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Craving Comfort [Sunday, June 23, 2019]

Good evening ♥

I hope you’re having a nice weekend. Especially because I’m enjoying mine less than I want to. (And when it comes to my mind working overtime always, I don’t experience “weekend”.) On the one hand, I don’t want you to feel how I feel, because the feeling is awful. But on the other hand, if you feel the same, I am not alone in this feeling and our embrace will feel sooo goood 😙 . That’s the reason why this diary is public. It’s my only escape from here. If you anticipate on what I tell you, life will become better for the both of us. The life that suits me is nothing like what I’m currently experiencing. The same goes for you.

But if you want to read something uplifting, don’t read this… If you’re depressed as fuck, like me, you’ll find much recognizable things here.

Einzelgänger

I ended up still testing out my new workout shoes, yesterday.

I really appreciate the basketball court/soccer field right behind my house, when it comes to that. And my new shoes feel great for all sports purposes, and run much more comfortable than my old basketball shoes. I can’t show you how I run or anything, though, because I’m always by myself. (Plus, I wouldn’t know if I’d ask someone to film for me, if that person prefers me to look bad or to look good. I hate to be disappointed… (You really don’t want to end up on my “Who to kill” list.))


[Never being proud of myself is another symptom of my scapegoatness. It’s hearable in that video. And everything else I do basically. I need Cishes meow 🙁 .]
Doing so many things I used to do with other people, now by myself for over two years, makes me feel a strange form of grief along with everything I do. [Because I’ve been feeling grief for so long already, mourning does not add much to that anymore. A little less, every day.] Not because I miss the people I used to spend time with. On the contrary. I’m alive for over 22 years and have still never found a person who really is like me, with whom I can spend time. I need someone who feels the same about life as I do. Because I’ve been a scapegoat all my life, genuine mutual judgment is one of my most serious needs.

Craving Comfort

The comfort I seek is not satisfied by just anyone’s attention. I feel people want attention from me, so that they can tell other people how their interaction with me was. More often negatively. Though this is not that obvious, I’m a familiar face, after all. It’s why I tend to avoid most people. Also one of the many reasons why I don’t pick up the phone.


Ahaha and look who is a contact in my phone 😢 #LonelyCatje


And especially after that anonymous call [I really doubt if that was real HR], I detest phone conversations. My trust issues deservedly become worse every day.

I must say that receiving attention from me is a privilege. And currently, the wrong people are getting that. Think of all of these lonely Graeynissis who have the weight of the world on their shoulders, who I could be helping out 🙁 . I could give you a second youth, my meowww.

Meanwhile the way I am open about how I feel about sex and relationships is mistaken for me wanting sex from people who are not an asset to my life? I want to become entitled to say what may and may not happen on every piece of land in this world (sort of by any means possible, but I don’t want new traumas).

I’m so sick and tired of this dumb society, this ugly house, this uncomfortable bed, my fucked up clothing and these blog post in which I’m trying to figuratively shake you back and forth and tell you: “PUBLICLY ACKNOWLEDGE ME AS YOUR PROPHET. WHETHER YOU BELIEVE IT OR NOT, YOU KNOW THAT WE’RE MUCH BETTER OFF TOGETHER. AND I DON’T MEAN BEING ONLINE TOGETHER. I MEAN THAT WE WILL BE HIGH-FIVING AND HUGGING EACH OTHER EVERY TIME WE HAVE REBUILT A PART OF THE WORLD AND REPLACED IT WITH SOMETHING SOOOO MUCH BETTER. NOT FEELING ANYTHING ABOUT FULLY DESTROYING THIS PLACE AT FIRST AT ALL. EVERYTHING IS A TRAUMA TO ME (EVEN INCLUDING CERTAIN WORDS) HELP ME GET RID OF MY SUICIDAL THOUGHTS PLEASEEEEEEEEE.”

I was taken over by that feeling of wanting to destroy everything again (something that has to happen anyway man these fucking old shitty buildings will collapse anyway), after I blocked someone after he unblocked me to again tell me that he wants nothing to do with me. Leave my heart alone, you sexy tall trapped in cultural prison cute individual 😢 . I hadn’t had a conversation that made me feel so good (before we blocked each other), in such a long time 😢 . Also sucks that it was online.

When I’m hurt like that, I want to scream in the loudest way possible. So I took it to Twitter, in my native language:


“The internet is playing games with my heart 😢 . As if real life hasn’t been doing that enough 😢 .”


“Most of you can go to hell.” Referring to those who hurt me because it is their demonic personality. Slightly insulting me and then making me crave their approval. If they die, I won’t need their approval anymore 🙂 .


“Who can’t go to hell? I don’t know? Who hasn’t hurt me? Currently, it’s more “Who can I still forgive?”


“At some point the individual and collective measure are full.” I’m so done with all of you playing games with my heart. Just be open to me. I hate being treated like a fucking alien to aliens. ALIEN TO ALIENS. ALIENSSSSS. ACKNOWLEDGE MEEEEEEE.


“Every time I say “save me”, I mean that I should be deported from the house I live in. These are far from normal living circumstances, I have tachycardia and an aortic insufficiency, I am an unplanned child raised by old children ( = my parents), I’m a destroying-the-system-a-holic.”


“The “greatness” of my identity on the web and my identity in real life, unmatch so severely. Preferably, I wouldn’t even show you my surroundings, because I am so ashamed of them.” Look at my featured image meowwww.

This could have been us but you playin’ meowww. This image is made by Roberto Nickson.

Et cetera. Please follow me on Twitter, by clicking here and then clicking “follow”, my Graeyniss 🙂 .

Example Sentences

I find entertainment in improving my English. And I love reading example sentences and acting as if it is someone who knows me so very well, comforting me. Now, via a Twitter friend [@cam14uche], I’ve found a good vocabulary builder.

I love making example sentences myself, too. Here are some. Some are from my response to his vocabulary builder tweet, some I made on the spot. I’d love to do this for an online dictionary. (Or my online dictionary? 😀 Let’s all fuse 😀 .)

His ANECDOTAL way of lecturing was very intriguing.

Any PECCADILLO should be addressed, to make sure that no one is stuck with an unnecessary sense of guilt.

They asked for her passport to ADDUCE her identity.

Many members of the organization practiced CHICANERY to increase the sales of their bad quality products.

Innocent GUILE was used to surprise you with a much more enjoyable fate.

If the Netherlands flood, that means that all property on its soil will be DEBASED.

Years of continuous scapegoating has turned her into an insecure NAYSAYER.

The Nosce Te Ipsum survey is used to EXTRAPOLATE The Universal Standard of Human Reasoning.

We are PROFUSE in the way we share our content.

Her SCRUTINY makes her only see room for improvement in everything and makes her enjoy life less.

Those who pretend to do everything by the book speak of themselves as honest and REPROBATE creative minds who want to show an alternative perspective in an alternative way.

The FOOLHARDY decision making of many, can seriously damage our environment.

The HAPLESS will become fortunate.

ASPERITY has become the current standard in society.

My projects will SATIATE every single one of your needs.

Though we were born miles apart, we are CONSANGUINEOUS.

Intelligence is CONGENITAL.

To lie about someone else is so very JEJUNE.

Acrobatic dancing and fireworks sealed the GNARLY performance.

The Nieuwe Maas BIFURCATES into the Hollandse IJssel, the Lek and the Noord.

Natural brain-to-brain communication is a PRODIGIOUS event.

The crowd acting demonic towards is us an ANOMALY.

Those who disrespect The Fangs will be DEFENESTRATED.

Those who PLAGIARIZE should be punished more severely.

The NEXUS between why he has a Nexus One and drives a Lexus, are linked to his orientation.

There will be a save haven for those who are positively ATYPICAL.

The Dutch Golden Age is considered a HALCYON for some.

I was pleased by his PERSPICACIOUS notions.

To unveil the hidden nexus between our economic, legal and political system, we will make a FORAY.

I was NONPLUSSED when Victishe started a conversation with me. [And then I spent too much time overthinking my response and behaved inappropriately 🙁 . I want Cishes sooo badly fain gladly 😻 .]

4 minutes until publishing moment lol.

I reached Canada last night :D. I reallyyyyy wonder howwww???

& today’s before 9 yays

Good month. Though I wish to see all-red… And then organize a party 😀 .

I’ll be back here tomorrow at 9 PM Amsterdam time. And I’m tired of faking post view ay.

Ciao ♥

Images, Media, Online Diary, Popular Posts

Awesome Turbulence [Saturday, June 22, 2019]

Good evening ♥

If you’re a frequent visitor, you must notice a much needed difference: the front page now has full posts on it, instead of excerpts. I considered my posts too long to be shown in full on the front page. But the excerpts of 40 words were just the first 40 words of my posts. I think full posts on the front page make it more attractive to read what I write here daily.

My content is quite radical, so it feels like a big step having everything visible on the front page. But I love the thrill of that already 😻 .

Today’s content is written differently than the last few days, because of that. I’m back to writing posts, instead of statuses, but will unveil another layer of what I’m hiding. The layered personality that I am.

Trippy Nightmare

I fell into a very deep sleep after laking last night. The nightmare I had in it has taught me some interesting lessons. I would love to share it with you, which is why I made a note about it on my phone right after waking up from it, which is what you are reading now. The very short story has reminded me how I should look at the relationships I have with the people in my circle. (That I am still telling myself to hold on to too much, here.)

I was at a cosy Dutch bar with my ex, during daytime. Everything was going all right until I locked eyes with the man who was standing behind the bar.
Usually, my ex wasn’t really the type of person who expressed the jealousy he felt, but this time, he said: “Don’t look at him.”
“It’s just looking? I don’t mind when you look at other people either.”
“I love you and I don’t want you looking at other guys.”
This led to a discussion that made me break up with him on the spot, raising my voice at him. I left the bar.

The scene changed to this combination of a ’60’s style Dutch neighborhood in combination with a desert. I was visiting Wytze there (someone around whom I always sensed serious sexual tension (but considered myself too old, in his case), and who I, like many other people, haven’t seen in a very long time). We were walking around “his neighborhood” and he told me that his family was having trouble with their family business. I gave him some advice and realized that I had missed him so much (my body sensed that I feel the same in real life (not that they had a family business when we were hanging out frequently)).

All of a sudden, the all-sand dunes we were walking through became very steep. I tumbled down, rolling over my sides very fast. The surface became steeper and steeper. I lost Wytze out of sight.

At some point I was falling down straight so much faster than I should, as if I had a weight stuck to me. The sand surface became red flames and I thought that I was going to die.
I saw the face of the handsome man who was standing behind the bar, in front of the flames as a background. My surroundings changed to that of a smoothie bar.

I ordered a huge smoothie from him (he used two gigantic mixers to make it 😂 ). We started talking, there, and were having a romantic conversation very soon already. At some point I got behind the bar and kissed him and we declared our love for each other.

In the smoothie bar, we prepared dinner for my family. It was such a random dish 😂 . In my dream, it was a “traditional” recipe, but in reality I have never seen it before.
We were cutting this crazy large amount of vegetables that looked like something in between red coal and a radish, colored deep purple, skinned and grated potatoes and more effort. Then boiled everything with the skin and stem all together, drained it and put cocktail umbrellas in it, to then spend hours separating that what isn’t edible from that what’s edible, putting everything in “stew pan” shaped bags. There were a big bag and a small bag of edible dinner, and five bags of non-edible residu, including the cocktail umbrellas.

We met my family outside, in Kralingse Veer, very close to the spot where my ex (in real life) started to attack a man who was walking his dog. On a bicycle path near a restaurant. It’s close to the Sikh temple there. I introduced them to my new boyfriend and noticed the collective feelings of hate against the both of us, underneath their façade.

I got in an unnecessary fight with my sister, when she opened verbal fire on me out of nowhere, saying: “First of all, you purposely offended Kris by not waiting until he had arrived.” I became so fucking angry from the amount of bullshit in the accusation itself already.
When I was done screaming back and forth with her, my mother came with her unnecessarily sentimental parental expressions, saying: “You are making your sister feel very bad, with your words. You’re making the entire family feel bad.” We were still standing there. Outside, in Kralingse Veer.
And then, before “my father” could add even more shit to that, I said: “YOU KNOW WHAT? DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL YOU FUCKING DUMB INSANE (…)”, handed them the bags of “edible” food and left, to never return.

I woke up still feeling so much anger, realizing that most of the anger I feel about past events is still cropped up. I wonder if I have screamed in my sleep, because I woke up with my lungs feeling all emptied out.

FreeWriting

Ah meoww I love that I can now add text to this post during the day and be more certain that you’ll see it, because this goes straight to the home page.

I was at the gym, earlier today:

There’s something I need to vent so bad. He says he hates my blog and never looks on it (my mother also said that she never reads it, but still she called phsysician because of what I wrote in Highlights).

So I assume that I can tell you this in confidence…

Scapegoat me was tasked with making surprise party invitations. I postponed it for quite a while, thinking of how to go about this. I couldn’t think of any sentimental words for on it – especially because I don’t even want to party. And I thought of using an old picture, but simultaneously placing an old picture on it feels mourning card-ish. But while doing my hair, two days ago…

Being short on extensions at some point

So wearing my hair like that to go to the hair shop next day

I decided to look for a JPEG/PNG template for it. That’s how I ended up at Canva and created this:

That address on there is also my company address and that you already know, so yay don’t have to hide that

Sending it to my mother for approval. Then made it this:

Yehess

So if he doesn’t lie to me about never visiting my blog, I can just share this on here and he won’t know. If he does visit it, and if my mother does visit it, too, they are browsing anonymously. Beetje jammer dat.

Anyway, I feel like I have played my part. I don’t even want to attend. But I have no money (especially not after buying much needed new shoes today), so where on earth can I go?
I’ve been searching some things about dysfunctional families the other day. On Wikihow I read that bringing a +1 to family events can make it endurable. I would so love that (Victishe 😻 haha). I had a hard time at my sister’s birthday already. But this is even more serious. I have no tolerance for insulting jokes and answering the question “What do you do for a living now?” at least 20 times. I really need someone to be there with me (and back me up in case I can’t hold the peace anymore and open verbal fire). But the person I bring along has to be someone I can level with, of a certain status, for the most comfortable result… I am, after all, the one who always says that she is working towards greatness, but still lives at her parents’ house, so they then tell me that what I want to do is impossible and the world will forever stay a shit place. I don’t want to endure that again Lord please save meeeeeeee.

Most of the “family” attending the party is not even family, so you’re, if you ask me, so very welcome. Honestly, if I had money, I would have organized plenty of events for us already. To me, YOU are family, if you feel what I write. It would be satisfying to me to Project X the place, but we do need to behave and be present at 4:30 PM, to have the surprise moment at 5 PM and be very quiet about it � .

My birthdays the past two years were traumatic, so I really don’t want to be partying with that crowd again. With the fake smiles and repetitiously telling me that it is important that I put my family first. My family is screwing me over, so I want to distance myself from them. I encourage the youth to do the same. I have no money, but there will be a private chef with a green egg (barbecue) present at the “surprise barbecue”. I celebrated my 21st birthday in a mental institution, all by myself (for most of it). I received cards with no money in it (that is serious fam).

I want outttttt.

Killing time

I hope my B would like to be one of the first to help me into the right direction for Project Nosce Te Ipsum and all the greatness that will follow from that success. He is my only reachable contact – without HR staff harassing me – who is intelligent, Graeyniss and of a certain status. All I can do is wait for his response… So I’m killing time, trying to keep myself entertained, finding an enjoyable reason to go outside as often as I can. Until my greatness is acknowledged… 🙊 That – and my slight weight gain 🙁 – was the reason why I went to the gym today. I went to the city center after going to the gym:


Part of me wants to shoot some hoops… Part of me wants to go to sleep… #Fangyism

Not long after I came home, my parents came home as well and brought along takeout dinner:

I really need to chill with hungry tall people, because I need to eat more frequently. Instead of huge portions infrequently. I think that is much better for my weight 😏 . Now I attempt to feed myself by being creative with whatever I find:

Legs need waxing x_x. But broke x_x.

Positive Yays

I feel a lot better now that I’m making new friends and meeting such lovely people ♥ . I’ve been so lonely these past two years 🙁 . Even though life hasn’t been an enjoyable experience for me for years, and it is still not optimal, I finally see that things are starting to play out my in my way.

I hope this can be sealed by making June a better month than May.

Thank you for reading his 🙂 .

I hope to see you here again, tomorrow. And I hope that you won’t visit this website incognito (anymore)… Please don’t hide from me ♥ .

Tot morgen 🙂 ♥

The featured image is made by Sebastiaan Stam

Nosce Te Ipsum, Online Diary, Popular Posts

Propagandist Euphoria

Good evening ♥

What are your entertainment needs? I hope I have found a way to satisfy them 😀 . The positive propaganda I’m working on is giving me the most intense sensation of Propagandist Euphoria I’ve ever felt 😻 .

Lil Epiphany

Last night, I mentioned that I would like to publish new books and essays. The truth is that I want to release material that shows alternative perspectives on life alternatively, and to gain enthusiasm for a new way to govern life: the Fangyist system.

Before I fell asleep last night, I thought of this:

Instead of publishing completely new books and essays – still built around the same mission – it would be much more effective to put the screenplay I wrote for Nosce Te Ipsum into practice. By spreading the message via a professional collection of videos, the goal of D.O.C.I.S. International is much easier to understand. And it’s much easier to be enthusiastic about as well, if I manage to create the best documentary, mini-series and movie you will ever have seen 🙂 .

I’ve gained a lot more Propagandist experience since I started to write it, so I’m going to make some changes to the actual content of the screenplay. I started to write it when I was put under psychiatric surveillance, back in 2017, because a successful screenplay could be my vindication. Now I find showing unique perspectives on life and altering the system more important than clearing my name. You’re free to judge me in any way you want to. The construction of Project Nosce Te Ipsum is, however, about the same as it was when I started to create the concept:

Project Nosce Te Ipsum schematic overview

Sharing the general construction with you is part of the plan, because it will make it much easier to understand the end result. [Click to enlarge it.]

More Details about the General Overview

Project Nosce Te Ipsum consists of the following core elements:

  • A Research Project
    “The Universal Standard of Human Reasoning”, about similarities and differences in the perception of creation (in the context of life philosophy), society (about types of government and group behavior), the self and love.
  • A Book Series
    Called Nosce Te Ipsum I. The first book of that series “Creation” (consisting of The Unpublished Episodes, The U.S.H.R., D.O.C.I.S. and The Hypothesis) is already published, but wasn’t much of a hit. Part of the docuseries is about searching ways to make the book series more appreciated. After all, it is about the survey that is in the science fiction story, needed to find The U.S.H.R.. The second, third and fourth book are titled Society, The Self and Love.
  • A Screenplay
    The screenplay consists of three components:
    1. The Docuseries
      This is the informative part of the project. I intend to show how the world works in the way that is not shown in education books, about the deep-state and beyond. I hope to be able to meet many influential people within the system in person for this, and hope that they will share their perspective on life with me. By learning how the world really works, I could also find out how transitioning to the Fangyist system is possible, and under what criteria it could become generally accepted.
    2. The Cinematic Survey
      Nosce Te Ipsum I its fill-in-the-gap science fiction story in movie format is “The Cinematic Survey”. Episodes that pause sometimes, then a question shows and your answer determines the story progress. “Creation” includes an introduction of this, which could be released during the early episodes of the docuseries, giving everyone an impression of how the research project works (since I need votes to continue writing the story [@ The Hypothesis]).
    3. The Movie Conclusion
      After the entire Universal Standard of Human Reasoning has been surveyed in The Cinematic Survey, the algorithm determines how the Nosce Te Ipsum fill-in-the-gap story ends. That means that everyone who participates in Project Nosce Te Ipsum, by participating in the research project, has an (indirect) say in how the movie goes. It is the conclusion of the Nosce Te Ipsum story and the conclusion of the research project.

Just the thought of this concept in practice already excites me so much! Especially if I could score interviews with a very broad range of influential people: presidents, business leaders, artists… Of course also “regular citizens”, including young children. I would love to hear their answers to the questions in the Nosce Te Ipsum survey for The Universal Standard of Human Reasoning, and more 😀 . Hoping that if they do it, other people will do the survey as well – since my aim is at least a million participants. I feel that we could get such interesting results! (And don’t let my title of “Propagandist” confuse you. I find it far more interesting, for this screenplay, to discover the truth, than to give the world a new direction in accordance with my vision.)

My level of enthusiasm is very high, but I’m facing two serious issues:

  • A buget? 🙁 I haven’t been able to find funding for anything, this far… But a budget for this project would also include the largest IT project ever… (I can then finally start establishing my web empire and won’t have to do all of this myself anymore 😻 .) I hope it can be funded by individuals who support the entire endeavor… (Instead of profit hungry organizations. I want to keep my independence…)
  • Getting anyone to say “yes” to doing an interview with me, and maybe also play a role in the movie/mini-series (even when he or she is not a professional actor/actress) [especially to put some weight on the satiric swag of the entire project. I do would love to see my favorite actors and actresses participate in this as well 🙂 ] ……..

Back in 2017, before all of the drama stuff happened, I was hoping to get dr. B.S.Y. Crutzen enthusiastic about this, and that he could help me with the research and play a role in the screenplay (because I love his charisma 🙂 ). He is currently my only Graeyniss contact, so I hope he will be interested in working with me (after everything that happened…). With his endorsement, other people might want to play a role in this, sooner 🙂 .

So, change of plans 1000001 (in this diary lol): I am going to send dr. B the concept of the screenplay written out and hope that he is interested in doing this with me. (Showing the entire making-off process I would love to look back at 🙂 . It would be a great addition to this blog! 😀 )

I’ll work out the screenplay concept more detailed and share it with you, here. And then send it to him and let you know what he thinks of joining the band wagon. (Maybe he already knows I’ll ask him this. I hope you like it 😀 .)

I hope we’ll see this piece of propagandist euphoria in practice 😀 . You’ll see the concept written out, here. Tomorrow: same time, same place 🙂 .

Blog, Ex Animo, Explicit Content, Images, Online Diary, Popular Posts

CastleFangs 🏰 [Sunday, June 16, 2019]

14:08 (02:08 PM)

Good afternoon ♥

Thoughtful?

My night was good. My morning was chill. Had some left over salad for breakfast. There’s not much else I consider edible in the house. If I had money, yes, I would have purchased a gift and made a fresh breakfast (and if the thought of this family didn’t cause so much heartache, too). It’s not nice being so non-thoughtful. Same went for Mother’s Day. But my mother is going to buy some whiskey or another type of alcoholic beverage, on behalf of all of us. Makes me feel a little less worse.

How’s your day? Do you have special Father’s Day plans?

Honestly, I think it’s time that we stop this global routine we live. For many, commercialized holidays, such as Christmas, Valentine’s Day and today, bring along many traumatic memories. Traumatic memories that are suppressed, because it’s often not understood, and sentimental joyfulness is always the way we are encouraged on days like these even more. I hope you weren’t expecting any sentimental expressions of love, about this commercialized day.

If I’m Correct?

Is it correct that I was found on Father’s Day, in 2017, when I had gone missing? I’m not certain, but I remember wanting to sell ties for Father’s Day, before my parents put me under surveillance after a fight. And then I was too busy and depressed from suddenly having to spend so much time getting away from the surveillance I did not want to be under.

When I ran away from home, it was my intention to never come back. I didn’t know that I was reported missing. I was (and am still) working on breaking contact for good, and that means that on sentimental days like these, too, I will be gone. But for PR purposes, it is catastrophic to have gone missing for such a short amount of days, and then being found on Father’s Day.

Again: I didn’t know that I was reported missing, when I was missing. Otherwise, it would never have happened. I don’t want that type of attention ever. Even if I were missing for real, I prefer no one to even fucking know. I had said multiple times that I didn’t want to be under surveillance. They still kept forcing that upon me, so then it shouldn’t have been found weird that it was my intention to never return. I don’t know all of the nonsense that has been said about me, but it makes it sound as if I want his attention, while my wish is the exact opposite. I just want to be seen as someone who is not mentally unstable and want to receive financial support and will find that elsewhere, somehow. Or kill myself, the way I planned to, before I was found. Fucking insane flehs attempting to destroy my slight sense of pride, because I’m intelligent. They’re not even in my peripheral…

Later Castle Chillings

My clothing represents how I feel. Though it doesn’t fit me the way it should, in size, I feel very comfortable, because most of my other clothing fits worse:

I was wrapping my edges haha

Yahaaay I love turtle necks 🙂 . It looks okay for this occasion, right? CastleFangs 😀 .

Meoww I wonder what Victishe would look like wearing a turtle neck hihihi

In case it gets hottt

My sister is getting her hair done – plus haven’t seen her in a few days – so we’re waiting for her to come, and after that we’re going to Zeist. I’m hungry, my meow…

Hunger & Frustration

I’m going to put “Disrupting The Silent Pyramid” online here. Since no one is fucking buying it ughhh but I still want you to read the message because it’s fucking important, my meow 🙁 . Stupid old people thinking they know everything… You really need to let go of most formalities, because it is causing you to be taken advantage of. Is what I say in that €1100+ essay no one is looking at. I deserve compensation for my writing. This is entertainment 🙁 . Let me buy a fucking house mann every day I want to leave this life behind for good, but people just keep staring and thinking this is about sex it’s so fucking annoying.

My research results are depressing and the publisher’s portal I purchased a subscription for a while back, doesn’t work, so I, still, am barely motivated to finish my websites. I want to show fruitful results that show a positive image about society, and be able to publish books internationally. But now I think I’ll need to buy my own printing press? Ugh why the fuck does everything cost money 🙁 .

Grrr I’m going to put that essay online. I hope you’ll still donate something to me or something. I do not want to be part of this circle anymore. They already barely speak to me, so no one, including me, will give a fuck if I leave for good. Help me please 🙁 .

Excuse me for that fit of anger from hunger – can’t even buy the food I like – and frustration for not having a way to get the fuck out of this place for good. I’m not going to work my tachycardia to death, just to rent a fucking room. Why am I not respected for what I am doing here? 🙁 Do not answer that question if your answer is hateful.

~~~

15:58 (03:58 PM)

Vroom Vrooom

Disrupting The Silent Pyramid is online :). Pleaseeee read it!
We’re on our way ayyy. Currently picking up my sister at her boyfriend’s 🙂 .

Yaaaay now we’re one happy family 🙂 .

I wanted to upload some pictures, casually breaking some privacy rules, but my internet is slow 🙁 . I’ll find another way to upload them 🙂 .

~~~

23:33 (11:33 PM)

Back Home

You know the “happy family” is just a wish, right?

Meoww I’m tired 🙁 . Today was fun, though the event was very different from what I expected. I wish I could organize some events ayy… With a guest list…

I’ll tell you the rest of today’s story through pictures. Then drink some Henny (because Rooster & Wolf weren’t sold) and go to sleeeep.














Now I’m a tired Catje, wanting more Victishe Cishes day by day. Ah prrr I really wonder how his day was.

I hope you’ll read my essay and give me some Cishes, too, my meow.

Good nighttt ♥

xxx

Blog, Images, Online Diary, Popular Posts, Strategy, Videos

Reform Development Day 1 [Friday, June 14, 2019]

01:30 (AM)

Heyy ♥

I’m Vampin’, my meowww. Too excited to go to sleep. Once I get going, I don’t want to quit until it’s done. For the sake of keeping that up, today is Reform Development Day 1.

