Good morning! 😀

This is soo Cuddleee


I’m back in my hotel room. My work out was niceee. 

This was what I meant with: “There’s a tablet in my room”, which I mentioned yesterday. You can see my room number ahahah

What I’m trying to say is that a schizophrenic can’t do this, so I’m not one. The machine didn’t – by the way – count my distance and calories, during my intervals of running backwards.

What I needed 😻 

The view from my room is Cuddle tooo

I’m now going to get my razor and shaving cream out of the car, shower and shave – haha meoww I’m such a hairy cat right noww, seek for a cheap place where I can have lunch, get a massage, probably take a nap, then I have a dinner reservation at 18:30, swim when my food is digested and then – if I have some energy left – wash my hair etc. Oh, before I go to the garage, I should call Sixt to ask if I can return the car a little later, tomorrow. I have too much luggage to go to my final roof above my head – the Airbnb – by public transport. 


Meoww I took so long to shave, that I won’t make it to find a cheap place to eat, before my massage. I really can’t miss out on that, because my muscles are crazy tight. I’m eating some almonds right now. 

I think I’m going to apply for a job as game tester/translator… I don’t have any university degrees or any years of working experience in anything relevant, so my options that semi-suit me – when it comes to the challenge and the income, even though I’d rather have more of both – are functions in customer service, or functions related to writing and/or translating. The way some Dutch customers became aggressive, when I worked for the car insurance department of the Royal Dutch Automobile Association, has traumatized me, so I think game testing is better for me.  

What I would much rather do is, as a sole proprietor, do something with strategy, working with numbers, a lot of writing, a lot of reading and a lot of brainstorming. 


This was for sure one of the best massages I’ve ever had! The tension in my shoulders is crazy, though. She had been massaging it for quite some time, and it still didn’t fade/still kept coming back. 

I wish I had a partner who I could give a massage every night, and get one from him[/her, since I’m bisexual, but B stole my heart, so this is an indirect reference to him]. I wish this partner were my partner in crime, in doing the challenging form of mental labor I described before. If our lives are intertwined like that, negative emotions will vanish, and never return!😻 I think that then, I’ll finally have someone in my life who can relate to my thoughts, actions, feelings and emotions. I’ll be able to relate to that of him/her much better than of that of people with less challenging ambitions. 

My heart really doesn’t want a job that doesn’t get the maximum out of my capacities. I need to think about how to get that occupation – before November 8 lol – and what to do with my business website, then. Also, I really need to start looking for the right place/people/person who can teach me more about the economical and political history of Europe, from a non-Dutch perspective. 


I think Berlin is the perfect place to pick up where I left off my study on how the system works. I started with researching the background of what I was taught in school. After my finals, I started to study past and present propaganda. Now, I would like to know how exactly national and international financial chains are set up, how politics really work – but the real version that includes lobbyists and social media and stuff, not the euphemism I’ve been taught in school – and how other countries describe the timeline of history. 

Berlin is the right place to start, I think, because in school, I’ve been taught that the collection of agreements between countries, which ended up creating the European Union, started after the second world war [give me a good reason to capitalize the letters of the name of a war¿]. I’ve been taught [but I’m not sure what to believe, since the cold war was described as a “good vs bad”, while we should have been taught an unbiased perspective. I don’t know what else is biased] basically that “in the name of Adolf Hitler”, Rotterdam was bombed in 10 minutes, after the Netherlands surrendered right away and that before that, Poland was bombed – but in the teaching, the situation of Rotterdam was, “of course”, emphasized. This because Hitler, who was against the existence of certain “races” [they teach that he hates Jews, but that he might have been a Jew himself], wanted more “Lebensraum” for his people… Now, it could be possible that in other countries, the story is completely different. But this was what I had to learn for my gymnasium finals. 

The German parliament is located in Berlin [I’ve been taught that Hitler “probably” caused the “Reichstagbrand” to win the elections and call out the emergency situation where the government is allowed to ask everyone’s ID’s and stuff], so I guess that is the right starting point to research other perspectives. 

I also want to know what other countries say about the role of the Netherlands in the whole thing, because I think that even for “Lebensraum” – which sounds like such a random reason to start the whole thing – attacking the Netherlands is a waste of ammunition. After slavery was abolished, their Golden Age was over. This is what I know, because I’m from Surinam, and my grandfather has taught me my personal history. This is not in their history books. They used to earn from kaapvaart and other illegal shit. 

