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Adapting [Wednesday, September 25, 2019]

Goedemorgen ๐Ÿ™‚ โ™ฅ

Het was mijn intentie om gisteren na school wat te bloggen,


Dat schreef ik vanochtend, ongeveer 20 minuten voordat mijn les begon (want ik was vroeg), waarna ik aan het socializen was because I made a school friend yay. ๐Ÿ™‚

There was no place to sit in front of the classroom, so I decided to sit in outside the cafetaria in front of the building where I had my lecture

Met onmin veel langpootmuggen/”hooiwagens”

I don’t know if I should write in Dutch or in English… I’ll use the languages based on which language I feel can express what I wish to express best. That will vary, but I’ll keep it one language per paragraph, so that your translating tool/dictionary is overseeable. ๐Ÿ™‚

I haven’t told my new friend – or anyone else at the university – about my blog yet, so I don’t feel comfortable with using their names and stuff (yetยฟ). Though I have a picture of a chalk board and (sorry I can’t find this word in English) achterhoofden I will share in this post. As well as many other pictures I’ve been taking. Woah I have 2 days of pictures I haven’t showed you yet (and the pictures of my holiday in Curaรงao and the pictures from when I was in Egmond, taken with my Olympus camera).

Door mijn bezigheden en menselijkheid (eten, slapen, sociaal willen zijn, et cetera) kom ik niet echt aan schrijven toe. Maar ik heb nu een soort van moment ervoor genomen. Heb morgen immers geen les, dus had ik meer tijd voor het fixen van mijn appartement en ontspanning.

(Ik kom aan het eind op het onderwerp van school terug.)

Dit was mijn apartement gisternacht (die lades moet ik nog in elkaar zetten: een van de dingen gerelateerd aan “het fixen van mijn appartement”)

Lil chaos

Yepp (die melk staat daar omdat het ongeopend nog niet in de koelkast hoeft en space is limited) [die zin kan de vertaling aan. Ik zie Nederlands met Engels kan wel, Engels met Nederlands kan niet]

Precies vanochtend en gister waren er klusjesmannen in mijn huis voor het in elkaar zetten van de kast in mijn badkamer (omdat die van binnen uit elkaar gehaald was omdat mijn gas en water meters daar zitten en dit appartement ontzettend snel verhuurd was). En precies nu is de boel een beetje opgeruimd. ๐Ÿ™

Waar ik mee bezig was na mijn dagje uni (na eerst langs de Lidl gegaan te zijn voor mondwater (om mijn bitje in te doen), quick badschuim (andere winkels waren voor nu te ver) en aardappelen voor het avondeten) part 1.

My home yayy eindelijk al die troep uit zicht part 2

Alleen een aantal dingen die ook nog in elkaar gezet moeten worden staan er nog. Inclusief gordijnrails omdat ik voor de oorspronkelijke rails geen runners (wieltjes) kon vinden.

Dit at ik vandaag: vissticks, spinazie en aardappelpuree. Zo snel en simpel dat het zeker niet de laatste keer zal zijn.

Gisteravond na mijn colleges (na 18:00) – was ik naar de Delhaize voor melk, aromat, pannenkoekenmix en krentenbollen maar ik kan hier nergens krentenbollen vinden dus die ga ik morgen gelijk inslaan ( = veel van kopen) – en na mijn douche (waar ik gewoon echt behoefte aan had en douchen voor het slapengaan is nu een van de dingen die ik doe [stress m nu al een klein beetje om die eindejaarsrekening maarja life ik doe het nog steeds zo veel mogelijk met mate maar ik heb toch kroes haar dusja ๐Ÿ™ ]) wilde ik een dutje doen tot 22:00. Dus ik zette daar een wekker voor.

Eindstand ik word wakker en kijk op de klok en zie dat het 02:50 is. Echt vervelend want zomaar mess ik met mijn slaapritme.

Ik was nog een beetje moe dus ik bleef nog even liggen, en wat er 9/10 keer gebeurt wanneer ik blijf liggen zonder te gaan slapen is dat ik behoefte krijg aan een orgasme. Dus jaa van het een kwam het ander. Every time I think of Tishe gaan we – in mijn fantasie – verder dan de vorige keer. Best orgasm ever. First two-handed (niet in me fyi, slechts een middelvinger, clitoris is veel belangrijker meow ik snap die andere emphasis nooit) orgasm in mijn eigen huis yay haha. (I really wonder if I’ll ever see Tishe again and if he’s in to meยฟ)

Toen ik op stond was het 4 uur ofzo en ging ik afwassen en een beetje opruimen. Daarna avondeten (aka left-overs opwarmen in een pan (want ik heb geen microgolf (magnetron) yay ๐Ÿ™‚ ).

Dus ditt

Daarna was ik van plan om de theorieรซn vandaag besproken tijdens de colleges van Linear Algebra and Geometry en Getallen en Verzamelingen (want die vakken had ik vandaag ook weer en Calculus vrijdag) nog een keer door te nemen en de lesstof van vandaag door te nemen.

Adapting

Om 08:45 moest ik daarmee stoppen omdat ik me moest gaan klaarmaken om op tijd te zijn. Normaal gesproken deed ik altijd al mijn huiswerk – als ik het รผberhaupt deed – in een half uurtje ofzo, maar ik merk dat ik hiervoor, wil ik de kern begrijpen (en ja dat moet nu echt 100% uiteraard anders dan slaag ik niet in mijn missie en kan ik ook geen ProfFangs zijn), echt goed moet gaan zitten. Ik zal buiten het lesmateriaal een hoop moeten opzoeken.

Voor matrices bijvoorbeeld kan ik best uit mijn hoofd leren hoe ik bepaalde bewerkingen met een matrix moet doen en onthouden waarom die bewerkingen kloppen. Waarschijnlijk komt dit omdat ik van oorsprong een “alpha” leerling (als in in Nederland noemt men sociale wetenschappen “alpha” en exacte wetenschappen “beta”) ben, maar voor mij is niets duidelijk zo lang ik niet snap waarom de notatie van een matrix uitgerekend die notatie is en niet iets anders. Daarvoor moet ik echt even gaan zitten, om zulk soort dingen uit te vogelen, zodat ik ook een beetje actiever kan meedoen in de les. Met iets als economie of rechten ofzo zou ik wat dat betreft minder moeite gehad hebben – daar zouden mijn eigen normaal onuitgesproken overtuigingen in de weg staan – maar ik heb niet voor niets voor de wiskunde uitdaging gekozen.

Met dat papiertje zal men (hier ga ik nu van uit) wel naar me luisteren wanneer ik een model opstel aan de hand waarvan we de wereld economisch beter zouden kunnen runnen. (Of zou iemand de moeite nemen om het te proberen te verwerpen.) Plus als ik dit niet zou halen dan zou ik mijn nieuwe thuis kwijtraken en zou mijn vader me sws doodmaken ahahahah. Ik heb een flinke stok achter de deur.

En ik vind Belgiรซ heel leuk. Ik weet echter niet of Belgiรซ mij wel leuk vind? Ik probeer zo beleefd en verstaanbaar mogelijk te zijn, maar ik sta pas aan het begin van mijn integratieproces.

Something else fun – funny though simultaneously making me feel bad a little – is how I met my new friend. Yesterday, for my second to last class (Getallen en Verzamelingen), I was standing in front of the classroom with a bunch of people. Some of them I already recognized from the previous class (Calculus). I was standing there, eating, because I took the bus from the other campus where my previous class was –ย  a bus for which I had to wait quite long – and bought some salad with quinoa and hummus and stuff at the cafetaria but there was drama with my bank account again so that took long as well. So I took my lunch with me and was eating that as I (not wanting to be late) waited for the professor to arrive, feeling awkward for standing and eating but still doing it anyway because I was crazy hungry.

So when a professor came and opened the classroom, I followed immediately. As I unpacked my bag at a desk in the back of the class, a familiar face – the only other colored girl following this first-year Mathematics program (we’re with about 40 people in total it seems) I saw during Calculus (though then I wasn’t certain if she studies Mathematics or Physics) – asked me if she was in the right class for Mathematics and if she may sit next to me, and I said “Yes” to both.

Then the professor started to talk about SQL and stuff and I was taking notes, but thought: “Why is this course called Getallen en Verzamelingen? Is it about Getallen en Verzamelingen in database or something?”

It was when he introduced his name that I certainly knew that my actual classmate and I were in the wrong class. Trying hard to not burst out into laughter when we both found the certainty simultaneously. (It reminded me of that scene in The Office US with Pam sitting in the wrong class haha.) We waited until a mid-lecture break was announced, to take our stuff and go to the class next door. I was happy that our actual professor allowed us in.

UAntwerpen is really chill. Not what I expected, but I think I’ll stay happier than before doing this for three years. It’s not what I expected because I thought that professors wearing a suit and full lecture halls for mainstream subjects (of which I thought Mathematics was one) were a standard university thing. But my Calculus professor has tattoos. ๐Ÿ™‚ I appreciate the university’s liberality , though I’m just a fan of suits and think this high-school-like vibe (ah but it’s not the course material that is high-school-like noooooooo just clothing and class size) has taken away the romanticized idea I had of being a professor. The bubble was already quite bursted when I saw B on a vouwfiets. Now I’m just more trying to latch on to my thoughts of reform. Not to make people wear suits while they don’t want to. More to add a new fun and challenging dimension to the lives of the intelligent who are older than I.

Haha professor Calculus (I’m not doing names for now as I said) gave the example: “Ge ziet er sexy uit in een zwart kleedje,” to explain some logic symbols. That would not happen at Erasmus. I wonder if this liberal university – or just the Graeynissis – is open to collaboration with this wildly liberal FangCatje.

Ik woon trouwens in Kievitwijk. Kievitwijk is – this is me paraphrasing Wikipedia – known as the former Jewish neighborhood of Antwerp. This because a lot of Jewish people lived here until WWII. The neighborhood has been nameless for a long time and I read some stuff about controversiality among the government and the population regarding building projects in this neighborhood. (Is that about the building I am living in…?) I can’t state facts about that because I just moved here.

I really like this neighborhood. It’s in the heart of the city center, but it’s still quiet, I feel quite safe and everything is within walking distance.

Something that is new to me is living among so many Jewish people in traditional clothing and hairstyle. In my life I had maybe seen 5 traditionally dressed Jewish people ever before. (Those moments were not in and around Rotterdam.) Now when I walk outside I see them very frequently. I have so many questionsss.

I think I now have an impression of what it is like for someone to see a colored person, or a community of colored people, who had never encountered one in person.ย  I try my best not to stare, but I’m very curious. All I know is what I hear, but I have never spoken to someone who wears traditional Jewish clothing, let alone have an impression of what it is like to live in such a community.

I wonder if I will ever blend in in my new neighborhood. After the words of my mother three days ago, I really don’t know anymore.

Moeder: “Ik stond met zo’n pijpenkrul in de lift.ย  Ik voelde me echt niet op mijn gemak want hij ging met zijn rug naar me toe staan.”

Ik: “Praat alsjeblieft niet zo.” (En vooral niet zo luid ik ken mijn buren nog niet omg.)

Moeder: “Maar ik voelde me echt heel oncomfortabel. Dat snap je toch wel?”

Ik: “Ik vind het gewoon niet fijn dat je pijpenkrul zegt. Als iemand “die zwartjoekel” zegt vind je dat toch ook niet fijn? En moest hij andersom staan ofzo?” (Liften zijn altijd awkward dus ik kan het me best voorstellen dat iemand zo reageert op awkwardness?)

Moeder: “Ja. Maar het komt door zijn geloof. Ze geloven dat zwarten minderwaardig zijn. Het kan ook komen doordat ik een vrouw ben.”

Hierop had ik niets te zeggen, want ik ken zijn geloof vrijwel niet. Als iemand echt van zulk soort zaken overtuigd is dan geloof ik niet dat dat in het religieus geschrift staat maar dat dat in dat geval dan komt door foute predikers (Rabbi’s danยฟ). Ik geloof dat religieus geschrift zelf geen kwaad kan doen, maar als dat werkelijk is wat zijn geloof zegt dan ben ik wel benieuwd aan de hand van welke passage ze die overtuiging hebben gekregen. Graag zou ik die passage dan willen lezen en de minstens 50 regels ervoor en erna om te kijken of die opvatting wel klopt met het geschrift.

Nu word ik overspoeld door gemengde gevoelens wanneer ik iemand in traditioneel Joodse kledij zie.ย  Ik wil weten of het waar is, maar heb hier nog nooit iemand in traditionele kleding samen zien lopen, niet eens een korte woordenwisseling, met iemand in niet-traditionele kleding. (Natuurlijk kan het ook aan interesses liggen.) Maar net zoals een man die een vrouw de hand schudt in sommige culturen weet ik niet hoe ik mijn vragen beantwoord kan krijgen (heb door mijn Nederlands sowieso al een beetje extra social anxiety hier maar komt goed ooit ofzo haha).

Het is echt super toevallig en interessant ofzo. Mijn situatie. Mijn oma woont dicht bij centraal, net als ik. (Zo waren er nog meer van die verbanden maar ik kan er nu even niet op komen, waarschijnlijk omdat ik druk voel omdat 00:00 in de buurt komt en ik echt geen nieuwe post wil schrijven.) Mijn achternaam, Elia (aka Jewish prophet), komt van een Portugees-Joodse familie van slavenhouders in Suriname, en vlak bij mijn huis staat nu een Portugese synagoge. Ik vraag me af of deze geschiedenis algemeen bekend is?

Ik gister

Ik vanochtend

Ik wachtend tot mijn aardappelen gekookt waren (moest een staafmixer gebruiken want heb nog geen stamper). Deze cap draag ik altijd wanneer ik (alleen) lig. Draag het zelden met andere mensen erbij want werd er vaak mee gepest wanneer mensen me kwamen vragen of ik buiten kom spelen en tijdens logeerpartijen enzo.

Mijn legpuzzel van vandaag

Ik ga hiermee verder. Morgen naar Nederland want ik heb een afspraak met dokter Helberg (lang geleden ingepland hoor het is niet dat ik na mijn tijd hier ineens behoefte heb aan therapie) en ga daarna dingen zoals Fernandes, krentenbollen en kokosmelk inslaan want die zijn hier moeilijk (of niet) te vinden, en daarna eten bij mijn main kennissen uit Amsterdam.

Alvast welterusten โ™ฅ

23:55 (11:55 PM) [GMT -2]
Kievitwijk Antwerpen

Ohhh juist ik nam deze foto omdat de les voorbij was en ik het laatste deel van wat er op het bord stond nog niet had overgenomen.

& Mijn stoel is klaar ๐Ÿ™‚

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Woah :o [Sunday, September 15, 2019]

Brain Woah

My time to think yesterday got me so many woahs, my meow. My first woah is that this week is a week in which I have 0 plans (hopefully aside from signing the contract for the apartment I’ve slowly fallen in love with :D), after such a long time! Didn’t realize how much my brain needed rest after I wake up the next morning, feeling like just laying down and distracting my mind with technology at least as possible at first. To just let everything that has happend sink in and scrutinize it. (Usually I’m suppressing what is there anyway. Plain reasoning is what I did until I wanted to flea from my realization and tried to escape my thoughts by playing choices romance games on my phone (and Cody Cross ๐Ÿ™‚ )) Yesterday, I was in bed until about 6 PM when I went to a birthday party with my family.

Realization Woah

The realization of having given my first presentation about my ideas instead of about what a teacher orders me to do is not entirely there still. I wonder what the effect of this will be, because this was something unusual for a presentation in general (for I was doing propagandist things) and any type of societal research is usually not done for free. I wonder about its general effects. If people will go to work with a different view tomorrow.

Furthermore I’m still surprised about how things started off and the results. Surprised about the start because I froze up so badly I didn’t think I would make it to the end. Plus people stopping by to take pictures and videos of me while I was presenting and people dropping by and walking away was taking me out of my concentration. And overhearing “Too slow,” “Too fast,” “My goal for the future is to go to the bathroom now,” and other things like that in conversations. And being way overdressed. I was really surprised to get any positive feedback at all. Though I don’t know if that is honesty or politeness. It doesn’t matter anyway, I really like that a large group of people thought along actively and was willing to share their answers with me.

When it comes to the results, I was very surprised. My coordinates are (40, -50) and the majority of people were in the region -5 < x < 60 and 0 > y > -60. That is very positive in a way, because that means that it’s not the end of the world for most people, when we put a definitive end to the routine the world seems so attached to (because there are so many other ways to do things I really don’ttt understand why so many people on this planet keep living for it if they hate it too).

But if this sample suits the rest of the world, I see the views of right-wing change and left-wing change is what my compass does not reveal. I don’t know how many people would be happy with the D.O.C.I.S. type of change. Something I reallyyy wonder is if the European Union will still have open borders in 10 years, and what this place will look like demographically. Another thing I wonder is why so few people are causing change to the system…? That is what worries me.

What I want to achieve is the implementation of the D.O.C.I.S. International system. How to use my research to push that is what is currently eating me up.

Car Woah

The party yesterday was fun. My cousins celebrated their birthdays together at the community center of their neighborhood, with friends and family over. A lottt of familiar faces asking me about Antwerp, who I could also tell about the interesting discovery of the day before. I’ve talked about the topic of change with them very often in the past and guess the compass would place them in group 4 as well. Next up should be a redefined political compass, I think. Because I’m quite sure that though we all want change, our views of what change should look like differ. (I’m pro closed borders, for example. That creates a better incentive to support your own community first, creates better demographic oversight and is much better for international cooperation (because better demographics create a better idea of what a country’s strengths and needs are, without not knowing where your population has scattered to).)

I don’t talk about my views on closed borders often because when I do it is agressively verbally attacked with arguments about unity and stuff. While I think that closed borders create a different type of unity. It could lead to independent nations cooperating together instead of having the artificial European Union forcing an internal market.

But because views like this differ, I think demographically the world should have people with the same political views living together. Instead of everyone mixed up the way it is now. The unification of similar minds is a different type of peace and happiness.

Anyway what I wanted to say is that my mother’s Volvo broke down last Thursday (reparation costs will be like 4K ๐Ÿ™ ๐Ÿ™ ๐Ÿ™ ) and that she now drives in one of the types of car I used to arrange for the people whose cases I was handling.

The new Astra is a really chill car and it’s pretty fast for a regular gasoline-powered car. My mother says she wouldn’t mind owning one and if she goes for it or something similar (like she said) I won’t stop her. ๐Ÿ™‚

Meoww I’ve broken some speed limits with it driving to the party and back home later. Without tickets of course. ๐Ÿ™‚ It’s very different than the turbo diesel Volvo with leather seating though. But this car had some extra yayness over it in a way because it made me think of Tishe so much. It has left this longing I was trying to rid myself from though. Like why is it here if I’m just some lackey. ๐Ÿ™

Apartment Woah

Ah yays, I just received my father’s income information as well and have sent my motivation and all income information of my parents and I to the person who manages the apartment I wish to hire. It has been received and will be processed tomorrow, I heard. I really hope the apartment has not been rented to someone else yet.

After all of the party socializing and people saying that they’ll pray (or duimen depending on philosophy) for me getting that apartment, I have become so dreamy about it. I couldn’t sleep last night because I wanted to see how much my dream apartment interior would cost. (I don’t know what my definitive interior styling budget is yet…) But aaaaah check out the highlights:

Okay when I was there there were a lot of people standing in the living room, so I’m using pictures of the estate company’s website (plus shout out to Ikea):

These windows

With this kanten vitrage

And these curtains

This closet plus secretaire to the wall on the left of the windows. Yes in front of the heating is not advantageous but I still just want to make this work…

Couch practically in the middle of the room

This fauteuil in the right corner near the windows

This rug in between the couch and the chair

Salon table on top of rug

No TV meubel because I don’t want a TV. Like I don’t want a microwave either. I’ll go for paintings and sculptures omg yayyy. ๐Ÿ˜€

Dinner table against

The wall near the kitchen. Facing the kitchen horizontally

With 4 of these

With this at the head of the table, so I can roll over whenever I whip out my separate desk.

Placemat(s)

Afwasborstel

Kaasschaaf. Moet nog even kijken waar de kaasboer zit. ๐Ÿ™‚

Ah and on the wall that is sort of 3D’d away from the main living room wall, I would like to use school board paint so that I can write out my brainstorm ideas with crayons. Of course I will paint it white again when I move out of this apartment. ๐Ÿ™‚

Then over to the bedzimmer

A closet of 2 meters width will be at the wall you can’t see (at the back of the photographer of this picture). I hope my ironing board fits in it.

This bed (140 cm width)

This hoeslaken

And these sheets meowww

I’ve chosen more combi’s as well. Like beige hoeslaken with black sheets.

This night stand (haha and no random people in my apartment ayy)

You should mentally swap rugs because this one is for the living room and rhe other for the bedroom. Scusami.

My night light? Or some light meooow this is so cutee gotta have it. It’s like camping at home. Or living in the industrial age hehe.

Tub curtains

Cutlery

Et cetera meooow I really hope that I will be selected for this apartment. ๐Ÿ˜€ (Plus if not, I’ll probably have a very hard time in 2 weeks… ๐Ÿ™ )

Twitter Woah

Meow meanwhile I’ve become a little more active on Twitter again. I’ve been creeping down my timeline without posting for a while. The political turbulence is going into a direction that worries me because it feels like it will make me more powerless or something. The fighting offense with offense and things about culture and history being digged up and stuff are sensitive topics to me. Because my view is uncommon and people judge my descent too quick.

I had this geography teacher in middle school. Forgot her name but my friends and I used to call her “that crying face from 9GAG”. She, though there was not a single chapter in that book that had anything to do with Suriname, felt that she had to lecture her students that all Surinamese people wear fake gold, all Surinamese people get their living expenses covered by the government for free (I am not part of that dumb measure), all Surinamese people believe that they may stay home when it rains and other bullshit. A lot of Dutch people from her age (30-40) are convinced of the same nonsense, I’ve noticed. (Aside from classic all-purpose racism and fables about history (that the Dutch Golden Age was positive and slavery was fair) and sex related (big genitals and skill because of dance moves) things some people of more various ages are convinced of.) My god I’m so happy I’ve never seen her since I left school.

Meoww big yays for catching up with you. I’ve been bathrobe petting all day, though. Now I’m going to send Friday’s pictures to Alexandra (who treated me dinner on Friday, too sweeet meow now I want to treat her with something in return), take a shower and go to bed.

~breaking privacy laws~ action picture yay ๐Ÿ˜€ haha

Ciaooo xxx

22:57 (10:57 PM) Capelle aan den IJsselย 

Featured image by Alexander Krivitskiy from Pexels.

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Heyy โ™ฅ

Currently, I’m having lunch at Esco*bar, while revising my text/essay.

Croque madame

Not really a place to work at, but I can find my concentration by blocking out all sound by playing music (paradox lol) haha… It’s a nice place for students, I think.

Before this, I checked out of the hotel after frying an egg, showering and doing the morning dishes. It was my intention to just find a dress at the first store I walk in to, but I see it has to be Christmas time to pull off something like that? Dresses were hard to find in general. It took longer than expected.

Zara dress

I tried this on at Zara. I figured if I find nothing better, I’ll go for this.

Across the road at Costes, I tried this

This would genuinely be cool if I were pregnant

I do that arm move because of the light haha

I was starting to get desperate. Thinking: “Should I combine this with a skirt?” But didn’t give up my search for a dress.

This is kind of cool but my shoulders are broad and I’ll get visibly sweaty in this

But WE had quite some nice options.

This one was also quite cool

I chose this one ๐Ÿ™‚ I’ll wear a corset so it will look different ehehe

Meanwhile I’m on my way to my next apartment visitation. A bit late again. ๐Ÿ™ It’s at 3, but according to maps I’ll be there at 8 minutes past. See you later x

~~~

Updated 15:02 (03:02 PM)ย 

Mortsel

Okayy the apartment I just visited is more modern than the one I visited yesterday. Modern in the sense that it only operates on water and electricity. No gas. That’s a big plus, but it’s less spacious, though. Aside from a sitting/lounging area and a dinner table, I don’t think there’s space for a separate desk.

I didn’t take any pictures because it would be breaking privacy laws. The situation was a bit sad. The bedroom had a large mattress on the floor and an Ikea mat with roads on them, I also had when I was little.

Instead of a sitting area with a television there usually is in a living room, there was a large bed for 2 people there (and no television). The most shocking part of this for me was that the lady who answered the door is pregnant. That’s quite a life.

Now I’m on my way to my final visitation. This apartment is my favorite next to the apartment I wasn’t selected for. It’s a few minutes from the hotel. After this I’m going home. Meow I’m tired and I saw heavy traffic. ๐Ÿ™

~~~

15:41 (03:41 PM)

Antwerp

The apartment was even chiller than I expected it to be. There were 5 more people present to look at it, when I was there. What I find chil is that it does not only have a supermarket below the modern complex: it also has a parking garage. ๐Ÿ™‚ Not that I have my own car, but still… When it comes to that: it’s veryyy close to the central station and has very good sound isolation. Sound isolation is sooo important to me meoww I want thiss.

The one and only extra room that is the bedroom.

Bathroom inside bedroom. A bath ๐Ÿ˜€

Balcony

And an extra toilet, which is chill if I ever have guests over. ๐Ÿ™‚

There were too many people standing in the living room to make a picture of it. But this apartment in this modern buildings called Vista will hopefully be mine. That’s only possible if my father allows me to share a written overview of his last three months of salary. I hope I could do this before tomorrow ends. ๐Ÿ™‚

After the visitation, I drove home right away. The visitation with the pregnant lady took less time than expected, so my time in between visitations I used to collect my luggage and car at the hotel (especially because reception closed at 17:30 and I might have had to sprint to not be stuck without access to car and luggage), then take the car to the apartment.

