I don’t think it’s pleasurable to have feces as a topic of a regular conversation. This might sound very random to you, but “in my family” even during dinner it just has to be mentioned. (Wait until I play the recordings of “The Easter Table” for you haahahahahahah.)

Then there’s privacy while being on the toilet. I don’t like being disturbed while listening to music. What I think is even worse, is being disturbed while you’re listening to music on the toilet. You call my name. I say yes. You call my name again. I say yes again. On the top of my lungs. You call my name again. I say: “I’m on the toilet. I’ll come to you when I’m done.”

People always open the fucking door while I’m on the toilet. I don’t do that to you either, unless it’s to give you fucking toilet paper, so don’t do it to me either. This time I needed to have a phone conversation. Just now. What kind of souvenir I wanted from France. No souvenir at all. I don’t even want to talk to you. Also when I’m not doing number two. But I know you’ll say stupid shit when I say no. So I say chocolate. Still you say: “Only that?” If I wanted something else I would have said it. Then you add “I’ll also buy you a necklace or a bracelet or something”. I won’t wear it. Of course I just say: “Okay”.
I should have known it when you said “two questions”. You literally only approach me when you need something from me. No, I can’t lend my Nintendo DS to your friend, because I had given it away to a “patient”. (Who, in the end, just used the MicroSD card, I used to put illegally downloaded games on, to expand the amount of space on his phone…) Why that long pause after I told you I had given it away? I told you that months ago. Yes, it has cost money. Now, go tell your family and friends “I’m so crazy” for giving away “something so expensive”. I know you don’t have anything else to talk about.

No, you don’t have to put the phone away. I’ll do it myself when I’m done. Okay… Why do you stare at my legs for so long…