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Online Diary

Blog, Ex Animo, Images, Nosce Te Ipsum, Online Diary, Random Thoughts, Reflections

Sunday, December 23, 2018

[I wrote this unfinished piece of post yesterday around 7 PM, but then something happened, and because of that, I still will not finish it. I’ll explain it to you 🙂 . Between the three dotted lines is the unfinished piece of post.] — My Cuddle ♥ Excuse my previous madness 🙁 . It’s a side effect that comes with my ambition. I hope you still love me. I get so mad, because I love you and I can’t stand that I can’t be with you 🙁 . I had a lot of fun with my mother yesterday. When we…

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Saturday, December 22, 2018

01:11 (AM)  What’s good, my meow ♥ I’m loving the look of the renewed D.O.C.I.S. International website. Too bad I probably won’t be able to finish it before going to sleep. My mother will be here tomorrow at one o’clock, so I need to be ready before that time.  How I feel about it? It’s better if I just casually change the topic of this, because oh my god all of the shit that is happening to me and has been done to me should have been fucking illegal. I don’t live in my own home, eh.  My options if I…

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Friday, December 21, 2018

03:47 (AM)  Haha my e-mail was sent at 03:45 (AM). It has 5169 words and is 8 pages, if you would copy-paste the text to a word document, excluding the PDF attachment file (my curriculum vitae). They [info websites on how to approach high ranked people] always say that it’s important to keep it short. But I like to stand out in the way I express myself. Plus, I really had to make clear why I approached him for this and not the recruitment staff. Also, I think I made it a very fun read 🙂 .  Haha but I…

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Thursday, December 20, 2018

00:43 (12:43 PM)  Meow 😻 ♥ Haha change of plans Pascale bought me two six-packs of them ♥ . I prefer to not have to leave my bed, when I’m tired and hungry at the same time.  I don’t know what I should do now that I have something exciting and new obligations, while my body pains are increasing further. It’s now not only my back anymore. It’s my full torso :'( . I totally forgot that the increasing pain got to its peak within 72 hours, the last time I was hospitalized. Now, the pain makes me shake. Shake…

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Wednesday, December 19, 2018

03:57 (AM)  My Cuddle ♥ Haha I still intend to go back to sleep… I was hoping that spontaneous “going to bed before 12” [ended up eating some more and reading some of my own articles, after which I sent that fleh email to the embassy] was going to give me a proper sleeping rhythm…  But all of that late night reasoning in my bed, the rest of the hours I wasn’t typing, has made me hungry… Again x_x. I’ve taken half a pill of paracetamol before going to sleep. I usually don’t take things like that, because I prefer…

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Tuesday, December 18, 2018

00:19 (12:19 PM)  I’ve added some more text to 180 Days of Fangs. Haha woww in between September 21 and today, I’ve gone to Germany three times… And now suddenly I’ve been staying in Amsterdam, since the last time I came back from Germany. Around September, I was still staying with “my parents”. Turbulence level over 9000… I’m going to do some stretching/yoga, by means of being nice to my spinal column [wervelkolom (NL), Wirbelsäule (DE)] after being so bed petty… By petty I don’t mean the urban dictionary word petty!! I don’t like the urban dictionary form of petty….

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Monday, December 17, 2018

02:57 (AM)  Ah meoow why doesn’t my funny video in yesterday’s article show on my mobile browser 🙁 .  I’ve worked some on 180 Days of Fangs. Reflecting on this year makes me want to fucking die. If celebrating Christmas, still without my Cuddles and Graeynissis, with another family, still goes through, I think that will be one painful memory too much. New Year’s in bed by myself would be de klap op de vuurpijl [PUN HAHA*] that would make me prefer to sleep forever.  * De klap op de vuurpijl is a figure of speech. It means surprise, but…

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Sunday, December 16, 2018

02:25 (AM)  I loved the birthday party! I hope the birthday girl had a great time, too 🙂 Ahh meow why am I always a cooperative person when someone tries to get into my pants…. As if I’m the wingman at the same time :'( [??? FUCKIBG help me pls becayse this is goung to get me pregnant and I don’t want that yoooo. I want isolation from the opportunity of “being pulled in a plebian instead of gyptian way”. It should just be someone who loves me 🙁 . I’m too much of a wild street cat who needs…

