10:57 AM

Good morning!
How did you sleep?

Currently, I’m in the metro. I’m on my way to stop Eendrachtsplein, to buy a few pre-rolled joints. After that I’m going to buy some groceries for dinner.

I need to make the mathematics test today. It’s due at 23:59 (11:59 PM). I’d rather keep my focus on Nosce Te Ipsum, but since I’ve requested study financing, which I’ll receive on the 24th of April, and I want to keep having the right to receive this, I need to keep “being an official student” (so to not drop out) until I’m free. I found out I owed the rights to government study financing (a loan) somewhere last month, even though I’m not studying at a Dutch university. Then, my strategy was moving out as soon as possible and “taking care of leaving with Cuddles” from there. Now I don’t really have the patience to stay in my parents’ house for so long. I don’t even want to live in the Netherlands, so why rent a house here? I don’t even want to rent that apartment for a day. I don’t want to share my apartment with people I don’t know – since I’m not into small talk and “beer laughter”. The only reason for me to rent an apartment instead of staying at home, is because my parents don’t want me to travel and staying at their house drives me crazy. I have no reason to go outside, other than shopping for small essentials. It’s better than “hanging out with friends”, though. That’s so stressful… I have to put so much effort into “acting like the old me” and try to avoid the most depressive questions and topics. I used to “enjoy” (or at least not cringe at) listening and responding to monologues about other people. Now I just think: “Do you really find this interesting? I don’t care about the shoes of some person who went to the same school as us, who we both don’t know. Why spend so much time on that person’s Instagram account, while you don’t even like him? Why do you not like him, if you don’t even know him? It’s so annoying when people say they don’t like a person they don’t know. How can you judge a person you have never exchanged words with?”
Damn. I’m in complain mode again…

13:03 (01:03 AM)
(“It seems to be a lot like Christmas” with the music sounding like “You need a little revive” (Het Koninkrijk der Nederlanden? Klein land, kanker veel mensen.))
This is a summary of such a long story, I’m going to elaborate on it tomorrow (see 00:47. I was just revising my text before uploading it, but still need to write the end).

19:19 (07:19 PM)
I’m eating dinner now. The recipe of it is “already uploaded” (as a draft, just like my lunch (https://lilfangs.com/draft-dinner-apr-17/ , ). I decided to upload my drafts, to save time. (Since I want to “have everything done” before “the departure to Surinam”.) “A rebellious insight” made me want to upload my drafts as normal articles, so that you can follow the writing process.

I never cook the same thing. I always make something up, using most of the ingredients in the house. Today I only had to buy “venkel” (fennel).

20:51 (08:51 AM)
Okay, so I’m doing my mathematics test… The internet connection keeps dropping x_x. I feel a bit tense about this test, because I didn’t do my “confidence training” (normally I always take a look at the material a day before I have to make it, so that I know what to expect a little. Knowing what to expect gives me confidence) and I have smoked weed today and I want to show that it doesn’t influence your educative performances. (As if I’m representing all smokers… I don’t like the stigma among weed smokers. The people who judge smokers are on “awareness level Reefer Madness” anyway (ha-ha *laugh sounding like that iconic laughter in that one iconic scene* (only insiders know)). (I have also written A LOT today. More about that later.)

00:47 (12:47 AM)
A few minutes ago, I submitted my mathematics test (it was due 23:59 (11:59 PM) in London time, so that’s 00:59 (12:59 AM) for me. I noticed I’m in the same “rhythm” as in High School. For a lot of reasons (I’ll write a separate article about this) I always postpone doing school things at the last moment. Yes, that is against the “you need to put a lot of effort in getting high grades, because grades determine your personality, your future and your intelligence” morale that dominates the minds of so many people. For the first test, I didn’t study and got 100%. I already knew I had 100% before submitting it. For the second test, I was less certain about getting a high grade. 94% was high, but not high enough. Now, I was even less certain about getting a high grade, not only because I didn’t study again. Of course, the amount of knowledge you need to answer the question gets more as well. The first tests were on algebra, graphs and equations. This test was about graphs, equations, functions and trigonometry.

Tomorrow, I’ll see my grade. I hope it will satisfy my emotions a little. I shouldn’t focus on my performance solely because too simple-minded, ignorant, over judgmental just like to re-phrase opinions they hear on television.
I have a very busy selfmade schedule tomorrow. I have started so many new articles today, I all want to finish tomorrow. You’ll read all about that in tomorrow’s update.

(Ay… I really need to get out of this country. When I talk about my day, I want to talk about doing truly revolutionary things for which I need all of my capacities. “Today I learnt fencing”, “today we made a commercial”, “today we had a conference”, “today we watched our pre-planned PR-campaign “unfold” exactly like we planned” (ha, see what I did there?). Stuff like that I want to say. Stuff like that I want to do. It’s in the schedule.

(01:22)Now, it’s time to undress, brush my teeth(, take a shower? I’m really tired…(shower in the evening, in the morning or both?)) and go to sleep.

Good night, sweetie
-xxx-