Category

Videos

Blog, Images, Online Diary, Popular Posts, Strategy, Videos

Reform Development Day 1 [Friday, June 14, 2019]

01:30 (AM)

Heyy ♥

I’m Vampin’, my meowww. Too excited to go to sleep. Once I get going, I don’t want to quit until it’s done. For the sake of keeping that up, today is Reform Development Day 1.

The video I recorded earlier is being converted to MPEG4, so that I can upload it to YouTube. And – this was a big step – I finished my contact page 🙂 . I hope the world will treat my contact information fairly…

I really hope you’ll reach out to me 🙂 .

The video conversion progress is now finished for 75%. It is now 02:02 (AM). In the meantime, I’ve answered some ASKfm questions.

As part of Reform Development Day – lol actually spontaneous coincidence because I was getting bored with those stupid “funny videos” and other nonsense anyway – I will delete my Facebook and Instagram account today, at 6 PM (UTC +01:00). I don’t know who has been reporting my blog on there, but I wonder why that hasn’t happened from the very beginning I created those accounts, then. Debatable death threats were on there and here from the very beginning. All text I tried to share on those networks, became blocked after I shared that voice recording (in which -> I <- was mistreated) again on Crisis Center Day 6. What I find the most scandalous about this incorrect treatment, is that they don’t even tell me why they are blocking my text and blog link(s). (Then I could much easier tell them that they are in the wrong for blocking me. Don’t forget: I might have websites, through which other people’s bad actions are stored and shared with the world, but the people I speak of are (mostly) anonymous, and in reality, it is still thousands against 1: against me. People forget that I have feelings, too. The reason why I have this blog, is because they have fucking hurt my feelings far too fucking often, and I have no one I can comfortably share this with in my circle.)

I, by the way, still also don’t know who the fuck put my book on Bol.com? I wonder how many people have read it… It’s soooooo fucking insane that it is on there and I don’t even get a fucking share of the fucking sales????? I’ll not spend it on fucking dumb things… I’m trying to constitute a new country here…

Meoww I’m going to empty and fill up the dish washer – is what I promised when I said that I’m not going to eat TV dinner but eat in my room. Then my video will be converted, I’ll share it with you here, as it is uploading to YouTube. Then we’ll all wake up to a video of me reading another post and this time even more clearly mention that I’m so deeply in love with Victor Geskes 😻 . (Hope I won’t receive another phone call from a very aggressive sounding, hissing female, if I write down his name here… 😏 )

Haha it was my intention to read yesterday’s post as well, and afterwards go into web development related things. But I ended up elaborating on the first time I spoke with him in sooo much detail ahahaha… And then told “our” story from that moment until what the fuck happened on Tuesday 😂 . I did end it with working on my contact page.

Lol meanwhile it’s 02:54 and I’ll do the dishes after having slept. I’ll also write a caption after I’ve slept, but will still upload and publish this video now, because you really need to see it! 😻

I’m going to sleeep. Good night ♥

My video will be available here ayyy

~ xxx ~

18:24 (06:24 PM)

I posted these pictures on my (other) social media yesteday:

🙁

Yess invest in me bitte.

Sooo un-cuddle 🙁

There’s no way I’ll ever go back there.

And I deleted my accounts just now. I love it when I stick to my words.

Right before going to sleep. I realized that today is Friday and I had another appointment scheduled with my case manager and the experience expert. Though my alarm went off at 10 AM and the appointment was at 11, I had a hard time getting up. Ended up leaving the house around 5 past 11, so I was there 11:20. It was very comfortable venting again. They ask very good questions.

I hope to receive a referral soon, so that I can get my second opinion at “The Therapist”. I hope to get rid of that schizophrenic/psychotic individual label soon 🙂 .

Now I’ll be writing the rest of the text for the D.O.C.I.S. International website. And I’ve also claimed my new web store domain and have given it a SSL certificate 🙂 . A long name is funny, because it’s “against the rules”: https://store.docis.international 😀 . I wanted to start adding my manuscripts to the database of het centraal boekhuis, but it’s unavailable 🙁 . I hope it will be working properly after the weekend. I need this money meowww 🙁 .


Againnnn ayy. I also took the best nap ever, there 🙂 .

So I’ll be writing it out with pen and paper first, because I spend too much time behind screens. It gives me dry eyes x_x.

Though we should all cut down on screen time, because it’s unnatural, I hope you’ll watch my YouTube videos, instead of watching a movie 🙂 .

I’ll probably write you again before I go to sleep. Enjoy the rest of your day ♥ .

~~~

22:57 (10:57 PM)

Meoow I ended up saying “Yes” to the reiterated question if I want to go along to the wholesale market (Makro). We ran into some family friends there 🙂 .

The dates (food lol) are amazing and so was the rib-eye! Meoow tomorrow I’m going to stuff some dates (food ahahaha) with soft goat cheese 😻 .

But I was already tired before this day started and now I still have so much to do 🙁 . (But what I do is not seen as a job here 🙁 . Yes, it does not pay well, but that’s just because I have no investors 🙁 . ) And I also need to re-twist my hair, because it’s becoming very frizzy. I want to make tighter twists, so that I can put it in a high ponytail on Sunday, when we’re going to a tasting event in a castle: Slot Zeist. I have nothing to wear, my meow 🙁 . I really need new clothing, but have 0 stacks 🙁 🙁 . Especially after today. First there was about €120 on my account. Now there’s only €1, because my stupid health care premium was deducted from my account 🙁 . I really hope my manuscripts will sell… 🙁 Even more, I hope that I’ll somehow find some Victishe-level Graeynissis who would like to do business with me…

And meooow being single sucks even more during the Summer season 😥 . This hot weather makes me want to kiss and go places… But I don’t have a fixed income, so I don’t feel comfortable spending money meowww 😿 .

I’m going to go to sleep, having dreams about Victishe… I wish we were together meoww 🙁 . Then I could also chill with my B 😋 . Haha helppp.

I would love to outsource all of the work that is exhausting me, by the way. But I still haven’t had any investors ever in my life 🙁 . Please be the first ♥ .

Goood nighttt ♥

~~~

Blog, Explicit Content, Media, Nederlandse Tekst, Online Diary, Videos

Vampin’ [Sunday, June 9, 2019]

03:48(AM)

Meoww I just made myself a late night snack. Back in the day when I was 14 and cool on Twitter, if I’d be awake late at night like this, I’d say that I’m Vampin’. I’m Vampin’, my Graeyniss.

Hungry… Crank up the volumeee:

Do you have sexy traditional plans for Pentecost you need some arm candy Catje for?

Let’s eat duck, Victishe?

Do you copy? Click on the previous bitte.


Shitt I’m tired mayneee 🙁 .

This was hilarious:

Would you watch if I’d stream on Periscope…? I just downloaded it after a tip… Or maybe I should use Twitter or YouTube for it¿ Not that I really have anything prepared. It’s more an “ever” question. If I’d live stream I want it to look better than the Prime Minister’s live stream… Not another video from my bedroom 🙁 .

Aiight I’m going to atten my orange juice and head upstairs. I told my aunt that I was going to be at her place at 12. Though my mother hasn’t invited her, maybe she would rather eat Peking duck?

Victishe? Meow I hope he has nothing planneddd… It would be cool to just wildly spontaneously bring me some flowers and then eat this duck with my family, including my aunt, or just run away from this entire country forever, just us two (and our Graeynissis)?

Ooof I can pass out any second now 😴

Good night ♥

xxx

09:40 (AM)

It feels as if I’m avoiding an important confrontation… Plus I have sooo much anger to vent, so why run?


That is sarcasm, my dear Graeynissis.


Still funny that the Netherlands is greater in size than Surinam, on this map…


Dinner conversations…


Would be lit…


Ahahahhaahha is it then finally suspicious?


So I’m just screaming for help in non-capslock all day, while using proper interpunction and a calm tone of voice. There are like a zillion figurative demons you’ll have to swerve past on your way to me.

I really hope my aunt is in the mood for Peking duck tonight 🙂 . And I hope for a spontaneous Victishe’s visit 😻 .

I’m in bed, shivering from hunger, with hunger pains again.

~~~

10:20 (AM)

LOL1

LOL2


But number 2 becomes number 1, more order changes will be there and the list will become farrr longer. Unsuspected criminals.

Look at me tweet my homieeeee:

I think I, by the way, remember Victishe having a slight Surinamese accent¿ Are we relatives¿ 🙁 Haha meowww je weet maar nooitt maar beter niet lol. Is het wel zo, dan is het wel zo hahaha ik weet het niet maar will zip it want niet weer schizofrenie gedoe please ah meowww…

Hoe zeg je “Boeroe” in non-offensive?

~~~

Blog, Media, Online Diary, Videos

~ While eating sushi, reading lilfangs.com/syntax-error out loud

I was planning to make another video about editing my websites, but you know I don’t like doing web development related things… So I impulsively decided to read my, at that moment, most recent diary post out loud and comment on the words I have written there.

It was a lot of fun recording it. You can clearly see me get more comfortable with you, as time passes by. I tell you, for example, all about my feelings for King Victishe…

And there are manyyy tangents in this video! All about the content I’ve been putting out in the open: from death threats to commentary on some awful Dutch political decision making…

Please enjoy 🙂

xxx

You’ll hear me speak Cuddle 🙂

Blog, Media, Nederlandse Tekst, Online Diary, Popular Posts, Random Thoughts, Reflections, Strategy, Videos

Lekker mezelf zijn terwijl die hartverscheurende Cold Case helaas nog steeds niet is afgesloten

– – – – 09/05/’19

Offline

Ik heb me echt lang niet zo vrij gevoeld.

https://lilfangs.com/fangyist-souls

Wat mijn blog content betreft val ik ontzettend in herhaling. Minstens tot en met mijn samenkomst met dr. Crutzen, zal ik daarom offline zijn. Wel zal ik af en toe mijn e-mail checken, dus als je me wil bereiken, kan dat via d.elia@docis.international.

Ik werd zo geconsumeerd door het schrijven om mijn concept en identiteit te definiëren, dat ik vergat dat alles online eigenlijk waardeloos is.

Ik hoop dat de technologie zich zodanig verder zal ontwikkelen, dat het concept van de online persoonlijkheid zal verdwijnen, en het leven zelf een uiterst bovennatuurlijke ervaring wordt. Daar zet ik me voor in.

En voor Cuddles 😀 . Because I love youuu ♥

Ik wil mijn samenkomst met dr. Crutzen sowieso op camera vastleggen. Hopelijk zien jullie vanaf dan (of misschien zelfs eerder al) mijn ware, (monocratische, maar open voor goed advies) gezicht.

