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Awesome Turbulence [Saturday, June 22, 2019]

Good evening ♥

If you’re a frequent visitor, you must notice a much needed difference: the front page now has full posts on it, instead of excerpts. I considered my posts too long to be shown in full on the front page. But the excerpts of 40 words were just the first 40 words of my posts. I think full posts on the front page make it more attractive to read what I write here daily.

My content is quite radical, so it feels like a big step having everything visible on the front page. But I love the thrill of that already 😻 .

Today’s content is written differently than the last few days, because of that. I’m back to writing posts, instead of statuses, but will unveil another layer of what I’m hiding. The layered personality that I am.

Trippy Nightmare

I fell into a very deep sleep after laking last night. The nightmare I had in it has taught me some interesting lessons. I would love to share it with you, which is why I made a note about it on my phone right after waking up from it, which is what you are reading now. The very short story has reminded me how I should look at the relationships I have with the people in my circle. (That I am still telling myself to hold on to too much, here.)

I was at a cosy Dutch bar with my ex, during daytime. Everything was going all right until I locked eyes with the man who was standing behind the bar.
Usually, my ex wasn’t really the type of person who expressed the jealousy he felt, but this time, he said: “Don’t look at him.”
“It’s just looking? I don’t mind when you look at other people either.”
“I love you and I don’t want you looking at other guys.”
This led to a discussion that made me break up with him on the spot, raising my voice at him. I left the bar.

The scene changed to this combination of a ’60’s style Dutch neighborhood in combination with a desert. I was visiting Wytze there (someone around whom I always sensed serious sexual tension (but considered myself too old, in his case), and who I, like many other people, haven’t seen in a very long time). We were walking around “his neighborhood” and he told me that his family was having trouble with their family business. I gave him some advice and realized that I had missed him so much (my body sensed that I feel the same in real life (not that they had a family business when we were hanging out frequently)).

All of a sudden, the all-sand dunes we were walking through became very steep. I tumbled down, rolling over my sides very fast. The surface became steeper and steeper. I lost Wytze out of sight.

At some point I was falling down straight so much faster than I should, as if I had a weight stuck to me. The sand surface became red flames and I thought that I was going to die.
I saw the face of the handsome man who was standing behind the bar, in front of the flames as a background. My surroundings changed to that of a smoothie bar.

I ordered a huge smoothie from him (he used two gigantic mixers to make it 😂 ). We started talking, there, and were having a romantic conversation very soon already. At some point I got behind the bar and kissed him and we declared our love for each other.

In the smoothie bar, we prepared dinner for my family. It was such a random dish 😂 . In my dream, it was a “traditional” recipe, but in reality I have never seen it before.
We were cutting this crazy large amount of vegetables that looked like something in between red coal and a radish, colored deep purple, skinned and grated potatoes and more effort. Then boiled everything with the skin and stem all together, drained it and put cocktail umbrellas in it, to then spend hours separating that what isn’t edible from that what’s edible, putting everything in “stew pan” shaped bags. There were a big bag and a small bag of edible dinner, and five bags of non-edible residu, including the cocktail umbrellas.

We met my family outside, in Kralingse Veer, very close to the spot where my ex (in real life) started to attack a man who was walking his dog. On a bicycle path near a restaurant. It’s close to the Sikh temple there. I introduced them to my new boyfriend and noticed the collective feelings of hate against the both of us, underneath their façade.

I got in an unnecessary fight with my sister, when she opened verbal fire on me out of nowhere, saying: “First of all, you purposely offended Kris by not waiting until he had arrived.” I became so fucking angry from the amount of bullshit in the accusation itself already.
When I was done screaming back and forth with her, my mother came with her unnecessarily sentimental parental expressions, saying: “You are making your sister feel very bad, with your words. You’re making the entire family feel bad.” We were still standing there. Outside, in Kralingse Veer.
And then, before “my father” could add even more shit to that, I said: “YOU KNOW WHAT? DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL YOU FUCKING DUMB INSANE (…)”, handed them the bags of “edible” food and left, to never return.

I woke up still feeling so much anger, realizing that most of the anger I feel about past events is still cropped up. I wonder if I have screamed in my sleep, because I woke up with my lungs feeling all emptied out.

FreeWriting

Ah meoww I love that I can now add text to this post during the day and be more certain that you’ll see it, because this goes straight to the home page.

I was at the gym, earlier today:

There’s something I need to vent so bad. He says he hates my blog and never looks on it (my mother also said that she never reads it, but still she called phsysician because of what I wrote in Highlights).

So I assume that I can tell you this in confidence…

Scapegoat me was tasked with making surprise party invitations. I postponed it for quite a while, thinking of how to go about this. I couldn’t think of any sentimental words for on it – especially because I don’t even want to party. And I thought of using an old picture, but simultaneously placing an old picture on it feels mourning card-ish. But while doing my hair, two days ago…

Being short on extensions at some point

So wearing my hair like that to go to the hair shop next day

I decided to look for a JPEG/PNG template for it. That’s how I ended up at Canva and created this:

That address on there is also my company address and that you already know, so yay don’t have to hide that

Sending it to my mother for approval. Then made it this:

Yehess

So if he doesn’t lie to me about never visiting my blog, I can just share this on here and he won’t know. If he does visit it, and if my mother does visit it, too, they are browsing anonymously. Beetje jammer dat.

Anyway, I feel like I have played my part. I don’t even want to attend. But I have no money (especially not after buying much needed new shoes today), so where on earth can I go?
I’ve been searching some things about dysfunctional families the other day. On Wikihow I read that bringing a +1 to family events can make it endurable. I would so love that (Victishe 😻 haha). I had a hard time at my sister’s birthday already. But this is even more serious. I have no tolerance for insulting jokes and answering the question “What do you do for a living now?” at least 20 times. I really need someone to be there with me (and back me up in case I can’t hold the peace anymore and open verbal fire). But the person I bring along has to be someone I can level with, of a certain status, for the most comfortable result… I am, after all, the one who always says that she is working towards greatness, but still lives at her parents’ house, so they then tell me that what I want to do is impossible and the world will forever stay a shit place. I don’t want to endure that again Lord please save meeeeeeee.

Most of the “family” attending the party is not even family, so you’re, if you ask me, so very welcome. Honestly, if I had money, I would have organized plenty of events for us already. To me, YOU are family, if you feel what I write. It would be satisfying to me to Project X the place, but we do need to behave and be present at 4:30 PM, to have the surprise moment at 5 PM and be very quiet about it � .

My birthdays the past two years were traumatic, so I really don’t want to be partying with that crowd again. With the fake smiles and repetitiously telling me that it is important that I put my family first. My family is screwing me over, so I want to distance myself from them. I encourage the youth to do the same. I have no money, but there will be a private chef with a green egg (barbecue) present at the “surprise barbecue”. I celebrated my 21st birthday in a mental institution, all by myself (for most of it). I received cards with no money in it (that is serious fam).

I want outttttt.

Killing time

I hope my B would like to be one of the first to help me into the right direction for Project Nosce Te Ipsum and all the greatness that will follow from that success. He is my only reachable contact – without HR staff harassing me – who is intelligent, Graeyniss and of a certain status. All I can do is wait for his response… So I’m killing time, trying to keep myself entertained, finding an enjoyable reason to go outside as often as I can. Until my greatness is acknowledged… 🙊 That – and my slight weight gain 🙁 – was the reason why I went to the gym today. I went to the city center after going to the gym:


Part of me wants to shoot some hoops… Part of me wants to go to sleep… #Fangyism

Not long after I came home, my parents came home as well and brought along takeout dinner:

I really need to chill with hungry tall people, because I need to eat more frequently. Instead of huge portions infrequently. I think that is much better for my weight 😏 . Now I attempt to feed myself by being creative with whatever I find:

Legs need waxing x_x. But broke x_x.

Positive Yays

I feel a lot better now that I’m making new friends and meeting such lovely people ♥ . I’ve been so lonely these past two years 🙁 . Even though life hasn’t been an enjoyable experience for me for years, and it is still not optimal, I finally see that things are starting to play out my in my way.

I hope this can be sealed by making June a better month than May.

Thank you for reading his 🙂 .

I hope to see you here again, tomorrow. And I hope that you won’t visit this website incognito (anymore)… Please don’t hide from me ♥ .

Tot morgen 🙂 ♥

The featured image is made by Sebastiaan Stam

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Disrupting The Silent Pyramid [Essay]

Disrupting The Silent Pyramid

A D.O.C.I.S. Essay

By Lil Fangs

An Author’s Note

This essay was written when I was in a very difficult situation. Again, being put in a powerless situation by someone else’s authority. I hoped that selling what I know about the deep-state, would help me to afford to get away from those circumstances forever. I’m not in that crisis center anymore, so the contextual information at the end of the post does not apply to me anymore. I, however, still need the funds to live independently. The essay was, because of that, put online for €1177.77, but it had no sales. I find it still important that you get the rest of my message, and that is why I now put this essay online for free.

When I published any other book I’ve published, just like when I was trying to sell this essay, I am trying to earn, so that I can set up a successful business and leave my current life behind me for good. I hope I can count on your support, this time.


“Always start the documents you sell, off with a quote. It will make you look more (modern) scholarly.”

– Lil Fangs

That was a joke 😂 … The rest won’t be…

This essay is all about the hierarchical pyramid, visible on the next page. I’m writing this from my own perspective. As a regular citizen, attempting to formulate an independent opinion, hoping I’ll succeed in nudging the official authorities, so that we can flip the pyramid together, forming a new powerful union.

Oh meow I reallyyy need to share this citation with you again, though. (I used it in my EP, too.) It perfectly suits the content of this essay! The first three paragraphs of Propaganda, by Edward Bernays:

“The conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society. Those who manipulate this unseen mechanism of society constitute an invisible government which is the true ruling power of our country.

We are governed, our minds molded, our tastes formed, our ideas suggested, largely by men we have never heard of. This is a logical result of the way in which our democratic society is organized. Vast numbers of human beings must cooperate in this manner if they are to live together as a smoothly functioning society.

Our invisible governors are, in many cases, unaware of the identity of their fellow members in the inner cabinet.”

Introduction

Why Disrupt This?

Slowly but surely, the system is destroying itself. The education system and cultural stories that are told from generation to generation, have taught us to value money. It gives us a status. It is the reason many people leave their homes every day.

If an idea is not an idea that can make you rich, society will not consider it a good idea. In that way, making an unprofitable difference, out of kind-heartedness, and to do what is best for our generation and future generations to come, is unappealing to society.

What is appealing to society, is to maximize profits, regardless of what it does to nature. What is appealing to society, is to destroy the names of talented people, because most people don’t have any talents. What is appealing to society, is to make a small story far bigger than it actually is, because otherwise, people have nothing to talk about.

When nature gives out, because it has been abused by this generation far too much, money will have no value. Many lives will become purposeless. That is not our problem (anymore), because they have had enough time and have received enough information to create a better system.

Those at the top (three layers) of the pyramid, have no clue what they are actually doing. They’re far too busy playing the status game. They think it has actual meaning, while it’s only talk. They don’t think about the future, and the consequences of their actions.

To make sure that they don’t ruin the future of us and generations to come, we should flip the pyramid. Instead of trying to maintain what we have, we should disrupt it even further – none of us truly enjoys this anyway. It’s only a façade, needed to keep our status. It is better to cause the disruption ourselves, so that we have control over the way the world looks, after it the system is collapsed, instead of giving in to the prospect of our fate being an uncontrollable chaos, caused by idiots.

The disruption starts with your purchase – thank you 💕 – and is followed by all of us taking physically visible action, simultaneously. I’ll first convince you of why the system has to be disrupted, some more, including some sad stories and good prospects, then I’ll tell you more about my Stratagem, and after that, it’s time for real action 🙂 .

Core

Looking from the Bottom up

From the bottom of the pyramid, the experience of life is anything except joyful. Formulating an independent opinion is too difficult for many, so we are taught to adapt and dumb down our conversation. We watch the members of the inner cabinet try to uncover who is who, and know that right-wing and left-wing are meaningless concepts in that context.

Some individuals are in multiple positions in the pyramid at the same time, due to the status that comes with their profession. Some, like me, aren’t. There are right-wing politicians, doing independent research, echoing their views over the sounds of journalists who blindly follow trends, attempting to reach the business authorities that are being told what to do, by binge-watching babyboomers and their offspring, for example.

We, at the bottom, hope to see a large Volta, where there will be no more name shaming as “world news”. We, at the bottom, want to see the type of change in society that will make everyone go back to school again, because life as we know it will fully change.

But the change the bottom two layers want and need to see, will mean that the top three layers of the pyramid will become obsolete. Fully obsolete…

Schizophrenia

When I say this to those who blindly follow trends, they respond with something in the context of: “No wonder you are diagnosed with schizophrenia.” The media pre-chew everything there is to discover in life, and tell you how you should feel about that, so how come I have such an odd opinion about everything in life?

“Propaganda” is a bad word, “multiculturalism”, “professional” and “STG” are good words, according to the trends. How about they become just words again, where “good” or “bad” depends on the context they are used in, and the personal view of the listener.

So then, in my view, “I’m going to use propaganda to make everyone my minion,” is bad. But “I’m going to use propaganda to force people to think independently (and unveil their identity),” is good.

Since I’m, in the meantime, still busy debunking the diagnosis schizophrenia I have received, I have to still point this out, though I assume you know I know this, and I hope you know this: Officially, the official authorities and those backing them, are on top of the pyramid. But because we are taught that the media are the voice of independent reason, the official top of the pyramid is not treated as the top of the pyramid, but as puppets who have to be shaped according to the will of the self-preservative deep-state, profiting of the overrated status game.

The bottom two rows of the pyramid are structurally being prohibited from emancipating, because the top three layers do not want to give up their position in the Silent Pyramid. This is so severe, that from a young age, people are taught to stop hoping for change, and accept life as it is. Then the media confirm that image, by publishing thousands of pessimistic articles per day. And if you go too far in your believes for change, like me, you’ll become a victim of social shock therapy and be forced to take psychiatric drugs until you give up on your dreams. Life can’t go on like this forever! Especially not because of the state of the waterworks… 🙂 (The state that is fully ignored by those who blindly follow, and which is not getting enough media attention AT ALL!!!)

I have a lot of trouble with that people who blindly follow trends are authorized to label and stigmatize the worlds of people they can’t even understand. In my view, schizophrenia – as well as MANY other labels – cannot exist, because every perspective on life is unique. It’s just used to push us down the Pyramid even further… That includes people who are convinced by other people that they’re dumb, while they’re actually very smart.

Dissolving the Deep-State

As was said in the citation of Bernays: the members of the inner cabinet, do not know the identity of their fellow members. As in that they cannot openly discuss their hidden agendas. But if you’re only in it for the money and other forms of self-preservation, it’s not necessary to discuss your agenda to reveal your identity. (I say “your” for simplicity. I don’t necessarily mean you, my dear reader.)

In our competitive world, everyone is incentivized to show characteristics of politeness and intelligence, whether they’re real or fake. Humor, in the meantime, has evolved into “laughing after barbarianism”. To me, today’s sense of humor is painful and loveless. Real humor requires intelligence. Intelligence most people – sad but true – don’t have.

Through someone’s sense of humor, you can decipher that person’s identity and hidden agenda. The façade of politeness and intelligence is meaningless, when jokes are misunderstood due to the lack of understanding. From that, an interview follows, to unveil the nature of a joke [Was it to indirectly insult, or was it to make laugh?], and to unveil the nature of the listener [Does the listener find the joker a good conversationalist, or does he/she find him an annoying nerd?].

I’m pulling out all the stops in this paragraph [wonder why?] 😏 . I just want to show you that, even though I’m not really part of it (yet), I know your world very well.

We shouldn’t spend time with those we can’t get along with. The politeness, resembling “professionalism”, in this competitive world, we should let go of, because I know that there are, like me, many people who stay polite, while they would rather scream so loud that their saliva starts to foam. It’s not healthy to crop up emotions (of anger)!

I believe that there is a professional deep-state, and a personal deep-state. The professional deep-state has superficial people wanting to look cool in the one corner, and pioneers wanting to make a change, in the other. The experience of the personal deep-state depends on individual identity, but I would categorize it in this way (mind you that my personal bias will echo through this): there are those who live to spread love, of whom some people in their lives live to do the same, but most people live to take advantage of them, because those people, taking advantage, live, but are barely conscious. They have no talent and don’t want to think about life, because their minds are not capable of understanding it, so let alone improving it. Due to the competitiveness in our society and everyone wanting to be a star, they’ll act as if they live to spread love, but in reality, all they do is just survive (by taking advantage of others).

I’m talking to the bottom two layers of the Silent Pyramid, who truly live to spread love (and receive all of mine 😻 ).

An Independent Alliance

A real “Revenge of the Nerds”, will set the record straight. We have adapted ourselves to less intelligent people for long enough. How about we all let “professionalism” go, simultaneously, and just be ourselves. (You’ll breathe more freely than ever before!)

We, the bottom layers of the Pyramid, don’t need large groups of people to do what we want to do in life. It is what makes us strong as individuals, but it’s what makes us weak against the competitive top three layers in the Silent Pyramid, who are more focused on forming self-preservative alliances, than self-development.

We, “nerds”, should seclude ourselves from those we wouldn’t truly voluntarily spend time with anyway. If we all do it together, at the same time, the top three layers will be powerless. We can outsmart them with so much ease!

That is why I plead for the independent alliance of the bottom two layers of the Silent Pyramid, through D.O.C.I.S. International, funded to unite us and revolutionize society. Who do you want to be, when, due to the collapse of the waterworks, the entire system collapses? You can start your life all over again and re-log who you are, for the history books of our future generations. Please let me know, by sending an email to d.elia@docis.international.

End

Call-to-Action

The international deep-state should be uncovered, the media should be taken less seriously, those who blindly follow trends have no purpose in our revolution, official authorities should become actual authorities and those who work hard to formulate an independent opinion, will become the world’s new generation of pioneers.

I hope to have given you information that is understandable, and the incentive to do something you easily can and want to do. All you need to do, is, the next time I ask you to publicly support me, say that you are part of the D.O.C.I.S. International Council, and poke your chest and bum out, showing the world the strong and independent individual that you are. I’ll divide positions and tasks on the fly. (They say don’t put new information in the conclusion of your texts… I’m still doing it. #YOLO.)

A Digression

War in the Western world, would make me happy. To get the chance to rebuild the overpromoted, decaying metropolitans, which are like old, squeaking amusement park attractions, facilitating the same routine over and over and over and over again. I can’t even pretend to like it anymore. I can’t pretend to value it, either. It would also end that awful “The West is the Best”-sentiment (democrats often use).

The top three layers will point a moralistic finger at me, for the first sentence of this digression, but that is only because the war will be against them, and they will be so very powerless.

Ik hoop dat je je door mijn schrijven een stuk minder alleen voelt. Ik hoop dat ik je leven leuker maak, vanaf de afstand van waar ik je bereik.

Je voelt je zeker alleen omdat je voor de meeste mensen te intelligent bent. Maak je niet (meer) druk, want je persoonlijkheid zal binnenkort de allernormaalste zijn. Andersdenkenden belachelijk maken, zal binnenkort belachelijk worden. Ook zal het normaler worden om culturele gebruiken te laten varen.

Of ik helemaal klaar ben met Project Nosce Te Ipsum? Nee, ik wacht tot men me antwoorden opstuurt. Ik moet weten hoeveel mensen A of B stemmen op de laatste vraag in The Hypothesis, omdat ik op basis daarvan, had ik gezegd, het vervolg van het verhaal zal bepalen. Het is ook onderdeel van de informatie die ik nodig heb voor het publieke opinie onderzoek dat ik doe, om te bepalen wat de beste regeermethode is, voor wanneer de waterwerken er niet meer zijn.

Het wordt een spannende tijd. Maar hoe dan ook een leuke tijd, omdat we samen zullen zijn.

I love you 💕

– Xxx – The Fangs

Die dit allemaal in een avondje op haar telefoon typte, in de crisisopvang, hopend dat ze met de opbrengst hiervan een beter alternatief heeft dan de daklozenopvang, omdat ik vandaag weg moet uit de crisisopvang. Hartelijk dank voor je aankoop 💕 .

Hoe vind je mijn verkooppiramide concept, voor de verkoop van mijn essay over de Stille Pyramide? 😏

© Lil Fangs (Dominique Daniëlle Elia) – The contents of this document may be re-sold for a lower price, but only when part of the profits are shared with the author. When reproducing the content, always mention the author.

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CastleFangs 🏰 [Sunday, June 16, 2019]

14:08 (02:08 PM)

Good afternoon ♥

Thoughtful?

My night was good. My morning was chill. Had some left over salad for breakfast. There’s not much else I consider edible in the house. If I had money, yes, I would have purchased a gift and made a fresh breakfast (and if the thought of this family didn’t cause so much heartache, too). It’s not nice being so non-thoughtful. Same went for Mother’s Day. But my mother is going to buy some whiskey or another type of alcoholic beverage, on behalf of all of us. Makes me feel a little less worse.

How’s your day? Do you have special Father’s Day plans?

Honestly, I think it’s time that we stop this global routine we live. For many, commercialized holidays, such as Christmas, Valentine’s Day and today, bring along many traumatic memories. Traumatic memories that are suppressed, because it’s often not understood, and sentimental joyfulness is always the way we are encouraged on days like these even more. I hope you weren’t expecting any sentimental expressions of love, about this commercialized day.

If I’m Correct?

Is it correct that I was found on Father’s Day, in 2017, when I had gone missing? I’m not certain, but I remember wanting to sell ties for Father’s Day, before my parents put me under surveillance after a fight. And then I was too busy and depressed from suddenly having to spend so much time getting away from the surveillance I did not want to be under.

When I ran away from home, it was my intention to never come back. I didn’t know that I was reported missing. I was (and am still) working on breaking contact for good, and that means that on sentimental days like these, too, I will be gone. But for PR purposes, it is catastrophic to have gone missing for such a short amount of days, and then being found on Father’s Day.

Again: I didn’t know that I was reported missing, when I was missing. Otherwise, it would never have happened. I don’t want that type of attention ever. Even if I were missing for real, I prefer no one to even fucking know. I had said multiple times that I didn’t want to be under surveillance. They still kept forcing that upon me, so then it shouldn’t have been found weird that it was my intention to never return. I don’t know all of the nonsense that has been said about me, but it makes it sound as if I want his attention, while my wish is the exact opposite. I just want to be seen as someone who is not mentally unstable and want to receive financial support and will find that elsewhere, somehow. Or kill myself, the way I planned to, before I was found. Fucking insane flehs attempting to destroy my slight sense of pride, because I’m intelligent. They’re not even in my peripheral…

Later Castle Chillings

My clothing represents how I feel. Though it doesn’t fit me the way it should, in size, I feel very comfortable, because most of my other clothing fits worse:

I was wrapping my edges haha

Yahaaay I love turtle necks 🙂 . It looks okay for this occasion, right? CastleFangs 😀 .

Meoww I wonder what Victishe would look like wearing a turtle neck hihihi

In case it gets hottt

My sister is getting her hair done – plus haven’t seen her in a few days – so we’re waiting for her to come, and after that we’re going to Zeist. I’m hungry, my meow…

Hunger & Frustration

I’m going to put “Disrupting The Silent Pyramid” online here. Since no one is fucking buying it ughhh but I still want you to read the message because it’s fucking important, my meow 🙁 . Stupid old people thinking they know everything… You really need to let go of most formalities, because it is causing you to be taken advantage of. Is what I say in that €1100+ essay no one is looking at. I deserve compensation for my writing. This is entertainment 🙁 . Let me buy a fucking house mann every day I want to leave this life behind for good, but people just keep staring and thinking this is about sex it’s so fucking annoying.

My research results are depressing and the publisher’s portal I purchased a subscription for a while back, doesn’t work, so I, still, am barely motivated to finish my websites. I want to show fruitful results that show a positive image about society, and be able to publish books internationally. But now I think I’ll need to buy my own printing press? Ugh why the fuck does everything cost money 🙁 .

Grrr I’m going to put that essay online. I hope you’ll still donate something to me or something. I do not want to be part of this circle anymore. They already barely speak to me, so no one, including me, will give a fuck if I leave for good. Help me please 🙁 .

Excuse me for that fit of anger from hunger – can’t even buy the food I like – and frustration for not having a way to get the fuck out of this place for good. I’m not going to work my tachycardia to death, just to rent a fucking room. Why am I not respected for what I am doing here? 🙁 Do not answer that question if your answer is hateful.

~~~

15:58 (03:58 PM)

Vroom Vrooom

Disrupting The Silent Pyramid is online :). Pleaseeee read it!
We’re on our way ayyy. Currently picking up my sister at her boyfriend’s 🙂 .

Yaaaay now we’re one happy family 🙂 .

I wanted to upload some pictures, casually breaking some privacy rules, but my internet is slow 🙁 . I’ll find another way to upload them 🙂 .

~~~

23:33 (11:33 PM)

Back Home

You know the “happy family” is just a wish, right?

Meoww I’m tired 🙁 . Today was fun, though the event was very different from what I expected. I wish I could organize some events ayy… With a guest list…

I’ll tell you the rest of today’s story through pictures. Then drink some Henny (because Rooster & Wolf weren’t sold) and go to sleeeep.














Now I’m a tired Catje, wanting more Victishe Cishes day by day. Ah prrr I really wonder how his day was.

I hope you’ll read my essay and give me some Cishes, too, my meow.

