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Random Thoughts

Blog, Media, Nederlandse Tekst, Online Diary, Popular Posts, Random Thoughts, Reflections, Strategy, Videos

Lekker mezelf zijn terwijl die hartverscheurende Cold Case helaas nog steeds niet is afgesloten

– – – – 09/05/’19

Offline

Ik heb me echt lang niet zo vrij gevoeld.

https://lilfangs.com/fangyist-souls

Wat mijn blog content betreft val ik ontzettend in herhaling. Minstens tot en met mijn samenkomst met dr. Crutzen, zal ik daarom offline zijn. Wel zal ik af en toe mijn e-mail checken, dus als je me wil bereiken, kan dat via d.elia@docis.international.

Ik werd zo geconsumeerd door het schrijven om mijn concept en identiteit te definiëren, dat ik vergat dat alles online eigenlijk waardeloos is.

Ik hoop dat de technologie zich zodanig verder zal ontwikkelen, dat het concept van de online persoonlijkheid zal verdwijnen, en het leven zelf een uiterst bovennatuurlijke ervaring wordt. Daar zet ik me voor in.

En voor Cuddles 😀 . Because I love youuu ♥

Ik wil mijn samenkomst met dr. Crutzen sowieso op camera vastleggen. Hopelijk zien jullie vanaf dan (of misschien zelfs eerder al) mijn ware, (monocratische, maar open voor goed advies) gezicht.

Tot snel, mijn lief ♥

– – – – 06/05/’19

De Rest van de Strategie

Het filmpje hierboven is belangrijke uitleg. Verder is, zoals de afgelopen twee jaar, mijn strategie wachten tot ik dr. Crutzen na die ontzettend lange tijd eindelijk mag zien en we verder kunnen praten over hoe we het Stratagem eindelijk in de praktijk kunnen brengen, featuring other Graeynissis 😀 .

Morgen ga ik een nieuw filmpje in het Nederlands maken, tenzij mijn bevrijding vervroegd wordt (is wat ik iedere dag hoop, meer dan de afgelopen twee jaar).

Youtube & korte filmpjes

Mijn publiceren is op dit moment lekker all over the place en hier zijn dus nog wat meer filmpjes die nog niet in dit “artikel” stonden, in semi-publicatievolgorde:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTIpy0GzcuE&t=2342s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KE0kGxIXFyE&t=518s

Ik ga nu mijn powerpoint voor mijn praten over de link tussen Fangyisme en D.O.C.I.S. International afmaken, dat filmen en koken. Of mijn filmpje voor of na het eten af is weet ik nog niet… xxx

– – – – 01/05/’19

Instagram

Normaal gesproken deel ik in mijn dagboek dat ik aan het koken ben. Vandaag deed ik dat op Instagram 🙂 . (Beetje beschamend, want het kan natuurlijk niet op tegen al die gelikte kookvideos die je overal kan zien.)

Mid-eating

Ik heb ook een filmpje gedeeld van toen ik piano aan het spelen was & toen ik in de sportschool was.

Mijn hoeveelheid volgers, likes, views et cetera is echt zwaar deprimerend.

– – – – 29/04/’19

Praten tegen een muur

Zo voelt dit. Dit is niet het eind resultaat van mijn werk. Maar dat wist je natuurlijk al, omdat je alles al gelezen hebt :). [Dat was mijn depressie gecombineerd met PTSS die zich uitte in deze sarcastische opmerking die is veroorzaakt door het treurige feit dat iemand die nu pas begint met kijken waar dit allemaal eigenlijk over gaat, zo veel in te halen heeft dat de manier waarop er op deze strategie geanticipeerd zou moeten worden, voor diegene niet 1 2 3 duidelijk is.]

– – – 25/04/’19

Ik wil echt godverdomme uit huis

Het is weer “business as usual”. Het probleem is dat ik dit leven achter me wil laten – inclusief de mensen – maar ik hiervoor het kapitaal niet heb. Ik ga hoe dan ook vandaag weg. Ook al slaap ik weer minstens 3 dagen buiten, net als in 2017. Ik ben zooo klaar met deze man. Echt. Hier eerst een voorproefje.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=efTIEZhaOXY&t=35s 

Intussen

Intussen doe ik wat web en social media onderhoud. Ik ben onder andere bezig met het instellen van Push Notificaties, zodat ik binnenkort geen gebruik meer hoef te maken van andere social media. Heb jij het notificatieverzoek al gekregen?

– – – – 23/04/’19

Ik ben moe

Na meer dan een jaar lang continu een lange en diverse reeks aan boeken en blog posts schrijven – die niemand leest – voelen mijn hersenen aan alsof ze het ieder moment kunnen begeven. Ik ben daardoor ook te vermoeid – en pici teleurgesteld – om te denken aan een nieuwe low-budget (door de diversiteit, mijn ongeschooldheid en mijn lage inkomen kan ik geen aanspraak maken op kapitaal) manier om mijn concept te innoveren, omdat dat me weer veel tijd en hersencapaciteit gaat kosten. Daarnaast vind ik dat mijn andere publicaties nog niet genoeg aandacht hebben gekregen voor iets nieuws.

Dus dit artikel zal steeds bovenaan blijven staan, omdat ik de datum zal blijven updaten naar de datum waarop ik een stuk tekst toevoeg 🙂 . Intussen wacht ik ook op de heropening van mijn Cold Case (over mijn vermissing, over de onterechte imagoschade en privacyschending, over de criminele manier waarop de politie me heeft behandeld, over de onterechte diagnose schizofrenie en de hartverscheurende gevolgen daarvan, de manier waarop ik mijn hele leven al financieel aan de grond gehouden word, et cetera), die als het goed is mid-mei plaatsvindt. (Maar intussen heb ik nog steeds geen vast inkomen 🙁 . Ik kan pas echt goed werken wanneer mijn naam gezuiverd is en niet meer als schizofreen word gestigmatiseerd.)

Twitter

@LilFangs_

Sinds de publicatie van dit artikel (de 21ste van de maand April), ben ik zeer actief geweest op Twitter, voor promotie. Ik kon het ook niet laten om me gelijk met allerlei politieke discussies te bemoeien.

Voor het behouden van een uitlaatklep, terwijl ik mijn hersenen wat rust geef en wacht tot mijn publicaties hun welverdiende aandacht hebben gehad (GRRRRR OP MINSTENS DE ZELFDE SCHAAL ALS DIE LEUGEN VAN EEN VERMISSINGSCAMPAGNE), zal ik daar nu wat actiever op zijn.

Het is ook een wat toegankelijkere manier van corresponderen, voor mensen die eerst nog wat meer willen zien voordat ze mijn blog bezoeken.

Solliciteren = huilen

Als ik een euro zou krijgen voor elke keer dat een bedrijf/recruiter/whatever me een, “Probeer het maar ergens anders,” bericht heeft gestuurd, zou ik inmiddels met pensioen kunnen.

En dat terwijl ik eigenlijk absoluut niet in loondienst wil gaan werken. Ik wil graag een baan die bij mijn intelligentie past, maar de meeste banen voor mijn leeftijd en opleidingsniveau, vallen zwaar onder dat niveau.

Het allerliefst zou ik voor vele bedrijven en individuen als een inhuurbare propagandist werken. Met kortetermijncontracten. Maar daarvoor heb ik een netwerk en aanbevelingen nodig, en die heb ik beiden niet 🙁 .

Zoekwoordsuggesties

Indien je/u meer achtergrondinformatie over dit blog wil, raad ik de volgende zoektermen aan: (Door die termen te zoeken, door op de loep rechtsbovenaan het scherm te klikken, vind u/je namelijk een aantal typische Lil Fangs blogberichten.)

  • Schizophrenia / psychotic / psychosis / psychotisch / schizofrenie (= dat ongevraagde wat ik probeer aan te vechten, want ik ben het niet met dat stigma eens)
  • Missing
  • Justice
  • Police
  • Nosce Te Ipsum
  • D.O.C.I.S. International
  • The Head Cuddle / brain-to-brain communication (is hetzelfde, maar The Head Cuddle is mijn zelfverzonnen dialect voor het device)
  • Sea level / water level / zeespiegel
  • My B

– – – 21/04/’19

Ba-dum-tsss

Het grappigste van deze hele website is dat ik mezelf steeds uitdruk in het Engels, terwijl dat mijn eerste taal helemaal niet is. Ik vind gewoon dat de politieke verwevenheid van Nederland in alle andere landen ter wereld gewoon een keer goed onder de loep genomen moet worden (want hier is veeeeel meer aan de hand), en dat we dat moeten gebruiken als het begin van de nu zeer hoog nodige internationale hervorming (een voorbeeld van een internationale connectie is het Nederlands belastingsysteem dat als een mafiabaas is die altijd “WHERE THE FUCK IS MY MONEY!?” schreeuwt, zodra je hier een cent verdiend hebt of hier geboren bent, en dat dat echt anders moet [het noemt zichzelf een belastingparadijs (Google het maar: “Nederland belastingparadijs”), maar dat is geen waarheid, maar valse marketing en PR], want dat geld wordt niet goed besteed), en daarvoor wil ik mezelf als uitgangspunt gebruiken, gezien mijn extreem diverse lijst van talenten, aspiraties, gewoontes en wettelijke wensen. Het Engels is een een stuk toegankelijkere taal. (Het wordt meer gesproken, wereldwijd onderwezen en cursussen zijn heeeeel makkelijk te vinden, ongeacht waar je woont. Maar gelukkig kan er ook online vertaald worden – gezien deze post in het Nederlands is – hoewel dat niet altijd even accuraat is.)

Dit is stiekem wel een heel interessant verhaal

Daarnaast zullen veel verschillende mensen zich kunnen herkennen in mijn verhaal. Dat ik bijvoorbeeld zwart ben, maar de Nederlandse nationaliteit mijn enige nationaliteit is, is een lang verhaal dat begint met slavernij, wat ik met vele andere kleurlingen [denk bijvoorbeeld aan African-Americans (die niet weten waar hun voorouders precies vandaan komen 🙁 ) en Nederland dat (slavenkolonie) Nieuw Amsterdam ( = New York) aan de Britten overgaf, in ruil voor Suriname] gemeen heb. Er zijn misschien zelfs meer Surinamers uit Suriname in Nederland, dan er Surinamers in Suriname zijn. Het is niet echt te tellen, want eens was Suriname onderdeel van het Koninkrijk der Nederlanden (tot 1975). En mijn geboorteplaats is Rotterdam. Ik ben, van mijn familie, de derde generatie in Nederland.

“Ojo Lil Fangs is altijd vet onduidelijk waar gaat het nou eigenlijk over ze legt het niet eens uit bla bla bla”

Ik heb deze post gemaakt omdat ik in de stemming ben om mijn gedachten zo puur mogelijk te delen, en die betrekking hebben op zo veel verschillende onderwerpen, dat ik het maar op deze manier ga aanpakken. Ik denk dat het een fijnere gebruikerservaring is, wanneer je niet naar een volgend artikel hoeft door te klikken voor de volgende dag. Vandaar dat het nu één artikel wordt voor alle levensfilosofie en random gedachten, zolang ik nog in deze beroerde situatie leef. Met mijn eigen verdere bezigheden zal ik u wekelijks updaten 🙂 . Ik voeg alles aan deze post toe, tot ik eindelijk gehoor heb gekregen wat betreft mijn cold case. Ik ben geen schizofreen en had die diagnose NOOOOOOOOOOOIT mogen krijgen. (Dat verhaal komt in vrijwel iedere persoonlijke post voor [voorbeeldje] en ik houd er eigenlijk echt niet van om mezelf meer dan twee keer te herhalen omdat mensen de moeite niet willen nemen om te lezen wat ik nog meer heb geschreven. (Zo erg dat ik er pittig fel van kan worden.))

Een beetje respect zou ik wel fijn vinden

Ik wil echt veel liever met “u” aangesproken worden, trouwens. Vooral omdat mensen echt fuuuuucking respectloos zijn tegen mij, en ze dan alsnog fucking respect van mij verwachten!? Ik wil dan dat het de gewoonte wordt om me met “u” aan te spreken, omdat ik in mijn verbale communicatie altijd mijn best doe om lief en respectvol voor iemand te zijn. Plus, ik wil graag wat meer respect voor mijn intelligentie. Vooral van mensen die echt fucking dom én respectloos zijn. Ik doe dit namelijk ook voor hen.

Waarom nog meer Nederland als startpunt?

Publieke stock trading begon met de Nederlandse piraterij en slavernij. De VOC en later ook de WIC. (Voel je vrij om de feiten te controleren door je eigen onderzoek te doen, in case you do not believe me.) Vandaag de dag zijn vele mensenlevens verweven in de aandelenmarkt. (Niet de mijne, in de zin van zelf geen aandelen bezitten. Maar in mijn omgeving hebben ONTZETTENDDDD veel mensen aandelen. En volgens mij zijn de Nederlandse pensioenfondsen nu afhankelijk van bitcoins en wapenhandel. (Dat men überhaupt nog steeds denkt dat een pensioenfonds de verdere vergrijzing aan zal kunnen…… Het is echt tijd voor hervorming.)) Ik heb de correlatie tussen de aandelenmarkt en uitstoot al een aantal keren uitgelegd. En waarom de waarde van geld gebaseerd zou moeten worden op wat er op dit moment in de natuur beschikbaar is ( = niet zo veel). We moeten het gesprek dat werkelijk gevoerd moet worden – dat gesprek waarvoor velen wegdeinzen [haha I see you 🙂 ] – ECHTTTTT NIET langer uit de weg gaan.

Gemeenheid is onderdeel van de Nederlandse cultuur, en dit verspreidt zich over andere culturen, als een soort epidemie. Niet alleen door het piraten- en slavernijverleden (die als “heldendaden” worden gezien). Een ander voorbeeld is dat vele Nederlanders een gesprek beginnen door middel van een belediging.

Gisteren, bijvoorbeeld, toen ik door de supermarkt liep met een trench coat aan, terwijl de rest van de mensen in t-shirts en korte jurkjes enzo rond liep, en ik een verre kennis tegen het lijf liep, was het eerste wat hij tegen me zei, nadat ik hem begroet had met “Hallo” en hem later weer tegen het lijf liep in een ander deel van de winkel, “Je ziet er uit alsof het winter is,” zei. En als ik dan “Hou je bek gewoon als je niks te zeggen hebt, want dit is toch geen manier om een fucking gesprek te starten,” zeg, dan ben ik weer fout. Daarom zei ik: “Het weer kan zomaar omslaan. Ik ben graag voorbereid.” The truth is: gister was het niet zo warm en ik kom de afgelopen twee jaar niet zo vaak buiten, dus de trench coat was een impulsieve keuze, en ik vind een luchtige trench coat aan doen met 23 graden echt niet zo winters. Met die opmerking zeg je indirect dat iemand zich niet normaal gedraagt. Op die manier vind ik het een woordenwisseling die helemaal niet plaats had hoeven vinden. Ik voel me namelijk al kut genoeg zonder die kutopmerking. Voor de gemiddelde Nederlander is een gesprek als in dat voorbeeld normaal. Ik hoop dat ik niet de enige ben die daar een ontzettende bloedhekel aan heeft.

En dan nog niet eens te beginnen over zwarte piet en hoe vaak ik daar niet mee vergeleken ben in mijn jeugd. Fucking walgelijk en barbaars. En de haat die er wordt verspreid door Nederlandse nieuwsmedia en BNners.

Ik vind dat de mensen die niet respectvol met elkaar kunnen omgaan, van elkaar gescheiden moeten worden. Zo kunnen alleen de mensen die met elkaar overweg kunnen, met elkaar samen leven, en is de wereld een een stuk vreedzamere plek. De mensen die ruzie zoeken met alles en iedereen moeten echt verrrrr uit mijn buurt blijven 🙂 . (Dat is maar 1/1000 van mijn hele idee voor maatschappijhervorming.)

Vrolijk Pasen!

Vrolijk Pasen! 🙂

Ik snap niet waarom een moeder besluit om uitgerekend op Eerste Paasdag met één dochter (en haar vriendje) + kennissen naar Spanje te vertrekken (ik zei eerder Portugal, maar het is dus Spanje), en ik nu alleen zal zijn met mijn “vader” en twee oma’s, die niet eens zijn uitgenodigd voor het restaurant diner van vanavond. Een diner samen met andere mensen die “waarschijnlijk” niet eens mijn biologische familie zijn. Snapt iemand anders dit?

Uit solidariteit heb ik wat boodschappen gedaan om morgen een brunch voor te bereiden voor mijn oma’s (alleen dat is “oma” en oma, als mijn “vader” mijn vader niet blijkt te zijn, na een DNA test, die nog steeds uitgevoerd moet worden) en “vader”, morgen.

Eerlijkgezegd zou ik liever bij Benoît of een andere Graeyniss aansluiten vandaag. En morgen. En voor altijd. Cishe :D.

Waarom ik niet mee ben gegaan naar Spanje? Omdat je daar geen kant op kan [ze gaan naar een vakantiehuis (van twee huisjes/huizen) op een heel afgelegen plek], en het vermaak dan aankomt op gesprekskwaliteit, en dan wordt het Suriname all over again ( = net zoals die vakanties daarheen), en dat houd ik niet langer vol dan een paar minuten. Ik word ontzettend snel geïrriteerd wanneer ik een gesprek te oppervlakkig vind, maar probeer dan tegelijkertijd nog beleefd te blijven, en na verloop van tijd gaat dat gewoon mis.

Hier kan ik eindeloos workaholic zijn, naar de sportschool gaan en Graeynissis stalken, en wordt er geen gezelligheid van me verwacht. En een baan zoeken haha meoww I hope I may hug this Vicje :D.

Nog een vraag

Probeert deze persoon hier te zeggen dat ze denkt dat er niet maar één auteur is op deze website? Want dat zou me echt FUCKING PISSIG maken. Ik word er namelijk SCHIJTZIEK van dat mensen me incompetent noemen/vinden. Dat anderen niet in staat zijn zo goed te schrijven als ik (op 22-jarige leeftijd), wil niet zeggen dat ik niet bovennatuurlijk getalenteerd kan zijn. Er is maar één Lil Fangs en ik zal dat dolgraag willen bewijzen en na dat bewezen te hebben het liefst even een beetje frustratie luchten.

Ik heb weliswaar, gezien ik ook de webdeveloper ben van zowel LilFangs.com en Docis.International, voor mezelf, in verband met veiligheidsredenen, een administrator en een editors account aangemaakt, in plaats van alleen een administrators account te gebruiken, maar ik post de laatste tijd blog berichten vanaf beide accounts, dus vandaar dat het kan lijken alsof er meerdere auteurs op dit blog zijn.

Ik ben geen fucking fraudeur en iedereen die dat over mij durft te denken, mag sterven van mij. Waarom tf zou je een hele persoonlijke websites maken met de meest gedetailleerde persoonlijke ervaringen, op de meest hoge frequentie in de geschiedenis van de mensheid, maar dat dan niet eens zelf schrijven? Dat klinkt echt fucking dom.

– – –

De uitgelichte afbeelding is gemaakt door Chevanon Photography, gedownload van Pexels.com

Gekozen omdat ik me (alleen) op LilFangs.com als een vis in het water voel, en omdat Benoît me in brain-to-brain communication pesce noemt en ik hem visje 😀 .

Lil Fangs
Art, Audio, Blog, Donation Forms, Ex Animo, Images, Interest & Money in Perspective, Interviews, MacroFangs, Media, Nederlandse Tekst, Nosce Te Ipsum, Online Diary, Polls, Popular Posts, Random questions, Random Thoughts, Recipes, Reflections, The General Theory of Employment, Tips, Uncategorized, Videos

Dominique Daniëlle Elia CV (curriculum vitae) in het Nederlands

Dominique Daniëlle Elia

Praesens (D.O.C.I.S. International)

 

Algemene persoonsgegevens

Geboortedatum: 1 november 1996 (22 jaar)

Geboorteplaats: Rotterdam

E-mailadres: d.danielle.elia@gmail.com (persoonlijk)

Adres: XXXXXXXXXX Capelle aan den IJssel

 

Persoonlijke doelen

Langetermijndoel

Op de lange termijn wil ik, door middel van het combineren van wiskundige, economische, wettelijke en didactische kennis, graag bijdragen aan de hervorming van het internationaal politiek-economisch systeem, met een (nog) sterke(re) nadruk op duurzaamheid. Dit of via het bedrijfsleven, of via de politiek zelf.

Korte termijn doelen

  • (Minstens) mijn bachelor in de wiskunde behalen.
  • Lang genoeg werkervaring opdoen om officieel aantoonbaar op hoger dan junior-niveau te kunnen presteren.
  • Mijn netwerk uitbreiden ten gunste van mijn langetermijndoel.
  • Een nieuwe strategie uitdenken om als zelfstandige dichter bij mijn langetermijndoel te kunnen komen.

Educatie

Diploma’s

  • Marnix Gymnasium: Gymnasium

Behaald in 2016

Profielkeuze: Economie & Maatschappij met Duits, Latijn, wiskunde B en informatica

  • The Open University: Open Bachelor’s Degree

Nog niet behaald

Georiënteerd op (Financiële) Wiskunde

Certificaten

  • British Council
    • Cambridge First Certificate English
  • European Piano Teachers Association
    • Niveau C2
  • Basis Flight Simulator certificaat

Werkervaring

  • Neridus-IT: Boekhoudassistente

augustus 2013 – september 2016

Het bijhouden van de financiële bewijsstukken (zowel digitaal als fysiek) en de financiële correspondentie tussen het bedrijf en het (uitbestede) accountantskantoor.

  • Zowel Delfshaven: Financieel hulpverlener (vrijwilliger)

juni 2016 – september 2016

Het ordenen van de administratie, opstellen van persoonlijke budgetten, inlichten en aanvragen voorbereiden, van mensen met financiële problemen in de regio Delfshaven, in een bijstands- en/of schuldsaneringstraject.

  • Elia PR: PR consultant (zelfstandige)

september 2016 – december 2017

Het ontwikkelen van PR strategieën en campagneconcepten voor individuen, op basis van de technieken van de grondleggers van de PR, in een uiterst alternatief, modern jasje.

  • D.O.C.I.S. International: Auteur, onderzoeker, (PR) strateeg en webdeveloper (zelfstandige)

juli 2018 – heden

Het ontwikkelen van een onderzoeksproject met toekomstige bestuursuitbreiding, aansluitend op mijn langetermijndoel, door middel van een invulverhalenserie (om zo te beginnen met een consumentenonderzoek dat uiteindelijk aanduidt aan welke eisen de internationale gemeenschap wil dat een revolutionair politiek-economisch systeem voldoet). Dit concept is echter nog niet officieel aan de man gebracht en dient op dit moment meer als een hobby waarmee ik ook een zakcentje verdien.

  • ANWB: Telefonisch hulpverlener

augustus 2018 – september 2018

Zomerkracht op de afdeling gespecialiseerd in de internationale voorziening van huurauto’s voor mensen die pech hebben gehad onderweg, maar toch hun vakantie willen voortzetten.

Overige (Informele) Ervaring

  • Ervaring met koken

Ik sta al van jongs af aan in de keuken, ken veel diverse kooktechnieken en smaakcombinaties uit keukens uit vele verschillende landen (met name Suriname, Nederland, Italië, Frankrijk en India), ontwikkel zeer regelmatig mijn eigen recepten (want ik hou van gevarieerd eten) en kook ook regelmatig driegangendiners voor groepen van 5 tot 10 mensen.

  • Ervaring met lesgeven

Over lesgeven (en spreken voor publiek) ben ik zeer gepassioneerd. Ik heb in veel verschillende disciplines (bij)les gegeven, waaronder: wiskunde, economie, PWSsen schrijven, piano spelen, vechttechnieken, basketbaltechnieken, koken, Engels, Nederlands en omgaan met telefoons en computers.

  • Ervaring als model

Van kleins af aan doe ik af en toe modellenwerk op aanvraag of voor eigen bedrijfsdoeleinden.

  • Ervaring als actrice/figurant
    • Acteren vind ik ook ontzettend leuk. Ik heb hier een beetje ervaring mee (door school, dansoptredens en sketches met mede hobby video sketch makers.)

Publicaties

Boeken

ISBN: 9789082936803

Gepubliceerd op 24 september 2018

Een heruitgave van episodes over mijn onderzoeksproject en science-fiction verhaal die ik eerder had gepubliceerd, maar later van het internet af had gehaald in verband met de controverse achter het publiceren van mijn persoonlijke verhaal in het verhaal en het risico dat dat kon zijn voor een baangarantie.

ISBN: 9789082936810

Gepubliceerd op 30 september 2018

Een introductie van het invulverhaal en de onderzoeksmethode achter het invulverhaal, waarin de lezer de protagonist is en de ingevulde informatie zal worden gebruikt voor het zoeken naar “The Universal Standard of Human Reasoning”, die nodig is voor het vinden van een politiek-economisch consensus.

ISBN: 9789082936834

Gepubliceerd op 30 november 2018

Een uitweiding van het invulverhaal, met als thema de (bedrijfs)filosofie en strategische uitdagingen binnen het onderzoeksconcept, gecombineerd met een vroege poging tot ledenwerving.

ISBN: 9789082936896

Gepubliceerd op 30 januari 2019

Een lang essay over een non-cijfermatig algoritme voor levensverbetering en de toepassing hiervan.

ISBN: 9789082936889

Gepubliceerd op 30 maart 2019

De onthulling van de spanningslagen uit het eerste boek van het invulverhaal en de laatste invulvragen die samen de hypothese van The Universal Standard of Human Reasoning vormen.

Long-read Artikelen

Publicatiedatum: 28 februari 2019

Dit is deel 1 van de artikelenserie die gaat over de macro-economische gedachte achter de organisatie die ik wil starten en over de economische hervorming van Keynes.

Publicatiedatum: 15 april 2019

Deel 2 van de serie over macro-economie in de context van mijn (hopelijk) toekomstig bedrijf, gaat in op hedendaagse voorbeelden van marktfalen en de (zelf ontwikkelde) wiskundige basismodellen achter mijn idee van duurzame hervorming.

