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Reflections

Ex Animo, Polls, Random questions, Reflections

I want to C you

Actually, this is not much of a poem. More uncontrolled prose.

Over 550 blog posts, all written from the perspective of my eyes. Are they not provocative enough? 🙁 I can’t hear you. Why?

Over 206,000 / 206.000 (two hundred and six thousand) [international writing] words, written in the perspective from me to you. You, whose beautiful eyes are going over this page. What do you see?

Are you A, B or C?

I want to know. Not only your perspective. Also the perspective “you to me”.

I hope it’s different from what I’m used to. I hope you’re C.

You see, I can’t hear people’s internal dialogues when they talk to me. But I can estimate them by asking questions and reading their body language.

My powers never reach the core, though I try. What is going on in your outmost personal layer? Especially now that my writing has reached it, but I haven’t. (Not yet? 🙂 )

Why I want to know? Because I’m an ambitious, affectionate and cuddly person and I want to know if you’re that person too. Society doesn’t embrace that openness, but we should.

When I study anyone’s behavior, I see their attitude towards the world. But I can’t see if they’re A, B or C, without getting hurt. I’ve never reached the core.

What is your attitude towards me? A, B or C?

The Cuddle

“I really admire her. I love what she’s doing. I wish I could do it myself.

Where her theories come from, I don’t know. I need more proof to be able to trust it. My own life would become damaged if I go all-in on this and it turns out to not be feasible. Like could it still all be schizophrenia and not real? I can’t imagine that that could be the case, but still can’t rule it out if I haven’t seen her theories in practice. Why did she exactly become labeled as a schizophrenic anyway? I still have the feeling that there’s a lot more to that story.

Everything that is going on in this world makes it hard for me to trust. Media accusations versus personal counter-accusations. That that will ever be something of the past? The future she portrays sounds too good to be true. I want to believe in it so much, but my heart would become irreparably damaged if I would trust this and it turns out not to be true.

I wouldn’t be able to formulate any theories like hers myself, but if they’re true, I could learn them and implement them in my life. I could use her theories to realize my own dreams and make a living from that. I would love to move to Planet Fang. It feels like there, eternal love and eternal happiness really do exist.

Privacy wise I have nothing about me she may not know. I would love to be her (social) research subject, sharing my thoughts with her, to improve life on Planet Fang. I think I could realize my dreams, doing what I want in life and also being part of D.O.C.I.S. International.”

B

The Demon

“I want to have sex with her. I want to do that every day. But I can’t love. I don’t love her. Though she should love me so that I can have her with me for the rest of my life. I will tell her I love her so that she will tell me the same.

To let her become the royalty she wants to be? No. I will make sure that that won’t happen. If there’s anyone who deserves to be the last new royalty introduced to the world, it’s me. I want the money and fame. If she gets it before me then I will make sure that I’m with her when it happens and eventually cause her downfall and say that I was the mastermind behind everything.

She says that she wants to create a better world blah blah. We all know that that is not realistic. Because the whole world is like me and I love to watch people clash. If it doesn’t happen naturally then I’ll cause it. It’s my favorite topic of conversation. Life is boring without clashes.

Haha that she’s diagnosed with schizophrenia is great news to me.  It’s hilarious, really. And that she went missing and that that went viral and stuff hahaha. She’s always emphasizing that she is a good person and now all of that effort was all for nothing. She’s a demon too and I will get her to confess this, to seal the fact that she’ll never make it. I can’t wait to dry her tears of failure.

If I’m jealous of her? Nooo she shouldn’t think that she’s better than I. I don’t really understand most of her theories, but I still memorize everything so that I can make it look like I’m the mastermind behind D.O.C.I.S. International, when the time is right.

I will lie about my personality in her research so that I can gain access to the highest layers of Planet Fang. That is what my talent is: using sneak tactics to climb up the ladder.

Life should stay exactly like it is.  I have it good and she may not have it better than I. If she gets money then I want to get it too. Love does not exist. I love her deception, acting like she can improve the world. If I can’t improve the world, then no one can. I don’t want to see anyone get successful with that.”

C

The Graeyniss

“I love her. I’m in love with her. We’re soul mates. But I don’t tell her this. I’m afraid she will reject me. I’d rather not let my dreams of using my intelligence to destroy the system together with the love of my life come true and find happiness in her online reality, than feel the eternal sting of her potential rejection. Even though it’s just a probability statement.

I can relate to every single word she writes and/or says. It’s like she speaks of my life instead of hers. I have felt so alone in my intelligence for so long. I can’t believe that she’s real. This is more mental comfort than I could have ever asked for. This is what I have missed all my life. Now I know that I’m not alone.

I have a lot of self-formulated theories, too. Some are similar to hers, some are different. Intelligent people often make the same observations and realizations.

That I could start a new life with her sounds like an absolute dream. But it’s such a great risk for my current career and my family. Even though these attachments are just mental concepts. I should choose me, like she says I should. Chances are high that we will be successful. That we will write history… I want my name in the history books too, as part of her story…

I’m afraid that my emotional problems will make her run away from me like other people in my life do. But she sounds like it will actually draw us closer and make us stronger than we already are. Fully immune against demons.

From her words it sounds like our attraction will be mutual. But that really sounds too good to be true. Either way, life is so boring and I really want the challenge she offers. I want to be part of the board of D.O.C.I.S. International.”

What will be the future of us?

If you’re A, I would allow you to live on Planet Fang. I would absolutely love to meet you. I find it important to know how I can make my stratrgies better suit your ambitions, so that my power on Planet Fang will not bother you. We will not physically spend eternity together, for if you can’t formulate theories like mine by yourself I will have so much to explain and that will hold me back, but mentally we will still always be together. You will be in my thoughts often. Your life on Planet Fang will be the best ever.

If you’re B, you will not gain access to Planet Fang. You’re a disease to good people. I can’t wait to kill you with my bare hands. The next war this world will know will be the war against you and your fellow demons.

If you are C, I love you just as much as you love me. We are complements. I can’t even be successful without you and I don’t want to do this without you, even if I could! You have the intelligence and affection I need.

Would you vote honestly if you knew that your choice could mean instant death? I’ll classify the world in A, B, C, regardless if you vote or not, for your digital footprint reveals enough, and my A’s and C’s will live their best lives.

The featured image is from wpclipart.com.

Online Diary, Popular Posts, Reflections, Strategy

D.O.C.I.S.’s Transition Phases [Saturday, August 3, 2019]

My fellow Fangyists, ♥

Today’s Diary Theme

Today’s diary post is focused on further enlightning you about the Determined Observant Colloquial Intelligent Stratagem. Many texts of mine have been devoted to this, but they all won’t be as open-hearted and clear as this one.

At the end of today, we all know:

  • All Stratagem related terms that are Fangyist (including the meaning of the word Cishes in Cuddle [now that it’s pride week and I recently learnt that there is another meaning for the word, plus I have some things else about that to share])
  • What phases the Stratagem has
  • The current state of the Stratagem (and what the “starting point” is)
  • When the first phase will be finished

Fangyist Terms

Cuddle – In Fangyism, “Cuddle” has two additional meanings (of course it’s also a synonym of “hug”)

  1. A Fangyist dialect developed to discuss secret information publicly (like Surinamese people speaking Sranang Tongo when Dutch people are around).
  2. A nickname for the way Lil Fangs calls her – regardless of race, age, sex, level of intelligence et cetera – supporters she adores.

(The) D.O.C.I.S. – The development strategy of the global reform I intend to accomplish (currently as a sole proprietor), shaped according to the Fangyist philosophy.

The D.O.C.I.S. Book Club – An international book club (currently in development), focused on using themes from books to discuss real-life practical change.

The D.O.C.I.S. Store – A Lil Fangs owned store that mainly sells books. The purpose of this store is to enlighten D.O.C.I.S. International its audience and build up finance for future operations.

The Fangs – in Fangyism, this has two meanings:

  1. The online magazine used to spread messages of members of D.O.C.I.S. International. (thefangs.nl)
  2. A nickname of Lil Fangs that soothes her heart.

Fangyism – A Fangs-developed ideology as well as a form of Fangs-developed science, oriented on the belief that the current life of suffering will transition into eternal happiness in the same life, sparked by the inevitable Fangyist reform of society, changing everything we know into something better according to the Fangyist philosophy.

Flooding the Netherlands – The reminder of the inevitable risk of the time we live in, for the Netherlands lie below sea level and pole ice keeps melting, which D.O.C.I.S. International will use as a business opportunity to create infinite jobs according to the Fangyist philosophy.

Graeynissis – The 10% most intelligent people in the world (active in a broad range of fields) The Fangs wishes to develop and guide the Fangyist revolution with. (This definition is better but doesn’t replace Fangs’s Dictionary “Graeyniss”. The word is inspired by grey suits.)

Lil Fangs – A satirical name under which Dominique Daniëlle Elia will spark an international revolution.

Propaganda – Mass communication intended to induce action. A medium which, according to the Fangyist philosophy, may only be used to do something that is good for the world v

(Transition) Phases – The stages D.O.C.I.S. International will go through on the way of accomplishing the

Schizophrenia – [This definition questions/opposes the DSM.] A non-realistic (for the experience reality is always subjective) term The Fangs has been stigmatized with. Though this is heartbreaking (to her), strategically, it has allowed for a way to destroy the current system from the inside out, questioning the authority of the psychiatric industry in the Netherlands, followed by questioning the authority of the government in general. With the labeled stigma and the consequences thereof, they have obstructed the endeavors of The Fangs.

Meoww I’m going to eat some and then later continue.

Updated 13:50 (01:50 PM) [GMT +2]

Egmond-Binnen, Netherlands 

~~~

I ate lunch and then played Monopoly. This game is good for my heart lol. I’m a natural monopolist meow I love this type of decision making.

Start yays

Trade yays

Those damn hotels x_x. I finished second place out of 4. My sister’s boyfriend won haha.

Avec my sister and her two of her friends. I didn’t know that this picture was taken haha. After looking at my statistics I let go of my phone :x.

Just like here haha. But bun-nyays :]

Cishe

Cishe, pronounced as kiss-yuh, of which the plural is Cishes, means kiss in Cuddle. When I recently saw an episode of South Park I found out that cis, plural cishes, means “someone who is not transgender”, in regular English. Later checking out other tweets with the #Cishes hashtag I often used on Twitter, I saw that the word is used in that context quite regularly.

When I say Cishe or Cishes, I always mean “kiss” or “kisses” and never “someone who is not transgender”. Though my voice is low, I’m crazy hairy and show manly traits, I am not transgender. People used to mistake me for a dude when I was young. My hair was short, in twists, my shoes were big, my voice was low and my clothing style was far from feminine. But I was born a female and will always stay like this.

At some point in my youth, before puberty, I’ve had doubts about my gender identity because I have quite some masculine traits and I was called “young man” so often. But I wouldn’t want to change my gender ever. I’m just less feminine than regular females. It’s just part of my uniqueness. I like to be a female around males because it makes me feel safe and cuddly. Around females I sometimes still feel like a dude because I, for example, don’t know how to apply eye shadow and I often lift heavy things and pick things from the highest shelves and stuff… But that too I find yay because then they feel cuddly which is also yay, get it? 😀

I always refer to myself as “female”, because I want to say “woman”, but from the life I live, I feel like a little girl. x_x Mentally, I feel too grown up to say “girl”, but my dependency makes me feel like it’s not right to say “woman”.

Furthermore, I have nothing against anything LGBTQ related. I find it very important that people can be themselves, free from discrimination. Now seems like the time to develop a stronger bond between all of the different communities the world knows, instead of putting more emphasis on differences. (Therefore the word “cis” sounds a bit like “niggers” to me.)

Though that was not that important for D.O.C.I.S. International, I still want you to know all about the person you’re endorsing (if you will). 🙂

D.O.C.I.S. Transition Phases

In “Kicking Back to kick off kicking off”, I said that I have published so many things already that it’s not easy to create oversight for us, so I have to define a starting point. And then I was not able to state a starting point ahahahah.

But last night, I was finally able to define starting points and phases. Here they are:

  • The center of chaos
  • Getting an international discussion going
  • Developing prototypes
  • Implementing The Fangyist System

I’m going to play cards now. I’ll be back later. Please click on the red bell in the corner of this screen to turn on push notifications. 🙂

Updated 18:51 (06:51 PM) [GMT +2] 

~~~

The Center of Chaos

Currently, D.O.C.I.S. is in the center of chaos. As in the Stratagem is in chaos – everything is half-started – and the world is in (media-induced) chaos. (The title is also inspired by the first chapter of Propaganda by Edward Bernays. (One of my favorite books. 🙂 ))

My blog has so many posts that it’s not at all clear what the purpose of it is, the (new version of the) D.O.C.I.S. International website is still not finished, The Fangs is incomplete, I’m not on Wikipedia (yet) and LinkedIn, I’m going back to school, people think that I want to scam them because I call myself “propagandist”, I often make very provocative statements but don’t further explain them, et cetera. It all doesn’t seem as revolutionary as it is, but it is done consciously. It wasn’t meant to pile up that much, the contents of the starting state, for it makes all of this seem chaotic, but because the long-term Stratagem is still the same, it will make it a lot more powerful in the end. So many controversial things have happened here and this site itself is already very controversial. That is done consciously, for the second state of the Stratagem.

Getting an International Discussion Going

There is enough provocative material to talk about, here. 🙂 All topics that the Stratagem touches on, regarding my fellow Fangyists, are mentioned on LilFangs.com in practice.

To create more international awareness and kickstart the process of doing international research and putting that into practice, I first wrote the (first book of the) Nosce Te Ipsum series, but that didn’t spark the conversation. I’m sure that the book club will do this. Plus I’ll give us fun assignments yay. 😀

Phase 1

When is the transition from the first state to the second completed? What does the completed version of the second state look like?

State 2 is completed when I’m not doing all of this all by myself anymore. It’s completed when D.O.C.I.S. International is not a sole proprietorship anymore and most of my current tasks are outsourced to other people within the organization. We’ll deliver historic quality together. 🙂

I hope that is clear now. If you have any questions, please let me know by posting a comment. 🙂

Winning @ playing the game spades 7 & shout out Catthierry 😸 ♥

Dinner was the yays

Me working on this post after dinner

We just went for ice cream

Prettyay 😀

Something that was exceptionally yay was that my father just allowed me to drive his car. 🙂 It was my first time driving an SUV. It was yay. I’m very happy that I received this trust. Tomorrow I may drive again yays. 🙂

We’ll be playing some more games and after that I’m going to sleep. Good night 😘 ♥

Updated 22:57 (10:57 PM) [GMT +2]

xxx

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Flashback “Chilling” [Monday, July 29, 2019]

Good morning, my Graeyniss ♥

Passion is finished yaysss. 🙂 I don’t know if you’ve spotted it last night, because I updated the last of it pretty late last night. It’s a veryyy nice read, seeing how it sticks together from start to finish:

Passionlilfangs.com/passion

Passion 2lilfangs.com/passion-2

Passion 3lilfangs.com/passion-3

Passion 4lilfangs.com/passion-4

Passion 5lilfangs.com/passion-5

I’m in bed, writing you early because today I’ll be full-time spending time with my aunt, cousin and her new friend who are staying here. I spend far too much time with my phone in my hands I’m missing out on reality. 🙁

But before I go, I’d like to share some feelings of mine I’m dealing with, hoping for your listening ear: especially after sharing those screenshots of the type of “conversations” I have every day and the amount of degrading ASKfm questions that pour in whenever I answer just one of them (at some point I just stop answering because it’s just too much time and energy wasted for nothing… I still have questions in my answers queue from that same day), I see and feel more of the disrespected reality I live. It’s not nice. 🙁 I’ve been keeping myself from online conversations more and more ever since this realization (again). Chances are high I won’t respond to anything today, but still maybe post a few tweets in case I’m bored.

Another thing I’ve been afraid to share is this: https://ask.fm/docis_/answers/155733411360?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=android

I dared to share this new piece of fraud evidence now, because my parents left last night. They will be back – with my sister and her friends – on Thursday. I’m always afraid that my father will beat me to death when I check-mate him with evidence on his fraud. But people don’t believe this is real or something? I don’t know why I’m not saved from all the dangers I live. 🙁 I hope the government has its eyes on him because this really is not normal. I don’t want to be a part of this anymore. 🙁 I’m not a fan of the system either but if we’d all do what they’re doing the financial crisis that will follow would be untamable.

I hope that, considering that with those screenshots I have now shared all aspects of my life, what I’m trying to do as a propagandist is clear and people will see the good in this and work with me. It would bring us to the revolution that will better our lives. I hope that it will work out and that I – though it’s still a better alternative than forever living together with my family – won’t have to live all by myself in a city where I don’t know anyone, don’t know who to trust, where I could be treated like just another student, while my intelligence is clearly different and I’m this online phenomenon spitting ideas, who can be followed anywhere. I really don’t want to meet another person telling me “Oh you’re so beautiful blah blah,” while I can’t talk about the actual contents of my mind (like seriously let’s revolutionize the system) and then end up in this weird sexual relationship being offended “because I don’t say much and I’m weird”. Please. 🙁

I’m going to take a little nap because I couldn’t sleep last night. I hope you’ll help me start the largest court case ever one day. From there we could initiate the D.O.C.I.S. 🙂 .

With all of the formerly forgotten toxic flashbacks that are haunting me now, I’m starting to realize how the D.O.C.I.S. I initiated 2 years ago, before the memory loss thing happend, sticks together.

Love you ♥

Updated 08:56 (AM) [Timezone GMT +2 (Amsterdam; CEST)]

~~~

Phone water

The featured image is made by Designecologist on Pexels.com

Online Diary, Popular Posts, Reflections

Passion 5 [Sunday, July 28, 2019]

Heys ♥

Welcome to the last post of my list of passions. 🙂 The last two topics on my list have a lot of elements from the other topics on my list in them.

Before I continue, I’d like to log these tweets here for diary purposes:


It’s remarkable how much the sea has drawn to the coast in such a short matter of time with such steady seeming weather circumstances. 🙂

I can’t take this anymore I’m so much more than just a body. 😿 One day concepts like sexting and other shit will be things of the past, I believe. Please leave the measures to me. 🙂

Information

I love gaining objective information that can easily be fact-checked. Unfortunately knowledge is rarely propagated including any official reports and original data. My need to study the things that are considered facts these days like that grows every day. I’m certain that most new “facts” propagated to society are lies by people who just want to be famous for something a lot of people deal or will deal with in their lives. I’d rather find my own truths.

That some (often right-wing) people go about knowledge and the propagation thereof in the same way really warms my heart.

One thing I’d really like to know, though, is if all the tension and influencing that is casted over people is done with a certain long-term vision in mind. Do people know what they’re working towards or is everyone just doing something and acting as if they know what they’re working towards. If we all follow our long-term strategies, where are we in 20 years?

Subjective information (opinions/personal perception) was something I used to find always interesting. Now only the unique individual perception of the 10% most intelligent people in the world is what interests me. Like how do other intelligent people develop themselves (mentally)? 🙂 We all need to figure these things out for ourselves and all, through our nature and nurture, have unique findings. Be my Graeyniss? 😻

If I’m correct the rest of people are people with no talent who basically know this of themselves. They uplift themselves by bringing others down and often do this in sneaky ways. They are with many and with that can have endless conversations about how much they suck at life and how life is unchangable and how we are all meant to stay poor forever. Take me to a deserted island please their mentality is so fucking toxic and soooooo fucking wrong. They are ruining the younger generations (as far as they haven’t been infected yet).

When it comes to the information I spread and the limited ways in which I do this, I’m very unsatisfied, too. I do everything by myself and there’s a limited amount of words I can type in a day so everything you see/read/hear of me is always not at its full potential. Very dissatisfying.
Plus I want to see all records there are about me. Medical records, police records, airport whatever records, broken records, “wtf have you seen this on the internet records” and so on. I need oversight.

Affection

Does affection even (still) exist? It’s so hard to find. 🙁 I always have to drag it out of people and even then it’s most often absolute fucking trash. 🙁

My list of passions from most satisfied to most unsatisfied is:

  1. Distraction
  2. Observation
  3. Food
  4. Creativity
  5. Sex/Intimacy
  6. Information
  7. Affection

If you put this list in reverse, you see what I find the most important in life:

  1. Affection
  2. Information
  3. Sex/Intimacy
  4. Creativity
  5. Food
  6. Observation
  7. Distraction

On affection and explaining this two-sided list I will continue after catching some z’s. Good night

Updated 01:57 (AM) [Timezone GMT +2 (Amsterdam; CEST)]

xxx

Good evening ♥

Unfortunately my blog was under maintenance when I had inspiration to update it and after that I went to the beach with my cousin and her new friend.

The water was great. 🙂 After that I took the longest nap ever and now I’m here to finish my list and tell you about my greatest passion.

Affection (continued)

In an affectionate relationship I can really be myself. My expressions and way of thinking are very uncommon, so I only feel safe to be myself when I feel mutual affection. When I know I won’t get hurt because I’m different. But this type of relationship is currently only a fantasy. In reality, the world is ice cold. My heart is burning from this.

I see society grow more loveless every day. Today’s wisdom is constructed around self-discouragement in favor of the community, propaganda/news/new knowledge is often not positive, influentials in power spend most of their time playing offense and defense, people mistake love for forced attachment, offensiveness is humor, ways to settle disagreements get more brutal each day, and so on… It’s like the whole world is getting ready for a huge break-up. A break-up that will lead to a shift in existing relationships and make my fellow affectionate Angels stronger.

Let me further explain that list of statements:
“Today’s wisdom is constructed around self-discouragement in favor of the community”
I feel like I’m living an example of this. That I believe that I’m capable of making large-scale changes to the world is one of the reasons why I have been labeled a schizophrenic. The “professional” psychiatrist considered it a fact that the world will stay stagnate. With a smile on her face she told me this heart shattering news.

It’s like people don’t want to see other people be successful, because they want to be the ones successful. There’s always jealousy and never just pure affection.

Of course the example I just gave you doesn’t weigh heavy enough to say that that pessimism is carried on a large scale. That’s why I’m going in to the way today’s widespread quotes are built up. They reek of that “I don’t want you to be more successful than I”, from the negative undertones they have.

Plenty shared quotes are always built up as something like: “If yo bitch blink twice you know she won’t like your cheerios.” (That’s a Lil Fangs original (satirically). 😏 ) The syntax is: negative assumption + something obvious everyone has + imperative sounding advice/wisdom.

But a better example of this is something I came across today: “Life is too short to have a bad attitude.”
If someone would tell me that (and I can’t not take “wisdom” quotes personal), the first thing that would hurt me is: “Why are you saying that I have a bad attitude?” And then: “Do you think I don’t know that? It’s clearly obvious?” I genuinely don’t understand how people can be motivated by such harsh sounding words. Why not affectionate motivation, instead of this army drilling “motivational” tone? 🙁 Affectionate people with a dream, like me, will not get encouraged by words like this.

By “in favor of the community” I mean that there will be no new successful people. That is in favor of the jealous demonic masses. Though they will be missing out on better living circumstances if they keep holding on to the idea of an eternally stagnate world.

Ah meow I see I’ll finish this post past twelve. 🙁 I’m still keeping it 5 posts meow I really don’t want it to cover more days because it’s about just finishing something.

“Propaganda/news/new knowledge is often not positive”
Why are the serious breakthroughs of the intelligent very rarely mentioned? Why is the little positive news that is spread always indirect propaganda for a simple life?
Every piece of news/propaganda is shaped as a confirmation of “the world is an awful place and it will always stay that way”. Is there anyone interested in counting the amount of propagations of mass shootings, rape, fraud, et cetera and compare that to the amount of positive news ever spread? My hypothesis is that there’s far far far more negative news than positive news.

My Chrome homepage suggested this news article to me: https://www.express.co.uk/news/science/1158337/ewton-wrong-science-dismiss-isaac-newton-theory-gravity-albert-einstein-black-hole/amp
“Newton was wrong: Scientists dismiss Newton’s theory of gravity and warn Einstein is next”
I find it sad news. Like the balance we assumed and celebrated was all a lie. The news article just says that some scientist says that it’s wrong. It doesn’t go in to what the theory of gravity exactly is, why it’s wrong and what is then right. But it’s a great article for a jealous demon to discourage an affectionate Angel with. 🙁 I can already hear people in my social environment say: “The world will really stay shit. Even Newton was wrong. And Einstein is next.”

What interests me even more is why does a scientist want to spend time and money proving this wrong? Why not come up with a completely new original theory? Why does this person want to be “the scientist proving Newton and Einstein wrong”? They’re dead. Their legacy will become a lie.

I’d love to propagate positive news with a lot of affection. That’s why the concept for a global broadcast center is part of the construction of the future D.O.C.I.S. International.

“Influentials in power spend most of their time playing offense and defense”
I think that if I say that Donald J. Trump his time is wasted you understand what I mean. He, like many other influentials in power who have actual vision and who are not just doing it for the name and fame, spends so much time defending himself against the most awful allegations. Then he sometimes offends someone who hurts him back and then the whole offense defense thing starts from the beginning again.

So much time to see someone carry out his/her passionate vision has been wasted by demons out for short demonic fame.

“People mistake love for forced attachment”
From my observations I see that the majority of people doesn’t believe in unconditional and eternal love. People think that being in love means that you spend almost all of your time with the only person you should have sex with and fight with this person every now and then.

Those screenshots I showed you yesterday are an example of how people these days see love. Love can’t be forced, no matter how much people try to use words they think sound lovable. I don’t believe in falling in love via the internet. Only feeling someone’s affection in real life could make me fall in love.

Where is courtship? Are there people who still do spontaneous flowers? If you are one of those people please cuddle me. 😿

“Offensiveness is humor”
Please give me an example of a personal joke you’ve heard or have been told that wasn’t offensive because I don’t know any. It’s always about someone’s ethnicity or a mistake or an insecurity or something. Why not make jokes that are uplifting? Why not make jokes that are flirtatious? (Courting flirtatious and not offensive flirtatious. Say “Your laptop probably stopped working because its camera spotted you and you are so hot that its system crashed.” And not “Je hebt best wel lekkere tieten haha.” Both the person telling the joke and the one hearing it can gain from that. (Even when there’s no mutual attraction, it could still create mutual affection.)

“It’s like the whole world is getting ready for a huge break-up. A break-up that will lead to a shift in existing relationships and make my fellow affectionate Angels stronger.”
Affectionate people are hard to find. Most people don’t even know what affection is. They mistake it for what they see in the movies. Even empathy is nowhere to be found. Like that person yesterday telling me that my blog is slow. What the fuck? 😿 That’s how demons start conversations. I do everything by myself here I know that my blog is slow I can’t help it. 😿

Negative news like “Newton was wrong” and “Your blog is slow” can be brought in a way that doesn’t rip one’s heart into pieces. Say “Newton’s theory of gravity has a successor”. Say “Unfortunately I have noticed that the load speed of your blog is not very high. Have you thought of any solutions to that yet?”

Affectionate people use empathic language naturally. People get naturally drawn to them. Being in their presence is just so uplifting. (I think they’re part of (or even are) the 10% most intelligent people in the world.)
Unfortunately the world is about 75% demons, disguised as Angels. These narcissists drag us down and keep us believing that a better life is impossible to create. Like it’s something we don’t even deserve.

I’m waiting for the day my Angels tell me they’ve had enough of the world’s demonic bullshit and report themselves present for my revolution.

If you keep up with my blog and study my writings like you’d study Ovid’s Aeneid, you’re an affectionate person. I hope that you know you’re the only people I write this for and I hope that you know that my heart beats for you and only you (affectionate ambitious people). Our hearts are vulnerable and I live to protect them.

Affection is the best distraction. Affection is the hottest reason for observation. Affection creates better dinners. Affection enhances creativity by at least 100%. Affection is the reason for the best intimate relationships. Affection should be the only drive for knowledge.

That concludes my list.

Good night, my love. ♥

Updated 01:57 (AM) [Timezone GMT +2 (Amsterdam; CEST)]

xxx

The featured image is made by Evie Shaffer on Pexels

Audio, Media, Online Diary, Popular Posts, Reflections, Videos

Passion 4 [Saturday, July 27, 2019]

Hey ♥

I can’t sleep again. 🙁 Many thoughts and passions are keeping me awake. The main reason why I’m awake is my fifth out of seven most satisfied (thus not that satisfied at all) passion, which is also where I left off in my previous post: sex/intimacy. So I figured why not just continue writing my post when my mind is yearning for the satisfaction of this passion the most. 🙂

Before I start, I also want to mention that another thing that is keeping me awake is my desire to live alone, about which I’m more than fully powerless. In these two nights alone here in Egmond, I’ve become so accustomed to living alone that I just want more and more of those moments where I can just be myself. I want to be a wild catje walking around with only panties on all the time my meow. The parcels I’ve been staying on don’t have enough surrounding private land to always do that, but even here I’ve been doing that at night with the curtains closed. If I’d do that around my acquaintences, they would say something like: “Ehm what the fuck are you doing?”

Anyway let’s get to this hot topic my miyays I have my current sexy example fantasy on repeat in my mind I’d like to share with you and use that to further explain my philosophy about sex/intimacy. I’m going to send a push notification about that I’m writing now and share this on Twitter as well (that’s a lot of yay push notifications if you follow me on both 😀 ).

Hmm but then you’d end up here and only have an introduction text and no juicy text about passion yet, so here are some of my most recent liked YouTube videos you could watch (even if you don’t speak Dutch, just watch them 🙂 ) while I’m typing and you’ll receive another push notification when I’m done (in about 30-45 minutes I estimate). 

Updated 03:17 (AM) [Timezone GMT +2 (Amsterdam; CEST)]

~~~

Sex / Intimacy (continued)

The last time I had sex was in December or January or something. I don’t remember exactly when it was (I don’t remember much of that night in general because I was quite drunk). I believe I’ve blogged about it somewhere. All I remember is that it was a bad example of what sex should be like. It’s one of those memories I’d like to get distracted from.

Over 6 months without sex is a crazy long time for me. In comparison to when I was with my ex, where a day without sex felt like a lifetime. It was the most heavyweight reason why I found it so hard to distance myself from him. But I’m over him now. I think… 🙁

I am so very much in the mood for sex. Always. And I always have plenty of sex/intimacy offers available to me. Here are some online examples of them I’ve received this month:

Someone on ASKfm wants to taste the juices of my vagina:

https://ask.fm/docis_/answers/155374570272?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=android

I always respond to my ASKfm questions with openness. Sex really is one of the most interesting topics ever. (Topics that are more interesting are a future global revolution and Fangyism ahahahahaha.)

Getting married to me for a European citizenship (“intimacy”):

I’m always interested in why people do what they do

The audacity…

You give this one a title:

Someone I “know” from social media

Et cetera et cetera I said no

[What if I meet a person like this when I live on my own in Antwerp?]

Over the years I’ve built a strong sense of intuition for offers I should refuse. These examples are all things I know I should avoid in real life because I know I will really not enjoy them. I love sex a lot. Like really a lottttttt. But I’d really rather have no sex than bad sex. I can look someone in the eye or interpret someone’s style of writing and directly know if our sex would be good or bad.

My ex has, for a veryyy long time been the person who I considered the most sexually attractive person. Now it’s Victishe… 😻 My body craves for him so much that it feels like suffering to live without him… Ever since I’ve seen him for the first time, I picture us being intimate.

My craving is so serious that I always fold my blanket and pillows together at length and cuddle it at night, pretending it’s him, but missing the actual feeling I’ve never even felt. I’m so curious of what it feels like because nothing can imitate his greatness. 😻

When I spoke with him the first time, it was basically the first time I got the feeling: “You are so hot if I stand close to like this you for too long I won’t be able to keep my body from wanting to touch you all over anymore…”

After my very random indirect attempts to see him again, there seems to be no possible way to ever meet again. (My heart has been bashed after being refused for jobs that are way below my level.)

The fantasy that popped up in my mind was that we suddenly lock eyes at a random Graeyniss event. (And this is what I would actually do in real life because now I really don’t know how to talk to him anymore.) I walk up to him and say: “Het is me een waar genoegen, heer *achternaam*.” (“It is a pleasure to see you, sir *last name*.”) And kiss his hand while making a little bow. (Can’t kiss his hand and look into his eyes at the same time because then I might faint from my attraction for him.)

I find a female kissing a male’s hand quite a cool emancipation 2.0 type of thing I hope he’d understand and appreciate the humor of. And see my affection for him.

My mind then comes with endless options of how he could respond to that. I like the one where we both keep up this overly formal tone and I tell him that my uncommon behavior (having chased him in the past meow I’m ashamed) comes from being such a great Victor *last name* (moet ik nou privacy anoniem achtig doen of niet meow ik snap het niet meer 🙁 ) fan. Then I ask him if he could please please lower himself so that I could give him a kiss on his cheek and after that kiss we both lose control over the way we have been suppressing our primitive drives that make us want to mate.

As this all happens (figuratively), the following question/dilemma arises: “All kinds of “important” people can see our interaction. What influence will this have on our careers?”

The right answer to that question, according to the Fangyist philosophy is: “Fuck it. Just be yourself. Fuck “important people” if they don’t allow you to be yourself. You’ll be fine without them.”

To be continued. I’m going to take a nap. Good morning. xxx

Updated 06:35 (AM) [Timezone GMT +2 (Amsterdam; CEST)]

~~~

Good afternoon ♥

Here are the ASKfm questions I woke up to:
https://ask.fm/docis_/answers/155696273184?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=android

https://ask.fm/docis_/answers/155663901216?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=android

https://ask.fm/docis_/answers/155663805728?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=android

https://ask.fm/docis_/answers/155700583968?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=android

https://ask.fm/docis_/answers/155700935456?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=android

https://ask.fm/docis_/answers/155704434720?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=android

https://ask.fm/docis_/answers/155704455968?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=android

https://ask.fm/docis_/answers/155701046304?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=android

https://ask.fm/docis_/answers/155701047584?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=android

https://ask.fm/docis_/answers/155704449312?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=android

https://ask.fm/docis_/answers/155704485664?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=android

https://ask.fm/docis_/answers/155704489504?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=android

https://ask.fm/docis_/answers/155704508192?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=android

https://ask.fm/docis_/answers/155704517920?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=android

https://ask.fm/docis_/answers/155704519456?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=android

https://ask.fm/docis_/answers/155704510752?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=android

https://ask.fm/docis_/answers/155704534304?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=android

https://ask.fm/docis_/answers/155704530720?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=android

https://ask.fm/docis_/answers/155704545312?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=android

https://ask.fm/docis_/answers/155704583456?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=android

https://ask.fm/docis_/answers/155704602400?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=android

https://ask.fm/docis_/answers/155704657184?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=android

https://ask.fm/docis_/answers/155704697120?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=android

https://ask.fm/docis_/answers/155704689440?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=android

https://ask.fm/docis_/answers/155704705312?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=android

https://ask.fm/docis_/answers/155704749600?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=android
Ahaha one of my favorite answers

https://ask.fm/docis_/answers/155704757792?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=android

https://ask.fm/docis_/answers/155704765472?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=android
A better definition of the word “Graeyniss” (!!!)

https://ask.fm/docis_/answers/155704610592?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=android

https://ask.fm/docis_/answers/155704785440?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=android

https://ask.fm/docis_/answers/155704800032?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=android
I want to say “Inshallah”

https://ask.fm/docis_/answers/155704839712?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=android

https://ask.fm/docis_/answers/155704820000?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=android

https://ask.fm/docis_/answers/155704796192?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=android
Please I hope Victishe is available to me

https://ask.fm/docis_/answers/155704850976?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=android

I hope you don’t mind me not adding <a href=”…” target=”_blank” rel=”noopener noreferrer”&rt; *link* </a&rt; et cetera to it. I will elaborate on the great controversy this all is and more after my shower because guests will be arriving soon xxx

Updated 15:15 (03:15 PM) [Timezone GMT +2 (Amsterdam; CEST)]

~~~

The delay will be a lil longer because I’m making myself lunch:

making lunch

I’ll be whipping ramen noodles with this. Issa classy struggle meal.

Hinting the controversy: how to educate people on how to treat each other sexually without becoming part of what I consider wrong first?

Do you understand why I feel so lonely?