It took me more than 2 hours to get home, because traffic was crazy. Even the navigation system’s recalculation to avoid traffic still had me stuck in traffic. But I came home to this ๐Ÿ˜€ :

The excitement of a self-purchased gift

But first I had to go to my mother’s workplace because she prints my presentation hand-outs for me and there was some trouble with the formatting when she opened the second document.

Going to my mother’s workplace for printing reminds me of my high school days haha. โ™ฅ

That was fixed. ๐Ÿ™‚ I have 60 hand-outs now. ๐Ÿ™‚

Though now one hand-out has my serif font on it – this one – and the other hand-out (for keeping) is printed in Arial. ๐Ÿ™ I find it a waste of paper to reprint everything in Bookman Old Style just for the font, but two different fonts is a bit disturbing.

At home I wanted to go to bed right away, but I couldn’t resist seeing the dress I bought. It’s… sparkly, I noticed. I didn’t see that online. Otherwise I wouldn’t have bought it for this occasion. The print is, however, still amazing. I wish it were just all cotton. But I want to be taken seriously… So I’m glad I have my back-up dress. Though still major yays for DHL’s fast delivery and Fashion Nova its unique assortiment. ๐Ÿ™‚

The rest I’ll be checking tomorrow. Now I’m going to continue sleeping. I wanted to practice my presentation again tonight but I’m too tired. ๐Ÿ™ So goood night โ™ฅ

xxx

00:13 (12:13 AM) [GMT -2]

Capelle aan den IJsselย 

Images, Online Diary, Popular Posts

Sunnyays 7 [Saturday, August 31, 2019]

Heysss โ™ฅ

North Sea Festiyays

I went to the festival as CamFangs yesterday

In Rotterdam they let me in with my camera, so I gave it a shot here as well.

But I had to walk back to the apartment to drop it off because even though I mentioned that there is almost no difference between that camera and a phone camera, it was protocol and some artists don’t like being photographed like that, but if I would have had a fat sports lens on it, they would have allowed it in… x_x

So I saw the last few songs of Pitbull’s

It was fun. I knew quite a lot of songs because I used to listen to his music a lot when I was younger (plus he has many hits).

Then I went to see Kenny G

(This is funny if you’ve read two posts ago:) Het was zo ontzettend mooi! Ik kreeg er kippenvel van.

Kenny G’s music used to make me very emotional as a kid. (That means that it touches my soul.) My mother and grandfather listened to it sometimes.

A lot of songs played made me feel like slow dancing in dim lights. It was also cool that they were playing jazz classics from old to new. I feel like diving into jazz chords now. ๐Ÿ™‚

๐Ÿ™‚

I’ve been dancing my buns off at Earth, Wind & Fire. And singing really loud.

The loss of Maurice White still hurts. The new generation of artists performing in his place do very well. That warms my heart.

Michael McDonald was yays!

He has such good songs. ๐Ÿ™‚ And played nice classics.

Haha I imagined myself entering creep mode on Victishe. Singing songs like Ain’t no Mountain High Enough and Ain’t Nothing Like the Real Thing, as I run after him and he is trying to escape ahahaha it would be a funny sketch. (Though also a lil painful.)

I arrived at Maxwell during Stop the World hehe

I was in time to hear him play my favorite classics of his: Sumthin’ Sumthin’ and Ascension

The Black Eyed Peas were also very enjoyable. Their new member is very good. ๐Ÿ™‚

It was a party from start to end.

I used to listen to their music a lot when I was in primary school. And they have plenty of hits. I knew many songs (except “Where is the Love” except where that line is sung).

Maroon 5 is rehearsing, I hear (12:07). It’s too bad I can’t see them.

Sunnyays and Sunnyhoes

If I ever want ro read back my holiday in Curacao 2019, I can simply search “Sunnyays” or “Sunnyhoes”. It is also an interesting display of social isolation.

My flight has been delayed with an hour. I’m going to pack my last things and soak in the bath tub.

I hope to finish my essay on the plane. And by the time I land (September 1st), the D.O.C.I.S. Store will be fully online, and at 8 PM (GMT +2) the Book Club assignment will be online.

I’m going to get to it. xxx

~~~

Updated 12:27 (PM) [GMT -4]

Piscadera

On the featured image is Jhene Aiko, one of the prettiest artists I listen to. ๐Ÿ™‚ The image is downloaded from Google Images, but was originally posted on HipHopDX (opens in new tab).

โ™ฅ

 

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Operation Sunnyhoes Day 5 [Thursday, August 29, 2019]

Heysss โ™ฅ

Today’s island tour was a lot of fun! I’ve taken many pictures. Here is a sneak preview:

Why you’re getting a preview now is because I need to get ready for the Jazz Festival real quick… I was quite tired after the tour of quite some hours, so I’ve been napping. Napping for too long… I can hear Juan Luis Guerra play from where I’m at. The festival terrain is right at the entrance of the resort we’re staying at. I don’t know any of today’s artists. but I love hearing new sounds. (Plus it might be so that I know popular songs but not the artists.)

I’m going to continue to get ready. See you later โ™ฅ (I hope I’ll really see you!)

~~~

Updated 19:57 (07:57 PM)
Piscadera

FestiFangs

FestiFangs

Juan Luis Guerra North Sea Jazz Curacao

Juan Luis Guerra

Aymee Nuviola North Sea Jazz Curacao

Aymรฉe Nuviola

Aymee Nuviola North Sea Jazz Curaรงao

With dancers ayyy

It was nice. ๐Ÿ™‚ I really love live music. (Hopend dat niemand nu verwacht dat ik verheerlijkend over sfeer, gezelligheid en kippenvel enzo ga praten zoals men dat doet wanneer het over muziek gaat. Ik probeer gewoon positief te zijn en te blijven.) I wish I could speak Spanish (or Italian or better Latin).

Unfortunately I didn’t make it to the end of the festival. During the second performance it was already very hard for me to lift my feet when dancing, but leaving felt disrespectful. My entire body felt a lot heavier than normal. It was quite a relief when my mother and sister wanted to leave during a Latin cover of a song of KC and the Sunshine Band (I so loved when I was little), to get some drinks.

On our way to getting drinks (I needed some moisture to take with me as I carried myself to the apartment), I proposed to go home. I wasn’t the only one tired.

So I dragged myself up the hill, way behind my mother and sister. Havana D’Primera we’ve heard from the apartment.

From all artists of today, I’ll look some songs up on Spotify for sure. ๐Ÿ™‚

But now I’m going to bed. Haha I can barely keep my arms lifted to type and still I’m typing this why am I doing that to myself.

Love youuuu ♥

Goood night ♥

~~~

Updated 00:21 (12:21 AM)
Piscadera

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Operation Sunnyhoes Day 3 [Tuesday, August 27, 2019]

Heysss โ™ฅ

The hunt for cuddles is still on. Not really spotted approachable potential cat preys yet…

Currently sitting on my lil throne, restrategizing…

Auntiyays

Just kidding, I’m not using strategy on this. Finding a Catje is a matter of luck. I was watching TV and chatting with my fam. And waiting for a proper internet connection so that I can tell you about earlier…

It was a lot of fun going to the casino with my (don’t tell my other aunts :x) favorite aunt, sister and 17 year old cousin. We went to the Renaissance casino, not Princess (oops excuses I informed you incorrectly x_x).

She has rented the yayest cars of the 3 rentals we have here. ๐Ÿ™‚

Such a nice sight coming out of the garage ๐Ÿ™‚

My aunt gave all of us $100 to play with. She likes playing (alone) at the high bet tables.

My cousin, sister and I started off with this hehe. It was funny. ๐Ÿ™‚ Way in the end of the night I made a little profit with this.

We also played blackjack at a lower bet table. After having blackjack twice in a row, everything went downhill for me and I stopped playing ahahahah.

My “losing” facial expression (issa joke ofc I can take a loss)

I lost $70. x_x But it was great fun! ๐Ÿ˜€

On top of the chillness and chill lifestyle of this aunt of mine, other things I find chill about her is the traditional knowledge that doesn’t sound like superstition.

Today, for example, she told us that though many Surinamese Creoles these days cook with onions and garlic, the original Creole kitchen didn’t include those ingredients. Slaves didn’t have access to those ingredients. My great grandparents even also prepared traditional dishes without those ingredients. It was when the multicultural society in Surinam started to blend, the Creole kitchen adopted onions and garlic.

And she has interest in a diverse range of cultures and classes, without judging negatively, so that is the greatest yay for me. Plus she likes art (and real estate). ๐Ÿ™‚

All of her houses have art in it (not only for safeguarding money in a tangible way) ๐Ÿ™‚

I’m exhausted meoooow good night โ™ฅ

~~~

Updated 04:25 (AM) [GMT -4]

Piscadera

Heysss ♥

I’ve been working on the draft of Evolving Individualism in the 9 – 5 Economy, instead of going to the beach again. It’s yays. ๐Ÿ™‚ I hope to finish it today, to then go over it again a few dozen times and turn it into speech format. And work on the drafts of my wiki pages. ๐Ÿ™‚

But before I take a little break to go swimming here at the pool on the compound on which my aunt’s holiday apartment is, I logged in here to share some random things:

  • I just signed up for an info evening about combining work and study at the University of Antwerp on September 4th.
  • I’m in the posession of Florins now, because when I handed in my profit cards at the casino, I asked for Florins instead of US dollars, supporting the local currency a little. ๐Ÿ™‚ (Plus it was yays that my aunt let me drive her car. ๐Ÿ™‚ (Though it was because she has trouble with her knee. ๐Ÿ™ ))
  • For the Operation Sunnyhoes headers, I use an image of a women and a man alternately. It would be very funny to use a picture of Victishe or Catthierry for tomorrow’s header. 😂 Like they’re actually involved in this, while, in reality, I’m here chilling in holiday isolation with mommy and daddy, and I’d randomly take some image off of Google ahahahaha. Plus my posts are just a random description of my thoughts, not really a serious mission the title implies. Do you get my sense of humor? Everything is a hyperbole, unless it is actuallt that big, hahaha… 😂

Meoooow I’ll be swimminggg. And I’m in loveee with the catje on the header image. 😻

~~~

Updated 17:48 (05:48 PM) [GMT -4]

Piscadera

Swimming was greattt 😻


Meoow I love tropical nature sooo much. I really want to live in an environment where palm trees grow (in an outmost modern economy), when I live independently. That’s one of the reasons why I want to move to California. ๐Ÿ™‚

Such an exotic audience today. 😻

Meoow I didn’t get to work on my essay and speech anymore. ๐Ÿ™ I thought we were going for a drink and a quick snack, but I just came back from Avilla Beach Hotel, where I was with my family.


The last picture is awa limunchi (excuse my spelling if it is incorrect), water with lime and sugar, which is drunken very often here. ๐Ÿ™‚ It was yays. ๐Ÿ™‚

Now I’m tired meooww. Goood night ♥

– xxx –

Updated 23:37 (11:37 PM) [GMT -4]

Piscadera

This sexy Catje is photographed by Marco Lima from Pexels 😻

Images, Online Diary, Popular Posts

The D.O.C.I.S. Store is open for Pre-Orders! :D

My loveeeee โ™ฅ

I’m back yays ๐Ÿ˜€

My days of being absent here are over now, because… The D.O.C.I.S. Store (opens in new tab) is now open for pre-orders! ๐Ÿ˜€

The reason why it is open for pre-orders – and not real orders yet – is that the online configuration of the store and the Book Club are done, but I need to be home to process the orders, and I’m going on a little holiday today. ๐Ÿ™‚

Meooow I’ve been working quite hard in the last few weeks… Developing my lil online empire, searching for an apartment, watching my grandmother’s house as it is being renovated, going to the gym with a friend of mine, psychotherapy sessions (with emphasis on high intelligence) in Amsterdam every week and writing some blog posts in between.

But now I’ll be chilling for a while. And hopefully see orders and subscriptions pouring in… 😻 I hope all of this work was not for nothing…

And I’ll be taking you with me, on my journey to sunny Curacao. ๐Ÿ˜€

Random pictures

Haha I was packing today and decided to check out and see how the t-shirt dress I bought today would look together with a mix of two colors of lipstick… You have not seen my face since Egmond? ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

I think it’s yays. ๐Ÿ™‚ I wish I weren’t single. ๐Ÿ™‚

Anyway meoowww I will be sharing a lot more things with you. (A lot more things except details of who is signing up et cetera of course because that is a type of privacy even an online diary has to respect. I love keeping professional secrets. ๐Ÿ™‚ )

de buitenvrouw zwagerman

Like that this is what I’ll be reading before I re-read 1984

But after my lil powernap… We’re going to start driving at like 7 AM and now it’s past 04:30 AM… I was making sure that my store is finished (though I still want to add a lot more things to the assortment… At least it functions properly, the front page has had a make over, all legal documents are up to date, et cetera…) I really can’t wait until the online community environment I’ve created is in use!!! ๐Ÿ˜€

Your voice is important ๐Ÿ™‚

Ah the idea that we could be voting and sharing thoughts with newly made international friends, and doing projects together and stuff… I reallyyy hope you will sign up!

Meowww I’ll be napping… xxxxxxxx

~~~

Updated 04:38 (AM) [GMT +2]
Capelle aan den IJssel

Good morning ๐Ÿ™‚ ♥

How was your night?

Pre-flightness

Mine was veryyy short, but my sleep itself was comfortable.

I’m already in airplane mode though, hehe:

Zzzzzz ahahaha


That shopping bag in the back of the picture is what our family friends in Amsterdam will be given along with two cars to keep in front of the house to save parking costs.

Had I already shared that I have changed the policy for the Book Club in such a way that now both Online members and Full members can be authors for The Fangs? ๐Ÿ˜€

Hmmm by the way, the last few times I was on a long trip from home, I shared everything here and all went well. I don’t want to jinx it but I just want to share this… ๐Ÿ˜€

Meoow I’m going to put this phone away. I have a flight of near 10 hours ahead of me…

Meanwhile I’m at the check-in.

Hehe I downloaded Doom for the Nintendo Switch last night. ๐Ÿ˜€ #Graeynissis

Speaking of Graeynissis… You should really read the post written by Graeynissis, on The Fangs. (Opens in new tab.)

Ah and this flight will be one with one of the last 737’s, I heard… (Tense…)

See you later. ♥

~~~

Updated 09:26 (AM) [GMT +2]
Amsterdam

Oops…

Heyy…

I’m still in the Netherlands, because we missed our flight. I misread our ticket and assumed 10:55 – our flight time – was the time of our gate closing. In hindsight, it was very clearly written on my boarding pass I hadn’t read ๐Ÿ™ :

Oops x_x

Our before-flight list of tasks was: buying shag (father), buying books/magazines (mother) and eating something (sister and I)/having coffee (mother).

I thought they call names through the intercom when passengers are late, but by the time we arrived at the gate, they were already taking our luggage out of the plane. My father could have gotten on it, still, because he wasn’t eating or having coffee at an airport restaurant…

Yes, the reason why we were late x_x

“Relax, they’re not leaving without us (and I assumed 10:55),” was what I said right before he advanced ahead and my sister and I were still eating.

My mother, sister and I arrived at the gate in the middle of a debate about why we should still go on board. We’ve been in situations like this often enough to know how everyone responds. My father fights his anger as he debates about why things should go his way, my mother is in light panic and defends my father, my sister and I respond quite neutrally.

After the stewardess who still got on board received a sarcastic “Enjoy your flight. Letting us get on that plane is quicker than taking our luggage out,” I tried to save the flight personnel from a further escalation, asking what the usual procedure is when one misses a flight. There was another flight leaving in about two hours later, and we had to go to a certain desk to rebook our flight.

At that desk, we were too late to get tickets for the other flight, so now we’re flying tomorrow…

This will now forever be a thing. “Quadruple check your boarding time.”

Meowww I’m going to have some dinner and then share what else is and has been on my mind…

~~~

Updated 20:20 (08:20 PM) [GMT +2]
Capelle aan den IJssel

A Feeling that is Hard to Describe

When we were told that we were not allowed to get on the plane anymore, and everything thus went a lot different than I had expected it to go, my brain entered this “slow motion observer mode” state. Observing the situation and seeing what the best quick solution is.

And meanwhile, I also thought of how small the chance of ending up in that situation was, because about 6 weeks ago, I wasn’t even planning to accompany my family to Curacao. It were my intentions to stay home while they were there, because I considered that something that suits the word “holiday” better. But when my mother told me of how my sister does not like to travel by plane alone – for she has school and my parents want to stay for a week longer – I somehow let myself be talked into this holiday. I’ve found peace in it, looking forward to enjoy tropical nature, nice weather (for more comfortable clothing (because dresses are the ultimate yays to me)), live music and a different crowd.

But when it comes to the tension in this family, I think I have reached my max. Ever since all that happened in 2017, our situation has already been more tense than usual.

I already barely have something to talk about with them, aside from the tension, our past and some regular anecdotes. And now with this “we missed our flight for no reason and that cost my father โ‚ฌ700” situation on top of that, plus the rest of the family (from Suriname and the Netherlands) waiting in Curacao (we will be staying in my aunt’s holiday apartment there, with a group of 11 people)… Ugh, meow… x_x.

Guess what our topic of conversation will be when we arrive. (Plus my suitcase is already there and my aunt’s suitcase will fly along with us tomorrow…)

In “slow motion observer mode”, I thought: “God, I want to be alone. And I want to relax. My brain still needs to decompress from working on my business with very little sleep or rest. I really wish that I had my apartment in Antwerp (anywhere abroad, honestly) already. Though I see no way to accomplish that anytime soon… We can’t not go to Curacao, because it is impossible to decompress if we suddenly don’t go at all anymore.” I’m really glad that we can still go. Now I appreciate the holiday even more than before.

It is my intention to decompress, there. Though, honestly, I don’t know how to do that. Gaming, exercising, writing, making music and even talking are very pressuring activities to me, because I always feel the need to make it “the best thing I have ever done”.

Swimming is very relaxing to me, especially from the way it feels and how much I love the sound of water, so much that I find it hard to get out of the pool or sea when my body is starting to tremble from fatigue.

The D.O.C.I.S. Store

And though decompression is my aim, I still want to finish my “Evolving individualism in the 9 – 5 economy” essay, write my wikipedia pages (for D.O.C.I.S. International, “Lil Fangs” and The D.O.C.I.S. Book Club… Plus actually also Fangyism and Project Nosce Te Ipsum, but I don’t see those topics get accepted into the encyclopedia…) and practice some mathematics… Plus maybe still work on The D.O.C.I.S. Store some more. But putting effort in that last thing might be wasted energy…

I should be marketing my store and my book club. But I can’t, for I need my last money for stock management in case people decide to order books and/or sign up for the book store.

My prices are calculated in such a way that every purchase is also an investment in a various range of process components (packaging material, personalized gifts, books in stock, D.O.C.I.S. editions (hardcovers with an introduction written by me), web development (mobile apps, desktop apps, marketing, the development of my programming language called Scorpio…) et cetera… ๐Ÿ˜€ )

But to market The D.O.C.I.S. Store with its odd pricing sounds like something I shouldn’t be doing. Also, I’m aiming for a specific kind of audience, so I don’t want to attract too much attention with something that is not fully established yet (as in I’m doing everything by myself and the Book Club does not have any members yet (for I am “Graeynissis”). I’m looking for people who don’t need much further explanation, so that I can form a sample group with them and use material of D.O.C.I.S. International in (interactive) practice as marketing material.

So that when they see what we are doing, they want to join in, too, and understand it. But I have nothing to prognosticate anything D.O.C.I.S. International’s future related with. I need a miracle…

Meoow I wish I had an investor. ๐Ÿ™

The next update I’ll probably share when I’m in Curacao, hoping to have some yays for us. (Though mild yays because I feel the strong need to be alone for a while, or be with a Graeyniss… Also because I feel sooo kissy… Why is Victishe so hard to get? ๐Ÿ™ Any cat Graeyniss is hard to get. ๐Ÿ™ )

See you in less than 24 hours! Hopefully with the yaysss. (Hopefully spotting you anywhere. I’d like to hang out with someone who is my mental age (666).) ♥

By means of not pressurizing myself anymore, I’ll be laying in bed while staring at the ceiling, instead of working on the assortment (adding my own books to it… Haha hadn’t even done that x_x).

xxx

Updated 23:55 (11:55 PM) [GMT +2]
Capelle aan den IJssel

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I really recommend you to read this post!!!

My Graeynisssssssss โ™ฅ

As a regular Dutch person would say, “I don’t want to fall with the door in house” (AHAHAHAHAHA) but I’m going to dive right into it! Looooook at this:

It’s not finished yet, but you can see the page already because I don’t like maintenance mode pages

The D.O.C.I.S. Store is getting a lot closer to being finished. ๐Ÿ˜€

Please become a Full member! If not possible, there is a low-budget option available as well. ๐Ÿ™‚

I’m still writing the explanation text (and still have a few more books to add to the assortment)

What it looks like in practice? Amazing! ๐Ÿ˜€

The world will be ours!!!!

The image is a mashup of laptop screenshots ehehe

I really hope you will sign up!!! โ™ฅ

Oh and meoww D.O.C.I.S. International has a new logo:

Under constructionnn

I don’t know if you click on the links I share in my blog posts, so that’s why I’m showing screenshots… And I just took away the slider on the home page, because it had waaaaaaaay too many slides anyway (taking them all away would take a decade because that goes per post) and it was making my blog slow… Now there’s “an advertisement”.

Meooow I’ve been spending sooo much time behind my screen… I’m going to call it a day. Tomorrow there’s another road trip to Antwerp planned to visit another apartment, in case the apartment I’m opting for now refuses me… I’ll be here again with more yays tomorrow!

One of the things I did today was choosing the logo… Do you have the same order of preference?

Goood nighttt โ™ฅ โ™ฅ โ™ฅ

xxx

Updated 22:33 (10:33 PM) [GMT +2]

Audio, Images, Online Diary, Popular Posts

First Light [Friday, August 9, 2019]

Heyy โ™ฅ

My long-term vision is getting clearer. ๐Ÿ™‚ I can now explain it better to you as well:

I’ll be doing books of the month ๐Ÿ™‚

Always with a topic of discussion linked to the book

Please sign up for the D.O.C.I.S. Book Club before September 15th ๐Ÿ™‚

To enjoy the benefits of being a member of D.O.C.I.S. International from the very start ๐Ÿ™‚

Why buy this book in the D.O.C.I.S. Store? Because your purchase comes with extras no other online bookstore gives you. And it will be hand-packaged by me, with a lot of love โ™ฅ

When the D.O.C.I.S. Store is finished, the Fangs Store will disappear.

This post is called First Light, because with an impression of the D.O.C.I.S. Store home page being finished and doing my first potential apartment visitation in Antwerp, an impression of what my life will look like from the end of October is in sight.

Today I haven’t added that many books to the store yet. I’m almost home now after visiting my first potential apartment in Antwerp. I can see myself live there. It’s quite spacious, it has a balcony that looks out over a quite green area and it has room for a home office. ๐Ÿ™‚ There are a lot of competitors for the apartment though so I’ll sign up as a candidate before Monday and hope they’ll pick me… (My head is spinning when it comes to figuring out how to do my proprietorship taxes if I live in Belgium as a Dutch student… Plus figuring out where I can buy personalized high quality packaging materials for the lowest price et cetera… It’s on my to-do list of before August 23. ๐Ÿ™‚ )

After the visit we – my mother and I – ate at a restaurant a street away from the apartment.

Especially the portabella was soo amazinggg. It all tastes even better than it looks meowww. The tournedos was great, too. ๐Ÿ™‚

I only ate a main dish though because my mother is still dieting, only eating a starter, and I didn’t want to eat while she’s not eating. But meow I’m satisfied. ๐Ÿ™‚

By means of boosting tomorrow’s productivity, I won’t be working on the D.O.C.I.S. Store until midnight again today. My sleep schedule is messed up from doing that a few days in a row now haha. Plus I’m quite tired from driving to Antwerp also… On top of the continuous web store maintenance I was doing haha.

Meooowwwwwww I really can’t wait to hopefully have you as a member of my book club and exchange thoughts with you and hopefully have you by my side as member of the D.O.C.I.S. International Council. ๐Ÿ™‚ โ™ฅ

I’m working really hard for it. ๐Ÿ™‚ To further boost that process, my next diary post will be posted on Sunday evening instead of tomorrow and I’ll go to bed early tonight.

Ohhh and I finally fixed the color issue with this website’s logo yesterday! ๐Ÿ˜€ I used the logo right away to personalize my Spotify page. I’ll reupload my Revenge of the Nerds to the online music stores before I create my Wikipedia page. And probably upload some samples and a piano improvisation as well. ๐Ÿ™‚

Some Spotify yays ๐Ÿ™‚ [I was listening to music like this in the car because that iPhone I was using has an aux jack and I need to buy a new usb-c to aux adapter for my HTC…]

Please check out the playlist I’ve been having on repeat. ๐Ÿ˜€

https://open.spotify.com/user/_betawoman/playlist/38eZc54I9F0EZrOBlSalVD?si=EYh_0rYrRWGsWhgQ3x__gQ

“Betawoman” was a name under which I wrote poetry for a very short while, when I had Elia PR… It stands for the female equivalent reverse of “alpha male” haha… That was also when I created my Spotify account… ๐Ÿ˜€

Especially these two songs I added to it yesterday:

Kendrick (K-Cuddle) his background singing โ™ฅ

And I’m addicted to thisss

I’ll see you on Sunday โ™ฅ

xxx

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Getting at it [Friday, August 2, 2019]

Good morning ๐Ÿ™‚ โ™ฅ

How was your night? & What will you be doing today?

I wonder if you also have some layers of honesty you were keeping to yourself (which is not lying but simply avoiding unnecessary crises). Because I’d love to learn from your experience. Meow I’ve completely lost my straightforwardness. Every time I want to speak my mind, the idea of what type of responses I’ll get makes me stay silent. Maybe I should just keep the peace until I’m in Antwerp (not the US because that is currently too expensive for me, plus I have D.O.C.I.S. plans for Europe as well)… Me speaking up is like playing fence against 100 people by yourself.

