Oh my godddddd I typed sooooo much and now it’s gone AGAIN!!!! I translated texts from my mother, my father and my goodbye letter, to explain to you that I really can’t go home ever again and my father is a criminal. I’ll re-translate his texts (I haven’t replied to and I won’t reply to them ever) after this nap. xx
(I’m uploading the images in advance, so that, if this app decides to delete this text again, it happens before I’ve started translating again.)
I’m copying his exact interpunction. In advance I’m telling you in advance: he’s drawing conclusions “according to my letter”, while the way he’s interpreting it is not the same as I’ve stated it.
“Strange letter Dominique. I wonder how you got the belief that we would stop you if you would want to go away for a while. [Maybe because I have to hold a plea every time, begging to go outside, to sometimes still hear no, and I have to conform to all kinds of unnecessary rules I don’t want to conform myself to, every time I hear yes. I want to be truly free.] It happens more often that people take a sabbatical but normally people are ipen and honnst about it. [The typos are copied.] Or was that because of the fact that from the start you knew you were not honest and open to us at all. When you remarked that you wanted to go to Paris we gave you the trust and we just let you go. Apparently you believe trust is one-sided but that’s not how it works Dominique. [Since I decided to quit university to focus on my PR company, he says that I can’t be trusted. (Because he expected me to finish the program, but I was really unhappy about university life.) In the letter, I said that I don’t trust him either, and that’s why I didn’t tell him I was planning to leave.]”
“Running away from your problems is not the solution to your problems. I wish you best of luck with your search. [The “best of luck” part is sarcasm. In the letter, I state that I’m solving my problems by breaking my relationship with him. He causes so much emotional pain and requires way too much attention.] Dominique. When are you going to take responsibility for your actions. If you would communicate with people in a normal way you wouldn’t be taken away by a police van. [In the letter, I mentioned that I thought it was wrong to put their story about me in a viral message, without giving me a chance to tell my side of the story. Cops treated me like a criminal, when I told them I didn’t want to go home. I told them to let me sleep in a jail cell. They still obligated me to go home to my parents.] YOU were the one who decided to disappear for 48 hours without notifying anyone. We’re not used to seeing that from you in our neighborhood and that’s why we started 3he search mission. If you would have communicated normally and told us where you were and told us that you needed some time for yourself then we would have given that to you. For this you didn’t”
“choose and as a result of that we called in the police to find you. The fact that we the police visited him is also the consequence of YOU geciding [typo] to say nothing to no one. Your reasoning is so distorted that you don’t even realize that if you answer to the question if you had sex with Benoit [Benoît] you bring him in big trouble. But you’re being so self-centered that you find it more important to be with him while by doing this you have repelled him. That’s not very smart I think. [HE’S STATING THIS AS IF I DID IT ON PURPOSE. What happend was that I was outside after having been LOCKED UP INSIDE THE HOUSE for at least two weeks. Outside, I felt so free that I never wanted to go home again. After I didn’t get called home for dinner and my phone died, I decided I preferred being homeless, while at the same time hoped for miraculously seeing Benoît again. After three days of being outside (but I was reported missing either the last day or the second day. Not the first day…) the police found me and forced take place in the back of the police van. (Some person from the neighborhood I was in, called the police, saying that I was in the same area for too long.) Even though I told them that if that person didn’t want me to be there, I would go to my grandmother. They checked the records and found out that I was reported missing. At the station I was interrogated many times. They asked me questions about Benoît – but then I was too tired to realize that they mentioned him first, not I. I made it seem as if we were very, very close (even though we basically just met), because I thought they would let me see him. In those two weeks locked inside the house, my parents told me I wasn’t allowed to see him anymore. I haven’t seen him to this day. I miss him so much!! I’m in love with him… I can’t get him out of my mind… (Literally…) The police interrogation was around June (or July…?) 