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Saturday, December 15, 2018

00:38 (12:38 PM)  Because of the painful situation I’m in – the brokeness, my business is still undeveloped, I have been kicked out of my parents’ house at age 22 and don’t have money for buying or renting my own house – I really want to escape my perception, especially now that the holidays are coming up.  “On the bright side”, last year’s Christmas was so fucked up that it’s impossible to have a worse one. Last year, I was in the psychiatric ward, not allowed to leave, no matter how often I begged, but I was allowed to have…

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Friday, December 14, 2018

02:22 (AM)   Okay I’m drnk. As tck t cpbt. Cate agount autovorrwcth  I patu qltuct to much strength j car  wtjpbtbbbj Tahrg  Red bj.  En hhhcjcjrbt e reoejentiu  Thrve whh i cihen sar i I shouldn’t cate  Carew Clabiur aytovorrecr  Aotocorrekt  Suppper klrrekt  13:42 (01:42 PM)  Good afternoon ♥ I hope you still love me 😀 The party was a lot of fun. I found my friend the best DJ of the night 🙂 .  I see the looser version of myself poetically worried about the clarity of my writing…  I’m going to try to get myself out of bed……

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Thursday, December 13, 2018

00:01 (12:01 PM)  Will this be the strategy that leads to clarity and success at once…? 😀 I’m now working on my official proposal for The Nosce Te Ipsum Thesis. If I could find some Graeynissis who would like to mark it and invest in it, I would become the happiest Cuddle ever :D.  This will be the new cornerstone of D.O.C.I.S. International. When I’m done writing it out, I’ll adapt the website to it.  Here are some pictures of my screen [I’m still editing it]: 01:29 (AM)  I hoped to be able to finish it in one night, but…

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Wednesday, December 12, 2018

00:54 (12:53 AM)  It was nice, at the gym. It has been a literal decade since I’ve done pull-ups. I’ve pushed myself beyond my limit, though. I always squat with a bar on my shoulders with 10 kg weights on each end. At the second set, my legs were so shaky that I switched to light cardio and yoga for my cool down. (While I should have just stopped completely, actually…) The regular random picture of the screen of the cross trainer I often make when I go to the gym haha: I call someone my Cuddle, when I want…

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Tuesday, December 11, 2018

00:14 (12:14 PM)  Has anyone seen my B?  🙁 Could anyone send me a B? I need an investor and right hand, bitte… I also miss him in general :(. Living without him is not good for my heart, my meow. Here’s a picture of the dinner I was happy to eat, yesterday: And after having had a nice conversation with my unofficial relatives with whom I’m staying – they say they’ll never kick me out 😀 – I later wrote in my new notebook: I’m the last person in the living room. I’m going to shut the lights off…

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Monday, December 10, 2018

00:28 (12:28 PM)  My Cuddle ♥ I’m on the last train of many transfers since I missed that one transfer, because of the delay of the first train.  It worries me that even though I have some publicity, I’ve still unwantedly been a girlfriend experience, in a relationship that is/was the greatest miscommunication ever. He invited me over to the spa for the next day, the first time I saw him. That I said yes to that didn’t mean that I wanted to be intimate with him. I’ve gone to a nudist spa center and there I could just be…

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Monday, December 10, 2018

13:00 (01:00 PM)  Good afternoon ♥ I’m happy to be a part of the loving family I’m staying right now.  I had uploaded such a long Monday, December 10, 2018 post already, but somehow I keep losing data. It’s probably some bot that keeps messing with what I upload. Ah, grrrr. I can’t wait to say fuck this website and switch to printed works and privately owned platforms, while making real life changes with you. I’m not earning from this anyway. I touched on so many different topics, in the article that just vanished from my list of articles, I’m so…

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Sunday, December 9, 2018

04:41 (AM)  I randomly got a crazy headache that is now keeping me awake. I can’t sleep next to someone else and sleep properly, I’ve noticed. Maybe I’ll be able to do this with my B? Because I don’t like sleeping alone :(. ~•~ 13:28 (01:28 PM)  One thing that’s so absurd that it’s funny, is the plenty: “Hey, how’s it going?” texts I’m receiving (from “my parents”). You can read how I’m doing right here [not good], if you want to know. I don’t like to talk about it in real life.  The tension increases as I mention what…

