Heysss I’m all yours now my meowww 😻

Taxes x_x

The dishes are handwashed and my tax report for the second quarter of 2019 has been submitted. I’m just glad that it’s done. The numbers are really fucked up. 😢 I run this business from my personal account and have suffered a personal loss of €11.370. It always surprises me how much all of my little transactions are in total. 

A fixed income through a student loan when I become a full-time student in September is the easiest and most time-related suitable way to build up healthy finance (including being able to build up savings) that could lead to greater future revenue (since it includes a degree), though I’ll have to pay the finance back (what I’ve received in the past I need to pay back anyway so I really need a greater income aka degree 🙁 ) would be a good temporary solution to my financial leak that is mostly caused by my income (the €200 allowance I get from my mother for which I’m thankful and extremely disappointed in my father) that is exactly as high as my most important personal bills and leaves no further healthy spending or saving opportunity. One business expense or metro ride (which could have been considered a business expense too but my revenue is a joke) and I’m adding to my loss. Plus I really don’t like to ask for my money back, when I, for example, do grocery shopping for my family. (I’d save so much by moving to Antwerp…)

What is cool is that I make revenue in dollars. Though it’s just $6.92 on book sales, I’m kind of proud of it, considering my location and financially not even being able to travel to any place where dollars are the main currency. The $6.92 is all revenue I’ve made in the entire quarter meow but it’s still better than being bossed around…

Even in my former tax reporting, since 2016. I’ve been doing favors. This is my second time reporting for a tax back over business expenses. Only €271 of the €11.370 have been business expenses. A €57 tax back is nothing (especially compared to what my father is doing) compared to my loss, but for what I can actually spend (basically always nothing) it makes a huge difference. I hope the tax agency will come and raid my house for our odd financial behavior because that will give me so much space to breathe. 

Really, almost everyone in my social environment claims that honest tax reporting is useless because “no one does that”. But I don’t believe that I’m the only fool? I really wonder how large a percentage of the population reports tax 100% honestly. (Another research question I’d like to see answered.) If we all don’t treat the system fairly then it always fails. There is something about this on my listing of passions from satisfied to unsatisfied as well. I’ll elaborate on that further when I get there, then.

Where were we?

The part of my list we’ve discussed, started off with the one passion/desire that is fully satisfied:

  1. Distraction
    I need distraction to hide thoughts and feelings until the dust has settled. There are so many distractions available to me that I even have distractions for my distractions, so I’m fully satisfied. 🙂

I’d like to comment on this that distraction shouldn’t be mistaken for running away from confrontation. And that no one should tell you otherwise. It’s far from the same. People have told me that the thoughts and feelings I had been distracting myself from and not discussed with them, is me running away from shit. Then, following their “advice” I suddenly started to open up about things that I didn’t even want to have on my mind. It made me lose all of my friends, because I became open about the most awful and serious topics people don’t even know how to respond to. Unless it becomes a physical limitation, don’t talk about the things you really don’t want to think about.

  1. Observation
    The “Big Brother is watching you” idea, severed by the way I personally use the internet (including my websites of course), feels in my favor and I love being watched out of passion. I’m very passionate about being someone else’s passion. It can never be enough my meoww I want to mean the world to you.
    The other way around, I like that I’ve found a way to observe global developments of my interest in an objective manner and deduct my own subjective view from that. Though I’m still stuck with the big question of where all of this national and international political tension is leading to.
  2. Food
    Restaurant dinners with stimulating taste experiences I gladly experience about one week per month. I’m very happy that my parents have this eating habit, because I find it very important to eat varied and am not always able to afford that for myself. This is further limited by the type of foods that are made available to consumers in this country. Restaurants (basically) have endless options when it comes to importing foods, consumers don’t. So I’m happy that I can eat varied but bothered by the limitation thereof.
  3. Creativity
    Like observation, my passion about creativity works in two ways. I love the music (and sometimes political) suggestions I’ve been receiving, for the way it’s renewing, it’s in accordance with my own views and ancient classical elements relive…

Creativity (continued)

It really bothers me that the creativity that really is new, is never as embraced as traditional creativity. It seems like the cause for creativity always being re-invented within the same boundaries. But it’s probably also a matter of taste. To me, a Eurovision Song Festival is nice once, but when the same concept with artists making statements and every country giving points, is repeated every year, the stagnation in creativity is, so to say, not a nice experience for me. I desire more creativity that is truly new. A truly new type of music festival. Or maybe even the successor of the concept of a concert in general.