2017. In September, someone told me that when I was missing, the police were looking for Benoît. No one knows what they did to him, they say. I want to know. I need to know… I hope he didn’t get in trouble because of this… The police asked me if I’ve had sex with him and I said: “Yes”, even though it’s not true, because I thought, if they would believe we have an intimate relationship, they would let me go home with him instead of with my parents. Hearing and seeing my parents causes such an intense pain reaction – to this day – that I ran away from it then and I’m running away from it now, exactly a year later. (More information about this you can read in Nosce Te Ipsum, episode 1.) Also: I’m twenty one and when this happend I was twenty, so since I was older than 18, Benoît doesn’t have the right to be prosecuted for this. (I want to know if they did…)] You indicate you don’t want to come home[,] fine. But don’t think you can set up people next time” [As if I tried to set someone up… Talking about Benoît got me in trouble, too. To this day…]
“to come back. Then take your responsibility like an adult. Don’t pie the blame on other people when things don’t go your way. [He said “gerf”, instead of “geef” (“give”, idiom: “geef de schuld” -> “put the blame” (not “give the blame”)), and it looks like “sterf”. “Sterf” means “die”, so here’s “pie” for “put” and “die”. I never said that things weren’t going my way and I didn’t blame them for anything either. I did say that their coldness isn’t helping me with my suicidal tendencies. (Another reason to run, don’t you think?)] Your mother and I always told you that we would have liked to see that you can be independent and take care of yourself. I think you’re trying to prove this in a wrong way but everyone has their own way of proving this. [Again: sarcasm.] The path you have chosen is going to have a lot of shit on it I think. But you will have to clean it up this time. [As if he ever “cleaned my shit”? (Wonder who taught me how to swear?) He’s only bringing me in trouble and hurting me.] I think you eventually will be able to do that if you decide to be open and straight-forward to yourself and to other people. Whether they agree with you or not. Like I said before good luck searching.”
“Do know that sooner or later every child leaves the parental home. I don’t have a problem with that. Not one parent will have a problem with that eventually. What I do have a problem with is the way you have done it Dominique.” [When I bought this phone, I decided to not save the phone numbers of the people I don’t want in my life.]
When I decided to let myself be taken into a mental institution, to get a second opinion (my parents got me stuck in this system by telling them falsely interpreted stories about me, and gave the right for those psychiatrists do dictate my life, so I needed to prove that I am NOT psychotic!!!!!!!! NEVER have been! I HAVE SO MUCH PROOF!!!) and some rest from being at home – only to find out they wanted to back up their colleagues and not listen to me AGAIN, diagnosing me with schizophrenia, because “I didn’t get over it” – and I decided to start talking to “my friends” again, they all said that “my father would never hurt me physically or verbally” (both mentally). FUCK THEM! When we hang out, and they ask me about my life at home, I always spoke about them positively, BUT I WAS LYING. I just didn’t want to show them my pain. If you still believe that he’s “sooo normal”, look at this picture AND THINK AGAIN.
NOW IMAGINE HIM RAISING HIS VOICE AT HIM AND THREATENING TO BEAT ME, BECAUSE I SAID SOMETHING HE DIDN’T LIKE. (I say: “Don’t touch me,” and he says: “I decide when I touch you. I’m your father.”) OH, AND HERE IS HIS WHATSAPP PROFILE PICTURE:
MY FATHER IS A MURDERER AND A FRAUD. I WANT TO SUE HIM FOR THAT AND 21 YEARS OF EMOTIONAL DAMAGE. (I have made so many audio tapes of him discussing his fraudulent shit…) I didn’t say anything about this at the police station, because I didn’t want to hurt him. I didn’t speak my mind about him directly to his face, but decided to write a letter – only explaining why I left and am never coming back, because I didn’t want to hurt him. Only to read one of the most hurtful text messages ever.
Since May last year, because I “shunned” my parents for five days after and while swearing at me, because I wanted to go abroad to work on my project with Benoît, and they thought I said that because I was high [I WAS FUCKING SOBER AND SPENT DAYS AND NIGHTS WORKING ON THAT PROJECT] and there was no way Benoît would want to work with me (according to them), I got stuck in the Dutch psychiatric system. From the start, I said that I didn’t want to discuss my life with them. They obligated me to, my parents encouraged this, and if I don’t cooperate, I’ll get a warrant and get locked up in an institution. After a year of begging, they let me talk to a psychologist instead of a psychiatrist. But this person finds the way I’m being treated “not a reason to feel like this and do this”. I want to sue everyone in that industry, too. Meeting other patients, I learnt that I’m not the only one stuck in this loveless situation.
If they let something bad happen to Benoît: on my life, I’ll make sure that that gets compensated for (for him) and that my father goes to prison. I have not responded to my father’s text message(s).