11:28 (AM)

Good morning ♥

I don’t know why I can’t reach my Vicje 🙁 . My heart is too weak to approach a random proletarian for this, who won’t understand how much of a sensitive topic this is, and how much bad news would destroy my heart. Some people speak of him in such an awful manner, I won’t be able to endure something like that again 🙁 .

I attempted to email him this [a very random message, I know], when I received a “failed to deliver” notice in return…:

Dezelfde fout maken is terug naar huis gaan. Mijn moeder en huisarts vinden dit een goede plek voor mij… Grrrrr…

Catje

Mijn intuïtie vertelt me altijd met wie ik dat wel zou willen doen en met wie niet

Get me out of here, please 🙁 . I apparently still have arbeidsrecht. Apparently even arbeidsdwang, omdat ik alleen als normaal mens word gezien als ik full-time werk en studeer.

The description of the littest hangout in human history

Wild words

I don’t even know if it’s mutual 🙁

I don’t know what to do now 🙁 . I’m so worried… Though I haven’t been that close with him (yet?)… 🙁 Maybe he doesn’t like me and has blocked my e-maik address? 🙁 I’d rather hear that than hear that he has passed away or something

I’m now also stuck in the dilemma that I have to find residence and a fixed income, preferably before tomorrow, because after today they will put me under treatment at the department I was in in 2017-2018 [hell] and force me to go back to my parents’ house.

I asked the psychiatrist yesterday why they can’t treat me without medicines. He told me that medicines are going to put my mind on the right track, “so that I can go back into society” [because I am out of it?]. I had already explained to him that the reason why my business hasn’t thrived yet, is because I don’t have any investors. That the reason why I’m currently not studying, is because I don’t have £6000+ for tuition. That the reason why I don’t have a full time job, is because most jobs are too simple for my intelligence. And that swallowing some pill won’t change that. My self-analysis was, again, fully disregarded.

What I wrote after the conversation where I proposed my self-analysis idea

My alternative strategy is – again – working full-time, so that I won’t have time for living under psychiatric surveillance. I’m on the list for the ANWB Summer staff, so that’s where the e-mail came from…

Yesterday’s Twitter highlights:

I can’t imagine my future without the handsomest Graeyniss I have ever seen!

When it comes to getting out of here, this place is the same as a prison 🙁 .

Help me bitte

I’ll show you my hair – best braids I’ve ever made for myself – when I’ve eaten and showered. I’m still in bed… 🙁

~~~

12:58 (PM)

Important announcement:

My weakness… 😻 I’m still worried and feel quite powerless in this situation. I also don’t know who else can save me from this prison…

~~~

16:40 (04:40 PM)

Mijn gezichtsuitdrukking zegt “tjoerie” ahahahhaahaha. Ik hoor hier niet thuis verdomme ahahahah.

A tail in case the situation becomes even worse…

Getting some vitamin D… I’d rather get some vitamin Vicje…

Before I went into the shower

This is serious…

I’ll be writing… Er is hier echt niets te doen x_x.

Prison is clearly a metaphor and not fucking schizophrenia. I need to defend every statement I make x_x.

~~~

17:37 (05:37 PM) 

Important information:

I want to cuddle my sexy Vicje – I hope the reason why my mail wasn’t delivered, was because of its radical content… If he has a new job, then I heb niets te zoeken bij de ANWB (lol). If he is not with us anymore, then I’d spend all eternity not knowing if the feeling is mutual and feeling fucked up because I couldn’t be there for him…

This would also be a good moment for my B to go on strike….

~~~

21:09 (09:09 PM)

I’m in bed… Exhausted 🙁 . (Could that be because the food is cooked in psychiatric drugs?)

I hope someone will free me from here and offer me shelter… 🙁 I really don’t want to talk to these “health care professionals” anymore. All they do is tell me to quit chasing my dreams…

Authority problem:

This is not good for my heart 🙁 . Spending time with me is a privilege and this industry just claims it. The same goes for my parents. I want to be free 🙁 . Truly free!

I’m glad to have found ways to get through the day:

I hope they won’t mind that I posted that picture… I just find it important that the world knows what’s going on here. And I needed some time away from my mother, who, every conversation, tells me that this is what I need.

I want to spend time with people who I can trust, who won’t think of sending me to a place like this. Fucking often 🙁 .

I really hope someone will bail me out 😿 . Please don’t let my mind be shrinked further 🙁 .

I’ll be laking until I pass out. Still hungry, by the way, but I prefer eating natural foods, so I’ll just ignore the sound of my stomach… Maybe eat some almonds…

Good night ♥

– xxx –