This “article” has had many versions. Getting to freedom isn’t easy. I guess risking a lot of bad publicity again, is the only way. May 22nd is all I have to say. I’m keeping this a draft.

Insiders know:

So, wandering around is not a problem to me, but could I get some cuddles, some good food and a ____(5) massage?

[My book club + witnesses + NTI government members (partially)]
#1 Leland Wayne (S)
#2 Jacques Webster (P)
#3 Quavious Marshall (S)
#4 Benoît Crutzen (P)
#5 Kendrick Duckworth (P)
#6 Solaná Rowe (P)
#7 DeAnthony Carlos (S)
#8 Sir Robert Hall II (P)
#9 Cameron Thomaz (S)
#10 Sander Renes (P)
#11 Lorenzo Dal Maso (P)
#12 Scott Mescudi (S)
#13 Johnny McKinzie Jr. (S)
#14 Herbert Stevens IV (S)
#15 Isaiah McClain (S)
#16 Jorja Smith (S)
#17 Aubrey Graham (S)
#18 Jhene Chilombo (S)
#19 Erica Wright (S)
#20 Calvin Broadus Jr. (S)
#21 Marshall Mathers III (S)
#22 Christopher Smith Jr (S)
#23 Ricardo Valentine (S)
#24 Tyler Okonma (P)
#25 Sydney Bennett (S)
#26 Thebe Kgositsile (S)
#27 Christopher Ocean (S)
#28 Jahkoy Palmer (S)
#29 Rakim Mayers (S)
#30 Brandon Paak (S)
#31 Abel Tesfaye (S)
#32 Sean Anderson (S)
#33 Kanye West (S)
#34 Kai Wright (S)
#35 Tahj Chandler (S)
#36 Khalif/Aaquil Brown (S)
#37 Jermaine Cole (S)
#38 Sir Darryl Farris (S)
#40 Donald Trump (P/S)
#41 Vladimir Putin (P/S)
#42 Jayson Jenkins (S)
#43 Shayaa Abraham-Joseph (S)
#44 Louis Celestin (S)
#45 Tauheed Epps (S)
#46 Christopher Brown (P)
#47 Jill Scott (S)
#48 Beyonce (S)
#49 Vincent Staples (S)
#50 Jillian Banks (S)
#51 Joseph Adenuga (S)
#52 Olubowale Akintimehin (S)
#53 Tyrone Griffin (S)
#54 Micheal Stevenson (S)
#55 Donald Glover (S)
Barney Artist (S)
Snoh Aalegra (S)
Louis Mattrs (S)
Jordan Rakei (S)
Flatbush Zombies (S)
After The Smoke (S)
Quelle Chris (S)
Khalid (S)
Childish Gambino (S)
Dawn Richard (S)
De Jeugd Van Tegenwoordig (S)
Desiigner (S)
Disclosure (S)
Electric Wire Hustle (S)
Gene Fisher (S)
Gregory Porter (S)
J*DaVeY (S)
Jean Deaux (S)
José James (S)
Junglepussy (S)
Justin Timberlake (S)
Kirk Knight (S)
Kwamie Liv (S)
Kodak Black (S)
Lil Pump (S)
Lil Yachty (S)
Lil Uzi (S)
Omari (S)
Omar (S)
Post Malone (S)
Ravyn Lenae (S)
Roméo Elvis (S)
Roy Woods (S)
Thundercat (S)
Bryson Tiller (S)
Miloh Smith (S)
OG Maco (S)
Busta Rhymes (S)
Little Simz (S)

Please note: the list is based on intuitive guesswork. “Het Liée” will show whether my guesswork is right or not.

Not only those who want to lock me up, block me from the work I want to do. Those who market selling weapons as well. Flehs! You’re all a bunch of murderers! (Those who want to lock me up are fucking murderers, too! You know I’m suicidal as fuck!) We will win this case!!!

5 = a word you can pick yourself, that means “a lot of force”. My (back) muscles are abnormally tight…

Notes to self:
[Maak dit onderdeel van de “Online Heist” video: Lil Fangs for President [Non-insiders looking for drama: don’t make a scene out of this, because it’s way more innocent than it seems.]
The solution to unstable markets: Daniëlle Elia’s private online stock (Versax is the public version)]

Art, Drafts


“That looks cool. Is that Medusa?” “No… But thanks.” I didn’t want to make anything “Medusa related”, I just wanted to show a beautiful body, with “big hair”, sitting in a meditative position, resembling calmth. I shaped the body out of one piece of clay, I first made cylinder shaped. The hair was attached later, just like the layer of black glass paint. I made this in the hospital as well.

“Zendusa on dusty piano.” (It sounds like a saloon piano.)