The video I recorded earlier is being converted to MPEG4, so that I can upload it to YouTube. And – this was a big step – I finished my contact page 🙂 . I hope the world will treat my contact information fairly…

I really hope you’ll reach out to me 🙂 .

The video conversion progress is now finished for 75%. It is now 02:02 (AM). In the meantime, I’ve answered some ASKfm questions.

As part of Reform Development Day – lol actually spontaneous coincidence because I was getting bored with those stupid “funny videos” and other nonsense anyway – I will delete my Facebook and Instagram account today, at 6 PM (UTC +01:00). I don’t know who has been reporting my blog on there, but I wonder why that hasn’t happened from the very beginning I created those accounts, then. Debatable death threats were on there and here from the very beginning. All text I tried to share on those networks, became blocked after I shared that voice recording (in which -> I <- was mistreated) again on Crisis Center Day 6. What I find the most scandalous about this incorrect treatment, is that they don’t even tell me why they are blocking my text and blog link(s). (Then I could much easier tell them that they are in the wrong for blocking me. Don’t forget: I might have websites, through which other people’s bad actions are stored and shared with the world, but the people I speak of are (mostly) anonymous, and in reality, it is still thousands against 1: against me. People forget that I have feelings, too. The reason why I have this blog, is because they have fucking hurt my feelings far too fucking often, and I have no one I can comfortably share this with in my circle.)

I, by the way, still also don’t know who the fuck put my book on Bol.com? I wonder how many people have read it… It’s soooooo fucking insane that it is on there and I don’t even get a fucking share of the fucking sales????? I’ll not spend it on fucking dumb things… I’m trying to constitute a new country here…

Meoww I’m going to empty and fill up the dish washer – is what I promised when I said that I’m not going to eat TV dinner but eat in my room. Then my video will be converted, I’ll share it with you here, as it is uploading to YouTube. Then we’ll all wake up to a video of me reading another post and this time even more clearly mention that I’m so deeply in love with Victor Geskes 😻 . (Hope I won’t receive another phone call from a very aggressive sounding, hissing female, if I write down his name here… 😏 )

Haha it was my intention to read yesterday’s post as well, and afterwards go into web development related things. But I ended up elaborating on the first time I spoke with him in sooo much detail ahahaha… And then told “our” story from that moment until what the fuck happened on Tuesday 😂 . I did end it with working on my contact page.

Lol meanwhile it’s 02:54 and I’ll do the dishes after having slept. I’ll also write a caption after I’ve slept, but will still upload and publish this video now, because you really need to see it! 😻

I’m going to sleeep. Good night ♥

My video will be available here ayyy

~ xxx ~

18:24 (06:24 PM)

I posted these pictures on my (other) social media yesteday:

🙁

Yess invest in me bitte.

Sooo un-cuddle 🙁

There’s no way I’ll ever go back there.

And I deleted my accounts just now. I love it when I stick to my words.

Right before going to sleep. I realized that today is Friday and I had another appointment scheduled with my case manager and the experience expert. Though my alarm went off at 10 AM and the appointment was at 11, I had a hard time getting up. Ended up leaving the house around 5 past 11, so I was there 11:20. It was very comfortable venting again. They ask very good questions.

I hope to receive a referral soon, so that I can get my second opinion at “The Therapist”. I hope to get rid of that schizophrenic/psychotic individual label soon 🙂 .

Now I’ll be writing the rest of the text for the D.O.C.I.S. International website. And I’ve also claimed my new web store domain and have given it a SSL certificate 🙂 . A long name is funny, because it’s “against the rules”: https://store.docis.international 😀 . I wanted to start adding my manuscripts to the database of het centraal boekhuis, but it’s unavailable 🙁 . I hope it will be working properly after the weekend. I need this money meowww 🙁 .


Againnnn ayy. I also took the best nap ever, there 🙂 .

So I’ll be writing it out with pen and paper first, because I spend too much time behind screens. It gives me dry eyes x_x.

Though we should all cut down on screen time, because it’s unnatural, I hope you’ll watch my YouTube videos, instead of watching a movie 🙂 .

I’ll probably write you again before I go to sleep. Enjoy the rest of your day ♥ .

~~~

22:57 (10:57 PM)

Meoow I ended up saying “Yes” to the reiterated question if I want to go along to the wholesale market (Makro). We ran into some family friends there 🙂 .

The dates (food lol) are amazing and so was the rib-eye! Meoow tomorrow I’m going to stuff some dates (food ahahaha) with soft goat cheese 😻 .

But I was already tired before this day started and now I still have so much to do 🙁 . (But what I do is not seen as a job here 🙁 . Yes, it does not pay well, but that’s just because I have no investors 🙁 . ) And I also need to re-twist my hair, because it’s becoming very frizzy. I want to make tighter twists, so that I can put it in a high ponytail on Sunday, when we’re going to a tasting event in a castle: Slot Zeist. I have nothing to wear, my meow 🙁 . I really need new clothing, but have 0 stacks 🙁 🙁 . Especially after today. First there was about €120 on my account. Now there’s only €1, because my stupid health care premium was deducted from my account 🙁 . I really hope my manuscripts will sell… 🙁 Even more, I hope that I’ll somehow find some Victishe-level Graeynissis who would like to do business with me…

And meooow being single sucks even more during the Summer season 😥 . This hot weather makes me want to kiss and go places… But I don’t have a fixed income, so I don’t feel comfortable spending money meowww 😿 .

I’m going to go to sleep, having dreams about Victishe… I wish we were together meoww 🙁 . Then I could also chill with my B 😋 . Haha helppp.

I would love to outsource all of the work that is exhausting me, by the way. But I still haven’t had any investors ever in my life 🙁 . Please be the first ♥ .

Goood nighttt ♥

~~~

Blog, Explicit Content, Images, Online Diary, Popular Posts

Back Online :) [Thursday, June 13, 2019]

09:35 (AM)

Good morning 🙂 ♥

I’m so glad to be back online, and I’m even more glad to find you here again 🙂 . It’s such a risk to lose (frequent) visitors, when going offline (unannounced) 🙁 .

One of the greatest down sides of not having a fixed income, is that it’s not guaranteed that there’s enough on my account, to pay my bills. But it’s fixed now and I’m even out of personal debit account debt 🙂 . So after paying my €25 hosting bill Tuesday night (so cheap because I’m the administrator myself), I’m back online now 🙂 .

To not be able to pay a bill of €25 is a truly heartbreaking feeling. I’m glad that I’m currently making financial progress that is better than it has ever been, without a fixed income. As in my best time, financially, was last Summer, with my guaranteed income, working as an aid, but now I’m starting to have better passive income prospects. Especially after what else happend on Tuesday, I will ne-ver work for a boss again! (In that way, I also have a lot more time to befriend Graeynissis 🙂 . (By “Graeynissis”, I mean intelligent, alternatively reasoning individuals. Not that fake subscriber account I made on the forum here, who is actually me, haha.))

This is a very good financial momentum, already being out of debt, because from today, I can sell my manuscripts to other publishers and book stores!!! 😀
And having my manuscripts in that database will also make it a lot easier for me to sell them through the D.O.C.I.S. store 🙂 .

And oh my goddd my meowww, so much has happend since my website went down! I’ll update you through anecdotes, tweets and pictures, but will do this after I’ve had breakfast and made a schedule of tasks for today. When I tell you, depends on how my schedule will be. I’ll be visiting the bank to make a little deposit, for sure. Other tasks, I’ll be selecting from this list (that is even still incomplete):

Putting my hand on the side that has a traumatic text on it. My gohdddd

“Overig” was because I became tired of making the list and just felt like summarizing the rest. The app I want to (have) develop(ed) is not even on it… I’d prefer to have the funds to hire someone/people to take care of all of my web activity. Something I’ve mentioned often. I’m a good investment my meowww.

Other tasks are on TheFangs.nl. Though officially not planned, I already started using it! Because this domain was blocked due to that bill (which is to fund all domains I have, but blocks wordpress of a certain sub-contract, when I’m behind on payments), I already started using it, because I feel so empty when I can’t write you 🙁 . Please check out The Fangs :D. I hope and think you’ll love it (when it’s done 😻 )! And I hope you’ll be my guest blogger/guest writer! 😻

More information about that will follow when my domains are finished 🙂 .

I’m back online meoww please tell a friend 🙂 .

~~~

17:13 (05:13 PM)

I’ve gone to the bank to deposit the €150 my grandmother gave me for helping her reporting her taxes in May 🙂 . Now I’m officially out of personal bank account debt (as in I still have this huge study loan and this Elia PR bank account I want to unsubscribe but need to take out of debt first ahaha 🙁 ). And I just decided to record a video in which I tell you everything that happened since my website went down.

In case you don’t like watching videos: here is a set of pictures that summarizes most of what I’ve been doing since Vampin’:

It was very nice catching up with my aunt, chilling on her balcony 🙂 .

Her room is pretty 🙂 . That crib there left is from her grandchild, who sadly wasn’t around when I visited.

We then went back to my house for the family dinner my father prepared. It was tasty 🙂 .

Then I slept over at my aunt’s place. Waking up to an unavailable website. She doesn’t sleep in her bed due to a trauma, and I find it very sweet that she gave me her room. I’ll be visiting far more often…

That Monday I went from my aunt’s in Rotterdam, to my cousin’s in Amstelveen. It was her 28th birthday. I won the first game of “Weerwolven” as the only wolf 🙂 . Haha I had to figuratively digest a child to get that mayor card, on the left, but that strategy helped me win 🙂 .

Finishing touches… 

Uncovering wolves and stuffff ayy that game really is a lot of fun

Pics in the wrong order, but I realized my pants were torn, just before I left my aunt’s place.

Sweetness @ receiving that drawing. Then I showed the children there how to fold a plane, because I saw they were getting frustrated from not having toys to play with and being in the same space for hours.

The starter was “okersoep” with crabs. It was my first time eating it with crab, which was cool :).

Then, at home, I made these semi-explicit pictures, because I was feeling like a wild Catje, from my plans of calling Victishe for lunch… (That ended up going soooo next level oh my goddd x_x.)

Still feeling wild…

This was actually the first picture out of three I made. Searching for an angle…

I prepared this meal yesterday. The salad, I enjoyed the most 🙂 . The recipe is on Twitter:

This is what I bought at the drug store, after leaving the bank. Haha I tweeted: “All these death threats and I’m still suffering from dry eyes” hahahahaahahah

I think because of the combination of cropped up anger, cropped up sadness and having been grounded so very often, I love cycling through the rain, when it’s not windy 🙂 . Smiling felt weird for that picture, so I didn’t, but believe me when I say that I’m feeling better than ever :).

Okay meoww the sun is out and I feel like catching some more outside air, so I’m going to smoke a cigarette (lol niet nadoen) and then I’m going to record a video in which I read Vampin’, this post and old tweets, and tell you the details of everything that happened since this blog went down. And after that, I’ll be working on my websites, while still recording, because meooowww I have so much to tell you 🙂 . Plus being silent and alone is kind of boring. (But still better than losing precious working time and being stuck with superficial conversation 🙂 .)

~~~

Art, Blog, Ex Animo, Media, Nederlandse Tekst, Nosce Te Ipsum, Online Diary, Popular Posts, Reflections, Strategy

Disrupting The Silent Pyramid [Tuesday, June 4, 2019]

00:35 (12:35 AM)

I just finished my essay Disrupting the Silent Pyramid! It’s the best essay/plea/call-to-action I’ve written this far, I believe 🙂 . It’s exactly 2500 words and maybe re-sold for a lower price, if the profits are shared with me. I’m going to put it in my store now 🙂 . Here’s the cover image:

Doesn’t that look awesome? 😀

~~~

01:26 (AM)

There it is 🙂 . It’s also a main menu item:

Yay :D. This really is a must-read! 😀

Please check out the product page! It includes the best product description I’ve written this far 🙂 .

I hope you will support my independent living, by purchasing my essay, so that I, in return, can support your independent living.

I’ll put this on my Instagram and Twitter, and after that, I’ll go to sleep.

I hope I’ll wake up rich and won’t have to move in to a homeless shelter or into my room in my parents’ house again. Then I could just be myself and truly make a change, and can finally leave this schizophrenia nonsense behind me. I really hope you’ll be on my side ♥ .

Good night, my love (if you’re on my side) ♥

xxx

10:49 (AM)

Good morning 🙂 ♥

With an aching chest, I’ve been seeking a homeless shelter for my situation, but I can only find shelters that include psychiatric care. (Aching because this is what it has come to.)

So basically I have about 2 hours until a conversation I don’t even want to have takes place and I will be forced to move back in with my parents.

There are no quick and easy ways to commit suicide in this vicinity. But at “home”, there are. The session that will take place at 1 PM, will be themed with making me feel guilty about the things I’ve said about my parents, followed by them listing reasons why they think I’m psychotic. So I think that afterwards, I’ll feel enough pain and strength to end my life.

In case my essay suddenly starts selling only after I die: the profits must then be divided over Thierry Baudet’s campaigns, President Trump his fight for justice, even better holidays for Victor Geskes and Benoît Crutzen, and my sister’s future (and only she may decide how her share of my funds are spent, which she may only share with her parents buy buying tangibles).

Mind you that the essay is for about 90% about life in general – touching on the aspects of The Silent Pyramid, including how to unveil someone’s identity – and less than 10% about the way I feel about my life in this situation, from the bottom of the Pyramid.

I see people looking at my content frequently and not buying anything. I don’t want to tear up my heart, trying to figure out why they don’t – unless it’s for the looks of it, for which I, as you know, don’t have the funds.

I’m still in bed. But I’m going to get up now, then get ready for the worst session I don’t want to have, and continue to contemplate suicide, for as long as people only read my free content, but don’t buy anything from me.

Ciao xxx

~~~

12:55 (PM) 

The sale of my essay will end after that ugh session. I’ll then stall my suicide until it’s clear if anyone will financially support me by buying my essay or not. It would be a waste of life dying and then finding out that there are many people I can discuss the contents of my essay with, actually peacefully disrupting it in practice.

~~~

16:25 (04:25 PM)

Meowww…

This is such a random week…

I was glad to come home to this new fan! 🙂 My previous one was old and squeaky… [And there will be solar panels placed, next week!]

I unpacked and cleaned my room right after coming home… Meanwhile, the sale has ended. The amount of sales is still 0. I hope I could still somehow convince some people to make the purchase.. I really need to move out 🙁 .

The Dutch health care system, for people with a low income like me, works in such a way, that you can only see a specialist after being referred by a non-specialist healthcare professional. So to be able to get a second opinion, I need to become a patient of the department I was in in 2017-2018 – the VIP department [a Dutch abbreviation for “early intervention for psychoses”]  – which is where the crisis center has referred me to, and then hope that at that department, they are willing and able to refer me to someone I can talk to, who is open to give me a real second opinion.

The only reason why I put so much emphasis on  correcting my medical record, is because I aspire to get a role in society that comes with a lot of responsibility. If I were a schizophrenic, that could get in the way of my sense of responsibility. That is why I want that out of my file: it is not true. There is nothing wrong with my sense of reality…

I wouldn’t mind if my file says that I’m depressed because I have certain ambitions, but am considered too young to make them reality, and I’m being ignored by the people whose attention I desire to have 🙁 . And that I’m lonely :(. Therapy sessions unfortunately can’t change that. But refusing therapy is against the will of my mother… I desire to start off as an official authority’s sidekick and in that way get my schedule full…

I need someone I can really talk to. And cuddle… There are so many (business and science related) things I still wish to learn, from individuals. And I wish to befriend people who do enjoy to hear my ideas about social hierarchy and stuff… Who don’t consider that schizophrenia… x_x

Meanwhile, my heart is getting more and more attached to the idea of being the lifetime companion of someone who is very tall and sexy, with a lot of responsibilities and grey hairs 😻 . I would finally have someone I can talk to, someone I’d enjoy listening to, and one of the few people on this globe I actually truly feel physically attracted to… It’s very random that it’s not someone from my own age, but I love it! (Hoping that my heart won’t be broken…) Don’t know how to make that reality, though… Aside from buying a small house near the German border and then throwing a wildly sexy house warming party for Graeynissis?

Speaking of Germany… I came home to this x_x:

Meoooow x_x. Please buy my essay ahahaha…

Mwehh I’m so lonely 🙁 . Please buy my essay and make me feel less aloneee. I’ll give you the Cishes I’ve been saving up 😀 ♥

I’m going to take a nap… And later work on my websites, now that I’m behind my laptop again… I’ll talk to you later xxx

~~~

21:44 (09:44 PM)  

Heyy ♥

My nap was good. I ate pizza borromea afterwards. Now I’m back in bed…

A week ago, just like that, I was staying in a different room. And now I’m back here. Aside from a different hairstyle, it hasn’t brought me much.

And I feel like too much has happened in this household. I shouldn’t be here. (Hehe my phone’s keyboard suggested “I shouldn’t be single”, to which I agree as well.) In practice, the situation is calm, but I feel so much underlying pressure.

Please buy my essay 🙁 . It might sound foolish to purchase a €1177.77 editable and resellable document, but the words in it are incomparable to anything else. It contains truly new information!

I want my writing to become a luxury product. Not only because I need to earn a serious income to accomplish my goals in life: I find my topics and style of writing that unique as well. I may get some compensation for this, right? 🙁

Now I live in the constant fear of getting an intervention again. My blinds are closed and my lights are off. Wishing I were alone so no one – with authority over me – can see me show this odd behavior. (Not even beginning about my odd e-mail behavior that is often ignored 😿 .) Simultaneously, I wish I had someone to make out with, so that I don’t have to think about the state my life is in.

My ambition to get enough essay sales before tomorrow, so that I have an alternative to going back to that psychiatric treatment I was under in 2017-2018, was called “unrealistic”. I know it’s overambitious, but I’d like to prove them wrong 🙁 . My alternative is searching an office job I don’t even want, and I’m mentally really not ready to start, in a job interview, saying things like: “Ik ben op zoek naar een nieuwe uitdaging.” “Ik ben een teamplayer.” “Een gezellig team met leuke collega’s.” While I actually hate it… Please make my fate a little better :(.

On my essay: I must say – though I assume that you know – that in the pyramid of social hierarchy, official authorities are further at the top. In reality, they adapt to what trend followers demand from them (or accuse them of), which puts them in a lower position in our current reality, is what I see. (But now I’m giving away the content 🙁 .)

Is anyone in the mood for rough and wildly passionate sex? Because I really want to forget that I exist.

Please say something 🙁 .

~~~

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Crisis Center Day 7 [Monday, June 3, 2019]

09:23 (AM)

Good morning ♥

I woke up quite stressed out, because I don’t want to spend another day defending myself. But that’s why I’m here… All I can do is keep my head up.

I’m going to take a shower and eat something. (Won’t go outside today, because my cards are maxed out…) But before I go, I feel like sharing this:

Hehe meow I went to sleep with this thought: mijn Vicje [I sound obsessed lol]: I hope that the next time I hear you say “I really have to go”, is when I’m cuddling you in your bed and I’ll be like “Nooo I want you so bad, please give me some more Cishes” . And then we responsibly time that on the 1 minute and 36 seconds we have left and I then go with you to work because I’m your sidekick… Haha 😀 .

I’ll make a recent picture for a featured image later today. And I’ll write that essay today 🙂 . Though I really feel that I need a holiday… I’ve published over 111000 words this year…

Tot later xxx

~~~

11:08 (AM)

I really wonder when things will finally go my way… Currently, they are not.

In the session just now, I was told that tomorrow, I have to leave this place. A few homeless shelter options were listed, because finding a job where shelter is offered, before tomorrow, is “unrealistic”.
And that at 1 o’clock, tomorrow, there is a session planned with people from the department – “specialized in psychoses” – I was in from April 2017 until I ran off to the United States. That they’ll see whether they’ll refer me to someone who could give me a second opinion or not. They want my parents to be present at that session… This is a lost cause, because no one wants to tell me that I’m right, because that means that dozens of people have been in the wrong for so long, and that I have the right for monetary compensation for the suffering I’ve lived through over 2 years…

So I’m going to look for a suitable homeless shelter now? I wish a sharp reader would help me :(…

In other news: I’m going to do my laundry, wishing I had some cash to buy fabric softener, for my strong odor… x_x

~~~

11:36 (AM)

It’s done around oneee

Now I’m going to change the trash bag, and then think of what homeless shelter I can go to, with 45 cents to spend, as I write an essay I’ll publish today and sell for a very low price. Please buy it 🙂 .

Is it still strange that I want to die? There’s a unit for people with a depression, and I’m being sent to a unit for schizophrenics. Because of my parents…

My bloodlust comes from those who could have helped me, but prefer to make jokes about the way I feel, and watch me struggle. I want to take them with me, to the grave. Then I’d still have made the world a little better.


~~~

12:12 (PM) 

What currently stings my heart the most, is that it is said that me doing my own press, is considered a problem.

Ik zit al heel lang op een goed tegengeluid te wachten. Waarom begin jij, die vindt dat ik wel schizofreen ben, geen blog? Waarom doe je geen aangifte? Er staan “dodenlijsten” op dit blog, en ik heb dinsdag zonder toestemming een gesprek opgenomen en online gezet. Doe alsjeblieft aangifte tegen mij, als je oprecht vindt dat ik schizofreen ben, zodat ik dan in hoger beroep kan gaan tegen jou, en deze casus voor eens en altijd kan afsluiten.

For a truly independent second opinion, I need to either go to Belgium, or go to the United States. The Dutch system doesn’t allow for it. (You can clearly see that.) I currently do not have the funds for that.

~~~

13:18 (01:18 PM) 

This is what my essay will be about:

This is how I see society, the way it currently is. What D.O.C.I.S. does, is putting that in reverse.

I’m going to publish it in both Dutch and English. You’ll be able to purchase it from here. I’m also going to put it on Smashwords, and distribute it to the Apple Store et cetera.

Before I continue writing, I want to say this funny thing: around December, I sent Victor an email, in which I metaphorically referred to myself as a homeless cat, asking him if he wants to take me in. (An odd request to wich saying “yes” is not easy, I know. Maar niet geschoten is altijd mis…) And now I actually need to find shelter for tomorrow onwards. I have no options I consider options, in my network, other than him…

I’m going to continue to work on my essay…  xxx

~~~

14:42 (02:42 PM) 

A slight change of plans… I give my products a low price, because I’m trying to spread a message. But currently, I find it more important that I have a better alternative than a homeless shelter or living with my parents.

So I’m thinking of a good €107,77 for this essay. 10 sales can help me last about a month, living the way I did when I was in Germany and in the United States (not very comfortable, but doable). 100 sales can make me rent something. 1000 sales and we can really start talking. I could even start putting my actual business concept into practice…

But meoow I’d then still be alone 🙁 . That’s why I was thinking of ways to get Victor’s attention… (And I really don’t want to go to my parents’ house or stay in a homeless shelter. Though I’d rather be alone in a homeless shelter, than go back home…)

~~~

18:36 (06:36 PM) 

Twitter highlights:

And it will be sold for €1077,77… Then we can start talking after about 10 sales. And I can finally move on from all of this bullshit. If you buy this, you’ll definitely be entitled to receive a Cishe from me 🙂 ♥ .

Even this migraine can’t stop me from writing… Please buy it, when I put it online – which I’ll announce on all of my social media – and help me have a better alternative than living in a homeless shelter, serving drinks, or moving back in with my parents, with the risk of being sent to the closed vicinity again next time.

I want to lead, together with you. My essay tells you the why and how.

I’m going to continue to write. I’m typing it right away, instead of fully writing it out with pen and paper first. In my notebook, I’ve only written an overview. The essay is fresh off the top, like my diary posts, but then not about a different topic than my day-to-day life.

Please help me move on from this discomfort I’ve been living in for so long and keep an eye on my blog around midnight. Pleaseeeee. Please stay tuned, for “Disrupting The Silent Pyramid”!!!  xxx

~~~

21:05 (09:05 PM)

“Disrupting The Silent Pyramid” will be passionately published with all of the tools I have available with the situation I’m in. 45 cents to spend, so no paid marketing. It is literally typed on my phone. Currently, it is about 1000 words, but the core is not worked out yet. I’m loving it already 🙂 .

You’ll love it, too, my fellow bottom two rows of the pyramid :). I’m keeping the exact content a surprise, though… 

It includes exclusive information about the D.O.C.I.S. 🙂 .

~~~

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Crisis Center Day 6 [Sunday, June 2, 2019]

05:57 (AM)

Good morning :)♥

The chirping of birds woke me, a while ago. In case you see the featured image and wonder why my pillow is tilted to the side: it’s because (often, due to pillow quality) I prefer to lay my head on the mattress and pretend as if my pillow is someone I can cuddle with…

Kinda feel at home here

I ate some left over soy beans, as I checked my notifications, after which I emptied my bladder. Now I’m back in bed.

Meowww I wish I really had someone to talk to, with whom I can be intimate, who doesn’t want me to change at all. 90% of those I speak to, don’t understand the decisions I make. Not even after explanation. Still they advice me to stop acting differently than others. I have many reasons to do what I do, the way I do it. That’s why I have such a great need for the type of friendship where one look explains enough.

Meanwhile, my fantasies are getting more wild by the minute. Even elevators and taxis are not safe for us anymore… 😻 Though I love the way the mental images make me feel, I fear getting too attached to the idea of us together… Because what if it won’t happen :(.

Being friends or more than friends with me, is/will be/could be something a lot of people have an opinion about. Much of my provocative strategy is received with negative commentary, because I see a complete disruption and replacement of the system we live in, as an improvement, and a lot of people (in truth) do not want their lives to change. I’m telling you: due to the state of our environment (including overpopulation and the injustice many are living in), change is inevitable.
But you and I, like those who will judge us, have the right to have good friendships, too, right. I think, if some would see us together, they would be shaken up by the radience of our power, intelligence and influence. That is something we should disregard, because to better our fate, our Alliance is supposed to become reality.

Today will be a very hot day… I feel like getting a slush puppy? And I do want to get started with that essay I spoke of yesterday. I think I’ll write it down on paper first, for a change. But first, I’ll close my eyes again for a while, later have breakfast and get ready and stuff… xxx

~~~

14:06 (02:06 PM)

Some wild tweets:

Help me er ajb voor zorgen dat ik nooit meer Maccie eet… Ben elke keer misselijk erna x_x. Doe mij maar lobster…

Dit was ik naar mezelf maar snap je wat ik probeer te doen… xd

Currently still @ mcdonalds. Ik denk niet dat ik mijn McFlurry M&M op krijg haha…

~~~

17:41 (05:41 PM)

I’m so tired meowww x_x.

Zzzzz 😴

This weather [and the thought of you 😻 ] got me like… 😂

I enjoyed the weekend, though. I fear tomorrow. I’m powerless against the mental torture sessions I can’t get away from. All I can do is list my rights. They don’t understand that the only reason why I’m here is to have sone time away from home, hopefully even to move out right after I get out of here. They don’t have a protocol for that, here, so they consider me a mentally lost cause. They still think I have trouble learning… I just have high standards, that’s all.

It takes time to put my business concept into practice. Time they can’t and don’t even want to give me, here. I wish to escape the authority of the health care industry and the authority of my parents. I did that when I went to the United States and I did that when I went to Germany (twice). I don’t have the money to do that again. (Otherwise I would have done that again as soon as I received my new passport…) If I don’t escape this situation soon, I’ll probably die under strange circumstances – the way many patients have – and they’ll say it was suicide. I don’t want to die anymore now that, by being here, I’ve received a new chance to prove my point [THAT I AM NOT A SCHIZOPHRENIC]. But I can only succeed in this, if I receive the support from those who can truly understand my writing.

It’s dinner time. I’ll be back afterwards, though I feel like sleeping already… xxx

~~~

19:32 (07:32 PM)

Dinner – bami – was quite good 🙂 . I’m back in bed now. This weather is making me feel like a dried leaf, and I fear this place, in that context, because lorazepam is considered a medicine… It’s my tachtcardia acting up, and psychiatric drugs will make that worse. Wish I had money to visit my doctor in Germany again…

Remember this audio file? https://1drv.ms/u/s!AhevpAkFFwyIi2XeP6xJYmwXkgFY
To me, that is not therapy, but plain abuse of authority. All I do is constantly defend myself. It’s exhausting. I don’t want that again, but tomorrow is Monday 🙁 🙁 🙁 .