Updated 16:05 (04:05 PM) [Timezone GMT +2 (Amsterdam; CEST)]

~~~

Meanwhile guests have arrived and I’ve been socializing some. But I have so much to say about this topic meow it’s time for me to further explain why sex/intimacy is one of my greatest passions but currently also one of my greatest burdens.

With those 35 ASKfm questions about sex this afternoon, I show you the controversy I live in its purest form. That dilemma, “What influence will this have on our careers?” also includes “What influence will this have on the way people look at us?”

A female going in to public (online) sex offers is considered a taboo everywhere. All of those people reaching out to me to masturbate behind their screens keep themselves anonymous for a reason. But if I don’t display this publicly, though I’m extremely ashamed of it and it feels disrespectful to myself it hurts, some people who really are important to me won’t know what type of culture is dominating the internet.

I don’t think that the creators of ASKfm and other social networks intended their platforms to become a place for sex offerings and sex requests. EVEN ON FUCKING WORDFEUD one of my (Dutch(! (Dutch directness and online sex creeping is one of the worst most offensive combinations ever))) opponents asked me if I like white dick. The internet has so much to offer but this is what it’s mostly used for, which is so very disappointing it fuels my disgust. It’s one of the reasons why, when I mentioned observation in my first Passion post, I said that I want to be able to track people. I want ASKfm, Twitter and (most importantly) Strato to show me which IP addresses are watching me (anonymously), for Planet Fang (and who to assassinate) purposes. It’s also one of the reasons why I so often say that I want to move to a secluded place and change my number and not be reachable by people like this anymore.

Regarding to those 35 questions; I hope that in my compliance (which hurts my heart) and the thick layer of sarcasm, you can see that I’m trying to have some influence. I really hope that I can have at least a tiny bit of influence in getting women treated with more respect when it comes to sex.

Those questions are one of the few ways through which I can make myself heard on a larger scale. It hurts me that it’s almost only about sex, because I’m so much more than that I hope that you know that my love, but at least I can get people to listen to me in this way. 😢

I have never opened up about the way I feel about how I’m harrassed online. It feels like quite a step.

The great controversy is that I find it wrong to make sex and intimacy things that happen (almost only) via the internet, but simultaneously the internet is the greatest source of information so I just need to locate myself where I can have the loudest voice.

I’m trying to show you how to make someone feel genuinely loved. But I can’t force real love. It’s something I’ve lost hope for. The world is dominated by heartless demons who may all fucking die. That’s why love is not even on my list of passions. 🙁

My greatest problem in my openness and compliance is that I don’t put enough emphasis on how fucking much I HATE IT when people use imperative voice on me and how disrespectful most questions I get are. Seriously: “WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I AM?”

To recap this passage:

Twitter DM screenshot

It’s a Dutch person I said “Yess I need a recent example anyway”

Again I hate to do what an imperative voice said, but if I wouldn’t show you this then you wouldn’t know. I really wonder how other women go about this. I always stay polite but this is so controversial. By “I’m good” I’m trying to politely say “Please stop this.” If someone would say that to me in real life, passionately, my heart would melt. But online it’s all same shit different day to me. And every time it makes me feel so uncomfortable. 😢

There should be political attention for this. This should be just as illegal as calling women out on the street.

I’m afraid that if I’d speak up against all of this people I’d lose all of my followers and have no one to talk to anymore. I fear that they’d all try to take revenge on me or even try to physically harm me. But simultaneously I’ve always wanted to choke/beat someone to death so fucking bring it on.

https://ask.fm/docis_/answers/155705263392?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=android

https://ask.fm/docis_/answers/155705042464?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=android

https://ask.fm/docis_/answers/155704894496?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=android
Wat een kutopmerking

https://ask.fm/docis_/answers/155707650080?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=android

Apart from my family and acquaintances, these are the only people who talk to me. I feel like Tom Hanks talking to Wilson in Cast Away. I crave for intellectual conversation so much but the people I talk to don’t have that capacity. 🙁 My contact information is all over the internet, and I hope that people would approach me for my thoughts about revolution, but it’s all about fucking sex. 😢

I wish I were unapproachable on the public web and have uplifting like-minded friends I could cuddle with, with whom I’d live in seclusion and peace. Planet Fang. But if I’m not approachable I can’t find the intelligent friends I need.

When it comes to me moving to Antwerp, I genuinely fear for my life. I always get chased by people of whom I think: “What makes you think I’d ever be attracted to you…?” I don’t know anyone who could protect me when I can’t protect myself. 😢

I love sex and am very passionate about intimacy. Still this is one of my greatest burdens because there’s currently only one person I genuinely find sexually attractive. (I apologise if you find this uncomfortable to read if you read this, Victishe. 🙁 ) Furthermore I get loveless dispassionate sex offers literally every single day, which I use to teach how I find people should treat their sex partners. I wish people would reach out to me for my intelligence but it’s always about my body. 🙁 I hope to succeed in creating a larger discussion about online sex culture. When it comes to me moving abroad by myself and having no defense against people wanting to get in my pants, I fear for my life. 🙁

So, this far, my passions from most satisfied to most unsatisfied, I’ve listed:

  1. Distraction
  2. Observation
  3. Food
  4. Creativity
  5. Sex/Intimacy

The next topic on my list is information. More about that later.

Updated 20:37 (08:37 PM) [Timezone GMT +2 (Amsterdam; CEST)]

~~~

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Passion 3 [Friday, July 26, 2019]

Heysss I’m all yours now my meowww 😻

Taxes x_x

The dishes are handwashed and my tax report for the second quarter of 2019 has been submitted. I’m just glad that it’s done. The numbers are really fucked up. 😢 I run this business from my personal account and have suffered a personal loss of €11.370. It always surprises me how much all of my little transactions are in total. 

A fixed income through a student loan when I become a full-time student in September is the easiest and most time-related suitable way to build up healthy finance (including being able to build up savings) that could lead to greater future revenue (since it includes a degree), though I’ll have to pay the finance back (what I’ve received in the past I need to pay back anyway so I really need a greater income aka degree 🙁 ) would be a good temporary solution to my financial leak that is mostly caused by my income (the €200 allowance I get from my mother for which I’m thankful and extremely disappointed in my father) that is exactly as high as my most important personal bills and leaves no further healthy spending or saving opportunity. One business expense or metro ride (which could have been considered a business expense too but my revenue is a joke) and I’m adding to my loss. Plus I really don’t like to ask for my money back, when I, for example, do grocery shopping for my family. (I’d save so much by moving to Antwerp…)

What is cool is that I make revenue in dollars. Though it’s just $6.92 on book sales, I’m kind of proud of it, considering my location and financially not even being able to travel to any place where dollars are the main currency. The $6.92 is all revenue I’ve made in the entire quarter meow but it’s still better than being bossed around…

Even in my former tax reporting, since 2016. I’ve been doing favors. This is my second time reporting for a tax back over business expenses. Only €271 of the €11.370 have been business expenses. A €57 tax back is nothing (especially compared to what my father is doing) compared to my loss, but for what I can actually spend (basically always nothing) it makes a huge difference. I hope the tax agency will come and raid my house for our odd financial behavior because that will give me so much space to breathe. 

Really, almost everyone in my social environment claims that honest tax reporting is useless because “no one does that”. But I don’t believe that I’m the only fool? I really wonder how large a percentage of the population reports tax 100% honestly. (Another research question I’d like to see answered.) If we all don’t treat the system fairly then it always fails. There is something about this on my listing of passions from satisfied to unsatisfied as well. I’ll elaborate on that further when I get there, then.

Where were we?

The part of my list we’ve discussed, started off with the one passion/desire that is fully satisfied:

  1. Distraction
    I need distraction to hide thoughts and feelings until the dust has settled. There are so many distractions available to me that I even have distractions for my distractions, so I’m fully satisfied. 🙂

I’d like to comment on this that distraction shouldn’t be mistaken for running away from confrontation. And that no one should tell you otherwise. It’s far from the same. People have told me that the thoughts and feelings I had been distracting myself from and not discussed with them, is me running away from shit. Then, following their “advice” I suddenly started to open up about things that I didn’t even want to have on my mind. It made me lose all of my friends, because I became open about the most awful and serious topics people don’t even know how to respond to. Unless it becomes a physical limitation, don’t talk about the things you really don’t want to think about.

  1. Observation
    The “Big Brother is watching you” idea, severed by the way I personally use the internet (including my websites of course), feels in my favor and I love being watched out of passion. I’m very passionate about being someone else’s passion. It can never be enough my meoww I want to mean the world to you.
    The other way around, I like that I’ve found a way to observe global developments of my interest in an objective manner and deduct my own subjective view from that. Though I’m still stuck with the big question of where all of this national and international political tension is leading to.
  2. Food
    Restaurant dinners with stimulating taste experiences I gladly experience about one week per month. I’m very happy that my parents have this eating habit, because I find it very important to eat varied and am not always able to afford that for myself. This is further limited by the type of foods that are made available to consumers in this country. Restaurants (basically) have endless options when it comes to importing foods, consumers don’t. So I’m happy that I can eat varied but bothered by the limitation thereof.
  3. Creativity
    Like observation, my passion about creativity works in two ways. I love the music (and sometimes political) suggestions I’ve been receiving, for the way it’s renewing, it’s in accordance with my own views and ancient classical elements relive…

Creativity (continued)

It really bothers me that the creativity that really is new, is never as embraced as traditional creativity. It seems like the cause for creativity always being re-invented within the same boundaries. But it’s probably also a matter of taste. To me, a Eurovision Song Festival is nice once, but when the same concept with artists making statements and every country giving points, is repeated every year, the stagnation in creativity is, so to say, not a nice experience for me. I desire more creativity that is truly new. A truly new type of music festival. Or maybe even the successor of the concept of a concert in general.

When it comes to my own creativity, I’m very happy that I have my web domains and Twitter account where I can express my creativity in endless ways. (And when, in September, programming is part of my curriculum in the first semester, I see a chance to develop a D.O.C.I.S. International app (for I already have a little programming knowledge and now my studies will get me a chance to refresh and add to that knowledge), which will add to my creativity and the size of my audience yays. 🙂 ) I didn’t have those media before.

But every day I also get more ideas for the large projects I have in mind. Unfortunately the lack of finance and my very limited network are the reason why these ideas just stay ideas. Sometimes I’m happy that I can write my ideas out in my diary – hoping that no one steals them – but it’s very frustrating that all of these ideas just stay ideas. It seems a matter of patience though, if a few titles in front of my name could get me what I am trying to work towards without those titles…

I’m very tired of monotonous one-size-fits-all creativity and the way my lack of money is why I’m not showing my creativity at its full potential. But what we do have is something that comforts my heart. I really wouldn’t know how I’d stay sane without the musicians and political voices I have been mentioning.

There are three more themes on my list. We’re getting closer and closer to all passion and (currently) no satisfaction. Here is a passion that is more unsatisfied than satisfied:

Sex / Intimacy

The topic is mentioned as sex/intimacy because I consider these topics separate. Sex can be an experience that feels very impersonal (speaking from unfortunate experience). Vice versa, you can be intimate with someone without having sex with him/her.

I crave for passionate and very intimate sex. Simultaneously, sometimes I feel very attracted to someone, but prefer intimacy that doesn’t include sex. Just a tender embrace and some flirtatious conversation can be enough sometimes. Sometimes…

Excusez moi, my family is coming to stay over here for the weekend and we’re going to eat at a restaurant in about an hour – according to our schedule. Currently my stomach is howling though so I’m going to eat a little snack and get ready for dinner… I hope to be able to get back to you soon enough because I love this topic and you. 😀 

Please turn on push notifications by clicking on the bell on the bottom right of this screen. 🙂

Updated 18:55 (06:55 PM) [Timezone GMT +2 (Amsterdam; CEST)]

~~~

I think this is random but right for a steakhouse? Haha I feel a bit buff for this model tho

See my tan? 😀

Ahaha this filter makes me feel like a baddie

My face when someone thinks I’ll make a mistake

steakhouse Heiloo

Me currently… This prosecco is so nice yays. 😻 I’ll be eating the soup of the day (union soup) and rib-eye steak.

Unfortunately the continuance of my list is already stagnated by this dinner. 🙁 But meowww this Fangs needs rare meat. 😻

Updated 22:07 (10:07 PM) [Timezone GMT +2 (Amsterdam; CEST)]

~~~

starter yays

Union soup meoww. It may have been more unionny but it was still very nice. 🙂 I have a good recipe for union soup too by the way l haven’t shown you yet. There are very few things I haven’t shown you yet. 🙂

main course

Rib-eye, spinach pie and truffle gravyay 😀

rareness of rib-eye

Rare yays it was such tasty meat 😻

The owner gave us free ice cream 😀 😀 😀

I’m back in the room with fish curtains now. I totally forgot that my sister is in London to visit a friend this weekend. So currently it’s just my parents and I.

Tomorrow, I was told during dinner, my parents’ friends from Amsterdam will be visiting and my aunt and cousin will come to stay here until about Tuesday. Many days of chatter and laughter coming up.

For a while I’ve been thinking: do I want to seek more social contact(s) and live the type of life I used to live, or do I want more isolation? The one-and-a-half day by myself here made me realize that I am so very good by myself. What is missing is a place where I can be by myself in a place where I can’t “even” hear the neighbors talk. (My problem in general is the topics of conversation I endure.) Some place where I can take a walk without feeling the need to greet the – compared to the city few – people I walk past with an awkward “Hi,” thinking: “Will I get a “hi” back or be ignored?”

I really feel like a tamed vampire…

Meow unfortunately currently too tired to continue about this topic I’m so very passionate about. I mean I could quickly type some things about it, but I love this topic so much that I really want to take my time to make elaborate statements on this. I find it an important topic to share my views about, too, because I find that the majority of people are very poorly educated when it comes to sex and intimacy. Especially when it comes to the ways in which we should treat each other.

I’ll be back here later. Hopefully I’ll have my new post (even better entire list) finished before people start pouring in.

Good night my Catje ♥


(Personality is the only reason why I’d ever refuse a date. Anything else really doesn’t matter. Even if I’m not sexually attracted to the person asking me out, I’d still go on that date…)

Updated 00:21 (12:21 AM) [Timezone GMT +2 (Amsterdam; CEST)]

xxx

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Passion 2 [Thursday, July 25, 2019]

Heysss ♥

Welcome back to my list of passions and desires. 🙂

Tuesday I promised to show you more pictures of where I’m staying once I’m alone, so here they are:

The front yays where I currently eat my dinners, curtains open so that you can see the further surroundings in the reflection of the window and also see inside.

Where my sister and I slept the last time we were here over 10 years ago

Where I slept the first two nights because my mother and grandmother were sleeping in the main bed

Main bedroom yays where I slept last night and will be sleeping when my family isn’t visiting

All I need is a bed, a bathroom and a stove yays I can make myself at home anywhere in the end. Though I strive towards luxury. 🙂

Hallwyays

A gem 🙂 . An old map of North Holland (and my Sun hat yays hehe)

I just washed the remainder of yesterday’s dishes and ate my cruesli. Now I’ll take a quick shower, tidy that one room that is messy with all my stuff in it, install myself underneath the parasol here until after the Sun has reached its peak hotness, show you more of my list, flip a pancake, cycle some and find another place to write again. My dinner will be left-overs haha…

My list of passions/desires from most satisfied to most unsatisfied consists of 7 topics. I’m doing it in that order because I think people are more interested in severe emotions and I want to keep your attention until the very end of my list (and beyond). 🙂

This far we’ve had:

  1. Distraction
  2. Observation

These might not sound like the most basic things to add to the list, but who likes being basic anyway? Basic things like sex are on my list as well. So you can already see that I’m not quite satisfied when it comes to that.

Observation is already more than I could ask for, but to me that’s never enough – especially because I want to be royalty meowww – so that’s why it’s item 2. 🙂

What’s on your list?

Please share your list with me. 🙂 ♥ 

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Updated 12:30 (PM) [Timezone GMT +2 (Amsterdam; CEST)]

~~~

As I told you yesterday, I’m trying to cut down on phone usage.

Food

1/2

My lunch

2/2



I’m going to cycle to the quieter beach now. 🙂

Updated 16:23 (04:23 PM) [Timezone GMT +2 (Amsterdam; CEST)]

~~~


I dived into the water right when I arrived at the beach. 🙂

That was a tangent…

Creativity

1/2

2/2

I’ll be cycling back now. 🙂

Updated 18:50 (06:50 PM) [Timezone GMT +2 (Amsterdam; CEST)]

~~~

Meoww having you read off an image doesn’t feel right. 🙁 And so does having my phone in my hands all the time, updating this website.

Meow owning a Fangyist magazine would be one of the best ways to broadcast my propaganda, which would also solve the problem that I’m making you spend so much time behind a screen as well. I mean look at how many posts this blog has. 🙁

But until I’m there – and I’m taking a little detour for I will become a specialist in all forms of mathematics touching on every field and then broadcasting (and teaching) the revolution thereof – this diary is the way I’m trying to keep your attention… That I’m limited by finance is another reason why I’m unsatisfied by my own creativity.

To continue about this in analog writing is uncomfortable for the both of us, so tomorrow I will – costly solution 🙁 – type on my laptop and use my phone as a mobile hotspot. I look forward to the day my days will mainly consist of determining and explaining protocols and have experts do their jobs…

How’s the creation of your list going? Are we feeling the same way about our passions and desires? Are you interested in publicly listing it in general? Why or why not?

There’s no pressure at all in any of this though. We’re on a holiday here meowww and I always have so many ideas that threre is not enough time to put them all in practice. Especially because I don’t know anyone I could do this together with… But I strongly believe that that will all change.

Me after the cold shower I had taken right after coming back to the cabin:

Soup on stove

I like warming my food without a microwave 🙂

Soup ready to be eaten

Soup yaysss

Main pasta yays I was crazy hungry…

And I must confess that I’m a bit addicted to watching Thierry Baudet videos on YouTube…
Ohh that reminds me of two tweets I posted earlier today:

I just love defending creativity I appreciate a lot so much… And I love Thierry but I haven’t read the article because subscribing to that magazine would be spending money I should be saving for Antwerp… 🙊 (Which should be a crime meow it’s less than €10 or something… But still I have no income meow grrr I can’t wait until I’m a full-time student…) Still I’m very curious of its actual content though haha…

Meoww my list of passions continues tomorrow, starting off with further explaining why I believe creative minds are being limited by today’s culture and why finance causes the dissatisfaction I get from my own creativity.

[My head is tired from generating text my meow but I can’t quit because I don’t want to lose you and how could I tell you I’d like some time off while the explanation of that takes so much text to generate haha help 😵 I need people and I won’t quit yays please don’t leave me. :D]

See you tomorrow. ♥ Oh later today I see, not “tomorrow”. It’s already past twelve. 😅

Ciaooo xxx

Updated 00:09 (12:09 AM) [Timezone GMT +2 (Amsterdam; CEST)]

– xxx –

The featured image is made by Steven Arenas on Pexels.com

Online Diary, Popular Posts, Reflections

Passion [Wednesday, July 24, 2019]

Good afternoon ♥

This is one of those days where what I’ll do today is not diverse enough to devote a diary day theme to it, so I devote it to the theme or feeling that has the most influence on my heart at the moment I start writing the post.

My mind is distressed and simultaneously kept sane by different types of passion. Mischief, unachieved goals and unsatisfied desires keep me awake at night; my causes of the feelings of guilt that come with sin, weighing me down, while they’re not even great sins.

Luckily I’m working towards the achievement of my goals and I find some satisfaction of the mental challenge I need in keeping up this blog. And I’m very happy that you have been returning here after having seen this web domain of mine for the first time. 🙂 Hopefully you can relate to this theme (as well). It’s not my first time mentioning it, but I believe it’s my first time devoting a post to it.

(Haha I say “I believe” like I’ve written this entire blog not sober and have no idea what I’ve been writing. But it’s more because this theme has occurred on my blog so very often and it has influenced me so much that it’s almost unthinkable that I’ve never devoted a post to it like this. Yet still it’s true. (I remember what I write. 🙂 ))

This post will be a map of my passions and desires listed from most satisfied to most nagging. I’ll write this through the day. Currently I’m at the same beach as yesterday, this time only with my mother and grandmother. My feet are burning in the sand.

See how they changed color in the Sun? 🙂

I painted my nails white yesterday. It has been quite a few years since I’ve done that. Someone I once spoke to via Twitter (and then got blocked 🙁 ) told me that all-white nail polish would look nice on me. It was basically the first time that I received a suggestion from a heterosexual male about what to do with my appearance that was something I hadn’t thought of myself. I love getting creative suggestions like that. 🙂 And – though I don’t do it as well as people at nail salons do – I like it. 🙂

This brings me to my most satisfied desire:

Distraction

There are endless ways in which I can distract myself from thoughts/feelings I don’t want to have. Most often I do this by writing/blogging and by talking to/chatting with other people.

Even when a common distraction becomes the reason why I need more distraction, I find a satisfying distraction. An example of this is when people tell me “You really shouldn’t have put this or that in your diary.” Then I feel bad about myself for a while, because I don’t write for dissatisfaction; still I never take away what I have written because that would go against my principles. It would be an endless discussion in which I feel like I’m talking to a brick wall if I’d explain why my written perception of life somewhere in a far corner of the public web should stay untouched by the dissatisfaction of others. Especially because they can loathe about me to their friends and I don’t have people who understand my view like mine in my close social environment (as far as I know) so this blog is of very high emotional value. I always tell them “Sue me, then,” but they never do. Then I write some on pen and paper or watch some television with my relatives and after a while feel that even though someone may now like me less my life stays intact so I shouldn’t worry.

The next passion/desire will follow in a few. I’m going to cool off some in this alien shade of sea. (How to clean this water?) xxxxxx

Updated 15:42 (03:42 PM) [Timezone GMT +2 (Amsterdam; CEST)]

~~

In the sea, surrounded by a sea full of people, I took a moment to realize in what order I should list the rest of my passions/desires. Tomorrow I’ll be alone and I’ll take us (that’s you and I, my reader yay 🙂 ) to the beach that is quiet and only reachable if you travel by bike or walk. 🙂 I almost have my Summer tan back yays. 🙂

Distraction is my only desire that is fully satisfied. Can you relate to how I use distraction? Is distraction your most satisfied desire (so much that it’s like a passion) as well? I hope that I’m your healthy distraction. 😀

The next desire that is the most satisfied is observation. This needs some explanation.

Updated 15:42 (03:42 PM) [Timezone GMT +2 (Amsterdam; CEST)]

~~~

Observation

The observation I mean works in two ways.  I absolutely do not mean the “I think you’re a schizophrenic and I don’t want you to harm yourself,” unwanted type of surveillance I’ve had enough of for my entire life, I’ve been complaining about for quite some time.

I love when people observe me out of passion for who I am and what I do. Before this blog, that was already happening. With this blog, it’s even more. 🙂

Meow my battery is low so I’ll continue this later. 🙁 xxxxx

Updated 17:55 (05:55 PM) [Timezone GMT +2 (Amsterdam; CEST)]

~~~

I’m back yays. 🙂 Even though my phone had just 1% battery left, I had to capture a picture of the ice cream I was eating while my grandmother and I were waiting for my mother who – because it was crowded at that beach – had parked 10 minutes away (my grandmother is not that fit anymore, which is why we went to the beach available by car in the first place…):

Mango flavor, passion fruit flavor, coconut flavor and yoghurt flavor meowww 😻


This has definitely made my top 5 tastiest (and most natural tasting) ice cream yays. 🙂 Plus I find €5,20 a very fair (Dutch) price for 4 scoups, especially because it’s the first Italian restaurant selling ice you come across right after coming off the main entrance of the beach. 🙂

In everything I do and say, I take observation into consideration. Life, to me, has always felt like I’m watched every single move and every day I love it more. (This is way one out of the two ways.) I have nothing to hide. I know I’m addictive and always try my very best to please you. 🙂 I want to be your reminder that life is good.

By being watched I do not only mean the “Big Brother” idea of the government and corporate world observing people’s behavior, for which I’d love to be an example. (Not (at all necessarily) of how to do things the right way…)

I also mean the type of secret observation people with money can do. And the types of observation people with heightened senses can do. Can you imagine what intelligent people with money and hightened senses can do? 😻 I want to become part of that community my meow. 😻 Their senses telling them to keep me close is an idea I cherish so much and wish to learn sooo much more about. When I experienced brain-to-brain communication at its loudest volume I’ve been able to ask some questions. I miss that so much, my meow. 🙁 I wish we could continue our conversation and be open about all of this, without negative consequences (the whole police and schizophrenia thing that followed was quite very negative on my side of the spectrum… I don’t knoe what happend to the other side, which is like torture to have no idea of that 🙁 ).

I also love when people (most often men who are older than I) turn their heads and watch me every move when I walk by anywhere.

Being positively observed in many different ways makes me feel unique and appreciated. I love that so much. ♥

Vice versa I closely watch global developments in my own way and I observe the people who observe me as far as I’m able to.

I see the tension between left and right getting more serious every day. I see the voice of the left being voiced through established media and “”(influentiable) people and the voice of the right being voiced through expensive campaigns and through the people who are being put under media fire by the left.

I see the establishment/elite being more openly criticized by people of whom I thought that they are actually part of the elite or who should have more fire power against the establishment. I really thought that people like Thierry Baudet and Josh Hawley are people who were born into the elite. Or is this true and is the situation even more complex? Because they seem so bullied by their opponents. 🙁

I wish I had a louder voice to that I could shut their opponents up for real… When I see videos of dr. Baudet’s initiatives in de Tweede Kamer and the way he is being check-mated by the most awful strategies, I wish I had a “Der Fangs Partij” (haha remember¿) seat there so that I could support him… 🙁

The overview I have of the state of the world is based on my observation which is as objective as possible. Never do I want to read some briefing of what the world looks like, written by any overrated person who is considered “the light” of information about how the world works. I want to be that person for myself. (And so should you. 🙂 (But please let me be your Catje. 😻 ))

The only thing I really can’t put my finger on is where is this all heading to? Will the curtain be lifted and be shown that all of the tension is fake? Will this all lead to a new war in the Western world? Will I get the influence I want in this?

I honestly wish I could get access to everyone’s location and (phone/laptop/speakers/smart watch/car/anything) microphones at all time. And then do stuff with mathematics and stuff. 😻 And replace all government policies with completely new ones and stuff…

Meowsss my mother and grandmother are back to de Randstad, so I’m all alone here in Egmond now. I love how quiet it is here and how the air smells more like rural nature.

There is no wifi here and I have quite some passion/desire topics for you left, so – hoping you don’t mind – the rest of my list I’ll write with pen and paper and then post images of it in my diary. Starting tomorrow… 🙂

Tomorrow I’ll start the day off very chill and slowly, getting settled here some more. (And reporting my taxes via my phone after having checked my tax calculations on my laptop…) Read some Keynes under the parasol here in the little garden while the Sun is at its maximum, flip some pancakes… Then later cycle to the less approachable beach, hoping that it’s not as busy as the beach of Egmond aan Zee. We’ll have fun, you and I. 🙂

I’m going to drink some tea and reasin some. See you tomorrow. ♥

Updated 23:37 (11:37 PM) [Timezone GMT +2 (Amsterdam; CEST)]

~~~

The featured image is made by Hernan Pauccara via Pexels.com

Online Diary, Popular Posts, Random questions, Reflections, Strategy

Looking Ahead [Wednesday, July 17, 2019]

Heys my Catje 😸 ♥

Let’s spend today looking ahead.

There are many different contexts and scopes in which this can be done. For example thinking of next month’s budget for business operations today, or today thinking of what your dinner will be tomorrow.

In what ways will you be looking ahead? I would love to exchange ideas. 🙂

Is it stressful but good (especially when you’ve spent enough time thinking about it) to you as well?

I will be re-estimating my store development progress and process to something that won’t make me pass out every time I’ve worked on it and I’ll see how serious my Summer budget/budget to go to Antwerp will be today.

So right now I’ll be getting ready to visit the bank and then I’ll be back here when I’ve visited it. I’m expecting about €150 left on that account but I’m hoping for something better. Some more financial breathing space… Oh please. *fingers crossed* 🙁

See you later xxx

Updated 12:00 (PM) [Timezone UTC +2 (Amsterdam)]

~~~

Meow 🙁 I’ll be good though I hope

Ah meow another Tantalus torment moment. 🙁 But it might still be okay.

At the bank I was told that they don’t do analog bank transactions without a debit account anymore. So to get the money left on my account I had the options to either cancel my savings account there or open a debit account there as well. There are monthly costs for that new bank account, so I decided to cancel it. The money left on it (about €120 🙁 ) will be on my account by Friday. A return ticket to Antwerp is about €100 and I’d like to purchase my ticket like today instead of on the day itself…

So from having the idea I could go there and maybe purchase a bikini for this Summer while I’m there – because it feels like such a waste of time and new terrain to explore to just go there, finish my admission and come back right away – I went to, after seeing a bank statement on the door matte today, just hoping that I could deduct what is left on my account. Now not even that is possible. My ABN savings account will be suspended by July 19th and then it will be transferred to my ING account. If you’d like to make the amount transferred to my ING account more exciting then please do not hesitate. 🙂

I hope my parents would like to transfer that €120 to me today – rather more so that I can pay my bills (my phone is €56 this month meow et cetera) and buy some Summer essentials I mean since they want me to come along with them – so that I can buy my train ticket today.

This is a big motivation for me to work on the D.O.C.I.S. Store today. 🙂 Meanwhile I also need to have the Dutch version of FangCatje finished for tomorrow, basically… Or at least some oversight so that my psychotherapist knows why I desperately need someone to level with, with some knowledge of the human body and the human mind.

But I want to guarantee my clients the continuous availability of the books I’d like them to read. It would be much better if there were D.O.C.I.S. editions of the public domain works I’d like to redistribute. Meoooow I need a printing press sooo much.

I really wonder what my university adventure will bring me… It would be cool if it will be an asset to my business endeavors. It could, however, also force me to tear everything down and become some 9 – 5 and then watching television all day person. Scared Catje… But I hope for the best. 🙂 I hope I could collaborate with Graeynissis instead of being their subordinate. 🙁

Hehe meow my desk chair was a hell for my back so I swapped it with one of my father’s desk chairs from the top floor.

This is soo comfy meoww I could fall asleep on this. Plus it makes me feel like royalty a bit already yays. 🙂

The Oversight in Thinking Ahead

You’re done thinking ahead when you can simulate the entire happening mentally, including every scenario in which it could go down, and are prepared to intercept anything that could happen within that scenario. (Which is done more thoroughly when you can discuss the scenarios with someone who has a mindset similar to yours.)

Thinking ahead is something I love to do. But, I see now, only when my income is great enough to cover unexpected costs. I’ve been hiding from thinking of other scenarios, lately. (The past 36 months or so…) Now I want to get back on track. I hope to make some further miles today!

Unfortunately my fatigue is acting up again, so I’ll take a short nap. After that I’ll work on FangCatje and the D.O.C.I.S. Store. (I need that income my meowww…) Where my Book Club will be the most important!

See you later xxx

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Updated 16:39 (04:39 PM) [Timezone UTC +2 (Amsterdam)]

~~~

Nederlandse Tekst, Online Diary, Popular Posts, Reflections, Strategy

Kicking back to Kick off Kicking off: A Random Experiment [Saturday, July 13, 2019]

Let’s say you’re jogging, right 😏 , and during that relaxing cardio exercise across beautiful landscapes you want to test how fast you can sprint. To measure your velocity, you have to decide on your start point and end point before you start your experiment.

You can decide to, for example, mark one tree as your beginning point and another as your end point, knowing that the distance between those points is, for example, exactly 100 meters. Then your distance is fixed. A start and end point based on distance. Time is variable in this case. To measure your velocity, you’ll have to measure ( = variable ) the time you take to sprint 100 meters. [And, spoiler, in the other example method the distance is variable and then I make my point, telling you why this title et cetera. Kicking off…]

You can also decide to set a beginning and end time. This can be, for example, 00:00 and 03:34, sprinting to the Summer jam you’ve been listening to all Summer. Exactly one song (which is long for a sprint but again this is just an example). Then your time is fixed. But this can also be during your jogging.
You can also decide to set a random time for yourself, like 1 minute. On your activity tracking app/device/anything, you can, for example haha, be running for 42:33. Still you’ll have to know where you have started from, but your end point is variable. You will initiate your sprint from your randomly chosen starting point and then stop at 43:33 (or the end of your Summer jam) – and if you have a good activity tracker then that will do the rest.
If your activity tracker doesn’t do the magic, you’ll have to measure your steps walking back from your end point to your starting point. [I’m not a physic but I know this is correct and this is bloody original off the top Fangy text yay 😸 . Ask my Graeynissis who are able to see a vision of me in real-time in their minds all day every day.]

In that little jogging experiment, where there are set clear boundaries to measure your own competence. You smoothly transition from relaxation into focus and know when it happens.

Kicking back to Kick off Kicking off

My body is aching, my mind is restless and my competence is all over the place. (Moving words like that come out of nowhere and I’m trying to transition you into it but even for that I need a beginning momentum spoiler alert.)

I think it would be easier to get my mission across (not point in this case because my mission consists of pointssssssssssss) if I would in my diary clearer indicate when I transition from relaxation into focus. I don’t think we’ve seen real relaxation in this diary yet ever even and I’ve been doing this for over 500 posts ahahahaha. It would also be better for my mind to use today to absolutely not pressure it with anything. Not even trying to explain anything anymore today (aside from the physics in the introduction and why this title). And this sentence:

So today I will be doing what is utmost relaxing to me (except cooking but gotta survive so meowwww) and tomorrow I will define what my starting point is, acting as if these 500+ posts were jogging and tomorrow I will define the starting point of my sprint.

My mind finds that relaxation is a reward that should be earned after having earned or completed something. But it has been quite some fucking time ago since I’ve earned or completed anything (like a course or show or something) – at least 8 months but finishing an open university course year doesn’t give me a qualification for anything in this world so it’s useless and doesn’t even really count which is why I say “at least” the next big thing is graduating from high school – so my mind hasn’t had a “hard work really pays of, glad to have received this figurative trophy, time to relax, celebrate and be proud of myself” moment for so long that it has been working so hard fiending for a new rush like that. That will be the scope after I’ve been kicking back, today. Kicking back to kick off kicking off.

Kicking back how?

Back is not “Back” because short words are not capitalized in a title, it’s not a noun and I like the word Kicking more than I like the word back.

I have some semi-revealing how I’ll kick back today tweets here and some other cool tweets starting from when I stopped blogging yesterday:


Click on the quoted tweet to see the pictures I posted not long before that, referred to in this tweet.


Sad but true but my mother is still my most irresistible Catje. I’m confused.


Factssssss


Oh pleaseeeee 😻 . Respect for everything I’m certainly not here to disrupt anything literally here just typing asking if saying [please don’t be shocked] DILF is normal? The same goes for Victishe and so on. 🙂 Plus this ferocious “This is against the rules!” is soo Cuddle meoow be my Graeyniss pleaseee¿ 😻


They have been fucked up since Amsterdam in December but still I’m personally too broke for new earplugs. I’m too broke for anything but bills and occasional groceries my meow please help.

Please, give me Life.
“Hi, I’ve created a payment request for Life. You can adjust the amount and pay with any bank in the Netherlands. Thank you!
https://www.ing.nl/particulier/betaalverzoek/index.html?trxid=KSm7epNHIR3J9WNfaNJvRKsWp2SU6VmA
And keep LilFangs.com ad-free because ads are ugly as fuck.


That’s not necessarily part of the relaxation unless – big spoiler alert HAHA – you wanna spark some AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA 😂 . And I’m not talking about fireworks because like you – and your pet – I hate fireworks tooooooo. 😀


Excitement yaysss


My only effort on this day of relaxation. Oh and another thing is that I reallyyy can’t cycle without music if there’s the sound of cars and shit conversation around me which is very often here in this area, so that will be headache meows but for the sake of minimizing that I’ll shut off noise cancellation on these half broken earplugs.


Ohne Frambois ik praat Catois noem me Benoît. Ahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. 😏 #TheFangs


Haha I have. Again here I am giving Camillus unannounced credit. This week I’ve received two Whatsapp marriage proposals to gain Dutch citizenship. (Haha I wonder what Thierryay would say about this.) Both people who asked me to marry them are Nigerian. Camillus is also Nigerian. This is evidence that your country of origin doesn’t say anything about your nature. Yay (for colored people in my eyes but that’s because I’m colored (and only colored “as far as I know”) haha).

I’ll be making videos of me experimenting with this experiment and seeing if I’ll find some relaxation with my unsatisfied mind. My next updates will be videos because I’m tired of typing. My first video will be made after I’ve showered et cetera. Please stay tuned. 😹 ♥

Updated 11:34 (AM) [Timezone Amsterdam CEST UTC/GMT + 2]

~~~

Later meer ben nu in de stad. Dit film ik ook. Ook dat ik niet eens 20 euro kan pinnen man want ik ben KANKER BROKE MAN WAAROM NEGEERT IEDEREEN DAT. Mijn inkomen is €0,niets is zeker. (lees: “nul komma niets…”)

Inmiddels weer onderweg naar huis. Het geheugen van mijn telefoon is vol zegt het dus ik kan niets meer filmen at the moment. Heb intussen buiten nog wel aardig wat minuten erbij gefilmd maar ik wil ook een beetje zuinig aan doen met mijn 4G.

Updated 17:24 (05:24 PM) [Timezone Amsterdam CEST UTC/GMT + 2]

~~~

Online Diary, Popular Posts, Reflections, Strategy

My Head 😩 [Friday, July 12, 2019]

Good afternoon ♥
Today’s weather makes me want to cuddle up in bed just like my headache does. Though my headache gets worse when I move, it’s thunderstorms and rain (and hail too¿) coming and going since last night. And from the short time between the lightning flash and the sound of the thunder, it has been very close by. Less than 1 km from here.

