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Van mezelf tot mezelf

Dinsdag, 1 januari 2019 Het was een heel gewaagd eerste artikel, gister. Ik wil echt niet eerst moeite doen om gewaardeerd te worden in Nederland. Wanneer het aan komt op entertainment (en dan nog niet eens te beginnen over politiek en/of het zakenleven), is Nederland de meest (onnodig) koude en harde jury aller tijden. Niet alleen de proleten thuis op de bank. Ook de “media grootheden”. Iedereen blaft zijn of haar koude en harteloze mening en lacht daar zelfs vervolgens om. Want dat is wat humor is, tegenwoordig. Je hebt er geen hersencellen meer voor nodig. Iedereen heeft altijd iets…

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Tuesday, January 1, 2019

00:00 (12:00 AM)  My love ♥ Just a minute ago, the time indicator on your phone said “2018”, the way it did all year, and now, it says “2019”!!! And that for another year!!! Apparently that is a reason to pollute the environment with fireworks and get veryyyy intoxicated. I get the getting intoxicated part. I hope you’re having fun, wherever you’re at.  I’m here, all by myself. War veterans and I are silently going crazy on the inside. I hope no one blows up the house I’m in 🙂 .  Especially on a day like this, I am so…

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Blog, Ex Animo, Nosce Te Ipsum, Online Diary, Random Thoughts, Reflections

Doe eens iets geks? 

Iets wat ik nog nooit heb gedaan, is een post helemaal in het Nederlands schrijven. Wat betreft grammaticaregels [ik kan het beter “alleen maar uitzonderingen” noemen] is het sowieso een verschrikkelijke taal, dus wijk ik algauw liever uit naar een wat toegankelijkere taal. Puur om geklaag te vookomen.  Vele Nederlanders hebben me aangeraden om eerst te beginnen met het veroveren van de Nederlandse markt, voordat ik internationaal ga. Ik heb drie heel zwaar wegende argumenten om dit niet te doen:  Het doel van mijn missie betreft alle landen ter wereld, [JA, “KOMMA EN”] en het Engels is een internationale taal. …

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Monday, December 31, 2018

01:52 (AM)  I’m back in Amsterdamm My sister’s birthday was nice. I had some good non-microwave-level conversations 🙂 . But I’m still cuddleless 🙁 . When people asked me where I’m going, when I left my own home, about an hour ago, I told them I’m going to party in Amsterdam on New Year’s. I had to say that. I mean my parents are going to party as well, on New Year’s, so being alone could have been in my own room as well, but that’s not the same. The amount of bad memories I have about my own bedroom…

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Sunday, December 30, 2018

15:22 (03:22 PM)  Good afternoon 🙂 Today we celebrate my sister’s 17th birthday ♥. I’ve chosen her name. I was sick at home and my parents were somewhere else. A reality TV show about a hospital was on, where they showed the birth of a child. She was named Kayleigh. I found that such a pretty name, that I called my mother to tell her that I wanted to propose a name for my sister to be. And now we’ll party until sunrise, to celebrate Kayleigh, together with all of our parents’ friends (haha what). The time goes by so…

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Blog, Drafts, Nosce Te Ipsum, Popular Posts, Random Thoughts, Reflections

A trauma

Who would you listen to? A group of people who express their care about someone, by, with a large budget, starting a campaign about how they miss someone and how that person “is now a lost cause”, because she has smoked quite a few joints, then became a lot less socially active person and decided to never come home again, or “the lost cause”, who has a very alternative view on the world and is, with a very low budget, trying to change the world, currently by legally bending the law, from her bedroom at her parents’ house? Apparently the…

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Saturday, December 29, 2018

01:41 (AM)  Heeyy♥ I’m almost done with the fundraiser pages. I’m now finishing Fangs’s Volta. Only when I’m fully done with everything I need to take care of, I will go to sleep. That is the text of the last form, the sign up form and making a slider. I fully destroy my heart and brain with the ways I’m trying to do things for the greater good, without ever taking a break. I hope this fundraiser will lead to me finally being able to make that change and live happily. I’m actually crying silently right now, because the stress…