Tot snel, mijn lief ♥

– – – – 06/05/’19

De Rest van de Strategie

Het filmpje hierboven is belangrijke uitleg. Verder is, zoals de afgelopen twee jaar, mijn strategie wachten tot ik dr. Crutzen na die ontzettend lange tijd eindelijk mag zien en we verder kunnen praten over hoe we het Stratagem eindelijk in de praktijk kunnen brengen, featuring other Graeynissis 😀 .

Morgen ga ik een nieuw filmpje in het Nederlands maken, tenzij mijn bevrijding vervroegd wordt (is wat ik iedere dag hoop, meer dan de afgelopen twee jaar).

Youtube & korte filmpjes

Mijn publiceren is op dit moment lekker all over the place en hier zijn dus nog wat meer filmpjes die nog niet in dit “artikel” stonden, in semi-publicatievolgorde:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTIpy0GzcuE&t=2342s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KE0kGxIXFyE&t=518s

Ik ga nu mijn powerpoint voor mijn praten over de link tussen Fangyisme en D.O.C.I.S. International afmaken, dat filmen en koken. Of mijn filmpje voor of na het eten af is weet ik nog niet… xxx

– – – – 01/05/’19

Instagram

Normaal gesproken deel ik in mijn dagboek dat ik aan het koken ben. Vandaag deed ik dat op Instagram 🙂 . (Beetje beschamend, want het kan natuurlijk niet op tegen al die gelikte kookvideos die je overal kan zien.)

Mid-eating

Ik heb ook een filmpje gedeeld van toen ik piano aan het spelen was & toen ik in de sportschool was.

Mijn hoeveelheid volgers, likes, views et cetera is echt zwaar deprimerend.

– – – – 29/04/’19

Praten tegen een muur

Zo voelt dit. Dit is niet het eind resultaat van mijn werk. Maar dat wist je natuurlijk al, omdat je alles al gelezen hebt :). [Dat was mijn depressie gecombineerd met PTSS die zich uitte in deze sarcastische opmerking die is veroorzaakt door het treurige feit dat iemand die nu pas begint met kijken waar dit allemaal eigenlijk over gaat, zo veel in te halen heeft dat de manier waarop er op deze strategie geanticipeerd zou moeten worden, voor diegene niet 1 2 3 duidelijk is.]

– – – 25/04/’19

Ik wil echt godverdomme uit huis

Het is weer “business as usual”. Het probleem is dat ik dit leven achter me wil laten – inclusief de mensen – maar ik hiervoor het kapitaal niet heb. Ik ga hoe dan ook vandaag weg. Ook al slaap ik weer minstens 3 dagen buiten, net als in 2017. Ik ben zooo klaar met deze man. Echt. Hier eerst een voorproefje.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=efTIEZhaOXY&t=35s 

Intussen

Intussen doe ik wat web en social media onderhoud. Ik ben onder andere bezig met het instellen van Push Notificaties, zodat ik binnenkort geen gebruik meer hoef te maken van andere social media. Heb jij het notificatieverzoek al gekregen?

– – – – 23/04/’19

Ik ben moe

Na meer dan een jaar lang continu een lange en diverse reeks aan boeken en blog posts schrijven – die niemand leest – voelen mijn hersenen aan alsof ze het ieder moment kunnen begeven. Ik ben daardoor ook te vermoeid – en pici teleurgesteld – om te denken aan een nieuwe low-budget (door de diversiteit, mijn ongeschooldheid en mijn lage inkomen kan ik geen aanspraak maken op kapitaal) manier om mijn concept te innoveren, omdat dat me weer veel tijd en hersencapaciteit gaat kosten. Daarnaast vind ik dat mijn andere publicaties nog niet genoeg aandacht hebben gekregen voor iets nieuws.

Dus dit artikel zal steeds bovenaan blijven staan, omdat ik de datum zal blijven updaten naar de datum waarop ik een stuk tekst toevoeg 🙂 . Intussen wacht ik ook op de heropening van mijn Cold Case (over mijn vermissing, over de onterechte imagoschade en privacyschending, over de criminele manier waarop de politie me heeft behandeld, over de onterechte diagnose schizofrenie en de hartverscheurende gevolgen daarvan, de manier waarop ik mijn hele leven al financieel aan de grond gehouden word, et cetera), die als het goed is mid-mei plaatsvindt. (Maar intussen heb ik nog steeds geen vast inkomen 🙁 . Ik kan pas echt goed werken wanneer mijn naam gezuiverd is en niet meer als schizofreen word gestigmatiseerd.)

Twitter

@LilFangs_

Sinds de publicatie van dit artikel (de 21ste van de maand April), ben ik zeer actief geweest op Twitter, voor promotie. Ik kon het ook niet laten om me gelijk met allerlei politieke discussies te bemoeien.

Voor het behouden van een uitlaatklep, terwijl ik mijn hersenen wat rust geef en wacht tot mijn publicaties hun welverdiende aandacht hebben gehad (GRRRRR OP MINSTENS DE ZELFDE SCHAAL ALS DIE LEUGEN VAN EEN VERMISSINGSCAMPAGNE), zal ik daar nu wat actiever op zijn.

Het is ook een wat toegankelijkere manier van corresponderen, voor mensen die eerst nog wat meer willen zien voordat ze mijn blog bezoeken.

Solliciteren = huilen

Als ik een euro zou krijgen voor elke keer dat een bedrijf/recruiter/whatever me een, “Probeer het maar ergens anders,” bericht heeft gestuurd, zou ik inmiddels met pensioen kunnen.

En dat terwijl ik eigenlijk absoluut niet in loondienst wil gaan werken. Ik wil graag een baan die bij mijn intelligentie past, maar de meeste banen voor mijn leeftijd en opleidingsniveau, vallen zwaar onder dat niveau.

Het allerliefst zou ik voor vele bedrijven en individuen als een inhuurbare propagandist werken. Met kortetermijncontracten. Maar daarvoor heb ik een netwerk en aanbevelingen nodig, en die heb ik beiden niet 🙁 .

Zoekwoordsuggesties

Indien je/u meer achtergrondinformatie over dit blog wil, raad ik de volgende zoektermen aan: (Door die termen te zoeken, door op de loep rechtsbovenaan het scherm te klikken, vind u/je namelijk een aantal typische Lil Fangs blogberichten.)

  • Schizophrenia / psychotic / psychosis / psychotisch / schizofrenie (= dat ongevraagde wat ik probeer aan te vechten, want ik ben het niet met dat stigma eens)
  • Missing
  • Justice
  • Police
  • Nosce Te Ipsum
  • D.O.C.I.S. International
  • The Head Cuddle / brain-to-brain communication (is hetzelfde, maar The Head Cuddle is mijn zelfverzonnen dialect voor het device)
  • Sea level / water level / zeespiegel
  • My B

– – – 21/04/’19

Ba-dum-tsss

Het grappigste van deze hele website is dat ik mezelf steeds uitdruk in het Engels, terwijl dat mijn eerste taal helemaal niet is. Ik vind gewoon dat de politieke verwevenheid van Nederland in alle andere landen ter wereld gewoon een keer goed onder de loep genomen moet worden (want hier is veeeeel meer aan de hand), en dat we dat moeten gebruiken als het begin van de nu zeer hoog nodige internationale hervorming (een voorbeeld van een internationale connectie is het Nederlands belastingsysteem dat als een mafiabaas is die altijd “WHERE THE FUCK IS MY MONEY!?” schreeuwt, zodra je hier een cent verdiend hebt of hier geboren bent, en dat dat echt anders moet [het noemt zichzelf een belastingparadijs (Google het maar: “Nederland belastingparadijs”), maar dat is geen waarheid, maar valse marketing en PR], want dat geld wordt niet goed besteed), en daarvoor wil ik mezelf als uitgangspunt gebruiken, gezien mijn extreem diverse lijst van talenten, aspiraties, gewoontes en wettelijke wensen. Het Engels is een een stuk toegankelijkere taal. (Het wordt meer gesproken, wereldwijd onderwezen en cursussen zijn heeeeel makkelijk te vinden, ongeacht waar je woont. Maar gelukkig kan er ook online vertaald worden – gezien deze post in het Nederlands is – hoewel dat niet altijd even accuraat is.)

Dit is stiekem wel een heel interessant verhaal

Daarnaast zullen veel verschillende mensen zich kunnen herkennen in mijn verhaal. Dat ik bijvoorbeeld zwart ben, maar de Nederlandse nationaliteit mijn enige nationaliteit is, is een lang verhaal dat begint met slavernij, wat ik met vele andere kleurlingen [denk bijvoorbeeld aan African-Americans (die niet weten waar hun voorouders precies vandaan komen 🙁 ) en Nederland dat (slavenkolonie) Nieuw Amsterdam ( = New York) aan de Britten overgaf, in ruil voor Suriname] gemeen heb. Er zijn misschien zelfs meer Surinamers uit Suriname in Nederland, dan er Surinamers in Suriname zijn. Het is niet echt te tellen, want eens was Suriname onderdeel van het Koninkrijk der Nederlanden (tot 1975). En mijn geboorteplaats is Rotterdam. Ik ben, van mijn familie, de derde generatie in Nederland.

“Ojo Lil Fangs is altijd vet onduidelijk waar gaat het nou eigenlijk over ze legt het niet eens uit bla bla bla”

Ik heb deze post gemaakt omdat ik in de stemming ben om mijn gedachten zo puur mogelijk te delen, en die betrekking hebben op zo veel verschillende onderwerpen, dat ik het maar op deze manier ga aanpakken. Ik denk dat het een fijnere gebruikerservaring is, wanneer je niet naar een volgend artikel hoeft door te klikken voor de volgende dag. Vandaar dat het nu één artikel wordt voor alle levensfilosofie en random gedachten, zolang ik nog in deze beroerde situatie leef. Met mijn eigen verdere bezigheden zal ik u wekelijks updaten 🙂 . Ik voeg alles aan deze post toe, tot ik eindelijk gehoor heb gekregen wat betreft mijn cold case. Ik ben geen schizofreen en had die diagnose NOOOOOOOOOOOIT mogen krijgen. (Dat verhaal komt in vrijwel iedere persoonlijke post voor [voorbeeldje] en ik houd er eigenlijk echt niet van om mezelf meer dan twee keer te herhalen omdat mensen de moeite niet willen nemen om te lezen wat ik nog meer heb geschreven. (Zo erg dat ik er pittig fel van kan worden.))

Een beetje respect zou ik wel fijn vinden

Ik wil echt veel liever met “u” aangesproken worden, trouwens. Vooral omdat mensen echt fuuuuucking respectloos zijn tegen mij, en ze dan alsnog fucking respect van mij verwachten!? Ik wil dan dat het de gewoonte wordt om me met “u” aan te spreken, omdat ik in mijn verbale communicatie altijd mijn best doe om lief en respectvol voor iemand te zijn. Plus, ik wil graag wat meer respect voor mijn intelligentie. Vooral van mensen die echt fucking dom én respectloos zijn. Ik doe dit namelijk ook voor hen.