I wish I could be with my Vicje 🙁 . Who knows my chances with him. I don’t know, because every time I’ve been around him, I get too busy with fighting the urge to kiss and touch him, while trying to make a cool impression (hahahahahahahaha)…. (I pray he feels the same way about me…) He’s one of the few people on this entire globe, I actually genuinely find attractive. He’s number one on my mental list of people I find attractive. Jhene Aiko is second 🙂 .

I feel kind of lost. During the last “therapy” session, it was said that they wanted to keep me in this ward only until after the weekend, and that after that, they want me to go back to the house of my parents and go back under treatment at the people I went all the way to the United States for, to escape them. This system is awful 🙁 . I don’t even have Graeyniss friends who can visit me here 🙁 .

To solve the problem I’m dealing with, here, I need the capital to buy my own house, and I need the investment needed to further develop my business (concept) (and some money for tuition)… Though they have it, my parents are not an option to ask this, because they would rather keep the money to themselves (and spend it irrationally)… I’d love to ask the people with a high status in society I’ve met, but they have a high status to maintain… I don’t know anyone else willing to support me. Especially not because of the controversial contents of my blog, my social environment doesn’t like.

I can really only do this with you, my Graeyniss… Which is so awesome, on the one hand, because I don’t want to spend time with anyone else! But on the other hand, I fear that you won’t do anything either, and that my fate is to die alone 🙁 .

Haha wow I just heard thunder strike, but, for a second, thought it was a gunshot. Meooow this weather makes me want to have someone to cuddle with even more 🙁 .

Since the ~experts~ here use the last few posts of my blog to call me mentally insane and someone who needs psychiatric drugs et cetera: I have serious grounds to plead for the assassination of some, including overpopulation and illegal activities. I am not a bad influence on my readers, because they haven’t done it – and even if they did, it wouldn’t be for nothing. That is also content for a police case and not a psychiatric case.

I can’t talk about my depression with these people here, because all they do is look at that file from 2017 and try to figure out what the exact schizophrenia of mine is, so that they can prescribe psychiatric drugs to me, with a reason why (@ health insurance). That’s just making me far more depressed! They’re also not even open to listen to my self-diagnoses, “because I’m the patient”. Help me please 🙁 .

The greatest flaw in this psychiatric industry, is that there are too many patients per “doctor”. And that every session is with a different person, who then tries to continue the conversation of his/her colleague, but only knows what the colleague has paraphrased in the digital patient file, which is not everything.
Especially with me, you can’t hold a conversation in that way. My blog has over 400 posts on them, all about this case of mine. I’d appreciate it if the person reviewing me were prepared. And especially not judge after having read not even 10% of what is on here.
But they’re not willing to take the time for me like that. I can understand that, because I’m not open to use psychiatric drugs anyway, and there’s not enough time for a session, because of the amount of patients.

On top of all of that: if I considered psychiatry effective for me, I would have approached a psychiatrist myself, instead of, again, having my mother force me to see one.

What would truly solve my emotional problems, is sex, business and money. Though that might sound as a way to cover up emotional problems: the reason why I’m unsatisfied in life is because I’m striving towards the funding of a multi-component, multinational business, and I’m still not there yet. Plus I’m lonely… And when I, around proletarians, say “still” not “there” yet, they start with meaningless oneliners about having to start small and that failure is not bad et cetera. But for my level of intelligence, that’s worse than bad, and you all know it…

So I’m trying to reason out a quick way to solve this:

– I need to get money.
I should get my laptop, so that I can continue configuring my new online (book)store [in which I also want to sell classics fron Seneca and Ovid, et cetera… You’ll love it!!! 😻 ]. But for that, I need to go past the house of my parents and I wish to not speak to them… But my keys are at home x_x.

– I need to prove that I don’t have schizophrenia.
Just because of my aspirations, I want my files to show the truth about me. However, if convincing you through my own network (D.O.C.I.S. International/LilFangs.com) is possible, then I could sort of settle for that. Meanwhile, my mother loves to send me here, though. That’s why I do prefer to correct my file. To stop her from being able to do that.
The problem is that the “doctors” here, who don’t have time for exceptional cases, are not even willing to listen to the reasons why not. And if one psychiatrist would say “Lil Fangs is not a schizophrenic”, it would be much easier for other psychiatrists to say that the psychiatrist supporting me is also a schizophrenic, instead of suddenly having the world know that dozens of healty care professionals have done a VERY bad job with me, because I am not a schizophrenic (and have never been one, but the illness is chronic, so according to those “experts”, I was born weak-minded). I hope now you know for sure why I have been putting so much emphasis on my medical record, over the past few years 🙂 .

– I need a place to stay.
Chances are that tomorrow they’ll either send me home or send me to a different ward. What I want is to live with someone I can talk business with (and be intimate with). But that is only possible when you anticipate on this blog post (Vicje 😻 ). If not – which would break my heart, but I could still get to show some empathy if you would (but please please PLEASE don’t break it) – I would choose the different ward. Or maybe they’ll keep me here and force me to undergo treatment with drugs here. That would be a powerless hell, but then I could continue to point out things that desperately need to be altered, in the (Dutch) psychiatric system.
I’d rather do that, than go back to my parents’ house. I consider this form of raising awareness the most useful – hopefully media victims are considering to publish their news through me. And I’d rather write than have to resort to some job serving drinks full-time, continuously being disturbed by the fact that I have a business here, ready for expansion.

If my B admits to being the voice in the Head Cuddle… 🙁 The case would be closed just like that. It’s who we are, naturally, and we have this ability for a purpose. I still experience the sound, but it’s as if we have nothing to talk about, if we can’t even spend time together. We’re supposed to be designing a new world together 🙁 .

My dear reader, please do something 🙁 . To help me, you could, for example, form an alliance with other supporters of mine you know. I beg you to distance yourself from those who are not on my side, if you’re on my side, because our opponents are incredibly hurtful and I do not want you to get hurt! 🙁

If you’re a sweet and influential Graeyniss reading this: you know where I am at all times. You can see what I see and hear what I hear. I hope you’ll use these tools to make me even happier, by freeing me and allowing me to spend more time with you in person. It’s what we both want…

No one wants me to stay in a ward like this for three months or longer, again (I assume…). To earn – so that I can afford to live elsewhere, without moving back in with my parents – I should get access to a computer (and buy a better one…). I wish I could just be Vicje’s sidekick, though… (Because, yes, my mind does need special attention on the work floor, because I think I’m already ready to handle a director’s workload…) Meoow I wonder if he’s still in the country… I would be so happy to spend much more time with him. Even if it’s only to look at him: he’s such a Catje! 😻

I’m going to go to sleep again. With panties only, because it’s sooo hott in here…

Good night ♥

xxx

Blog, Online Diary, Popular Posts, Reflections

Crisis Center Day 5 [Saturday, June 1, 2019]

06:49 (AM)

Good morning ♥

How are you today? 🙂

I’m quite well rested, it seems. I’m thinking of how to keep myself occupied today… I feel like writing an essay about unspoken social hierarchy, but spending so much time with my phone in my hands isn’t healthy and I don’t have my laptop with me…

Tomorrow will be a very hot day, so I really need those tights, though. (Even better would be to get my legs waxed… It’s very much needed… I wear tights in an attempt to mask my wildly unshaved legs…) And I should get outside to get some food…

I’m casually laying here in my cell. From the start of my blog, I’ve been saying that these institutions have mentally scarred me and that their forms of treatment are ineffective (to me). But I guess I had to get myself locked up in here to prove that point. I bet some still don’t believe that I’ve been through this hell before.

The reason why I’m not rich yet, is because I haven’t found any willing and suitable business partners yet. They should stay away from me with their psychiatric drugs, because that won’t change anything about that. It also won’t change the disappointment I have in my parents, for not wanting to invest in me, but still spending thousands of euros on takeout food and infrequently giving me cash I can only use for basic essentials, such as paying my bills when I don’t have enough money myself. I need a holiday 🙁 .

I feel so weird for begging Vicje to save me… Because I have no other plans for freedom… As in that I can’t think of anyone else I’d want to suddenly spend so much time with. He seems like someone who will really appreciate my companionship. Someone who can understand the contents of my mind, and vice versa (though to understand his world, I need to witness it for a longer time, first, to learn, which is what I would truly love to do). But to come here, on the terrain of this institution, is so much to ask… I don’t know what to do, to get out of here and be happy…

In other news: this is my way of being provocative:

And the way the curtains turn my room orange is quite freaky…

Remember 180 Days of Fangs? They still don’t even know why they’re keeping me here. That’s how every session starts: “Please tell us why you’re here.” Your colleagues are supposed to document why I’m here and you’re supposed to add useful information to that file.

How can they already be thinking of prescribing psychiatric killer drugs to me, while they still don’t know why I’m here? How can they have an opinion about my blog, if they have only read about less than the last 5 days, and I’ve been at it for more than a year? It’s so fucked up when people who don’t understand you, have authority over you. The same goes for my parents…

Sad Catje 🙁 . I really need some passionate kisses 🙁 .

~~~

11:56 (AM) 

I passed out into dreamland a few times more. But I should really get out of bed and eat something… I should also do my laundry soon… I’m almost out of sleepwear (I’m wearing because I have slight mysophobia and wearing something makes me feel as if I’m not able to catch anything from laying in a public bed…)…

Before I drifted off to sleep, I was thinking of why I always have “unapproachable” men and women on my mind… [One of the many reasons why (jealous) proletarians call my ambitions “unrealistic” and “impossible”. But if I could just make a name for myself, I could chill with people with names…]

And that I’m basically in love with someone I’ve spent very little time with. Maybe I’m in love with the idea of the type of relationship we could have? I don’t know if – but do really hope – it could be like that in real life. Finishing each other’s sentences and being all cuddly and stuff, but also able to be very serious and as if we’re not even dating, when we have to. But I fear being yelled at, which often happens in relationships in general, though 🙁 . Then again, I have a strong feeling he really is sweet and wouldn’t treat me like that, because I would never treat him like that… But then again, maybe I should get started with breaking my own heart, because my e-mail address is blocked… But that could also have been someone else’s decision “to help him move on”, blocking my mail address, if he’s in love with me as well… 😻 (& #x1F63B;) In theory, I’m easy to fall in love with…

We’d have to live through a lot of negative judgment, maybe, but we’re doing that already anyway. It would be much nicer to do it together…

Meow my heart is scared of being shattered for the zillionth time thoughhh…

Does the world only consist of people who want me to change my behavior, or are there also some people who understand and appreciate my decisions (and companionship)? I’m worried about my future 🙁 . I can only succeed with those who can understand me…

Meowsss I’m going to brush my teeth and head downstairs… xxx

~~~

16:22 (04:22 PM)

Low key super sad catje 🙁

Slipper swag

Wish I had a reason to smile… And I need prescription shades… Instead of fucking prescription drugs gtfo…

Well I guess I’m going to the mall again, because sitting inside is boring as fuck and I need healthy-ish food…

As I’ve been saying over a year, if I’d be able to buy a house – if only I had a share of family capital – I would not be in this powerless situation. Now death is the only solution I see, because I still have nothing else to talk about, with my mother, and she has the authority to send me here whenever the fuck she wants to, which causes a vicious cycle for me. What if she’s the schizophrenic, for believing I’ll never run my own multinational business? She and others who consider my ambition a symptom of schizophrenia. Do you think putting me away here will change the fact that I want you dead because then you’re off my back?

They will keep trying to put me on the psychiatric drugs one of my doctors in Germany has proven me to be intolerant of. I deserve a trial for this. They just don’t go for it, because they know no lawyer can win the fight against me and LilFangs.com. I don’t have money for a lawyer and my parents are in the other corner of the ring, on this one…

I wish I could just find investors for my multi-component business and have no time for this psychiatric nonsense. They’re the ones giving me the most mental issues anyway. Damn.

Of course not every person who works here is a demon, and not every patient is competent. That is one of the many reasons why I’m pleading for an alteration of the system we’re living in. Sure, I’d love to solve that by talking with people. But some are just too dumb, and that is why I see the flooding of the Netherlands as the best physical solution to this problem.

This all feels kinda Mein Kampf-ish… But in this case, using comparisons like that makes it easier for anyone to understand that the next war in this world will be personality-based. We can’t keep going on like this. The system needs reform. There’s not even time for the “Why?” debate simple-minded people want to hold. The question is whether you dare to give me authority or not…

I wonder if every country in the world has a psychatric industry like this one. And if “psychiatric resorts” with pools and nurses giving you fresh orange juice etc. exist… If yes: please, sign me up… Hahaha…

I’m waiting until my phone is charged a little – because I use my phone quite often… My battery was low after this morning already. When it’s at 25%, I’ll head outside. To buy thights, more short-sleeved clothing, a bottle of water (because I have the feeling there are psychiatric drugs in the food and drinks and stuff here…)… And some food…

~~~

19:37 (07:32 PM)

My Stratagem is still going according to plan, as far as I can guarantee my own safety. I’m showing people all over the world, the flaws of the system in person. The mental prison I’m now in for the second time, I personally find the greatest flaw.

I hope that, somewhere out there, there are people who agree with the fact that I’m much better off starting a new life elsewhere, and that they would like to offer me shelter and support with my endeavor for global change. This is living proof that I’m much better off without those who currently claim my presence. There are people out there wishing to speak to me, and they’re not even getting that chance…

The awful truth:

I’m glad people are anticipating on the pictures I make…

My appetizer…

My main… I still can’t believe they’re so convinced that I have schizophrenia. Echt fucking onzin x_x.

I’m in love… I keep being distracted from sexy fantasies I want to become real, but I’m afraid that the feeling won’t be mutual and my heart will be broken 🙁 :

Recognizable for all Cuddles and Graeynissis I’m around:

De-privatize the health care system bitte:

This Catje is being sexy on my mind all day:

Meoww… As my belly is stuffed, it feels like bed time all over again…

Please think about sheltering me and/or forming an alliance with me and other secret supporters of mine… Please!!! ♥

I love my sexy fantasies the most when it’s bed time 😻

Good night 😘

xxx

Blog, Nederlandse Tekst, Online Diary, Popular Posts

Crisis Center Day 4 [Friday, May 31, 2019]

10:06 (AM)

Good morning ♥

Though it hurts me to know that my business e-mail address is blocked, when contacting my Vicje – though I can understand he can not go in to personal business enquiries – it’s a relief to know that the e-mail I sent him yesterday, from my personal e-mail account, was delivered:

Toen ik vorig jaar in dezelfde situatie zat, vluchtte ik ook naar de ANWB… Dat ging prima?

I don’t know any other places to apply for a job I could be hired for, where I’d be sitting behind a desk. Serving drinks, sitting behind the counter, etc. suit my ambitions even less. I’m putting my Vicje in a difficult position, though 🙁 . But I really don’t know who else can save me, if I can only be considered as normal, when I work. And I want the highest salary possible, so I only want to work full-time…

I can’t even think of the injustice I’m living in – because, again, I do not have an IBS, but still they do not want to listen to me, but just kill me with antipsychotics. I just want to get the hell out of this town… Hopefully there are no therapy sessions scheduled for me today. If I move to Den Haag – or anywhere else not in or very close to Rotterdam – I’ll be out of their territory.

They have also been considering to transfer me to the UMC… I can find peace in any location of residence, as long as I don’t have to go back to living under the authority of my parents. I need my own place. Especially because I want to be able to have Graeynissis over…

I feel like publishing an essay, today… In other news, I have less than €10 to spend, so I can’t get proper food outdoors and buy thights for the t-shirt dress I bought and buy new eyeliner and mascara… The struggle… I’m going to have breakfast….

~~~

14:11 (02:11 PM)

I’m going outside to spend this money out of boredom and because of the fact that my hunger makes me very tired…

Same clothes as yesterdayy #sustainability

Before I went outside…

Currently walking towards the metro… I still really need a better bed, by the way 🙁 .

~~~

14:27 (02:27 PM)

Currently:

#schizoprenia ughhh

~~~

16:15 (04:15 PM) 

Currently eating this fruit…

I’m happy there was no therapy session planned for me today. I hope I won’t get any of those anymore. I want to move to wherever my Vicje is living, currently… But meoow I have 0 capital 🙁 .

Hire me, pleaseee… Or take me in as your house Catje 🙁 . I just want to get away from the psychiatric industry once and for all… When someone threatens to kill you, you should call the police and not a shrink. Why was there no police involved? Got something to hide?

I’m tired from defending myself on here. As in I wake up tired every day… And now I have to be full-time proletarian as well 🙁 .

Kinda feel like a stalker deluxe but I’m going to send another message. I need someone I can work for, talk to and hopefully kiss and cuddle… Vicje is the only one who meets those requirements, who I can reach… Plus a sexy boss is a requirement to me, so I don’t know where else to look…

~~~

19:06 (07:06 PM) 

I sent another desperate e-mail x_x. Are there maybe some fellow Graeynissis who would like to offer my Vicje some support, in case he wants to save this Catje? We’ll become a squad of Graeynissis one day anyway, might as well be after I’ve slept because I’m tired as fuck right now…

What I sent [posting it here because I don’t know if mails are received when box is in “holiday mode”(?)]:

I’m such a random catje ahahah

It feels as if I’m being too informal. But my final objective is frequent Cishes so meowww

Hehe 😀

That second to last screenshot is just to show what my business will do, a little, in the future. Not to break any protocols…! (Unless you want to 😻 .)

Meoww Vicje may I be your holiday entertainment? 😻 You’ll have the best time of your life, with me! 😻 Fun relaxation until June 6th [I need that tooooooo], and after that making some cool boss moves together with your personal Propagandist 😀 .

I hope this means holiday mode Vicje? He’s such a mysterious Catje 😻

Then I sent this:

But meowww I have the feeling he, as well as many others, is a secret Lil Fangs fan. So there’s not much digital correspondence necessary :). I’m here on a voluntary basis, so officially, I may leave whenever the fuck I want to. (In reality, they don’t follow this rule.)

As I have told you a couple of times already, my goal is go have adult men (big and little men 🙂 ) and outcast women, as my fans. I want grey haired men in suits to do for me, what young girls do for Justin Bieber!!! 😻 Only then, I would call myself successful! So please save me and let’s get this party started, bitte… 🙁

Some notes on dinner:

A note on my life as Lil Fangs:

Meoww I’m going to bed…

My tachycardia and I hope I don’t die in my sleep yooo.

Good night ♥

– xxx –

Blog, Images, Nederlandse Tekst, Online Diary, Popular Posts

Crisis Center Day 3 [Thursday, May 30, 2019]

11:28 (AM)

Good morning ♥

I don’t know why I can’t reach my Vicje 🙁 . My heart is too weak to approach a random proletarian for this, who won’t understand how much of a sensitive topic this is, and how much bad news would destroy my heart. Some people speak of him in such an awful manner, I won’t be able to endure something like that again 🙁 .

I attempted to email him this [a very random message, I know], when I received a “failed to deliver” notice in return…:

Dezelfde fout maken is terug naar huis gaan. Mijn moeder en huisarts vinden dit een goede plek voor mij… Grrrrr…

Catje

Mijn intuïtie vertelt me altijd met wie ik dat wel zou willen doen en met wie niet

Get me out of here, please 🙁 . I apparently still have arbeidsrecht. Apparently even arbeidsdwang, omdat ik alleen als normaal mens word gezien als ik full-time werk en studeer.

The description of the littest hangout in human history

Wild words

I don’t even know if it’s mutual 🙁

I don’t know what to do now 🙁 . I’m so worried… Though I haven’t been that close with him (yet?)… 🙁 Maybe he doesn’t like me and has blocked my e-maik address? 🙁 I’d rather hear that than hear that he has passed away or something

I’m now also stuck in the dilemma that I have to find residence and a fixed income, preferably before tomorrow, because after today they will put me under treatment at the department I was in in 2017-2018 [hell] and force me to go back to my parents’ house.

I asked the psychiatrist yesterday why they can’t treat me without medicines. He told me that medicines are going to put my mind on the right track, “so that I can go back into society” [because I am out of it?]. I had already explained to him that the reason why my business hasn’t thrived yet, is because I don’t have any investors. That the reason why I’m currently not studying, is because I don’t have £6000+ for tuition. That the reason why I don’t have a full time job, is because most jobs are too simple for my intelligence. And that swallowing some pill won’t change that. My self-analysis was, again, fully disregarded.

What I wrote after the conversation where I proposed my self-analysis idea

My alternative strategy is – again – working full-time, so that I won’t have time for living under psychiatric surveillance. I’m on the list for the ANWB Summer staff, so that’s where the e-mail came from…

Yesterday’s Twitter highlights:

I can’t imagine my future without the handsomest Graeyniss I have ever seen!

When it comes to getting out of here, this place is the same as a prison 🙁 .

Help me bitte

I’ll show you my hair – best braids I’ve ever made for myself – when I’ve eaten and showered. I’m still in bed… 🙁

~~~

12:58 (PM)

Important announcement:

My weakness… 😻 I’m still worried and feel quite powerless in this situation. I also don’t know who else can save me from this prison…

~~~

16:40 (04:40 PM)

Mijn gezichtsuitdrukking zegt “tjoerie” ahahahhaahaha. Ik hoor hier niet thuis verdomme ahahahah.

A tail in case the situation becomes even worse…

Getting some vitamin D… I’d rather get some vitamin Vicje…

Before I went into the shower

This is serious…

I’ll be writing… Er is hier echt niets te doen x_x.

Prison is clearly a metaphor and not fucking schizophrenia. I need to defend every statement I make x_x.

~~~

17:37 (05:37 PM) 

Important information:

I want to cuddle my sexy Vicje – I hope the reason why my mail wasn’t delivered, was because of its radical content… If he has a new job, then I heb niets te zoeken bij de ANWB (lol). If he is not with us anymore, then I’d spend all eternity not knowing if the feeling is mutual and feeling fucked up because I couldn’t be there for him…

This would also be a good moment for my B to go on strike….

~~~

21:09 (09:09 PM)

I’m in bed… Exhausted 🙁 . (Could that be because the food is cooked in psychiatric drugs?)

I hope someone will free me from here and offer me shelter… 🙁 I really don’t want to talk to these “health care professionals” anymore. All they do is tell me to quit chasing my dreams…

Authority problem:

This is not good for my heart 🙁 . Spending time with me is a privilege and this industry just claims it. The same goes for my parents. I want to be free 🙁 . Truly free!

I’m glad to have found ways to get through the day:

I hope they won’t mind that I posted that picture… I just find it important that the world knows what’s going on here. And I needed some time away from my mother, who, every conversation, tells me that this is what I need.

I want to spend time with people who I can trust, who won’t think of sending me to a place like this. Fucking often 🙁 .

I really hope someone will bail me out 😿 . Please don’t let my mind be shrinked further 🙁 .

I’ll be laking until I pass out. Still hungry, by the way, but I prefer eating natural foods, so I’ll just ignore the sound of my stomach… Maybe eat some almonds…

Good night ♥

xxx

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Crisis Center Day 2 [Wednesday, May 29, 2019]

09:11 (AM)

Good morning ♥

I slept quite well, for the first time in a long time 🙂 . I’m going to join the breakfast table… For the sake of giving myself some more rest, I’ll mainly be writing instead of typing, today.

But before I reduce my typing here (and on Twitter):

Last night, I started to write down an outline of the way I would give myself a diagnosis:

I can do most of it myself… I only need someone who can understand what I write down…

I only wish to speak to someone who is open to give me a second opinion. I have no patience with those who only focus on that lie of a dossier, from 2017-2018, where I never found peace in their “You don’t cooperate, we’re guessing you’re a schizophrenic and you have to accept our diagnosis.” And every session then was about having to accept the diagnosis. That was traumatic and very disrespectful… I refuse to speak to those who continue to treat me like that.

I don’t understand how the fact that I’m rather here than at home, doesn’t ring a bell??? I’m used to a better quality of living…

Waiting for the staff to finish their meeting, so that I might be allowed to fry an egg… Under supervision…

I’ll show you my self-analysis, when I’m done 🙂 .

~~~

Blog, Online Diary, Popular Posts, Strategy

Crisis Center Day 1 [Tuesday, May 28, 2019]

01:08 (AM)

I just ate some bread and left-overs. I’m at a more comfortable location than in 2017. This is an open vicinity. In 2017, I was in the closed vicinity.

I wasn’t allowed to record the intake. But I still recorded a short piece, before I was told to shut off my phone and prove that it was off. (My god x_x.) I’ll just keep it for my own administraton, but won’t share the audio file on here. I don’t want to upset those who have authority over me, here…

The conclusion of the conversation was that we don’t like each other and the man doesn’t know and understand why I’m here. I’m basically here so that my Graeynissis can pick me up and my parents won’t interfere 🙂 . I hope…

One of the questions he asked me, is if I hear a voice in my head or see things that are not there. I told him “No”. That’s a “diagnosing with schizophrenia again” question, and The Head Cuddle is not schizophrenia.

The max of days to stay here is 5. What will we be doing afterwards, my Graeynissis? I hope you’ll just be here today already… 🙁 I’m so lonely 🙁 .

The Fangs brushing teeth before going to sleep

I use that tiny bottle of hotel soap for hand soap. And I didn’t take my wig along because fuck ittt. I don’t find it pretty anymore and would like to purchase a different one. Plus letting my natural hair breathe more often…

So I told you I was going to end up here, and I really hope you’ll anticipate on this with the knowledge you have from keeping up with me over a year of blog posting…

I’m going to sleep.