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Saturday, December 8, 2018

02:58 (AM) My literal glass of wine is nice. Spontaneous visits make me want to stay where the conversation is.  ~•~ 04:27 (AM)  We’re going club hopping. My phone is about to die xxx ~•~ 17:34 (05:34 PM)  Good afternoon 🙂 Last night was the first night I’ve gone out dancing, in Berlin. It was such a fun experience :D.  I’m the type of person who stays on the dancefloor all night. After having been refused at a few clubs – it was unfair :(… just because my crew members have a few grey hairs, I heard – we got…

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Friday, December 7, 2018

19:53 (07:53 PM)  “Viewer discretion is advised”¿ I’m doing something right now, I’m scared of doing. I don’t know why I’m not allowed to share this? The thing with the weed… At a very crucial moment in my temporary career as diary poster, someone tweaked the file on my phone. I was checking what I wrote on LilFangs.com, and again, I saw the dates change to dates in the past. I for sure did not do that. Why the fuck would I do that? What’s the point of doing that? I decided to change the password to this account, hoping…

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Friday, December 7, 2018

17:00 (05:00 PM)  Good afternoon! I’m sad to say that now, since I received only one submission, one verbal expression of interest and my “house Cuddle” – I have a lot to say about this, I might mention, but I’m afraid to be honest, because I’m always very definitive in my honesty – it’s going to be mission impossible to organize that event and assign positions, if I have so few people cooperating, for Christmas. [I’m so sick and tired of the small talk dinner, so I was trying to create an alternative.] I’m going to take the release date…

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Thursday, December 6, 2018

01:13 (AM)  Okayy today I’m reallyyy going to the doctor’s. I hope I’ll have enough energy and confidence this time.  Note to future self: this is another turning point. There should be an end to doctor’s visits without going home with a solution that makes you feel the best way in the long term. I still have a lot of symptoms I don’t talk about 24/7. I don’t intend to die before having set up my company and also not without having met my B in this new context.  Without being able to identify myself, I really don’t like to…

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Wednesday, December 5, 2018

01:09 (AM)  Hii my Cuddle ♥ I have no idea what I’m doing anymore x_x. Ich brauch Engagement :(. And some money so that I can be independent :D.  Other than that, I just came “back online” to say good night.  Good night ♥ – xxx – ~•~ 12:49 (PM)  Good afternoon 🙂 How’s your day?  I’m back in bed after having eaten breakfast – for me, it was breakfast, for him, maybe not – made by my house mate. Tea, seasoned tomatoes and mini baguettes with salmon, of which some were topped with mustard and some were topped with…

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Tuesday, December 4, 2018

00:41 (12:41 AM)  *Greetings again¿* So today I will go to the Dutch embassy… *flashback to something I wrote earlier about authorities + my conscious x_x…*  I don’t have any form of identification with me. I think I left my bag on the bench in the locker room… That’s how I lost all of the cards I had with me x_x.  I consciously write this very personal information down on my website. In the end, people spit in “for and against” debates about the content. That is always with online things people keep an eye on.  Keep an eye on…

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Monday, December 3, 2018

00:14 My Cuddle ♥ I now have 15% of battery life left, until the end of time, since I’m now bankcardless and thus I can’t buy a new phone charger.  I hope you’ve had a great weekend. I hope I’ll have a great weekend one day.  Here are some pictures I made yesterday but didn’t publish: I’m still going to write some mails to investment companies, I guess. I really prefer to get an individual to sign with me,  instead of an organization, though…  I’ll be getting fucked up as fuck with my Cuddle, who – so cute – is…

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Sunday, December 2, 2018

03:40 Ciao ♥ Today, now that I’m certain no one was fully up-to-date and approving of the proposed format of Project Nosce Te Ipsum/”the application process”, since I haven’t received any e-mails and/or responses to any works [my reality, which I hope will change… I feel alone in my ideas], I have – when it comes to maintaining my well-being – three options: Approach investors who seek for opportunities online [e.g. in the city I’m currently in (Berlin)] Find a job here “Find a publishing alternative [a fellow propagandist… They’re hard to find…]” [It’s not easy, but it’s my only…