I hope you’ve seen my drafting of yesterday evening. 🙂 And that the refund of my grandmother’s investment in the Aegon Sprintplan is not at all guaranteed yet. My mother showed me the letter the collective that goes about it had sent. (And first investing in something and then when you lose everything saying that it has been a fake promise and ask for all of your money back…? People investing in fake promises still happens daily. They don’t get a refund either. It already sounded very controversial when I sent the letter she wanted me to write on her behalf.

Fangyism

Another reason why it’s much better to replace the current financial system with the Fangyist financial system! You’ll never lose any money because there only D.O.C.I.S. International invests. There’s no investing for individuals there at all! 😀 *throws confetti* You can financially gain by doing something that’s good according to Fangyist Law. 🙂

Bed Petting Festival + A Fangy Stubborn Flashback

It’s the first day of the North Sea Jazz festival today. As usual my family will be attending. Except me this time. Though I’m not going to the edition in Rotterdam, I might go to the one in Curaçao because it was included in my mother’s bribery for me to not have my sister be the only young person there. Both my plane tickets and festival tickets are paid for.

Ticket sales for the festival in Rotterdam started months ago. This was around the time where I tried to forever vanish from this country after a fight, starting in my journey in Wiesbaden and heading to Berlin for my birthday (November 1st my god my heart still hurts from this aawful treatment), but I ran out of money again. I empathically couldn’t block their phone numbers, so my mother who had been asking me to come home for quite some time then made an offer to get me a rental car to drive home. Back home, my father complained about how my vanishing has brought them unnecessary costs.

What the fuck. If he would have stopped insulting me for no reason, we wouldn’t have gotten into a fight and I wouldn’t have gone abroad to vanish and escape him. For we’re still house mates. If he wouldn’t insult me for no reason, I wouldn’t even have this anti-social blog. I actually like social interaction, but here it doesn’t show, because of my selectiveness and lack of opportunity.

From then I didn’t want them to pay for any of my things at all anymore. I’ll climb up the social ladder financially (haha get it ughhh), and I will do that all on my own (starting in Antwerp thus…). So when he offered to buy me a three-day ticket to the North Sea Jazz Festival, I said “No thank you.”

Another reason why I’d rather not attend is because I’d rather stand in front of a crowd or in a secluded section of a crowd than in the middle of it. (My father can choose but he prefers cheaper.) I’m sick and tired of people asking my attention for their boring stories and asking my number and my intimacy without asking me if I even have the slightest interest in that.

And it’s the most awful thing where people can easily walk past me in a crowd, but they still decide to touch, hurt or even grab me. It’s fucking disgusting. Especially now that my blog has grown so much, I don’t want to be a familiar face who still is no one for standing in that big crowd like just another number.

Plus hearing the conversations that go on in that crowd disgust me. Most people don’t understand shit about music, yet still they have an opinion about it. If I’d turn my knowledge about music into a project I’d really be proud of, I wouldn’t have any tolerance for the judgment of someone who doesn’t understand it, but still gets his/her arrogance from “I pay for your music.”

I would have loved to see José James and The Internet today, and discover new music or learn the name and face to more popular music by other artists. But I only want to attend any music event if I either can afford the ticket myself and be in a secluded area, or because I’ve organized the event myself and I’ll be performing there somewhere in between other performances.

Today

I have no idea what my day will be like. Aside from being home all day and my dinner being paid for (something I couldn’t accept in the beginning). I’ll be drafting some with pen and paper and drink a lot of water. Mweh another day or non-challenging boredom.

For real challenging, I need someone else. But someone else who’s at least just as intelligent as I am. And someone who dares to give me some real responsibility. Fuck what people will say about me not being educated enough for whatever. Nonsense.

Oh last night during the thunderstorm, after seeing this tweet

I thought of the following statement: “A gifted person never genuinely enjoys spending time with someone who is not gifted.”

What do you think of this? I think it’s very true.

I feel that the ungifted even know this fact. [If you knew how far too often I’ve heard “You think I’m dumb, don’t you?” “You think I’m untalented, don’t you?” and only replied with “Oh noo you’re very smart and talented,” because I don’t like being hurtful (without anyone backing me up) oh my goddd. 😩 It would be such a relief to say “YES! YES! YES!” but then why would I ever spend time with that person again get it. It’s irrefutable relationship damage answering “Yes,” to a question like that.] So they claim us and make sure we’ll never meet because they know we’ll enjoy spending time with each other so much that we’ll never see them again.

I grind my teeth spending time with someone who doesn’t reason on my level. This must be one of the reasons why I feel so much stress from tactically staying polite all the time. Another Tantalus torment.

But my Book Club will be amazing. 😻

Meoww “breakfast” time.

How do you find my method for making my diary more real-time?

Updated 14:23 (02:23 PM) [Timezone Amsterdam CEST UTC/GMT + 2]

~~~

I absolutely love that my push notifications are working now! 😻

Catje 😻

It feels very comforting to know that my updates go straight to your screen now. 😀 Even when I update a post that has already been uploaded, you’ll know! 🙂

I’ve been checking out PM Rutte his press conference earlier. (Thought of making that a notification as well but it was on too short notice my meoww I was still making my first meal of the day.)

Summarization of tweets:


I watched the conference in couch cat mode. &#x!F60F; 😸


I don’t really have public meows. Behind the scenes there are annoying people accessing me. I kind of worry about moving to Antwerp all by myself when it comes to that.


He was asked something about measures against drug use on the many festivals in this country and if he will be attending any festivals in this country this Summer. I won’t, by the way. Not one.


Something about Turkey buying Russian weapons or the other way around or something, because the country wanted to buy Western (I’m referring to euphemized democracies when I say “Western”) weapons but was prohibited from doing that and when when it purchased non-Western weapons Western countries started to say shit but then they just shouldn’t have been prohibiting the purchase in the beginning. Helaas pindakaas.


He curved those journalists very well. I can better relate to the philosophy of the right, but still think he’s doing well in his philosophy of making changes. Honestly I don’t see most people in power having any other better successor but I and I will elaborate on this in a few.


The entire conference was basically him being asked the prospects of things that still need to be discussed before there’s anything to announce. And then he gets the reply: “So you have nothing to say about this?” to basically every answer. And then in the comment section everyone calls him a liar. And that has been happening at least all year round…


He said something about that there has been good progress made this year, but that some want even more change and some prefer less, so that the change was mild. I strive towards a legal revolution my meowww.


An awful truth. Powerless Fangs. 🙁 [Not that literally all regular citizens should get more power ahaha nahhh they’re influenced far too easily.]


He was asked something about the presidential system and he said that he dreams of a system like that in the Netherlands. Ahahaha imagine him with a dreamy comic cloud next to him in which he’s thinking of him being the president in a presidential system ahahahahaha it’s a cool sight. We should make a video sketch of that ahahah. (I have soo many ideas for things like that my meoww. With many educative messages.)


What do you think of The Fangs being a Fangs with absolute power?


Meoww press conferences are one of the few challenging types of content that are entertaining to me. For me they don’t happen often enough. 😸 But the Summer still has a lot to offer. Especially because all formalities are having their holidays. 😀 Free terrain for me yaysss.


My head is still achy. Especially after a typing session like this one. So again I’m going to take a little break from typing and screen gazing now. Also I’m home alone and my sushi just got delivered so some dinner yays I’ll share with you later. Before I go, there is one more image I want to share with you. Last night I decided to sleep in my parents’ bed because they were sleeping on the couch, watching Stranger Things with good audio. I’ve noticed it before, but was now gazing at this book in my mother’s book case, thinking of “If I wouldn’t have silenced them, all of this wouldn’t have happened and this book wouldn’t have been bought.”

It really sucks to be “the gifted schizophrenic child”

Beause I’m not a fucking schizophrenic oh my goddd. 😩 And if everything in that book were really true and results from statistical sampling can be considered facts then everyone might as well be a schizophrenic. Such nonsense.

I’ll be eating these dinner yays meoww but know that erwtensoep, Kartoffelsuppe, grietbana bravoe or any other type of gaining strength soup is very welcome. 🙂

Updated 20:27 (08:27 PM) [Timezone Amsterdam CEST UTC/GMT + 2]

~~~

My dinner yays. Not an ad but just yay because I feel overheated from lack of oxygen and now I have this fan thingy with which I can create an oxygen illusion, calming down my brain a bit.

I’m eating soy beans now, as I’m writing this:

another mirror pic

A pre-dinner Fangs spotted. Took this right after my previous update.

In the background of the picture you can see where I’ve installed myself. My laptop is on my mother’s side of the bed. And the room where the daylight comes from, is my bedroom. That’s how close I sleep to my parents. I really appreciate that they have been doing their midnight binge-watching followed by falling asleep with the TV on downstairs lately, because any sound or light can be an annoying stimulus to me, keeping me awake at night.

I genuinely think that my parents would do better with the general public than I would, because they, in contrast to me – especially my father – love(s) watching Netflix and other popular things. (One of the reasons – another Tantalus torment moment – my friends were very jealous of me having the parents that I have and expressed that very frequently. I don’t want people to be jealous of me man please.)

~Transition sentence.~ (Hahahahaha 😹 )

The Last Summer

Have you heard the new Summer jam that was released today?

I’m under the impression that I’m not the only one who sees the patterns in everything that has been happening in the eras this world has known. It has been the cause of the routine we live. Currently, it says: “Relax. Don’t bother yourself with all of that work. Take some time off. “Have some fun.” You deserve it.” Summer is here so the world “spins” differently. Like the Winter (but more¿), it’s a period of very high consumption and pollution.

Some people can enjoy the Summer season and some people can’t. Some people can’t take a minute all-year-round because of their occupation. Some people have a busier work schedule than usual during that season. (Think of artists performing at Summer festivals, people working in tourism, people working in travel insurance (Victishe 😻 ) and so on.)

I vote for a more fair enjoyment of time for all. In a realistic sense, what do you really want to be doing?

I want to see a shift. In this society, maintaining a bad relationship is considered more normal than exploring and finding yourself. We should cause an international Volta: only surround yourself with the people you will never fight with. We make pairs that will probably be based on vision, intelligence and characteristic nature. We should redivide and redistribute the land in the world over these pairs and will live peacefully in that way. This is something that has to be pushed trough now that the current Graeynissis are still the ruling Graeynissis.

Because my and younger generations know even less about real life than the current people averagely aged 30-50 do now. People only know ghost stories about business and political diplomacy. We should make this shift (way) before you have to give your power to someone else, because they really won’t know what to do but fill their pockets. People don’t learn to have vision in school.

Do you not like the words of your own leader? Go be leaders with your friends somewhere on a piece of land that is not under the authority of your leader. Do you not like this Summer hit? Cool. Planet Fang’s music is an export product you most certainly do not have to buy. Make your own music. (And I would really love to make a Summer jam that doesn’t make me sad.) There will be completely new partnerships. 😀

Please I really don’t want to see another commercialized Summer routine where people act like peacocks showing themselves from their best sides just for admiration. Be the real valuable you. Let’s make a change, please, and let this be the last “Summer” in the commercialized way we know it now.

I would love to be more elaborate on this but I still feel terrible. (But less terrible than when this day started so yay.) And I’ve been multitasking.


He used this word referring to America before he became president.


Planet Fang 😀

I’m off to spending time in the darkness now. In a noiseless house because my parents are still enjoying the festival. I’ve seen some videos of it already. 🙂

Good night ♥

Updated 23:57 (11:57 PM) [Timezone Amsterdam CEST UTC/GMT + 2]

xxx

The featured image is made by Juan Pablo Arenas.

Nederlandse Tekst, Online Diary, Popular Posts, Reflections, Strategy

Sick Catje 😔 [Thursday, July 11, 2019]

10:53 (AM) 

Good morning ♥

I hope you’re feeling better than I do. Physically, I feel worse than yesterday. My pains are more serious. Mentally, I have a lot more on my mind than yesterday.

The topics alternately occupying my mind are:

  • Will people become part of my book club? I really hope so because I have such cool ideas for it and it would be the perfect side job! And I need to exceed the costs of having the store because otherwise it will be a headache instead of an asset. I hope I’ll be in good health in time, because I’ve set the deadline of it in 9 days.
  • Will the share my grandmother will give me be enough to have some financial breathing space? Once I get my study financing, my budget for rent will be about €450 for a studio apartment [ 🙁 ]. If my grandmother gives me an amount that leaves me enough to pay for my course books after I’ve paid all of my bills and debts, I – aside from living in a busy area where I don’t know anyone – won’t have anything to worry about. I wonder when she’ll receive it… To save costs, it’s much better for me to start renting from September 1st (when my parents are on a holiday together and my sister’s school resumes and then I’ll be moving¿ x_x ) instead of October 1st.
  • I really hope that I can make the concept of my book club attractive enough for the intelligent (and experienced) Graeynissis I’ll need in the future. Plus I hope they’ll donate to me and give me even more breathing space…
  • Honestly I still really hope to receive a Fangs-specialized study program where I’m encouraged to write papers about multiple fields of science in which any Graeyniss is dealing with an issue my vision could be an asset to. Getting my bachelor’s at age 26 is so old that I hope I can speed up the process by being allowed to do this… I’ve used my former years to set out this concept for a revolution and hope it will come in handy. Especially for “alpha sciences”. For “beta sciences” I really need teaching but for alpha’s honestly I really don’t. (It’s just being able to reproduce the things that are considerd facts, discovered by big names (from the West)…) The book club could be a great asset to this. Meowww I don’t want to reveal too much about the concept yet though…

Meow it’s fluid breakfast timeee. I’ll see you later because by means of being productive I’ll draft the texts for the store and FangCatje here. ♥

~~~

16:21 (04:21 PM) 

My meowsss ♥

I feel the continuous sound of my fan, the crampedness of my bedroom and general Dutch air quality fuel the headache of my fever. I’ve always found it annoying, but because my brain is in more pain than usual now, everything is more disturbing than usual now.

Everything except my curiosity for this:

I need any type of shift in the overrated social media hype myself. I’ll be on it. 😸 (&Nooo indeeed no one should ever call any president “meow”. No one but me. 😸 )

Request for “Life” 😂

Ahaha in my “things I do when I grab my phone” routine of checking my web stats and checking the balance of my main bank account, I randomly decided to click on the “request” button, next to the by young me awfully frequently clicked “transfer” button.

I randomly typed in the maximum amount of €1000. The follow up question was: “What is the €1000 for?” And I typed “Life”. 😂

Now I have a random payment request you can adjust and transfer if you’re at a Dutch bank.

Please, give me Life.
“Hi, I’ve created a payment request for Life. You can adjust the amount and pay with any bank in the Netherlands. Thank you!
https://www.ing.nl/particulier/betaalverzoek/index.html?trxid=KSm7epNHIR3J9WNfaNJvRKsWp2SU6VmA

I’m certain that if enough people engage in this, I’ll never feel sick again. 😸 (Or at least I could have a say in how I’ll be treated, in contrast to what you have to endure if you, like me, have the cheapest health care subscription package. When I get study financing I’ll already “expand” my subscription…)

Haha meow I made the request jokingly, but I honestly hope anyone would give me some Life. I’ll give you something in return for it for sure. 🙂 And if enough people do it then maybe future Book Club meetings could be in/next to my future house, on the estate called Planet Fang. 😻 A compound in Belgium would be nice, as well as in other countries. 😀

My body is acting up again. I’m going to still my hunger and then take a nap. After that I’m just going to start drafting – something that has more impact on my brain because that is really mijn hersenen kraken. I’ll keep pushing the D.O.C.I.S. until it unfolds.

I’ll see you (here) tonight xxx

~~~

19:52 (07:52 PM) 

Before I start, I would like to log some interesting Twitter activity here.


It’s part of my revolution yayss. Know that online identities have no meaning. Only real life identities do.


[More untranslated Dutch coming up in my drafting meow for the sake of minimizing pressure on my brain… 😣 ]


I need some fellow Fangyists… My development is stagnating. 🙁


The help I need is so yusu (as in seriusu) meow I’m a minority in the minority of minorities in a country where discrimination is an everyday thing I’ve seen far too frequently.


“Against fraud and corruption” would have made sense. But “against the economy” ahahahaha help this is the level of the average Dutch person &#x1F602 . (No joke only about 6% of Dutch people has finished the highest type of secondary education like me. [It’s LWOO -> VMBO-B -> VMBO-K -> VMBO-T -> HAVO -> VWO -> VWO+ -> Gymnasium (which in this case has nothing to do with exercise ughhh)])

For the sake of doing something useful, I’m now going to draft some book and website texts. Reminder-to-self that I need to change the logo of the D.O.C.I.S. Store to something without an image and make a separate logo for the D.O.C.I.S. Book Club. I really love this book club so much already my meoww. I hope you’re willing to pay the contribution I need for your set of books and gifts every quarter, plus renting a book club meeting venue.

I’m starting with FangCatje though, because that had to have been finished (haha trippy tenses) already… I think I’ll publish it under “Dominique Daniëlle Elia” instead of “Lil Fangs”.

FangCatje Draft

Het leven voelt voor mij van jongs af aan (“al”) als de Tantaluskwelling. Absoluut niet omdat mijn gedrag vergelijkbaar is met wat voor Tantalus de aanleiding voor zijn straf was. Integendeel: mijn hart kan zijn soort immorele daden (zoals zijn zoon aan de goden voeren om te kijken of het wel echte goden zijn) niet verdragen.

Toch ervaar ik een soortgelijk lijden. In zijn straf zijn al zijn behoeften en lusten een kwelling. (De Tantaluskwelling is een Griekse mythe.) Bijvoorbeeld dat hij in een poel met water moest staan, maar dat het water naar beneden golfde wanneer hij eruit probeerde te drinken, waardoor hij leed aan dorst.

Een voorbeeld hiervan, in mijn context, is dat er toen ik 6 was eindelijk een officiële verklaring was voor mijn “anders zijn” en waarom ik me zo ontzettend verveelde op school. Namelijk mijn hoogbegaafdheid. Maar in plaats van het enthousiasme (van leraren) dat ik hoopte te zien en de uitdagingen die ik hoopte te krijgen, werd ik nog meer als (nu niet alleen meer zwart maar ook nog eens veeleisend) vuil gezien en behandeld, en uit men zijn/haar jaloezie over mijn officieel bevestigde intelligentie (en ontwikkelende fysieke schoonheid) op de meest hartverscheurende manieren.

Toen ik, bijvoorbeeld, aan mijn juf vroeg of ik een nieuw boekje mocht, omdat ik het boekje met “uitdagende” taal- en rekenopdrachten voor de hele week dezelfde dag al had uitgewerkt, zei ze: “Ga eerst maar alles inkleuren.” Op iedere pagina stond wel een afbeelding. Ik had juist meer cognitieve uitdaging nodig, in plaats van meer kleutervermaak.

“Waarom ik?” is iets wat ik altijd al heb gedacht. (Misschien omdat echt niemand anders het kan doen…? Ik wou (met de nadruk op verleden tijd, nu ik ouder ben en weet hoe de wereld in elkaar zit) dat we allemaal hoogbegaafd zijn.)

Een ander voorbeeld van mijn Tantaluskwelling is het nieuws dat ik letterlijk net kreeg. Het leek even alsof ik het leven niet meer als een kwelling zal ervaren. Gisteren hoorde ik van mijn moeder dat mijn oma bericht had gekregen, dat ze 85% van haar inleg in het Aegon Sprintplan zal terugkrijgen en dat ik, omdat ik haar ongeveer een jaar geleden had geholpen met het maken van die claim, een aandeel daarvan zou krijgen. Al sinds mijn 17de zit ik financieel aan de grond, dus het voelde alsof het licht aan het eind van de tunnel eindelijk in zicht was.

Maar daarnet kwam ze naar me toe om te vertellen dat degene die voor mijn oma de brief had geïnterpreteerd, dit verkeerd heeft gedaan. Het was niet eens een brief van Aegon maar een brief van het collectief dat de zaak aanvecht. Dat als je als lid een aanvulling op je gegevens opstuurt, je 85% terug kan krijgen in plaats van 80%. Het is nu nog steeds absoluut niet zeker of ze ooit haar geld terug zal krijgen. Die brief die ik voor haar naar Aegon had gestuurd is al meer dan een jaar oud en er zit nog steeds absoluut geen vaart in de zaak.

Het leek even alsof ik “zorgenloos” op kamers kon gaan (wat ik eigenlijk niet eens wil, want ik heb liever leefruimte), ik kon beginnen met kleine schulden afbetalen en zelfs zou kunnen beginnen met het opbouwen van een spaarpotje. Maar ik ben weer terug bij af.

Mijn online dagboek op LilFangs.com staat verder vol met Tantaluskwellingsmomenten die vaak onverwachts komen en ik in real-time (“rond het tijdstip dat het in het werkelijk leven gebeurt”) deel, hopend dat ik de Volta waarin mijn kwelling voorbij is ook in real-time zal delen.

Toen ik in de nacht van 27 mei op 28 mei in het crisiscentrum werd opgenomen,

The D.O.C.I.S. Store Draft

I’m going to stop drafting for now, my meow. It’s almost past twelve. And the text above here was the greatest spoiler ever because – aside from typos and/or grammar mistakes I might have missed out on but will correct when I re-type it for the definitive version – I’m going to use exactly that text.


During dinner, there was some (biased) documentary about the Middle-East on. I was familiar with his last name and that (by false media caused) association with political turbulence. But in the documentary they referred to him by his first name. After I saw him give a speech next to Tony Blair [also handsome], I asked: “Who is this (Catje)?” 😻 Bashar Al Assad. Then a debate about how colored western media are, how almost every Arabic leader is seen as a tyrant who wishes to destroy everything and everyone because of this, how the differences between [excusez moi I only know it in Dutch-ish and am too tired to translate it now] Sjiieten, Soennieten, Alevieten and other movements within the Islam cause enough local turbulence already for having to explain that to the West on top of all of the other chaos, how I think he really might not have assassinated an influential in Lebanon, America’s reasons for international involvement, et cetera unfolded for a decent while. I was very alone in my view again. But now I’m even more interested in a D.O.C.I.S. Compound – where you can be yourself – in Syria. 😻 I’m seriously interested in having tea with him. 🙂

Just when I wanted to continue drafting after dinner, my mother told me that my grandmother was misinformed about the refund of her investment in the Aegon Sprintplan. 🙁 Now it’s certain that that won’t give me financial breathing space.

Please, give me Life.
“Hi, I’ve created a payment request for Life. You can adjust the amount and pay with any bank in the Netherlands. Thank you!
https://www.ing.nl/particulier/betaalverzoek/index.html?trxid=KSm7epNHIR3J9WNfaNJvRKsWp2SU6VmA

Good night ♥

xxx

Nederlandse Tekst, Online Diary, Reflections

Potato Montage [Sunday, July 7, 2019]

02:54 (AM) 

That Type of Montage Where you see a Protagonist with a big Stack of Books Processing Everything to get Something big Done with “Intense” Sounding Background Music

Hey my Catje ♥

I hope that not seeing you today doesn’t mean that you’re not real.* I hope that people keeping up with my blogging, who actually can relate to this and also want to be open about this really exist. (Please I really don’t want another crisis center hell.) But yesterday was a reminder that I shouldn’t assume that anyone will ever take any work out of my hands.

Please don’t get me wrong. The people in my circle always come off as very happy and nice people. I know you’re wise enough to formulate your own opinion and won’t let my opinion influence you if you ever were to spend time with them.

I’m just an outcast. It hurts too much to see reality confirm that every time. We’re very different people, my circle and I. I’ve been laughing about their jokes for decades. I even know the algorithm so well that, in the past, I’ve been making the same type of jokes. But my actual sense of humor is never understood. It’s as if we don’t even speak the same language.

It’s no use trying to explain this. I have no intentions of harming their online or offline identity. All I want to do is – for the sake of my mental health – cause an irreversible break-up. In more than 500 posts I’ve been trying to tell you why, but I see I just can’t make you feel what I feel, if it’s still not clear. When I move to Antwerp, no one will know my address. That’s the type of distance I aspire to create.

My mind is somewhere much further in the distance. This distance becomes larger every single day. Small talk becomes a greater disturbance for me every day. I seek people with whom I can, for example, discuss my selection of books. And then discuss it with self-formulated arguments and not “all those books are bad”, without having read them. Let’s cuddle and read or something…

*Maybe you’re in the same outcast position and know how not easy it is to speak up without consequences. I’m using this silent but loud escape tactic to pave the way for those who are in the same situation as I.

I just want to reform the system and want people to know who I really am. Meanwhile I need to get by. So that’s why I’m working on FangCatje, to clear my name and maybe earn a little. Then I have the book store to hopefully earn enough in combination with study financing. (Ugh why do people keep telling me to get a job it’s such an insult to me.) And then I’ll start being a regular student and hope someone powerful and influential notices me at some point, so that I can become Illuminatus Intelligens ProfFangs and make the world a better place with my global reform strategies.

In that way, I can do this all by myself as far as this can be done by one person alone. But the road is long and dreadful though and I actually don’t want to do it because I spend far too much time behind a screen meow that’s so awful. As long as none of my “fans” – if they exist –  offers me practical support, I have no other choice but to do this to get there.

Those are my pre-bed thoughts.

Good night ♥

xxx

12:21 (PM) 

Another Attempt to Make Myself Clear

Good afternoon 🙂 ♥

I’m still in bed. This is where I strategize most often.

Last night, I mentioned my aspiration to vanish in such a way that I move somewhere else without anyone knowing my new address. This is what I tried in 2017 (but then as a homeless person instead of even having a roof above my head), not thinking of being reported missing because I was already trying to get settled in to my new life.

I find it hard to express this wish of mine to my circle, because I love them and we have an extremely long history together. I also don’t want everyone to think that they’re the cause of me wanting to leave not only this circle but also leave this country forever. It’s just a good 75% of people who makes me want to do that. Haha. Those with the toxic personalities. Not the silent outcasts, but the narcissists who are like bloodsuckers for attention. They have already drained all of my energy energy draining type of vampires. I don’t want to endure that anymore. For my birthday I want distance. A new life. (And if they’ll, as they say, “miss me that much” they can just read my blog but they hate my blog so therefore they hate me and therefore why the fuck are they still in my life.)

I find it hard to express my wish to leave this life behind me to their faces. It really feels similar to a break-up. But to my parents I’ve mentioned this wish repeatedly and they always tell me “That’s not gonna happen.” If you’d have invested in me I could have hired you a maid to change your diapers. But now I’ll need everything to pay off my student debt. It’s gonna happen for sure even if it’s the last thing I do.

I hope that the spontaneous “surprise” hired barbecue catering yesterday confirms for you too that the financial struggle I (not my family but I alone) have been living through is completely unnecessary. The stress that comes with an income below the minimum income is not healthy and to then also have 75% personalities I find toxic in my life is really not healthy. It has been feeding my death wish in the last 12 years. It’s like there’s no way to escape them.

When I say that I strive towards distance when I move out, I don’t mean moving a few blocks away and celebrating the holidays together. I mean that for your funeral I’ll send a bunch of flowers and that’s it. Distance. Never again will I feel that feeling of pain in my chest their offensive words cause and no more toxic memories will be added to the many toxic memories that replay in my head over and over.

My current issue with creating this distance is that I’ll have to rent a moving van to transfer all of my belongings from Capelle to Antwerp, but will they let me do this and will they leave me alone and not report me missing again… Why do they make it so hard for me to move on. 😢

I want more time to work on FangCatje. I’m also having second thoughts about therapy in general again. Because this far every therapist has been forcing me to not only keep in touch with my circle but “improve my relationship” with my circle. I can’t hear something like that EVER AGAIN. THERE IS FUCKING NOTHING TO IMPROVE. WE ARE OPPOSITES. IMPROVEMENT IS WHERE I FIND LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP IN A COMPLETELY NEW LIFE DAMMITTTTT HOW IS THAT SO HARD TO BE OBVIOUS!??!!!?!

Culture

Oh and I have something important to say about “black people-ism”: Once my parents from my grandparents took over raising me, I’ve been hearing the words “koelie, bokoe, boeroe, ptata,” et cetera like they were normal things to say. I apologize for that person I’ve been when I was younger. I learnt this type of empathy when I was years older. Though in my environment people still treat each other like stereotypes – AND I HATE THAT MORE THAN ANYTHING – I now don’t go along in a conversation like that anymore if it goes that way. An example of fucking annoying stereotyping like that is saying “Dutch/white people/ptatas only eat tasteless food in portions that are too small.” I’ve been hearing shit like that from birth and have been saying it myself because I believed my family was teaching me facts. But they’ve been teaching me bullshit.

I now see that Dutch economic food portions come from both their heritage (e.g. the scarcity of the hongerwinter and elements of that kitchen still prevalent today) and that they have to watch their emission because if we don’t live parsimonious the dykes will flood. (Something most Surinamese people don’t give a fuck about. I don’t give a fuck, too, but that’s just because I look forward to building something better.) Not all Dutch people only eat unseasoned potatoes and such and eat portions that are measured, for example, exactly how many potatoes per person. I love the serious side of this conversation and love to empathize with you (because I find the Dutch (or caucasian or general) search for an identity so sexy because they associate their identity with the big names in human history and then feel like shit let me give you some kisses meow you need to seek your identity only within yourself which is the easiest when you talk to me meow skip whatever the fuck some historic figure did). But simultaneously caucasians assuming that colored people have nothing to offer is heartbreaking and makes me want to murder whoever says something like that.

Some people I can sympathize with and want to improve their lives, some people I hate and want dead. It has nothing to do with where you are from or how many diplomas you have. Like my father says “Er zijn Marokkanen en er zijn geitenneukers,” [ = “There are Moroccans and there are goat fuckers.” Saying some are civilized and some are barbarians] I find that there are Surinamers and monkeys. And that there are Dutch people and FUCKING IGNORANT RACIST AARGH NO WORDS CAN DESCRIBE HOW MUCH I ACTUALLY FUCKING HATE THEM.

My circle is 75% fucking monkeys. The post Surinamese slavery monkeys who stuff themselves because they think it’s their culture, not knowing what influence it has on their health and still associating their eating behavior with some type of fucking absurd (food culture) superiority.
[Trippy sentences and I didn’t explain the words in between apostrophes (like koelie) but I hope the rest of the paragraph has made it clear to you.]

I noticed some of the insecurity that this widespread sense of Surinamese/black (food culture) superiority has caused very clearly yesterday, when I was having a conversation with some Dutch friends of my mother. To them I mentioned how much I’ve repeatedly been told that my parents loved salmon they prepared in their smoke oven, that one day when I decided to not accompany them to their friends, that my father’s birthday present was a smoke oven. They were surprised to hear that they loved it so much. Then I heard the back story of how they ended up preparing that salmon and heard the insecurity about what to prepare that my parents would enjoy. They thought that they don’t eat potatoes. (Only boiled unspiced potatoes are not often appreciated, but that has nothing to do with ethnicity. Stamppot or grilled potatoes with skin seasoned with rosemary and sea salt et cetera is something some Surinamese people, due to the history that intertwines with Dutch history, eat too. (Yes unfortunately those who refuse to eat “white people food” exist as well.))

Meanwhile I’ll feel the need to rip the person’s head off when someone tells me “Your favorite food must be chicken.” And if you think that I’m some uneducated monkey who casts spells and doesn’t know how to use a fork YOU WILL FUCKING DIE VERY FUCKING SOON.

So do not think I’m another stereotypical black person who thinks black people are superior, because then you might get fanged by me. I’m dealing with the very difficult cultural related position I’m in, because of the monkeys I’m sharing my culture with. Monkeys ruin it for non-barbarian colored people. I’m The Fangs with a very complex outlook on life because I can oversee everything from the perspective of empathy. (And I’m out for blood yay. 😀 )

Meoww I need so much more time to work on FangCatje if I want it to be something to be proud of. 🙁

By the way I think that with my writing I’m actually directly transferring my exact feelings to you and these feelings need to become happy feelings because my feelings of pain are unbearable. You can feel it? Meow please give me a reason to write happy things because my pain suuucks and I assume that we both want to feel good.

I have so much to say still meoww but typing is so time consuming and I still have no staff feeding me and stuff so that I can focus on what’s important so mweh I’m going to eat – against the principles of eating safe but from the options I have here still the most safe – left-overs. I’m saving up on interpunction to get information to you faster which is working yay. But where are my kisses meow don’t leave me alone to die alone if you’re sexy please. 😢

~~~

17:09 (05:09 PM) 

Ragdoll Mode

Meow I’ve been making time to work on FangCatje, but I feel that my body wants mental rest. The problem is that the real mental rest comes when I’ve permanently distanced myself from the toxic relationships in my life. That is costly because maintaining my life abroad while being a student is costly.

This issue kind of makes me want to lay in bed without moving forever. Entering ragdoll mode. But that won’t make me Illuminatus Intelligens ProfFangs.

Meow I should be refreshing my knowledge of mathematics though. But I need this online bookstore because it could be the side-income I’ll need very much, to get by. I wish someone would help me. 🙁

~~~

Online Diary, Popular Posts, Random questions, Reflections

Conscious [Tuesday, July 2, 2019]

12:31 (PM)

Good afternoon 🙂 ♥

My morning was great. After waking up, I flipped myself over back to sleep a few times. I love a bed in which I can roll around like a sea star. 😻 My aunt’s bed is of a size like that.

I woke up less stressed than I woke up yesterday and yesterday I woke up less stressed than the day before. Finally, a permanent decline is in sight. Once I have my own apartment in Antwerp, I know I will feel more safe than ever.

pizza and tea

And my breakfast is great 🙂

Conscious

“Those people are much more conscious than you,” is what my father said in the same discussion where he said that I shouldn’t study (abroad). This took place before we went to that surprise party I did keep a secret. He replied that when I said that I believe that consciousness is based on levels of intelligence, and that the empty routines of people living the same routine every single week should seize to exist, because resources are wasted but there is nothing added to the societal quality of life. (Those sentimental “My life is shit but it’s great,” things really have to stop. It’s fucking torture x_x.) To me, a life has meaning if its deeds can take it to a history book. That is what I strive towards. [My conscience was insulted once again.]

No one is more conscious than I am. Look at my conscience. Look at what I have been telling you. [This is all still a conscious stratagem. (Do you notice the reiteration of that statement?)]

By selecting a university just across the Dutch border, I hope that you see a physical confirmation of my verbal message. The decisions I make rarely seem logical to someone else, but I know they are the best decisions I can make. Every single time. From playing hints in a police interrogation to not studying at a top-ranked university: it will get me where I want to be. [I will get the acknowledgement of my intelligence and receive the right to spend time with my fellow deeds-so-great-it-is-history-in-the-making Graeynissis.]

It is important that I do not accept any physical and monetary gifts from my parents anymore. That will make it a lot easier for me to say goodbye forever. I already have a student debt of almost €14,000 for no reason. If I’d have conscious and genuinely supportive parents, I wouldn’t have to lend taxpayer money from the government. But since these parents love to see me bleed, it is important that they watch how I drag my bleeding self right across the border and they can’t do anything about it. (Oh except try to get me imprisoned for what I’ve been writing but then their problem is that this writing is my defense at the same time.) I’m so done of being emotionally torn down by these narcissists (that group is far larger than my parents only) and I wish Summer was over already. Plus – very important – I do not want my future to be funded with sourly spent fraud money.

Life is already not an every-week-is-exactly-the-same experience for many, but once I get my power – using mathematics and data – nothing will be the same at all, in a generally positive sense.

I’m the pawn of pawns, my pawn.

I’ll elaborate further on this, my yays et cetera, in a set of questions and answers, after my shower. Tot later xxxxx

~~~

15:00 (03:00 PM)

Questions

The question will be posed in this “full negative bias but acting innocent” way that is often used in mass media.

Why go to Belgium and study in Dutch if you speak English in almost all of your works?
Belgium is where the beating heart of the European Union lies, so it’s a great place to start off my career. I wouldn’t mind living in a deserted cottage somewhere in the Ardennen for a while.
Studying in Dutch is a lot easier for me, because it’s my native language and I have been taught the basics of mathematics in Dutch. It’s also a good way to not forget my native language. I use English more often than Dutch, because the only place where I elaborately express myself has been here on LilFangs.com and I see that it is influencing my Dutch syntax.
I hope to, in the future, and in my future works – including more mathematics yay 😀 – publish in more than one language more often.
Plus sexy Belgian accents 😻 .

Scusami I’m going to go to the store for a sec. At home already, all of my panties have disappeared and now I really need new onessss.

~~~

19:42 (07:42 PM)

I’m backkk. I proposed to cook for my aunt and I, because there’s this combination of flavors that has been on my mind for a while and I really wanted to try it out. It became of the best meals I’ve ever prepared 😻 .

brown rice [made yellow by koenjit, sereh, santen, some salt and a lime leaf], cod fish [first grilled and then cooked in a sauce of creme fraîche, baharat, saffron, lime and honey] and some spinach also cooked in baharat and honey. I can’t stop eating 😻 .

Anywayy back to these questions. I’m sitting on my aunt’s balcony writing this now 🙂 .

Why are you going back to college if you’ve been saying that you hate to study?
Because I’ve noticed that without a degree I can’t get what I want. People still think that I’m dumb… I find making tests a slow and ineffective way to learn for practice, but it’s what everyone does and experience has now taught me that there is no other way to gain information and receive acknowledgement for knowing it and having that capacity to learn. I still want to earn big money (making sure that I’ll never have to request support of family ever again) and I guess I should just work towards that in a more traditional way.