Waarom nog meer Nederland als startpunt?

Publieke stock trading begon met de Nederlandse piraterij en slavernij. De VOC en later ook de WIC. (Voel je vrij om de feiten te controleren door je eigen onderzoek te doen, in case you do not believe me.) Vandaag de dag zijn vele mensenlevens verweven in de aandelenmarkt. (Niet de mijne, in de zin van zelf geen aandelen bezitten. Maar in mijn omgeving hebben ONTZETTENDDDD veel mensen aandelen. En volgens mij zijn de Nederlandse pensioenfondsen nu afhankelijk van bitcoins en wapenhandel. (Dat men überhaupt nog steeds denkt dat een pensioenfonds de verdere vergrijzing aan zal kunnen…… Het is echt tijd voor hervorming.)) Ik heb de correlatie tussen de aandelenmarkt en uitstoot al een aantal keren uitgelegd. En waarom de waarde van geld gebaseerd zou moeten worden op wat er op dit moment in de natuur beschikbaar is ( = niet zo veel). We moeten het gesprek dat werkelijk gevoerd moet worden – dat gesprek waarvoor velen wegdeinzen [haha I see you 🙂 ] – ECHTTTTT NIET langer uit de weg gaan.

Gemeenheid is onderdeel van de Nederlandse cultuur, en dit verspreidt zich over andere culturen, als een soort epidemie. Niet alleen door het piraten- en slavernijverleden (die als “heldendaden” worden gezien). Een ander voorbeeld is dat vele Nederlanders een gesprek beginnen door middel van een belediging.

Gisteren, bijvoorbeeld, toen ik door de supermarkt liep met een trench coat aan, terwijl de rest van de mensen in t-shirts en korte jurkjes enzo rond liep, en ik een verre kennis tegen het lijf liep, was het eerste wat hij tegen me zei, nadat ik hem begroet had met “Hallo” en hem later weer tegen het lijf liep in een ander deel van de winkel, “Je ziet er uit alsof het winter is,” zei. En als ik dan “Hou je bek gewoon als je niks te zeggen hebt, want dit is toch geen manier om een fucking gesprek te starten,” zeg, dan ben ik weer fout. Daarom zei ik: “Het weer kan zomaar omslaan. Ik ben graag voorbereid.” The truth is: gister was het niet zo warm en ik kom de afgelopen twee jaar niet zo vaak buiten, dus de trench coat was een impulsieve keuze, en ik vind een luchtige trench coat aan doen met 23 graden echt niet zo winters. Met die opmerking zeg je indirect dat iemand zich niet normaal gedraagt. Op die manier vind ik het een woordenwisseling die helemaal niet plaats had hoeven vinden. Ik voel me namelijk al kut genoeg zonder die kutopmerking. Voor de gemiddelde Nederlander is een gesprek als in dat voorbeeld normaal. Ik hoop dat ik niet de enige ben die daar een ontzettende bloedhekel aan heeft.

En dan nog niet eens te beginnen over zwarte piet en hoe vaak ik daar niet mee vergeleken ben in mijn jeugd. Fucking walgelijk en barbaars. En de haat die er wordt verspreid door Nederlandse nieuwsmedia en BNners.

Ik vind dat de mensen die niet respectvol met elkaar kunnen omgaan, van elkaar gescheiden moeten worden. Zo kunnen alleen de mensen die met elkaar overweg kunnen, met elkaar samen leven, en is de wereld een een stuk vreedzamere plek. De mensen die ruzie zoeken met alles en iedereen moeten echt verrrrr uit mijn buurt blijven 🙂 . (Dat is maar 1/1000 van mijn hele idee voor maatschappijhervorming.)

Vrolijk Pasen!

Vrolijk Pasen! 🙂

Ik snap niet waarom een moeder besluit om uitgerekend op Eerste Paasdag met één dochter (en haar vriendje) + kennissen naar Spanje te vertrekken (ik zei eerder Portugal, maar het is dus Spanje), en ik nu alleen zal zijn met mijn “vader” en twee oma’s, die niet eens zijn uitgenodigd voor het restaurant diner van vanavond. Een diner samen met andere mensen die “waarschijnlijk” niet eens mijn biologische familie zijn. Snapt iemand anders dit?

Uit solidariteit heb ik wat boodschappen gedaan om morgen een brunch voor te bereiden voor mijn oma’s (alleen dat is “oma” en oma, als mijn “vader” mijn vader niet blijkt te zijn, na een DNA test, die nog steeds uitgevoerd moet worden) en “vader”, morgen.

Eerlijkgezegd zou ik liever bij Benoît of een andere Graeyniss aansluiten vandaag. En morgen. En voor altijd. Cishe :D.

Waarom ik niet mee ben gegaan naar Spanje? Omdat je daar geen kant op kan [ze gaan naar een vakantiehuis (van twee huisjes/huizen) op een heel afgelegen plek], en het vermaak dan aankomt op gesprekskwaliteit, en dan wordt het Suriname all over again ( = net zoals die vakanties daarheen), en dat houd ik niet langer vol dan een paar minuten. Ik word ontzettend snel geïrriteerd wanneer ik een gesprek te oppervlakkig vind, maar probeer dan tegelijkertijd nog beleefd te blijven, en na verloop van tijd gaat dat gewoon mis.

Hier kan ik eindeloos workaholic zijn, naar de sportschool gaan en Graeynissis stalken, en wordt er geen gezelligheid van me verwacht. En een baan zoeken haha meoww I hope I may hug this Vicje :D.

Nog een vraag

Probeert deze persoon hier te zeggen dat ze denkt dat er niet maar één auteur is op deze website? Want dat zou me echt FUCKING PISSIG maken. Ik word er namelijk SCHIJTZIEK van dat mensen me incompetent noemen/vinden. Dat anderen niet in staat zijn zo goed te schrijven als ik (op 22-jarige leeftijd), wil niet zeggen dat ik niet bovennatuurlijk getalenteerd kan zijn. Er is maar één Lil Fangs en ik zal dat dolgraag willen bewijzen en na dat bewezen te hebben het liefst even een beetje frustratie luchten.

Ik heb weliswaar, gezien ik ook de webdeveloper ben van zowel LilFangs.com en Docis.International, voor mezelf, in verband met veiligheidsredenen, een administrator en een editors account aangemaakt, in plaats van alleen een administrators account te gebruiken, maar ik post de laatste tijd blog berichten vanaf beide accounts, dus vandaar dat het kan lijken alsof er meerdere auteurs op dit blog zijn.

Ik ben geen fucking fraudeur en iedereen die dat over mij durft te denken, mag sterven van mij. Waarom tf zou je een hele persoonlijke websites maken met de meest gedetailleerde persoonlijke ervaringen, op de meest hoge frequentie in de geschiedenis van de mensheid, maar dat dan niet eens zelf schrijven? Dat klinkt echt fucking dom.

– – –

De uitgelichte afbeelding is gemaakt door Chevanon Photography, gedownload van Pexels.com

Gekozen omdat ik me (alleen) op LilFangs.com als een vis in het water voel, en omdat Benoît me in brain-to-brain communication pesce noemt en ik hem visje 😀 .

Media, Strategy, Videos

The Link between Fangyism and (the) D.O.C.I.S.

I elaborate on the similar motives for the constitution of Fangyism and D.O.C.I.S. (International), and how this shows itself in my (future) sustainability policy and Fangyist economics.

In the video, I said that I was going to put these things in the description:

Blog, Media, Online Diary, Videos

Innovation & Cold Case 32 [Thursday, May 2, 2019]

13:02 (01:02 PM)

Good afternoon 🙂

I’ll be showing you how I update my websites today, (semi-)live!

Like around last year’s Christmas, I’m going to attempt to excite people to act upon my online fundraiser. This time I’m attempting the more populist approach, though that is a little against my principles. I just want my business to finally thrive…

13:49 (01:49 PM)

16:56 (04:56 PM)

20:11 (08:11 PM)

Lil Fangs
Art, Audio, Blog, Donation Forms, Ex Animo, Images, Interest & Money in Perspective, Interviews, MacroFangs, Media, Nederlandse Tekst, Nosce Te Ipsum, Online Diary, Polls, Popular Posts, Random questions, Random Thoughts, Recipes, Reflections, The General Theory of Employment, Tips, Uncategorized, Videos

Dominique Daniëlle Elia CV (curriculum vitae) in het Nederlands

Dominique Daniëlle Elia

Praesens (D.O.C.I.S. International)

 

Algemene persoonsgegevens

Geboortedatum: 1 november 1996 (22 jaar)

Geboorteplaats: Rotterdam

E-mailadres: d.danielle.elia@gmail.com (persoonlijk)

Adres: XXXXXXXXXX Capelle aan den IJssel

 

Persoonlijke doelen

Langetermijndoel

Op de lange termijn wil ik, door middel van het combineren van wiskundige, economische, wettelijke en didactische kennis, graag bijdragen aan de hervorming van het internationaal politiek-economisch systeem, met een (nog) sterke(re) nadruk op duurzaamheid. Dit of via het bedrijfsleven, of via de politiek zelf.

Korte termijn doelen

  • (Minstens) mijn bachelor in de wiskunde behalen.
  • Lang genoeg werkervaring opdoen om officieel aantoonbaar op hoger dan junior-niveau te kunnen presteren.
  • Mijn netwerk uitbreiden ten gunste van mijn langetermijndoel.
  • Een nieuwe strategie uitdenken om als zelfstandige dichter bij mijn langetermijndoel te kunnen komen.

Educatie

Diploma’s

  • Marnix Gymnasium: Gymnasium

Behaald in 2016

Profielkeuze: Economie & Maatschappij met Duits, Latijn, wiskunde B en informatica

  • The Open University: Open Bachelor’s Degree

Nog niet behaald

Georiënteerd op (Financiële) Wiskunde

Certificaten

  • British Council
    • Cambridge First Certificate English
  • European Piano Teachers Association
    • Niveau C2
  • Basis Flight Simulator certificaat

Werkervaring

  • Neridus-IT: Boekhoudassistente

augustus 2013 – september 2016

Het bijhouden van de financiële bewijsstukken (zowel digitaal als fysiek) en de financiële correspondentie tussen het bedrijf en het (uitbestede) accountantskantoor.

  • Zowel Delfshaven: Financieel hulpverlener (vrijwilliger)

juni 2016 – september 2016

Het ordenen van de administratie, opstellen van persoonlijke budgetten, inlichten en aanvragen voorbereiden, van mensen met financiële problemen in de regio Delfshaven, in een bijstands- en/of schuldsaneringstraject.

  • Elia PR: PR consultant (zelfstandige)

september 2016 – december 2017

Het ontwikkelen van PR strategieën en campagneconcepten voor individuen, op basis van de technieken van de grondleggers van de PR, in een uiterst alternatief, modern jasje.

