Hi. 🙂 ♥ This is my new starting point. By that I mean that I’m trying to get my audience, my progress and our achievements in sync by recalibrating this website of mine, calling this post “Starting Point”. In one of my “Kicking back to Kick off Kicking off” and “Het experiment” videos, I mention that some moments in my diary I’ve chosen to start explaining everything from scratch again, because it’s a lot of work catching up if you are a new visitor / don’t read my work. Then my dilemma became “How am I going to explain that…Continue reading
As a follow-up from my experiment from yesterday, it’s time for orientation today. Relaxing yesterday ( = kicking back), to kick off kicking off ( = orienting on what my starting point is and what a good result looks like). Today is “focus day”. There are plenty videos of me yesterday, on Youtube, waiting to be watched by you. 🙂 There are about 20 videos of me yesterday in total. 🙂 Maybe I can. I’ll see when this is uploaded. 🙂 After 500+ blog posts, my brain just feels so tired. I’m in bed, currently. Thinking of what to do…Continue reading
Let’s say you’re jogging, right 😏 , and during that relaxing cardio exercise across beautiful landscapes you want to test how fast you can sprint. To measure your velocity, you have to decide on your start point and end point before you start your experiment. You can decide to, for example, mark one tree as your beginning point and another as your end point, knowing that the distance between those points is, for example, exactly 100 meters. Then your distance is fixed. A start and end point based on distance. Time is variable in this case. To measure your velocity,…Continue reading
Good afternoon ♥ Today’s weather makes me want to cuddle up in bed just like my headache does. Though my headache gets worse when I move, it’s thunderstorms and rain (and hail too¿) coming and going since last night. And from the short time between the lightning flash and the sound of the thunder, it has been very close by. Less than 1 km from here. I hope you’ve seen my drafting of yesterday evening. 🙂 And that the refund of my grandmother’s investment in the Aegon Sprintplan is not at all guaranteed yet. My mother showed me the letter…Continue reading
10:53 (AM) Good morning ♥ I hope you’re feeling better than I do. Physically, I feel worse than yesterday. My pains are more serious. Mentally, I have a lot more on my mind than yesterday. The topics alternately occupying my mind are: Will people become part of my book club? I really hope so because I have such cool ideas for it and it would be the perfect side job! And I need to exceed the costs of having the store because otherwise it will be a headache instead of an asset. I hope I’ll be in good health in…Continue reading
12:19 (PM) Heys ♥ Feverish Catje I’ll keep it short today, because the more I stare into this screen, the more my head hurts. But I still want to let you know what’s happening – hoping that you’ll protect me 🙁 – before this feverish Catje goes back to sleep. Somewhere in the middle of the night, last night, a sensation that felt as if someone just punched me in the eye, woke me up. I was in defense mode right away, but the room was empty, I saw in my spinning and blurry sight. My head hurt like crazy…Continue reading
01:27 (AM) My Catje ♥ The July 4th version of myself has intentions of finishing and submitting FangCatje today for distribution (intangible 🙁 ). But I’ve been busy… #FangCatje pic.twitter.com/JcdWxKOyTw — The Fangs (@LilFangs_) July 8, 2019 Haha just kidding not really busy busy – it’s all unpaid and unrecognized so it’s not really work they would say – but fatigue and social situations I’ve decided to engage in. Such as the surprise barbecue, birthday restaurant dinner, psychiatric surveillance check-ups… And chilling with my little cousins at my aunt’s (their grandmother’s) yesterday. 😀 My two-year-old cousin knows how to…Continue reading
00:40 (12:40 AM) My Catje ♥ I hope you had a nice weekend. 🙂 I wonder if you have plans for the Summer holidays. For me it will be living through the planning I’ve said “Yes,” to, for good reasons. But still I hope that there are a lot of people accross the globe who like to read my blog and who would like to get practical about it. It seems like this is something too controversial to openly express your appreciation for or something. While I’m not doing anything illegal. I hope someone will break the barriers between me…Continue reading
02:54 (AM) That Type of Montage Where you see a Protagonist with a big Stack of Books Processing Everything to get Something big Done with “Intense” Sounding Background Music Hey my Catje ♥ I hope that not seeing you today doesn’t mean that you’re not real.* I hope that people keeping up with my blogging, who actually can relate to this and also want to be open about this really exist. (Please I really don’t want another crisis center hell.) But yesterday was a reminder that I shouldn’t assume that anyone will ever take any work out of my hands….Continue reading