Good nighttt ♥

xxx

Blog, Explicit Content, Images, Online Diary, Random questions, Reflections, Strategy

Dilemmas… 🤔 [Saturday, June 15, 2019]

14:42 (02:42 PM) 

Good afternoon ♥

A Question of Empathy

I hope you had a good morning 🙂 . If all you want to do in life is run a successful business, and you’re not receiving any support from those you thought would support you: how would you go about this?

The Crux of Working Alone and Externalities

I keep a strict schedule of tasks, but living under the authority of my parents often brings me in situations where I am kept from putting effort into growing my business. Numbering thematic days in my blog posts, motivates me to keep writing about and working on that topic I’m numbering (such as “Cold Case”, needed to clear my name, and “Crisis Center Day”, showing you the living circumstances there (and getting out of that)). But unfortunately, without any public support, I can’t clear my name and can’t get rid of the “schizophrenic” stigma.

My strategies are written in such a way that I don’t need to depend on others to execute it, unless I need a person with a certain authority, only when that is unavoidable. They would work out better if I were separated from those who negatively influence my path.

To do that, I need money and to get that: I need revenue. (I’ll never work for a boss again, I’m telling you 🙂 . I need more money than that, for this success… How else can I build my own compounds? (My alternative is suicide. I have no tolerance for scripted and/or shallow conversations.)). But keeping in touch with my target audience, as you must have noticed, is not easy. Especially without the endorsement of the public (amplified due to the curse my circle has cursed me with, by internationally spreading a lie about me). This is the most severe experience of loneliness ever.

What the Success I Work towards looks like

So I need to keep going with setting up my little web-empire, so that I can later build an empire in real life. But in the meantime, those who do not read complain about the complexity of my concept. I try to be as clear as possible: it’s not easy, but it most certainly is a fruitful concept.

My success, in reality, is not based on scale. On the contrary! I would rather earn from one person for whom I can set in all of my goods and services, than earn from people who buy because they’re responding to a created hype. The one audience wants to spend more than the other, and I value a good personal relationship.

And by “personal relationship”, I mean that once I have a non-online, classic but alternative looking bookstore, I can invite my intimate group of main clients over for tea, for example. From there we can talk about how we can easily overpower the system, by working together. (Like when certain types of religion weren’t allowed and they had to meet secretly.)

Using big social networks paired with that directly, will take away our strength of mutual judgment, so I’m very glad to have said goodbye to my accounts on Facebook and Instagram. Though I’m still not at peace with the way they have treated me.

I hope that once I have finished all of my websites, you, who know where to find me, will enjoy the selection of books I recommend you, and will become a guest writer for The Fangs. “The Fangs” is like “The Times”, is my aim.

And from the revenue and fruitful partnerships that result from this extended digital success, I can constitute my own country: Planet Fang.

Please Consider This

Anyone willing to invest in this concept for a real-life intimate bookstore (and art gallery) with a stage and a kitchen, where I run the entire place myself? If it were in a secluded area, on private land I desire to purchase, it can be more for a neo-elite-ish audience, which is my target audience.

Excuse me for not having my renewed websites finished yet, but I was hoping you’ll reach out to me before I do… I’ve been at this for more than a year now 🙁 .

Why This Hurts so Much

My road to success would have been less long and dreadful, if I had a father who is willing to invest in me. Do you have any idea how hurtful it is to know that the money is there, but that he would rather spend it on himself or someone else? (Or Bitcoins…)

I now need to do everything myself, which doesn’t allow me to save any money for my future. I do things that are so time consuming, while if I outsource them, I would have time to focus on more important things.

And then there are the people who defend my father’s choice to let me bleed, saying that my business concept is not good. I have never explained what the exact Golden Egg is, so how can they know?

When we’re finally tackling overpopulation, I wouldn’t mind if they die for hurting me. The same goes for those who think that all a female’s business can do is have sex for money? I’d like to kill all of them myself.

Me wanting to kill certain individuals – justified by overpopulation and non-fruitful, fraudulent personalities – is sparked by the fact that they always hurt me and if they’re dead, I’m certain that they won’t hurt me anymore and won’t come anywhere near me after I’ve distanced myself from them.

Currently…

I woke up around 8 AM, because technicians for the solar panels that will be placed in a few weeks, came to check the structure of the electricity circuits in the house.

I was very hungry, but didn’t know what would satisfy my taste buds. I answered some ASKfm questions, but when I felt that they were becoming a bit too much, I put away my phone. I laid in bed, thinking about how to get rid of my loneliness and still about what to eat as well. But then drifted off to sleep again.

After waking up again, I felt a strong need to be productive. But then I thought of all of my previous attempts to get online revenue, which were also not responded to.

I’m giving myself an supernaturally long list of tasks, to better my services towards you, but what if it’s ignored again? Then I’d put my tachycardia on the line for nothing, again.

I still can’t be certain if this will be ignored again or get me the desired results. But I can only know it by trying it. It kind of sucks to spend months of blood, sweat and tears, not knowing if what I’m doing is worth it. I hope you’ll read this and take that into consideration.

To make my diary a bit more overseeable, I’ll be using more titles. That’s part one of being productive…

It’s now 16:11 (04:11 PM) and I still haven’t eaten anything yet. I’ll be making myself a salad now, hoping that I don’t faint from hunger (used to have that often, as a child).

After that, I’m going to work on the texts for my websites.

When I’m done with all of the web things I need to do – that won’t be today – I’ll use Twitter for marketing. I hope people will like my selection of books.

~~~

17:20 (05:20 PM) 

Dates 🙁

Mid-eating this improv salad…

I have the house to myself, because my sister is at her boyfriend’s (far more often than she is at home, which concerns me because it doesn’t affect my parents) and my parents are at a barbecue.

I ate these dates before my salad:

No dates, but dates… x_x

I hate being single, my meow. But currently there’s only one person I see myself be with and be successful. Someone who isn’t easy to reach, unfortunately. Dating someone available of my age would hold me back, I know from experience and because they don’t aim as high as I do in life.

Fatigue & Other Health Struggles

I don’t know what I’ll make myself for dinner, yet. I think I’ll just grill some tuna and eat the rest of the salad I have here.

My brain still needs rest, my meow, but I want to see my websites finished 🙁 . What to do… 😔 I can never give myself a genuine off day, because I can’t stop thinking of all of the work that has to be done 🙁 . It just has to be finished x_x.

I need to see my doctor in Germany, but I need more money for that.

As you have seen plenty of times now, my phycisian here in my neighborhood does anything but help me. All she does is try to get my body fucked up with antipsychotics I’m intolerant of and try to get me declared incompetent. She tells my sister to take her antibiotics with fucking yoghurt. I don’t want to go anywhere near her, but the Dutch health care system forces the exact opposite.

I still have HPV and my heart beat causes chest pains far more frequently, lately. It’s getting time for a check-up of the state of my aortic insufficiency and tachycardia, too. Plus I think I should let a full body MRI be made, because something reallyyy doesn’t feel right 🙁 . (Especially when walking around with HPV for too long.)

Also, I’d like the fluid that causes the bags underneath and above my eyes to be taken away. And get my body waxed entirely. (And transfer my belly fat to my buns… :D) I’d feel a lot better in my own skin, then. And if I’d have new and better clothing 😿 .

And this is also not good for my health:

My heart x_x. It feels like starting back from scratch….

Love Cravings

Plus I still want Cishes from Victishe – especially after all that happened – but I don’t know how else to attempt again than by having my websites finished and starting about one of my case studies – about alternative governance – that is finished when I have a leader’s perspective. But I fear rejection 😿 .

Working to earn a large passive income is very exhausting 🙁 .

~~~

19:03 (07:03 PM) 

Thun marinated in sweet ketjap, soy sauce, sesame oil and honey. Und Salattt.

Reassurance

I want you, who appreciates this, to feel comfortable around me. I have been justifying murder, but want you to know that you won’t become part of that list, if you don’t hurt me. And if you have, please just either blame someone else or apologize, using good arguments no matter what. I think that’s what we both need.

I reflect on my faults every day and share that here. I find that enough. If you find it correct that you have hurt me, then it’s a given that me wanting you dead will never change. Plus, we need to tackle overpopulation somehow anyway.

Lol that were my solo dinner number 1057’s thoughts. Hoping that one day I’ll start having dinner with someone powerful and sexy every day 🤔 .

If you’re not certain if you’re powerful and sexy: if you’re powerful, I’ll find you sexy for sure. And if you’re not certain, then that’s cute 🙂 . Unless you say “I can’t…”, “I don’t…”, “I’m not…” too often. Please don’t do that when deep down you know that that’s not the case 🙂 .

I wonder why attractive people stay away from me 🙁 . Who do you expect me to date…? Please don’t say someone from the exact same origin 😿 .

My Type

From when I was taught about living to grow old and start a family, I’ve been imagining myself with a Dutch man of at least 7 feet tall. One who is extremely muscular and intelligent, who has bright light eyes and dark hair.

“Dutch” because I want to know the experience of life in a white Dutch family. In school I often blended in with the foreign kids, and had some Dutch friends as well, but I wasn’t allowed to stay outside as late and go anywhere, the way they were/are allowed to. And the combination of our heritages will make us veryyy powerful, globally 🙂 .

At least 7 feet, because I’m living with a love deficit and experiencing love from someone tall is unique. I don’t come across men that tall often. I would love to experience how it feels to cuddle someone at whose chest height I am, the way short girls experience that. Plus when it comes to sports, I like a challenge 🙂 .

I am, by the way, attracted to women as well. Just because this is a men’s world, still, when it comes to power, I prefer something more traditional.

Muscular and intelligent, because it’s irresistible and “mutual intelligence” will keep our conversation diverse and exciting (if I’m able to calm my attraction nerves 😀 ).

And bright light eyes and dark hair, because I find the contrast so beautiful. I want a brighter eye color, too, my meow 🙁 . Plus mixed children with bright eyes are sooo 😻 . But in actuality, I feel attracted to some people who don’t look like that, too.

Am I your type¿ I find it very hard to see if someone’s into me or not, when I’m speaking to anyone.

Thinking Funds

It would be cool to be a publisher with a literary cafe, right? 🙂 All I need is some people who already have a name, to invest in it and publicly endorse it.

Due to overpopulation, it would do better in a secluded area, where visiting the cafe would then become a special day trip. Plus I like to work outside busy cities and prefer calmth in a public space. Members only entrance?

I could then organize events in my own event space 🙂 . I would much rather have it be part of my own compound, though, for the concepts for alternative food distribution I have. It would be cool if big companies that are around for years already, would collab with me 🙂 .

This is not a concept for traditional crowd funding…

I’m exhausted, so I’m going to fold out the electronic leg rest of the couch in the semi-anex-ish space in this house, and reason some. Writing and typing I should do less, because my brain feels as if it can give out any second meoww ciao xxx

~~~

23:03 (11:03 PM) 

Bath Cat

Spending the rest of my day reasoning, without a phone or anything else requiring cognitive energy, was sooo nice. Though I haven’t been productive for my websites, and money troubles were consuming me a bit, it was very comfortable.

To amplify the comfort, I’m taking a bath now. It has been sooo long since I’ve soaked in this little bath…

Fangs in bath

From bed cat, to bath cat, my meoww 😽

And I hadn’t showered all day, so it feels very right to do this ahaha…

But the mental calmth is only sealed when I put away my phone…

Tomorrow, I’m planning on being genuinely productive with these websites. But only at the start of the day. I just want to have the texts I want to be on it, written in advance. Then it’s a matter of copy-pasting, when I’m done configuring the designs. So tomorrow, at the start of the day, I’ll be writing.

I’ve always been this “last minute student” and that shows in how I run this mini web empire haha… Wish I had some people working for me, who will enjoy how chill I am when it comes to salary (partially upfront) and the influence I allow you to have. Hehe 😀 .

Later tomorrow, I’m going to attend a food tasting event in a castle: Slot Zeist. I love food and events, so I’m so looking forward to it 🙂 . I’m intending to socialize and meet some new people. Hopefully hand out some business cards… Even though my websites aren’t finished x_x . I hope to see you there 🙂 . It starts at 12 and ends at 7. We’ll probably be there around 4 or so…

There’s a party next door, so I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep any time soon. (I’ve been playing loud music often enough, though, so it’s definitely not a big deal.) But after having soaked a little more – though this bath its plug is old so it goes empty out itself over time – I’m going to attempt to sleep.

Good night and hope to see you tomorrow introducing yourself saying you’re my fellow Fangyist (I hope that will happen, but I’m convincing myself that it won’t, so that I won’t be disappointed haha)…

Sweet dreams ♥

xxx

Blog, Images, Online Diary, Popular Posts, Strategy, Videos

Reform Development Day 1 [Friday, June 14, 2019]

01:30 (AM)

Heyy ♥

I’m Vampin’, my meowww. Too excited to go to sleep. Once I get going, I don’t want to quit until it’s done. For the sake of keeping that up, today is Reform Development Day 1.

The video I recorded earlier is being converted to MPEG4, so that I can upload it to YouTube. And – this was a big step – I finished my contact page 🙂 . I hope the world will treat my contact information fairly…

I really hope you’ll reach out to me 🙂 .

The video conversion progress is now finished for 75%. It is now 02:02 (AM). In the meantime, I’ve answered some ASKfm questions.

As part of Reform Development Day – lol actually spontaneous coincidence because I was getting bored with those stupid “funny videos” and other nonsense anyway – I will delete my Facebook and Instagram account today, at 6 PM (UTC +01:00). I don’t know who has been reporting my blog on there, but I wonder why that hasn’t happened from the very beginning I created those accounts, then. Debatable death threats were on there and here from the very beginning. All text I tried to share on those networks, became blocked after I shared that voice recording (in which -> I <- was mistreated) again on Crisis Center Day 6. What I find the most scandalous about this incorrect treatment, is that they don’t even tell me why they are blocking my text and blog link(s). (Then I could much easier tell them that they are in the wrong for blocking me. Don’t forget: I might have websites, through which other people’s bad actions are stored and shared with the world, but the people I speak of are (mostly) anonymous, and in reality, it is still thousands against 1: against me. People forget that I have feelings, too. The reason why I have this blog, is because they have fucking hurt my feelings far too fucking often, and I have no one I can comfortably share this with in my circle.)

I, by the way, still also don’t know who the fuck put my book on Bol.com? I wonder how many people have read it… It’s soooooo fucking insane that it is on there and I don’t even get a fucking share of the fucking sales????? I’ll not spend it on fucking dumb things… I’m trying to constitute a new country here…

Meoww I’m going to empty and fill up the dish washer – is what I promised when I said that I’m not going to eat TV dinner but eat in my room. Then my video will be converted, I’ll share it with you here, as it is uploading to YouTube. Then we’ll all wake up to a video of me reading another post and this time even more clearly mention that I’m so deeply in love with Victor Geskes 😻 . (Hope I won’t receive another phone call from a very aggressive sounding, hissing female, if I write down his name here… 😏 )

Haha it was my intention to read yesterday’s post as well, and afterwards go into web development related things. But I ended up elaborating on the first time I spoke with him in sooo much detail ahahaha… And then told “our” story from that moment until what the fuck happened on Tuesday 😂 . I did end it with working on my contact page.

Lol meanwhile it’s 02:54 and I’ll do the dishes after having slept. I’ll also write a caption after I’ve slept, but will still upload and publish this video now, because you really need to see it! 😻

I’m going to sleeep. Good night ♥

My video will be available here ayyy

~ xxx ~

18:24 (06:24 PM)

I posted these pictures on my (other) social media yesteday:

🙁

Yess invest in me bitte.

Sooo un-cuddle 🙁

There’s no way I’ll ever go back there.

And I deleted my accounts just now. I love it when I stick to my words.

Right before going to sleep. I realized that today is Friday and I had another appointment scheduled with my case manager and the experience expert. Though my alarm went off at 10 AM and the appointment was at 11, I had a hard time getting up. Ended up leaving the house around 5 past 11, so I was there 11:20. It was very comfortable venting again. They ask very good questions.

I hope to receive a referral soon, so that I can get my second opinion at “The Therapist”. I hope to get rid of that schizophrenic/psychotic individual label soon 🙂 .

Now I’ll be writing the rest of the text for the D.O.C.I.S. International website. And I’ve also claimed my new web store domain and have given it a SSL certificate 🙂 . A long name is funny, because it’s “against the rules”: https://store.docis.international 😀 . I wanted to start adding my manuscripts to the database of het centraal boekhuis, but it’s unavailable 🙁 . I hope it will be working properly after the weekend. I need this money meowww 🙁 .


Againnnn ayy. I also took the best nap ever, there 🙂 .

So I’ll be writing it out with pen and paper first, because I spend too much time behind screens. It gives me dry eyes x_x.

Though we should all cut down on screen time, because it’s unnatural, I hope you’ll watch my YouTube videos, instead of watching a movie 🙂 .

I’ll probably write you again before I go to sleep. Enjoy the rest of your day ♥ .

~~~

22:57 (10:57 PM)

Meoow I ended up saying “Yes” to the reiterated question if I want to go along to the wholesale market (Makro). We ran into some family friends there 🙂 .

The dates (food lol) are amazing and so was the rib-eye! Meoow tomorrow I’m going to stuff some dates (food ahahaha) with soft goat cheese 😻 .

But I was already tired before this day started and now I still have so much to do 🙁 . (But what I do is not seen as a job here 🙁 . Yes, it does not pay well, but that’s just because I have no investors 🙁 . ) And I also need to re-twist my hair, because it’s becoming very frizzy. I want to make tighter twists, so that I can put it in a high ponytail on Sunday, when we’re going to a tasting event in a castle: Slot Zeist. I have nothing to wear, my meow 🙁 . I really need new clothing, but have 0 stacks 🙁 🙁 . Especially after today. First there was about €120 on my account. Now there’s only €1, because my stupid health care premium was deducted from my account 🙁 . I really hope my manuscripts will sell… 🙁 Even more, I hope that I’ll somehow find some Victishe-level Graeynissis who would like to do business with me…

And meooow being single sucks even more during the Summer season 😥 . This hot weather makes me want to kiss and go places… But I don’t have a fixed income, so I don’t feel comfortable spending money meowww 😿 .

I’m going to go to sleep, having dreams about Victishe… I wish we were together meoww 🙁 . Then I could also chill with my B 😋 . Haha helppp.

I would love to outsource all of the work that is exhausting me, by the way. But I still haven’t had any investors ever in my life 🙁 . Please be the first ♥ .

Goood nighttt ♥

~~~

Blog, Explicit Content, Images, Online Diary, Popular Posts

Back Online :) [Thursday, June 13, 2019]

09:35 (AM)

Good morning 🙂 ♥

I’m so glad to be back online, and I’m even more glad to find you here again 🙂 . It’s such a risk to lose (frequent) visitors, when going offline (unannounced) 🙁 .

One of the greatest down sides of not having a fixed income, is that it’s not guaranteed that there’s enough on my account, to pay my bills. But it’s fixed now and I’m even out of personal debit account debt 🙂 . So after paying my €25 hosting bill Tuesday night (so cheap because I’m the administrator myself), I’m back online now 🙂 .

To not be able to pay a bill of €25 is a truly heartbreaking feeling. I’m glad that I’m currently making financial progress that is better than it has ever been, without a fixed income. As in my best time, financially, was last Summer, with my guaranteed income, working as an aid, but now I’m starting to have better passive income prospects. Especially after what else happend on Tuesday, I will ne-ver work for a boss again! (In that way, I also have a lot more time to befriend Graeynissis 🙂 . (By “Graeynissis”, I mean intelligent, alternatively reasoning individuals. Not that fake subscriber account I made on the forum here, who is actually me, haha.))

This is a very good financial momentum, already being out of debt, because from today, I can sell my manuscripts to other publishers and book stores!!! 😀
And having my manuscripts in that database will also make it a lot easier for me to sell them through the D.O.C.I.S. store 🙂 .

And oh my goddd my meowww, so much has happend since my website went down! I’ll update you through anecdotes, tweets and pictures, but will do this after I’ve had breakfast and made a schedule of tasks for today. When I tell you, depends on how my schedule will be. I’ll be visiting the bank to make a little deposit, for sure. Other tasks, I’ll be selecting from this list (that is even still incomplete):

Putting my hand on the side that has a traumatic text on it. My gohdddd

“Overig” was because I became tired of making the list and just felt like summarizing the rest. The app I want to (have) develop(ed) is not even on it… I’d prefer to have the funds to hire someone/people to take care of all of my web activity. Something I’ve mentioned often. I’m a good investment my meowww.

Other tasks are on TheFangs.nl. Though officially not planned, I already started using it! Because this domain was blocked due to that bill (which is to fund all domains I have, but blocks wordpress of a certain sub-contract, when I’m behind on payments), I already started using it, because I feel so empty when I can’t write you 🙁 . Please check out The Fangs :D. I hope and think you’ll love it (when it’s done 😻 )! And I hope you’ll be my guest blogger/guest writer! 😻

More information about that will follow when my domains are finished 🙂 .

I’m back online meoww please tell a friend 🙂 .

~~~

17:13 (05:13 PM)

I’ve gone to the bank to deposit the €150 my grandmother gave me for helping her reporting her taxes in May 🙂 . Now I’m officially out of personal bank account debt (as in I still have this huge study loan and this Elia PR bank account I want to unsubscribe but need to take out of debt first ahaha 🙁 ). And I just decided to record a video in which I tell you everything that happened since my website went down.

In case you don’t like watching videos: here is a set of pictures that summarizes most of what I’ve been doing since Vampin’:

It was very nice catching up with my aunt, chilling on her balcony 🙂 .

Her room is pretty 🙂 . That crib there left is from her grandchild, who sadly wasn’t around when I visited.

We then went back to my house for the family dinner my father prepared. It was tasty 🙂 .

Then I slept over at my aunt’s place. Waking up to an unavailable website. She doesn’t sleep in her bed due to a trauma, and I find it very sweet that she gave me her room. I’ll be visiting far more often…

That Monday I went from my aunt’s in Rotterdam, to my cousin’s in Amstelveen. It was her 28th birthday. I won the first game of “Weerwolven” as the only wolf 🙂 . Haha I had to figuratively digest a child to get that mayor card, on the left, but that strategy helped me win 🙂 .

Finishing touches… 

Uncovering wolves and stuffff ayy that game really is a lot of fun

Pics in the wrong order, but I realized my pants were torn, just before I left my aunt’s place.

Sweetness @ receiving that drawing. Then I showed the children there how to fold a plane, because I saw they were getting frustrated from not having toys to play with and being in the same space for hours.

The starter was “okersoep” with crabs. It was my first time eating it with crab, which was cool :).

Then, at home, I made these semi-explicit pictures, because I was feeling like a wild Catje, from my plans of calling Victishe for lunch… (That ended up going soooo next level oh my goddd x_x.)

Still feeling wild…

This was actually the first picture out of three I made. Searching for an angle…

I prepared this meal yesterday. The salad, I enjoyed the most 🙂 . The recipe is on Twitter:

This is what I bought at the drug store, after leaving the bank. Haha I tweeted: “All these death threats and I’m still suffering from dry eyes” hahahahaahahah

I think because of the combination of cropped up anger, cropped up sadness and having been grounded so very often, I love cycling through the rain, when it’s not windy 🙂 . Smiling felt weird for that picture, so I didn’t, but believe me when I say that I’m feeling better than ever :).

Okay meoww the sun is out and I feel like catching some more outside air, so I’m going to smoke a cigarette (lol niet nadoen) and then I’m going to record a video in which I read Vampin’, this post and old tweets, and tell you the details of everything that happened since this blog went down. And after that, I’ll be working on my websites, while still recording, because meooowww I have so much to tell you 🙂 . Plus being silent and alone is kind of boring. (But still better than losing precious working time and being stuck with superficial conversation 🙂 .)

~~~

Blog, Images, Nederlandse Tekst, Online Diary, Popular Posts

Crisis Center Day 3 [Thursday, May 30, 2019]

11:28 (AM)

Good morning ♥

I don’t know why I can’t reach my Vicje 🙁 . My heart is too weak to approach a random proletarian for this, who won’t understand how much of a sensitive topic this is, and how much bad news would destroy my heart. Some people speak of him in such an awful manner, I won’t be able to endure something like that again 🙁 .

I attempted to email him this [a very random message, I know], when I received a “failed to deliver” notice in return…:

Dezelfde fout maken is terug naar huis gaan. Mijn moeder en huisarts vinden dit een goede plek voor mij… Grrrrr…

Catje

Mijn intuïtie vertelt me altijd met wie ik dat wel zou willen doen en met wie niet

Get me out of here, please 🙁 . I apparently still have arbeidsrecht. Apparently even arbeidsdwang, omdat ik alleen als normaal mens word gezien als ik full-time werk en studeer.

The description of the littest hangout in human history

Wild words

I don’t even know if it’s mutual 🙁

I don’t know what to do now 🙁 . I’m so worried… Though I haven’t been that close with him (yet?)… 🙁 Maybe he doesn’t like me and has blocked my e-maik address? 🙁 I’d rather hear that than hear that he has passed away or something

I’m now also stuck in the dilemma that I have to find residence and a fixed income, preferably before tomorrow, because after today they will put me under treatment at the department I was in in 2017-2018 [hell] and force me to go back to my parents’ house.

I asked the psychiatrist yesterday why they can’t treat me without medicines. He told me that medicines are going to put my mind on the right track, “so that I can go back into society” [because I am out of it?]. I had already explained to him that the reason why my business hasn’t thrived yet, is because I don’t have any investors. That the reason why I’m currently not studying, is because I don’t have £6000+ for tuition. That the reason why I don’t have a full time job, is because most jobs are too simple for my intelligence. And that swallowing some pill won’t change that. My self-analysis was, again, fully disregarded.

What I wrote after the conversation where I proposed my self-analysis idea

My alternative strategy is – again – working full-time, so that I won’t have time for living under psychiatric surveillance. I’m on the list for the ANWB Summer staff, so that’s where the e-mail came from…

Yesterday’s Twitter highlights:

I can’t imagine my future without the handsomest Graeyniss I have ever seen!

When it comes to getting out of here, this place is the same as a prison 🙁 .

Help me bitte

I’ll show you my hair – best braids I’ve ever made for myself – when I’ve eaten and showered. I’m still in bed… 🙁

~~~

12:58 (PM)

Important announcement:

My weakness… 😻 I’m still worried and feel quite powerless in this situation. I also don’t know who else can save me from this prison…

~~~

16:40 (04:40 PM)

Mijn gezichtsuitdrukking zegt “tjoerie” ahahahhaahaha. Ik hoor hier niet thuis verdomme ahahahah.

A tail in case the situation becomes even worse…

Getting some vitamin D… I’d rather get some vitamin Vicje…

Before I went into the shower

This is serious…

I’ll be writing… Er is hier echt niets te doen x_x.

Prison is clearly a metaphor and not fucking schizophrenia. I need to defend every statement I make x_x.

