12:31 (PM)

Good afternoon ๐Ÿ™‚ โ™ฅ

My morning was great. After waking up, I flipped myself over back to sleep a few times. I love a bed in which I can roll around like a sea star. 😻 My aunt’s bed is of a size like that.

I woke up less stressed than I woke up yesterday and yesterday I woke up less stressed than the day before. Finally, a permanent decline is in sight. Once I have my own apartment in Antwerp, I know I will feel more safe than ever.

pizza and tea

And my breakfast is great ๐Ÿ™‚

Conscious

“Those people are much more conscious than you,” is what my father said in the same discussion where he said that I shouldn’t study (abroad). This took place before we went to that surprise party I did keep a secret. He replied that when I said that I believe that consciousness is based on levels of intelligence, and that the empty routines of people living the same routine every single week should seize to exist, because resources are wasted but there is nothing added to the societal quality of life. (Those sentimental “My life is shit but it’s great,” things really have to stop. It’s fucking torture x_x.) To me, a life has meaning if its deeds can take it to a history book. That is what I strive towards. [My conscience was insulted once again.]

No one is more conscious than I am. Look at my conscience. Look at what I have been telling you. [This is all still a conscious stratagem. (Do you notice the reiteration of that statement?)]

By selecting a university just across the Dutch border, I hope that you see a physical confirmation of my verbal message. The decisions I make rarely seem logical to someone else, but I know they are the best decisions I can make. Every single time. From playing hints in a police interrogation to not studying at a top-ranked university: it will get me where I want to be. [I will get the acknowledgement of my intelligence and receive the right to spend time with my fellow deeds-so-great-it-is-history-in-the-making Graeynissis.]

It is important that I do not accept any physical and monetary gifts from my parents anymore. That will make it a lot easier for me to say goodbye forever. I already have a student debt of almost โ‚ฌ14,000 for no reason. If I’d have conscious and genuinely supportive parents, I wouldn’t have to lend taxpayer money from the government. But since these parents love to see me bleed, it is important that they watch how I drag my bleeding self right across the border and they can’t do anything about it. (Oh except try to get me imprisoned for what I’ve been writing but then their problem is that this writing is my defense at the same time.) I’m so done of being emotionally torn down by these narcissists (that group is far larger than my parents only) and I wish Summer was over already. Plus – very important – I do not want my future to be funded with sourly spent fraud money.

Life is already not an every-week-is-exactly-the-same experience for many, but once I get my power – using mathematics and data – nothing will be the same at all, in a generally positive sense.

I’m the pawn of pawns, my pawn.

I’ll elaborate further on this, my yays et cetera, in a set of questions and answers, after my shower. Tot later xxxxx

~~~

15:00 (03:00 PM)

Questions

The question will be posed in this “full negative bias but acting innocent” way that is often used in mass media.

Why go to Belgium and study in Dutch if you speak English in almost all of your works?
Belgium is where the beating heart of the European Union lies, so it’s a great place to start off my career. I wouldn’t mind living in a deserted cottage somewhere in the Ardennen for a while.
Studying in Dutch is a lot easier for me, because it’s my native language and I have been taught the basics of mathematics in Dutch. It’s also a good way to not forget my native language. I use English more often than Dutch, because the only place where I elaborately express myself has been here on LilFangs.com and I see that it is influencing my Dutch syntax.
I hope to, in the future, and in my future works – including more mathematics yay ๐Ÿ˜€ – publish in more than one language more often.
Plus sexy Belgian accents 😻 .

Scusami I’m going to go to the store for a sec. At home already, all of my panties have disappeared and now I really need new onessss.

~~~

19:42 (07:42 PM)

I’m backkk. I proposed to cook for my aunt and I, because there’s this combination of flavors that has been on my mind for a while and I really wanted to try it out. It became of the best meals I’ve ever prepared 😻 .

brown rice [made yellow by koenjit, sereh, santen, some salt and a lime leaf], cod fish [first grilled and then cooked in a sauce of creme fraรฎche, baharat, saffron, lime and honey] and some spinach also cooked in baharat and honey. I can’t stop eating 😻 .

