09:23 (AM)

Good morning ♥

I woke up quite stressed out, because I don’t want to spend another day defending myself. But that’s why I’m here… All I can do is keep my head up.

I’m going to take a shower and eat something. (Won’t go outside today, because my cards are maxed out…) But before I go, I feel like sharing this:

Hehe meow I went to sleep with this thought: mijn Vicje [I sound obsessed lol]: I hope that the next time I hear you say “I really have to go”, is when I’m cuddling you in your bed and I’ll be like “Nooo I want you so bad, please give me some more Cishes” . And then we responsibly time that on the 1 minute and 36 seconds we have left and I then go with you to work because I’m your sidekick… Haha 😀 .

I’ll make a recent picture for a featured image later today. And I’ll write that essay today 🙂 . Though I really feel that I need a holiday… I’ve published over 111000 words this year…

Tot later xxx

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11:08 (AM)

I really wonder when things will finally go my way… Currently, they are not.

In the session just now, I was told that tomorrow, I have to leave this place. A few homeless shelter options were listed, because finding a job where shelter is offered, before tomorrow, is “unrealistic”.
And that at 1 o’clock, tomorrow, there is a session planned with people from the department – “specialized in psychoses” – I was in from April 2017 until I ran off to the United States. That they’ll see whether they’ll refer me to someone who could give me a second opinion or not. They want my parents to be present at that session… This is a lost cause, because no one wants to tell me that I’m right, because that means that dozens of people have been in the wrong for so long, and that I have the right for monetary compensation for the suffering I’ve lived through over 2 years…

So I’m going to look for a suitable homeless shelter now? I wish a sharp reader would help me :(…

In other news: I’m going to do my laundry, wishing I had some cash to buy fabric softener, for my strong odor… x_x

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11:36 (AM)

It’s done around oneee

Now I’m going to change the trash bag, and then think of what homeless shelter I can go to, with 45 cents to spend, as I write an essay I’ll publish today and sell for a very low price. Please buy it 🙂 .

Is it still strange that I want to die? There’s a unit for people with a depression, and I’m being sent to a unit for schizophrenics. Because of my parents…

My bloodlust comes from those who could have helped me, but prefer to make jokes about the way I feel, and watch me struggle. I want to take them with me, to the grave. Then I’d still have made the world a little better.


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12:12 (PM) 

What currently stings my heart the most, is that it is said that me doing my own press, is considered a problem.

Ik zit al heel lang op een goed tegengeluid te wachten. Waarom begin jij, die vindt dat ik wel schizofreen ben, geen blog? Waarom doe je geen aangifte? Er staan “dodenlijsten” op dit blog, en ik heb dinsdag zonder toestemming een gesprek opgenomen en online gezet. Doe alsjeblieft aangifte tegen mij, als je oprecht vindt dat ik schizofreen ben, zodat ik dan in hoger beroep kan gaan tegen jou, en deze casus voor eens en altijd kan afsluiten.

For a truly independent second opinion, I need to either go to Belgium, or go to the United States. The Dutch system doesn’t allow for it. (You can clearly see that.) I currently do not have the funds for that.

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13:18 (01:18 PM) 

This is what my essay will be about:

This is how I see society, the way it currently is. What D.O.C.I.S. does, is putting that in reverse.

I’m going to publish it in both Dutch and English. You’ll be able to purchase it from here. I’m also going to put it on Smashwords, and distribute it to the Apple Store et cetera.

Before I continue writing, I want to say this funny thing: around December, I sent Victor an email, in which I metaphorically referred to myself as a homeless cat, asking him if he wants to take me in. (An odd request to wich saying “yes” is not easy, I know. Maar niet geschoten is altijd mis…) And now I actually need to find shelter for tomorrow onwards. I have no options I consider options, in my network, other than him…

I’m going to continue to work on my essay…  xxx

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14:42 (02:42 PM) 

A slight change of plans… I give my products a low price, because I’m trying to spread a message. But currently, I find it more important that I have a better alternative than a homeless shelter or living with my parents.

So I’m thinking of a good €107,77 for this essay. 10 sales can help me last about a month, living the way I did when I was in Germany and in the United States (not very comfortable, but doable). 100 sales can make me rent something. 1000 sales and we can really start talking. I could even start putting my actual business concept into practice…

But meoow I’d then still be alone 🙁 . That’s why I was thinking of ways to get Victor’s attention… (And I really don’t want to go to my parents’ house or stay in a homeless shelter. Though I’d rather be alone in a homeless shelter, than go back home…)

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18:36 (06:36 PM) 

Twitter highlights:

And it will be sold for €1077,77… Then we can start talking after about 10 sales. And I can finally move on from all of this bullshit. If you buy this, you’ll definitely be entitled to receive a Cishe from me 🙂 ♥ .

Even this migraine can’t stop me from writing… Please buy it, when I put it online – which I’ll announce on all of my social media – and help me have a better alternative than living in a homeless shelter, serving drinks, or moving back in with my parents, with the risk of being sent to the closed vicinity again next time.

I want to lead, together with you. My essay tells you the why and how.

I’m going to continue to write. I’m typing it right away, instead of fully writing it out with pen and paper first. In my notebook, I’ve only written an overview. The essay is fresh off the top, like my diary posts, but then not about a different topic than my day-to-day life.

Please help me move on from this discomfort I’ve been living in for so long and keep an eye on my blog around midnight. Pleaseeeee. Please stay tuned, for “Disrupting The Silent Pyramid”!!!  xxx

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21:05 (09:05 PM)

“Disrupting The Silent Pyramid” will be passionately published with all of the tools I have available with the situation I’m in. 45 cents to spend, so no paid marketing. It is literally typed on my phone. Currently, it is about 1000 words, but the core is not worked out yet. I’m loving it already 🙂 .

You’ll love it, too, my fellow bottom two rows of the pyramid :). I’m keeping the exact content a surprise, though… 

It includes exclusive information about the D.O.C.I.S. 🙂 .

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