15:53 (03:53 PM)

Hi ♥

Just like yesterday and manyyy days before that, I’m still in bed (around this time)… I’m not outing how much of a bed pet I am that often – in comparison with how often I’m exhausted and self-cuddly like this.

That’s because it’s my guilty pleasure… Dutch culture is all about getting up early and doing things together, saying that you contribute to society. My bed pettiness is considered a symptom of the illness I believe I do not have (schizophrenia), so I’m very incentivized to not shout it from the rooftops.

I reallyyy can’t wait until I see my B, because – whether or not he confirms or denies our brain-to-brain communication – the “hang out” that will soon take place, including him, my parents(, my sister (if she doesn’t have other plans)) and maybe other people [I’m not sure, because my mother is arranging this with him, because there are many reasons why he can’t reply to the manyyy messages I sent him ***], will give me a chance to reopen the cold case I have become.

Meoww my stomach is loud asf and I need to pick up my trenchcoat and black suit jacket, before the dry cleaner’s close (05:45 PM). I need to quickly shower etc fastt. Plus we’re out of bread and I’m in the mood for bread with truffle cheese and ginger jam.


  • Brood
  • Gemberjam
  • Activia yoghurt met vijgensmaak
  • Nog meer beleg¿

So I’m going to shower and attempt to make a rested impression using make-up etc, cycle to the grocery store, eat “breakfast” and cycle to the dry cleaner’s. And then Thai boxing starts at 18:30…Meoww I actually think that I prefer to go back to bed, instead of going boxing. I can also go boxing tomorrow, since I already did a full-body work-out yesterday.And not going will give me plenty of time to elaborate on the three asterisks I wrote when I very indirectly mentioned the depths of my cold case. A case that touches on both my police record and my medical record.

To be continued xxx


17:10 (05:10 PM)

Thunder strikes… I’m going to use the metro and I’m skipping make-up… And breakfast… Typing diary posts is time consuming haha…

And all I can think of is the water on the other side of the dyke(s) getting higher x_x


19:32 (07:32 PM)

I picked up my stuff at the dry cleaner’s and I entered full pet mode.

Zero Suit Samus is indestructible in the Super Smash Bros’ Adventure mode on the Switch x_x

There’s some salmon I’ll prepare for dinner (my breakfast) and then I’ll update you with an update of the cold case I’ve been speaking of since I started this blog.


21:12 (09:12 PM)

Topped with only parsley, lemon slices and a bit of sea salt, by means of keeping it simple

Here’s an update about my cold case [that what is in The Unpublished Episodes of Nosce Te Ipsum I] – in which I am (currently still) my own detective (but I hope I’ll finally get the justice I deserve):

Last week Friday, my mother told me that my B called her to tell her that he’ll do whatever it takes, to help me out. And that they’ll be in touch again, when he’s back in/near Rotterdam, to schedule the date, time and location. She told me that she was terrified from making that phonecall. I couldn’t respond to the statement about fear, because I can get very defensive when people judge my B, while he’s very important to me, and they don’t know a thing about us. She wasn’t terrified when she accused an innocent man of kidnapping me. And when she said that me saying that I’ve met him in private, was a psychosis.

So today, after a few days of mentally preparing myself to stay calm when I hear more negative judgment (because of solidarity and my interest in anything that relates to my B) I asked why their conversation was terrifying to her. She said that it was because she was suddenly speaking in English, to a man she has never met before, and that she could barely understand her when he, in Dutch, told her “sterkte”. (It saddens me that my B sees and hears my experience alongside his own experience, and that he has heard this insult through me, and that he now still has to talk to her to continue making that appointment.)

They were both mailing each other back and forth about how worried they are about me. I hope I’ll know a time where people stop saying that I, who have no such intentions, who try to make a difference, too, cause worry over absolutely nothing.

I asked them if they already had a time and location in mind. She said that we’ll meet “on neutral territory”, so not at her (and my (theoretically)) house and also not at his house. (Which is too bad, because I think the house I live in is “neutral” enough to discuss this in.) She still believes that brain-to-brain communication is impossible.

According to her, the “one-time conversation” will either be at a location she then rents or at the Erasmus University, she said. And that she’ll be the only other person present at the conversation.

I told her that I really do not want her to spend money on this. I prefer to get a chance to speak to him alone – because sooo much has happened in the past two years and I actually just want to hug him for far too long and be happy that my suffering will finally be over and that I then finally see someone who is truly capable of understanding me.

But I said that if the conversation needs to be done in front of the eyes of someone who is trustable to my mother, then at least my sister should be present. I’d be happy if she’d finally hear my side of the story and “see proof”.

I said that, if the first time seeing him after two years of hell really has to be in a public place, we should just claim an entire lecture hall, when it’s free. (Maybe in the evening?) And then say that whoever knows about my/our case is welcome to come and hear everything about me going missing and everything that came from that.

Meoww I’m going to make myself some tea, eat something light and start a new diary post day xxx