~~~

17:37 (05:37 PM) 

Important information:

I want to cuddle my sexy Vicje – I hope the reason why my mail wasn’t delivered, was because of its radical content… If he has a new job, then I heb niets te zoeken bij de ANWB (lol). If he is not with us anymore, then I’d spend all eternity not knowing if the feeling is mutual and feeling fucked up because I couldn’t be there for him…

This would also be a good moment for my B to go on strike….

~~~

21:09 (09:09 PM)

I’m in bed… Exhausted 🙁 . (Could that be because the food is cooked in psychiatric drugs?)

I hope someone will free me from here and offer me shelter… 🙁 I really don’t want to talk to these “health care professionals” anymore. All they do is tell me to quit chasing my dreams…

Authority problem:

This is not good for my heart 🙁 . Spending time with me is a privilege and this industry just claims it. The same goes for my parents. I want to be free 🙁 . Truly free!

I’m glad to have found ways to get through the day:

I hope they won’t mind that I posted that picture… I just find it important that the world knows what’s going on here. And I needed some time away from my mother, who, every conversation, tells me that this is what I need.

I want to spend time with people who I can trust, who won’t think of sending me to a place like this. Fucking often 🙁 .

I really hope someone will bail me out 😿 . Please don’t let my mind be shrinked further 🙁 .

I’ll be laking until I pass out. Still hungry, by the way, but I prefer eating natural foods, so I’ll just ignore the sound of my stomach… Maybe eat some almonds…

Good night ♥

xxx

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Death O’Clock [Saturday, May 25, 2019]

01:19 (AM) 

I still either want to get killing or die. I don’t feel hunger anymore. Only this intense headache. I’m losing weight fast, though…

I’ve never felt sooo…

Fangy…

You are free to act as you wish. Messing with me might backfire on you, though.

~~~

02:02 (AM)

Someone please tell me that it’s Death O’Clock….

I really need to take a shower, but my body has become so weakened after not eating for so long 🙁 . Still gonna try it, though… Wil je zorgen dat ik niet dood neerval door de combinatie van stoom en hitte? Mijn haren moeten nog steeds echt gewassen worden… 🙁

~~~

02:32 (AM)

I just untied the wild catty braids I made earlier, still going to wash it, missing my Vicje… I really need Tallniss cuddles

~~~

04:06 (AM)

Including twisting my afro, I’m still here. Thank you for being on the lookout.

~~~

14:26 (02:26 PM)

Good afternoon 🙂

My hunger headache has reached the next level. But aside from that, I still feel better than ever. I’m being myself, not adapting to (cultural) social customs anymore, and I have a cool picture with a cool politician. I find peace in my loneliness now. Decided to continue completely ignoring “my parents”. We don’t have anything to talk about anyway.

They deprive me from family capital, because they know I’d turn it into business and not have time for them anymore. They’re in my way, and that is why I wish to kill them. It’s the only way for me to get access to that capital…

~~~

16:03 (04:03 PM)
What I’m doing:


I keep updating the main tweet. Posting on Twitter goes quicker than posting on my blog…

I’m going to have a glass of water and seek for a piece of properly looking fruit…

~~~

16:25 (04:25 PM)

ASKfm should really stop deleting my question answers… It should even restore them, I find. It’s too bad my comment section isn’t used to ask me questions in real-time, otherwise I could delete my ASKfm account.

From the questions that are not deleted, it now looks like some twisted sex account. I wish I’d get Stratagem related questions 🙁 . (Unfinished website is part of that. The fuck? With some of that family capital, I could easily hire an IT staff… These people are soooo dumb with money x_x.)

~~~

16:53 (04:53 PM)

The scope of my life

My mother always tells me that this is depressing. It’s less depressing than being surrounded by proletarians, and would be even less depressing if her conversation weren’t very depressing. I wish to not have to endure that anymore.

~~~

17:46 (05:46 PM)

No proper fruit found… Too busy with phone to drink water?

I ordered the deluxe mix…

~~~

18:33 (06:33 PM)

~~~

21:03 (09:03 PM)

Now changing bedsheets…

~~~

Blog, Images, Online Diary, Popular Posts

Voting Day [Thursday, May 23, 2019]

12:58 (PM)

Good afternoon ♥

I decided to resort to a less painful method, yesterday, and am still here. So I can vote 🙂 . I’ll get to that right away now. After that, continuing this method, I can even still work on my websites 🙂 .

I’ll get to that! &Please please do not copy the behavior that comes with my suicidal tendencies 🙁 .

Yesterday, I impulsively named my post “campaigning D.O.C.I.S.”, showing more of the definition of that in practice, which was followed by a wave of sadness, because it is so hard for me to find the appreciation I need for success.

I would like to have a self selected security team around me… My income doesn’t say that I need that. But I think the way people treat me, really shows that I do need that. This proves people are very biased about me:

People really don’t believe me, when I say that the D.O.C.I.S. includes selecting who to keep alive, based on intelligence. I remember everyone who hurts me.

~~~

14:21 (02:21 PM)

Voting day “swag”…

~~~

15:41 (03:41 PM)

The awful truth… It should start with my parents having a double nationality, the way they should have, from the start. But they were born as Dutch people, in one of the many (former) colonies. If they adapt, I could become entitled to have a say in the reform of that country as well, taking the same double nationality (and becoming president…).

I didn’t expect this Catje’s name on that list… He has, this campaigning period, been the face of the party, but not that of his party in Europe, so I’m voting “standard”, assuming that any party win means that all Dutch people leave their European coalitions… (En een Europees parlement, en een nationaal parlement, en een Eerste en Tweede Kamer… Die constructie is sowieso veels te deep-state gevoelig…)

I love children’s curiosity! Parents should motivate that and extensively teach them everything they want to know 🙂 .

For the D.O.C.I.S. International website, I’m switching from the Sublime Text editor trial, to Notepad++.
~~~

18:47 (06:47 PM)

I added some text to this page on the D.O.C.I.S. International website. I think my site looks very pretty 🙂 .

I’m tired now :(. That must partially be because of the silent hunger strike I’m on, or something… By means of reducing my suffering, I do have eaten some fruit and a few banana crisps… I can still feel my body weaken, though. This is a slow process 🙁 . Life is so boring to me. I wish I could make my experience of it, stop in a successful instant. I don’t want to try a method of which I’m not sure of its effectiveness.

I’m a sad Catje .

~~~

19:24 (07:24 PM)

In case you wonder if I really want to die: if my only alternative is to be stuck in my parents house: absolutely yes. If people would not be dumb fucking snakes I all want to give headshots, and buy my book or donate some money to me, my fate could have been different.

By reading about the days of my life, you are a witness of the death of me. Doing nothing… You don’t give a fuck, do you?

~~~

23:51 (11:51 PM)

Earlier:

Negotiations…

Explanations… Het antwoord op de vragen, staat in het document zelf.

~~~

Blog, Images, Nederlandse Tekst, Online Diary, Popular Posts, Reflections

Campaigning D.O.C.I.S…. [Wednesday, May 22, 2019]

02:13 (AM)

Weet je waarom ik eigenlijk niets zei, toen er vragen gesteld konden worden…? Omdat ik anders ruzie zou starten…

Zie dit als een krantenkop: “Een zetel in het Europese Parlement, om daar over niet in het Europese Parlement zitten te praten?”

Wie is dan wie, in de deep-state? I’m still trying to dissolve it…

Ik heb niet genoeg ruimte om dan te zeggen: “De lijsttrekker is niet elke stem in de partij. Als in het gebeurt mede in zijn naam, maar hij gaat daar niet zitten.” Dus het volgende is niet op hem van toepassing:

“Een zetel in het Europese Parlement, om daar over niet in het Europese Parlement zitten te praten?” Waarom ga je daar dan in de eerste instantie heen? Ga dan toch helemaal niet? Het klinkt toch een beetje…. Jaa dom…?

Als de media die discussie daarover begint op een live stream, zou ik iets negatiefs doen tegenover degene die ik juist wil steunen.

Ik moet mijn websites afmaken, maar ik ben moe… Ik heb honger, en zou – later pas terwijl mijn maag nu knort – boodschappen moeten doen, omdat ik, hoewel ik alles dat me eetbaar lijkt, eet, zelfs niet al het verse eten in Nederland, lekker vind… Ah help x_x.

Nexit betekent toch: “Niet naar het buitenland gaan, om over de problemen in je eigen land te discussiëren, en handel op basis van individuele bondgenootschappen, in plaats van vriendjespolitiek.” ¿

Brexit, Nexit, Espexit, Frexit, Itexit, Dexit… That’s it 😀 . #DOCIS…
~~~
10:50 (AM)

Ik werd wakker met twee dilemma’s:

  1. Ik wil zelfmoord plegen, maar mijn moeder is thuis.
  2. Ik probeer te sterven van de honger – want ik wil echt niet naar de supermarkt – maar dat lukt me nooit.

Ik ben de manier waarop ik word behandeld echt ZO FUCKING ZAT.

  1. KANKER DOMME RACISTEN. IK KAN ER HELAAS NIETS AAN DOEN DAT IK IN DIT GAT GEBOREN BEN. DAT KOMT DOOR JULLIE VOOROUDERS.
  2. De mensen die nog steeds denken dat ik zwakbegaafd ben, tegen wie ik beleefd blijf omdat, wanneer ik diegene met eigen handen het leven ontneem, ik zo veel meer haters zal krijgen dat ik nergens meer veilig zal zijn. Ik ben in mijn eigen fucking huis NIET EENS FUCKING VEILIG.

Iedereen kent mij serieus zogenaamd niet? Voor wat er TWEE JAAR GELEDEN gebeurde, was ik al een aardig bekend gezicht. Erna… Jullie publiciteit heeft mijn imago levenslang internationaal beschadigd. Het enige wat ik nog kan doen is ertegenin schreeuwen en laten zien DAT IK TOCH ECHT HELEMAAL ZELF MIJN FUCKING VETERS KAN STRIKKEN. “Pas op de FUCKING GROTE RUIMTE TUSSEN DE DEUR EN WAAR JE NU STAAT.” IK BEN NIET FUCKING BLIND!?! IK WIL JE FUCKING HULP NIET.

MAAR JULLIE ZIJN IN REALITEIT ZELFS OOK NOG EENS TE DOM VOOR MIJ.

De maat is echt vol na meer dan twee uur te hebben GESTAAAAAAAAAAAN. Lil Fangs een stoel aanbieden? Lil Fangs spreektijd geven? Lil Fangs een mail laten sturen naar “Je praat te lang?” Nee. Ik ben de beste schrijfster in de hele fucking wereld, en je weet het.

Ik wil echt nooit meer naar buiten. Ik wil graag geen mensen meer zien, horen en spreken. Ik wil niet meer tot na de verkiezingen wachten, met mijn volgende poging. Weet je hoe erg ik programmeren eigenlijk haat? En waarom probeer ik het eigenlijk nog?

Eenzaamheid is dodelijk.

~~~

11:51 (AM) 

Ik heb echt zin om de hele dag in mijn bed te blijven liggen. Maar dan krijg ik sowieso weer gezeik over dat ik niets doe. Dat incasseren dan maar…

Mijn dilemma is echt grappig. Gewoon die “Wat doe je?”, wanneer ik mezelf probeer te verhangen.

Een akelig feit: het aantal views van deze post is nep. I was so bold to add a 2, when there were 22 views. So now there actually are 38 views, instead of 238. This is, in actuality, not a popular post.

I can never be popular, because I’m consciously using an overly stigmatized name, and after the “”SHE’S MISSING” *”two minutes later”* “SHE’S NOT MISSING ANYMORE””-campaign [comes with the looks…], I became stigmatized as publicity poison. (That’s why I’m very fond of my publicity poison idols. Who are unfortunately breaking my heart with their political distance…)

Ik ga het nog steeds proberen, hoor. Eerst even wachten tot ze weg is. Lig nog steeds in bed. Met dezelfde honger.

~~~

12:51 (PM) 

Dat ik doodga als een soort Rembrandt, doet me het meeste pijn. “Pas ontdekt nadat haar familie haar levenloze lichaam in huis vond.” De haat die ik voel is werkelijk grenzeloos, omdat ik in realiteit niet onbekend ben, maar gewoon genegeerd word.

~~~

13:47 (01:47 PM) 

I don’t want to die not knowing who my biological father is. I know I love him very dearly.

After this painful B situation, the new theories about the deep-state in my life, sound so crazy:

Did I dream that “B’s doppelganger” [my B is the person on the other side of my brain-to-brain communication] attempted to have sex with me in an isolation cell in the police station here, or did that actually happen?

Is it possible that, three years ago, twice there was a different lecturer, who looked a lot like the man I met – together with my mother and a friend of her – last Friday, and that he was there because he loves me so much?

There at two lectures, the office once and the police station after COPS I WANT TO KILL SOOOOOOOO FUCKING BADDDDDDDDDDDD forced me to sip their cup of poisonous shit and put me in an isolation cell, because brain-to-brain communication is still real and in my head I keep telling him that he has very good reasons to just say fuck it and come spend far too much time with me 🙁 .

Ik kan met droge ogen dood willen gaan en traumas herleven, omdat dat altijd al mijn hele leven is geweest. Ik schrijf nog steeds alleen pas in detail over de afgelopen twee jaar. Daarvoor was het niet veel beter. Ik mis mijn opa nog steeds, omdat we zulke goede zakenpartners geweest hadden kunnen zijn 🙁 . En hij was zo lief 🙁 . Mensen met een karakter als dat van hem, zijn bijna uitgestorven 🙁 .

~~~

14:09 (02:09 PM) 

I am now so clueless about who my B is… I’d kill to see those luminescent turquoise eyes again. He’s so tall that without making myself smaller, I can rest my head against his chest…

Sympathize with me on this one:

  • I finished my gymnasium in 7 years.
  • I’m black.
  • I quit the international economics  programme I had been allowed into, after 3 months already.
  • I’m female.
  • I’m tall.
  • My voice is deep but still feminine (it’s my height and that fucking Dutch food).
  • I went missing “for two minutes”.
  • I might be part Italian, which would mean that my last name is very incorrect. Italian people are often discriminated (sometimes in ways worse than black people are treated) in the Netherlands (and still it’s one of the top Dutch holiday locations… Ga jij eens heeeel gauw Nexit…).
  • I live in a white country. In the country where my roots lie, I’m seen as white. Here, “I’m black.”
  • My family will assassinate me, if I tell the truth about them.
  • Because I’m very intelligent, I can’t communicate smoothly with some.
  • My style is too intuitive for some to understand it without an extensive explanation.

Do you understand why I ask for your genuine sympathy?

~~~

14:41 (02:41 PM) 

Here I go again, starting something over “nothing”:


Harassment, de kaboela bus, culture pressure to behave like the flock… There are so many topics I have a very extensive opinion about…
~~~
15:35 (03:35 PM)

Still waiting to hear the alarm system indicate that someone is leaving the house… Then I can at least eat something and smoke “the enemy of the state” indica I bought yesterday.

~~~

15:49 (03:49 PM)

Hear hear…

Finally, it’s time for a peaceful lonely first meal of the day…

~~~

Blog, Ex Animo, Images, MacroFangs, Nosce Te Ipsum, Polls, Popular Posts, Random questions, Reflections, Strategy

TWITTER GROUP CHAT LECTURE!!!!!

About what?

From Project Nosce Te Ipsum to the Economics and Law that constitute Planet Fang… I’ll explain E-VE-RY-THING (including my communication strategies) in this group chat!!! 🙂

And you can ask me anything :D. I can also remove you from the chat if you’re not interested (anymore) :).

Please make a Twitter account, if you do not have that 🙂 .

Check out @LilFangs_’s Tweet: https://twitter.com/LilFangs_/status/1122320028848803840?s=09

It’s lit 😀

I just created this poll and wanted to share that with the people I follow on the social network, which caused me to create a group chat.

And now I’ll use it to give lectures about D.O.C.I.S. International [Determined Observant Colloquial Intelligent Stratagem] 🙂 .

The spontaneous fun we could have here makes me want to do nothing else than this 🙂 .

It never ends! 😀

Change of Spontaneous Plans

It will work better on a different platform, with people who already have some background knowledge about my endeavors.

Blog, Images, Online Diary

Cold Case 26 & Kingsday [Saturday, April 27, 2019]

16:29 (04:29 PM)Hii ♥Here are some pictures I took last night:[I decided to go with instant noodles instead of rice at the last moment]Need to clean kitchen

Is not allowed to smoke weed at home

I really use Twitter most often 🙂

#fangyismIs a word that was not used on the web very often. Making up words is the improvisation you do when you want to make yourself heard and the other words have not been used yet.Unfortunately 🙁

🙁

I can’t wait until my days of blogging are over and I can finally rule the world with my Graeynissis 🙂 .It’s Kingsday today and I have plans of staying at home. I mean I love to dance, but not in between extremely drunk and aggressive barbarians, and my pockets are flat.Please hire me. The contract I’ll give you when you do this, will make us confederates :)♥
~~~16:38 (04:38 PM) I’ll definitely receive a rant about the way I express myself, when my mother comes home from Spain. It’s what happens every time I say something “radical”.I do not regret any of the words I have used in any way. They all come straight from the heart. Those who don’t accept them, should permanently break contact with me.Meanwhile I’m destroying marketing algorithms, because all of this routinous superficial shit reallyyy needs to end. People deserve to know the truth.#Fangyism~~~18:22 (06:22 PM) OKAY. I do not know WHO THE FUUUUUUUCK put my book on Bol.com, but it was NOT ME !!!!I only sell at fully interntionally oriented retailers !WHO THE FUUUUUUCK IS EARNING FROM THIS ?!!?!!!?!THAT PERSON MAY DIE. I HAVE WORKED WAY TOOOOOO FUCKING HARD FOR THIS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!IT IS A VIOLATION OF THE LAW !!!! LOOK AT HOW THE COPYRIGHT TEXT SAYS “DO NOT RESELL” . THAT FUCKING IGNORANT BASTARD !!!! (I bet it’s multiple people.)~~~~

Lil Fangs
Blog, Images, Online Diary, Popular Posts

Cold Case 25 [Friday, April 26, 2019]

13:28 (01:28 PM)

It seems like I’m finally starting to get my message across! My stubbornity aside: there really are no other ways to accomplish this, which don’t include using social media as a tool.

Now every visitor reads 4 pages on an average visit

My results this far are great. (Especially because I spent €0 on it!) But people need to read more of my content for it to really work the way it should.

Meoww I’m continuing in this way – writing seperate posts again – because I want to adapt myself to all of my audience. In English!

Maar soms wil ik ook wel even dit kunnen doen, omdat dat sneller is voor mij en ik niet helemaal hoef te vertalen en er ook minder vaak een woordenboek en thesaurus bij moet pakken enzooo…

~~~

14:12 (02:12 PM)

Meooow I have so many things I want to share with you now! But also so many tasks I should be spending my time on right now…

I want to tell you about what my social media strategy was and how it played out, and about the “beef” I put on YouTube, and about everything else I have in store for us!

But first, I’ll need to get out of my sister’s bed (to which I resorted after there was a spider in my room) and brush my teeth and eat something. You should know that I skipped dinner yesterday, because I do not at all want to accept the food and funding of people who don’t respect me, anymore. So I’ll be back in about an hour! xxxxx

~~~
14:51 (02:51 PM)

(Still in bed…)

Now that I’m promoting myself on social media, this is going a little better as well: [indirect reference to my last daily Cold Case diary post]

Back linking relates to findability in search engines. I already do my own SEO so I don’t want to be paying for the improvement of this…

Twitter (I use most often): https://twitter.com/LilFangs_

Instagram: https://instagram.com/_lilfangs

Facebook (for which I’ll be automating mt sharing settings later): Dominique Daniëlle Elia & Lil Fangs

Pexels: &I’m on Pexels myself, now!!! 😀

~~~
16:35 (04:35 PM)

WordPress its mobile app [I recommend you to download, to at least read my posts on, if you’re not into writing yourself 🙂 ] its JetPack plugin, is giving me parse errors (it’s already why I stopped using emojis in my posts, but now I can’t even upload plain text from it anymore). I’m now uploading this from my mobile browser lol.

Because I’m now typing in HTML, I can use emojis again! 😀 That’s important for when talking about you Graeynissis (in HTML, 😻 that is &#x1F63B; [using unicode]).

When I use a phrase or word you don’t understand: searching it in the search bar will lead you to other articles, so the context will specify it 🙂 .

& Hire me 😀 [PLEASEEEEEEEE]

Now I’m really going to get out of bed xxx
~~~

17:10 (05:10 PM) 

I have to be in front of my webcam at 05:45 PM, so I reallyyy need to get up now (I’m too much pretending to be happy to get out of bed), but look at this gem:

Lil Fangs

😀

Lil Fangs

I would so love to meet you all 🙂 #Fangyism

~~~
19:04 (07:04 PM)

Meow I was 20 minutes late for my appointment, so it’s rescheduled. I hope I’ll be able to use other emojis [now I can only use 🙂 😀 🙁 ♥] again soon!

I’ll now prepare a slight struggle meal using eggs, green asperges, cherry tomatoes, an union and spring unions. Because I don’t like the taste of takeout food, I’m broke asf [so please hire me] and I’ll eat by myself tonight.

I’ll be adding thyme, oregano and “five spices” to it. And basil 🙂 .

So I’ll be cookingg xxx

~~~

Lil Fangs
Art, Audio, Blog, Donation Forms, Ex Animo, Images, Interest & Money in Perspective, Interviews, MacroFangs, Media, Nederlandse Tekst, Nosce Te Ipsum, Online Diary, Polls, Popular Posts, Random questions, Random Thoughts, Recipes, Reflections, The General Theory of Employment, Tips, Uncategorized, Videos

Dominique Daniëlle Elia CV (curriculum vitae) in het Nederlands

Dominique Daniëlle Elia

Praesens (D.O.C.I.S. International)

 

Algemene persoonsgegevens

Geboortedatum: 1 november 1996 (22 jaar)

Geboorteplaats: Rotterdam

E-mailadres: d.danielle.elia@gmail.com (persoonlijk)

Adres: XXXXXXXXXX Capelle aan den IJssel

 

Persoonlijke doelen

Langetermijndoel

Op de lange termijn wil ik, door middel van het combineren van wiskundige, economische, wettelijke en didactische kennis, graag bijdragen aan de hervorming van het internationaal politiek-economisch systeem, met een (nog) sterke(re) nadruk op duurzaamheid. Dit of via het bedrijfsleven, of via de politiek zelf.

Korte termijn doelen

  • (Minstens) mijn bachelor in de wiskunde behalen.
  • Lang genoeg werkervaring opdoen om officieel aantoonbaar op hoger dan junior-niveau te kunnen presteren.
  • Mijn netwerk uitbreiden ten gunste van mijn langetermijndoel.
  • Een nieuwe strategie uitdenken om als zelfstandige dichter bij mijn langetermijndoel te kunnen komen.

Educatie

Diploma’s

  • Marnix Gymnasium: Gymnasium

Behaald in 2016

Profielkeuze: Economie & Maatschappij met Duits, Latijn, wiskunde B en informatica

  • The Open University: Open Bachelor’s Degree

Nog niet behaald

Georiënteerd op (Financiële) Wiskunde

Certificaten

  • British Council
    • Cambridge First Certificate English
  • European Piano Teachers Association
    • Niveau C2
  • Basis Flight Simulator certificaat

Werkervaring

  • Neridus-IT: Boekhoudassistente

augustus 2013 – september 2016

Het bijhouden van de financiële bewijsstukken (zowel digitaal als fysiek) en de financiële correspondentie tussen het bedrijf en het (uitbestede) accountantskantoor.

  • Zowel Delfshaven: Financieel hulpverlener (vrijwilliger)

juni 2016 – september 2016

Het ordenen van de administratie, opstellen van persoonlijke budgetten, inlichten en aanvragen voorbereiden, van mensen met financiële problemen in de regio Delfshaven, in een bijstands- en/of schuldsaneringstraject.

  • Elia PR: PR consultant (zelfstandige)

september 2016 – december 2017

Het ontwikkelen van PR strategieën en campagneconcepten voor individuen, op basis van de technieken van de grondleggers van de PR, in een uiterst alternatief, modern jasje.