Taking pictures yesterday was cool. Unfortunately it was cloudy, but I still have some cool pictures. Most pics are taken with my Olympus camera, but I also have ones taken with my phone:

Triangleee which means power and male energy

Yays

I’m going to get ready for the webminar now. By my fear of not expecting to learn anything, I debunked yesterday, I mean that I’m expecting to hear the basics of SEO and social media marketing and other things I’m trying to make a statement with from the consciously mediocre way I use them. Things that are not new to me. I expect it to be a good training for sure – especially because I need to show the type of enthusiasm he shows when I speak so just for that already I’ll gain something from it. And from that special video I saw yesterday, I think I’ll still learn something completely new yays. ๐Ÿ™‚

Time to get at it: moving forward.

See you later ๐Ÿ™‚ xxx

Updated 10:19 (AM) [GMT +2]

~~~

I’m back. ๐Ÿ™‚ Here to share the indirect lessons I’ve learnt and things I realized. It was indeed not what I expected. When I think of e-commerce, I think of setting up a stand-alone webshop. But this was basically about – indeed a lot more popular as we all know from online shopping – reselling via already-existent large-scale webshop platforms, such as Amazon and Ebay, but this was focused on Bol, for the Dutch market. Not selling on your own web domain but on what is already popular.

If you want to earn a lot fast, by hardly doing anything, by reselling on online platforms now that they’re still here, then the course is something for you.

For D.O.C.I.S. International, this made me realize what is more important than setting up that online bookstore:

  • Define supply and demand within D.O.C.I.S. International. Online platforms like the ones previously mentioned are hyped now, but I believe in the end of the overratedness of the public web, so it’s important to position yourself in a monopolist position where you gain from the internet but do not depend on it. I want to be what’s after Amazon and Bol and stuff. I’ve mentioned this before, but lost focus on this.
  • Seek a way to make my products lower priced and easier to sell. I still want to sell exclusive goods, but any purchase shouldn’t seem like a wrong investment.
  • I’ve also written down things like that I should do more trendwatching and outsource all stock management et cetera. But I don’t want to do any of that… D.O.C.I.S. International is a classic business.

The issue I described with the value of money in respect to available resources world wide in stock trading, is the same with buying things for five dollar cents and reselling them for thirty euros. Only authenticity creates real value. That’s why I developed this alternative method to calculate the value of money, which is still in development. I can’t wait until I get financial mathematics and philosophy (second semester). ๐Ÿ™‚

Today I’ll work on my website texts. And I’m going to call the property owners of student houses I have interest in, to ask if I could visit them (and perhaps rent one right away). Ah I can’t wait to be recording videos from my own apartment and be happy in them. ๐Ÿ™‚

Oh on my last YouTube video: I mentioned that I wanted to get intoxicated, but I didn’t do any of that. It’s just how all of this nonsense people don’t understand makes me feel.

I’m putting my faith and fate back into the (reform of) the academic system, hoping I could still start D.O.C.I.S. International off as a research publishing business. For which I’ll also have to change the SBI codes of my business to what I wanted them to be from the start anyway.

Later more about the Dutch climate related tweets (and plenty blog posts) I posted. ๐Ÿ™‚

dykes system

The Netherlands

Updated 14:53 (02:53 PM) [GMT +2]

~~~

International influence on an economic, social and legal level, starting with influencing what type of research is done and propagated through my organization, I can better initiate by also discussing my own works in my book club. It feels self-centered to ask that type of attention, but it’s great to give a direction and have some very alternative fun. ๐Ÿ™‚ Plus selling exclusive members-only (because of stockpile related complications limited edition meow I need my own printing press) hardcovers yay. ๐Ÿ˜€

Updated 15:03 (03:03 PM) [GMT +2]

~~~

Meoow this would be the absolute yays 😻

If I’d be a millionaire tomorrow, I’d still attend university to climb up the academic ladder. With that million I could invest in so much societal change, buy land and buy that printing press (plus a stockroom for it and the plenty of books I’ll distribute world-wide). Chances of winning are heightened, but still not high. Still it would be so amazing omggg. I’d make that money multiply and build a stable and healthy (financial) future.

Anyway meow I’ve just gone for some tea with my mother who is 100% behind me on moving to Antwerp yay. ๐Ÿ™‚ ♥ (Though I would rather not have her give up a relatively large percentage of her income to me. It’s better to save that for her own future. If there’s any financial support coming from the side of my parents then that should be from their shared account or my father’s account. If they’d ever split up she should have enough savings just in case. What my mother gives me is 10% of her income. That same amount would be not even 2% of my father’s income, so I’m going to – save my heart the pain please God – ask him (used to the rejection of things like this) to let him pay this instead of my mother. If they’ll really do this to begin with. I say “my parents” far too often.)

I’ll be napping now and afterwards elaborate on my theory of why it’s better to flood the Netherlands than spend 100 billion euros on the “klimaatakkoord” to reduce Dutch CO2 emission. (I’ll be writing exclusive essays on this and include them as discussable topics for my book club. ๐Ÿ™‚ )

Updated 16:59 (04:59 PM) [GMT +2]

~~~

These two holes are the Netherlands.

My creation resembles the dykes system, where polders and uiterwaarden, which should have been uninhabitable because they were originally constructed as floodable land to protect the cities and villages (in case they were not built on mounds), now, due to overpopulation, have cities and villages on them while that land is not protected against the water enough to evacuate its citizens to higher land in time.

dykes system

The Netherlands scenario 1

When a dyke breaks, the water actually gets sucked in – for if you example put water on a plate, the entire plate becomes covered with water if the surface is equally low. And all Wadden Islands, North Holland, South Holland, Flevoland and Zeeland lie below sea level. The dykes protect the water from coming in, but in that same situatiation it will prevent it from flowing out.

The scenario we all – even I – don’t want to take place

If this country were hit by a sudden tsunami-like wave, the effect would speed up so fast that the polders and uiterwaarden would be filled-up within no time and the “mainland” will be flooding next, like a bathtub being filled without a plug to ever let the water escape, with other countries in danger as well. (Just a bit of water damage for them though. Nothing that serious…)

With the klimaatakkoord the government is trying to slow down the high pace on which pole ice is melting, by reducing CO2 emission. They want to spend over 100 billion Euros on stalling this country from flooding, and use their “strategy” (improving isolation from the ugly houses in this country that will still risk falling apart over time, and using more electricity instead natural resources (which the electricity net can’t even handle)) as an export product for other countries – which don’t have the same natural danger incentive to think of preventing already initiated climate change – as a way to earn it back. (Plus how would those other countries earn back the for them then over 100 billion euros if they’re not using the measure their countries can beter develop than the Netherlands themselves anyway? The Dutch left is psychotic.)

The Dutch government wants to waste its time implementing obsolete technology in old houses. Other countries are far ahead of the Netherlands when it comes to education, technology, architecture, geography and even having a sense of reality. Dutch pride is obsolete. The best way to let them (or “us” since I’m Dutch damn ugh x_x ) go with honor – and THAT is the real “thinking ahead for future generations” – is by causing the flood and preparing the measures for it, to get it over with and not leave the future generation (which is me lol I’m not in power yet meowww ) stuck with the consequences of the bad policies of this government.

The D.O.C.I.S. Book Club will spend plenty of time discussing things like this, influencing better research on this et cetera. I’m working on it yays. ๐Ÿ™‚

This is how I created “the Netherlands” and thanks to my cousin for resembling the storm

And the Dutch left being psychotic is something serious. They also believe that they should invest in the military because they believe that Russia can attack at any second (and that that is the reason for that air alarm on the first of the month). Exactly only that dumb discriminatory fear is the only reason Russia would ever attack the Netherlands. The way they fear people from other countries just because they’re from other countries is psychotic. The way they state things like that shouldn’t be accepted.

Updated 21:03 (09:03 PM) [GMT +2]

~~~

Oh haha meow I’ve forgotten to state the most important argument!!!

They want to prevent the Earth from getting hotter. With the klimaatakkoord and energieakkoord they prevent the earth from heating only 0,007 °C (shout out dr. Baudet). A bigger problem is the problems that are already here with the current heat-level of the globe. Flooding the Netherlands would deliver a contribution to the reduction of global warming that will be incomparable to other countries. So much for Dutch pride.

Updated 22:13 (10:13 PM) [GMT +2]

~~~

Oh meow I have bad news that I find hard to share… Jacques is not with us anymore. ๐Ÿ™ He was caught by a classic wood and iron “touch the cheese (but bread with peanut butter in this case) and be trapped” mouse trap this morning. Out of respect for him and for our stomachs, there are no pictures of this tragic happening. Meow I genuinely feel a little sad about this. ๐Ÿ™

Updated 23:20 (11:20 PM) [GMT +2]

~~~

The Border by Electric Wire Hustle has been stuck in my head for quite some time (it’s what replaced “ai ai Olga”). Felt like sharing it. ๐Ÿ™‚

I’ll be drafting my further approach method (never expected to go this long without anticipation so I need to restrategize and somehow suddenly make you want to anticipate). There are so many things I want to do, but I can only focus on one thing at a time and simultaneously I’m trying to incite my international audience to sign up for my book club when it’s here, so I have to be strategic propagation and operations wise. There will be a โ‚ฌ0 strategy for my current financial situation and a strategy just in case I become a millionaire tomorrow evening winning the lottery hahaha. This I’ll be doing for an hour or so. My nap from earlier has made me a bit energetic.

But here I’m calling it a day already, also thinking of what theme to use tomorrow. I have so many “doing something for D.O.C.I.S. International” posts, but I still haven’t created the international community I intend to create. That’s the most important thing I’m working towards.

My next post will be something yay.

Good night ♥

Updated 00:51 (12:51 AM) [GMT +2]

– xxx –

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Calm Lonelyay [Wednesday, July 31, 2019]

My Graeynissis โ™ฅ [ = My 10% most intelligent yays โ™ฅ โ™ฅ โ™ฅ ]

Thank you for checking in on me today. โ™ฅ Just the thought that someone understands all that I’m rambling on here makes me feel like maybe some day I’ll get the help I need to permanently break contact with all of my current social circle and become a happy and healthy person. I’m being held in a social, financial and legal deadlock so I really can’t do this all alone. What happened yesterday is proof of this.

[Long and detailed build-up to explaining why I refused to receive a car instead of an apartment in Antwerp.]
It was my intention to have another phoneless day, yesterday. I had just uploaded yesterday’s status update. While I was writing this and after that, I heard my cousin’s friend knock on the door several times – she wanted to go to the beach with us but her parents wanted to leave at 10 AM so she wanted to play with my cousin in the morning – and that my cousin was awake (from hearing her turn on her Nintendo 3DS and her visiting the bathroom).

I didn’t want to open the door either. Even to me that person was crazy annoying. Constantly demanding my attention “Look I can do a cart wheel” “Look I can do a somersault in the water” “Look at our pool (inflatable tub)” look at this look at that all the time and my reaction was “Oh nice!” all the time. At some point she complained that I always say “nice” and that I should use more words. Grinding my teeth, I said “Nice things are nice because they’re nice,” she not knowing what the fuck I even said because I purposely said it in English. If I were honest, I would have said: “WHAT THE FUCK MAKES YOU THINK THAT THIS IS IMPRESSIVE TO ME?” Stupid 13-year-old narcissist who plays with lego.

Hoping that she wouldn’t walk around the cabin and start knocking on our bedroom windows, I had my eyes on the clock. I had to laugh about the situation – thinking God will punish me for doing this – and had folded myself into a blanket caterpillar, posting some tweets and texting my mother. About something completely different.

Scusami I’m going to have some breakfast and will be back xxx

Updated 11:57 (AM) [GMT +2]

~~~

I wish I knew counter-affection ๐Ÿ™

Fangs: “Yesss I look forward to being my own interior designer. ๐Ÿ˜€ But study financing comes all the way in October (the school year starts at the end of September)… ”

Mother: “Preferrably Wednesday (next week for we’re in Egmond until Sunday).”

Fangs: “Niceeeeee. ๐Ÿ˜€ I namely fear that someone else claims the apartment before I do. So the sooner the better. ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€ (I thought it was going to be next Friday instead of Wednesday.)”

Mother: “Second hand stuff, stuff from home and a new bed”

I’d rather purchase items that are better long-term of which I can be proud, which are new (but cheap because I can’t afford expensive).

My affection ๐Ÿ™

Fangs: “Or cheap Ikea… But indeed stuff from home too I can take my closet along for example. And my kluzu. (Marnix (my high school) slang-ish for locker.) (There’s a locker in my room.)”

I’d rather purchase the cheapest Ikea items I can find regardless of the way they look, than buy used furniture.

Mother: “It doesn’t have to be done all at once.”

Fangs: “No only a bed and a table are important. Hmmm before or after Curaรงao…?”

Honestly placing furniture into a small apartment can be done all at once. But I depend on my parents in this so all I can do is obey and try to have a little influence. I’m still going to move out as soon as I can move in. Even if I’d only have a mattress on the floor.

Mother: “And then slowly build it up. What?”

A.k.a. I might be sleeping on a mattress on the floor but at least I’ll have my own space and that will make me the happiest person on the planet. Please don’t say “What?” ๐Ÿ™

Fangs: “I can probably move in before you’re back from Curaรงao. But the school year starts from…”

A standard rent contract starts at the first of the month and I’m not going to travel back and forth after the one-hour delay of my train the first time I went there already. My parents are going to Curaรงao for a week longer than my sister and I.

Ughhhhh ๐Ÿ™

Fangs: “But the year starts from September 24th so principally that doesn’t matter.”

Mother: “Noooo, slow down. Your father also still has to get used to the idea of you wanting to live in Antwerp. He would rather buy you a car.”

My blood started to boil but I kept my cool because I still financially depend on them (and they’re screwing me over so fucking much every time). Because seriously, I’ve been in debt since age 18 or something and only when I might finally move out, that’s when he wants to buy me a car so that it will take even longer before I move out? Let me the fuck go man I feel like I’m held hostage and everyone is just watching it. ๐Ÿ™ They want me to move out when I’m 40 and then live two blocks away so that they can come by for dinner every day.

Fangs: “Ah sweet but I need a degree to afford (the maintenance of) that car and I have 40 hours or something of school per week so it’s better that I move there.”

What the fuuuuuuck. ๐Ÿ™ It sounds so crazy that I’m turning down a car – of course I want a car – but more importantly I want to distance myself of the grip my parents have on me. That goes at the cost of anything.ย  Even if I’d have to kill them and buy a car and a deserted island from my fucking inheritance.

Mother: “He wants to pay for (all of) it. But I already said that travelling there and back every day is too tiring”

That is my greatest problem. I never build up any finance because my parents always give me the assets and never the money to buy the assets. If they would give me that money he was going to use to buy a car for me then everything will be settled for me moving out and moving on.

I’m trying my very best not to lose it

Fangs: “I know what to do with that money if I could get that as a business investment I could buy my matte grey Audi RS7 (sportback) within no time. But (currently) the most important is that degree and the least tiring way towards that (thus not driving to Antwerp and back for three years or something).”

For years I’ve been asking my father for a business investment and for years he has been saying that I’m not worth the investment. And my mother speaks of buying second-hand furniture. And now just like that he wants to buy me a car for which I know he doesn’t need a loan to buy it. I can buy brand new furniture with that budget they want to use to buy me a car. No idea what car he was going to try to bribe me with but honestly I don’t even want to know because this all hurts so much. Were they really expecting me to say “Oh never mind I’ll just stay home for another year and cook twice a week yay I have a car now thank you daddy”? I’m not fucking stupid meow let me go. ๐Ÿ™ Antwerp is empty nest syndrome check-mate. Let them just enjoy their other daughter who does like and love them.

Mother: “Right. And I find it beautiful that you now have this goal and that you now can hold on to it.”

Of course I can hold on to this. I’m doing all of this to get some space to breathe, away from them. She always insinuates that I change my goals in life around like it’s nothing, but never in my life have I changed the goal I’m working towards. I’ve only started a new strategy every time another one didn’t work out. She doesn’t understand how I’m going to use Mathematics to spark that same revolution (maybe in a way that is even better).

Fangs: “Yesss I now owe them a year of tuition ahahahahaha”

I’m saying this because they sound like they’re going to back out and they said that they were going to pay my tuition.

Mother: “Behind the scenes I’m busy with your father. He is worried and has his own ideas. I do understand him, it’s a bit scary for him, that you want to move out (by yourself)…”

Ew first sentence construction. Empathy, too, will not make me change my mind about how I just refused a car. If I could get that money from someone else I would be saved so much of this headache. I hate negotiating with my parents because I always end up settling for something that I don’t want.

My god please help meeeeee

Mother: “… His eldest daughter. Yes, that tuition will be taken care of.”

Is he even my actual biological father? If not why is he making decisions for me? And even if yes, I’m fucking 22 and not incompetent so please just fucking cooperate for one. ๐Ÿ™ Why the fuck does my future depend on their shit.

Fangs: “I understand that it’s a tense situation for the both of you. But this is just Belgium and not even the United States (“Verenigde Staten”) where I want to obtain my PhD. We’re starting off easily. :D”

She’s wording this like only my father is suffering from empty nest syndrome. That’s why I say “the both of you”. It should have been “We’re starting off slow,” but it clearly is not. This is already a headache and I haven’t even started the negotiations with them in person yet. I reallyyyyy don’t want to negotiate with them in person ever again, the previous times in my life that I endured that were so traumatic.

Speaking of traumatic I JUST SAW A MOUSEEEEEEEEE IN THIS FUCKING CABIN. ๐Ÿ™ I’m afraid it will bite me. ๐Ÿ™ And eat my food. ๐Ÿ™ Plus I have so many items laying on the floor in my room here oh my god nooo. ๐Ÿ™ ๐Ÿ™ ๐Ÿ™

I’m going to call him Jacques. ๐Ÿ™ I’m in shock ahahahahaha. I can hear it nibble on shit.

Updated 13:27 (01:27 M) [GMT +2]

~~~

Would making a trace of breadcrumbs make Jacques come out here alive and let us both live freely? I’m currently with my feet on the couch like a scared Catje. ๐Ÿ™ I don’t want to move but I should do the dishes and make myself more food. Help. ๐Ÿ™ You see this is why I need a sexy Graeyniss. ๐Ÿ™

Who else can I tell this

Mother: “We will get used to it quickly. Especially when we see that you’re having a good time there.”

That’s not even what I want. I want more distance and less supervision.

Fangs: “Whatever it takes that will be fine.”

Fangs: “A MOUSEEEEEEEEE. UNDERNEATH THE FRIDGE OH MY GOD. ๐Ÿ™ ”

Jacques is hella photogenic. Come catch and adopt him please dear any Dutch animal lover willing to come to the Sint-Adelbertusweg 31 to pick up this mouse (and het FangCatje) please. Please please ๐Ÿ™

๐Ÿ™

Mother: “Ooh nooooo. ๐Ÿ™ Do make sure that at least everything that can be eaten is in plastic containers. If necessary fill the rice container with sachets of food.”

I don’t want to do fucking anything. Fuck this. ๐Ÿ™ As if I didn’t think of the food. But still fuck all of this meow I’ve had it. ๐Ÿ™

Now that I’m in scared cat mode I can continue the rest of my story on this – by the way – very rainy day. I should untie my braids as well but then I’ll have to wash my hair and what if Jacques is in the shower. ๐Ÿ™ I don’t have my glasses on so I can’t see him well meow my feet are bare this is not yay. ๐Ÿ™

That girl started knocking at 08:30 AM, then came back at 09:00 AM and then came back at 09:30 AM. My cousin and I stayed in our beds but my aunt felt guilty for the girl and opened the door. She was there with her mother and they were complaining about that no one opened the door. My aunt nudged my cousin and let the girl in who then started to complain to my cousin and hissing “I’m going to count to 20 and then you have to be dressed and ready.” Then came to my room to ask for a pen.

I searched in my bag, found a pen but dropped that one back into my bag to search for another one.
“I just saw you found a pen,” she said.
“Yes, but that one is empty. I just keep it with me for some weird reason,” I replied and proved that by scratching it on a paper in my notebook.

It reminds me of a little accomplishment and Victishe, so I don’t want to throw it away ๐Ÿ™

Another annoying moment like that was when we were walking to the beach yesterday and my cousin said that it’s a tough walk and then my aunt said that for us it is but for her it’s not because she walks a lot and likes to walk. Then my cousin and I were defending ourselves. My cousin started to give examples of how often she walks and my aunt then said that she still sometimes uses the bike because she hates when she has to climb downstairs to put her bike in the shed.ย  I told her that it’s tough because my cousin and I are walking on bath slippers. Then she asked why no sneakers and I said because we’re going to the beach. In my social environment I always have nonsensical discussions like this. Fucking hate it so much.

What is even more frustrating, which happens even more often, is that people like to try to debunk my facts. My cousin asked how far it is from the cabin to the beach and I told her that according to Google Maps it’s 2.2 km, I saw when I cycled it the first time. Then my aunt said “No, I believe it’s either 1.3 or 1.9 km. I don’t know why.” I hate to be right all the time man why even start another nonsensical discussion I swear just say nothing. Then on our way back we spotted a sign that says “Beach 1.9 km,” which means that from the beach to the cabin it’s not 1.3 and also not 1.9 km. I hate to be questioned. When I saw it, I didn’t say a word. The frustration made me up my walking pace even more. I was already stopping to let them catch up all the time but the distance just kept getting bigger and bigger. At some point I turned around and saw them walk into a lane to look at something without even notifying me, so I started to just walk on my actual walking tempo (even faster) and go to the cabin without looking back. I mean I had to cook after all and was tired enough already.

She mentioned that my cousin and her could stay over at my apartment when I’ve moved to Antwerp and that she has gone to many concerts there. I asked what the name of the concert location was she didn’t know and received some celebration haha I was wrong bashing verbally when it was not the location meant when I said: “Oh there’s an event location close to where I want to live. Maybe it’s that one.” I’m moving on meow no one from my social circle here will stay over at my place in Antwerp. But I didn’t say that because it sounds so cold towards them. Though it’s what would make me happy.

In the video I made on my walk back to the cabin, I say that I’m not blogging because I want to make people look bad and have some gossip bullshit website. I don’t even like gossip. I’m sharing my frustration here because I can’t share it anywhere else and I hope that someone can understands and would like to help me start a new life away from all of this unnecessary frustration.

Time to put on some shoes and make my mouse freedom trap before my mother is here with mouse traps tomorrow. Tomorrow is so very soon. ๐Ÿ™

Updated 14:54 (02:54 PM) [GMT +2]

~~~

Meanwhile I have made a path to show Jacques the door because this is really not working out, but he must have found something that makes him attached to this place because I haven’t seen him ever since that picture.

I hope he’s into Italian food…

Everyone loves Italian food meowww. My mother said the has spoken to a vermin expert one day and he/she told her that they’re after fat. So that’s why this is a path of prosciutto di parma (the parts that were starting to dry out) instead of breadcrumbs.

I’ve also finally washed the dishes and have started to untie my braids. My hair has grown a lot yays. ๐Ÿ™‚ Unfortunately I can’t untie my braids and type at the same time meow. I’m really fed up with that I enjoy being alone so much but my family is so unnecessarily attached to me. It’s not that we have nice conversations or anything. Aside from my willingness to cook and do other shit I don’t understand why they’re so attached to me. Hmm maybe that was enough reason already. Oh and that I always listen to their monologues. But I’ve had enough of it meow I’m thinking of just saying what I think starting tomorrow. I’d rather just leave though because it will end up in the fight of the century for sure.ย  ๐Ÿ™

Updated 17:17 (05:17 PM) [GMT +2]

~~~

Mid-untying braids tired Catje

Still no sign of Jacques…

Updated 18:05 (06:05 PM) [GMT +2]

~~~

Untied braids yays time to eat yesterday’s left over awesomeness for dinner.