Karaktereigenschappen

Positief Negatief
Communicatief sterk Soms verlegen
Doortastend empathisch vermogen (Vrijetijds)workaholic wat betreft auteurschap en onderzoek
Leert snel Gebruikt soms complexe woordkeuzes en zinsconstructies
Initiatiefnemer

 

Hobby’s

In mijn vrije tijd dans ik graag. In het verleden heb ik ballet (3-4 jaar), streetdance (12 – 14 jaar) en hip-hop (16 jaar) danslessen gevolgd. Ik heb vroeger ook judo (4 tot 8 jaar), pençak silat (6 tot 12 jaar) en tennislessen (3 jaar eventjes en toen 10 tot 12 jaar) gevolgd. Vanaf mijn veertiende tot mijn achttiende speelde ik voor Rotterdam Basketbal. Sinds mijn negende speel ik piano.

Tekenen (en schilderen en beeldhouwen) doe ik met slecht weer met plezier. Fotograferen doe ik ook heel graag. Vooral wanneer ik reis, wat ik ook erg vaak met vol enthousiasme doe. Ik ben in Nederland (Amsterdam, Texel, Ameland, Hoenderloo, Maastricht, Enschede, en nog een paar steden), Duitsland (Berlijn, Stuttgart, München, Düsseldorf, Trier, Wiesbaden en Meerbusch), Frankrijk (Parijs en diverse delen van Normandië), België (diverse plaatsen in de Ardennen en Antwerpen), Engeland (Newcastle), Ierland (Dublin), Suriname (Paramaribo en twee plaatsen in “de binnenlanden”), de Bahama’s (Nassau), Spanje (Ibiza), Italië (Rome, Udine, Verona, Venetië en Brugnera), Turkije (Marmaris en Alanya), Griekenland (Kreta) en de Verenigde Staten (Miami, FL; Baltimore, MA) op vakantie geweest, gedurende mijn hele leven, en zou graag nog veel meer van de wereld willen zien.

Verder lees ik ook graag informatieve klassiekers (zo kom ik bijvoorbeeld aan mijn PR basiskennis), ben ik bekend met programmeren met Visual Basic (en heb ik ook ervaring met programmeren voor Android, Java (in het algemeen) en C# (voor Unity)), kan ik Access databases bouwen (zo heb ik mijn eigen boekhoudsysteem gemaakt, voor mijn persoonlijke administratie), beheers ik HTML en CSS, spreek ik vloeiend Engels (en kan ik een beetje Frans spreken (en het bijna vloeiend verstaan (als het niet te snel en geen gebroken Frans/straattaal is)), Sranan Tongo kan ik redelijk verstaan, Duits kan ik redelijk spreken en vrijwel vloeiend verstaan), maak ik soms beats met Reason Lite, ga ik regelmatig naar de sportschool (voor krachttraining), houd ik van (neo-soul/rap/hip-hop/jazz/klassiek/R&B) muziek luisteren, fietsen en sprinten, ben ik de laatste tijd een beetje Italiaans aan het leren, en – last but not least – schrijf ik heeeeel veeel (voor mijn persoonlijke blog LilFangs.com 🙂 ).


If you are interested in becoming part of D.O.C.I.S. International, please read my Business Overture 🙂

Blog, Images, Media, Online Diary, Random Thoughts, Reflections, Videos

Cold Case 15 [Tuesday, April 16, 2019]

14:22 (02:22 PM)

Good afternoon ♥

Exactly one year ago, I wrote my first online diary post. And yesterday, I shared the first fundamentals of the alternative economic system I live for to see it thrive. My written content has evolved a lot, in the past year 🙂 .

Something that has stayed stagnate, however, is my development in finding a suitable audience.

The things I write about and the concepts I want to tackle collectively, apply to all of our lives. But the majority of people in what I considered my social circle, would rather look away and say that what I want to accomplish is impossible. That goes for many people outside that circle as well.

So I’m still busy strategizing my way around this enormous burden. Attending networking events, has been my main method to attempt this, aside from attempting to reopen and close my cold case by trying another way to reach my B ( = dr. Crutzen).

Within this year, I have spent more than 70% of time all by myself, working on this concept for change. That’s why I haven’t experienced many memorable things, in comparison to previous years. Typing and writing has become so common that there’s nothing memorable about it anymore.

The Harvard Business Review / Harvard Business Publishing Executive Event, which I attended Thursday last week, is, because of that, a memory that is added to my collection of mentally visual memories, to which not many things have been added, in the past year.

I, still, keep replaying everything I remember that has happened there, in my mind, because – aside from me heavily struggling with my temper – it was an exciting experience, in comparison to the many other things I frequently experience. Frequent experiences such as laying in bed while typing a diary post, with my stomach growling, because it’s past 3 PM (now that I’m typing this) and I still have not eaten anything yet.

I’m going to eat “breakfast” and then I’ll continue my build-up towards expressing feelings that are so unusual that I tend to hide them 🙂 .

~~~

16:45 (04:45 PM)

The memories of the event, which uncontrollably replay itself in my mind, bring along mixed feelings. Mixed feelings, of partial positivity, because I was very happy to be in an environment where everyone has been encouraged to brainstorm and where very experienced people shared their knowledge, plus meeting two very nice students, but I found myself struggling with social norms so much that I just couldn’t stay for lunch and networking.

I thought that the audience of the event was going to be the same type of people as the speakers themselves, and that we were going to brainstorm together to list and solve employment (and sustainability) related challenges. But most people in the audience who made themselves heard there, were not in such a position. (As far as I know – in the context of the future – only the students (who also have leadership aspirations, for a business that is not an app or an ice cream store. It was so comforting to hear 😀 ) and I.) For some reason – of which the explanation I’m building up towards – I had the feeling that – though I had the chance of seeing and speaking to people I’ve had a very slight chance of ever meeting – it was not the right time to raise awareness on my business concept.

I kept thinking that we would be better off alone, without the people down the ladder who are not waiting to be replaced by artificial intelligence. Without a team of supporters, I’m not ready to be verbally lynched by the opponents of the real technological revolution that, in the end, is inevitable.

I couldn’t think of any one-on-one conversation starters, because I thought that I was going to be starting group conversations with Graeynissis. The only thing I could think of is asking the Dutch CEO of such a popular Dutch holding, a question about emergency policies, regarding the waterworks.

[I’m a bit struggling with how to refer to high profile Graeynissis who I haven’t asked for permission to write about. But I think, since I already let this go on the day itself, I’ll just continue in full-face diary mode.]

Okayy I’m going to be very random and describe my full experience to you in full detail, including how I went there.

I definitively decided that I was going to attend the event, the day before, after I – after a long time – asked for a personal donation, to pay for the train… I hadn’t slept properly for a few days. If I had known that I would have been able to go there, I would have spent the day before differently (not going to a coffeeshop and playing basketball afterwards, but preparing a pitch), shaved my legs and gone to bed earlier.

But I selected my outfit before I went to sleep (thinking of making a representative impression), and I had slept for less than 2 hours, because my alarm went off at 05:20 AM. This had become my travel plan:

I had 13 minutes to buy a train ticket

The metro ride was only one stop, after which I walked to the Tobacco Theater

I made those screen shots when I was still in bed, because I woke up very tired and wondered for how long I could continue to rest. (I couldn’t.) After a quick rinse (since I already showered in the middle of the night, after having played basketball), I put on my wig (but realized that I had forgotten to comb it in the shower, so it was frizzy) and some make-up (wishing that I had the tools to make something else than another set of cat-eyes). I drank my tea in the bathroom, and didn’t have time to eat breakfast. (I was hoping that there would have been food at the coffee reception…)

After brief regular conversations with my parents, I walked to the metro and was in the train on time. I read the HBR edition from 2015 that was in my bag, as I sat on the folding chair near in between the train entrance and the entrance to the first class part of the train, for more than an hour. (Feeling slight heartache for not being a real executive travelling at least first class. Plus I just grabbed my trench coat off the coat rack when I left, not knowing that the dry cleaners had given it back to me all wrinkled, which made me feel uncomfortable after noticing it, when I saw my reflection in the metro.)

When I found the theater, I noticed my name tag right away, on the table at the wardrobe. I started the interaction with the employee standing near it, with: “Hi, I see my name tag here.” (I always think “Jaa wtf moet ik nu zeggen,” when I need to talk to personnel to initiate their work task.) She then took my jacket and asked me if I would like to have a print-out of the program. I said “Yes, please,” and also gave her my bag to hang at the wardrobe, because it was quite big in comparison to the bags I saw other people carry. Then I noticed that I had put my phone into my bag, so I asked for my bag back, took it out and gave it back, feeling slightly clumsy.

I still have my name tag and the print-out of the program:

Haha I feel very random for sharing this now, but I couldn’t type all of this while I was present there and after that I was busy making my Keynes deadline. I also feel random for still having it¿

I thought that I would have been able to score a piece of cake or something else to tame my stomach, which was growling very loud at some point

So I walked into the place where the magic was about to happen, and saw a lot of people chatting with each other. I was hungry, tired and alone, plus had no clue who to approach to have a truly fruitful conversation with (it’s always either fruitful or adding to my heartache, and the more my heart has endured, the more the gamble scares me). I decided to take a moment (and empty my bladder) by visiting the ladies room. The location thereof, I asked the sound+screen+lights crew. Quite clumsy again, because I was carrying my notebook and phone in my hand, and I have slight hosophobia.

Walking back to the theater hall (which I expected to be bigger¿), feeling a bit disoriented from all of the little corridors, I met Alexandra, who started our conversation by saying exactly what I was thinking: (paraphrased) that the construction of the theater is like a little maze. (That is neither positive, nor negative. Just a very bright observation 🙂 .)

I then asked her where she’s from – Slovakia – and within no time, we were exchanging our ideas and aspirations. The idea she has for the book she wants to write (which I won’t give away, because it’s her idea and not mine or anyone else’s), is something I believe the world truly needs. I gave her my business card right after I heard 🙂 .

I find it hard to estimate wheter people enjoy talking to me or not. I didn’t know if she was enjoying our conversation – I don’t have such nice conversations often, so I feared coming off too attached(¿) – and if me talking to her was maybe making someone else she’s with stand alone, so I asked if she was alone, too.

We were standing at the right side of the stage in the mini theater hall, near the door that leads to both the exit and the bathrooms, and she pointed to her friend, who was standing on the other side, at the coffee and tea tables. I asked if I could join them. In that way, we became a squad of three, but I didn’t know if they actually wanted me to join them or not (as in some people do not want that, and I didn’t know if they enjoyed my presence or were just being polite, but “Do you prefer it if I leave?” I found too much of a depressing question to ask and explain. Especially because I didn’t want to leave her side).

She introduced me to David (I believe is how his name is written), her fellow student. They know each other because they are both international human resources students at Saxion University. David is from Italy and reads the HBR – which is how they got the invitation – and took Alexandra along as his +1. They have plans of (potentially) starting a business together. (I have not asked if they were dating? They look(ed) like they really connect. I hope I didn’t eavesdrop on their date¿)

We talked about that at the tea and coffee tables, where Alexandra and I poured ourselves a cup of tea. She chose forest fruit flavor (I think¿) and I chose jasmin flavor.

Around the time I had finished my tea, we walked to the seating area in the middle of the theater. We sat down in the middle of the seating area, on the middle right side of the middle parting of the rows of black wooden chairs with flat cushions on them. Because of the way we approached the chairs, I ended up sitting in between the students I had just met. (My insecurities repeatedly made me wonder if I was right for eavesdropping like this? But it felt even stranger to ask. Like how my mother tells me that dr. Crutzen actually wants nothing to do with me, but he still wants to schedule a meeting with me?)

I’m going to have dinner (it’s 9 PM now) and then I’ll continue 🙂 .

~~~

21:32 (09:32 PM)

Dinner was great. I love spare ribs 🙂 . I’ll now continue my very random explanation of flashbacks, of this special Thursday.

Miss Wright welcomed us with her speech, after which Mister Macht (cool to have the Dutch word for power as your last name 🙂 ) gave his speech. He explained how, with the tools of Harvard Business Publishing (corporate learning), the performance of an organization can be improved.

I believe that at some point, he mentioned that cyborgs (as in a human being with brain implants) already exist (in the context of the business side of it, which also suits the future of work very much) – which was something that made me want to cheer, because that would definitely make me win my psychiatry related cold case – but I can’t find that back in his slides? (I swear I saw and heard it thoughhh. I also heard (Dutch) people anxiously mutter, when it was shown. (Maybe that is why it’s not included in the downloadable version? Or maybe Mister Anthony said it. It’s in neither of the slides, but it really has been mentioned. Anywayy yay cyborgs.))

Since I heard that, I’ve been thinking: if I can perform brain-to-brain communication, while regular humans cannot do that, does that then make me a cyborg? It wouldn’t surprise me if I were one 🙂 . It would also explain why “some” of my relatives treat me like dirt 🙂 . I still have real feelings, though they might forget 🙂 .

The examples of business cases Joshua gave – I don’t know if I should stay respectfully formal or go colloquially first-name-basis on this, but this is my very intimately expressed diary so yayy – are the exciting futuristic and beautifully established brands that make me so excited about Harvard Business Publishing / the Harvard Business Review.

I would so love D.O.C.I.S. International to become one of those HBP & HBR case businesses. But meoww I’m such a small business, the concept is so controversial and I’m so broke, that I fear being rejected or ignored, for some reason. I still e-mailed him about my interest in a corporate partnership, hoping that that is the right approach to, in the end, have him become one of my Graeynissis 😀 .

After Joshua Macht [I wonder if using the name of someone who ranks high in search engines is somehow notified when I use his or her name?] had spoken, and an elaborate series of questions from the audience had been asked, Scott D. Anthony interactively spoke of the future of business, from the perspective of Innosight, as well as from his own personal perspective.

I found the slide, by the way! It was mister Anthony who spoke of a cyborg (in the context of the quote “The future has already arrived. It is just not very evenly distributed.” I knew it! (x2 (as in the world is far more advanced than the way mainstream Dutch people see it, which I’ve mentioned quite often here))). Meoww I received the slides today and realized that what I told Scott in the e-mail I sent him was inaccurate, in the sense that I told him that he inspired me to work on the way I analyze my data, and then referred to a slide that was not his x_x. I feel stupiddd. I also feel strange for mailing, while I have his and Joshua’s phone number, but what I want to say is sooo much and my voice would be all shaky because I’d see it as a once-in-a-lifetime chance that could easily blow over if I don’t use the right words.

The cyborg is wearing a red jacket, I believe :).

I discussed the “bingo” slide with Alexandra. I told her about the self-driving buses I used to take to visit the gym in Rivium Business Park, and about the cryptominers in this house I live in. We have both tried plant-based meat 🙂 . (I really wonder how it gets its meat flavor?)

At the end of the first part of his speech, he asked for two volunteers from the audience. I raised my hand right away, because I love being a subject for an audience and speaking for an audience.

After being selected first, by being pointed at, I walked on stage by taking a huge step with my Timberlands heels, instead of taking the stairs. It was very random, but it felt more efficient than walking towards the little stairs on the side of the stage. Then I was told to take place in front of the stage, instead of on top of it, so I used my efficient way of walking again, mentally crossing my fingers to not twist my ankle, as I took a big step to get off the stage, and – with the shakiness of my sore muscles from the work-out sessions fron the days before, plus loss of muscle strength because of the state of my heart – my other leg followed. I thought I was going to feel awkward about it, but I’m happy that I didn’t feel bad and kept my feeling of happiness.

Scott asked us who we are and whether we were optimists or pessimists about the prospects of the future. The other subject – I am incredibly sorry to have forgotten his name – who I believe was a Sikh, said that he is an optimist. I said that I’m both an optimist and a pessimist, using the words “I’m a little bit of both.” I introduced myself with only my name, by means of making an indirect statement, on which I will later elaborate.

After having been told about both optimistic and pessimistic statistics, regarding corporate and international growth, and the story behind that (after which we were told to not focus on the numbers, which – that always happens – incentivized me to focus on the numbers) my opponent volunteer was tasked with defending pessimism (“we are at the … of despair”) and I was tasked with defending optimism (“we are at the spring of hope”). The reasons for optimism were mainly about the increasing amount of start-ups and steady profits. Pessimism was defended by elaborating on the state of the oil market.

That is when I realized how complicated (to open up about) my actual viewpoint is. I’m only slightly optimistic, because I’m capable of reasoning out a way to alter the world, to make it fully sustainable and peaceful, and I can use D.O.C.I.S. International as the ultimate advocate, to make that reality. If I didn’t have had that, I would have considered a proper future for myself and like-minded people so impossible that I would have committed suicide by now. I see most start-ups as rival businesses who are disregarding what nature truly needs (which is not another concept striving to maximize output). And, as a Fangyist, I’m anti-profit, because of the heavy claim it makes on natural resources, when spent.

It would have been a good moment to pitch my business concept, but it would take quite a few minutes to make that clear, and I wanted to win the debate, so I said something like this:

“Of course, we are at the spring of hope. The American economy is booming, for example. [I indirectly said that I’m pro-Trump, but that is more for political awareness.] And though we are running out of fossil fuels [not even to begin with the state of the waterworks], we have modern technology, so we can replace that [I was struggling to find the right words to use, but I meant that we can fully switch to sustainable technology instead of fossil fuels]. There are amazing prospects, such as ever-increasing profits [I said while I pointed at one of the numbers on the positive statistics paper. I had to think of (ew) cryptocurrencies right away, and how much of non-value that actually is] and, I mean, if we can already learn by texting, these days [a reference to Joshua’s speech. I want to teach people Fangyist economics by texting?], the future must be great.”

People started to applaud. I made a little bow, after which I went back to my seat. We were then told to vote, and “positivity” had won the majority of votes 🙂 (even though I voted neutral, and my words (and appearance) might not have been an influence, but it still felt like winning, which was something I truly needed).

I just randomly watched this video, which I came across, as a suggestion, when I was searching for a tutorial to make an HTML email (like a newsletter) via a regular mail client, because I’m thinking of getting Graeynissis by sending an interactive newsletter-ish message, and this is based on what I “usually” watch:

Zondag met Lubach always makes me laugh, but when “the foreigners debate” comes across anywhere, I always get mixed feelings (because I know racism far too well).

During the break, while Alexandra and David were socializing with other people, and other potential Graeynissis had rows of people wanting to speak to them, in front of them, I got myself some tea.

Meoooow it’s already 02:30 AM! The rest of the story is still quite long, and while I was typing this, I got the idea of sending a selection of people an HTML e-mail where I give them my ideas and ask if they are interested in attending a brainstorm event I’ve been dreaming of organizing for quite a while now. It is the introduction event of D.O.C.I.S. International that takes place before the Benefit I also want to organize.

More about that, and how I went from volunteering to leaving earlier at the event, after some mental rest.

Good night ♥

~~~

Blog, Nosce Te Ipsum, Random Thoughts, Reflections, Strategy

Becoming member of D.O.C.I.S. International more efficient than Voting? 

Yes. That’s why, when you vote, you should put my (your own) name on that voting paper, and draw a check box in front of it. Then check that box. 

Check

De Verkiezing voor de Provinciale Staten en WATERSCHAPPEN. 20 Maart. Lil Fangs for Praesens. 

I’m doing thisssss. 

You know about it. 

Thanks, mate

The featured image is taken by Element5 Digital. 

A "U.S." style voting box, for a post about "Dutch" voting. Shouldn't those elections be broadcasted internationally as well? The sentiment that comes with "Human Rights". It's suitable. 
Nosce Te Ipsum, Random Thoughts, Strategy

A More Reader-Friendly Approach, Saying What’s Next

I don’t want you to miss out on pieces of writing that you might enjoy. The titles of my diary posts don’t reveal its content. There’s an extensive range of types of content in (almost) every day, but the excerpt of its first 40 words does not reveal that at all!!

The focus was on the moment the text is written, instead of on what the text is about. A lot of passages of my diary could have been published as separate articles. It’s cool that I now have a written memory of part of my real-life experience, to reflect on, when I’m old, grey and successful. But after this impulsive realization, and the thoughts that went out to those who keep up with my blog, I quit adding new posts to the already high stack of diary posts immediately. So, from now on – especially because there’s quite a lot to read here – things on here will be categorized differently.

Instead of sharing real-time thoughts with you, I want to share more theoretical details of the process of establishing D.O.C.I.S. International (what is visible on its website is not the full business concept), far more open to different inputs. We’re starting off with The General Theory of Employment, Interest and Money, by John Maynard Keynes 🙂 .

Writing a post about my interpretation of the theories of Keynes doesn’t go as fast as writing a diary post. That’s why it seems like I’m falling silent, while in actuality, we’ll be scrutinizing the economists words (e.a.) and I’ll translate it to what I want to do with D.O.C.I.S. International. I’m using “old school” theories, published decades ago, to base my theories on, because, even though the doctrines might be replaced by something more modern, they’ve still played a huge role in shaping this world. The posts that are coming up next will show how it all sticks together (literally and figuratively)! 🙂

In short, the way I’ll tackle things is by separating posts about theories, strategies and feelings, instead of putting them all in one diary post. The theoretical posts (or its spin-offs about my philosophy) will be released at least once a week. Things about strategy will be released whenever one is pushed through. And my feelings I’ll only share in Ex Animo poems from now on, leaving out the details of those involved and their actions. 

Aside from the Project Nosce Te Ipsum page I’m also working on (it’s currently a visible draft), I’m going to stop with uploading drafts and then editing them online until they’re done (or never touch it again). I find it cool that I’ve showed how I work and that I do everything by myself, but not everyone might understand my process, or even wants to see it. So I’m going to act more like a regular blogger. I’m all about comfortable (and exciting) reading!!! And SEO and stuff… I’m also going to pay more attention to the SEO of my posts. My diary posts and drafts weren’t optimized at all, because they weren’t really showpieces of what I’m capable of.

In case the term SEO is new to you: SEO stands for Search Engine Optimization. It’s there to make sure a website and its content are well-indexed by search engines.

The coming few days, I’ll finish up the state of my websites, so that it will perfectly suit my (impulsive, but much better) approach for what I want to achieve. Simultaneously, I hope to find my source for a regular income – still on that job hunt – and to legally settle the painful issue with my family once and for all.

I hope you’ll love my new approach! (I hope that more people will regularly read my blog, because of this.) Please, sign up for the newsletter, so that I can engage you in my process more 🙂 ♥ .

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21 February 2019
Blog, Online Diary, Random Thoughts, Reflections

Sunday, February 3, 2019

02:44 (AM) 

I’m in bed now. After sleeping, I want to touch on what happens to me during small talk, the emotional pain from seeing my relatives, a dream so big that I fear to share it with my Graeynissis because I’m afraid they’ll say no, Volta and what I call human vultures. 

Sweet Dreams ♥

I love you ♥

xxx

13:39 (01:39 PM) 

Hiii :D♥

How’s your weekendd? 🙂

Mine is all right. I’m still in bed haha…. I’ll get up to do some pre-eating and “making” croissants soon. First, I’d like to start on what I wanted to say about small talk. 

When I’m not talking, I’m always thinking deeply, in a very concentrated state.  The creative challenge in creating a new world, is always on my mind. In silence, I try to combine the concepts I know and/or have reasoned out, and try to think of them put together, to mentally simulate that, and think of if it would last as the fundament of a new world. 

Then having to let go of my train of thought, to engage in small talk, always makes me a little tense, because I worry if I’ll remember where to pick up, where I left off, when the conversation is over. 

For example, I try to simulate if it’s financially healthy for both sides (so “Planet Earth” and “Planet Fang” (on the same soil(?))), when Planet Fang buys the earthly houses of its citizens, to give them Fangia (its valuta) to spend (not to buy a new house, because they get that for free), and sells, rents out or uses those houses for whatever purpose, and Planet Fang’s bank is where everyone deposits all they have, and it becomes “a collective account”. How do we then not make Planet Earth go bankrupt, how should spending restrictions for that account be stated, would people enjoy this ride… (I need sexy Graeyniss sexy expertise to answer my questions with certainty!!!) That’s what my brain is semi-working on, but then, mid reasoning process… Things like  “Look at this funny video!” or “I’ll give you some advice on life, wrapped in a story about myself,” make me have to switch up what I use my brain for. 

There are the most loving intentions behind it, I know that, and I love my people for that, but it’s a distraction from something that is needed and necessary for survival…

Okayy I’m going to brush my teeth and eat. Meanwhile, check this out 😀 : [haha that distracting choice of words is meant as a joke]

Haha why do I never make it to a leaderboard? Spider solitaire is addictive!

~~~

19:45 (07:45 PM)

Meoww I wonder what you want to read about. Or what you like to read about. That’s what I want to write. I bet that’s not the topics I listed in the beginning of this post. 

But to quickly stick to my words: the acting casual, as if nothing was going on and it’s normal that I don’t want to live at home, was painful. 

We should unplug all of our intellectual capital and assets out of the current system and independently create a system of our own, with our Graeyniss for Graeyniss business (land).

I want to record some Graeynissis talking about Volta, to increase sales… It sounds like the only way… It also sounds like sexy fun 😀 . To have Graeynissis talk about it, is all I write for, truthfully. 

I need a solution to these “Ayy gurl where you goin’? What’s yo number?” type of people I, for some weird reason, can’t say “No please just fucking leave me alone,” to. They’re really like vultures in a way. Waiting until the prey is unaccompanied by another male. Some arm candy to fend them off and to be less lonely. I permanently don’t want to sleep alone anymore 🙂 . 