  • D.O.C.I.S. International: Auteur, onderzoeker, (PR) strateeg en webdeveloper (zelfstandige)

juli 2018 – heden

Het ontwikkelen van een onderzoeksproject met toekomstige bestuursuitbreiding, aansluitend op mijn langetermijndoel, door middel van een invulverhalenserie (om zo te beginnen met een consumentenonderzoek dat uiteindelijk aanduidt aan welke eisen de internationale gemeenschap wil dat een revolutionair politiek-economisch systeem voldoet). Dit concept is echter nog niet officieel aan de man gebracht en dient op dit moment meer als een hobby waarmee ik ook een zakcentje verdien.

  • ANWB: Telefonisch hulpverlener

augustus 2018 – september 2018

Zomerkracht op de afdeling gespecialiseerd in de internationale voorziening van huurauto’s voor mensen die pech hebben gehad onderweg, maar toch hun vakantie willen voortzetten.

Overige (Informele) Ervaring

  • Ervaring met koken

Ik sta al van jongs af aan in de keuken, ken veel diverse kooktechnieken en smaakcombinaties uit keukens uit vele verschillende landen (met name Suriname, Nederland, Italië, Frankrijk en India), ontwikkel zeer regelmatig mijn eigen recepten (want ik hou van gevarieerd eten) en kook ook regelmatig driegangendiners voor groepen van 5 tot 10 mensen.

  • Ervaring met lesgeven

Over lesgeven (en spreken voor publiek) ben ik zeer gepassioneerd. Ik heb in veel verschillende disciplines (bij)les gegeven, waaronder: wiskunde, economie, PWSsen schrijven, piano spelen, vechttechnieken, basketbaltechnieken, koken, Engels, Nederlands en omgaan met telefoons en computers.

  • Ervaring als model

Van kleins af aan doe ik af en toe modellenwerk op aanvraag of voor eigen bedrijfsdoeleinden.

  • Ervaring als actrice/figurant
    • Acteren vind ik ook ontzettend leuk. Ik heb hier een beetje ervaring mee (door school, dansoptredens en sketches met mede hobby video sketch makers.)

Publicaties

Boeken

ISBN: 9789082936803

Gepubliceerd op 24 september 2018

Een heruitgave van episodes over mijn onderzoeksproject en science-fiction verhaal die ik eerder had gepubliceerd, maar later van het internet af had gehaald in verband met de controverse achter het publiceren van mijn persoonlijke verhaal in het verhaal en het risico dat dat kon zijn voor een baangarantie.

ISBN: 9789082936810

Gepubliceerd op 30 september 2018

Een introductie van het invulverhaal en de onderzoeksmethode achter het invulverhaal, waarin de lezer de protagonist is en de ingevulde informatie zal worden gebruikt voor het zoeken naar “The Universal Standard of Human Reasoning”, die nodig is voor het vinden van een politiek-economisch consensus.

ISBN: 9789082936834

Gepubliceerd op 30 november 2018

Een uitweiding van het invulverhaal, met als thema de (bedrijfs)filosofie en strategische uitdagingen binnen het onderzoeksconcept, gecombineerd met een vroege poging tot ledenwerving.

ISBN: 9789082936896

Gepubliceerd op 30 januari 2019

Een lang essay over een non-cijfermatig algoritme voor levensverbetering en de toepassing hiervan.

ISBN: 9789082936889

Gepubliceerd op 30 maart 2019

De onthulling van de spanningslagen uit het eerste boek van het invulverhaal en de laatste invulvragen die samen de hypothese van The Universal Standard of Human Reasoning vormen.

Long-read Artikelen

Publicatiedatum: 28 februari 2019

Dit is deel 1 van de artikelenserie die gaat over de macro-economische gedachte achter de organisatie die ik wil starten en over de economische hervorming van Keynes.

Publicatiedatum: 15 april 2019

Deel 2 van de serie over macro-economie in de context van mijn (hopelijk) toekomstig bedrijf, gaat in op hedendaagse voorbeelden van marktfalen en de (zelf ontwikkelde) wiskundige basismodellen achter mijn idee van duurzame hervorming.

Karaktereigenschappen

Positief Negatief
Communicatief sterk Soms verlegen
Doortastend empathisch vermogen (Vrijetijds)workaholic wat betreft auteurschap en onderzoek
Leert snel Gebruikt soms complexe woordkeuzes en zinsconstructies
Initiatiefnemer

 

Hobby’s

In mijn vrije tijd dans ik graag. In het verleden heb ik ballet (3-4 jaar), streetdance (12 – 14 jaar) en hip-hop (16 jaar) danslessen gevolgd. Ik heb vroeger ook judo (4 tot 8 jaar), pençak silat (6 tot 12 jaar) en tennislessen (3 jaar eventjes en toen 10 tot 12 jaar) gevolgd. Vanaf mijn veertiende tot mijn achttiende speelde ik voor Rotterdam Basketbal. Sinds mijn negende speel ik piano.

Tekenen (en schilderen en beeldhouwen) doe ik met slecht weer met plezier. Fotograferen doe ik ook heel graag. Vooral wanneer ik reis, wat ik ook erg vaak met vol enthousiasme doe. Ik ben in Nederland (Amsterdam, Texel, Ameland, Hoenderloo, Maastricht, Enschede, en nog een paar steden), Duitsland (Berlijn, Stuttgart, München, Düsseldorf, Trier, Wiesbaden en Meerbusch), Frankrijk (Parijs en diverse delen van Normandië), België (diverse plaatsen in de Ardennen en Antwerpen), Engeland (Newcastle), Ierland (Dublin), Suriname (Paramaribo en twee plaatsen in “de binnenlanden”), de Bahama’s (Nassau), Spanje (Ibiza), Italië (Rome, Udine, Verona, Venetië en Brugnera), Turkije (Marmaris en Alanya), Griekenland (Kreta) en de Verenigde Staten (Miami, FL; Baltimore, MA) op vakantie geweest, gedurende mijn hele leven, en zou graag nog veel meer van de wereld willen zien.

Verder lees ik ook graag informatieve klassiekers (zo kom ik bijvoorbeeld aan mijn PR basiskennis), ben ik bekend met programmeren met Visual Basic (en heb ik ook ervaring met programmeren voor Android, Java (in het algemeen) en C# (voor Unity)), kan ik Access databases bouwen (zo heb ik mijn eigen boekhoudsysteem gemaakt, voor mijn persoonlijke administratie), beheers ik HTML en CSS, spreek ik vloeiend Engels (en kan ik een beetje Frans spreken (en het bijna vloeiend verstaan (als het niet te snel en geen gebroken Frans/straattaal is)), Sranan Tongo kan ik redelijk verstaan, Duits kan ik redelijk spreken en vrijwel vloeiend verstaan), maak ik soms beats met Reason Lite, ga ik regelmatig naar de sportschool (voor krachttraining), houd ik van (neo-soul/rap/hip-hop/jazz/klassiek/R&B) muziek luisteren, fietsen en sprinten, ben ik de laatste tijd een beetje Italiaans aan het leren, en – last but not least – schrijf ik heeeeel veeel (voor mijn persoonlijke blog LilFangs.com 🙂 ).


If you are interested in becoming part of D.O.C.I.S. International, please read my Business Overture 🙂

Blog, Images, Media, Online Diary, Random Thoughts, Reflections, Videos

Cold Case 15 [Tuesday, April 16, 2019]

14:22 (02:22 PM)

Good afternoon ♥

Exactly one year ago, I wrote my first online diary post. And yesterday, I shared the first fundamentals of the alternative economic system I live for to see it thrive. My written content has evolved a lot, in the past year 🙂 .

Something that has stayed stagnate, however, is my development in finding a suitable audience.

The things I write about and the concepts I want to tackle collectively, apply to all of our lives. But the majority of people in what I considered my social circle, would rather look away and say that what I want to accomplish is impossible. That goes for many people outside that circle as well.

So I’m still busy strategizing my way around this enormous burden. Attending networking events, has been my main method to attempt this, aside from attempting to reopen and close my cold case by trying another way to reach my B ( = dr. Crutzen).

Within this year, I have spent more than 70% of time all by myself, working on this concept for change. That’s why I haven’t experienced many memorable things, in comparison to previous years. Typing and writing has become so common that there’s nothing memorable about it anymore.

The Harvard Business Review / Harvard Business Publishing Executive Event, which I attended Thursday last week, is, because of that, a memory that is added to my collection of mentally visual memories, to which not many things have been added, in the past year.

I, still, keep replaying everything I remember that has happened there, in my mind, because – aside from me heavily struggling with my temper – it was an exciting experience, in comparison to the many other things I frequently experience. Frequent experiences such as laying in bed while typing a diary post, with my stomach growling, because it’s past 3 PM (now that I’m typing this) and I still have not eaten anything yet.

