Ex Animo

Rudi Harold Hanenberg Lil Fangs Dominique Daniëlle Elia
Ex Animo, MacroFangs, Nederlandse Tekst, Online Diary, Popular Posts, Reflections

Rudi Harold Hanenberg 18 november 81st birthday

Lieve opa, Van harte gefeliciteerd met uw enentachtigste verjaardag. Ik mis u ontzettend en vind 18 november een dag moeilijke dag om door te brengen zonder dat u in ons midden bent. Als iemands absentie mij zoveel hartzeer doet dat ik het leven nog maar nauwelijks kan verdragen, moet ik het diegene dan vertellen? Dat nieuws kan zorgen opwekken, en dat is niet mijn intentie. Maar ik vind het leven een stuk zwaarder zonder u. Ik kan u helaas niet eens om advies vragen over dat dilemma. In Honor of You Ik heb vandaag mijn Engels presentatie. 18 november heb…

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the perspective of the crown
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The Perspective of the Crown [Thursday, November 14, 2019]

In this post, I will disseminate more information about the perspective of the Crown. Of the Inner Crown, which has been the main subject of my previous post and the post before that. An Enthusiast will have a clearer idea what it is like to be an insider of the Inner Crown. Also, a new reader’s perspective will be used (for the first time in this diary(!)) and I tell you a little about my whereabouts and other random thoughts.  My love, New Diary Perspective My diary as a whole is addressed to no one in particular. (Baby… “I’m just…

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inner crown
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Inner Crown [Tuesday, November 12, 2019]

An all-seeing eye with a heart that beats for you, sending thoughts to you telepathically, from a (very) long distance. My experience of what I call the Inner Crown, also known as the Head Cuddle, has never faded. Many measures have been taken, against my will, in an attempt to stop this experience. This has caused me to lie about my perceptions for a very long time, in an attempt to get my freedom back. My diary would, however, be incomplete without a present update of what has always been there. This post is part two of my previous post:…

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Manifesto [Thursday, November 7, 2019]

A restatement of my direction, this is. As well as a reflection. And I’ve included the pictures I made I promised to put online quite some weeks ago… My love, This is an interesting week. Usually when I want to take measures to distance myself from toxic influence, my entire approach can be read way in advance. What I did on my birthday, however, was an impulse. An impulse that has definitively shifted my future social life. I think it is for the better. But it is only for the better if people who can positively relate to what I’ve…

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Behind the Scenes [Tuesday, November 5, 2019]

Today I’m taking you behind the scenes of in Antwerpiyae. (Antwerpiyae > Antwerpiyaes I felt while typing.) My love, A couple weeks ago, I believe, I introduced “my love” as start-of-post diary aanhef. I still like it and don’t seem to get tired of it any time soon. How about you? Today I’m taking you behind the scenes of blogging. I’m still writing and not filming myself, so in this post the thought pattern behind my usual writing will be emphasized. Quick question: I’m asking you that because I notice an interesting trend in my visitor stats. I…

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Blog, Ex Animo

Ik wou dat het maandag was. Dan is mijn moeder den…

Ik wou dat het maandag was. Dan is mijn moeder denk ik wel naar huis.

Ik wou dat ik dood was. Dan werd ik tenminste met rust gelaten en hoefde ik me niet meer aan dit systeem te conformeren. Iets wat ik sowieso al niet meer doe. Sinds mijn verjaardag. Een van de vele cadeaus die ik mezelf heb gegeven.

Uitleggen wat ik aan het doen ben kost zo veel woorden, en de meeste mensen… Ik laat het gewoon even voor wat het is.

Jij vertrouwt mij niet. Ik vertrouw jou niet. Het universum lijkt gedoemd zichzelf te vernietigen.

Over een week lig ik hier nog. Hopelijk dan wel met iemand die me lieflijk omhelst. Maar wel iemand die me begrijpt en niet iemand die continu loopt TE ZEIKEN OH MIJN GOD HAAL mijn moeder uit mijn huis alsjeblieft. Ze zegt dat ze weggaat nadat we sushi hebben gegeten.

