01:57 (AM) 

Meoww I’ve edited the front page, the D.O.C.I.S. International website and my motivation letter a bit. Staring into screens for such a long time, makes me feel a bit “grrrrr”, because I want to move around, but won’t feel comfortable doing that, while I’m not done with what I was doing. I’m tired of typing so much, but there’s still quite some that needs to be done, before I can submit my admission. 

Meow I’m getting a fever again, I think. My head hurts, I feel my temperature fluctuate and swallowing hurts like craazyyy 🙁 . Today will be another crazy boring day, with almost no physical movement. (Help :'( .) My only reason to go outside, is to go to the bank, to put that cash my mother gave me, on my debit account, so that I can pay that stupid warrant I only pay because I don’t have the funds and easy case for a lawyer. I shouldn’t be paying any of it.

I’m off to bed. 

Good night ♥

I love you ♥


14:20 (02:20 PM) 

Good afternoon ♥

I just finished my first meal of the day, of which I don’t have a picture, apparently x_x. I baked some okra, plantain and yam, with a madame jeanette peppers and some thyme. Palm oil would have gone nice with it, but I don’t have money for that 🙁 . 

I want to finish my admission as soon as possible, so that I could get clarity soon and have some no-staring-into-screens-days (I’m frying my eyes with this x_x). But it seems like I won’t be able to finish everything in today… Also, my mother might get that stamp for me, tomorrow. It’s very nice of her that she’s willing to do that for me. 

With my admission, I cling myself to this country for at least three years. Not that I have money to go anywhere else (I can’t even travel to the university from where I’m staying). 

I’m powerless in this. As in that I would rather study in sunny California, because it’s sunny there and there are a lottttt less familiar faces there. Or go to Harvard, because that university has an even better name. But for that, I need a generous and supportive father… Studying mathematics in Delft might suit me the best, when it comes to universities and courses in the Netherlands, but Delft, Harvard and California all don’t have my B… 

I wish he would be my guide, for my Nosce Te Ipsum Thesis [I hope I can make clear that I know that writing “a Nosce Te Ipsum Thesis” is not part of the regular routine in academics. And that the title Illuminatus Intelligens officially doesn’t exist…]. And that I can spend full-time time with him and his fellow Graeynissis 🙊. That would be so much fun! 😸

I’m still stuck with sooo many questions from the time when we were about to do (PR) research together, and make a campaign together, and then I got stuck in the psychiatric system and we lost touch and everything… I want to finish what we started. And select different main topics for our research hahaha……….. Meoww my feelings were getting in the way a little, and my pessimistic view about the world was growing very much, when I came with the idea to study the history of sex and combine it with something interactive and microeconomics related, because the public seems so “not wanting to think about serious things”, that it felt like nothing else would sell/be successful, and I would be more turned on all of the time, if I would hear this meow talk about sex… 

But we shouldn’t downgrade ourselves to the level of what’s appreciated by the masses today. (My pessimistic view is now full grown and I’m fully aware of how it influences the way I express myself hahahaha…. Maybe we should even just openly express how dumb we find it…? I know I’m not alone in this!) We should attempt to level them up…

There are much more fun (and sexy) topics to research and campaign for! Such as the ecological safety of Rotterdam, the future of mankind, with its growth of overpopulation and “resources going extinct” (being replaced by artificial shit), starting a corporate state (including the expansion of D.O.C.I.S. International)… Especially the corporate state one!! 

Meoww I really hope I can get my B back… 


17:54 (05:54 PM) 

Meoww my brain is tired from not sleeping for two nights and generating so much texts. (Especially the process of finding the right words for self-expression is making me tired.)

And I’ve gone to the stupid bank to deposit my last stupid cash onto my debit account and pay that stupid warrant. Unfortunately, I can literally collapse at any second, and thus I shouldn’t continue to work on my websites and motivation letter. I better don’t have this when I have to be stuffing my brain with study material… 

I’m going to take a nap now xxx