This is not bad… I screenshotted this earlier today, because I thought of sharing this “accomplishment” hahaha. I should add this to my curriculum vitae HAHA just kidding.

~~~

23:26 (11:26 PM) 

Meoww I’m off to bed. I hope tomorrow will bring me good news. I have no idea in what format I’ll be given my news. But this is the only way I have to hear something. Usually my ways of reaching out can be ignored, when they’re too different from the standard procedures, but in this case, I am entitled to hear anything about it. I don’t know how my case is interpreted from someone I don’t know personally, and usually I just don’t hear anything, but this time it would be not following the procedure, if I were ignored. 

Responding to my request requires a lot of creativity! Because it stems from pure creativity. I wonder how the respondent(s) will approach it. I hope I’ll be reading a lot of positive words. A lotttt of words. It will make my heart very happy.

Meoww I’m off to bed 

Good night 

I love you 

xxx – 

Blog, Online Diary, Random Thoughts, Reflections

Monday, January 7, 2019

02:11 (AM) 

Meow excuse my delay. I’m tired and that makes me slow 🙁 . I think it’s the most healthy to wait with what I wanted to share with you – it’s a lot of thoughts – until I’ve had some better rest. Then I’ll also not feel like rushing it. 

I’m in bed now, wearing socks until my feet get warm [I wish I had a warm body to cuddle [klinkt het alsof ik over een lijk praat? HAHAHA dat bedoel ik niet. I’m talking about finding Cuddle loveee] to replace my socks with… Would you truly love to warm my feet? Meoow people like that are almost extinct and very hard to find.] and since I can’t fall asleep with cold feet, I can still keep you company, until my legs don’t end with these size 41 ice cubes anymore. 

Laking makes it warmer underneath the sheets, too 🙂 . Meoow. I don’t know if my frequency (and slight dependence) is(/are)  healthy, though…

I’ll set my alarm for 10 o’clock, because to cancel a phycisians appointment without being charged for it, you need to do that 24 hours in advance. I’m also going to ask what the fuck ze gedeclareerd hebben, since I haven’t seen a doctor in this fucking country since 2017. And then I’ll call doctor Cuddle’s practice [“the main practice he works at” applies better, but that’s more typing] and ask when he’s available. I might be able to go there again now that my mother is willing to bring me there. The problem is that she seems not appreciative of me wanting to use the findings from Germany for my legal case regarding my emotional and physical damage, as a result of the authoritarian psychopaths destroying my life. 

I feel another wave of powerlessness in that… I need justice. And money 🙁 . The type of pillow I need, which will cause my neck to not hurt – I think that might be the cause of my headache – is not cheappp. 

Are there any volunteers who are very eager to help me clear my name and road trip to doctor Cuddle’s practice with me? Because I will be stressed the fuck out all of the time if I have to go there with someone who just wants to see if I’m sane or not and then try to get me to that heartless Dutch phycisian of mine. Or any other Dutch phycisian. Isn’t it clear that I’m so done with the Dutch health care system? All they focus on is symptoombestrijding, but never on solving the cause of the symptoms. And then they give up whenever they get the chance and start to kill you with morphine. More about that after my resting. Voor zover ik daartoe in staat ben… 🙁 [that was about resting]

My feet are warm enough now 🙂 

Slaap zacht, mijn liefste ♥

I love you 😽

– xxx –

07:12 (AM) 

Ah meoow my feet cooled off quickly before I was able to lake myself to sleep, and then my thoughts kept me awake. Now my stomach is demanding nutrition again, but I basically haven’t had a proper good night’s rest in…. Yeah since that time I was alone in Enschede, I think… 

I don’t want to get out of bed, but I’m “in the mood for” (variation, actually) bitter melon and solanum macrocarpon. I so want to sleep 🙁 . 

The Head Cuddle [ = my head B ♥… I intended to keep it a secret, until I kept being forced to speak (it still took them monthsssssssssss)] reminded me of red meat 😻 . My mouth is watering now… I might spend my last cash on going to the butcher later. For a tiny piece of the tastiest meat. And some fresh tuna… 😻 Then I also catch some “fresh air”. It’s just “alternative to inside air is outside air”, because Dutch outside air is just as deadly as inside air. I can’t stand all of the noise from (the concept of) outside, but I like walking, so…

I’m going to eat some yoghurt to silence my stomach, check when the butcher opens and hope that I’m done before 10 AM, because you shouldn’t have another kutgesprek on an empty stomach 🙂 . [This because – is it Dutch¿ – me cancelling the appointment might be followed by the “why” question. Ugh. Even when the soonest moment I could be helped in Germany were in 2 weeks, I would rather die than see that bitch who called me incompetent and believes it, again. I also want to share my philosophy on the wall situation with you, later 🙂 ] Ttyl xxx

~~~

08:11 (AM) 

Meowss. I suddenly sooo lovee plain yoghurt :). Usually I consume that with a crazy amount of honey. 

Meoww I see the butchery opened at 8 🙂 . There’s no fish store in the distance I’ll be able to walk with this amount of nutrition in my system, without passing out. 

I’ll be finishing this, showering – need to time this right, since this meow who apparently also has a cat onesie [with a tail! The Coolniss 😀 ], lives the 40 hours niss, has to go to work, and I don’t want to make him be late – and cooking my type of lunch I haven’t cooked for myself in such a long time. I haven’t even had lunch in like… How many weeks? It has been “breakfast” [iets om je holle kies mee te vullen (dat is een spreekwoord)] and dinner only, for quite some time now. The tired Fangs on a budget life. I’m also getting veryyyyyyyyyyyy tired of typing so much all of the time x_x. 

But I do have some interesting things to share with you later 🙂 . 

~~~

09:24 (AM) 

Tired petje is going to “run” [with the state of my health, I can’t even run… While I love sprinting 🙁 ] to the store and still be in time for that ughhhh phone call. 

Fucking hateee when pedestrians look at me while they talk, when I walk past them outside

~~~

11:42 (AM) 

I see another awesome loophole opportunity to get closer to solving my case 😀

Here’s how I got there:

For some reason, this little boss ass daredevil gave me hope

I did my grocery shopping and calling off my Dutch phycisian (including requesting information about unsubscribing) all before 10:30 🙂 . Die klok loopt zelfs vier minuten voor 🙂 .

I expexting to be making a decision between entrecote and kobe or something. But they didn’t even have that… This kogelbiefstuk cost me €5,95 and it looked like it can’t be eaten rare or even medium-rare (it was on a big bulk of meat and I asked for two plaques…). In my neighborhood I can get better quality food for less… It’s because of the ratio between people and food, plus food wishes 

The supermarket here also doesn’t sell non-frozen, fresh tuna (I’ve asked an employee for this, when I was there). 

My bitter melon was overdue, so I chose to eat the solanum macrocarpon (“antroewa” in het Sranang Tongo) with green asperges 🙂

My mother told me it’s healthier to garnish with butter, instead of to fry with it

Meowss I feel better alreadyy

Location revealedd

I three different topics were discussed in those few minutes. The assistant’s predictable answers [answers are always even worse than I expect them] makes my situation feel like I have a bit more hope

On the phone, I asked the assistant/receptioniste to cancel tomorrow’s appointment. She asked if that is because I am better now. I told her “No, it’s because I have found someone who wants to bring me to Germany.” She then started saying things, but I interrupted her with: “Ik heb twee vragen. De eerste is wat er vrijdag is gedeclareerd.” Then she told me that they didn’t do anything, that I should check it myself online and that it might be the new annual registration tariff. [And then I thought It’s sooo coincidental that she’s talking about registration [grrr fucking weird answer by the way], because of what my last question ever is!!!] I replied: “Okay. My last question is what the procedure of unsubscription of this practice is.” 

She told me that my new physician should then textually contact the practice, and then they will officially transfer my file. Guess what I’ll then be discussing at my very long appointment with doctor Cuddle this coming Saturday 😻. Haha me having someone from Germany as main phycisian (to be), is sooo against the whole point of that Dutch health care system. But I’ve lost my faith in it. I’ve basically never had faith in it.

Not only because I’ve lost so many people in my life. Also because the ratio between people and the amount of hospitals available, in all of the Netherlands… Is… Hopeless…? There’s also no space for a new big hospital, where it’s needed. Het IJsselland ziekenhuis [fuck a capital “Z” on this one], for example, is the nearest hospital for all people in Capelle aan den IJssel (so Capelle West, Capelle Schollevaar, Capelle ‘s Gravenland [where I (should I say “used to”?) “live”], Oostgaarde, Middelwatering…) and Rotterdam Oost (Prins Alexander, Lageland, Oosterflank en Ommoord [and more?]). Het gebouw zelf ziet er al uit als een noodvoorziening… And they do severe morphine treatments… Why the fuck does someone have to go to school for more than 4 years, to only do symptoombestrijding and “extreme ingrepen” and other than that are educated to thin out the Dutch population “of its weaklings”…?? That sounds very World War Two “resurfaced”, to me… The authority of “law enforcement” psychiatrists and shiz, too… 

~~~

13:08 (01:08 PM) 

Meoww I’ve made the appointment for Saturday, because I thought of how to get the most of his time. There are still more symptoms to research the origin of… My heart feels happy and safe, when I’m around him. (He knows that I have trust issues with doctors and he’s a very good listener.) I always want an appointment to last forever. [I’m such “a hopeless romantic” hahaha…]

Also, my muscles are crazyyy tight, so I’m happy to be able to finally get a long session of osteopathy :D. Before that, there are a lot of things to discuss! 

So “length-of-appointment”-wise, I love Saturday. But when it comes to the current state of my health… 

Opening the door this morning and being exposed to outside air, already made me feel slightly dizzy. It’s scary, knowing that your body could give out at any second. Somehow I made there and back. 

But now I’m tired from that small moment of being outside and cooking. And eating, of course. On the phone with the assistant of my soon to be not anymore my (Dutch) phycisian, I was dealing with veryyyyy severe breathing problems, from the stress. It was definitely hearable. 

Ik schrok me om 12 uur trouwens ook weer te gewoonlijke tering, door dat kut luchtalarm. Denkend: Water!! Water!! Neeeee!! Water? Ooh nee het is twaalf uur.

Meow too tired to continue typing xxxx 

~~~

20:36 (08:36 PM) 

Food petje 😀

The soup is nice 🙂

I’m sharing my visje with Jam 🙂

On the situation with the wall:

It’s craazyyy how ignorant people can be these days. Everyone in the world has an opinion about President Trump and his wall. 

The media calls it fucked up, so people call it fucked up. It’s not there, so truthfully, they can’t know if it will be fucked up. 

Everyone has heard about the Berlin wall in school (sort of) and might relate it to that. But that’s a misinterpretation. 

If he would want to build that wall in between Maryland and Pennsylvania, I would understand why there’s so much bitching about it. 

If he were to demand it to be built on Mexican soil, I would understand why there’s so much bitching about it. 

If it were European countries building walls in between each other, that would be against the law, because in the European Union, borders are open. 

[I must say there should be an exception made for Germany and Belgium, because they should be allowed to defend themselves from flooding, when the Netherlands flood(s).]

[Die shit met de Waddeneilanden, I consider a sign of God, trouwens. And I don’t even consider myself a religious person (anymore) hahaha.]

But people should realize that he’s a politician who actually has a good plan. 

You see, illegal immigrants… Are illegal. So… They should just be legal immigrants… Immigrating legally. Maybe Mexico also needs better politics, and that wall might be a good incentive. 

Mind you that refugees are not illegal immigrants. Especially when a country has a hand in a war that causes mass migration, refugees should be allowed in. But still it’s important that people live purposeful lives and not just claim a spot, for the sake of claiming it, to do nothing with it, afterwards. 

But if you can’t get the democrats to cooperate – they always want to talk too much and never really improve anything but just $$$$$ eww – maybe they will, if it’s a wall made of very thick bulletproof glass? Or maybe a very high electric fence? Popsicle sticks…?

On the law enforcement people: they’re given a holiday? Those people must be criminals with an authority and anger problem. An addiction to it maybe, even. I mean being an authoritarian fuck all day must be stressful, so if you’re not paid for it, you should not work. 

This man who was interviewed for it, on the Dutch late night news, yesterday, said that otherwise people are going to escape. How about they link the cameras there to the hobby room in their home (because they have hobbies right hahahahaha), and put a digital sniper rifle in that panopticum tower of theirs, to shoot anyone who runs out. 

Then the captivated people can have some fun time, too. “You know where to find the snacks. I’m going to Ibiza 🙂 .” [Of course they might also start killing each other. But people should just let people be.]

What I wanted to say about forbidden office romance, is that is very much shouldn’t be!!!! It’s insane! Love is one of the few fun things in life 🙁 . At least to this catje 🙁 . 

Of course, a lot of people won’t be able to handle it, and a workplace might become like a zoo. (Not everyone is able to concentrate on working, so quickly resides to talking nonsense and distracting others.)

“See that girl there two tables away…?” Haha while the world then becomes a more dumb pile fucking mess, I can be kissing with my Graeynissis, while taking over the world 🙊.

Meoww this is the exact opposite order I intended to tell things yesterday, but my spontaneous red meat craving (actually still unsatisfied) changed things around. I’m still thirsty… 

But even more tired, and because of that, I’ll be going to call it a day. (I wish doctor Cuddle were my neighbor… I need eyes of true medical understanding on me 🙁 .)

Good night ♥

I love you

xxx

Blog, Ex Animo, Nosce Te Ipsum, Online Diary, Random Thoughts, Reflections

Doe eens iets geks? 

Iets wat ik nog nooit heb gedaan, is een post helemaal in het Nederlands schrijven. Wat betreft grammaticaregels [ik kan het beter “alleen maar uitzonderingen” noemen] is het sowieso een verschrikkelijke taal, dus wijk ik algauw liever uit naar een wat toegankelijkere taal. Puur om geklaag te vookomen. 

Vele Nederlanders hebben me aangeraden om eerst te beginnen met het veroveren van de Nederlandse markt, voordat ik internationaal ga. Ik heb drie heel zwaar wegende argumenten om dit niet te doen: 

  1. Het doel van mijn missie betreft alle landen ter wereld, [JA, “KOMMA EN”] en het Engels is een internationale taal. 
  2. Gezien de ecologische constructie van Nederland, is Nederland niet voor altijd, en ik wil graag iets nalaten aan volgende generaties. (Haha snap je wat ik hiermee zeg?)
  3. Het Nederlandse propaganda is heel erg “ons” en “zij”, en “hier is alles beter” wanneer het gaat om Nederland en het buitenland, en dat vind ik zulke fucking onzin. Die stommiteit past ook niet bij wat ik wil bereiken. Voor mijn gevoel hoor ik ook niet bij “ons”. Ik ben mijn eigen team. En ik ben heel selectief wat betreft het kiezen van mijn bondgenoten, want als er een land is waar opportunisme bijna volledig in de nationale cultuur verweven zit… “Ik organiseer een evenement en wil graag dat je erbij bent.” “Njaaa ik weet het niet… Volgens mij heb ik die dag…” “Entree, eten en drinken zijn voor jou gratis.” “Hoe laat?” (En dan moet dat grappig zijn? Is het dan ook grappig dat ik zo serieus wil emigreren? Natuurlijk heb je dat soort mensen overal, maar hier heb je niet eens de ruimte om ze te ontwijken…)

Ook dat binnen de nationale cultuur, geloven dat echte internationale voorspoed mogelijk is en geloven dat volledige zelfbeheersing mogelijk is, worden gezien als psychosen… Dat de meerderheid volledig talentloos is, wil niet zeggen dat het gelijk voor iedereen onmogelijk is. 

Van mij mogen die dijken kapot, echt waar. Dan is het probleem ook opgelost. Het zal uiteindelijk misschien zelfs wel moeten, want het land is eigenlijk al zo onherstelbaar failliet. Ieder jaar wordt alles een stukje duurder, de absurde overbevolking wordt een stukje groter en viral trends en million dollar strategies worden steeds dommer, voor het proletariaat en hun routines die al langer hetzelfde zijn dan dat ik in leven ben. Stel dat ik ook een proleten leven zou gaan leiden leiden [je weet wel, tot mijn 65ste (mijn generatie moet sowiso door tot ze 80 zijn), elke dag naar het werk, met dezelfde collega’s, op dezelfde plek, waar je steeds dezelfde anekdotes hoort… In de zomer ieder jaar naar dezelfde camping, lekker goedkoop… HAHAHA (Om heel eerlijk te zijn, ga ik letterlijk, zonder enige twijfel, liever dood.)], in plaats van het volgen van het pad dat alleen ik kan volgen, omdat (blijkbaar, helaas) alleen ik dit inzicht heb en er een oplossing voor heb. Hoe waren jullie dan van plan om al die studie leningen terug te krijgen, terwijl de vergrijzing bekostigd moet worden en dit land nog verder in verval raakt, terwijl men alleen maar dommer wordt? 

Too bad you gave me that fucked up diagnosis, and I’m tired of trying now. Good luck 🙂 .

Haha daar komt de aap uit de mouw, nietwaar? 

Happy 2019

– xxx – Lil Fangs 

Meow is the administrator account of my blog, which I fully maintain myself. This is Lil Fangs, too 🙂 . 

Met dit ene artikel heb ik letterlijk elke ongeschreven regel die er binnen het vak public relations bestaat, gebroken. Het is gewoon tijd voor iets nieuws. 

Blog, Drafts, Nosce Te Ipsum, Popular Posts, Random Thoughts, Reflections

A trauma

Who would you listen to? A group of people who express their care about someone, by, with a large budget, starting a campaign about how they miss someone and how that person “is now a lost cause”, because she has smoked quite a few joints, then became a lot less socially active person and decided to never come home again, or “the lost cause”, who has a very alternative view on the world and is, with a very low budget, trying to change the world, currently by legally bending the law, from her bedroom at her parents’ house? Apparently the choice was very easily made for a lot of people, since I am still without any active support. But I won’t give up. At least not before December 31, 2018, 23:59. This is Lil Fangs for President

A Brick Wall

That title was chosen in an attempt to keep your attention. Trying to get my message across, is like yelling against a brick wall. Right underneath your nose, I live through one of the most hidden forms of injustice, every day. Without any official support, it is not possible for me to escape from it. 

The way people are treated within the (Dutch) psychiatric system, is so inhumane.  The worst part is that once you’ve been in it, they can monitor you for the rest of your life. 

Imagine that you, a perfectly sane person, are suddenly snitched by someone very close to you, and suddenly every day psychiatrists come visit you at home, and they talk to you as if you don’t know how to count to ten, and they start to prescribe you all kinds of pills, of which they say that it can influence your reasoning and it will make you function normally again. 

In the beginning, you refuse to speak with them, because you’re not ill the way they claim you’re ill. But they keep telling you that you are, and that you should obey them. The person who has snitched you, keeps telling you that the measure is “The right thing for you and that everything will be okay.” You’re not allowed to leave your house anymore, as long as you keep refusing those pills. You can’t raise your voice at them and/or become violent, because when you do, they will inject you with their quackery and put you in a very cold isolation cell, with only a mattress on the ground and a toilet bowl next to it. With a camera in it, fixed on you. 

Are you with me on this one, that if you become stuck in such a situation, and everyone you ever believed in is suddenly telling you that you need help, while that what they call help, is making you feel offended, that it’s logical to just take a few of those pills and say that you’re doing better, so that you can leave the house, with the intention of never coming back? [And to (I did not expect that to happen in the future) never apologize to those who blame you for making them worried, because you suddenly left and were nowhere to be found. But you have told them plenty of times that you do not want that psychiatric surveillance in your life.]

I wish my first impression to the world would have been different. It’s hard to recover my reputation from I don’t even know what lie they have exactly told you about me and my well-being. All I know about that, is that when I Googled my name, at that time, “Dominique Elia vermist” [vermist means missing], was a search suggestion. When I search the same thing now, I see this:

Why this is a problem to me, is because I want to know what people have seen, so that I can debunk it

I have been told that after I was found – the full story on that, if you’re interested, is written out in The Unpublished Episodes of Nosce Te Ipsum I – everyone was ordered to delete the message that went viral. What the fuck went viral? I need to know. Why delete it, if it has gone viral already? Then I’m the only one who doesn’t know. 

The reason why I was so against being under psychiatric surveillance – so much that I decided to run away, after they started to speak about that their surveillance period is at least 12 months – is because of my aspirations. 

My aspirations are not literally to become president. I strive towards an independent form of influence, on a beyond-government level, accompanied by a select group of people. In my view, achieving international eternal peace, is possible. 

To many people it isn’t possible, which has been one of the grounds based on which I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia.  I find it outrageous that someone’s pessimistic view can define my entire life. With that diagnosis, I don’t agree with, I could have been denied access to enter the United States. By still going there, I intended to make a statement and hoped that the diagnosis could be reverted. To succeed in that, I need support from other people. 

The people in my environment don’t believe that I’m sane, because my parents have told them that I, one day, packed my suitcase and told them that Benoît Crutzen is going to come to our house and I’m going to leave and never come back. They responded to that statement of mine, as if I said it while I was not fully conscious. But I remember every single fucking heartless thing they have done in that period. They never asked my why I said that or what we were planning to do or anything. They just started to laugh at me and forbade me to see him. 

The day I packed my suitcase, was the day before I had arranged to meet up with him, to talk about a possible campaign, when I still had a PR business. I then did not know that over the next 24 hours, there were going to be several fights, that ended up in me shunning my parents for five days – things were not going well with my business and Benoît was my last hope, for success, paying off debts and friendship – and psychiatrists coming to the house every day. 

When I packed, I was aware that that wasn’t part of the plan we had discussed over e-mail. I was just that desperate to move out, because my parents do not want me to move out the way I want to move out, and thus they will never give me funds to move out. They might give me a little money to help me buy furniture or something, but the support I need, I won’t receive, they have told me several times. 

Blog, Ex Animo, Images, Online Diary, Random Thoughts, Recipes, Reflections

Wednesday, December 26, 2018

01:57 (AM) 

There’s some text in the previous post, which was updated after 12.

I would love to talk to you some more, but I can barely keep my eyes open. Plus, I’ll have to do some grocery shopping tomorrow, because during last evening’s dinner, we decided that I’m not only in charge of the mashed potatoes. I’ll also be making the starter. My sister wants something with raw salmon, so I’ll be making my own version of zalmtaartaar :)♥ .

I’m off to bed

Good night, my love ♥

I love you ♥ ♥

I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you ♥ ♥ ♥

xxx

13:11 (01:11 PM) 

Good petty afternoon 🙂 

I’m too bed cuddly, and still tired, so my mother is going grocery shopping and I need to text her what I need for my cooking. I always decide what kind of ingredients I’ll use, when it’s time to go shopping for them, and then based on what kinds of taste I’m in the mood for. 

So for the mashed potatoes, I was thinking of keeping it very simple: potatoes, butter, milk, celery (my variation), nutmeg, vegetable stock/truffle oil and mustard

And the zalmtaartaar ( = tartar of salmon [but it seems like tartar means wild person¿ I’m talking about a dish haha]) I want to make with: fresh salmon (not frozen please), fennel, (frozen) spinach [I find that tasting a lot less bitter], steranijs (star anise), vegetable stock, creme fraîche, parsley, white wine and sesame seeds. I’ll make “een bedje” [’cause I’m a petje 😀 ] of spinach and finely chopped fennel, cooked and cooled off, with the anise. The salmon will go on top, stuck together in its shape by creme fraîche with vegetable stock (cooled off, since the salmon needs to stay raw). It will be topped with a “blendered” mixture of cooked and cooled off fennel, parsley and white wine. And then some grilled sesame seeds and parsley for garnishing on top. 

I’m not sure if I should include a lime in this, because I made something with the combination of anice and lime, and that tasted like a very nasty cough medicine. A lime would probably also be nicer with non-raw salmon. So no lime in this dish 🙂 . 

Oh we didn’t have plans for soup yet either. The basic tomato soup I make includes… Waiit she already left so I need to text her the shopping list xxx

~~~

13:50 (01:50 PM) 

The soup I’ll make is inspired by this recipe for Turkish tomato soup I learnt from the cooking guide “game” for the Nintendo DS, when I was little. I’ll be using: butter, flour, vegetable stock, tomatoes, creme fraîche, thyme and rosemary

Haha a lot of my diary posts include recipes and reflections – basically they’re always reflections after the introduction – but they’re not put into that category, because I do not always want my philosophy to stand out on this website. There are so many hidden gems in it, I want to keep it a good the user needs to do a little effort for, to obtain it. I’m doing this all for free. I don’t even earn royalties or ad money. So I would like that act of love in return. Thanks 🙂 . 

I’ll later include pictures of the cooking process. My sister will assist me today 😀 ♥.

Time to make some “breakfast”… I have a hunger headache. Tot later 😀 .

~~~

15:12 (03:12 PM)

A last-minute impulse made me think of what to eat the tartar with. I’m thinking of slicing the type of baguette you need to finish in the oven yourself in very thin toasty layers and putting it in the oven with self-made garlic oil with mint

My “breakfast” [first meal of the day, but past breakfast hours, so in between quotation marks] wasn’t really worth sharing. It was just very basic: cooked instant noodles. There were not many better alternatives. 

I accomplished this during/after it haha:

I love this gameee. I gave it to myself as a present last night. Remember when I purchased the Switch and this game was still unreleased?

I’m still hungry… I’ll just start cooking right after I shower and feed off tasting my food to see if the taste is right. That’s something I often do when I can’t find something suitable [in terms of healthiness and how much it makes me feel full… I’m not saying that instant noodles are healthy. They’re what makes me feel the most full of all things available for cooking at the moment] for me to eat. 

So be right back again meoww xxx

~~~

16:21 (04:21 PM) 

Meoww we’re doing thiss. First I want to do all of the cutting for all of the dishes. So cutting the tomatoes and the fennel, plus skinning [what’s the right word?] the potatoes. 

For now I’m doing things solo, because my sister also has to help my mother and shower and take care of other business.

Haven’t worn a schort since my first times cooking. But I want to keep my dress clean hehe.

Fast and simplee

Haha it would be so cool if you’d cook along with me 😀 ♥

This will be my occupation for now. I’ll keep you up to date xxx

~~~

17:26 (05:26 PM) 

De huidige stand van zaken [the current state of affairs]:

As finely chopped as possible on this pace

Fennell

My sister is helping me ♥. [That clock is still on summer time. It was 17:22]

I’ll now start cooking what I need for the tartaar and start making the vegetable bouillon. 

Tartaar first (because it still has to cool), soup second, potatoes last. 

I need to get some stuff from the freezer in the shed. Be right back xxx

~~~

17:42 (05:42 PM) 

Frozen spinach has to defrost first

The back pan is for the topping, the front one is for het bedje 🙂

~~~

18:06 (06:06 PM) 

I hope to be done around 7/07:30 PM. 

Sweet white wine for the back right pan. I compensated sourness a little with sugar.

Vegetable stock and creme fraîche to stick the salmon together in the star cookie shape 

Vegetable stock + tomatoes. Letting it boil until the tomatoes are fully soft

Parsley added (almost forgot about it lol) 

Perfectly blended tartar topping 🙂

The parsley is there because I needed a cutting board and wanted to save on dishes to wash

Meoww

This + those slices of bread + mint and garlic oil + oven

~~~

19:10 (07:10 PM) 

Celeryy

Part einss

Part zweii

19:42 (07:42 PM) 

This is my first time ever trying this. I think it has worked out quite well 🙂 .

Yahaay

Meoww 😀 . I hope it tastes goood

~~~

19:55 (07:55 PM) 

Aahhh I’m exhausted maahnnn. But it’s all donee. Excuse the chaos of pictures. 