Why are you saying that you are going to move to Antwerp if you’ve literally said: “Ik zie mezelf niet “Welkom in mijn kot” zeggen”?
“Kot” is a (Flemish or at least southern Dutch) word for student house or house for non-lifetime settlement. I saw the word for the first time on the website of the university. To me, it sounded like “krot”, which means ugly house. But I’ve been checking out what koten are available in and near Antwerp, and they’re not bad at all. Much and much cheaper than in the Netherlands, also. If I wait about two months into the curriculum [fucking long still but it’s the only way ehh 😩 ], so until around November, I have enough for the down payment and fi-nal-ly move out and move on.

What will you do with your degree in mathematics?
Study forever, until I’m ProfFangs and I can be the go-to private Catje of all these Graeynissis and teach, as well as tell people cool stuff about the revolutionary things I’m adding to the subject of mathematics, introducing Fangyism 😀 .
I really want to do things with big data, self-constructed algorithms, finance and revolutionizing the routine of life on a large scale. ProfFangs 😀 .

Why not Delft?
Because then I’ll have no incentive to move out and I’ll have to wait until September 2020. And I really want to start my international experience of life as soon as possible, leaving my “home country” that sees me as a foreign alien anyway.

Why would I trust your words?
If you’re in doubt and you prefer to not trust me, don’t bother to try to trust my words. I just want my truth to be out there for those who do trust me, so that they won’t be left in the dark once they pick my side. In the future, I’ll have my own land, but space is limited (I want it to be the country with the greatest amount of living space per citizen), so it won’t be available to the entire world population, and thus I will have to select who I allow in. There will be no room for snakes there, so really: if you don’t trust me then keep on not trusting me. (Grrrrrr……)

To me, it seems like the internet has two types of people: people accusing and people defending themselves. The people accusing are often empty shells who have nothing to offer, so they want to be known as a sort of “resistance participant”. Know that the group of people accusing are always far greater than those who defend.

The people defending themselves often have big plans for the world, but evil propagandists keep putting dirt on their names. Real change – which requires knowledge of the system to understand, but not everyone is capable of learning so you know that big cleanup process of overpopulation will be inevitable at some point yes I wish it were different too – is being prohibited by those who put dirt on their names but never go in to what the defendants actually stand for. It’s all just a bombardment of gossip these people have to endure, indirectly deciding what their topics are. Examples of people in a situation like this are president Trump and Thierry Baudet. (And things would have been a lot different for me if I weren’t falsely reported missing for no fucking reason, by people who don’t want me to leave them, while that is my wish for a better life for myself.) It’s always all-versus-one and those who are impartial are still pushed to say that they’re left-wing/on the fake resistance side – a position I’ve been in for a very long time – because what right-wing in the Western world is, is still so unclear for many. And that is fuelled by that fake resistance. Real resistance, in this awful system no one actually likes, is having a real unique voice and fighting against the system that figuratively chains us to live a life we don’t want to live.

Meoww my cousin came by and we’ve been chilling all night so tomorrow I’ll continue this. But I’ll be blogging for a less large part of the day because I still need to finish FangCatje and my other D.O.C.I.S. websites (+ app + album + I want to already start with reading in for physics because I want to be the best my meowww). This won’t happen in a day, but blogging less will be more efficient. I won’t vanish on you though 😀 . I’ll re-strategize my approach on these things here tomorrow as well.

It’s already past twelve 🙈

Good night ♥

xxx

Ex Animo, Images, MacroFangs, Media, Nederlandse Tekst, Nosce Te Ipsum, Reflections, Strategy

Disrupting The Silent Pyramid [Essay]

Disrupting The Silent Pyramid

A D.O.C.I.S. Essay

By Lil Fangs

An Author’s Note

This essay was written when I was in a very difficult situation. Again, being put in a powerless situation by someone else’s authority. I hoped that selling what I know about the deep-state, would help me to afford to get away from those circumstances forever. I’m not in that crisis center anymore, so the contextual information at the end of the post does not apply to me anymore. I, however, still need the funds to live independently. The essay was, because of that, put online for €1177.77, but it had no sales. I find it still important that you get the rest of my message, and that is why I now put this essay online for free.

When I published any other book I’ve published, just like when I was trying to sell this essay, I am trying to earn, so that I can set up a successful business and leave my current life behind me for good. I hope I can count on your support, this time.


“Always start the documents you sell, off with a quote. It will make you look more (modern) scholarly.”

– Lil Fangs

That was a joke 😂 … The rest won’t be…

This essay is all about the hierarchical pyramid, visible on the next page. I’m writing this from my own perspective. As a regular citizen, attempting to formulate an independent opinion, hoping I’ll succeed in nudging the official authorities, so that we can flip the pyramid together, forming a new powerful union.

Oh meow I reallyyy need to share this citation with you again, though. (I used it in my EP, too.) It perfectly suits the content of this essay! The first three paragraphs of Propaganda, by Edward Bernays:

“The conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society. Those who manipulate this unseen mechanism of society constitute an invisible government which is the true ruling power of our country.

We are governed, our minds molded, our tastes formed, our ideas suggested, largely by men we have never heard of. This is a logical result of the way in which our democratic society is organized. Vast numbers of human beings must cooperate in this manner if they are to live together as a smoothly functioning society.

Our invisible governors are, in many cases, unaware of the identity of their fellow members in the inner cabinet.”

Introduction

Why Disrupt This?

Slowly but surely, the system is destroying itself. The education system and cultural stories that are told from generation to generation, have taught us to value money. It gives us a status. It is the reason many people leave their homes every day.

If an idea is not an idea that can make you rich, society will not consider it a good idea. In that way, making an unprofitable difference, out of kind-heartedness, and to do what is best for our generation and future generations to come, is unappealing to society.

What is appealing to society, is to maximize profits, regardless of what it does to nature. What is appealing to society, is to destroy the names of talented people, because most people don’t have any talents. What is appealing to society, is to make a small story far bigger than it actually is, because otherwise, people have nothing to talk about.

When nature gives out, because it has been abused by this generation far too much, money will have no value. Many lives will become purposeless. That is not our problem (anymore), because they have had enough time and have received enough information to create a better system.

Those at the top (three layers) of the pyramid, have no clue what they are actually doing. They’re far too busy playing the status game. They think it has actual meaning, while it’s only talk. They don’t think about the future, and the consequences of their actions.

To make sure that they don’t ruin the future of us and generations to come, we should flip the pyramid. Instead of trying to maintain what we have, we should disrupt it even further – none of us truly enjoys this anyway. It’s only a façade, needed to keep our status. It is better to cause the disruption ourselves, so that we have control over the way the world looks, after it the system is collapsed, instead of giving in to the prospect of our fate being an uncontrollable chaos, caused by idiots.

The disruption starts with your purchase – thank you 💕 – and is followed by all of us taking physically visible action, simultaneously. I’ll first convince you of why the system has to be disrupted, some more, including some sad stories and good prospects, then I’ll tell you more about my Stratagem, and after that, it’s time for real action 🙂 .

Core

Looking from the Bottom up

From the bottom of the pyramid, the experience of life is anything except joyful. Formulating an independent opinion is too difficult for many, so we are taught to adapt and dumb down our conversation. We watch the members of the inner cabinet try to uncover who is who, and know that right-wing and left-wing are meaningless concepts in that context.

Some individuals are in multiple positions in the pyramid at the same time, due to the status that comes with their profession. Some, like me, aren’t. There are right-wing politicians, doing independent research, echoing their views over the sounds of journalists who blindly follow trends, attempting to reach the business authorities that are being told what to do, by binge-watching babyboomers and their offspring, for example.

We, at the bottom, hope to see a large Volta, where there will be no more name shaming as “world news”. We, at the bottom, want to see the type of change in society that will make everyone go back to school again, because life as we know it will fully change.

But the change the bottom two layers want and need to see, will mean that the top three layers of the pyramid will become obsolete. Fully obsolete…

Schizophrenia

When I say this to those who blindly follow trends, they respond with something in the context of: “No wonder you are diagnosed with schizophrenia.” The media pre-chew everything there is to discover in life, and tell you how you should feel about that, so how come I have such an odd opinion about everything in life?

“Propaganda” is a bad word, “multiculturalism”, “professional” and “STG” are good words, according to the trends. How about they become just words again, where “good” or “bad” depends on the context they are used in, and the personal view of the listener.

So then, in my view, “I’m going to use propaganda to make everyone my minion,” is bad. But “I’m going to use propaganda to force people to think independently (and unveil their identity),” is good.

Since I’m, in the meantime, still busy debunking the diagnosis schizophrenia I have received, I have to still point this out, though I assume you know I know this, and I hope you know this: Officially, the official authorities and those backing them, are on top of the pyramid. But because we are taught that the media are the voice of independent reason, the official top of the pyramid is not treated as the top of the pyramid, but as puppets who have to be shaped according to the will of the self-preservative deep-state, profiting of the overrated status game.

The bottom two rows of the pyramid are structurally being prohibited from emancipating, because the top three layers do not want to give up their position in the Silent Pyramid. This is so severe, that from a young age, people are taught to stop hoping for change, and accept life as it is. Then the media confirm that image, by publishing thousands of pessimistic articles per day. And if you go too far in your believes for change, like me, you’ll become a victim of social shock therapy and be forced to take psychiatric drugs until you give up on your dreams. Life can’t go on like this forever! Especially not because of the state of the waterworks… 🙂 (The state that is fully ignored by those who blindly follow, and which is not getting enough media attention AT ALL!!!)

I have a lot of trouble with that people who blindly follow trends are authorized to label and stigmatize the worlds of people they can’t even understand. In my view, schizophrenia – as well as MANY other labels – cannot exist, because every perspective on life is unique. It’s just used to push us down the Pyramid even further… That includes people who are convinced by other people that they’re dumb, while they’re actually very smart.

Dissolving the Deep-State

As was said in the citation of Bernays: the members of the inner cabinet, do not know the identity of their fellow members. As in that they cannot openly discuss their hidden agendas. But if you’re only in it for the money and other forms of self-preservation, it’s not necessary to discuss your agenda to reveal your identity. (I say “your” for simplicity. I don’t necessarily mean you, my dear reader.)

In our competitive world, everyone is incentivized to show characteristics of politeness and intelligence, whether they’re real or fake. Humor, in the meantime, has evolved into “laughing after barbarianism”. To me, today’s sense of humor is painful and loveless. Real humor requires intelligence. Intelligence most people – sad but true – don’t have.

Through someone’s sense of humor, you can decipher that person’s identity and hidden agenda. The façade of politeness and intelligence is meaningless, when jokes are misunderstood due to the lack of understanding. From that, an interview follows, to unveil the nature of a joke [Was it to indirectly insult, or was it to make laugh?], and to unveil the nature of the listener [Does the listener find the joker a good conversationalist, or does he/she find him an annoying nerd?].

I’m pulling out all the stops in this paragraph [wonder why?] 😏 . I just want to show you that, even though I’m not really part of it (yet), I know your world very well.

We shouldn’t spend time with those we can’t get along with. The politeness, resembling “professionalism”, in this competitive world, we should let go of, because I know that there are, like me, many people who stay polite, while they would rather scream so loud that their saliva starts to foam. It’s not healthy to crop up emotions (of anger)!

I believe that there is a professional deep-state, and a personal deep-state. The professional deep-state has superficial people wanting to look cool in the one corner, and pioneers wanting to make a change, in the other. The experience of the personal deep-state depends on individual identity, but I would categorize it in this way (mind you that my personal bias will echo through this): there are those who live to spread love, of whom some people in their lives live to do the same, but most people live to take advantage of them, because those people, taking advantage, live, but are barely conscious. They have no talent and don’t want to think about life, because their minds are not capable of understanding it, so let alone improving it. Due to the competitiveness in our society and everyone wanting to be a star, they’ll act as if they live to spread love, but in reality, all they do is just survive (by taking advantage of others).

I’m talking to the bottom two layers of the Silent Pyramid, who truly live to spread love (and receive all of mine 😻 ).

An Independent Alliance

A real “Revenge of the Nerds”, will set the record straight. We have adapted ourselves to less intelligent people for long enough. How about we all let “professionalism” go, simultaneously, and just be ourselves. (You’ll breathe more freely than ever before!)

We, the bottom layers of the Pyramid, don’t need large groups of people to do what we want to do in life. It is what makes us strong as individuals, but it’s what makes us weak against the competitive top three layers in the Silent Pyramid, who are more focused on forming self-preservative alliances, than self-development.

We, “nerds”, should seclude ourselves from those we wouldn’t truly voluntarily spend time with anyway. If we all do it together, at the same time, the top three layers will be powerless. We can outsmart them with so much ease!

That is why I plead for the independent alliance of the bottom two layers of the Silent Pyramid, through D.O.C.I.S. International, funded to unite us and revolutionize society. Who do you want to be, when, due to the collapse of the waterworks, the entire system collapses? You can start your life all over again and re-log who you are, for the history books of our future generations. Please let me know, by sending an email to d.elia@docis.international.

End

Call-to-Action

The international deep-state should be uncovered, the media should be taken less seriously, those who blindly follow trends have no purpose in our revolution, official authorities should become actual authorities and those who work hard to formulate an independent opinion, will become the world’s new generation of pioneers.

I hope to have given you information that is understandable, and the incentive to do something you easily can and want to do. All you need to do, is, the next time I ask you to publicly support me, say that you are part of the D.O.C.I.S. International Council, and poke your chest and bum out, showing the world the strong and independent individual that you are. I’ll divide positions and tasks on the fly. (They say don’t put new information in the conclusion of your texts… I’m still doing it. #YOLO.)

A Digression

War in the Western world, would make me happy. To get the chance to rebuild the overpromoted, decaying metropolitans, which are like old, squeaking amusement park attractions, facilitating the same routine over and over and over and over again. I can’t even pretend to like it anymore. I can’t pretend to value it, either. It would also end that awful “The West is the Best”-sentiment (democrats often use).

The top three layers will point a moralistic finger at me, for the first sentence of this digression, but that is only because the war will be against them, and they will be so very powerless.

Ik hoop dat je je door mijn schrijven een stuk minder alleen voelt. Ik hoop dat ik je leven leuker maak, vanaf de afstand van waar ik je bereik.

Je voelt je zeker alleen omdat je voor de meeste mensen te intelligent bent. Maak je niet (meer) druk, want je persoonlijkheid zal binnenkort de allernormaalste zijn. Andersdenkenden belachelijk maken, zal binnenkort belachelijk worden. Ook zal het normaler worden om culturele gebruiken te laten varen.

Of ik helemaal klaar ben met Project Nosce Te Ipsum? Nee, ik wacht tot men me antwoorden opstuurt. Ik moet weten hoeveel mensen A of B stemmen op de laatste vraag in The Hypothesis, omdat ik op basis daarvan, had ik gezegd, het vervolg van het verhaal zal bepalen. Het is ook onderdeel van de informatie die ik nodig heb voor het publieke opinie onderzoek dat ik doe, om te bepalen wat de beste regeermethode is, voor wanneer de waterwerken er niet meer zijn.

Het wordt een spannende tijd. Maar hoe dan ook een leuke tijd, omdat we samen zullen zijn.

I love you 💕

– Xxx – The Fangs

Die dit allemaal in een avondje op haar telefoon typte, in de crisisopvang, hopend dat ze met de opbrengst hiervan een beter alternatief heeft dan de daklozenopvang, omdat ik vandaag weg moet uit de crisisopvang. Hartelijk dank voor je aankoop 💕 .

Hoe vind je mijn verkooppiramide concept, voor de verkoop van mijn essay over de Stille Pyramide? 😏

© Lil Fangs (Dominique Daniëlle Elia) – The contents of this document may be re-sold for a lower price, but only when part of the profits are shared with the author. When reproducing the content, always mention the author.

Blog, Explicit Content, Images, Online Diary, Random questions, Reflections, Strategy

Dilemmas… 🤔 [Saturday, June 15, 2019]

14:42 (02:42 PM) 

Good afternoon ♥

A Question of Empathy

I hope you had a good morning 🙂 . If all you want to do in life is run a successful business, and you’re not receiving any support from those you thought would support you: how would you go about this?

The Crux of Working Alone and Externalities

I keep a strict schedule of tasks, but living under the authority of my parents often brings me in situations where I am kept from putting effort into growing my business. Numbering thematic days in my blog posts, motivates me to keep writing about and working on that topic I’m numbering (such as “Cold Case”, needed to clear my name, and “Crisis Center Day”, showing you the living circumstances there (and getting out of that)). But unfortunately, without any public support, I can’t clear my name and can’t get rid of the “schizophrenic” stigma.

My strategies are written in such a way that I don’t need to depend on others to execute it, unless I need a person with a certain authority, only when that is unavoidable. They would work out better if I were separated from those who negatively influence my path.

To do that, I need money and to get that: I need revenue. (I’ll never work for a boss again, I’m telling you 🙂 . I need more money than that, for this success… How else can I build my own compounds? (My alternative is suicide. I have no tolerance for scripted and/or shallow conversations.)). But keeping in touch with my target audience, as you must have noticed, is not easy. Especially without the endorsement of the public (amplified due to the curse my circle has cursed me with, by internationally spreading a lie about me). This is the most severe experience of loneliness ever.

What the Success I Work towards looks like

So I need to keep going with setting up my little web-empire, so that I can later build an empire in real life. But in the meantime, those who do not read complain about the complexity of my concept. I try to be as clear as possible: it’s not easy, but it most certainly is a fruitful concept.

My success, in reality, is not based on scale. On the contrary! I would rather earn from one person for whom I can set in all of my goods and services, than earn from people who buy because they’re responding to a created hype. The one audience wants to spend more than the other, and I value a good personal relationship.

And by “personal relationship”, I mean that once I have a non-online, classic but alternative looking bookstore, I can invite my intimate group of main clients over for tea, for example. From there we can talk about how we can easily overpower the system, by working together. (Like when certain types of religion weren’t allowed and they had to meet secretly.)

Using big social networks paired with that directly, will take away our strength of mutual judgment, so I’m very glad to have said goodbye to my accounts on Facebook and Instagram. Though I’m still not at peace with the way they have treated me.

I hope that once I have finished all of my websites, you, who know where to find me, will enjoy the selection of books I recommend you, and will become a guest writer for The Fangs. “The Fangs” is like “The Times”, is my aim.

And from the revenue and fruitful partnerships that result from this extended digital success, I can constitute my own country: Planet Fang.

Please Consider This

Anyone willing to invest in this concept for a real-life intimate bookstore (and art gallery) with a stage and a kitchen, where I run the entire place myself? If it were in a secluded area, on private land I desire to purchase, it can be more for a neo-elite-ish audience, which is my target audience.

Excuse me for not having my renewed websites finished yet, but I was hoping you’ll reach out to me before I do… I’ve been at this for more than a year now 🙁 .

Why This Hurts so Much

My road to success would have been less long and dreadful, if I had a father who is willing to invest in me. Do you have any idea how hurtful it is to know that the money is there, but that he would rather spend it on himself or someone else? (Or Bitcoins…)

I now need to do everything myself, which doesn’t allow me to save any money for my future. I do things that are so time consuming, while if I outsource them, I would have time to focus on more important things.

And then there are the people who defend my father’s choice to let me bleed, saying that my business concept is not good. I have never explained what the exact Golden Egg is, so how can they know?

When we’re finally tackling overpopulation, I wouldn’t mind if they die for hurting me. The same goes for those who think that all a female’s business can do is have sex for money? I’d like to kill all of them myself.

Me wanting to kill certain individuals – justified by overpopulation and non-fruitful, fraudulent personalities – is sparked by the fact that they always hurt me and if they’re dead, I’m certain that they won’t hurt me anymore and won’t come anywhere near me after I’ve distanced myself from them.

Currently…

I woke up around 8 AM, because technicians for the solar panels that will be placed in a few weeks, came to check the structure of the electricity circuits in the house.

I was very hungry, but didn’t know what would satisfy my taste buds. I answered some ASKfm questions, but when I felt that they were becoming a bit too much, I put away my phone. I laid in bed, thinking about how to get rid of my loneliness and still about what to eat as well. But then drifted off to sleep again.

After waking up again, I felt a strong need to be productive. But then I thought of all of my previous attempts to get online revenue, which were also not responded to.

I’m giving myself an supernaturally long list of tasks, to better my services towards you, but what if it’s ignored again? Then I’d put my tachycardia on the line for nothing, again.

I still can’t be certain if this will be ignored again or get me the desired results. But I can only know it by trying it. It kind of sucks to spend months of blood, sweat and tears, not knowing if what I’m doing is worth it. I hope you’ll read this and take that into consideration.

To make my diary a bit more overseeable, I’ll be using more titles. That’s part one of being productive…

It’s now 16:11 (04:11 PM) and I still haven’t eaten anything yet. I’ll be making myself a salad now, hoping that I don’t faint from hunger (used to have that often, as a child).

After that, I’m going to work on the texts for my websites.

When I’m done with all of the web things I need to do – that won’t be today – I’ll use Twitter for marketing. I hope people will like my selection of books.

~~~

17:20 (05:20 PM) 

Dates 🙁

Mid-eating this improv salad…

I have the house to myself, because my sister is at her boyfriend’s (far more often than she is at home, which concerns me because it doesn’t affect my parents) and my parents are at a barbecue.

I ate these dates before my salad:

No dates, but dates… x_x

I hate being single, my meow. But currently there’s only one person I see myself be with and be successful. Someone who isn’t easy to reach, unfortunately. Dating someone available of my age would hold me back, I know from experience and because they don’t aim as high as I do in life.

Fatigue & Other Health Struggles

I don’t know what I’ll make myself for dinner, yet. I think I’ll just grill some tuna and eat the rest of the salad I have here.

My brain still needs rest, my meow, but I want to see my websites finished 🙁 . What to do… 😔 I can never give myself a genuine off day, because I can’t stop thinking of all of the work that has to be done 🙁 . It just has to be finished x_x.

I need to see my doctor in Germany, but I need more money for that.

As you have seen plenty of times now, my phycisian here in my neighborhood does anything but help me. All she does is try to get my body fucked up with antipsychotics I’m intolerant of and try to get me declared incompetent. She tells my sister to take her antibiotics with fucking yoghurt. I don’t want to go anywhere near her, but the Dutch health care system forces the exact opposite.

I still have HPV and my heart beat causes chest pains far more frequently, lately. It’s getting time for a check-up of the state of my aortic insufficiency and tachycardia, too. Plus I think I should let a full body MRI be made, because something reallyyy doesn’t feel right 🙁 . (Especially when walking around with HPV for too long.)

Also, I’d like the fluid that causes the bags underneath and above my eyes to be taken away. And get my body waxed entirely. (And transfer my belly fat to my buns… :D) I’d feel a lot better in my own skin, then. And if I’d have new and better clothing 😿 .

And this is also not good for my health:

My heart x_x. It feels like starting back from scratch….

Love Cravings

Plus I still want Cishes from Victishe – especially after all that happened – but I don’t know how else to attempt again than by having my websites finished and starting about one of my case studies – about alternative governance – that is finished when I have a leader’s perspective. But I fear rejection 😿 .

Working to earn a large passive income is very exhausting 🙁 .

~~~

19:03 (07:03 PM) 

Thun marinated in sweet ketjap, soy sauce, sesame oil and honey. Und Salattt.

Reassurance

I want you, who appreciates this, to feel comfortable around me. I have been justifying murder, but want you to know that you won’t become part of that list, if you don’t hurt me. And if you have, please just either blame someone else or apologize, using good arguments no matter what. I think that’s what we both need.

I reflect on my faults every day and share that here. I find that enough. If you find it correct that you have hurt me, then it’s a given that me wanting you dead will never change. Plus, we need to tackle overpopulation somehow anyway.

Lol that were my solo dinner number 1057’s thoughts. Hoping that one day I’ll start having dinner with someone powerful and sexy every day 🤔 .

If you’re not certain if you’re powerful and sexy: if you’re powerful, I’ll find you sexy for sure. And if you’re not certain, then that’s cute 🙂 . Unless you say “I can’t…”, “I don’t…”, “I’m not…” too often. Please don’t do that when deep down you know that that’s not the case 🙂 .

I wonder why attractive people stay away from me 🙁 . Who do you expect me to date…? Please don’t say someone from the exact same origin 😿 .

My Type

From when I was taught about living to grow old and start a family, I’ve been imagining myself with a Dutch man of at least 7 feet tall. One who is extremely muscular and intelligent, who has bright light eyes and dark hair.

“Dutch” because I want to know the experience of life in a white Dutch family. In school I often blended in with the foreign kids, and had some Dutch friends as well, but I wasn’t allowed to stay outside as late and go anywhere, the way they were/are allowed to. And the combination of our heritages will make us veryyy powerful, globally 🙂 .

At least 7 feet, because I’m living with a love deficit and experiencing love from someone tall is unique. I don’t come across men that tall often. I would love to experience how it feels to cuddle someone at whose chest height I am, the way short girls experience that. Plus when it comes to sports, I like a challenge 🙂 .

I am, by the way, attracted to women as well. Just because this is a men’s world, still, when it comes to power, I prefer something more traditional.

Muscular and intelligent, because it’s irresistible and “mutual intelligence” will keep our conversation diverse and exciting (if I’m able to calm my attraction nerves 😀 ).

And bright light eyes and dark hair, because I find the contrast so beautiful. I want a brighter eye color, too, my meow 🙁 . Plus mixed children with bright eyes are sooo 😻 . But in actuality, I feel attracted to some people who don’t look like that, too.

Am I your type¿ I find it very hard to see if someone’s into me or not, when I’m speaking to anyone.

Thinking Funds

It would be cool to be a publisher with a literary cafe, right? 🙂 All I need is some people who already have a name, to invest in it and publicly endorse it.

Due to overpopulation, it would do better in a secluded area, where visiting the cafe would then become a special day trip. Plus I like to work outside busy cities and prefer calmth in a public space. Members only entrance?

I could then organize events in my own event space 🙂 . I would much rather have it be part of my own compound, though, for the concepts for alternative food distribution I have. It would be cool if big companies that are around for years already, would collab with me 🙂 .

This is not a concept for traditional crowd funding…

I’m exhausted, so I’m going to fold out the electronic leg rest of the couch in the semi-anex-ish space in this house, and reason some. Writing and typing I should do less, because my brain feels as if it can give out any second meoww ciao xxx

~~~

23:03 (11:03 PM) 

Bath Cat

Spending the rest of my day reasoning, without a phone or anything else requiring cognitive energy, was sooo nice. Though I haven’t been productive for my websites, and money troubles were consuming me a bit, it was very comfortable.

To amplify the comfort, I’m taking a bath now. It has been sooo long since I’ve soaked in this little bath…

Fangs in bath

From bed cat, to bath cat, my meoww 😽

And I hadn’t showered all day, so it feels very right to do this ahaha…

But the mental calmth is only sealed when I put away my phone…

Tomorrow, I’m planning on being genuinely productive with these websites. But only at the start of the day. I just want to have the texts I want to be on it, written in advance. Then it’s a matter of copy-pasting, when I’m done configuring the designs. So tomorrow, at the start of the day, I’ll be writing.

I’ve always been this “last minute student” and that shows in how I run this mini web empire haha… Wish I had some people working for me, who will enjoy how chill I am when it comes to salary (partially upfront) and the influence I allow you to have. Hehe 😀 .

Later tomorrow, I’m going to attend a food tasting event in a castle: Slot Zeist. I love food and events, so I’m so looking forward to it 🙂 . I’m intending to socialize and meet some new people. Hopefully hand out some business cards… Even though my websites aren’t finished x_x . I hope to see you there 🙂 . It starts at 12 and ends at 7. We’ll probably be there around 4 or so…

There’s a party next door, so I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep any time soon. (I’ve been playing loud music often enough, though, so it’s definitely not a big deal.) But after having soaked a little more – though this bath its plug is old so it goes empty out itself over time – I’m going to attempt to sleep.

Good night and hope to see you tomorrow introducing yourself saying you’re my fellow Fangyist (I hope that will happen, but I’m convincing myself that it won’t, so that I won’t be disappointed haha)…

Sweet dreams ♥

xxx

Art, Blog, Ex Animo, Media, Nederlandse Tekst, Nosce Te Ipsum, Online Diary, Popular Posts, Reflections, Strategy

Disrupting The Silent Pyramid [Tuesday, June 4, 2019]

00:35 (12:35 AM)

I just finished my essay Disrupting the Silent Pyramid! It’s the best essay/plea/call-to-action I’ve written this far, I believe 🙂 . It’s exactly 2500 words and maybe re-sold for a lower price, if the profits are shared with me. I’m going to put it in my store now 🙂 . Here’s the cover image:

Doesn’t that look awesome? 😀

~~~

01:26 (AM)

[products category=”essays-3″]

There it is 🙂 . It’s also a main menu item:

Yay :D. This really is a must-read! 😀

Please check out the product page! It includes the best product description I’ve written this far 🙂 .

I hope you will support my independent living, by purchasing my essay, so that I, in return, can support your independent living.

I’ll put this on my Instagram and Twitter, and after that, I’ll go to sleep.

I hope I’ll wake up rich and won’t have to move in to a homeless shelter or into my room in my parents’ house again. Then I could just be myself and truly make a change, and can finally leave this schizophrenia nonsense behind me. I really hope you’ll be on my side ♥ .

Good night, my love (if you’re on my side) ♥

xxx

10:49 (AM)

Good morning 🙂 ♥

With an aching chest, I’ve been seeking a homeless shelter for my situation, but I can only find shelters that include psychiatric care. (Aching because this is what it has come to.)

So basically I have about 2 hours until a conversation I don’t even want to have takes place and I will be forced to move back in with my parents.

There are no quick and easy ways to commit suicide in this vicinity. But at “home”, there are. The session that will take place at 1 PM, will be themed with making me feel guilty about the things I’ve said about my parents, followed by them listing reasons why they think I’m psychotic. So I think that afterwards, I’ll feel enough pain and strength to end my life.

In case my essay suddenly starts selling only after I die: the profits must then be divided over Thierry Baudet’s campaigns, President Trump his fight for justice, even better holidays for Victor Geskes and Benoît Crutzen, and my sister’s future (and only she may decide how her share of my funds are spent, which she may only share with her parents buy buying tangibles).

Mind you that the essay is for about 90% about life in general – touching on the aspects of The Silent Pyramid, including how to unveil someone’s identity – and less than 10% about the way I feel about my life in this situation, from the bottom of the Pyramid.

I see people looking at my content frequently and not buying anything. I don’t want to tear up my heart, trying to figure out why they don’t – unless it’s for the looks of it, for which I, as you know, don’t have the funds.

I’m still in bed. But I’m going to get up now, then get ready for the worst session I don’t want to have, and continue to contemplate suicide, for as long as people only read my free content, but don’t buy anything from me.

Ciao xxx

~~~

12:55 (PM) 

The sale of my essay will end after that ugh session. I’ll then stall my suicide until it’s clear if anyone will financially support me by buying my essay or not. It would be a waste of life dying and then finding out that there are many people I can discuss the contents of my essay with, actually peacefully disrupting it in practice.

~~~

16:25 (04:25 PM)

Meowww…

This is such a random week…

I was glad to come home to this new fan! 🙂 My previous one was old and squeaky… [And there will be solar panels placed, next week!]

I unpacked and cleaned my room right after coming home… Meanwhile, the sale has ended. The amount of sales is still 0. I hope I could still somehow convince some people to make the purchase.. I really need to move out 🙁 .

The Dutch health care system, for people with a low income like me, works in such a way, that you can only see a specialist after being referred by a non-specialist healthcare professional. So to be able to get a second opinion, I need to become a patient of the department I was in in 2017-2018 – the VIP department [a Dutch abbreviation for “early intervention for psychoses”]  – which is where the crisis center has referred me to, and then hope that at that department, they are willing and able to refer me to someone I can talk to, who is open to give me a real second opinion.

The only reason why I put so much emphasis on  correcting my medical record, is because I aspire to get a role in society that comes with a lot of responsibility. If I were a schizophrenic, that could get in the way of my sense of responsibility. That is why I want that out of my file: it is not true. There is nothing wrong with my sense of reality…

I wouldn’t mind if my file says that I’m depressed because I have certain ambitions, but am considered too young to make them reality, and I’m being ignored by the people whose attention I desire to have 🙁 . And that I’m lonely :(. Therapy sessions unfortunately can’t change that. But refusing therapy is against the will of my mother… I desire to start off as an official authority’s sidekick and in that way get my schedule full…

I need someone I can really talk to. And cuddle… There are so many (business and science related) things I still wish to learn, from individuals. And I wish to befriend people who do enjoy to hear my ideas about social hierarchy and stuff… Who don’t consider that schizophrenia… x_x

Meanwhile, my heart is getting more and more attached to the idea of being the lifetime companion of someone who is very tall and sexy, with a lot of responsibilities and grey hairs 😻 . I would finally have someone I can talk to, someone I’d enjoy listening to, and one of the few people on this globe I actually truly feel physically attracted to… It’s very random that it’s not someone from my own age, but I love it! (Hoping that my heart won’t be broken…) Don’t know how to make that reality, though… Aside from buying a small house near the German border and then throwing a wildly sexy house warming party for Graeynissis?

Speaking of Germany… I came home to this x_x:

Meoooow x_x. Please buy my essay ahahaha…

Mwehh I’m so lonely 🙁 . Please buy my essay and make me feel less aloneee. I’ll give you the Cishes I’ve been saving up 😀 ♥

I’m going to take a nap… And later work on my websites, now that I’m behind my laptop again… I’ll talk to you later xxx

~~~

21:44 (09:44 PM)  

Heyy ♥

My nap was good. I ate pizza borromea afterwards. Now I’m back in bed…

A week ago, just like that, I was staying in a different room. And now I’m back here. Aside from a different hairstyle, it hasn’t brought me much.

And I feel like too much has happened in this household. I shouldn’t be here. (Hehe my phone’s keyboard suggested “I shouldn’t be single”, to which I agree as well.) In practice, the situation is calm, but I feel so much underlying pressure.

Please buy my essay 🙁 . It might sound foolish to purchase a €1177.77 editable and resellable document, but the words in it are incomparable to anything else. It contains truly new information!

I want my writing to become a luxury product. Not only because I need to earn a serious income to accomplish my goals in life: I find my topics and style of writing that unique as well. I may get some compensation for this, right? 🙁

Now I live in the constant fear of getting an intervention again. My blinds are closed and my lights are off. Wishing I were alone so no one – with authority over me – can see me show this odd behavior. (Not even beginning about my odd e-mail behavior that is often ignored 😿 .) Simultaneously, I wish I had someone to make out with, so that I don’t have to think about the state my life is in.

My ambition to get enough essay sales before tomorrow, so that I have an alternative to going back to that psychiatric treatment I was under in 2017-2018, was called “unrealistic”. I know it’s overambitious, but I’d like to prove them wrong 🙁 . My alternative is searching an office job I don’t even want, and I’m mentally really not ready to start, in a job interview, saying things like: “Ik ben op zoek naar een nieuwe uitdaging.” “Ik ben een teamplayer.” “Een gezellig team met leuke collega’s.” While I actually hate it… Please make my fate a little better :(.

On my essay: I must say – though I assume that you know – that in the pyramid of social hierarchy, official authorities are further at the top. In reality, they adapt to what trend followers demand from them (or accuse them of), which puts them in a lower position in our current reality, is what I see. (But now I’m giving away the content 🙁 .)

Is anyone in the mood for rough and wildly passionate sex? Because I really want to forget that I exist.

Please say something 🙁 .

~~~

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Crisis Center Day 6 [Sunday, June 2, 2019]

05:57 (AM)

Good morning :)♥

The chirping of birds woke me, a while ago. In case you see the featured image and wonder why my pillow is tilted to the side: it’s because (often, due to pillow quality) I prefer to lay my head on the mattress and pretend as if my pillow is someone I can cuddle with…

Kinda feel at home here

I ate some left over soy beans, as I checked my notifications, after which I emptied my bladder. Now I’m back in bed.

Meowww I wish I really had someone to talk to, with whom I can be intimate, who doesn’t want me to change at all. 90% of those I speak to, don’t understand the decisions I make. Not even after explanation. Still they advice me to stop acting differently than others. I have many reasons to do what I do, the way I do it. That’s why I have such a great need for the type of friendship where one look explains enough.

Meanwhile, my fantasies are getting more wild by the minute. Even elevators and taxis are not safe for us anymore… 😻 Though I love the way the mental images make me feel, I fear getting too attached to the idea of us together… Because what if it won’t happen :(.

Being friends or more than friends with me, is/will be/could be something a lot of people have an opinion about. Much of my provocative strategy is received with negative commentary, because I see a complete disruption and replacement of the system we live in, as an improvement, and a lot of people (in truth) do not want their lives to change. I’m telling you: due to the state of our environment (including overpopulation and the injustice many are living in), change is inevitable.
But you and I, like those who will judge us, have the right to have good friendships, too, right. I think, if some would see us together, they would be shaken up by the radience of our power, intelligence and influence. That is something we should disregard, because to better our fate, our Alliance is supposed to become reality.