I’m going to eat “breakfast” and then I’ll continue my build-up towards expressing feelings that are so unusual that I tend to hide them 🙂 .

~~~

16:45 (04:45 PM)

The memories of the event, which uncontrollably replay itself in my mind, bring along mixed feelings. Mixed feelings, of partial positivity, because I was very happy to be in an environment where everyone has been encouraged to brainstorm and where very experienced people shared their knowledge, plus meeting two very nice students, but I found myself struggling with social norms so much that I just couldn’t stay for lunch and networking.

I thought that the audience of the event was going to be the same type of people as the speakers themselves, and that we were going to brainstorm together to list and solve employment (and sustainability) related challenges. But most people in the audience who made themselves heard there, were not in such a position. (As far as I know – in the context of the future – only the students (who also have leadership aspirations, for a business that is not an app or an ice cream store. It was so comforting to hear 😀 ) and I.) For some reason – of which the explanation I’m building up towards – I had the feeling that – though I had the chance of seeing and speaking to people I’ve had a very slight chance of ever meeting – it was not the right time to raise awareness on my business concept.

I kept thinking that we would be better off alone, without the people down the ladder who are not waiting to be replaced by artificial intelligence. Without a team of supporters, I’m not ready to be verbally lynched by the opponents of the real technological revolution that, in the end, is inevitable.

I couldn’t think of any one-on-one conversation starters, because I thought that I was going to be starting group conversations with Graeynissis. The only thing I could think of is asking the Dutch CEO of such a popular Dutch holding, a question about emergency policies, regarding the waterworks.

[I’m a bit struggling with how to refer to high profile Graeynissis who I haven’t asked for permission to write about. But I think, since I already let this go on the day itself, I’ll just continue in full-face diary mode.]

Okayy I’m going to be very random and describe my full experience to you in full detail, including how I went there.

I definitively decided that I was going to attend the event, the day before, after I – after a long time – asked for a personal donation, to pay for the train… I hadn’t slept properly for a few days. If I had known that I would have been able to go there, I would have spent the day before differently (not going to a coffeeshop and playing basketball afterwards, but preparing a pitch), shaved my legs and gone to bed earlier.

But I selected my outfit before I went to sleep (thinking of making a representative impression), and I had slept for less than 2 hours, because my alarm went off at 05:20 AM. This had become my travel plan:

I had 13 minutes to buy a train ticket

The metro ride was only one stop, after which I walked to the Tobacco Theater

I made those screen shots when I was still in bed, because I woke up very tired and wondered for how long I could continue to rest. (I couldn’t.) After a quick rinse (since I already showered in the middle of the night, after having played basketball), I put on my wig (but realized that I had forgotten to comb it in the shower, so it was frizzy) and some make-up (wishing that I had the tools to make something else than another set of cat-eyes). I drank my tea in the bathroom, and didn’t have time to eat breakfast. (I was hoping that there would have been food at the coffee reception…)

After brief regular conversations with my parents, I walked to the metro and was in the train on time. I read the HBR edition from 2015 that was in my bag, as I sat on the folding chair near in between the train entrance and the entrance to the first class part of the train, for more than an hour. (Feeling slight heartache for not being a real executive travelling at least first class. Plus I just grabbed my trench coat off the coat rack when I left, not knowing that the dry cleaners had given it back to me all wrinkled, which made me feel uncomfortable after noticing it, when I saw my reflection in the metro.)

When I found the theater, I noticed my name tag right away, on the table at the wardrobe. I started the interaction with the employee standing near it, with: “Hi, I see my name tag here.” (I always think “Jaa wtf moet ik nu zeggen,” when I need to talk to personnel to initiate their work task.) She then took my jacket and asked me if I would like to have a print-out of the program. I said “Yes, please,” and also gave her my bag to hang at the wardrobe, because it was quite big in comparison to the bags I saw other people carry. Then I noticed that I had put my phone into my bag, so I asked for my bag back, took it out and gave it back, feeling slightly clumsy.

I still have my name tag and the print-out of the program:

Haha I feel very random for sharing this now, but I couldn’t type all of this while I was present there and after that I was busy making my Keynes deadline. I also feel random for still having it¿

I thought that I would have been able to score a piece of cake or something else to tame my stomach, which was growling very loud at some point

So I walked into the place where the magic was about to happen, and saw a lot of people chatting with each other. I was hungry, tired and alone, plus had no clue who to approach to have a truly fruitful conversation with (it’s always either fruitful or adding to my heartache, and the more my heart has endured, the more the gamble scares me). I decided to take a moment (and empty my bladder) by visiting the ladies room. The location thereof, I asked the sound+screen+lights crew. Quite clumsy again, because I was carrying my notebook and phone in my hand, and I have slight hosophobia.

Walking back to the theater hall (which I expected to be bigger¿), feeling a bit disoriented from all of the little corridors, I met Alexandra, who started our conversation by saying exactly what I was thinking: (paraphrased) that the construction of the theater is like a little maze. (That is neither positive, nor negative. Just a very bright observation 🙂 .)

I then asked her where she’s from – Slovakia – and within no time, we were exchanging our ideas and aspirations. The idea she has for the book she wants to write (which I won’t give away, because it’s her idea and not mine or anyone else’s), is something I believe the world truly needs. I gave her my business card right after I heard 🙂 .

I find it hard to estimate wheter people enjoy talking to me or not. I didn’t know if she was enjoying our conversation – I don’t have such nice conversations often, so I feared coming off too attached(¿) – and if me talking to her was maybe making someone else she’s with stand alone, so I asked if she was alone, too.

We were standing at the right side of the stage in the mini theater hall, near the door that leads to both the exit and the bathrooms, and she pointed to her friend, who was standing on the other side, at the coffee and tea tables. I asked if I could join them. In that way, we became a squad of three, but I didn’t know if they actually wanted me to join them or not (as in some people do not want that, and I didn’t know if they enjoyed my presence or were just being polite, but “Do you prefer it if I leave?” I found too much of a depressing question to ask and explain. Especially because I didn’t want to leave her side).

She introduced me to David (I believe is how his name is written), her fellow student. They know each other because they are both international human resources students at Saxion University. David is from Italy and reads the HBR – which is how they got the invitation – and took Alexandra along as his +1. They have plans of (potentially) starting a business together. (I have not asked if they were dating? They look(ed) like they really connect. I hope I didn’t eavesdrop on their date¿)

We talked about that at the tea and coffee tables, where Alexandra and I poured ourselves a cup of tea. She chose forest fruit flavor (I think¿) and I chose jasmin flavor.

Around the time I had finished my tea, we walked to the seating area in the middle of the theater. We sat down in the middle of the seating area, on the middle right side of the middle parting of the rows of black wooden chairs with flat cushions on them. Because of the way we approached the chairs, I ended up sitting in between the students I had just met. (My insecurities repeatedly made me wonder if I was right for eavesdropping like this? But it felt even stranger to ask. Like how my mother tells me that dr. Crutzen actually wants nothing to do with me, but he still wants to schedule a meeting with me?)

I’m going to have dinner (it’s 9 PM now) and then I’ll continue 🙂 .

~~~

21:32 (09:32 PM)

Dinner was great. I love spare ribs 🙂 . I’ll now continue my very random explanation of flashbacks, of this special Thursday.

Miss Wright welcomed us with her speech, after which Mister Macht (cool to have the Dutch word for power as your last name 🙂 ) gave his speech. He explained how, with the tools of Harvard Business Publishing (corporate learning), the performance of an organization can be improved.

I believe that at some point, he mentioned that cyborgs (as in a human being with brain implants) already exist (in the context of the business side of it, which also suits the future of work very much) – which was something that made me want to cheer, because that would definitely make me win my psychiatry related cold case – but I can’t find that back in his slides? (I swear I saw and heard it thoughhh. I also heard (Dutch) people anxiously mutter, when it was shown. (Maybe that is why it’s not included in the downloadable version? Or maybe Mister Anthony said it. It’s in neither of the slides, but it really has been mentioned. Anywayy yay cyborgs.))

Since I heard that, I’ve been thinking: if I can perform brain-to-brain communication, while regular humans cannot do that, does that then make me a cyborg? It wouldn’t surprise me if I were one 🙂 . It would also explain why “some” of my relatives treat me like dirt 🙂 . I still have real feelings, though they might forget 🙂 .

The examples of business cases Joshua gave – I don’t know if I should stay respectfully formal or go colloquially first-name-basis on this, but this is my very intimately expressed diary so yayy – are the exciting futuristic and beautifully established brands that make me so excited about Harvard Business Publishing / the Harvard Business Review.

I would so love D.O.C.I.S. International to become one of those HBP & HBR case businesses. But meoww I’m such a small business, the concept is so controversial and I’m so broke, that I fear being rejected or ignored, for some reason. I still e-mailed him about my interest in a corporate partnership, hoping that that is the right approach to, in the end, have him become one of my Graeynissis 😀 .

After Joshua Macht [I wonder if using the name of someone who ranks high in search engines is somehow notified when I use his or her name?] had spoken, and an elaborate series of questions from the audience had been asked, Scott D. Anthony interactively spoke of the future of business, from the perspective of Innosight, as well as from his own personal perspective.

I found the slide, by the way! It was mister Anthony who spoke of a cyborg (in the context of the quote “The future has already arrived. It is just not very evenly distributed.” I knew it! (x2 (as in the world is far more advanced than the way mainstream Dutch people see it, which I’ve mentioned quite often here))). Meoww I received the slides today and realized that what I told Scott in the e-mail I sent him was inaccurate, in the sense that I told him that he inspired me to work on the way I analyze my data, and then referred to a slide that was not his x_x. I feel stupiddd. I also feel strange for mailing, while I have his and Joshua’s phone number, but what I want to say is sooo much and my voice would be all shaky because I’d see it as a once-in-a-lifetime chance that could easily blow over if I don’t use the right words.

The cyborg is wearing a red jacket, I believe :).

I discussed the “bingo” slide with Alexandra. I told her about the self-driving buses I used to take to visit the gym in Rivium Business Park, and about the cryptominers in this house I live in. We have both tried plant-based meat 🙂 . (I really wonder how it gets its meat flavor?)

At the end of the first part of his speech, he asked for two volunteers from the audience. I raised my hand right away, because I love being a subject for an audience and speaking for an audience.

After being selected first, by being pointed at, I walked on stage by taking a huge step with my Timberlands heels, instead of taking the stairs. It was very random, but it felt more efficient than walking towards the little stairs on the side of the stage. Then I was told to take place in front of the stage, instead of on top of it, so I used my efficient way of walking again, mentally crossing my fingers to not twist my ankle, as I took a big step to get off the stage, and – with the shakiness of my sore muscles from the work-out sessions fron the days before, plus loss of muscle strength because of the state of my heart – my other leg followed. I thought I was going to feel awkward about it, but I’m happy that I didn’t feel bad and kept my feeling of happiness.

Scott asked us who we are and whether we were optimists or pessimists about the prospects of the future. The other subject – I am incredibly sorry to have forgotten his name – who I believe was a Sikh, said that he is an optimist. I said that I’m both an optimist and a pessimist, using the words “I’m a little bit of both.” I introduced myself with only my name, by means of making an indirect statement, on which I will later elaborate.

After having been told about both optimistic and pessimistic statistics, regarding corporate and international growth, and the story behind that (after which we were told to not focus on the numbers, which – that always happens – incentivized me to focus on the numbers) my opponent volunteer was tasked with defending pessimism (“we are at the … of despair”) and I was tasked with defending optimism (“we are at the spring of hope”). The reasons for optimism were mainly about the increasing amount of start-ups and steady profits. Pessimism was defended by elaborating on the state of the oil market.

That is when I realized how complicated (to open up about) my actual viewpoint is. I’m only slightly optimistic, because I’m capable of reasoning out a way to alter the world, to make it fully sustainable and peaceful, and I can use D.O.C.I.S. International as the ultimate advocate, to make that reality. If I didn’t have had that, I would have considered a proper future for myself and like-minded people so impossible that I would have committed suicide by now. I see most start-ups as rival businesses who are disregarding what nature truly needs (which is not another concept striving to maximize output). And, as a Fangyist, I’m anti-profit, because of the heavy claim it makes on natural resources, when spent.

It would have been a good moment to pitch my business concept, but it would take quite a few minutes to make that clear, and I wanted to win the debate, so I said something like this:

“Of course, we are at the spring of hope. The American economy is booming, for example. [I indirectly said that I’m pro-Trump, but that is more for political awareness.] And though we are running out of fossil fuels [not even to begin with the state of the waterworks], we have modern technology, so we can replace that [I was struggling to find the right words to use, but I meant that we can fully switch to sustainable technology instead of fossil fuels]. There are amazing prospects, such as ever-increasing profits [I said while I pointed at one of the numbers on the positive statistics paper. I had to think of (ew) cryptocurrencies right away, and how much of non-value that actually is] and, I mean, if we can already learn by texting, these days [a reference to Joshua’s speech. I want to teach people Fangyist economics by texting?], the future must be great.”