  • D.O.C.I.S. International: Auteur, onderzoeker, (PR) strateeg en webdeveloper (zelfstandige)

juli 2018 – heden

Het ontwikkelen van een onderzoeksproject met toekomstige bestuursuitbreiding, aansluitend op mijn langetermijndoel, door middel van een invulverhalenserie (om zo te beginnen met een consumentenonderzoek dat uiteindelijk aanduidt aan welke eisen de internationale gemeenschap wil dat een revolutionair politiek-economisch systeem voldoet). Dit concept is echter nog niet officieel aan de man gebracht en dient op dit moment meer als een hobby waarmee ik ook een zakcentje verdien.

  • ANWB: Telefonisch hulpverlener

augustus 2018 – september 2018

Zomerkracht op de afdeling gespecialiseerd in de internationale voorziening van huurauto’s voor mensen die pech hebben gehad onderweg, maar toch hun vakantie willen voortzetten.

Overige (Informele) Ervaring

  • Ervaring met koken

Ik sta al van jongs af aan in de keuken, ken veel diverse kooktechnieken en smaakcombinaties uit keukens uit vele verschillende landen (met name Suriname, Nederland, Italië, Frankrijk en India), ontwikkel zeer regelmatig mijn eigen recepten (want ik hou van gevarieerd eten) en kook ook regelmatig driegangendiners voor groepen van 5 tot 10 mensen.

  • Ervaring met lesgeven

Over lesgeven (en spreken voor publiek) ben ik zeer gepassioneerd. Ik heb in veel verschillende disciplines (bij)les gegeven, waaronder: wiskunde, economie, PWSsen schrijven, piano spelen, vechttechnieken, basketbaltechnieken, koken, Engels, Nederlands en omgaan met telefoons en computers.

  • Ervaring als model

Van kleins af aan doe ik af en toe modellenwerk op aanvraag of voor eigen bedrijfsdoeleinden.

  • Ervaring als actrice/figurant
    • Acteren vind ik ook ontzettend leuk. Ik heb hier een beetje ervaring mee (door school, dansoptredens en sketches met mede hobby video sketch makers.)

Publicaties

Boeken

ISBN: 9789082936803

Gepubliceerd op 24 september 2018

Een heruitgave van episodes over mijn onderzoeksproject en science-fiction verhaal die ik eerder had gepubliceerd, maar later van het internet af had gehaald in verband met de controverse achter het publiceren van mijn persoonlijke verhaal in het verhaal en het risico dat dat kon zijn voor een baangarantie.

ISBN: 9789082936810

Gepubliceerd op 30 september 2018

Een introductie van het invulverhaal en de onderzoeksmethode achter het invulverhaal, waarin de lezer de protagonist is en de ingevulde informatie zal worden gebruikt voor het zoeken naar “The Universal Standard of Human Reasoning”, die nodig is voor het vinden van een politiek-economisch consensus.

ISBN: 9789082936834

Gepubliceerd op 30 november 2018

Een uitweiding van het invulverhaal, met als thema de (bedrijfs)filosofie en strategische uitdagingen binnen het onderzoeksconcept, gecombineerd met een vroege poging tot ledenwerving.

ISBN: 9789082936896

Gepubliceerd op 30 januari 2019

Een lang essay over een non-cijfermatig algoritme voor levensverbetering en de toepassing hiervan.

ISBN: 9789082936889

Gepubliceerd op 30 maart 2019

De onthulling van de spanningslagen uit het eerste boek van het invulverhaal en de laatste invulvragen die samen de hypothese van The Universal Standard of Human Reasoning vormen.

Long-read Artikelen

Publicatiedatum: 28 februari 2019

Dit is deel 1 van de artikelenserie die gaat over de macro-economische gedachte achter de organisatie die ik wil starten en over de economische hervorming van Keynes.

Publicatiedatum: 15 april 2019

Deel 2 van de serie over macro-economie in de context van mijn (hopelijk) toekomstig bedrijf, gaat in op hedendaagse voorbeelden van marktfalen en de (zelf ontwikkelde) wiskundige basismodellen achter mijn idee van duurzame hervorming.

Karaktereigenschappen

Positief Negatief
Communicatief sterk Soms verlegen
Doortastend empathisch vermogen (Vrijetijds)workaholic wat betreft auteurschap en onderzoek
Leert snel Gebruikt soms complexe woordkeuzes en zinsconstructies
Initiatiefnemer

 

Hobby’s

In mijn vrije tijd dans ik graag. In het verleden heb ik ballet (3-4 jaar), streetdance (12 – 14 jaar) en hip-hop (16 jaar) danslessen gevolgd. Ik heb vroeger ook judo (4 tot 8 jaar), pençak silat (6 tot 12 jaar) en tennislessen (3 jaar eventjes en toen 10 tot 12 jaar) gevolgd. Vanaf mijn veertiende tot mijn achttiende speelde ik voor Rotterdam Basketbal. Sinds mijn negende speel ik piano.

Tekenen (en schilderen en beeldhouwen) doe ik met slecht weer met plezier. Fotograferen doe ik ook heel graag. Vooral wanneer ik reis, wat ik ook erg vaak met vol enthousiasme doe. Ik ben in Nederland (Amsterdam, Texel, Ameland, Hoenderloo, Maastricht, Enschede, en nog een paar steden), Duitsland (Berlijn, Stuttgart, München, Düsseldorf, Trier, Wiesbaden en Meerbusch), Frankrijk (Parijs en diverse delen van Normandië), België (diverse plaatsen in de Ardennen en Antwerpen), Engeland (Newcastle), Ierland (Dublin), Suriname (Paramaribo en twee plaatsen in “de binnenlanden”), de Bahama’s (Nassau), Spanje (Ibiza), Italië (Rome, Udine, Verona, Venetië en Brugnera), Turkije (Marmaris en Alanya), Griekenland (Kreta) en de Verenigde Staten (Miami, FL; Baltimore, MA) op vakantie geweest, gedurende mijn hele leven, en zou graag nog veel meer van de wereld willen zien.

Verder lees ik ook graag informatieve klassiekers (zo kom ik bijvoorbeeld aan mijn PR basiskennis), ben ik bekend met programmeren met Visual Basic (en heb ik ook ervaring met programmeren voor Android, Java (in het algemeen) en C# (voor Unity)), kan ik Access databases bouwen (zo heb ik mijn eigen boekhoudsysteem gemaakt, voor mijn persoonlijke administratie), beheers ik HTML en CSS, spreek ik vloeiend Engels (en kan ik een beetje Frans spreken (en het bijna vloeiend verstaan (als het niet te snel en geen gebroken Frans/straattaal is)), Sranan Tongo kan ik redelijk verstaan, Duits kan ik redelijk spreken en vrijwel vloeiend verstaan), maak ik soms beats met Reason Lite, ga ik regelmatig naar de sportschool (voor krachttraining), houd ik van (neo-soul/rap/hip-hop/jazz/klassiek/R&B) muziek luisteren, fietsen en sprinten, ben ik de laatste tijd een beetje Italiaans aan het leren, en – last but not least – schrijf ik heeeeel veeel (voor mijn persoonlijke blog LilFangs.com 🙂 ).


If you are interested in becoming part of D.O.C.I.S. International, please read my Business Overture 🙂

Blog, Images, Media, Online Diary, Random Thoughts, Reflections, Videos

Cold Case 15 [Tuesday, April 16, 2019]

14:22 (02:22 PM)

Good afternoon ♥

Exactly one year ago, I wrote my first online diary post. And yesterday, I shared the first fundamentals of the alternative economic system I live for to see it thrive. My written content has evolved a lot, in the past year 🙂 .

Something that has stayed stagnate, however, is my development in finding a suitable audience.

The things I write about and the concepts I want to tackle collectively, apply to all of our lives. But the majority of people in what I considered my social circle, would rather look away and say that what I want to accomplish is impossible. That goes for many people outside that circle as well.

So I’m still busy strategizing my way around this enormous burden. Attending networking events, has been my main method to attempt this, aside from attempting to reopen and close my cold case by trying another way to reach my B ( = dr. Crutzen).

Within this year, I have spent more than 70% of time all by myself, working on this concept for change. That’s why I haven’t experienced many memorable things, in comparison to previous years. Typing and writing has become so common that there’s nothing memorable about it anymore.

The Harvard Business Review / Harvard Business Publishing Executive Event, which I attended Thursday last week, is, because of that, a memory that is added to my collection of mentally visual memories, to which not many things have been added, in the past year.

I, still, keep replaying everything I remember that has happened there, in my mind, because – aside from me heavily struggling with my temper – it was an exciting experience, in comparison to the many other things I frequently experience. Frequent experiences such as laying in bed while typing a diary post, with my stomach growling, because it’s past 3 PM (now that I’m typing this) and I still have not eaten anything yet.

I’m going to eat “breakfast” and then I’ll continue my build-up towards expressing feelings that are so unusual that I tend to hide them 🙂 .

~~~

16:45 (04:45 PM)

The memories of the event, which uncontrollably replay itself in my mind, bring along mixed feelings. Mixed feelings, of partial positivity, because I was very happy to be in an environment where everyone has been encouraged to brainstorm and where very experienced people shared their knowledge, plus meeting two very nice students, but I found myself struggling with social norms so much that I just couldn’t stay for lunch and networking.

I thought that the audience of the event was going to be the same type of people as the speakers themselves, and that we were going to brainstorm together to list and solve employment (and sustainability) related challenges. But most people in the audience who made themselves heard there, were not in such a position. (As far as I know – in the context of the future – only the students (who also have leadership aspirations, for a business that is not an app or an ice cream store. It was so comforting to hear 😀 ) and I.) For some reason – of which the explanation I’m building up towards – I had the feeling that – though I had the chance of seeing and speaking to people I’ve had a very slight chance of ever meeting – it was not the right time to raise awareness on my business concept.

I kept thinking that we would be better off alone, without the people down the ladder who are not waiting to be replaced by artificial intelligence. Without a team of supporters, I’m not ready to be verbally lynched by the opponents of the real technological revolution that, in the end, is inevitable.

I couldn’t think of any one-on-one conversation starters, because I thought that I was going to be starting group conversations with Graeynissis. The only thing I could think of is asking the Dutch CEO of such a popular Dutch holding, a question about emergency policies, regarding the waterworks.

[I’m a bit struggling with how to refer to high profile Graeynissis who I haven’t asked for permission to write about. But I think, since I already let this go on the day itself, I’ll just continue in full-face diary mode.]

Okayy I’m going to be very random and describe my full experience to you in full detail, including how I went there.

I definitively decided that I was going to attend the event, the day before, after I – after a long time – asked for a personal donation, to pay for the train… I hadn’t slept properly for a few days. If I had known that I would have been able to go there, I would have spent the day before differently (not going to a coffeeshop and playing basketball afterwards, but preparing a pitch), shaved my legs and gone to bed earlier.

But I selected my outfit before I went to sleep (thinking of making a representative impression), and I had slept for less than 2 hours, because my alarm went off at 05:20 AM. This had become my travel plan:

I had 13 minutes to buy a train ticket

The metro ride was only one stop, after which I walked to the Tobacco Theater

I made those screen shots when I was still in bed, because I woke up very tired and wondered for how long I could continue to rest. (I couldn’t.) After a quick rinse (since I already showered in the middle of the night, after having played basketball), I put on my wig (but realized that I had forgotten to comb it in the shower, so it was frizzy) and some make-up (wishing that I had the tools to make something else than another set of cat-eyes). I drank my tea in the bathroom, and didn’t have time to eat breakfast. (I was hoping that there would have been food at the coffee reception…)

After brief regular conversations with my parents, I walked to the metro and was in the train on time. I read the HBR edition from 2015 that was in my bag, as I sat on the folding chair near in between the train entrance and the entrance to the first class part of the train, for more than an hour. (Feeling slight heartache for not being a real executive travelling at least first class. Plus I just grabbed my trench coat off the coat rack when I left, not knowing that the dry cleaners had given it back to me all wrinkled, which made me feel uncomfortable after noticing it, when I saw my reflection in the metro.)

When I found the theater, I noticed my name tag right away, on the table at the wardrobe. I started the interaction with the employee standing near it, with: “Hi, I see my name tag here.” (I always think “Jaa wtf moet ik nu zeggen,” when I need to talk to personnel to initiate their work task.) She then took my jacket and asked me if I would like to have a print-out of the program. I said “Yes, please,” and also gave her my bag to hang at the wardrobe, because it was quite big in comparison to the bags I saw other people carry. Then I noticed that I had put my phone into my bag, so I asked for my bag back, took it out and gave it back, feeling slightly clumsy.

I still have my name tag and the print-out of the program:

Haha I feel very random for sharing this now, but I couldn’t type all of this while I was present there and after that I was busy making my Keynes deadline. I also feel random for still having it¿

I thought that I would have been able to score a piece of cake or something else to tame my stomach, which was growling very loud at some point

So I walked into the place where the magic was about to happen, and saw a lot of people chatting with each other. I was hungry, tired and alone, plus had no clue who to approach to have a truly fruitful conversation with (it’s always either fruitful or adding to my heartache, and the more my heart has endured, the more the gamble scares me). I decided to take a moment (and empty my bladder) by visiting the ladies room. The location thereof, I asked the sound+screen+lights crew. Quite clumsy again, because I was carrying my notebook and phone in my hand, and I have slight hosophobia.

Walking back to the theater hall (which I expected to be bigger¿), feeling a bit disoriented from all of the little corridors, I met Alexandra, who started our conversation by saying exactly what I was thinking: (paraphrased) that the construction of the theater is like a little maze. (That is neither positive, nor negative. Just a very bright observation 🙂 .)

I then asked her where she’s from – Slovakia – and within no time, we were exchanging our ideas and aspirations. The idea she has for the book she wants to write (which I won’t give away, because it’s her idea and not mine or anyone else’s), is something I believe the world truly needs. I gave her my business card right after I heard 🙂 .

I find it hard to estimate wheter people enjoy talking to me or not. I didn’t know if she was enjoying our conversation – I don’t have such nice conversations often, so I feared coming off too attached(¿) – and if me talking to her was maybe making someone else she’s with stand alone, so I asked if she was alone, too.

We were standing at the right side of the stage in the mini theater hall, near the door that leads to both the exit and the bathrooms, and she pointed to her friend, who was standing on the other side, at the coffee and tea tables. I asked if I could join them. In that way, we became a squad of three, but I didn’t know if they actually wanted me to join them or not (as in some people do not want that, and I didn’t know if they enjoyed my presence or were just being polite, but “Do you prefer it if I leave?” I found too much of a depressing question to ask and explain. Especially because I didn’t want to leave her side).

She introduced me to David (I believe is how his name is written), her fellow student. They know each other because they are both international human resources students at Saxion University. David is from Italy and reads the HBR – which is how they got the invitation – and took Alexandra along as his +1. They have plans of (potentially) starting a business together. (I have not asked if they were dating? They look(ed) like they really connect. I hope I didn’t eavesdrop on their date¿)

We talked about that at the tea and coffee tables, where Alexandra and I poured ourselves a cup of tea. She chose forest fruit flavor (I think¿) and I chose jasmin flavor.

Around the time I had finished my tea, we walked to the seating area in the middle of the theater. We sat down in the middle of the seating area, on the middle right side of the middle parting of the rows of black wooden chairs with flat cushions on them. Because of the way we approached the chairs, I ended up sitting in between the students I had just met. (My insecurities repeatedly made me wonder if I was right for eavesdropping like this? But it felt even stranger to ask. Like how my mother tells me that dr. Crutzen actually wants nothing to do with me, but he still wants to schedule a meeting with me?)

I’m going to have dinner (it’s 9 PM now) and then I’ll continue 🙂 .

~~~

21:32 (09:32 PM)

Dinner was great. I love spare ribs 🙂 . I’ll now continue my very random explanation of flashbacks, of this special Thursday.

Miss Wright welcomed us with her speech, after which Mister Macht (cool to have the Dutch word for power as your last name 🙂 ) gave his speech. He explained how, with the tools of Harvard Business Publishing (corporate learning), the performance of an organization can be improved.

I believe that at some point, he mentioned that cyborgs (as in a human being with brain implants) already exist (in the context of the business side of it, which also suits the future of work very much) – which was something that made me want to cheer, because that would definitely make me win my psychiatry related cold case – but I can’t find that back in his slides? (I swear I saw and heard it thoughhh. I also heard (Dutch) people anxiously mutter, when it was shown. (Maybe that is why it’s not included in the downloadable version? Or maybe Mister Anthony said it. It’s in neither of the slides, but it really has been mentioned. Anywayy yay cyborgs.))

Since I heard that, I’ve been thinking: if I can perform brain-to-brain communication, while regular humans cannot do that, does that then make me a cyborg? It wouldn’t surprise me if I were one 🙂 . It would also explain why “some” of my relatives treat me like dirt 🙂 . I still have real feelings, though they might forget 🙂 .

The examples of business cases Joshua gave – I don’t know if I should stay respectfully formal or go colloquially first-name-basis on this, but this is my very intimately expressed diary so yayy – are the exciting futuristic and beautifully established brands that make me so excited about Harvard Business Publishing / the Harvard Business Review.

I would so love D.O.C.I.S. International to become one of those HBP & HBR case businesses. But meoww I’m such a small business, the concept is so controversial and I’m so broke, that I fear being rejected or ignored, for some reason. I still e-mailed him about my interest in a corporate partnership, hoping that that is the right approach to, in the end, have him become one of my Graeynissis 😀 .

After Joshua Macht [I wonder if using the name of someone who ranks high in search engines is somehow notified when I use his or her name?] had spoken, and an elaborate series of questions from the audience had been asked, Scott D. Anthony interactively spoke of the future of business, from the perspective of Innosight, as well as from his own personal perspective.

I found the slide, by the way! It was mister Anthony who spoke of a cyborg (in the context of the quote “The future has already arrived. It is just not very evenly distributed.” I knew it! (x2 (as in the world is far more advanced than the way mainstream Dutch people see it, which I’ve mentioned quite often here))). Meoww I received the slides today and realized that what I told Scott in the e-mail I sent him was inaccurate, in the sense that I told him that he inspired me to work on the way I analyze my data, and then referred to a slide that was not his x_x. I feel stupiddd. I also feel strange for mailing, while I have his and Joshua’s phone number, but what I want to say is sooo much and my voice would be all shaky because I’d see it as a once-in-a-lifetime chance that could easily blow over if I don’t use the right words.

The cyborg is wearing a red jacket, I believe :).

I discussed the “bingo” slide with Alexandra. I told her about the self-driving buses I used to take to visit the gym in Rivium Business Park, and about the cryptominers in this house I live in. We have both tried plant-based meat 🙂 . (I really wonder how it gets its meat flavor?)

At the end of the first part of his speech, he asked for two volunteers from the audience. I raised my hand right away, because I love being a subject for an audience and speaking for an audience.

After being selected first, by being pointed at, I walked on stage by taking a huge step with my Timberlands heels, instead of taking the stairs. It was very random, but it felt more efficient than walking towards the little stairs on the side of the stage. Then I was told to take place in front of the stage, instead of on top of it, so I used my efficient way of walking again, mentally crossing my fingers to not twist my ankle, as I took a big step to get off the stage, and – with the shakiness of my sore muscles from the work-out sessions fron the days before, plus loss of muscle strength because of the state of my heart – my other leg followed. I thought I was going to feel awkward about it, but I’m happy that I didn’t feel bad and kept my feeling of happiness.

Scott asked us who we are and whether we were optimists or pessimists about the prospects of the future. The other subject – I am incredibly sorry to have forgotten his name – who I believe was a Sikh, said that he is an optimist. I said that I’m both an optimist and a pessimist, using the words “I’m a little bit of both.” I introduced myself with only my name, by means of making an indirect statement, on which I will later elaborate.

After having been told about both optimistic and pessimistic statistics, regarding corporate and international growth, and the story behind that (after which we were told to not focus on the numbers, which – that always happens – incentivized me to focus on the numbers) my opponent volunteer was tasked with defending pessimism (“we are at the … of despair”) and I was tasked with defending optimism (“we are at the spring of hope”). The reasons for optimism were mainly about the increasing amount of start-ups and steady profits. Pessimism was defended by elaborating on the state of the oil market.

That is when I realized how complicated (to open up about) my actual viewpoint is. I’m only slightly optimistic, because I’m capable of reasoning out a way to alter the world, to make it fully sustainable and peaceful, and I can use D.O.C.I.S. International as the ultimate advocate, to make that reality. If I didn’t have had that, I would have considered a proper future for myself and like-minded people so impossible that I would have committed suicide by now. I see most start-ups as rival businesses who are disregarding what nature truly needs (which is not another concept striving to maximize output). And, as a Fangyist, I’m anti-profit, because of the heavy claim it makes on natural resources, when spent.

It would have been a good moment to pitch my business concept, but it would take quite a few minutes to make that clear, and I wanted to win the debate, so I said something like this:

“Of course, we are at the spring of hope. The American economy is booming, for example. [I indirectly said that I’m pro-Trump, but that is more for political awareness.] And though we are running out of fossil fuels [not even to begin with the state of the waterworks], we have modern technology, so we can replace that [I was struggling to find the right words to use, but I meant that we can fully switch to sustainable technology instead of fossil fuels]. There are amazing prospects, such as ever-increasing profits [I said while I pointed at one of the numbers on the positive statistics paper. I had to think of (ew) cryptocurrencies right away, and how much of non-value that actually is] and, I mean, if we can already learn by texting, these days [a reference to Joshua’s speech. I want to teach people Fangyist economics by texting?], the future must be great.”

People started to applaud. I made a little bow, after which I went back to my seat. We were then told to vote, and “positivity” had won the majority of votes 🙂 (even though I voted neutral, and my words (and appearance) might not have been an influence, but it still felt like winning, which was something I truly needed).

I just randomly watched this video, which I came across, as a suggestion, when I was searching for a tutorial to make an HTML email (like a newsletter) via a regular mail client, because I’m thinking of getting Graeynissis by sending an interactive newsletter-ish message, and this is based on what I “usually” watch:

Zondag met Lubach always makes me laugh, but when “the foreigners debate” comes across anywhere, I always get mixed feelings (because I know racism far too well).

During the break, while Alexandra and David were socializing with other people, and other potential Graeynissis had rows of people wanting to speak to them, in front of them, I got myself some tea.

Meoooow it’s already 02:30 AM! The rest of the story is still quite long, and while I was typing this, I got the idea of sending a selection of people an HTML e-mail where I give them my ideas and ask if they are interested in attending a brainstorm event I’ve been dreaming of organizing for quite a while now. It is the introduction event of D.O.C.I.S. International that takes place before the Benefit I also want to organize.

More about that, and how I went from volunteering to leaving earlier at the event, after some mental rest.