Time to eat yoooo xxx

Can’t wait to taste itt

Those are dates filled with cream cheese…

Date me 😀 . Ah meoww at first I was all like “Woohoo I’ll stay single forever,” but on days like this I really miss a companion. 

~~~

20:26 (08:26 PM) 

El soupp

~~~

20:42 (08:42 PM) 

Shout out to my Amsterdam family friends for giving me socks and a gift card ♥

When I went shopping with my mother last weekend, I picked Lady Million Privé by Paco Rabanne and blush, lipstick and fixing spray from MAC as Christmas presents. I opened them when I went to that party on Sunday haha… 

~~~

22:25 (10:25 PM) 

I’ve been semi-socializing [semi because I wasn’t leading the conversation]. Here are some more dinner pics:

The Brancott Estate 2015 Sauvignon. It’s all right [or should I say “it can wait” HAHA love you B ♥]

I’m still looking for that wine with a less dominant taste of alcohol. Like the way Remy Martin XO’s taste of alcohol is very subtle, which makes the other aspects of the drink much more flavorous. 

The traditional [even though I’m Dutch/”Surinamese”] main Christmas dish

I cut the turkey 😀 . So I earned thiss . It was very tasty 🙂 . My mother made the turkey, gravy, cranberries and veggies

My cousin has taken care of our dessert. She has brought three of them 🙂 . We’re starting with this:

Een kaasplankje and a selection of sausages

It’s easier for me to write self-reflection when I’m by myself. So these pictures are my entertainment for you now. I hope you’re having a nice day 🙂 . 

Panna cotta 🙂

I fucking loveee foooood. And wiiinee. 

The third dessert will be served soon as well. 

~~~

Blog, Ex Animo, Images, Nosce Te Ipsum, Online Diary, Random Thoughts, Reflections

Sunday, December 23, 2018

[I wrote this unfinished piece of post yesterday around 7 PM, but then something happened, and because of that, I still will not finish it. I’ll explain it to you 🙂 . Between the three dotted lines is the unfinished piece of post.]

My Cuddle ♥

Excuse my previous madness 🙁 . It’s a side effect that comes with my ambition. I hope you still love me. I get so mad, because I love you and I can’t stand that I can’t be with you 🙁 .

I had a lot of fun with my mother yesterday. When we were texting a few days before, I told her that I tend to stay away from her, because she can express the way she feels so negatively sometimes, and I want to see and hear her be happy. Hearing her express herself negatively gives me heartache and palpitations.

I feel terrible, too, but when we go out to do something together, it’s better to push those feelings aside, to try to emphasize the good things and to act happier than you are, because then you might end up feeling that way, too. I it worked for the both of us 😀 ♥

Around 2 o’clock, we took the metro to the city center. (We intended to leave around 1, but I kept snoozing my 10:50 alarm and at some point I accidentally dismissed it, so I woke up at 12:37 and had to rush…)

00:38 (AM) 

The reason why I’m so much later than usual with writing a post, was because I was socializing all day. It has been so long since I’ve felt so uplifted. I had conversations with my mother that really felt like it was like in the old days. I loved it. Then, here, at the house of the family friends I’m staying with, too, we were talking a lot. At first a lot about decision making from a parental perspective.

Then, later, somehow, we ended up talking about my business plans. I’ve touched on my business plans with other people before, but it’s so unique that I prefer to keep them to myself, because when it comes to money, some people try to do good with it, and some just want to have the most of it. I believe that because most people on this Earth are very self-preservative, this Earth is such a shit dystopia. I know that with my plans – less than half of them can be found online, because I prefer to memorize it, so that others can’t grow big with it before I do – there’s a lot of money to be made, which is why I prefer to keep them to myself, until I’m certain that I can trust someone.

This was the first time breaking down my full business concept, of which a part originated from the fact that with the natural circumstances in the Netherlands, life can be over at any second, and from people from my class, there are currently no plans of evacuation. That’s why I came up with the recruitment aspect of the organization. Also because space is limited. This quickly led to me being compared to – as I indicated before, in the “if I were to explain and my philosophy gets misinterpreted”-situation I described a few posts back, just type the last name in the search field to find it – Adolf Hitler. Of course, the comparison was a joke, since we’re talking about uncontrollable natural circumstances here.

There was also mentioned that we should raise awareness on that life in this country could be over at any second again, via mainstream media. Everyone learns about it in school, but no one gives a fuck, otherwise I would not be alone in this paranoia about nature ending my life at any second. Primary school is made mandatory by the government. If you wouldn’t attend, there’s a whole police patrol squad that makes sure you will. Everyone has been fully educated about this in geography class.

Raising awareness via mainstream media would cause so much chaos, because no one knows what to do, or doesn’t have the resources and/or capacity to do something useful, with that information. (Remember when I was typing about this in caps lock? It already felt like I was giving away too much.)

I don’t believe in raising awareness through mainstream media, but I do believe in proposing my solution and guiding the recruitment process through mainstream media. Then at least everyone knows and thus the chances will be equal. I find equal opportunities very important. Another thing I find important is usefulness, because it’s important that my island doesn’t go to shit the way this country will, one day. That’s not me destroying it. That’s just god’s work. I didn’t chose to be born here. No one did. (Right?)

The conversation ended with me being proposed to propose the product, service or strategy that will give me that amount of money I need to buy that island I’ll fully own and thus have the full right to decide over. I actually intend it to be bought by the holding, because I don’t want to rule over it all by myself, but because it’s my idea, I do want to own the parliament. Yes, things are arranged differently on Planet Fang.

When it comes to pitching my ideas, I always have trust issues. I guess that’s part of the reason why I still haven’t truly attempted to find an investor. (I’m considering constructing my business in such a way that co-owners will all be married to me, on Planet Fang, where everything is very different. I basically have to, since I’m so in love with these Graeynissis…) But of course I make exceptions for those who are close to me, when they ask.

So now I’ll be pitching “my million dollar strategy” coming Saturday. I love a challenge. [The soon deadline was because I made clear that my way to making it big isn’t a plan for 10 years. Life here can be over at any second and I want to be able to save myself (and other (useful) people). Truthfully, I want to have earned enough to rule over that island – and really truthfully already have that compound – within twelve months. Yes, twelve months. Actually I intended to already have been there by now, but I see I really am forced to do mainstream shit ah ew.] I wonder what it will lead to. I seek passionate investors, who care about the success of the endeavor more than about commas. They’re one of a kind and hard to find… Because of the class I’m stuck in with no money or support, I basically don’t come across them. But sometimes I’m lucky…

When I was having lunch with my mother, and she asked me where I want to live when I’m back at the ANWB full-time, I told her: “Wassenaar.” Yehess that’s not affordable with the salary I’ve earned there. I don’t intend to grow old here. I didn’t even intend to really target the Dutch market – because what’s the point, if it can flood at any second – but I have fallen in love… I showed my mother: “Look at how hot my Graeyniss is,” (those were not my literal words) and she was also like woaaaaah. Ah meoww… Suddenly he’s on my mind so much… I swear omgg… Including the thought of us suddenly giving in to the attraction we feel for each other and kissing… I love the way you grab my ass in my fantasy. Our life is wild and turbulent – like our sex – like a Dutch movie. (The upper class life painted in those movies is so alien to me. It’s so interesting in a sexy way.)

In my correspondence to him I’m indirectly all like oohh noo I look relatively good so people think my intention is to fuck anyone and then especially those with brains and influence, so it’s important that it’s clear that that is fucking bullshit. I’m not a house wife.  I want to make a career.

But simultaneously, with the natural circumstances in this country, my survival instinct is going crazy. If I were to be stuck with someone, I swear for me it’s the best to be stuck with someone else who would, like me, say: “If I would survive the flooding of this country, I would seize power.” With my level of intelligence and the circumstances I need to survive in, it doesn’t surprise me that I’m always fucking crazy attracted to tall grey haired men in suits. [HAHA HI THEREEEE 😀 ]

For this sexy Graeyniss, I would stay in this country and be a house wife… [Still no children, though, “sorry”….] The house wife part being cooking and setting up my own business, while the regular cycle of life as we now it now – everyone working – continues, until my business is finished and I can finally overthrow the system. People would talk so much shit about us, because we would look twice as hot if we were a couple… Don’t you maybe need a date for some fancy Christmas dinner? Does anyone need a date for a fancy Christmas dinner? I don’t like Christmas, but I love dress-up occasions and any chance to hear some serious Graeyniss conversations. I’d finally be able to be myself…

I’m such a pet cat… I now have two people I call Graeynissis, of whom I’m thinking that it’s possible that they could feel the same way about me as I do about them… I hope you’ll want to share, because now I feel un-cuddle for having feelings for more than one person, and I just want to have you all all to myself and I want you all to know it from each other. I hope I’ll be enough for you in that way, in terms of love (so that you’d be able to settle for my split attention) and that you’ll still feel like you’re my one and only.

On the rest of yesterday: I took my usual types of pictures, thinking of sharing it on here as I explain to you the deatils of my day. But the conversations lasted until very late and I need to get up early today. (It’s probably also not that interesting for you. That’s why it’s all the way down here.)

I had to get fangy and eat some medium-rare meat

I didn’t go here today, but I went there on a school excursion once, and, while usually I’m not a fan of excursions, there’s such interesting meaning in the architecture, art and design of this Paleis op de Dam, so I wanted to tell you this is a must-see

New blush was one of my gifts ♥

We later went there “for dessert” 🙂

This is what I selected as a gift for my family friends’ house I currently live in, for underneath the Christmas tree. How do you find my interior design vision?  :p

As I walked home, the sky was looking Cuddle

This is the perfume I use and wanted to buy again from my €150 Christmas budget. But they don’t sell it anywhere anymore?? 🙁 So now Lady Million Privé is my new scent. The other one is an Opium eau de toilette by Yves Saint Laurent. There are multiple ones with this name, but this exact one I can’t find anywhere. It was hard to find the first time already…

Now that I feel better – I’ve been so silent for so long, I’m happy to have had some good conversations and events – it’s like my body hurts less as well. It’s probably not a good move, health wise, even though simultaneously exercise is healthy, but I already mentioned to my mother how much I miss it, and then I saw this event for tomorrow, so I could just not not sign up… There’s a little basketball event tomorrow, in the Apollohal, from 12:30 until 14:30. For €4.50 you can join the poule and play 15 minute games. I’m excited! 😀 It has been so long since I played… I miss it so much! It’s too cold to play outside 🙁 . So tomorrow I’m going 😀 .

It’s now 03:54 and I need to figure out how to make my way there and stuff tomorrow… And be early because teams will be made et cetera. I’m thus going to sleep.

I love you sooooo much

Good night (literally haha) ♥

xxx

10:04 (AM)

Good morning

I just posted this to let you know I’m awake.  I’m going to take a shower.

By the way, since I find it more important to succeed in my life goals than to earn, but I do need to earn [soon as fuck… I’ll also need protection soon if people are going to proclaim that I have plans for the evacuation of a hand-picked (by application and recruitment [that used to go via my book projects, in which no one paricipated – I’m mad and might change my genre to something more populist – but will now go via emailing office@docis.international]) group of people and that I still allow people from other countries on that island as citizens as well [I can do that, because these fucked up natural circumstances are not the only reason for me to run this business…. It’s also because the system is absolute shit everywhere in the world and everyone deserves to attempt to an alternative]], I’m thinking of taking some initiative as someone who doesn’t vote and dominate the shit out of these literal political Graeynissis . Oh and the king, too, hehe. By starting a political party or something else via the democratic system I’m subjected to (beetje jammer… [that I’m subjected to it haha]). Know that I consider it my responsibility, as a non-voter. But I find that those who do vote but other than that only complain in front of the television, have that same self-initiative responsibility. I’d call it “The Fang Party”. Ons hoofdstandpunt is “fuck politics” HAHAHA.

I’ll be getting ready. Don’t Judas me in the meantime 😀 xxx

~~~

11:07 (AM) 

HAHA ayyy seriously I have such good ideas for Dutch politics! And for the promotion of The Fang Party (vote for a chance of getting access to all compounds). I’ll make music videos for promotion (Nero style HAHA… This sounds very Hitler-like haha but I swear I’m pro equal survival chances HAHAHAHAH). If I were to seize power, the Netherlands will become part of Planet Fang as well 😀 . I’m also pro voting rights for everyone, so everyone anywhere in the world will be allowed to vote for the Netherlands. Especially women who are not allowed to vote!!!! 

I challenge the Dutch prime minister to a dance battle…. Maak je borst maar nat mattie I’m coming for youuu.

So my donation thing will become: Help Lil Fangs De Tweede Kamer in…. Gotta eat fast and hurry brb xxx

~~~

11:46 (AM) 

Hey jongens, ik voel een nieuw referendum aankomen… Ick will namelijk graeg den grootsten dele mijnes tijdes in “Hispanje” (maar dan Planet Fang) spendeeren.

I think “Den Fang Partij” is trouwens een betere naam.

LIL FANGS FOR PRESIDENT!!!

For my political economy strategy things… Benoît Crutzen… IK. KIES. JOU!!! *gooit pokéball*

~~~

11:58 (AM) 

Yoo where the fuck are my earplugs :'( . I always lay them next to my bed 🙁 . Travelling musicless sucks. My music will be played everywhere. I also have a lot of ideas for the improvement of the quality of television. I want to own 20% of all zendtijd forever for education material from Den Fang Partij.

So there should be one more colony which will be a separate island, for the Netherlands, which will be named Planet Fang if I win. Or if I’ll be able to make so much noise that there will be elections right now.

Of ik links of rechts ben? Ik ben niks mattie. Fuck dat systeem. Ik ben Lil Fangs HAHA.

Yo Rutte… Fuck jouw partij en kom gewoon bij mij ofzo?

Also, I want Vicje, Lorenzo and Sander as active members of my party…

~~~

14:10 (02:10 PM)

I’m having a lot of fun 😀 . I’m trying to get people to join me for my group picture at the end of the event. I’ve already told a few people I want to run for president and that I had that idea this morning. I want to show you I’m a people person 🙂 . Vote for me 😀 ♥

~~~

15:07 (03:07 PM) 

When I arrived at the basketball event, I saw that I was the only girl there and teams were already made. I didn’t want to take down the pace of the games the guys were playing, so my intention was to practice some by myself for the full two hours, on the free basket.

Then later, Jozef invited me to join his team. They had to leave before the event ended, so we have a separate picture 🙂 :

The team 😀

They’re all from Lebanon, except Rashid next to me, who is from Syria.

When I told them that I want to run for president here, Jozef said: “(Then) you probably don’t want us here.” His response scared me up. The way people are forced to leave their countries is outrageous, and world peace is definitely on the list of things I want to achieve!! Good living circumstances world wide, too. Of course you should be welcome here, since this country is in the top ten of weapon manufacturers. You should be treated like a king here.

Especially because I’m a person of color and I’m used to dumb racist people telling me that “I should go back to my own country” (while the Dutch nationality is my own nationality…) I for sure am not that the type of person who will discriminate people on where they’re from or what their background is. That’s the most ignorant thing people do these days.

My immediate response was: “You shouldn’t want to be here yourself, because there are no plans of evacuation for the people from our class, when this country is threatened by nature, to be flooded. That’s one of the things I want to propose a solution for when I’m elected president.”

Here are all group pictures taken, so you’re free to select your best one 🙂 [Shout out to the girl with the pink jacket, who made the picture ♥ ] :

Yay 1

Yay 2

Yay 3

Yay 4

Yay 5

Yay 6

Yay 7

If I were to organize a basketball event and ask people €4.50 for entrance, you’d get a bottle of water and a snack. Lil Fangs for President ayy.

I just came back home. I’ve been joking about my campaign statements and programme, but I have some serious plans and I’ll entirely break them down in the free book I came up with when I was in the tram: Lil Fangs for President. I’ll get started with it today 🙂 . First, I need to finish my business website and the 180 Days of Fangs article, though. Haha one project at a time…

~~~

15:54 (03:54 PM) 

Oh yes, why I’m not wearing basketball clothes? Because my basketball clothes and shoes are at home. I decided to look for meetups to join for today, last night, while I’m staying in Amsterdam with my family friends.

At some point I stopped playing team games, today, because my knees and ankles started to hurt. I wasn’t wearing the right shoes… I also suffered from “osgood schlatter” – a force and growth related sports injury – for quite some time, when I used to play for Rotterdam Basketball (the regular club, not eredivisie or something haha).

I then started to practice dribbling and shooting, in a walking pace, with my focus on not looking at the ball while playing. I dribbled with my eyes closed. I can show you that, as a president, I can dribble with my eyes closed, which means that my senses are very good, which shows that I’m a very alert president.

~~~

16:55 (04:55 PM) 

Ohh I made this picture when I gave myself a water break from practicing jump shots and lay ups and stuff, before I joined the team:

I always focus on my screen, but I guess I should look into the camera, but then I don’t know what my facial expression looks like… I need to practice my charisma more…

Lil Fangs for President will be released in both Dutch and English (the languages I can write in). If anyone wants to translate it to another language, I’ll share it for sure.

I find it important that there’s world wide attention for the situation here, in this country, since the problem here will at some point affect every single country on Earth, and I’m trying to be ahead of it. That’s why my correspondence is currently in English. I don’t know why no one else is doing this, too. Know that I have no patience for people who focus on gossip shit. I’m trying to make a serious change. I’m by the way against reading speeches from paper or a teleprompter…

I will also not be begging for votes. Voting is of course a choice, and if you want to hate on my initiative – while no one else is showing initiative the way I do, on this level – go ahead and please don’t even consider to vote. Then I have less people I’ll have to take into consideration for something that is not my responsibility. I just want to help because I’m able to, but other than that, it’s your life’s task to save yourself.

~~~

21:03 (09:03 PM) 

I’ve been thinking of going home for Christmas. I mentioned it during dinner. The thing that made it not easy and obvious is that my father has to allow and want me to be home, since he’s the house owner who sets the rules. Eric came with the idea to call him and ask if he finds it okay. After some internal fears, I called. He didn’t pick up. He called me when I was doing number two. When I tried to call back, I got an immediate “call ended” after pressing call, without voice mail. He also texted me to ask if I tried to call him. I said yes. He asked why. I said that it’s because I want to come home for Christmas and my sister’s birthday. (I still want to be all by myself by new year’s. I find one formality enough and do not want to reflect on last year with those who have experienced part of that hell with me.) He said fine, that’s okay and sent some love related smileys. So now I’m going home for Christmas. As a politician to be, I’ll stick to doing populist shit because I want your love ah meoww.

My god I really feel like crying and dying. I wish all of this drama just didn’t exist. Esha texted me at the right moment, asking me if I would like to join her and Elgin (the DJ I mentioned before), because he’s the first performer at a club tonight. I’m tired from playing basketball and stuff, but dancing and being with nice people will make me feel better for sure.

Sorry for not doing the “work related” [I’m not earning from it] things I mentioned today. I hope you still love me. I also hope you’ll save me from the huge task I’ve given myself when it comes to our society, in the sense that I know that’s unhealthy for me to work so much, but I can’t stop…

Also, entering politics sounds very exciting to me, but the thought of that nonsense gossip media… If there’s one thing that deep down just makes me want to ask that person what the fuck he/she is doing with his/her life and emphasize that the questions that are asked by the media 99% of the time are complete fucking nonsense. I hope it won’t give me too many palpitations 🙁 .

