04:18 (AM) 

My current form of transportation makes it possible for me to charge my phone. That’s so chill :D, because I haven’t booked a new hotel room yet. Because of the few abilities for late night travel, after I couldn’t find the special bus stop for international buses, there were no options for me anymore, to travel to Milan by not plane. 

On the spot, I searched for an alternative way to travel as far away as possible. It really sucks that the train tickets are non-refundable. 

I booked them after packing, before leaving

For me, it went from conversation to beef, after: “Your behavior is getting worse. I can see it. Again, you’re in your room all day and you’re socializing less and less.”

“It’s not getting worse. I’m in bed, because I am physically sick and my physical health needs to be examined further.”

“You’re not sick. Physically, you’re healthy. You really need mental assistance. What have you accomplished this year?”

Then, I said: “Shut the fuck up.” And then the “argument” started… 

My father mentioned that what I post on my blog, makes me look “more like a schizophrenic”. This while I devote every post to debunking that. Is that crazy? If, one day, bullshit news is widely spread about me, again, I want you to know my side of the story in advance. 

04:46 

My check-out date is November 2nd, for now. I will either extend it, go elsewhere or be homeless. 

08:28

Just in case I’m going to apply for a job, I brought two suits and two dresses. Because I intended to go to Italy, I took the wrong jacket, for the weather at the location I’m at right now x_x. 
Anywayy

This is not the city I’m in right now

But the triangle is soo cuddleee

Ayyy

Breakfast 😀

Those are some pictures I took earlier. 

09:31 

I was lucky to be able to check in before check-in time. Now I’d like to catch up on a lottttt of sleep, undisturbed. 

13:21 

“Haha” I feel so random for asking the man at the reception take away the spider that was next to my toilet. 

Insects often randomly jump on me

What to do now…? I feel like when I was in the US, but then less emotional, because this is the second time for me to travel by means of “taking my mind off the situation in my home (country)” and the zillionth time for me to take distance from my parents, because of the way I disagree with certain habits and beliefs that come with their method of parenting. 

To my mother’s message that says that she is shocked and that I can count on her et cetera – sounds like a form of click bait you need to respond to with loving words – I will not write a response. Every day, I dislike texting a little bit more. [Unless it is you texting me, my Cuddle :).] I also won’t be responding to the other texts from other people I have: someone asking me if I want to make a DJ portfolio for him [noooooooooooooooo], invitations to things, questions about my life, to which the answer is in every blog post I write… 

Is there a limit to the amount of time I’m allowed to spend in Germany? My heart desires to be able to make a living here [a house in the non-touristic area I’m in right now, my dream matte grey Audi RS7 sportback…] and then, in the end, move to California, to later move to my independent private island.

Lately, my father had been putting a lot of emphasis on the dangers of “lying to the American government about my state of mind”. [I filled out my ESTA according to my truth and not his. To every question, I responded “no” – unless there’s a question where “yes” is the answer that says that the government doesn’t have to worry about your presence.] A set of statements that has been causing the same type of inner short circuiting as the statements that made me want to leave the house, for the insult it is to my intellect. He said that I can get in trouble with the US government for saying that I am not mentally ill. Ughhhhh. 

This authority people who work in the industry of facilitating air travel – namely security people – have, was the reason why I decided to travel by train and bus. When I tried to escape my parents, by going to the Bahamas, in February 2017, the security people were also attempting to keep me from flying, because they found it suspicious that I didn’t have a suitcase with me. I didn’t have a suitcase with me, to avoid my parents from knowing where I was going and stopping me, but I didn’t say that to the security people. [Because it is none of their business why I travel.]

Something I prefer is to celebrate my birthday at some place a little more upscale. I’ve been thinking of renting a car for one day, to go to another location where I can reside, after checking out, if I have some money left, still. 

I just checked my debit account, with palpitations while opening the app. Now, I have mixed feelings. On the one hand, I want to say “Dammit, the last time I checked, they stated that they were going to stop it automatically, if I don’t show them that I really am/have been an Open University student, which I haven’t, even though I still am registered there, so what the fuuuuuuck is this… Now my debt [did you know “schuld”, in Dutch, means both debt and guilt¿] is even greater…”, but on the other hand, I’m glad to have received some study financing. Now I can eat the whole month and do marketing and stuff. 