Gosh this post is over 3000 words. I really become almost kleptomaniac when it comes to convincing whoever is influential, rich, Graeyniss and yay to make me part of their life and get me out of the social deadlock I’m living in. My brain shuts down every time I realize tomorrow the setting will go from peaceful to giving people attention again meow I don’t want that anymore. ๐Ÿ™ I don’t want to be alone, but I don’t want to be with people I don’t like either anymore and I’m going to stop treating them like I want to be treated because they treat me like shit. Second-hand furniture but still buying me a ticket to Curaรงao while I don’t even want to go. ๐Ÿ™

I do want the Sun and a beach but I’d rather enjoy it with people I actually like. :'(

Ooh meoow I just realized the huge stack of used panties underneath my suitcase meow I hope Jacques hasn’t settled himself in that because I’m already dealing with panties scarcity. Honestly especially after this vermin I don’t want to even wear them anymore. But money. ๐Ÿ™

Updated 18:57 (06:57 PM) [GMT +2]

~~~

So July is coming to an end.

Statistically (non-cookie-blocking-people wise), it was better than February and March

Top 10 most read posts/pages

I should actually do this tomorrow because maybe a lot of people suddenly feel like reading things just before twelve and then July suddenly was statistically better than May.

Antwerpiyays has been doing well so I hope blogging in Antwerp once I’ve moved there – because that is going to happen and I really hope to be able to claim that two bedroom apartment near campus omggg – will do at least just as well.

My plans for tomorrow are finishing my hair, baking salmon and hoping that the weather will be better than today so that I can take some pictures of the sunset. Furthermore I’m planning to say what I think and share the effects thereof in my post, and I’m going to set some objectives for the month of August (because I want organizational operations steadiness in September so I need to set up things in August). Plus I hope to elaborate on this set of tweets and pictures (I’ll just show you a few of them because they are a lot):

“… have to pay for the vergrijzing (percentage of working class retiring afforded by tax money), and earn back the INVESTMENT (because that minister said it wasn’t an investment) in that outdated nonsense (klimaatakkoord), and then have to pay the retirement pensions of those dumb people who created the klimaatakkoord (plus all the refugees they let in).”

Excusez moi it should have been Thierry Baudet and I. 😸

But this is all just things I want to see finished meow currently I’m doing my hair and I won’t be able to finish that before going to sleep (especially because I want to make it more voluptuous (voluminousยฟ) than it previously was).

Oh and Jacques doesn’t like Italian food. ๐Ÿ™ Stupid mouse. ๐Ÿ™ I’m going to try breadcrumbs tomorrow.

Hopefully I’ll see you tomorrow.

Good night ♥

Updated 23:30 (11:30 PM) [GMT +2]

xxx

Images, Online Diary, Popular Posts, Reflections

Passion 2 [Thursday, July 25, 2019]

Heysss โ™ฅ

Welcome back to my list of passions and desires. ๐Ÿ™‚

Tuesday I promised to show you more pictures of where I’m staying once I’m alone, so here they are:

The front yays where I currently eat my dinners, curtains open so that you can see the further surroundings in the reflection of the window and also see inside.

Where my sister and I slept the last time we were here over 10 years ago

Where I slept the first two nights because my mother and grandmother were sleeping in the main bed

Main bedroom yays where I slept last night and will be sleeping when my family isn’t visiting

All I need is a bed, a bathroom and a stove yays I can make myself at home anywhere in the end. Though I strive towards luxury. ๐Ÿ™‚

Hallwyays

A gem ๐Ÿ™‚ . An old map of North Holland (and my Sun hat yays hehe)

I just washed the remainder of yesterday’s dishes and ate my cruesli. Now I’ll take a quick shower, tidy that one room that is messy with all my stuff in it, install myself underneath the parasol here until after the Sun has reached its peak hotness, show you more of my list, flip a pancake, cycle some and find another place to write again. My dinner will be left-overs haha…

My list of passions/desires from most satisfied to most unsatisfied consists of 7 topics. I’m doing it in that order because I think people are more interested in severe emotions and I want to keep your attention until the very end of my list (and beyond). ๐Ÿ™‚

This far we’ve had:

  1. Distraction
  2. Observation

These might not sound like the most basic things to add to the list, but who likes being basic anyway? Basic things like sex are on my list as well. So you can already see that I’m not quite satisfied when it comes to that.

Observation is already more than I could ask for, but to me that’s never enough – especially because I want to be royalty meowww – so that’s why it’s item 2. ๐Ÿ™‚

What’s on your list?

Please share your list with me. ๐Ÿ™‚ โ™ฅย 

I’ll be back here in a few hours. Please turn on push notifications for this website to prevent unnecessary page refreshing. ๐Ÿ™‚

Please subscribe to my push notifications. ๐Ÿ™‚
All you need to do is click on the bell, click “subscribe” and allow push notifications. ๐Ÿ™‚

Updated 12:30 (PM) [Timezone GMT +2 (Amsterdam; CEST)]

~~~

As I told you yesterday, I’m trying to cut down on phone usage.

Food

1/2

My lunch

2/2



I’m going to cycle to the quieter beach now. ๐Ÿ™‚

Updated 16:23 (04:23 PM) [Timezone GMT +2 (Amsterdam; CEST)]

~~~


I dived into the water right when I arrived at the beach. ๐Ÿ™‚

That was a tangent…

Creativity

1/2

2/2

I’ll be cycling back now. ๐Ÿ™‚

Updated 18:50 (06:50 PM) [Timezone GMT +2 (Amsterdam; CEST)]

~~~

Meoww having you read off an image doesn’t feel right. ๐Ÿ™ And so does having my phone in my hands all the time, updating this website.

Meow owning a Fangyist magazine would be one of the best ways to broadcast my propaganda, which would also solve the problem that I’m making you spend so much time behind a screen as well. I mean look at how many posts this blog has. ๐Ÿ™

But until I’m there – and I’m taking a little detour for I will become a specialist in all forms of mathematics touching on every field and then broadcasting (and teaching) the revolution thereof – this diary is the way I’m trying to keep your attention… That I’m limited by finance is another reason why I’m unsatisfied by my own creativity.

To continue about this in analog writing is uncomfortable for the both of us, so tomorrow I will – costly solution ๐Ÿ™ – type on my laptop and use my phone as a mobile hotspot. I look forward to the day my days will mainly consist of determining and explaining protocols and have experts do their jobs…

How’s the creation of your list going? Are we feeling the same way about our passions and desires? Are you interested in publicly listing it in general? Why or why not?

There’s no pressure at all in any of this though. We’re on a holiday here meowww and I always have so many ideas that threre is not enough time to put them all in practice. Especially because I don’t know anyone I could do this together with… But I strongly believe that that will all change.

Me after the cold shower I had taken right after coming back to the cabin:

Soup on stove

I like warming my food without a microwave ๐Ÿ™‚

Soup ready to be eaten

Soup yaysss

Main pasta yays I was crazy hungry…

And I must confess that I’m a bit addicted to watching Thierry Baudet videos on YouTube…
Ohh that reminds me of two tweets I posted earlier today:

I just love defending creativity I appreciate a lot so much… And I love Thierry but I haven’t read the article because subscribing to that magazine would be spending money I should be saving for Antwerp… 🙊 (Which should be a crime meow it’s less than โ‚ฌ10 or something… But still I have no income meow grrr I can’t wait until I’m a full-time student…) Still I’m very curious of its actual content though haha…

Meoww my list of passions continues tomorrow, starting off with further explaining why I believe creative minds are being limited by today’s culture and why finance causes the dissatisfaction I get from my own creativity.

[My head is tired from generating text my meow but I can’t quit because I don’t want to lose you and how could I tell you I’d like some time off while the explanation of that takes so much text to generate haha help 😵 I need people and I won’t quit yays please don’t leave me. :D]

See you tomorrow. ♥ Oh later today I see, not “tomorrow”. It’s already past twelve. 😅

Ciaooo xxx

Updated 00:09 (12:09 AM) [Timezone GMT +2 (Amsterdam; CEST)]

– xxx –

The featured image is made by Steven Arenas on Pexels.com

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Beach Yays 2day [Tuesday, July 23, 2019]

The cottage/cabin is exactly how I remember it. When I was younger, everything seemed a lot bigger though. To some people, this is a shed. But it’s great meoww it’s just us Catjes and the countryside. ๐Ÿ™‚ โ™ฅ

Next to the wall, reminds me of home haha

This is where I’ll be sleeping the coming two weeks. Some days my family will be here, some days (when they’re back to work and stuff) I’ll be alone.

A huge moth just flew into this room (so my initial reaction was to hide underneath the sheets lol). But now that I want to take a picture of it to show you it’s nowhere to be found hahaha….. Maybe it’s camera shy.  (Of course I’m joking.) Ah nature. ๐Ÿ™‚

I’ll take pictures of the cottage/cabin (it’s not all wood but it’s a lot of wood so terminology) when the sun is up. ๐Ÿ™‚ It’s amazing how there are items from different eras here. I’ll show you what I mean, in the morning/afternoon.

Furthermore, today will be about beach yays. And buying eggs haha. And us chilling. 😻

The featured image is made by Travis Rupert on Pexels

Good night for now ♥

Updated 02:45 (AM) [Timezone GMT +2 (CEST; Amsterdam)]ย ย 

xxx

😐

😐 😐

I want to go to sleep but it’s loudly flying against everything as if it’s drunk haha. I’d rather not touch it to make it stop bothering me though so I’m going to shut the ligt off and try to fall asleep. xxx

Updated 02:59 (AM) [Timezone GMT +2 (CEST; Amsterdam)]ย ย 

~~~

Good afternoon ๐Ÿ™‚ ♥

You can find me here 😸

Mind you that there is no wifi here. ๐Ÿ™‚ It’s part of the yaysss.

Hehe the TV (of which I insist that it won’t be used meow grrr) makes that high pitched noise old TV’s make. ♥

The kitchen used to be wayyy different. It’s modernized now. ๐Ÿ™‚

There are 3 bedrooms and a bathroom I’ll show you when I’m here alone.

Staying here feels a little adventurous meow I’m loving ittt. There’s great diversity in the types of holiday destinations I’ve visited. A few years ago we spent two weeks in the British Colonial Hilton on the Bahamas. Now I’ll chill in this cabin for two weeks. ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m a greater fan of comfort (and luxury), but can find my appreciation in everything. There’s so much nature to cycle through here and I can go to the beach every day now. 😻

Plus I love to adapt. Like in Belgium I say “u” to everyone regardless of age, here I brush my teeth in the kitchen sink. To me that’s the Dutchest thing ever haha love ittt.

I’m going to get ready. I’ll be back with my beach yays when I’m at the beach yayy. ♥ (Ahahaha my way of typing is so random but it will sound normal when I pronounce it meow I promise. 😂 )

27 degrees Celcius today. ๐Ÿ˜€

Please subscribe to my push notifications. ๐Ÿ™‚
All you need to do is click on the bell, click “subscribe” and allow push notifications. ๐Ÿ™‚

Updated 12:33 (PM) [Timezone GMT +2 (CEST; Amsterdam)]ย ย 

~~~

It’s the shaded Sun Hat Fangs 😸

We’re at a fish restaurant/cafรฉ now ๐Ÿ™‚

Beach yays will follow. We’re at the touristic beach now though because the calm one isn’t reachable by bike and my grandma doesn’t cycle.

Wine

Pinot yays 😸

After I’ve eaten my “Noordzee proeverij”. ๐Ÿ™‚

Updated 15:29 (03:29 PM) [Timezone GMT +2 (CEST; Amsterdam)]ย ย 

~~~

Sun blue sky

The sun is shining bright ๐Ÿ™‚

It’s the Beach Fangsss yayayay

Keynes book

My beach read ๐Ÿ™‚

We’ll be catching some vitamin D here and later be visjes. ๐Ÿ˜€

Updated 17:15 (05:15 PM) [Timezone GMT +2 (CEST; Amsterdam)]ย ย 

~~~

I’m losing subscribers meoow what should I do? ๐Ÿ™ Reading Keynes makes me want to continue my series of articles. Though I write it to start a discussion among a various range of people and the anticipation isn’t there. That’s because I’m The Fangs, isn’t it? ๐Ÿ™ Meoow that won’t change so I’ll just get some titles in front of my name and then prove that the content is the only thing that truly matters and things like names, logos, fonts, choice of color et cetera are way overrated. (Understanding a concept isn’t something that’s easy for everyone and that’s why looks/layout are overrated. But I’m tired of adapting meow. (Simplifying things further and further and further.) ๐Ÿ™ Not that I’ll ever stop with that it seems…)

Updated 18:44 (06:44 PM) [Timezone GMT +2 (CEST; Amsterdam)]ย ย 

~~~

Seriously thoughh how can I turn my concept in something that can attract a large audience? Or more preferably 3% of the world population’s most intelligent people?

Is it my fake enthusiasm? ๐Ÿ™ Once I start earning my own stacks you’ll see my real yays… I think my scrutiny comes with a form of pessimism that is quite a turn-off so I’m trying to hide it and be yay already…

Can we talk about this? Please don’t leave me, my Catje. ๐Ÿ™ ♥

Meanwhile I’m at the beach solo, while my mother, sister and a friend of hers are grocery shopping here and my grandmother is at a beach cafรฉ because her endurance can’t bring her to the location where we settled ourselves.
What did I do to deserve this relaxation meoww part of me feels like I should have gone with?

Beach items

Beach itemsss

Lil descending Sun. Meoww I want to be able to tell the time by the Sun’s elevation. ๐Ÿ™‚

I’ll be reading somee my battery is low now.

Updated 19:23 (07:23 PM) [Timezone GMT +2 (CEST; Amsterdam)]ย ย 

~~~

Images, Online Diary, Popular Posts

Peace and Quiet [Monday, July 22, 2019]

The coming two weeks I’ve been looking forward to. Some peace and quiet. 😻

We’ll be relaxing in a quiet coastal area, away from the business of the city. In a simple Dutch holiday cottage. 10 minutes away from the beach (a less touristic one ๐Ÿ™‚ ) by bicycle.

During packing

I was thinking “Will this fit?”

And it did ๐Ÿ™‚ . I always take all of my notebooks with me when I travel…

I haven’t been there in at least 10 years! I’ve been told the home has been modernized. It’s the holiday home of friends of my mother I’ve spent a lot of time with when I was little.

Maps street view screenshot of where I learnt how to ride a bicycle

This is the parking lot there, which is also where I learnt how to ride a bicycle without training wheels when I was about 3 years old

Today, before my mother, sister and I leave (solar panels will be placed at home today so my father is coming tomorrow), I’ll show you my neighborhood’s closed sluice tunnel doors. ๐Ÿ™‚ I don’t remember having seen them closed before, so that will be a new sight for us both. ๐Ÿ™‚

Meowss I slept until about 10 PM yesterday, after which I ate and packed. Today I need to file my taxes before we leave! (Reminder-to-self. (There’s not much to report at all lol *cries*.))

I hope to find much more words of encouragement the coming days. I find the things I’ve been hearing, seeing and reading quite very discouraging (especially random advice quote tweets oh my god it’s so depressinggg what am I even doing on Twitter). So I’m telling myself what I need to hear without any limitations. That’s to make a long story short.

We’ll (yes that includes you my Catje ๐Ÿ™‚
I’m taking your mind along on my “holiday” ♥ ) be relaxing. Catching up on sleep, cycling through nature, chill at the beach, make some pretty pictures and nice videos (I’m taking my camera and tripod), cook some nice dinners, game some, and more. ๐Ÿ™‚

I might also work on the D.O.C.I.S. Store, our book club and the D.O.C.I.S. International website while I’m there… I’m taking my laptop along…….. That’s quite stressful to me, but I really want those things finished (especially before my lectures start). I might also start to freshen up my maths there…

But calm yays. ๐Ÿ˜€ I really hope you’ll actually come and visit me while I’m there. My family will be there some days – mainly on the weekends. I’ll be there alone for quite a few days.

Ah meow it would be so cool if you’d come to spend some time with me there. It would be such great fun to cycle through the coastal nature, cook together, take a long walk on the beach and drink my favorite type of brandy. 😻
It would be so sexy to do that with Victishe. 😻 Or someone like him, character wise. That’s you, my meow! We’re friends right. 😏

Cheers to the coming days (if we don’t count nature’s odd and quite alarming behavior). ๐Ÿ˜€

See you later my Catje ♥

Updated 01:52 (AM) [Timezone UTC +2 (Amsterdam)]

xxx

Heyss ♥

Meoow we haven’t left Capelle yet. ๐Ÿ™ The intention to leave at 2 PM today isn’t in sync with my sister’s hangout schedule. So we’ll probably leave in the evening. Which is also fine. Teenagers. 💁 We’re all in holiday mode. ๐Ÿ™‚

Meanwhile I’ve taken a moment to enroll in all courses for my first year as a mathematics student at the University of Antwerp. I’m such a nerd lol. (Mind you that clicking it will influence your phone’s agenda but I don’t know exactly how because I’m pasting it here so that I can open it on my phone.) Here’s the link to my study schedule: webcal://sisaroosters.uantwerpen.be/prod/8f53657d088a48949aea2fcbea4995a6/basic.ics . I’m pasting it here because this is far cooler than sending an e-mail to myself (because Microsoft laptop and Google phone) and meoooww I share everything with you. ๐Ÿ˜€ ♥ Ahahahaha it seems like I’ll only have time for mathematics (especially because officially I’m an alpha student and this is a beta course so my brain will be stimulated in a way it isn’t often stimulated) and nothing else from September onwards, but I’ll have all January off. ๐Ÿ™‚ Combining this with my other endeavors will be quite something. But I look forward to sharing what I learn here. ๐Ÿ™‚

Very calming news is that my parents are willing to pay my tuition and (a part of) my rent. And I didn’t even have to beg for it. Or even ask for it. That’s such yays. ๐Ÿ˜€ Then I’ll worry about my finances sooo much less because now I’ll have so much more financial breathing space through the year.

I’m going to visit the closed sluice tunnel now to share the view of it with you. ๐Ÿ™‚ After that we’ll be doing some grocery shopping for the holiday home and then we’ll be on our way to peace and quiet. I’ll be back in a few. xxx

Updated 17:05 (05:05 PM) [Timezone UTC +2 (CEST) (Amsterdam)]

~~~

Meoow apparently the construction workers still open the sluice tunnel for pedestrians after their work hours. Then I’ll show us what it looks like after our beach days yays.

My mother and I have just finished grocery shopping. Now she’s going to get takeout near my grandmother (her mother)’s house (plentyyyyy of options) and I’m at my grandmother’s to put her luggage in the car. (Such teamwork meoww. ๐Ÿ™‚ ) She’s also coming along for a few days. Family beach chillings ayy haha. ๐Ÿ™‚

Now – when the takeout is prepared – we’re going back home to eat and load the car.

This will be holiday 1/2. We’re also going to Curaรงao and this time going there we’ll also do fun things like jetski-ish things yay. 😻

Updated 19:51 (07:51 PM) [Timezone UTC +2 (CEST) (Amsterdam)]

~~~

We’re on our way. 😻 It’s about 1,5 hour from Capelle (by car).

Grocery shopping included getting some Primark shades. My prescription shades were in a bag of mine that was stolen. To get new ones I should get a better insurance package, for which I need a higher income blah blah ramble ramble.

Look at these cool โ‚ฌ5 shades. ๐Ÿ˜€ Meoww I’m loving them.

I couldn’t see that the sticker was on it when I took the picture though haha. 😅

The feeling of happiness has been embracing my heart all day. ๐Ÿ™‚ The long-term I have ahead of me seems to be going in the direction I want it to go in. With the financial support of my mother/parents, I can live alone from September onwards, with no worries. 😻 The fresh start I neeeed yayayay. 😻 I’m happy my mother is supporting me and convincing my father. ♥

My blog is such a random place when it comes to the collection of my expressions of heartache. It’s not nice of me. ๐Ÿ™
But it’s a non-permanent image of emotional self-development we’ll be able to laugh about when I’m old, grey and Graey looool. I can’t wait until I’m the one who people will reach out to with “Please collaborate with me” e-mails, instead of me being that Catje who chases Graeynissis. One day I will be chased meoww.

We’re almost there now. ๐Ÿ™‚

Updated 23:10 (11:10 PM) [Timezone UTC +2 (CEST) (Amsterdam)]

~~~

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Empowerment [Sunday, July 21, 2019]

The empowerment I need are written words that put my mind at ease. They are separate from race, gender et cetera. It’s is about the experience of being an individual in general. We all experience the mind and the same Universe. Just being should always feel comfortable.

I want to transfer this feeling of empowerment to the both of us, my dear reader(s). The way we’ll confidently be our intelligent and creative selves and wear this the way peacocks wear their feathers. 😻

My insecurities often cause shortness of breath and I don’t want that anymoreee. (Can you relate to that?)

In this post I will state some plain you-statements in italics. This you refers to both you (I say “you” for the personal reading experience, but basically I mean everyone who reads this) and I. They’re the type of words I need to hear and maybe you do to…

You don’t need anyone’s advice. You don’t need anyone’s approval. Follow your instincts. (Everyone’s judgment is different after all. Present what you truly love, from your untouched vision and find similar minds.)

I will be making statements like this through the day. Today, meanwhile, we’ll be celebrating Lila’s 3rd birthday and I’ll be packing for my two weeks at the Dutch coast. It will be 36 degrees Celcius at the end of this week, which is crazy hot for the Netherlands… It’s still yays though I’ll be a water Catje… 😸

I’m off to beddd. I’ve been watching Rick & Morty again haha meooww.

Good night ♥

Updated 03:54 (AM) [Timezone UTC +2 (Amsterdam)]

xxx

Heyss ♥

I was searching the right pose and creatively hiding the frizziness of my hair with a bandana hehe.

Meowww

Meyayss

😸

Have I ever showed you my keys? I’ve had a lot of keys but this one I’ve been guarding like crazy. The key ring attached to it I received from my mother. It’s made of gold. The dark blue tag is my gym access. The light blue thing is my Albert Heijn bonus card (for (personal) discounts on groceries) and the other keys are for the front door and the front shed.

I used to have keys to the houses of my grandmothers as well but the one I gave to her home nurse and the other was in a stolen bag.

I trust you, my Catje. ♥

I was a bit slow getting ready so this was my first meal of the day. 😅

Cute partyays

Sweet velvet yays

This dino theme is so awesome 😻

In a few we’ll head home and I’ll start packing for two weeks.

Last night, I said this:
You don’t need anyone’s advice. You don’t need anyone’s approval. Follow your instincts. (Everyone’s judgment is different after all. Present what you truly love, from your untouched vision and find similar minds.)
By this I mean that asking for advice isn’t wrong, but your own judgment is enough. To follow advice to get advice from someone else is an insult to your independent reasoning you don’t have to listen to. But you may, if you want to.

You have every reason to feel like a king/queen.

The best is yet to come.

Updated 16:51 (04:51 PM) [Timezone UTC +2 (Amsterdam)]

~~~

I’d like to tell you where my words of empowerment stem from. The reason why I need to read these italics and pretend like someone else is writing this to me. But it’s a long story and I’m quite tired so I’m going to take a nap, pack some and then I’ll be back. ๐Ÿ™‚ xxx

Please subscribe to my push notifications. ๐Ÿ™‚
All you need to do is click on the bell, click “subscribe” and allow push notifications. ๐Ÿ™‚

Updated 17:58 (05:58 PM) [Timezone UTC +2 (Amsterdam)]

~~~

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Chill Mode [Saturday, July 20, 2019]

Woww meow I slept from yesterday afternoon until now.

Good morning โ™ฅ

I feel quite rested. 😸 There’s still quite some work to do until I feel completely zen again (it has been a few years), so I’ll be working on that today. Until I feel zen, I won’t be working on my other web domains to earn something and make a name for myself. I’ll be chilling until my mind is at ease (though finances play a huuuuge role in that, I should depressurize for a while).

I hope you’ll chill along with me today. ๐Ÿ™‚

It feels like step 1 towards mental relaxation is to create better oversight and more control. It feels like I have no control over my fate at all. That’s what I’m missing. ๐Ÿ™

Meoww I’m going to eat breakfast and then I’m going to write us some calming and powerful words.

Please don’t forget to subscribe to push notifications. ๐Ÿ™‚
All you need to do is click on the bell, click “subscribe” and allow push notifications. ๐Ÿ™‚

Updated 06:49 (AM) [Timezone UTC +2 (Amsterdam)]

~~~

My Faith

I strongly believe that in the future everything will be in balance. There will be no more suffering of any kind.

This is achievable because of the dreams and intelligence people have. The world knows many pioneers and one day we will be working together side by side, without any limitations. We will create a healthy balance in this world.

Never distrust your instincts. They are giving you signals for a reason. They too want to see the world at peace and see you happy and safe.

[Speaking to myself, I hope this doesn’t apply to you:] Your instincts might have misled you once or even a few times. (Learn to) retrust them. They should function independent from your reasoning, otherwise you’ll end up overthinking and make decisions influenced by incorrect predictions. Follow the prediction of your instincts and follow the way your instincts want you to anticipate on that. (And disregard the negative judgment of people whose instincts aren’t developed the way yours are.)

Trusting your instincts and letting them guide you well, without any limitation or hesitation, comes with a liberating experience of life. The Universe is at balance and that balance becomes more perfect every day. Everything – even the bad things – happens for a reason. One day we will all eternally live completely without suffering. Without knowing the feeling of suffering, we won’t know what true liberation feels like.

Trust your instincts, reason when your instincts are at rest and let emotions be.

I’m agnostic, though I secretly believe that I can explain the concept of the idea or experience of God / the Universe without conforming myself to any religious institution.

“Secretly” I say, because in the phase where I openly said that I identified myself as a prophet, through free interpretation of what I was taught during bible study, many people have tried to silence me and eventually “they succeeded”. (Now I put everything on my public private web domains and speak of it only there unless people ask me questions about my writing. 😏 )

I strongly believe that I will somehow recieve the opportunity to guide global change at a young age and live free from financial, physical and emotional suffering.

To guide global change, you need a propagandist (to spread the message), a scientist (to check the facts and ensure safety), a political policymaker (to make it legally official) and a business policymaker (to implement the change). With what I do, I intend to become all those people in one.

Please interview me. ๐Ÿ˜€

Updated 14:50 (02:50 PM) [Timezone UTC +2 (Amsterdam)]

~~~

My senses have always told me that I’m unsafe at home. My past few years were a confirmation of this. Unfortunately it has also shown me that the experts who could save me can be crooked as well. This all feeds my reticence. But meanwhile I’m still subtly saving my mind from the negative influence on my senses.

I’m very glad that people have been raising awareness on financial abuse and fraud. Words can’t explain how much I appreciate that financial abuse is acknowledged as a common issue.

In my reality it seems almost unthinkable that people see their family once a week, twice a month or even twice a year. But when I’ve moved to Antwerp I will be one of those people.

I believe that one day pioneers will be rewarded and frauds will be punished in my name. And that everyone is either one of those people.

It’s not just one thing I stand for and believe in. Unless you look at it from the perspective that everything is one and I am everything. Then I stand for everything.

Financial insecurity is weighing me down so much that I can’t ignore it and I can’t enter chill mode for 100%. I’m a student (at two universities) now, but a roof above my head, the ability to pay my tuition and even my right to receive a study loan are not guaranteed at all.

I’m currently home alone but my family will be back for the dinner I’ll make them. It’s Saturday after all.

I’ve been nude in bed with the blinds closed all day – I love doing that so much it’s just liberating. But now I’ll freshen up and get to dinner preparations.

Focusing on things like cutting is quite relaxing as I’m trying to find the balance between reason and instincts. I mean “They threaten our safety so kill them,” is also the continuous nudge of my senses but I don’t give in to it. Reason says it will lead to a further limitation of my freedom. But is this true when I’d save the government a lot of work? They’re losing an unnecessary amount of money on this household and I’m the only person useful to them.

Anyway some cold water over my body will get me back in chill mode haha.

Turn on push notifications to be nudged for some later (written) live cooking yays. 😸

Updated 18:36 (06:36 PM) [Timezone UTC +2 (Amsterdam)]

~~~

Meoww I re-tried my new bikini on because I wasn’t certain if it actually fits me well.