Good night ♥

~~~

Images, MacroFangs, Nosce Te Ipsum, Popular Posts

Fangyist Economics & Initiating Change [+ Keynes Part 2]

Fangyist Economics & Initiating Change

[+ Keynes Part 2]

Nosce Te Ipsum I

Book II: Society

Episode: 2
Category: MacroFangs
Publication date: March 15th, 2019

Future business concepts are not reality yet, because the debates about what change should look like, are not settled yet.

We are losing time with solely conversing about it. Fangyism is decisive. There are solutions that can be carried out in only a few weeks’ time. But there are some barriers that need to be broken, for this to become reality. In this article, I explain how this can (and should) be done.

To make my language more “cross compatible” (for there are no officially acknowledged Fangyist terms yet), I will reflect my future concepts to the way Keynes defined his future concepts, in The General Theory of Employment, Interest and Money. This article thus also indirectly touches on part 2 of that book.

The Value of Labor and Produce

In the second part of The General Theory of Employment, Interest and Money, Keynes takes a moment to elaborate on the solution to a challenge he had found for himself, in economic theory. The economic language he wanted to use to address the general issue and his solutions, was not used by any other economist yet (Keynes 2017, p.37). In his own words, he used those 4 chapters, to define the following:

“… firstly, the choice of the units of quantity appropriate to the problems of the economic system as a whole; secondly, the part played by expectation in economic analysis; and, thirdly, the definition of income.”

(Keynes 2017, p. 37)

I will use a similar approach, to define the flaw in today’s economic assumptions and give you the fundamentals of Fangyist economic theory.

Fangyism says that the current way value is assigned to products, labor and even nations as a whole, is incorrect. That is because the competitive nature of the assignment methods – “the higher the value, the better the status” is a form of competition – is in conflict with the fragility of nature.

In a competitive market, everyone his or her labor is intended for the maximization of the organization’s profit. Simultaneously, the media monitors the economic development of firms closely and the stock market fluctuates along.

Because of the general financial objective regarding maximum financial gains, earning as most as possible, with the least amount of capital and labor, is what dominates business philosophy. Regardless of the effect it has on nature, while that, in actuality, determines real value.

 

An example of this, is what is happening to the Cavendish banana. Scientists are incentivized to invent new races of bananas, because the popular curved yellow fruit that can be found in every supermarket, is threatened to go extinct. Fusarium fungi are destroying the plants and the soil they grow in (Reynolds 2018). (In Dutch, the illness of the species is called “Panamaziekte”.)

The consumer knows this, because the media have covered it (depending on their reach and audience). Other than that – in the western world – it seems to be business as usual. The bananas are in high demand, and the market is still competitive, so the price of the banana is kept low, and quick solutions are sought.

In the Netherlands, the short-term solution to this problem is to grow the Cavendish plants in glass houses, on rock wool and peat, instead of on regular soil (abroad).

Yes, in this way, the demands of our large and growing population are met. But our system, in this way, disregards the financial safety of plantation workers, and gets naturally grown high quality foods closer to extinction.

That is why – though it will not be in favor of many – Fangyism says it is better to let the price skyrocket, in a context like this. It is a better incentive to find a good solution to this problem of the risk of extinction.

As long as there is no alternative, collectively, the value of a banana should be based on the relationship between the amount of people who want the product, and the amount of products available. Prices would become higher, but nature would be treated better.

 

The Fangyist system, therefore, guarantees its citizens a basic income (of essential products) and uses a system to assign value to a product, which is based on availability, instead of on “competitive value”. This requires the use of calculation methods that are different from the ones we know and use today.

 

Calculation Methods of Today

The gross domestic product, also known as GDP, is an indicator of the total value of a national market. It is used as a controversial way to compare how wealthy a country is. But quality of and access to education, quality of and access to food, quality of and access to health care, and other sustainability related concepts, it does not indicate.

There are different ways to calculate the GDP:

 

  • The production approach
    By adding up all gross value added for goods and services, adding received taxes to that and subtracting product subsidies from that.
  • The income approach
    By adding all employees’ incomes, profits (or gains) of businesses and incomes of small and unregistered businesses to that, plus all received taxes, and subtracting subsidies.
  • The expenditure approach
    The equation for this calculation method, Y = C + I + G + (X – M), is known as the Keynesian model of macroeconomics, where Y (GDP) is equal to C (consumption), I (investment), G (government expenses), X (export), minus M (import). (In Dutch schools, this is Y = C + I + O + (E – M).)

In theory, every calculation method should have the same value as its outcome. Whether this is true or not, in the end, the value does not say anything about available resources and intellectual capital in a country at all. In Fangyism, available resources and intellectual capital (including individuals), is what determines national value. It does not acknowledge any of the GDP calculation methods.

Government expenses, for example, can, in my Fangyist optics, never be seen as an addition of value. By way of illustration, let’s say milk farmers are having financial trouble, because people are not buying enough milk, so the government keeps bulk-buying extra milk, until the farmers earn enough to not go bankrupt. This expense cannot be seen as an addition to national value, because of the following reasons:

  • The product was bought by means of support, because no one else was buying it, so it does not have its purchase value after being bought, because no one wants it. (It could have basically been given away for free, or have been used for a milk-themed pool party.)
  • The product has a due date.
  • Tax money has been spent to waste natural resources (though artificially sired Holstein cows exist, which I consider unnatural cows), just for the sake of keeping the prices in this economic mechanism low.

Another example of controversial added government value, is the taxpayer money spent to celebrate the king’s birthday as a national holiday. (I am sure that the holiday is valued, but when it comes to nature being stripped from its resources, it is not an addition.)  Before I tell you what calculation methods the Fangyist system does acknowledge, I would like to zoom in on another aspect of my digression.

 

Labor’s Total Value

Keynes defined the total value of labor, with the following equation:

E = N x W

Where E is the total wages and salaries, N stands for the total amount of employment and W stands for the (marginal) wage-unit. This means that N = 1 resembles one hour of labor for a regular employee. An employee with special skills (who receives a higher salary than a regular employee), his or her value of N is based on the relative difference in hourly rate.

So, for example, a firm has two employees, of which one is regular and the other one has special skills. They both work 5 hours. The regular employee is paid €10 per hour, and the employee with special skills is paid €20 per hour. For the regular employee, N = 5 and W = €10. For the special employee, N = 10 and W = €10. It follows that:

 

E = 15 x €10

E = €150

In this context, the value of labor is based on skill and/or education, and the amount of hours the employee has worked. Productivity, actual capabilities and inflation are not part of this calculation. Today, (in the Netherlands,) inflation is taken into consideration when a salary is calculated, and performance/productivity bonuses exist.

However, Fangyism does not consider an addition to the value of a nation, because many types of labor add more pollution than improvement, to nature. Any action that includes environmental destruction, for the sake of making profit, can never be seen as something that is beneficial to a country.

 

Fangyist Functions

Fangyist economics is a sustainable alternative to modern economics. Fangyist equations can be used by both firms and nations. Its outcomes are precise values, instead of estimates, indicating its value and indirect development status. They (solely) apply to the Fangyist system, of which all aspects are non-profit. As long as that system is not established yet, its functions are arguable.

The Value of Labor

The Value of Labor function, indicates, when results are compared over several periods of time, the general value and efficiency of Fangyist employment. It looks like this:

L: Labor, is separately measured in tangible Fangia (tF) and intangible Fangia (iF). (They can, in reference to part one of this article, still be renamed RLF and DF.) For nations and firms, in which both tangible and intangible goods and services are delivered, the total value of labor, is calculated in the following way:

 

L = LtF + LiF

N: The value of N, is the total of employees that have been/will be paid in tangible Fangia and/or intangible Fangia. Keynes translated this value to hours of labor and pre-defined skill about which price agreements are made. Fangyism counts one employee, regardless of whether he or she is educated or not, or has some other type of distinguishment, with the value of one. It is the calculation in between brackets that determines the monetary value yielded by an employee. So one uneducated employee and one employee with 6 PhDs, both solely working with tangible Fangia, give us: NtF = 2.

The total amount of employees, is distinguished in whether they yield and work with tangible Fangia and/or intangible Fangia. If an employee works with both tangible and intangible Fangia, his or her returns are calculated in both the tangible and the intangible labor function. For administration purposes, the total can be calculated like this:

 

N = NtF + NiF

R: This value stands for the return, which is what an employee earns back, in either tangible Fangia, or intangible Fangia.

I: The investment of resources, needed to yield the return, are deducted from the returns earned by the employee. This value includes not only what is literally needed to create the product or deliver the service. It also includes the employee’s cups of coffee, pollution from commuting and anything else the employee wouldn’t be doing in that measured period of time, if he or she weren’t working for D.O.C.I.S. International or one of its partners.

 

Let’s say we have a Fangyist business that sells art of an artist online and from the artist’s home studio. The Fangyist value of labor, is then calculated in the following way:

Value of Labor 1 Jan 2019 – 31 Jan 2019

i [Employee] Intangible Return Intangible Investment Tangible Return Tangible Investment
1 [The Artist]

iF 96,348 * 0.5

iF 0

tF 15,630 * 0.8

tF 5680

2 [Web development and web maintenance]

iF 96,348 * 0.3

iF 1,235 tF 0

tF 653

3 [Sales & Correspondence]

iF 96,348 * 0.2

iF 429 tF 15,630 * 0.2

tF 1864

Totals

iF 96,348 iF 1,664 tF 15,630

tF 8,197

When this is done for every month, which is a requirement for Fangyist accounting, individual and overall labor. The salary of a Fangyist is his or her basic income – which is equal for everyone – and what he or she has earned, which is his or her individual total of R – I. The way a salary is divided into tangible Fangia and intangible Fangia, depends on the choice of the receiver.

 

Fangyist accounting requires every single investment done to be reported (including indicating for which employee the expense is made), to keep a clear overview of the state of available natural resources and other products in a country.

 

The Value of Produce

A second basic equation of Fangyist economics, is the Value of Produce. An individual product (or service), is valued in the following way:

For a single product:

P is the value of a product, in either tangible Fangia, or intangible Fangia. Which Fangyist valuta is chosen, depends on whether the product is tangible or not.

Q is the total amount of available products at a certain point in time.

D stands for the amount of people who demand the product.

This is multiplied by the multiplier of tangible or intangible Fangia, which is determined by all supply and demand traffic on Planet Fang.

 

For an accumulation homogeneous products:

The Fangyist value of an accumulation of products, is calculated by multiplying the value of a single product, with A: the amount of products (to be) sold.

 

Routinous Jobs

As you might have noticed, Fangyist labor gives an individual employee a lot of responsibility, and is more focused on different disciplines working together, than having large individual departments. All routinous jobs should be replaced by artificial intelligence, is one of the things a Fangyist lives for, to accomplish. I have several reasons why I believe this:

  • It is more reliable
    Productivity of AI is much easier to estimate, compared to the unpredictable productivity of a human being. There is also no risk of the device committing fraud, or loses out on productivity, because it has been gossiping in the coffee corner for too long. Aside from maintenance, it does not come with unpredictable costs.
  • It allows for easy, limitless improvement
    When a technique evolves, AI can evolve much quicker, compared to a human being, who needs to follow a re-education program and needs practice.
  • It is far more sustainable to nature
    An electronic device that runs on sustainable energy, pollutes a lot less than a human being, who pollutes the Earth by (most methods of) commuting, lunch breaks, requires office parties etc., and often still depends on technology (and the added pollution thereof), to do his or her routinous work.

One of the first objectives of D.O.C.I.S. International, aside from the general construction of its corporate state and compounds, is to implement this shift at once, for every nation and/or firm who is interested in forming a partnership with this organization.

 

Initiating Change

The change D.O.C.I.S. International aims for, is the rapid implementation of solutions that will make the common routine of life a more diverse experience, in a way that is the outmost sustainable.

To make the Fangyist system officially existent, the first step is collective currency conversion, officially establishing the Fangia. This is what happens after the second part of the D.O.C.I.S. International Partnership Agreement is signed collectively. Conversion is withheld, until the total value of the assets to be converted, is more than enough to fund our new state with.

The more-than-two-factor selection process, is designed to filter out those who are the best at keeping up with the level of complexity and responsibility this organization carries. This is because every officially registered and acknowledged member, is co-owner of the organization.

 

The Debate

Fangyism is extremely controversial. Still, some form of consensus, together with those who do not accept it, has to be found. That is why the debate is set up around the following questions:

  • Is the Fangyist system fair?
  • Can the Fangyist system last, in practice? Or will society’s common routine of life disrupt it, the way it disrupts nature?

 

Potential Outcomes

For an overview of Fangyists and non-Fangyists, in accordance with the Universal Standard of Human Reasoning, potential outcomes of the debate are pre-defined (though any other type of outcome is welcome as well):

  • We all agree that Fangyism is the way to go, and everyone qualifies for it
  • There is no consensus, thus a new parting of cultures will emerge

    This means that the world will then run on the modern economic system and the Fangyist economic system, parallel to each other, but as separate closed economies. Reasons for disagreement could be the following beliefs:
    • “The Fangyist system is not my utopia.” / “I don’t believe that the Fangyist system is an improvement to society.”
    • “I don’t want my life to change.”
    • “This is too difficult for me to understand.”

 

What is next?

As long as D.O.C.I.S. International does not have any ambassadors or sponsors, I will continue to attempt to make myself heard through text, until enough funds are acquired to deliver the message of D.O.C.I.S. International beyond its own digital realm. After that, the Fangyist system could be put into practice.

You will be kept up to date of the organization’s development and the moment the official (non-digital) debate takes place, by signing up for Project Nosce Te Ipsum.

Hopefully, by the time the next part of the MacroFangs part of the Nosce Te Ipsum series is released, there is a debate to discuss…

 

Reference List

Keynes, J.M. (2017), The General Theory of Employment, Interest & Money Wordsworth Editions Limited ed, Hertfordshire: Wordsworth Editions Limited

Reynolds, M. (2018), The banana is dying. The race is on to reinvent it before it’s too late [online], Wired [Viewed on April 14th], Available from: https://www.wired.co.uk/article/cavendish-banana-extinction-gene-editing

RTL Z (2018), Wageningse wetenschapper bedenkt oplossing voor zieke banaan [online], RTL Z [Viewed on April 14th], Available from: https://www.rtlz.nl/algemeen/binnenland/artikel/4517041/banaan-chiquita-cavendish-bananenziekte-wageningen

Click here to read MacroFangs part one, called Looking at Markets Differently [Keynes Part 1]

The featured image is made by Adrianna Calvo, downloaded from Pexels.com

I chose this image, because the Fangyist system is an economically safe, transparent and honest one, 
and Fangyist economics in practice, is a collective effort. 
An umbrella resembles reliability during bad times, and in this image, the sun is shining. The multitude of umbrellas, resembles the collective.
Blog, Images, Online Diary, Popular Posts

Cold Case 13 [Sunday, April 14, 2019]

01:35 (AM)

Meoow, tomorrow, my blog exists for one year. I wonder if I’m going to celebrate it by getting intoxicated by myself, the way I always celebrate my book releases, because I don’t know anyone who keeps up with and appreciates my writing, personally. Plus, I don’t have the funds to throw a party 🙁 .

I also, looking back at my first post on here, wonder why the fuck I still spend sooooo much time with my family. Why don’t they want to let me go for good, eternally x_x. I’m so tired of listening to their long and hurtful monologues. Especially after all of the SHIT I’ve lived through within this year, just because I want some healthy distance, so that I can breathe, think clearly and be myself. I have a superficial conversation tolerance level of any number far below 0.

Hopefully year 2 will bring me the distance from insincere love and superficiality, and the unification of Graeynissis, I so deeply desire.

I’ve been experiencing some not yet mentioned niss yesterday:

426 posts, by the time Future Fangyist Employment & Initiating Change is released 😮

Het is kruidcake en niet kruidkoek maar enfin

Co-cooked diet dinner was nice. My mother made the pasta that is part of the diet she is following, and I cooked some shrimp to eat with that.

It’s all right. However, for the sake of my health, I should (emigrate to) switch to naturally harvested foods only.

I notice that the cameras in the living room are making me feel even less comfortable at “home”. I wonder if other people have access to it, too. And if it’s easy to hack?

I hope my odd behavior hasn’t turned into comedy, because that would make me initiate the sickest personal vendetta…

Anyway, I’ve found the login credentials of that other Facebook account of mine, I wanted to delete. So I’m 100% Facebookless now. I feel relieved. I hope there will be a day in which it, for the majority of people, will be normal to not have any social media accounts.

My grandmother is staying with us, because the leakage in her house has been causing power outages. It’s a sign of decay, which indicates that a lottttt of things need to be replaced. Not only in her apartment – because the leakage is on multiple floors – but in the entire building, fundaments should be replaced. I wonder what will happen, when everything in Rotterdam reaches its peak of age and decay, and it can’t all be replaced at once, because everything is built so very close to each other.

I hope my mails and soon to be released article for which I will be beast mode writing today, will get me Graeynissis I can befriend, when I leave this dreadful family life behind me. Someone who sees my potential and wants to help me grow, instead of talk me out of it and have me sign up to live and grow old in the same city I was born in.

I really want to get out of here, but I can’t do that without having people to run away to/with.

I’m going to sleeep

Good nighttt ♥

xxx

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Cold Case 12 [Saturday, April 13, 2019]

02:35 (AM)

I feel like making kruidkoek today 🙂 .

No news from my mother yet. I don’t want to sound like a stalker, though. Asking soo much of her time to fix some issue of mine, in which I’m indirectly legally limited – after the whole fucking unnecessary police search thing – so dependency.

I still need

  • Mathematical model of Fangyist labor (processable in mobile application, dependent on NTI answers)
  • Ambassadors/people who would like to be audience
  • A screenplay budget (and a list of pricing options)
  • Overture example translated to mathematics
  • A finished contract

[As in deadline but I still have a deadly lot to do.] And mailinggg. But meoow 2 days until the article’s release? I hope I’ll succeed in scoring ambassadors in time? It would be veryyy satisfying…

And I’ve been asked to clean my room, because it’s such an awful sight.

I’m going to eat some and go to sleeep

xxx

04:31 (AM)

I’m too hyped to fall asleep. There are so many things I want to sayyy. But does professionality mean keeping word usage as limited as possible? It’s not my preference…

Looook at thisss:

February 2014 – April 2019

December 2013

Psychiatry has emotionally traumatized me, which causes me to be less outgoing.

I’m more myself now, though.

This is just a draft…

My last e-mail is easier to understand, when this article is finished. But is it too late to send something, when a lot of time has passed since the moment initiating it has passed¿

Meoww I don’t know, but I’m sending at least one thing todaay.

And I’m going back to trying to sleep xxx

~~~

13:21 (01:21 PM)

I woke up not so long ago… My bed is already transformed into my office again.

Hehe meoow

I don’t know what to eat for “breakfast”… And I don’t know if a mail sent on a Saturday will be received with annoyance¿ I’m just going to do it thoughh.

Look at me type all kinds of stuff about e-mailing and then referring everyone to my website, as if that is something common haha x_x . I’m so fangyyy.

Lil Fangs

Ever since that update, I somehow get an upload error, every time I insert an emoji 🙁

~~~

17:14 (05:14 PM)

My last email is sent. I’m now untwisting my afro’s twists, so that I can wash it and try out the products I bought yesterday 🙂 .

After that, the order of things that I “have to” do, is:

  1. Article
  2. Contract
  3. Updating websites (againnnnnnnn)

~~~

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Cold Case 11 [Friday, April 12, 2019]

00:21 (12:21 PM)

The conversation I want to haveeeee

Meoww I meant three e-mails (to three different people) and I have not sent them yett.

This far, all of my e-mails ever sent – aside from what I sent Dr. Crutzen about campaigning – have not led to the type of partnership I attempt to create. I want the three newly composed ones to be structured in such a way that any form of addition to my organization, is the only thing it could lead to.

Meoww I fell asleep right after having played the piano. I’m going to continue sleeping, so I’ll talk to you later ♥

xxx

04:52 (AM)

I can’t seem to fall asleep again, so I’ve just drafted part 2 of my series about Keynes, a little:

I hope you’ll love it 🙂 . That about the packing list is not part of the article, haha. Just a little reminder to-self :).

I want to somehow mention this in the e-mails I want to compose and the debate I’d like to organize. Oh meoww and I should really show them my Overture!

The main reason why I want to reach out to them, is because I consider them the right people for acknowledging my business.

To establish the D.O.C.I.S. International brand, I need people to spread the word. But because of the mission and the impact of the organization, an ambassador can’t be just anyone. It should be someone who lives in accordance with the philosophy of the organization, who can add something to the cause.

~~~

15:18 (03:18 PM)

Meoww I’m about to leave my bed, get to drafting and typing and afterwards buy some things that satisfy my basic needs:

  • Organic soaps
  • Organic shampoo, conditioner (& hair mask), hair oil & leave-in (or something else for “regular” curly hair)
  • New fluoride free toothpaste & new toothbrush

My friday night plans are to relax some more… Though I really should be doing something about the space I’m living in… My bedroom is too small for all of my belongings, so it has become a health and fire hazard. And my back hurts from my mattress x_x.

~~~

22:40 (10:40 PM)

Meoww two out of three mails are sent, I’ve eaten dinner and I’ve bought most of the products I intended to buy, though they only sold products for caucasian hairtypes. It will be my first time trying Weleda’s hair products. Usually I only use their skin products, toothpaste and lip balms.

Lil Fangs Weleda Dr. Hauschka

#Unsponsored I’ll be using that walnut oil for my afro hehe.

People always tell me that I shouldn’t send out e-mails late at night, because it’s creepy, but maybe creepy will finally be the new cool? Hahahah I’m a night personnn…

There is one more mail I’m going to composeee xxx.

~~~

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Cold Case 10 [Thursday, April 11, 2019]

05:40 (AM)

Goood morning ♥

I was able to get myself out of bed. I need to leave the house around 06:15 AM xxx.

~~~

06:47 (AM)

I’m in the metrooo. I brought myself something to read along the way haha

History?

~~~

11:01 (AM)

I’m having funnn

I like listening to the perspectives of people with influence. It’s inspiring 🙂 .

Haha meoww I played “stage volunteer” but I couldn’t help but vent a little pessimism, while my task was to defend optimism. Consider it Fangyism, because I just really had to indirectly mention that this “marketing neo-capitalism” we’re living is going to get us run out of fossil fuels way faster than “we” can cope with. It was about whether we are living in good times, or bad times.

Is it only in the Netherlands, to have people ask veryyyy long questions where they indirectly discuss their biography with you? I wonder what the purpose of those audience questions that stall all of the action is.

I made some friends 😀 . Quicker than I thought, because I was quite nervous coming here solo. I’m still dealing with some slight social anxiety, but that will vanish later, I’m sure 🙂 . (I really feel like drinking lol. But I won’t! I think¿)

~~~

12:07 (PM)

I wonder if there are ways to grow a business, without doing networking and social media marketing. It’s not easy – since I’m speaking from experience (I’m unfortunately really not in the mood to chat about regular business things and use a lot of jargon (I’m not good at thattt)) – but I think that you’d filter out “the perfect group of customers and employment”, by using that approach. I’m almost there, I hope. (I’ll get back to this.)

~~~

13:42 (01:42 PM)

I think I would do muuuch better at events that are focused on executives only. I think people who are not above the business chain (this excludes students) are far too busy trying to distinguish themselves. They should be looking for ways to innovate themselves. (Especially because they risk to be replaced, when I seize power.)

I feel honored to have had a chance to speak to the CEO of Ahold Delhaize, F. Muller, in person, and ask for his perspective on non-digital business development, in regard to the decay of the waterworks. Though his answer was beautifully formulated, it has worried me A LOT. It was a confirmation of a gut feeling I’ve had plenty of times, which I must have mentioned around the time I stopped working for the ANWB.

There is no plan, for when “it” happens. When the dykes break and more than 40% of this country turns into literal Atlantis, there is no emergency plan, prepared long in advance. It makes it a lot harder to state my business case, because, since I’m still very young and learning, it’s a lot easier for me to suggest improvements, than to break down my entire concept of an emergency plan from scratch. This is because of the language barrier that comes with the many emergency situation related business that are not commonly defined yet. I’d be speaking a language only I know.

I left the event before group lunch… It feels a bit odd to have done this, because it was what I was looking forward to the most, but I just so intensely felt like crying after indirectly hearing that it will be a lot less easy to roll out my full concept (because it would be easier for me to make my statement, if the government already had its emergency plan), and I was very annoyed by the “Hear me sound all businessy, while I actually only make empty statements”-attitude of many people in the audience.

I was literally fighting an internal battle, to not raise my voice and speak my mind (to say that those fucking long questions that sound like Dutch politicians sound when they just talk until they can walk away from the press, are not suitable for the type of event). At some point I even felt like throwing my notebook at someone…

I would love to start a conversation about what I could do for HBR and vice versa, as well as literally all other big organizations that partner with them. But my sadness, annoyance, frustration and stress (plus hunger crankiness…) were getting quite intense.

I feel bad for leaving the Saxion University students I just met, without saying anything. They already went to the lunch room, when I was talking to mr. Muller. After my exchange of words with him, I wanted to say soooooo much more, I could have been talking for weeks. But of course, every one wants to speak to him, and the same goes for the other executive-level men there, so I’d have to cling to my newly made friends and endure the sound of meaningless words exchange around me, but I know I wouldn’t be myself.

It really warms my heart, to have met two non-native young people who truly think about real innovation. People who really think of their own identity and our processes of global change, instead of being overly infatuated with just business talk itself. I really hope to see them again. The same goes for the truly powerful Graeynissis who were present. It’s too bad that I’m not feeling wel.

But I have a lottttt of inspiration for my next article about Keynes, now! And I have veryyyyyyyy useful e-mail addresses 🙂 . I’m going to get composing right when I get home 🙂 .

I still have not eaten yet, today x_x. My feelings have made me spontaneously prefer to eat by myself. So I’m on the trainn…

~~~

15:41 (03:41 PM)

I’m homeee. My parents are off to their therapist – because I’m such a terrible child – so I’m home aloneee.

Lil Fangs / Dominique Elia

Meoow I’m so not able to act happy. But I’m happy to enter relaxing mode 🙂 .

Lil Fangs / Dominique Daniëlle Elia

I wanted to make a better “first” impression on you…

But meoww I have infinite ways to innovate D.O.C.I.S. International, so at some point, we’ll be business partners, like I want us to be 🙂 . I want to be one of those Graeynississss.

~~~

16:52 (04:52 PM)

I’m going to eat a kiwi. Before this, I ate “a sandwich” with salmon.

After composing, I will compose two e-mails. Then play Pixel Action Heroes on my Nintendo switch and then probably get some resttt 🙂 .

~~~

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Cold Case 8 [Tuesday, April 9, 2019]

01:15 (AM)

Meoww D.O.C.I.S. International had a net loss of €96.14, the first quarter of 2019, I just calculated 🙁 .

Meooow 🙁 🙁

This is included in the loss I spoke of two days ago. Luckily I owe the right to a tax back of 21% on (taxable) business expenses. It sucks that, in theory, I now have to pay 21% of the €34.84 (though these were my own purchases 🙁 ) I’ve “earned”, to the government -.- .

Haa I got distracted from book keeping. Oh meoww I’ve spent even more, actually. I need to add my PayPal account to my database, still. I haven’t worked on the contract yet, still, either x_x.

I did make a personal profit of €171.48 this month

2019Quarter1…

The “Personal Donations” is the money I get from relatives, to get by. Yess I need a job, but I’d rather become CEO in a day than climb up the ladder… So sticking to D.O.C.I.S. International and nothing else it isssss….