Ik wil gewoon alleen zijn. Heb teveel gedaan en jullie zeiken veeeels te veel. 🙁


twenty-three redemption
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Twenty-three 🙀 [Friday, November 1, 2019]

Today is my 23rd birthday. A good moment to reflect on myself, tell you where I’ve been this more-than-one-week absence and share how I’m celebrating. 🙂  But I need to start off with an important redemption and (re)clarification, from back to forth. Redemption.   Redemption / Clarification In my last post I, not for the first time, shared that someone made me feel bad, without telling that person how I feel. The next day, he sent me a screenshot of the passage and openheartedly apologized. He was the first person to apologize for the way he made me feel after…

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I want to C you

Actually, this is not much of a poem. More uncontrolled prose.

Over 550 blog posts, all written from the perspective of my eyes. Are they not provocative enough? 🙁 I can’t hear you. Why?

Over 206,000 / 206.000 (two hundred and six thousand) [international writing] words, written in the perspective from me to you. You, whose beautiful eyes are going over this page. What do you see?

Are you A, B or C?

I want to know. Not only your perspective. Also the perspective “you to me”.

I hope it’s different from what I’m used to. I hope you’re C.

You see, I can’t hear people’s internal dialogues when they talk to me. But I can estimate them by asking questions and reading their body language.

My powers never reach the core, though I try. What is going on in your outmost personal layer? Especially now that my writing has reached it, but I haven’t. (Not yet? 🙂 )

Why I want to know? Because I’m an ambitious, affectionate and cuddly person and I want to know if you’re that person too. Society doesn’t embrace that openness, but we should.

When I study anyone’s behavior, I see their attitude towards the world. But I can’t see if they’re A, B or C, without getting hurt. I’ve never reached the core.

What is your attitude towards me? A, B or C?

The Cuddle

“I really admire her. I love what she’s doing. I wish I could do it myself.

Where her theories come from, I don’t know. I need more proof to be able to trust it. My own life would become damaged if I go all-in on this and it turns out to not be feasible. Like could it still all be schizophrenia and not real? I can’t imagine that that could be the case, but still can’t rule it out if I haven’t seen her theories in practice. Why did she exactly become labeled as a schizophrenic anyway? I still have the feeling that there’s a lot more to that story.

Everything that is going on in this world makes it hard for me to trust. Media accusations versus personal counter-accusations. That that will ever be something of the past? The future she portrays sounds too good to be true. I want to believe in it so much, but my heart would become irreparably damaged if I would trust this and it turns out not to be true.

I wouldn’t be able to formulate any theories like hers myself, but if they’re true, I could learn them and implement them in my life. I could use her theories to realize my own dreams and make a living from that. I would love to move to Planet Fang. It feels like there, eternal love and eternal happiness really do exist.

Privacy wise I have nothing about me she may not know. I would love to be her (social) research subject, sharing my thoughts with her, to improve life on Planet Fang. I think I could realize my dreams, doing what I want in life and also being part of D.O.C.I.S. International.”


The Demon

“I want to have sex with her. I want to do that every day. But I can’t love. I don’t love her. Though she should love me so that I can have her with me for the rest of my life. I will tell her I love her so that she will tell me the same.

To let her become the royalty she wants to be? No. I will make sure that that won’t happen. If there’s anyone who deserves to be the last new royalty introduced to the world, it’s me. I want the money and fame. If she gets it before me then I will make sure that I’m with her when it happens and eventually cause her downfall and say that I was the mastermind behind everything.

She says that she wants to create a better world blah blah. We all know that that is not realistic. Because the whole world is like me and I love to watch people clash. If it doesn’t happen naturally then I’ll cause it. It’s my favorite topic of conversation. Life is boring without clashes.

Haha that she’s diagnosed with schizophrenia is great news to me.  It’s hilarious, really. And that she went missing and that that went viral and stuff hahaha. She’s always emphasizing that she is a good person and now all of that effort was all for nothing. She’s a demon too and I will get her to confess this, to seal the fact that she’ll never make it. I can’t wait to dry her tears of failure.

If I’m jealous of her? Nooo she shouldn’t think that she’s better than I. I don’t really understand most of her theories, but I still memorize everything so that I can make it look like I’m the mastermind behind D.O.C.I.S. International, when the time is right.