But I love it meowww 😻

Though I shouldn’t play volleyball in this because it’s not that firm. Haha but then again maybe I should for that exact same reason. 😂

Dinner Yays

We’ll be eating lamb chops from the oven and a salad with baked potatoes, tomatoes, mergez sausages and feta cheese in it.

My marinade consists of hoisin sauce, baharat, thyme, five spices, ras al hanout and minced galic

They’re massaged in on both sides and topped with some extra thyme and butter yays

Part 2 yays

They go into a pre-heated oven like this, on 175 degrees celcius

Salad preparationssss

Updated 20:56 (08:56 PM) [Timezone UTC +2 (Amsterdam)]

~~~

The salad is of lamb’s lettuce and the dressing is of yoghurt, a little mayonaise, oregano, smoked paprika powder, baharat, ginger syrup and thyme.

Yaysss meanwhile I’m eating some more salad ๐Ÿ™‚

I’m loving it my meowww.

Ah meow I want to elaborate on empowering our joint reality. 😻 I’ll reason out some more words yay.

By the way, I’ll be chilling in a lil holiday home of acquaintances from coming Monday until August 4th. In Egmond aan Zee. ๐Ÿ™‚ That’s why I purchased the bikini. I’m hoping for a lot of Fangyist fun and will be taking my camera along. It will be 30+ degrees so beach yays. ๐Ÿ˜€ (And I hope that – since from Monday onwards the tunnel to the metro station will be closed – I won’t have to worry about rising water levels…)

Updated 22:39 (10:39 PM) [Timezone UTC +2 (Amsterdam)]

~~~

Images, Online Diary, Popular Posts

Antwerpiyays 😸 [Friday, July 19, 2019]

In French, it is Anvers. In Dutch/Flemish it’s Antwerpen. I woke up to the word Antwerpiyays, so in Cuddle, Fangyism’s official dialect, it’s Antwerpiyays now. 😸

Though I rarely speak this dialect of mine… Only when I feel comfortable and cuddly, somewhere far into a conversation, I might unveil my inner Fangyist. She’s still vulnerable and developing. Getting a bachelor’s degree, though in conflict with my principles this society doesn’t acknowledge extraordinary intelligence without one so I have no choice, is a great step in this process. To find and teach new information and revolutionize our society with this.

I’ll be in Antwerp from 11:15 until about 14:45, to finish my admission at the University of Antwerp and do a little Summer shopping.

Around something to twelve, I woke up from the nap I took after eating my salad and watching an episode of Stranger Things with my younger sister. I felt a lot less tired than before and printed out the document I need to take with me to finalize my admission.

Then I felt like eating pancakes with apple, raisins, vanilla and cinnamon, so I made two of them.

making pancakes 1

My mother made this for me very often when I was little

making pancakes 2

Some panned yays

making pancakes 3

Mid-eating yaysss

Meanwhile I followed some “#NLintheUSA” diplomacy and senator Hawley’s speech on conservatism. All yays. Though I find that Dutch collector’s item flag very controversial and hoped to hear something about the history of New York, and maybe a link between African Americans and the Dutch.
And I learnt that the conservative view of change is quite similar to mine, but from a very different angle. I don’t have a country I proudly represent as part of my identity. Most of “my country” does not understand me. (“My country” is just as much the Netherlands as it is Suriname.)
I could much relate to his statements about cosmopolitanism. Though it makes me feel a little unwelcome. ๐Ÿ™

Then, while eating my pancake, watched Jinek on television, where the Dutch pro- and anti-Trump (something that is always annoying to me because how can Dutch people be so anti-Trump while he’s not even their president). And where was said that the Eurovision Song Festival next year might be held in Rotterdam… Fam… The Netherlands has no space for such a huge festival anywhere. I will flea this country when it’s held for sure… Thank me later because that will mean one individual in traffic less hahaha.

Meowss I’m going to rest some. My alarm goes at 07:50 AM.

I hope you’ll be following me today. ๐Ÿ™‚ I have a lot of time to blog today. ๐Ÿ˜€ Just like in the other coming few days, because I will continue to do “nothing” as long as my brain feels like continuing to develop my other web domains is too much.

Good night for now. โ™ฅ

Updated 02:25 (AM) [Timezone UTC +2 (Amsterdam)]

xxx

Good morning ๐Ÿ™‚ ♥

My first alarm went off at 07:50, haha… I snoozed it until about 08:25, because I was still quite tired. But now I’m in the metro, on my way to catch my train. ๐Ÿ™‚ I’ll be on time haha yay.

How was your night? ๐Ÿ™‚

I hope you’re taking moments to pause and think about yourself, when I ask you questions. ๐Ÿ™‚

Meoww be right back. I have to switch metros. xxx

Updated 09:39 (AM) [Timezone UTC +2 (Amsterdam)]

~~~

Kaasstengel

My breakfast ahahahaha….

Getting up at 07:50 would have left me enough time to flip some pancakes, but now I didn’t even have time to apply highlighter to my face…

But anyway meoww the train is riding yays. ๐Ÿ˜€

Ahahaha fingers crossed that they won’t suddenly ask me to pay my tuition on the spot or something…

The main reason why I’m choosing an “exact science” is because there my alternative logic can’t get in the way as much. In Mathematics there’s only one correct answer – or multiple but at least – you have to explain your logic in symbols of which the meaning is universal. There’s a lot less room for miscommunication. In non-exact sciences factors like political stance and background can influence the way your answer is reviewed. It’s alwaysss the main reason why I used to fail classes. So by choosing Mathematics I’m avoiding that. I look forward to it. ๐Ÿ™‚

Even more to what I want to be doing with it after I have graduated a few times more. 😻 Secretly I wish I could start doing acknowledgable research already… There should be faster routes to that my meoww there’s a great shortage on Graeynissis anyway… 🙊 (But then again a shorter route could mean loss of quality? So then higher quality standards?)

Meoow there are technical difficulties with the main locomotive, so we’re standing still… I hope I’ll be at the university before 12:30 PM… 😅

I feel like taking a nap… Hehe my timezone will say Brussels later. ๐Ÿ˜€

Updated 10:29 (AM) [Timezone UTC +2 (Amsterdam)]

~~~

Yayss we’re back on near full speed again. ๐Ÿ™‚ Now I’ll be there at around 11:45 instead of 11:15. At least the train is operating well. Plus hearing Dutch with a French and Belgian accent is sexy meoww take your time. 😻 (Okay not too much because if I don’t make it to the university in time then I have to do this exhausting travel again hehe…)

It’s about a 10-minute walk to the city campus from the main station. So I think I’ll be good still…

Haha meooow earlier today, while I was getting ready, I suddenly saw this automated payment notice of โ‚ฌ82 for a VPN license. I thought: “Nooo not nowwwww! Money is tight enough already.” I just cancelled the subscription. It feels like I’m exposed enough already to mask my online identity. Plus I have nothing to hide so I don’t even really care if everyone knows “all my secrets”. It would make everything easier actually. ๐Ÿ™‚ (As long as my openness isn’t used for evil practices…)

Ah meoow I said “I hope to see you there”, but unfortunately I don’t know what yous I’m speaking to and I always walk around with my earplugs in, doing everything as quickly as possible…

How can we spend some quality time togetherยฟ 🙊

I’m at Breda now. ๐Ÿ™‚

Please don’t forget to subscribe to push notifications. ๐Ÿ™‚
All you need to do is click on the bell, click “subscribe” and allow push notifications. ๐Ÿ™‚

Updated 11:28 (AM) [Timezone UTC +2 (Amsterdam)]

~~~

My meoow I might not be in the university on time and I don’t like calling to ask if they want to wait until I’m there. 😢

I’ll be at Antwerpen Centraal at 12:16. 😔

(I really need a room from September onwards instead of October. There’s no way I can have this when I have lectures.)

Updated 11:43 (AM) [Timezone UTC +2 (Amsterdam)]

~~~

The next stop is Antwerp yayss… It’s funny how vegetation is so different right across the border.

Meoww I’m to cool to sprint to the university but maybe I should… Otherwise this is a waste of โ‚ฌ50 and a lot of time and effort… 😅

Updated 12:08 (PM) [Timezone UTC +2 (Brussels)]

~~~

Yayss officially, I’m a student at the University of Antwerp now. 😸

I can see myself live in Belgium for sure. ๐Ÿ™‚ I like the hospitality in the Dutch that is spoken here more than what is spoken in de Randstad (mid-coast of the Netherlands).

I bought a lil bathing suit as well, in the meantime. And ate a Subway sandwich… The first store I dived into after Subway was the Hunkemรถller, where they didn’t have my size unfortunately. But at the H&M I did succeed. ๐Ÿ™‚ After that I’ve been searching for something Belgian to take home, aside from my enrollment papers. But without any luck… It’s something like a pen, notebook or piece of clothing from a local store I was looking for. Some other time then. ๐Ÿ™‚ It would be even cooler to get some local Graeyniss tour, like a B tour. In French. 😋

After my unsuccesful search for something Belgian to take home [chocolate will be finished before I get home so…], I thought of checking out the campus where I’ll have most of my lectures. But that idea came too late. I wouldn’t make my train, then. So I decided to chill at the zoo entrance until about when my train comes. Which is about now xxx.

Updated 14:30 (02:30 PM) [Timezone UTC +2 (Brussels)]

~~~

My phone connection has been acting up, but I think I can share my still life pictures now:

The scenery already makes me feel like yays. Finally an occupation my brain finds more yays than an office job or sitting at home. ๐Ÿ™‚


I was glad that I could finish my admission right away, even though I was late. There was a chance that I would have had to come back at 2 PM (luckily no words about coming back another day at all).

Now I have login credentials and I’ll get a student e-mail address haha. ๐Ÿ™‚ (Ik ben echt blij meoww. Ik was aan het doodgaan van verveling voor +2 jaar ofzo en hier is tenminste geen gezeik met toelatingseisen en veel lessen in kleine klasjes enzo… Yays. ๐Ÿ™‚ )

Subway sandwich

My standard order at Subway is a steak & cheese sandwich with lettuce, tomatoes (and sometimes jalapenos), with chipotle sauce

Antwerp Zoo

Where I was chilling… At the entrance of the zoo of Antwerp. It was the most calm place I could find close to the central station within the short time I had left.

Is yays ๐Ÿ˜€

My lil bikini 😸

I thought of making a picture with my new bikini on, but I’m such a hairy Catje currently meow. 🙈

A hardcover notebook was what I spent most of my time searching, without any luck. So that’s what I’ll get when I’m in Rotterdam, which is in about 20 minutes. 😂 (Does that mean that there’s market for D.O.C.I.S. notebooks in Antwerp? 🤔 )

My phone will be in extreme power saver mode, so my next update will be here for you when I’m home. 😘

Updated 15:35 (03:35 PM) [Timezone UTC +2 (Amsterdam)]

~~~

Zo liep ik er de hele dag bij. Ik voeg een getailleerd overhemd aan mijn lijstje toe…


I entered bathrobe mode right after getting inside. My father left not long after I came home. I ate a salad (bought two yesterday) and made this picture:

The yays I’ve purchased. I loveeeee Leuchtturm notebooks 😻

Now I’m going to be sleeping again meowww I’m so tired I can drop my phone out of my hands at any second. 😴

Audiyayence &#1F63B;

Please turn on push notifications to prevent endless refreshing without seeing an update. ๐Ÿ™‚

See you later. ♥ 😘

Updated 17:35 (05:35 PM) [Timezone UTC +2 (Amsterdam)]

~~~

Images, Media, Online Diary, Videos

“Writing FangCatje” [Tuesday, July 9, 2019]

01:27 (AM)ย 

My Catje โ™ฅ

The July 4th version of myself has intentions of finishing and submitting FangCatje today for distribution (intangible ๐Ÿ™ ). But I’ve been busy…

Haha just kidding not really busy busy – it’s all unpaid and unrecognized so it’s not really work they would say � – but fatigue and social situations I’ve decided to engage in.

Such as the surprise barbecue, birthday restaurant dinner, psychiatric surveillance check-ups… And chilling with my little cousins at my aunt’s (their grandmother’s) yesterday. ๐Ÿ˜€


I was stunned to see that my little cousin, Lila Sky, of two years old – three this Sunday – can operate my phone so well. Especially because my grandmothers of 77+ I have to re-explain how to use a smartphone every single time.

Her sister Tara Fe is 10 years old 😸

She told me – without me asking her which is something I appreciate sooo much – that she aspires to become either a teacher or a doctor. Illuminatus Intelligens ProfFangs had an instant connection with her because we both enjoy discussing the concept of school.

I also pre-quizzed her yesterday, because she has a biology test today, with the topic of reproduction of flora and fauna (but nothing about sex). She did very well, so I think she’ll get a good grade. ๐Ÿ™‚


She was correcting her mother on the pronunciation of my name ahahahahaha. 😂

I honestly find this one of my best pictures 😂

Tara took this picture and said that with the date on it, I’ll never forget the fun we had yesterday.

Now it’s in my diary, so it will be in the collective memories of us all forever. ๐Ÿ™‚ ♥

Later at night yesterday I played basketball with my cousin who is their father. It was a lot of fun! We played “elevens” first and after that some one-on-one games. And then my tachycardia started acting up so we quit playing. Then headed to the best night shop I’ve ever seen – compared to the ones I visit – for some couples “Please bring me chocolate” duties. I’m in the possession of some Milka with hazelnuts now meow I genuinely feel spoiled and yay. 😸

Something else I’ve done yesterday is have a conversation with the experience expert whose internship is coming to an end. Especially the similarities in the experience of being the listening ear of our parents was very interesting.

Meow I’ll elaborate on that and the purpose of FangCatje – because second opinion, Antwerp, collective Stratagem and bookstore is it already clear now meow haha – after I’ve slept because meanwhile it’s exactly 3 AM and I’m very tired my meowww. When my aunt and Lila were at the playground and Tara was studying, I’ve been working on FangCatje and I intend to make some on paper miles for it today.

By the way FangCatje is FangCatje because I’m The Fangs and I’m a Catje too. 🙊

Sweet dreams my Catje ♥

~~~

14:11 (02:11 PM)ย 

Good afternoon 😸 ♥

So I want to tell you more about the purpose of FangCatje, I want to work on FangCatje itself and I want to make stew. Then making stew becomes the highest priority because food is a basic need and stew is not stew if it hasn’t been cooking for a long time. So, tut mir leid, I’m first going to shower, buy some meat and get that ready to boil and get soft. Then I’ll be back here to be your Catje meow meow meow. 😸

By the way, though studying in Belgium is cheaper than studying in the Netherlands, receiving collegekrediet – for the tuition fee – is only covered in the Netherlands? x_x Now I’ll be paying my tuition fee from the study loan I’ll receive to pay my living expenses… I’m actually against this system but it’s the quickest and easiest income. x_x

See you later xxx

~~~

20:54 (08:54 PM)ย 

Your Catje is back meowww.

Meanwhile I’ve finished the dinner I prepared

And I’ve babysitting my cousins againn and then chilled some with their mother/my cousin in law. ๐Ÿ˜€ Now I’m a tired Catje. 😴

I haven’t gotten to writing FangCatje at all today. ๐Ÿ™ I think that tomorrow I’ll write a way simplified version because I have an appointment with my psychotherapist’s assistant (and not him if I’m correct) coming Thursday and wanted to send it (before) today.

But I’ll just write something that fits on like 1-2 A4 sheets tomorrow… So basic mweh. ๐Ÿ™

By making it public, I hope people will understand why I consciously do what I do. I hope they’ll become my Catjes in real life, then. Because currently I’m not really allowed to bond with people from outside the story. So I hope that if I tell you my story, you will tell yours. We shouldn’t have to disguise these sides of ourselves. And I won’t be understood if you don’t know this side of me.

But I’m a tired Catje now. Watching Scare Tactics, which my cousin in law introduced me to before I left, as I’m typing this. This is actually genuinely making me laugh. 😂 That doesn’t happen enough my meow. ๐Ÿ™

I was already tired when my brain dragged my limbs to the store earlier today. Currently it’s giving me hunger signals again. I’m going to eat something and then go to sleep my meoww.

Good night sweetie ♥

xxx

Images, Media, Online Diary, Popular Posts

Awesome Turbulence [Saturday, June 22, 2019]

Good evening ♥

If you’re a frequent visitor, you must notice a much needed difference: the front page now has full posts on it, instead of excerpts. I considered my posts too long to be shown in full on the front page. But the excerpts of 40 words were just the first 40 words of my posts. I think full posts on the front page make it more attractive to read what I write here daily.

My content is quite radical, so it feels like a big step having everything visible on the front page. But I love the thrill of that already 😻 .

Today’s content is written differently than the last few days, because of that. I’m back to writing posts, instead of statuses, but will unveil another layer of what I’m hiding. The layered personality that I am.

Trippy Nightmare

I fell into a very deep sleep after laking last night. The nightmare I had in it has taught me some interesting lessons. I would love to share it with you, which is why I made a note about it on my phone right after waking up from it, which is what you are reading now. The very short story has reminded me how I should look at the relationships I have with the people in my circle. (That I am still telling myself to hold on to too much, here.)

I was at a cosy Dutch bar with my ex, during daytime. Everything was going all right until I locked eyes with the man who was standing behind the bar.
Usually, my ex wasn’t really the type of person who expressed the jealousy he felt, but this time, he said: “Don’t look at him.”
“It’s just looking? I don’t mind when you look at other people either.”
“I love you and I don’t want you looking at other guys.”
This led to a discussion that made me break up with him on the spot, raising my voice at him. I left the bar.

The scene changed to this combination of a ’60’s style Dutch neighborhood in combination with a desert. I was visiting Wytze there (someone around whom I always sensed serious sexual tension (but considered myself too old, in his case), and who I, like many other people, haven’t seen in a very long time). We were walking around “his neighborhood” and he told me that his family was having trouble with their family business. I gave him some advice and realized that I had missed him so much (my body sensed that I feel the same in real life (not that they had a family business when we were hanging out frequently)).

All of a sudden, the all-sand dunes we were walking through became very steep. I tumbled down, rolling over my sides very fast. The surface became steeper and steeper. I lost Wytze out of sight.

At some point I was falling down straight so much faster than I should, as if I had a weight stuck to me. The sand surface became red flames and I thought that I was going to die.
I saw the face of the handsome man who was standing behind the bar, in front of the flames as a background. My surroundings changed to that of a smoothie bar.

I ordered a huge smoothie from him (he used two gigantic mixers to make it 😂 ). We started talking, there, and were having a romantic conversation very soon already. At some point I got behind the bar and kissed him and we declared our love for each other.

In the smoothie bar, we prepared dinner for my family. It was such a random dish 😂 . In my dream, it was a “traditional” recipe, but in reality I have never seen it before.
We were cutting this crazy large amount of vegetables that looked like something in between red coal and a radish, colored deep purple, skinned and grated potatoes and more effort. Then boiled everything with the skin and stem all together, drained it and put cocktail umbrellas in it, to then spend hours separating that what isn’t edible from that what’s edible, putting everything in “stew pan” shaped bags. There were a big bag and a small bag of edible dinner, and five bags of non-edible residu, including the cocktail umbrellas.

We met my family outside, in Kralingse Veer, very close to the spot where my ex (in real life) started to attack a man who was walking his dog. On a bicycle path near a restaurant. It’s close to the Sikh temple there. I introduced them to my new boyfriend and noticed the collective feelings of hate against the both of us, underneath their faรงade.

I got in an unnecessary fight with my sister, when she opened verbal fire on me out of nowhere, saying: “First of all, you purposely offended Kris by not waiting until he had arrived.” I became so fucking angry from the amount of bullshit in the accusation itself already.
When I was done screaming back and forth with her, my mother came with her unnecessarily sentimental parental expressions, saying: “You are making your sister feel very bad, with your words. You’re making the entire family feel bad.” We were still standing there. Outside, in Kralingse Veer.
And then, before “my father” could add even more shit to that, I said: “YOU KNOW WHAT? DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL YOU FUCKING DUMB INSANE (…)”, handed them the bags of “edible” food and left, to never return.

I woke up still feeling so much anger, realizing that most of the anger I feel about past events is still cropped up. I wonder if I have screamed in my sleep, because I woke up with my lungs feeling all emptied out.

FreeWriting

Ah meoww I love that I can now add text to this post during the day and be more certain that you’ll see it, because this goes straight to the home page.

I was at the gym, earlier today:

There’s something I need to vent so bad. He says he hates my blog and never looks on it (my mother also said that she never reads it, but still she called phsysician because of what I wrote in Highlights).

So I assume that I can tell you this in confidence…

Scapegoat me was tasked with making surprise party invitations. I postponed it for quite a while, thinking of how to go about this. I couldn’t think of any sentimental words for on it – especially because I don’t even want to party. And I thought of using an old picture, but simultaneously placing an old picture on it feels mourning card-ish. But while doing my hair, two days ago…

Being short on extensions at some point

So wearing my hair like that to go to the hair shop next day

I decided to look for a JPEG/PNG template for it. That’s how I ended up at Canva and created this:

That address on there is also my company address and that you already know, so yay don’t have to hide that

Sending it to my mother for approval. Then made it this:

Yehess

So if he doesn’t lie to me about never visiting my blog, I can just share this on here and he won’t know. If he does visit it, and if my mother does visit it, too, they are browsing anonymously. Beetje jammer dat.

Anyway, I feel like I have played my part. I don’t even want to attend. But I have no money (especially not after buying much needed new shoes today), so where on earth can I go?
I’ve been searching some things about dysfunctional families the other day. On Wikihow I read that bringing a +1 to family events can make it endurable. I would so love that (Victishe 😻 haha). I had a hard time at my sister’s birthday already. But this is even more serious. I have no tolerance for insulting jokes and answering the question “What do you do for a living now?” at least 20 times. I really need someone to be there with me (and back me up in case I can’t hold the peace anymore and open verbal fire). But the person I bring along has to be someone I can level with, of a certain status, for the most comfortable result… I am, after all, the one who always says that she is working towards greatness, but still lives at her parents’ house, so they then tell me that what I want to do is impossible and the world will forever stay a shit place. I don’t want to endure that again Lord please save meeeeeeee.

Most of the “family” attending the party is not even family, so you’re, if you ask me, so very welcome. Honestly, if I had money, I would have organized plenty of events for us already. To me, YOU are family, if you feel what I write. It would be satisfying to me to Project X the place, but we do need to behave and be present at 4:30 PM, to have the surprise moment at 5 PM and be very quiet about it � .

My birthdays the past two years were traumatic, so I really don’t want to be partying with that crowd again. With the fake smiles and repetitiously telling me that it is important that I put my family first. My family is screwing me over, so I want to distance myself from them. I encourage the youth to do the same. I have no money, but there will be a private chef with a green egg (barbecue) present at the “surprise barbecue”. I celebrated my 21st birthday in a mental institution, all by myself (for most of it). I received cards with no money in it (that is serious fam).

I want outttttt.

Killing time

I hope my B would like to be one of the first to help me into the right direction for Project Nosce Te Ipsum and all the greatness that will follow from that success. He is my only reachable contact – without HR staff harassing me – who is intelligent, Graeyniss and of a certain status. All I can do is wait for his response… So I’m killing time, trying to keep myself entertained, finding an enjoyable reason to go outside as often as I can. Until my greatness is acknowledged… 🙊 That – and my slight weight gain ๐Ÿ™ – was the reason why I went to the gym today. I went to the city center after going to the gym:


Part of me wants to shoot some hoops… Part of me wants to go to sleep… #Fangyism

Not long after I came home, my parents came home as well and brought along takeout dinner:

I really need to chill with hungry tall people, because I need to eat more frequently. Instead of huge portions infrequently. I think that is much better for my weight 😏 . Now I attempt to feed myself by being creative with whatever I find:

Legs need waxing x_x. But broke x_x.

Positive Yays

I feel a lot better now that I’m making new friends and meeting such lovely people ♥ . I’ve been so lonely these past two years ๐Ÿ™ . Even though life hasn’t been an enjoyable experience for me for years, and it is still not optimal, I finally see that things are starting to play out my in my way.

I hope this can be sealed by making June a better month than May.

Thank you for reading his ๐Ÿ™‚ .

I hope to see you here again, tomorrow. And I hope that you won’t visit this website incognito (anymore)… Please don’t hide from me ♥ .

Tot morgen ๐Ÿ™‚ ♥

The featured image is made by Sebastiaan Stam

Ex Animo, Images, MacroFangs, Media, Nederlandse Tekst, Nosce Te Ipsum, Reflections, Strategy

Disrupting The Silent Pyramid [Essay]

Disrupting The Silent Pyramid

A D.O.C.I.S. Essay

By Lil Fangs

An Author’s Note

This essay was written when I was in a very difficult situation. Again, being put in a powerless situation by someone else’s authority. I hoped that selling what I know about the deep-state, would help me to afford to get away from those circumstances forever. I’m not in that crisis center anymore, so the contextual information at the end of the post does not apply to me anymore. I, however, still need the funds to live independently. The essay was, because of that, put online for โ‚ฌ1177.77, but it had no sales. I find it still important that you get the rest of my message, and that is why I now put this essay online for free.

When I published any other book I’ve published, just like when I was trying to sell this essay, I am trying to earn, so that I can set up a successful business and leave my current life behind me for good. I hope I can count on your support, this time.


โ€œAlways start the documents you sell, off with a quote. It will make you look more (modern) scholarly.โ€

– Lil Fangs

That was a joke 😂 โ€ฆ The rest wonโ€™t beโ€ฆ

This essay is all about the hierarchical pyramid, visible on the next page. Iโ€™m writing this from my own perspective. As a regular citizen, attempting to formulate an independent opinion, hoping Iโ€™ll succeed in nudging the official authorities, so that we can flip the pyramid together, forming a new powerful union.

