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Online Diary

Blog, Online Diary

Monday May 7, 2018

07:20 (AM) Good morning <3 How was your night? I think I’ve slept about an hour in total. My father was watching a movie on his laptop, so the light reflections on the wall kept me awake. Then my skin and eyes started to act up so I was very itchy and after that, my father was snoring so loud I just couldn’t find the concentration to fall asleep. I just decided to listen to music, while attempting to fall asleep again, but wanted to write some and make an audio recording of the noise. I also closed the blinds,…

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Blog, Online Diary

Sunday May 6, 2018

19:29 (07:29 PM) Good evening, my cuddle How’s your day? I swam a bit today, made some pictures of monkies in the trees here, packed, ate and listened to people’s conversations. I do that A LOT, by the way. But I often don’t mention it.  Oof, I was helping with putting the luggage in my aunt’s car, when I got stung by a dozen ants on my feet. I have been having “bad luck” so often lately x_x. I hope I won’t have that when I sneak out again… “Sneak out” sounds very “rebel teenager”-ish, but that’s not me. All…

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Blog, Online Diary

Saturday May 5, 2018

13:48 (01:48 PM) I just had lunch at a “warung” (if I’m correct)? I made a picture of the street dogs who were chilling there. Revenge of The Nerds (The became the due to some autocorrect measure, but I want it to be The). My sister and… My cousin…? Are buying batminton rackets now. My uncle, his friend and I are waiting in the car. I talk about flehs a lot, but I think my uncle and aunt, whose house we’re staying at, are really chill. They don’t randomly insult you and then laugh about it. Also, I really like…

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Blog, Online Diary

Friday May 4, 2018

17:25 (05:25 PM) Hi Cuddleeee <3 I’ve recorded the audio for the intro of EPisode 1 not so long ago. I started on track 2 as well. But my voice… The airconditioning has given me a cold… I thought of just not recording the singing and rapping part, but then I would be back at depending on written text, and people don’t like reading, so I have to it this way… I need my real life :[. I don’t want to do this fleh shit anymore. 19:30 (07:30 PM) Oh shit… Tomorrow we leave at 11 AM and there’s no…

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Blog, Online Diary

Thursday May 3, 2018

01:46 (AM) Good… Moment of the day to write something? I’ve just “finished” all instrumental versions of all 5 tracks of Nosce t’ipsum EP(isode) 1: Revenge of the Nerds. I thought I wouldn’t be able to finish it before I stay in the jungle with my family for the weekend, but it seems like I’ll still succeed… This is really funny because the last time I “seriously” used Reason, before after Paris, I was six years old. Then, I was able to make entire songs, without an external keyboard.  This time, I “had to get to know the software again”….

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Blog, Online Diary

Monday April 30, 2018

12:33 (PM) It fucking happend again. I type half a book, then my text doesn’t get saved. Fleh. I wrote a lot about being in Surinam and being discovered as an artist.  Oh and that I made a Twitter account: @_lilfangs. I hadn’t mentioned it here yet, but I made it when I was in Paris.  Today, I hope I’ll be able to finish a few instrumental versions of a few of my jams. I’m going to shower and eat now, while hoping I don’t get eaten by these guard dogs here, when I walk from my aunt’s guest house…

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Blog, Online Diary

Sunday April 29, 2018

22:08 (10:08 PM) Good evening, my cuddle How was your day? I’m standing in the bathroom, because I have a better internet connection here. I’m downloading an voice changer app on my phone. The daily updates of Saturday and Friday are “still being uploaded”… It’s because of the bad wifi connection… There were a few foto’s in them. I think that’s the reason it’s taking so long. So my coming mobile updates will be solely textual. I do want to show you some pictures, though, so I’ll find a way to still get them online somehow. Today, I’ve been busy…

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Blog, Online Diary

Saturday April 28, 2018

10:57 (AM) Good morning, my Cuddle I’m at the gate now, about to fly to Paramaribo. Just like last year. I see history repeat itself. I have been contemplating suicide again, but every time I think I’m out of strategies for freedom, I get an epiphany. I had to travel to a fewstores to find it, in Paris, but if I wouldn’t have had this Akai MPK keyboard, I wouldn’t have survived this trip forsure. It sounds like a materialistic exaggeration, wanting to commit suicide over not having a music instrument. (I will soon stop criticizing myself like this.) I…

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Drafts, Online Diary

Thursday April 26, 2018

12:17 (PM) Good afternoon 😀 I had breakfast in the morning, around 09:30. Then I wanted to take a nap, but I couldn’t fall asleep. I’m kind of stressed out because of Surinam… I decided that I should buy a MIDI keyboard with a drum kit, so that I can practice making beats. And buy a handbag, for “travelling ease”. I’ll also need a bottle of water (because as a tourist, I’m not supposed to drink water from the tap, they always say). So, my next “impulse strategy for freedom” is making beats. Just like the episode was “an impulse…