01:48 (AM) Heys ♥ Instead of sharing my pre-bed thoughts with you – since I passed out a while after I uploaded yesterday’s post – I’ll now share my after waking thoughts with you. Quicksand Not so long ago, I described the prospect of a day like this like slowly drowning in quicksand. I don’t want to experience it, but time still works towards it and there’s nothing I can do about it. Have you ever received a question like: “You hate me, don’t you?” or “You think I’m dumb/untalented, don’t you?” It’s so annoying. Of course I’m not going…Continue reading
17:53 (05:53 PM) This is Post Number 500 Good pre-evening, my dear reader ♥ When I started this blog, I did not expect to reach 500 posts that fast. But yay, another milestone and here I am by myself eating chips behind my laptop. This is my second time this year buying chips. There are over 159000 words on this blog, written in about a year. All written with the intention of explaining my idea for a revolution to you – a plan so large that I still have quite some things to lecture you on yay 😀 – and…Continue reading
09:24 (AM) Good morning 🙂 ♥ My night was quite good, though everything that’s going on is making me feel restless – very noticable during meditation last night. It’s my father’s 50th birthday today, so we’re going out for dinner tonight. In the meantime I’ll spend my time creating a day-to-day schedule of business tasks for myself, starting ahead with selecting books for my store (now that I know what’s available) and working on FangCatje. You’ll love what the store will have to offer! Not only my selection of books: the very unique way in which products will be offered:…Continue reading
11:29 (AM) Good morning ♥ Cold Feet Meoow the tension I feel now is intense 🙁 . The decline of stress I spoke of is, I realize now, that after the Summer this is all over and I can finally start to get happy (though the road to professorship is fuuuucking long and costly…). But in the meantime there are at least three months for me here where I’ll still have to endure these lowkey tense social situations and be without money. I woke up with the thought: The prospect of having my studies in Belgium as my occupation is…Continue reading
12:31 (PM) Good afternoon 🙂 ♥ My morning was great. After waking up, I flipped myself over back to sleep a few times. I love a bed in which I can roll around like a sea star. 😻 My aunt’s bed is of a size like that. I woke up less stressed than I woke up yesterday and yesterday I woke up less stressed than the day before. Finally, a permanent decline is in sight. Once I have my own apartment in Antwerp, I know I will feel more safe than ever. Conscious “Those people are much more conscious than…Continue reading
19:59 (07:59 PM) Good evening 🙂 ♥ Excuse my late post. I’ve been so busy meoww. This is such a day of yays 😀 . The Yays First of all, today is Keti Koti: the day on which slavery officially became abolished by law, for Suriname and the Dutch Antilles. The act was passed in 1863, but there was a 10-year transition period for slaves to become free slaves, so it was officially official in 1873. Who knows what life would have looked like if this act wasn’t passed!?!? (Something I thought about a lot, when I was little.) So…Continue reading
09:59 (AM) Good morning ♥ Hopefully the title of this post rings a bell. The circumstances under which I’ve been releasing and attempting to release are still the greatest knockdown argument of any potential I have. Of course, by “circumstances” I don’t mean that I’m living in a situation that is physically unbearable, like in many other parts of the world. I am so lucky and blessed to have been born in the Netherlands and have the wealthy parents I have and am grateful for that blah blah. I hope I can mean something to the people who can’t try…Continue reading
00:39 (12:39 AM) I see there is “no market” for FangCatje. Of the more than 4500 people who have seen it, only 2% have anticipated on it. I didn’t expect people to respond to it with the love and enthusiasm I was hoping to see. But this: pic.twitter.com/ajmYQSPo02 — Tom Hendriks (@Tom1973_1) June 28, 2019 This is going too far. It’s the only response the (later still approved) advertisement got. A GIF of a pile of shit. Fuck this. I’m not going to supercharge my tachycardia to share my very sensitive and personal self-reflection in the purest format, just for…Continue reading
I just want to Become a Legal Ruler and Trillionaire in the Fastest way Possible [Friday, June 28, 2019]
13:11 (01:11 PM) Good afternoon 🙂 ♥ I tried to do the thing again where I make some advertisements before going to bed and wake up with a larger audience. These were my ads for FangCatje: "Sorry voor wat er in 2017 is gebeurd." Is dat iets wat je wil horen? Of iets anders? Ik heb je (dan) echt heel veel te vertellen… https://t.co/2MjGkuLFTY #Fangyism #DOCIS #FangCatje — The Fangs (@LilFangs_) June 27, 2019 “Thank you for sharing social media posts and searching for me outside, because you wanted to show that you care about me, back in 2017.” Is…Continue reading