I will lie about my personality in her research so that I can gain access to the highest layers of Planet Fang. That is what my talent is: using sneak tactics to climb up the ladder.

Life should stay exactly like it is.  I have it good and she may not have it better than I. If she gets money then I want to get it too. Love does not exist. I love her deception, acting like she can improve the world. If I can’t improve the world, then no one can. I don’t want to see anyone get successful with that.”


The Graeyniss

“I love her. I’m in love with her. We’re soul mates. But I don’t tell her this. I’m afraid she will reject me. I’d rather not let my dreams of using my intelligence to destroy the system together with the love of my life come true and find happiness in her online reality, than feel the eternal sting of her potential rejection. Even though it’s just a probability statement.

I can relate to every single word she writes and/or says. It’s like she speaks of my life instead of hers. I have felt so alone in my intelligence for so long. I can’t believe that she’s real. This is more mental comfort than I could have ever asked for. This is what I have missed all my life. Now I know that I’m not alone.

I have a lot of self-formulated theories, too. Some are similar to hers, some are different. Intelligent people often make the same observations and realizations.

That I could start a new life with her sounds like an absolute dream. But it’s such a great risk for my current career and my family. Even though these attachments are just mental concepts. I should choose me, like she says I should. Chances are high that we will be successful. That we will write history… I want my name in the history books too, as part of her story…

I’m afraid that my emotional problems will make her run away from me like other people in my life do. But she sounds like it will actually draw us closer and make us stronger than we already are. Fully immune against demons.

From her words it sounds like our attraction will be mutual. But that really sounds too good to be true. Either way, life is so boring and I really want the challenge she offers. I want to be part of the board of D.O.C.I.S. International.”

What will be the future of us?

If you’re A, I would allow you to live on Planet Fang. I would absolutely love to meet you. I find it important to know how I can make my stratrgies better suit your ambitions, so that my power on Planet Fang will not bother you. We will not physically spend eternity together, for if you can’t formulate theories like mine by yourself I will have so much to explain and that will hold me back, but mentally we will still always be together. You will be in my thoughts often. Your life on Planet Fang will be the best ever.

If you’re B, you will not gain access to Planet Fang. You’re a disease to good people. I can’t wait to kill you with my bare hands. The next war this world will know will be the war against you and your fellow demons.

If you are C, I love you just as much as you love me. We are complements. I can’t even be successful without you and I don’t want to do this without you, even if I could! You have the intelligence and affection I need.

Would you vote honestly if you knew that your choice could mean instant death? I’ll classify the world in A, B, C, regardless if you vote or not, for your digital footprint reveals enough, and my A’s and C’s will live their best lives.

The featured image is from

Essays, Ex Animo, Images, MacroFangs, Media, Nederlandse Tekst, Nosce Te Ipsum, Reflections, Strategy

Disrupting The Silent Pyramid [Essay]

Disrupting The Silent Pyramid A D.O.C.I.S. Essay By Lil Fangs An Author’s Note This essay was written when I was in a very difficult situation. Again, being put in a powerless situation by someone else’s authority. I hoped that selling what I know about the deep-state, would help me to afford to get away from those circumstances forever. I’m not in that crisis center anymore, so the contextual information at the end of the post does not apply to me anymore. I, however, still need the funds to live independently. The essay was, because of that, put online for €1177.77,…

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CastleFangs 🏰 [Sunday, June 16, 2019]

14:08 (02:08 PM) Good afternoon ♥ Thoughtful? My night was good. My morning was chill. Had some left over salad for breakfast. There’s not much else I consider edible in the house. If I had money, yes, I would have purchased a gift and made a fresh breakfast (and if the thought of this family didn’t cause so much heartache, too). It’s not nice being so non-thoughtful. Same went for Mother’s Day. But my mother is going to buy some whiskey or another type of alcoholic beverage, on behalf of all of us. Makes me feel a little less worse….