I intend to stick to water tonight…

~~~

23:24 (11:24 PM) 

We’re in club Nova. Kendrick Lamar’s Swimming Pools is playing in the background. It’s quite rustig sill. DJ Elli-BS’s set is lit like usual.

I numb down my emotions so heavily when I’m sober, I really want to get intoxicated and feel something, but it’s not good for my health…

Blog, Ex Animo, Nosce Te Ipsum, Popular Posts, Random Thoughts, Reflections

180 Days of Fangs

There’s a crucial difference between writing general self reflection and writing an online diary post, to me. It’s in the concept of time. In an online diary post, I reflect the emotions I feel – still not in the peaceful state I want them to be in – to the way I experience time as I’m writing that exact post, by means of showing a(n alternative) contemporary life – it might be interesting to reflect back on it in 10 years and see how much life has changed, hopefully with D.O.C.I.S. International – and of preserving my long and short term memory.

Why 180 days, in the title? Because I have 180 days of diary posts, today.

I started this blog after I released the first episode of Nosce Te Ipsum I, in April. [This episode can now be read in The Unpublished Episodes of Nosce Te Ipsum I.] Then, I was still under relatively intense surveillance [it was worse before I started the blog] from the people from the psychiatric industry. “My parents” and them are convinced that I’m a schizophrenic.

It all started when in an answer to a question about my whereabouts, I said that doctor B.S.Y. Crutzen is a friend of mine, with whom I talk about my business plans. And that he is interested in working together with me, and that he will be my escape from my parents’ house.

How this led to me being falsely diagnosed with schizophrenia, is broken down in detail in The Unpublished Episodes of Nosce Te Ipsum I, in which I extensively describe why this is a limitation to my freedom in doing business and how, only if other people were to join me in my endeavor, I could bypass this. The book has no sales.

The dumbest part of their diagnosis, is that the research hospital has drawn its conclusion, of doctor Crutzen being only a voice in my head, without actually involving him in the research process. They should have invited me and him over to a session, and hear from him “That he doesn’t even know me”, because according to them, a drop out can’t be friends with a professor. They refused to involve him in the research process. I miss him 🙁 . They know that.

By clearly running away from them [four times…], I’ve been able to distance myself from them,  but not from the final legal say they have over me, due to their false diagnosis. This stressful absurdity resurfaces in my posts almost daily, because it has changed my view on life so much, in a negative way.

Because I want to emigrate to the United States, since I need to live somewhere, while my corporate state isn’t there yet [and I love the warm weather, the rate between available space and people [as an individual, you have much more space to live, there, for a lot less money, compared to the Netherlands] and the creative strategy of the Republican government… Plus, I’ve taught myself American English – while I’ve been taught British English by my grandmother and in school – and I consider the US the heart of global publicity, so since I want to go global, it really seems like the place to be, for me…], I want my files to show the truth about me.

The parties with authority over me and I are not on the same page. They’re the ones who are authorized to edit my medical record, but they have a completely different opinion about me. It’s a very negative one, I don’t agree with. They’re not open to let me revise it. They don’t even want to show me what they’ve exactly written down in it. All I’ve seen is a collection of summaries, of which the pessimistic view has shocked me. I think this has added to my post traumatic stress…

I’m not saying that I’m fully healthy, since I just mentioned the PTSS and from the white blood cells in the infection that is currently still visible in my urine, even after antibiotics from Germany, I might have a serious physical illness. [My Dutch physician finds me incompetent and because of that she refused to refer me to a hospital, so I was bound to searching for help abroad.] I’m just saying that the diagnosis schizophrenia is fucking bullshit.

The only other way for me to achieve this correction of my record – I consider it clearing my name – is if my supporters were to stand up for me. I find it very important that my files show the truth about me, because I want D.O.C.I.S. International to be a multinational business and work together with powerful individuals.

Simultaneously, I’m trying to get this business off the ground, be able to afford a home and pay back my study loan, but since no one is paying for my work – solely looking at what I publish for free – I’m forced to go back to working for a boss again [ :'( ], unless things were to finally change in my favor.

For those who just have tuned in to my life, the amount of text here might be quite intimidating, and that’s not my intention! So I hope that this article will make things clear for you.

I also hope it will lead to the shift I’m trying to cause. The shift in which I’m finally able to live a happy life and put my concept of a new, better and legal parallel system into practice. True sustainability is the most important aspect of that system. It’s parallel, because I believe an individual should be able to choose in what type of system he or she lives, instead of suddenly being forced to go to school and work and have loans, et cetera, in the end just to serve your basic needs. I did not sign up for that life…

The Diary’s Timeline 

April 17: This is the day I wrote my first diary post. I mentioned that after being done with working on the D.O.C.I.S. International website, I would have time to be blogging and not worry about anything else. I just released the very first episode of Nosce Te Ipsum I. But I mentioned that – not having to worry – because I expected my book to sell. It didn’t. This was before I unpublished the episode. Throughout my posts, you might notice how much this increases to eat at me. Another reason for frustration was that I was under surveillance – as in that I slept at my parents house [and from time to time I stayed with a grandmother for a week or so, when staying at my parents’room house drove me too crazy] and I had to see a “government therapist” every week, while I don’t agree with their diagnosis and treatment. On April 23 I had one of those mandatory sessions.

April 17 – April 24 were written in the Netherlands. At some point, I received a phone call about that I had to do another blood test to show that I was taking the antipsychotics. I thought it was a one time thing. I passed the first one by taking an overdose, but I didn’t want to do that again. Plus, my values must have been higher by then, so I wouldn’t pass it anyway. Even in the hospital, I wasn’t taking the medication for most of the time. I lied about it, which is why I got out at some point. But I risked getting a warrant for not taking the medicine, so my intention was to leave the country and seek for a solution. I didn’t take the blood test.

April 25 – April 27 were written in France. It was my first time “away from the psychiatric industry featuring my parents”, since April 2017! (April 2017, because that was when I came in touch with that industry for the first time…)

April 27 I was on my way back from France to the Netherlands. I, there,  wrote my diary update on paper, while I was in the train. The pictures of the text were taken in the plane to Surinam I was on, the next day. That’s why you see the scenery of an economy class plane – so the April 28 scenery – with the text I wrote on the 27th.

April 28 – May 19 were written on the way to, from and in Surinam, where I was on a holiday with my family. On May 6 the whole situation with them treating me “like I’m a schizophrenic” was frustrating me so much, that I decided to plan a one-way escape to the US. Another reason was the blood test I didn’t take. From that date onward, the plan developed itself. Here’s the video I was recording when I got the idea, in case you’re interested in watching it: [I don’t consider this a video of good quality. If I were to have a budget, my videos would be a lot better.]

In Surinam, I released some music, recorded in my bedroom there. The audio was recorded with my phone and I made the beat with the little MIDI keyboard I bought in Paris.

On the last night there, I met someone in a club. He was the first and only person who bought the very first episode of Nosce Te Ipsum I. I unpublished it in June, when I was applying for jobs, because I thought that it might cause the employer to refuse me as a potential employee.

May 20 – May 22 were written in the Netherlands. I had to travel back there first, because the ticket to Surinam was booked far in advance and I actually wasn’t allowed to travel to the US, because the parties with authority over me found it too far from home, and thus too dangerous “for a schizophrenic”. It was my intention to show that I don’t need their supervision – it drives me crazy – and an attempt to get Project Nosce Te Ipum off the ground, there. I hoped to be able to start a new life. [Very unfortunately, I didn’t succeed.]

May 23 – June 8 were written in the United States. Until May 26, I was in Baltimore. When I came there, all I had were my ESTA, a reservation for three nights at the Red Roof (more I couldn’t afford when I was secretly booking), my most valuable belongings and about €900 to spend until the end of June. The money was study financing, because I’m a student at The Open University in Milton Keynes. (It’s a university specialized in distance learning, so I’m free to travel, basically whenever I want to and can afford it.)

The emotional aspect of my departure – “my father” sent me such a cold hearted text message, when he found out that I left and my mother made me feel so guilty for leaving – made me want to be alone. It was my intention to promote my book and otherwise search for a job, but that and the financial stress kept me from engaging in social interactions, because I did not want to speak about my life, but it’s almost inevitable, when you meet someone new.

As my three day stay came to an end, I was certain that with my budget, I wasn’t going to be able to keep affording a roof above my head. I accepted the chance of ending up homeless and decided to try to give myself a good time, with the money I had. I decided to go to Miami, because last minute tickets to Los Angeles were too expensive, with the intention of being able to go to the beach. (It was my second time in Miami, but I still haven’t gone to the beach there.)

I chose to stay in hotels instead of hostels, because I carried a lot of emotionally valuable luggage with me – in my suitcase with a broken back wheel – and the sadness made me want to lay in bed, all alone, for most parts of the day. At some point, this caused me to not be able to afford a proper meal. One day, I was only able to eat a Burger King deal of $1.50 or something, for 10 spicy popcorn nuggets.

While I was going through all of this, I never blocked and/or deleted “my parents” on my phone, so they could still reach me. I ignored the hateful message of “my father”, but I couldn’t not respond to my mother’s sad text messages.

At some point, she offered to send me money, so that I had an alternative to being homeless. I refused it, in the beginning, because I can’t stand the way “my parents” always tell me that I cost them too much. By means of saving myself, within 24 hours, I wrote a second episode of Nosce Te Ipsum I and released it. Again, it had no sales at all. Here’s the explanation video I had made for it, within that same period of time: https://youtu.be/7jp2PYZRAG0 

I decided to go in to my mother’s financial offer. She asked me what I wanted. I told her a one way to California and one month of rent, for an apartment, with the intention of working as a Dutch translator somewhere there. She didn’t want to give me that. She extended my stay at Extended Stay for a night and bought me a one-way back to the Netherlands.

To make sure that those people from the psychiatric industry didn’t fully claim my agenda again, I started to look for a full-time job, even before I went back to the Netherlands. In my last hours in The States, I also made an appointment to officially register Fangs/D.O.C.I.S. International as an official sole proprietor business, even though I hadn’t sold anything yet. It was because I didn’t want to set aside my business endeavor, when I worked 40 hours a week, and end up being someone saying: “I had plans of starting my own business, but now we’re 30 years further and I still work here…”

I told my mother, I didn’t want to see “my father”, so at first, she booked us a hotel room in Utrecht from June 9 until June 11. There we were going to see “what feels right”, when it comes to staying somewhere, so if I was going to go home or do something else. She said that if I were to rent an apartment – social housing, for people with a lower income – that she would pay part of the first month of rent for me.

So after we stayed in Utrecht, because I wanted to be able to cook myself, she booked me the cheapest hotel-apartment available. It was in Bad Boekelo, in a resort. I was there from June 11 until something like June 23. I absolutely loved the short experience of having my own apartment. The area was amazing, too. Very quiet, with a lot of nature.

On June 14, I was invited to a house visitation. The social housing system works with a random selection by a computer. I was 6th on the list and “unfortunately”, someone who was higher on the list showed up at the visitation, too, and took the house. It felt like losing. I was so fed up by it, that I didn’t even go in to it on my blog. I hadn’t been invited to a house visitation ever since. Now, I’ve stopped trying, since I don’t even want to live in a social housing project. I want to live in California. And I actually have a very expensive taste….

In the rest of my time in that apartment, I worked on my assignments for The Open University and I was working on some free content for this blog. And an app for it, too, but when I started to work 40 hours a week, I ended up not making the app.

When I had to check out of the apartment, I moved in with one of my grandmothers. On June 25, I officially registered Fangs/D.O.C.I.S. International.

On June 26, I had a job interview at Young Capital, a recruitment agency, to see if I qualified for a job at the ANWB.

On June 28, I had a job interview at the ANWB itself. But somehow, I wasn’t able to find my public transportation card and I didn’t have money to buy a new one. It was still quite a while before the interview, so I decided to cycle from Rotterdam, Delfshaven to the ANWB headquarters in Den Haag. It was one hour and 24 minutes from door to door.

I called the recruiter to say that I was going to be a little later. My ETA was 8 minutes after the group interview was about to start, but my soft tyres and tripping phone compass made me be later. When I was 20 minutes away, I received a phone call from one of the co-recruiters, who asked if I could come the next day, because I had missed the introduction round.

My videos are rarely watched, so I’m not incentivized to upload them, but here’s some evidence of me cycling there. (The dress code was informal, so that’s why I was dressed like that.)

In one of the videos I say: “I’ll get the job, for sure.” And I got it 🙂

June 30, I worked at Concert at Sea for a day. My job was to sell bus tickets from the festival to the camping.

All geared up…

After working [from 7 the morning until like 7 in the evening] in the burning hot sun all day, I went to the coffeeshop near my grandmother’s house. I met someone there, who took me to a house party. When something happened there – I’m a total noob when it comes to illegal activities, so I didn’t get what was going on – and we all had to dash away, that person was holding my bag – I practice an intense form of trust – with my phone, my keys, my passport, my driver’s license, the author’s copy of the first episode of Nosce Te Ipsum I, which is now unpublished, the book of a friend of mine and the notebook I bought in France. I took so many things with me, because I considered running away again.

After dashing away and being without my phone and keys around midnight, I followed someone else who was at that party, to his home and stayed with him until my first day of work at the ANWB. It was a form of escaping things…

The vacancy I applied for, at the ANWB, was for processing holiday insurance claims related to transportation. The hotline side of it. It was a Summer function. I worked there from July 2 until September 2. It was quite stressful and a huge challenge for my temper. Nevertheless, I’ve been a very loyal employee. I’ve only missed one day of work and the amount of cases I’ve processed was far beyond the average.

Because of my occupation and work hours, I could go back to living with “my parents” without them complaining about that I don’t have a job and that I’m at home too much. I often worked on the weekends. The shift hours varied between 8 AM – 04:30 PM and 01:30 PM – 10 PM. The late shift was my favorite, because I had more time to sleep and it was easier for me to not get caught when I got high after work every day.

During my time there, I also had assignment deadlines from The Open University. My year started in January, so my break is from September until January. Not long after my contract ending at the ANWB, I had my final assessments of the curriculum. For Statistics, the assignments could be done at home. For Mathematics, I had to make an exam in a conference room at a hotel in The Hague on September 21. By means of being able to fully concentrate while studying, I checked in on the 20th and checked out on the 22nd. I passed Statistics with 58% and Mathematics with 70%.

In between then and now, a lot has happend. To summarize it all – because reflecting on this all makes me so sad, I prefer to keep it as short as possible – I’ve been kicked out a few times. Because the natural circumstances in the Netherlands cause fear with me, and I’m usually not allowed to travel long distances, I took this opportunity and went to Germany [which was what my budget allowed. Of course, I would have gone to California if I could], among other reasons.

I took that opportunity to continue the medical research, which I did on October 11, I believe. I’m bound to seeking medical assistance abroad, because my Dutch phycisian (P. Khajehi) solely believes that I’m mentally insane and thus does not take my medical complaints seriously.

In Germany, at some point my bag was stolen, in which were my bank cards, my passport, my external hard drives, my grey notebook, my earrings, my copy of Letters from a Stoic and other valuables. I was bound to going home, because working there became impossible. Now, I’m staying with family friends in Amsterdam.

On December 23, I got the idea to attempt to accomplish my endeavor via politics, instead of via independent business, because I don’t have a lot of money, and it could be accomplished faster via politics. This plan is now in development. You can follow the process in my online diary, as well as a lot of other things.

Because I aspire a career on the highest level humanly possible, I want my records to resemble the real me. Currently, that is not the case.

Here’s a quick impression of the current state of my medical record [but I my nationality is Dutch, so that’s unfortunately “what counts” in most of my life].

We weren’t done with all of the research yet. The Harnwegsinfection includes white blood cells and keeps returning, even after antibiotics.

They also gave me haldol, fluanxol, abilify, quetiapine, lorazepam and the list goes on

They did not follow the law. I find the existence of the psychiatric law something very scary. I didn’t know about its existence, until I was suddenly stuck in the middle of it.

I’m not dumb and vague. They’re just not able to understand my level of intelligence.

I don’t agree with any of the shit that is in my medical record, to this day. Except the findings from Germany, but that’s not in my Dutch medical record.

I haven’t said all I want to say, in this article, but what I want to say, has been mentioned in my online diary so very often already, I don’t want to put myself through it again. This article was finished Monday, December 24, 18:48.

Happy holidays ♥.

I’m pro international technocracy, by the way.

Ex Animo, Nosce Te Ipsum, Popular Posts, Random Thoughts, Reflections

D. O. C. I. S. 

D.O.C.I.S.

The abbreviation in the name of the international business I intend to start, called D.O.C.I.S. International, stands for:

Determined

Observant

Colloquial

Intelligent

Stratagem

 

D.O.C.I.S.
Nosce Te Ipsum I, Book I, Episode 2

Copyright © 2018 by Lil Fangs. All rights reserved.
Sharing content of this book is only allowed when it is mentioned that the source is this copy.

ISBN: 9789082936834

D.O.C.I.S. International

 

Prosperity

Within the new Standard we shape

Determined and Strategic Decisions, fast like Bliksem

We’ll Create a whole new System

From the routinous Life, this is your Escape

These Words are Written for Unification

Feel my Sincerity

Towards the Power of Our Creation

To See Real Prosperity

 

 

 

Contents

The Overall Insight of the Series

Every individual should have the right to live independent from the political and financial systems we have been born into, is one of the core aspects of the philosophy of D.O.C.I.S. International.

The complex of institutions, governments and a lot of things happening “out of sight”, can determine someone’s entire life. The philosophy says that that is wrong. It can give someone the sole purpose of living for consumerism, while he or she actually has the capacity to be so much more than a consumer working to pay for his or her consumerism. Our hearts crave more freedom of choice in the way we spend our time. To some, including me, Dominique Daniëlle Elia, the construction of this system negatively influences the conscious. I am not going to wait around until a person of power makes the societal change I need to see, in order for me to live happily. It includes that Earth needs to be a safe and healthy place for everyone, anywhere. To create this, internationally, D.O.C.I.S. International is my initiative.

I don’t want to be another person who only talks about how things could become better, but never brings real solutions into practice. In this book, I explain to you how I intend to take my steps. To determine the success of the strategy of the organization, Project Nosce Te Ipsum is the introduction project of D.O.C.I.S. International. A combination of research and entertainment, intended to work together on our own compound, in search of more sustainable survival methods, and to inform the public of our findings in an engaging way. I hope that our paths will intertwine and that we’ll write history together.

To fit everything into a semi-modern phrase: “I think Earth needs a make-over.” I think I’ve found a way to make a change and have fun at the same time. You are fully free to decide how you spend your time, when you choose for Re-Illu as your government.

After reading this episode, you are in possession of the knowledge needed to obtain a function in D.O.C.I.S. International. This free episode is written [written, like all other episodes, in the D.O.C.I.S. International type of series] I’m basically trying to start a new society that lives in a different system that is economically parallel [parallel, because people should have the right to choose in what system they live] for the recruitment will be ready to seat yourself in your special Council member chair and provide the world with the changes it needs. If you decide to become part D.O.C.I.S. International network and you become elected, the chair is yours.

Also, you will be fully up-to-date with the past and present of the company and you will know the ins and outs of the fields the organization will be active in and what its strategies lead towards. Hopefully you will participate in the process.

D.O.C.I.S. International is currently a sole proprietor business, owned by Lil Fangs. Her vision for this company, is described in a long conversation between her and her alter alter ego Daniëlle Lucy, who she considers an improved version of self.

This way of breaking down real business content, in an imaginary setting, shows the stances of Fangs in a lot of controversies. How exactly her stances have been established, will be explained throughout the main content of this book as well. Its main purpose is, however, to serve as a guide for those who would like to live by the philosophy of D.O.C.I.S. International and obtain a position of power, within the organization.

Here is an explanation of the text format:

Name: This is a thought from Name.

Name: “These are words spoken by Name.”

Actions are described in regular prose.

Nosce Te Ipsum

*The intentions of the project, what will stay and what will change, how this will be done*

Lil Fangs: The wind whistles, as it rapidly flows past the closed pink shell. The water is splashing in my face, from the fast movement and the turbulence. The muscles of the scallop are so strong that I only hear the wind and don’t feel it. I try to convince myself that I’m asleep. I don’t dare to open my eyes.

Lil Fangs: Out of nowhere, in a sort of momentum, I’m pushed further into the violet tongue, which is my bed and pillow at the same time. I’m now pressed against it so deeply, that the muscle touches my crown, and the other half of my face is covered in water. 

Lil Fangs: Okay, that must have been the landing, about which I’ve been taught in Fang School. It wasn’t that bad. Descending from the Moon towards the Earth wasn’t that bad either. 

Lil Fangs: The shell opens. It hovers above the ocean, which has the notch of an inverted cupola in it, which resembles the impact of the shell that dashed down to Earth, the way a meteor does – besides that it hovers.

Daniëlle Lucy: “What did you just see in your Mind’s Eye? From the way you stare into the distance, I know you’re going through a lot of mental images and emotions at the same time.”

Lil Fangs: “It was the introduction scene of the Nosce Te Ipsum movie I have in mind, along with what I would truly feel, if what happened in the scene wasn’t fictive. The scene is a short and very literal parody on The Birth of Venus.”

Daniëlle Lucy: “I would love to see that vision in real life! Do you still intend to make that movie, now that the Nosce Te Ipsum book series are under change?”

Lil Fangs: “I appreciate your interest and enthusiasm so much, my Cuddle♥. I would loveeee to make it. Especially because the cast I’ve written down for it – I’m such a dreamer – consists of professionals from not only the field of entertainment… There’s so much information in it, which is a great form of showing that formal functions and entertainment do go hand-in-hand! I haven’t told anyone about the details of the movie yet. If I convince others of the potential success and positive impact of the movie, then the movie will be made, for sure! It’s also a great way to show another way in which D.O.C.I.S. International publishes and it’s a muuuuch better way to reach the masses. Hopefully I’ll get people excited for my alternative ecosystem.”

Daniëlle Lucy: “I’m glad that you are still eager to spread the knowledge you have collected for the series. But you have given me the knowledge of Nosce Te Ipsum to use to write Volta. Don’t you just want to be the person who shares the knowledge?”

Lil Fangs: “I’m afraid that, since the content of Project Nosce Te Ipsum is so broad, at some point it will touch on the lives of every single person om this planet, I should use the version of myself that is fully at peace with everyone and everything, which is you, so that they know for sure, that I don’t have bad intentions. With the project, my power will be as great as that of all presidents, kings and queens in one. You know how the masses are being manipulated into taking sides, without thinking about it themselves. With only mentioning this alias, or our real name, people can already have a negative bias these days. I fear that they won’t love me. I want to be loved…”

Daniëlle Lucy: “I might express myself in a more peaceful manner, but we’re the same person. We shouldn’t sweat ourselves for those who will feel negative about us, without wanting to put in some effort and energy to understand what we do and to understand how harmless our project is. The scale of the project is very large, so the main topics have been spread over several books. Let’s change this conversation around a little bit.”

The Scope of Project Nosce Te Ipsum

The goal of Project Nosce Te Ipsum is the recruitment and elections for positions in the renewed D.O.C.I.S. International, followed by all of the community moving to the corporate island state, if I’m able to find good investors… Until now, I haven’t been able to find people who understand the concept I narrow down in my books. I really hope you will understand. The process goes as follows:

  • Informing
    Informing you about the philosophy of our business and the alternative system we want to create. This episode gives you more information about how you can engage in our projects, too.
  • The recruitment and election period
    During the project, if you decide to join, you could prepare your case for The Online Think Tank of The D.O.C.I.S. Community or Re-Illu – the Committees and Senate that will form the corporate governance of the renewed D.O.C.I.S. International – and design your own living, for on the corporate land.
  • Saturnalia
    We initiate with the real life community on a miniature compound until D.O.C.I.S. Island/Planet Fang is finished according to our standards. (If you become part of The D.O.C.I.S. Community, you can vote which one the first official name will be!) To celebrate our new life, we – the D.O.C.I.S. Community = will start it off with a Saturnalia festival with a benefit for all of Earth’s citizens.

Daniëlle Lucy: “I know you are fed up with no one buying your books and that this is having a bad influence on your self-confidence. But you have been studying the system for that long, I am certain that you will find the audience that will engage in your works! I find that you are the perfect person to be the Praesens of Re-Illu. After you have finished my training, the fate of all of The D.O.C.I.S. Community will be sealed!”

Lil Fangs: “It’s tough when you put in a lot of effort into something you’re passionate about and it’s not appreciated enough to make a living from. Really tough… But your words excite me! I love you so much! Thank you for helping me <3. There is this alternative and more sustainable ecosystem I have a strategy for, as part of the new country I want to start. I need my self-confidence back, to present it well…”

Determined

The way morals and values play a role in my business strategy, as well as its persistence in its perseverance, will be broken down in this chapter.

In this book, the setting in which the business content is broken down, is imaginary, for the time being, because D.O.C.I.S. International is not yet the multi-component holding it intends to be. The imaginative setting makes it easier to bring up the topics you need to be informed of in order to benefit from the final form of the organization.

The story takes place in The Cuddle Palace, where Daniëlle Lucy and Lil Fangs live, together with the rest of their Royal Resistance. In the Nosce Te Ipsum series [not Project Nosce Te Ipsum, because that takes place in real life] Planet Fang is a planet on which Fangyists live. A Fangyist is someone who looks human, but who has non-human anatomy and/or who follows the philosophy of D.O.C.I.S. International.

Ambushed

Lil Fangs was taken by the hand, by Daniëlle Lucy. While they continued their conversation, they walked across the palace, to a room. In front of the engraved dark oak wood double doors, they stop walking. She now holds Fangs’s hand with both her hands, while she says…

Daniëlle Lucy: “The first thing we’ll train, is your corporate defense. You’ll have to walk through this door by yourself. Every time you need to make a decision, I’ll freeze time, to hear the justification of your choice. To prepare you against your enemy, this is all the information I will give you about what is waiting behind that door.”

Lil Fangs: “Okay… I’m very curious…”

She opens the door. From everywhere, she’s blinded by flashing lights. A hundred people in formal clothing run towards her, with cameras and microphones. An even larger crowd is watching her being ambushed from behind “dranghekken” [translate the Dutch word to your native language. This is a small course in Dutch as well, since that is my native language] the way they’re aligned during the entry of Sinterklaas. They’re yelling all kinds of hateful things at her.