People started to applaud. I made a little bow, after which I went back to my seat. We were then told to vote, and “positivity” had won the majority of votes 🙂 (even though I voted neutral, and my words (and appearance) might not have been an influence, but it still felt like winning, which was something I truly needed).

I just randomly watched this video, which I came across, as a suggestion, when I was searching for a tutorial to make an HTML email (like a newsletter) via a regular mail client, because I’m thinking of getting Graeynissis by sending an interactive newsletter-ish message, and this is based on what I “usually” watch:

Zondag met Lubach always makes me laugh, but when “the foreigners debate” comes across anywhere, I always get mixed feelings (because I know racism far too well).

During the break, while Alexandra and David were socializing with other people, and other potential Graeynissis had rows of people wanting to speak to them, in front of them, I got myself some tea.

Meoooow it’s already 02:30 AM! The rest of the story is still quite long, and while I was typing this, I got the idea of sending a selection of people an HTML e-mail where I give them my ideas and ask if they are interested in attending a brainstorm event I’ve been dreaming of organizing for quite a while now. It is the introduction event of D.O.C.I.S. International that takes place before the Benefit I also want to organize.

More about that, and how I went from volunteering to leaving earlier at the event, after some mental rest.

Good night ♥

~~~

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Saturday, February 9, 2019

00:05 (12:05 AM) 

There are people walking in noww. Haha I feel like a little gogo dancer here in the DJ booth. 

Here’s a veryyy short video of Jamiro and I, captured just now:

My numbers for Feb 8 still need to be calculated. I’m such a nerd x_x. What’s on my mind the most, is how to keep up the rising… Please help me 😀 

Haha hold upp my glass is empty xxx

~~~

00:32 (12:32 AM) 

I also wonder what caused this increase in visitors from the US, because usually most of my overall audience is from the Netherlandsss

Haha tipsy statistics with Lil Fangs :D. Tipstatistics… Tipstatisctsy…. 

Meoww the booth is the safest place. No harassment. Some private dancing space. Overviewing all movement in this cosy club… I love it 😀 . Hire me for this? Gogo Fangs 😀 

~~~

02:30 (02:30 AM)  [THIS IS SO DOUBLE]

Meoow this party is a lot of fun. I’m sad about you nt being here. Meooow I want to start a Graeyniss party!!! Haha auto correc is saving me on this. I have serious things to share!!! 

First of all, I want to pitch claiming this confortable top bfloor bed and this comfortable sexy broad Shouldered cuddle! Meoow for so long I’ve been staying In Amsterdam!!!! And the party is nice.  I  love the DJ BOOTH!!!  Too bad I don’t know regaeton or Dutvh music,!!! Meooow whwre are my English speaking cuddles l!?  Haha fuuck I went from whiskey to vodka….. But I’ll act fresh as FUXK for this Tech rvated reserved d spa session!! I need to be fresh as fuck at,11:30!!!!!!!!!! Haha meow Jamiro’s stop drinking alarm goes at 03:00 and it’s 02:43 right now

I’ve set qn alarm for stop drinking for Jamiro for stop drinking for 03:00!!! Mine shoud have gone at 01:00!!!! But 03:00 yess I’m going to stop drinking vodka!!?!?

~~~

Blog, Images, Media, Nosce Te Ipsum, Online Diary, Videos

Friday, September 14, 2018

[SCROLL DOWN TO SEE A YOUTUBE VIDEO]

11:13 (AM) 

Good morning, my Cuddle <3

I hope you’re just as pre-excited for the Nosce Te Ipsum release as I am :]. I like how I’ve extended the quest and (engagement) information about my (business) projects. 

I’ve been putting a lot of thought into agreeing with paying half of the £2.928,- tuition fee and my father paying the other half… That would be the entire “uitzet” I’ve been saving up for… I’d rather die than go back to sitting behind a desk most of my time, doing routinous work that is so easy for me I become so bored so fast, and the level of conversation being on that same level… I want to make my living by using my creative talents, so school was more for “you need to get out of the house and have something to do” and “in case my success is limited” reasons… 

I still need to print new business cards… And I’d like to do a professional photoshoot… And make new logos (my Cuddle)…………… (Or at least, I’d like to have the designs I could draw on paper for you, as my logos… I’m not so good at “finding the balance between dpi, background transparency and retina”…)

But making this known to the person paying the other half could have very negative consequences… (I’m aware of them reading these words too and then not saying anything about it, though.) Please be aware of how this can disrupt what I’ve been creating for you. They unfortunately have more authority over me, in this case… [Do not make children if you do not intend to pay for the basic funding of their future, please………. I didn’t sign up for this? They signed me up…. (If it was planned, says November… As a relationship gift……??? (Is what I have been told…)) Yepp my 22nd birthday is on November 1st. I hope I can celebrate this with my Cuddles :D.]

I guess, by declining the rest of my study, I’ll HAVE TO move, to prevent myself from being taken into an institution again… 

If I invest in a place to stay, that must be a place I intend to stay at for longer than a year. I want to, before the island Planet Fang [you’re moving, too, right??] comes into existence, live somewhere in California. 

Part of me has become so tired of chilling inside and similar chillings in public places… Sometimes I think “let’s get it over with” and blurt out my heartache for still not recently having seen Benoît like I want to. [See what I did there? ;)] That would set in motion a chain reaction of legal and medical measures I do not want, but don’t have the authority to say no to. It’s financially and audience related strategically more advantageous… 

I haven’t seen him since the last time we hung out in his office, talking about some of my business plans and other stuff. (I have proof of this.) We planned to hang out another time, but by that time I was stuck in the psychiatric system, for “the experts” say I have never seen him; I am a dropout (again¿), so he wouldn’t want to hang out with me; this has nothing to do with brain-to-brain communication, were one of the lies of my beliefs I had to tell them to get out. What I’ve often said in rage, was: WELL, IF YOU’RE SO SURE, WHY DON’T YOU JUST INVITE HIM OVER???? OR ALLOW ME TO INVITE HIM OVER? THIS IS NOT PSYCHIATRIC RESEARCH. THIS IS GUESSWORK!!! I DON’T THINK HE WOULD MIND, ESPECIALLY NOT IF HE WOULD BE INFORMED ABOUT ME HAVING TO TAKE LORAZEPAM, FLUANXOL, HALDOL, RISPERIDON, ARIPIPRAZOL ET CETERA FOR TELLING MY PARENTS THAT I INTEND TO SPEND SOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH MORE TIME WITH HIM. HEY WAAROM ZO HARDNEKKIG? HET IS TOCH NIET ZO ERG DAT IK MET HEM WIL SAMENWERKEN?? 

Oh my god, every conversation they would ask me questions about him and then say: “I don’t understand why you believe this all happend. You’re clearly mentally ill and you should accept our diagnosis.” (I FUCKING NEVER DID. I ONLY TOOK THOSE MEDS I AM SOOOO INTOLERANT OF (at some point I started to fake it) BECAUSE ONLY UNDER THAT CONDITION THEY WOULD LET ME OUT OF THE INSTITUTION I WAS IN “ON A VOLUNTARY BASIS”. I WAS TOO BROKE THEN TO LEGALLY POINT OUT THAT WHAT THEY HAVE BEEN DOING IS SO AGAINST THE LAW. (This started IN APRIL 2017.) 

E-VE-RY DAY WOULD BE ABOUT “BENOÎT CRUTZEN NOT BEING REAL BUT ONLY BEING A VOICE IN MY HEAD, BUT MY SKULL MOVES SOLELY OUT OF STRESS, ACCORDING TO THEM, AND THEN THEY FUCKING KEEP STRESSING ME OUT”. AND THEN THEY SAY I’M A SCHIZOPHRENIC, BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH THEY BROUGHT UP THE TOPIC OF HIM EVERY TIME I FUCKING TALKED TO THEM, SINCE IT HAD BEEN MORE THAN 6 MONTHS SINCE I HAD SEEN HIM, THEN, I “SHOULD HAVE BEEN OVER IT BY NOW, IF I WERE NOT A SCHIZOPHRENIC”. I CAN STILL NOT FUCKING LIVE WITH THE SEMI-ACCEPTANCE OF THIS…. EVERYONE WHO IS ON THEIR SIDE FOR BELIEVING I’M CRAZY CAN GO TO FUCKING HELL

He lend me the books A Curious Mind and Economix (in French). I’d shown them this. [WHY THE FUCK WOULD I BUY A BOOK IN FRENCH????? They didn’t believe it was his…] I returned them around February 2018, hoping to find him in his office, but he wasn’t there and I felt so awkward about being in that hallway that I left them in his mailbox, together with a print-out of a part of the Nosce Te Ipsum strategy, with the contract… This is so random, but we used to mail back and forth and hang out, and suddenly he’s not responding to my e-mails anymore? :[ 

Ah grrr, it would be so satisfying to show these un-cuddle flehs that he really is my Cuddle (in terms of being friends/acquaintances)….

I could “blow up” the court case that could thrive if they find that I’m crossing the line again and use that TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS COUNTRY and kick-start my career (was what was my intention the last time I went to the US). 

My first words will be: “I WILL NOT BE SPEAKING TO ANYONE WITHOUT MY LAWYER.” [My Cuddle…? ;)] I will do most of the defending myself. Ah prr having this one Cuddle who managed to complete his Law study in my lucky number amount of years, who could then also say “FUCK THAT” to being stuck in some very shady sounding system and being way too close to the fire (of water and many small roads), because what are escape plans if you’d be framed, as my lawyer would be soooo Cuddle!! <3 

Did you know I collect Tallnissis? They’re so hard to find… I’m 174 cm = 5 feet & 8.5 inches. That’s one of the many reasons why I need my B, too :[. Hehe I want to feel all wrapped in love and safety when we cuddle. 

I want to see my medical record, before I let the lies be wiped out, but I guess, since the psychiatric staff of “het Erasmus Medisch Centrum” and Bavo Europoort [“and the trans-culturele therapie van Glenn Helberg”, IF THEY DON’T TAKE MY PARENTS OUT OF MY FILES RIGHT THIS INSTANT] (FUCK ALL OF THEM [dit gaat via zoekwoorden, toch? ;)] ) DON’T EVEN WANT TO SHOW ME WHAT THEY’VE BEEN WRITING ABOUT ME [they tell me “we’re too busy”, while I’ve literally seen staff members PLAY FUCKING RUNESCAPE…], I WILL HAVE TO ASK THE U.S. PRESIDENT TO DO THAT????? Since, according to the Patriot Act, the U.S. government is allowed to view Dutch medical records…… [BUT I HAVE SOME OF THEIR SUMMARIES HERE, PRINTED OUT WITH NAMES AND ALL ;).]