Introductie introductie, introductie. De eerste woorden van dit boek. Mijn potentiële lezer denkt nu: “Zal dit leuk worden? Is het de aankoop waard?”Continue reading
07:28 (AM) Good morning 🙂 ♥ I have soo much inspiration for my new book, my meow 😀 . And I’m certain that you’ll love the preview I’m going to put online somewhere before the day I publish it – June 30th will be the date on which I release the book, to keep my “publishing cycle” semi-intact. There will be a Dutch and an English version 🙂 . The price of FangCatje will be upped from €1 (what I said yesterday) to €3,33 (“opening” sale price) and €7,77 (after sale price), because I’m expecting as depressingly few sales as…Continue reading
13:59 (01:59 PM) Good afternoon 🙂 ♥ I was kind of starting to miss talking to you all day. And I have plenty of time now. I have a train ride of more than an hour ahead of me 😀 . I hope you’re as pleased by this spontaneous spontaneity as I am 🙂 . What I was doing before Starting to type this My father’s “goodbye I’m going to work” kiss woke me up this morning. I wonder what it does for him. I also wonder what my mother feels when she rubs my tailbone or other parts of…Continue reading
Good evening ♥ Do you know that situation in which you keep holding on to something because you want it to thrive so gladly, but it doesn’t happen? I didn’t know that just quitting to believe in it feels so relieving. I thought that it would lead to an “I told you so,” but that’s not even possible, because me quitting to believe that some sort of societal improvement is possible, is me admitting that I’ve lost hope for most of the people on this planet. Those who want to tell me “I told you so,” should tell themselves “Now…Continue reading
What’s good, my meow? ♥ [ = “How are you doing?” ] Here I am, back again with anotherrr diary post. Hoping that someone notices and publicly acknowledges my extraordinary potential. People often ask me what I do and what I want. I guess my past writing hasn’t made that clear enough. (Just kidding haha they don’t even read me.) I’ve also been hesitant with telling you my actual dream, because people say that what I want is impossible, every time I just give them a hint of what my ambition is. It hurts me when someone tells me that…Continue reading
Good evening ♥ I hope you’re having a nice weekend. Especially because I’m enjoying mine less than I want to. (And when it comes to my mind working overtime always, I don’t experience “weekend”.) On the one hand, I don’t want you to feel how I feel, because the feeling is awful. But on the other hand, if you feel the same, I am not alone in this feeling and our embrace will feel sooo goood 😙 . That’s the reason why this diary is public. It’s my only escape from here. If you anticipate on what I tell you,…Continue reading
Good evening ♥ If you’re a frequent visitor, you must notice a much needed difference: the front page now has full posts on it, instead of excerpts. I considered my posts too long to be shown in full on the front page. But the excerpts of 40 words were just the first 40 words of my posts. I think full posts on the front page make it more attractive to read what I write here daily. My content is quite radical, so it feels like a big step having everything visible on the front page. But I love the thrill…Continue reading
Good evening ♥
What are your plans for the weekend? & Do you also feel slight impatience for seeing Project Nosce Te Ipsum in practice? 😀 Meowww I craveeeee.
When I started to draft a document about the renewed project, I thought: “Is it truly useful to write this?” Because it’s a lot like wanting to make a painting and then writing out what the painting should look like in full detail, instead of actually starting to make art. Let’s just get to painting! [Figuratively speaking] (Or a real draft, at least…) I think people prefer seeing me in action over seeing another long text written by me…
I have so many different options for the ways in which the project can be put into practice, while I don’t know what I’ll be allowed to do and what is “aimed too high”. When I was in the Erasmus Medical Center, for example, in 2017, I wrote a draft for an interview with President Trump. It has a very broad range of questions, from his origin and religion (aiming to hear his philosophical side), to “The Wall” and his media publicity. Will I ever be allowed to interview him? It will be great for both our ratings, I believe. (& Allowing twist braids into the White House would be quite revolutionary, right?)
In the hospital, that aspiration was seen as another sign of schizophrenia. But, like I said in the e-mail I sent to my B earlier today: I’d love to prove them wrong.