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Friday, December 28, 2018

03:33 (AM) ♥♥♥ The proposal page and the 2019’s reform article are done. The Fangs’s Fundraisers page is made, but I’ll finish that tomorrow.  I’m going to get ready for bed. I hope you’ll be tuning in to the making of the fundraisers’ page as well, today’s afternoon 🙂 . I also reallyyyy hope you’ll donate! [Especially to the funding of a better life for me… I want to be able to be all by myself and/or with Graeynissis on New Year’s… Really… Being stuck in this life from the start of 2019 as well would be too painful… I…

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Blog, Nosce Te Ipsum, Reflections

2019’s Reform

My original strategy for making large-scale changes to the system, was very subtle. It was my intention to accomplish it independently, instead of doing it via the democratic system – because I don’t believe in it. For the change I want to make, which includes a more eco-friendly economic system, as well as a safe haven in case the Netherlands flood again, I want to buy an island and declare it an independent state, with its own constitution, its own currency and an alternative legal system. Throughout my writings, Planet Fang – which is what I want to name the…

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Thursday, December 27, 2018

00:22 (12:22 AM)  My love ♥ We’ve almost gotten ourselves through the holidays. I hope you’re enjoying the experience, but have not become so attached to it that you’d be one of those who insist that the annual routine of life right now, will be the exact same in 30 years. I think I have a healthy alternative for you. There are many things on my list for today. Regarding my political aspirations and the current state of my business (branding). I hope I’ll finally be able to break down everything on Graeyniss level and I pray you’ll anticipate in…

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Blog, Ex Animo, Images, Online Diary, Random Thoughts, Recipes, Reflections

Wednesday, December 26, 2018

01:57 (AM)  There’s some text in the previous post, which was updated after 12. I would love to talk to you some more, but I can barely keep my eyes open. Plus, I’ll have to do some grocery shopping tomorrow, because during last evening’s dinner, we decided that I’m not only in charge of the mashed potatoes. I’ll also be making the starter. My sister wants something with raw salmon, so I’ll be making my own version of zalmtaartaar :)♥ . I’m off to bed Good night, my love ♥ I love you ♥ ♥ I can’t wait to spend…

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Tuesday, December 25, 2018

00:43 (AM)  Ohh something important that just came to mind, I still need to mention: My parallel coup [in the sense that I don’t believe in the democratic system and thus I don’t intend to waste my time with trying to acconplish my endeavor via that route… I want it to be a violence free route] technocracy parliament is built up diffrently from regular parliaments. The Praesens, me, has a say in everything and is on top of everything. My Graeynissis report to me and I report to the public. And my local Cuddles report to my Graeynissis (and me)….

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Monday, December 24, 2018

00:10 (AM)  From the way I don’t show my emotions on my face, I know I’m perfect for politics. The way I express myself in real life and here are so different. This is not real life. This is LilFangs.com on the internet.  Haha I feel a bit un-cuddle for being on my phone all of the time here. I don’t know what to talk about in real life. All I can think about, currently  But hey this Graeyniss situation is very serious. I want to have an occupation that forces me to be with my Graeynissis 24/7. I’m done…

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Blog, Ex Animo, Images, Nosce Te Ipsum, Online Diary, Random Thoughts, Reflections

Sunday, December 23, 2018

[I wrote this unfinished piece of post yesterday around 7 PM, but then something happened, and because of that, I still will not finish it. I’ll explain it to you 🙂 . Between the three dotted lines is the unfinished piece of post.] — My Cuddle ♥ Excuse my previous madness 🙁 . It’s a side effect that comes with my ambition. I hope you still love me. I get so mad, because I love you and I can’t stand that I can’t be with you 🙁 . I had a lot of fun with my mother yesterday. When we…

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Saturday, December 22, 2018

01:11 (AM)  What’s good, my meow ♥ I’m loving the look of the renewed D.O.C.I.S. International website. Too bad I probably won’t be able to finish it before going to sleep. My mother will be here tomorrow at one o’clock, so I need to be ready before that time.  How I feel about it? It’s better if I just casually change the topic of this, because oh my god all of the shit that is happening to me and has been done to me should have been fucking illegal. I don’t live in my own home, eh.  My options if I…

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Friday, December 21, 2018

03:47 (AM)  Haha my e-mail was sent at 03:45 (AM). It has 5169 words and is 8 pages, if you would copy-paste the text to a word document, excluding the PDF attachment file (my curriculum vitae). They [info websites on how to approach high ranked people] always say that it’s important to keep it short. But I like to stand out in the way I express myself. Plus, I really had to make clear why I approached him for this and not the recruitment staff. Also, I think I made it a very fun read 🙂 .  Haha but I…