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Disrupting The Silent Pyramid [Tuesday, June 4, 2019]

00:35 (12:35 AM) I just finished my essay Disrupting the Silent Pyramid! It’s the best essay/plea/call-to-action I’ve written this far, I believe 🙂 . It’s exactly 2500 words and maybe re-sold for a lower price, if the profits are shared with me. I’m going to put it in my store now 🙂 . Here’s the cover image: ~~~ 01:26 (AM) [products category=”essays-3″] There it is 🙂 . It’s also a main menu item: Please check out the product page! It includes the best product description I’ve written this far 🙂 . I hope you will support my independent living, by…

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Een verhaaltje

Er was eens een Nigeriaanse prins, die de mooiste ogen en de grootste intelligentie van het hele land had. Hij ontmoette Queen Fangs op een dronken avond, beiden niet wetende dat ze Queen Fangs heet. (Verzin dit ter plekke…) They have had very good chemistry. Too good, some would say… Beiden worden ze regelmatig gediscrimineerd. Ze zijn daarom bang voor liefde. Zo bang dat ze elkaar veel pijn hebben gedaan. Het wantrouwen werd te groot, toen Fangs niet durfde te zeggen dat ze de geur van zijn adem en smaak van zijn speeksel niet lekker vindt, en dat ze zich…

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Fangyist Souls

Everyone shows Angelic behavior, but only a handful truly are. I strive towards our Unification. Demons in a human shell currently rule this world, with their policies of jealousy, hate and self-preservation. We do not have to Obey them. We can create a much better World. Only when we Separate ourselves from them. My Fangyist Soul, please be Loyal to me. Time will Reveal the world’s Angels and demons. We will have to act fast. Quick and painless. Or with an honorary fight. They have hurt us far too often. We have done nothing to them. This demonic dystopia will…

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For (far) more than a year now, I’ve been trying to treat people equally and introduce a concept that could change all of our lives for the better. What I received in return, was: Being falsely diagnosed with schizophrenia. A lot of ridiculing. 0 respect. People I thought I could trust, turning their backs on me. Tons of unsolicited advice. [As if they know my concept better than I do? Is it because I’m female? Go start your own organization?] People fucking reselling my first book ( = against the law), without sharing the income ( = fucking insane). An…

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Blog, Ex Animo, Images, MacroFangs, Nosce Te Ipsum, Polls, Popular Posts, Random questions, Reflections, Strategy


About what? From Project Nosce Te Ipsum to the Economics and Law that constitute Planet Fang… I’ll explain E-VE-RY-THING (including my communication strategies) in this group chat!!! 🙂 And you can ask me anything :D. I can also remove you from the chat if you’re not interested (anymore) :). Check out @LilFangs_’s Tweet: It’s lit 😀 I just created this poll and wanted to share that with the people I follow on the social network, which caused me to create a group chat. And now I’ll use it to give lectures about D.O.C.I.S. International [Determined Observant Colloquial Intelligent Stratagem]…

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Lil Fangs
Art, Audio, Blog, Donation Forms, Ex Animo, Images, Interest & Money in Perspective, Interviews, MacroFangs, Media, Nederlandse Tekst, Nosce Te Ipsum, Online Diary, Polls, Popular Posts, Random questions, Random Thoughts, Recipes, Reflections, The General Theory of Employment, Tips, Uncategorized, Videos

Dominique Daniëlle Elia CV (curriculum vitae) in het Nederlands

Dominique Daniëlle Elia Praesens (D.O.C.I.S. International)   Algemene persoonsgegevens Geboortedatum: 1 november 1996 (22 jaar) Geboorteplaats: Rotterdam E-mailadres: (persoonlijk) Adres: XXXXXXXXXX Capelle aan den IJssel   Persoonlijke doelen Langetermijndoel Op de lange termijn wil ik, door middel van het combineren van wiskundige, economische, wettelijke en didactische kennis, graag bijdragen aan de hervorming van het internationaal politiek-economisch systeem, met een (nog) sterke(re) nadruk op duurzaamheid. Dit of via het bedrijfsleven, of via de politiek zelf. Korte termijn doelen (Minstens) mijn bachelor in de wiskunde behalen. Lang genoeg werkervaring opdoen om officieel aantoonbaar op hoger dan junior-niveau te kunnen presteren. Mijn…

