13:00 (01:00 PM)
Good afternoon ♥
I’m happy to be a part of the loving family I’m staying right now.
I had uploaded such a long Monday, December 10, 2018 post already, but somehow I keep losing data. It’s probably some bot that keeps messing with what I upload. Ah, grrrr. I can’t wait to say fuck this website and switch to printed works and privately owned platforms, while making real life changes with you. I’m not earning from this anyway. I touched on so many different topics, in the article that just vanished from my list of articles, I’m so not in the mood to break down all of this frustrating shit again, because it takes so much time, that I can’t do much else in a day if I were to break it all down again.
Where’s my B? 🙁 [Adopt me pls¿ Who doesn’t want a 22-year-old “human pet” 😀 (As in that I’m often cuddly and sleepy once I get fully comfortable haha).] He’s one of the few people who knows my true potential. He gave me some hope, when I decided to choose the path of more free time to work on personal concepts and quit my studies, when he said that it’s really possible for me to make it without a degree. Only now, I see that it is possible, but I need more support from people from his level (leaders), because those who follow instead of lead, listen to authorities, and I’m not treated like an authority, because I don’t have a title. The certificates I’ve obtained without attending any classes indicate that I can – of fucking course, because failing is a time related choice to me – handle the academic standard.
Because of this type of tunnelvision on causality, so many people already have their negative judgment ready about my business, while I haven’t even got started yet. [Examples of what I mean by this form of tunnelvision are: “If you defend yourself, you must have something to hide,” or “If you pitch something abstract to me, you must want to take advantage of me.” I’m trying to show you that I’m an exception. If you believe me and I succeed, it’s more than win-win for the both of us.] On the one hand, I want to convince these people that I really am a good person. On the other hand, it might be better to not sweat myself over them, because I wouldn’t recruit a hater with no respect anyway. There are so many fishes in the sea.
Something crucial I mentioned in the vanished post is another pro-myself-please-be-my-Cuddle-argument in the me vs “my parents” debate in which they say I’m the worst and most schizophrenic child ever, is this: “My parents” don’t have anything they can get publicity with the way I do and intend to. So I believe that when they reported me missing and were asked questions about when they last saw me, they tried to make themselves look good, because my vanishing is their only “claim to fame”. This while I was trying to distance myself from them. And I didn’t want to talk to anyone else. [Most people are very holy believers of “family first”. They always tell me that I need to spend time with my parents, because they love me and shit. Why the fuck do they yell at me for no reason so often, then?] In their police statement, they said that I left the house in a confused state and “that I had gone catatonic”. HOW COULD THEY DO THAT TO ME WHILE I OWNED A PR BUSINESS :'(. It’s really not true :'(. They didn’t mention that I wasn’t catatonic but just shunning them, because they were screaming at me out of anger, because I kept saying that Benoît was going to save me from them, and at some point I was getting tired of trying to reason with them. I always need to “deliver a statement” before I can leave the house, so if I were really confused, they wouldn’t have fucking let me leave. I stayed away, because I was trying to save myself from their traumatizing parental measures. But of course they didn’t say that in their statement that went viral. My career :'(.
I feel so futloos (24/7… You can see it in my writing, too… I need a doctor 🙁 ), but I want be useful and productive all of the time…
Oh semi-nevermind @ losing the article again. It’s still just the messing around with the dates. I changed it back to today, but all of these things are triggers for my cropped up anger I’m trying to keep to myself/to my public online private space.
Ah meoww all of my clothes are dirty. I want to earn new ones, because I don’t feel sexy in them¿
15:28 (03:28 PM)
Haha kutzooi…. x_x. Bad luck Fangs is back at itt. I just called the tax office hotline and I thought that – because of what I was told when I called last time – they could send me my credentials per mail. But it goes per post and it can take up to 10 business days and it’s two letters!
“The funniest thing” is that D.O.C.I.S. International doesn’t even have a bank account yet. [Please let it be “yet”… *Looks at you with Cuddle eyes*] I only registered it because I make an unhealthy amount of hours writing and strategizing, so I find that I may call this my registered occupation. I pay my business expenses from my personal account. That was why I was so shocked by having to pay more than €5000 tax.
I still have Elia PR’s bank account, but I’ve never had a paying client there (either). Having that account costs me €12,50 per month, but I can’t unsubscribe it, because it will make me feel too much grief. Elia PR was my first business baby :'(. I’ll burst into tears when I unsubscribe the bank account and I still haven’t earned with my new business either, and the person at the bank who might witness that, might be the jealous type and find my failure satisfying, and then I might get a PTSS fit of anger.
So now that it’s hardly possible for me to save myself from the severe consequences of the tax system, I’m petty :D. At least I now still don’t have to dig into my depressing numbers :D. I’m just going into full ragdoll mode, I think. I’m all bluf. I don’t even have a lawyer haha. I needed to have filed my bezwaarschrift/nieuwe aangifte by tomorrow. They also send the new credentials only to my parents’ house, because I’m registered there. How tf am I ever going to get that letter, if I’m trying to be persistent in keeping my distance from my parents?
I know the fiod must be watching us. And because of my “success” in terms of audience, they might see me as the fraudulent one – an insult to my peace mentality, but a compliment to the work I do – but it’s really not me. The laptop I’m using was a birthday present from like 4 years ago, I received from “my father”, and simultaneously he obliged me to – since I was his unregistered bookkeeping assistant [FUCKING €160 PER MONTH OH MY GOD WAT EEN AFZETTERIJ… Maar mijn beste alternatief, aangezien ik begon op mijn zestiende, en ik daarmee het meest verdiende… Ik betaalde er mijn telefoon abonnement enzo van…], to earn my pocket money – report the purchase of the laptop as a business expense and because of that he got 21% tax back over the purchase, while it wasn’t a business expense. I’m not the main fraud, but very unfortunately, I’m the witness involved because of my basic needs.
I’m going to buy some groceries and re-explore the neighborhood. I came here very often, when I was littler :D.
17:35 (05:35 PM)
I felt so naked without a notebook. So I bought a new one :D.