Today will be a very hot day… I feel like getting a slush puppy? And I do want to get started with that essay I spoke of yesterday. I think I’ll write it down on paper first, for a change. But first, I’ll close my eyes again for a while, later have breakfast and get ready and stuff… xxx

~~~

14:06 (02:06 PM)

Some wild tweets:

Help me er ajb voor zorgen dat ik nooit meer Maccie eet… Ben elke keer misselijk erna x_x. Doe mij maar lobster…

Dit was ik naar mezelf maar snap je wat ik probeer te doen… xd

Currently still @ mcdonalds. Ik denk niet dat ik mijn McFlurry M&M op krijg haha…

~~~

17:41 (05:41 PM)

I’m so tired meowww x_x.

Zzzzz 😴

This weather [and the thought of you 😻 ] got me like… 😂

I enjoyed the weekend, though. I fear tomorrow. I’m powerless against the mental torture sessions I can’t get away from. All I can do is list my rights. They don’t understand that the only reason why I’m here is to have sone time away from home, hopefully even to move out right after I get out of here. They don’t have a protocol for that, here, so they consider me a mentally lost cause. They still think I have trouble learning… I just have high standards, that’s all.

It takes time to put my business concept into practice. Time they can’t and don’t even want to give me, here. I wish to escape the authority of the health care industry and the authority of my parents. I did that when I went to the United States and I did that when I went to Germany (twice). I don’t have the money to do that again. (Otherwise I would have done that again as soon as I received my new passport…) If I don’t escape this situation soon, I’ll probably die under strange circumstances – the way many patients have – and they’ll say it was suicide. I don’t want to die anymore now that, by being here, I’ve received a new chance to prove my point [THAT I AM NOT A SCHIZOPHRENIC]. But I can only succeed in this, if I receive the support from those who can truly understand my writing.

It’s dinner time. I’ll be back afterwards, though I feel like sleeping already… xxx

~~~

19:32 (07:32 PM)

Dinner – bami – was quite good 🙂 . I’m back in bed now. This weather is making me feel like a dried leaf, and I fear this place, in that context, because lorazepam is considered a medicine… It’s my tachtcardia acting up, and psychiatric drugs will make that worse. Wish I had money to visit my doctor in Germany again…

Remember this audio file? https://1drv.ms/u/s!AhevpAkFFwyIi2XeP6xJYmwXkgFY
To me, that is not therapy, but plain abuse of authority. All I do is constantly defend myself. It’s exhausting. I don’t want that again, but tomorrow is Monday 🙁 🙁 🙁 .

I wish I could be with my Vicje 🙁 . Who knows my chances with him. I don’t know, because every time I’ve been around him, I get too busy with fighting the urge to kiss and touch him, while trying to make a cool impression (hahahahahahahaha)…. (I pray he feels the same way about me…) He’s one of the few people on this entire globe, I actually genuinely find attractive. He’s number one on my mental list of people I find attractive. Jhene Aiko is second 🙂 .

I feel kind of lost. During the last “therapy” session, it was said that they wanted to keep me in this ward only until after the weekend, and that after that, they want me to go back to the house of my parents and go back under treatment at the people I went all the way to the United States for, to escape them. This system is awful 🙁 . I don’t even have Graeyniss friends who can visit me here 🙁 .

To solve the problem I’m dealing with, here, I need the capital to buy my own house, and I need the investment needed to further develop my business (concept) (and some money for tuition)… Though they have it, my parents are not an option to ask this, because they would rather keep the money to themselves (and spend it irrationally)… I’d love to ask the people with a high status in society I’ve met, but they have a high status to maintain… I don’t know anyone else willing to support me. Especially not because of the controversial contents of my blog, my social environment doesn’t like.

I can really only do this with you, my Graeyniss… Which is so awesome, on the one hand, because I don’t want to spend time with anyone else! But on the other hand, I fear that you won’t do anything either, and that my fate is to die alone 🙁 .

Haha wow I just heard thunder strike, but, for a second, thought it was a gunshot. Meooow this weather makes me want to have someone to cuddle with even more 🙁 .

Since the ~experts~ here use the last few posts of my blog to call me mentally insane and someone who needs psychiatric drugs et cetera: I have serious grounds to plead for the assassination of some, including overpopulation and illegal activities. I am not a bad influence on my readers, because they haven’t done it – and even if they did, it wouldn’t be for nothing. That is also content for a police case and not a psychiatric case.

I can’t talk about my depression with these people here, because all they do is look at that file from 2017 and try to figure out what the exact schizophrenia of mine is, so that they can prescribe psychiatric drugs to me, with a reason why (@ health insurance). That’s just making me far more depressed! They’re also not even open to listen to my self-diagnoses, “because I’m the patient”. Help me please 🙁 .

The greatest flaw in this psychiatric industry, is that there are too many patients per “doctor”. And that every session is with a different person, who then tries to continue the conversation of his/her colleague, but only knows what the colleague has paraphrased in the digital patient file, which is not everything.
Especially with me, you can’t hold a conversation in that way. My blog has over 400 posts on them, all about this case of mine. I’d appreciate it if the person reviewing me were prepared. And especially not judge after having read not even 10% of what is on here.
But they’re not willing to take the time for me like that. I can understand that, because I’m not open to use psychiatric drugs anyway, and there’s not enough time for a session, because of the amount of patients.

On top of all of that: if I considered psychiatry effective for me, I would have approached a psychiatrist myself, instead of, again, having my mother force me to see one.

What would truly solve my emotional problems, is sex, business and money. Though that might sound as a way to cover up emotional problems: the reason why I’m unsatisfied in life is because I’m striving towards the funding of a multi-component, multinational business, and I’m still not there yet. Plus I’m lonely… And when I, around proletarians, say “still” not “there” yet, they start with meaningless oneliners about having to start small and that failure is not bad et cetera. But for my level of intelligence, that’s worse than bad, and you all know it…

So I’m trying to reason out a quick way to solve this:

– I need to get money.
I should get my laptop, so that I can continue configuring my new online (book)store [in which I also want to sell classics fron Seneca and Ovid, et cetera… You’ll love it!!! 😻 ]. But for that, I need to go past the house of my parents and I wish to not speak to them… But my keys are at home x_x.

– I need to prove that I don’t have schizophrenia.
Just because of my aspirations, I want my files to show the truth about me. However, if convincing you through my own network (D.O.C.I.S. International/LilFangs.com) is possible, then I could sort of settle for that. Meanwhile, my mother loves to send me here, though. That’s why I do prefer to correct my file. To stop her from being able to do that.
The problem is that the “doctors” here, who don’t have time for exceptional cases, are not even willing to listen to the reasons why not. And if one psychiatrist would say “Lil Fangs is not a schizophrenic”, it would be much easier for other psychiatrists to say that the psychiatrist supporting me is also a schizophrenic, instead of suddenly having the world know that dozens of healty care professionals have done a VERY bad job with me, because I am not a schizophrenic (and have never been one, but the illness is chronic, so according to those “experts”, I was born weak-minded). I hope now you know for sure why I have been putting so much emphasis on my medical record, over the past few years 🙂 .

– I need a place to stay.
Chances are that tomorrow they’ll either send me home or send me to a different ward. What I want is to live with someone I can talk business with (and be intimate with). But that is only possible when you anticipate on this blog post (Vicje 😻 ). If not – which would break my heart, but I could still get to show some empathy if you would (but please please PLEASE don’t break it) – I would choose the different ward. Or maybe they’ll keep me here and force me to undergo treatment with drugs here. That would be a powerless hell, but then I could continue to point out things that desperately need to be altered, in the (Dutch) psychiatric system.
I’d rather do that, than go back to my parents’ house. I consider this form of raising awareness the most useful – hopefully media victims are considering to publish their news through me. And I’d rather write than have to resort to some job serving drinks full-time, continuously being disturbed by the fact that I have a business here, ready for expansion.

If my B admits to being the voice in the Head Cuddle… 🙁 The case would be closed just like that. It’s who we are, naturally, and we have this ability for a purpose. I still experience the sound, but it’s as if we have nothing to talk about, if we can’t even spend time together. We’re supposed to be designing a new world together 🙁 .

My dear reader, please do something 🙁 . To help me, you could, for example, form an alliance with other supporters of mine you know. I beg you to distance yourself from those who are not on my side, if you’re on my side, because our opponents are incredibly hurtful and I do not want you to get hurt! 🙁

If you’re a sweet and influential Graeyniss reading this: you know where I am at all times. You can see what I see and hear what I hear. I hope you’ll use these tools to make me even happier, by freeing me and allowing me to spend more time with you in person. It’s what we both want…

No one wants me to stay in a ward like this for three months or longer, again (I assume…). To earn – so that I can afford to live elsewhere, without moving back in with my parents – I should get access to a computer (and buy a better one…). I wish I could just be Vicje’s sidekick, though… (Because, yes, my mind does need special attention on the work floor, because I think I’m already ready to handle a director’s workload…) Meoow I wonder if he’s still in the country… I would be so happy to spend much more time with him. Even if it’s only to look at him: he’s such a Catje! 😻

I’m going to go to sleep again. With panties only, because it’s sooo hott in here…

Good night ♥

xxx

Blog, Online Diary, Popular Posts, Reflections

Crisis Center Day 5 [Saturday, June 1, 2019]

06:49 (AM)

Good morning ♥

How are you today? 🙂

I’m quite well rested, it seems. I’m thinking of how to keep myself occupied today… I feel like writing an essay about unspoken social hierarchy, but spending so much time with my phone in my hands isn’t healthy and I don’t have my laptop with me…

Tomorrow will be a very hot day, so I really need those tights, though. (Even better would be to get my legs waxed… It’s very much needed… I wear tights in an attempt to mask my wildly unshaved legs…) And I should get outside to get some food…

I’m casually laying here in my cell. From the start of my blog, I’ve been saying that these institutions have mentally scarred me and that their forms of treatment are ineffective (to me). But I guess I had to get myself locked up in here to prove that point. I bet some still don’t believe that I’ve been through this hell before.

The reason why I’m not rich yet, is because I haven’t found any willing and suitable business partners yet. They should stay away from me with their psychiatric drugs, because that won’t change anything about that. It also won’t change the disappointment I have in my parents, for not wanting to invest in me, but still spending thousands of euros on takeout food and infrequently giving me cash I can only use for basic essentials, such as paying my bills when I don’t have enough money myself. I need a holiday 🙁 .

I feel so weird for begging Vicje to save me… Because I have no other plans for freedom… As in that I can’t think of anyone else I’d want to suddenly spend so much time with. He seems like someone who will really appreciate my companionship. Someone who can understand the contents of my mind, and vice versa (though to understand his world, I need to witness it for a longer time, first, to learn, which is what I would truly love to do). But to come here, on the terrain of this institution, is so much to ask… I don’t know what to do, to get out of here and be happy…

In other news: this is my way of being provocative:

And the way the curtains turn my room orange is quite freaky…

Remember 180 Days of Fangs? They still don’t even know why they’re keeping me here. That’s how every session starts: “Please tell us why you’re here.” Your colleagues are supposed to document why I’m here and you’re supposed to add useful information to that file.

How can they already be thinking of prescribing psychiatric killer drugs to me, while they still don’t know why I’m here? How can they have an opinion about my blog, if they have only read about less than the last 5 days, and I’ve been at it for more than a year? It’s so fucked up when people who don’t understand you, have authority over you. The same goes for my parents…

Sad Catje 🙁 . I really need some passionate kisses 🙁 .

~~~

11:56 (AM) 

I passed out into dreamland a few times more. But I should really get out of bed and eat something… I should also do my laundry soon… I’m almost out of sleepwear (I’m wearing because I have slight mysophobia and wearing something makes me feel as if I’m not able to catch anything from laying in a public bed…)…

Before I drifted off to sleep, I was thinking of why I always have “unapproachable” men and women on my mind… [One of the many reasons why (jealous) proletarians call my ambitions “unrealistic” and “impossible”. But if I could just make a name for myself, I could chill with people with names…]

And that I’m basically in love with someone I’ve spent very little time with. Maybe I’m in love with the idea of the type of relationship we could have? I don’t know if – but do really hope – it could be like that in real life. Finishing each other’s sentences and being all cuddly and stuff, but also able to be very serious and as if we’re not even dating, when we have to. But I fear being yelled at, which often happens in relationships in general, though 🙁 . Then again, I have a strong feeling he really is sweet and wouldn’t treat me like that, because I would never treat him like that… But then again, maybe I should get started with breaking my own heart, because my e-mail address is blocked… But that could also have been someone else’s decision “to help him move on”, blocking my mail address, if he’s in love with me as well… 😻 (& #x1F63B;) In theory, I’m easy to fall in love with…

We’d have to live through a lot of negative judgment, maybe, but we’re doing that already anyway. It would be much nicer to do it together…

Meow my heart is scared of being shattered for the zillionth time thoughhh…

Does the world only consist of people who want me to change my behavior, or are there also some people who understand and appreciate my decisions (and companionship)? I’m worried about my future 🙁 . I can only succeed with those who can understand me…

Meowsss I’m going to brush my teeth and head downstairs… xxx

~~~

16:22 (04:22 PM)

Low key super sad catje 🙁

Slipper swag

Wish I had a reason to smile… And I need prescription shades… Instead of fucking prescription drugs gtfo…

Well I guess I’m going to the mall again, because sitting inside is boring as fuck and I need healthy-ish food…

As I’ve been saying over a year, if I’d be able to buy a house – if only I had a share of family capital – I would not be in this powerless situation. Now death is the only solution I see, because I still have nothing else to talk about, with my mother, and she has the authority to send me here whenever the fuck she wants to, which causes a vicious cycle for me. What if she’s the schizophrenic, for believing I’ll never run my own multinational business? She and others who consider my ambition a symptom of schizophrenia. Do you think putting me away here will change the fact that I want you dead because then you’re off my back?

They will keep trying to put me on the psychiatric drugs one of my doctors in Germany has proven me to be intolerant of. I deserve a trial for this. They just don’t go for it, because they know no lawyer can win the fight against me and LilFangs.com. I don’t have money for a lawyer and my parents are in the other corner of the ring, on this one…

I wish I could just find investors for my multi-component business and have no time for this psychiatric nonsense. They’re the ones giving me the most mental issues anyway. Damn.

Of course not every person who works here is a demon, and not every patient is competent. That is one of the many reasons why I’m pleading for an alteration of the system we’re living in. Sure, I’d love to solve that by talking with people. But some are just too dumb, and that is why I see the flooding of the Netherlands as the best physical solution to this problem.

This all feels kinda Mein Kampf-ish… But in this case, using comparisons like that makes it easier for anyone to understand that the next war in this world will be personality-based. We can’t keep going on like this. The system needs reform. There’s not even time for the “Why?” debate simple-minded people want to hold. The question is whether you dare to give me authority or not…

I wonder if every country in the world has a psychatric industry like this one. And if “psychiatric resorts” with pools and nurses giving you fresh orange juice etc. exist… If yes: please, sign me up… Hahaha…

I’m waiting until my phone is charged a little – because I use my phone quite often… My battery was low after this morning already. When it’s at 25%, I’ll head outside. To buy thights, more short-sleeved clothing, a bottle of water (because I have the feeling there are psychiatric drugs in the food and drinks and stuff here…)… And some food…

~~~

19:37 (07:32 PM)

My Stratagem is still going according to plan, as far as I can guarantee my own safety. I’m showing people all over the world, the flaws of the system in person. The mental prison I’m now in for the second time, I personally find the greatest flaw.

I hope that, somewhere out there, there are people who agree with the fact that I’m much better off starting a new life elsewhere, and that they would like to offer me shelter and support with my endeavor for global change. This is living proof that I’m much better off without those who currently claim my presence. There are people out there wishing to speak to me, and they’re not even getting that chance…

The awful truth:

I’m glad people are anticipating on the pictures I make…

My appetizer…

My main… I still can’t believe they’re so convinced that I have schizophrenia. Echt fucking onzin x_x.

I’m in love… I keep being distracted from sexy fantasies I want to become real, but I’m afraid that the feeling won’t be mutual and my heart will be broken 🙁 :

Recognizable for all Cuddles and Graeynissis I’m around:

De-privatize the health care system bitte:

This Catje is being sexy on my mind all day:

Meoww… As my belly is stuffed, it feels like bed time all over again…

Please think about sheltering me and/or forming an alliance with me and other secret supporters of mine… Please!!! ♥

I love my sexy fantasies the most when it’s bed time 😻

Good night 😘

xxx

Blog, Images, Nederlandse Tekst, Online Diary, Popular Posts, Reflections

Campaigning D.O.C.I.S…. [Wednesday, May 22, 2019]

02:13 (AM)

Weet je waarom ik eigenlijk niets zei, toen er vragen gesteld konden worden…? Omdat ik anders ruzie zou starten…

Zie dit als een krantenkop: “Een zetel in het Europese Parlement, om daar over niet in het Europese Parlement zitten te praten?”

Wie is dan wie, in de deep-state? I’m still trying to dissolve it…

Ik heb niet genoeg ruimte om dan te zeggen: “De lijsttrekker is niet elke stem in de partij. Als in het gebeurt mede in zijn naam, maar hij gaat daar niet zitten.” Dus het volgende is niet op hem van toepassing:

“Een zetel in het Europese Parlement, om daar over niet in het Europese Parlement zitten te praten?” Waarom ga je daar dan in de eerste instantie heen? Ga dan toch helemaal niet? Het klinkt toch een beetje…. Jaa dom…?

Als de media die discussie daarover begint op een live stream, zou ik iets negatiefs doen tegenover degene die ik juist wil steunen.

Ik moet mijn websites afmaken, maar ik ben moe… Ik heb honger, en zou – later pas terwijl mijn maag nu knort – boodschappen moeten doen, omdat ik, hoewel ik alles dat me eetbaar lijkt, eet, zelfs niet al het verse eten in Nederland, lekker vind… Ah help x_x.

Nexit betekent toch: “Niet naar het buitenland gaan, om over de problemen in je eigen land te discussiëren, en handel op basis van individuele bondgenootschappen, in plaats van vriendjespolitiek.” ¿

Brexit, Nexit, Espexit, Frexit, Itexit, Dexit… That’s it 😀 . #DOCIS…
~~~
10:50 (AM)

Ik werd wakker met twee dilemma’s:

  1. Ik wil zelfmoord plegen, maar mijn moeder is thuis.
  2. Ik probeer te sterven van de honger – want ik wil echt niet naar de supermarkt – maar dat lukt me nooit.

Ik ben de manier waarop ik word behandeld echt ZO FUCKING ZAT.

  1. KANKER DOMME RACISTEN. IK KAN ER HELAAS NIETS AAN DOEN DAT IK IN DIT GAT GEBOREN BEN. DAT KOMT DOOR JULLIE VOOROUDERS.
  2. De mensen die nog steeds denken dat ik zwakbegaafd ben, tegen wie ik beleefd blijf omdat, wanneer ik diegene met eigen handen het leven ontneem, ik zo veel meer haters zal krijgen dat ik nergens meer veilig zal zijn. Ik ben in mijn eigen fucking huis NIET EENS FUCKING VEILIG.

Iedereen kent mij serieus zogenaamd niet? Voor wat er TWEE JAAR GELEDEN gebeurde, was ik al een aardig bekend gezicht. Erna… Jullie publiciteit heeft mijn imago levenslang internationaal beschadigd. Het enige wat ik nog kan doen is ertegenin schreeuwen en laten zien DAT IK TOCH ECHT HELEMAAL ZELF MIJN FUCKING VETERS KAN STRIKKEN. “Pas op de FUCKING GROTE RUIMTE TUSSEN DE DEUR EN WAAR JE NU STAAT.” IK BEN NIET FUCKING BLIND!?! IK WIL JE FUCKING HULP NIET.

MAAR JULLIE ZIJN IN REALITEIT ZELFS OOK NOG EENS TE DOM VOOR MIJ.

De maat is echt vol na meer dan twee uur te hebben GESTAAAAAAAAAAAN. Lil Fangs een stoel aanbieden? Lil Fangs spreektijd geven? Lil Fangs een mail laten sturen naar “Je praat te lang?” Nee. Ik ben de beste schrijfster in de hele fucking wereld, en je weet het.

Ik wil echt nooit meer naar buiten. Ik wil graag geen mensen meer zien, horen en spreken. Ik wil niet meer tot na de verkiezingen wachten, met mijn volgende poging. Weet je hoe erg ik programmeren eigenlijk haat? En waarom probeer ik het eigenlijk nog?

Eenzaamheid is dodelijk.

~~~

11:51 (AM) 

Ik heb echt zin om de hele dag in mijn bed te blijven liggen. Maar dan krijg ik sowieso weer gezeik over dat ik niets doe. Dat incasseren dan maar…

Mijn dilemma is echt grappig. Gewoon die “Wat doe je?”, wanneer ik mezelf probeer te verhangen.

Een akelig feit: het aantal views van deze post is nep. I was so bold to add a 2, when there were 22 views. So now there actually are 38 views, instead of 238. This is, in actuality, not a popular post.

I can never be popular, because I’m consciously using an overly stigmatized name, and after the “”SHE’S MISSING” *”two minutes later”* “SHE’S NOT MISSING ANYMORE””-campaign [comes with the looks…], I became stigmatized as publicity poison. (That’s why I’m very fond of my publicity poison idols. Who are unfortunately breaking my heart with their political distance…)

Ik ga het nog steeds proberen, hoor. Eerst even wachten tot ze weg is. Lig nog steeds in bed. Met dezelfde honger.

~~~

12:51 (PM) 

Dat ik doodga als een soort Rembrandt, doet me het meeste pijn. “Pas ontdekt nadat haar familie haar levenloze lichaam in huis vond.” De haat die ik voel is werkelijk grenzeloos, omdat ik in realiteit niet onbekend ben, maar gewoon genegeerd word.

~~~

13:47 (01:47 PM) 

I don’t want to die not knowing who my biological father is. I know I love him very dearly.

After this painful B situation, the new theories about the deep-state in my life, sound so crazy:

Did I dream that “B’s doppelganger” [my B is the person on the other side of my brain-to-brain communication] attempted to have sex with me in an isolation cell in the police station here, or did that actually happen?

Is it possible that, three years ago, twice there was a different lecturer, who looked a lot like the man I met – together with my mother and a friend of her – last Friday, and that he was there because he loves me so much?

There at two lectures, the office once and the police station after COPS I WANT TO KILL SOOOOOOOO FUCKING BADDDDDDDDDDDD forced me to sip their cup of poisonous shit and put me in an isolation cell, because brain-to-brain communication is still real and in my head I keep telling him that he has very good reasons to just say fuck it and come spend far too much time with me 🙁 .

Ik kan met droge ogen dood willen gaan en traumas herleven, omdat dat altijd al mijn hele leven is geweest. Ik schrijf nog steeds alleen pas in detail over de afgelopen twee jaar. Daarvoor was het niet veel beter. Ik mis mijn opa nog steeds, omdat we zulke goede zakenpartners geweest hadden kunnen zijn 🙁 . En hij was zo lief 🙁 . Mensen met een karakter als dat van hem, zijn bijna uitgestorven 🙁 .

~~~

14:09 (02:09 PM) 

I am now so clueless about who my B is… I’d kill to see those luminescent turquoise eyes again. He’s so tall that without making myself smaller, I can rest my head against his chest…

Sympathize with me on this one:

  • I finished my gymnasium in 7 years.
  • I’m black.
  • I quit the international economics  programme I had been allowed into, after 3 months already.
  • I’m female.
  • I’m tall.
  • My voice is deep but still feminine (it’s my height and that fucking Dutch food).
  • I went missing “for two minutes”.
  • I might be part Italian, which would mean that my last name is very incorrect. Italian people are often discriminated (sometimes in ways worse than black people are treated) in the Netherlands (and still it’s one of the top Dutch holiday locations… Ga jij eens heeeel gauw Nexit…).
  • I live in a white country. In the country where my roots lie, I’m seen as white. Here, “I’m black.”
  • My family will assassinate me, if I tell the truth about them.
  • Because I’m very intelligent, I can’t communicate smoothly with some.
  • My style is too intuitive for some to understand it without an extensive explanation.

Do you understand why I ask for your genuine sympathy?

~~~

14:41 (02:41 PM) 

Here I go again, starting something over “nothing”:


Harassment, de kaboela bus, culture pressure to behave like the flock… There are so many topics I have a very extensive opinion about…
~~~
15:35 (03:35 PM)

Still waiting to hear the alarm system indicate that someone is leaving the house… Then I can at least eat something and smoke “the enemy of the state” indica I bought yesterday.

~~~

15:49 (03:49 PM)