Instead of mailing him a document, I went for a more individual approach. Sending a document makes it seem as though the concept is not open for alteration, and reading it is much more tiring than having me explain it in person. The project is definitely open to Graeyniss input 🙂 . I hope he will tell his Graeyniss friends about this 😀 .
I think starting the documentary off in the Netherlands is a good and symbolic start. For this country has had a lot of influence in sooo many other countries from the very beginning. It’s the indirect reason why I was born here, but am colored. My intention is to visit at least 30 countries with it 🙂 .
Interviewing Victishe, who directs a part of something I consider national heritage, would be a good addition as well. I’m so curious about this shadowy stakeholder/ownership part of the organization, his own path and how he sees the future of the concept of insurance. [And if I can fish him because he is single? 😀 🙊 🙈 ] et cetera… But he had already turned me down before I explained the whole endeavor to him, because of function related principles 🙁 . Victishe 😢 . Can I get an exception somehow? 🙊
For the king I have a lot of questions too ayy… And soo many other people. I hope this wild combination of a wild propagandist and a researcher, will open many doors… And that in that way, we become a squad of Graeynissis 😀 . That includes the large video database of project participants who are not included in the official videos, but still want to spread their message.
And for the series and movies, in which I would like to play myself, I’m not sure who to ask to play certain roles yet… Plus meowww there is so much web stuff, artwork and music and stuff to create before we can even get started… I just want to know what my options are. I hope I don’t have to “downsize”… Because if I have to “downsize”, I won’t do it. It won’t be in accordance with the D.O.C.I.S. International endeavor if I do.
Meanwhile, I’m just being this figurative house Catje, looking for a suitable challenge. Still struggling with extreme fatigue (and a non-cooperative physician), still making my brain work overtime because I strive for a unique type of historic greatness. (Still wanting to find someone to build some apps and rebuild my websites, in the way I desire them to be. This could all be very easy, if brain-to-brain communication is real.)
Oh and I’ve done my hair:
I'm done yayy pic.twitter.com/SD2U5YwY6u
— The Fangs (@LilFangs_) June 21, 2019
I hope dr. B. responds to my endeavor positively. I really want to sit down with someone who likes to think along with me, about how to make things possible. Instead of elaborately explaining to me why things are impossible. That stuff is toxic ay…
If you’re interested in contributing in any way, please let me know 🙂 . I will be back here with another update tomorrow at 9 PM Amsterdam time again (I think I’m going to make that a thing?).
See you then ♥
Good evening ♥
What are your entertainment needs? I hope I have found a way to satisfy them 😀 . The positive propaganda I’m working on is giving me the most intense sensation of Propagandist Euphoria I’ve ever felt 😻 .
Last night, I mentioned that I would like to publish new books and essays. The truth is that I want to release material that shows alternative perspectives on life alternatively, and to gain enthusiasm for a new way to govern life: the Fangyist system.
Before I fell asleep last night, I thought of this:
Before drifting off to sleep, I remembered the screenplay I started to write for Nosce Te Ipsum in 2017. For a documentary and a film thereof. I think that’s more fruitful to continue writing, since I want to scale up 🙂 . https://t.co/2sZox4CIEq
— The Fangs (@LilFangs_) June 20, 2019
Instead of publishing completely new books and essays – still built around the same mission – it would be much more effective to put the screenplay I wrote for Nosce Te Ipsum into practice. By spreading the message via a professional collection of videos, the goal of D.O.C.I.S. International is much easier to understand. And it’s much easier to be enthusiastic about as well, if I manage to create the best documentary, mini-series and movie you will ever have seen 🙂 .
I’ve gained a lot more Propagandist experience since I started to write it, so I’m going to make some changes to the actual content of the screenplay. I started to write it when I was put under psychiatric surveillance, back in 2017, because a successful screenplay could be my vindication. Now I find showing unique perspectives on life and altering the system more important than clearing my name. You’re free to judge me in any way you want to. The construction of Project Nosce Te Ipsum is, however, about the same as it was when I started to create the concept:
More Details about the General Overview
Project Nosce Te Ipsum consists of the following core elements:
- A Research Project
“The Universal Standard of Human Reasoning”, about similarities and differences in the perception of creation (in the context of life philosophy), society (about types of government and group behavior), the self and love.
- A Book Series
Called Nosce Te Ipsum I. The first book of that series “Creation” (consisting of The Unpublished Episodes, The U.S.H.R., D.O.C.I.S. and The Hypothesis) is already published, but wasn’t much of a hit. Part of the docuseries is about searching ways to make the book series more appreciated. After all, it is about the survey that is in the science fiction story, needed to find The U.S.H.R.. The second, third and fourth book are titled Society, The Self and Love.