Lil Fangs: Holy shit… These people must be out for dirt… If this were not so, I would have been approached in a normal way. THEY WILL NEVER SUCCEED IN TAKING ME DOWN. WE NEED CHANGE!! THAT WHOLE FUCKING DIRT INDUSTRY SHOULDN’T EXIST!! THEY PROFIT OFF OF WARS THAT DAMAGE HUMAN LIVES – BECAUSE PEOPLE LIKE TO WATCH THAT SHIT FOR ENTERTAINMENT??? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO THIS PLACE?! – AND THE POLLUTION OF OUR PRECIOUS ENVIRONMENT. Now I know what type of defending I’m getting ready for. Of course, to them, I shouldn’t raise my voice… For a second, I thought that she was going to let me fight, haha. These media people get paid for attempting to destroy my name. Their existence is solely for incentivizing people to talk, and they only let people talk about how we are not succeeding, instead of how to succeed. That’s why I’m convinced that D.O.C.I.S. International should have the primate in publishing media. Everywhere. What we’ll published is focused on prosperity instead of destruction. But it’s only if the majority of people wants it… Is Daniëlle preparing me to work with Earth people…?

A suited up, tall brunette in heels, wearing a black suit and a pink tie, walks to Fangs in a straight line. Her hands are empty. The crowd moves aside for her, the way the sea spread for Moses(?).

Name and trustableness are currently unknown: “Good afternoon, Fangs. Please follow me.”

Lil Fangs: “Okay… Gezellig. Who are you? And where are we going?”

Lil Fangs: I don’t have much of a choice… Is she here to help, or is she here for dirt…?

Evella de Vrieskou: “Oh, sorry for not introducing myself first. My name is Evella de Vrieskou. I saw you being so overwhelmed by all of those camera’s, from my office window. I’m an author for the media publishing company that works in this tower.”

She points her perfectly French manicured nails towards the huge glass tower they’re walking towards.

Lil Fangs: “Oh. What type of works do you write? Are you going to let me wait in your office, until the cameras are gone?”

Lil Fangs: Why the fuck do some people always say that I’m physically expressing that I don’t have things under control? Externally, I was completely silent, so why does she say that I’m overwhelmed? I really don’t like when people want to tell me how I feel and they do it incorrectly. She must have a microphone on her. My annoyance makes me more eager to defend myself. I really am a good leader, and I will let her know.

Evella de Vrieskou:  “Haha, no… I’ve been anonymously watching you for a while and when I saw the way you were ambushed just now, I figured you’ll want an opportunity to prove that you are a good person. I quickly approached some of your supporters via social media and they want to help you prove the great potential future success of your strategy!”

Lil Fangs: “Well, that’s great! I have been craving for a good speaking opportunity! My target audience is hard to reach, because it requires a special type of intelligence to understand my words, and the people with that intelligence aren’t enthusiastic about social media either, so I’m very surprised and happy at the same time, that you have been able to find my supporters.”

Lil Fangs: The words I would have rather said, are: “NOT. WITHOUT. MY. LAWYER.” Because I know she won’t argue in favor of me. How do you casually assemble a crowd full of haters to stand there? She’ll probably use this dirt to write a bestseller or something. I stood there for like 30 seconds… There’s no way calling “my supporters” was an impulse she had just now. It takes longer than 30 seconds for her to get out of the building, so the must be part of the ambushing complot…. I’m far too used to fake people acting as if they want to help me and then they end up doing the most hurtful things. This is a challenge for my temper, because I’m so tired of them. It is very important for me to stay calm – so to not raise my voice as I defend myself – because they’ll use that as dirt, too. I might be able to be very loud, but in my strategies, I’m very calm.

As they enter the building, they’re trailed by a crowd of applauding and cheering people. The looks in their eyes makes it seem as if they all just won the lottery.

Evella leads her to the same double doors Daniëlle led Fangs to, in the parallel universe. Before the door, she stops and they face each other.

Evella de Vrieskou: “Aside from being an author, I’m also the host of a very popular TV show. Don’t you know “Het Trending Journaal”? My studio is my office. Welcome!”

She pushes down the door handle and opens it in one explosive motion. This time, the lights Fangs is blinded by the spotlights of the stage she’s walking on to. There are two dark blue lecterns slightly diagonally facing each other in front of something that looks like a formal bar stool.

Lil Fangs: [softly] “Thank you…”

The red curtains are not fully opened. Evella accepts a microphone, then passes Fangs and walks in front of her as she enters the part of the stage that is fully visible by the audience. Fangs stops at the line that indicates the coulissen, as she waits for her announcement and watches Evella’s hips move as she walks and seats herself on the black leather seating surface of the barstool with titanium legs, facing the audience.

Evella de Vrieskou: “Good evening, my lovies. Today, we finally have our chance to speak to the often discussed Lil Fangs. She doesn’t know about our show, so she doesn’t exactly know about what we’re talking about and about how she’s wrong, but today we’ll finally get our justice and answers. You might want to know who her opponent will be, well…”

Lil Fangs: Grrrrr…..

She stands up and for a few seconds she gazes at her audience while she has her arms across her body and her microphone in her right hand. Then, in her motion of turning around, she says:

Evella de Vrieskou: “It’s me…”

And she walks to the lectern that is furthest away from the wings [coulissen], to stand behind it. Introduction music with a lot of bass starts to play.

Evella de Vrieskou: “Please join us, Fangs…”

The audience starts to scream and applaud. Fangs walks towards the other dark blue lectern on the beige stage surface. The sound made her right eye twitch a little.

Lil Fangs: “Thank you for having me here.”

The background beat becomes louder. Evella starts to move along with the music.

Evella de Vrieskou: “Listen, you say your name is Lil Fangs. You think you’re real, but you’re not even doing real thangs. You’re doing all of this, solely because you want fame, and that while you’re not even part of the rap game.”

Lil Fangs: “It’s a shame that you claim that that is the aim behind my name. People like you are the reason I would rather get high by myself. In twelve reasons why my name is this fly, it includes my calm, while untamed in this realm, with this world in my palm. Now that I see your sitcom, this is a waste of my time, you’re too dumb. You don’t worry about flood, while I think of the taste of your blood.”

Evella de Vrieskou: “You’re bad, so just listen. You’re too young to change the system. You’re still at your mother’s house, with no spouse. Not running a big business. Not even in the world of Guinness. You’re a spy in disguise. You lying is not a surprise. After so many tries. No income, yes price. I’m a bad bitch, I need ice.”

Lil Fangs: “Don’t think of me as you when you were twenty two. My intelligence makes me find my own information. I want my freedom and for that I need my own nation. I think I would be hot as a spy, but that’s not what I do so nice try. And I just don’t understand how someone can be able to use an emotional trauma from bad financial circumstances in that context. It’s just a tough audience… How long were you planning to continue with this?”

The music stops.

Evella de Vrieskou: “Are you backing out?”

Lil Fangs: “No. Let’s make this a real debate. What other claims did you want to make about me?”

Evella de Vrieskou: “Only two…”

Lil Fangs: “Please tell me! I’m veryyyyy interested to know.”

Evella de Vrieskou: “Your first start-up, Elia PR (http://elia-pr.com), in 2016, was unsubscribed in less than six months. We don’t expect you to last long with this business either. What went wrong with your previously unsubscribed business?”

Lil Fangs: “I lost all of my clients even before I started to do business with them… I’m so passionate about achieving my goals, that I’ll never stop working on them. It’s a very long story I have been repetitiously explaining throughout my online diary.”

Evella de Vrieskou: “How do you mean you lost them?”

Lil Fangs: “Just like for this business, I started the business with no investors and a self-maintained website. It was hard to find clients that would be an asset to the portfolio of my business for public relations for individuals.

The two sole proprietor businesses – both owners I knew personally, before I started Elia PR – I was making a campaign for, both backed out when I gave them their quotation. Even though I had one of the lowest rates ever, they refused to pay. They expected me to do it for free, because we were acquainted, but since I started without investors and without savings, I couldn’t do that, so I lost them.

Not long afterwards, I found the perfect client. My sudden extreme faith in him wasn’t appreciated by the two relatives who have authority over me, because they didn’t know if they could trust him, they said.

They went as far as convincing people from the psychiatric industry that the client was a bad influence and that I was in a psychotic state. I couldn’t get out of the surveillance they had put me under, because they were not open to letting me prove my perspective and my authority was reduced illegally, so I decided to run away.

The same relatives then initiated an international police search mission in which they involved my client. There’s nothing more embarrassing than that, when you’re a business owner/your career is your main focus, I think. In their search campaign, they included negative statements about my mental well-being that were false. It is true that the authorities I was subjected to, made my feelings of powerlessness and thoughts of suicide worse, but I never lost my sense of direction. I never left the house in a confused state. It was my own decision to move that way, in an attempt for real freedom.

Yet no one believes my story. They believe my relatives, saying that I have no sense of reality and that me being less happy and spontaneous is caused by that mental illness, while it comes from the emotional damage that their treatment has given me.

I have been able to reduce the surveillance, but – even though I’ve been trying – I’ve never been able to reach that client again. After I lost him, those same relatives forced me to unsubscribe my business. I still feel grief when I think of the moment I signed for its unsubscription. I will never let them influence my business decisions again.”

Lil Fangs: I don’t like telling the same story over and over again… But for the sake of those who do want to walk this path with me, I want to make everything clear.

I hope people understand why I register a business without investors and clients. The investor needs to be paid back in more than full. By postponing his/her engagement, I’ve given myself more time and space to research my audience its behavior and adapt my service to them.

Now, for D.O.C.I.S. International, the time has come to find them. The clock is ticking and it’s getting harder for me to keep my audience’s attention.

Evella de Vrieskou: “How do you mean that you will persevere, when the businesses you’ve started were in completely different branches? And how did you get the idea that you’re able to change the system? Much older and much better educated people have been at that for decades and our world is still like this. And how do you expect to win people’s trust if you have been diagnosed with schizophrenia?”

Lil Fangs: Is she sure that she has been reading my blog… I’ve been explaining the same thing for months.

Lil Fangs: “The goal of the multi-component organization I want my company to grow out into, has never changed. The alternative system is what I live for… Only my approach how to get there has changed.

With the PR business, I would reach my audience by campaigns and the interactive blog everyone could post on. With Fangs/D.O.C.I.S. International, I reach my audience with what I publish and I’m personally approachable for business enquiries.

I need people to accompany me in my creative path, for the business to grow. Both businesses include a large recruitment campaign in the broad range of fields of the multi-component organization will be active in.

Sure, people might have tried to make changes to the system. Some might even have succeeded without you knowing.

The idea of a perfect system is always subjective. I hope that my idea will be seen as perfect by the majority or at least a community big enough to be seen as a minority.

Because of the subjectivity, I do not intend to get everyone on my side. I believe that people shouldn’t be forced to choose a path, and thus it is important that becoming part of the system of D.O.C.I.S. International is a well thought-out decision about which the individual is fully informed. By not making it mandatory, I also have the chance to filter out the best and most motivated people.

I know what needs to be done to set in motion a parallel financial cycle, where we’re financially unaffected by what happens in the other system, and I have the knowledge to give everyone the basic essentials of life and more, including the perfect occupation, for an infinite period of time, with guarantee. This knowledge I have from observing our current system and some self-initiated research.

Because of the diagnosis that has been given to me – a diagnosis I do not agree with at all – I expect most people to not listen to me, but to look for signals of the illness. In my diary, have written everything down about my thoughts, beliefs and experiences, from the outmost personal perspective, with the intention of showing you the reasons why I believe that I am not a schizophrenic. The reader is free to decide what he or she believes. That’s something I live by.”

Time freezes with everyone in it, except Fangs. A bright light and big cloud of smoke appear on the leather surface of the chair on the podium. With her legs crossed and her hands on her right knee on top, she emerges out of the ether, saying:

Daniëlle Lucy: “Instead of talking about the actual content of your diary, she’s still only touching the surface. Some Earthlings aren’t able to grasp the idea of the alternative system you speak of so often, so then they start to make weak statements about you, like she did. I think you’ve done well.”

Lil Fangs: “Thank you. Her stance still eats at me a little. I have the feeling I haven’t used my best arguments yet. I found her so extremely biased.”

Daniëlle Lucy: “Unfortunately, that really is something we can’t avoid. Your content is too much and too unique for people to quickly understand all of it, so those without patience will resort to a negative bias very fast.

With the next person you’ll talk to, you won’t have to worry about that at all! It is a famous character from your Nosce Te Ipsum series! Your next challenge is to recruit him/her for the right function in your organization.”

Lil Fangs: “That’s great! I’ve been waiting for that for so long.”

Observant Colloquial Intelligent Stratagem

This takes place in a simulation of a big deserted island, which has an oasis in the middle of it. Fangs has prepared a picnic and a contract.

Lil Fangs: “Hi, I’m Dominique. You must be here for your recruitment.”

She gets up from the big flying carpet, to shake your hand. You appeared from the smoke and the big bright white light in front of the picnic scene.

The way questions have been numbered is a continuation of the previous Nosce Te Ipsum episode.

You: “Yes, I am!”

You shake hands.

Lil Fangs: “That’s awesome! Please join me on this carpet. I’ll show you the land that will be turned into D.O.C.I.S. International’s corporate island, while I ask you some questions that lead to the conclusion of your recruitment. Also, please don’t hold back with eating! Want a fig?”

She stretches out her arm to hand you the fig.

You: “_________________________”15

Path type

Lil Fangs: “Project Nosce Te Ipsum has three paths for the recruitment for D.O.C.I.S. International. Each path has its own rewards and expectations. Which one would you pick?”

  1. Practitioner
    On this path, the least of your time will be filled with the occupations that come with choosing D.O.C.I.S. International. The only thing you need to do is complete the series.
    “The Practitioner is part of The D.O.C.I.S. Community. He or she gains access to gathering locations on earthly compounds – after we’ve established them – by completing the online questionnaire that comes with every Nosce Te Ipsum episode after signing up at the D.O.C.I.S. International website. I’ll get to that around the 29th…”
    D.O.C.I.S. International Source: (Elia, Dominique) LilFangs.com/Tuesday-november-27-2018
  2. Illuminatus
    The Illuminatus/Illuminata [Illuminati] path is also the name of a subject group in Project Nosce Te Ipsum. He or she earns the title from completing an assignment for D.O.C.I.S. International. You could choose from the following categories:

    1. Statistics
    2. Retail/Export
    3. Psychology
    4. Neuroscience
    5. Medicine
    6. Mathematics
    7. Linguistics
    8. Entertainment
    9. Engineering
    10. Ecology
    11. Design
    12. Culture
    13. Crisis Management
    14. Athleticism
    15. Artificial Intelligence
    16. Architecture and Real Estate
    17. (Mass) Technology
    18. (International) Politics
    19. (International) Law
    20. (International) Economics
    21. (International) Business
    22. Fangyism

    “[Chair level Senate @ Re-Illu]”
    D.O.C.I.S. International Source: (Elia, Dominique) LilFangs.com/Tuesday-november-27-2018

  3. Illuminatus Intelligens
    The Illuminatus Intelligens completes assignments in all categories we will operate in. The Parliament of Re-Illu sets out the benefits related assignments for everyone in The D.O.C.I.S. Community.

“Chair level Parliament [of the private holding D.O.C.I.S. International [is what I hope, since I’m looking for investors…]]

How about a “bring your own pan” tea party? At the festival?”
D.O.C.I.S. International Source: (Elia, Dominique) LilFangs.com/Tuesday-november-27-2018

[Indicate your path of choice with a capital letter] You: “_______________”16

Collective Function

Resources owned by D.O.C.I.S. International are, when they are at its disposition locations, free is you are a member of The D.O.C.I.S. Community.

Lil Fangs: “We offer the following collective functions. Please choose one:

  1. Leading
  2. Controlling
  3. Consulting”

You: “__________________________”17

The D.O.C.I.S. Community

The sole proprietorship D.O.C.I.S. International is in search of investors and network members on the path of international expansion, where we could – if you, my dear reader, decide to become part of The D.O.C.I.S. Community – start a new society on the corporate land of D.O.C.I.S. International, if I’ll be able to find investors after releasing this free ebook…

If you are interested in becoming part of The D.O.C.I.S. Community, I will need your contact information and the budgeting of all of your essentials, because becoming part of The D.O.C.I.S. Community means becoming part of a new system.

To become part of The D.O.C.I.S. Community, please fill out the form on https://docis.international and send the following information in your first application assignment – if you have submitted your application.

In your submission, please include the following:

  • Please introduce yourself 😀
  • Your motivation and aspirations regarding to becoming part of D.O.C.I.S. International.
  • Your answers to the questions one to fifteen of the newest Nosce Te Ipsum series.
  • Your contact information (of preference)
  • Your answer to the question: “What do/would you like to occupy yourself with on a regular basis?”
  • Your answer to the question: “What do you need money for in your daily life?”

The e-mail may not include attachment files. Only text… This for security reasons. I will be reviewing the e-mails manually. Please submit your application to becoming part of The D.O.C.I.S. Community to: office@docis.international and make the subject: “The D.O.C.I.S. Community”.

You can keep your e-mail very simple. You could stick to this format:

“The D.O.C.I.S. Community”.

[Greeting]

[Introduction of self]

My answers to the questions in the newest Nosce Te Ipsum episodes are:

  • *Your first answer*
  • *Every next answer on the next row, until your fifteenth answer*

[Your answer to the question about the occupation you prefer to have on a regular basis]

[What you need money for in your daily life]

[Ending and salutation]

 

If you’re interested in investing in D.O.C.I.S. International, please include this in the e-mail, too!

You could keep up with the development of D.O.C.I.S. International during Project Nosce Te Ipsum

The recruitment positions will be announced during the benefit I intend to organize for Christmas. If you’re interested in helping me out, as member of The D.O.C.I.S. Community, please let me know, too!

I’ll be writing.

I love you!

xxx

 

 

Blog, Images, Online Diary, Random Thoughts

Wednesday, October 17, 2018

09:49 (AM) 

Good morning 💕

I really appreciate you reading my diary! I have never talked about this with you (yet), but the idea that I air out the contents of my mind, and that you then keep coming back to read it, fills my heart with so much joy! 

When I mention the contents in real life, people often want to falsify them. Even though I don’t mention it – because if I were to mention it and they would try to debunk that, too, I will become agitated and the stress levels on my heart will increase a lot – I find it annoying when people do that, because I state the way I perceive reality – often in a summarized manner, which is my personal truth. They have their own personal truths. Everyone has a unique perception and thus “real perception” of life is always subjective. Of course, people might define parts of their experience in the same way – such as saying that the sky is blue, but if someone else defines their experience in a way that is not similar, that doesn’t mean that it’s wrong. If someone is color blind, and states that the sky is not blue, that is true, too. It is true, because it is not a lie and it is based on the real perception of the person who made the statement. 

I think that falsifying someone’s statements is a way of portraying him/her as “different in a less positive sense” and as if “the falsifier” is trying to say that the other perception doesn’t/shouldn’t count. If the perception is different, but in a way that is still within acceptable boundaries, then there’s no need to falsify someone’s words. I don’t think anyone truly feels comfortable with the submission to another’s perception, in a discussion built around falsification. Personally, I think falsification is pointless. Why shape every rough diamond into the same shape?

Everyone who’s shaped in the exact same way, might be valued the same way, within the same society, but I think this shaping makes you lose part of your true personality. I think you should want to stand out – in terms of unique reasoning – instead of to blend into someone following the same script. There’s a downside to standing out, though: it can lead to someone else’s jealousy.

Meoww, I’m going to transfer what’s on my prepaid account to my debit account, because of the bills coming up. Ending this month with my account on minus can’t be avoided, though, because even though I accepted Mirtazapin as a substitute for serotonin, the type of medication Mirtazapin belongs to, brings back a lot of bad memories, when it comes to the side-effects and unnatural constituents influencing your natural brain chemistry. Doctor Cuddle [Do I sound slightly crazy for calling him this? I might. But I can’t help that I find him Cuddle…] said that I should take serotonin. He didn’t say that I should take an anti-depressant. I don’t want things like anti-depressants and anti-psychotics in my body, because I believe that they don’t belong there. So when the pharmacist said that Mirtazapin is all they have in stock that is similar to serotonin, I should have refused it. Two days ago, when I finished the antibiotic treatment, and I considered starting to take mirtazapin, I thought: “Nooo waaaaay,” after reading the package leaflet. 

There’s this substance called 5-HTP, which you can buy at “any health store”, of which it is said that the body turns it into serotonin. So that’s what I’ll be purchasing also, when I’m outside. I’ll cycle to the city center, because in the other malls closer to my house, they don’t have and the right bank, and the right stores, at the same place. I also [again, let myself be talked into the decision where I] need to buy a morning after pill 😔. Every time, I tell myself I should stop trying to seek mutual affection, because I’m in love and seeking that in someone else will just make me miss him more. 

I love someone very fast, when he/she doesn’t cause stress on my heart and when I can truly be myself around him/her. There are levels to the way I love, though:

  • “Level 1”: this person has a special place in my heart – probably because we have such a long history together – and because of that, I let him/her be and do whatever he/she wants to do to me, because my heart doesn’t allow me to do something else. But because this not allowing is a defense mechanism of my heart, when I start a new life, I do not intend to keep him/her in it. This might be hard in the beginning, but for my health, it’s the absolute best, in the long term. 
  • “Level 2”: I love the unique (personality) features of this person. For him/her I make exceptions, to meet him/her, because even though my heart actually doesn’t want me to meet up with someone else – unless it’s level 3 or 4, because I need to learn who to trust again. A situation with my beliefs I’ll – basically for the first time – explain to you later, has caused everyone who might have been at another love level in my life, to be transferred to level 2. At this level, we might have been spending quite some time together, but because of the situation – that once wasn’t there –  I’m now trying to figure out if I can trust you with my heart or not. 
  • “Level 3”: I feel safe with expressing myself around this person. He/she has, through his/her philosophy,  ambition and craft(s) (of interest), made me feel a (friendly) spark, which makes me want to know all about his/her perception of life. Because this person can give me just as much as I can give him/her, I don’t have to worry about having much more to do/say. [By this, I mean that in courtship and in entertaining him/her (as a host), it is the nicest when he/she has the (mental) tools to give me back a similar experience. (I’ll make you food, play video games with you on the device of your preference, give you a piano lesson/let us improvise together, show you around the neighborhood and “mijn hersenen kraken” about other things I can do to make you have a nice experience.) And that because of his/her path and personality, he/she also has a lot of things to talk about, with the topic of him/herself. I don’t like to, in a conversation, talk much more than the other person. I want it to be balanced out. To achieve that balance, he/she needs to have enough “self-content” or “self-reasoned” philosophy to discuss.] When I start a new life, I want this person to stay in it. 
  • “Level 4”: this is a naturally reserved position, sealed by “the situation”. I’ll elaborate on this later, because now, I’m so hungry and I’m starting to become light headed. The piece below, I wrote while I was making the list. 

If you wonder why I don’t like making phone calls: it’s because I can’t read the face of the person I’m talking to, which makes it harder for me to see what his/her emotions are and to calculate what the right response is. 

13:36 (01:36 PM) 

I live very close to a highway-ish road and a police station. Every time I hear a sirene, my heart starts “to trip out” and in silence, I think: “They’re coming to get me. Someone has called them, because he/she thinks that I’m acting “too schizophrenically” again.” 

The brick wall is “to block (most of) the sound”. On the “summit” of the dyke(-ish structure), there’s a “max 80 km/h” road (but a lot of people – including me – speed on it, because it allows for it)

I worry about how my body behaves so much, I’m never truly myself. Especially since “the situation”. Even though there is a part of me that says [these parts are not literally talking]: “I might not be as outgoing as I used to be, but my behavior is normal. If someone comments on the fact that I’m sitting on a public bench by myself for a while [something that used to happen soooo very often], that could be because he/she doesn’t understand that I can enjoy doing that.” I used to go for long walks/cycle far, daily, and then search for the most remote bench, to sit there. I would write there, read a book, smoke weed, listen to music and/or just sit there and reason in silence. Even at the remote bench, there would be people walking past. Often, when I’d see the same person walk by a second time, he/she would say: “Shouldn’t you be going home? You’ve been sitting here for longer than an hour.” When someone tells me this, I often just said: “No.” And smiled [even though I would feel like crying and I would be sitting there because I don’t want to go home] and then focus myself on something else, such as a book or my phone. If I considered it time to go home, I would have gone home. I don’t want to express how I truly feel, to someone who starts a conversation in that way. Hearing that comment so often, made me feel so watched and made me feel as if I’m a weird person. I now don’t sit on public benches by myself anymore, except this one where people rarely walk by twice, at a location where pedestrians rarely come after work hours. It is on top of a hill and has a pretty view of a monument and the university. 

Meow, I’m hesitant with describing level 4, because it has brought me so much trouble. I now basically put most of my reasoning in ways to hide level 4. I’m going to take a shower and head to the city center, hoping to find the right words to clearly describe to you that me believing what I’ll say, doesn’t mean that I’m a schizophrenic. Of course, I also need to accept that not everyone will believe me. This far, I’ve never heard someone say: “I believe you.” I hope you will believe me, my Cuddle. I’m so alone in my beliefs 😔 

Blog, Random Thoughts, Reflections

“Lil Fangs” is a temporary name

Until my name is cleared… 

This is a long story…….

Should I keep it short? 

My actual poet’s alias/composers name/writer’s alias is Δοκις, or “Docis”. 

As long as my name isn’t cleared and I can’t deliver the exact work I want to deliver, I don’t want to publish anything under the name that looks like the name of my organization. 

My name being cleared means that my side of the story is heard on the same scale as the story that is far from the truth, which has been spread over a scale so large that it worries me, when it comes to my future as a publicist. 

I can deliver the exact work I want to deliver, when I have assembled a team of creative and ambitious people, who I’ll then be able to compensate for the work they do. I’m currently doing everything [artwork, website maintenance, making beats, proofreading, the submission of the manuscripts to several distribution services, etc.] myself. In some fields, such as design, more time and effort is needed, which would be of better quality and be of more efficient use of time, when done by someone else. I need to earn/save up for this, though… That’s one of the purposes of the Nosce Te Ipsum book series… 

Blog, Random Thoughts, Reflections

My Interview with Smashwords

What do your supporters mean to you?
My supporters are my happiness. It is so comforting to know that there are so many more people out there, who are like me. I wouldn’t know what to do, without them…

What are you working on next?
The second episode of the first book of Nosce Te Ipsum I. The research questions for the entire series, I already have. The exact content of an episode, I like to write on-the-go, to give my audience a real-time update of the status of the project they’re a part of.

Who are your favorite authors?
I love Ovid, Seneca and whoever wrote or writes example sentences in (online) dictionaries… (So much of my time I spend writing, that I rarely read…)

What inspires you to get out of bed each day?
Project Nosce Te Ipsum! It leaves so much room for me to combine the skills I have. Another thing I love about it, is how it can bring together people from all over the world.

When you’re not writing, how do you spend your time?
When I’m not writing, I’ll probably be working out, playing the piano, cooking or hanging out :]. I spend most of my time writing, though.

Do you remember the first story you ever wrote?