Good night ♥

~~~

03:06 (AM)

I’m still awake…

In theory, after a bad night of sleep, just taking it slow the next day still feels good. But I don’t know if I’ll be expected to participate in group activities… From past experiences, I know everyone is woken up for breakfast at 8 o’ clock.

About the following passage in this post: “I’m basically here so that my Graeynissis can pick me up and my parents won’t interfere 🙂 . I hope…”: I mean that the situation at home was becoming too unbearable, and I really shouldn’t go back there, but without Graeynissis I can do business with, I can never seal that freedom. Never. Therapeutic conversations won’t solve my problems. Money will…

I just desire to have my own house 🙁 .

I really hope you’ll visit me here with flowers, and do a cool business proposal…

I really don’t feel that safe around people who have been in institutions for decades, deprived off sex, and psychological warfare type therapists, taking into consideration the financial benefits of being a patient…

So how do I get out of here and never go back to my parents’ house ever again? I can’t do that without you…

~~~

07:44 (AM)

Good morning ♥

I hope you’re doing good 🙂 . I managed to sleep some and feel like sleeping some more. I also feel like screaming, but I really shouldn’t…

My mother has been threatening to send me here for sooo long. I hope she’s happy to see the result with her own eyes. I don’t want her to visit me, because that would be too much mental torture.

So I’ll be hiding here until I’m forced to blend in with “the group of like-minded people here”… Help 🙁 . It feels like my case with Dr. Crutzen all over again…

~~~

08:05 (AM)

Still in bed 😀 . I’m officially not allowed to report to the world how things go around here… I don’t want to witness it another day, either. Honestly, this is where I want to start my reform of this system.

There should be much more political attention for the way people are treated here!

~~~

08:34 (AM)

Still laying here…

I’ve been all by myself for so much more time I’ve been in someone else’s company 🙁 .

I don’t want to live through this psychological warfare again 🙁 .

~~~

08:49 (AM)

Meanwhile I live with the constant thought of people masturbating with the thought of me. It’s not a taboo, but my actual reason for broadcasting is not sex, but the law and leadership… I hope you’ll approach me for the right reasons…

I should get out of bed… But I’m wearing shorts…

~~~

09:05 (AM)

At the closed vicinity and EMC, you’re woken up for breakfast. Here not, I see. That’s good. I feel so much worry and pain – because what if my Graeynissis won’t have my back by showing up here… 🙁 I don’t want to have therapy conversations and introduce myself… I’m too sad and worried, to act as if everything is fine 🙁 .

~~~

10:08 (AM)

Okay, I’m going to get out of bed… I hope I won’t be harrassed… I’m a bit scared… But often things turn out less bad than I project them to be. Last time, I got along with the “fellow patients” very well 🙂 .

Also, I forgot to bring along make-up remover, which I want to go buy, but I don’t feel comfortable with the thought of having to hand in my room key when I leave the building. Some of the things I’ve taken with me, are quite valuable…

Such as this classic 🙂

I have a much better view than at home 😀

~~~

11:02 (AM)

There’s an authority problem here…

~~~

11:38 (AM)

Therapeutic conversations make me want to die even more…

I say I can’t be at home, because I want a share of family capital and I say most of my “relatives” are mafia. And the therapist says that she thinks that is a symptom of schizophrenia. How about she’s a schizophrenic for even considering me to be a schizophrenic? Kanker zooi.

I want my medical record destroyed. I need a second opinion from abroad…

I’m going to take a shower…

~~~

15:56 (03:56 PM)

Twitter highlights:

I’m quick to post, because any snake can kill me at any second. They do not have the right to force me to stop blogging!!! Not even at the closed vicinity that should have never even been said by that bitch that has definitely made the “Who is not allowed on Planet Fang” list on my mind… Who would be on your list? 🙂

~~~

20:47 (08:47 PM)

I didn’t have to pack after all 🙂 . I’m glad that the acute dienst was able to see that moving me to the closed vicinity is completely unnecessary.

The past makes me very defensive against those who work in the psychiatric industry. And I think sometimes I’m very right for doing that. Like today, for example. She could have taken my freedom away just like that, and if my blog weren’t here, no one would know the unlawful situation I’d be put in.

But today’s conversation with the acute dienst (of which I have no recording), made me realize that not all people in this industry are (so) unnecessarily and painfully authoritarian (it should be illegal).

To me, a real psychiatrist is an extraordinarily good conversationalist, and not someone who is just going down the list of DSM definitions, to see if there’s a match, and then prescribe some pills… This system doesn’t allow me to choose who I share my deepest secrets with. (They might as well get me killed by mafia. My blog is just the surface of my secrets, hiding in plain sight…) I’m so very glad that the acute dienst man I spoke yesterday, was here today as well, and that he was able to empathize with me on this!

There’s such a huge difference between someone who specializes in psychiatry (and who is truly passionate about the discipline), and “a basisarts”….

I guess there has been a miscommunication. It’s evident to us all, that there are too many burdens on my mind, to currently rule the business I’m trying to start. I certainly need to have some good conversations about how I truly feel. I know probably all DSM definitions apply to me… The reason why I’m so defensive is because of the disrespectful and derogatory way people are treated within this system.

Of course I want to talk!!! But only when I can start with a clean slate, and when my word, in my medical record, weighs heavier than that of my parents.
Something I’m, however, still, never going to accept, is psychiatric medicines. I need to air out my heart, not damage it further than the antipsychotics already have.

I’m glad I’ll get a chance to speak to the psychiatrist of the vicinity, tomorrow 🙂 . (This far it has been regular doctors, (master) students and nurses…) I’ll start preparing my true, clean slate case, on paper 🙂 . I like including causality in the way I define my mind (but not everyone is able to understand that). I’m convincing myself that the psychiatrist will understand me. I hope it will be true. It would make me feel a lot less extremely lonely…

I hope I could also hear his view about the psychiatric system, and the things he would like to see change. Maybe even co-write an article with me, so that I still have something for the 30th… But I don’t know if my heart is safe with this person or not, yet, though… Some people, by means of “therapy” just use weak compliments [like “oh wow, that was not that bad,” as insinuating the assumption that it was not going to be good and that it is still not outstanding quality… Those who do that, I still find an absolute disease. I’ve met far too many of them… x_x] to indirectly insult my intelligence and shape me with insecurity…

A simple solution to this hygiene problem I spotted here, is to give every inhabitant here [I find that “patient” sounds pejorative in this situation] his/her own wash cloth:

It’s still cute, though 🙂

I did bring my own, but just felt like saying this, because of the amount of people that come and go, here…

~~~

Blog, Explicit Content, Nederlandse Tekst, Online Diary, Popular Posts, Strategy

Highlights [Monday, May 27, 2019]

00:00 (12:00 AM)

I tweet so much that if I wouldn’t share it here as well, it would be impossible to create an oversight.

So highlights (of highlights):

For more oversight:

  • There will be no book release this 30th. My entire project is put on hold as long as no one participates.

D.O.C.I.S.:

  • Useful powerful people leave their positions and form an alliance with me. (Positions in the government, corporations and classrooms.)
  • We design a new system for when the waterworks are not there anymore, and put that system into practice.
  • There will be a new monetary system.
  • I am innocent.

~~~

00:27 (12:27 AM)

My goddd these accusations again…

Ever since I’ve gone missing and my parents betrayed me, everyone always defends them, instead of me (kanker irritant):

Oh and the housing deal is off. It would be a total ripoff for me, and I’d earn from something illegal.

~~~

01:57 (AM)

If there were a FIOD raid in this house, and the entire family were taken in for questioning, I would be prepared as fuck. I would be able to defend myself – but still hope my Vicje would like to by my sexy lawyer – so very well. I know my defence, which is the absolute truth, by heart, and you can check my websites for further reference. Enjoy your read 🙂 .

I’ll also defend my sister – because she’s young, sweet and uninformed. The rest will try to frame us. If they haven’t already… I hope she won’t do that to me 🙁 . She’s too young 🙁 .

~~~

02:27 (AM)

Muy importante:

Ooh en deze ook:

En nu ga ik slapen. Ik zeg altijd wanneer ik ga slapen, zodat je over me zal waken 🙂 ♥

Welterusten liefjes ♥ ♥

xxx

13:41 (01:41 PM)

Good afternoon ♥

Another day alive and breathing as a family snitch. An important “lesson” I have “learnt” as a child, is that I may never tell anyone about the illegal activities within the family I have always been aware of. With a threatening undertone, softened by future dependency.

They’d make me their money slave after retirement. They often use psychological warfare tactics for fun. There are many more young victims. Those who were raised with the thought that we are blood relatives: family. We’re only fraud relatives, and you should step up, too, if you’re a witness. Fuck the fake family.

All people living off fraud and doing nothing good with it, should be assassinated. That is one of the things I want my future business to do. A bit like SAW…

I ate a piece of picaña and twister fries before bed, and now have diarrhea x_x. This is inconvenient for the small portions of food I keep my vital organs running with. But it’s convenient for my flaming “I’d rather die than continue to live in this illegal hell” feeling. I’ve now eaten a mandarine “for afternoon breakfast”. I’ll eat another one and then shower this watery feces feeling off of me…

~~~

15:15 (03:15 PM)

Cute questionnn ♥

I can’t kill everyone in this fucking mafia kartel, without your help… Please, make me happy…

~~~

16:31 (04:31 PM)

More important highlights:

The people I’m thinking of killing:

  1. Denise Ifna Elia-Hanenberg
  2. Sidney Derrick Elia
  3. Michael Dreier
  4. Eric Raymond Chin-Ten-Fung
  5. Pascale Chin-Ten-Fung-Hooyman
  6. Gwendell van Riemsdijk
  7. Everyone spreading bullshit news on social media, frauds, bullies and dumb racists
  8. There are A LOTTTTT of people on my “maybe” list…

I want to do it myself!!!

More:

Piano timeee…

~~~

17:22 (05:22 PM)

~~~

18:06 (06:06 PM)

I threaten and the police and acute dienst should come to my house in about 45 minutes. I’ll pack a backpack before I start 🙂 .

~~~

18:58 (06:58 PM)

After the world knows you really shouldn’t fuck with Lil Fangs 🙂 .

It will not be 45 minutes. It’s “After my mother comes back from spontaneously visiting her friend’s house.”

Ga ik ondertussen wel even deze goloks (toch¿) schoonmaken…

~~~

19:08 (07:08 PM)

Ze zijn schoon & ik ga toch wel maar met eentje naar beneden ipv twee, straks wanneer mijn moeder terug is, want anders heb ik geen hand vrij om te grijpen.

Ik heb trouwens ook alvast ingepakt:

Zorg aub dat ik in het Nederlandse prison system niet extreem onjuist behandeld zal worden…

Still waiting though…

~~~

19:21 (07:21 PM) 

I’ll give them – les parents – the space to eat something. So that I can gather the family in front of the television, the way we have, so way to fucking often.

I want them dead, but this house is not a safe place to kill them. There are too many snakes in this country.

I genuinely hope you’re looking out for me…

~~~

20:08 (08:08 PM)

VICJEEEEE 🙁

~~~

20:45 (08:45 PM)

I’ve just been prognosed with mania and will probably be taken into an institution again. They’re discussing it now.

~~~

21:32 (09:32 PM)

So the three individuals of the acute dienst have just left and the next step is waiting until “Bavo Europoort Poortmolen” has found a different spot to stall me, because they’re full. There are too many crazy people in this town, haha…

Strategooooooo

Look out for my sister bitte 🙁 .

Phones etc. are not allowed, there, so I wonder how Lil Fangs will be treated… Only my sister and other Graeynissis may visit me…

~~~

23:14 (11:14 PM)

🙁

~~~

23:27 (11:27 PM)

My heart hurts 🙁 . I hope this will be my last time living through this. Through the conversations that insinuate that I’m mentally insane. I just want to make some political power moves in this world…

I’m waiting for my intake, here in the crisis center…

Need cuddles 🙁 .

~~~

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Still At It [Sunday, May 26, 2019]

09:48 (AM)

Good morning ♥

I just ate some yoghurt and a piece of salmon from my parents’ dinner of yesterday. But eating makes me die less fast, so I kind of regret it… I don’t want to perceive life anymore, on the one hand. But on the other hand, I want to rule this world and be kissing my Vicje… 🙁

Als je denkt dat ik nu “niet meer mezelf ben”, omdat ik die “Lekker mezelf zijn…” kut post niet meer update, dan zit je ernaast. Na vrijdag de 17de, zag ik mijn kans om mijn Cold Case nog te kunnen heropenen en winnen, verloren.

I’m going back to sleep xxx

~~~

11:50 (AM)

Sunday viewsss…

Need Cishes 🙁 .

~~~

12:39 (PM)

Good afternoon 🙂 .

“Oh wow, it finally seems as if people are starting to notice me 🙂 ”

Happy me…

~~~

13:20 (01:20 PM)

My patience is gone. Stop thinking that I can’t fucking handle reality. My reality is worse than yours. I will see more blood flow than anyone else ever has, and I will be the cause. Because I fucking want it. Please, make me happy.

And if you’re a female in an abusive relationship, and you love me and the says asshole does, too: I mean you, not him, sweetie ♥ .

I really need to speak to the world, to indexate, before we start killing…

But only when you allow me to heist all media myself… Then, I’ll be “The Fangs”

~~~

14:49 (02:49 PM)


~~~

16:56 (04:56 PM)

Bitte… 🙁 You have so many reasons to!

~~~

17:52 (05:52 PM)

Reasons like these ones:

“Of iets anders?” = the insecurity that comes from mental torture. Another reason…:

The empty nest syndrome of everyone except me is another reason why.

~~~

18:10 (06:10 PM)

Who just logged me out of my administrator panel? Fuck you 🙂 . Cyber bully 🙁 .

To other people: I can sense your attraction to me. Don’t hide it. Especially don’t be ashamed of it. Embrace it! Embrace me! 😀 The Fangs deserves some real love, too…

The Fangs heeft alleen tijd voor zaken… ♥

Ik stel een kolonne van auto’s voor. Allemaal met kogelwerend glas. We zijn waarschijnlijk pas veilig wanneer we de grens over zijn… Daar kunnen we veilig vergaderen 🙂 .

Maar eerst kanen? Alleen wanneer ik wat Cishes van jou krijg, wil ik eten 🙁 .

~~~

18:46 (06:46 PM)

The birds are telling me I’ll get Cishes soon, I hear. These powerful Dutch birds who sound louder than a zillion cars and children’s cheers, altogether…

Someone please tell me why I’m, from downstairs, hearing a knife being sharpened, for over 5 minutes? A fist fight would be more fair 🙁 .

~~~

19:29 (07:29 PM)

I’m writing history, and you have been written out of the story…

~~~

20:13 (08:13 PM) 

I’m a cyber fraud, sometimes 😂. But I really need this power…

I’ve expressed myself a few times in this way, asking myself a question with recognizable wording, because I didn’t have the inspiration to start about detailed sex on here. Some statements I make about sex, should be taken with a grain of salt. I find safe sex very important. Physically safe and no unwanted pregnancies…

But this is some serious advice: disregard all of your family’s sex tips. When they’re “modern tips”, speaking from my own perspective.

Other statements shouldn’t be taken with a grain of salt… These ASKfm questions have increased my craving for Vicje even more… 😻

I already had A LOT of trouble playing it cool, the last time I saw him. The ocean he creates in my panties, when I see him, will most certainly be bigger next time. I’ve been fantasizing tooo much! 😻

Literally too much… I don’t even know him that well. I don’t even know if he’s an Angel or not 🙁 . (That takes more time, to recognize. Of some people I know for 22 years, I also still don’t know.)

I really hope he’s one of my Angels. He is the most attractive person on my mind. (With A LOT of competition, though…) I wish I could have more alone time with him. Really alone… Office parties, with people staring at us, are not the same. (Not saying that I never want to party with him and other people at the same time!)

Because I have these feelings for him, I am so afraid to get hurt, because of past experiences with other people 🙁 .

The Summer holiday season is approaching (?) and my ego has been too damaged because of his staff rejecting my job applications all the time. I’ll never apply again. And yes, staff, you got me: I just want to be there – at the ANWB – to steal your boss and make your job obsolete. I’ll succeed, somehow 🙂 . Because the insurance system in this country is unhealthy and really should be reformed. That he’s hot as well is just a blessing 😻

But stealing my Vicje and him then becoming my labor free sexy Graeyniss, has a lot of benefits. This is how I imagine picture day:

We’re in the office library of the office home of our mansion. The walls are twice his height. The right wall is a robust book case, in front of which there’s a large classical conference table.

We’re facing the camera man, who is taking pictures for our campaign.
Victor places his right hand on my right shoulder. With straightened chests, we look into the camera, looking very powerful. He’s wearing a grey suit with a black tie, I’m wearing a white blouse, a short grey skirt and high socks. A few pictures are snapped.
I place my left hand on top of his right hand and tilt my head towards it, closing my eyes. Again, a few pictures are snapped.

I don’t know if my fantasy will ever become reality, and I don’t know if this will get my heart broken, so I feel very hesitant with sharing this.

It’s embarrassing – especially because I don’t know his feelings and I don’t know who my father is – but to still complete the story, as I promised, I’ll fast-forward it: I grab his tie and pull him towards me, starting to kiss him. Push him on a brown leather couch, sitting on top of him, still kissing, going all wild. Camera man is still taking pictures. Sometimes we look into the camera.

I kiss his erection through his pants, et cetera. Later he lifts me up and lays me down on the conference table, et cetera…. 😻 😻 😻

He might now certainly know that I’ll be thinking of this, when I see him…? I hope he receives my brain-to-brain communication signal… 😻

Meanwhile:

~~~

22:29 (10:29 PM)

All I’ve eaten today is that yoghurt and that piece of salmon… I don’t want to have this room as my home anymore 🙁 . But it’s still better than subjecting myself to mental slavery…

~~~

Blog, Ex Animo, Explicit Content, Nederlandse Tekst, Popular Posts

Een verhaaltje

Er was eens een Nigeriaanse prins, die de mooiste ogen en de grootste intelligentie van het hele land had.

Hij ontmoette Queen Fangs op een dronken avond, beiden niet wetende dat ze Queen Fangs heet. (Verzin dit ter plekke…)

They have had very good chemistry. Too good, some would say…

Beiden worden ze regelmatig gediscrimineerd. Ze zijn daarom bang voor liefde. Zo bang dat ze elkaar veel pijn hebben gedaan.

Het wantrouwen werd te groot, toen Fangs niet durfde te zeggen dat ze de geur van zijn adem en smaak van zijn speeksel niet lekker vindt, en dat ze zich onzeker en een beetje beledigd voelde, omdat hij in een jaar tijd nog nooit in haar mond klaargekomen is.

The end.

N.a.v.

Blog, Explicit Content, Nederlandse Tekst, Online Diary, Popular Posts

Not Dead Yet… [Friday, May 24, 2019]

10:45 (AM) 

In reference to yesterday:

Dumb fucking algorithm…

This is a popular post AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
(It only has 12 views, why my most popular post has 2000+ views. This is sarcasm…)
~~~
15:50 (03:50 PM)

It’s not 22 people. Just The Fangs…

~~~

16:48 (04:48 PM)

~~~

21:40 (09:40 PM)

Wow, 36 🙂

This bloodlust is driving me crazy yoooo… Hunger is also driving me crazy, still. Barbaren bederven mijn eetlust…

~~~

Blog, Images, Online Diary, Popular Posts

Voting Day [Thursday, May 23, 2019]

12:58 (PM)

Good afternoon ♥

I decided to resort to a less painful method, yesterday, and am still here. So I can vote 🙂 . I’ll get to that right away now. After that, continuing this method, I can even still work on my websites 🙂 .

I’ll get to that! &Please please do not copy the behavior that comes with my suicidal tendencies 🙁 .

Yesterday, I impulsively named my post “campaigning D.O.C.I.S.”, showing more of the definition of that in practice, which was followed by a wave of sadness, because it is so hard for me to find the appreciation I need for success.

I would like to have a self selected security team around me… My income doesn’t say that I need that. But I think the way people treat me, really shows that I do need that. This proves people are very biased about me:

People really don’t believe me, when I say that the D.O.C.I.S. includes selecting who to keep alive, based on intelligence. I remember everyone who hurts me.

~~~

14:21 (02:21 PM)

Voting day “swag”…

~~~

15:41 (03:41 PM)

The awful truth… It should start with my parents having a double nationality, the way they should have, from the start. But they were born as Dutch people, in one of the many (former) colonies. If they adapt, I could become entitled to have a say in the reform of that country as well, taking the same double nationality (and becoming president…).

I didn’t expect this Catje’s name on that list… He has, this campaigning period, been the face of the party, but not that of his party in Europe, so I’m voting “standard”, assuming that any party win means that all Dutch people leave their European coalitions… (En een Europees parlement, en een nationaal parlement, en een Eerste en Tweede Kamer… Die constructie is sowieso veels te deep-state gevoelig…)

I love children’s curiosity! Parents should motivate that and extensively teach them everything they want to know 🙂 .

For the D.O.C.I.S. International website, I’m switching from the Sublime Text editor trial, to Notepad++.
~~~

18:47 (06:47 PM)

I added some text to this page on the D.O.C.I.S. International website. I think my site looks very pretty 🙂 .

I’m tired now :(. That must partially be because of the silent hunger strike I’m on, or something… By means of reducing my suffering, I do have eaten some fruit and a few banana crisps… I can still feel my body weaken, though. This is a slow process 🙁 . Life is so boring to me. I wish I could make my experience of it, stop in a successful instant. I don’t want to try a method of which I’m not sure of its effectiveness.

I’m a sad Catje .

~~~

19:24 (07:24 PM)

In case you wonder if I really want to die: if my only alternative is to be stuck in my parents house: absolutely yes. If people would not be dumb fucking snakes I all want to give headshots, and buy my book or donate some money to me, my fate could have been different.

By reading about the days of my life, you are a witness of the death of me. Doing nothing… You don’t give a fuck, do you?

~~~

23:51 (11:51 PM)

Earlier:

Negotiations…

Explanations… Het antwoord op de vragen, staat in het document zelf.

~~~

Blog, Images, Nederlandse Tekst, Online Diary, Popular Posts, Reflections

Campaigning D.O.C.I.S…. [Wednesday, May 22, 2019]

02:13 (AM)

Weet je waarom ik eigenlijk niets zei, toen er vragen gesteld konden worden…? Omdat ik anders ruzie zou starten…

Zie dit als een krantenkop: “Een zetel in het Europese Parlement, om daar over niet in het Europese Parlement zitten te praten?”

Wie is dan wie, in de deep-state? I’m still trying to dissolve it…

Ik heb niet genoeg ruimte om dan te zeggen: “De lijsttrekker is niet elke stem in de partij. Als in het gebeurt mede in zijn naam, maar hij gaat daar niet zitten.” Dus het volgende is niet op hem van toepassing:

“Een zetel in het Europese Parlement, om daar over niet in het Europese Parlement zitten te praten?” Waarom ga je daar dan in de eerste instantie heen? Ga dan toch helemaal niet? Het klinkt toch een beetje…. Jaa dom…?

Als de media die discussie daarover begint op een live stream, zou ik iets negatiefs doen tegenover degene die ik juist wil steunen.

Ik moet mijn websites afmaken, maar ik ben moe… Ik heb honger, en zou – later pas terwijl mijn maag nu knort – boodschappen moeten doen, omdat ik, hoewel ik alles dat me eetbaar lijkt, eet, zelfs niet al het verse eten in Nederland, lekker vind… Ah help x_x.

Nexit betekent toch: “Niet naar het buitenland gaan, om over de problemen in je eigen land te discussiëren, en handel op basis van individuele bondgenootschappen, in plaats van vriendjespolitiek.” ¿

Brexit, Nexit, Espexit, Frexit, Itexit, Dexit… That’s it 😀 . #DOCIS…
~~~
10:50 (AM)

Ik werd wakker met twee dilemma’s:

  1. Ik wil zelfmoord plegen, maar mijn moeder is thuis.
  2. Ik probeer te sterven van de honger – want ik wil echt niet naar de supermarkt – maar dat lukt me nooit.

Ik ben de manier waarop ik word behandeld echt ZO FUCKING ZAT.

  1. KANKER DOMME RACISTEN. IK KAN ER HELAAS NIETS AAN DOEN DAT IK IN DIT GAT GEBOREN BEN. DAT KOMT DOOR JULLIE VOOROUDERS.
  2. De mensen die nog steeds denken dat ik zwakbegaafd ben, tegen wie ik beleefd blijf omdat, wanneer ik diegene met eigen handen het leven ontneem, ik zo veel meer haters zal krijgen dat ik nergens meer veilig zal zijn. Ik ben in mijn eigen fucking huis NIET EENS FUCKING VEILIG.

Iedereen kent mij serieus zogenaamd niet? Voor wat er TWEE JAAR GELEDEN gebeurde, was ik al een aardig bekend gezicht. Erna… Jullie publiciteit heeft mijn imago levenslang internationaal beschadigd. Het enige wat ik nog kan doen is ertegenin schreeuwen en laten zien DAT IK TOCH ECHT HELEMAAL ZELF MIJN FUCKING VETERS KAN STRIKKEN. “Pas op de FUCKING GROTE RUIMTE TUSSEN DE DEUR EN WAAR JE NU STAAT.” IK BEN NIET FUCKING BLIND!?! IK WIL JE FUCKING HULP NIET.

MAAR JULLIE ZIJN IN REALITEIT ZELFS OOK NOG EENS TE DOM VOOR MIJ.

De maat is echt vol na meer dan twee uur te hebben GESTAAAAAAAAAAAN. Lil Fangs een stoel aanbieden? Lil Fangs spreektijd geven? Lil Fangs een mail laten sturen naar “Je praat te lang?” Nee. Ik ben de beste schrijfster in de hele fucking wereld, en je weet het.

Ik wil echt nooit meer naar buiten. Ik wil graag geen mensen meer zien, horen en spreken. Ik wil niet meer tot na de verkiezingen wachten, met mijn volgende poging. Weet je hoe erg ik programmeren eigenlijk haat? En waarom probeer ik het eigenlijk nog?

Eenzaamheid is dodelijk.

~~~

11:51 (AM) 

Ik heb echt zin om de hele dag in mijn bed te blijven liggen. Maar dan krijg ik sowieso weer gezeik over dat ik niets doe. Dat incasseren dan maar…

Mijn dilemma is echt grappig. Gewoon die “Wat doe je?”, wanneer ik mezelf probeer te verhangen.

Een akelig feit: het aantal views van deze post is nep. I was so bold to add a 2, when there were 22 views. So now there actually are 38 views, instead of 238. This is, in actuality, not a popular post.

I can never be popular, because I’m consciously using an overly stigmatized name, and after the “”SHE’S MISSING” *”two minutes later”* “SHE’S NOT MISSING ANYMORE””-campaign [comes with the looks…], I became stigmatized as publicity poison. (That’s why I’m very fond of my publicity poison idols. Who are unfortunately breaking my heart with their political distance…)

Ik ga het nog steeds proberen, hoor. Eerst even wachten tot ze weg is. Lig nog steeds in bed. Met dezelfde honger.

~~~

12:51 (PM) 

Dat ik doodga als een soort Rembrandt, doet me het meeste pijn. “Pas ontdekt nadat haar familie haar levenloze lichaam in huis vond.” De haat die ik voel is werkelijk grenzeloos, omdat ik in realiteit niet onbekend ben, maar gewoon genegeerd word.

~~~

13:47 (01:47 PM) 

I don’t want to die not knowing who my biological father is. I know I love him very dearly.

After this painful B situation, the new theories about the deep-state in my life, sound so crazy:

Did I dream that “B’s doppelganger” [my B is the person on the other side of my brain-to-brain communication] attempted to have sex with me in an isolation cell in the police station here, or did that actually happen?