Hear hear…

Finally, it’s time for a peaceful lonely first meal of the day…

~~~

Blog, Media, Nederlandse Tekst, Online Diary, Popular Posts, Random Thoughts, Reflections, Strategy, Videos

Lekker mezelf zijn terwijl die hartverscheurende Cold Case helaas nog steeds niet is afgesloten

– – – – 09/05/’19

Offline

Ik heb me echt lang niet zo vrij gevoeld.

https://lilfangs.com/fangyist-souls

Wat mijn blog content betreft val ik ontzettend in herhaling. Minstens tot en met mijn samenkomst met dr. Crutzen, zal ik daarom offline zijn. Wel zal ik af en toe mijn e-mail checken, dus als je me wil bereiken, kan dat via d.elia@docis.international.

Ik werd zo geconsumeerd door het schrijven om mijn concept en identiteit te definiëren, dat ik vergat dat alles online eigenlijk waardeloos is.

Ik hoop dat de technologie zich zodanig verder zal ontwikkelen, dat het concept van de online persoonlijkheid zal verdwijnen, en het leven zelf een uiterst bovennatuurlijke ervaring wordt. Daar zet ik me voor in.

En voor Cuddles 😀 . Because I love youuu ♥

Ik wil mijn samenkomst met dr. Crutzen sowieso op camera vastleggen. Hopelijk zien jullie vanaf dan (of misschien zelfs eerder al) mijn ware, (monocratische, maar open voor goed advies) gezicht.

Tot snel, mijn lief ♥

– – – – 06/05/’19

De Rest van de Strategie

Het filmpje hierboven is belangrijke uitleg. Verder is, zoals de afgelopen twee jaar, mijn strategie wachten tot ik dr. Crutzen na die ontzettend lange tijd eindelijk mag zien en we verder kunnen praten over hoe we het Stratagem eindelijk in de praktijk kunnen brengen, featuring other Graeynissis 😀 .

Morgen ga ik een nieuw filmpje in het Nederlands maken, tenzij mijn bevrijding vervroegd wordt (is wat ik iedere dag hoop, meer dan de afgelopen twee jaar).

Youtube & korte filmpjes

Mijn publiceren is op dit moment lekker all over the place en hier zijn dus nog wat meer filmpjes die nog niet in dit “artikel” stonden, in semi-publicatievolgorde:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTIpy0GzcuE&t=2342s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KE0kGxIXFyE&t=518s

Ik ga nu mijn powerpoint voor mijn praten over de link tussen Fangyisme en D.O.C.I.S. International afmaken, dat filmen en koken. Of mijn filmpje voor of na het eten af is weet ik nog niet… xxx

– – – – 01/05/’19

Instagram

Normaal gesproken deel ik in mijn dagboek dat ik aan het koken ben. Vandaag deed ik dat op Instagram 🙂 . (Beetje beschamend, want het kan natuurlijk niet op tegen al die gelikte kookvideos die je overal kan zien.)

Mid-eating

Ik heb ook een filmpje gedeeld van toen ik piano aan het spelen was & toen ik in de sportschool was.

Mijn hoeveelheid volgers, likes, views et cetera is echt zwaar deprimerend.

– – – – 29/04/’19

Praten tegen een muur

Zo voelt dit. Dit is niet het eind resultaat van mijn werk. Maar dat wist je natuurlijk al, omdat je alles al gelezen hebt :). [Dat was mijn depressie gecombineerd met PTSS die zich uitte in deze sarcastische opmerking die is veroorzaakt door het treurige feit dat iemand die nu pas begint met kijken waar dit allemaal eigenlijk over gaat, zo veel in te halen heeft dat de manier waarop er op deze strategie geanticipeerd zou moeten worden, voor diegene niet 1 2 3 duidelijk is.]

– – – 25/04/’19

Ik wil echt godverdomme uit huis

Het is weer “business as usual”. Het probleem is dat ik dit leven achter me wil laten – inclusief de mensen – maar ik hiervoor het kapitaal niet heb. Ik ga hoe dan ook vandaag weg. Ook al slaap ik weer minstens 3 dagen buiten, net als in 2017. Ik ben zooo klaar met deze man. Echt. Hier eerst een voorproefje.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=efTIEZhaOXY&t=35s 

Intussen

Intussen doe ik wat web en social media onderhoud. Ik ben onder andere bezig met het instellen van Push Notificaties, zodat ik binnenkort geen gebruik meer hoef te maken van andere social media. Heb jij het notificatieverzoek al gekregen?

– – – – 23/04/’19

Ik ben moe

Na meer dan een jaar lang continu een lange en diverse reeks aan boeken en blog posts schrijven – die niemand leest – voelen mijn hersenen aan alsof ze het ieder moment kunnen begeven. Ik ben daardoor ook te vermoeid – en pici teleurgesteld – om te denken aan een nieuwe low-budget (door de diversiteit, mijn ongeschooldheid en mijn lage inkomen kan ik geen aanspraak maken op kapitaal) manier om mijn concept te innoveren, omdat dat me weer veel tijd en hersencapaciteit gaat kosten. Daarnaast vind ik dat mijn andere publicaties nog niet genoeg aandacht hebben gekregen voor iets nieuws.

Dus dit artikel zal steeds bovenaan blijven staan, omdat ik de datum zal blijven updaten naar de datum waarop ik een stuk tekst toevoeg 🙂 . Intussen wacht ik ook op de heropening van mijn Cold Case (over mijn vermissing, over de onterechte imagoschade en privacyschending, over de criminele manier waarop de politie me heeft behandeld, over de onterechte diagnose schizofrenie en de hartverscheurende gevolgen daarvan, de manier waarop ik mijn hele leven al financieel aan de grond gehouden word, et cetera), die als het goed is mid-mei plaatsvindt. (Maar intussen heb ik nog steeds geen vast inkomen 🙁 . Ik kan pas echt goed werken wanneer mijn naam gezuiverd is en niet meer als schizofreen word gestigmatiseerd.)

Twitter

@LilFangs_

Sinds de publicatie van dit artikel (de 21ste van de maand April), ben ik zeer actief geweest op Twitter, voor promotie. Ik kon het ook niet laten om me gelijk met allerlei politieke discussies te bemoeien.

Voor het behouden van een uitlaatklep, terwijl ik mijn hersenen wat rust geef en wacht tot mijn publicaties hun welverdiende aandacht hebben gehad (GRRRRR OP MINSTENS DE ZELFDE SCHAAL ALS DIE LEUGEN VAN EEN VERMISSINGSCAMPAGNE), zal ik daar nu wat actiever op zijn.

Het is ook een wat toegankelijkere manier van corresponderen, voor mensen die eerst nog wat meer willen zien voordat ze mijn blog bezoeken.

Solliciteren = huilen

Als ik een euro zou krijgen voor elke keer dat een bedrijf/recruiter/whatever me een, “Probeer het maar ergens anders,” bericht heeft gestuurd, zou ik inmiddels met pensioen kunnen.

En dat terwijl ik eigenlijk absoluut niet in loondienst wil gaan werken. Ik wil graag een baan die bij mijn intelligentie past, maar de meeste banen voor mijn leeftijd en opleidingsniveau, vallen zwaar onder dat niveau.

Het allerliefst zou ik voor vele bedrijven en individuen als een inhuurbare propagandist werken. Met kortetermijncontracten. Maar daarvoor heb ik een netwerk en aanbevelingen nodig, en die heb ik beiden niet 🙁 .

Zoekwoordsuggesties

Indien je/u meer achtergrondinformatie over dit blog wil, raad ik de volgende zoektermen aan: (Door die termen te zoeken, door op de loep rechtsbovenaan het scherm te klikken, vind u/je namelijk een aantal typische Lil Fangs blogberichten.)

  • Schizophrenia / psychotic / psychosis / psychotisch / schizofrenie (= dat ongevraagde wat ik probeer aan te vechten, want ik ben het niet met dat stigma eens)
  • Missing
  • Justice
  • Police
  • Nosce Te Ipsum
  • D.O.C.I.S. International
  • The Head Cuddle / brain-to-brain communication (is hetzelfde, maar The Head Cuddle is mijn zelfverzonnen dialect voor het device)
  • Sea level / water level / zeespiegel
  • My B

– – – 21/04/’19

Ba-dum-tsss

Het grappigste van deze hele website is dat ik mezelf steeds uitdruk in het Engels, terwijl dat mijn eerste taal helemaal niet is. Ik vind gewoon dat de politieke verwevenheid van Nederland in alle andere landen ter wereld gewoon een keer goed onder de loep genomen moet worden (want hier is veeeeel meer aan de hand), en dat we dat moeten gebruiken als het begin van de nu zeer hoog nodige internationale hervorming (een voorbeeld van een internationale connectie is het Nederlands belastingsysteem dat als een mafiabaas is die altijd “WHERE THE FUCK IS MY MONEY!?” schreeuwt, zodra je hier een cent verdiend hebt of hier geboren bent, en dat dat echt anders moet [het noemt zichzelf een belastingparadijs (Google het maar: “Nederland belastingparadijs”), maar dat is geen waarheid, maar valse marketing en PR], want dat geld wordt niet goed besteed), en daarvoor wil ik mezelf als uitgangspunt gebruiken, gezien mijn extreem diverse lijst van talenten, aspiraties, gewoontes en wettelijke wensen. Het Engels is een een stuk toegankelijkere taal. (Het wordt meer gesproken, wereldwijd onderwezen en cursussen zijn heeeeel makkelijk te vinden, ongeacht waar je woont. Maar gelukkig kan er ook online vertaald worden – gezien deze post in het Nederlands is – hoewel dat niet altijd even accuraat is.)

Dit is stiekem wel een heel interessant verhaal

Daarnaast zullen veel verschillende mensen zich kunnen herkennen in mijn verhaal. Dat ik bijvoorbeeld zwart ben, maar de Nederlandse nationaliteit mijn enige nationaliteit is, is een lang verhaal dat begint met slavernij, wat ik met vele andere kleurlingen [denk bijvoorbeeld aan African-Americans (die niet weten waar hun voorouders precies vandaan komen 🙁 ) en Nederland dat (slavenkolonie) Nieuw Amsterdam ( = New York) aan de Britten overgaf, in ruil voor Suriname] gemeen heb. Er zijn misschien zelfs meer Surinamers uit Suriname in Nederland, dan er Surinamers in Suriname zijn. Het is niet echt te tellen, want eens was Suriname onderdeel van het Koninkrijk der Nederlanden (tot 1975). En mijn geboorteplaats is Rotterdam. Ik ben, van mijn familie, de derde generatie in Nederland.

“Ojo Lil Fangs is altijd vet onduidelijk waar gaat het nou eigenlijk over ze legt het niet eens uit bla bla bla”

Ik heb deze post gemaakt omdat ik in de stemming ben om mijn gedachten zo puur mogelijk te delen, en die betrekking hebben op zo veel verschillende onderwerpen, dat ik het maar op deze manier ga aanpakken. Ik denk dat het een fijnere gebruikerservaring is, wanneer je niet naar een volgend artikel hoeft door te klikken voor de volgende dag. Vandaar dat het nu één artikel wordt voor alle levensfilosofie en random gedachten, zolang ik nog in deze beroerde situatie leef. Met mijn eigen verdere bezigheden zal ik u wekelijks updaten 🙂 . Ik voeg alles aan deze post toe, tot ik eindelijk gehoor heb gekregen wat betreft mijn cold case. Ik ben geen schizofreen en had die diagnose NOOOOOOOOOOOIT mogen krijgen. (Dat verhaal komt in vrijwel iedere persoonlijke post voor [voorbeeldje] en ik houd er eigenlijk echt niet van om mezelf meer dan twee keer te herhalen omdat mensen de moeite niet willen nemen om te lezen wat ik nog meer heb geschreven. (Zo erg dat ik er pittig fel van kan worden.))

Een beetje respect zou ik wel fijn vinden

Ik wil echt veel liever met “u” aangesproken worden, trouwens. Vooral omdat mensen echt fuuuuucking respectloos zijn tegen mij, en ze dan alsnog fucking respect van mij verwachten!? Ik wil dan dat het de gewoonte wordt om me met “u” aan te spreken, omdat ik in mijn verbale communicatie altijd mijn best doe om lief en respectvol voor iemand te zijn. Plus, ik wil graag wat meer respect voor mijn intelligentie. Vooral van mensen die echt fucking dom én respectloos zijn. Ik doe dit namelijk ook voor hen.

Waarom nog meer Nederland als startpunt?

Publieke stock trading begon met de Nederlandse piraterij en slavernij. De VOC en later ook de WIC. (Voel je vrij om de feiten te controleren door je eigen onderzoek te doen, in case you do not believe me.) Vandaag de dag zijn vele mensenlevens verweven in de aandelenmarkt. (Niet de mijne, in de zin van zelf geen aandelen bezitten. Maar in mijn omgeving hebben ONTZETTENDDDD veel mensen aandelen. En volgens mij zijn de Nederlandse pensioenfondsen nu afhankelijk van bitcoins en wapenhandel. (Dat men überhaupt nog steeds denkt dat een pensioenfonds de verdere vergrijzing aan zal kunnen…… Het is echt tijd voor hervorming.)) Ik heb de correlatie tussen de aandelenmarkt en uitstoot al een aantal keren uitgelegd. En waarom de waarde van geld gebaseerd zou moeten worden op wat er op dit moment in de natuur beschikbaar is ( = niet zo veel). We moeten het gesprek dat werkelijk gevoerd moet worden – dat gesprek waarvoor velen wegdeinzen [haha I see you 🙂 ] – ECHTTTTT NIET langer uit de weg gaan.

Gemeenheid is onderdeel van de Nederlandse cultuur, en dit verspreidt zich over andere culturen, als een soort epidemie. Niet alleen door het piraten- en slavernijverleden (die als “heldendaden” worden gezien). Een ander voorbeeld is dat vele Nederlanders een gesprek beginnen door middel van een belediging.

Gisteren, bijvoorbeeld, toen ik door de supermarkt liep met een trench coat aan, terwijl de rest van de mensen in t-shirts en korte jurkjes enzo rond liep, en ik een verre kennis tegen het lijf liep, was het eerste wat hij tegen me zei, nadat ik hem begroet had met “Hallo” en hem later weer tegen het lijf liep in een ander deel van de winkel, “Je ziet er uit alsof het winter is,” zei. En als ik dan “Hou je bek gewoon als je niks te zeggen hebt, want dit is toch geen manier om een fucking gesprek te starten,” zeg, dan ben ik weer fout. Daarom zei ik: “Het weer kan zomaar omslaan. Ik ben graag voorbereid.” The truth is: gister was het niet zo warm en ik kom de afgelopen twee jaar niet zo vaak buiten, dus de trench coat was een impulsieve keuze, en ik vind een luchtige trench coat aan doen met 23 graden echt niet zo winters. Met die opmerking zeg je indirect dat iemand zich niet normaal gedraagt. Op die manier vind ik het een woordenwisseling die helemaal niet plaats had hoeven vinden. Ik voel me namelijk al kut genoeg zonder die kutopmerking. Voor de gemiddelde Nederlander is een gesprek als in dat voorbeeld normaal. Ik hoop dat ik niet de enige ben die daar een ontzettende bloedhekel aan heeft.

En dan nog niet eens te beginnen over zwarte piet en hoe vaak ik daar niet mee vergeleken ben in mijn jeugd. Fucking walgelijk en barbaars. En de haat die er wordt verspreid door Nederlandse nieuwsmedia en BNners.

Ik vind dat de mensen die niet respectvol met elkaar kunnen omgaan, van elkaar gescheiden moeten worden. Zo kunnen alleen de mensen die met elkaar overweg kunnen, met elkaar samen leven, en is de wereld een een stuk vreedzamere plek. De mensen die ruzie zoeken met alles en iedereen moeten echt verrrrr uit mijn buurt blijven 🙂 . (Dat is maar 1/1000 van mijn hele idee voor maatschappijhervorming.)

Vrolijk Pasen!

Vrolijk Pasen! 🙂

Ik snap niet waarom een moeder besluit om uitgerekend op Eerste Paasdag met één dochter (en haar vriendje) + kennissen naar Spanje te vertrekken (ik zei eerder Portugal, maar het is dus Spanje), en ik nu alleen zal zijn met mijn “vader” en twee oma’s, die niet eens zijn uitgenodigd voor het restaurant diner van vanavond. Een diner samen met andere mensen die “waarschijnlijk” niet eens mijn biologische familie zijn. Snapt iemand anders dit?

Uit solidariteit heb ik wat boodschappen gedaan om morgen een brunch voor te bereiden voor mijn oma’s (alleen dat is “oma” en oma, als mijn “vader” mijn vader niet blijkt te zijn, na een DNA test, die nog steeds uitgevoerd moet worden) en “vader”, morgen.

Eerlijkgezegd zou ik liever bij Benoît of een andere Graeyniss aansluiten vandaag. En morgen. En voor altijd. Cishe :D.

Waarom ik niet mee ben gegaan naar Spanje? Omdat je daar geen kant op kan [ze gaan naar een vakantiehuis (van twee huisjes/huizen) op een heel afgelegen plek], en het vermaak dan aankomt op gesprekskwaliteit, en dan wordt het Suriname all over again ( = net zoals die vakanties daarheen), en dat houd ik niet langer vol dan een paar minuten. Ik word ontzettend snel geïrriteerd wanneer ik een gesprek te oppervlakkig vind, maar probeer dan tegelijkertijd nog beleefd te blijven, en na verloop van tijd gaat dat gewoon mis.

Hier kan ik eindeloos workaholic zijn, naar de sportschool gaan en Graeynissis stalken, en wordt er geen gezelligheid van me verwacht. En een baan zoeken haha meoww I hope I may hug this Vicje :D.

Nog een vraag

Probeert deze persoon hier te zeggen dat ze denkt dat er niet maar één auteur is op deze website? Want dat zou me echt FUCKING PISSIG maken. Ik word er namelijk SCHIJTZIEK van dat mensen me incompetent noemen/vinden. Dat anderen niet in staat zijn zo goed te schrijven als ik (op 22-jarige leeftijd), wil niet zeggen dat ik niet bovennatuurlijk getalenteerd kan zijn. Er is maar één Lil Fangs en ik zal dat dolgraag willen bewijzen en na dat bewezen te hebben het liefst even een beetje frustratie luchten.

Ik heb weliswaar, gezien ik ook de webdeveloper ben van zowel LilFangs.com en Docis.International, voor mezelf, in verband met veiligheidsredenen, een administrator en een editors account aangemaakt, in plaats van alleen een administrators account te gebruiken, maar ik post de laatste tijd blog berichten vanaf beide accounts, dus vandaar dat het kan lijken alsof er meerdere auteurs op dit blog zijn.

Ik ben geen fucking fraudeur en iedereen die dat over mij durft te denken, mag sterven van mij. Waarom tf zou je een hele persoonlijke websites maken met de meest gedetailleerde persoonlijke ervaringen, op de meest hoge frequentie in de geschiedenis van de mensheid, maar dat dan niet eens zelf schrijven? Dat klinkt echt fucking dom.

– – –

De uitgelichte afbeelding is gemaakt door Chevanon Photography, gedownload van Pexels.com

Gekozen omdat ik me (alleen) op LilFangs.com als een vis in het water voel, en omdat Benoît me in brain-to-brain communication pesce noemt en ik hem visje 😀 .

Blog, Ex Animo, Images, MacroFangs, Nosce Te Ipsum, Polls, Popular Posts, Random questions, Reflections, Strategy

TWITTER GROUP CHAT LECTURE!!!!!

About what?

From Project Nosce Te Ipsum to the Economics and Law that constitute Planet Fang… I’ll explain E-VE-RY-THING (including my communication strategies) in this group chat!!! 🙂

And you can ask me anything :D. I can also remove you from the chat if you’re not interested (anymore) :).

Please make a Twitter account, if you do not have that 🙂 .

Check out @LilFangs_’s Tweet: https://twitter.com/LilFangs_/status/1122320028848803840?s=09

It’s lit 😀

I just created this poll and wanted to share that with the people I follow on the social network, which caused me to create a group chat.

And now I’ll use it to give lectures about D.O.C.I.S. International [Determined Observant Colloquial Intelligent Stratagem] 🙂 .

The spontaneous fun we could have here makes me want to do nothing else than this 🙂 .

It never ends! 😀

Change of Spontaneous Plans

It will work better on a different platform, with people who already have some background knowledge about my endeavors.

Fangyism
Blog, Drafts, Nosce Te Ipsum, Popular Posts, Reflections

#Fangyism: The Hypothesis [COPYABLE TEXT]

PLEASE, PARTICIPATE IN PROJECT NOSCE TE IPSUM!

That is done by reading it. Please don’t let me spoil YOUR SCIENCE-FICTION ADVENTURE, by talking about it!!! Just scroll through it, and see that the text explains itself. Please enjoy! ♥

The Hypothesis

Nosce Te Ipsum I

Book I

Creation

Episode 5

[Finale]

The Hypothesis

By Lil Fangs

The Hypothesis
Nosce Te Ipsum I

Book I, Episode 5

Copyright © 2019 by Fangs (Lil). All rights reserved.

Owning a copy of this book is only possible by buying or downloading it yourself, or by receiving it as a gift. It may not be re-sold.

The content of this book may only be copied, when this book is mentioned as its source.

D.O.C.I.S. International

ISBN: 9789082936889

https://docis.international

https://lilfangs.com

May my alternative approach to global change be accepted.

Many thanks to publicdomainpictures.net, pngimg.com and Pixabay via Pexels.com, for the images the cover is composed of. And thanks to GIMP for making it possible for me to make the cover.

Contents

Preface. 5

Order Aurillu: Strait Pre-Conference. 15

Creation. 58

Order Aurillu: The Hypothesis. 69

Project Nosce Te Ipsum its New Democracy 84

Preface

“____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________.”1 [Please state an inspirational quote or longer a citation of choice, in the name of your Nosce Te Ipsum Character.]

Between the life you’ve been living this far, my life this far, our futures, the characteristics of the era we live in, and this book, there’s a link. This episode is where it all comes together.

Our planet demands serious drastic change, but the system we have been born into, doesn’t allow for that. D.O.C.I.S. International offers an alternative, based on loopholes in our system.

The previous episodes, the “unpublished” episodes, Volta, all of the diary posts, my regular posts, campaigns, fits of anger and extremely long periods of silence: this is where all pieces of the puzzle, fall into place.

The Nosce Te Ipsum series, is a fill-in-the-gap story, which is also a survey about public opinion, regarding an alternative system of government. It is written in such a way that any episode can be understood, without having read a previous episode.

The non-profit start-up which wants to introduce this alternative system, the international Determined, Observant, Colloquial, Intelligent Stratagem, of which Project Nosce Te Ipsum is its initiative, requires all future members to be in possession of The Nosce Te Ipsum Certificate, to gain access to its Council.

Are you interested in becoming part of a non-profit start-up that searches for solutions to all types of global famine, for damage control strategies to prevent or limit the negative effects of climate change, introduces a new type of democracy and broadcasts new entertainment? “[Positive/Negative] ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________”2 [Are you interested in becoming part of D.O.C.I.S. International?]

Which aspect of the endeavor is the most attractive to you? “[Solutions to famine/Controlling climate change/A new democracy/New entertainment].” 3 [Which aspect of this endeavor has your preference?]

Why did you choose that aspect? “__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________” 4 [Why does that aspect have your preference?]

I hope that you will accept the alternative career path that will be based on the way you have filled out the Nosce Te Ipsum series. If becoming part of this alternative start-up sounds appealing to you in the first place.

You must be exposed to people trying to incentivize you to buy, sign and do all kinds of things all of the time, using advertising, mandatory (insurance) payments, influencers, euphemized promises, et cetera, every day, too. I think most people don’t enjoy that, and that this has negatively influenced our overall ability to trust.

It saddens me that it has become a global standard. I wish to introduce a new standard to life, and hope that you will participate in my endeavor.

If you think that I want to take advantage of you in any way, I, with all due respect, have to say that it disappoints me very much to hear that you think that of me. This book is free, because I don’t want the money of someone who would judge me like that.

If you think that I’m writing this to take advantage of you, please stop reading this immediately. Never lay eyes on anything that relates to the aspirations of D.O.C.I.S. International again.

Transparency and trust are very important aspects of my organization. Everything is shared publicly, with the best interests at heart.

But real trust has to come from both ways. I can’t do business with someone who can’t trust me. I can’t trust that person either, then. That is why I recommend those who read this with negative expectations, to resort to a different form of entertainment that suits them better.

If you have continued reading and are open to trusting me, you should know that D.O.C.I.S. International has a lot to offer you. When enough suiting members are found, it can support you better than any government ever has. Project Nosce Te Ipsum is here to establish that, in an alternatively entertaining way.

Valuing entertainment is important for this project, because there is a lot of work that needs to be done and explained. Many topics regarding public opinion have to be scrutinized, before any strategy can be put into practice definitively.

The Universal Standard of Human Reasoning is the title of a research paper that is still being written. It’s also the subtitle of Nosce Te Ipsum II :].

The purposes of that paper are to propose solutions to global famine for all classes, introduce new measures to limit or prevent climate change and introduce a new form of democracy. Its conclusions will be based on The Universal Standard of Human Reasoning, also known as The U.S.H.R., which advocates the independently researched public opinion, formulated by those who have participated in Project Nosce Te Ipsum. By filling out the gaps in this story, you are thus making the world a better place :].

Nosce Te Ipsum I is the survey for my alternative, independent research project, in search of The U.S.H.R., of which Nosce Te Ipsum II is its conclusion.

A solution to global famine, for example, called the Benefit Box (boxes that will be distributed after a charity performance), its contents in adaptation to the area you live in, will be based on the aggregate of whishes you can state in the next chapter.

That everyone’s answers in the Nosce Te Ipsum series, worldwide, are used as our measure (The U.S.H.R.), to satisfy the wants and needs of every acknowledged member, gives you an impression of D.O.C.I.S. International’s alternative democracy.

This episode takes away the suspense built up in previous episodes in the science-fiction part of the series, requests you to state your personal basic needs, hypothesizes your individual U.S.H.R. and gives you an overview of what has happened and what is yet to come, in Project Nosce Te Ipsum and its book series.

Order Aurillu: Strait Pre-Conference

“The effects of our Nectar are starting to decrease. We used it to extract information from you.”

As his words echo through my head, the rolling shutter on the left side of me, opens very slowly. Before he started speaking, everything was pitch black. I can’t tell for how long I’ve been here in the dark…

“You might not be able to tell fiction from reality anymore. The Hallucogenic drug we gave you, lasted for 48 hours. To you, it must have felt like more than 100 years have passed.

We’ve made you visualize a broad range of scenarios, where you were forced to give confidential information.”

My bare heels are against the soft wall. I’m lying on my back, with my arms crossed. I have been trying to uncross them, but I can’t. It’s like they’re stuck to my body.

“Even your subconsciousness refused to cooperate with us. But now your planet risks to be demolished. That is not a nice thought to you, isn’t it? I thus expect your full cooperation.”

Through the tiny gaps of the shutter – now that my eyes got used to the very bright light – I see the planet I own. Planet Fang!

If I can see my beloved planet from a distance, I must be somewhere on Zion Islony, then. To be very honest, I have no clue where I exactly am right now. The night of the Sun Power Ritual, which also took place on the Islony, is the last thing I remember vividly.

“The Unity Conference is in 24 hours… Our usual Sun Power Ritual didn’t go the way we usually do it…”

That’s right. Something happened when The Most Attractive One did her ritual dance. That’s the moment from which everything started to get blurry.

“That’s also why our pre-Conference meeting will not go the way we usually do it.”

All this time, I hear Ήολιε Κητ say all of these things through an intercom, of which the speakers must be placed in the corners of the ceiling, on the right side of me, using a slightly threatening and demanding tone, speaking as if Order Aurillu is not a unity, but his domain. We, the order, rule over the planets, from Zion Islony, the island on top of the Sun.

To Earthlings, this is contemporary science fiction, they say.

72 hours after the Sun Power Ritual – the event where our side of the Galaxy its Sun Power is re-distributed (annually) – The Unity Conference always takes place.

Back in 1984, you, I and the rest of Order Aurillu decided that The Conference in 2019 will be about The Leak.

1984 was the year of the first Unity Conference. It was the year in which all interplanetary wars were ended and Order Aurillu was formed.

You – I always think of You – are the ruler of Planet Earth. I am the ruler of Planet Fang. Ήολιε Κητ is the Ruler of Planet Κητje.

Our Universe consists of those three planets – and the island on top of the Sun, which is the colony where the ruling Gods live, including us.

You and I met when we were very young. Back when our ancestors ruled over the planets in our Universe. Our dorms were next to each other, back in Middle Ruler School, on the Islony.

I knocked on your door once, to ask for a teaspoon of salt. We have been friends ever since.

A couple of years after we first met – while you were in Earth Ruler School, and I was in Fang Ruler School – the interplanetary wars were getting so destructive that it caused “The Leak” – which is a metaphoric name for Sun Lava that risks to leak onto the planets, from the impact of their weaponry and other environmental pollution.

“The Leak” has not manifested itself yet, but from 2019 onwards, the risk could get a lot more serious, is what we discovered in 1984.

What is different from what has been a tradition since 1984, is that usually, 24 hours in advance of The Unity Conference, the Order always meets informally, to go over the contents of our Conference one last time, and spend some quality time together, at a location chosen by one of us.

Every year, someone else picks the location of our informal meeting. Last year it was DeltηPlna, the chairman of our Order, who chose our location. It was here, in the inside the Order’s Κητquarters – which is what the Order’s main office is called. This year, it’s Ήολιε Κητ’s turn to choose.

From the circumstances in which I’m laying here, I think that I’m inside Ήολιε Κητ’s Prispital, inside the Κητquarters.

He has told me that the Prispital is where he temporarily resides the ruling assistants, who are suffering from mental distress, for them to receive coaching that will get them back on track.

Last year’s rumors, however, were that the Prispital is where he tortures his political opponents. When he is done extracting information from them, they are replaced by a clone, and never seen or heard again. Our independent council, run by DeltηPlna, had never been able to confirm or deny the rumors.

“Our chairman agrees with me that I should continue to try to take… Oh, I mean… That I should take full control over our entire Universe. After what happened to your planets, we doubt if you are fit to rule…”

We have become living proof of the awful ways in which Ήολιε Κητ mentally takes advantage of people. Planet Fang and Planet Earth were the most prosperous they have ever been, on the day of the Sun Power Ritual. Of course we are fit to rule!

From the way he struggled with the word try, it seems like he’s attempting to come off more self-confident and prepared than he actually is. Our chairman is supposed to be impartial, is what we agreed on, when we funded the order. But now that the decisive moments regarding The Leak are not at all far ahead of us, the deep state within our Order, is revealing itself.

“In two minutes, your cell will open, and you will have to give us your course for after The Leak is over.”

Why after The Leak, if we, in 1984, agreed on discussing the solution to preclude the phenomenon itself, because if it happens, we all might not even survive?

I’m wearing a white strait jacket, as I lay in my extremely cramped – so cramped that there is no way that I could lay down straight – isolation cell. The floor, three walls and ceiling are all made of silk white cushions.

The ground to ceiling sized window to the left of me, with the thickest glass I’ve ever seen, its rolling stutter, is now fully opened.

“Your planet will be put on ration, when time is unfrozen. Your first task is to decide what is included in the ration they will have to split with Planet Earth.”

Unfrozen… The white tentacle shaped light rays that puncture my planet, keep my citizens frozen in time, I reason out by looking through the large window. The beams originate from the Sun. Someone has been messing around with the basic settings of my Planet…

I’ve trusted Ήολιε Κητ for so many years. This is a completely different side of him, I have never seen before.

My stress is now mixed with anger. But my body feels fear, when I think of expressing my rage. As if it could get me killed. It seems like my life is in the hands of an enemy, who I’ve considered my friend.

The wall made of cushions, to my right, is moved sloping towards the floor. Like a plane’s tailgate. I’m quite glad that I’m not leaning against it, because I’m wearing a strait jacket, and it would be hard to get up, if I were leaning against that wall that is suddenly descending towards the ground.

When Ήολιε Κητ heisted the Sun Power Ritual – our annual tradition, where the Sun Power, which is the shared valuta of Planet Earth and Planet Fang, is reaccumulated and divided over its citizens – you and I were taken captive against our will(s).

During the Ritual Dance of The Most Attractive One, we somehow became paralyzed. That is when Ήολιε Κητ harmed The Most Attractive One – the ambassador of The Sun Power System – and his men blindfolded and captivated us.

I could hear you close to me, until we were taken out of his SpaceVan.

All I remember after that, is the sting of a needle, in my right butt cheek, followed by something I experienced as a series of vivid nightmares, and a vision of someone who looked like me, called Lil Fangs. That must have been the Hallucogenic drug and its side-effects. (Our exact experiences thereof, are the contents of the previous episodes of this series.)

Again, my eyes had to adjust to light. Coming from the right side of me, this time. The soft, quilted wall has fully descended to the ground. The oasis of light that came from behind it, reveals an extension of my cell.

Like puzzle pieces, the tilted, quilted wall, fits the similarly designed floor that makes up the enlargement of my cell. At the end of it, a grey, diamond tufted wing chair, which hovers above the ground, with a light blue light coming from underneath it, is facing me. In front of tinted glass, with the round grey surface with holes in it, of a built-in microphone.

I lift my heels off the wall and swing my legs towards the ground, while I curl them. The momentum of my movement, I use to stand up. I’m limited in my movement, because of the stupid strait jacket I have been wrapped into.

As I walk closer to the tinted glass, I see Ήολιε Κητ pace back and forth on a low pace, in an oval shaped room, with a floor of white glass and a ceiling of hovering white cubes that shine brightly. He has his hands behind his back.

There are a dozen black tinted windows, separated by columns. I wonder who else, of our Order, is part of the deep state, and who else is held captive here.

“Please, take a seat,” Ήολιε Κητ says, as he nonchalantly points his hand towards my window, in the direction of the seating surface of my hovering chair, with his palm facing upwards.

His irises go from turquoise to red, when our eyes meet for a split second. He twirls around in one motion, making the same gesture to the other cells, by taking a step back with one foot, and using that to pivot.

Red irises mean that he is looking through objects. Gods from Planet Κητje can use their eyes like multifunctional spy goggles. The color indicates its mode. Yellow, for example, means that his eyes are in heat seeking mode.

I can’t see who are in the cells, and which ones are occupied in the first place. But the left one, in the left extreme of the oval room he is in, is clearly empty. The tinted glass is shoved upwards automatically, into the ceiling, and a hovering grey chair flies towards him.

When I turn around and sit down in my chair, automatically, it turns 180 degrees, to let me face the window adjacent to the oval room, again.

Ήολιε Κητ is sitting in a chair of the same design, with his right ankle on his left thigh. With his right hand, he grasps his knee and with his left hand, he’s playing with his chin and bottom lip, while leaning his left elbow on one of the broad armrests.

“It was my time to choose our pre-Conference location again, this year. So, welcome to the Prispital.” There is a combination of gentleness and bitterness in his tone.

“If I’m very honest, I did not intend my heist of the popular Sun Power Ritual, to turn into this.

In my original plan, I would gain absolute power over our entire Universe, by literally absorbing all of The Most Attractive One’s Sun Power, and then have your citizens subject themselves to my power, by introducing them to my policy of eternal feasting, forever increasing wealth and no more indirectly mandatory labor. You should have become obsolete and be replaced by a clone.

I’ve absorbed all of the Sun Power – as you have seen – but your citizens refused to live under my authority. Not long after I announced my absolute power, they started to do barbarous things, such as demonstrating and looting. We’re not used to such things on Planet Κητje, so I declared war to Planet Earth and Planet Fang, by means of stopping its citizens from wildly expressing their disapproval of my regime. That was about 48 hours ago.”

While he speaks, he flutters around the room in his flying chair. The microphone attached to his silk grey suit jacket, transfers his words straight to the intercom speakers in my cell.

“To my surprise, the declaration made your citizens’ resistance way worse. So by means of expressing my severity, even though warfare was not part of my initial plan, we bombed Planet Fang’s main interplanetary TV station.

Apparently, that station has many of your citizens addicted to its programs. The situation was getting far out of hand, when the intensity of the anger of both Fang and Earth people got so intense that their rage was not only directed at me anymore. They started to become mad at each other, for being mad. Even on my own planet.

I figured that if I restore the TV station, take away the advertising and declare peace on the main channel (FangTV), the calm would be restored and I could pursue the rest of my agenda as a ruler. But that was when the catastrophe reached its peak.

My PR team and I decided that it would make me more likable to the public, if I, instead of my usual “audio combined with large on-screen text” TV appearances, show them my speech and myself in video format.”

Suddenly, he stops hovering around and his stare becomes blank, directed to the ground. His irises turn turquoise again.

“I started off with saying that we should love each other, instead of acting so barbarous all of the time. And that my declared peace would initiate that. It was broadcasted from our Κητquarters and also aired on big screens on popular squares, throughout our entire Universe. Some people received my initial words with cheers and tears of joy.

I then said that we will have to work together, to deal with the consequences of The Leak, which will manifest itself any moment this week, due to my bombing. And that Planet Earth and Planet Fang its rulers are not rulers, but bad cowards who have ran away from their responsibilities. I said that because I wanted to keep my new power. It made my audience fall silent.

I wished them best of luck with controlling The Leak, showed them a countdown clock with how much time they have left until it happens and wrapped up my speech. Only on my Planet Κητje, all news was taken positively.

Planet Earth and Planet Fang were so outraged that I had to hack the Sun, to freeze all Planets in time. The confusion and chaos were unstoppable. It spread like an epidemic.

They were all screaming things about that solving The Leak was my responsibility, that if the rulers were missing, they could still come back and that they couldn’t understand how a man can have a face that is 50% cat’s features…” He lifts his eyebrows, which gives his blank stare an impression of in how much trouble he is, and wiggles his tiny pink nose. His whiskers wiggle along.

Quickly, he shakes his head. His facial expression is very serious, now. Still hovering still, in front of the door the chair came out of.

“The way your citizens have treated me, have made me bitter. So I wouldn’t care that much if The Leak destroys their habitat. But solving this situation and winning their hearts still is my preference.

The countdown clock stands still, as The Planets stand still, because so does their emission and pollution. So, in theory, we have more than 24 hours to solve this…”

“Did you really just say “we”!?” I couldn’t help but let go. Ήολιε Κητ rapidly turns his head towards me and jumps out of his chair. His irises turn red again. The tinted window turns purple, when I hear the sound of my own words, through the intercom, and then turns black again, to indicate the other captives from which cell the sound comes.

“If it isn’t Planet Fang’s Old Fangs. Of course I say “we”…” He says, while he takes big but careful steps towards me, with his hands behind his back.

“You live under my authority, now. If you want YOUR planet to stay in existence AND IF YOU WANT TO STAY ALIVE, THEN YOU BETTER COOPERATE!!!”

He loses his temper, as he accentuates his words by tapping his fingers against the double glass of my cell so hard that a small crack is formed. His fangs lengthened during his exclamation and his venom induced saliva drips down my window he is now standing so close to, that condensation is formed on my window, by his breath.

He has become so resentful so fast. I wonder what has incentivized him to suddenly be so extremely power hungry.

It’s very frustrating to me, to have to clean up his mess and still be separated from my Planet. Now that I’m living in his trap, I have no other choice but to (at least act as if I’ll) obey him. I know how easily he can kill people without any regret.

He looks down at me, with his piercing gaze. Even though I hate to do it, I nod at him and stay silent.

After taking a short moment to breathe in and out and regain his temper, he turns around and continues.

“It is my intention to extend the time the planets have left, by putting everyone on ration, including you,” he waves his arm around in a way that indicates that he means his captives. “This is indisputable. Meanwhile, Old Fangs will be tasked with giving us a solution to The Leak, and Earth’s former Ruler ______________________________________5 [What is your Ruler’s alias throughout this series?] will be tasked with renewing the rest of our policy. The rest of you followers will have to adapt to whatever they reason out to solve my issue.

This will be announced within 24 hours, when we hold The Unity Conference, where we announce the new policy in my name, and tell our citizens that you are all not fit to rule anymore, due to mental health issues. This is also indisputable.”

He folds his hands together, without crossing his fingers. Something that looks like a smile, shows on his face.

While the window to the far right of me opens into the ceiling, and a small hallway shows, he says: “Everyone, except the former rulers, can proceed to your new residency.”

He directs his arm towards the accessible hallway, and all other windows open in the same way, except the one across me. Some people try to stand up, while we all realize that we are stuck to the chairs. As if there’s super glue on them.

“No time for chit chat, so don’t think of exchanging words in my presence. If you are looking for familiar faces you don’t see, here: they have either deserted to my camp, they’re held captive on my Planet, or they’re dead.”

I see key figures from both of our governments hover to the hallway, in a row. Each one wearing a strait jacket. My Ecologicus, Economicus, Strategicus and Technicus are in those chairs.

Your [Assessor (Head of Planetary Maintenance)/Cultor (Head of Media, Culture and Education)/Ecologicus (Head of Ecology)/Economicus (Head of Tangible Finance)/ Fiscus (Head of Intangible Finance)/Iustus (Head of Law)/Strategicus (Head of Strategy)/Technicus (Head of Technological Policy)]6 [Please choose four D.O.C.I.S. International-style government functions from this summation that interest you the most.] exited before them.

From Planet Κητje, only his Ecologicus were present.

Our windows open and our chairs hover towards each other. Ήολιε Κητ, who was standing right in between us, takes a big step to the right and faces us. I can’t help but show a little happiness on my face, when I see you in front of me.

Only you, I would want to be stuck with, in a situation like this. We’re such a good team! If we tackle this strategically enough, we might just make it out alive…

Then our chairs turn towards Ήολιε Κητ. Aside from his extraordinary height, this has been the first time that I feel that he really looks down on us. After all of the years that we’ve known him.

“We’re going to use Zion Islony’s 3D printer to print a ration to provide the citizens of our Planets with, now that The Leak is due in a week and the rebellion has stripped the Milky Κητ Universe of almost all of its resources.”

Yesss… Due to Ήολιε Κητs bombing on The Planet Fang’s Main Interplanetary TV Station. He told me just a few minutes ago x_x.

I’ve never had to put so much effort into attempting to keep my fangs in check. If I lose my temper, I risk being assassinated.

Even though there’s a risk involved, we need to find a way to escape the Prispital and regain stability in our Universe.

“I can’t be an absolute ruler and the absolute owner of a TV tower at the same time, and I hate television, so you will be in charge of interplanetary broadcasts 24/7. But you use the themes I give you and do not dare to say that I am holding you captive in the Prispital, or I will give this task to someone else and you will leave this vicinity in a body bag.”

To have become a victim of Ήολιε Κητs injustice, causes distress. But I must say that hosting TV with you does sound like a fun…

“Your first broadcast will be tonight, with an alternative show for The Unity Conference. You will have to present your Planet its rations. I want it to be something sexy. I will also announce that I’ve given you a new job, now that you have become “unfit to rule”.” He accentuates his last three words by moving his fingers up and down, resembling quotation marks, with an evil smirk on his face. We look at him in complete silence, with facial expressions that don’t reveal our true emotions.

“I will seal my new regime, by becoming my own spin doctor. With the broadcasts, we will indirectly be reprogramming the public memory I accidentally deleted.

That is why you will also have to share some common knowledge, in our first broadcast. I will be studying and judging it to become a better populist, but I’ll say that it’s my personal consumer’s research, now that I got rid of my Economicus and Fiscus.”

I see. Escaping will be easy. Populism has been powerful in the past few eras, but I have been thinking that we’ve had enough of that anyway. It’s so neglectful towards the problems our Universe knows.

The combination of truth and innovation – something that is in Ήολιε Κητs disadvantage in every way possible – is our strength. If we can prove his misbehavior, our safety is guaranteed, when we’re out of here and live among our own kind, under our own management. The TV station gives us the perfect opportunity for that.

The only other strategic challenge left will then be escaping the Prispital, without encountering any of Ήολιε Κητs henchmen.

“For tonight’s show, you need to quickly tell me what essentials would be suitable for the ration. I will leave one of the best impressions ever, if I surprise my citizens with having my solutions earlier than expected, instead of leaving them to rot, like I also considered doing.”

The chair he was sitting in, which hovered behind us, swiftly passes us and offers him to sit in front of us. From his armrest, a clipboard with a fountain pen attached to it, rise up. As he sits down, his snatches it with his right arm.

“Since you are not able to write right now…” With his free hand, he points at our strait jackets and smiles. “I will do the honors.” He quickly analyzes the papers on the clipboard, then checks his silver watch, with a serious expression on his face.

“Okay, I’m going to ask you some survival ration related questions. I want quick and simple answers, because I want to have dinner soon. To speed things up, you answer the same question after each other.

Every citizen of your planet, will receive a ration package with clothing, food and some tools. Your focus will lie on the main country of your Planet.”

(In a non-science-fiction context, you should fill this out for your country of residence. If you were born elsewhere, it would be highly appreciated if you would mention your thoughts on essentials for that country as well.)

“Starting with you, ___________________________5: What is the most serious weather condition your main country knows, in your opinion? And why?”

“[Extreme heat/extreme cold/rain/snow/other] ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________”7 [What are your most severe weather conditions? Multiple ones may be selected. Please place them in the order from most severe to least severe.]

Ήολιε Κητ promptly scribbles along.

“And for you, Old Fangs?”

“It’s rain. The waterworks my ancestors have built for the country Cuddle, are not resistant to too much of it. It was built below sea level. There are blueprints to fully replace it, though.”

“Name five colors that will represent your Planet under a new regime.”

“________________________________________________________________________.” 8 [Name five colors which will represent your planet. These colors will also be used in your personalized theme.]

“Black, purple, grey, yellow and burgundy.”

“Name a traditional dinner dish you would make most people in your country, including yourself, happy with. And state its ingredients.”

“______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________.”9

“Cuddle Soup. It contains tofu, cod or chicken, depending on the preferred diet of my citizen,”

“No, my citizen,” Ήολιε Κητ corrects me.

“Of course, your citizen,” my face shows slight bitterness. “The other ingredients are xanthosoma sagittifolium, cassava, tomatoes, unions, unchopped Madame Jeanette chili peppers, coconut milk, vegetable stock and rice.”

“Name five ingredients which could be used for a meal for any purpose.”

“_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________.”10

“Flour, milk, plantain, eggs and spinach.”

“Name three spices.”

“______________________________________________________________________________________________________________.”11

“Thyme, cinnamon and cardamom.”

“Name three edible things you would like to harvest.”

“______________________________________________________________________________________________________________.”12

“Mangoes, walnuts and soy beans.”

“Name three things you would recommend as entertainment, if the internet and electricity were out of use.”

“___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________.”13

“Writing with pen and paper, playing card games and playing basketball.”

Loosely curling his wrist, he puts his last words on paper.

“That was it. You will be called for your broadcast, later. Thank you…” He suddenly looks at us with so much love in facial expression. As if he’s just not himself, now, or as if he, too, has become a pawn of someone else.

His chair moves aside. Your chair hovers you into the hallway first. I’m right behind you.

Creation

You are reading the final episode of the first book of the Nosce Te Ipsum series: Creation. It has indirectly shown you several forms of creation, regarding Project Nosce Te Ipsum.

In the development of the project and its book series, many choices have been made, with a certain strategy in mind. This chapter serves as an overview of all components of the entire first book of the series.

Creation of the Nosce Te Ipsum strategy

“Know thyself” is the theme of D.O.C.I.S. International’s initial project. Character and beauty standards, career requirements and cultural standards, induce us to conceal the uniqueness of our individuality. On top of that, our profit-based financial system’s merit depends on the way your individuality is influenced.

In our globalized world, public opinion is shaped by media, public relations and marketing strategies, I personally observe.

The media state their judgment of a phenomenon or individual, their propagations are considered fact-based, and the public blindly follows it. The same goes for the process of deciding what products or stock to buy.

This inequality, I consider one of the causes of famine: smaller parties (farmers, shop owners, artists, et cetera) do not get the chance to stand out. Meanwhile, mass production destroys Earth’s natural ecosystems.

I want to introduce a sustainable, non-profit financial system, as part of the new democracy. Its reward system will be based on participation, instead of prediction.

But to be sure that my policies are acceptable, I need to independently learn what real public opinion is. The public opinion that is natural, instead of influenced, is what I seek with this.

If the survey of this project was published like a regular survey, or was translated into a non-science fiction context, it is far easier to mold influenced standards into an answer. That is not my interest. I want to see the uniqueness, honesty and purity of people. Uninfluenced.

Those who are willing and able to reason independently, are the people I want to work together with.

Making serious positive changes in life should be fun and approachable to all. My current approach – the book series – is a way to reach a large audience and facilitate this, within the boundaries of the budget that I’m on.

After The Universal Standard of Human Reasoning – independent public opinion, thus – is found, that frame of reference will be used to check the policies for this organization, which are currently on the drawing table.

Because of this, there are some questions I also really want to ask you:

If you become part of D.O.C.I.S. International, would you be interested in moving to a compound where other members (who think the same as you) live?

“[Positive/Negative] ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________”14 (Regardless of the costs, would you be interested in living on a compound owned by D.O.C.I.S. International? Please explain your answer.)

Do you prefer to have a local, international or intercontinental occupation? “[local/international/intercontinental] _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________”15

Would you be interested in a unique citizenship, as part of this organization? “[Positive/negative] _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________”16

Now that the first book of the Nosce Te Ipsum series is finished, my small general portfolio of the services and the endeavor of D.O.C.I.S. International, is finished. The time has come to seek sponsors.

The audience and the project should be expanded. I want to do this by creating a campaign project for it, and making the survey a social interaction game, instead of something that only exists on paper.

If you’re interested in reading more about my strategy and campaign, I would like to refer you to https://lilfangs.com/d-o-c-i-s-internationals-business-overture.

Creation of the story concept

The Nosce Te Ipsum series have a satiric character. Common hierarchical routines from our era, relive in the story its unrestrained science fiction context.

It is my way of trying to start a conversation about the topics in life that are not getting enough attention, because its situations have become so irreversibly severe that the only way to solve it, is to completely change life as we know it.

Not everyone is overly excited to let go of his or her habitual activities. Luckily I am, and this is my way of easing you into the same thing. In the (near) future, drastic change really is inevitable.

Scrutinizing every individual in a position of power, to expose and dissolve the deep state, and see who is using it to contribute to society and who isn’t, is inevitable, too, in my perspective.

Nature will not endure this fraud forever. Especially when you look at how little time is left until the dykes of the artificially created Netherlands – where I live and was born – will be overpowered by water, due to our own pollution and the fact that it is artificial land in the first place.

In Nosce Te Ipsum, you have full control over planet Earth. You’re allowed to make the decisions that determine the lives of your citizens. The way you might be doing now, or the way other people are doing this to you.

When you have completed the fill-in-the-gap story, you, like a real Ruler, will have a sharable memory of your own creation theory, a detailed report of your idea of the best way to govern society, a description of your personality, everything about the way you love and a definition of your contribution to the official constitution of D.O.C.I.S. International. It will be your fully personalized Nosce Te Ipsum II!

Everything about what is up next, can be found on this page: https://lilfangs.com/project-nosce-te-ipsum.

Order Aurillu: The Hypothesis

Two white double doors open and a lady dressed in red ____________________________________________________________________________ 17 [What is she wearing?] enters your Prispital apartment that has been locked from the outside, since the moment you were hovered into it, about a day ago.

You know it’s locked, because you attempted to leave, when _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 18 [By means of adding to your personalized story in this story, please write down a fictional incentive for you to attempt to leave your fictive apartment].

Holding a HoloPad (the future’s tablet) in her left hand, she walks up to you, as you ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 19 [Where of your apartment are you? What are you doing?] and sticks out her hand, to shake yours.

You

  1. A) shake her hand.
  2. B) don’t shake her hand.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

20 [Do you choose A or B? Why?]

If you’ve chosen A

“I’m very pleased to meet you, sir/madam 21A [What gender do you prefer to be addressed with?] Ruler. My name is _______________________ 22A [What’s her name?]. I used to be the program director of FangTV, before Ήολιε Κητ started to act crazy. I’m here to go over tonight’s broadcast with you.”

“_______________________________________________________________________________________________________” 23A [How do you respond to this?]

If you’ve chosen B

“_______________________ 22B [What’s her name?]. I’m here to go over tonight’s broadcast with you, sir/madam 21B [What gender do you prefer to be addressed with?]. I used to be the program director of FangTV, before Ήολιε Κητ started to act crazy.

  1. A) Say: “Sorry, I thought that you were one of those traitors. _______________________________________________________________” and still shake her hand.
  2. B) Still ignore her hand.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________23B [A or B? Why?]

The general story continues here.

“Wearing clothes that are mainly designed against the negative effects of ______________________ 7 [What weather circumstance(s)?], you will share your perspective of the four aspects of life. Is it correct that you are already familiar with the aspects, the way they are defined in Fangyism?”

“Yes, that is correct. They are Creation, Society, The Self and Love,” you reply _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 24 [What mood does your reply have? Why? Will you stay in the same position, or have this conversation in a different place in your apartment? Will you offer her any food or drinks? Does she accept you food and/or drinks, if you offer it?]

“By means of quick preparation, I’m going to ask you questions about the topics you, when we’re live, will have to speak of, without being asked about it. We start off with Creation.

Do you believe that God [____________] and/or The Universe 25 [Which do you use to reference spiritual guidance that goes beyond human abilities? What is your God named?] can purposely harm its life on Earth?”

“[Positive/Negative] _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________” 26 [What is your answer to the question?]

_______________________ 22 [The name you’ve given] types every word you say, out on her HoloPad.

“Thank you. That was all for that topic. Now Society,” she says, tapping the Pad a few times. New questions pop up on it. “Should policymakers be elected by the general public, by former policymakers, or by an independent collective of people, who are elected by the general public, to elect policymakers?”

“Policymakers should be elected by [the general public/former policymakers/an independent collective of people, who are elected by the general public, to elect policymakers] ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________” 27 [Which option has your preference? Why?]

“What type of elections for policymakers do you think your citizens prefer?”

“I think my citizens prefer [the general public/former policymakers/an independent collective of people, who are elected by the general public, to elect policymakers]. __________________________________________________________________________________________” 28 [Which one do you hypothesize? Do you have any comments on that statement?]

“Which statement do you prefer: “Someone who is specialized in making political decisions should have the final say, regarding a new policy” or “Someone who is specialized in the field the policy is about, should have the final say, regarding the new policy”?”

“I prefer [the first statement/the second statement] _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________” 29 [Which statement do you prefer? Why?]

“Thank you for your answers. I’m moving on to The Self now.

I’m going to name a few characteristics. My question for you is to choose three that suit you best in your current state, including your reasons why.

The characteristics are: optimist, realist, extravert, introvert, thinker, doer, leader, teacher, operator, calm, energetic, unpredictable.”

“[Optimist/realist, extravert/introvert, thinker/doer, leader/teacher/operator, calm/energetic/unpredictable] ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________” 30 [Which would you choose and why?]

“Now there are two questions left. They’re from the Love category.

Are you positive about love?”

“[Yes/No]____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________” 31 [Are you? Why?]

“When do you know when you really love someone?”

“_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________” 32 [When do you know? Why?]

A few hours after _________________ 22’s visit, a flying silver suitcase enters your apartment. It opens itself on the _______________. 33 [Where in your apartment does the suitcase open?]

In it, there are ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 34 [What does you ration outfit look like? What does it look like on you? What are you going to do to kill time until the broadcast?]

19:45 / 07:45 PM sharp, _________________ 22 arrives in a hovering golf cart, to bring you to the new TV station inside the Κητquarters.

It’s the fastest hovering golf cart ever. You dash past other Prispital apartments and cells. You see that there’s a Prispital gym and that there’s an indoor Prispital park.

Then, you approach a gate that seems as high as dozens of those golf carts stacked on top of each other.

“Before we leave the Prispital, to enter the TV station,” she says, while the cart straps belts around both of you, which prevents you from exiting it. “You should know that they have made an evil clone of you. You’re invited to the Station, for a set of pictures of you presenting the ration. Meanwhile, your clone will teach your citizens the exact opposite of what you have just said. They’re doing the same to Old Fangs.

It’s terrible, I know, but if you obey, you can gain a lot of privileges. I made that decision, and it feels like I’m almost free.

If you don’t obey at this broadcast, Ήολιε Κητ could destroy your Planet, without even hesitating.”

You will

  1. A) Sabotage the broadcast, with the risk of destroying your entire Planet, but being certain of your citizens knowing who you really are. If your Planet is destroyed, depending on your choices, you will either get a new Planet or definitively retire from your life as a Ruler.
  2. B) Obey, which will cause your citizens to be turned against you, but you will have more time to find a way to save their habitat. Success is not guaranteed. 35 [A or B?]

To be continued…

Project Nosce Te Ipsum its New Democracy

The individual decides the policy. Not “his or her representative”. That is what characterizes D.O.C.I.S. International’s policy.

The questions in the series might seem very random, but your answers have a great meaning to our future. Your perspective co-decides The U.S.H.R.!

Become an official participant in Project Nosce Te Ipsum, by signing up here: https://docis.international/project-nosce-te-ipsum.

MEANWHILE: “Lekker mezelf zijn terwijl die hartverscheurende Cold Case helaas nog steeds niet is afgesloten”

COLD CASE 25

Lil Fangs
Art, Audio, Blog, Donation Forms, Ex Animo, Images, Interest & Money in Perspective, Interviews, MacroFangs, Media, Nederlandse Tekst, Nosce Te Ipsum, Online Diary, Polls, Popular Posts, Random questions, Random Thoughts, Recipes, Reflections, The General Theory of Employment, Tips, Uncategorized, Videos

Dominique Daniëlle Elia CV (curriculum vitae) in het Nederlands

Dominique Daniëlle Elia

Praesens (D.O.C.I.S. International)

 

Algemene persoonsgegevens

Geboortedatum: 1 november 1996 (22 jaar)

Geboorteplaats: Rotterdam

E-mailadres: d.danielle.elia@gmail.com (persoonlijk)

Adres: XXXXXXXXXX Capelle aan den IJssel

 

Persoonlijke doelen

Langetermijndoel

Op de lange termijn wil ik, door middel van het combineren van wiskundige, economische, wettelijke en didactische kennis, graag bijdragen aan de hervorming van het internationaal politiek-economisch systeem, met een (nog) sterke(re) nadruk op duurzaamheid. Dit of via het bedrijfsleven, of via de politiek zelf.

Korte termijn doelen

  • (Minstens) mijn bachelor in de wiskunde behalen.
  • Lang genoeg werkervaring opdoen om officieel aantoonbaar op hoger dan junior-niveau te kunnen presteren.
  • Mijn netwerk uitbreiden ten gunste van mijn langetermijndoel.
  • Een nieuwe strategie uitdenken om als zelfstandige dichter bij mijn langetermijndoel te kunnen komen.

Educatie

Diploma’s

  • Marnix Gymnasium: Gymnasium

Behaald in 2016

Profielkeuze: Economie & Maatschappij met Duits, Latijn, wiskunde B en informatica

  • The Open University: Open Bachelor’s Degree

Nog niet behaald

Georiënteerd op (Financiële) Wiskunde

Certificaten

  • British Council
    • Cambridge First Certificate English
  • European Piano Teachers Association
    • Niveau C2
  • Basis Flight Simulator certificaat

Werkervaring

  • Neridus-IT: Boekhoudassistente

augustus 2013 – september 2016

Het bijhouden van de financiële bewijsstukken (zowel digitaal als fysiek) en de financiële correspondentie tussen het bedrijf en het (uitbestede) accountantskantoor.

  • Zowel Delfshaven: Financieel hulpverlener (vrijwilliger)

juni 2016 – september 2016

Het ordenen van de administratie, opstellen van persoonlijke budgetten, inlichten en aanvragen voorbereiden, van mensen met financiële problemen in de regio Delfshaven, in een bijstands- en/of schuldsaneringstraject.

  • Elia PR: PR consultant (zelfstandige)

september 2016 – december 2017

Het ontwikkelen van PR strategieën en campagneconcepten voor individuen, op basis van de technieken van de grondleggers van de PR, in een uiterst alternatief, modern jasje.

  • D.O.C.I.S. International: Auteur, onderzoeker, (PR) strateeg en webdeveloper (zelfstandige)

juli 2018 – heden

Het ontwikkelen van een onderzoeksproject met toekomstige bestuursuitbreiding, aansluitend op mijn langetermijndoel, door middel van een invulverhalenserie (om zo te beginnen met een consumentenonderzoek dat uiteindelijk aanduidt aan welke eisen de internationale gemeenschap wil dat een revolutionair politiek-economisch systeem voldoet). Dit concept is echter nog niet officieel aan de man gebracht en dient op dit moment meer als een hobby waarmee ik ook een zakcentje verdien.

  • ANWB: Telefonisch hulpverlener

augustus 2018 – september 2018

Zomerkracht op de afdeling gespecialiseerd in de internationale voorziening van huurauto’s voor mensen die pech hebben gehad onderweg, maar toch hun vakantie willen voortzetten.

Overige (Informele) Ervaring

  • Ervaring met koken

Ik sta al van jongs af aan in de keuken, ken veel diverse kooktechnieken en smaakcombinaties uit keukens uit vele verschillende landen (met name Suriname, Nederland, Italië, Frankrijk en India), ontwikkel zeer regelmatig mijn eigen recepten (want ik hou van gevarieerd eten) en kook ook regelmatig driegangendiners voor groepen van 5 tot 10 mensen.

  • Ervaring met lesgeven

Over lesgeven (en spreken voor publiek) ben ik zeer gepassioneerd. Ik heb in veel verschillende disciplines (bij)les gegeven, waaronder: wiskunde, economie, PWSsen schrijven, piano spelen, vechttechnieken, basketbaltechnieken, koken, Engels, Nederlands en omgaan met telefoons en computers.

  • Ervaring als model

Van kleins af aan doe ik af en toe modellenwerk op aanvraag of voor eigen bedrijfsdoeleinden.

  • Ervaring als actrice/figurant
    • Acteren vind ik ook ontzettend leuk. Ik heb hier een beetje ervaring mee (door school, dansoptredens en sketches met mede hobby video sketch makers.)

Publicaties

Boeken

ISBN: 9789082936803

Gepubliceerd op 24 september 2018

Een heruitgave van episodes over mijn onderzoeksproject en science-fiction verhaal die ik eerder had gepubliceerd, maar later van het internet af had gehaald in verband met de controverse achter het publiceren van mijn persoonlijke verhaal in het verhaal en het risico dat dat kon zijn voor een baangarantie.

ISBN: 9789082936810

Gepubliceerd op 30 september 2018

Een introductie van het invulverhaal en de onderzoeksmethode achter het invulverhaal, waarin de lezer de protagonist is en de ingevulde informatie zal worden gebruikt voor het zoeken naar “The Universal Standard of Human Reasoning”, die nodig is voor het vinden van een politiek-economisch consensus.

ISBN: 9789082936834

Gepubliceerd op 30 november 2018

Een uitweiding van het invulverhaal, met als thema de (bedrijfs)filosofie en strategische uitdagingen binnen het onderzoeksconcept, gecombineerd met een vroege poging tot ledenwerving.

ISBN: 9789082936896

Gepubliceerd op 30 januari 2019

Een lang essay over een non-cijfermatig algoritme voor levensverbetering en de toepassing hiervan.

ISBN: 9789082936889

Gepubliceerd op 30 maart 2019

De onthulling van de spanningslagen uit het eerste boek van het invulverhaal en de laatste invulvragen die samen de hypothese van The Universal Standard of Human Reasoning vormen.

Long-read Artikelen

Publicatiedatum: 28 februari 2019

Dit is deel 1 van de artikelenserie die gaat over de macro-economische gedachte achter de organisatie die ik wil starten en over de economische hervorming van Keynes.

Publicatiedatum: 15 april 2019

Deel 2 van de serie over macro-economie in de context van mijn (hopelijk) toekomstig bedrijf, gaat in op hedendaagse voorbeelden van marktfalen en de (zelf ontwikkelde) wiskundige basismodellen achter mijn idee van duurzame hervorming.

Karaktereigenschappen

Positief Negatief
Communicatief sterk Soms verlegen
Doortastend empathisch vermogen (Vrijetijds)workaholic wat betreft auteurschap en onderzoek
Leert snel Gebruikt soms complexe woordkeuzes en zinsconstructies
Initiatiefnemer

 

Hobby’s

In mijn vrije tijd dans ik graag. In het verleden heb ik ballet (3-4 jaar), streetdance (12 – 14 jaar) en hip-hop (16 jaar) danslessen gevolgd. Ik heb vroeger ook judo (4 tot 8 jaar), pençak silat (6 tot 12 jaar) en tennislessen (3 jaar eventjes en toen 10 tot 12 jaar) gevolgd. Vanaf mijn veertiende tot mijn achttiende speelde ik voor Rotterdam Basketbal. Sinds mijn negende speel ik piano.

Tekenen (en schilderen en beeldhouwen) doe ik met slecht weer met plezier. Fotograferen doe ik ook heel graag. Vooral wanneer ik reis, wat ik ook erg vaak met vol enthousiasme doe. Ik ben in Nederland (Amsterdam, Texel, Ameland, Hoenderloo, Maastricht, Enschede, en nog een paar steden), Duitsland (Berlijn, Stuttgart, München, Düsseldorf, Trier, Wiesbaden en Meerbusch), Frankrijk (Parijs en diverse delen van Normandië), België (diverse plaatsen in de Ardennen en Antwerpen), Engeland (Newcastle), Ierland (Dublin), Suriname (Paramaribo en twee plaatsen in “de binnenlanden”), de Bahama’s (Nassau), Spanje (Ibiza), Italië (Rome, Udine, Verona, Venetië en Brugnera), Turkije (Marmaris en Alanya), Griekenland (Kreta) en de Verenigde Staten (Miami, FL; Baltimore, MA) op vakantie geweest, gedurende mijn hele leven, en zou graag nog veel meer van de wereld willen zien.

Verder lees ik ook graag informatieve klassiekers (zo kom ik bijvoorbeeld aan mijn PR basiskennis), ben ik bekend met programmeren met Visual Basic (en heb ik ook ervaring met programmeren voor Android, Java (in het algemeen) en C# (voor Unity)), kan ik Access databases bouwen (zo heb ik mijn eigen boekhoudsysteem gemaakt, voor mijn persoonlijke administratie), beheers ik HTML en CSS, spreek ik vloeiend Engels (en kan ik een beetje Frans spreken (en het bijna vloeiend verstaan (als het niet te snel en geen gebroken Frans/straattaal is)), Sranan Tongo kan ik redelijk verstaan, Duits kan ik redelijk spreken en vrijwel vloeiend verstaan), maak ik soms beats met Reason Lite, ga ik regelmatig naar de sportschool (voor krachttraining), houd ik van (neo-soul/rap/hip-hop/jazz/klassiek/R&B) muziek luisteren, fietsen en sprinten, ben ik de laatste tijd een beetje Italiaans aan het leren, en – last but not least – schrijf ik heeeeel veeel (voor mijn persoonlijke blog LilFangs.com 🙂 ).


If you are interested in becoming part of D.O.C.I.S. International, please read my Business Overture 🙂

Blog, Images, Media, Online Diary, Random Thoughts, Reflections, Videos

Cold Case 15 [Tuesday, April 16, 2019]

14:22 (02:22 PM)

Good afternoon ♥

Exactly one year ago, I wrote my first online diary post. And yesterday, I shared the first fundamentals of the alternative economic system I live for to see it thrive. My written content has evolved a lot, in the past year 🙂 .

Something that has stayed stagnate, however, is my development in finding a suitable audience.

The things I write about and the concepts I want to tackle collectively, apply to all of our lives. But the majority of people in what I considered my social circle, would rather look away and say that what I want to accomplish is impossible. That goes for many people outside that circle as well.

So I’m still busy strategizing my way around this enormous burden. Attending networking events, has been my main method to attempt this, aside from attempting to reopen and close my cold case by trying another way to reach my B ( = dr. Crutzen).

Within this year, I have spent more than 70% of time all by myself, working on this concept for change. That’s why I haven’t experienced many memorable things, in comparison to previous years. Typing and writing has become so common that there’s nothing memorable about it anymore.

The Harvard Business Review / Harvard Business Publishing Executive Event, which I attended Thursday last week, is, because of that, a memory that is added to my collection of mentally visual memories, to which not many things have been added, in the past year.

I, still, keep replaying everything I remember that has happened there, in my mind, because – aside from me heavily struggling with my temper – it was an exciting experience, in comparison to the many other things I frequently experience. Frequent experiences such as laying in bed while typing a diary post, with my stomach growling, because it’s past 3 PM (now that I’m typing this) and I still have not eaten anything yet.

I’m going to eat “breakfast” and then I’ll continue my build-up towards expressing feelings that are so unusual that I tend to hide them 🙂 .