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Saturday, December 1, 2018

16:01 I think I should get ready for switching to pen and paper only!  D.O.C.I.S. includes the steps that need to be taken to constitute a communal D.O.C.I.S. International.  Examples of corporate assignments are: Architecture and Real Estate During Project Nosce Te Ipsum, D.O.C.I.S. International seeks investors for supporting corporate change. One of the main aspects of this project is developing a corporate society. I have some plans for the construction of a sustainable corporate village…. Or a sustainable corporate metropolitan… It depends on how many people will send me an e-mail. The deadline is December 24, 2018. After that,…

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Saturday, December 1, 2018

00:34 I can’t stand when I write something and then, due to an error, I lose it x_x.  How do I incentivize you to engage in something? I’ve been to get you to approach me in real life… For a very long time… Waaaay too long :D.   Hi, my name is Lil Fangs, and I’m saying “Fuck this shit,” about simplifying my content. I like my content pure. Yes, it’s a lot to read, but my use of language is not that hard. Know that no one can force me to say sorry to anyone. No one should do that…

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Saturday, December 1, 2018

00:13 “Hey, ken jij de wrok van Lil Fangs?” “Nee man, hoezo dan?” Because I’m going crazy :D. Is my writer’s perspective that hard to understand? 🙁 You know that in the situation I’m in, you really can’t be expecting me to be dancing around in some video. We’ve been at for this so long, right!? 

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Friday, November 30, 2018

01:29 The time has come to propose my final attempt to the public. To constitute a board of an international holding that puts into practice plans for a new society.  The most important part is that after the campaign, I receive a lot of e-mail engagement. Currently, I have only one person who, just now, accepted my verbal offer for becoming “Head Architecture and Design”. I need to make a general contract for becoming part of The D.O.C.I.S. Community. That is what I’ll do tomorrow.  Good night – xxx – 10:36 Good morning ♥ How was your night? I’m still…

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Thursday, November 29, 2018

01:46 I don’t know what to say… I just didn’t expect the sudden motive to free myself from palpitations and extreme blood thirst yesterday.  Excuse my non-Docisness… I wish I could find the shortness of words to break down all of “what the company does” down at once. But I’m very tired :[. I actually really need to visit doctor Cuddle. I don’t know how to achieve that, though, since I don’t have that much to spend and I really want to stop involving “my parents” in my financial life. I want to financially depend on Cuddles :D. [Only to…

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Wednesday, November 28, 2018

00:20 Er zit een witte pukkel op mijn rechterbil. I always get that when I scratch myself, because I’m allergic to formaldehyde… And some cats, by the way… Do you mind if I skip the book and continue with the recruitment? Today, I‘ll make D.O.C.I.S. International a single page with the explanation of Project Nosce Te Ipsum and include a sign-up form. Then I wrap up the story, because if you’d start to catch up after November 30th, you might be swamped for a while, I just realized. I’ve never written this much in my life. I have been guessing…

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Tuesday, November 27, 2018

00:37 I can’t stand when I edit an online document and the connection drops and then it doesn’t save the recently added text x_x.  Tomorrow, I have nothing to do but writing. That’s nice :D.  The performance night was nice! It gave me a lot of things to think about and it brought back a lot of memories.  I smoked some weed, cleaned the tea boiler and made myself tea, analyzed my statistics like I do daily – just like a lot of reasoning in silence – and as usual, I feel the need to write everything down that is…

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Monday, November 26, 2018

01:06 My Cuddle ♥ It is four days until the release of the free ebook D.O.C.I.S.. I have shown images of company logos for free on my website, in case you want to press charges and/or need information on this.  The Facebook ad might have directed me to you… These topics are consciously picked, though… [[though]=Doch, in German :D. I included a mini language course in German in my diary post] If you have just discovered this, I mentioned in earlier online diary episodes, I keep a diary while I am trying to find an investor. The “recruitment” [I am…

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Sunday, November 25, 2018

13:42 Good afternoon!♥ How’s your weekend? What’s your opinion on the existence of the weekend? On the island D.O.C.I.S. International intends to start, the rhythm of functions of days is not that fixed. Your days off are adapted to what your body needs. In my current life, it isn’t fixed either. I work every day…? Usually people get paid to work, haha….. I’m promoting my locally hosted ebook on social media… What the fuck happened to our society that that now currently social media sets the standard for the public…  Now, I’m playing along, but know that after the release…

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