13:20 (01:20 PM) 

Good afternoon :]

I want Δοκιs to have a much more “established” debut than Lil Fangs had… Established in the sense that what I put out should look professional [even the finest details!] and I need to be out of “bed pet mode”. But as long as I’m dealing with these headaches, the sensation that even when breathing heavily, I still don’t get enough air and heartache that becomes worse when I move, I should not be concerning myself with that. The problem is that I can’t stop… 

I want to get myself out there and I need to start earning, because otherwise I’ll have to go back to the even more stressful 9 – 5… I would then be settling for a life I absolutely don’t want to live… 

To succeed in this, I need the perspective of someone else. But currently, negative feedback hurts my heart like crazy. So I guess I’ll wait with that until there’s some sort of solution to these aches I’ve been having for so long that I forgot that it’s not normal to have them… 

Maybe the perspective won’t include negative feedback, but I have no engagement for a reason… 

14:39 (02:39 PM) 

Earlier, I made scrambled eggs with carrots, tomatoes, celery, thyme, an union, garlic and some salt. 

The conversation I had with my father still stresses me out today. I’ve become so hesitant with speaking my mind. 

He entered my room yesterday and looked through the copy of The U.S.H.R.. I explained some things about the story concept and how I’m now considering to take out the project aspect. I want to solely write it as a science-fiction story. At first, I told him that he can keep the copy, because I ordered three of them. Later, when I saw him look at the “About Lil Fangs” page, I thought “Oooh shit….”

We somehow ended up talking about what I want in life, and he said that I should go back to school and get a job. I told him that that will not make me happy or satisfied in my life and that I want my business to be successful. He asked me who I’ve approached for help with my business. I told him my former professor. He said: “And did he help you?” Before I could say: “If you and ma wouldn’t have interfered…” [But I held this back because I was so afraid of re-sparking last year’s fights…] He said: “No! You can better go outside and meet people and talk to random people.” I don’t understand why he’s so against him… 

Then came up the topic of me wanting my files cleared. He said the best way to achieve that is not by a legal fight, but by going back to talk to these people and taking pills… I told him that doing that is the same as saying: “Please cuff me.” 

Part of me says “You should listen to your father. They say a father is one of the best and most important avisors in your life.” Another part of me says: “Don’t let him break you. His arguments are not stated to let you live the life you want to live. He wants to see me live the same type of life he does. I’ll never be happy living that.” 

18:48 (06:48 PM)

My family dinner outfitt

Spot the cold sweatt lol

I haven’t decided on a new domain name yet… I don’t know if Dokis is the right name to begin with… (Haven’t decided on the spelling of it either…) 

But by the time I have my new domain, when you’d type in https://lilfangs.com, it will redirect to my new website and the content here won’t be accessible anymore… That’s a good thing, right…? Whatever I place on my new domain, won’t include worry about relationships and my career etc…