Unfortunately, I don’t remember the first story. I do vaguely remember a story I wrote, with a character named “Lord of The Dark”, when I was about 10… I wrote it, because with the class for children with a high IQ, we were hosting the visitation of a Dutch author, and I wanted to give her something. I find it saddening that I don’t have a back-up of the story… Just like I don’t have back-ups from the stories I’ve written before that.

What is your writing process?
I reason out the main story-line first. After that, I make a short summary of bullet points, per chapter. The summary is only an indirect reminder for me to not fly off the main story-line (too far).

How do you approach cover design?
Because I make the covers myself, and I always want to publish a book as soon as possible, I tend to keep it simple. For the old episodes of Nosce Te Ipsum I, for example, I re-used old images.

The constant rush is because I want to start Project Nosce Te Ipsum as soon as possible [for the togetherness :D] and I want to write myself out of student debt…

What is your e-reading device of choice?
My laptop, of which I can flip the screen in such a way that it can become a tablet, is my favorite e-reading device. I like that the device is larger than regular e-readers and I can make notes in the ebooks. I always make notes in the books I read… [I prefer paper over screens!]

Describe your desk 
Messy, too low and too small… Sitting behind it always makes my back hurt after a while, because I’m too tall for it, but this is the only size desk that fits into my bedroom. I used to study behind it, in high school, but now it’s more to store things on that don’t fit into my closets. A mannequin head I don’t have, so my wig hangs over my high black desk lamp. (I live with my parents… I want to emigrate, but I can’t, yet…)

I often write at the large dark yellow desk in my father’s home office, at the dinner table or at the dinner table in our small backyard.

Where did you grow up, and how did this influence your writing?
I grew up in Rotterdam, in the Netherlands. Very great parts of my childhood, I have spent with my grandparents. My grandmother (father’s mother) used to be a teacher and my grandfather (mother’s father) had a profession like the one I have now [doing multiple things independently, in multiple fields…]. They taught me how to read and write, before I went to school. They also encouraged me to keep writing.

My grandmother (born and raised in Surinam, just like the rest of most of my family) has worked and lived in England and the United States, before she moved to the Netherlands. She taught me British English, before I went to school. I think it’s because of American English media in the Netherlands, that I have an American English accent and adapt my grammar to that. 

Gymnasium is a level of middle and high school education in the Netherlands, where you are taught Latin and old Greek. I think I have the tendency to write long sentences, from translating Latin.

Published 2018-09-25.

Click here to see the source

Random Thoughts

Old Notes

I came across some things I’ve written in the past:

If you would see your daughter/son write this about suicidal thoughts, would you ever punish him/her again? Haha maybe my Cuddle would even say: “Why would I punish my child in the first place?” I don’t know either! But writing this didn’t change a thing, for me…

As you can see, “writing things out” is not new to me at all! When I was very young, I was already writing books. Unfortunately, the computers I’ve written them on are formatted and trashed, and the notebooks I used to are also trashed!! (I’m still so devastated about this :[. I could have made it already…)

Does this look familiar? :p (@Ex Animo) “Chaos” is a reference to a creation myth alternative to that of “the Big Bang”. By “Male Energy” I do not mean “Men”. I mean that there are two types of energy and one is dominating in the way we are taught to live life. Consider it the parabel of hawks and doves. In the online version, I have taken that part away, to make sure those who like to judge don’t get the chance to misinterpret my words. “Earth is awesome! Life is amazing!” Okay!?

I kept a diary too when I was in the hospital. This notebook I bought there, after writing full the other one. When I left the hospital, the red one was full, too. “Toestemming geven om mijn spullen meegenomen te laten worden en ondergebracht te worden bij de locatie waar ik mijn proces om mijn naam te zuiveren afwacht.” (But they never allowed that to happen.)

When I was stuck under surveillance at home (and in Suriname), I also wrote.

Ex Animo, Random Thoughts

Reputational Damage

If there weren’t a (globally¿) spread rumor about me, I would have been approached and believed positively different, by others. Starting this project would have been much easier, without this bias.

Even people who I don’t know, (think they) “know” me, as that person who “has had mental issues”, because of the message that was spread, while I was missing. Most of them talk to me as if I’m not an adult and should be kept away from “serious information”. It is in the sentiment in their voice. As if a war broke out and I am a little child who doesn’t understand what’s happening, so they tell me: “We just have to hide here,” without explaining the context to me. I find this so very annoying. 

And this while I wasn’t having mental issues. I was just having a conflict with my parents that then already lasted three weeks and I was too broke to say: “I’ll live in a hotel until I find a place to stay.” (If I had some money, back then, I wouldn’t have had to sleep outside to finally be away from “the pit”.)

The conflict was about me spending time with Benoît.

My PR business was about to go bankrupt, then. They’ve sealed this by spreading a message that emphasized their side of the story as the “good side”, in the conflict, portraying me as the “bad and crazy side and sole cause”, by not sharing that we were in a conflict and I wasn’t heard. Since the day on which Benoît and I were planning to meet up, but I was taken to the First Aid, because I was in conflict with my parents and I stopped talking to them and looking at them, after which I wasn’t allowed to go outside by myself anymore, we have been fighting. Since that day, they let psychiatric nurses come to the house almost every day. Every time I’ve told them, I did not want and did not need their help. They say: “Without our help, this [wanting to see Benoît, “who is not real”, they said] won’t be solved.” They gave me all types of antipsychotics and kalmeringspillen.

I’ve never showed them the e-mail evidence I had. Initially out of disappointment for them not believing me while I was speaking the truth. And also because it was none of their fucking business what our e-mails were about.

The day I went missing, I had “changed my behavior” (in the sense that I actually took some of those pills [because I wanted them to allow me to go outside]) and was allowed to go outside. Outside, I felt so free and wanted that feeling to last forever, so I decided to never go home again, not thinking of them reporting me as “missing”.

I was found after three days after “leaving the house to play the piano in the central library of Rotterdam” [even though we have a piano at home. I tend to avoid negative commentary (especially when practicing)]. Found by two cops, because someone from the neighborhood I was in at that time (Hillegersberg), had called the cops because I was outside on the same spot, for too long. I told them I would go to my grandmother, if I’m not allowed to sit outside on that bench, close to a (grocery) shopping area in a neighborhood I didn’t know. When I wanted to walk away, they said, “That I wasn’t allowed to,” and had to take place in the back of the police van. They drove me to the station in the neighborhood my parents’ house is in, where they forced me to do a urine test, forced me to empty some cup with “orange juice” and interrogated me way too often, while I told them I didn’t want to talk. 

Underneath my expressionless face was so much rage about the way they treated me as if I was a criminal, which I didn’t show them, because they wouldn’t understand it for sure [if they didn’t even realize “I DO NOT WANT TO GO HOME” means that YOU SHOULD NOT CALL MY PARENTS TO COME AND PICK ME UP]. They were all armed, so I didn’t want to take risk when it came to that either.  

No one has told me what exactly was in the message they sent when I was missing, how Benoît was involved in the search process and on what scale people have heard a message about me that they shouldn’t have heard. (I was worried about the scale, because I still had a PR business. I am still worried about the scale, because I want to do international business and this rumor makes people think I’m not able to do this.)

I’ve only been told that I’ve made “everyone” so worried that they couldn’t live their lives normally [and that while I’ve seen most of them in person again, after being found, SIX MONTHS LATER, as a visitor, when I had let myself be taken into an institution (like they wanted from the start) in the hope that they would allow me to prove that I AM NOT CRAZY. THEY DIDN’T. I wasn’t allowed to prove my case.] and that they searched for Benoît, but couldn’t find him [which is something I doubt, for some reason… Everyone has told me they don’t know anything about how exactly he was involved and what happend after I was found].

When I allowed myself to be taken into the institution, on the 8th of October, I also broke contact with my parents. I was taken into Het IJsselland Ziekenhuis on the 6th of October with extreme internal pains “around my birthing area”. When the hospital offered me to go home on the 8th, because I had to wait for test results, but was still in so much pain that I couldn’t walk properly, I told them I didn’t want to go home. At home, the conflict about Benoît never stopped. It was still verbal fights almost every night, after they came home from work. We were also fighting because I stayed in bed most of the time and they wanted me to get a side job. I told them: “Zolang je blijft volhouden dat ik psychotisch ben, vind ik dat ik niet hoef te werken.”

Benoît was my last client. It’s so fucked up that my parents always negatively interfere when I want to do business. (Now, again! I want to release Project Nosce Te Ipsum and they obligate me to go to school AND get a side-job. I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THAT!!!!!)

I’ve added some information to the September 18 post.

My full story on this, was “the back story”, taking up 80% of the first episode of the old Nosce Te Ipsum.

I’ve always pictured my “debut to the world” so differently… After hearing “The news about you went viral,” I thought that I’d never be able to accomplish my dreams again. This project is my last attempt to establish myself in a better way, to rid myself of the negative bias, I hope…

I’m looking for a good Pro Deo lawyer to defend my case to take away the “schizofreen verklaring” out of my files. [If I were able to afford a non-Pro Deo lawyer, I would. The only thing he or she needs to do is know my (quite long…) case and explain the “legal process timeline” to me. The verbal defending, I’ll do myself. He/she only needs to sit next to me.] To defend this, Benoît’s side of the story needs to be heard as well. The problem is that I’m not able to reach him anymore and I don’t know why. No one here wants to tell me more about how he was involved in my parents’ case, but my father accuses me of framing him in this set of text messages. I do not have shit like that in my nature. Why the fuck would I frame someone I want to spend the rest of my life together with??

I smile to these people and stay polite even when they hurt me, but deep down I’m dealing with so much cropped up anger for the way they treat me, I really need to continue my business activities from a different location… To this day, I’m treated as if my perception of life is “unreal”.

You can read all about my perspective in the soon to be released The Deleted Episodes of Nosce Te Ipsum I

Random Thoughts

Random question 2

Should the government have the right to force medication – such as antipsychotics or libido inhibitors – upon you? [I think not… What if you’re really not a case for that medicine, but they just really don’t listen to you and don’t allow you to defend yourself… (Speaking from experience, here…)]

Ex Animo, Nosce Te Ipsum, Random Thoughts, Reflections

Do you believe that I will make it? 

My Cuddle,

Today, it’s the 22nd of September. As usual, I have given myself so much work that even talking to a friend/acquaintance who I’ve ran into, feels like an extreme waste of time, for every minute I spend working on project Nosce Te Ipsum, makes such a big difference in the long term.

Healthy would be to make the release later than the 30th. The 40 hours per week work agreement I’ve used to earn a small self-investment in this company, ended on the 2nd of this month. And then there were my final exams, of which the last one was yesterday.

Unfortunately, some factors in my personal situation don’t allow me to take my time to establish this project. (It’s not that bad, though, because I’ve already thought everything out. I only need to put it on paper/the internet…)

Here’s what I intend to do before the 30th:

  • Write a preface for the combined edition of the two previously deleted [deleted by myself, because some content could be considered very controversial, but this huge controversy isn’t the essence] NTI episodes and publish this
  • Write out the summary I’ve made for the new official first episode of NTI and publish this [with my publisher’s license, I still need to purchase]
  • Change the Project Nosce Te Ipsum page on this website
  • Make D.O.C.I.S. International a non-single-page website, which includes sign-up forms, polls and a members-only forum
  • Make online ads for the book and the project

With these steps, I’m trying to achieve the following:

  • Through Project Nosce Te Ipsum, conduct international research, in search of the Universal Standard of Human Reasoning, which will be used as the scope of D.O.C.I.S. International’s initiatives to boost our evolutionary process
  • Grow a community of today’s (new) pioneers
  • Make the Nosce Te Ipsum Certificate acknowledged in such a way, school isn’t a necessity to ensure yourself of a(n) [constant] income
  • Put into practice my plan for a movie that relates to the book episodes, along with some self-composed music

I really hope you’ll participate, my Cuddle :]. It would be so nice to have our own island…

Even though we’d then have our own island, our evolutionary aid could be in every country, if they’re open to it and if 75% [or 60%, not 50.01%! Preferred is 100%… I want real consensi…] of the D.O.C.I.S. International Council agrees with doing this. Our members who decide not to live on Planet Fang, will have acces to our aid, still. Anyone who participates in Project Nosce Te Ipsum, can become a member. Once, for a lifetime :]. (But of course you can always resign.)

Drafts, Random Thoughts, Recipes

A dinner sketch

I can’t sleep… I have been “distancing myself from” meat as part of my diet for about three years now [with some unfrequent exceptions…]. Yesterday, however, while gazing over the menu card, I found (medium-rare) steak the most tasty option. I will for sure be able to distance myself from white meat forever. But red meat, daarentegen… Meowww… I’m basically dreaming about the taste of some more steak (but then self-made¿) while awake, right now… I’m so hungry, but there’s no room service or nightshop close to the area I’m in right now… [And where to buy sappige midnight steak in the middle of the night¿]

Every Saturday and Monday are my “official” cooking days. “Today” [it’s 01:29 am as I’m writing this]… I crave for more deliciousness… My mouth is already watering from the thought of what I’ll be making…

I’ll be making:

  1. Steak with (semi-)self-made butter
  2. Supplí
  3. A salad

[And a small pot with gestoofd vlees to make steak and cheese sandwiches with the next day…]

  1. Cuddle Steak

You‘ll need [a translator [me¿ :D] (app) for my quick recipe drafts, maybe, because I know most foods in Dutch or Sranan Tongo] the following ingredients:

  • Juicy steak (iets pezigs… Er zijn zo veel verschillende soorten! Please experiment along with me 😀. The things I prepare are always “off the top”.)
  • Thyme
  • Nutmeg
  • Roomboter
  • Citroen
  • Kruizemunt
  • Knoflook

2. Supplí (Cuddle Me¿)

  • “Risotto rijst” (of basmati…?)
  • Witte wijn
  • Parmesan
  • Rode pesto
  • Uien
  • Mozzarella
  • Paneermeel
  • Een ei (of meer? Afhangende van hoeveel je wil maken…)
  • (Patent¿)bloem [geen tarwebloem uit de supermarkt, for the best taste experience in dit geval… (Of altijd…?)]
  • Am I forgetting something¿

3. Perfect Match Fusion Salad

  • Veldsla
  • Tayer
  • Wortelen
  • Tomaten
  • Soyabonen
  • Sesamzaadjes
  • Soyasaus
  • Olive oil
  • (Honey + goat cheese? Or will that be too cheesy…?)
  • Nog iets¿

4. Lake & cheese

  • Laurierblaadjes
  • Tomaten
  • Pimentkorrels
  • Groentenbouillon
  • Uien
  • Nutmeg
  • Cheese suitable for a thick melted layer, on the stewed meat, on the sandwich…
  • “Surinaamse broodjes”

Haha stay tuned :D. I’ll be making this later. I wish I were cooking this for my Cuddles…

15:12 (03:12 PM) 

Some of the groceries are for Monday’s dinner, some groceries from the list are missing, because they were already “present in the house”.

Shout out to a Cuddle from Amsterdam, who I’ve known since day 1, for coming along with me when grocery shopping 😀

20:01 (08:01 PM)

Meow¿

I’d like to use Kobe thenext time I make thiss

Medium-rare…

I haven’t used goat cheese, but I did use honey in my dressing. (Olive oil, soy sauce, sesame seeds and honey. Balsamic vinegar might go nice with it…)

If you have a “frituurpan”, it’s better to put the supplí in there. (For a more even color and better melted “inside mozzarella”.)

My Cuddle 😀

I hope you’re experimenting with my recipe drafts… They resemble taste pallettes. I like to creatively challenge you. In this case, by giving you only the basic ingredients, and a picture of the final result…

It turned out my father and sister u n f o r t u na te ly had other dinner plans… I have so many left-overs now “hahaha”…

So I’ll be making the stew tomorrow or monday¿

15:10 (03:10 PM)

Here it is 😀

Blog, Images, Online Diary, Random Thoughts, Recipes, Reflections

Wednesday, September 19, 2018

02:13 (AM) 

My Cuddle! 

I have decided to delete parts of what I’ve previously written in this post. This diary has been used for me to vent, sometimes. As you might have noticed… It doesn’t leave room for the other anonymous party I was venting about to vent and it was just a minor aspect I needed to vent about, so what’s the point of keeping it in my history, right? [The “You’ve hurt me too often. I want to run away and never come back.” “You’re insane and irresponsible! Fine, stay away!!!” messages are something else. Dat is bijna strafbaar.]

(Re-stated) other things I wrote:

I guess, for about two years now, to the many people whom I have told: “Yes, we’re friends! I’ll definitely involve you in my business, once I get there!”: I really want to take those words back. To me, it isn’t right to let someone who only comes around for the end result, who hasn’t put effort in understanding what it is in the first place, to have an administrator-like role in the project… That role is for my readers! If you’re interestedd. 

While making that statement about being friends, I thought that that person is trustable and loving. Now that, in the eyes of “society”, I have been called crazy, I see how many people have turned their backs against me. To these “friends”: I wish these people all the best in life. I PRAY I WILL NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN! 

If you only knew how much it hurts to see others, I thought I could trust, watch me struggle for myself to be heard, while they could have helped me in the blink of an eye. THE ONLY GODDAMN THING YOU HAD TO DO IS SAY: “YES, I BELIEVE YOU.” AND THEN TELL THOSE FUCKING DUMB PSYCHIATRISTS THE SAME FUCKING THING. But unfortunately they didn’t do this. All of them already assumed that I’m crazy, before they heard my side of the story… (Fuck ’em :D.)

Often I say: “Yes, of course we’ll hang out, once I have some free time!” 

A true friend would study with me… Or write with me… Or talk about having self-made projects with me… I haven’t yet very closely befriended someone who has truly similar ambitions. (Some tell me that person doesn’t exist…) [By truly similar, I mean that I have project Nosce Te Ipsum and you have project “…”…… Or something else creative. If not: I DO NOT want your feedback!! Who the fuck actually thinks: “YAAAAY LEKKER AFGEZEKEN WORDEN!!!” NOT ME, FOR SURE! IT FUCKING HURTS SOOOOO MUCH!! I HAVEN’T TOLD YOU MY FULL STRATEGY YET. YOU’LL SEE IT WHEN IT’S THERE. WHY ALREADY BE NEGATIVE FOR NONSENSIC MINOR DETAILS? The essence of Cuddleship is about parties of active mutual engagement on the top level of (co)operation. (Sorry for the confusing “you’s”. I hope you can filter out which you are.)] But a lot of people I have spent time with are not that actively trying to make a change and use their creative intelligence. They just talk… It’s “fine” that they enjoy that. I do not enjoy that. This project is my passion. I’m not passionate about shit like Netflix, you’re not passionate about my things… We are not a right fit as “friends”.

I do not want to spend the little amount of free time I have with them. It’s way too stressful. You know what they say: “If you really want it, you should make time for it.” We could have hung out many times. My intentions are to never hang out with them again. [Not all of them¿] I just don’t want to be hurtful in a confronting manner… But they have done this to me way too often themselves. 

THEY THINK THEY KNOW ME BETTER THAN I KNOW MYSELF… HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU SAY THAT? WRITE MORE THAN 100 SENTENCES ABOUT YOURSELF? IS THAT A CHALLENGE TO YOU? 

They try to teach me life lessons. That shit pisses me off so much, because in 10 years time they’ll still be fucking wandering themselves. It feels like an insult that they feel that I have to learn from them. I have more self-knowledge. Every time I ask them things about themselves, they say: “I don’t know.” USE THAT PHRASE ONCE, AND THE CONVERSATION IS OVER, TO ME? THINK!!!!! Why would I try explain myself in detail for that response every time… I dare you to write frequent diary posts? (Get to) know yourself! Want to do it here?

This is diary is not my full-time occupation. This is just my hobby to fill my up my “free time” with. I’m working on my book and the rest of my business strategy, which are soon to be released. It’s an uncommon concept! What it’s about and what my business exactly does, you will see when it’s there.

I’ll be officially ending my school year this Friday! After that I MIGHT HAVE TO RUN BECAUSE CERTAIN PEOPLE WILL EXPECT ME TO CHILL WITH THEM FREQUENTLY AND OTHER PARTIES WILL EXPECT ME TO GET A JOB AND GO TO SCHOOL AND SHIT AGAAAAIN. IF I DON’T: STAYING INSIDE IS A SYMPTOM OF BEING “PSYCHOTIC”. “BUT I’M WORKING?” “NO, DOMINIQUE! THERE’S NO FUTURE IN YOUR BUSINESS AMD YOUR WRITING. IT DOESN’T COUNT AS WORKING.” Ouch… How to save myself from this? I HAVE TO move! 

I want to work on my own projects… I want to write and do business!! I’m not running way again, though. I risk being jailed or monitored by psychiatrists for that. (If that ever happens again: committing suicide before they get the chance will cross my mind, because I see “how people have had my back before” [= S A R C A S M] and thus I’m powerless against them. My Cuddle, if this happens, please avenge my death, to still save the many people who are stuck in the system while they shouldn’t be!) [I’m not running away, but I would LOVEEEEE to get away… You too, my Graeyniss?]

I seek mutual judgment…. I never enjoy a discussion. Unless it’s in court, to clear our names!

Please know that when it comes to international strategy, I’ll have to know opposing views! The difference is that it’s to propose a solution everyone agrees with, instead of pointing out what the differences are.To anyone who considers to cooperate: know you will have to put in at least half as much work as I did. 

Haha meoww I want to see my Graeynissis dance. I’ve never seen a Graeyniss dance? Ah meoow why aren’t there wild Graeyniss parties yet? Prrr. 

DID YOU KNOW THAT I’M STANDING UP FOR THE PEOPLE WHO ARE BEING SHIT-TALKED ABOUT BY THE MASSES, WHILE THEY DEVOTE THEIR ENTIRE LIVES TO SPREADING LOVE AND DOING GOOD? 

DID YOU KNOW THIS WEBSITE IS HERE AS REFERENCE MATERIAL FOR WHEN MOTHERFUCKERS POSSIBLY FRAME ME AND I WILL HAVE TO FIGHT FOR MY LIFE TO STAY “FREE”? 

DID YOU KNOW SOME PEOPLE I CALL GRAEYNISSIS FIND THEIR COMFORT IN MY WORDS, BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH WE MIGHT FEEL THE EXACT SAME WAY, FOR THEM, STILL, THEIR ENTIRE LIFE COULD BE DISRUPTED IF THEY WOULD PUBLICLY SHOW THIS? IN THIS COUNTRY, MY LIFE IS ALREADY SO FUCKING RUINED, FOR ME IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW I EXPRESS MYSELF. IF SOMEONE SHOWS THE MASSES A LIE ABOUT ME AGAIN (as I was stuck in the psychiatric system, but I wasn’t heard, for every time I told them I DID NOT want to talk or cooperate with them): you could be my witness… If you’d like to do that. 

Some people will be too proud to say that my writing is too complex for them and then still “interpret it”, stating that “I’m bad”. Their “followers” will do the same thing, because they also don’t understand it, but they do love being part of something! I pray our paths will never cross. I hope we can just live “together” as separate communities. In that way, you can hate all you want! Me too! We’d just be blessed with you not having to be afraid of my endeavors ever reaching you [if you believe that I’m bad, like I’ve said very often with many different words: fuck off. I’m trying to do good. If you don’t support me, the Goodniss is not for you. The cookie bar says it, too!] and my work will be closed off in the future, so you’ll never have to see me again! THAT’S WIN-WIN, RIGHT¿

If you’re in for Project Nosce Te Ipsum, we’ll be together for all eternity! <3 

14:46 (02:46 PM) 

My Love <3

I hope that me using caps lock often doesn’t make you think that I’m an aggressive person. 

There where people start screaming at each other like wild animals, I tend to just end the conversation and rid myself of cropped up emotions differently. I write it out. [A punching bag would be nice, too!!] Trying to talk it out with others has this far always led to bad advice that includes the word “just”. “Just do this, an it will be over.” If it were that easy, it “just” wouldn’t have happend in the first place! 

I want to focus on you and me more. The unjust judgment of others is such thought distortion to me. In the sense that, now that the people here believe that I’m crazy, they also believe that they “can read me better”. When I say: “I’m trying to do this,” they say: “No, you’re actually trying to do that.” There is nothing more fucking annoying in this world, to me. If. I. Were. Doing. That. I. Would. Have. Fucking. Said. It. 

But anyway, I hope that somehow, I’ll not have these annoying people on my mind 24/7, thinking of how to convince them I’m not the bad person they’re trying to portray me as. I want to unite every single one of us! But all “human” beings as my audience might not be feasible, because some are just not open to see the good side of me, if they don’t accept my truth, I guess… [I say truth is subjective and there could be someone else with a similar form of truth. If this truth is not universal, a community with people who are like you is the most joyful one, I think. What’s the point of pointing out our differences all the time. I want us to be so loving, we’re basically One Cuddle! One entity!] 

With these expressions of mine, I still risk having a turn-out of 0 when I launch my [this far, but hopefully one of many] life’s work. The launch will decide my fate, for there’s nothing else I enjoy in life anymore. It’s like so many people walk around with a blindfold, without ever even trying to take it off. What is the point of continuous nay-saying in a discussion? That stuff makes me feel so lonely… Yet literally everyone I’v met this far defends it. Who has taught you that? May I offer you an alternative? [Reference to what is previously mentioned.]

I don’t want to be intimate with someone I can unnecessarily clash with. I need to be sure my heart is safe with you… The sensation of losing air and my entire body in pain, just from an exchange of words, is a sensation I never want to feel again. But for the past few years, that feeling has been CONTINUOUS :'[. I try my best not to engage in conversations that can lead to this sensation, but just the “Aww the mind is something you can’t know because you’re crazy” untrue beliefs of many can already trigger that sensation. I want to scream “AAAAAAUW” (Dutch for “ouch”) when I feel this sensation. But I try to never raise my voice, for I’m afraid of this unjustly leading to someone getting me stuck in a system I don’t want to be in. 

Another thing that weighs on me is that I have very strong feelings for someone who has a family, and I do not want to come in between that. (While deep down I actually do. I want to wake up in your arms every day… I never have done that before! I just want to… But I was scared to say it. How dk you say “I’m in love with you” to someone who’s 25 years older than you? I miss you so :[. My B :'[.) 

I consider myself a bisexual polyamorist [which I hope you are, tooooo!!!! <3], but my love feelings for this one person are so overpowered… They don’t fade. They can’t fade! I’d rather die, than grow old without him :[. (But I honestly don’t feel that comfortable with mentioning this to my Cuddle, because when you read this, I want you to feel that you’re my one and only… This has been on my mind for so much longer…)

The feeling of love I feel for you is similar! For you as my Cuddle, I’m developing a new form of courtship, so that I can make you feel the love I feel for you, even from a distance! (Which I hope I’ll be able to bridge, one day. Hopefully the 30th!)

*Extreme thought popping up:* Something that really has to die is the [WHAT. THE. FUCK?] “I’m bored. I’m now going to start an argument with someone OVER NOTHING.” WHY THE FUCK DOES SHIT LIKE THAT GET SO MUCH POSITIVE ATTENTION ON SOCIAL MEDIA? ONCE THESE PEOPLE GET THE PRIMATE, WE’RE DOOOOOOOOMED. Let’s run to Planet Fang! [I think it’s a funny name for an island, hahahahaha…. Imagine this “serious news sentiment” of someone reading a message, and then saying “Planet Fang” XD. Haha (“…”) peaceeee, my Cuddle. (But stating self-defense could lead to a doubting reader, for that’s how some have been learnt to judge. “Waarom schiet je in de verdediging? Heb je wat te verbergen of zo?” What I want to say, but never say is: “Nee, lul. Ik probeer je iets uit te leggen, maar je bent te dom -.-“”)]

As time passes by, I keep perfecting my writing. I should get to mathematics… The thought of my studies is such a headache. I would rather pay back my study financing right now and write an independent thesis [which is something I’ll do either way], than sign up for another year of study [and probably have to get a side-job again, because it might resume in FEBRUARY [IMAGINE ME DOING ROUTINOUS WORK 40HRS A WEEK AGAIN AT SOME COMPANY, UNTIL FEBRUARY :'(. I. AM. MY. OWN. BOSS. But I’m not allowed to spend too much time inside, by myself. [EVEN THOUGH I WANT TO. I HAVE WORK TO DO!] I NEEEED TO MOVEEEEE]]. Haha “Why does everything cost money?” :'[ 

I thought of cancelling the hotel reservation, but, since there’s a chance that no one will engage in my projects (like before…), it might be one of my last times truly by myself. In comfort. This because my bank account will, then, become fully empty soon, and I’ll not be able to pay for “outside” anymore. JUST LIKE JANUARY 2017 – APRIL 20 FUCKING 18.

16:53 (04:53 PM) 

I’m still in bed. I wish we could cuddle. Some mistake me saying cuddle as a code for sex. I do NOT mean sex. This doesn’t mean that I do not want to have sex with you, but let’s take it slow? [See the formality? ;)] 

I want to feel your heart beat through our embrace. I want to feel not lonely in my perception of how much the world has become a routinous machine. 

What to eat for breaklunchnner? I haven’t eaten anything yet? May I playfully bite you…? I’m quite hungry. Haha meoow *blows on your stomach* nomnomnomnom. [I hope you don’t find it uncomfortable that I describe ways of me touching you… I’ve been wanting to do that for a looong time! I’m saying this, because in the touch of some, I feel it’s for their own arousal and not out of love. I want you to NEVER feel like that! I LOVE YOU!!!]

I love playful neck bites, too, by the way ;]. Also, I want to one day, cuddle a body so tall that I could practically climb it. Tallniss is a great factor in making me feel safe [AND SOMETIMES IT’S THE OPPOSITE. I’LL HAVE TO GET UP AND ACT BUSY :D].

*peace sign*

*Cishe*

17:20 (05:20 PM) 