Also, I don’t know who was behind THE VIRAL LIE IN THE NEWS ABOUT ME [IT’S MY MOTHER, ISN’T IT?????? I WILL NOT STAY IN THIS HOUSE FOREVER FOR SURE!!!! EMPTY NEST….. I DO NOT NEED CARE], BUT TELLING EVERYONE I DIDN’T SPEAK TO MY PARENTS IN THE MESSAGE ABOUT ME GOING MISSING IS A VIOLATION OF THE WET BESCHERMING PERSOONSGEGEVENS!!!!!!!!!! WHY IS THAT RELEVANT? I HAD TO SPEAK TO THEM TO TELL THEM I’M GOING OUTSIDE AND TO KNOW THAT I’M MISSING YOU DON’T HAVE TO TELL ANYONE THAT, BECAUSE DUMB SHEEP WHO DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ELSE THAN TALKING SHIT WILL SAY THAT I’M A BAD AND MENTALLY ILL PERSON FOR NOT RESPONDING IN THAT SHIT CONVERSATION. IT WAS A VE-RY CONSCIOUS DECISION TO NOT RAGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! 

WHAT. THE. FUCK. WAS. IN. THAT. CUP. THE. COPS. GAVE. ME. BEFORE. THEY. CONTINUOUSLY. INTERROGATED. ME. AGAINST. MY. WILL?????? 

Don’t forget the “You have only met him in private twice. You can’t possibly have real feelings for him.” I STILL WANT TO FUCKING FANG THAT PERSON. I’m now afraid of saying it :[.

My Cuddle, I’m afraid my case is so dangerous to a very fraudulent regime, I need many forms of protection. I need a small army of hackers to defend my online capital, for starters… 

[Notice the build-up in the coming release of Nosce Te Ipsum and what I tell you in my diary? This is more than planned. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, my Cuddle…]

An awkward “classic”:

17:27 (05:27 PM) 

Zzzzz spierpijn?

I just put my semi-selfmade croissants in the oven. That will be my first food of the day.

Because the question started with: “Are you okay? You’re in bed all day. You probably don’t want to go, but…” I’m going to my cousin’s singing performance in a cocktail bar tonight. It’s also to safeguard my state of mental sanity, because last time shit went wrong, in the sense that my mother(?) found that I was going crazy for being less outgoing, she started with pointing out everything “weird about me” as well. She is not able to understand my writing, SO FUCK IT :D. HER “ENCOURAGING WORDS” WERE “I HOPE YOU’LL FIND SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS YOUR WRITING”. I GUESS 1000+ HITS A DAY MEANS I DID? SORRY DAT IK HAAR GELOOFDE, PA :D. SCHEID EN VERHUIS MEE¿ I think my business will reach its multi-component state before yours will…? 

I’m completely left in the dark when it comes to knowing who to trust based on their role relating to what side of the regime they support. I don’t know who to trust. I don’t know who will not hurt me. So I stay in bed :D. Until I find my Cuddles in real life… 

My top-level Graeynissis. You know how some people act all ambitious around you, right? They want the status. They lack passion. The market for my products is so fucking miniscule, when it comes to people of my age….. The only people I easily meet these days are people of my age… The only people I generally don’t have a-ny-thing in common with are people of my age… And from my looks I will be marked as “wild cuddle cat”, so we’re prohibited to/from(?) cuddle/cuddling :[.

So let’s just be Cuddles, right, my Graeyniss? Fuck it :D. Life is too short to be caged in!! Don’t be scared, my Cuddlebird! You’ll be safe! You’re the reason why I’m doing it this way. Our mission for world peace can’t be sabotaged, because the not digitally distributed underlying strategy that I have indirectly been telling you through these posts, will not be understood through these posts by people with bad intentions for us, because digging for shit here is like trying to find a needle in a hay stack :D. 

19:39 (07:39 PM) 

Muscle stiffness, possible sudden death (my “mandatorily made” choice from a list) and other shit from medication?

Not anymore :D. April 2018 I ran away, because I had to do a mandatory blood test. The day after I was supposed to do the test, I ran off to Paris. The day after I came back from Paris (April 27, Koningsdag), with my sister and parents I went to Suriname for three weeks. Two days after being back, I ran off to the United States and FINANCIALLY managed to live there for two weeks :D… (ONLY THERE THE LAWS ARE DIFFERENT WHEN IT COMES TO “UNNOTICED” BEING TAKEN IN FOR RUNNING AWAY AND NOT TAKING MEDICATION IF YOU HAVE BEEN LABELED AS “MENTALLY ILL”, BECAUSE OF CLOSED BORDERS VS OPEN BORDERS IN EUROPE). THEY NEVER HAD A CHANCE TO TAKE ME IN BECAUSE I WAS NOT IN THE COUNTRY ON WORKDAYS. 

WHY NOT DO SOME INSTAGRAM MARKETING RIGHT NOW? 

I WILL “””””GLO UP””””” LATER THO. 

SINCE I AM GOING TO “PARTAY”.

HEEEY JIJ, OOK EEN NIEUW INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT? 

She told me it started somewhere in between 22:30 – 23:30?

It would be so much fun to see you there…… 

I will not be putting this on Instagram :D. What’s the point??? 

I only want justice for myself (and my Cuddle(s))?

BUT I’M SHOWING YOU CROPPED UP ANGER? 

I’LL INSTA NOT LIVESTREAM(?) FILM AT THE “CONCERT”? (Because of the 0 views ba-dum-tss….)

Has anyone seen my B?  :[

22:44 (10:44 PM)

I’m on my way to George’s Cocktail lounge? 

I decided on after marketing. 

You know that moment when you’re so fucked up you just…

That was “sarcasm”… A “pee pole” across the town hall is pretty “barbarian”… I want to moveee 😀

23:48 (11:48 PM) 

I think it’s too awkward to film…? I thought there was going to be a crowd ahahahah. 

My Cuddle, this is a secrettt. So what’s the legal part of this “underground decision”…? We’re trying to improve our system so that these kind of things don’t have to happen, rightt? 

Haha my examssss. 

I’ll still log?? 

00:19 (AM) 

I thought maybe I should show you some “highlights”, but the lighting is too awkward :D. And so is my data usage!! And my battery too…. 

Haha my level of randomness is going up, luckily (that’s a good thing). Yours should, too, my Cuddle! We should free ourselves from what we feel when FUCKING JUDGMENTAL PEOPLE CONSTANTLY FUCKING KEEEP THEIR EYES ON YOUR SHIT SOOOOOO FOCUSED IT MAKES ME WANT TO SAY “HEB JE NIKS TE DOEN OFZO?????”. OF KOM MET EEN ONDERWERP DAT INHOUD HEEFT. HOE DURF JE HIERVOOR MIJN AANDACHT TE VRAGEN????

Shout out to my piano/keyboard players all over the world whoop whoooop!!

I’m not even drunk yet :D. But I reached the level “I should not sing harder, otherwise you won’t be heard!” What an accomplishment :D. 

The other female singer here is so Cuddle :D. Lately I’ve been meeting so many people, I’m starting to become “bad with names”…

I think I’ll be breaking the sound borders soon :D. Since “my example” HAHA NAHHHH DON’T GET ME STARTED fammmmmm has given me this example :p. 

[I didn’t like how potentially hurtful relatives were gazing at my phone screen as I was writing, so that’s why my messages were written in a form of code only you understand, my Cuddle.]

03:03 (AM) 

A NEW BLOG DAY STARTS WHEN I WAKE UP. 

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Videos

Nosce Te Ipsum I, Episode II

This is another episode that was deleted… This is not entirely how the project “will go down”. It’s now less “risqué” haha. (Unless you prefer this…)

By “predicted outcome”, I actually meant “hypothesis”.

Videos

Nosce t’ipsum EP(isode) 1

The “bonus track” is available in your favorite music store, under the album name “Revenge of The Nerds”, by Lil Fangs. 

You’ll find the playlist by clicking the following link: (I’ll embed later. I’m sitting at the gate and my laptop battery died. We’ll be boarding soon.)

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLZZjLeyp_umCuMTH2p_fGlJFy-H1oK8yl

Art, Blog, Ex Animo, Images, Nosce Te Ipsum, Online Diary, Random Thoughts, Recipes, Reflections, Videos

Tuesday May 15, 2018

19:58 (07:58 PM)

I was starting to feel bad for leaving. But then I heard (in English, with an intentional “funny accent”), while this mf was poking in my belly (that already hurt): “You need to start working out. Damn. Go to the gym six days a week.” You need to buy proper groceries and stop buying takeout food you overweight fleh. I didn’t say a thing. If I would speak my mind, I could terminate my mission.

And that was before I received my second round. They don’t need to eat as much as I do. They don’t get as fucking hungry as I get (I’m talking headaches and near fainting). Because they don’t use their fucking brains.

The first round I had ordered three small rolls. The second (and last… even though I could still eat more) round I had five small rolls.

I know that “relationship ending” conversation with my sister is one of her “succesful” anecdotes. How tf can you do that and then say: “Can I borrow your charger?” “Can I borrow your calculator?” “I forgot my *fucking essential products*, can I borrow yours?” “I don’t like fish. Can you cook something else.” “I’m having friends over, could you cook this and that for them?” I haven’t finished that one NTI story about “our fight over Whatsapp and SMS”, but she had taken two days off school after a fight she had caused herself. Telling everyone “I had another attack of craziness”. Even this fleh stalker friend of my parents knew it right when it started. I was at my grandmother’s then. My grandma was at the hairdresser. I was working on NTI. I had blocked her on Whatsapp and SMS. She called my grandmother’s house phone a few times, but I didn’t pick up. I unblocked her for a second to tell her she should stop calling, looking for beef, and focus on her tests. She ended up coming by my grandmother’s house. I told her she should go back home and study. She said she wanted to “talk it through”. I asked her: “What is there to talk about?” Then she said: “Yeah I was pissed because you said these mean things about our parents and you told me to pick a side, so I picked theirs, since you were being so hateful.” I told her that I hadn’t told her to pick a side. I had said that I want her to make an independent decision, so I wasn’t going to argue for why she should pick my side. [She has cleeearlyyyy picked my parents’ side. So when Nosce Te Ipsum is succesful, she won’t get any benefits of the project either. She was the only exception, in the end. But fuck that. More benefits for you is a way better decision, my cuddle. Remind me that I never change my mind on this, even when they use their nasty “passing guilt” tricks on me.]