Is it possible that, three years ago, twice there was a different lecturer, who looked a lot like the man I met – together with my mother and a friend of her – last Friday, and that he was there because he loves me so much?

There at two lectures, the office once and the police station after COPS I WANT TO KILL SOOOOOOOO FUCKING BADDDDDDDDDDDD forced me to sip their cup of poisonous shit and put me in an isolation cell, because brain-to-brain communication is still real and in my head I keep telling him that he has very good reasons to just say fuck it and come spend far too much time with me 🙁 .

Ik kan met droge ogen dood willen gaan en traumas herleven, omdat dat altijd al mijn hele leven is geweest. Ik schrijf nog steeds alleen pas in detail over de afgelopen twee jaar. Daarvoor was het niet veel beter. Ik mis mijn opa nog steeds, omdat we zulke goede zakenpartners geweest hadden kunnen zijn 🙁 . En hij was zo lief 🙁 . Mensen met een karakter als dat van hem, zijn bijna uitgestorven 🙁 .

~~~

14:09 (02:09 PM) 

I am now so clueless about who my B is… I’d kill to see those luminescent turquoise eyes again. He’s so tall that without making myself smaller, I can rest my head against his chest…

Sympathize with me on this one:

  • I finished my gymnasium in 7 years.
  • I’m black.
  • I quit the international economics  programme I had been allowed into, after 3 months already.
  • I’m female.
  • I’m tall.
  • My voice is deep but still feminine (it’s my height and that fucking Dutch food).
  • I went missing “for two minutes”.
  • I might be part Italian, which would mean that my last name is very incorrect. Italian people are often discriminated (sometimes in ways worse than black people are treated) in the Netherlands (and still it’s one of the top Dutch holiday locations… Ga jij eens heeeel gauw Nexit…).
  • I live in a white country. In the country where my roots lie, I’m seen as white. Here, “I’m black.”
  • My family will assassinate me, if I tell the truth about them.
  • Because I’m very intelligent, I can’t communicate smoothly with some.
  • My style is too intuitive for some to understand it without an extensive explanation.

Do you understand why I ask for your genuine sympathy?

~~~

14:41 (02:41 PM) 

Here I go again, starting something over “nothing”:


Harassment, de kaboela bus, culture pressure to behave like the flock… There are so many topics I have a very extensive opinion about…
~~~
15:35 (03:35 PM)

Still waiting to hear the alarm system indicate that someone is leaving the house… Then I can at least eat something and smoke “the enemy of the state” indica I bought yesterday.

~~~

15:49 (03:49 PM)

Hear hear…

Finally, it’s time for a peaceful lonely first meal of the day…

~~~

Blog, Media, Nederlandse Tekst, Online Diary, Popular Posts, Random Thoughts, Reflections, Strategy, Videos

Lekker mezelf zijn terwijl die hartverscheurende Cold Case helaas nog steeds niet is afgesloten

– – – – 09/05/’19

Offline

Ik heb me echt lang niet zo vrij gevoeld.

https://lilfangs.com/fangyist-souls

Wat mijn blog content betreft val ik ontzettend in herhaling. Minstens tot en met mijn samenkomst met dr. Crutzen, zal ik daarom offline zijn. Wel zal ik af en toe mijn e-mail checken, dus als je me wil bereiken, kan dat via d.elia@docis.international.

Ik werd zo geconsumeerd door het schrijven om mijn concept en identiteit te definiëren, dat ik vergat dat alles online eigenlijk waardeloos is.

Ik hoop dat de technologie zich zodanig verder zal ontwikkelen, dat het concept van de online persoonlijkheid zal verdwijnen, en het leven zelf een uiterst bovennatuurlijke ervaring wordt. Daar zet ik me voor in.

En voor Cuddles 😀 . Because I love youuu ♥

Ik wil mijn samenkomst met dr. Crutzen sowieso op camera vastleggen. Hopelijk zien jullie vanaf dan (of misschien zelfs eerder al) mijn ware, (monocratische, maar open voor goed advies) gezicht.

Tot snel, mijn lief ♥

– – – – 06/05/’19

De Rest van de Strategie

Het filmpje hierboven is belangrijke uitleg. Verder is, zoals de afgelopen twee jaar, mijn strategie wachten tot ik dr. Crutzen na die ontzettend lange tijd eindelijk mag zien en we verder kunnen praten over hoe we het Stratagem eindelijk in de praktijk kunnen brengen, featuring other Graeynissis 😀 .

Morgen ga ik een nieuw filmpje in het Nederlands maken, tenzij mijn bevrijding vervroegd wordt (is wat ik iedere dag hoop, meer dan de afgelopen twee jaar).

Youtube & korte filmpjes

Mijn publiceren is op dit moment lekker all over the place en hier zijn dus nog wat meer filmpjes die nog niet in dit “artikel” stonden, in semi-publicatievolgorde:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTIpy0GzcuE&t=2342s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KE0kGxIXFyE&t=518s

Ik ga nu mijn powerpoint voor mijn praten over de link tussen Fangyisme en D.O.C.I.S. International afmaken, dat filmen en koken. Of mijn filmpje voor of na het eten af is weet ik nog niet… xxx

– – – – 01/05/’19

Instagram

Normaal gesproken deel ik in mijn dagboek dat ik aan het koken ben. Vandaag deed ik dat op Instagram 🙂 . (Beetje beschamend, want het kan natuurlijk niet op tegen al die gelikte kookvideos die je overal kan zien.)

Mid-eating

Ik heb ook een filmpje gedeeld van toen ik piano aan het spelen was & toen ik in de sportschool was.

Mijn hoeveelheid volgers, likes, views et cetera is echt zwaar deprimerend.

– – – – 29/04/’19

Praten tegen een muur

Zo voelt dit. Dit is niet het eind resultaat van mijn werk. Maar dat wist je natuurlijk al, omdat je alles al gelezen hebt :). [Dat was mijn depressie gecombineerd met PTSS die zich uitte in deze sarcastische opmerking die is veroorzaakt door het treurige feit dat iemand die nu pas begint met kijken waar dit allemaal eigenlijk over gaat, zo veel in te halen heeft dat de manier waarop er op deze strategie geanticipeerd zou moeten worden, voor diegene niet 1 2 3 duidelijk is.]

– – – 25/04/’19

Ik wil echt godverdomme uit huis

Het is weer “business as usual”. Het probleem is dat ik dit leven achter me wil laten – inclusief de mensen – maar ik hiervoor het kapitaal niet heb. Ik ga hoe dan ook vandaag weg. Ook al slaap ik weer minstens 3 dagen buiten, net als in 2017. Ik ben zooo klaar met deze man. Echt. Hier eerst een voorproefje.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=efTIEZhaOXY&t=35s 

Intussen

Intussen doe ik wat web en social media onderhoud. Ik ben onder andere bezig met het instellen van Push Notificaties, zodat ik binnenkort geen gebruik meer hoef te maken van andere social media. Heb jij het notificatieverzoek al gekregen?

– – – – 23/04/’19

Ik ben moe

Na meer dan een jaar lang continu een lange en diverse reeks aan boeken en blog posts schrijven – die niemand leest – voelen mijn hersenen aan alsof ze het ieder moment kunnen begeven. Ik ben daardoor ook te vermoeid – en pici teleurgesteld – om te denken aan een nieuwe low-budget (door de diversiteit, mijn ongeschooldheid en mijn lage inkomen kan ik geen aanspraak maken op kapitaal) manier om mijn concept te innoveren, omdat dat me weer veel tijd en hersencapaciteit gaat kosten. Daarnaast vind ik dat mijn andere publicaties nog niet genoeg aandacht hebben gekregen voor iets nieuws.

Dus dit artikel zal steeds bovenaan blijven staan, omdat ik de datum zal blijven updaten naar de datum waarop ik een stuk tekst toevoeg 🙂 . Intussen wacht ik ook op de heropening van mijn Cold Case (over mijn vermissing, over de onterechte imagoschade en privacyschending, over de criminele manier waarop de politie me heeft behandeld, over de onterechte diagnose schizofrenie en de hartverscheurende gevolgen daarvan, de manier waarop ik mijn hele leven al financieel aan de grond gehouden word, et cetera), die als het goed is mid-mei plaatsvindt. (Maar intussen heb ik nog steeds geen vast inkomen 🙁 . Ik kan pas echt goed werken wanneer mijn naam gezuiverd is en niet meer als schizofreen word gestigmatiseerd.)

Twitter

@LilFangs_

Sinds de publicatie van dit artikel (de 21ste van de maand April), ben ik zeer actief geweest op Twitter, voor promotie. Ik kon het ook niet laten om me gelijk met allerlei politieke discussies te bemoeien.

Voor het behouden van een uitlaatklep, terwijl ik mijn hersenen wat rust geef en wacht tot mijn publicaties hun welverdiende aandacht hebben gehad (GRRRRR OP MINSTENS DE ZELFDE SCHAAL ALS DIE LEUGEN VAN EEN VERMISSINGSCAMPAGNE), zal ik daar nu wat actiever op zijn.

Het is ook een wat toegankelijkere manier van corresponderen, voor mensen die eerst nog wat meer willen zien voordat ze mijn blog bezoeken.

Solliciteren = huilen

Als ik een euro zou krijgen voor elke keer dat een bedrijf/recruiter/whatever me een, “Probeer het maar ergens anders,” bericht heeft gestuurd, zou ik inmiddels met pensioen kunnen.

En dat terwijl ik eigenlijk absoluut niet in loondienst wil gaan werken. Ik wil graag een baan die bij mijn intelligentie past, maar de meeste banen voor mijn leeftijd en opleidingsniveau, vallen zwaar onder dat niveau.

Het allerliefst zou ik voor vele bedrijven en individuen als een inhuurbare propagandist werken. Met kortetermijncontracten. Maar daarvoor heb ik een netwerk en aanbevelingen nodig, en die heb ik beiden niet 🙁 .

Zoekwoordsuggesties

Indien je/u meer achtergrondinformatie over dit blog wil, raad ik de volgende zoektermen aan: (Door die termen te zoeken, door op de loep rechtsbovenaan het scherm te klikken, vind u/je namelijk een aantal typische Lil Fangs blogberichten.)

  • Schizophrenia / psychotic / psychosis / psychotisch / schizofrenie (= dat ongevraagde wat ik probeer aan te vechten, want ik ben het niet met dat stigma eens)
  • Missing
  • Justice
  • Police
  • Nosce Te Ipsum
  • D.O.C.I.S. International
  • The Head Cuddle / brain-to-brain communication (is hetzelfde, maar The Head Cuddle is mijn zelfverzonnen dialect voor het device)
  • Sea level / water level / zeespiegel
  • My B

– – – 21/04/’19

Ba-dum-tsss

Het grappigste van deze hele website is dat ik mezelf steeds uitdruk in het Engels, terwijl dat mijn eerste taal helemaal niet is. Ik vind gewoon dat de politieke verwevenheid van Nederland in alle andere landen ter wereld gewoon een keer goed onder de loep genomen moet worden (want hier is veeeeel meer aan de hand), en dat we dat moeten gebruiken als het begin van de nu zeer hoog nodige internationale hervorming (een voorbeeld van een internationale connectie is het Nederlands belastingsysteem dat als een mafiabaas is die altijd “WHERE THE FUCK IS MY MONEY!?” schreeuwt, zodra je hier een cent verdiend hebt of hier geboren bent, en dat dat echt anders moet [het noemt zichzelf een belastingparadijs (Google het maar: “Nederland belastingparadijs”), maar dat is geen waarheid, maar valse marketing en PR], want dat geld wordt niet goed besteed), en daarvoor wil ik mezelf als uitgangspunt gebruiken, gezien mijn extreem diverse lijst van talenten, aspiraties, gewoontes en wettelijke wensen. Het Engels is een een stuk toegankelijkere taal. (Het wordt meer gesproken, wereldwijd onderwezen en cursussen zijn heeeeel makkelijk te vinden, ongeacht waar je woont. Maar gelukkig kan er ook online vertaald worden – gezien deze post in het Nederlands is – hoewel dat niet altijd even accuraat is.)

Dit is stiekem wel een heel interessant verhaal

Daarnaast zullen veel verschillende mensen zich kunnen herkennen in mijn verhaal. Dat ik bijvoorbeeld zwart ben, maar de Nederlandse nationaliteit mijn enige nationaliteit is, is een lang verhaal dat begint met slavernij, wat ik met vele andere kleurlingen [denk bijvoorbeeld aan African-Americans (die niet weten waar hun voorouders precies vandaan komen 🙁 ) en Nederland dat (slavenkolonie) Nieuw Amsterdam ( = New York) aan de Britten overgaf, in ruil voor Suriname] gemeen heb. Er zijn misschien zelfs meer Surinamers uit Suriname in Nederland, dan er Surinamers in Suriname zijn. Het is niet echt te tellen, want eens was Suriname onderdeel van het Koninkrijk der Nederlanden (tot 1975). En mijn geboorteplaats is Rotterdam. Ik ben, van mijn familie, de derde generatie in Nederland.

“Ojo Lil Fangs is altijd vet onduidelijk waar gaat het nou eigenlijk over ze legt het niet eens uit bla bla bla”

Ik heb deze post gemaakt omdat ik in de stemming ben om mijn gedachten zo puur mogelijk te delen, en die betrekking hebben op zo veel verschillende onderwerpen, dat ik het maar op deze manier ga aanpakken. Ik denk dat het een fijnere gebruikerservaring is, wanneer je niet naar een volgend artikel hoeft door te klikken voor de volgende dag. Vandaar dat het nu één artikel wordt voor alle levensfilosofie en random gedachten, zolang ik nog in deze beroerde situatie leef. Met mijn eigen verdere bezigheden zal ik u wekelijks updaten 🙂 . Ik voeg alles aan deze post toe, tot ik eindelijk gehoor heb gekregen wat betreft mijn cold case. Ik ben geen schizofreen en had die diagnose NOOOOOOOOOOOIT mogen krijgen. (Dat verhaal komt in vrijwel iedere persoonlijke post voor [voorbeeldje] en ik houd er eigenlijk echt niet van om mezelf meer dan twee keer te herhalen omdat mensen de moeite niet willen nemen om te lezen wat ik nog meer heb geschreven. (Zo erg dat ik er pittig fel van kan worden.))

Een beetje respect zou ik wel fijn vinden

Ik wil echt veel liever met “u” aangesproken worden, trouwens. Vooral omdat mensen echt fuuuuucking respectloos zijn tegen mij, en ze dan alsnog fucking respect van mij verwachten!? Ik wil dan dat het de gewoonte wordt om me met “u” aan te spreken, omdat ik in mijn verbale communicatie altijd mijn best doe om lief en respectvol voor iemand te zijn. Plus, ik wil graag wat meer respect voor mijn intelligentie. Vooral van mensen die echt fucking dom én respectloos zijn. Ik doe dit namelijk ook voor hen.

Waarom nog meer Nederland als startpunt?

Publieke stock trading begon met de Nederlandse piraterij en slavernij. De VOC en later ook de WIC. (Voel je vrij om de feiten te controleren door je eigen onderzoek te doen, in case you do not believe me.) Vandaag de dag zijn vele mensenlevens verweven in de aandelenmarkt. (Niet de mijne, in de zin van zelf geen aandelen bezitten. Maar in mijn omgeving hebben ONTZETTENDDDD veel mensen aandelen. En volgens mij zijn de Nederlandse pensioenfondsen nu afhankelijk van bitcoins en wapenhandel. (Dat men überhaupt nog steeds denkt dat een pensioenfonds de verdere vergrijzing aan zal kunnen…… Het is echt tijd voor hervorming.)) Ik heb de correlatie tussen de aandelenmarkt en uitstoot al een aantal keren uitgelegd. En waarom de waarde van geld gebaseerd zou moeten worden op wat er op dit moment in de natuur beschikbaar is ( = niet zo veel). We moeten het gesprek dat werkelijk gevoerd moet worden – dat gesprek waarvoor velen wegdeinzen [haha I see you 🙂 ] – ECHTTTTT NIET langer uit de weg gaan.

Gemeenheid is onderdeel van de Nederlandse cultuur, en dit verspreidt zich over andere culturen, als een soort epidemie. Niet alleen door het piraten- en slavernijverleden (die als “heldendaden” worden gezien). Een ander voorbeeld is dat vele Nederlanders een gesprek beginnen door middel van een belediging.

Gisteren, bijvoorbeeld, toen ik door de supermarkt liep met een trench coat aan, terwijl de rest van de mensen in t-shirts en korte jurkjes enzo rond liep, en ik een verre kennis tegen het lijf liep, was het eerste wat hij tegen me zei, nadat ik hem begroet had met “Hallo” en hem later weer tegen het lijf liep in een ander deel van de winkel, “Je ziet er uit alsof het winter is,” zei. En als ik dan “Hou je bek gewoon als je niks te zeggen hebt, want dit is toch geen manier om een fucking gesprek te starten,” zeg, dan ben ik weer fout. Daarom zei ik: “Het weer kan zomaar omslaan. Ik ben graag voorbereid.” The truth is: gister was het niet zo warm en ik kom de afgelopen twee jaar niet zo vaak buiten, dus de trench coat was een impulsieve keuze, en ik vind een luchtige trench coat aan doen met 23 graden echt niet zo winters. Met die opmerking zeg je indirect dat iemand zich niet normaal gedraagt. Op die manier vind ik het een woordenwisseling die helemaal niet plaats had hoeven vinden. Ik voel me namelijk al kut genoeg zonder die kutopmerking. Voor de gemiddelde Nederlander is een gesprek als in dat voorbeeld normaal. Ik hoop dat ik niet de enige ben die daar een ontzettende bloedhekel aan heeft.

En dan nog niet eens te beginnen over zwarte piet en hoe vaak ik daar niet mee vergeleken ben in mijn jeugd. Fucking walgelijk en barbaars. En de haat die er wordt verspreid door Nederlandse nieuwsmedia en BNners.

Ik vind dat de mensen die niet respectvol met elkaar kunnen omgaan, van elkaar gescheiden moeten worden. Zo kunnen alleen de mensen die met elkaar overweg kunnen, met elkaar samen leven, en is de wereld een een stuk vreedzamere plek. De mensen die ruzie zoeken met alles en iedereen moeten echt verrrrr uit mijn buurt blijven 🙂 . (Dat is maar 1/1000 van mijn hele idee voor maatschappijhervorming.)

Vrolijk Pasen!

Vrolijk Pasen! 🙂

Ik snap niet waarom een moeder besluit om uitgerekend op Eerste Paasdag met één dochter (en haar vriendje) + kennissen naar Spanje te vertrekken (ik zei eerder Portugal, maar het is dus Spanje), en ik nu alleen zal zijn met mijn “vader” en twee oma’s, die niet eens zijn uitgenodigd voor het restaurant diner van vanavond. Een diner samen met andere mensen die “waarschijnlijk” niet eens mijn biologische familie zijn. Snapt iemand anders dit?

Uit solidariteit heb ik wat boodschappen gedaan om morgen een brunch voor te bereiden voor mijn oma’s (alleen dat is “oma” en oma, als mijn “vader” mijn vader niet blijkt te zijn, na een DNA test, die nog steeds uitgevoerd moet worden) en “vader”, morgen.

Eerlijkgezegd zou ik liever bij Benoît of een andere Graeyniss aansluiten vandaag. En morgen. En voor altijd. Cishe :D.

Waarom ik niet mee ben gegaan naar Spanje? Omdat je daar geen kant op kan [ze gaan naar een vakantiehuis (van twee huisjes/huizen) op een heel afgelegen plek], en het vermaak dan aankomt op gesprekskwaliteit, en dan wordt het Suriname all over again ( = net zoals die vakanties daarheen), en dat houd ik niet langer vol dan een paar minuten. Ik word ontzettend snel geïrriteerd wanneer ik een gesprek te oppervlakkig vind, maar probeer dan tegelijkertijd nog beleefd te blijven, en na verloop van tijd gaat dat gewoon mis.

Hier kan ik eindeloos workaholic zijn, naar de sportschool gaan en Graeynissis stalken, en wordt er geen gezelligheid van me verwacht. En een baan zoeken haha meoww I hope I may hug this Vicje :D.

Nog een vraag

Probeert deze persoon hier te zeggen dat ze denkt dat er niet maar één auteur is op deze website? Want dat zou me echt FUCKING PISSIG maken. Ik word er namelijk SCHIJTZIEK van dat mensen me incompetent noemen/vinden. Dat anderen niet in staat zijn zo goed te schrijven als ik (op 22-jarige leeftijd), wil niet zeggen dat ik niet bovennatuurlijk getalenteerd kan zijn. Er is maar één Lil Fangs en ik zal dat dolgraag willen bewijzen en na dat bewezen te hebben het liefst even een beetje frustratie luchten.

Ik heb weliswaar, gezien ik ook de webdeveloper ben van zowel LilFangs.com en Docis.International, voor mezelf, in verband met veiligheidsredenen, een administrator en een editors account aangemaakt, in plaats van alleen een administrators account te gebruiken, maar ik post de laatste tijd blog berichten vanaf beide accounts, dus vandaar dat het kan lijken alsof er meerdere auteurs op dit blog zijn.

Ik ben geen fucking fraudeur en iedereen die dat over mij durft te denken, mag sterven van mij. Waarom tf zou je een hele persoonlijke websites maken met de meest gedetailleerde persoonlijke ervaringen, op de meest hoge frequentie in de geschiedenis van de mensheid, maar dat dan niet eens zelf schrijven? Dat klinkt echt fucking dom.

– – –

De uitgelichte afbeelding is gemaakt door Chevanon Photography, gedownload van Pexels.com

Gekozen omdat ik me (alleen) op LilFangs.com als een vis in het water voel, en omdat Benoît me in brain-to-brain communication pesce noemt en ik hem visje 😀 .

Blog, Ex Animo, Popular Posts

Bloodlust

For (far) more than a year now, I’ve been trying to treat people equally and introduce a concept that could change all of our lives for the better. What I received in return, was:

  • Being falsely diagnosed with schizophrenia.
  • A lot of ridiculing.
  • 0 respect.
  • People I thought I could trust, turning their backs on me.
  • Tons of unsolicited advice. [As if they know my concept better than I do? Is it because I’m female? Go start your own organization?]
  • People fucking reselling my first book ( = against the law), without sharing the income ( = fucking insane).
  • An disgusting amount of discouraging monologues.

I couldn’t be dissapointed in mankind more than this. I bet those people who I want to kill are laughing at my misery. I won’t have it.

Of course, I will continue writing and researching. My publishing agenda will not change. My plans for changing the world will not change either.

(By changing the world, I just mean treating nature better. I really do not want every single individual to live in luxury and shit. Fuck that 10000%!!!What I want to do is unite the most intelligent beings world wide (regardless of their income) and live with them, in a society that is ruled over by D.O.C.I.S. International. And kill the rest, because they’re not good to nature.)

All you’ll see here, are the most Graey expressions of societal reform. I’m going to stop dumbing down my content, because the people I was doing that for, will never participate anyway. I really do not want those people in my life. I also really want to move to a deserted area, where my chances of meeting another dumb person like that are kept to a minimum.

I refuse to be another business that is ass kissing consumers. D.O.C.I.S. International is an exclusive product, of which its availability depends on intelligence.

My cold case lives on. Everyone just gazes at how I struggle with life, my jaw locked out of anger 24/7, in between suicidal tendencies and wanting to kill everyone who has ever said anything (even slightly) hateful to me.

Not one individual has published more free content than I, so some respect would be highly appreciated.

I’m glad I haven’t published my best work yet. Know that will be priced very high and that it will be very exclusive. And you will not be able to illegally download it! 🙂

God damn I want to fucking move out to the United States (if not my own island) and do business with intelligent Graeynissis…

And when I say that to any fucking dumb snake I know, they say: “But that is impossible. So just start working in the Netherlands.” No? I deserve way better?

My fighting process continues – for the legal fight I want to start is so expensive that no job in the Netherlands is effective. I hope someone can see that death is my only solution to this problem, and I can only be saved by people with serious money, serious brains and serious power.

The most serious part of my cropped up anger, is that if those who have destroyed me emotionally and who are destroying our planet [AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME], ever get prosecuted and exposed for the shit they have been doing, I will never be at peace, unless I am the one who takes their lives. That is what this bloodlust is doing to me. That is what you are feeding, if you think of me as a joke.

The featured image is made by Ahmed Adly.

Blog, Nederlandse Tekst, Online Diary, Popular Posts

Cold Case 28 [maandag, 29 april 2019]

00:12 (12:12 AM)

Ik begin inmiddels mijn limiet te bereiken wat betreft gratis content. Zo ontzettend veel mensen kijken toe hoe ik lijd, en doen dat nog eens gratis ook. Ik denk dat het het meest bevredigend zal zijn als al mijn content van het een op het andere moment van hen afgezonderd wordt. Daarbij krijgen ze ook geen toegang tot het bestuur van mijn organisatie.

En mijn boek moet echt van Bol.com afgehaald worden en ik heb recht op 100% van de omzet die er is gemaakt met de verkoop van mijn boek. Ik weet nog steeds niet wie dit heeft gedaan, maar ik vind het echt ontzettend jammer dat dit achter mijn rug om is gegaan.

Ik heb geen zin in vandaag. Net zoals ik geen zin had in gisteren en de dag daarvoor. Het enige wat ik wil – zoals ik dat al meer dan 2 jaar lang aangeef – is een heropening van de cold case van Benoît Crutzen en ik, en dat ik de rest van mijn leven met hem als mijn familie mag doorbrengen.

Meow 🙁 .

~~~

01:01 (AM)

I’m not giving my supporters enough attention 🙁 . My bloodlust is blinding me…

Of course, my supporters will be treated like kings and queens, while the world will be saved from those who have turned it into hell. Really 🙂 .

I know I’m not allowed to say that I’m a Prophet, or even more than that, but who else can truly be that? And say that gender doesn’t matter… No one else can do what I do, the way I do it. But people have been trying. Everyone deserves their time to shine. Now it’s my time! We really need international reform…

And I really need my B 🙁 ♥. My heart has been in pain, because of his absence, for so long :(. They have been keeping him away from me for too long. He was my only true friend, when I needed one 🙁 . And I really need the assistance of grey haired white men, to be able to change the world and be heard…

Meoww I’m going to sleep. I love you ♥

xxx

Blog, Ex Animo, Images, MacroFangs, Nosce Te Ipsum, Polls, Popular Posts, Random questions, Reflections, Strategy

TWITTER GROUP CHAT LECTURE!!!!!

About what?

From Project Nosce Te Ipsum to the Economics and Law that constitute Planet Fang… I’ll explain E-VE-RY-THING (including my communication strategies) in this group chat!!! 🙂

And you can ask me anything :D. I can also remove you from the chat if you’re not interested (anymore) :).

Please make a Twitter account, if you do not have that 🙂 .

Check out @LilFangs_’s Tweet: https://twitter.com/LilFangs_/status/1122320028848803840?s=09

It’s lit 😀

I just created this poll and wanted to share that with the people I follow on the social network, which caused me to create a group chat.

And now I’ll use it to give lectures about D.O.C.I.S. International [Determined Observant Colloquial Intelligent Stratagem] 🙂 .

The spontaneous fun we could have here makes me want to do nothing else than this 🙂 .