Anywayy back to these questions. I’m sitting on my aunt’s balcony writing this now ๐Ÿ™‚ .

Why are you going back to college if you’ve been saying that you hate to study?
Because I’ve noticed that without a degree I can’t get what I want. People still think that I’m dumb… I find making tests a slow and ineffective way to learn for practice, but it’s what everyone does and experience has now taught me that there is no other way to gain information and receive acknowledgement for knowing it and having that capacity to learn. I still want to earn big money (making sure that I’ll never have to request support of family ever again) and I guess I should just work towards that in a more traditional way.

Why are you saying that you are going to move to Antwerp if you’ve literally said: “Ik zie mezelf niet “Welkom in mijn kot” zeggen”?
“Kot” is a (Flemish or at least southern Dutch) word for student house or house for non-lifetime settlement. I saw the word for the first time on the website of the university. To me, it sounded like “krot”, which means ugly house. But I’ve been checking out what koten are available in and near Antwerp, and they’re not bad at all. Much and much cheaper than in the Netherlands, also. If I wait about two months into the curriculum [fucking long still but it’s the only way ehh 😩 ], so until around November, I have enough for the down payment and fi-nal-ly move out and move on.

What will you do with your degree in mathematics?
Study forever, until I’m ProfFangs and I can be the go-to private Catje of all these Graeynissis and teach, as well as tell people cool stuff about the revolutionary things I’m adding to the subject of mathematics, introducing Fangyism ๐Ÿ˜€ .
I really want to do things with big data, self-constructed algorithms, finance and revolutionizing the routine of life on a large scale. ProfFangs ๐Ÿ˜€ .

Why not Delft?
Because then I’ll have no incentive to move out and I’ll have to wait until September 2020. And I really want to start my international experience of life as soon as possible, leaving my “home country” that sees me as a foreign alien anyway.

Why would I trust your words?
If you’re in doubt and you prefer to not trust me, don’t bother to try to trust my words. I just want my truth to be out there for those who do trust me, so that they won’t be left in the dark once they pick my side. In the future, I’ll have my own land, but space is limited (I want it to be the country with the greatest amount of living space per citizen), so it won’t be available to the entire world population, and thus I will have to select who I allow in. There will be no room for snakes there, so really: if you don’t trust me then keep on not trusting me. (Grrrrrr……)

To me, it seems like the internet has two types of people: people accusing and people defending themselves. The people accusing are often empty shells who have nothing to offer, so they want to be known as a sort of “resistance participant”. Know that the group of people accusing are always far greater than those who defend.

The people defending themselves often have big plans for the world, but evil propagandists keep putting dirt on their names. Real change – which requires knowledge of the system to understand, but not everyone is capable of learning so you know that big cleanup process of overpopulation will be inevitable at some point yes I wish it were different too – is being prohibited by those who put dirt on their names but never go in to what the defendants actually stand for. It’s all just a bombardment of gossip these people have to endure, indirectly deciding what their topics are. Examples of people in a situation like this are president Trump and Thierry Baudet. (And things would have been a lot different for me if I weren’t falsely reported missing for no fucking reason, by people who don’t want me to leave them, while that is my wish for a better life for myself.) It’s always all-versus-one and those who are impartial are still pushed to say that they’re left-wing/on the fake resistance side – a position I’ve been in for a very long time – because what right-wing in the Western world is, is still so unclear for many. And that is fuelled by that fake resistance. Real resistance, in this awful system no one actually likes, is having a real unique voice and fighting against the system that figuratively chains us to live a life we don’t want to live.

Meoww my cousin came by and we’ve been chilling all night so tomorrow I’ll continue this. But I’ll be blogging for a less large part of the day because I still need to finish FangCatje and my other D.O.C.I.S. websites (+ app + album + I want to already start with reading in for physics because I want to be the best my meowww). This won’t happen in a day, but blogging less will be more efficient. I won’t vanish on you though ๐Ÿ˜€ . I’ll re-strategize my approach on these things here tomorrow as well.

It’s already past twelve 🙈

Good night ♥

xxx