I need more desk space, to be able to work on my free book that is part of my fundraiser… If that becomes a success, my fate can be sealed 😀 ♥. 

I also want to stay at a hotel that isn’t next to a busy road. I’m a little bit afraid of drive-by’s, now that my parents can make my “running away” go internationally viral again. 

There are a few things I need to buy and I’m suuuuper hungryyy, so I’ll have to go outside. 

I just got another text: “Het is niet fraai hoe het is gegaan, maar we houden van je. Wij allemaal.” The word “maar” = “but”, isn’t emphasized in the text message. I just emphasized it, because of the meaning it has in the “I love you” context. It says: “The way things have gone is not pretty, but we love you. All of us.” I don’t even open them. They make my heart ache. 

Hmmm… I should go apartment hunting…

Haha typisch…

It seems like you can just enter and claim your spot? (You don’t want that, when the dikes break… That will be such chaos… I believe that there shouldn’t be a European Union anymore, in the “amical but still competitive” it is right now. You’re all being taken advantage of in such an intensely inhumane way, by your own ally…)

Mag ik ook afdingen bij mijn studieschuld? Bij iemand met weinig geld, zou ik niet afdingen….

As I mentioned in previous posts, I want my business to eventually generate dividends for those who support the network. Why not start that here, instead of in the Netherlands…?

The sausage x_x

From some random other Googling:

My phone doesn’t support “NL alert”…?

“Van beide kanten”, while “German people be like” “wtf¿”…

The bottom side of the text is about that, when you, as a Dutch person, move to Germany, it is important that you know the German culture and history, to prevent annoyance and frustration “FROM BOTH SIDES” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. 

16:50

I went to the Lidl to buy pretzels, make up remover pads, hair gel and bottles of water. I’ve also sent a response e-mail for a short stay apartment in a different neighborhood. Most food places open at 17:30, for dinner, my screen says, so currently, I’m back in my hotel room… 

Shout out to Google for beautifully accentuating the smog on this picture. 

By the way, I ended up packing less clothes and more stuff, after I made the picture while packing. 

Ohh the difference between “brought two suits and dresses” and “bought two suits and dresses” [my typo] is granddd. I just came prepareddd. Maybe there are networking events¿ I brought some business cards. [But the big stacks of cards are at my flehs’ house x_x.]

18:16 

Again, the self-date x_x.

I loveeee duckkk

Something “everyone needs to know” is that I, when speaking to anyone, don’t easily give away crucial personal information. It’s like I see certain suspicions in people’s eyes. If you want it answered, you need to ask me directly, because I’m not going to spill it for no reason, while I don’t know whose side you’re on. I can indicate your side, by what you ask me. 

I also wonder if my website is far more popular than my statistics show me… 

Ahahahahahaha omggg this piece of text about culture makes me “break casual character”. I couldn’t keep myself from laughing. “Hi I’m your new neighbor. What’s your favorite Hänsel und Gretel [I know it as Hans en Grietje HAHAHAHAHA BUT IT’S OLD “SO IT’S NOT PLAGIARISM” AND COMPLETELY DUTCH AHAHAH] scene? How do you prepare your Bratwurst und Sauerkraut?” HAHAHAHAHA some [may I say “most”¿] Dutch people really do this. [I laugh, because it’s so very wrong making someone who is not Dutch feel like an alien, by making such statements.]

I do not think it’s right for me to ever cross the Dutch border again. Especially not after I state that it’s more efficient and more fun, when it comes to the opportunities it leaves for very subtly making changes to the [economic] system, for the country to flood. It’s also way better for the environment, because the country wasn’t supposed to be there in the first place. 

Something I veryyyy vaguely remember, is that there were a lot of very influential societal reforms (internationally¿) when I was veryy young. 

From the things I’m doing, I feel more like a self-employed secret agent. I remember that that was another profession I wanted “to have”¿ [is that grammatically correct?], when I was little. 