It never ends! 😀

Change of Spontaneous Plans

It will work better on a different platform, with people who already have some background knowledge about my endeavors.

Blog, Online Diary, Popular Posts

Cold Case 27 [Zondag, 28 april 2019]

00:37 (12:37 AM)

Digitally earned money is not real money. It disrupts our system and therefore digital fraud is best solved with the death penalty. #FangyFacts #Fangyism

This is an indirect reference to Fangyist Economics & Initiating Change (+Keynes part 2 [the digression]) :)) .

With that, I do not mean kill everyone. It’s a statement about the balance between the amount of resources available, your earnings and what nature receives in return.

~~~

01:42 (AM)

#Fangyism

~~~

16:22 (04:22 PM) 

So last night, I wanted to share a poll and ended up making a spontaneous group chat, with people I have never seen in real life (yet).

I’ve turned the chat into a never ending group chat lecture 🙂 .

I’m doing my book keeping at the same time. I’m almost done with the first quarter :).

Please, my Graeyniss: make a Twitter account 🙂 .

But you can still tune in whenever you want, of course :).

I’m just waiting until people who have an opinion about me, finally realize that my content actually has meaning, and that my haters are digging their own grave.

There are visitors at home, so I’ll be locking myself up at the top floor all day. It’s better than listening to the same anecdotes and being insulted for no reason :).

Omg meooow I soo hopeee that my B, my Vicje, Sander, Lorenzo and the Graeynissis I saw at the HBP Executive Event, will participate in my interactive lecture, too! And spice up my timeline :D.

~~~

18:31 (06:31 PM)

Are there maybe some people who have been keeping up with my content, who would like to be my lecturing assistants? 🙂

Please 🙂

@LilFangs_

~~~

Lil Fangs
Blog, Images, Online Diary, Popular Posts

Cold Case 25 [Friday, April 26, 2019]

13:28 (01:28 PM)

It seems like I’m finally starting to get my message across! My stubbornity aside: there really are no other ways to accomplish this, which don’t include using social media as a tool.

Now every visitor reads 4 pages on an average visit

My results this far are great. (Especially because I spent €0 on it!) But people need to read more of my content for it to really work the way it should.

Meoww I’m continuing in this way – writing seperate posts again – because I want to adapt myself to all of my audience. In English!

Maar soms wil ik ook wel even dit kunnen doen, omdat dat sneller is voor mij en ik niet helemaal hoef te vertalen en er ook minder vaak een woordenboek en thesaurus bij moet pakken enzooo…

~~~

14:12 (02:12 PM)

Meooow I have so many things I want to share with you now! But also so many tasks I should be spending my time on right now…

I want to tell you about what my social media strategy was and how it played out, and about the “beef” I put on YouTube, and about everything else I have in store for us!

But first, I’ll need to get out of my sister’s bed (to which I resorted after there was a spider in my room) and brush my teeth and eat something. You should know that I skipped dinner yesterday, because I do not at all want to accept the food and funding of people who don’t respect me, anymore. So I’ll be back in about an hour! xxxxx

~~~
14:51 (02:51 PM)

(Still in bed…)

Now that I’m promoting myself on social media, this is going a little better as well: [indirect reference to my last daily Cold Case diary post]

Back linking relates to findability in search engines. I already do my own SEO so I don’t want to be paying for the improvement of this…

Twitter (I use most often): https://twitter.com/LilFangs_

Instagram: https://instagram.com/_lilfangs

Facebook (for which I’ll be automating mt sharing settings later): Dominique Daniëlle Elia & Lil Fangs

Pexels: &I’m on Pexels myself, now!!! 😀

~~~
16:35 (04:35 PM)

WordPress its mobile app [I recommend you to download, to at least read my posts on, if you’re not into writing yourself 🙂 ] its JetPack plugin, is giving me parse errors (it’s already why I stopped using emojis in my posts, but now I can’t even upload plain text from it anymore). I’m now uploading this from my mobile browser lol.

Because I’m now typing in HTML, I can use emojis again! 😀 That’s important for when talking about you Graeynissis (in HTML, 😻 that is &#x1F63B; [using unicode]).

When I use a phrase or word you don’t understand: searching it in the search bar will lead you to other articles, so the context will specify it 🙂 .

& Hire me 😀 [PLEASEEEEEEEE]

Now I’m really going to get out of bed xxx
~~~

17:10 (05:10 PM) 

I have to be in front of my webcam at 05:45 PM, so I reallyyy need to get up now (I’m too much pretending to be happy to get out of bed), but look at this gem:

Lil Fangs

😀

Lil Fangs

I would so love to meet you all 🙂 #Fangyism

~~~
19:04 (07:04 PM)

Meow I was 20 minutes late for my appointment, so it’s rescheduled. I hope I’ll be able to use other emojis [now I can only use 🙂 😀 🙁 ♥] again soon!

I’ll now prepare a slight struggle meal using eggs, green asperges, cherry tomatoes, an union and spring unions. Because I don’t like the taste of takeout food, I’m broke asf [so please hire me] and I’ll eat by myself tonight.

I’ll be adding thyme, oregano and “five spices” to it. And basil 🙂 .

So I’ll be cookingg xxx

~~~

Fangyism
Blog, Drafts, Nosce Te Ipsum, Popular Posts, Reflections

#Fangyism: The Hypothesis [COPYABLE TEXT]

PLEASE, PARTICIPATE IN PROJECT NOSCE TE IPSUM!

That is done by reading it. Please don’t let me spoil YOUR SCIENCE-FICTION ADVENTURE, by talking about it!!! Just scroll through it, and see that the text explains itself. Please enjoy! ♥

The Hypothesis

Nosce Te Ipsum I

Book I

Creation

Episode 5

[Finale]

The Hypothesis

By Lil Fangs

The Hypothesis
Nosce Te Ipsum I

Book I, Episode 5

Copyright © 2019 by Fangs (Lil). All rights reserved.

Owning a copy of this book is only possible by buying or downloading it yourself, or by receiving it as a gift. It may not be re-sold.

The content of this book may only be copied, when this book is mentioned as its source.

D.O.C.I.S. International

ISBN: 9789082936889

https://docis.international

https://lilfangs.com

May my alternative approach to global change be accepted.

Many thanks to publicdomainpictures.net, pngimg.com and Pixabay via Pexels.com, for the images the cover is composed of. And thanks to GIMP for making it possible for me to make the cover.

Contents

Preface. 5

Order Aurillu: Strait Pre-Conference. 15

Creation. 58

Order Aurillu: The Hypothesis. 69

Project Nosce Te Ipsum its New Democracy 84

Preface

“____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________.”1 [Please state an inspirational quote or longer a citation of choice, in the name of your Nosce Te Ipsum Character.]

Between the life you’ve been living this far, my life this far, our futures, the characteristics of the era we live in, and this book, there’s a link. This episode is where it all comes together.

Our planet demands serious drastic change, but the system we have been born into, doesn’t allow for that. D.O.C.I.S. International offers an alternative, based on loopholes in our system.

The previous episodes, the “unpublished” episodes, Volta, all of the diary posts, my regular posts, campaigns, fits of anger and extremely long periods of silence: this is where all pieces of the puzzle, fall into place.

The Nosce Te Ipsum series, is a fill-in-the-gap story, which is also a survey about public opinion, regarding an alternative system of government. It is written in such a way that any episode can be understood, without having read a previous episode.

The non-profit start-up which wants to introduce this alternative system, the international Determined, Observant, Colloquial, Intelligent Stratagem, of which Project Nosce Te Ipsum is its initiative, requires all future members to be in possession of The Nosce Te Ipsum Certificate, to gain access to its Council.

Are you interested in becoming part of a non-profit start-up that searches for solutions to all types of global famine, for damage control strategies to prevent or limit the negative effects of climate change, introduces a new type of democracy and broadcasts new entertainment? “[Positive/Negative] ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________”2 [Are you interested in becoming part of D.O.C.I.S. International?]

Which aspect of the endeavor is the most attractive to you? “[Solutions to famine/Controlling climate change/A new democracy/New entertainment].” 3 [Which aspect of this endeavor has your preference?]

Why did you choose that aspect? “__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________” 4 [Why does that aspect have your preference?]

I hope that you will accept the alternative career path that will be based on the way you have filled out the Nosce Te Ipsum series. If becoming part of this alternative start-up sounds appealing to you in the first place.

You must be exposed to people trying to incentivize you to buy, sign and do all kinds of things all of the time, using advertising, mandatory (insurance) payments, influencers, euphemized promises, et cetera, every day, too. I think most people don’t enjoy that, and that this has negatively influenced our overall ability to trust.

It saddens me that it has become a global standard. I wish to introduce a new standard to life, and hope that you will participate in my endeavor.

If you think that I want to take advantage of you in any way, I, with all due respect, have to say that it disappoints me very much to hear that you think that of me. This book is free, because I don’t want the money of someone who would judge me like that.

If you think that I’m writing this to take advantage of you, please stop reading this immediately. Never lay eyes on anything that relates to the aspirations of D.O.C.I.S. International again.

Transparency and trust are very important aspects of my organization. Everything is shared publicly, with the best interests at heart.

But real trust has to come from both ways. I can’t do business with someone who can’t trust me. I can’t trust that person either, then. That is why I recommend those who read this with negative expectations, to resort to a different form of entertainment that suits them better.

If you have continued reading and are open to trusting me, you should know that D.O.C.I.S. International has a lot to offer you. When enough suiting members are found, it can support you better than any government ever has. Project Nosce Te Ipsum is here to establish that, in an alternatively entertaining way.

Valuing entertainment is important for this project, because there is a lot of work that needs to be done and explained. Many topics regarding public opinion have to be scrutinized, before any strategy can be put into practice definitively.

The Universal Standard of Human Reasoning is the title of a research paper that is still being written. It’s also the subtitle of Nosce Te Ipsum II :].

The purposes of that paper are to propose solutions to global famine for all classes, introduce new measures to limit or prevent climate change and introduce a new form of democracy. Its conclusions will be based on The Universal Standard of Human Reasoning, also known as The U.S.H.R., which advocates the independently researched public opinion, formulated by those who have participated in Project Nosce Te Ipsum. By filling out the gaps in this story, you are thus making the world a better place :].

Nosce Te Ipsum I is the survey for my alternative, independent research project, in search of The U.S.H.R., of which Nosce Te Ipsum II is its conclusion.

A solution to global famine, for example, called the Benefit Box (boxes that will be distributed after a charity performance), its contents in adaptation to the area you live in, will be based on the aggregate of whishes you can state in the next chapter.

That everyone’s answers in the Nosce Te Ipsum series, worldwide, are used as our measure (The U.S.H.R.), to satisfy the wants and needs of every acknowledged member, gives you an impression of D.O.C.I.S. International’s alternative democracy.

This episode takes away the suspense built up in previous episodes in the science-fiction part of the series, requests you to state your personal basic needs, hypothesizes your individual U.S.H.R. and gives you an overview of what has happened and what is yet to come, in Project Nosce Te Ipsum and its book series.

Order Aurillu: Strait Pre-Conference

“The effects of our Nectar are starting to decrease. We used it to extract information from you.”

As his words echo through my head, the rolling shutter on the left side of me, opens very slowly. Before he started speaking, everything was pitch black. I can’t tell for how long I’ve been here in the dark…

“You might not be able to tell fiction from reality anymore. The Hallucogenic drug we gave you, lasted for 48 hours. To you, it must have felt like more than 100 years have passed.

We’ve made you visualize a broad range of scenarios, where you were forced to give confidential information.”

My bare heels are against the soft wall. I’m lying on my back, with my arms crossed. I have been trying to uncross them, but I can’t. It’s like they’re stuck to my body.

“Even your subconsciousness refused to cooperate with us. But now your planet risks to be demolished. That is not a nice thought to you, isn’t it? I thus expect your full cooperation.”

Through the tiny gaps of the shutter – now that my eyes got used to the very bright light – I see the planet I own. Planet Fang!

If I can see my beloved planet from a distance, I must be somewhere on Zion Islony, then. To be very honest, I have no clue where I exactly am right now. The night of the Sun Power Ritual, which also took place on the Islony, is the last thing I remember vividly.

“The Unity Conference is in 24 hours… Our usual Sun Power Ritual didn’t go the way we usually do it…”

That’s right. Something happened when The Most Attractive One did her ritual dance. That’s the moment from which everything started to get blurry.

“That’s also why our pre-Conference meeting will not go the way we usually do it.”

All this time, I hear Ήολιε Κητ say all of these things through an intercom, of which the speakers must be placed in the corners of the ceiling, on the right side of me, using a slightly threatening and demanding tone, speaking as if Order Aurillu is not a unity, but his domain. We, the order, rule over the planets, from Zion Islony, the island on top of the Sun.

To Earthlings, this is contemporary science fiction, they say.

72 hours after the Sun Power Ritual – the event where our side of the Galaxy its Sun Power is re-distributed (annually) – The Unity Conference always takes place.

Back in 1984, you, I and the rest of Order Aurillu decided that The Conference in 2019 will be about The Leak.

1984 was the year of the first Unity Conference. It was the year in which all interplanetary wars were ended and Order Aurillu was formed.

You – I always think of You – are the ruler of Planet Earth. I am the ruler of Planet Fang. Ήολιε Κητ is the Ruler of Planet Κητje.

Our Universe consists of those three planets – and the island on top of the Sun, which is the colony where the ruling Gods live, including us.

You and I met when we were very young. Back when our ancestors ruled over the planets in our Universe. Our dorms were next to each other, back in Middle Ruler School, on the Islony.

I knocked on your door once, to ask for a teaspoon of salt. We have been friends ever since.

A couple of years after we first met – while you were in Earth Ruler School, and I was in Fang Ruler School – the interplanetary wars were getting so destructive that it caused “The Leak” – which is a metaphoric name for Sun Lava that risks to leak onto the planets, from the impact of their weaponry and other environmental pollution.

“The Leak” has not manifested itself yet, but from 2019 onwards, the risk could get a lot more serious, is what we discovered in 1984.

What is different from what has been a tradition since 1984, is that usually, 24 hours in advance of The Unity Conference, the Order always meets informally, to go over the contents of our Conference one last time, and spend some quality time together, at a location chosen by one of us.

Every year, someone else picks the location of our informal meeting. Last year it was DeltηPlna, the chairman of our Order, who chose our location. It was here, in the inside the Order’s Κητquarters – which is what the Order’s main office is called. This year, it’s Ήολιε Κητ’s turn to choose.

From the circumstances in which I’m laying here, I think that I’m inside Ήολιε Κητ’s Prispital, inside the Κητquarters.

He has told me that the Prispital is where he temporarily resides the ruling assistants, who are suffering from mental distress, for them to receive coaching that will get them back on track.

Last year’s rumors, however, were that the Prispital is where he tortures his political opponents. When he is done extracting information from them, they are replaced by a clone, and never seen or heard again. Our independent council, run by DeltηPlna, had never been able to confirm or deny the rumors.

“Our chairman agrees with me that I should continue to try to take… Oh, I mean… That I should take full control over our entire Universe. After what happened to your planets, we doubt if you are fit to rule…”

We have become living proof of the awful ways in which Ήολιε Κητ mentally takes advantage of people. Planet Fang and Planet Earth were the most prosperous they have ever been, on the day of the Sun Power Ritual. Of course we are fit to rule!

From the way he struggled with the word try, it seems like he’s attempting to come off more self-confident and prepared than he actually is. Our chairman is supposed to be impartial, is what we agreed on, when we funded the order. But now that the decisive moments regarding The Leak are not at all far ahead of us, the deep state within our Order, is revealing itself.

“In two minutes, your cell will open, and you will have to give us your course for after The Leak is over.”

Why after The Leak, if we, in 1984, agreed on discussing the solution to preclude the phenomenon itself, because if it happens, we all might not even survive?

I’m wearing a white strait jacket, as I lay in my extremely cramped – so cramped that there is no way that I could lay down straight – isolation cell. The floor, three walls and ceiling are all made of silk white cushions.

The ground to ceiling sized window to the left of me, with the thickest glass I’ve ever seen, its rolling stutter, is now fully opened.

“Your planet will be put on ration, when time is unfrozen. Your first task is to decide what is included in the ration they will have to split with Planet Earth.”

Unfrozen… The white tentacle shaped light rays that puncture my planet, keep my citizens frozen in time, I reason out by looking through the large window. The beams originate from the Sun. Someone has been messing around with the basic settings of my Planet…

I’ve trusted Ήολιε Κητ for so many years. This is a completely different side of him, I have never seen before.

My stress is now mixed with anger. But my body feels fear, when I think of expressing my rage. As if it could get me killed. It seems like my life is in the hands of an enemy, who I’ve considered my friend.

The wall made of cushions, to my right, is moved sloping towards the floor. Like a plane’s tailgate. I’m quite glad that I’m not leaning against it, because I’m wearing a strait jacket, and it would be hard to get up, if I were leaning against that wall that is suddenly descending towards the ground.

When Ήολιε Κητ heisted the Sun Power Ritual – our annual tradition, where the Sun Power, which is the shared valuta of Planet Earth and Planet Fang, is reaccumulated and divided over its citizens – you and I were taken captive against our will(s).

During the Ritual Dance of The Most Attractive One, we somehow became paralyzed. That is when Ήολιε Κητ harmed The Most Attractive One – the ambassador of The Sun Power System – and his men blindfolded and captivated us.

I could hear you close to me, until we were taken out of his SpaceVan.

All I remember after that, is the sting of a needle, in my right butt cheek, followed by something I experienced as a series of vivid nightmares, and a vision of someone who looked like me, called Lil Fangs. That must have been the Hallucogenic drug and its side-effects. (Our exact experiences thereof, are the contents of the previous episodes of this series.)

Again, my eyes had to adjust to light. Coming from the right side of me, this time. The soft, quilted wall has fully descended to the ground. The oasis of light that came from behind it, reveals an extension of my cell.

Like puzzle pieces, the tilted, quilted wall, fits the similarly designed floor that makes up the enlargement of my cell. At the end of it, a grey, diamond tufted wing chair, which hovers above the ground, with a light blue light coming from underneath it, is facing me. In front of tinted glass, with the round grey surface with holes in it, of a built-in microphone.

I lift my heels off the wall and swing my legs towards the ground, while I curl them. The momentum of my movement, I use to stand up. I’m limited in my movement, because of the stupid strait jacket I have been wrapped into.

As I walk closer to the tinted glass, I see Ήολιε Κητ pace back and forth on a low pace, in an oval shaped room, with a floor of white glass and a ceiling of hovering white cubes that shine brightly. He has his hands behind his back.

There are a dozen black tinted windows, separated by columns. I wonder who else, of our Order, is part of the deep state, and who else is held captive here.

“Please, take a seat,” Ήολιε Κητ says, as he nonchalantly points his hand towards my window, in the direction of the seating surface of my hovering chair, with his palm facing upwards.

His irises go from turquoise to red, when our eyes meet for a split second. He twirls around in one motion, making the same gesture to the other cells, by taking a step back with one foot, and using that to pivot.

Red irises mean that he is looking through objects. Gods from Planet Κητje can use their eyes like multifunctional spy goggles. The color indicates its mode. Yellow, for example, means that his eyes are in heat seeking mode.

I can’t see who are in the cells, and which ones are occupied in the first place. But the left one, in the left extreme of the oval room he is in, is clearly empty. The tinted glass is shoved upwards automatically, into the ceiling, and a hovering grey chair flies towards him.

When I turn around and sit down in my chair, automatically, it turns 180 degrees, to let me face the window adjacent to the oval room, again.

Ήολιε Κητ is sitting in a chair of the same design, with his right ankle on his left thigh. With his right hand, he grasps his knee and with his left hand, he’s playing with his chin and bottom lip, while leaning his left elbow on one of the broad armrests.

“It was my time to choose our pre-Conference location again, this year. So, welcome to the Prispital.” There is a combination of gentleness and bitterness in his tone.

“If I’m very honest, I did not intend my heist of the popular Sun Power Ritual, to turn into this.

In my original plan, I would gain absolute power over our entire Universe, by literally absorbing all of The Most Attractive One’s Sun Power, and then have your citizens subject themselves to my power, by introducing them to my policy of eternal feasting, forever increasing wealth and no more indirectly mandatory labor. You should have become obsolete and be replaced by a clone.

I’ve absorbed all of the Sun Power – as you have seen – but your citizens refused to live under my authority. Not long after I announced my absolute power, they started to do barbarous things, such as demonstrating and looting. We’re not used to such things on Planet Κητje, so I declared war to Planet Earth and Planet Fang, by means of stopping its citizens from wildly expressing their disapproval of my regime. That was about 48 hours ago.”

While he speaks, he flutters around the room in his flying chair. The microphone attached to his silk grey suit jacket, transfers his words straight to the intercom speakers in my cell.

“To my surprise, the declaration made your citizens’ resistance way worse. So by means of expressing my severity, even though warfare was not part of my initial plan, we bombed Planet Fang’s main interplanetary TV station.

Apparently, that station has many of your citizens addicted to its programs. The situation was getting far out of hand, when the intensity of the anger of both Fang and Earth people got so intense that their rage was not only directed at me anymore. They started to become mad at each other, for being mad. Even on my own planet.

I figured that if I restore the TV station, take away the advertising and declare peace on the main channel (FangTV), the calm would be restored and I could pursue the rest of my agenda as a ruler. But that was when the catastrophe reached its peak.

My PR team and I decided that it would make me more likable to the public, if I, instead of my usual “audio combined with large on-screen text” TV appearances, show them my speech and myself in video format.”

Suddenly, he stops hovering around and his stare becomes blank, directed to the ground. His irises turn turquoise again.

“I started off with saying that we should love each other, instead of acting so barbarous all of the time. And that my declared peace would initiate that. It was broadcasted from our Κητquarters and also aired on big screens on popular squares, throughout our entire Universe. Some people received my initial words with cheers and tears of joy.

I then said that we will have to work together, to deal with the consequences of The Leak, which will manifest itself any moment this week, due to my bombing. And that Planet Earth and Planet Fang its rulers are not rulers, but bad cowards who have ran away from their responsibilities. I said that because I wanted to keep my new power. It made my audience fall silent.

I wished them best of luck with controlling The Leak, showed them a countdown clock with how much time they have left until it happens and wrapped up my speech. Only on my Planet Κητje, all news was taken positively.

Planet Earth and Planet Fang were so outraged that I had to hack the Sun, to freeze all Planets in time. The confusion and chaos were unstoppable. It spread like an epidemic.

They were all screaming things about that solving The Leak was my responsibility, that if the rulers were missing, they could still come back and that they couldn’t understand how a man can have a face that is 50% cat’s features…” He lifts his eyebrows, which gives his blank stare an impression of in how much trouble he is, and wiggles his tiny pink nose. His whiskers wiggle along.

Quickly, he shakes his head. His facial expression is very serious, now. Still hovering still, in front of the door the chair came out of.

“The way your citizens have treated me, have made me bitter. So I wouldn’t care that much if The Leak destroys their habitat. But solving this situation and winning their hearts still is my preference.

The countdown clock stands still, as The Planets stand still, because so does their emission and pollution. So, in theory, we have more than 24 hours to solve this…”

“Did you really just say “we”!?” I couldn’t help but let go. Ήολιε Κητ rapidly turns his head towards me and jumps out of his chair. His irises turn red again. The tinted window turns purple, when I hear the sound of my own words, through the intercom, and then turns black again, to indicate the other captives from which cell the sound comes.

“If it isn’t Planet Fang’s Old Fangs. Of course I say “we”…” He says, while he takes big but careful steps towards me, with his hands behind his back.

“You live under my authority, now. If you want YOUR planet to stay in existence AND IF YOU WANT TO STAY ALIVE, THEN YOU BETTER COOPERATE!!!”

He loses his temper, as he accentuates his words by tapping his fingers against the double glass of my cell so hard that a small crack is formed. His fangs lengthened during his exclamation and his venom induced saliva drips down my window he is now standing so close to, that condensation is formed on my window, by his breath.

He has become so resentful so fast. I wonder what has incentivized him to suddenly be so extremely power hungry.

It’s very frustrating to me, to have to clean up his mess and still be separated from my Planet. Now that I’m living in his trap, I have no other choice but to (at least act as if I’ll) obey him. I know how easily he can kill people without any regret.

He looks down at me, with his piercing gaze. Even though I hate to do it, I nod at him and stay silent.

After taking a short moment to breathe in and out and regain his temper, he turns around and continues.

“It is my intention to extend the time the planets have left, by putting everyone on ration, including you,” he waves his arm around in a way that indicates that he means his captives. “This is indisputable. Meanwhile, Old Fangs will be tasked with giving us a solution to The Leak, and Earth’s former Ruler ______________________________________5 [What is your Ruler’s alias throughout this series?] will be tasked with renewing the rest of our policy. The rest of you followers will have to adapt to whatever they reason out to solve my issue.

This will be announced within 24 hours, when we hold The Unity Conference, where we announce the new policy in my name, and tell our citizens that you are all not fit to rule anymore, due to mental health issues. This is also indisputable.”

He folds his hands together, without crossing his fingers. Something that looks like a smile, shows on his face.

While the window to the far right of me opens into the ceiling, and a small hallway shows, he says: “Everyone, except the former rulers, can proceed to your new residency.”

He directs his arm towards the accessible hallway, and all other windows open in the same way, except the one across me. Some people try to stand up, while we all realize that we are stuck to the chairs. As if there’s super glue on them.

“No time for chit chat, so don’t think of exchanging words in my presence. If you are looking for familiar faces you don’t see, here: they have either deserted to my camp, they’re held captive on my Planet, or they’re dead.”

I see key figures from both of our governments hover to the hallway, in a row. Each one wearing a strait jacket. My Ecologicus, Economicus, Strategicus and Technicus are in those chairs.

Your [Assessor (Head of Planetary Maintenance)/Cultor (Head of Media, Culture and Education)/Ecologicus (Head of Ecology)/Economicus (Head of Tangible Finance)/ Fiscus (Head of Intangible Finance)/Iustus (Head of Law)/Strategicus (Head of Strategy)/Technicus (Head of Technological Policy)]6 [Please choose four D.O.C.I.S. International-style government functions from this summation that interest you the most.] exited before them.

From Planet Κητje, only his Ecologicus were present.

Our windows open and our chairs hover towards each other. Ήολιε Κητ, who was standing right in between us, takes a big step to the right and faces us. I can’t help but show a little happiness on my face, when I see you in front of me.

Only you, I would want to be stuck with, in a situation like this. We’re such a good team! If we tackle this strategically enough, we might just make it out alive…

Then our chairs turn towards Ήολιε Κητ. Aside from his extraordinary height, this has been the first time that I feel that he really looks down on us. After all of the years that we’ve known him.

“We’re going to use Zion Islony’s 3D printer to print a ration to provide the citizens of our Planets with, now that The Leak is due in a week and the rebellion has stripped the Milky Κητ Universe of almost all of its resources.”

Yesss… Due to Ήολιε Κητs bombing on The Planet Fang’s Main Interplanetary TV Station. He told me just a few minutes ago x_x.

I’ve never had to put so much effort into attempting to keep my fangs in check. If I lose my temper, I risk being assassinated.

Even though there’s a risk involved, we need to find a way to escape the Prispital and regain stability in our Universe.