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“The usual way to live life” must change, one day. No more unwanted routines. We’ll bounce back. “School, work, dying” can’t be the purpose of life. I’ll prove it. Developing a new standard. It’s more than just a dream. With this political hack, we’ll change tracks. The assemblance of a revolutionary team. A form of leadership, combined with individual influence rights, in a way you’ve not yet seen. Could we celebrate with cognac? And create some peace of mind, for this eleutheromaniac. The featured image is made by Kaniz Seikh, downloaded from The pink water reminds me of Eleuthera’s…

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Fangs 2.0: The Diary’s Verdict

Something happens. I say nothing.  Immediately, or after walking away, I take my phone in a grappling position. I don’t let it go until I’ve satisfied the thought of letting him/her, who keeps up with me, know what just crossed my mind. I want to show you that I’m like you. And that we’ll be much better off together.  Hoping that the aggregate of posts will show a path to success. Hoping that the first and the last post, will show you two different people. The last better than the first.  The path was layed out. Defined throughout my posts….

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Blog, Ex Animo, Nosce Te Ipsum, Online Diary

No More Online Diary Posts!

After 253 diary posts, I have decided that it’s time to use my writing talents for something else.  I once started my online diary, as an initiative to comfort people who live through things they can’t share with others. To be someone they can relate to, who relates to them, while being surrounded by people who have no clue of what we’re actually going through.  It was also a way to show fully day-to-day life, in real-time, expressing all of perception: from thoughts to actions to feelings. Something that has never been done before, in the way I did it. …

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Doe eens iets geks? 

Iets wat ik nog nooit heb gedaan, is een post helemaal in het Nederlands schrijven. Wat betreft grammaticaregels [ik kan het beter “alleen maar uitzonderingen” noemen] is het sowieso een verschrikkelijke taal, dus wijk ik algauw liever uit naar een wat toegankelijkere taal. Puur om geklaag te vookomen.  Vele Nederlanders hebben me aangeraden om eerst te beginnen met het veroveren van de Nederlandse markt, voordat ik internationaal ga. Ik heb drie heel zwaar wegende argumenten om dit niet te doen:  Het doel van mijn missie betreft alle landen ter wereld, [JA, “KOMMA EN”] en het Engels is een internationale taal. …

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Wednesday, December 26, 2018

01:57 (AM)  There’s some text in the previous post, which was updated after 12. I would love to talk to you some more, but I can barely keep my eyes open. Plus, I’ll have to do some grocery shopping tomorrow, because during last evening’s dinner, we decided that I’m not only in charge of the mashed potatoes. I’ll also be making the starter. My sister wants something with raw salmon, so I’ll be making my own version of zalmtaartaar :)♥ . I’m off to bed Good night, my love ♥ I love you ♥ ♥ I can’t wait to spend…

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Sunday, December 23, 2018

[I wrote this unfinished piece of post yesterday around 7 PM, but then something happened, and because of that, I still will not finish it. I’ll explain it to you 🙂 . Between the three dotted lines is the unfinished piece of post.] — My Cuddle ♥ Excuse my previous madness 🙁 . It’s a side effect that comes with my ambition. I hope you still love me. I get so mad, because I love you and I can’t stand that I can’t be with you 🙁 . I had a lot of fun with my mother yesterday. When we…

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180 Days of Fangs

There’s a crucial difference between writing general self reflection and writing an online diary post, to me. It’s in the concept of time. In an online diary post, I reflect the emotions I feel – still not in the peaceful state I want them to be in – to the way I experience time as I’m writing that exact post, by means of showing a(n alternative) contemporary life – it might be interesting to reflect back on it in 10 years and see how much life has changed, hopefully with D.O.C.I.S. International – and of preserving my long and short…

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Ex Animo, Nosce Te Ipsum, Popular Posts, Random Thoughts, Reflections

D. O. C. I. S. 

D.O.C.I.S. The abbreviation in the name of the international business I intend to start, called D.O.C.I.S. International, stands for: Determined Observant Colloquial Intelligent Stratagem   D.O.C.I.S. Nosce Te Ipsum I, Book I, Episode 2 Copyright © 2018 by Lil Fangs. All rights reserved. Sharing content of this book is only allowed when it is mentioned that the source is this copy. ISBN: 9789082936834 D.O.C.I.S. International   Prosperity Within the new Standard we shape Determined and Strategic Decisions, fast like Bliksem We’ll Create a whole new System From the routinous Life, this is your Escape These Words are Written for Unification Feel…