Now, Google translate says that “kaapvaart” is “privateering”, but the definition of “to privateer” sounds much more innocent than “kaapvaart”. Kaapvaart is what “illegal pirates” do.  Stealing from other countries and stuff. [They say Britain made a deal to sell opium to China and in that way stay in control over them¿]

I also think that it’s dumb to teach children this from AGE 4 [I used to feel like I was born in hell]. Especially those whose parents are easily manipulated, who manipulate their children. I know people who “hate Germans and Belgians”, “because of their history”, even though they have never crossed the Dutch border or only go to these locations abroad where only Dutch people go. [Just like they hate me for being black. To me, they do fucking express it.]

You should check out a Dutch history book for 10-year-olds. [Fast, before they suddenly change it, because I don’t think that they want other countries to know the shit they teach their children about them.]

I have often failed history tests, because I stuck to stating my answers as “the book says” and not as “these are real facts”.

Anyway, after their Golden Age was over [they, by the way, in history books, state that they fucked up Antwerp’s harbor to make Rotterdam the biggest harbor], I think they suddenly felt very small and vulnerable, which is why they need(ed) the European to [HAHA] “keep their heads above water”. That’s a literally translated Dutch saying, “het hoofd boven water houden”, which means to (financially) survive. 

A lot of my fellow Dutch students used to tell me that they hate studying history,”because it has already happend in the past, so why do they have to study it now”. I didn’t enjoy some chapters in history, because I don’t understand why they put the emphasis on that. For the final exam, we had to know “everything” about world war two, and the chapters about the slavery colonies of the Dutch, were skipped, “because it’s not important”. It’s the reason why I was born in that fleh country :(. So I think it’s ve-ryy important.

Haha omg, the Geography teacher I had in my second year of “de middelbare school”, on gymnasium level, used to make all kinds of biased (racist) statement about people from Surinam. She used to say shit like: “Surinamese people wear fake gold.” [My gold isn’t fake…] “Surinamese people believe that they don’t have to go to work/school when it rains.” [In Suriname, it can rain just as bad as in the Netherlands – only in Suriname, there can be a power outage in the entire city, a few times a week, because of the rain. People just continue to live their lives…]

Throughout all the things they teach about history, they make it seem as if the status of their country is a challenge, and they “want to be the best of the world”. 99% of the people with a Dutch nationality I know are nationalists, who say that in the Netherlands things are better than in other countries. [E-ve-ry single person is so biased against Russia. I must say, because of the stories I’ve been told, as a black person, I’ve also been very hesitant with going to Russia. Now, if I don’t go alone – because I can’t read/speak Russian – I am very interested in going there. They say they are so racist against black people, that they kill them. During the international exchange, black people weren’t allowed to participate in the exchange with Russia.]

Flood the place? I think the world needs further unification. That’s not possible if this one international deep state party is solely out for sole profit. [I don’t want to sound Dutch, but “I’m safe now, far away from those dikes, so…”]

I also think the Dutch have made people from other countries very insecure, by saying “Dutch is very difficult. It’s the opposite of everything you know.” I’ve met people who think that in Dutch, “no” means “yes” and “yes” means “no” and other nonsense. Dutch is a simplified German dialect. German has “Fälle” [“cases”, Gtranslate says]. Dutch has been simplified that far – and still even the most high-ranked, formal people make so many mistakes in their language – that there are no cases anymore.

Dutch: “Ja, ik ga met de auto naar de supermarkt.”

German: “Ja, ich gehe mit dem Auto zum Supermarkt.” [I did this from the top :D. I did after-check it, only to see that I already wrote a correct sentence :D.]

Do you see the similarities?

I don’t know why, but every single person I meet abroad, who knows about the existence of the Netherlands, always says “Oh, that must be such an amazing country.” I always respond with something like: “I guess….?” Because I don’t want to fuck up their positive energy. Actually, I want to say: “Have you been there? The majority of people there is already biased against you, without even knowing you.” 

I wish I could translate some Dutch television shows for you. They state their freaky nationalist shit and biases on national television! 

Me being declared a schizophrenic has soooooo been in their advantage. I now risk that people won’t believe my words and people not wanting to work with me, without even knowing me,  solely because of the label I’ve been given. 

My dinner:

It has been a “financially risky” move for me, ordering that glass of Remy Martin XO, but I’ve told myself to just make the best of it and hope for the best.