Then she said: “No, you have never said that.” I said: “What the fuck? Why would I lie about that?” She said: “Because you always want to be right. I hate it when people lie to me.” I immediately handed her my phone, after she said hers was empty, after I had told her to prove to me that I was lying (which was bullshit). I showed her the message saying that independent decision thing. She said: “No, that’s not what I’m talking about.” I told her: “Well, find your message, then.” Being damn sure I didn’t say it and she wouldn’t be able to fucking find it. She couldn’t find the message. She told me I had deleted the message, because I wanted to be right. Okay, I know I’m good at being steps ahead and stuff, but what the fuuuuuck is this??????? If I would have deleted only that message, I would have somehow known that she was coming to my grandmother’s house. And then I would have spontaneously deleted that one message? Because my sixth sense would tell me she would come looking for more beef or something? Hell fucking no, man. Ahahaha. I don’t even know how that should have made sense. I wonder how she couldn’t see how dumb she sounded. They always say shit like: “You’re always doing evil shit, but you never look in the mirror, Dominique.” Do they even know what a mirror is? (Do they even mother fucking know me?) What the fuck do you do by making that statement (evil motherfucker)? When I was little, I would actually adapt my behavior and beliefs to these statements, saying “Yes. I am evil. I am dumb. I am not enough. Etc. Etc. Etc.” Hmmm… I tried to commit suicide when I was 10… Hmmm… Coincidence? I think not. Fucking murderers. This type of satanistic people have had the primate for as long as I have been alive. (Not only in my family. In sports. In music. In politics. In PR. In sneaky shadow government shit. In everything. My grandfather is the only exception I have known, who was also aware of this. Too bad my parents let him die.) IT HAS BEEN ENOUGH. I’VE HAD IT WITH THESE PEOPLE. THEY DO NOT HAVE THE ABILITY TO TRULY EMPATHIZE (they don’t even know who they are or what they want…) AND THUS SHOULDN’T BE THE ONES SETTING THE STANDARDS. BEING A HATER SHOULD BE DISCOURAGED. BEING A “NERD” SHOULD BE ENCOURAGED. NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND. DUMB MOTHERFUCKERS.

Why isn’t she diagnosed with fucking paranoia? Is it just me, or does she sound fucking dumb re-starting a fight over a letter about me wanting to put more love into our relationship? In a way, I’m happy I found out she was a snake (too), before I would have ran away and still kept her in my life. What if this side of her had revealed itself to me, mid Nosce Te Ipsum? That would have been fucked up for all mankind. She wants to become a psychologist… What the fuck… “I’m depressed.” “No. You’re lying!!!!” Ahahahaha. (I type “haha” but I want to cry so loud about this. I haven’t told anyone about this and ALL these motherfucking snakes know we have had this fight. They have NO sense of empathy. FUCK them. Let them watch Netflix for the rest of their lives and stay THE FUCK out of my project. Blacklist.)

The story about this beef is even longer. It turned out that my mother had brought her to my grandmother’s house (of course…). It turned out that she had brought a friend along, who was waiting in the car outside. They said things like: “I don’t understand how some people say words hurt them.” “Maybe you just have a very heavy form of autism, Dominique.” “No. Going to the psychiatrists is good for you.” I bought a new pack of cigarettes that day. After I had quit for a while. I really needed some moments to be outside. Alone. Not in the same space. I can’t be in the same building (any building) as them, without feeling sooo much stress. I’ll tell you the full story later. I have saved the entire Whatsapp conversation, I’ll DEFINITELY show you and translate for you. I need this. But it’s getting late. It’s 04:18 (AM) now. I was about to go to sleep, when I checked the layout of my article, and saw that a sentence, about me not having finished a topic in NTI, wasn’t finished. I ended up typing out this entire story. I’ll make this article a featured one. It shows the snakey side of my “main” family members. (The only people I see these days. 24/7. Since I broke contact with all of my “friends”.) Hopefully you, my Cuddle, understand why run. Moments like these would empower my suicidal feelings, when I was younger. Now they empower my fire that on the one hand makes me want to fight them. But knowing they believe I’m crazy, my arguments won’t be listened to – I would just get locked into an institution with a warrant, thanks to them (snakes) – my fire empowers my ability to very carefully and secretly strategize my escape, after which we’ll be able to fight “an equal battle”. Now, if I fight back, I could get locked up. Then, they could get locked up for fraud, sexual intimidation, sexual harrassment, being shitty parents, emotional damage on a hisoric level (affecting my hidden witnesses, which makes all of this soooooooooooooooooo much worse, since they stay hidden when I’m unknown and “crazy”), and soo many many many more things.

So, before I started re-editing, I was talking about my father…

Making the same “joke” more than twice is also getting fucking annoying. I told my mother I just texted someone, asking if she can make box braids for me. This man keeps saying: “Haha did you say butt braids?” “Ohhhh you’re getting butt braids.” People don’t believe me anymore when I say this man behaves so fleh, but today I took a picture that says “endless possibilities” when it comes to this man’s personality. Oh my god.

01:23 (AM)

I’m now at question 5 out of 9 questions. Every question has quite some subquestions. (Question 3ai,ii,iii,bi,ii,iii…) For question 6 I need to install a computer program with this shitty internet connection and I have never used the program before. My alarm goes off at 8. We’re going to be wandering through the jungle all day… I’m just making this test to shut these people the fuck up. But I shouldn’t fuck up myself to be able to have more ammo to fight them off. I’m so extremely tired. I can’t even sleep after my day in the jungle because I need to untie all of my braids, wash and condition my hair, comb it and braid it into the right model. For the next day.

Funny thing, that I told my mother I shouldn’t go to Suriname because I have tests, to which she replied: “But that is “ongezellig” [fuck that subjective bullshit word] and you’ll get plenty of time to make the test.” To them, plenty of time is when I take the shortest naps ever during the day, because I don’t get to sleep at night. “I’m wasting my time.” They say. Fuck them to the power of infinity. Squared. I am so fucking pissed. I just had this “flash forward” of how this discussion (they’ll start a fight) after I’ve told them I didn’t finish the test, because of the remaining activities during this holiday and the internet connection. They’ll feel like “it’s their fault”, since they’re the ones “in charge of the activities”, so they’ll start using all kinds of shitty argumentation, to put the blame on me. As fucking usual. As ALL fucking flehs do. I’m going to make an audio recording of the conversation. (I’ve also made an audio recording of when my father and I dropped my aunt off, picking up the car she picked us up in, and changed pants (in the same room… But that is “normal”)… More fraud talk, immoral statements and shallow nonsense from their side.)

I’m so heartbroken over losing my streak of A’s… I could literally cry. This reminds me when I got my first 9 out of 10, when I was 6, and these flehs started to diss me. I’m back at exactly this again. The way history repeats itself is crazy.

Then I had taught myself to say “fuck it” (internally) and aim for putting in the least effort possible, but still pass, so that I can still say that I didn’t put all of my heart and soul into it, when I don’t get the (100% out of 100%) result I want and could easily achieve. I’m already not giving it my all, this Open University, but I was still getting representations “of my intelligence” as my results. I always tell people my low grades are a choice, and they don’t say anything about my intelligence. They don’t understand that decision and still call me dumb. Dumb motherfuckers (who are getting soooo blacklisted). Shit like this (my parents making decisions) are ALWAYS the MAIN factor, causing me having to get a low grade. A decision like: “Today, we’re going to clean the entire house. Je mag niet “weer” [I literally did that once, when I was 14 or so. But now that they treat me like I’m crazy, I do it as often as possible. Since, “since I’m crazy”, project Nosce Te Ipsum is my full time job. On the side, I deal with full time bullshit. Every moment I have to relax, I use to relax. (But what is relaxation if I use it to write these very long updates…?)] je snor drukken. [That’s Dutch for a very barbarian way of saying: “Don’t bail the fuck out again.” (So “double-barbarian”, since I said “fucking”.) Literally translated it’s: “Don’t press your mustache again.”]” When I know I only need three days of non-stop studying to pass a test. Then I do need those full three days. Dammit.
I would rather finish the test than go to the jungle, because, for my “ego” I prefer an A+ over “interesting pictures”. “Relaxation” (making pictures, looking for pretty sights) would be more fun than doing math (because it’s a test (for a grade) and not Nosce Te Ipsum or a puzzle), but the “relaxation” is accompanied with flehs. I want these pictures. I want to sleep in the car for three hours extra (because I don’t even have the entire day to make the test (need to take the London time zone into consideration), so I wouldn’t be able to sleep extra during the day if I would stay in the hotel to make the test. Who else has ever said “to stay in the hotel to make the test”? Ahahahahahah. I write so much and make so many videos and (written) music and other stuff, but feel like these are things no one can relate to, and thus I will only get judged (stabbed in the heart, figuratively) for. I make it for cuddles, though. It’s 02:20 now. I’m going to finish my short letter on why I’m not finishing it, then submit it, try to fall asleep for way too long and then hear my alarm go off at 8 AM. *Sarcastic :D*

Good night, sweetie

I wish we were just cuddling

And these flehs didn’t exist

(If I only had to take myself into consideration and not my parents and the rest of the globe (since I need to take them into consideration when they try to put the blame on me, e-ve-ry time), I would have been more relaxed, I would have been a different person, we would have been together already, we would have made so many positive changes, we would have been so much more happy, I wouldn’t have known what having a stroke feels like, et cetera. Fleh.)

I love you so, so much

-xxx-

03:01

I’m now submitting the test and I still need to pack… It’s so hard to fall asleep because my grandmother doesn’t want to sleep with all the lights off. The light in the bathroom stays on. When the light in the bathroom is on, the “air filter” goes on as well… It’s like sleeping on a plane…

05:05 (AM)

I just added so many tags to this article. Oh. Reminder to self to make a recipe for fish soup with lemongrass and coconut milk (and many other ingredients. Don’t try making soup with only those two ingredients because it will have a very “weak” taste). Boom. Now it’s a recipe too. Oh and also, Nosce t’ipsum EP(isode) 1 is online on Tidal and Google Play. I went to an art gallery today. I’ve said this in my video, but I’m typing it again now. This is inefficient. I’m tired. I still want written and video diaries though.

I need something to be cornerstone content. Something that is a very close reflection of self. Something that represents all of my situation… Hmmm… Heheheee. That’s why I want this to be in all categories. Even though there are spelling and grammar errors. Call it “natural typing”. Flehs got nothing on me.

For the sake of my escape, thank god I didn’t take the blood test. Six days left. They will not read a word of the words I’ve written.

 

dominique elia missing for SEO reasons.

dominique elia missing, yes. Noooooooooo. (That’s “speaking Rotterdams”…)

[As in those who knew about me going missing don’t know my side of the story, but they should… The “search content” should be re-directed to this…]

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Videos

My First Piano Performance

The first time I played the piano for an audience, was at the Pianodriedaagse at De Doelen in Rotterdam. The event was called the “drie minuten festival”, where contestants are allowed to perform for a maximum of three minutes, in front of an audience and a jury, at a very popular (classical) concert location.

^ That’s the full first song you’ve only heard a small part of, in the other video.
I played Les Sylphes by Burgmüller and Tarantella by Pieczonka.

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