When I then deduct the loss of D.O.C.I.S. of this quarter, I have made a profit of €75.34 this month. But about €50 on business expenses still need to be added to this balance, so then it’s €25,34 🙁 . And all this time, my bank account’s has been chilling around its €500 limit, and it still is, so my calculations must be very correct 🙂 . (And it’s still not a literally negative income… 🙂 )

You should know that I scored a 2.5 (depressingly bad) on my accounting exam, when I was still an economics student. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t do this 🙁 . I just don’t like being obligated to learn things that are less important to me…

~~~

05:20 (AM)

Meoww I just finished working on the contract and late night dish washing. So much for being part of a participant household. Especially my wallet is participating.

I now also finished my late night granola and will go to sleep

I believe mr. Elia threatened to kill me, under his breath, since he’s slowly starting to figure out that I’m going to destroy his fraud empire, and make my own empire thrive.

Cheers

xxx

16:09 (04:09 PM)

Still in bed… I’m contemplating between going to the gym and playing basketball… I think I’ll play basketball today and go to the gym tomorrow.

I love to vent my blood lust with exercise 🙂 . It’s addictive.

Something I really want to get better at, by the way, is shooting. I’m talking guns. If police may walk around armed, then citizens should be allowed the same thing. Otherwise it’s not an equal battle for life. Plus, who is the cop who makes sure that dirty cops get prosecuted?

I can’t wait to finally know all fraud empire details (you know: who of our fake relatives is involved, do they also do human trafficking, have they already framed me, how much money are they hiding…) 🙂 . It’s better for them to be prosecuted in their disgusting national system, because in the Fangyist system, their crimes would mean the death penalty 🙂 .

If I ever die under strange circumstances, you know who it was 🙂 . It’s easy for him to kill me, because he is not my biological father, but I do have his last name.

Money makes people do craaazy things. And aside from his perky secret fraud lifestyle, he has nothing. Only watching television, until it’s time to act perky again.

I think the fact that I’d hate myself if I’d live like that, is another reason why he hates me.

Ah meow enough about this person who makes me want to kill and vomit (literal disgust… The scent oh my god x_x) on sight.

~~~

17:35 (05:35 PM)

Change of plans. From the backyard I can see that the basketball field is occupied, and I want to play full field by myself, which is not possible, so I’m heading to the gym.

This was me yesterday:

Lil Fangs

Better lightingg

This is me today:

Lil Fangs

Is it just me, or do I look like a little B?

I am still able to crack a smile 🙂 . (But whitening my teeth would make me happy haha…)

I make my own work-out scheduless. Yesterday, it was:

  • 07:50 min threadmill (3 min jogging, 2 min side-step both sides, about 1 min spriting and then walking it out a little)
  • 3 sets x 10 times lifting that 50kg for my legs and back
  • 3 sets x 7 times training abs by using my legs to lift my entire body off the bench I do this exercise on
  • 3 sets x 7 times lifting a weight for my triceps 12kg
  • 45 minutes of freestyle fighting using two punching bags (resembling two enemies)

Today, I’m thinking of:

  • Doing the same warming-up as yesterday
  • 3 sets x 10 times lifting 50 kg for my legs and back
  • 3 sets x 7 times abs full body weight
  • 3 sets x 10 times training biceps by punching with weights (idk how many kgs yet, because I haven’t done that exercise in quite a while)
  • Springtouwen? & Other jumping exercises (like jumping squats)

I’m going to finish my granola and tea, maybe eat some fruit, if I’m still hungry, and then head to the gymm xxx

I’m also going to visit my former piano teacher today, for a technical lesson 🙂 .

~~~

22:32 (10:32 PM)

Meoww my day was very nice 🙂 .

I stirred in this exercise, because I had to wait until the bench I use to train my abs was freee

And I was tired of “jump roping” quite fast, so I decided to do some freestyle fighting again. Made this very short video of it haha x_x.

My piano lesson was very nice. I hadn’t seen my teacher in decades, so we spent most of the time catching up. I like that I can level with her. She has been my piano teacher for almost 10 years now!

I hope you’ll see more of her work, via my publishing network 🙂 .

Depending on what comes on my path the coming week, I might visit her again next week.

My wanderlust is too heavy. I still desperately want to emigrate…

I wonder when my B ( = dr. Crutzen) will be in the Netherlands again. I’m still waiting to hear “the news” regarding our encounter, the way a pet waits in front of the window, until its owner comes home.

Remember that time when I was taken out to lunch to be told to stop contacting dr. Crutzen personally, but wait until my mother has arranged our encounter?

I read that one e-mail I first didn’t read, to make sure that I wouldn’t start mailing him again, because that was what I was told not to do, but it literally only said “OK, I will call you tomorrow at 13:00.” I guess I then have a different understanding of the English language. My goddd why may I not just schedule this meeting myself 🙁 .

I really dislike having missed out on a chance to hear his voice. The conversation took place at the scheduled moment, but I was not informed of its scheduled moment. I have to ask to see the e-mails he has sent.

He has such a pretty accent. And I can have good conversations with him. But in the end, this is all just to schedule that encounter, so luckily a real chance to hear his voice I’ll still get.

Hmmm what should I do now… I’m afraid I’ll make structural mistakes if I I start working on my contract now. I’m a bit tired…

My late night snack will be supermarket rice pudding I saw in the fridge, and after that, I’m going to enter bed pet mode.

Tomorrow, I’m going to chill with a friend. We’re going for a walk in the forest (because it’s fun and I’m on a budget) and will be meeting at a normal time (13:00), so I can’t go to bed at 5 AM and keep laying in it until 5 PM. I’m glad 🙂 .

Good nighttt ♥

~~~

Blog, Images, Online Diary, Popular Posts, Strategy

Cold Case 7 [Monday, April 8, 2019]

01:27 (AM)

I love Mondays, because it’s a lot more quiet around, when people are at work 🙂 . I hope I’ll be able to hand dr. Crutzen his contract today 🙂 .

I’m working on the renewed contract, in my bed. Here is a sneak preview of the contract I wanted to offer him in 2017:

This was a previous attempt of me to free myself from psychiatric surveillance and intertwine our lives. (With no success…) The D.O.C.I.S. International contract is built up very differently and is written in English.

The personal side of my case is not part of the new contract. It’s separate and there is no geheimhouding (confidentiality agreement), because that has been fucked up ever since I was reported missing anyway.

That is why not long after I started losing my battle for true freedom more, I decided to make it more public than anything has ever been public.

The D.O.C.I.S. International Partnership Agreement (which consists of two parts), is all about getting influence in D.O.C.I.S. International’s strategy and becoming part of a new financial system.

The first agreement is about initiating the process of becoming intelectually and financially intertwined. The second one about sealing out partnership.

I hope you’re interested in signing it, too! In advance, you should know that certain criteria have to be met, before one can register as a candidate of my organization.

~~~

12:54 (PM)

Good afternoon 🙂

Today is the first time I’ve had a non-self-made breakfast in a veryyy long time. The purest tasting yoghurt with granola I’ve ever eaten. Meoww I want to make my own recipe for thiss, with different and stronger spices.

Funny thing is that I’ll never get rid of the idea that people can be secretly putting drops of antipsychotics into my foods, as long as I’m in this country, which causes me to be so desperate for emigration. It’s one of the reasons why I find so much peace in cooking for the family alone.

Letting go of this life will not be easy, in the beginning. There are so many people I considered friends to grow old with.

But when I look at what I want to accomplish in life, my full determination, and the way they so firmly believe that the accomplishment of my dream is impossible, it’s overly clear that in reality, I’ve never had a chance for a future with those people.

My level of reasoning is dragged way down, every second of time I spend with them. The things they incentivize me to think of are always far too superficial. They’re so shallow that I get annoyed instantly.

Their weakness is so severe that “The world is impossible to improve” is considered a fact by them and me not believing in their fact, has been a reason for a collective of pessimistic people with no purpose in life, to diagnose me with schizophrenia.

I bet the way I’ve been stigmatized, brings them a lot of joy. Finally, a chance to not stand in the shadow of my intelligence, but to be considered someone who understands reality, “while I don’t”.

Another reason why I’ll feel relief in intercontinental distance (since California is still where I want to live until I have my own land), is because I then do not have to look my traitors in the eye anymore.

Everyone in my social circle acts nice to me, but from the way they formulate their sentences and the topics of conversation they use, I know that since I was reported missing in 2017, the greatest gossip scheme about me ever, has come to life. I can see it in their eyes. They’re not very good at acting genuine.

By going missing, I’ve, veryyy unfortunately, put my fate in their hands. They could freely decide whether to make me or break me. It’s easy to do to someone who aspires a public career. To say positive words about me, when I’m gone, or to lie and be overly negative, directly determines my public image, because my career had, back then, not officially started yet. (I still have not begun yet. I believe that it should start with a ceremony.)

It hurts me to know for over two years, that they would rather bring me down to make themselves look greater than I, than to just be genuinely supportive.

I would never be able to represent someone else in a tough period and then portray him or her like a bad person. To live with my loved ones having done that to me, on my conscious, is the reason why I have become so blood thirsty.

I must admit that I often make myself visualize myself taking their lives, because I find satisfaction in the idea of them not being able to prevent the world from becoming better, anymore. Bunch of frauds.

Using personal media to speak of someone negatively goes against my principles, but now that they have taught the world a lie about me, I have no other choice but to use my diary to expose them.

They are all very aware of that when my image is destroyed, I “have no option but to stay with them”, and I’ll have to live the proletarian life I’ve been complaining about, my entire existence.They smile when they start conversations about the way I’m living a hell of a life.

My theory is that ever since I was reported missing, they, as a collective, have broken so many laws together, that – even though it’s so overly clear that we’re not a good fit – they have decided to do everything in their power to make sure that I do not expose their secret.

Regardless of whether or not I’d actually enjoy being their indirect captive, they have their “unspoken” (only behind my back, of course (gross)) group pact they’ll have to stick to for the rest of their lives in this more than life size underwater trench of a country. And they must be making certain that I don’t find any hard evidence of this, because they know my sense of justice very well.

It really is too bad for them that the only way they’ll ever get a slight chance of doing something truly memorable, which future generations will know, is by being written down in my online diary. It saddens me that they have nothing more to offer. (Especially in my organization, there is nothing to do for them, because it will be far too complex for them.)

~~~

14:35 (02:35 PM)

I know I’ll seal and celebrate the parting, by spontaneously changing my number and deleting my Whatsapp account, without saying anything. I mean, “they don’t read my diary”, so it must be “surprising”.

Sadly, doing that will only be successful when I emigrate and dr. Crutzen signs my contract. If not today, then hopefully tomorrow.

I’m going to head to the gym now and then get to work on the contract and self-designed screening process 🙂 .

~~~

17:42 (05:42 PM)

I’ve amped-up to 50 kgs 🙂

And I used the treadmill instead of the cross trainer 🙂

~~~

22:22 (10:22 PM)

Meoww I spent more time at the gym than I intended to, I had random inspiration for this note-to-self article and I spent more time on my bezwaarschrift (notice of objection) than I intended to.

I ended it with a nice and formal fuck you 🙂 . I am not going to pay €369 for “being too late” filing my taxes for 2016, while I reported my 2016 €0 revenue on time. And I didn’t have an income tax job. Ben je nou godverdomme helemaal van de pot gerukt 🙂 .

That image, again, shows a lott of transparencyyy. I have more of those gems in my diary 🙂 .

Meowss I’m going to walk to the mailbox at the metro station to post this letter. The letter with the fine on it says that if the letter is not received by the 12th of April, my objection will not be taken into consideration.

Fucking disgusting tax system.

Tomorrow is my B’s favorite day (is that one of our inside jokes¿). I hope I’ll succeed in finishing our contract on time, but I’m tired 🙁 . And I don’t know when to expect him x_x.

~~~

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Cold Case 6 [Sunday, April 7, 2019]

01:59 (AM)

What is safety, in this context?

Back-up in the cloud and on my laptop itself? Back-up on an external device? A back-up on paper? If the bank loses my files they’re in trouble. Back-up on a satellite? Back-up 10000 meters below sea level?

What is trust? [Het financieel systeem is zo lek als een mandje. Uiteindelijk klopt mijn boekhouding nog he… Hoeveel procent van de wereldbevolking is fraudeur?]

Oh boy, I need to be in the city center of Rotterdam at about 11 o’clock today. To cheer for my mother, because she’s going to run a marathon tomorrow.

My god please do not expect me to elaborate on that with sentimental wordsI’m busyyyy xxx

After cheering, I have a contract to adjustttt

“Case closed”?

I’m also fighting blood thirst. In case you were looking for ammo 🙂 .

~~~

08:48 (AM)

Good morning 🙂

I have not slept yet. I said “tomorrow”. That’s what I usually refer to, when I speak of coming events, before going to sleep.

A loss of 61,287.- Euros x_x. 1 Jan 14 – 5 Apr 19. The query shows dollar signs, but the actual amounts are in euros. My laptop considers me American haha. ( = Conscious antrophomorphism, not schizophrenia)

I want to sleep, but also feel like continuing the application I intend to build, and this contract…

~~~

10:16 (AM)

Running late as usual. I’m going to cycle to the event.

~~~

12:25 (PM)

Unfortunately

I

Was

Not

Able

To find my relatives

I’m going to wash my afro now xxx.

I hope to see Benoît – sexy catje I hope to be calling daddyyy – soon. (Like tomorrow or something? I don’t like it when I’m prohibited from fixing something myself.)

Ik ben ook nog bij de Coolsingel geweest xd

Tension?

Handle disrespect with disrespect is the way to go

I saw my neighbor approaching her home, walking, as I approached my home, cycling.

I said “hi”

She did not respond.

I was quite stunned, because to me, it seemed like she noticed that I was there. Not that I was feeling like having a conversation, but jwt solidariteit. I’m tiredd.

I went inside to hang my coat, because I was dressed quite warm.

I went outside again, to put my bike in the shed

She asked me if my mother’s marathon went well.

I said “Vast wel” and went inside, zwiepte de deur dicht, met mijn vingers.

Doing everyday shit with Lil Fangs

Minus the sentimenttt

It’s fun 😀 .

~~~

14:43 (02:43 PM)

Nu ik die vervallen teringzooi in Rotterdam heb gezien ben ik gelijk weer helemaal van slag 🙁 . (That sounds funny to me.)

Something very pressing about my life philosophy, is that I find that a new collective should take the lead, regarding the environmental decay of the Netherlands, the way nature could strike out of nowhere, and how just keep making the dykes higher is not solving the problem.

I hope to be able to figure out a way to emigrate (being a Dutch citizen is like having a financial ankle bracelet, shout out to the Belastingdienst [I’m sooooo pro tax reform]), after seeing my B.

I’m making a packing list, just in case 🙂 .

Always sidewaysss

As I ponder and gaze at this tree, I think: “Is it always winter, below sea level?”

~~~

23:31 (11:31 PM)

If I’m correct, the week in which I finally get my life back to normal (I mean normal as in justice, having someone to talk to, finally getting a proper chance to get my business off the ground, et cetera), has begun 🙂 .

I hope I’ll be able to be certain about this – but I’m unfortunately still subject to people who have authority over me, while they should not have this. Not only because I’m competent. More because I consider them unable to truly do what is right.

Especially after the 22 years of being taken for granted, being discriminated, being stigmatized, et cetera. My goddd I’d kill for the certainty to never see these people again.

I sooo hopeee I can move to any place where someone like me – someone who prefers silence over hearing superficial shit conversations and being in large hoards of people while inhaling big city car fumes – can live in peace.

Soo yess I’m just going to keep my side of the encounter short. I’ll offer him a new version of the contract I had composed for him in 2017. Other than that, I hope we can get to private brainstorming soon 🙂 .

We’ll become One. That is what the contract does and that is what D.O.C.I.S. International means.

I just woke up from my long nap, after having gone a few days pulling all-nighters. Time for late night dinner and making this contracttt xxx

~~~

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Untitled [Saturday, March 16, 2019]

13:26 (01:26 PM)

Good afternoon ♥

I just came here to start this post. I’m going to make some homework assignments for Genesis. As in: I’m going to make a couple of homework exercises to help her, the steph-grandchild of the people in whose house I live, go to the next grade with full certainty. 

After the shower is free, so that I don’t have to interrupt myself while I’m busy for her, when go to this birthday party of a family friend. 

Having feelings for family friends is a very trippy topic of conversation, by the way. I feel like such a sad petje right now 🙁 . 

~~~

20:31 (08:31 PM) 

Currently, I’m at a birthday party. I had the most interesting conversation with my family friends Tyrone and Keanu, before we left their house, to come to decorate the party location their mother is celebrating her birthday at. Where I am right now, too. 

He told me that the dyke near their house will be raised two meters, that he once saw how there was only a very tiny difference between the height of the water and the tip of the dyke, and that once they had to evacuate due to the high water level. Those are such worrisome topics for teenagers 🙁 . 

I seriously plead for more drastic water-safety protocols. Man I really want some governmental power 🙁 .

There’s also this tiny harbor and freight storing location in front of their dyke house. Our parents are all really close and stuff.

I haven’t seen them in so long. The last time I saw them, they were veryyy busy with house renovations. That was years ago. But they’re still going steady with it. 

I took this picture in their bathroom

Did you know that I was named after their mother? Her name is Dominique. We’re now celebrating her birthday. Isn’t that hilarious? “Dominique is celebrating her “aunt” Dominique’s birthday” haha… “My aunt” who’s not my blood relative. 

