00:02 (12:02 AM)
Meoww yesterday was cool 🙂 . After playing the piano, I went out for dinner with my father, my sister and her boyfriend, at the Meat Cave in The Hague.
There are, unfortunately, some chapters I need to close before I can take group pictures of us that include self-written introductions of themselves and other cool things maybe. But then I want my website to look more representative as well, officially debuting them. The concept of fathership regarding me and me feeling so BlackTalian, is also quite complicated.
So meoww here are Fangy (hmmm) memory pictures I took of yesterday, placed in reverse order:
Meoww as I was in the Hague – the city where I worked last Summer, I just kept thinking of this Vicje of mine, and as the wine kept flowing and later cognac, too, [plus my tolerance was low, because I arrived to the restaurant veryyy hungry] I couldn’t keep myself from visualizing how I want to kiss and touch him on sight. Bad Fangs :$.
I hope outing this does not negatively influence my shot at the reality of this. I feel like doing a day of confessions today. The feeling of relief is worth a lot to me. Especially in my “pre”-full-time work “holiday”. (Pre in between parentheses because diary posting is quite full-time as well.)
I still haven’t slept since yesterday, so I will continue my fantasy, as I’l probably be laking myself to sleep haha openness diary yayy goood nightt ♥
23:16 (11:16 PM)
The greatest confession I have to make, is that things are going waaaaay worse than it seems, when it comes to including the general public into my business concept. I was just attempting to do that – trying to introduce a concept for people of all ages and all levels of intelligence – because I would love to see this world as a place of real unification.
But it’s not a necessity to simplify my content for people who don’t even seem to enjoy it. So I’m going to pursue my activities trying to make myself understandable even less.
Yes, to a regular person, that will sound like a very odd decision to make. Why this decision is a strategically positive one, is because, in the end, my greatest task, goal and challenge, are to unify the Graeynissis who are tempted by the image of me on their minds 24/7 since the very beginning of my life, who are simultaneously captivated by their very time-consuming occupations that come with extremely high responsibility, which is causing the obstruction of our unification.
They matter to me the most, because I am 100% certain that our attitudes towards life are, in the end, the exact same – including having a real mission in life and living by that – and that we would enjoy life so much better if we were together. That’s why I need my Graeynissis.
I see that people tend to consider a brand or product established, reliable and maybe even instantly good, when it ranks high in search engines. All I have done for this is SEO for my good articles, and defining key words for Google’s search engine. I was not familiar with the concept of backlinking, and its costs, until I noticed this (not spam? Or written by an extremely clever bot) comment.
I believe that my visitor statistics are inaccurate. I think that people prefer to visit my blog anonymously, without letting me know that they did. It hurts me that they do find entertainment in my content, but that they do not even want to let me know, and that they can read everything about my life (and talk shit about it), but that they do not even want to share their information with me.
I bet there are also people I used to consider friends of mine in this list, who don’t want to say that they like my work, because then I’ll feel good about myself, and they already can’t stand that I’m incomparably intelligent.
I also must confess that over time, I have developed such great intolerance for the extremely superficial shit that has become so popular these days, which makes people think that they are having meaningful conversations, while they sound so incredibly stupid that I must bite my tongue to not yell that I must do everything in my propagandist power to make sure that those awful trends end. Please stop following trends.
I must confess that I believe that I’m the best propagandist who has ever walked the Earth. But that’s because of the future and not because of the present.
I must confess that I find it very strange and slightly annoying – even though I’m not a fan of commercial holidays at all – that I’ll be celebrating Easter without my sister. She is one of the few people on this planet who does not receive my brain-to-brain communication signal, but who I do really love a lot.
I notice who receives my brain-to-brain communication signal and who doesn’t, I believe. When someone does, I tend to continue to treat that person as if he/she doesn’t, because people who don’t will consider us crazy for sure, and I don’t want us to end up trapped in the Dutch psychiatric system (again). That’s why I prefer to get them alone… But that’s very hard, because of who we are in society. I hope that that will change by working full-time.
I must confess that if my B were available sooner, I wouldn’t feel pressurized to search for a job.
I must confess that my content will be worth A LOT, one day.
I must confess that that comment I shared earlier made me realize that, regardless of what the slider on my home page says, people will think that I’m only a lifestyle blogger, and that is absolutely not who I am. This – and the fact that my brain really needs desperate rest of at least a couple of days – makes me think it really is better to stop writing daily diary posts. I’ll switch to weekly or monthly updates and seperate articles to share life philosophy related things.
I also must confess that most diary posts have been written while I was shitting.
And that this is thus my last ever daily diary posts. For real this time.
I’m happy that I really do not give a fuck about what the general public thinks of me. And that I’m very glad that their past and recent mistakes will seal the future parting of us and them. We’re A LOT better off without them!
Do you know what the most pointless thing about pro versus contra discussions is? That it’s not about consensus. Pro will never become contra and contra never will become pro, so it’s no use trying to convince one another, and the exchange of words is an extreme waste of time and air.
If you believe that I can change the world, I love you so much you might have to fight me one day, because I want to kiss you, 24/7!
If you don’t believe that I can change the world, I absolutely do not love you and you will regret believing that so very much, one day. If you have said this to my face, you will regret that even more. I do not forget shit like that ever. I think about that EVERY FUCKING DAY. I will not have peace of mind until I have proved that I am God in person, and that you have been very wrong for discouraging me. Shit like that should be punishable.
Know that you can try to hide things and pretend that you are not who you are, but the technology you use, ALWAYS leaves a trail, and real data can not be erased, even when you permanently delete it. Even when you think you are anonymous.
I fucking hate this planet so fucking much – the way it is now – and cannot wait until I have enough power to really change it. Barbarians should not ever have had the primate and I will die fighting them.
I hope that I may one day face everyone I have been complaining about on my blog simultaneously and (maybe literally¿) fight out the schizophrenia debate once and for all, while the rest of the world watches.
It is, by the way, way too hard to make an appointment at the GGD!? I’ll DEFINITELY fang my phycisian on sight, after all of the shit she has put me through, so I have no other option but to go the GGD, but their schedule is booked crazyyy full. It’s interesting that they consider that sleeping with someone who is from Suriname is seen as a higher risk for STDs, and that is where part of my roots lie ahahahahaha. (Goes crazy lol.) I really don’t feel like paying €150 for a tube of cream though and I also do not want to put apple cider vinegar on my genitals x_x.
I swear I will never sleep with people who do not receive my brain-to-brain communication signal, ever again. I need a truly passionate lover anyway.
I, by the way, know that everyone who receives my brain-to-brain communication signal can speak Cuddle fluently in the way I speak this in my mind. That’s, by the way, another reason why I don’t dare to treat someone who receives it like someone who doesn’t receive it: we will stand out even more, others will hate instantly and that will make me trigger happy as fuck, or I am just misguided by the fact that I’m only physically attracted to the individual and that just makes me hope that he/she receives the signal, a lot.
I’ll be enjoying my non-daily-diary-posting days.
But, OF COURSE, the cold case continues.
– xxx –