~~~

16:45 (04:45 PM)

The memories of the event, which uncontrollably replay itself in my mind, bring along mixed feelings. Mixed feelings, of partial positivity, because I was very happy to be in an environment where everyone has been encouraged to brainstorm and where very experienced people shared their knowledge, plus meeting two very nice students, but I found myself struggling with social norms so much that I just couldn’t stay for lunch and networking.

I thought that the audience of the event was going to be the same type of people as the speakers themselves, and that we were going to brainstorm together to list and solve employment (and sustainability) related challenges. But most people in the audience who made themselves heard there, were not in such a position. (As far as I know – in the context of the future – only the students (who also have leadership aspirations, for a business that is not an app or an ice cream store. It was so comforting to hear 😀 ) and I.) For some reason – of which the explanation I’m building up towards – I had the feeling that – though I had the chance of seeing and speaking to people I’ve had a very slight chance of ever meeting – it was not the right time to raise awareness on my business concept.

I kept thinking that we would be better off alone, without the people down the ladder who are not waiting to be replaced by artificial intelligence. Without a team of supporters, I’m not ready to be verbally lynched by the opponents of the real technological revolution that, in the end, is inevitable.

I couldn’t think of any one-on-one conversation starters, because I thought that I was going to be starting group conversations with Graeynissis. The only thing I could think of is asking the Dutch CEO of such a popular Dutch holding, a question about emergency policies, regarding the waterworks.

[I’m a bit struggling with how to refer to high profile Graeynissis who I haven’t asked for permission to write about. But I think, since I already let this go on the day itself, I’ll just continue in full-face diary mode.]

Okayy I’m going to be very random and describe my full experience to you in full detail, including how I went there.

I definitively decided that I was going to attend the event, the day before, after I – after a long time – asked for a personal donation, to pay for the train… I hadn’t slept properly for a few days. If I had known that I would have been able to go there, I would have spent the day before differently (not going to a coffeeshop and playing basketball afterwards, but preparing a pitch), shaved my legs and gone to bed earlier.

But I selected my outfit before I went to sleep (thinking of making a representative impression), and I had slept for less than 2 hours, because my alarm went off at 05:20 AM. This had become my travel plan:

I had 13 minutes to buy a train ticket

The metro ride was only one stop, after which I walked to the Tobacco Theater

I made those screen shots when I was still in bed, because I woke up very tired and wondered for how long I could continue to rest. (I couldn’t.) After a quick rinse (since I already showered in the middle of the night, after having played basketball), I put on my wig (but realized that I had forgotten to comb it in the shower, so it was frizzy) and some make-up (wishing that I had the tools to make something else than another set of cat-eyes). I drank my tea in the bathroom, and didn’t have time to eat breakfast. (I was hoping that there would have been food at the coffee reception…)

After brief regular conversations with my parents, I walked to the metro and was in the train on time. I read the HBR edition from 2015 that was in my bag, as I sat on the folding chair near in between the train entrance and the entrance to the first class part of the train, for more than an hour. (Feeling slight heartache for not being a real executive travelling at least first class. Plus I just grabbed my trench coat off the coat rack when I left, not knowing that the dry cleaners had given it back to me all wrinkled, which made me feel uncomfortable after noticing it, when I saw my reflection in the metro.)

When I found the theater, I noticed my name tag right away, on the table at the wardrobe. I started the interaction with the employee standing near it, with: “Hi, I see my name tag here.” (I always think “Jaa wtf moet ik nu zeggen,” when I need to talk to personnel to initiate their work task.) She then took my jacket and asked me if I would like to have a print-out of the program. I said “Yes, please,” and also gave her my bag to hang at the wardrobe, because it was quite big in comparison to the bags I saw other people carry. Then I noticed that I had put my phone into my bag, so I asked for my bag back, took it out and gave it back, feeling slightly clumsy.

I still have my name tag and the print-out of the program:

Haha I feel very random for sharing this now, but I couldn’t type all of this while I was present there and after that I was busy making my Keynes deadline. I also feel random for still having it¿

I thought that I would have been able to score a piece of cake or something else to tame my stomach, which was growling very loud at some point

So I walked into the place where the magic was about to happen, and saw a lot of people chatting with each other. I was hungry, tired and alone, plus had no clue who to approach to have a truly fruitful conversation with (it’s always either fruitful or adding to my heartache, and the more my heart has endured, the more the gamble scares me). I decided to take a moment (and empty my bladder) by visiting the ladies room. The location thereof, I asked the sound+screen+lights crew. Quite clumsy again, because I was carrying my notebook and phone in my hand, and I have slight hosophobia.

Walking back to the theater hall (which I expected to be bigger¿), feeling a bit disoriented from all of the little corridors, I met Alexandra, who started our conversation by saying exactly what I was thinking: (paraphrased) that the construction of the theater is like a little maze. (That is neither positive, nor negative. Just a very bright observation 🙂 .)

I then asked her where she’s from – Slovakia – and within no time, we were exchanging our ideas and aspirations. The idea she has for the book she wants to write (which I won’t give away, because it’s her idea and not mine or anyone else’s), is something I believe the world truly needs. I gave her my business card right after I heard 🙂 .

I find it hard to estimate wheter people enjoy talking to me or not. I didn’t know if she was enjoying our conversation – I don’t have such nice conversations often, so I feared coming off too attached(¿) – and if me talking to her was maybe making someone else she’s with stand alone, so I asked if she was alone, too.

We were standing at the right side of the stage in the mini theater hall, near the door that leads to both the exit and the bathrooms, and she pointed to her friend, who was standing on the other side, at the coffee and tea tables. I asked if I could join them. In that way, we became a squad of three, but I didn’t know if they actually wanted me to join them or not (as in some people do not want that, and I didn’t know if they enjoyed my presence or were just being polite, but “Do you prefer it if I leave?” I found too much of a depressing question to ask and explain. Especially because I didn’t want to leave her side).

She introduced me to David (I believe is how his name is written), her fellow student. They know each other because they are both international human resources students at Saxion University. David is from Italy and reads the HBR – which is how they got the invitation – and took Alexandra along as his +1. They have plans of (potentially) starting a business together. (I have not asked if they were dating? They look(ed) like they really connect. I hope I didn’t eavesdrop on their date¿)

We talked about that at the tea and coffee tables, where Alexandra and I poured ourselves a cup of tea. She chose forest fruit flavor (I think¿) and I chose jasmin flavor.

Around the time I had finished my tea, we walked to the seating area in the middle of the theater. We sat down in the middle of the seating area, on the middle right side of the middle parting of the rows of black wooden chairs with flat cushions on them. Because of the way we approached the chairs, I ended up sitting in between the students I had just met. (My insecurities repeatedly made me wonder if I was right for eavesdropping like this? But it felt even stranger to ask. Like how my mother tells me that dr. Crutzen actually wants nothing to do with me, but he still wants to schedule a meeting with me?)

I’m going to have dinner (it’s 9 PM now) and then I’ll continue 🙂 .

~~~

21:32 (09:32 PM)

Dinner was great. I love spare ribs 🙂 . I’ll now continue my very random explanation of flashbacks, of this special Thursday.

Miss Wright welcomed us with her speech, after which Mister Macht (cool to have the Dutch word for power as your last name 🙂 ) gave his speech. He explained how, with the tools of Harvard Business Publishing (corporate learning), the performance of an organization can be improved.

I believe that at some point, he mentioned that cyborgs (as in a human being with brain implants) already exist (in the context of the business side of it, which also suits the future of work very much) – which was something that made me want to cheer, because that would definitely make me win my psychiatry related cold case – but I can’t find that back in his slides? (I swear I saw and heard it thoughhh. I also heard (Dutch) people anxiously mutter, when it was shown. (Maybe that is why it’s not included in the downloadable version? Or maybe Mister Anthony said it. It’s in neither of the slides, but it really has been mentioned. Anywayy yay cyborgs.))

Since I heard that, I’ve been thinking: if I can perform brain-to-brain communication, while regular humans cannot do that, does that then make me a cyborg? It wouldn’t surprise me if I were one 🙂 . It would also explain why “some” of my relatives treat me like dirt 🙂 . I still have real feelings, though they might forget 🙂 .

The examples of business cases Joshua gave – I don’t know if I should stay respectfully formal or go colloquially first-name-basis on this, but this is my very intimately expressed diary so yayy – are the exciting futuristic and beautifully established brands that make me so excited about Harvard Business Publishing / the Harvard Business Review.

I would so love D.O.C.I.S. International to become one of those HBP & HBR case businesses. But meoww I’m such a small business, the concept is so controversial and I’m so broke, that I fear being rejected or ignored, for some reason. I still e-mailed him about my interest in a corporate partnership, hoping that that is the right approach to, in the end, have him become one of my Graeynissis 😀 .

After Joshua Macht [I wonder if using the name of someone who ranks high in search engines is somehow notified when I use his or her name?] had spoken, and an elaborate series of questions from the audience had been asked, Scott D. Anthony interactively spoke of the future of business, from the perspective of Innosight, as well as from his own personal perspective.

I found the slide, by the way! It was mister Anthony who spoke of a cyborg (in the context of the quote “The future has already arrived. It is just not very evenly distributed.” I knew it! (x2 (as in the world is far more advanced than the way mainstream Dutch people see it, which I’ve mentioned quite often here))). Meoww I received the slides today and realized that what I told Scott in the e-mail I sent him was inaccurate, in the sense that I told him that he inspired me to work on the way I analyze my data, and then referred to a slide that was not his x_x. I feel stupiddd. I also feel strange for mailing, while I have his and Joshua’s phone number, but what I want to say is sooo much and my voice would be all shaky because I’d see it as a once-in-a-lifetime chance that could easily blow over if I don’t use the right words.

The cyborg is wearing a red jacket, I believe :).

I discussed the “bingo” slide with Alexandra. I told her about the self-driving buses I used to take to visit the gym in Rivium Business Park, and about the cryptominers in this house I live in. We have both tried plant-based meat 🙂 . (I really wonder how it gets its meat flavor?)

At the end of the first part of his speech, he asked for two volunteers from the audience. I raised my hand right away, because I love being a subject for an audience and speaking for an audience.

After being selected first, by being pointed at, I walked on stage by taking a huge step with my Timberlands heels, instead of taking the stairs. It was very random, but it felt more efficient than walking towards the little stairs on the side of the stage. Then I was told to take place in front of the stage, instead of on top of it, so I used my efficient way of walking again, mentally crossing my fingers to not twist my ankle, as I took a big step to get off the stage, and – with the shakiness of my sore muscles from the work-out sessions fron the days before, plus loss of muscle strength because of the state of my heart – my other leg followed. I thought I was going to feel awkward about it, but I’m happy that I didn’t feel bad and kept my feeling of happiness.

Scott asked us who we are and whether we were optimists or pessimists about the prospects of the future. The other subject – I am incredibly sorry to have forgotten his name – who I believe was a Sikh, said that he is an optimist. I said that I’m both an optimist and a pessimist, using the words “I’m a little bit of both.” I introduced myself with only my name, by means of making an indirect statement, on which I will later elaborate.

After having been told about both optimistic and pessimistic statistics, regarding corporate and international growth, and the story behind that (after which we were told to not focus on the numbers, which – that always happens – incentivized me to focus on the numbers) my opponent volunteer was tasked with defending pessimism (“we are at the … of despair”) and I was tasked with defending optimism (“we are at the spring of hope”). The reasons for optimism were mainly about the increasing amount of start-ups and steady profits. Pessimism was defended by elaborating on the state of the oil market.

That is when I realized how complicated (to open up about) my actual viewpoint is. I’m only slightly optimistic, because I’m capable of reasoning out a way to alter the world, to make it fully sustainable and peaceful, and I can use D.O.C.I.S. International as the ultimate advocate, to make that reality. If I didn’t have had that, I would have considered a proper future for myself and like-minded people so impossible that I would have committed suicide by now. I see most start-ups as rival businesses who are disregarding what nature truly needs (which is not another concept striving to maximize output). And, as a Fangyist, I’m anti-profit, because of the heavy claim it makes on natural resources, when spent.

It would have been a good moment to pitch my business concept, but it would take quite a few minutes to make that clear, and I wanted to win the debate, so I said something like this:

“Of course, we are at the spring of hope. The American economy is booming, for example. [I indirectly said that I’m pro-Trump, but that is more for political awareness.] And though we are running out of fossil fuels [not even to begin with the state of the waterworks], we have modern technology, so we can replace that [I was struggling to find the right words to use, but I meant that we can fully switch to sustainable technology instead of fossil fuels]. There are amazing prospects, such as ever-increasing profits [I said while I pointed at one of the numbers on the positive statistics paper. I had to think of (ew) cryptocurrencies right away, and how much of non-value that actually is] and, I mean, if we can already learn by texting, these days [a reference to Joshua’s speech. I want to teach people Fangyist economics by texting?], the future must be great.”

People started to applaud. I made a little bow, after which I went back to my seat. We were then told to vote, and “positivity” had won the majority of votes 🙂 (even though I voted neutral, and my words (and appearance) might not have been an influence, but it still felt like winning, which was something I truly needed).

I just randomly watched this video, which I came across, as a suggestion, when I was searching for a tutorial to make an HTML email (like a newsletter) via a regular mail client, because I’m thinking of getting Graeynissis by sending an interactive newsletter-ish message, and this is based on what I “usually” watch:

Zondag met Lubach always makes me laugh, but when “the foreigners debate” comes across anywhere, I always get mixed feelings (because I know racism far too well).

During the break, while Alexandra and David were socializing with other people, and other potential Graeynissis had rows of people wanting to speak to them, in front of them, I got myself some tea.

Meoooow it’s already 02:30 AM! The rest of the story is still quite long, and while I was typing this, I got the idea of sending a selection of people an HTML e-mail where I give them my ideas and ask if they are interested in attending a brainstorm event I’ve been dreaming of organizing for quite a while now. It is the introduction event of D.O.C.I.S. International that takes place before the Benefit I also want to organize.

More about that, and how I went from volunteering to leaving earlier at the event, after some mental rest.

Good night ♥

~~~

Blog, Online Diary, Popular Posts, Reflections, Strategy

Personal Financial Objective

I have earned more than €7 million in 5 years’ time. My carpe diem mentality (and distrust of financial markets) has incentivized me to enjoy it now – by investing it in friendships and purchasing gadgets I like – and turn it into a long-term financial safety net by investing in the hobbies I could make a living with. I have spent more than that €7 million in that same period of time.

I must say that I’m a bit heart broken to find out how much I can earn, in this way. I usually end my month with about the same amount of money that was on it the previous month, so it was very unnoticeable how much has come in over time. Please know that that €7 million+ is not my net worth (because spending €1 million on food is not an asset? It just vanishes into thin air x_x. But my belly is filled 🙂 ).

Until I asked myself what my personal revenue has been over a few years’ time, just a few days ago, while properly doing my book keeping for this year’s first quarter, I had not been aware of this.

If I knew this 5 years ago, I would have spent it veryyy differently. (I really thought that I was poor, in terms of income. I still am, in comparison to my parents and how much I can currently spend (less than €5).)

How I Earned It?

The number is a bit blown up, for it includes traffic from and to my savings account. The exact number, I’m still making a database for calculation for. My other savings accounts also still need to be included.

By delivering informal services (tutoring & bookkeeping), short contract jobs (Albert Heijn & ANWB), by having generous grandparents, by sometimes being paid back for treating someone, by having a lot of people celebrating my birthday with me and by my parents paying me back for household expenses and (occasionally) for other general expenses.

Why I Have Spent More Than I Earned?

  • Because new things make me happy and give me a fun occupation of time (going somewhere to buy it/using the internet for something else than gaining knowledge). I keep spending, even now that I don’t have an income, until I hit my payment account’s limit of €500.
  • Because the Dutch tax system is awful (it should be abolished and replaced).
  • Because the Dutch health care system is awful (it should be abolished and replaced).
  • Because I travel (long distances) often, but don’t have a car.
  • Because most of that income comes from compensation for household purchases, and those are not always paid back in full. (Let’s say I go for gas and and buy groceries with a total of €113.15, I get paid back €110.-. It goes against my principles to hold a discussion over €3.15, and “but you’re part of this household too” is often an argument to let me pay.)
  • I have not always asked for my money back. Because I tend to treat people, even when I don’t have the money for it, and other reasons. (Buying groceries, treating drinks, buying presents, treating restaurant dinners.)
  • Because I do not believe in banks and gambling on the stock market.

I’ve also never claimed any inheritances or obtained anything from sold family property, while I should have been considered entitled to it.

The fact that I’m currently in debt (in theory only my personal bank account debt of €495.95, my study loan of about €15,000.- (and I still don’t have a PhD x_x)), former business account debt of €73.31 and a discutable rental car fine of €1,650.20) forces me to change the way I go about my money.

My Objective

I want to earn at least the same, within the coming five years. This time preferably faster, so that I can use it to build a house (on my corporate island, which will be shared with partner citizens).

Objective Criteria

  • I will not buy anything for anyone anymore (until I earn more than I spend). This includes travel expenses for visits, cooking expenses (I believe that I should even be paid for the act of cooking itself, and that I’m a creative Michelin chef (lol)), etc.. (Haha meow I need generous and rich friendsss, otherwise I’ll stay alone forever x_x…)
  • Business expenses will not be done from my personal account anymore.
  • I’m going to ask back every penny spent on taxes too much and sue all parties in the health care system who have ever wronged me (plus the individuals who have forced me to psychiatric treatment).
  • I won’t befriend people who don’t give rounds like I do.
  • Only 50% of my income may be used for spending, the rest I’ll put on my account on my own bank (once it’s there, because fuck commercial banks etc. 🙂 ). My bank will be called Planet Fang and its headquarters will be on its (is)land Planet Fang 🙂 .
  • For further business expenses, trustworthy investors are needed.