Especially because of the “pallets storing” harbor-ish location in front of their house and the alarm system in my parents’ house, with the tons of fuuucking expensive computers and stuff, I really wonder… Why exactly are they teaching us that we’re family, while they call each other friends? 

~~~

Volta
Blog, Images, Popular Posts, Reflections

Volta’s Plan B in Practice

Have you ever encountered setbacks, while you’re working towards something that lies very close to your heart? This method will get you back on track in no time! Volta’s Plan B is focused on recovery from setbacks and keeping you in control of your own path. In this post, I’m applying the method to my own life.

Consider the method in Volta‘s first part, the 1.0 version of the method. There are some postulates in the book, about which I would very much appreciate the feedback of those who have read the book. If they suit the perception of the marjority of readers, I’m a lot closer to finding The Universal Standard of Human Reasoning. Since I have no official subjects [yet? :D], to tell me if the method suits them or not, I’ll continue to use the method on myself, and share my findings with you. I hope that you’ll be able to relate to my words, and that the strategy I use, suits you as well.


Approach


Overviewing the Method

Plan A was a risk, which was worth the shot. Unfortunately, it didn’t work out. What I want to achieve in the end, doesn’t change, so I need to work out an alternative, to stay on track. For that, its crucial to keep an overview of the method I have decided on and swear by. So I drew Volta’s method as a diagram:

Diagram about Volta

Changing a life around has never looked so simple 🙂

Of the three options that make “The Method”, only plan A and B should be defined from the start, but plan B only needs to be worked out in detail, when it’s needed. If plan A works out, having a fully worked out plan B is unnecessary. Also, I must say that I also find it very relaxing, to go back to the drawing table, and reflect on all of my Volta, before latching onto a new strategy. That’s another plus of plan B only being a short overall definition and an idea that only exists mentally. But choosing to define everything at once is, of course, good, too. The preferred approach depends per person.

A Volta is the shift from living a life that doesn’t fully satisfy you, towards a life that is fully satisfying to you, making you experience the ultimate form of happiness. An overview is created by stating short definitions of your current state, your desired state, your plan A and your plan B.

    • Current state
      I don’t have a fixed income. Because of that, I can’t afford my own place to work and live in. For my business to expand, I need to expand my network (with useful contacts… I aspire positive “macroeconomical influence”). To operate on that level, I need more multidisciplinary expertise and more capital.
    • Desired state
      I want to earn enough to provide myself with the comfort I desire. (Preferably, I’d like to move to California, but that doesn’t have to happen right away.) With my new expertise, my research can be finished, which I could use to find experts who would like to sponsor my work. I want to (acquire enough capital to) establish the brand of D.O.C.I.S. International, and find more publicists, with a campaign for the Nosce Te Ipsum collections. The business should become “The” [capital T!] holding for independent conceptualization in any field, with the intentions of improving the world for the greater good. Its end goal is constituting our own independent state (I’m talking about land and not the mind), in the future…
    • Preferred strategy
      Plan A was becoming the student of a properly ranked international university, but “tweaking” the curriculum into one where I can gain my multidisciplinary expertise (almost) straight from the expert, with a focus on my research endeavor. And prove my new knowledge by using it in additions to the Nosce Te Ipsum collections. The end result of that could have been used to market D.O.C.I.S. International And then marketing that entire process as well as the end result, for the accomplishment of my endeavors.
    • Plan B
      My new strategy will include working on payroll (full time), to afford my own place to live. On the side, I’ll follow a self-made study, writing and research schedule, to create a sample for the series and of my business, I could use to find (financial) supporters with, for D.O.C.I.S. International and Project Nosce Te Ipsum. I (somehow) also need to get in touch with influential experts.

Adjustments are made when complications are experienced during the execution of Plan B. That plan still has to be executed, so modifications will not be stated yet. I intend to shape my strategy in such a way that they won’t be needed.

Defining What Exactly Caused the Change of Strategy

The reason why I’m now switching to plan B, is very simple: plan A was only possible if the university accepted my offer, and my offer was rejected. I knew that I was taking a great risk, when I wrote my motivation letter so alternatively. I knew that I was not enthusiastic about becoming a regular student, and the acceptance of my research related alternative is all I would accept, and I was honest about that in my offer. Still, the rejection stung quite a bit, because I had that tiny bit of hope that the potential of my offer would have been seen. But it was written very abstractly, and not reviewed by that potential researcher I could have been working with, so now I’m back at being and staying fully independent.

Sure, I could have tried plan A on more than one university. Still, I only approached one university, because I knew of one (or maybe two or three) researcher(s) there, who already know some about what I’m working towards, and fully explaining everything from scratch would take soooo much time (which is also why the offer was written abstractly, and it included the name of my Graeyniss I wanted to continue working with). And I don’t like asking/begging and then being rejected. Especially not more than once. And especially not with something that lies so close to my heart. If it were a job hunt, I wouldn’t even care that much (but I still would care a little, though).

Why defining the painful reason why I’m switching from plan A to B is useful? Two reasons: now, some components that were part of “The Method”, will be stripped off and replaced, and it’s important that I now only ask things from external parties, when I reallyyyyy have to.

How to Bypass the Factors of Plan A and Stay on Track

Plan A may include as many external parties as desired, and in plan B, that should be kept to a minimum. Your first strategy may be anything. It may have the lowest chance of succeeding and may include the help of as many people as you want. In Plan B, you should play it safe and work as independently as possible. Click here for an example.

What I did before this, was wait for the acceptance or rejection of my offer, while releasing Volta and making some changes to my websites. The waiting was part of the plan. There was a small chance that I could be noticed by the university, so signing a contract for a full-time job, and then withdrawing from that in a few weeks’ time, because my offer was accepted (a 10% chance, if not less, but still…), is against my loyalty related morals.

Depending on a university for guidance in gaining expertise is off the table. Aside from my studies at The Open University, where I’m free to combine my personal endeavors with the process of obtaining a degree. The only reason why I still “want” to obtain a degree, is in case my business plans don’t work out and I need to live the rest of my life working on payroll.

The university was the only optional external party on my path, I could “ask for help”. To learn, I can also read a book by myself, so for that, the university is not a necessity. What has become hard, now that plan A is not possible, is that it has become much harder for me to build the right network. I hope that when I have amped-up my multidisciplinary levels of expertise, I’ll be able to attend serious Graeyniss events (and have the funds to attend those) and use that to meet the people I’ll need for the global Volta. I’ll also need them, to double-check the theoretical side of the Nosce Te Ipsum collections.

The major difference, when it comes to my main strategy, is that I’ll now have to search for all of the answers, to the global mystery I’m trying to solve, by myself… That reminds me of another group of external parties I need! (Even though, the Graeynissis, experts, investors and “informants”, might be the same people.) The most theoretical and “difficult” part of the expertise I seek for the Nosce Te Ipsum series and the global Volta, is “scientifically defining” how the system works. So the way economics, politics, law, et cetera, are globally linked together, stuck in a cycle. Most of my research will be literary (and alone…) now that I can’t ask a university researcher, but I’m quite sure that the depths of it, won’t be stated in the types of books I’ll be able to find. Maybe if I’m able to gain enough attention and appreciation with the work I do, one of the individuals whose expertise lies in the maneuvering in the depths of the system.

I’ll bypass the factors of plan A and stay on track, by doing fully independent self-study. At some point, I’ll need a better network, which I might be able to get, by attending events that will relate to my new expertise. (Or by being at the right place, at the right time. Or by my work being more popular by that time…)

Formulating a New Strategy to Achieve my Goals, in Detailed Steps

A strategy is complete, when you’re able to imagine your path to success, and it is the same as the schedule you have made for yourself on paper. It could be a schedule narrowed down to day-to-day tasks. It could be a list of tasks, not at all related to time. The exact application of the method, depends on what you’re working towards.

I find my steps by imagining my desired state and then comparing it to now. The end goal consists of the achievement of smaller goals and requirements. I keep asking myself: “What should I do to achieve that?” I ask myself that repeatedly, for every little aspect that makes up the end goal, until I can’t ask myself that question anymore, because the full strategy is defined.

This is the most fun part of strategizing 😀 . It’s also the most challenging part, because I want to prevent myself from making crucial changes to it, again! Blah blah introductory words about going to list the steps that will lead to achievements! Let’s get to it 😀

Step 1: A Summary of the New Strategy and a Financial Overview

[General: overall orientation on goal(s) and strategy]

Some of the goals I have relate to my personal life, and some relate to my endeavors in business. I consider them separate categories. So, my strategy is split into a personal side and a business side. I’ll summarize them in tables, because the steps I’ll take to achieve my goals, are also split into those two categories.

Usually, working on payroll, is seen as the “business” side of a life. But because the endeavor behind my sole proprietorship is so large, searching for a job is solely to cover my living expenses. (Unless my business plans all don’t work out, but I’ll have to be at least 35 to say that that happened. Before that, I really won’t stop trying. But as long as I don’t get there, I’ll attempt to climb up the corporate ladder.)

Personal Business
  • Income
    Of course, I need to stay able to pay my bills. There are new business expenses coming up as well (this far, I’ve covered all of my business expenses from my own pocket). Also, I would like to buy new clothes and change my hair and stuff… And re-stack my savings, after all of the turbulence in my life, which has cost me all of that. So, for the quickest guaranteed legal income, need to start working somewhere full-time, like I did when I came back from escaping turbulence in the US (while having my final exams et cetera, and still passing everything).
  • Living
    I need an office. Preferably one in my home. Yeah, that’s the second part: I need a home. But I prefer living in California over living in the Netherlands. Money wise, I can’t afford to live anywhere, which is why I’m still “crashing on the couch” in Amsterdam. That really needs to change. So I’ll rent something small I also need new people in my social circle, like I already mentioned in Volta. Some new friends I can do business with…
  • Expertise
    For my multidisciplinary endeavor, I need to know how the entire system works, before I can be certain about my concept for a new one, so I have some questions regarding the fields of economics, political science, law, mathematics, ecology, engineering, and the list goes on. (Since this is plan B,) I’ll be doing quite some self-study. What I learn and the way I’ll use my knowledge to achieve my goals, will become part of Nosce Te Ipsum.
  • Conceptualization
    The abstract main question of my multidisciplinary (pre-)research is “How does the system (really) work?” I want to turn my learning process into entertainment. [Of course, I need to have finished the written theoretical side before I start campaigning… And I need to expand my network, because videos of it are more fun, when I’m talking to an expert.] When all of my questions are answered, I can work out the rest of the Nosce Te Ipsum series. Its science fiction story is the survey, in which my concept for an alternative system is described, and the questions in it, relate to finding consensus, by finding The Universal Standard of Human Reasoning. I would like to bring the series out in book, audio and video format.
  • Scale
    For my business to become successful, I need to reach many more people. Not only because I need at least 15,000 subjects to ratify The Universal Standard of Human reasoning. It would also be nice to find publicists for D.O.C.I.S. International, and find people who would like to help me put into practice the practical side of the alternative system (including the state) I’ll be working out after I’m done writing down my plan B.

To make sure I stay on the right track and stay financially healthy, a quick overview of my monthly expenses and what I need to keep money aside for:

Title Category Recurrence Amount
Health insurance Personal Monthly €117.50,- (I need to add some modules to my subscription, though, since it got downgraded after I was behind on payments, but now that my doctor lives in Germany, let’s say it becomes €160,- once I start earning (including a buffer for own risk payments))
Phone subscription Personal(… for now…) Monthly €55,-
Spotify Personal Monthly €10
Webhosting Business Monthly €25
ISBNs Business Quarterly €50
Books Business Monthly (on average) €75
Hair, clothing and other appearance related things (like waxing hahaaaa I need to make sure that I don’t keep not doing that! x_x) Personal(/business?) One-time + monthly (on average) [That’s what I want to start doing… Or maybe quarterly? Currently, I only do that when I have something extra to spend, and that is basically never] €600 + €100
Minimum potential rent Personal Monthly (in the future) €600
Potential down payment + costs of moving in Personal One-time (in the future) €1000 [Yeah, I plan to go cheap and make most of my furniture from old things, because going cheap is faster… Making furniture out of cheap fake leather, cheap foam rubber and (hideous) old and unused furniture and stuff… It doesn’t feel right to live under someone else’s roof. I appreciate that here, I’m allowed to, though…]
Food Personal Monthly €250
Travelling expenses Personal(/business) Monthly €100
Social things (buying drinks in a bar, birthday presents, etc) Personal Quarterly €125
Online marketing Business Quarterly €100 [as long as I don’t have investors… For Volta, my marketing budget was €0. For previous releases, I’ve spent about €250 in total.]
Buffer (to save, in case of wildly unexpected expenses) Personal Monthly €200

So my totals are:

  • Average monthly expenses starting from March: €1532.50 (but this is including rent… it’s €932.50 excluding rent)
  • Average total expenses for the second quarter of 2019: €275 [€92 per month]
  • Total of one-time expenses: €1600
  • Everything in a monthly rate: €1024.50 without rent and one-time expenses, €1807.50 with rent and without one-time expenses
  • Minimum income to start renting a place from April (but the sooner, the better, actually): about €2000,- (is what I’m saying, because when I work full-time, often, my max is €1800… Haha I’m basically doomed, because I should be earning way more to cover this and not be financially on the edge every time. But anything is better than my current financial state. Oh, yesss add a €600 one-time expense to that, since I need to get myself out of bank debt. (Not to start about my student debt… Ohh and I need to keep money aside for my Open University modules… You know what, I’ll just see how far I get with all of this 😀 . It seems like I’ll be going for that sales job…!!! I really can’t keep “crashing on the couch” here x_x. And I should start searching for investors asappp…))

What I would exactly ask from an investor, depends on my final findings. It’s part of my tasks for this strategy.

Step 2: A Fixed Income and an Approach to Gaining More Multidisciplinary Expertise

[Personal: the first step]

To make my business thrive, which is all of my goals summarized in five words, I need a better marketable sample of my concept(s) – to seek the endorsement of experts and/or investors and finish the full-scale version of my business concept. Meanwhile, I want to transition my life to the independent living and working circumstances I need to be able to succeed. The expertise is needed for conceptualization. To strategize efficiently, my learning process and the creation of a sample, will be done almost simultaneously.

When Plan B is initiated, my routine will change. From full-time blogging, writing books and doing web maintenance, to (full-time) working and following my schedule. Once before, I’ve worked full-time, while studying (including having tests and assignments) and writing/blogging, so I’m certain that I have enough discipline for this. It all went well (even though it was quite exhausting). And this time, I’m even more eager to learn, because I won’t just be doing it to answer some test questions.

Again, there’s the personal side, and the business side. I’ll start with breaking down the personal side of the step I’m currently working on, and then head over to the business side, which is keeping me in sync with my endeavor.

The Fixed Income (Personal)

When it comes to working on payroll, I have requirements to base my choice for an employer on. First of all, the job should be something that requires mental labor and not physical labor. So not lifting boxes or cooking or anything. Unless someone wants me to cook my specialties for a group of less than 20 people 😀 . I want to be using my brain more than my body, to earn.

My second requirement is that I’ll be working at least 32 hours per week. (And preferably have my days off on days that are not regular days off, so have my weekend not on the weekend. It’s more calm and I’ll have more time and space to focus on writing, when everyone is working when I have my time off and vice versa.) I want to have a reason to leave the house (almost) every day and, after soooo many days of posting diary posts, write different posts on my blog and, once I get paid, invest in better visuals and audio.

The last demand is that I earn at least €1800 per month (which feels farrr below the salary that suits what I could do, but I don’t have the titles for). I’ll save as much as possible and try to get myself an apartment as fast as possible. (So that one day, I’ll design my own house. I intend to not grow old in the apartment I’ll hire.) Hopefully the person who will hire me, will not see me as someone of the lowest income scale, because of what is on my curriculum vitae. Compared to what I’m working towards, €1800 is absolutely nothing, but I won’t be able to pay my bills for next month, if I don’t stop earning, and I’m not the type of person who nags, so I don’t intend to negotiate about my salary. I will settle for the job that pays best, and hopefully follow my heart and be satisfied.

My writing will not stand in the way of the work I do. Not only because I don’t share truly confidential information. I’m going to stop writing diary posts.

Expertise and Conceptualization (Business)

What I always do, to gain (“postgraduate” for this undergraduate) knowledge from any field, is read texts which are aimed at high-level professionals of that field, and look up every term I don’t know. In that way, I learn much more in a very short amount of time, in a challenging way. It’s also great for forming your own perspective, instead of following the meanings based on the paraphrasing of the paraphrasing of the source. It’s how I ended up reading Wealth of Nations by Adam Smith and Propaganda by Edward Bernays. (And Crystallizing Public Opinion, which was one of the sources for my Studying International Public Opinion.)

There are two things I should add to this way of learning, to improve it. One is that I should write about the way I interpret the text. I should share how I would paraphrase the theory – hoping that a real expert would like to watch over my shoulder – and share the 1001 thoughts that pop up every time I process a text like that. All of those thoughts, I usually don’t share. It’s also good for memorizing what I read…

The other thing is that I should dive into (popular) perspectives and opinions about the material I read. It will help me understand conversations about it better, as well as the material itself. (Not that I’ve ever had a conversation about any of it, in depth, in real life. It would be fun, though.) I usually read to understand my own world better, to form my own opinion from the “purest” source, instead of letting myself be influenced. I’m very interested in how other people have interpreted the text and what opinions they have formed. (Only if they’re shaped based on real arguments and not on being manipulated without knowing it…)

Volta’s Plan B in practice, is hard work. But it’s fun, and so worth it! I want to finish the first book of the Nosce Te Ipsum series – the theoretical part starts in book two – and have the knowledge I need to bridge the gaps between my ideas for global change going from just being ideas, to becoming reality. To accomplish that, I need the full concept written out officially, I need a sample of the project (Nosce Te Ipsum) I’ll use to explain everything in an interactive way, I need a PR strategy that will include my visual concepts “et cetera”, and – last, but especiallyyyyyy not least – I need the support of experts and investors.

Step 3: Combining a full-time job with my research schedule

[Personal: latching on]

From my experience of working full-time, while following a part-time university program and maintaining two websites, I know that self-set day-to-day deadlines or even weekly deadlines, might not always work out. It has happened that I set moments for myself, to work on something for school or something for D.O.C.I.S. International, but that I’m so tired from working that I can’t get to it. Now that I’m “taking a gap year” at The Open University, (haha it’s more not being able to pay my tuition, but anyway,) and I’m going to stop with posting diary posts, all I have to focus on, next to my job, will be my tasks for D.O.C.I.S. International. This might become an adjustment, but I’m going to set small weekly goals. My weekly goals used to be “finish assignment that requires me to read more than 100 pages of text and I haven’t read a single one yet” and then I had two days in the week off, sometimes not even before the deadline… (And I still passed both courses! I’m proud, haha…) Now, they’ll be based on a lot smaller tasks.

The most important subjects I have to gain expertise on, to achieve my goals, are: (macro)economics, law [the point where law touches on all other fields and all components of itself…] and mass communication. Then, there are mathematics, statistics, political science, computer science, engineering, et cetera. But for the most important part – thus what is necessary to present a sample – I need those three subjects. My learning process, will become part of what I’ll replace my diary posts with:

  1. MacroFangs
    • Main source: The General Theory of Employment, Interest and Money by John Maynard Keynes
    • Abstract main questions: What would an economic model of all of the models that make up our global system look like? What would the “Planet Fang” model look like?
  2. JustiFanged
    • Main source: Summa Theologica by Thomas Aquinas [I’m going to read question 90 to 97, which is part of the Treatise on Law. Haha reading the whole thing would take me yearsssssss. I might include some other questions, though. It’s fucking interesting 😮 ]. I’ll also have do dive into regular codes of law.
    • Abstract main questions: Can I do “Planet Fang”? What would “The Fangyist Constitution” look like?
  3. FangShifty
    • Main sources: The Engineering of Consent by Edward Louis Bernays, Foreign Investments and National Advantage by John Maynard Keynes + digging into “the history of (global) economics”, with a focus on finance (and the political economy). I’m only using this “dashy” timeline: VOC + WIC, then Wall Street, then Greece, then Bitcoin and then Brexit
    • Abstract main questions: What is the pattern in the steps of a (financial) domino effect? What is does the aggregate of the after-effects of those domino effects lead to? How can we stop this shit, without the world collapsing? (I’m talking about how we’re currently giving people more money than there are resources available, and that the money game is based on literally staged shit…) It’s fine if people want to continue that shit for all eternity, as long as it’s possible to not be subjected to any of it, which is currently not the case.

The rest of my diary posts’ replacements, will be more poetry, more single images and more audio and video. I can’t yet predict how fast I’ll get the answers to my questions, as well as the amount of side-thoughts I’ll get. Regardless of those predictions, for The General Theory of Employment, Interest and Money, I want to start with about one book per two weeks. This book of Keynes consists of six books. It’s the first source I’ll scrutinize in the name of Project Nosce Te Ipsum.

My schedule includes the following tasks:

  • Finish the Plan B in Practice post and put that in the homepage slider
  • Make a Project Nosce Te Ipsum page, which refers to the pages for MacroFangs, JustiFanged and FangShifty + adapting the welcome text and welcome tour to that
  • Make the new Nosce Te Ipsum post ready for structured editing
  • Write Nosce Te Ipsum‘s episode 5
  • Analyze The General Theory of Employment, Interest and Money
  • Analyze the Treatise on Law
  • Analyze The Engineering of Consent
  • Analyze Foreign Investments and National Advantage
  • Make a timeline for the history of the development of global finance, combined with politics, focused on investment banking
  • Make the sample and finish the branding strategy based upon that

How this will exactly be scheduled time-wise, will depend on how combining this with my job will go. For now, I’ll follow the schedule intuitively, as I have been following other schedules intuitively – such as the one that is making me finish this post. I’ve made the agreement with myself, that I’ll determine what my pace for this schedule is, after three weeks of working.

A huge time-saver will be quitting diary posts! It will definitely upgrade my efficiency in the project and in my business in general…

A fixed income is unmissable in this, since I need to take care of myself, while doing all of the things on that list. I wonder if there’s an alternative to working 32+ hours per week on payroll… It’s exhaustion for no reason, actually, since what I qualify for, diploma-wise, is far from what I actually can do. I can’t think of any alternatives to earn, besides publishing books, but if I find one, it would become an adjustment (that will make me incredibly happy).

I hope I’ll find an investor, so that I can turn the research project for our truth and this brand, into a documentary 🙂 .

Step 4: Supporting Investors and/or Experts

[Personal: inevitable external factors]

A crucial influence for the success of my business, is the endorsement of experts and investors. I’m working towards a form of global change that will add a lot to life as we know it now. Without experts regarding to it as such, it won’t be seen as that. If the right people endorse it, its brand will be established with ease.

When it comes to investors, I prefer the financial support of a supporting expert, instead of approaching an organization that is specialized in investing. It’s far easier to explain my business concept to someone who is specialized in the fields I want to add something to, and win his or her appreciation, than to explain everything from scratch and why it’s guaranteed that I’ll earn your investment back. Money is not my focus. Otherwise I would have approached everything differently. I want to make a real change…

The only place I can think of using to find someone to financially support my business, is the internet… So that is where I’ll initiate my search, once my sample is finished. Secretly, I hope that the right people will stumble upon my website and offer their support…

A fixed income is still not guaranteed, since I depend on someone else’s judgment, but either way, I have a clear path to finishing Project Nosce Te Ipsum. Because of potential patents et cetera, not everything has been fully defined, but I hope this was a useful read 🙂 .

xxx


I often make notes in the text, while I’m drafting it. Here are some of the notes of Volta’s Plan B in Practice:

  1. Drafting still 
  2. Macroeconomics: A model of our global system in full detail? Source: The General Theory of Employment, Interest and Money by John Maynard Keynes = part 1 [Now there are digital media and crypto currencies]
  3. Part 2: How do financial shifts work? (The details of investment banking) Source: I don’t know where to exactly find the answers to this, but, apparently, investment banking started with that VOC piracy business… Oh my god, the Netherlands lie far under the water level of the sea, so doing business with it is always a risk… And here is where it started… This makes me wonder if the WIC – the indirect reason why I was born in the Netherlands (is ancient slave trade) – was also on the trading market… The WIC, The Dutch West India Company by Gerard Koot, History department, University of Massachusetts Dartmouth (2015) shows me it does… Okay, I want to know everything. This is related to my origin.
  4. I must say that I’m so very shocked about this. The VOC and the WIC were both multinationals owned by the state, which earned from unethical things, such as piracy and slave trade. And to then learn that the way we know (public) stock trading today, started there, and that this is internationally known – probably as showpiece of this country… I just didn’t expect that the origin of trading would be something that lies so close to my heart, and that it would be based on something that I find unethical.
  5. This seems like a good source for the theoretical aspect:  J.M. Keynes, “Foreign investments and national advantage”. Even though this was not part of the plan, I’m very curious about the historical aspect, too… The finances of the VOC and WIC are unmissable in this.
  6. Part 3: Study on (big media) PR influence on macroeconomics (and its beneficiaries)
  7. Part 4: Categories of “breaking news” and its cycle [I now think that this is irrelevant, because a domino effect is a domino effect, no matter what happens]
  8. Part 5: What is our political direction? Whatever it is in detail, it’s destroying the Earth, and I want to offer you an alternative that doesn’t induce that. + Why our current system causes damage to the earth and change is inevitable. [The domino effect of domino effects. I think we’re facing a catastrophe.
  9. Politics: What’s the “political construction” (trias politica ish) of every “big player” in the world? And what are their comparative advantages? 
  10. I’m still drafting this post. It will become a very important piece, since it’s not only making the content of my newest book more clear. It will also include my next steps. This will be my cheat sheet, for the time to come, so that I won’t lose track of where I’m heading, as I will hand over my free time to an employer, and occupy myself with some not-related-to-any-institute self-study. And hopefully writing some texts… [If you have any books you would like to recommend to me, pleaseee let me know! As I write this post, I still haven’t definitively decided on what to study first… And what sources to use for that, et cetera…] I’ll be drawing diagram-ish things in this post 😀 [If you’re new: I always publish my drafts, because I like to show you my process 🙂 ]

I started writing this post on the 11th of February. That’s why in other posts I already refer to it, while it was not done yet.


 

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Volta in a Simple Diagram

Volta in a diagram

Everyone can use it!

That diagram describes your future! Volta is all about defining what brings you eternal happiness, and formulating a strategy to get there.

Plan A can be anything. Your ultimate dream strategy! Let’s say you would be eternally happy, if you move to a different country. [Extreme example:] Plan A may be being flown there by your favorite idol, and him/her giving you a fully furnished house and your dream job. If that hasn’t happened by the deadline you have set for yourself, it’s time to switch to plan B.

In plan B, you shouldn’t count on anyone, but yourself. As much as possible, you should do everything that is needed to reach your desired state, without depending on anyone else. There’s enough information about emigration available on government websites and blogs, so you really don’t need anyone else. You can do the paperwork yourself! Only to literally get you to the other country – unless you could fly your own plane – you do depend on others, so that’s why not depending on someone else “as much as possible”.

It’s your vision. Only you can picture your desired end result. No one is more passionate about it than you are. For a success guarantee, it’s important to limit negative influences, so stay as independent as possible. A plan B can’t fail! It can only need readjustments, if things still don’t play out your way. There are multiple ways to achieve your desired state 🙂 .

Currently, I’m about to put my own Volta’s plan B into practice. In case you need an example of the method in practice… Volta in a simple diagram, is what I use to keep my overview.

Blog, Images, Media, Online Diary, Popular Posts, Videos

Saturday, February 9, 2019

00:05 (12:05 AM) 

There are people walking in noww. Haha I feel like a little gogo dancer here in the DJ booth. 

Here’s a veryyy short video of Jamiro and I, captured just now:

My numbers for Feb 8 still need to be calculated. I’m such a nerd x_x. What’s on my mind the most, is how to keep up the rising… Please help me 😀 

Haha hold upp my glass is empty xxx

~~~

00:32 (12:32 AM) 

I also wonder what caused this increase in visitors from the US, because usually most of my overall audience is from the Netherlandsss

Haha tipsy statistics with Lil Fangs :D. Tipstatistics… Tipstatisctsy…. 

Meoww the booth is the safest place. No harassment. Some private dancing space. Overviewing all movement in this cosy club… I love it 😀 . Hire me for this? Gogo Fangs 😀 

~~~

02:30 (02:30 AM)  [THIS IS SO DOUBLE]

Meoow this party is a lot of fun. I’m sad about you nt being here. Meooow I want to start a Graeyniss party!!! Haha auto correc is saving me on this. I have serious things to share!!! 

First of all, I want to pitch claiming this confortable top bfloor bed and this comfortable sexy broad Shouldered cuddle! Meoow for so long I’ve been staying In Amsterdam!!!! And the party is nice.  I  love the DJ BOOTH!!!  Too bad I don’t know regaeton or Dutvh music,!!! Meooow whwre are my English speaking cuddles l!?  Haha fuuck I went from whiskey to vodka….. But I’ll act fresh as FUXK for this Tech rvated reserved d spa session!! I need to be fresh as fuck at,11:30!!!!!!!!!! Haha meow Jamiro’s stop drinking alarm goes at 03:00 and it’s 02:43 right now

I’ve set qn alarm for stop drinking for Jamiro for stop drinking for 03:00!!! Mine shoud have gone at 01:00!!!! But 03:00 yess I’m going to stop drinking vodka!!?!?

~~~

Blog, Images, Online Diary

Saturday, February 2, 2019

01:10 (AM)

The uploading of the video will be postponed to Monday or Tuesday (if I’m not saved by a miracle today and not have to endure the emotional pain of today and whatever will follow), because, even though I find it quite fun(ny) already, there are some things I’d like to elaborate on, some new things I want to add and some things I’ll have to retake, because of my articulation… I want to upload a video that suits “the standard”, this time. So I’ll continue with all of that, after today’s party. 

Meoow I want to have a Graeyniss to cling to and forever leave with, at the party… But I always want that, truthfully. Even when there’s no party. 

But I’ll probably feel lonely as usual, while socializing and smiling all of the time, and act so casual with my father, people will wonder why I’m not staying at home. I already can’t wait for it to be over. I really don’t want to see him ever again. Having to, makes me want to run again, but I’m too broke for that. 

A full-time job doesn’t bring me big and fast money, plus it sucks, but it’s all I can do, if my offer is refused. I’ll keep waiting and hope that it won’t be. I need my own, very private and secluded place. 

I’ll be dreaming about it

I love you 

xxx

14:31 (02:31 PM) 

Good afternoon ♥

Please God, may it be the last day I do something like this

If I’d always be honest, I wouldn’t be able to attend to something like this, because of my different philosophy on life, which is unaccepted by many. That it’s unaccepted makes me angry, underneath my façade.  I wish to find my fellow pioneers… Why aren’t we just neighbors or something x_x. 

Look at my Fang map 😀 

The places where my blog is and/or has been read

I’ll be socializing and helping with getting the party location ready and later probably serving drinks from behind the bar xxx

~~~

19:45 (07:45 PM) 

Mini update:

My party prepping task was wrapping cakes

I later, when there were no guests yet, resorted to the children’s table, where the eldest grandchild, who was also there for party prepping, asked me if I wanted to make an anime character on his phone. Meet Fangs 🙂

And I colored this haha

When the guests and the birthday girl (she turned 70) arrived, I chose to stand behind the bar, which was what I’ve been doing all night 

Eating nice food behind the bar

21:54 (09:54 PM) 

Meow… From the way I’m not able to update my blog from here – as in updating this post – either there’s so much traffic coming to my website right now (because I’m still able to send and receive text messages, so it can’t be my phone service), or there’s another magical reason for not being able to reach it… Meow I’m also not able to reach it from my browser. I hope I’m attracting Graeynissis 😀 😻. I also noticed an intense peak in web traffic last weekend. As in more than 1000% more than what I usually have on average. Is it Graeyniss day, every Saturday? 😀 

I’m still behind the bar. It’s the perfect social load for me, in this situation. Not too much conversing, but still some nice exchanges of words, and having something to do and stuff… I do can’t wait for the perfect type of conversation, though. I pray I hear something from them on Monday and may endulge myself in delightful conversations with those sexy Graeynissis. 

This unpaid labor and my fully maxed out account, because of that awful health insurance, and still not earning enough to live from, are making me feel wild meoww… May Monday be good to me 🙁 . Haha meow my patience x_x. 

~~~

23:10 (11:10 PM) 

Ah I recognized someone from the holiday to Italy (Udine) a few years ago. She’s really cool 🙂 . We might be doing something fun soon 🙂 . Ah meow, I gave her my card, but forgot to ask her number 🙁 . I rarely take the initiative to text someone, lately, so that could have played a role. But I would make an exception for her 🙂 . 

~~~

Blog, Images, Nederlandse Tekst, Online Diary

Friday, February 1, 2019

00:28 (12:28 AM) 

I have so many posts (about 314 now), I wonder if someone would find it worthwhile to expose him or herself to the contents of my mind, and be able to understand my thoughts and see that every word on my websites is actually a scream for Graeyniss help in non-caps-lock. The troubles I’m facing won’t be understood by regular people, because my content requires beyond-regular reasoning, to be understood. 

My posts are the most clear, when you’ve read them all (and my books as well), because everything relates to each other. But when you stumble upon this for the first time now, new articles (and books) keep being added, while you read your way back in time. If you do… It must have a happy end somehow, so it’s a fun read 🙂 . Especially because what defines the happy end is the veryyy heavyweight question of many. Even of me, since I depend on Graeynissis… But it must include Cishes 😀

Cishe? 😀

Meoww I was feeling Cuddle about the way the lighting on my face was and the way it made my face contour(ing) look, but my phone camera wasn’t showing what I saw with my naked eyes, so my expression is a bit un-cuddle…

That’s a new sweater, by the way, which falls a bit large, but I don’t want to trade it or whatever, because I loveee having new clothes and I don’t like being in busy clothing stores. This one is fron H&M, which was crazy busy compared to the one in Rotterdam Alexander, when I selected it here in Amsterdam, when my mother took me to lunch in the city center, last Saturday. She bought it for me 🙂 . 

I’m petting now… There are so many feelings I feel like sharing, but I’m so tired of this routine of typing posts on my phone… I would love to go back to writing for myself, with pen and paper. And post videos and essays here weekly. Ones of really good quality… Supported by Graeynissis, approved by Graeynissis, made for Graeynissis 😻. Haha yeah man “scientifically proven *whatever*” should become “approved by Graeynissis” 😋. Ahahahaha! 😹😹😹

Meoow I’m going to sleep. I’ll be dreaming about you being my forever Graeyniss. (Graeynissis are always forever, so that was een pleonasme. Of dat andere woord dat ermee verward wordt. Kan er even niet op komen x_x.) Please tell me you don’t have plans for Saturday 🙂 .

Good night ♥

I love you ♥

xxx

13:40 (01:40 PM) 

Good afternoon, my Cuddle ♥

I wonder what I should occupy myself with, now that my book is published, and I have about max 4 more weeks to wait… 

I feel like playing the piano, but that’s not an option here. I think I’m going to write and take a long walk through the snow. And record a video? And write with pen and paper. Write with pen and paper and record a video about that, while I walk through the “snow” (it’s just a tiny layer). Yay :D. I’ll upload it to my YouTube channel… I hope my Graeynissis will watch 🙊. 

Know that the thought of that will make me a little nervous while filming it, because I find Graeynissis so Cuddle… And I consider it an introduction of Fangs (2.0 compared to the other videos on my channel)… But that’s Graet, isn’t it, my Graeyniss?

I’m going to get up, shower, eat, mail my Vicje to say that my book is published because he has asked me about that several times in the past, prepare my video on paper and then record it. 

Haha meoow in a group chat, I saw that my meow has been sending people sexy chocolate with a picture of a car under water on it, with the text “Thinking of you” on it. I want it 🙁 . I wonder what his exact hidden message is. I want to mention it in the mail. I don’t know what type of tone I should use. I’ll be thinking about that while I shower xxx

~~~

21:54 (09:54 PM)

Meoww I’ve mailed that sexy Graeyniss of mine and recorded the video off the top, in a walk to the park. The rest of the time I spent socializing with friends of family friends and family friends. We were doing party preparations for tomorrow. 