- A Screenplay
The screenplay consists of three components:
- The Docuseries
This is the informative part of the project. I intend to show how the world works in the way that is not shown in education books, about the deep-state and beyond. I hope to be able to meet many influential people within the system in person for this, and hope that they will share their perspective on life with me. By learning how the world really works, I could also find out how transitioning to the Fangyist system is possible, and under what criteria it could become generally accepted.
- The Cinematic Survey
Nosce Te Ipsum I its fill-in-the-gap science fiction story in movie format is “The Cinematic Survey”. Episodes that pause sometimes, then a question shows and your answer determines the story progress. “Creation” includes an introduction of this, which could be released during the early episodes of the docuseries, giving everyone an impression of how the research project works (since I need votes to continue writing the story [@ The Hypothesis]).
- The Movie Conclusion
After the entire Universal Standard of Human Reasoning has been surveyed in The Cinematic Survey, the algorithm determines how the Nosce Te Ipsum fill-in-the-gap story ends. That means that everyone who participates in Project Nosce Te Ipsum, by participating in the research project, has an (indirect) say in how the movie goes. It is the conclusion of the Nosce Te Ipsum story and the conclusion of the research project.
- The Docuseries
Just the thought of this concept in practice already excites me so much! Especially if I could score interviews with a very broad range of influential people: presidents, business leaders, artists… Of course also “regular citizens”, including young children. I would love to hear their answers to the questions in the Nosce Te Ipsum survey for The Universal Standard of Human Reasoning, and more 😀 . Hoping that if they do it, other people will do the survey as well – since my aim is at least a million participants. I feel that we could get such interesting results! (And don’t let my title of “Propagandist” confuse you. I find it far more interesting, for this screenplay, to discover the truth, than to give the world a new direction in accordance with my vision.)
My level of enthusiasm is very high, but I’m facing two serious issues:
- A buget? 🙁 I haven’t been able to find funding for anything, this far… But a budget for this project would also include the largest IT project ever… (I can then finally start establishing my web empire and won’t have to do all of this myself anymore 😻 .) I hope it can be funded by individuals who support the entire endeavor… (Instead of profit hungry organizations. I want to keep my independence…)
- Getting anyone to say “yes” to doing an interview with me, and maybe also play a role in the movie/mini-series (even when he or she is not a professional actor/actress) [especially to put some weight on the satiric swag of the entire project. I do would love to see my favorite actors and actresses participate in this as well 🙂 ] ……..
Back in 2017, before all of the drama stuff happened, I was hoping to get dr. B.S.Y. Crutzen enthusiastic about this, and that he could help me with the research and play a role in the screenplay (because I love his charisma 🙂 ). He is currently my only Graeyniss contact, so I hope he will be interested in working with me (after everything that happened…). With his endorsement, other people might want to play a role in this, sooner 🙂 .
So, change of plans 1000001 (in this diary lol): I am going to send dr. B the concept of the screenplay written out and hope that he is interested in doing this with me. (Showing the entire making-off process I would love to look back at 🙂 . It would be a great addition to this blog! 😀 )
I’ll work out the screenplay concept more detailed and share it with you, here. And then send it to him and let you know what he thinks of joining the band wagon. (Maybe he already knows I’ll ask him this. I hope you like it 😀 .)
I hope we’ll see this piece of propagandist euphoria in practice 😀 . You’ll see the concept written out, here. Tomorrow: same time, same place 🙂 .
How was your day?
Mine was a lot less productive than I wanted it to be. I wish I could tell you something more positive and uplifting, but then I would be lying about the way I feel again, so I now hope you can still find some comfort (or recognizability, but I hope you’re not pushing yourself beyond your limits in a way that it breaks you down, the way I am doing that to myself 🙁 ) in my self-expression.
I still have a WordPress theme to finish (and I don’t know that much about PHP, so it takes a little longer for me to understand the syntax and what I’m doing and stuff), the D.O.C.I.S. International website to finish, the D.O.C.I.S. store to build, et cetera….