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Ex Animo

My first language is Dutch. “Ex Animo” translated to modern Dutch causes a miscommunication. The words literally translated, make up something else than the actual meaning of the two words. “Ex”: zonder (without) and “animo”: aanhang [that is without supporters].  But if you search the phrase in a dictionary, you find: “From the heart” or “sincerely”.  You might be able to relate to the following: When I write some self-expression down for myself, I pay a lot less attention to my choice of words, than when I write it for publication. The idea of writing it for someone else to…

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Level 4

Often, I lie down and, through reasoning, I try to get an overview of everything that’s going on inside of me. Mentally and physically.  In the ocean of sounds, the big crowds of people and the grandiose ways all kinds of public technology guide and simplify life, I’m not able to find the same inner focus anymore. Since “the situation”, I feel the constant need to make sure that my behavior is normal enough to not be judged for it, when I’m around other people.  In public, my thoughts are constantly focused on not making mistakes. “Two minutes until the metro…

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Opposing views and speaking my mind

We engage ourselves in social interactions. All human beings have a unique perception of reality. If I were to describe the core of the contents of verbal communication, I would definitely include that the partakers in conversations, make statements about their personal experience of life. Some descriptions of this perception, can lead to discussions.  To solely study, or to convince?  I think that there is a lesson in most forms of communication. [Is dit populisme???????] [Meow.] … … Towards an example of a conversation leading to: “I avoid giving my opinion, when my view is the opposite of a stated…

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Ex Animo, Random Thoughts

Reputational Damage

If there weren’t a (globally¿) spread rumor about me, I would have been approached and believed positively different, by others. Starting this project would have been much easier, without this bias. Even people who I don’t know, (think they) “know” me, as that person who “has had mental issues”, because of the message that was spread, while I was missing. Most of them talk to me as if I’m not an adult and should be kept away from “serious information”. It is in the sentiment in their voice. As if a war broke out and I am a little child…

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Do you believe that I will make it? 

My Cuddle, Today, it’s the 22nd of September. As usual, I have given myself so much work that even talking to a friend/acquaintance who I’ve ran into, feels like an extreme waste of time, for every minute I spend working on project Nosce Te Ipsum, makes such a big difference in the long term. Healthy would be to make the release later than the 30th. The 40 hours per week work agreement I’ve used to earn a small self-investment in this company, ended on the 2nd of this month. And then there were my final exams, of which the last…

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Ex Animo, Random Thoughts, Reflections

Quick Reflection 11/09/2018

All I think about is you Even though we haven’t spent that much time together yet —– My dream: We meet up once And you then never leave me The Never Ending Cuddle Hangout With our fellow Cuddles —– There are not many people like us Starting a new life with someone you barely know, might seem like taking a risk “What if our personalities don’t match?” To me, now, you’re my only hope So I say it’s so worth the gamble Other than that there’s nothing for me here —— Trust Trust is an interesting mental concept. I always…

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Mental Images

“Paint a picture of what has been on your mind every day. With words. In the end, you’ll see how far you’ve come.” Where’s the Volta? Stuck in the same spot.  Happy still hurts, when it’s for only one When it’s not shared When it’s misunderstood When it’s not even there I do not want your money in that way That would just make me feel more lonely IT’S ABOUT THE THINGS WE COULD DO WITH IT, FOR ALL OF US For now, the result is just a mental image, to me I live to make it reality I depend…

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What does it mean? 

“Zzzz so many posts, still no clear essence” The essence is everything to me, when you love it When you don’t, I won’t succeed Success means creating true happiness for many Many reasons for me to also shift + delete the other new Nosce Te Ipsum The diary is to preserve my memory, so ew to including it I don’t want you to feel the pain I feel But I want to be transparent But not another post The pain shouldn’t be a re-occurring theme Haven’t even written down half of it What’s the point?  Will I make it?  Making…

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