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Drafts, Online Diary

Wednesday April 25, 2018

07:39 (AM) Good morniing! How was your night? 10:03 (AM) The train is riding… I feel so much weight getting taken off my shoulders right now… I’m in this private booth in the train ahahahaha. I kind of feel like “a boss” sitting in this train comfortably, knowing that accross the border, there are different rules. Finally no more people talking to me as if I’m insane… Okay, they will be calling me, but will I be picking up… Ah fleh, why do I keep thinking of these people x_x. I kind of want to take a nap… But I…

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Blog, Online Diary

Tuesday April 24, 2018

02:22 (AM) Good morning…? I can’t sleep… Often when I type “good night” I take hours to fall asleep. Because I want to go running later today, I checked the weather. Then I checked my Instagram account for updates on my timeline. And I checked my bank account… It’s finally over!!! No more being broke!!!!!! I’ve claimed my train tickets right away. On 10 AM in the morning, tomorrow, I’m in the train, first class, to Paris! I’m so hypedddddd!! But I need to try to go back to sleep, because I’ll have the same sleeping struggle tomorrow… I know…

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Blog, Online Diary

Monday April 23, 2018

10:20 (AM) Gooood morning! Two more nights left!! Are you as excited as I am? I need to cuddle youu. To stop my hidden sadness :[. Meow…….. Today I have to cook, go to “my psychiatric psychologist” and pick up the pills. Apparently I can use it (the pills) as “an excuse to lay around”. When my father saw me lay on the couch, a few days ago (while writing an article), he asked if the laziness was a side-effect of the pills I was taking. I told him: “Yes, of course.” As long as he doesn’t read my blog…

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Blog, Online Diary

Sunday April 22, 2018

14:14 (02:14 PM) Goeie middag :] ( = the informal variant of good afternoon, in Dutch) How was your night? As usual, I woke up from the noise outside, but I stayed in bed for hours. My stomach loud, my energy level so low I can’t get up. I didn’t know what to make for “breakfast”, that always turns into “lunch”. After a while, I smelled the scones in the oven. I got up to brush my teeth, after having played a few rounds of Spider solitaire and having scrolled down the new posts on my Instagram timeline. When I…

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Blog, Online Diary

Saturday April 21, 2018

15:20 (03:20 PM) Heeii  I have survived the most nerve-wrecking moment of all time: telling my mother I’ve booked a hotel in Paris… If she says “no”, I need to go to Suriname. But Liée! She only said that it’s not “gezellig”. (A word that doesn’t really exist in English. “Cosy” should come close to an explanation, they say, but it’s more “together, laughing about things for simple-minded people”. When you have spent your entire day with someone, talking about the news and gossiping and laughing about other people’s misery, you go home and say: “Het was gezellig!”, which means:…

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Drafts, Online Diary

Friday April 20, 2018

11:57 (AM) Good morning, my Cuddle About an hour ago, I was able to get out of bed. I always wake up around 8 in the morning, but I don’t want to talk, if there are other people in the house, so I tend to hide underneath the sheets. I do talk to The Head Cuddle, though. I always say good morning to B. Then my skull moves, but I can’t hear him as clear as in the beginning anymore. This is going to be over very soon, though. Since I’m allowed to go to Paris next Wednesday. Finally I’ll…

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Online Diary

Wednesday April 18, 2018

20:58 (08:58 PM) Hiii my cuddle (I like using 3 I’s. For HiiiPower reasons. (Shoutout to my cuddle K-cuddle. “I see you”. Ahahahah. Oh and a lot of cuddles to my Cuddle Cat. I wish I was there with you… I thought I was the only one who had to deal with those “close friends” who say they’re your biggest supporters, but are the most unsupportive.)) I must give my mother some credit for trying to save the last bit of this family. I don’t think she would listen to me for relationship advice, especially not when I say: “Leave…

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Online Diary

Tuesday April 17, 2018

10:57 AM Good morning! How did you sleep? Currently, I’m in the metro. I’m on my way to stop Eendrachtsplein, to buy a few pre-rolled joints. After that I’m going to buy some groceries for dinner. I need to make the mathematics test today. It’s due at 23:59 (11:59 PM). I’d rather keep my focus on Nosce Te Ipsum, but since I’ve requested study financing, which I’ll receive on the 24th of April, and I want to keep having the right to receive this, I need to keep “being an official student” (so to not drop out) until I’m free….

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Blog, Online Diary

Monday April 16, 2018

Hi Cuddle How was your day? Today I’ve gone home after having stayed at my grandmother’s house since last week Saturday (April 7th). During that time I’ve cooked for her, we’ve gone to a cafe for some coffee (and chocolate milk for me, since I can’t handle caffeine that well), we’d visited her physician and we played bingo together with her friends… That doesn’t really sound like fun activities for a 21 year old, but I just needed a change of scenes. (At home I heard: “Stop sitting behind that computer. You’re making your head too full,” too often. I’m…

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