Oh meow I reallyyy need to share this citation with you again, though. (I used it in my EP, too.) It perfectly suits the content of this essay! The first three paragraphs of Propaganda, by Edward Bernays:

โ€œThe conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society. Those who manipulate this unseen mechanism of society constitute an invisible government which is the true ruling power of our country.

We are governed, our minds molded, our tastes formed, our ideas suggested, largely by men we have never heard of. This is a logical result of the way in which our democratic society is organized. Vast numbers of human beings must cooperate in this manner if they are to live together as a smoothly functioning society.

Our invisible governors are, in many cases, unaware of the identity of their fellow members in the inner cabinet.โ€

Introduction

Why Disrupt This?

Slowly but surely, the system is destroying itself. The education system and cultural stories that are told from generation to generation, have taught us to value money. It gives us a status. It is the reason many people leave their homes every day.

If an idea is not an idea that can make you rich, society will not consider it a good idea. In that way, making an unprofitable difference, out of kind-heartedness, and to do what is best for our generation and future generations to come, is unappealing to society.

What is appealing to society, is to maximize profits, regardless of what it does to nature. What is appealing to society, is to destroy the names of talented people, because most people donโ€™t have any talents. What is appealing to society, is to make a small story far bigger than it actually is, because otherwise, people have nothing to talk about.

When nature gives out, because it has been abused by this generation far too much, money will have no value. Many lives will become purposeless. That is not our problem (anymore), because they have had enough time and have received enough information to create a better system.

Those at the top (three layers) of the pyramid, have no clue what they are actually doing. They’re far too busy playing the status game. They think it has actual meaning, while itโ€™s only talk. They donโ€™t think about the future, and the consequences of their actions.

To make sure that they donโ€™t ruin the future of us and generations to come, we should flip the pyramid. Instead of trying to maintain what we have, we should disrupt it even further โ€“ none of us truly enjoys this anyway. Itโ€™s only a faรงade, needed to keep our status. It is better to cause the disruption ourselves, so that we have control over the way the world looks, after it the system is collapsed, instead of giving in to the prospect of our fate being an uncontrollable chaos, caused by idiots.

The disruption starts with your purchase โ€“ thank you 💕 โ€“ and is followed by all of us taking physically visible action, simultaneously. Iโ€™ll first convince you of why the system has to be disrupted, some more, including some sad stories and good prospects, then Iโ€™ll tell you more about my Stratagem, and after that, it’s time for real action ๐Ÿ™‚ .

Core

Looking from the Bottom up

From the bottom of the pyramid, the experience of life is anything except joyful. Formulating an independent opinion is too difficult for many, so we are taught to adapt and dumb down our conversation. We watch the members of the inner cabinet try to uncover who is who, and know that right-wing and left-wing are meaningless concepts in that context.

Some individuals are in multiple positions in the pyramid at the same time, due to the status that comes with their profession. Some, like me, arenโ€™t. There are right-wing politicians, doing independent research, echoing their views over the sounds of journalists who blindly follow trends, attempting to reach the business authorities that are being told what to do, by binge-watching babyboomers and their offspring, for example.

We, at the bottom, hope to see a large Volta, where there will be no more name shaming as โ€œworld newsโ€. We, at the bottom, want to see the type of change in society that will make everyone go back to school again, because life as we know it will fully change.

But the change the bottom two layers want and need to see, will mean that the top three layers of the pyramid will become obsolete. Fully obsoleteโ€ฆ

Schizophrenia

When I say this to those who blindly follow trends, they respond with something in the context of: โ€œNo wonder you are diagnosed with schizophrenia.โ€ The media pre-chew everything there is to discover in life, and tell you how you should feel about that, so how come I have such an odd opinion about everything in life?

โ€œPropagandaโ€ is a bad word, โ€œmulticulturalismโ€, โ€œprofessionalโ€ and โ€œSTGโ€ are good words, according to the trends. How about they become just words again, where โ€œgoodโ€ or โ€œbadโ€ depends on the context they are used in, and the personal view of the listener.

So then, in my view, โ€œIโ€™m going to use propaganda to make everyone my minion,โ€ is bad. But โ€œIโ€™m going to use propaganda to force people to think independently (and unveil their identity),โ€ is good.

Since Iโ€™m, in the meantime, still busy debunking the diagnosis schizophrenia I have received, I have to still point this out, though I assume you know I know this, and I hope you know this: Officially, the official authorities and those backing them, are on top of the pyramid. But because we are taught that the media are the voice of independent reason, the official top of the pyramid is not treated as the top of the pyramid, but as puppets who have to be shaped according to the will of the self-preservative deep-state, profiting of the overrated status game.

The bottom two rows of the pyramid are structurally being prohibited from emancipating, because the top three layers do not want to give up their position in the Silent Pyramid. This is so severe, that from a young age, people are taught to stop hoping for change, and accept life as it is. Then the media confirm that image, by publishing thousands of pessimistic articles per day. And if you go too far in your believes for change, like me, youโ€™ll become a victim of social shock therapy and be forced to take psychiatric drugs until you give up on your dreams. Life canโ€™t go on like this forever! Especially not because of the state of the waterworksโ€ฆ ๐Ÿ™‚ (The state that is fully ignored by those who blindly follow, and which is not getting enough media attention AT ALL!!!)

I have a lot of trouble with that people who blindly follow trends are authorized to label and stigmatize the worlds of people they canโ€™t even understand. In my view, schizophrenia โ€“ as well as MANY other labels – cannot exist, because every perspective on life is unique. Itโ€™s just used to push us down the Pyramid even furtherโ€ฆ That includes people who are convinced by other people that theyโ€™re dumb, while theyโ€™re actually very smart.

Dissolving the Deep-State

As was said in the citation of Bernays: the members of the inner cabinet, do not know the identity of their fellow members. As in that they cannot openly discuss their hidden agendas. But if youโ€™re only in it for the money and other forms of self-preservation, itโ€™s not necessary to discuss your agenda to reveal your identity. (I say โ€œyourโ€ for simplicity. I donโ€™t necessarily mean you, my dear reader.)

In our competitive world, everyone is incentivized to show characteristics of politeness and intelligence, whether theyโ€™re real or fake. Humor, in the meantime, has evolved into โ€œlaughing after barbarianismโ€. To me, todayโ€™s sense of humor is painful and loveless. Real humor requires intelligence. Intelligence most people โ€“ sad but true โ€“ donโ€™t have.

Through someoneโ€™s sense of humor, you can decipher that personโ€™s identity and hidden agenda. The faรงade of politeness and intelligence is meaningless, when jokes are misunderstood due to the lack of understanding. From that, an interview follows, to unveil the nature of a joke [Was it to indirectly insult, or was it to make laugh?], and to unveil the nature of the listener [Does the listener find the joker a good conversationalist, or does he/she find him an annoying nerd?].

Iโ€™m pulling out all the stops in this paragraph [wonder why?] 😏 . I just want to show you that, even though Iโ€™m not really part of it (yet), I know your world very well.

We shouldnโ€™t spend time with those we canโ€™t get along with. The politeness, resembling โ€œprofessionalismโ€, in this competitive world, we should let go of, because I know that there are, like me, many people who stay polite, while they would rather scream so loud that their saliva starts to foam. Itโ€™s not healthy to crop up emotions (of anger)!

I believe that there is a professional deep-state, and a personal deep-state. The professional deep-state has superficial people wanting to look cool in the one corner, and pioneers wanting to make a change, in the other. The experience of the personal deep-state depends on individual identity, but I would categorize it in this way (mind you that my personal bias will echo through this): there are those who live to spread love, of whom some people in their lives live to do the same, but most people live to take advantage of them, because those people, taking advantage, live, but are barely conscious. They have no talent and donโ€™t want to think about life, because their minds are not capable of understanding it, so let alone improving it. Due to the competitiveness in our society and everyone wanting to be a star, theyโ€™ll act as if they live to spread love, but in reality, all they do is just survive (by taking advantage of others).

Iโ€™m talking to the bottom two layers of the Silent Pyramid, who truly live to spread love (and receive all of mine 😻 ).

An Independent Alliance

A real โ€œRevenge of the Nerdsโ€, will set the record straight. We have adapted ourselves to less intelligent people for long enough. How about we all let โ€œprofessionalismโ€ go, simultaneously, and just be ourselves. (Youโ€™ll breathe more freely than ever before!)

We, the bottom layers of the Pyramid, donโ€™t need large groups of people to do what we want to do in life. It is what makes us strong as individuals, but itโ€™s what makes us weak against the competitive top three layers in the Silent Pyramid, who are more focused on forming self-preservative alliances, than self-development.

We, โ€œnerdsโ€, should seclude ourselves from those we wouldnโ€™t truly voluntarily spend time with anyway. If we all do it together, at the same time, the top three layers will be powerless. We can outsmart them with so much ease!

That is why I plead for the independent alliance of the bottom two layers of the Silent Pyramid, through D.O.C.I.S. International, funded to unite us and revolutionize society. Who do you want to be, when, due to the collapse of the waterworks, the entire system collapses? You can start your life all over again and re-log who you are, for the history books of our future generations. Please let me know, by sending an email to d.elia@docis.international.

End

Call-to-Action

The international deep-state should be uncovered, the media should be taken less seriously, those who blindly follow trends have no purpose in our revolution, official authorities should become actual authorities and those who work hard to formulate an independent opinion, will become the worldโ€™s new generation of pioneers.

I hope to have given you information that is understandable, and the incentive to do something you easily can and want to do. All you need to do, is, the next time I ask you to publicly support me, say that you are part of the D.O.C.I.S. International Council, and poke your chest and bum out, showing the world the strong and independent individual that you are. Iโ€™ll divide positions and tasks on the fly. (They say donโ€™t put new information in the conclusion of your textsโ€ฆ Iโ€™m still doing it. #YOLO.)

A Digression

War in the Western world, would make me happy. To get the chance to rebuild the overpromoted, decaying metropolitans, which are like old, squeaking amusement park attractions, facilitating the same routine over and over and over and over again. I canโ€™t even pretend to like it anymore. I canโ€™t pretend to value it, either. It would also end that awful โ€œThe West is the Bestโ€-sentiment (democrats often use).

The top three layers will point a moralistic finger at me, for the first sentence of this digression, but that is only because the war will be against them, and they will be so very powerless.

Ik hoop dat je je door mijn schrijven een stuk minder alleen voelt. Ik hoop dat ik je leven leuker maak, vanaf de afstand van waar ik je bereik.

Je voelt je zeker alleen omdat je voor de meeste mensen te intelligent bent. Maak je niet (meer) druk, want je persoonlijkheid zal binnenkort de allernormaalste zijn. Andersdenkenden belachelijk maken, zal binnenkort belachelijk worden. Ook zal het normaler worden om culturele gebruiken te laten varen.

Of ik helemaal klaar ben met Project Nosce Te Ipsum? Nee, ik wacht tot men me antwoorden opstuurt. Ik moet weten hoeveel mensen A of B stemmen op de laatste vraag in The Hypothesis, omdat ik op basis daarvan, had ik gezegd, het vervolg van het verhaal zal bepalen. Het is ook onderdeel van de informatie die ik nodig heb voor het publieke opinie onderzoek dat ik doe, om te bepalen wat de beste regeermethode is, voor wanneer de waterwerken er niet meer zijn.

Het wordt een spannende tijd. Maar hoe dan ook een leuke tijd, omdat we samen zullen zijn.

I love you 💕

– Xxx โ€“ The Fangs

Die dit allemaal in een avondje op haar telefoon typte, in de crisisopvang, hopend dat ze met de opbrengst hiervan een beter alternatief heeft dan de daklozenopvang, omdat ik vandaag weg moet uit de crisisopvang. Hartelijk dank voor je aankoop 💕 .

Hoe vind je mijn verkooppiramide concept, voor de verkoop van mijn essay over de Stille Pyramide? 😏

ยฉ Lil Fangs (Dominique Daniรซlle Elia) โ€“ The contents of this document may be re-sold for a lower price, but only when part of the profits are shared with the author. When reproducing the content, always mention the author.

Blog, Ex Animo, Explicit Content, Images, Online Diary, Popular Posts

CastleFangs 🏰 [Sunday, June 16, 2019]

14:08 (02:08 PM)

Good afternoon โ™ฅ

Thoughtful?

My night was good. My morning was chill. Had some left over salad for breakfast. There’s not much else I consider edible in the house. If I had money, yes, I would have purchased a gift and made a fresh breakfast (and if the thought of this family didn’t cause so much heartache, too). It’s not nice being so non-thoughtful. Same went for Mother’s Day. But my mother is going to buy some whiskey or another type of alcoholic beverage, on behalf of all of us. Makes me feel a little less worse.

How’s your day? Do you have special Father’s Day plans?

Honestly, I think it’s time that we stop this global routine we live. For many, commercialized holidays, such as Christmas, Valentine’s Day and today, bring along many traumatic memories. Traumatic memories that are suppressed, because it’s often not understood, and sentimental joyfulness is always the way we are encouraged on days like these even more. I hope you weren’t expecting any sentimental expressions of love, about this commercialized day.

If I’m Correct?

Is it correct that I was found on Father’s Day, in 2017, when I had gone missing? I’m not certain, but I remember wanting to sell ties for Father’s Day, before my parents put me under surveillance after a fight. And then I was too busy and depressed from suddenly having to spend so much time getting away from the surveillance I did not want to be under.

When I ran away from home, it was my intention to never come back. I didn’t know that I was reported missing. I was (and am still) working on breaking contact for good, and that means that on sentimental days like these, too, I will be gone. But for PR purposes, it is catastrophic to have gone missing for such a short amount of days, and then being found on Father’s Day.

Again: I didn’t know that I was reported missing, when I was missing. Otherwise, it would never have happened. I don’t want that type of attention ever. Even if I were missing for real, I prefer no one to even fucking know. I had said multiple times that I didn’t want to be under surveillance. They still kept forcing that upon me, so then it shouldn’t have been found weird that it was my intention to never return. I don’t know all of the nonsense that has been said about me, but it makes it sound as if I want his attention, while my wish is the exact opposite. I just want to be seen as someone who is not mentally unstable and want to receive financial support and will find that elsewhere, somehow. Or kill myself, the way I planned to, before I was found. Fucking insane flehs attempting to destroy my slight sense of pride, because I’m intelligent. They’re not even in my peripheral…

Later Castle Chillings

My clothing represents how I feel. Though it doesn’t fit me the way it should, in size, I feel very comfortable, because most of my other clothing fits worse:

I was wrapping my edges haha

Yahaaay I love turtle necks ๐Ÿ™‚ . It looks okay for this occasion, right? CastleFangs ๐Ÿ˜€ .

Meoww I wonder what Victishe would look like wearing a turtle neck hihihi

In case it gets hottt

My sister is getting her hair done – plus haven’t seen her in a few days – so we’re waiting for her to come, and after that we’re going to Zeist. I’m hungry, my meow…

Hunger & Frustration

I’m going to put “Disrupting The Silent Pyramid” online here. Since no one is fucking buying it ughhh but I still want you to read the message because it’s fucking important, my meow ๐Ÿ™ . Stupid old people thinking they know everything… You really need to let go of most formalities, because it is causing you to be taken advantage of. Is what I say in that โ‚ฌ1100+ essay no one is looking at. I deserve compensation for my writing. This is entertainment ๐Ÿ™ . Let me buy a fucking house mann every day I want to leave this life behind for good, but people just keep staring and thinking this is about sex it’s so fucking annoying.

My research results are depressing and the publisher’s portal I purchased a subscription for a while back, doesn’t work, so I, still, am barely motivated to finish my websites. I want to show fruitful results that show a positive image about society, and be able to publish books internationally. But now I think I’ll need to buy my own printing press? Ugh why the fuck does everything cost money ๐Ÿ™ .

Grrr I’m going to put that essay online. I hope you’ll still donate something to me or something. I do not want to be part of this circle anymore. They already barely speak to me, so no one, including me, will give a fuck if I leave for good. Help me please ๐Ÿ™ .

Excuse me for that fit of anger from hunger – can’t even buy the food I like – and frustration for not having a way to get the fuck out of this place for good. I’m not going to work my tachycardia to death, just to rent a fucking room. Why am I not respected for what I am doing here? ๐Ÿ™ Do not answer that question if your answer is hateful.

~~~

15:58 (03:58 PM)

Vroom Vrooom

Disrupting The Silent Pyramid is online :). Pleaseeee read it!
We’re on our way ayyy. Currently picking up my sister at her boyfriend’s ๐Ÿ™‚ .

Yaaaay now we’re one happy family ๐Ÿ™‚ .

I wanted to upload some pictures, casually breaking some privacy rules, but my internet is slow ๐Ÿ™ . I’ll find another way to upload them ๐Ÿ™‚ .

~~~

23:33 (11:33 PM)

Back Home

You know the “happy family” is just a wish, right?

Meoww I’m tired ๐Ÿ™ . Today was fun, though the event was very different from what I expected. I wish I could organize some events ayy… With a guest list…

I’ll tell you the rest of today’s story through pictures. Then drink some Henny (because Rooster & Wolf weren’t sold) and go to sleeeep.














Now I’m a tired Catje, wanting more Victishe Cishes day by day. Ah prrr I really wonder how his day was.

I hope you’ll read my essay and give me some Cishes, too, my meow.

Good nighttt ♥

xxx

Blog, Explicit Content, Images, Online Diary, Random questions, Reflections, Strategy

Dilemmas… 🤔 [Saturday, June 15, 2019]

14:42 (02:42 PM)ย 

Good afternoon โ™ฅ

A Question of Empathy

I hope you had a good morning ๐Ÿ™‚ . If all you want to do in life is run a successful business, and you’re not receiving any support from those you thought would support you: how would you go about this?

The Crux of Working Alone and Externalities

I keep a strict schedule of tasks, but living under the authority of my parents often brings me in situations where I am kept from putting effort into growing my business. Numbering thematic days in my blog posts, motivates me to keep writing about and working on that topic I’m numbering (such as “Cold Case”, needed to clear my name, and “Crisis Center Day”, showing you the living circumstances there (and getting out of that)). But unfortunately, without any public support, I can’t clear my name and can’t get rid of the “schizophrenic” stigma.

My strategies are written in such a way that I don’t need to depend on others to execute it, unless I need a person with a certain authority, only when that is unavoidable. They would work out better if I were separated from those who negatively influence my path.

To do that, I need money and to get that: I need revenue. (I’ll never work for a boss again, I’m telling you ๐Ÿ™‚ . I need more money than that, for this success… How else can I build my own compounds? (My alternative is suicide. I have no tolerance for scripted and/or shallow conversations.)). But keeping in touch with my target audience, as you must have noticed, is not easy. Especially without the endorsement of the public (amplified due to the curse my circle has cursed me with, by internationally spreading a lie about me). This is the most severe experience of loneliness ever.

What the Success I Work towards looks like

So I need to keep going with setting up my little web-empire, so that I can later build an empire in real life. But in the meantime, those who do not read complain about the complexity of my concept. I try to be as clear as possible: it’s not easy, but it most certainly is a fruitful concept.

My success, in reality, is not based on scale. On the contrary! I would rather earn from one person for whom I can set in all of my goods and services, than earn from people who buy because they’re responding to a created hype. The one audience wants to spend more than the other, and I value a good personal relationship.

And by “personal relationship”, I mean that once I have a non-online, classic but alternative looking bookstore, I can invite my intimate group of main clients over for tea, for example. From there we can talk about how we can easily overpower the system, by working together. (Like when certain types of religion weren’t allowed and they had to meet secretly.)

Using big social networks paired with that directly, will take away our strength of mutual judgment, so I’m very glad to have said goodbye to my accounts on Facebook and Instagram. Though I’m still not at peace with the way they have treated me.

I hope that once I have finished all of my websites, you, who know where to find me, will enjoy the selection of books I recommend you, and will become a guest writer for The Fangs. “The Fangs” is like “The Times”, is my aim.

And from the revenue and fruitful partnerships that result from this extended digital success, I can constitute my own country: Planet Fang.

Please Consider This

Anyone willing to invest in this concept for a real-life intimate bookstore (and art gallery) with a stage and a kitchen, where I run the entire place myself? If it were in a secluded area, on private land I desire to purchase, it can be more for a neo-elite-ish audience, which is my target audience.

Excuse me for not having my renewed websites finished yet, but I was hoping you’ll reach out to me before I do… I’ve been at this for more than a year now ๐Ÿ™ .

Why This Hurts so Much

My road to success would have been less long and dreadful, if I had a father who is willing to invest in me. Do you have any idea how hurtful it is to know that the money is there, but that he would rather spend it on himself or someone else? (Or Bitcoins…)

I now need to do everything myself, which doesn’t allow me to save any money for my future. I do things that are so time consuming, while if I outsource them, I would have time to focus on more important things.

And then there are the people who defend my father’s choice to let me bleed, saying that my business concept is not good. I have never explained what the exact Golden Egg is, so how can they know?

When we’re finally tackling overpopulation, I wouldn’t mind if they die for hurting me. The same goes for those who think that all a female’s business can do is have sex for money? I’d like to kill all of them myself.

Me wanting to kill certain individuals – justified by overpopulation and non-fruitful, fraudulent personalities – is sparked by the fact that they always hurt me and if they’re dead, I’m certain that they won’t hurt me anymore and won’t come anywhere near me after I’ve distanced myself from them.

Currently…

I woke up around 8 AM, because technicians for the solar panels that will be placed in a few weeks, came to check the structure of the electricity circuits in the house.

I was very hungry, but didn’t know what would satisfy my taste buds. I answered some ASKfm questions, but when I felt that they were becoming a bit too much, I put away my phone. I laid in bed, thinking about how to get rid of my loneliness and still about what to eat as well. But then drifted off to sleep again.

After waking up again, I felt a strong need to be productive. But then I thought of all of my previous attempts to get online revenue, which were also not responded to.

I’m giving myself an supernaturally long list of tasks, to better my services towards you, but what if it’s ignored again? Then I’d put my tachycardia on the line for nothing, again.

I still can’t be certain if this will be ignored again or get me the desired results. But I can only know it by trying it. It kind of sucks to spend months of blood, sweat and tears, not knowing if what I’m doing is worth it. I hope you’ll read this and take that into consideration.

To make my diary a bit more overseeable, I’ll be using more titles. That’s part one of being productive…

It’s now 16:11 (04:11 PM) and I still haven’t eaten anything yet. I’ll be making myself a salad now, hoping that I don’t faint from hunger (used to have that often, as a child).

After that, I’m going to work on the texts for my websites.

When I’m done with all of the web things I need to do – that won’t be today – I’ll use Twitter for marketing. I hope people will like my selection of books.

~~~

17:20 (05:20 PM)ย 

Dates ๐Ÿ™

Mid-eating this improv salad…

I have the house to myself, because my sister is at her boyfriend’s (far more often than she is at home, which concerns me because it doesn’t affect my parents) and my parents are at a barbecue.

I ate these dates before my salad:

No dates, but dates… x_x

I hate being single, my meow. But currently there’s only one person I see myself be with and be successful. Someone who isn’t easy to reach, unfortunately. Dating someone available of my age would hold me back, I know from experience and because they don’t aim as high as I do in life.

Fatigue & Other Health Struggles

I don’t know what I’ll make myself for dinner, yet. I think I’ll just grill some tuna and eat the rest of the salad I have here.

My brain still needs rest, my meow, but I want to see my websites finished ๐Ÿ™ . What to do… 😔 I can never give myself a genuine off day, because I can’t stop thinking of all of the work that has to be done ๐Ÿ™ . It just has to be finished x_x.

I need to see my doctor in Germany, but I need more money for that.

As you have seen plenty of times now, my phycisian here in my neighborhood does anything but help me. All she does is try to get my body fucked up with antipsychotics I’m intolerant of and try to get me declared incompetent. She tells my sister to take her antibiotics with fucking yoghurt. I don’t want to go anywhere near her, but the Dutch health care system forces the exact opposite.

I still have HPV and my heart beat causes chest pains far more frequently, lately. It’s getting time for a check-up of the state of my aortic insufficiency and tachycardia, too. Plus I think I should let a full body MRI be made, because something reallyyy doesn’t feel right ๐Ÿ™ . (Especially when walking around with HPV for too long.)

Also, I’d like the fluid that causes the bags underneath and above my eyes to be taken away. And get my body waxed entirely. (And transfer my belly fat to my buns… :D) I’d feel a lot better in my own skin, then. And if I’d have new and better clothing 😿 .

And this is also not good for my health:

My heart x_x. It feels like starting back from scratch….

Love Cravings

Plus I still want Cishes from Victishe – especially after all that happened – but I don’t know how else to attempt again than by having my websites finished and starting about one of my case studies – about alternative governance – that is finished when I have a leader’s perspective. But I fear rejection 😿 .

Working to earn a large passive income is very exhausting ๐Ÿ™ .

~~~

19:03 (07:03 PM)ย 

Thun marinated in sweet ketjap, soy sauce, sesame oil and honey. Und Salattt.

Reassurance

I want you, who appreciates this, to feel comfortable around me. I have been justifying murder, but want you to know that you won’t become part of that list, if you don’t hurt me. And if you have, please just either blame someone else or apologize, using good arguments no matter what. I think that’s what we both need.

I reflect on my faults every day and share that here. I find that enough. If you find it correct that you have hurt me, then it’s a given that me wanting you dead will never change. Plus, we need to tackle overpopulation somehow anyway.

Lol that were my solo dinner number 1057’s thoughts. Hoping that one day I’ll start having dinner with someone powerful and sexy every day 🤔 .

If you’re not certain if you’re powerful and sexy: if you’re powerful, I’ll find you sexy for sure. And if you’re not certain, then that’s cute ๐Ÿ™‚ . Unless you say “I can’t…”, “I don’t…”, “I’m not…” too often. Please don’t do that when deep down you know that that’s not the case ๐Ÿ™‚ .