The thing is “that I have no one watching over me”, keeping my profile low in a positive sense, when it comes to that my social environment in my home country. That’s the reason why there are so many “disclaimers” in my posts, for those who would avenge me if snakes were to ever let me be assassinated [or murdered further, by antipsychotics].

I want my B :[. Ah this heartburn from missing him, I’ve been walking around with since 2015, increases the more I’m alone. 

19:43

I’m back in my hotel room. On my way to the Chinese restaurant I just ate at, my body was shaking from the cold. I didn’t take my jacket with a big hoodie, suitable for cold weather, because when I left, I still had my mind fixed on going to Milan. “Shit, my jacket…” was one of the first things I thought, after missing the bus. 

Some pictures I took with the jacket, I haven’t posted before [wil je dat ook fact checken?]

From the way my nose flexes when I smile, you can see that I’ve heard: “Why do you look so mad? You should be smiling,” waaaay toooo fucking often.

Something I also re-noticed today, is that I naturally don’t move both my arms, when I walk. 

And then, right before I was about to go right, towards the building in which the restaurant is located, I noticed the “30% off on all jackets” on my left. On the spot, I bought a jacket and ripped off the price tag, so that I can wear it right away. I entered the restaurant wearing it:

Hehe I’m a ninjaa

Can someone explain to me what the benefit is for all of our society, to make business competition, with making profit and/or expansion as its goal? I don’t see it. I find that it has to change into value based on what it truly adds to our society. And that it’s better to put our heads together, instead of trying to rip them off[, tenzij je me met zwarte piet vergelijkt, dan zoek je het maar uit ;)].

I’m wearing different jeans than earlier today, because the other ones were blood stained after traveling, from that stupid morning after pill x_x. 

20:50 

I hope the person I send the message about housing to, will respond with positive news. Then, at the hotel I’m currently at, I can ask to shorten my stay and maybe get a room upgrade, to a bigger one, while I’m still here. 

Just like when I arrived in Baltimore, earlier this year, the area I’m currently at, is not suitable for me to stay at for a longer period of time, because I don’t have a car. 

I wonder if the remaining tongue spasms I still have, after getting the “kaakklem” [looked like a crazy seizure] from haloperidol, can be fixed. One side of my tongue is way bigger than the other – plus it’s like it makes breathing harder for me – and, even when I try to relax it, it keeps “spazming”… I feel my brain short circuiting, when I try to combine thinking of growing old, solving my health problems – now that I’m in the right country – long term housing, expanding my network, getting my business off the ground and never seeing flehs again. Money is too much of an issue for me, in this situation. (This while, just like when I was in the US, I have my hard drive with me, that has my father’s banking passwords on it, from when I was his way underpaid and unregistered bookkeeping assistant. 

I’ll be reading some Seneca and then head to bed.

Good night 😻
 😻

22:31 

The extreme need for me to prove myself, kept me from reading and incentivized me to make the “My trip to the U.S. in retrospect” post. “U.S.”, because I like the old school way of abreviating more. 

I think I’ll go back to making videos. It’s easier for keeping an overview as well. I’ll start with that tomorrow. I’d love to show you alllll of the videos I’ve made, but they are sooooo long that it could seriously take a week for them to be uploaded. 

You make me very happy by watching my videos, over-reading my blog posts and any other way in which you show your interest in me. 

Meow, I feel so lonely that I feel these continuous chest pains :(. How can I ever see my B? :[ Especially when I’m all the way here, and he only speaks through The Head Cuddle, but I can’t hear him as clear as I used to [I fucking hate that. Ever since those snakes gave me those antipsychotics :'(], and he doesn’t take my calls or respond to my e-mails. It used to be so easy to reach him. [That’s why I didn’t mind not having his mobile phone number that much. I prefer emailing over texting. And texting over calling, because my parents always gossip and ask me questions about what they (over)hear. He’s one of the very few people who I would enjoy calling with.] 

Now – since June 2017 – he doesn’t reply. I think it would be something for him, to at least let me know why… 😔

😔 I’m going to stop writing now for today. I want to take my mind off this heartache.