The feeling of pressure woke me up again. I can’t do anything (travel, produce something, make a short film, build a house, buy some Summer clothing), because I have no money. I can’t claim official power, because I have no degrees. I want to be known for my philosophy on reform and my projects (unfortunately catching dust on the shelf, currently). Working for an employer is not an option for me. And I fear that people won’t even look at the D.O.C.I.S. store (and then all of this effort is for nothing and I’m stuck with the costs of having it). The pressure comes from the worry about future stability. So by means of giving myself a (future financial) back-up, I’ll sign up for the bachelor in Mathematics at the University of Antwerp, right when admissions are opened.
Another reason for me to want to study (and start over) in Antwerp, is to escape the dysfunctional situation that is destroying me emotionally. I have no money to move, but with a new study loan I can pay my tuition and manage to rent something little, there, maybe…
I won’t quit my sole proprietorship when I go there. (The academic year starts on September 23rd 🙂 . (I still need to sign up, though.)) On the contrary! I’ll have a new (more suitable) territory to search for Graeynissis 😻 .
I already look forward to the adventure 🙂 . Though – instead of being a first-year student – I’d prefer a situation in which I’m an advisor to multiple people in a diverse range of powerful positions. As an apprentice. So that I can learn the useful lessons I desire to learn, which are not in the regular books, needed to later rule the D.O.C.I.S. International empire (and Planet Fang). Especially not in a bachelor course 🙁 .
This craving for that particular type of information (also the reasons why I’ve been running after my B, Victishe and other Graeynissis), was why I spent a lot of time on the deep web/dark web today. I absolutely love everything my innocent eyes have been seeing – it comes with a certain type of thrill – but I still haven’t found what I’m looking for. (I probably need someone to “slip me some onions“… But how¿ 🤔 )
I want to know exactly what life looks like – day-to-day protocols – of someone in any position of power. I want to know exactly how the world works. How what children learn about power, in books, is executed by people in reality. So that I can improve the concept…
Meanwhile I have so much inspiration for new books and essays that I want to pause pushing myself to finish my websites. So that’s what I’ll be doing at least until the 1st of July, probably. On the 1st of July, I get access to the database to become a book seller (of other authors as well). So then I can continue the configuration of the D.O.C.I.S. Store, after having made my selection of books. It would be nice to own the books I sell (that we then have a collection of the exact same books 😻 ), but money 🙁 . If I had an investor/non-narcissistic financial support 😢 .
We celebrated my grandmother’s 78th birthday today. Dinner was very nice 🙂 . (My heart is too damaged for further sentiment.)
My health insurer has robbed me again, so my bank account is back on minus 🙁 . I’m in the mood for careless spending because of this (it included fines and everything 😢 ), but the risk of not being able to pay my other bills and then getting fines again or my website being taken down again… Meow x_x. I hope writing some new books and setting up an original online bookstore will help my financial situation.
For now, I’m going to bed.
Good night ♥
Published on 00:33 (12:33 AM)
To boost my efficiency, spending time more productively, I will not be writing diary posts anymore (at least as long as I’m working on the checklist I told you about in “Back Online :)”). There’s a hybrid version of https://docis.international/research.html online. (On a laptop it looks better than on a mobile phone 🙁 .) And TheFangs.nl has some more (“classic”) articles on it. (Most of them in progress…) There’s a lot more to come, still, though 🙂 .
Meanwhile I get tired quicker and quicker. There’s nothing else I enjoy in life, aside from working on ways to rule it differently and seeing that in practice. (Travelling, dancing, making music, eating good food, writing and good quality conversations I enjoy as well. But that all costs money and I attempt to earn with what I do. Plus I find my current perception of life very disturbing, thus I really need to change it.) So I basically have no other option but to continue working on my domains until they look the way I want them to look. And then hope I can bait some Graeynissis and overrule regimes with them… 😀
Today, it has been exactly a week since I attempted to grow closer to a Graeyniss (for whom I have caught feelings that do not want to go away haha please help me positively because my heart is so very vulnerable). I tell you more about the incident that happened in my attempt to befriend this handsome Graeyniss (as well as other topics), in this video:
After my post from yesterday, I have been offered to join the family to Egmond aan Zee for about a week and Curaçao for a week, which is great, because I was starting to miss hanging out with my sister in a holiday setting and I’m going crazy from living in the same city for so long. Two weeks away from here is too short 🙂 . (Though I feel a bit uncomfortable, because I don’t have new Summer clothing and I always spend everything on my websites, so I can’t buy new Summer clothing 😩 .)
