I came across some things I’ve written in the past:

If you would see your daughter/son write this about suicidal thoughts, would you ever punish him/her again? Haha maybe my Cuddle would even say: “Why would I punish my child in the first place?” I don’t know either! But writing this didn’t change a thing, for me…

As you can see, “writing things out” is not new to me at all! When I was very young, I was already writing books. Unfortunately, the computers I’ve written them on are formatted and trashed, and the notebooks I used to are also trashed!! (I’m still so devastated about this :[. I could have made it already…)

Does this look familiar? :p (@Ex Animo) “Chaos” is a reference to a creation myth alternative to that of “the Big Bang”. By “Male Energy” I do not mean “Men”. I mean that there are two types of energy and one is dominating in the way we are taught to live life. Consider it the parabel of hawks and doves. In the online version, I have taken that part away, to make sure those who like to judge don’t get the chance to misinterpret my words. “Earth is awesome! Life is amazing!” Okay!?

I kept a diary too when I was in the hospital. This notebook I bought there, after writing full the other one. When I left the hospital, the red one was full, too. “Toestemming geven om mijn spullen meegenomen te laten worden en ondergebracht te worden bij de locatie waar ik mijn proces om mijn naam te zuiveren afwacht.” (But they never allowed that to happen.)

When I was stuck under surveillance at home (and in Suriname), I also wrote.