I helped to cut and wrap thiss

Here’s the link for Volta, for my Apple users [thanks to Jamiro for letting me use his iPhone to search for it]: https://itunes.apple.com/nl/book/volta-flipping-life-over-like-its-a-pancake/id1451017979?mt=11

Hehe here’s what I sent to my Vicje:

Lieve Victor,

Omdat u altijd zo lief vraagt naar hoe het met mijn schrijven gaat, wanneer ik u zie, wil ik u graag met vreugde mededelen dat mijn nieuwste boek <i>Volta</i> nu in de meeste (internationaal gevestigde) online schappen te vinden is. 

Het gaat over het beïnvloeden van de rede en het eigen levenspad, door middel van een zelf bedachte schrijfstrategie, die ik al een aantal jaren toepas. Met oog op de toekomst. Het is geschreven voor Graeynissis.

Ik zou u heel graag een exemplaar willen toesturen! Daarom is mijn vraag of uw voorkeur uit gaat naar een papieren boek, of een e-boek. (Of allebei!) En waar u de zending het liefst ontvangt. 

Via mijn hoogseizoenscollega’s heb ik vernomen dat u een selecte groep mensen, kaartjes en chocolade heeft gestuurd, met de mededeling dat u aan ze denkt. Ik vind dat zo mooi! En zoooooo ontzettend jammer dat ik zelf niks ontvangen heb… Ik ben echt heel benieuwd naar de achterliggende gedachte achter deze bijzondere openbaring. Vooral de afbeelding van de auto die zich onder water bevindt, zie ik als een interessant symbool. 

Ik hoop u weer een keer te zien en te spreken. (Het liefst voor altijd…) 

Als alles goed gaat, en u ervoor open staat, zou dit misschien kunnen, door middel van mijn concept voor een groot project, over maatschappelijke verandering, dat – indien mijn voorstel wordt geaccepteerd – in samenwerking met de Erasmus Universiteit, in gang gezet zou kunnen worden. 

Als dat niet het geval is, solliciteer ik direct voor iedere functie die er op het hoofdkantoor van de ANWB beschikbaar is. (Ik wil echt nergens anders werken, maar ben bang dat ik een hele onprofessionele indruk op u heb gemaakt.)

Hartelijke groeten,

van Dominique 

I normally never share what I send in my e-mails… I’m seriously blushing. I’m such a stalker x_x. 

I’ll edit the videos I made and then update it later. I’m quite tired, though 🙁 . So maybe I’ll end up finishing it tomorrow… 

~~~

Blog, Images, Online Diary

Sunday, January 27, 2019

02:33 (AM) 

Meoww I haven’t had much time to write yesterday. But I surely have thought of you! I took a some pictures I wanted to share with you. And I have an update on Volta 😀 . 

This yesterday’s my lunch at Bridges:

L-t-r: herring and its eggs; a carrot with wasabi, sesame and seaweed [fave out of three]; and a madeleine (maybe¿ I’m writing it incorrectly) which had a lot of subtle sweet, salty and sour flavours

Mussels topped with cream, pistachio and a lottt of ingredients that were new to me and rapidly listed. I would love to use it in my own dishes, though. (That’s always, when I eat at this type of restaurant.)

Mackerel, black garlic mousse, kroepoek made of seaweed, dashi(?) and more foreign tastes. The quality of the fish itself was very nice.

I got the un-cuddle plate every time 🙁 . This is cod with obvious other ingredients. I think this was my favorite course, next to that carrot. Not because it’s obvious! Because I love the subtle taste of roomboter, combined with soft fish and potatoes. 

The finanché (might be writing it wrong again) on the left in the back was my favorite. Very crispy! Then it’s the chocolate with five spices, in the middle in the front. Then the crisp nougat. Then the passion fruit macaroon. Then the coconut covered marshmallow. And then the white chocolate, filled with ¿. I drank jasmine tea with this 🙂 .

Meoww, because we were in the city center, I thought of buying a dress for you, in case I’m lucky enough to become a Graeyniss.

This was option A, but I need to lose a few pounds for this

So I chose this one. I hope the cleavage isn’t too much…

I’m very thankful that my mother payed all of this for me. I, myself, still only have accounts that are almost maxed out. I hope that one day, I can pay her back, and give her even more than that. 

I hope that that day will come soon. I hope Volta will sell. 

I’ve just finished the reference summary for later today, for when I [attempt to…] finish the book. It’s going to be legendary! For the reader and for me… We answer questions throughout the chapter, and all of those separate answers, form the perfect life’s path, when you put them in the right order!! I expected it to work, because I know it does, but I didn’t expect it to fit so perfectly. Our paths intertwining might be inevitable after this! Please read it!!! 😻

I’m happy :D. I hope I make it in time, though. Meoww I write for Graeynissis… Not at all for (familiar……) plebians. I don’t recommend it for familiar faces, whose relationship with me has changed negatively, because my Volta includes me airing out my heart and being very honest about how I truly feel underneath my facade. Some people really don’t want to know how I feel underneath all of this… Underneath this:

Many thanks to my mom for taking this picture part 1

Thanks part 2 meoww 🙂

I’m going to eat something, because my stomach sounds like a heavy metal band, and then I’ll be going to sleep 

Sweet Dreams 

I Love You ♥

xxx

Blog, Images, Online Diary

Thursday, January 24, 2019

04:34 (AM) 

Meowss chapter 2 isn’t finished yet… But I’m loving it a lot more, now that I’ve summarized the cause of my current feelings. The next step is explaining those feelings in detail, and explaining the feelings I want to have in detail. That’s what I’ll be doing today. In one of Amsterdam’s public libraries, because even though the temperature will fluctuate between 0 and – 6 degrees Celsius: I have been indoors for far too long. I hope it won’t be too slippery outside, because I’ll be carrying my laptop bag in my hand. (The shoulder cord broke, in my second to last year of high school… That’s how long I have it… I’m sustainable… And not having that much money… Plus, my taste is overly specific.)

The book is 42 small pages now. (But there’s a chapter to finish and a few chapters to write, still.) I want it to be a “pocket”-sized book. Clarity is important, but so is thickness, for this pocket guide. (Isn’t that Graeyniss? 😀 ) 

The summary is part of the example of my “how to flip your life over” method. It has worked in the past, for me, but then, I didn’t have any external factors interfering. The renewed method, includes how to cause that shift, and don’t allow external factors to fuck shit up. 

I’m going to brush my teeth and go to sleep. 

I love you so much

I hope you’ll love my new book! ♥

Good night

xxx

14:08 (02:08 PM) 

Good afternoon 😀 ♥

I’ll be visiting the public library of Amsterdam today, to work on Volta. It’s going to be a very cool book! 😀  There’s a lot of diversity in its content, the way the content of the Nosce Te Ipsum series is diverse. But this book is more promotable than that series is! I’ll be doing its marketing on the platforms I release them on. Facebook and Instagram have increased my web traffic in the past, but I (still) haven’t found an audience that understands and appreciates my one-of-a-kind content… I’m keeping my fingers crossed for these Graeynissis…! 

I mentioned something about “counter media” by means of correcting for that false publicity and clearing my name, but now I think it’s best to keep things silent until the tangibles of my thesis are done, because I’m afraid a lot of people might whine about wanting to miss out on mandatory ugh like making tests et cetera. But the work I’ll do instead will be three times as hard and four times as challenging… And I want to be far ahead of any competition 😀 . Just kidding… I like competition, when it’s creative. Nevermind. Let people whine and try to do the same as I do 🙂 . The bar is very high. 

Currently, I’m making my first meal of the day: a fried egg (ft. tomatoes, thyme and okra) with mashed parsnip. 

I often improvise something with whatever ingredients I find

I might also buy clothes in case I might be invited to meet some Graeynissis soon… Or maybe it’s better to do that online… Maybe I’ll just treat myself to a good meal somewhere. But I need to keep some cash aside for marketing my book and maybe taking a train to Rotterdam for that meeting. Haha meoow I really hope my offer won’t be refused, because the other paths to my Volta are very long. And this one is like literal magic 😀 . 

Gotta flip this egg xxx

~~~

16:25 (04:25 PM) 

I’m in the metro on my way to the library now. I think I’ll stop for some food, before I go there. 

In Volta, I have minimalized my use of brackets. It’s suitable for a larger reach than the Nosce Te Ipsum series is, also because the content is more interesting for a greater diversity of people. Everyone wants to get the best out of life, and seeks methods for this. Not everyone is excited about being a research subject. Both book series include the encouragement of self-reflection, though. 

Haha I’m already tired – from my fucked up sleeping schedule. But I intend to keep up working on Volta in the library, so that I “have a reason” to wear makeup (it’s more of an excuse than a reason haha), walk, not wear sweatpants, be outside, et cetera. It’s also way better for my concentration, I think. And I intend to go to sleep before twelve tonight, so that I can go to the library earlier. I’m not going to the university library here, because they have a strange policy for non-students and I like working until closing time (if not past it…) 🙂 . 

~~~

17:12 (05:12 PM) 

The public library of Amsterdam looks very pretty 🙂 . 

Haha struggling to find the right page to show you in this picture:

Haha me treating myself with some food, looks very different from when my parents take me along to whatever restaurant

But I’m enjoying my nerd session 🙂 . The progress is looking well. But my second chapter just keeps getting longer and longer, and I’m now at “topic I want to touch on” 2 out of three [breaking grammar rules meoww yaay]. Haha this deadline will be a tight one, again. I’ll make it, though, and my content won’t look rushed! Haha why do I always find it more important to stick to my words? (Yeah because I can’t stand it when people point out that I haven’t. Those fucking hypocrites hahahaha.) 

I’ll be writing xxxx

~~~

19:27 (07:27 PM) 

Haha meoww discussing incoming mail (“post”) over text = tachycardia. I received another set of letters from the Dutch Tax Agency:

I’m confused? I never used that aftrek and there was no profit to account for? Only business expenses I didn’t mention, so actually I should get a tax back, but fuck the paperwork? Does this person want me to pay that? 

~~~

21:55 (09:55 PM) 

Meoww chapter 2 is done! It’s a fun read 😀 . I’m exhausted! I’m on 57 pages now. No more writing for today! Besides preparing the paper summary for tomorrow, so that I won’t divagate too much. And sharing my thoughts with you 😀 . Haha shitt I’ve typed so much since What to not include in a motivation letter, I should change it to “keep an eye on my home page”. I’ve tried a newsletter, but no one signed up. Luckily, in retrospect, because that would give me even more writing deadlines. 

It’s so cold outside that it feels as if my nose is about to freeze off… I’m on my way back home. I’m wearing my Timberlands heels, because those are the only shoes with a profile that won’t make me slip. I thought, when I left… I now realize that I have a semi-formal pair of Timberlands in Amsterdam as well. (Most of my belongings are in Capelle, at my parents’, but most of my useful and valuable ones are in Amsterdam, with me. My outmost valuable belongings are with that bitch who stole my bag, in Berlin, of course. 

My poor external hard drives 🙁 . My notebook… Letters from a Stoic… My wallet, my passport, my driver’s license, that leather wallet for my business cards, my jewelery… 🙁 . I’ll never get over that x_x. I just want it back x_x. I would fang her. I think it’s that girl who asked me to zip up her dress, after which I was a bit out of focus, because I found her attractive. She was saying all kinds of things in German, but when I’m nervous, I can basically only speak Dutch, or bad English. I think in my rush to leave and not faint, I didn’t put my bag into my locker. If this would have happend in at the gym in Capelle, it wouldn’t have been stolen. But in Spandau, criminality is on a different level. The person where I used to stay at, regularly offered me stolen shit. Fucking immoral ugh. I wish there were a tracking device in my Toshiba hard drive 🙁 . There’s soooooo much personal history on that niss. And the disk was already starting to make the noises of wear and tear, when reading data, so it had to be treated with care 🙁 . Haha meoww this grief I feel x_x.

I’m almost home 🙂 . I’m just going to call it home. I feel more at home here anyway. But it’s still unnatural… I hope Volta will sell and that the Erasmus University will bring me good news 🙂 . That’s my current “plan A”… 

I’m at my stop. Gotta walk xxxx 

~~~ 

23:35 (11:35 PM) 

I often walk while working on a post, but today, I had to literally keep my balance and look out for the places with the least ice on the ground. 

I’m too tired to do my pre-writing homework now, so I’ll do it tomorrow, before leaving. 

I look forward to tomorrow, because I love to write 🙂 . Sucks that I don’t get paid for it hahaaa. I’ll stick to my deadline, because people might know/remember/have saved the date, when they’ve figured out the frequency in my release dates. Meoww I hope for purchases… And that everything will be shipped out to the online stores in time… I also need to design the cover. If I’m done by the end of the weekend, I’ll make it. 

Oh my god, this tax thing x_x. I’ve never accounted for all of my losses. I’ve always just filled out a 0, because it’s about very small amounts of money. (Relatively small… For me, it’s actually a lot.) But if I say that in a mail, they’ll want to raid my room for sure x_x. Haha they might bust my father. 

Meoow I can barely keep my eyes open… I’m going to sleep.

I love you 🙊

Good night ♥

xxx – 

Blog, Images, Nosce Te Ipsum, Online Diary, Recipes, Reflections

Thursday, January 17, 2019

00:21 (12:21 AM) 

The new home page of the D.O.C.I.S. International website is done 😀 . Besides the “this website is being edited”, which I’ll take away when I’m done with all pages. 

I love that I’m finally outing my publisher’s approach! The reason why I kept waiting – and actually sort of still should be waiting – was because I wanted to have more than one publicist [now it’s only me ahahahah], before I transformed my site to that format. With those almost (to be) empty publicists [because saying “propagandist” is too controversial (apparently mainstream people will think that you’re evil when you use this term… I guess the annoyance from that stupidity secretly also made me very…), but when it comes to the diversity of our content, it feels like that word covers the load a lot better] and publications pages, I worry about coming off as a lot less than I can be. But at least now it’s very openly clear that I intend to publish for not only myself. And that I’m attempting to build an empire.

The reason why I’m doing it now, is because I might find suitable publicists at the university 🙂 . I won’t publish a “51 shades of grey” [that’s a joke for a new book’s title… That’s how I find how creativity looks these days… With my unique approach, I hope to raise the bar…] or anything else in that meaningless category of entertainment. You can go to any other publisher in the world for that. Knowledge and wisdom – wisdom being my specialty [because to me, wisdom > knowledge and I detest citing other people’s findings/philosophy] – are the fundaments of D.O.C.I.S. International as an exclusive brand. 

I say “at the university”, because that abstract use of words don’t show that when it comes to finding the right people, there’s so much uncertainty. Also, from many experiences, I’m quite certain that I should not target students for this. Not only because many of them are actually not independent thinkers (it sometimes just seems like that, because they memorize other people’s content in such a way that they start to consider it part of their identity (and then there are superficial people who are worse)). Also because for the size of the endeavor behind my business, I need people who truly know how life works, or at least I need them to know what their purpose in life is (because I need to know what would make them happy after the shift). 

But real Graeynissis are so hard to reach 🙁 . I hope being a student will work in my advantage. I hope I’ll even be allowed to just have a personal list of Graeynissis to approach for my thesis [just give me a letter of recommendation or something… I won’t survive the student experience until post-doc level…], who would also like to become my publicists, and skip out on all of the student mental slavery nonsense (kan jij niets aan doen…). We could even make a short series of videos about how we’ll establish everything 🙂 . Meooow! 😻

Here are some pictures I’d like to share:

In my diary post of two days ago, I mentioned that I was going to make soup. I made this picture to insert it in the article, but I never did. I used okra, plantain, some yam, celery, unions and a tomato. 

Today, I made these shrimp. I let them rest overnight, in a marinade of ketjap manis and thyme. The next day (today), I added garlic (because I had to buy it, but the best would be to let them chill in that, too). I used griesmeel and paneer (“breadcrumbs” (but they’re in a carton package…)) instead of flour and paneer, because there wasn’t any and it’s a waste of buying it, if it will never be used for anything else [but now I’m in the mood for pancakes… I’m still broke as fuck, though……..]

They were veryyy tastyy

My “natural” approach to attempting to cure a sore throat… It’s going a bit better already 🙂 . But swallowing still hurts a lot… Talking luckily doesn’t (that much) anymore 🙂

Something really random that happend today, was that I got a call from some telemarketeer who wanted get me in touch with this agency of brokers. [That stupid KvK registration of mine gets me phone calls like that.]  And me expressing my “I don’t feel comfortable with gambling. It might be a hype now, but I don’t believe that we’ll go on like this forever. The value is fictive,” didn’t make her say: “Okay. Bye.” “Arguments” for were: “But with these expert brokers, you can make great profits!” “How would you find it if in future, we would all be trading instead of working?” Of course, every sheep would say: “Yay! Infinite money and infinite watching movies!” I said: “I would kill myself.” 

She was trying to get me to click a link she mailed me and sign up for something. For some reason, I really just can’t hang up in someone else’s ear. Even not when even my fucking heart (rate) wants it. I ended up obeying her orders and I was transferred to one of her experts – whose name is very cool 🙂 – who was trying to get me to buy Amazon shares. Because they’re expecting great appreciation in the market for them. (I believe that in the end, it’s the influence of the media, indirectly incentivizing people to anticipate on the prediction, which causes the actual appreciation.)

[To me, mathematics > statistics…] I found his phone lecture on analysis of those “market volatility boxplots” [is how I’ll summarize it, because I suck at memorizing jargon] very interesting. At some point, I said that I would like to try it with ten euros. At the beginning of the conversation, he told me to download AnyDesk – a “controlling your desktop from a distance” application. After some hesitation – just like with the telemarkeer who started the whole thing… I fucking hate that this forcing people to do shit is found normal in our society – I did “make it happen” [hahahahahahaha… It’s funny because I think uni Graeynissis are Cuddle] and then suddenly, while 30 minutes ago I was busy paneering shrimp (unfinished, because I wasn’t able to just hang up), someone I don’t know, who spoke English with a (sexy) foreign accent [but where he was from, I couldn’t tell… Eastern Europe somewhere…], was drawing lines on a series of plots he opened on my laptop screen. 

When I gave in with the ten euros, he opened a screen to sign up on some trading website and asked me to fill it out. The form included a promotion code area and fields for my credit card number and the security code. All of my instincts told me that I shouldn’t show that information to anyone, but I still did it. He filled out a deposit of €1000. I told him that it wasn’t going to work, because I don’t have that much money literally anywhere – I really don’t understand why people always assume that I have money. 

I told him that I could deposit ten euros (haha) on my prepaid credit card. When I showed him my debit account [it has -€487,57, my limit is -€500 and I have no income (still I would truthfully rather die than do the routine with fixed tasks and colleagues thing again… Never again [hi uni], thanks 🙂 )]. He tried to up my limit, but I told him that changing a limit is only possible when you’re out of the red. Of course people never believe my word and it had to be tried first. And when my brokeness was confirmed – because what’s a broker’s profit with a deposit of ten euros – the conversation was ended. I ended the screen sharing and deleted the AnyDesk application right after, and “ran” CCleaner… 

I have such mixed feelings about trading. That ten euros was because since the moment I started to give in to that telemarketeer, I started to think: Yes, I know it will all collapse one day. But everyone is milking it right now. Why should I keep myself from it? It might get me out of trouble… (But it will never get me the profits I need anyway. That ten euros…. Hahaha that would all vanish to paying all of the parties in between, anyway.)

Such an unethical thought… I’m glad I still have my last ten euros 🙂 . Please become my publicist… Yeaah another reason why I waited with the format of my business website, was because I wanted to be able to invest in your brand, as a business, by means of paying for your (initial) campaign, and then earning from a small share of what your campaign will generate for you. Now it will be the opposite… So I’ll be your publisher – so basically all I offer is 100% of my brainpower and my skills, but no money (yet) – but you’ll very unfortunately have to do the initial investment yourself… You won’t regret that part of your full independence, though! (And that in the beginning we might have to outsource instead of be full monopolists… The company is still “in its baby shoes”. But I love what’s ahead of us! ♥)

More about this after waking up…! “Tomorrow” doesn’t apply, because it’s now 02:19 AM, but I still “”need” to do my long sleep” otherwise I [= actually the daylight] might [make me¿] feel like shit.  I wonder if sleep, in general, really is necessary? Haha oh yess but of course I don’t want to go against “science”. Just like “the Earth is round”. [I have never seen that in real life, “with my naked eyes”, so…]

“Break of screen gazing” applies better than “sleeping”, I guess. I’m just chilling with my Head Cuddle and sometimes take a nap. Never do I sleep longer than 4 hours in a row. 

Meow

Good night

I love you! ♥

xxx

13:48 (01:48 PM) 

My Cuddle ♥

I hope your day is Cuddle 🙂 . I would like to change my statement about not sleeping longer than 4 hours in a row: I do sleep longer than that, when I have a (long) dream.  I want to make a drawing of what I saw, again! (The moon part…) It was about that humans cultivated the moon’s landscape (its craters were changed into very big patterns) and that on the night the moon, by changing itself into text for short periods of time, announced that it was going to shoot fire from the sky, which was going to make all water of fire (“because moon fire is veryy hott”), I was staying in Amsterdam and the family friends who own the house I live in (with them), were on a holiday on the moon [with my family], so I was here chilling with their son [tripping about that my parents’ house is next to water and all of my grandfather’s books would burn… (All houses seemed larger in my dream.)]. After dinner and playing Halo in his room, I suddenly kissed him…? I felt my conscious body’s heart’s distress [my dreams are always lucid], being in that This could lead to an “Oh my god, what the fuck are you doing?” and a great dose of heartache afterwards, or being pleasantly surprised…? worry. And then, the rest of the dream, we were kissing? There wasn’t even moon fire to notice? Haha I feared I was going to be stuck in some nightmare, but it was quite a fun dream 😋. I woke up slightly past twelve AM (for the first time in a long time).

Now I’m going to eat, write [(featuring pen and paper) by means of creating an overview for my websites and motivation letter], shower and wash my hair, and then work on my business website (and motivation letter, hoping that I can finish it all, today…). [You should know that I fall in love very easily, but never out this (first). And that I love too many people to have a traditional relationship (ever again). I hope my future life will include a lot of true love and a lot of nerdy things.] Meow 😸 xxxxxxx. 

~~~

15:56 (03:56 PM) 

A change of plans made me write this article. I’m still in bed… Having my all-seasons blanket from “home” here, and a more convenient room temperature, allow me to sleep with only my panties on again (super yay :D). 

If this were my own home and I were by myself, I would enter the kitchen wearing only my panties, as well. But it isn’t and there are guests downstairs. I might not be able to resist socializing with the family friends’ (steph-)grandchildren, but that would mean that I, again, am another day away from completing my admission. 

I’ve been thinking of writing a What not to write in an motivation letter post and including that in my admission letter, as a link. That’s because I won’t be able to say all that I want to say, in that letter of max 400 words, and there are things “I want the university to know” [haha enallage¿ ooh no personification haha. My babyy ♥], while those are officially not things that will make someone say: “She will be an amazing student!” (Truthfully, I doubt if I’ll survive the dreadful routine and suicidal thoughts that come with being a full time student who has to attend 70% of all tutorials and has to make homework and stuff… But my life depends on it, so failure is not an option (anymore)…) 

So I’m now going to quickly shower, while playing music (as usual, by the way) [and hope that my hunger and the heat from the shower won’t make me pass out], postpone washing my hair with another day (because twisting my afro takes time too haha eww), and go downstairs – with intentions of binge eating… Will be starting my day with dinner…? x_x And then I’ll see if I’ll be able to concentrate on working. My desk is, as it is in every place I’ve ever lived in: the dinner table. I need a sexy office :D.

~~~

16:15 (04:15 PM) 

By the way:

Sort of not bad…. Especially after quitting all other forms of social media, aside from ASKfm

Not bad…?

But still no people reaching out to me or anything, so meooow 😿😾. Okayy now I’m really going to shower xxxxxxxxxxxx

~~~

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