I wonder why attractive people stay away from me ๐Ÿ™ . Who do you expect me to date…? Please don’t say someone from the exact same origin 😿 .

My Type

From when I was taught about living to grow old and start a family, I’ve been imagining myself with a Dutch man of at least 7 feet tall. One who is extremely muscular and intelligent, who has bright light eyes and dark hair.

“Dutch” because I want to know the experience of life in a white Dutch family. In school I often blended in with the foreign kids, and had some Dutch friends as well, but I wasn’t allowed to stay outside as late and go anywhere, the way they were/are allowed to. And the combination of our heritages will make us veryyy powerful, globally ๐Ÿ™‚ .

At least 7 feet, because I’m living with a love deficit and experiencing love from someone tall is unique. I don’t come across men that tall often. I would love to experience how it feels to cuddle someone at whose chest height I am, the way short girls experience that. Plus when it comes to sports, I like a challenge ๐Ÿ™‚ .

I am, by the way, attracted to women as well. Just because this is a men’s world, still, when it comes to power, I prefer something more traditional.

Muscular and intelligent, because it’s irresistible and “mutual intelligence” will keep our conversation diverse and exciting (if I’m able to calm my attraction nerves ๐Ÿ˜€ ).

And bright light eyes and dark hair, because I find the contrast so beautiful. I want a brighter eye color, too, my meow ๐Ÿ™ . Plus mixed children with bright eyes are sooo 😻 . But in actuality, I feel attracted to some people who don’t look like that, too.

Am I your typeยฟ I find it very hard to see if someone’s into me or not, when I’m speaking to anyone.

Thinking Funds

It would be cool to be a publisher with a literary cafe, right? ๐Ÿ™‚ All I need is some people who already have a name, to invest in it and publicly endorse it.

Due to overpopulation, it would do better in a secluded area, where visiting the cafe would then become a special day trip. Plus I like to work outside busy cities and prefer calmth in a public space. Members only entrance?

I could then organize events in my own event space ๐Ÿ™‚ . I would much rather have it be part of my own compound, though, for the concepts for alternative food distribution I have. It would be cool if big companies that are around for years already, would collab with me ๐Ÿ™‚ .

This is not a concept for traditional crowd funding…

I’m exhausted, so I’m going to fold out the electronic leg rest of the couch in the semi-anex-ish space in this house, and reason some. Writing and typing I should do less, because my brain feels as if it can give out any second meoww ciao xxx

~~~

23:03 (11:03 PM)ย 

Bath Cat

Spending the rest of my day reasoning, without a phone or anything else requiring cognitive energy, was sooo nice. Though I haven’t been productive for my websites, and money troubles were consuming me a bit, it was very comfortable.

To amplify the comfort, I’m taking a bath now. It has been sooo long since I’ve soaked in this little bath…

Fangs in bath

From bed cat, to bath cat, my meoww 😽

And I hadn’t showered all day, so it feels very right to do this ahaha…

But the mental calmth is only sealed when I put away my phone…

Tomorrow, I’m planning on being genuinely productive with these websites. But only at the start of the day. I just want to have the texts I want to be on it, written in advance. Then it’s a matter of copy-pasting, when I’m done configuring the designs. So tomorrow, at the start of the day, I’ll be writing.

I’ve always been this “last minute student” and that shows in how I run this mini web empire haha… Wish I had some people working for me, who will enjoy how chill I am when it comes to salary (partially upfront) and the influence I allow you to have. Hehe ๐Ÿ˜€ .

Later tomorrow, I’m going to attend a food tasting event in a castle: Slot Zeist. I love food and events, so I’m so looking forward to it ๐Ÿ™‚ . I’m intending to socialize and meet some new people. Hopefully hand out some business cards… Even though my websites aren’t finished x_x . I hope to see you there ๐Ÿ™‚ . It starts at 12 and ends at 7. We’ll probably be there around 4 or so…

There’s a party next door, so I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep any time soon. (I’ve been playing loud music often enough, though, so it’s definitely not a big deal.) But after having soaked a little more – though this bath its plug is old so it goes empty out itself over time – I’m going to attempt to sleep.

Good night and hope to see you tomorrow introducing yourself saying you’re my fellow Fangyist (I hope that will happen, but I’m convincing myself that it won’t, so that I won’t be disappointed haha)…

Sweet dreams ♥

xxx

Blog, Images, Online Diary, Popular Posts, Strategy, Videos

Reform Development Day 1 [Friday, June 14, 2019]

01:30 (AM)

Heyy โ™ฅ

I’m Vampin’, my meowww. Too excited to go to sleep. Once I get going, I don’t want to quit until it’s done. For the sake of keeping that up, today is Reform Development Day 1.

The video I recorded earlier is being converted to MPEG4, so that I can upload it to YouTube. And – this was a big step – I finished my contact page ๐Ÿ™‚ . I hope the world will treat my contact information fairly…

I really hope you’ll reach out to me ๐Ÿ™‚ .

The video conversion progress is now finished for 75%. It is now 02:02 (AM). In the meantime, I’ve answered some ASKfm questions.

As part of Reform Development Day – lol actually spontaneous coincidence because I was getting bored with those stupid “funny videos” and other nonsense anyway – I will delete my Facebook and Instagram account today, at 6 PM (UTC +01:00). I don’t know who has been reporting my blog on there, but I wonder why that hasn’t happened from the very beginning I created those accounts, then. Debatable death threats were on there and here from the very beginning. All text I tried to share on those networks, became blocked after I shared that voice recording (in which -> I <- was mistreated) again on Crisis Center Day 6. What I find the most scandalous about this incorrect treatment, is that they don’t even tell me why they are blocking my text and blog link(s). (Then I could much easier tell them that they are in the wrong for blocking me. Don’t forget: I might have websites, through which other people’s bad actions are stored and shared with the world, but the people I speak of are (mostly) anonymous, and in reality, it is still thousands against 1: against me. People forget that I have feelings, too. The reason why I have this blog, is because they have fucking hurt my feelings far too fucking often, and I have no one I can comfortably share this with in my circle.)

I, by the way, still also don’t know who the fuck put my book on Bol.com? I wonder how many people have read it… It’s soooooo fucking insane that it is on there and I don’t even get a fucking share of the fucking sales????? I’ll not spend it on fucking dumb things… I’m trying to constitute a new country here…

Meoww I’m going to empty and fill up the dish washer – is what I promised when I said that I’m not going to eat TV dinner but eat in my room. Then my video will be converted, I’ll share it with you here, as it is uploading to YouTube. Then we’ll all wake up to a video of me reading another post and this time even more clearly mention that I’m so deeply in love with Victor Geskes 😻 . (Hope I won’t receive another phone call from a very aggressive sounding, hissing female, if I write down his name here… 😏 )

Haha it was my intention to read yesterday’s post as well, and afterwards go into web development related things. But I ended up elaborating on the first time I spoke with him in sooo much detail ahahaha… And then told “our” story from that moment until what the fuck happened on Tuesday 😂 . I did end it with working on my contact page.

Lol meanwhile it’s 02:54 and I’ll do the dishes after having slept. I’ll also write a caption after I’ve slept, but will still upload and publish this video now, because you really need to see it! 😻

I’m going to sleeep. Good night ♥

My video will be available here ayyy

~ xxx ~

18:24 (06:24 PM)

I posted these pictures on my (other) social media yesteday:

๐Ÿ™

Yess invest in me bitte.

Sooo un-cuddle ๐Ÿ™

There’s no way I’ll ever go back there.

And I deleted my accounts just now. I love it when I stick to my words.

Right before going to sleep. I realized that today is Friday and I had another appointment scheduled with my case manager and the experience expert. Though my alarm went off at 10 AM and the appointment was at 11, I had a hard time getting up. Ended up leaving the house around 5 past 11, so I was there 11:20. It was very comfortable venting again. They ask very good questions.

I hope to receive a referral soon, so that I can get my second opinion at “The Therapist”. I hope to get rid of that schizophrenic/psychotic individual label soon ๐Ÿ™‚ .

Now I’ll be writing the rest of the text for the D.O.C.I.S. International website. And I’ve also claimed my new web store domain and have given it a SSL certificate ๐Ÿ™‚ . A long name is funny, because it’s “against the rules”: https://store.docis.international ๐Ÿ˜€ . I wanted to start adding my manuscripts to the database of het centraal boekhuis, but it’s unavailable ๐Ÿ™ . I hope it will be working properly after the weekend. I need this money meowww ๐Ÿ™ .


Againnnn ayy. I also took the best nap ever, there ๐Ÿ™‚ .

So I’ll be writing it out with pen and paper first, because I spend too much time behind screens. It gives me dry eyes x_x.

Though we should all cut down on screen time, because it’s unnatural, I hope you’ll watch my YouTube videos, instead of watching a movie ๐Ÿ™‚ .

I’ll probably write you again before I go to sleep. Enjoy the rest of your day ♥ .

~~~

22:57 (10:57 PM)

Meoow I ended up saying “Yes” to the reiterated question if I want to go along to the wholesale market (Makro). We ran into some family friends there ๐Ÿ™‚ .

The dates (food lol) are amazing and so was the rib-eye! Meoow tomorrow I’m going to stuff some dates (food ahahaha) with soft goat cheese 😻 .

But I was already tired before this day started and now I still have so much to do ๐Ÿ™ . (But what I do is not seen as a job here ๐Ÿ™ . Yes, it does not pay well, but that’s just because I have no investors ๐Ÿ™ . ) And I also need to re-twist my hair, because it’s becoming very frizzy. I want to make tighter twists, so that I can put it in a high ponytail on Sunday, when we’re going to a tasting event in a castle: Slot Zeist. I have nothing to wear, my meow ๐Ÿ™ . I really need new clothing, but have 0 stacks ๐Ÿ™ ๐Ÿ™ . Especially after today. First there was about โ‚ฌ120 on my account. Now there’s only โ‚ฌ1, because my stupid health care premium was deducted from my account ๐Ÿ™ . I really hope my manuscripts will sell… ๐Ÿ™ Even more, I hope that I’ll somehow find some Victishe-level Graeynissis who would like to do business with me…

And meooow being single sucks even more during the Summer season 😥 . This hot weather makes me want to kiss and go places… But I don’t have a fixed income, so I don’t feel comfortable spending money meowww 😿 .

I’m going to go to sleep, having dreams about Victishe… I wish we were together meoww ๐Ÿ™ . Then I could also chill with my B 😋 . Haha helppp.

I would love to outsource all of the work that is exhausting me, by the way. But I still haven’t had any investors ever in my life ๐Ÿ™ . Please be the first ♥ .

Goood nighttt ♥

~~~

Blog, Explicit Content, Images, Online Diary, Popular Posts

Back Online :) [Thursday, June 13, 2019]

09:35 (AM)

Good morning ๐Ÿ™‚ โ™ฅ

I’m so glad to be back online, and I’m even more glad to find you here again ๐Ÿ™‚ . It’s such a risk to lose (frequent) visitors, when going offline (unannounced) ๐Ÿ™ .

One of the greatest down sides of not having a fixed income, is that it’s not guaranteed that there’s enough on my account, to pay my bills. But it’s fixed now and I’m even out of personal debit account debt ๐Ÿ™‚ . So after paying my โ‚ฌ25 hosting bill Tuesday night (so cheap because I’m the administrator myself), I’m back online now ๐Ÿ™‚ .

To not be able to pay a bill of โ‚ฌ25 is a truly heartbreaking feeling. I’m glad that I’m currently making financial progress that is better than it has ever been, without a fixed income. As in my best time, financially, was last Summer, with my guaranteed income, working as an aid, but now I’m starting to have better passive income prospects. Especially after what else happend on Tuesday, I will ne-ver work for a boss again! (In that way, I also have a lot more time to befriend Graeynissis ๐Ÿ™‚ . (By “Graeynissis”, I mean intelligent, alternatively reasoning individuals. Not that fake subscriber account I made on the forum here, who is actually me, haha.))

This is a very good financial momentum, already being out of debt, because from today, I can sell my manuscripts to other publishers and book stores!!! ๐Ÿ˜€
And having my manuscripts in that database will also make it a lot easier for me to sell them through the D.O.C.I.S. store ๐Ÿ™‚ .

And oh my goddd my meowww, so much has happend since my website went down! I’ll update you through anecdotes, tweets and pictures, but will do this after I’ve had breakfast and made a schedule of tasks for today. When I tell you, depends on how my schedule will be. I’ll be visiting the bank to make a little deposit, for sure. Other tasks, I’ll be selecting from this list (that is even still incomplete):

Putting my hand on the side that has a traumatic text on it. My gohdddd

“Overig” was because I became tired of making the list and just felt like summarizing the rest. The app I want to (have) develop(ed) is not even on it… I’d prefer to have the funds to hire someone/people to take care of all of my web activity. Something I’ve mentioned often. I’m a good investment my meowww.

Other tasks are on TheFangs.nl. Though officially not planned, I already started using it! Because this domain was blocked due to that bill (which is to fund all domains I have, but blocks wordpress of a certain sub-contract, when I’m behind on payments), I already started using it, because I feel so empty when I can’t write you ๐Ÿ™ . Please check out The Fangs :D. I hope and think you’ll love it (when it’s done 😻 )! And I hope you’ll be my guest blogger/guest writer! 😻

More information about that will follow when my domains are finished ๐Ÿ™‚ .

I’m back online meoww please tell a friend ๐Ÿ™‚ .

~~~

17:13 (05:13 PM)

I’ve gone to the bank to deposit the โ‚ฌ150 my grandmother gave me for helping her reporting her taxes in May ๐Ÿ™‚ . Now I’m officially out of personal bank account debt (as in I still have this huge study loan and this Elia PR bank account I want to unsubscribe but need to take out of debt first ahaha ๐Ÿ™ ). And I just decided to record a video in which I tell you everything that happened since my website went down.

In case you don’t like watching videos: here is a set of pictures that summarizes most of what I’ve been doing since Vampin’:

It was very nice catching up with my aunt, chilling on her balcony ๐Ÿ™‚ .

Her room is pretty ๐Ÿ™‚ . That crib there left is from her grandchild, who sadly wasn’t around when I visited.

We then went back to my house for the family dinner my father prepared. It was tasty ๐Ÿ™‚ .

Then I slept over at my aunt’s place. Waking up to an unavailable website. She doesn’t sleep in her bed due to a trauma, and I find it very sweet that she gave me her room. I’ll be visiting far more often…

That Monday I went from my aunt’s in Rotterdam, to my cousin’s in Amstelveen. It was her 28th birthday. I won the first game of “Weerwolven” as the only wolf ๐Ÿ™‚ . Haha I had to figuratively digest a child to get that mayor card, on the left, but that strategy helped me win ๐Ÿ™‚ .

Finishing touches…ย 

Uncovering wolves and stuffff ayy that game really is a lot of fun

Pics in the wrong order, but I realized my pants were torn, just before I left my aunt’s place.

Sweetness @ receiving that drawing. Then I showed the children there how to fold a plane, because I saw they were getting frustrated from not having toys to play with and being in the same space for hours.

The starter was “okersoep” with crabs. It was my first time eating it with crab, which was cool :).

Then, at home, I made these semi-explicit pictures, because I was feeling like a wild Catje, from my plans of calling Victishe for lunch… (That ended up going soooo next level oh my goddd x_x.)

Still feeling wild…

This was actually the first picture out of three I made. Searching for an angle…

I prepared this meal yesterday. The salad, I enjoyed the most ๐Ÿ™‚ . The recipe is on Twitter:

This is what I bought at the drug store, after leaving the bank. Haha I tweeted: “All these death threats and I’m still suffering from dry eyes” hahahahaahahah

I think because of the combination of cropped up anger, cropped up sadness and having been grounded so very often, I love cycling through the rain, when it’s not windy ๐Ÿ™‚ . Smiling felt weird for that picture, so I didn’t, but believe me when I say that I’m feeling better than ever :).

Okay meoww the sun is out and I feel like catching some more outside air, so I’m going to smoke a cigarette (lol niet nadoen) and then I’m going to record a video in which I read Vampin’, this post and old tweets, and tell you the details of everything that happened since this blog went down. And after that, I’ll be working on my websites, while still recording, because meooowww I have so much to tell you ๐Ÿ™‚ . Plus being silent and alone is kind of boring. (But still better than losing precious working time and being stuck with superficial conversation ๐Ÿ™‚ .)

~~~

Blog, Images, Nederlandse Tekst, Online Diary, Popular Posts

Crisis Center Day 3 [Thursday, May 30, 2019]

11:28 (AM)

Good morning โ™ฅ

I don’t know why I can’t reach my Vicje ๐Ÿ™ . My heart is too weak to approach a random proletarian for this, who won’t understand how much of a sensitive topic this is, and how much bad news would destroy my heart. Some people speak of him in such an awful manner, I won’t be able to endure something like that again ๐Ÿ™ .

I attempted to email him this [a very random message, I know], when I received a “failed to deliver” notice in return…:

Dezelfde fout maken is terug naar huis gaan. Mijn moeder en huisarts vinden dit een goede plek voor mij… Grrrrr…

Catje

Mijn intuรฏtie vertelt me altijd met wie ik dat wel zou willen doen en met wie niet

Get me out of here, please ๐Ÿ™ . I apparently still have arbeidsrecht. Apparently even arbeidsdwang, omdat ik alleen als normaal mens word gezien als ik full-time werk en studeer.

The description of the littest hangout in human history

Wild words

I don’t even know if it’s mutual ๐Ÿ™

I don’t know what to do now ๐Ÿ™ . I’m so worried… Though I haven’t been that close with him (yet?)… ๐Ÿ™ Maybe he doesn’t like me and has blocked my e-maik address? ๐Ÿ™ I’d rather hear that than hear that he has passed away or something

I’m now also stuck in the dilemma that I have to find residence and a fixed income, preferably before tomorrow, because after today they will put me under treatment at the department I was in in 2017-2018 [hell] and force me to go back to my parents’ house.

I asked the psychiatrist yesterday why they can’t treat me without medicines. He told me that medicines are going to put my mind on the right track, “so that I can go back into society” [because I am out of it?]. I had already explained to him that the reason why my business hasn’t thrived yet, is because I don’t have any investors. That the reason why I’m currently not studying, is because I don’t have ยฃ6000+ for tuition. That the reason why I don’t have a full time job, is because most jobs are too simple for my intelligence. And that swallowing some pill won’t change that. My self-analysis was, again, fully disregarded.

What I wrote after the conversation where I proposed my self-analysis idea

My alternative strategy is – again – working full-time, so that I won’t have time for living under psychiatric surveillance. I’m on the list for the ANWB Summer staff, so that’s where the e-mail came from…

Yesterday’s Twitter highlights:

I can’t imagine my future without the handsomest Graeyniss I have ever seen!

When it comes to getting out of here, this place is the same as a prison ๐Ÿ™ .

Help me bitte

I’ll show you my hair – best braids I’ve ever made for myself – when I’ve eaten and showered. I’m still in bed… ๐Ÿ™

~~~

12:58 (PM)

Important announcement:

My weakness… 😻 I’m still worried and feel quite powerless in this situation. I also don’t know who else can save me from this prison…

~~~

16:40 (04:40 PM)

Mijn gezichtsuitdrukking zegt “tjoerie” ahahahhaahaha. Ik hoor hier niet thuis verdomme ahahahah.

A tail in case the situation becomes even worse…

Getting some vitamin D… I’d rather get some vitamin Vicje…

Before I went into the shower

This is serious…

I’ll be writing… Er is hier echt niets te doen x_x.

Prison is clearly a metaphor and not fucking schizophrenia. I need to defend every statement I make x_x.

~~~

17:37 (05:37 PM)ย 

Important information:

I want to cuddle my sexy Vicje – I hope the reason why my mail wasn’t delivered, was because of its radical content… If he has a new job, then I heb niets te zoeken bij de ANWB (lol). If he is not with us anymore, then I’d spend all eternity not knowing if the feeling is mutual and feeling fucked up because I couldn’t be there for him…

This would also be a good moment for my B to go on strike….

~~~

21:09 (09:09 PM)

I’m in bed… Exhausted ๐Ÿ™ . (Could that be because the food is cooked in psychiatric drugs?)

I hope someone will free me from here and offer me shelter… ๐Ÿ™ I really don’t want to talk to these “health care professionals” anymore. All they do is tell me to quit chasing my dreams…

Authority problem:

This is not good for my heart ๐Ÿ™ . Spending time with me is a privilege and this industry just claims it. The same goes for my parents. I want to be free ๐Ÿ™ . Truly free!

I’m glad to have found ways to get through the day:

I hope they won’t mind that I posted that picture… I just find it important that the world knows what’s going on here. And I needed some time away from my mother, who, every conversation, tells me that this is what I need.

I want to spend time with people who I can trust, who won’t think of sending me to a place like this. Fucking often ๐Ÿ™ .

I really hope someone will bail me out 😿 . Please don’t let my mind be shrinked further ๐Ÿ™ .

I’ll be laking until I pass out. Still hungry, by the way, but I prefer eating natural foods, so I’ll just ignore the sound of my stomach… Maybe eat some almonds…

Good night ♥

xxx

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Death O’Clock [Saturday, May 25, 2019]

01:19 (AM)ย 

I still either want to get killing or die. I don’t feel hunger anymore. Only this intense headache. I’m losing weight fast, though…

I’ve never felt sooo…

Fangy…

You are free to act as you wish. Messing with me might backfire on you, though.

~~~

02:02 (AM)

Someone please tell me that it’s Death O’Clock….

I really need to take a shower, but my body has become so weakened after not eating for so long ๐Ÿ™ . Still gonna try it, though… Wil je zorgen dat ik niet dood neerval door de combinatie van stoom en hitte? Mijn haren moeten nog steeds echt gewassen worden… ๐Ÿ™

~~~

02:32 (AM)

I just untied the wild catty braids I made earlier, still going to wash it, missing my Vicje… I really need Tallniss cuddles

~~~

04:06 (AM)

Including twisting my afro, I’m still here. Thank you for being on the lookout.

~~~

14:26 (02:26 PM)

Good afternoon ๐Ÿ™‚

My hunger headache has reached the next level. But aside from that, I still feel better than ever. I’m being myself, not adapting to (cultural) social customs anymore, and I have a cool picture with a cool politician. I find peace in my loneliness now. Decided to continue completely ignoring “my parents”. We don’t have anything to talk about anyway.

They deprive me from family capital, because they know I’d turn it into business and not have time for them anymore. They’re in my way, and that is why I wish to kill them. It’s the only way for me to get access to that capital…

~~~

16:03 (04:03 PM)
What I’m doing:


I keep updating the main tweet. Posting on Twitter goes quicker than posting on my blog…

I’m going to have a glass of water and seek for a piece of properly looking fruit…

~~~

16:25 (04:25 PM)

ASKfm should really stop deleting my question answers… It should even restore them, I find. It’s too bad my comment section isn’t used to ask me questions in real-time, otherwise I could delete my ASKfm account.

From the questions that are not deleted, it now looks like some twisted sex account. I wish I’d get Stratagem related questions ๐Ÿ™ . (Unfinished website is part of that. The fuck? With some of that family capital, I could easily hire an IT staff… These people are soooo dumb with money x_x.)

~~~

16:53 (04:53 PM)

The scope of my life

My mother always tells me that this is depressing. It’s less depressing than being surrounded by proletarians, and would be even less depressing if her conversation weren’t very depressing. I wish to not have to endure that anymore.

~~~

17:46 (05:46 PM)

No proper fruit found… Too busy with phone to drink water?

I ordered the deluxe mix…

~~~

18:33 (06:33 PM)

~~~

21:03 (09:03 PM)

Now changing bedsheets…

~~~

Blog, Images, Online Diary, Popular Posts

Voting Day [Thursday, May 23, 2019]

12:58 (PM)

Good afternoon โ™ฅ

I decided to resort to a less painful method, yesterday, and am still here. So I can vote ๐Ÿ™‚ . I’ll get to that right away now. After that, continuing this method, I can even still work on my websites ๐Ÿ™‚ .

I’ll get to that! &Please please do not copy the behavior that comes with my suicidal tendencies ๐Ÿ™ .

Yesterday, I impulsively named my post “campaigning D.O.C.I.S.”, showing more of the definition of that in practice, which was followed by a wave of sadness, because it is so hard for me to find the appreciation I need for success.

I would like to have a self selected security team around me… My income doesn’t say that I need that. But I think the way people treat me, really shows that I do need that. This proves people are very biased about me:

People really don’t believe me, when I say that the D.O.C.I.S. includes selecting who to keep alive, based on intelligence. I remember everyone who hurts me.

~~~

14:21 (02:21 PM)

Voting day “swag”…

~~~

15:41 (03:41 PM)

The awful truth… It should start with my parents having a double nationality, the way they should have, from the start. But they were born as Dutch people, in one of the many (former) colonies. If they adapt, I could become entitled to have a say in the reform of that country as well, taking the same double nationality (and becoming president…).

I didn’t expect this Catje’s name on that list… He has, this campaigning period, been the face of the party, but not that of his party in Europe, so I’m voting “standard”, assuming that any party win means that all Dutch people leave their European coalitions… (En een Europees parlement, en een nationaal parlement, en een Eerste en Tweede Kamer… Die constructie is sowieso veels te deep-state gevoelig…)

I love children’s curiosity! Parents should motivate that and extensively teach them everything they want to know ๐Ÿ™‚ .

For the D.O.C.I.S. International website, I’m switching from the Sublime Text editor trial, to Notepad++.
~~~

18:47 (06:47 PM)

I added some text to this page on the D.O.C.I.S. International website. I think my site looks very pretty ๐Ÿ™‚ .

I’m tired now :(. That must partially be because of the silent hunger strike I’m on, or something… By means of reducing my suffering, I do have eaten some fruit and a few banana crisps… I can still feel my body weaken, though. This is a slow process ๐Ÿ™ . Life is so boring to me. I wish I could make my experience of it, stop in a successful instant. I don’t want to try a method of which I’m not sure of its effectiveness.

I’m a sad Catje .