“I can’t be an absolute ruler and the absolute owner of a TV tower at the same time, and I hate television, so you will be in charge of interplanetary broadcasts 24/7. But you use the themes I give you and do not dare to say that I am holding you captive in the Prispital, or I will give this task to someone else and you will leave this vicinity in a body bag.”

To have become a victim of Ήολιε Κητs injustice, causes distress. But I must say that hosting TV with you does sound like a fun…

“Your first broadcast will be tonight, with an alternative show for The Unity Conference. You will have to present your Planet its rations. I want it to be something sexy. I will also announce that I’ve given you a new job, now that you have become “unfit to rule”.” He accentuates his last three words by moving his fingers up and down, resembling quotation marks, with an evil smirk on his face. We look at him in complete silence, with facial expressions that don’t reveal our true emotions.

“I will seal my new regime, by becoming my own spin doctor. With the broadcasts, we will indirectly be reprogramming the public memory I accidentally deleted.

That is why you will also have to share some common knowledge, in our first broadcast. I will be studying and judging it to become a better populist, but I’ll say that it’s my personal consumer’s research, now that I got rid of my Economicus and Fiscus.”

I see. Escaping will be easy. Populism has been powerful in the past few eras, but I have been thinking that we’ve had enough of that anyway. It’s so neglectful towards the problems our Universe knows.

The combination of truth and innovation – something that is in Ήολιε Κητs disadvantage in every way possible – is our strength. If we can prove his misbehavior, our safety is guaranteed, when we’re out of here and live among our own kind, under our own management. The TV station gives us the perfect opportunity for that.

The only other strategic challenge left will then be escaping the Prispital, without encountering any of Ήολιε Κητs henchmen.

“For tonight’s show, you need to quickly tell me what essentials would be suitable for the ration. I will leave one of the best impressions ever, if I surprise my citizens with having my solutions earlier than expected, instead of leaving them to rot, like I also considered doing.”

The chair he was sitting in, which hovered behind us, swiftly passes us and offers him to sit in front of us. From his armrest, a clipboard with a fountain pen attached to it, rise up. As he sits down, his snatches it with his right arm.

“Since you are not able to write right now…” With his free hand, he points at our strait jackets and smiles. “I will do the honors.” He quickly analyzes the papers on the clipboard, then checks his silver watch, with a serious expression on his face.

“Okay, I’m going to ask you some survival ration related questions. I want quick and simple answers, because I want to have dinner soon. To speed things up, you answer the same question after each other.

Every citizen of your planet, will receive a ration package with clothing, food and some tools. Your focus will lie on the main country of your Planet.”

(In a non-science-fiction context, you should fill this out for your country of residence. If you were born elsewhere, it would be highly appreciated if you would mention your thoughts on essentials for that country as well.)

“Starting with you, ___________________________5: What is the most serious weather condition your main country knows, in your opinion? And why?”

“[Extreme heat/extreme cold/rain/snow/other] ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________”7 [What are your most severe weather conditions? Multiple ones may be selected. Please place them in the order from most severe to least severe.]

Ήολιε Κητ promptly scribbles along.

“And for you, Old Fangs?”

“It’s rain. The waterworks my ancestors have built for the country Cuddle, are not resistant to too much of it. It was built below sea level. There are blueprints to fully replace it, though.”

“Name five colors that will represent your Planet under a new regime.”

“________________________________________________________________________.” 8 [Name five colors which will represent your planet. These colors will also be used in your personalized theme.]

“Black, purple, grey, yellow and burgundy.”

“Name a traditional dinner dish you would make most people in your country, including yourself, happy with. And state its ingredients.”

“______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________.”9

“Cuddle Soup. It contains tofu, cod or chicken, depending on the preferred diet of my citizen,”

“No, my citizen,” Ήολιε Κητ corrects me.

“Of course, your citizen,” my face shows slight bitterness. “The other ingredients are xanthosoma sagittifolium, cassava, tomatoes, unions, unchopped Madame Jeanette chili peppers, coconut milk, vegetable stock and rice.”

“Name five ingredients which could be used for a meal for any purpose.”

“_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________.”10

“Flour, milk, plantain, eggs and spinach.”

“Name three spices.”

“______________________________________________________________________________________________________________.”11

“Thyme, cinnamon and cardamom.”

“Name three edible things you would like to harvest.”

“______________________________________________________________________________________________________________.”12

“Mangoes, walnuts and soy beans.”

“Name three things you would recommend as entertainment, if the internet and electricity were out of use.”

“___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________.”13

“Writing with pen and paper, playing card games and playing basketball.”

Loosely curling his wrist, he puts his last words on paper.

“That was it. You will be called for your broadcast, later. Thank you…” He suddenly looks at us with so much love in facial expression. As if he’s just not himself, now, or as if he, too, has become a pawn of someone else.

His chair moves aside. Your chair hovers you into the hallway first. I’m right behind you.

Creation

You are reading the final episode of the first book of the Nosce Te Ipsum series: Creation. It has indirectly shown you several forms of creation, regarding Project Nosce Te Ipsum.

In the development of the project and its book series, many choices have been made, with a certain strategy in mind. This chapter serves as an overview of all components of the entire first book of the series.

Creation of the Nosce Te Ipsum strategy

“Know thyself” is the theme of D.O.C.I.S. International’s initial project. Character and beauty standards, career requirements and cultural standards, induce us to conceal the uniqueness of our individuality. On top of that, our profit-based financial system’s merit depends on the way your individuality is influenced.

In our globalized world, public opinion is shaped by media, public relations and marketing strategies, I personally observe.

The media state their judgment of a phenomenon or individual, their propagations are considered fact-based, and the public blindly follows it. The same goes for the process of deciding what products or stock to buy.

This inequality, I consider one of the causes of famine: smaller parties (farmers, shop owners, artists, et cetera) do not get the chance to stand out. Meanwhile, mass production destroys Earth’s natural ecosystems.

I want to introduce a sustainable, non-profit financial system, as part of the new democracy. Its reward system will be based on participation, instead of prediction.

But to be sure that my policies are acceptable, I need to independently learn what real public opinion is. The public opinion that is natural, instead of influenced, is what I seek with this.

If the survey of this project was published like a regular survey, or was translated into a non-science fiction context, it is far easier to mold influenced standards into an answer. That is not my interest. I want to see the uniqueness, honesty and purity of people. Uninfluenced.

Those who are willing and able to reason independently, are the people I want to work together with.

Making serious positive changes in life should be fun and approachable to all. My current approach – the book series – is a way to reach a large audience and facilitate this, within the boundaries of the budget that I’m on.

After The Universal Standard of Human Reasoning – independent public opinion, thus – is found, that frame of reference will be used to check the policies for this organization, which are currently on the drawing table.

Because of this, there are some questions I also really want to ask you:

If you become part of D.O.C.I.S. International, would you be interested in moving to a compound where other members (who think the same as you) live?

“[Positive/Negative] ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________”14 (Regardless of the costs, would you be interested in living on a compound owned by D.O.C.I.S. International? Please explain your answer.)

Do you prefer to have a local, international or intercontinental occupation? “[local/international/intercontinental] _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________”15

Would you be interested in a unique citizenship, as part of this organization? “[Positive/negative] _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________”16

Now that the first book of the Nosce Te Ipsum series is finished, my small general portfolio of the services and the endeavor of D.O.C.I.S. International, is finished. The time has come to seek sponsors.

The audience and the project should be expanded. I want to do this by creating a campaign project for it, and making the survey a social interaction game, instead of something that only exists on paper.

If you’re interested in reading more about my strategy and campaign, I would like to refer you to https://lilfangs.com/d-o-c-i-s-internationals-business-overture.

Creation of the story concept

The Nosce Te Ipsum series have a satiric character. Common hierarchical routines from our era, relive in the story its unrestrained science fiction context.

It is my way of trying to start a conversation about the topics in life that are not getting enough attention, because its situations have become so irreversibly severe that the only way to solve it, is to completely change life as we know it.

Not everyone is overly excited to let go of his or her habitual activities. Luckily I am, and this is my way of easing you into the same thing. In the (near) future, drastic change really is inevitable.

Scrutinizing every individual in a position of power, to expose and dissolve the deep state, and see who is using it to contribute to society and who isn’t, is inevitable, too, in my perspective.

Nature will not endure this fraud forever. Especially when you look at how little time is left until the dykes of the artificially created Netherlands – where I live and was born – will be overpowered by water, due to our own pollution and the fact that it is artificial land in the first place.

In Nosce Te Ipsum, you have full control over planet Earth. You’re allowed to make the decisions that determine the lives of your citizens. The way you might be doing now, or the way other people are doing this to you.

When you have completed the fill-in-the-gap story, you, like a real Ruler, will have a sharable memory of your own creation theory, a detailed report of your idea of the best way to govern society, a description of your personality, everything about the way you love and a definition of your contribution to the official constitution of D.O.C.I.S. International. It will be your fully personalized Nosce Te Ipsum II!

Everything about what is up next, can be found on this page: https://lilfangs.com/project-nosce-te-ipsum.

Order Aurillu: The Hypothesis

Two white double doors open and a lady dressed in red ____________________________________________________________________________ 17 [What is she wearing?] enters your Prispital apartment that has been locked from the outside, since the moment you were hovered into it, about a day ago.

You know it’s locked, because you attempted to leave, when _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 18 [By means of adding to your personalized story in this story, please write down a fictional incentive for you to attempt to leave your fictive apartment].

Holding a HoloPad (the future’s tablet) in her left hand, she walks up to you, as you ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 19 [Where of your apartment are you? What are you doing?] and sticks out her hand, to shake yours.

You

  1. A) shake her hand.
  2. B) don’t shake her hand.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

20 [Do you choose A or B? Why?]

If you’ve chosen A

“I’m very pleased to meet you, sir/madam 21A [What gender do you prefer to be addressed with?] Ruler. My name is _______________________ 22A [What’s her name?]. I used to be the program director of FangTV, before Ήολιε Κητ started to act crazy. I’m here to go over tonight’s broadcast with you.”

“_______________________________________________________________________________________________________” 23A [How do you respond to this?]

If you’ve chosen B

“_______________________ 22B [What’s her name?]. I’m here to go over tonight’s broadcast with you, sir/madam 21B [What gender do you prefer to be addressed with?]. I used to be the program director of FangTV, before Ήολιε Κητ started to act crazy.

  1. A) Say: “Sorry, I thought that you were one of those traitors. _______________________________________________________________” and still shake her hand.
  2. B) Still ignore her hand.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________23B [A or B? Why?]

The general story continues here.

“Wearing clothes that are mainly designed against the negative effects of ______________________ 7 [What weather circumstance(s)?], you will share your perspective of the four aspects of life. Is it correct that you are already familiar with the aspects, the way they are defined in Fangyism?”

“Yes, that is correct. They are Creation, Society, The Self and Love,” you reply _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 24 [What mood does your reply have? Why? Will you stay in the same position, or have this conversation in a different place in your apartment? Will you offer her any food or drinks? Does she accept you food and/or drinks, if you offer it?]

“By means of quick preparation, I’m going to ask you questions about the topics you, when we’re live, will have to speak of, without being asked about it. We start off with Creation.

Do you believe that God [____________] and/or The Universe 25 [Which do you use to reference spiritual guidance that goes beyond human abilities? What is your God named?] can purposely harm its life on Earth?”

“[Positive/Negative] _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________” 26 [What is your answer to the question?]

_______________________ 22 [The name you’ve given] types every word you say, out on her HoloPad.

“Thank you. That was all for that topic. Now Society,” she says, tapping the Pad a few times. New questions pop up on it. “Should policymakers be elected by the general public, by former policymakers, or by an independent collective of people, who are elected by the general public, to elect policymakers?”

“Policymakers should be elected by [the general public/former policymakers/an independent collective of people, who are elected by the general public, to elect policymakers] ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________” 27 [Which option has your preference? Why?]

“What type of elections for policymakers do you think your citizens prefer?”

“I think my citizens prefer [the general public/former policymakers/an independent collective of people, who are elected by the general public, to elect policymakers]. __________________________________________________________________________________________” 28 [Which one do you hypothesize? Do you have any comments on that statement?]

“Which statement do you prefer: “Someone who is specialized in making political decisions should have the final say, regarding a new policy” or “Someone who is specialized in the field the policy is about, should have the final say, regarding the new policy”?”

“I prefer [the first statement/the second statement] _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________” 29 [Which statement do you prefer? Why?]

“Thank you for your answers. I’m moving on to The Self now.

I’m going to name a few characteristics. My question for you is to choose three that suit you best in your current state, including your reasons why.

The characteristics are: optimist, realist, extravert, introvert, thinker, doer, leader, teacher, operator, calm, energetic, unpredictable.”

“[Optimist/realist, extravert/introvert, thinker/doer, leader/teacher/operator, calm/energetic/unpredictable] ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________” 30 [Which would you choose and why?]

“Now there are two questions left. They’re from the Love category.

Are you positive about love?”

“[Yes/No]____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________” 31 [Are you? Why?]

“When do you know when you really love someone?”

“_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________” 32 [When do you know? Why?]

A few hours after _________________ 22’s visit, a flying silver suitcase enters your apartment. It opens itself on the _______________. 33 [Where in your apartment does the suitcase open?]

In it, there are ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 34 [What does you ration outfit look like? What does it look like on you? What are you going to do to kill time until the broadcast?]

19:45 / 07:45 PM sharp, _________________ 22 arrives in a hovering golf cart, to bring you to the new TV station inside the Κητquarters.

It’s the fastest hovering golf cart ever. You dash past other Prispital apartments and cells. You see that there’s a Prispital gym and that there’s an indoor Prispital park.

Then, you approach a gate that seems as high as dozens of those golf carts stacked on top of each other.

“Before we leave the Prispital, to enter the TV station,” she says, while the cart straps belts around both of you, which prevents you from exiting it. “You should know that they have made an evil clone of you. You’re invited to the Station, for a set of pictures of you presenting the ration. Meanwhile, your clone will teach your citizens the exact opposite of what you have just said. They’re doing the same to Old Fangs.

It’s terrible, I know, but if you obey, you can gain a lot of privileges. I made that decision, and it feels like I’m almost free.

If you don’t obey at this broadcast, Ήολιε Κητ could destroy your Planet, without even hesitating.”

You will

  1. A) Sabotage the broadcast, with the risk of destroying your entire Planet, but being certain of your citizens knowing who you really are. If your Planet is destroyed, depending on your choices, you will either get a new Planet or definitively retire from your life as a Ruler.
  2. B) Obey, which will cause your citizens to be turned against you, but you will have more time to find a way to save their habitat. Success is not guaranteed. 35 [A or B?]

To be continued…

Project Nosce Te Ipsum its New Democracy

The individual decides the policy. Not “his or her representative”. That is what characterizes D.O.C.I.S. International’s policy.

The questions in the series might seem very random, but your answers have a great meaning to our future. Your perspective co-decides The U.S.H.R.!

Become an official participant in Project Nosce Te Ipsum, by signing up here: https://docis.international/project-nosce-te-ipsum.

MEANWHILE: “Lekker mezelf zijn terwijl die hartverscheurende Cold Case helaas nog steeds niet is afgesloten”

COLD CASE 25

Lil Fangs
Art, Audio, Blog, Donation Forms, Ex Animo, Images, Interest & Money in Perspective, Interviews, MacroFangs, Media, Nederlandse Tekst, Nosce Te Ipsum, Online Diary, Polls, Popular Posts, Random questions, Random Thoughts, Recipes, Reflections, The General Theory of Employment, Tips, Uncategorized, Videos

Dominique Daniëlle Elia CV (curriculum vitae) in het Nederlands

Dominique Daniëlle Elia

Praesens (D.O.C.I.S. International)

 

Algemene persoonsgegevens

Geboortedatum: 1 november 1996 (22 jaar)

Geboorteplaats: Rotterdam

E-mailadres: d.danielle.elia@gmail.com (persoonlijk)

Adres: XXXXXXXXXX Capelle aan den IJssel

 

Persoonlijke doelen

Langetermijndoel

Op de lange termijn wil ik, door middel van het combineren van wiskundige, economische, wettelijke en didactische kennis, graag bijdragen aan de hervorming van het internationaal politiek-economisch systeem, met een (nog) sterke(re) nadruk op duurzaamheid. Dit of via het bedrijfsleven, of via de politiek zelf.

Korte termijn doelen

  • (Minstens) mijn bachelor in de wiskunde behalen.
  • Lang genoeg werkervaring opdoen om officieel aantoonbaar op hoger dan junior-niveau te kunnen presteren.
  • Mijn netwerk uitbreiden ten gunste van mijn langetermijndoel.
  • Een nieuwe strategie uitdenken om als zelfstandige dichter bij mijn langetermijndoel te kunnen komen.

Educatie

Diploma’s

  • Marnix Gymnasium: Gymnasium

Behaald in 2016

Profielkeuze: Economie & Maatschappij met Duits, Latijn, wiskunde B en informatica

  • The Open University: Open Bachelor’s Degree

Nog niet behaald

Georiënteerd op (Financiële) Wiskunde

Certificaten

  • British Council
    • Cambridge First Certificate English
  • European Piano Teachers Association
    • Niveau C2
  • Basis Flight Simulator certificaat

Werkervaring

  • Neridus-IT: Boekhoudassistente

augustus 2013 – september 2016

Het bijhouden van de financiële bewijsstukken (zowel digitaal als fysiek) en de financiële correspondentie tussen het bedrijf en het (uitbestede) accountantskantoor.

  • Zowel Delfshaven: Financieel hulpverlener (vrijwilliger)

juni 2016 – september 2016

Het ordenen van de administratie, opstellen van persoonlijke budgetten, inlichten en aanvragen voorbereiden, van mensen met financiële problemen in de regio Delfshaven, in een bijstands- en/of schuldsaneringstraject.

  • Elia PR: PR consultant (zelfstandige)

september 2016 – december 2017

Het ontwikkelen van PR strategieën en campagneconcepten voor individuen, op basis van de technieken van de grondleggers van de PR, in een uiterst alternatief, modern jasje.

  • D.O.C.I.S. International: Auteur, onderzoeker, (PR) strateeg en webdeveloper (zelfstandige)

juli 2018 – heden

Het ontwikkelen van een onderzoeksproject met toekomstige bestuursuitbreiding, aansluitend op mijn langetermijndoel, door middel van een invulverhalenserie (om zo te beginnen met een consumentenonderzoek dat uiteindelijk aanduidt aan welke eisen de internationale gemeenschap wil dat een revolutionair politiek-economisch systeem voldoet). Dit concept is echter nog niet officieel aan de man gebracht en dient op dit moment meer als een hobby waarmee ik ook een zakcentje verdien.

  • ANWB: Telefonisch hulpverlener

augustus 2018 – september 2018

Zomerkracht op de afdeling gespecialiseerd in de internationale voorziening van huurauto’s voor mensen die pech hebben gehad onderweg, maar toch hun vakantie willen voortzetten.

Overige (Informele) Ervaring

  • Ervaring met koken

Ik sta al van jongs af aan in de keuken, ken veel diverse kooktechnieken en smaakcombinaties uit keukens uit vele verschillende landen (met name Suriname, Nederland, Italië, Frankrijk en India), ontwikkel zeer regelmatig mijn eigen recepten (want ik hou van gevarieerd eten) en kook ook regelmatig driegangendiners voor groepen van 5 tot 10 mensen.

  • Ervaring met lesgeven

Over lesgeven (en spreken voor publiek) ben ik zeer gepassioneerd. Ik heb in veel verschillende disciplines (bij)les gegeven, waaronder: wiskunde, economie, PWSsen schrijven, piano spelen, vechttechnieken, basketbaltechnieken, koken, Engels, Nederlands en omgaan met telefoons en computers.

  • Ervaring als model

Van kleins af aan doe ik af en toe modellenwerk op aanvraag of voor eigen bedrijfsdoeleinden.

  • Ervaring als actrice/figurant
    • Acteren vind ik ook ontzettend leuk. Ik heb hier een beetje ervaring mee (door school, dansoptredens en sketches met mede hobby video sketch makers.)

Publicaties

Boeken

ISBN: 9789082936803

Gepubliceerd op 24 september 2018

Een heruitgave van episodes over mijn onderzoeksproject en science-fiction verhaal die ik eerder had gepubliceerd, maar later van het internet af had gehaald in verband met de controverse achter het publiceren van mijn persoonlijke verhaal in het verhaal en het risico dat dat kon zijn voor een baangarantie.

ISBN: 9789082936810

Gepubliceerd op 30 september 2018

Een introductie van het invulverhaal en de onderzoeksmethode achter het invulverhaal, waarin de lezer de protagonist is en de ingevulde informatie zal worden gebruikt voor het zoeken naar “The Universal Standard of Human Reasoning”, die nodig is voor het vinden van een politiek-economisch consensus.

ISBN: 9789082936834

Gepubliceerd op 30 november 2018

Een uitweiding van het invulverhaal, met als thema de (bedrijfs)filosofie en strategische uitdagingen binnen het onderzoeksconcept, gecombineerd met een vroege poging tot ledenwerving.

ISBN: 9789082936896

Gepubliceerd op 30 januari 2019

Een lang essay over een non-cijfermatig algoritme voor levensverbetering en de toepassing hiervan.

ISBN: 9789082936889

Gepubliceerd op 30 maart 2019

De onthulling van de spanningslagen uit het eerste boek van het invulverhaal en de laatste invulvragen die samen de hypothese van The Universal Standard of Human Reasoning vormen.

Long-read Artikelen

Publicatiedatum: 28 februari 2019

Dit is deel 1 van de artikelenserie die gaat over de macro-economische gedachte achter de organisatie die ik wil starten en over de economische hervorming van Keynes.

Publicatiedatum: 15 april 2019

Deel 2 van de serie over macro-economie in de context van mijn (hopelijk) toekomstig bedrijf, gaat in op hedendaagse voorbeelden van marktfalen en de (zelf ontwikkelde) wiskundige basismodellen achter mijn idee van duurzame hervorming.

Karaktereigenschappen

Positief Negatief
Communicatief sterk Soms verlegen
Doortastend empathisch vermogen (Vrijetijds)workaholic wat betreft auteurschap en onderzoek
Leert snel Gebruikt soms complexe woordkeuzes en zinsconstructies
Initiatiefnemer

 

Hobby’s

In mijn vrije tijd dans ik graag. In het verleden heb ik ballet (3-4 jaar), streetdance (12 – 14 jaar) en hip-hop (16 jaar) danslessen gevolgd. Ik heb vroeger ook judo (4 tot 8 jaar), pençak silat (6 tot 12 jaar) en tennislessen (3 jaar eventjes en toen 10 tot 12 jaar) gevolgd. Vanaf mijn veertiende tot mijn achttiende speelde ik voor Rotterdam Basketbal. Sinds mijn negende speel ik piano.

Tekenen (en schilderen en beeldhouwen) doe ik met slecht weer met plezier. Fotograferen doe ik ook heel graag. Vooral wanneer ik reis, wat ik ook erg vaak met vol enthousiasme doe. Ik ben in Nederland (Amsterdam, Texel, Ameland, Hoenderloo, Maastricht, Enschede, en nog een paar steden), Duitsland (Berlijn, Stuttgart, München, Düsseldorf, Trier, Wiesbaden en Meerbusch), Frankrijk (Parijs en diverse delen van Normandië), België (diverse plaatsen in de Ardennen en Antwerpen), Engeland (Newcastle), Ierland (Dublin), Suriname (Paramaribo en twee plaatsen in “de binnenlanden”), de Bahama’s (Nassau), Spanje (Ibiza), Italië (Rome, Udine, Verona, Venetië en Brugnera), Turkije (Marmaris en Alanya), Griekenland (Kreta) en de Verenigde Staten (Miami, FL; Baltimore, MA) op vakantie geweest, gedurende mijn hele leven, en zou graag nog veel meer van de wereld willen zien.

Verder lees ik ook graag informatieve klassiekers (zo kom ik bijvoorbeeld aan mijn PR basiskennis), ben ik bekend met programmeren met Visual Basic (en heb ik ook ervaring met programmeren voor Android, Java (in het algemeen) en C# (voor Unity)), kan ik Access databases bouwen (zo heb ik mijn eigen boekhoudsysteem gemaakt, voor mijn persoonlijke administratie), beheers ik HTML en CSS, spreek ik vloeiend Engels (en kan ik een beetje Frans spreken (en het bijna vloeiend verstaan (als het niet te snel en geen gebroken Frans/straattaal is)), Sranan Tongo kan ik redelijk verstaan, Duits kan ik redelijk spreken en vrijwel vloeiend verstaan), maak ik soms beats met Reason Lite, ga ik regelmatig naar de sportschool (voor krachttraining), houd ik van (neo-soul/rap/hip-hop/jazz/klassiek/R&B) muziek luisteren, fietsen en sprinten, ben ik de laatste tijd een beetje Italiaans aan het leren, en – last but not least – schrijf ik heeeeel veeel (voor mijn persoonlijke blog LilFangs.com 🙂 ).


If you are interested in becoming part of D.O.C.I.S. International, please read my Business Overture 🙂

Blog, Online Diary, Popular Posts

Cold Case 19 & Confessions [Saturday, April 20, 2019]

00:02 (12:02 AM)

Meoww yesterday was cool 🙂 . After playing the piano, I went out for dinner with my father, my sister and her boyfriend, at the Meat Cave in The Hague.

There are, unfortunately, some chapters I need to close before I can take group pictures of us that include self-written introductions of themselves and other cool things maybe. But then I want my website to look more representative as well, officially debuting them. The concept of fathership regarding me and me feeling so BlackTalian, is also quite complicated.

So meoww here are Fangy (hmmm) memory pictures I took of yesterday, placed in reverse order:

Passionfruit & peach ice + bacon, pineapple and a dried strawberry

Rareness ♥. It was all much more meaty than I expected – need my vitaminsss – but the meat was of very good quality

Smooth entrecôte

Buikspek, gegaard in venkel

Diamanthaas, featured by feta cheese, olives and tapenadeee

Ribeyee

The starter that was a type of ham, I believe¿

My picture smile is mwah meow I’m not happy enough 🙁 . Maybe I just need more Graeynissis and a photoshoott 🙂

On wild meowss my cleavage was so overdone that it was so comfyyy

Most Liée picture I believee

Meoww as I was in the Hague – the city where I worked last Summer, I just kept thinking of this Vicje of mine, and as the wine kept flowing and later cognac, too, [plus my tolerance was low, because I arrived to the restaurant veryyy hungry] I couldn’t keep myself from visualizing how I want to kiss and touch him on sight. Bad Fangs :$.

I hope outing this does not negatively influence my shot at the reality of this. I feel like doing a day of confessions today. The feeling of relief is worth a lot to me. Especially in my “pre”-full-time work “holiday”. (Pre in between parentheses because diary posting is quite full-time as well.)

