00:38 (12:38 PM)
Because of the painful situation I’m in – the brokeness, my business is still undeveloped, I have been kicked out of my parents’ house at age 22 and don’t have money for buying or renting my own house – I really want to escape my perception, especially now that the holidays are coming up.
“On the bright side”, last year’s Christmas was so fucked up that it’s impossible to have a worse one. Last year, I was in the psychiatric ward, not allowed to leave, no matter how often I begged, but I was allowed to have dinner with my relatives, with a curfew.
How am I ever going to achieve the independence I want? Know that I’ll never participate in “climbing up the ladder” in another business. That would be way too many years of my life invested in something I actually don’t want to do at all. I’d only work because I have bills to pay.
What’s the procedure on saving a lone prophet? Haha may I say “prophet”? I’m afraid that they’ll use it as another reason to call me a schizophrenic, but it’s my faith, so I have to mention it… Who else can shift the system? If someone else were able to do it, he or she would have already done it.
I believe that there will be better days in the future, but I’m starting to lose my patience, now that the new year’s reflection is coming. I want better days right now. I want to make them for all of us, while I’m still in my twenties. I detest the proletarian life so fucking much. [Especially on New Year’s in the Netherlands! What the fuck… How can the government allow fireworks here? Alles is bovenop elkaar gebouwd… In between the tiny streets and the overload of cars and houses, it’s so unsafe and there’s no way to escape it, for me… :'( ]
Ahh I’m so tired en als ik door blijf schrijven ben ik straks weer over mijn slaap heen…
So good night, my dear reader
I hope we’ll cuddle, one day
– xxx –
I was hungry and tired at the same time, so I just ate some bread with chocopasta, pindakaas en hagelslag…. The combination was a literally very sweet impulse. I’m going back so sleep xxx
13:04 (01:04 PM)
I’m going to a shopping area today, with my aunt. A bag, a wallet and a warmer jacket I’ll need, since my bag got stolen [ :'( ] and it’s so cold outside 🙁 . It’s currently 1 degree Celsius x_x. I’m not able to sleep with only my panties on anymore, so it’s very hard for me to fall asleep at night. Having clothes on underneath the sheets feels so cramped. [“Benauwend”, I want to say, but “oppressive” doesn’t sound right?] I’m staying in the Bijlmer region, by the way. I don’t know my way around the neighborhood yet… She’s going to show me around a little 🙂 .
I want to give myself some time off from giving myself deadlines. “It’s Christmas, right” HAHAHAHAHAHA. It’s an excuse for everything. “I don’t feel like wearing clothes.” “You may. It’s Christmas.”
Haha meoow I want to have dinner at the White House for Christmas. With my B and the cool Jewish president.
Writing down what would lift me up is not a crime 😀
Inmiddels is het 13:56. We zijn onderweg en mijn oom is ook mee 🙂
14:42 (02:42 PM)
We’re at another mall that is not in the region, because it’s cold. This one is deels overdekt haha.
17:31 (05:31 PM)
I’m very happy with my new jacket 😀 . It cost me a fortune, but it was worth it. My boobs burst open my other jacket every time I breathe in or move my arms hahahaha. When it wasn’t so cold, it wasn’t that bad, because I love the big hoodie.
But now I have “a Paddington jacket” :D.
Unfortunately, my search for a wallet and a little backpack were unsuccessful. I wish I could design my own clothes. I have so many ideas for clothing [the sweatshop doesn’t count haha eww], which will definitely be sold on Planet Fang and Earthly shops.
By the way, Planet Fang won’t have fast food restaurants. It won’t even sell food with chemical additives. The Fangyist will buy directly from the farmer. There will be no supermarkets, only “specific stores”.
So now I’m going to buy some meat for the soup I’ll make tomorrow. After that, we’ll have dinner and then we’re going to a birthday party.
19:03 (07:03 PM)
Man… Every time I drink something, anything, from water to whiskey, I need to pee almost straight after. I need to go every 30 minutes anyway, even when I haven’t drunk[? drink, drank, drunk… Present perfect is *opens Google* yay have drunk] anything. I have to make a doctor’s appointment here in the Netherlands, but I really don’t want to see that bitch x_x. She’s forced to help me now that I have a doctor’s note from Germany.
I’m very tired again. I wish I wasn’t bed petty… I used to go to school full time, have basketball practice twice a week and a game almost every weekend and have two side-jobs, when I was 16. I want that endurance back… But unfortunately, I’ll be napping until slightly before we go to the party xxx
20:46 (08:46 PM)
I want to mention something about the contrast between Lil Fangs on LilFangs.com and Dominique Elia in real life…. Because there’s a huge difference between how much I have to say here and how much I say in real life. Not that I can’t talk as much in real life. On the contrary, I can’t wait to have a stage to myself and be talking for hours straight haha. My real life silence is because all I can think of is what others who have been subjected to the plebian life don’t want to think of. I used to have a lot of anecdotes, but they’re all depressing, since my life changed, when I became trapped in the psychiatric system, so I prefer to not tell them. Because of that, I also don’t talk about my real feelings in real life. Especially because I don’t fuck with plebian shit haha.
Anywayy enough about sad shit. We’re on our way to a party 🙂
22:17 (10:17 PM)
I’m happy to be at this party I wasn’t invited to. I didn’t know what to expect when it came to clothing. I’m so fucking underdressed HAHAHAHAHA 😂. I’m wearing the pants from my suit and my black Adidas sweater, because the dresscode is all black. And black high socks and my black sneakers. I should have worn a dress ahahahaha…..
23:03 (11:03 PM)
So I usually don’t drink at family gatherings, maar als er een schaap over de dam is, volgen er meer…. I’m having a lot of fun 😀