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Thursday, December 20, 2018

00:43 (12:43 PM)  Meow 😻 ♥ Haha change of plans Pascale bought me two six-packs of them ♥ . I prefer to not have to leave my bed, when I’m tired and hungry at the same time.  I don’t know what I should do now that I have something exciting and new obligations, while my body pains are increasing further. It’s now not only my back anymore. It’s my full torso :'( . I totally forgot that the increasing pain got to its peak within 72 hours, the last time I was hospitalized. Now, the pain makes me shake. Shake…

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Wednesday, December 19, 2018

03:57 (AM)  My Cuddle ♥ Haha I still intend to go back to sleep… I was hoping that spontaneous “going to bed before 12” [ended up eating some more and reading some of my own articles, after which I sent that fleh email to the embassy] was going to give me a proper sleeping rhythm…  But all of that late night reasoning in my bed, the rest of the hours I wasn’t typing, has made me hungry… Again x_x. I’ve taken half a pill of paracetamol before going to sleep. I usually don’t take things like that, because I prefer…

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Tuesday, December 18, 2018

00:19 (12:19 PM)  I’ve added some more text to 180 Days of Fangs. Haha woww in between September 21 and today, I’ve gone to Germany three times… And now suddenly I’ve been staying in Amsterdam, since the last time I came back from Germany. Around September, I was still staying with “my parents”. Turbulence level over 9000… I’m going to do some stretching/yoga, by means of being nice to my spinal column [wervelkolom (NL), Wirbelsäule (DE)] after being so bed petty… By petty I don’t mean the urban dictionary word petty!! I don’t like the urban dictionary form of petty….

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Monday, December 17, 2018

02:57 (AM)  Ah meoow why doesn’t my funny video in yesterday’s article show on my mobile browser 🙁 .  I’ve worked some on 180 Days of Fangs. Reflecting on this year makes me want to fucking die. If celebrating Christmas, still without my Cuddles and Graeynissis, with another family, still goes through, I think that will be one painful memory too much. New Year’s in bed by myself would be de klap op de vuurpijl [PUN HAHA*] that would make me prefer to sleep forever.  * De klap op de vuurpijl is a figure of speech. It means surprise, but…

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Sunday, December 16, 2018

02:25 (AM)  I loved the birthday party! I hope the birthday girl had a great time, too 🙂 Ahh meow why am I always a cooperative person when someone tries to get into my pants…. As if I’m the wingman at the same time :'( [??? FUCKIBG help me pls becayse this is goung to get me pregnant and I don’t want that yoooo. I want isolation from the opportunity of “being pulled in a plebian instead of gyptian way”. It should just be someone who loves me 🙁 . I’m too much of a wild street cat who needs…

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Saturday, December 15, 2018

00:38 (12:38 PM)  Because of the painful situation I’m in – the brokeness, my business is still undeveloped, I have been kicked out of my parents’ house at age 22 and don’t have money for buying or renting my own house – I really want to escape my perception, especially now that the holidays are coming up.  “On the bright side”, last year’s Christmas was so fucked up that it’s impossible to have a worse one. Last year, I was in the psychiatric ward, not allowed to leave, no matter how often I begged, but I was allowed to have…

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Friday, December 14, 2018

02:22 (AM)   Okay I’m drnk. As tck t cpbt. Cate agount autovorrwcth  I patu qltuct to much strength j car  wtjpbtbbbj Tahrg  Red bj.  En hhhcjcjrbt e reoejentiu  Thrve whh i cihen sar i I shouldn’t cate  Carew Clabiur aytovorrecr  Aotocorrekt  Suppper klrrekt  13:42 (01:42 PM)  Good afternoon ♥ I hope you still love me 😀 The party was a lot of fun. I found my friend the best DJ of the night 🙂 .  I see the looser version of myself poetically worried about the clarity of my writing…  I’m going to try to get myself out of bed……

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Thursday, December 13, 2018

00:01 (12:01 PM)  Will this be the strategy that leads to clarity and success at once…? 😀 I’m now working on my official proposal for The Nosce Te Ipsum Thesis. If I could find some Graeynissis who would like to mark it and invest in it, I would become the happiest Cuddle ever :D.  This will be the new cornerstone of D.O.C.I.S. International. When I’m done writing it out, I’ll adapt the website to it.  Here are some pictures of my screen [I’m still editing it]: 01:29 (AM)  I hoped to be able to finish it in one night, but…