~~~

19:24 (07:24 PM)

In case you wonder if I really want to die: if my only alternative is to be stuck in my parents house: absolutely yes. If people would not be dumb fucking snakes I all want to give headshots, and buy my book or donate some money to me, my fate could have been different.

By reading about the days of my life, you are a witness of the death of me. Doing nothing… You don’t give a fuck, do you?

~~~

23:51 (11:51 PM)

Earlier:

Negotiations…

Explanations… Het antwoord op de vragen, staat in het document zelf.

~~~

Blog, Images, Nederlandse Tekst, Online Diary, Popular Posts, Reflections

Campaigning D.O.C.I.S…. [Wednesday, May 22, 2019]

02:13 (AM)

Weet je waarom ik eigenlijk niets zei, toen er vragen gesteld konden worden…? Omdat ik anders ruzie zou starten…

Zie dit als een krantenkop: “Een zetel in het Europese Parlement, om daar over niet in het Europese Parlement zitten te praten?”

Wie is dan wie, in de deep-state? I’m still trying to dissolve it…

Ik heb niet genoeg ruimte om dan te zeggen: “De lijsttrekker is niet elke stem in de partij. Als in het gebeurt mede in zijn naam, maar hij gaat daar niet zitten.” Dus het volgende is niet op hem van toepassing:

“Een zetel in het Europese Parlement, om daar over niet in het Europese Parlement zitten te praten?” Waarom ga je daar dan in de eerste instantie heen? Ga dan toch helemaal niet? Het klinkt toch een beetje…. Jaa dom…?

Als de media die discussie daarover begint op een live stream, zou ik iets negatiefs doen tegenover degene die ik juist wil steunen.

Ik moet mijn websites afmaken, maar ik ben moe… Ik heb honger, en zou – later pas terwijl mijn maag nu knort – boodschappen moeten doen, omdat ik, hoewel ik alles dat me eetbaar lijkt, eet, zelfs niet al het verse eten in Nederland, lekker vind… Ah help x_x.

Nexit betekent toch: “Niet naar het buitenland gaan, om over de problemen in je eigen land te discussiรซren, en handel op basis van individuele bondgenootschappen, in plaats van vriendjespolitiek.” ยฟ

Brexit, Nexit, Espexit, Frexit, Itexit, Dexit… That’s it ๐Ÿ˜€ . #DOCIS…
~~~
10:50 (AM)

Ik werd wakker met twee dilemma’s:

  1. Ik wil zelfmoord plegen, maar mijn moeder is thuis.
  2. Ik probeer te sterven van de honger – want ik wil echt niet naar de supermarkt – maar dat lukt me nooit.

Ik ben de manier waarop ik word behandeld echt ZO FUCKING ZAT.

  1. KANKER DOMME RACISTEN. IK KAN ER HELAAS NIETS AAN DOEN DAT IK IN DIT GAT GEBOREN BEN. DAT KOMT DOOR JULLIE VOOROUDERS.
  2. De mensen die nog steeds denken dat ik zwakbegaafd ben, tegen wie ik beleefd blijf omdat, wanneer ik diegene met eigen handen het leven ontneem, ik zo veel meer haters zal krijgen dat ik nergens meer veilig zal zijn. Ik ben in mijn eigen fucking huis NIET EENS FUCKING VEILIG.

Iedereen kent mij serieus zogenaamd niet? Voor wat er TWEE JAAR GELEDEN gebeurde, was ik al een aardig bekend gezicht. Erna… Jullie publiciteit heeft mijn imago levenslang internationaal beschadigd. Het enige wat ik nog kan doen is ertegenin schreeuwen en laten zien DAT IK TOCH ECHT HELEMAAL ZELF MIJN FUCKING VETERS KAN STRIKKEN. “Pas op de FUCKING GROTE RUIMTE TUSSEN DE DEUR EN WAAR JE NU STAAT.” IK BEN NIET FUCKING BLIND!?! IK WIL JE FUCKING HULP NIET.

MAAR JULLIE ZIJN IN REALITEIT ZELFS OOK NOG EENS TE DOM VOOR MIJ.

De maat is echt vol na meer dan twee uur te hebben GESTAAAAAAAAAAAN. Lil Fangs een stoel aanbieden? Lil Fangs spreektijd geven? Lil Fangs een mail laten sturen naar “Je praat te lang?” Nee. Ik ben de beste schrijfster in de hele fucking wereld, en je weet het.

Ik wil echt nooit meer naar buiten. Ik wil graag geen mensen meer zien, horen en spreken. Ik wil niet meer tot na de verkiezingen wachten, met mijn volgende poging. Weet je hoe erg ik programmeren eigenlijk haat? En waarom probeer ik het eigenlijk nog?

Eenzaamheid is dodelijk.

~~~

11:51 (AM)ย 

Ik heb echt zin om de hele dag in mijn bed te blijven liggen. Maar dan krijg ik sowieso weer gezeik over dat ik niets doe. Dat incasseren dan maar…

Mijn dilemma is echt grappig. Gewoon die “Wat doe je?”, wanneer ik mezelf probeer te verhangen.

Een akelig feit: het aantal views van deze post is nep. I was so bold to add a 2, when there were 22 views. So now there actually are 38 views, instead of 238. This is, in actuality, not a popular post.

I can never be popular, because I’m consciously using an overly stigmatized name, and after the “”SHE’S MISSING” *”two minutes later”* “SHE’S NOT MISSING ANYMORE””-campaign [comes with the looks…], I became stigmatized as publicity poison. (That’s why I’m very fond of my publicity poison idols. Who are unfortunately breaking my heart with their political distance…)

Ik ga het nog steeds proberen, hoor. Eerst even wachten tot ze weg is. Lig nog steeds in bed. Met dezelfde honger.

~~~

12:51 (PM)ย 

Dat ik doodga als een soort Rembrandt, doet me het meeste pijn. “Pas ontdekt nadat haar familie haar levenloze lichaam in huis vond.” De haat die ik voel is werkelijk grenzeloos, omdat ik in realiteit niet onbekend ben, maar gewoon genegeerd word.

~~~

13:47 (01:47 PM)ย 

I don’t want to die not knowing who my biological father is. I know I love him very dearly.

After this painful B situation, the new theories about the deep-state in my life, sound so crazy:

Did I dream that “B’s doppelganger” [my B is the person on the other side of my brain-to-brain communication] attempted to have sex with me in an isolation cell in the police station here, or did that actually happen?

Is it possible that, three years ago, twice there was a different lecturer, who looked a lot like the man I met – together with my mother and a friend of her – last Friday, and that he was there because he loves me so much?

There at two lectures, the office once and the police station after COPS I WANT TO KILL SOOOOOOOO FUCKING BADDDDDDDDDDDD forced me to sip their cup of poisonous shit and put me in an isolation cell, because brain-to-brain communication is still real and in my head I keep telling him that he has very good reasons to just say fuck it and come spend far too much time with me ๐Ÿ™ .

Ik kan met droge ogen dood willen gaan en traumas herleven, omdat dat altijd al mijn hele leven is geweest. Ik schrijf nog steeds alleen pas in detail over de afgelopen twee jaar. Daarvoor was het niet veel beter. Ik mis mijn opa nog steeds, omdat we zulke goede zakenpartners geweest hadden kunnen zijn ๐Ÿ™ . En hij was zo lief ๐Ÿ™ . Mensen met een karakter als dat van hem, zijn bijna uitgestorven ๐Ÿ™ .

~~~

14:09 (02:09 PM)ย 

I am now so clueless about who my B is… I’d kill to see those luminescent turquoise eyes again. He’s so tall that without making myself smaller, I can rest my head against his chest…

Sympathize with me on this one:

  • I finished my gymnasium in 7 years.
  • I’m black.
  • I quit the international economicsย  programme I had been allowed into, after 3 months already.
  • I’m female.
  • I’m tall.
  • My voice is deep but still feminine (it’s my height and that fucking Dutch food).
  • I went missing “for two minutes”.
  • I might be part Italian, which would mean that my last name is very incorrect. Italian people are often discriminated (sometimes in ways worse than black people are treated) in the Netherlands (and still it’s one of the top Dutch holiday locations… Ga jij eens heeeel gauw Nexit…).
  • I live in a white country. In the country where my roots lie, I’m seen as white. Here, “I’m black.”
  • My family will assassinate me, if I tell the truth about them.
  • Because I’m very intelligent, I can’t communicate smoothly with some.
  • My style is too intuitive for some to understand it without an extensive explanation.

Do you understand why I ask for your genuine sympathy?

~~~

14:41 (02:41 PM)ย 

Here I go again, starting something over “nothing”:


Harassment, de kaboela bus, culture pressure to behave like the flock… There are so many topics I have a very extensive opinion about…
~~~
15:35 (03:35 PM)

Still waiting to hear the alarm system indicate that someone is leaving the house… Then I can at least eat something and smoke “the enemy of the state” indica I bought yesterday.

~~~

15:49 (03:49 PM)

Hear hear…

Finally, it’s time for a peaceful lonely first meal of the day…

~~~

Blog, Ex Animo, Images, MacroFangs, Nosce Te Ipsum, Polls, Popular Posts, Random questions, Reflections, Strategy

TWITTER GROUP CHAT LECTURE!!!!!

About what?

From Project Nosce Te Ipsum to the Economics and Law that constitute Planet Fang… I’ll explain E-VE-RY-THING (including my communication strategies) in this group chat!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

And you can ask me anything :D. I can also remove you from the chat if you’re not interested (anymore) :).

Please make a Twitter account, if you do not have that ๐Ÿ™‚ .

Check out @LilFangs_โ€™s Tweet: https://twitter.com/LilFangs_/status/1122320028848803840?s=09

It’s lit ๐Ÿ˜€

I just created this poll and wanted to share that with the people I follow on the social network, which caused me to create a group chat.

And now I’ll use it to give lectures about D.O.C.I.S. International [Determined Observant Colloquial Intelligent Stratagem] ๐Ÿ™‚ .

The spontaneous fun we could have here makes me want to do nothing else than this ๐Ÿ™‚ .

It never ends! ๐Ÿ˜€

Change of Spontaneous Plans

It will work better on a different platform, with people who already have some background knowledge about my endeavors.

Blog, Images, Online Diary

Cold Case 26 & Kingsday [Saturday, April 27, 2019]

16:29 (04:29 PM)Hii โ™ฅHere are some pictures I took last night:[I decided to go with instant noodles instead of rice at the last moment]Need to clean kitchen

Is not allowed to smoke weed at home

I really use Twitter most often ๐Ÿ™‚

#fangyismIs a word that was not used on the web very often. Making up words is the improvisation you do when you want to make yourself heard and the other words have not been used yet.Unfortunately ๐Ÿ™

๐Ÿ™

I can’t wait until my days of blogging are over and I can finally rule the world with my Graeynissis ๐Ÿ™‚ .It’s Kingsday today and I have plans of staying at home. I mean I love to dance, but not in between extremely drunk and aggressive barbarians, and my pockets are flat.Please hire me. The contract I’ll give you when you do this, will make us confederates :)โ™ฅ
~~~16:38 (04:38 PM) I’ll definitely receive a rant about the way I express myself, when my mother comes home from Spain. It’s what happens every time I say something “radical”.I do not regret any of the words I have used in any way. They all come straight from the heart. Those who don’t accept them, should permanently break contact with me.Meanwhile I’m destroying marketing algorithms, because all of this routinous superficial shit reallyyy needs to end. People deserve to know the truth.#Fangyism~~~18:22 (06:22 PM) OKAY. I do not know WHO THE FUUUUUUUCK put my book on Bol.com, but it was NOT ME !!!!I only sell at fully interntionally oriented retailers !WHO THE FUUUUUUCK IS EARNING FROM THIS ?!!?!!!?!THAT PERSON MAY DIE. I HAVE WORKED WAY TOOOOOO FUCKING HARD FOR THIS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!IT IS A VIOLATION OF THE LAW !!!! LOOK AT HOW THE COPYRIGHT TEXT SAYS “DO NOT RESELL” . THAT FUCKING IGNORANT BASTARD !!!! (I bet it’s multiple people.)~~~~

Lil Fangs
Blog, Images, Online Diary, Popular Posts

Cold Case 25 [Friday, April 26, 2019]

13:28 (01:28 PM)

It seems like I’m finally starting to get my message across! My stubbornity aside: there really are no other ways to accomplish this, which don’t include using social media as a tool.

Now every visitor reads 4 pages on an average visit

My results this far are great. (Especially because I spent โ‚ฌ0 on it!) But people need to read more of my content for it to really work the way it should.

Meoww I’m continuing in this way – writing seperate posts again – because I want to adapt myself to all of my audience. In English!

Maar soms wil ik ook wel even dit kunnen doen, omdat dat sneller is voor mij en ik niet helemaal hoef te vertalen en er ook minder vaak een woordenboek en thesaurus bij moet pakken enzooo…

~~~

14:12 (02:12 PM)

Meooow I have so many things I want to share with you now! But also so many tasks I should be spending my time on right now…

I want to tell you about what my social media strategy was and how it played out, and about the “beef” I put on YouTube, and about everything else I have in store for us!

But first, I’ll need to get out of my sister’s bed (to which I resorted after there was a spider in my room) and brush my teeth and eat something. You should know that I skipped dinner yesterday, because I do not at all want to accept the food and funding of people who don’t respect me, anymore. So I’ll be back in about an hour! xxxxx

~~~
14:51 (02:51 PM)

(Still in bed…)

Now that I’m promoting myself on social media, this is going a little better as well: [indirect reference to my last daily Cold Case diary post]

Back linking relates to findability in search engines. I already do my own SEO so I don’t want to be paying for the improvement of this…

Twitter (I use most often): https://twitter.com/LilFangs_

Instagram: https://instagram.com/_lilfangs

Facebook (for which I’ll be automating mt sharing settings later): Dominique Daniรซlle Elia & Lil Fangs

Pexels: &I’m on Pexels myself, now!!! ๐Ÿ˜€

~~~
16:35 (04:35 PM)

WordPress its mobile app [I recommend you to download, to at least read my posts on, if you’re not into writing yourself ๐Ÿ™‚ ] its JetPack plugin, is giving me parse errors (it’s already why I stopped using emojis in my posts, but now I can’t even upload plain text from it anymore). I’m now uploading this from my mobile browser lol.

Because I’m now typing in HTML, I can use emojis again! ๐Ÿ˜€ That’s important for when talking about you Graeynissis (in HTML, 😻 that is &#x1F63B; [using unicode]).

When I use a phrase or word you don’t understand: searching it in the search bar will lead you to other articles, so the context will specify it ๐Ÿ™‚ .

& Hire me ๐Ÿ˜€ [PLEASEEEEEEEE]

Now I’m really going to get out of bed xxx
~~~

17:10 (05:10 PM)ย 

I have to be in front of my webcam at 05:45 PM, so I reallyyy need to get up now (I’m too much pretending to be happy to get out of bed), but look at this gem:

Lil Fangs

๐Ÿ˜€

Lil Fangs

I would so love to meet you all ๐Ÿ™‚ #Fangyism

~~~
19:04 (07:04 PM)

Meow I was 20 minutes late for my appointment, so it’s rescheduled. I hope I’ll be able to use other emojis [now I can only use ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ™ โ™ฅ] again soon!

I’ll now prepare a slight struggle meal using eggs, green asperges, cherry tomatoes, an union and spring unions. Because I don’t like the taste of takeout food, I’m broke asf [so please hire me] and I’ll eat by myself tonight.

I’ll be adding thyme, oregano and “five spices” to it. And basil ๐Ÿ™‚ .

So I’ll be cookingg xxx

~~~

Lil Fangs
Art, Audio, Blog, Donation Forms, Ex Animo, Images, Interest & Money in Perspective, Interviews, MacroFangs, Media, Nederlandse Tekst, Nosce Te Ipsum, Online Diary, Polls, Popular Posts, Random questions, Random Thoughts, Recipes, Reflections, The General Theory of Employment, Tips, Uncategorized, Videos

Dominique Daniรซlle Elia CV (curriculum vitae) in het Nederlands

Dominique Daniรซlle Elia

Praesens (D.O.C.I.S. International)

 

Algemene persoonsgegevens

Geboortedatum: 1 november 1996 (22 jaar)

Geboorteplaats: Rotterdam

E-mailadres: d.danielle.elia@gmail.com (persoonlijk)

Adres: XXXXXXXXXX Capelle aan den IJssel

 

Persoonlijke doelen

Langetermijndoel

Op de lange termijn wil ik, door middel van het combineren van wiskundige, economische, wettelijke en didactische kennis, graag bijdragen aan de hervorming van het internationaal politiek-economisch systeem, met een (nog) sterke(re) nadruk op duurzaamheid. Dit of via het bedrijfsleven, of via de politiek zelf.

Korte termijn doelen

  • (Minstens) mijn bachelor in de wiskunde behalen.
  • Lang genoeg werkervaring opdoen om officieel aantoonbaar op hoger dan junior-niveau te kunnen presteren.
  • Mijn netwerk uitbreiden ten gunste van mijn langetermijndoel.
  • Een nieuwe strategie uitdenken om als zelfstandige dichter bij mijn langetermijndoel te kunnen komen.

Educatie

Diploma’s

  • Marnix Gymnasium: Gymnasium

Behaald in 2016

Profielkeuze: Economie & Maatschappij met Duits, Latijn, wiskunde B en informatica

  • The Open University: Open Bachelor’s Degree

Nog niet behaald

Georiรซnteerd op (Financiรซle) Wiskunde

Certificaten

  • British Council
    • Cambridge First Certificate English
  • European Piano Teachers Association
    • Niveau C2
  • Basis Flight Simulator certificaat

Werkervaring

  • Neridus-IT: Boekhoudassistente

augustus 2013 โ€“ september 2016

Het bijhouden van de financiรซle bewijsstukken (zowel digitaal als fysiek) en de financiรซle correspondentie tussen het bedrijf en het (uitbestede) accountantskantoor.

  • Zowel Delfshaven: Financieel hulpverlener (vrijwilliger)

juni 2016 โ€“ september 2016

Het ordenen van de administratie, opstellen van persoonlijke budgetten, inlichten en aanvragen voorbereiden, van mensen met financiรซle problemen in de regio Delfshaven, in een bijstands- en/of schuldsaneringstraject.

  • Elia PR: PR consultant (zelfstandige)

september 2016 โ€“ december 2017

Het ontwikkelen van PR strategieรซn en campagneconcepten voor individuen, op basis van de technieken van de grondleggers van de PR, in een uiterst alternatief, modern jasje.

  • D.O.C.I.S. International: Auteur, onderzoeker, (PR) strateeg en webdeveloper (zelfstandige)

juli 2018 โ€“ heden

Het ontwikkelen van een onderzoeksproject met toekomstige bestuursuitbreiding, aansluitend op mijn langetermijndoel, door middel van een invulverhalenserie (om zo te beginnen met een consumentenonderzoek dat uiteindelijk aanduidt aan welke eisen de internationale gemeenschap wil dat een revolutionair politiek-economisch systeem voldoet). Dit concept is echter nog niet officieel aan de man gebracht en dient op dit moment meer als een hobby waarmee ik ook een zakcentje verdien.

  • ANWB: Telefonisch hulpverlener

augustus 2018 โ€“ september 2018

Zomerkracht op de afdeling gespecialiseerd in de internationale voorziening van huurautoโ€™s voor mensen die pech hebben gehad onderweg, maar toch hun vakantie willen voortzetten.

Overige (Informele) Ervaring

  • Ervaring met koken

Ik sta al van jongs af aan in de keuken, ken veel diverse kooktechnieken en smaakcombinaties uit keukens uit vele verschillende landen (met name Suriname, Nederland, Italiรซ, Frankrijk en India), ontwikkel zeer regelmatig mijn eigen recepten (want ik hou van gevarieerd eten) en kook ook regelmatig driegangendiners voor groepen van 5 tot 10 mensen.

  • Ervaring met lesgeven

Over lesgeven (en spreken voor publiek) ben ik zeer gepassioneerd. Ik heb in veel verschillende disciplines (bij)les gegeven, waaronder: wiskunde, economie, PWSsen schrijven, piano spelen, vechttechnieken, basketbaltechnieken, koken, Engels, Nederlands en omgaan met telefoons en computers.

  • Ervaring als model

Van kleins af aan doe ik af en toe modellenwerk op aanvraag of voor eigen bedrijfsdoeleinden.

  • Ervaring als actrice/figurant
    • Acteren vind ik ook ontzettend leuk. Ik heb hier een beetje ervaring mee (door school, dansoptredens en sketches met mede hobby video sketch makers.)

Publicaties

Boeken

ISBN: 9789082936803

Gepubliceerd op 24 september 2018

Een heruitgave van episodes over mijn onderzoeksproject en science-fiction verhaal die ik eerder had gepubliceerd, maar later van het internet af had gehaald in verband met de controverse achter het publiceren van mijn persoonlijke verhaal in het verhaal en het risico dat dat kon zijn voor een baangarantie.

ISBN: 9789082936810

Gepubliceerd op 30 september 2018

Een introductie van het invulverhaal en de onderzoeksmethode achter het invulverhaal, waarin de lezer de protagonist is en de ingevulde informatie zal worden gebruikt voor het zoeken naar โ€œThe Universal Standard of Human Reasoningโ€, die nodig is voor het vinden van een politiek-economisch consensus.

ISBN: 9789082936834

Gepubliceerd op 30 november 2018

Een uitweiding van het invulverhaal, met als thema de (bedrijfs)filosofie en strategische uitdagingen binnen het onderzoeksconcept, gecombineerd met een vroege poging tot ledenwerving.

ISBN: 9789082936896

Gepubliceerd op 30 januari 2019

Een lang essay over een non-cijfermatig algoritme voor levensverbetering en de toepassing hiervan.

ISBN: 9789082936889

Gepubliceerd op 30 maart 2019

De onthulling van de spanningslagen uit het eerste boek van het invulverhaal en de laatste invulvragen die samen de hypothese van The Universal Standard of Human Reasoning vormen.

Long-read Artikelen

Publicatiedatum: 28 februari 2019

Dit is deel 1 van de artikelenserie die gaat over de macro-economische gedachte achter de organisatie die ik wil starten en over de economische hervorming van Keynes.

Publicatiedatum: 15 april 2019

Deel 2 van de serie over macro-economie in de context van mijn (hopelijk) toekomstig bedrijf, gaat in op hedendaagse voorbeelden van marktfalen en de (zelf ontwikkelde) wiskundige basismodellen achter mijn idee van duurzame hervorming.

Karaktereigenschappen

Positief Negatief
Communicatief sterk Soms verlegen
Doortastend empathisch vermogen (Vrijetijds)workaholic wat betreft auteurschap en onderzoek
Leert snel Gebruikt soms complexe woordkeuzes en zinsconstructies
Initiatiefnemer

ย 

Hobbyโ€™s

In mijn vrije tijd dans ik graag. In het verleden heb ik ballet (3-4 jaar), streetdance (12 โ€“ 14 jaar) en hip-hop (16 jaar) danslessen gevolgd. Ik heb vroeger ook judo (4 tot 8 jaar), penรงak silat (6 tot 12 jaar) en tennislessen (3 jaar eventjes en toen 10 tot 12 jaar) gevolgd. Vanaf mijn veertiende tot mijn achttiende speelde ik voor Rotterdam Basketbal. Sinds mijn negende speel ik piano.

Tekenen (en schilderen en beeldhouwen) doe ik met slecht weer met plezier. Fotograferen doe ik ook heel graag. Vooral wanneer ik reis, wat ik ook erg vaak met vol enthousiasme doe. Ik ben in Nederland (Amsterdam, Texel, Ameland, Hoenderloo, Maastricht, Enschede, en nog een paar steden), Duitsland (Berlijn, Stuttgart, Mรผnchen, Dรผsseldorf, Trier, Wiesbaden en Meerbusch), Frankrijk (Parijs en diverse delen van Normandiรซ), Belgiรซ (diverse plaatsen in de Ardennen en Antwerpen), Engeland (Newcastle), Ierland (Dublin), Suriname (Paramaribo en twee plaatsen in โ€œde binnenlandenโ€), de Bahamaโ€™s (Nassau), Spanje (Ibiza), Italiรซ (Rome, Udine, Verona, Venetiรซ en Brugnera), Turkije (Marmaris en Alanya), Griekenland (Kreta) en de Verenigde Staten (Miami, FL; Baltimore, MA) op vakantie geweest, gedurende mijn hele leven, en zou graag nog veel meer van de wereld willen zien.

Verder lees ik ook graag informatieve klassiekers (zo kom ik bijvoorbeeld aan mijn PR basiskennis), ben ik bekend met programmeren met Visual Basic (en heb ik ook ervaring met programmeren voor Android, Java (in het algemeen) en C# (voor Unity)), kan ik Access databases bouwen (zo heb ik mijn eigen boekhoudsysteem gemaakt, voor mijn persoonlijke administratie), beheers ik HTML en CSS, spreek ik vloeiend Engels (en kan ik een beetje Frans spreken (en het bijna vloeiend verstaan (als het niet te snel en geen gebroken Frans/straattaal is)), Sranan Tongo kan ik redelijk verstaan, Duits kan ik redelijk spreken en vrijwel vloeiend verstaan), maak ik soms beats met Reason Lite, ga ik regelmatig naar de sportschool (voor krachttraining), houd ik van (neo-soul/rap/hip-hop/jazz/klassiek/R&B) muziek luisteren, fietsen en sprinten, ben ik de laatste tijd een beetje Italiaans aan het leren, en โ€“ last but not least โ€“ schrijf ik heeeeel veeel (voor mijn persoonlijke blog LilFangs.com ๐Ÿ™‚ ).


If you are interested in becoming part of D.O.C.I.S. International, please read my Business Overture ๐Ÿ™‚

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