Meoow, tomorrow, my blog exists for one year. I wonder if I’m going to celebrate it by getting intoxicated by myself, the way I always celebrate my book releases, because I don’t know anyone who keeps up with and appreciates my writing, personally. Plus, I don’t have the funds to throw a party 🙁 .
I also, looking back at my first post on here, wonder why the fuck I still spend sooooo much time with my family. Why don’t they want to let me go for good, eternally x_x. I’m so tired of listening to their long and hurtful monologues. Especially after all of the SHIT I’ve lived through within this year, just because I want some healthy distance, so that I can breathe, think clearly and be myself. I have a superficial conversation tolerance level of any number far below 0.
Hopefully year 2 will bring me the distance from insincere love and superficiality, and the unification of Graeynissis, I so deeply desire.
I’ve been experiencing some not yet mentioned niss yesterday:
I notice that the cameras in the living room are making me feel even less comfortable at “home”. I wonder if other people have access to it, too. And if it’s easy to hack?
I hope my odd behavior hasn’t turned into comedy, because that would make me initiate the sickest personal vendetta…
Anyway, I’ve found the login credentials of that other Facebook account of mine, I wanted to delete. So I’m 100% Facebookless now. I feel relieved. I hope there will be a day in which it, for the majority of people, will be normal to not have any social media accounts.
My grandmother is staying with us, because the leakage in her house has been causing power outages. It’s a sign of decay, which indicates that a lottttt of things need to be replaced. Not only in her apartment – because the leakage is on multiple floors – but in the entire building, fundaments should be replaced. I wonder what will happen, when everything in Rotterdam reaches its peak of age and decay, and it can’t all be replaced at once, because everything is built so very close to each other.
I hope my mails and soon to be released article for which I will be beast mode writing today, will get me Graeynissis I can befriend, when I leave this dreadful family life behind me. Someone who sees my potential and wants to help me grow, instead of talk me out of it and have me sign up to live and grow old in the same city I was born in.
I really want to get out of here, but I can’t do that without having people to run away to/with.
I’m going to sleeep
Good nighttt ♥
– xxx –