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Wednesday, December 12, 2018

00:54 (12:53 AM)  It was nice, at the gym. It has been a literal decade since I’ve done pull-ups. I’ve pushed myself beyond my limit, though. I always squat with a bar on my shoulders with 10 kg weights on each end. At the second set, my legs were so shaky that I switched to light cardio and yoga for my cool down. (While I should have just stopped completely, actually…) The regular random picture of the screen of the cross trainer I often make when I go to the gym haha: I call someone my Cuddle, when I want…

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Tuesday, December 11, 2018

00:14 (12:14 PM)  Has anyone seen my B?  🙁 Could anyone send me a B? I need an investor and right hand, bitte… I also miss him in general :(. Living without him is not good for my heart, my meow. Here’s a picture of the dinner I was happy to eat, yesterday: And after having had a nice conversation with my unofficial relatives with whom I’m staying – they say they’ll never kick me out 😀 – I later wrote in my new notebook: I’m the last person in the living room. I’m going to shut the lights off…

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Blog, Ex Animo, Nosce Te Ipsum, Popular Posts, Random Thoughts, Reflections

180 Days of Fangs

There’s a crucial difference between writing general self reflection and writing an online diary post, to me. It’s in the concept of time. In an online diary post, I reflect the emotions I feel – still not in the peaceful state I want them to be in – to the way I experience time as I’m writing that exact post, by means of showing a(n alternative) contemporary life – it might be interesting to reflect back on it in 10 years and see how much life has changed, hopefully with D.O.C.I.S. International – and of preserving my long and short…

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Monday, December 10, 2018

00:28 (12:28 PM)  My Cuddle ♥ I’m on the last train of many transfers since I missed that one transfer, because of the delay of the first train.  It worries me that even though I have some publicity, I’ve still unwantedly been a girlfriend experience, in a relationship that is/was the greatest miscommunication ever. He invited me over to the spa for the next day, the first time I saw him. That I said yes to that didn’t mean that I wanted to be intimate with him. I’ve gone to a nudist spa center and there I could just be…

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Monday, December 10, 2018

13:00 (01:00 PM)  Good afternoon ♥ I’m happy to be a part of the loving family I’m staying right now.  I had uploaded such a long Monday, December 10, 2018 post already, but somehow I keep losing data. It’s probably some bot that keeps messing with what I upload. Ah, grrrr. I can’t wait to say fuck this website and switch to printed works and privately owned platforms, while making real life changes with you. I’m not earning from this anyway. I touched on so many different topics, in the article that just vanished from my list of articles, I’m so…

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Sunday, December 9, 2018

04:41 (AM)  I randomly got a crazy headache that is now keeping me awake. I can’t sleep next to someone else and sleep properly, I’ve noticed. Maybe I’ll be able to do this with my B? Because I don’t like sleeping alone :(. ~•~ 13:28 (01:28 PM)  One thing that’s so absurd that it’s funny, is the plenty: “Hey, how’s it going?” texts I’m receiving (from “my parents”). You can read how I’m doing right here [not good], if you want to know. I don’t like to talk about it in real life.  The tension increases as I mention what…

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Saturday, December 8, 2018

02:58 (AM) My literal glass of wine is nice. Spontaneous visits make me want to stay where the conversation is.  ~•~ 04:27 (AM)  We’re going club hopping. My phone is about to die xxx ~•~ 17:34 (05:34 PM)  Good afternoon 🙂 Last night was the first night I’ve gone out dancing, in Berlin. It was such a fun experience :D.  I’m the type of person who stays on the dancefloor all night. After having been refused at a few clubs – it was unfair :(… just because my crew members have a few grey hairs, I heard – we got…

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Friday, December 7, 2018

19:53 (07:53 PM)  “Viewer discretion is advised”¿ I’m doing something right now, I’m scared of doing. I don’t know why I’m not allowed to share this? The thing with the weed… At a very crucial moment in my temporary career as diary poster, someone tweaked the file on my phone. I was checking what I wrote on LilFangs.com, and again, I saw the dates change to dates in the past. I for sure did not do that. Why the fuck would I do that? What’s the point of doing that? I decided to change the password to this account, hoping…

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