12:47 (PM) 
Heey ♥ 

What are your plans for this weekend? 

I’ll be bed petting 😋   [woaaah this is the first time for me to succeed in including an emoji that isn’t a heart!!!! I had to find how to convert unicode to html, hehe].

I think, the “priority mail” I received from the radiology department of the health center I went to, states that I have a device in my head. 

Die Bewegungsartefakte stören mich nicht! Motherfuckers saying that the device isn’t there and that I’m a schizophrenic because of it, make me internally aggressive as fuck and give me a stress headache. It’s my B on the other side of the device…

Finally, the final proof of schizophrenia being bullshit is in!! I only need to receive doctor Cuddle’s findings – regardless of what else he finds, my aorta heart valve not closing right, aready shows that psychiatrists fucking my life up, were never allowed to force me to take Haldol – to complete the bulletproof case I’ve been building up. Now, I don’t want to get beaten up for wanting to take legal measures, so I tell you I’ll be bed petting. [Because the potential beater might read this.] 

Bed petting is laying down while reasoning, cuddling my sheets and pillows. 

14:58 (02:58 PM) 

By the way, my theory for my heart issues, many flashbacks, avoiding hangouts and expressions of anger in my diary, is that I’m dealing with post traumatic stress… I think the way to cure this is to be far away from any reminders. My having this is quite fucked up, but my solution sounds like such a giant relief 😻.  

21:04 (09:04 PM) 

I just made pasta with unions, duck meat, pumpkin and carrots. I spiced it with “five spices”, massala and coconut milk 😋 .  

22:22 (10:22 PM) 

The prospect of the coming weeks, seems like such a blur to me. I’m in desperate need of change, but I’m not powerful enough to put this in motion at once myself. I’m also in very desperate need of a holiday, but I’ve spent my savings on doctors visits. They were the awesomest doctors appointments I’ve had in my entire life, so it was worth it, though. 

I hope the personal correspondence I’ve sent today, will make the change I need. It has been on my mind, since my life made this fucked up shift. Emotionally, it was a big step, because it will disrupt life as I know it. That’s a good thing, because it’s way too toxic to me. I’m afraid they’ll also say that my pain isn’t worth it. I’m afraid to lose. It’s quite nerve wracking waiting for a response. If it were to work out the way I hope it will, you’ll finally only see my real side [not captivated by flashbacks and other bad things]. 

Meoww, I’ll be going back to bed petting (myself to sleep).

Good night

I love you! 😻  

💕