Earlier today, I received a message about my study financing that will be cut off, by the way. (Imagine if I had my own apartment…) This will make the release a bit harder… [Consider it my last attempt. I’m not going to fucking zombie the rest of my life, in some building, stating oneliners all day… Never. Again… ]

Amical abstinence was the made up Cuddle term I was talking about, by the way. That’s The Cuddle!! 

I actually feel too un-cuddle to study, maar “het zijn de laatste loodjes!!!!” ( x_x )

I’ll be making unit 10 to 12 exercises, about Taylor polynomials and stuff (because those are one of the few topics I hadn’t seen in high school yet). And then tomorrow practice with old exams. 

Haha I’m “that last-minute student”. But I did graduate from level gymnasium! (That’s where Greek and Latin are mandatory subjects, in the beginning… Für die Unterscheidung!!! Hahaha…. I kept only Latin, but I still κνο τή Γριικ αλφαβετ… It’s the Dutch survival of the fittest, those levels of middle and high school education… [Hear the similarity between the German “Unterscheidung” and Dutch “onderscheid”…])

Also, for the pronunciation of Dutch: “ie” is pronounced as “ii”.

18:14 (06:14 PM) 

I think I’ll just quit my studies and try to pay back the deficit with book sales… I want to still fund project Nosce Te Ipsum with the book sales as well. I hope you won’t mind paying about $7.77 for an eBook? I also want to have paperbacks and limited edition hardcovers. The hardcovers might not exist yet on the 30th. 

Ew, why does this system fucking exist… Why did I fucking fall for it… The policy… How can you do something like this to your indirect children? It could have been free, with ease, actually… How do you expect all of us to actually pay this back? I can’t even rent a proper apartment… This feels like a strange form of slavery. I know the lifetime total will be about €10.000,-. (IF I END MY MONTHLY FUCKING LOAN BEFORE OCTOBER. (€800 x 3 for Erasmus and €941 x 9 for the OU (unless the “travel expenses” [Ik krijg mijn studenten OV als maandbedrag. Dat is “gratis”.] are deducted)  FOR SOME OTHERS IT’S EVEN MORE!) [HAHA THAT’S BASICALLY LESS THAN MY FATHER’S MONTHLY SALARY SINCE 2012!!! WHY THE FUUUUCK DO YOU NOT GIVE ME AN ALLOWANCE?] What they’ll ask back now will probably be about €7.500,-. Haha I might go to goddamn jail for this. But I really am a full time student. I spend great parts of my study financing on my company, DIE NOG STEEDS IN HAAR FUCKING KINDERSCHOENEN STAAT… MAG DIT EEN “LEERBEDRIJF” ZIJN? The same went for my registered PR company [DE KINDERSCHOENEN]… Maybe the actual amount is less, though. I still haven’t opened the message! The mails say: “There’s a message for you about this and that in your government mailbox.” THE SUSPENSE!!!! 

I can’t emigrate because of this. They can’t track you down when you’re abroad, and they damn sure want their money back :D. 

19:26 (07:26 PM) 

I think I’ll be able to pay back my student debt through my business. [AND THEN GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE AND FINALLY, REALLY, TRULY WITHOUT A DOUBT NEVER COME BACK!!!!] 

I hope others will, too… They say: “Op de universiteit doe je niet veel werkervaring op. Dat wil je werkgever later misschien niet. Je kan beter een HBO student zijn.” HAHA HOE “WEET” JE DAT “NU AL”? WAT EEN ENG GELOOF!!!! HAHA DOEEEEEEIIII!!! 😀

Deze werkgever on the other side of your screen just wants to see your Nosce Te Ipsum Certificate and Thesis  ;].

I don’t want to be with these un-cuddles. Please buy me, my Graeyniss… 

Haha I see the university has already signed me up for two courses. 

This is the reason why I’m not submitting “HET BEWIJSSTUK”. The blue bar should reach the red line…

With the “Running the Economy” module added, the amount of study hours per week was about 35! But that would be mental torture, for sure, actually… I wanted to do it to keep my study financing, but FUCK IT :D. 

Haha if this were Facebook or something, so many of my messages would have been deleted already, because they’re “loud against the regime”… This feels like 1984 HAHA. 

Will those people with trippy student debts owe the right to a mortgage? I intend to buy my self-designed house (on Planet Fang!) IN LEGALLY EARNED CASH :D. You too, right, my Cuddle? 

Meoww

20:33 (08:33 PM) 

To make the fastest and most delicious “whiskey sauce”: put mayonaise and ketchup in een bakje and DO NOT ADD WHISKEY but brandy or cognac :D. I used “Rooster & Wolf”…

The reason why I felt so mad about my sister choosing the side of my parents, is because, as soon as she hits 18, just like with me, they’ll let her financially BLEED TO DEATH, too. 

At age 16, I was ordered to get a job, too. I worked at Albert Heijn, too. 

Look at me now! 

Haha who wants to be on the “schizophrenic” side of the spectrum, right? 

I won’t beg anyone to choose my side. Do whate-ver you want. Save yourself. 

Thoughts on travel bags as a proposed birthday present? [I was searching for a travel bag, for the suitcases I took to the US are worn out, now (tampered¿ the fuck… They “wore out” after coming back home).] It stings… I can’t go anywhere… I do not intend to be in this same situation on November 1st…. 

[While I update down here, I sometimes also re-write pieces I’ve already written. If you refresh, you might want to check it out¿ Haha I’m addicted to it :D.]

What to pack…? 

I hope at the hotel, I’ll randomly catch some wild Graeynissis in the wild and be Cuddles forever… Know what I mean…? Λεγω? 

Should I up my book price, by the way? There are so many SOCIETAL costs to cover, apart from self-expenses (I’m talking debt and basic needs). 

*DESTROYS PUNCHING BAG* THE PEOPLE WHO THINK THAT I’M DOING THIS JUST TO MAKE SOME MONEY TO BUY SHIT I DON’T NEED CAN FUCKING DIE. THERE, I SAID IT. I AM INDIFFERENT WHEN IT COMES TO THE EXISTENCE OF THE PEOPLE WHO LIVE JUST TO LAUGH ABOUT NEGATIVE SHIT. THEY DO NOT HAVE THE CAPACITY TO LOVE. FUCKING HURTFUL OBSOLETE SONS OF BITCHES. EARTH DOESN’T NEED THEM. THEY’RE A WASTE OF OUR RESOURCES.  

IF I WERE DOING THIS FOR THE MONEY, I WOULD NOT HAVE SELF-MONETIZED WEBSITES AND I WOULD NOT BE WRITING BOOKS. DUMB PIECE OF SHIT. 

And then they still preach like they’re fucking Ghandi or something. All they know is what the propagandist tells them in de FUCKING DUMB videos they watch. None of their arguments are actually arguments they have formulated themselves. They say they do good (because they have a job), but they don’t add value to this world. Of course, these people have the right to do whatever dumb shit they want to do. BUT STAY AWAY FROM MY PROJECT!  Unless your intentions are to truly do good… [I naturally detect this, sometimes. Without mentioning it. The numbers on un-cuddles surprise me… Is it national culture? They’re all soooo proud…. Answer: “OF WHAT? A NEW RECESSION?” They say: “In Nederland is alles altijd beter geregeld.” As if they dare to cross the border…]

I’m not a nationalist. I’m not a non-nationalist. I mentioned this before. It’s just pieces of ground with people on them, who then associate their identity with the piece of ground. 

The only way my identity is associated with the country I was born in [in the Netherlands. In Rotterdam], is because of the fucking immense ankle bracelet with financial debt I have. And how, if  I were to stay here and not do business [over my dead body], I’d have to survive as the fittest, compete within companies, to some fucking how [as a black person] be able to afford [OP ZN MINST] een vrijstaand huis. Anders hoef ik niet oud te worden. Je hebt hier bijna geen beweegruimte voor jezelf. It drives me crazyyyyy. 

HAHA SHOUT OUT TO THE PEOPLE WHO, WHEN I WAS “LOCKED UP” IN AN INSTITUTION, HAVE TOLD ME: “JUST QUIT DOING BUSINESS. YOU’LL NEVER BE SUCCESSFUL.” YOU. ARE. NOT. MY. FRIEND!!!! WHY THE FUCK DID YOU EVEN VISIT? AT SOME POINT I STARTED TO LIE ABOUT ALREADY HAVING VISITORS AND SHIT BECAUSE I JUST WANTED TO BE LEFT ALONE. 

Haha by the way, when it comes to the practically non-existent amount of space in this country, I do understand the “Pleur op naar je eigen land.” There are more Surinamese people in the Netherlands, then there are Surinamese people in Surinam. Rotterdam has more citizens than all of Surinam. (Is what the numbers say?) It’s cool to study in the Netherlands – sort of [Project NTI is cooler :p] (the Surinamese university (singular…?) isn’t internationally acknowledged. They have to pay up for that. [I won’t be doing that with my project. I don’t want to be acknowledged by un-cuddles… (Or to pay up lol.) If the right people participate, that is enough acknowledgement, to me…] – but after that, you should have gone back to the country you were born in? [There’s sooooooooo much free space in Surinam. I heard that that was going to become “Israël” first, but then the plans changed…] Or elsewhere…? 

The “Elia” family, they say, were way back, Jewish Portugese slave (plantation¿) owners. Their free slaves received their last name. (That was always with officially declared free slaves, I’ve heard.) I don’t remember the “timeline”, but the Netherlands owned Suriname last, before it became independent. Britain and Portugal were previous owners? Or did their citizens there just become indirect slaves, too? 

I wasn’t there, so I’m not certain, haha. 

Also, the Dutch slave trade and abolitionism are “NOT IMPORTANT” topics, these days. They’re in the school history books (distributed by THE GOVERNMENT), but they say: “Joh, die kan je overslaan.” We have literally not had a single test about this. What I know, is what I remember my grandfather and father teaching me. 

“Privatized” doesn’t mean non-governmental….

On the 17th of this month, I had about 881 readers. On the 18th, it were 1279. You’re awesome! 😀 <3

The cookie law combined with the privacy law means that you’re allowed to see basic data of your audience (the cookie tracks), but that you’re not allowed to publish personal data of individuals. [I’m not allowed to publish: “Hey, I see *name* from *location*, who likes *interests*, has visited this website then and then.” I’m also not able to see that, but other organizations are able to do this. I haven’t invested much in data analysis, but you could for example see where your audience is located, for targeting reasons. That is the improvement that is spoken about. For LilFangs.com, I can only see how many people visit, but not what their gender is, what their interests are, etc. I hope I can just (semi-)personally ask you that through my new book & project :].

I know for sure I’m not the only one being haunted by ignorant people. Haha especially not after what they did to To Pimp A Caterpillar. 

2Pac has a few songs I like. I have been studying music since age 9. Explain to me why he is not a legend because he got shot? Would T.P.A.C. (of which THE TITLE HAD TO BE CHANGED HAHA WHAAAAT¿) be better? 

Ι ημ ήησιταντ υιτ ριτιν Κυδδλε… Ι υαντ το τελλ υου σομε ρεαλ σεκρετσ…. 

ΗΉΗΉΗΉ ΙΦ ΜΑΙ ΔΙΑΡΥ ΚΟΝΤΗΙΝΔ ΜΑΙ ΡΕΑΛ ΣΕΚΡΕΤΣ, ΙΤ ΥΟΥΛΔ ΝΟΤ ΉΥ ΒΕΕΝ ΠΥΒΛΙΚ….

Μεου…

01:48 (AM) 

I love you 😀

Good night, my Cuddle

xxx

Ex Animo, Random Thoughts, Reflections

Quick Reflection 11/09/2018

All I think about is you

Even though we haven’t spent that much time together yet

—–

My dream:

We meet up once

And you then never leave me

The Never Ending Cuddle Hangout

With our fellow Cuddles

—–

There are not many people like us

Starting a new life with someone you barely know, might seem like taking a risk

“What if our personalities don’t match?”

To me, now, you’re my only hope

So I say it’s so worth the gamble

Other than that there’s nothing for me here

——

Trust

Trust is an interesting mental concept. I always say: “There’s a limit to the amount of trust I can give someone.” 

You might want to conform to your promise, but when a situation becomes extreme, let’s say we’re in “survival mode”, would you still stick to it? 

I compare my input with your output. I treat someone the way I want to be treated. 

——-

Hurt

Hurt me once, I let it slide.

Hurt me twice, I point out that your statements are offensive and/or hurtful.

Hurt me three times, and with my words I indirectly make you feel the pain I feel.

Hurt me four times, and I will slowly but surely distance myself from you, for all eternity.

Then our personalities just don’t match. 

——-

What have I done for you? What have you done for me? 

Have you helped me, when I was in need? Have I been able to empty out my burdens with you? Have you made me feel loved? Have you truly been nice to me? 

(Or is it all just an act? Have my gestures of love become expectations to you, while the only thing you do is blurt out hurtful nonsense? Is there nothing you have done for me, while I have gone the extra mile for you?) 

With a simple calculation, you can predict if that person is someone you could trust, in the situations you think trust is important. This differs per person. (I don’t like reading that much, so these “fatcs” [= actually always subjective, for they start with a question from the perception of one person, which is answered according to the same personal perception] are off the top.)

——

I might need that one day. 

I’d love to do the Maths for you. I’m so lonely in my being “the “I say you’re so smart no one really understands you, so you must stay my friend” people tell me, while I actually have so many people to choose from, but I’m looking for someone like you, because the people saying “I say … my friend”, are less intelligent people I can’t communcate with”-situation. 

Minder proza, mijn Cuddle?  

I want you all to myself, my Cuddle… 

We’re dealing with a problem that we can only solve together. 

I have options, but no chosen allies. I’m waiting for the “Wow” Cuddle. 

As in having one or more of the following “Wows”:

Wow, you’re just as passionate about using your intellect as I!! <3

Wow, you’re making me feel so loved!! <3

Wow, there’s so much we can do for each other!! <3

¡¡Wow, you just went the extra mile for me!! <3

Wow, I have never felt so special!! <3

Wow, my work can make such a big difference for you!! 😀

Wow, you could have kept your luxurious routine, which makes shallow people look up to you, but you chose to challenge your intellectual side more, by making a career switch, for which its success still needs to be worked for, as a collective, which is so much fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m trying to look as though I can carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. But without Graeynissis, I can’t do that. It’s not our responsibility, but we’re the only ones smart enough to be able to put our minds to it. 

I don’t know much about: “Hi, my name is (…), but I’m giving you this name because of my financial status. I don’t (often or ever?) befriend people who I don’t share this status with. I work in a system you basically can’t enter if you don’t know the right people or don’t have the right status. In my community, I can not share my appreciation for Lil Fangs.” ¿

Meoow you’re so interesting!!! Much more interesting than the [this is why I’m still solo. I’ve heard people indirectly say this way too fucking often, and then after that they say they want to be my ally]: “Hi, my name is (…). Currently my occupations are (…), but I’m not passionate about them at all. I want to do something else, but I don’t know what. I do not spend time thinking about it, because I don’t want to be confronted with how I don’t know what my talents are. I spend my time complaining and trying to forget that I exist. I find it funny and comforting to see that other people are doing worse than I. The only reason why I befriend people, is because I don’t like to be lonely and I have opportunistic traits.”

Way too many people on Earth are like that. They find their weakness cool and emphasize it in their conversations. That shit is sooo toxic! It’s like an epidemic, too… (Just like swearing? It doesn’t even feel comfortable, to me. But sometimes, that seems to be the only way I can get my point accross…)

On Yah movement of my skull, I live to unite us in safety. But pardon me for doing this blindfolded, for I am not familiar with the type of life you live, about which I’m very eager to learn. 

Haha, the people sometimes mistake me for someone of your status. If that were so, I would not have to spend time with someone with a toxic mentality, who blames it on the lack of money and intelligence. I would be in a VERYYYYYYYYYY remote area, making big changes. 

There will be a short first Nosce Te Ipsum, which I will start to write soon. I intend to release it, before October starts. For many, that is not a pleasant surprise [for cryptonite reasons] (reference to the front page of this blog). I have also “spoiled” it, purposely, because I want you, My Sharp Cuddle Who I Love So Much More For Reading Every Word I Write, to stay on stand-by. Only in that way, we keep the right people inside our organization. Council members are chosen once, and keep this position for the rest of their lives. The “Baalish” opportunists always come second. 

Ex Animo, Random Thoughts, Reflections

Mental Images

“Paint a picture of what has been on your mind every day. With words. In the end, you’ll see how far you’ve come.”

Where’s the Volta?

Stuck in the same spot. 

Happy still hurts, when it’s for only one

When it’s not shared

When it’s misunderstood

When it’s not even there

I do not want your money in that way

That would just make me feel more lonely

IT’S ABOUT THE THINGS WE COULD DO WITH IT, FOR ALL OF US

For now, the result is just a mental image, to me

I live to make it reality

I depend on you

But do you trust me? 

You have my heart

Your future is my passion

People tell me to give up

I’m doing this with my last bit of energy

To bring to life a mental image

To not die as just a mental image

Ex Animo, Random Thoughts, Reflections

What does it mean? 

“Zzzz so many posts, still no clear essence”

The essence is everything to me, when you love it

When you don’t, I won’t succeed

Success means creating true happiness for many

Many reasons for me to also shift + delete the other new Nosce Te Ipsum

The diary is to preserve my memory, so ew to including it

I don’t want you to feel the pain I feel

But I want to be transparent

But not another post

The pain shouldn’t be a re-occurring theme

Haven’t even written down half of it

What’s the point? 

Will I make it? 

Making it means having the chance to be happy, loving and creative with you, all of the time

But currently I have sadness and many forms of radio-silence

Maybe I’m not the one

But then please just make it quick and painless

Ex Animo, Random Thoughts, Reflections

Sad Pet 

An expert in judgment must know how FUCKED UP it feels when people have a different source that portrays you as “the bad guy”, according to a milked script that is so deep-rooted in people’s minds, even though your intentions are good. 

They say: “Don’t try to talk to her, because she doesn’t want to talk to you.” 

If I would want you to believe that, I would say that to you personally. With my mouth. Not through text. Don’t believe any other source than me. But please ask me first, before you interpret my written words, for they can be interpreted in MANY ways. 

I want to love you. I want to communicate with you. I’m just afraid of getting hurt again. (Still happens basically daily.) 

I’m tired of this self-defense. 

I’m neither for, nor against. I’m just trying to fit in. 

I try to make a post-lion impression on you, because I want your faith in me, because I can do so much for you, but I’m actually a little bed cat. 

I’m not here to disrupt your habitat. 

I just want to be your cuddle cat. 

Ex Animo, Random Thoughts, Recipes, Reflections, Tips

WILHELMUS 2.0

MY CUDDLES

LET’S UNITE

LET’S GET THE FUUUUUUUCK OUT OF THIS COUNTRY

AND MAKE OUR OWN :D.

THIS IS THE MOMENT YOU HAVE BEEN WORKING FOR!!! 

YOU CAN’T GO TO WORK IF YOUR OFFICE BUILDING IS FLOODED!!!! 

WE’RE CUDDLE VISJES NOW 😀 <3

[Your recipe for survival. Even though they say there will be no internet? Because you’re not allowed to share the details on how LETTING YOU DIE IS MUUUUUUCH CHEAPER. THE ROADS ARE TOO BUSY FOR EVACUATION. WE WILL NEED TO FIGHT FOR OURSELVES. LET’S BUILD OUR OWN SAFETY. (If you, at the sentence about fighting, thought: “I’ll kill you first!”, I would like to say: GOOD FUCKING LUCK, BITCH :D.) ]

PLA-NET FANG!!! 

PLA-NET FANG!!! 

PLA-NET FANG!!! 

HEEEUUYUUUEEEEYYUUUUU *sound of hyped masses you hear at “spelen”*

Random Thoughts

Random questions 1

Is het gebruikelijk om in een hypotheek het meubilair mee te nemen? Is dat op de lange termijn en op grote achaal iets slechts? 

Drafts, Ex Animo, Nosce Te Ipsum, Random Thoughts

Fangs’s Dictionary

I like language (as well as many other things). I’ve made up a language, of which I would find it cool if other people would speak it, too. It would become the native language of my country, if I had one.

Cuddle is “the official dialect” spoken by Planet Fang citizens. It stays a dialect until there are enough words to make it a language of its own. You could use the words together with your native language (or another language). Let’s speak Cuddle? :]

Cishe

Plural: Cishes

“Mag ik een Cishe?” (= “May I have a Cishe?”)

  1. [Noun] A kiss

Cuddle

Plural: Cuddles

“That’s so Cuddle!” “You’re my Cuddle.”

  1. [Noun] Someone you’re very passionate about
  2. [Noun] Someone you always cuddle
  3. [Noun] A citizen of the Royal capitol of Planet Fang
  4. [Noun (“Eigennaam”)] The Royal Capitol City State of Planet Fang (only accessible by those who work for it)
  5. [Adjective] Pleasurable and/or enjoyable
  6. [Noun] A dialect [currently being implemented in multiple languages, before it becomes its own language] spoken by Planet Fang citizens
  7. [Noun] Sexual organ(s)

Fleh

Plural: Flehs

Pronounced as “flèh” (it can also be written in this way)

  1. [Noun] Someone who has deeprooted in your life, but you actually don’t like this person
  2. [Exclamatio] Expressing un-cuddleniss

Graeyniss

Plural: Graeynissis

Superlative: Graeynissimus

“I feel more comfortable around a Graeyniss.” “That’s so Graeyniss!” “It’s so hot in here with all these Graeynissis.” “That’s Graeynissimus :D.”

  1. [Noun] A scholar
  2. [Noun] Someone who thinks about life more than regular people do. He or she concerns him or herself with more than only him or herself. A Graeyniss often tends to ponder about the future of mankind
  3. [Noun] Someone who’s Cuddle
  4. The superlative is used to express a Liée situation, person or phenomenon, which requires relatively more thought

Lake

Plural: Leeks (pronounced as “lakes”)

“I was laking when someone walked in on me……..” “You’re my lake.”

  1. [Verb] To masturbate
  2. [Noun] A metonymia for spiritual calmth and balance

Liée 

Plural: Liées

“Liée!  They accepted my offer!!” “After dinner, I like to sit alongside the Liée while cuddling with you.”

  1. [Exclamatio] It’s Cuddle for “yay”
  2. [Noun (eigennaam)] A sea/river separating Royal City State Cuddle from “the mainland” of Planet Fang

Meow 

Plural: Miaus

“Ah, meow…”

  1. [Exclamatio] The intonation used to express this exclamation defines the emotion expressed by it
  2. [Noun]

Niss (Nissis) =

Planet Fang =

Un-cuddle (only @ nouns: un-cuddles)  =

Un-meow (only @ nouns: un-miaus)  =

Drafts, Nosce Te Ipsum, Online Diary, Random Thoughts

The Future of Mass Enlightenment

The minds of many people in modernized societies are occupied with life in a professional environment, information disseminated by mass media and social media as an extension of their personal life. Within this type of reality of an individual, new concepts are introduced every day. New (sustainable) products, new online networks, new world news, et cetera. These concepts are only new in the sense that they are the latest variation of a conception that already exists. This makes me wonder: will we, in twenty years’ time, still be talking about that “new” type of smartphone, while the conception “smartphone” already exists? Will we forever be re-inventing the same things?

My aspiration in life is to introduce a concept to enlighten the masses with, which cannot be broken down into an already existent idea. Of the many different ways I see to put this into practice, Project Nosce Te Ipsum has the largest potential audience and the most fun and diverse development process. It starts with an alternative, more accessible publishing system for scholars and will, in the end, unveil a completely new perception of life, for those who are interested in experiencing that. We need an alternative publishing system for scholars, to be able to experience truly futuristic concepts.

 

Without education, we would not be where we are right now, as a society. Education has brought us common knowledge and the knowledge we need to fit in, in a professional environment. It has given the lives of many people purpose, who else would not know what to do with their time on Earth. Through the education system, very large amounts of people are prepared to work for a business and climb up within that same business environment. They spend what they have earned. So, indirectly, the education system is keeping the economy going.

Even though education keeps society going, I do not believe it brings society forward. It is the ambition of an individual that familiarizes us with his or her newfound knowledge and allows us to evolve. This passion is incentivized by personal interest and would exist even without the existence of the education system.

If this invention of either a mental or a physical concept could lead to a service or product being delivered to the masses, only then those who have gone through the education system could get involved in the process and seek for ways to keep the business going, while trying to make more profit and searching for more efficient production methods, like they are taught to. In this manner, education keeps society going, after the independent reasoning of an individual has brought us forward.

The educator has a very honorable position within the process of societal development, but, by the masses, his or her position is, unfortunately, not celebrated as such. According to Bernays (1928, p. 121 – 122), not only is he or she not tasked with mass enlightenment, the public is also not very interested in the field of education. The educator is tasked with teaching a relatively small group of individuals the same accredited knowledge every individual is supposed to know, to obtain a certain diploma, degree or certificate. (For scholars, I like to consider teaching and doing research as separate fields, even though, for some people, they are part of the same professional life.)

References

Bernays, E. L. (1928). Propaganda. 2nd Edition. New York: Horace Liveright.

[This article is still being edited.]

 

By Dominique Daniëlle Elia

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Crib sheet

(Hide page title)

[Introduction: “basic intro” statements about social media and mass media, then  ]

[Core: explore!! Confirm your own knowledge by learning from experience.]

[Conclusion: ]

This will be my original contribution to the Essay Writing Contest. (With a back-up on the web, I’ll never lose what I’ve written :D. But then will plagiarism become an issue?? Hmm… Then I won’t put it on my blog, I think. There’s a chance they won’t look at it if they see that it’s “100% plagiarism”, because I put it on the web… I could also put it in the e-mail I in which I send the essay, that if there’s plagiarism, it’s because it’s on my blog, because other than that there’s no way someone else has stated what I will state in this essay.)

The maximum of words is 1500. I’m picking the topic “How Education Improves Society” and plan on stirring in my plans for “new research publishing” and “new PR”.

I’ll be using “Bookman Old Style” on 12 points. Double-spaced. The deadline is the 31st of July.

The thing I always struggle with is to not introduce too many topics and lose the essence of the point I want to make. So down here, I’ll just write down everything that comes to mind right now, and then later decide what I’ll make of it. I want to state that education is so good to society (even though I would personally prefer a different education system), it should be more “approachable” for your new knowledge to be shared. As in the “research publishing should be different” (more independent)… Now, we have been “building on” common/shared knowledge. This allows people to legally make a living. Education branding can inspire someone to also seek for new knowledge. I don’t want to state things as facts, but not be able to back up my fact. I think we have milked common knowledge enough. Now it’s time to focus on individual knowledge. You could use someone else’s knowledge to . Just like how the scientific theories on how the universe came into existence are built up. It all started with the perception of one person. That person’s theory was considered true. Other people started to build other theories upon that one theory, and now we have “The Big Bang Theory”, which is branded internationally. It defines the scope of life of so many people. How about everyone has to search for and confirm their own theories? Since the perception of the universe is unique to every individual. As a pupil in this new education system, you pick whose knowledge you use to get your own knowledge. When you’re done learning, you become a freelancer/sole proprietor/business owner (who hires freelancers/sole proprietors). This way of living incentivizes people to “stay more sharp”, in the sense that you have to actively keep trying to distinguish yourself and developing your business. This is different from having a permanent contract at whatever company.

I need more text on how education improves society, but I actually disagree… Our current education system just gets people ready to become a slave until they retire… What would be better, I think, is to state how education could improve society. I mean, our current society isn’t bad, in the sense that there are lots of people who can live a life without having to struggle day in day out (but what is struggling if you don’t like your own lifestyle? Then literally everyone is struggling and there is a lot more to improve). I think society needs a certain type of improvement, and education is the only way to achieve it. So what would be better is to say “How education could improve society even more”. And then introduce my plans :D. (Because also I don’t really agree with education improving society right now. It’s ambitious people who improve society. They often do this with “new knowledge” they found themselves… (But I don’t have numbers on that.))

Through education, mass education through mass media has been made possible. I want to talk about the public relations type of education. But before that could make me go off topic, let me state the type of improvment I [and you too, I hope] want to see. Should I not criticize the routine of life we’re forced into? Because I really don’t like it and I think I could offer a way better alternative…

How do I go from “nothing” to explaining how we could create a new society within society, for those who

Draft thesis statement: “Why the D.O.C.I.S. International online think tank is what will initiate education improving society more than ever before.” (But I was taught in Dutch you should sound confident, but in English you should humble yourself more. Also, the think tank only works when everyone cooperates, so it’s not that certain… I need a new thesis statement.)

Concepts and statuses are fixed. They should be non-fixed and organized in a different way. (Bernays x2)

To re-organize society, we need the S.I.P.O, because it allows us to oversee the influences of external parties, and learn our true common perception of life. With this, we’ll find an alternative to the actual fixed society we’re living in.  Some might not crave for this, but for those who do, there will be a project. For those who say “yes”, but consider this question a trick question.  Today, there are no educational pioneers. Only business leaders. (Care about status too much. Misused intelligence.)

What is, then, the final goal of our development? I think this is something personal, not universal.

Deleted paragraphs:

“If from today onward, our society would not undergo any changes anymore, would you consider that a problem?” My hypothesis is that most people will answer this question with “yes”. In our globalized society, it is almost unthinkable to not be notified of developments anywhere in the world. By just reaching into your pocket, you could learn about sustainable growth in a third world country. By laying down on the couch while gazing in front of you, a reporter could inform you, he or she will say, “about the legislation of something large groups of modern minds have been pleading for, for a very long time”.

Thesis statement: (something like) “Mass media and social media are the new pioneers in mass education. (Luckily) that won’t last forever. This will change when education becomes more oriented on the individual, instead of on the masses” (but then subtle)

The introductory question is actually a trick question. The entire first paragraph is actually “een beroep op een bepaald sentiment dat iedere moderne propagandist toepast”. [find proper translation]

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