I hope, the more my domains become finished, someone will hire me (it does not at all matter where you live 🙂 ), so that I finally have a real challenge in life. And with the compensation, I can better invest in my project and discover other parts of the world (together with some Graeynissis, I hope).
This blog is still the only place in the world where I can express myself truly freely, so even though I’m cutting down on regular diary posts, I still intend to post a diary status every day. And I love to see that you come here every day to read my feelings. It makes me feel heard ♥ .
Voor mijn gevoel heb ik een Fangyistische burn-out. Ik zit er helemaal doorheen, maar blijf alsnog steeds doorgaan, want ik wil zo graag resultaten zien. Resultaten waardoor de maatschappij direct verandert.
Ik kan niet echt rusten voordat het is gelukt. Nu blijf ik me alleen maar irriteren aan dat het er nog steeds niet zo uit ziet als de verbeterde structuur die ik in gedachten heb, en dat men denkt dat wat ik wil onmogelijk is, vind ik ook zo fucking irritant. Ik kan er gewoon niet mee leven dat de massa zich neerlegt bij de puinzooi die de wereld nu is. En dat ze de mensen die wel goed willen doen, aan het tegenwerken zijn, door middel van het verspreiden van leugens en andere tijdverspilling.
Met dat ik niet kan rusten bedoel ik niet dat ik niet kan slapen. Ik bedoel dat ik nooit ontspanning voel.
Ik wil niet dat iemand die ik niet zelf tot die functie heb aangesteld, enige zeggenschap heeft over mij. Mijn maatschappijstructuur – de Fangyistische – is de enige die ik goed vind.
Stukje bij beetje blijf ik doorgaan, zoals ik vandaag aan mijn lokale https://docis.international/research.html pagina gewerkt heb. Ik hoop dat ik de pagina vandaag online zal zetten, nadat ik hem heb afgemaakt, nadat ik straks, wanneer mijn moeder de boodschappen heeft gebracht, voor het gezin gekookt heb. Hopend dat ik dus na het koken nog een beetje energie heb…
Mijn spieren en hersenen hebben rust nodig – ik kan er nog maar amper gebruik van maken – maar ze kunnen pas rusten en aansterken, wanneer ik de macht in handen heb en ik het me kan permitteren om in een geluidloze omgeving te leven. Ik blijf maar doorgaan, maar binnenkort zitten mijn hersenen echt op haar maximum… 🙁 Ik weet niet hoe dit tot uiting zal komen. Dat vind ik best eng…
Ik vind het ook zo ontzettend jammer dat ik deze zomer niet met vakantie kan gaan. Voor mijn gevoel heb ik dat namelijk best wel nodig. Maar nu heb ik, gezien ik toch geen geld heb om op vakantie te gaan, deze organisatiehervorming op mijn zomerplanning staan…
Wat ik doe is niet iets dat iedereen kan. Maar dat ik letterlijk alles kan doen dat denkbaar is, betekent niet dat ik dat alsmaar kan doen zonder dat ik rust (betekenend een langere time-out) nodig heb. En zelfs het bovennatuurlijke heeft haar maximum, in dit geval.
Vind het ook zo ontzettend vervelend dat ik zo veel moeite moet doen om begrepen te worden 🙁 . Het lijkt alsof er geen eind aan komt…
Lees alsjeblieft mijn essay, die nu gratis is, and get the message 🙁 . Ik hoop dat je me zal willen ondersteunen, wanneer het zo ver is.
Tijd om te koken… 🙁
Dit is mijn 480ste post op LilFangs.com.
Disrupting The Silent Pyramid A D.O.C.I.S. Essay By Lil Fangs An Author’s Note This essay was written when I was in a very difficult situation. Again, being put in a powerless situation by someone else’s authority. I hoped that selling what I know about the deep-state, would help me to afford to get away from those circumstances forever. I’m not in that crisis center anymore, so the contextual information at the end of the post does not apply to me anymore. I, however, still need the funds to live independently. The essay was, because of that, put online for €1177.77,…Continue reading
14:08 (02:08 PM) Good afternoon ♥ Thoughtful? My night was good. My morning was chill. Had some left over salad for breakfast. There’s not much else I consider edible in the house. If I had money, yes, I would have purchased a gift and made a fresh breakfast (and if the thought of this family didn’t cause so much heartache, too). It’s not nice being so non-thoughtful. Same went for Mother’s Day. But my mother is going to buy some whiskey or another type of alcoholic beverage, on behalf of all of us. Makes me feel a little less worse….Continue reading