Using the Safety Net

You’re looking at my safety net… My little broadcasting publishing business… I hope D.O.C.I.S. International is my gateway to useful contacts. In the end, I only care about my mission regarding societal change…

Haha I told you I’m a non-profit organization x_x.

The featured image is from Pixabay.

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Becoming member of D.O.C.I.S. International more efficient than Voting? 

Yes. That’s why, when you vote, you should put my (your own) name on that voting paper, and draw a check box in front of it. Then check that box. 

Check

De Verkiezing voor de Provinciale Staten en WATERSCHAPPEN. 20 Maart. Lil Fangs for Praesens. 

I’m doing thisssss. 

You know about it. 

Thanks, mate

The featured image is taken by Element5 Digital. 

A "U.S." style voting box, for a post about "Dutch" voting. Shouldn't those elections be broadcasted internationally as well? The sentiment that comes with "Human Rights". It's suitable. 
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Untitled Reflection #1

The light at the end of the tunnel seems to be in sight. Those two years of restless nights, could finally show its merit! 

My strategy for rapid but peaceful global change, is narrowed down to something anyone else could understand, now. So I’m so glad that I’ve sent my Overture to Funding Options… 

One of their specialists has forwarded it to three different potential investors (two crowdfunding platforms and one individual). I’ll have to convince them that this will earn their investment back… I live for this, and I’ve developed a zillion strategies for that one strategic endeavor, so I hope they’ll see why investing in D.O.C.I.S. International is doing the right thing. But it’s such an unusual organization, I fear that that could be a reason for rejection… 

The rejection of my Overture, would break my heart… I don’t know what will happen… Will they all be interested in investing? Will I be able to convince only one person? Will they all say “no”? The coming few weeks will show… That’s why, currently, emotionally, I feel in between the purest, most intense form of happiness and satisfaction, and a destructive type of heart break. Their decision will shift me to one of the two extremes. 

That everything about my personal life can be read here – some things positive, most of them negative – is a conscious move that’s all about the transparency I value so much in my business. I’m not at all proud of the things I’ve done and gone through in the past two years, but, since my endeavor touches on personal lives, I find it important that you know how I experience and have experienced life. I hope that we’re similar type of people. But if we’re not, you should know that, too, before you make your decision. 

I quit sharing my feelings here regularly, because the situation with my feelings and my family still hasn’t changed the slightest bit. They find that their actions were right in the past two years, and I find that my actions were right in the past two years. Even a consensus would be a waste of time in this context. I want to solve this by leaving for good and keeping full focus on my business. Because this is not even friendship, to me. I’ve never felt so lonely and so misunderstood. 

But they want to keep talking about it. Talking about it is easy, when the rest of everyone they know, feels the same way about me, and they all agree about that I was wrong. And because they’re a majority, it’s “reality” to them. But that’s because when I’m right, in this specific context, they’re wrong. Unbiased opinions from “outsiders” don’t count in that “reality”, so I’m the schizophrenic. They don’t want to let me go, and the way they look at me hurts me so much. 

When I direct my campaign, I’d be glad to say that I won’t have time for any of that nonsense. I would be so happy to finally live my purpose. Approaching investors is the last step in my Volta’s Plan B in Practice! I can’t wait to direct the Project Nosce Te Ipsum campaign! If my three funding options say no, I won’t stop searching… 

I hope to finally pay myself a salary soon, though. (That’s why there’s so much emotional weight on my first attempt.) Then I can finally afford my own place to stay, and I finally won’t be a dependent person anymore. I put myself in that situation, by investing all of my time into creating the strategy for the development of D.O.C.I.S. International. A strategy to fully, legally, change the entire system at once! 

I’ve taken a risk by betting my life on it – because I’ve fallen behind on getting a bachelor’s, earning and gaining working experience – but I wouldn’t have done it, if I didn’t see how much potential my ideas have. I hope you see the same thing, my dear reader. 

I can’t wait to give presentations about my plans, and assemble a group of professionals, I’ll be able to pay to make my vision reality. I look forward to make people from different fields work together! The campaign is designed in a bottom-up type of management style 🙂 . 

Volta
Blog, Images, Popular Posts, Reflections

Volta’s Plan B in Practice

Have you ever encountered setbacks, while you’re working towards something that lies very close to your heart? This method will get you back on track in no time! Volta’s Plan B is focused on recovery from setbacks and keeping you in control of your own path. In this post, I’m applying the method to my own life.

Consider the method in Volta‘s first part, the 1.0 version of the method. There are some postulates in the book, about which I would very much appreciate the feedback of those who have read the book. If they suit the perception of the marjority of readers, I’m a lot closer to finding The Universal Standard of Human Reasoning. Since I have no official subjects [yet? :D], to tell me if the method suits them or not, I’ll continue to use the method on myself, and share my findings with you. I hope that you’ll be able to relate to my words, and that the strategy I use, suits you as well.


Approach


Overviewing the Method

Plan A was a risk, which was worth the shot. Unfortunately, it didn’t work out. What I want to achieve in the end, doesn’t change, so I need to work out an alternative, to stay on track. For that, its crucial to keep an overview of the method I have decided on and swear by. So I drew Volta’s method as a diagram:

Diagram about Volta

Changing a life around has never looked so simple 🙂

Of the three options that make “The Method”, only plan A and B should be defined from the start, but plan B only needs to be worked out in detail, when it’s needed. If plan A works out, having a fully worked out plan B is unnecessary. Also, I must say that I also find it very relaxing, to go back to the drawing table, and reflect on all of my Volta, before latching onto a new strategy. That’s another plus of plan B only being a short overall definition and an idea that only exists mentally. But choosing to define everything at once is, of course, good, too. The preferred approach depends per person.

A Volta is the shift from living a life that doesn’t fully satisfy you, towards a life that is fully satisfying to you, making you experience the ultimate form of happiness. An overview is created by stating short definitions of your current state, your desired state, your plan A and your plan B.

    • Current state
      I don’t have a fixed income. Because of that, I can’t afford my own place to work and live in. For my business to expand, I need to expand my network (with useful contacts… I aspire positive “macroeconomical influence”). To operate on that level, I need more multidisciplinary expertise and more capital.
    • Desired state
      I want to earn enough to provide myself with the comfort I desire. (Preferably, I’d like to move to California, but that doesn’t have to happen right away.) With my new expertise, my research can be finished, which I could use to find experts who would like to sponsor my work. I want to (acquire enough capital to) establish the brand of D.O.C.I.S. International, and find more publicists, with a campaign for the Nosce Te Ipsum collections. The business should become “The” [capital T!] holding for independent conceptualization in any field, with the intentions of improving the world for the greater good. Its end goal is constituting our own independent state (I’m talking about land and not the mind), in the future…
    • Preferred strategy
      Plan A was becoming the student of a properly ranked international university, but “tweaking” the curriculum into one where I can gain my multidisciplinary expertise (almost) straight from the expert, with a focus on my research endeavor. And prove my new knowledge by using it in additions to the Nosce Te Ipsum collections. The end result of that could have been used to market D.O.C.I.S. International And then marketing that entire process as well as the end result, for the accomplishment of my endeavors.
    • Plan B
      My new strategy will include working on payroll (full time), to afford my own place to live. On the side, I’ll follow a self-made study, writing and research schedule, to create a sample for the series and of my business, I could use to find (financial) supporters with, for D.O.C.I.S. International and Project Nosce Te Ipsum. I (somehow) also need to get in touch with influential experts.

Adjustments are made when complications are experienced during the execution of Plan B. That plan still has to be executed, so modifications will not be stated yet. I intend to shape my strategy in such a way that they won’t be needed.

Defining What Exactly Caused the Change of Strategy

The reason why I’m now switching to plan B, is very simple: plan A was only possible if the university accepted my offer, and my offer was rejected. I knew that I was taking a great risk, when I wrote my motivation letter so alternatively. I knew that I was not enthusiastic about becoming a regular student, and the acceptance of my research related alternative is all I would accept, and I was honest about that in my offer. Still, the rejection stung quite a bit, because I had that tiny bit of hope that the potential of my offer would have been seen. But it was written very abstractly, and not reviewed by that potential researcher I could have been working with, so now I’m back at being and staying fully independent.

Sure, I could have tried plan A on more than one university. Still, I only approached one university, because I knew of one (or maybe two or three) researcher(s) there, who already know some about what I’m working towards, and fully explaining everything from scratch would take soooo much time (which is also why the offer was written abstractly, and it included the name of my Graeyniss I wanted to continue working with). And I don’t like asking/begging and then being rejected. Especially not more than once. And especially not with something that lies so close to my heart. If it were a job hunt, I wouldn’t even care that much (but I still would care a little, though).

Why defining the painful reason why I’m switching from plan A to B is useful? Two reasons: now, some components that were part of “The Method”, will be stripped off and replaced, and it’s important that I now only ask things from external parties, when I reallyyyyy have to.

How to Bypass the Factors of Plan A and Stay on Track

Plan A may include as many external parties as desired, and in plan B, that should be kept to a minimum. Your first strategy may be anything. It may have the lowest chance of succeeding and may include the help of as many people as you want. In Plan B, you should play it safe and work as independently as possible. Click here for an example.

What I did before this, was wait for the acceptance or rejection of my offer, while releasing Volta and making some changes to my websites. The waiting was part of the plan. There was a small chance that I could be noticed by the university, so signing a contract for a full-time job, and then withdrawing from that in a few weeks’ time, because my offer was accepted (a 10% chance, if not less, but still…), is against my loyalty related morals.

Depending on a university for guidance in gaining expertise is off the table. Aside from my studies at The Open University, where I’m free to combine my personal endeavors with the process of obtaining a degree. The only reason why I still “want” to obtain a degree, is in case my business plans don’t work out and I need to live the rest of my life working on payroll.

The university was the only optional external party on my path, I could “ask for help”. To learn, I can also read a book by myself, so for that, the university is not a necessity. What has become hard, now that plan A is not possible, is that it has become much harder for me to build the right network. I hope that when I have amped-up my multidisciplinary levels of expertise, I’ll be able to attend serious Graeyniss events (and have the funds to attend those) and use that to meet the people I’ll need for the global Volta. I’ll also need them, to double-check the theoretical side of the Nosce Te Ipsum collections.

The major difference, when it comes to my main strategy, is that I’ll now have to search for all of the answers, to the global mystery I’m trying to solve, by myself… That reminds me of another group of external parties I need! (Even though, the Graeynissis, experts, investors and “informants”, might be the same people.) The most theoretical and “difficult” part of the expertise I seek for the Nosce Te Ipsum series and the global Volta, is “scientifically defining” how the system works. So the way economics, politics, law, et cetera, are globally linked together, stuck in a cycle. Most of my research will be literary (and alone…) now that I can’t ask a university researcher, but I’m quite sure that the depths of it, won’t be stated in the types of books I’ll be able to find. Maybe if I’m able to gain enough attention and appreciation with the work I do, one of the individuals whose expertise lies in the maneuvering in the depths of the system.

I’ll bypass the factors of plan A and stay on track, by doing fully independent self-study. At some point, I’ll need a better network, which I might be able to get, by attending events that will relate to my new expertise. (Or by being at the right place, at the right time. Or by my work being more popular by that time…)

Formulating a New Strategy to Achieve my Goals, in Detailed Steps

A strategy is complete, when you’re able to imagine your path to success, and it is the same as the schedule you have made for yourself on paper. It could be a schedule narrowed down to day-to-day tasks. It could be a list of tasks, not at all related to time. The exact application of the method, depends on what you’re working towards.

I find my steps by imagining my desired state and then comparing it to now. The end goal consists of the achievement of smaller goals and requirements. I keep asking myself: “What should I do to achieve that?” I ask myself that repeatedly, for every little aspect that makes up the end goal, until I can’t ask myself that question anymore, because the full strategy is defined.

This is the most fun part of strategizing 😀 . It’s also the most challenging part, because I want to prevent myself from making crucial changes to it, again! Blah blah introductory words about going to list the steps that will lead to achievements! Let’s get to it 😀

Step 1: A Summary of the New Strategy and a Financial Overview

[General: overall orientation on goal(s) and strategy]

Some of the goals I have relate to my personal life, and some relate to my endeavors in business. I consider them separate categories. So, my strategy is split into a personal side and a business side. I’ll summarize them in tables, because the steps I’ll take to achieve my goals, are also split into those two categories.

Usually, working on payroll, is seen as the “business” side of a life. But because the endeavor behind my sole proprietorship is so large, searching for a job is solely to cover my living expenses. (Unless my business plans all don’t work out, but I’ll have to be at least 35 to say that that happened. Before that, I really won’t stop trying. But as long as I don’t get there, I’ll attempt to climb up the corporate ladder.)

Personal Business
  • Income
    Of course, I need to stay able to pay my bills. There are new business expenses coming up as well (this far, I’ve covered all of my business expenses from my own pocket). Also, I would like to buy new clothes and change my hair and stuff… And re-stack my savings, after all of the turbulence in my life, which has cost me all of that. So, for the quickest guaranteed legal income, need to start working somewhere full-time, like I did when I came back from escaping turbulence in the US (while having my final exams et cetera, and still passing everything).
  • Living
    I need an office. Preferably one in my home. Yeah, that’s the second part: I need a home. But I prefer living in California over living in the Netherlands. Money wise, I can’t afford to live anywhere, which is why I’m still “crashing on the couch” in Amsterdam. That really needs to change. So I’ll rent something small I also need new people in my social circle, like I already mentioned in Volta. Some new friends I can do business with…
  • Expertise
    For my multidisciplinary endeavor, I need to know how the entire system works, before I can be certain about my concept for a new one, so I have some questions regarding the fields of economics, political science, law, mathematics, ecology, engineering, and the list goes on. (Since this is plan B,) I’ll be doing quite some self-study. What I learn and the way I’ll use my knowledge to achieve my goals, will become part of Nosce Te Ipsum.
  • Conceptualization
    The abstract main question of my multidisciplinary (pre-)research is “How does the system (really) work?” I want to turn my learning process into entertainment. [Of course, I need to have finished the written theoretical side before I start campaigning… And I need to expand my network, because videos of it are more fun, when I’m talking to an expert.] When all of my questions are answered, I can work out the rest of the Nosce Te Ipsum series. Its science fiction story is the survey, in which my concept for an alternative system is described, and the questions in it, relate to finding consensus, by finding The Universal Standard of Human Reasoning. I would like to bring the series out in book, audio and video format.
  • Scale
    For my business to become successful, I need to reach many more people. Not only because I need at least 15,000 subjects to ratify The Universal Standard of Human reasoning. It would also be nice to find publicists for D.O.C.I.S. International, and find people who would like to help me put into practice the practical side of the alternative system (including the state) I’ll be working out after I’m done writing down my plan B.

To make sure I stay on the right track and stay financially healthy, a quick overview of my monthly expenses and what I need to keep money aside for:

Title Category Recurrence Amount
Health insurance Personal Monthly €117.50,- (I need to add some modules to my subscription, though, since it got downgraded after I was behind on payments, but now that my doctor lives in Germany, let’s say it becomes €160,- once I start earning (including a buffer for own risk payments))
Phone subscription Personal(… for now…) Monthly €55,-
Spotify Personal Monthly €10
Webhosting Business Monthly €25
ISBNs Business Quarterly €50
Books Business Monthly (on average) €75
Hair, clothing and other appearance related things (like waxing hahaaaa I need to make sure that I don’t keep not doing that! x_x) Personal(/business?) One-time + monthly (on average) [That’s what I want to start doing… Or maybe quarterly? Currently, I only do that when I have something extra to spend, and that is basically never] €600 + €100
Minimum potential rent Personal Monthly (in the future) €600
Potential down payment + costs of moving in Personal One-time (in the future) €1000 [Yeah, I plan to go cheap and make most of my furniture from old things, because going cheap is faster… Making furniture out of cheap fake leather, cheap foam rubber and (hideous) old and unused furniture and stuff… It doesn’t feel right to live under someone else’s roof. I appreciate that here, I’m allowed to, though…]
Food Personal Monthly €250
Travelling expenses Personal(/business) Monthly €100
Social things (buying drinks in a bar, birthday presents, etc) Personal Quarterly €125
Online marketing Business Quarterly €100 [as long as I don’t have investors… For Volta, my marketing budget was €0. For previous releases, I’ve spent about €250 in total.]
Buffer (to save, in case of wildly unexpected expenses) Personal Monthly €200

So my totals are:

  • Average monthly expenses starting from March: €1532.50 (but this is including rent… it’s €932.50 excluding rent)
  • Average total expenses for the second quarter of 2019: €275 [€92 per month]
  • Total of one-time expenses: €1600
  • Everything in a monthly rate: €1024.50 without rent and one-time expenses, €1807.50 with rent and without one-time expenses
  • Minimum income to start renting a place from April (but the sooner, the better, actually): about €2000,- (is what I’m saying, because when I work full-time, often, my max is €1800… Haha I’m basically doomed, because I should be earning way more to cover this and not be financially on the edge every time. But anything is better than my current financial state. Oh, yesss add a €600 one-time expense to that, since I need to get myself out of bank debt. (Not to start about my student debt… Ohh and I need to keep money aside for my Open University modules… You know what, I’ll just see how far I get with all of this 😀 . It seems like I’ll be going for that sales job…!!! I really can’t keep “crashing on the couch” here x_x. And I should start searching for investors asappp…))

What I would exactly ask from an investor, depends on my final findings. It’s part of my tasks for this strategy.

Step 2: A Fixed Income and an Approach to Gaining More Multidisciplinary Expertise

[Personal: the first step]

To make my business thrive, which is all of my goals summarized in five words, I need a better marketable sample of my concept(s) – to seek the endorsement of experts and/or investors and finish the full-scale version of my business concept. Meanwhile, I want to transition my life to the independent living and working circumstances I need to be able to succeed. The expertise is needed for conceptualization. To strategize efficiently, my learning process and the creation of a sample, will be done almost simultaneously.

When Plan B is initiated, my routine will change. From full-time blogging, writing books and doing web maintenance, to (full-time) working and following my schedule. Once before, I’ve worked full-time, while studying (including having tests and assignments) and writing/blogging, so I’m certain that I have enough discipline for this. It all went well (even though it was quite exhausting). And this time, I’m even more eager to learn, because I won’t just be doing it to answer some test questions.

Again, there’s the personal side, and the business side. I’ll start with breaking down the personal side of the step I’m currently working on, and then head over to the business side, which is keeping me in sync with my endeavor.

The Fixed Income (Personal)

When it comes to working on payroll, I have requirements to base my choice for an employer on. First of all, the job should be something that requires mental labor and not physical labor. So not lifting boxes or cooking or anything. Unless someone wants me to cook my specialties for a group of less than 20 people 😀 . I want to be using my brain more than my body, to earn.

My second requirement is that I’ll be working at least 32 hours per week. (And preferably have my days off on days that are not regular days off, so have my weekend not on the weekend. It’s more calm and I’ll have more time and space to focus on writing, when everyone is working when I have my time off and vice versa.) I want to have a reason to leave the house (almost) every day and, after soooo many days of posting diary posts, write different posts on my blog and, once I get paid, invest in better visuals and audio.

The last demand is that I earn at least €1800 per month (which feels farrr below the salary that suits what I could do, but I don’t have the titles for). I’ll save as much as possible and try to get myself an apartment as fast as possible. (So that one day, I’ll design my own house. I intend to not grow old in the apartment I’ll hire.) Hopefully the person who will hire me, will not see me as someone of the lowest income scale, because of what is on my curriculum vitae. Compared to what I’m working towards, €1800 is absolutely nothing, but I won’t be able to pay my bills for next month, if I don’t stop earning, and I’m not the type of person who nags, so I don’t intend to negotiate about my salary. I will settle for the job that pays best, and hopefully follow my heart and be satisfied.

My writing will not stand in the way of the work I do. Not only because I don’t share truly confidential information. I’m going to stop writing diary posts.

Expertise and Conceptualization (Business)

What I always do, to gain (“postgraduate” for this undergraduate) knowledge from any field, is read texts which are aimed at high-level professionals of that field, and look up every term I don’t know. In that way, I learn much more in a very short amount of time, in a challenging way. It’s also great for forming your own perspective, instead of following the meanings based on the paraphrasing of the paraphrasing of the source. It’s how I ended up reading Wealth of Nations by Adam Smith and Propaganda by Edward Bernays. (And Crystallizing Public Opinion, which was one of the sources for my Studying International Public Opinion.)

There are two things I should add to this way of learning, to improve it. One is that I should write about the way I interpret the text. I should share how I would paraphrase the theory – hoping that a real expert would like to watch over my shoulder – and share the 1001 thoughts that pop up every time I process a text like that. All of those thoughts, I usually don’t share. It’s also good for memorizing what I read…

The other thing is that I should dive into (popular) perspectives and opinions about the material I read. It will help me understand conversations about it better, as well as the material itself. (Not that I’ve ever had a conversation about any of it, in depth, in real life. It would be fun, though.) I usually read to understand my own world better, to form my own opinion from the “purest” source, instead of letting myself be influenced. I’m very interested in how other people have interpreted the text and what opinions they have formed. (Only if they’re shaped based on real arguments and not on being manipulated without knowing it…)

Volta’s Plan B in practice, is hard work. But it’s fun, and so worth it! I want to finish the first book of the Nosce Te Ipsum series – the theoretical part starts in book two – and have the knowledge I need to bridge the gaps between my ideas for global change going from just being ideas, to becoming reality. To accomplish that, I need the full concept written out officially, I need a sample of the project (Nosce Te Ipsum) I’ll use to explain everything in an interactive way, I need a PR strategy that will include my visual concepts “et cetera”, and – last, but especiallyyyyyy not least – I need the support of experts and investors.

Step 3: Combining a full-time job with my research schedule

[Personal: latching on]

From my experience of working full-time, while following a part-time university program and maintaining two websites, I know that self-set day-to-day deadlines or even weekly deadlines, might not always work out. It has happened that I set moments for myself, to work on something for school or something for D.O.C.I.S. International, but that I’m so tired from working that I can’t get to it. Now that I’m “taking a gap year” at The Open University, (haha it’s more not being able to pay my tuition, but anyway,) and I’m going to stop with posting diary posts, all I have to focus on, next to my job, will be my tasks for D.O.C.I.S. International. This might become an adjustment, but I’m going to set small weekly goals. My weekly goals used to be “finish assignment that requires me to read more than 100 pages of text and I haven’t read a single one yet” and then I had two days in the week off, sometimes not even before the deadline… (And I still passed both courses! I’m proud, haha…) Now, they’ll be based on a lot smaller tasks.

The most important subjects I have to gain expertise on, to achieve my goals, are: (macro)economics, law [the point where law touches on all other fields and all components of itself…] and mass communication. Then, there are mathematics, statistics, political science, computer science, engineering, et cetera. But for the most important part – thus what is necessary to present a sample – I need those three subjects. My learning process, will become part of what I’ll replace my diary posts with:

  1. MacroFangs
    • Main source: The General Theory of Employment, Interest and Money by John Maynard Keynes
    • Abstract main questions: What would an economic model of all of the models that make up our global system look like? What would the “Planet Fang” model look like?
  2. JustiFanged
    • Main source: Summa Theologica by Thomas Aquinas [I’m going to read question 90 to 97, which is part of the Treatise on Law. Haha reading the whole thing would take me yearsssssss. I might include some other questions, though. It’s fucking interesting 😮 ]. I’ll also have do dive into regular codes of law.
    • Abstract main questions: Can I do “Planet Fang”? What would “The Fangyist Constitution” look like?
  3. FangShifty
    • Main sources: The Engineering of Consent by Edward Louis Bernays, Foreign Investments and National Advantage by John Maynard Keynes + digging into “the history of (global) economics”, with a focus on finance (and the political economy). I’m only using this “dashy” timeline: VOC + WIC, then Wall Street, then Greece, then Bitcoin and then Brexit
    • Abstract main questions: What is the pattern in the steps of a (financial) domino effect? What is does the aggregate of the after-effects of those domino effects lead to? How can we stop this shit, without the world collapsing? (I’m talking about how we’re currently giving people more money than there are resources available, and that the money game is based on literally staged shit…) It’s fine if people want to continue that shit for all eternity, as long as it’s possible to not be subjected to any of it, which is currently not the case.

The rest of my diary posts’ replacements, will be more poetry, more single images and more audio and video. I can’t yet predict how fast I’ll get the answers to my questions, as well as the amount of side-thoughts I’ll get. Regardless of those predictions, for The General Theory of Employment, Interest and Money, I want to start with about one book per two weeks. This book of Keynes consists of six books. It’s the first source I’ll scrutinize in the name of Project Nosce Te Ipsum.

My schedule includes the following tasks:

  • Finish the Plan B in Practice post and put that in the homepage slider
  • Make a Project Nosce Te Ipsum page, which refers to the pages for MacroFangs, JustiFanged and FangShifty + adapting the welcome text and welcome tour to that
  • Make the new Nosce Te Ipsum post ready for structured editing
  • Write Nosce Te Ipsum‘s episode 5
  • Analyze The General Theory of Employment, Interest and Money
  • Analyze the Treatise on Law
  • Analyze The Engineering of Consent
  • Analyze Foreign Investments and National Advantage
  • Make a timeline for the history of the development of global finance, combined with politics, focused on investment banking
  • Make the sample and finish the branding strategy based upon that

How this will exactly be scheduled time-wise, will depend on how combining this with my job will go. For now, I’ll follow the schedule intuitively, as I have been following other schedules intuitively – such as the one that is making me finish this post. I’ve made the agreement with myself, that I’ll determine what my pace for this schedule is, after three weeks of working.

A huge time-saver will be quitting diary posts! It will definitely upgrade my efficiency in the project and in my business in general…

A fixed income is unmissable in this, since I need to take care of myself, while doing all of the things on that list. I wonder if there’s an alternative to working 32+ hours per week on payroll… It’s exhaustion for no reason, actually, since what I qualify for, diploma-wise, is far from what I actually can do. I can’t think of any alternatives to earn, besides publishing books, but if I find one, it would become an adjustment (that will make me incredibly happy).

I hope I’ll find an investor, so that I can turn the research project for our truth and this brand, into a documentary 🙂 .

Step 4: Supporting Investors and/or Experts

[Personal: inevitable external factors]

A crucial influence for the success of my business, is the endorsement of experts and investors. I’m working towards a form of global change that will add a lot to life as we know it now. Without experts regarding to it as such, it won’t be seen as that. If the right people endorse it, its brand will be established with ease.

When it comes to investors, I prefer the financial support of a supporting expert, instead of approaching an organization that is specialized in investing. It’s far easier to explain my business concept to someone who is specialized in the fields I want to add something to, and win his or her appreciation, than to explain everything from scratch and why it’s guaranteed that I’ll earn your investment back. Money is not my focus. Otherwise I would have approached everything differently. I want to make a real change…

The only place I can think of using to find someone to financially support my business, is the internet… So that is where I’ll initiate my search, once my sample is finished. Secretly, I hope that the right people will stumble upon my website and offer their support…

A fixed income is still not guaranteed, since I depend on someone else’s judgment, but either way, I have a clear path to finishing Project Nosce Te Ipsum. Because of potential patents et cetera, not everything has been fully defined, but I hope this was a useful read 🙂 .

xxx


I often make notes in the text, while I’m drafting it. Here are some of the notes of Volta’s Plan B in Practice:

  1. Drafting still 
  2. Macroeconomics: A model of our global system in full detail? Source: The General Theory of Employment, Interest and Money by John Maynard Keynes = part 1 [Now there are digital media and crypto currencies]
  3. Part 2: How do financial shifts work? (The details of investment banking) Source: I don’t know where to exactly find the answers to this, but, apparently, investment banking started with that VOC piracy business… Oh my god, the Netherlands lie far under the water level of the sea, so doing business with it is always a risk… And here is where it started… This makes me wonder if the WIC – the indirect reason why I was born in the Netherlands (is ancient slave trade) – was also on the trading market… The WIC, The Dutch West India Company by Gerard Koot, History department, University of Massachusetts Dartmouth (2015) shows me it does… Okay, I want to know everything. This is related to my origin.
  4. I must say that I’m so very shocked about this. The VOC and the WIC were both multinationals owned by the state, which earned from unethical things, such as piracy and slave trade. And to then learn that the way we know (public) stock trading today, started there, and that this is internationally known – probably as showpiece of this country… I just didn’t expect that the origin of trading would be something that lies so close to my heart, and that it would be based on something that I find unethical.
  5. This seems like a good source for the theoretical aspect:  J.M. Keynes, “Foreign investments and national advantage”. Even though this was not part of the plan, I’m very curious about the historical aspect, too… The finances of the VOC and WIC are unmissable in this.
  6. Part 3: Study on (big media) PR influence on macroeconomics (and its beneficiaries)
  7. Part 4: Categories of “breaking news” and its cycle [I now think that this is irrelevant, because a domino effect is a domino effect, no matter what happens]
  8. Part 5: What is our political direction? Whatever it is in detail, it’s destroying the Earth, and I want to offer you an alternative that doesn’t induce that. + Why our current system causes damage to the earth and change is inevitable. [The domino effect of domino effects. I think we’re facing a catastrophe.
  9. Politics: What’s the “political construction” (trias politica ish) of every “big player” in the world? And what are their comparative advantages? 
  10. I’m still drafting this post. It will become a very important piece, since it’s not only making the content of my newest book more clear. It will also include my next steps. This will be my cheat sheet, for the time to come, so that I won’t lose track of where I’m heading, as I will hand over my free time to an employer, and occupy myself with some not-related-to-any-institute self-study. And hopefully writing some texts… [If you have any books you would like to recommend to me, pleaseee let me know! As I write this post, I still haven’t definitively decided on what to study first… And what sources to use for that, et cetera…] I’ll be drawing diagram-ish things in this post 😀 [If you’re new: I always publish my drafts, because I like to show you my process 🙂 ]

I started writing this post on the 11th of February. That’s why in other posts I already refer to it, while it was not done yet.


 

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Sunday, February 3, 2019

02:44 (AM) 

I’m in bed now. After sleeping, I want to touch on what happens to me during small talk, the emotional pain from seeing my relatives, a dream so big that I fear to share it with my Graeynissis because I’m afraid they’ll say no, Volta and what I call human vultures. 

Sweet Dreams ♥

I love you ♥

xxx

13:39 (01:39 PM) 

Hiii :D♥

How’s your weekendd? 🙂

Mine is all right. I’m still in bed haha…. I’ll get up to do some pre-eating and “making” croissants soon. First, I’d like to start on what I wanted to say about small talk. 

When I’m not talking, I’m always thinking deeply, in a very concentrated state.  The creative challenge in creating a new world, is always on my mind. In silence, I try to combine the concepts I know and/or have reasoned out, and try to think of them put together, to mentally simulate that, and think of if it would last as the fundament of a new world. 

Then having to let go of my train of thought, to engage in small talk, always makes me a little tense, because I worry if I’ll remember where to pick up, where I left off, when the conversation is over. 

For example, I try to simulate if it’s financially healthy for both sides (so “Planet Earth” and “Planet Fang” (on the same soil(?))), when Planet Fang buys the earthly houses of its citizens, to give them Fangia (its valuta) to spend (not to buy a new house, because they get that for free), and sells, rents out or uses those houses for whatever purpose, and Planet Fang’s bank is where everyone deposits all they have, and it becomes “a collective account”. How do we then not make Planet Earth go bankrupt, how should spending restrictions for that account be stated, would people enjoy this ride… (I need sexy Graeyniss sexy expertise to answer my questions with certainty!!!) That’s what my brain is semi-working on, but then, mid reasoning process… Things like  “Look at this funny video!” or “I’ll give you some advice on life, wrapped in a story about myself,” make me have to switch up what I use my brain for. 

There are the most loving intentions behind it, I know that, and I love my people for that, but it’s a distraction from something that is needed and necessary for survival…

Okayy I’m going to brush my teeth and eat. Meanwhile, check this out 😀 : [haha that distracting choice of words is meant as a joke]

Haha why do I never make it to a leaderboard? Spider solitaire is addictive!

~~~

19:45 (07:45 PM)

Meoww I wonder what you want to read about. Or what you like to read about. That’s what I want to write. I bet that’s not the topics I listed in the beginning of this post. 

But to quickly stick to my words: the acting casual, as if nothing was going on and it’s normal that I don’t want to live at home, was painful. 

We should unplug all of our intellectual capital and assets out of the current system and independently create a system of our own, with our Graeyniss for Graeyniss business (land).

I want to record some Graeynissis talking about Volta, to increase sales… It sounds like the only way… It also sounds like sexy fun 😀 . To have Graeynissis talk about it, is all I write for, truthfully. 

I need a solution to these “Ayy gurl where you goin’? What’s yo number?” type of people I, for some weird reason, can’t say “No please just fucking leave me alone,” to. They’re really like vultures in a way. Waiting until the prey is unaccompanied by another male. Some arm candy to fend them off and to be less lonely. I permanently don’t want to sleep alone anymore 🙂 . 

This is not bad… I screenshotted this earlier today, because I thought of sharing this “accomplishment” hahaha. I should add this to my curriculum vitae HAHA just kidding.

~~~

23:26 (11:26 PM) 

Meoww I’m off to bed. I hope tomorrow will bring me good news. I have no idea in what format I’ll be given my news. But this is the only way I have to hear something. Usually my ways of reaching out can be ignored, when they’re too different from the standard procedures, but in this case, I am entitled to hear anything about it. I don’t know how my case is interpreted from someone I don’t know personally, and usually I just don’t hear anything, but this time it would be not following the procedure, if I were ignored. 

Responding to my request requires a lot of creativity! Because it stems from pure creativity. I wonder how the respondent(s) will approach it. I hope I’ll be reading a lot of positive words. A lotttt of words. It will make my heart very happy.

Meoww I’m off to bed 

Good night 

I love you 

xxx – 

Blog, Online Diary, Reflections

Thursday, January 31, 2019

12:25 (PM) 

Good afternoon ♥

I’m very glad that the marketing for Volta, in my own “(currently online) empire to be”, is visible everywhere. As for other (social) media marketing… My budget and the audience I’ve been reaching with it, make me prefer to seek other methods to promote it. I’d be satisfied if I can get 10 Graeynissis to read it… And then hope that they see my potential and want to ride this wave with me… 

Meoww as for promoting it in my own social circle… I’m not looking forward to commentary… Especially because with many, our philosophies differ so much… If I’d summarize this very abstractly, even though most of us don’t identity ourselves with a religion, the view on determinism falls within the same abstract. They’re Christians for believing that prosperity has already been initiated [“de Messias is al geweest”] and that life is now good enough and that it will stay that way. I’m Jewish (not really read in on the scripture to say that I’m an expert on this, but this is abstract, so) for saying that real prosperity is yet to come. [“De Messias moet nog komen”.] I consider this whole thing where these “Christians” [it includes the agnosts and atheists who also believe that life is this fixed routine] refer to me as a schizophrenic, because of what I believe in, and we still spend time together, the way the Dutch saying “Twee geloven op een kussen, daar slaapt de Duivel tussen,” is interpreted. It causes a lot of disagreements, which are not healthy for me (and them, but mostly for me, because I keep my 10000001 arguments why I disagree, to myself, because my words are rarely understood), so in my view it’s best to go our separate ways, and I’m not proud of the way I’ve brought the message, but our views differ too much to discuss it. I don’t want to take distance from every single person I’ve ever met, I guess, but for sure a good 95% of them. I believe that I don’t want to distance myself from Jam and Eli. They seem people who could live according to my belief. I for sure don’t want every single being to do that. I value quality and good hearts. They’re one of the veryyyyyyy few people who haven’t hurt me. Maybe Viktor also… 

To me, that’s enough humans for the ride, because the process of deconstructing someone’s pessimism about our universal future is suc a fucking annoying and dreadful draining of my own energy, I prefer to only “reward” those who have kept my heart apart to the largest extent, for this. Other than that, I want my life to be all Graeyniss 😻. The types of Graeynissis who can hear me reason, and those who are positively interested (not gaining information to later ridicule it) in it, who are open to my belief. I can only try get along with someone who has the same belief as I. A fucking way overused overrated counter argument here would be: “But you should get to know all kinds of people.” I know all kinds of people, and that’s exactly why I can now say that I want to stop seeing most of them, with the outmost certainty. 

If you’d excuse me… I have some berries to pick up [*semi-subtle camera zooming in while putting on sunglasses* haha that’s a joke] so I need to shower and eat and stuff… I’ll be back [HAHA] xxx

~~~

19:23 (07:23 PM) 

Meoow I have my berries 😻 .

Meoow the taste of this reminds me of when I was little

And I made pasta, because she who owns the house is not feeling well. I used salmon, spinach, white wine, thyme, oregano, creme fraîche, aromat, unions and garlic. 

It was tasty 🙂

I want to be in cuddle-mode to tell you the rest of the things I want to tell you xxxx

~~~

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