I still haven’t slept since yesterday, so I will continue my fantasy, as I’l probably be laking myself to sleep haha openness diary yayy goood nightt ♥

~~~

23:16 (11:16 PM)

The greatest confession I have to make, is that things are going waaaaay worse than it seems, when it comes to including the general public into my business concept. I was just attempting to do that – trying to introduce a concept for people of all ages and all levels of intelligence – because I would love to see this world as a place of real unification.

But it’s not a necessity to simplify my content for people who don’t even seem to enjoy it. So I’m going to pursue my activities trying to make myself understandable even less.

Yes, to a regular person, that will sound like a very odd decision to make. Why this decision is a strategically positive one, is because, in the end, my greatest task, goal and challenge, are to unify the Graeynissis who are tempted by the image of me on their minds 24/7 since the very beginning of my life, who are simultaneously captivated by their very time-consuming occupations that come with extremely high responsibility, which is causing the obstruction of our unification.

They matter to me the most, because I am 100% certain that our attitudes towards life are, in the end, the exact same – including having a real mission in life and living by that – and that we would enjoy life so much better if we were together. That’s why I need my Graeynissis.

I see that people tend to consider a brand or product established, reliable and maybe even instantly good, when it ranks high in search engines. All I have done for this is SEO for my good articles, and defining key words for Google’s search engine. I was not familiar with the concept of backlinking, and its costs, until I noticed this (not spam? Or written by an extremely clever bot) comment.

Only when googling “Lil Fangs”, “LilFangs.com” or “D.O.C.I.S. International”, you find me on top in a search engine. And who tf would do that haha

I believe that my visitor statistics are inaccurate. I think that people prefer to visit my blog anonymously, without letting me know that they did. It hurts me that they do find entertainment in my content, but that they do not even want to let me know, and that they can read everything about my life (and talk shit about it), but that they do not even want to share their information with me.

I bet there are also people I used to consider friends of mine in this list, who don’t want to say that they like my work, because then I’ll feel good about myself, and they already can’t stand that I’m incomparably intelligent.

I also must confess that over time, I have developed such great intolerance for the extremely superficial shit that has become so popular these days, which makes people think that they are having meaningful conversations, while they sound so incredibly stupid that I must bite my tongue to not yell that I must do everything in my propagandist power to make sure that those awful trends end. Please stop following trends.

I must confess that I believe that I’m the best propagandist who has ever walked the Earth. But that’s because of the future and not because of the present.

I must confess that I find it very strange and slightly annoying – even though I’m not a fan of commercial holidays at all – that I’ll be celebrating Easter without my sister. She is one of the few people on this planet who does not receive my brain-to-brain communication signal, but who I do really love a lot.

I notice who receives my brain-to-brain communication signal and who doesn’t, I believe. When someone does, I tend to continue to treat that person as if he/she doesn’t, because people who don’t will consider us crazy for sure, and I don’t want us to end up trapped in the Dutch psychiatric system (again). That’s why I prefer to get them alone… But that’s very hard, because of who we are in society. I hope that that will change by working full-time.

I must confess that if my B were available sooner, I wouldn’t feel pressurized to search for a job.

I must confess that the dinner I made today was very memorable and that unfortunately I only have a picture from before the oven & baking. We ate this with rice today

I must confess that my content will be worth A LOT, one day.

I must confess that that comment I shared earlier made me realize that, regardless of what the slider on my home page says, people will think that I’m only a lifestyle blogger, and that is absolutely not who I am. This – and the fact that my brain really needs desperate rest of at least a couple of days – makes me think it really is better to stop writing daily diary posts. I’ll switch to weekly or monthly updates and seperate articles to share life philosophy related things.

I also must confess that most diary posts have been written while I was shitting.

And that this is thus my last ever daily diary posts. For real this time.

I’m happy that I really do not give a fuck about what the general public thinks of me. And that I’m very glad that their past and recent mistakes will seal the future parting of us and them. We’re A LOT better off without them!

Do you know what the most pointless thing about pro versus contra discussions is? That it’s not about consensus. Pro will never become contra and contra never will become pro, so it’s no use trying to convince one another, and the exchange of words is an extreme waste of time and air.

If you believe that I can change the world, I love you so much you might have to fight me one day, because I want to kiss you, 24/7!

If you don’t believe that I can change the world, I absolutely do not love you and you will regret believing that so very much, one day. If you have said this to my face, you will regret that even more. I do not forget shit like that ever. I think about that EVERY FUCKING DAY. I will not have peace of mind until I have proved that I am God in person, and that you have been very wrong for discouraging me. Shit like that should be punishable.

Know that you can try to hide things and pretend that you are not who you are, but the technology you use, ALWAYS leaves a trail, and real data can not be erased, even when you permanently delete it. Even when you think you are anonymous.

I fucking hate this planet so fucking much – the way it is now – and cannot wait until I have enough power to really change it. Barbarians should not ever have had the primate and I will die fighting them.

I hope that I may one day face everyone I have been complaining about on my blog simultaneously and (maybe literally¿) fight out the schizophrenia debate once and for all, while the rest of the world watches.

It is, by the way, way too hard to make an appointment at the GGD!? I’ll DEFINITELY fang my phycisian on sight, after all of the shit she has put me through, so I have no other option but to go the GGD, but their schedule is booked crazyyy full. It’s interesting that they consider that sleeping with someone who is from Suriname is seen as a higher risk for STDs, and that is where part of my roots lie ahahahahaha. (Goes crazy lol.) I really don’t feel like paying €150 for a tube of cream though and I also do not want to put apple cider vinegar on my genitals x_x.

I swear I will never sleep with people who do not receive my brain-to-brain communication signal, ever again. I need a truly passionate lover anyway.

I, by the way, know that everyone who receives my brain-to-brain communication signal can speak Cuddle fluently in the way I speak this in my mind. That’s, by the way, another reason why I don’t dare to treat someone who receives it like someone who doesn’t receive it: we will stand out even more, others will hate instantly and that will make me trigger happy as fuck, or I am just misguided by the fact that I’m only physically attracted to the individual and that just makes me hope that he/she receives the signal, a lot.

I’ll be enjoying my non-daily-diary-posting days.

But, OF COURSE, the cold case continues.

Ciaooooo

xxx

Images, MacroFangs, Nosce Te Ipsum, Popular Posts

Fangyist Economics & Initiating Change [+ Keynes Part 2]

Fangyist Economics & Initiating Change

[+ Keynes Part 2]

Nosce Te Ipsum I

Book II: Society

Episode: 2
Category: MacroFangs
Publication date: March 15th, 2019

Future business concepts are not reality yet, because the debates about what change should look like, are not settled yet.

We are losing time with solely conversing about it. Fangyism is decisive. There are solutions that can be carried out in only a few weeks’ time. But there are some barriers that need to be broken, for this to become reality. In this article, I explain how this can (and should) be done.

To make my language more “cross compatible” (for there are no officially acknowledged Fangyist terms yet), I will reflect my future concepts to the way Keynes defined his future concepts, in The General Theory of Employment, Interest and Money. This article thus also indirectly touches on part 2 of that book.

The Value of Labor and Produce

In the second part of The General Theory of Employment, Interest and Money, Keynes takes a moment to elaborate on the solution to a challenge he had found for himself, in economic theory. The economic language he wanted to use to address the general issue and his solutions, was not used by any other economist yet (Keynes 2017, p.37). In his own words, he used those 4 chapters, to define the following:

“… firstly, the choice of the units of quantity appropriate to the problems of the economic system as a whole; secondly, the part played by expectation in economic analysis; and, thirdly, the definition of income.”

(Keynes 2017, p. 37)

I will use a similar approach, to define the flaw in today’s economic assumptions and give you the fundamentals of Fangyist economic theory.

Fangyism says that the current way value is assigned to products, labor and even nations as a whole, is incorrect. That is because the competitive nature of the assignment methods – “the higher the value, the better the status” is a form of competition – is in conflict with the fragility of nature.

In a competitive market, everyone his or her labor is intended for the maximization of the organization’s profit. Simultaneously, the media monitors the economic development of firms closely and the stock market fluctuates along.

Because of the general financial objective regarding maximum financial gains, earning as most as possible, with the least amount of capital and labor, is what dominates business philosophy. Regardless of the effect it has on nature, while that, in actuality, determines real value.

 

An example of this, is what is happening to the Cavendish banana. Scientists are incentivized to invent new races of bananas, because the popular curved yellow fruit that can be found in every supermarket, is threatened to go extinct. Fusarium fungi are destroying the plants and the soil they grow in (Reynolds 2018). (In Dutch, the illness of the species is called “Panamaziekte”.)

The consumer knows this, because the media have covered it (depending on their reach and audience). Other than that – in the western world – it seems to be business as usual. The bananas are in high demand, and the market is still competitive, so the price of the banana is kept low, and quick solutions are sought.

In the Netherlands, the short-term solution to this problem is to grow the Cavendish plants in glass houses, on rock wool and peat, instead of on regular soil (abroad).

Yes, in this way, the demands of our large and growing population are met. But our system, in this way, disregards the financial safety of plantation workers, and gets naturally grown high quality foods closer to extinction.

That is why – though it will not be in favor of many – Fangyism says it is better to let the price skyrocket, in a context like this. It is a better incentive to find a good solution to this problem of the risk of extinction.

As long as there is no alternative, collectively, the value of a banana should be based on the relationship between the amount of people who want the product, and the amount of products available. Prices would become higher, but nature would be treated better.

 

The Fangyist system, therefore, guarantees its citizens a basic income (of essential products) and uses a system to assign value to a product, which is based on availability, instead of on “competitive value”. This requires the use of calculation methods that are different from the ones we know and use today.

 

Calculation Methods of Today

The gross domestic product, also known as GDP, is an indicator of the total value of a national market. It is used as a controversial way to compare how wealthy a country is. But quality of and access to education, quality of and access to food, quality of and access to health care, and other sustainability related concepts, it does not indicate.

There are different ways to calculate the GDP:

 

  • The production approach
    By adding up all gross value added for goods and services, adding received taxes to that and subtracting product subsidies from that.
  • The income approach
    By adding all employees’ incomes, profits (or gains) of businesses and incomes of small and unregistered businesses to that, plus all received taxes, and subtracting subsidies.
  • The expenditure approach
    The equation for this calculation method, Y = C + I + G + (X – M), is known as the Keynesian model of macroeconomics, where Y (GDP) is equal to C (consumption), I (investment), G (government expenses), X (export), minus M (import). (In Dutch schools, this is Y = C + I + O + (E – M).)

In theory, every calculation method should have the same value as its outcome. Whether this is true or not, in the end, the value does not say anything about available resources and intellectual capital in a country at all. In Fangyism, available resources and intellectual capital (including individuals), is what determines national value. It does not acknowledge any of the GDP calculation methods.

Government expenses, for example, can, in my Fangyist optics, never be seen as an addition of value. By way of illustration, let’s say milk farmers are having financial trouble, because people are not buying enough milk, so the government keeps bulk-buying extra milk, until the farmers earn enough to not go bankrupt. This expense cannot be seen as an addition to national value, because of the following reasons:

  • The product was bought by means of support, because no one else was buying it, so it does not have its purchase value after being bought, because no one wants it. (It could have basically been given away for free, or have been used for a milk-themed pool party.)
  • The product has a due date.
  • Tax money has been spent to waste natural resources (though artificially sired Holstein cows exist, which I consider unnatural cows), just for the sake of keeping the prices in this economic mechanism low.

Another example of controversial added government value, is the taxpayer money spent to celebrate the king’s birthday as a national holiday. (I am sure that the holiday is valued, but when it comes to nature being stripped from its resources, it is not an addition.)  Before I tell you what calculation methods the Fangyist system does acknowledge, I would like to zoom in on another aspect of my digression.

 

Labor’s Total Value

Keynes defined the total value of labor, with the following equation:

E = N x W

Where E is the total wages and salaries, N stands for the total amount of employment and W stands for the (marginal) wage-unit. This means that N = 1 resembles one hour of labor for a regular employee. An employee with special skills (who receives a higher salary than a regular employee), his or her value of N is based on the relative difference in hourly rate.

So, for example, a firm has two employees, of which one is regular and the other one has special skills. They both work 5 hours. The regular employee is paid €10 per hour, and the employee with special skills is paid €20 per hour. For the regular employee, N = 5 and W = €10. For the special employee, N = 10 and W = €10. It follows that:

 

E = 15 x €10

E = €150

In this context, the value of labor is based on skill and/or education, and the amount of hours the employee has worked. Productivity, actual capabilities and inflation are not part of this calculation. Today, (in the Netherlands,) inflation is taken into consideration when a salary is calculated, and performance/productivity bonuses exist.

However, Fangyism does not consider an addition to the value of a nation, because many types of labor add more pollution than improvement, to nature. Any action that includes environmental destruction, for the sake of making profit, can never be seen as something that is beneficial to a country.

 

Fangyist Functions

Fangyist economics is a sustainable alternative to modern economics. Fangyist equations can be used by both firms and nations. Its outcomes are precise values, instead of estimates, indicating its value and indirect development status. They (solely) apply to the Fangyist system, of which all aspects are non-profit. As long as that system is not established yet, its functions are arguable.

The Value of Labor

The Value of Labor function, indicates, when results are compared over several periods of time, the general value and efficiency of Fangyist employment. It looks like this:

L: Labor, is separately measured in tangible Fangia (tF) and intangible Fangia (iF). (They can, in reference to part one of this article, still be renamed RLF and DF.) For nations and firms, in which both tangible and intangible goods and services are delivered, the total value of labor, is calculated in the following way:

 

L = LtF + LiF

N: The value of N, is the total of employees that have been/will be paid in tangible Fangia and/or intangible Fangia. Keynes translated this value to hours of labor and pre-defined skill about which price agreements are made. Fangyism counts one employee, regardless of whether he or she is educated or not, or has some other type of distinguishment, with the value of one. It is the calculation in between brackets that determines the monetary value yielded by an employee. So one uneducated employee and one employee with 6 PhDs, both solely working with tangible Fangia, give us: NtF = 2.

The total amount of employees, is distinguished in whether they yield and work with tangible Fangia and/or intangible Fangia. If an employee works with both tangible and intangible Fangia, his or her returns are calculated in both the tangible and the intangible labor function. For administration purposes, the total can be calculated like this:

 

N = NtF + NiF

R: This value stands for the return, which is what an employee earns back, in either tangible Fangia, or intangible Fangia.

I: The investment of resources, needed to yield the return, are deducted from the returns earned by the employee. This value includes not only what is literally needed to create the product or deliver the service. It also includes the employee’s cups of coffee, pollution from commuting and anything else the employee wouldn’t be doing in that measured period of time, if he or she weren’t working for D.O.C.I.S. International or one of its partners.

 

Let’s say we have a Fangyist business that sells art of an artist online and from the artist’s home studio. The Fangyist value of labor, is then calculated in the following way:

Value of Labor 1 Jan 2019 – 31 Jan 2019

i [Employee] Intangible Return Intangible Investment Tangible Return Tangible Investment
1 [The Artist]

iF 96,348 * 0.5

iF 0

tF 15,630 * 0.8

tF 5680

2 [Web development and web maintenance]

iF 96,348 * 0.3

iF 1,235 tF 0

tF 653

3 [Sales & Correspondence]

iF 96,348 * 0.2

iF 429 tF 15,630 * 0.2

tF 1864

Totals

iF 96,348 iF 1,664 tF 15,630

tF 8,197

When this is done for every month, which is a requirement for Fangyist accounting, individual and overall labor. The salary of a Fangyist is his or her basic income – which is equal for everyone – and what he or she has earned, which is his or her individual total of R – I. The way a salary is divided into tangible Fangia and intangible Fangia, depends on the choice of the receiver.

 

Fangyist accounting requires every single investment done to be reported (including indicating for which employee the expense is made), to keep a clear overview of the state of available natural resources and other products in a country.

 

The Value of Produce

A second basic equation of Fangyist economics, is the Value of Produce. An individual product (or service), is valued in the following way:

For a single product:

P is the value of a product, in either tangible Fangia, or intangible Fangia. Which Fangyist valuta is chosen, depends on whether the product is tangible or not.

Q is the total amount of available products at a certain point in time.

D stands for the amount of people who demand the product.

This is multiplied by the multiplier of tangible or intangible Fangia, which is determined by all supply and demand traffic on Planet Fang.

 

For an accumulation homogeneous products:

The Fangyist value of an accumulation of products, is calculated by multiplying the value of a single product, with A: the amount of products (to be) sold.

 

Routinous Jobs

As you might have noticed, Fangyist labor gives an individual employee a lot of responsibility, and is more focused on different disciplines working together, than having large individual departments. All routinous jobs should be replaced by artificial intelligence, is one of the things a Fangyist lives for, to accomplish. I have several reasons why I believe this:

  • It is more reliable
    Productivity of AI is much easier to estimate, compared to the unpredictable productivity of a human being. There is also no risk of the device committing fraud, or loses out on productivity, because it has been gossiping in the coffee corner for too long. Aside from maintenance, it does not come with unpredictable costs.
  • It allows for easy, limitless improvement
    When a technique evolves, AI can evolve much quicker, compared to a human being, who needs to follow a re-education program and needs practice.
  • It is far more sustainable to nature
    An electronic device that runs on sustainable energy, pollutes a lot less than a human being, who pollutes the Earth by (most methods of) commuting, lunch breaks, requires office parties etc., and often still depends on technology (and the added pollution thereof), to do his or her routinous work.

One of the first objectives of D.O.C.I.S. International, aside from the general construction of its corporate state and compounds, is to implement this shift at once, for every nation and/or firm who is interested in forming a partnership with this organization.

 

Initiating Change

The change D.O.C.I.S. International aims for, is the rapid implementation of solutions that will make the common routine of life a more diverse experience, in a way that is the outmost sustainable.

To make the Fangyist system officially existent, the first step is collective currency conversion, officially establishing the Fangia. This is what happens after the second part of the D.O.C.I.S. International Partnership Agreement is signed collectively. Conversion is withheld, until the total value of the assets to be converted, is more than enough to fund our new state with.

The more-than-two-factor selection process, is designed to filter out those who are the best at keeping up with the level of complexity and responsibility this organization carries. This is because every officially registered and acknowledged member, is co-owner of the organization.

 

The Debate

Fangyism is extremely controversial. Still, some form of consensus, together with those who do not accept it, has to be found. That is why the debate is set up around the following questions:

  • Is the Fangyist system fair?
  • Can the Fangyist system last, in practice? Or will society’s common routine of life disrupt it, the way it disrupts nature?

 

Potential Outcomes

For an overview of Fangyists and non-Fangyists, in accordance with the Universal Standard of Human Reasoning, potential outcomes of the debate are pre-defined (though any other type of outcome is welcome as well):

  • We all agree that Fangyism is the way to go, and everyone qualifies for it
  • There is no consensus, thus a new parting of cultures will emerge

    This means that the world will then run on the modern economic system and the Fangyist economic system, parallel to each other, but as separate closed economies. Reasons for disagreement could be the following beliefs:
    • “The Fangyist system is not my utopia.” / “I don’t believe that the Fangyist system is an improvement to society.”
    • “I don’t want my life to change.”
    • “This is too difficult for me to understand.”

 

What is next?

As long as D.O.C.I.S. International does not have any ambassadors or sponsors, I will continue to attempt to make myself heard through text, until enough funds are acquired to deliver the message of D.O.C.I.S. International beyond its own digital realm. After that, the Fangyist system could be put into practice.

You will be kept up to date of the organization’s development and the moment the official (non-digital) debate takes place, by signing up for Project Nosce Te Ipsum.

Hopefully, by the time the next part of the MacroFangs part of the Nosce Te Ipsum series is released, there is a debate to discuss…

 

Reference List

Keynes, J.M. (2017), The General Theory of Employment, Interest & Money Wordsworth Editions Limited ed, Hertfordshire: Wordsworth Editions Limited

Reynolds, M. (2018), The banana is dying. The race is on to reinvent it before it’s too late [online], Wired [Viewed on April 14th], Available from: https://www.wired.co.uk/article/cavendish-banana-extinction-gene-editing

RTL Z (2018), Wageningse wetenschapper bedenkt oplossing voor zieke banaan [online], RTL Z [Viewed on April 14th], Available from: https://www.rtlz.nl/algemeen/binnenland/artikel/4517041/banaan-chiquita-cavendish-bananenziekte-wageningen

Click here to read MacroFangs part one, called Looking at Markets Differently [Keynes Part 1]

The featured image is made by Adrianna Calvo, downloaded from Pexels.com

I chose this image, because the Fangyist system is an economically safe, transparent and honest one, 
and Fangyist economics in practice, is a collective effort. 
An umbrella resembles reliability during bad times, and in this image, the sun is shining. The multitude of umbrellas, resembles the collective.
Blog, Online Diary, Popular Posts

1yr, Cold Case 14 [Monday, April 15, 2019]

00:11 (12:11 AM)

Hooraaaaaaay, LilFangs.com exists one year today! ♥

Sooo much has happened since the very spontaneous “in medias res” start of this blog! Visiting Paris and (multiple cities in) Suriname (again), escaping psychiatric surveillance by running away to the US, almost going homeless in the US so coming back and still escaping surveillance by working full-time in an office for the first time in my life, scoring my first “university” study points, the long and difficult search to find suitable Graeynissis for my business (and to befriend), of course, releasing many books and articles, and muuuuuch more 🙂 .

I’m proud of myself to not have given up on my dream, though the returns I receive from this are far lower than the effort I put in. I had hoped to be much further by now.

Something classical, which happens every time I plan a release and do everything that has to be done for it (by) myself, is happening again: I will release my most recent Nosce Te Ipsum article today. But, unfortunately, as usual, it’s not finished yet. I “only” have way more than half of all chapters to add. Like on every release date day, I’ll be busy doing a lottt of release related things.

Regardless of my work pace, I am proud of the way I share my philosophy. The link between all of my separate publications, gets clearer, for the reader, every time I release something. It’s like solving a mystery. I hope you find it fun 🙂 . Today, the crucial clue will be released! Coincidentally on my (meoww may I say “our”? :D) one-year anniversary!

I estimate the release to be at 6 PM. I hope it’s sooner, so that I can relax a little and lay in bed having mixed feelings from my prospect of celebrating one year of LilFangs.com by myself, becoming reality. To be very honest: that was not what I expected, when I started this blog.

Something else very coincidental about this, is that this anniversary is while I’m cold casing, which is very symbolic, since I started this blog in an attempt to make myself heard, struggling in the form of (individual rights and health care related) injustice I live through. (More than) a year ago, I mentioned that I really need to see dr. Crutzen – the first Graeyniss I have ever laid eyes on and the first person I met who is capable of understanding me and who I can get along with – to prove my case. I have tried many ways to reach him since I started this blog. My mother now doing this for me – because ever since I have been reported missing, childish things like this are logical to people for some reason – is my final resort, which has brought me some news, not yet the encounter she said is going to take place.

Not even to begin about possibly – though she denied it, confirmed it and then denied it again – having lived for 22 years, with the wrong last name, having been incorrectly taught to call a man who is not my father, my father.

It would make my life easy and make me eternally happy, if it makes sense that the reason why I hear dr. Crutzen through brain-to-brain communication is because he is my father, that he is kept away from me because of some disgusting legal and financial construction made by those who are attached to the shit I do for them [because I really do not understand the sudden intense distance, so this is the only thing that makes slight sense 🙁 ], but that my plan to get to him is in accordance with his plan to get to me, and that we will live happily ever after, as two wild Graeynissis who want to become crazy influential, by running a business together. And that our other Cuddles and Graeynissis will accompany us on this journey.

Meoww I’m going to get myself a midnight snack and be writing xxx ♥

~~~

14:48 (02:48 PM)

I’m going to lift myself out of bed. From my statistics, I see that this is more like talking to myself. Exactly today, I’ve had 0 (non-anonymous) website visitors. That’s unusual.

It’s very disheartening to be so extremely disliked by the general public. But to my actual endeavor, luckily, it is an asset.

I refuse to work together with those who negatively judge what I do, without understanding the essence of it. The recruitment process of D.O.C.I.S. International is constructed in such a way, that those individuals will be filtered out of the process and be offered an alternative that is not included in the Fangyist system. Because the Fangyist system can only be kept healthy, when the collective works hard to keep it healthy. Those who reject the philosophy and approach, are not trusted to do good in this system.

Meoww you’ll see my basic Fangyist functions and the explanations of its workings, very soon 🙂 .

I’m thinking of going to the gym after being done with my article¿

~~~

19:35 (07:35 PM)

Meoow I’m still busy explaining Fangyist economics.

Why do I give this gold away for free and still have no one notice it x_x. I refuse to depend on social media networks.

I also did some cooking preparations in the meantime. I don’t think I’ll have time to go to the gym today 🙁 🙁 .

Tomorrow, my diary exists one year haha… I was hoping to be out of this depressing “my family does not want me to be close with people the family doesn’t know, so I’m basically indirectly living in captivation” life I’m living.

Haha I’ve been continuously replaying everything I have experienced at the Executive Event in my head. It has been so long since I’ve experienced something positively memorable. Meoww there are still some things I want to say about this, but I want to finish my article firstt xxx.

~~~

Blog, Images, Online Diary, Popular Posts

Cold Case 13 [Sunday, April 14, 2019]

01:35 (AM)

Meoow, tomorrow, my blog exists for one year. I wonder if I’m going to celebrate it by getting intoxicated by myself, the way I always celebrate my book releases, because I don’t know anyone who keeps up with and appreciates my writing, personally. Plus, I don’t have the funds to throw a party 🙁 .

I also, looking back at my first post on here, wonder why the fuck I still spend sooooo much time with my family. Why don’t they want to let me go for good, eternally x_x. I’m so tired of listening to their long and hurtful monologues. Especially after all of the SHIT I’ve lived through within this year, just because I want some healthy distance, so that I can breathe, think clearly and be myself. I have a superficial conversation tolerance level of any number far below 0.

Hopefully year 2 will bring me the distance from insincere love and superficiality, and the unification of Graeynissis, I so deeply desire.

I’ve been experiencing some not yet mentioned niss yesterday:

426 posts, by the time Future Fangyist Employment & Initiating Change is released 😮

Het is kruidcake en niet kruidkoek maar enfin

Co-cooked diet dinner was nice. My mother made the pasta that is part of the diet she is following, and I cooked some shrimp to eat with that.

It’s all right. However, for the sake of my health, I should (emigrate to) switch to naturally harvested foods only.

I notice that the cameras in the living room are making me feel even less comfortable at “home”. I wonder if other people have access to it, too. And if it’s easy to hack?

I hope my odd behavior hasn’t turned into comedy, because that would make me initiate the sickest personal vendetta…

Anyway, I’ve found the login credentials of that other Facebook account of mine, I wanted to delete. So I’m 100% Facebookless now. I feel relieved. I hope there will be a day in which it, for the majority of people, will be normal to not have any social media accounts.

My grandmother is staying with us, because the leakage in her house has been causing power outages. It’s a sign of decay, which indicates that a lottttt of things need to be replaced. Not only in her apartment – because the leakage is on multiple floors – but in the entire building, fundaments should be replaced. I wonder what will happen, when everything in Rotterdam reaches its peak of age and decay, and it can’t all be replaced at once, because everything is built so very close to each other.

I hope my mails and soon to be released article for which I will be beast mode writing today, will get me Graeynissis I can befriend, when I leave this dreadful family life behind me. Someone who sees my potential and wants to help me grow, instead of talk me out of it and have me sign up to live and grow old in the same city I was born in.

I really want to get out of here, but I can’t do that without having people to run away to/with.

I’m going to sleeep

Good nighttt ♥

xxx

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