When it comes to my own creativity, I’m very happy that I have my web domains and Twitter account where I can express my creativity in endless ways. (And when, in September, programming is part of my curriculum in the first semester, I see a chance to develop a D.O.C.I.S. International app (for I already have a little programming knowledge and now my studies will get me a chance to refresh and add to that knowledge), which will add to my creativity and the size of my audience yays. 🙂 ) I didn’t have those media before.

But every day I also get more ideas for the large projects I have in mind. Unfortunately the lack of finance and my very limited network are the reason why these ideas just stay ideas. Sometimes I’m happy that I can write my ideas out in my diary – hoping that no one steals them – but it’s very frustrating that all of these ideas just stay ideas. It seems a matter of patience though, if a few titles in front of my name could get me what I am trying to work towards without those titles…

I’m very tired of monotonous one-size-fits-all creativity and the way my lack of money is why I’m not showing my creativity at its full potential. But what we do have is something that comforts my heart. I really wouldn’t know how I’d stay sane without the musicians and political voices I have been mentioning.

There are three more themes on my list. We’re getting closer and closer to all passion and (currently) no satisfaction. Here is a passion that is more unsatisfied than satisfied:

Sex / Intimacy

The topic is mentioned as sex/intimacy because I consider these topics separate. Sex can be an experience that feels very impersonal (speaking from unfortunate experience). Vice versa, you can be intimate with someone without having sex with him/her.

I crave for passionate and very intimate sex. Simultaneously, sometimes I feel very attracted to someone, but prefer intimacy that doesn’t include sex. Just a tender embrace and some flirtatious conversation can be enough sometimes. Sometimes…

Excusez moi, my family is coming to stay over here for the weekend and we’re going to eat at a restaurant in about an hour – according to our schedule. Currently my stomach is howling though so I’m going to eat a little snack and get ready for dinner… I hope to be able to get back to you soon enough because I love this topic and you. 😀 

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Updated 18:55 (06:55 PM) [Timezone GMT +2 (Amsterdam; CEST)]

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I think this is random but right for a steakhouse? Haha I feel a bit buff for this model tho

See my tan? 😀

Ahaha this filter makes me feel like a baddie

My face when someone thinks I’ll make a mistake

steakhouse Heiloo

Me currently… This prosecco is so nice yays. 😻 I’ll be eating the soup of the day (union soup) and rib-eye steak.

Unfortunately the continuance of my list is already stagnated by this dinner. 🙁 But meowww this Fangs needs rare meat. 😻

Updated 22:07 (10:07 PM) [Timezone GMT +2 (Amsterdam; CEST)]

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starter yays

Union soup meoww. It may have been more unionny but it was still very nice. 🙂 I have a good recipe for union soup too by the way l haven’t shown you yet. There are very few things I haven’t shown you yet. 🙂

main course

Rib-eye, spinach pie and truffle gravyay 😀

rareness of rib-eye

Rare yays it was such tasty meat 😻

The owner gave us free ice cream 😀 😀 😀

I’m back in the room with fish curtains now. I totally forgot that my sister is in London to visit a friend this weekend. So currently it’s just my parents and I.

Tomorrow, I was told during dinner, my parents’ friends from Amsterdam will be visiting and my aunt and cousin will come to stay here until about Tuesday. Many days of chatter and laughter coming up.

For a while I’ve been thinking: do I want to seek more social contact(s) and live the type of life I used to live, or do I want more isolation? The one-and-a-half day by myself here made me realize that I am so very good by myself. What is missing is a place where I can be by myself in a place where I can’t “even” hear the neighbors talk. (My problem in general is the topics of conversation I endure.) Some place where I can take a walk without feeling the need to greet the – compared to the city few – people I walk past with an awkward “Hi,” thinking: “Will I get a “hi” back or be ignored?”

I really feel like a tamed vampire…

Meow unfortunately currently too tired to continue about this topic I’m so very passionate about. I mean I could quickly type some things about it, but I love this topic so much that I really want to take my time to make elaborate statements on this. I find it an important topic to share my views about, too, because I find that the majority of people are very poorly educated when it comes to sex and intimacy. Especially when it comes to the ways in which we should treat each other.

I’ll be back here later. Hopefully I’ll have my new post (even better entire list) finished before people start pouring in.

Good night my Catje ♥


(Personality is the only reason why I’d ever refuse a date. Anything else really doesn’t matter. Even if I’m not sexually attracted to the person asking me out, I’d still go on that date…)

Updated 00:21 (12:21 AM) [Timezone GMT +2 (Amsterdam; CEST)]

xxx