03:40

Ciao ♥

Today, now that I’m certain no one was fully up-to-date and approving of the proposed format of Project Nosce Te Ipsum/”the application process”, since I haven’t received any e-mails and/or responses to any works [my reality, which I hope will change… I feel alone in my ideas], I have – when it comes to maintaining my well-being – three options:

  1. Approach investors who seek for opportunities online [e.g. in the city I’m currently in (Berlin)]
  2. Find a job here
  3. “Find a publishing alternative [a fellow propagandist… They’re hard to find…]” [It’s not easy, but it’s my only other option, in the context of a happy life.]

By sending an e-mail is how I would approach this potential investor. By phone is also an option, but my German is not that good. Being in the Netherlands would have been more convenient, but I’m tired of re-ocurring argument themes with “my parents¿¿¿”, and what you see is what I can afford, so I’m here now. 

I want to have a job with which I can pay for my living – I would like to be able to work inside my house and have a shared office building – and put into practice my plans for charity, environmental solutions [@Re-Illu] and “Planet Fang”. 

I need help from someone with power, to achieve my goals that are communal. If I don’t get this help, I can also resort to focusing on helping myself, but that is boring… 

When I wake up, I will accompany my house mate and somehow find the right actions to still be able to find enough people to cooperate so that I can start making a change. Now, I still just have been explaining the concept haha……… 

My Cuddle & #x1F63F;😿

I want to be Cuddles :[. Why does no one approach my Cuddleniss? 🙁

Does my B know about this? [Is he my papa¿]

Meoow I still wish for that day…

Well, time for bed…

Good night! ♥

12:44

Good afternoon 🙂

I wonder if the masses will ever respond to my idea. [Being part of that crowd depends on the type of life you like.] If not, then I’ll stop putting effort in trying to reach them in a way that informs them of what I’m trying to make clear. I hope you can understand that writing so much with only an anonymous  audience – thus people looking at my struggle and and talking about it with other people, excluding me – is frustrating. 

I don’t want to frustrate myself, and with the large crowd of people ignoring me, I start to dislike trying to get people on my side. This diary is getting annoying… If I stay excluded from those who read my writing, it is a waste of energy to keep trying to engage them in what I do. It is up to them to involve me in their lives. If they keep not doing it, I’m better off solely chasing those at the top. 

The person with whom I’m currently staying, after I let myself be kicked out of my parents’ house a few days ago – he calls me his girlfriend – has to work, and I don’t have all keys needed to enter the house, so I’m just going to kill some time in the city center, doing tourist things, and preparing some emails to approach alternative potential investors with.

I hoped to have had some people reaching out to me by now, so that I could have been dividing tasks to finally start Project Nosce Te Ipsum. But I’m not, so I’m now on the edge of either approaching other potential investors for an alternative way for my corporate reform, or I can quit doing business – like everyone in my personal life advises me to, which I consider the greatest insult – “live a regular life”, which I fucking hate so deeply, I will not last longer than two weeks. 

15:18

I wish I could learn about this from a politician’s/economists perspective. 

Neoclassicism’s inception

Will I still be here to be able to make an appointment for a history related tour? And to visit the popular dome! But I need to focus on earning so that I can afford my own place to stay…

Meoww :[. I have so many questions!

Such a pretty clock tower 😀

My first mail wil go to my B – he is main and not alternative, yet still I only have his e-mail address and office number which are public. But first, I need to find a place where I can eat some. I could also go to the central library. 

One of the reasons why my diary posts are shorter, is because I’m giving people time to catch up. 

16:46

I sent another mail to my B. I hope he will respond this time. 

This I ate earlier at the main station of Berlin:

I couldn’t finish it, so I’m carrying half of it with me, as I am on my way

It’s dark and rainy, so I’ve decided to already go to my Cuddle. Am I too quick to say “Cuddle”? “In a monogamous relationship” – something I have been not wanting since I broke up with my ex and the pains I get from missing my B – I’m not the dominant type. I lack the confidence to say it when I’m not that into someone. Or to stand up for myself when someone is being very disrespectful. I hate it when people treat me like I’m dumb and superficial, just because I look relatively good and because I’m not excitable about today’s trends or “female shit”. “Look, there’s a mall!” And then some expect me to jump and scream and act like an animal. Fam, I don’t give a fuck….

I love that he – who I’m travelling towards right now – lets me stay with him. It is a form of support no one else has offered me in this tering wanneer is het eindelijk fucking afgelopen life. But I hope I’m not pregnant, because I want to focus on my career… 

It’s hard for me, as an Einzelgänger, to get used to suddenly living with someone. And then not knowing for how long it is… I hope I can also find investors for Volta, with which I can afford my own living. I want to show you an exemplary lifestyle, but I’m still on the path towards it myself. Volta is for the shift between lifestyles. 

Phones are not allowed at the sport and spa center. That’s why I’m always offline when I’m there. I’m on my way there now. 

My debit account is not on minus now. It’s, however, not enough to visit doctor Cuddle and/or another doctor here, and I guess “I need to get those white blood cells out of my urine”. I postpone my death a little by smoking weed, is what I tell myself, but a very great part of me is so indifferent between being dead or alive. If people don’t like my work, I’m for sure better off dead. Fuck. This. So I don’t really “have a plan” when it comes to fixing the issues with my bladder. I also actually need new glasses and an antiknarsgebit. And a propagandist who could help me get rid of my raging and stuff… Something against insomnia, something against the internal pains I have. I’m quite sure that I’m ill. The question is do I want to live. If this silent treatment continues – so uncalled for – I can make my decision with ease. I’m so fucking pissed. That’s also why I don’t make pictures with me on it right now. I have the forever Bert [Bert & Ernie reference] facial expression. I feel like a teacher with a non-cooperative class x_x. 

18:05

I’m currently on the cross trainer, with my hands free, so that I can type at the same time. 

I was playing memory before I started to type

18:34

Doing some machine exercises before resorting to the punching bag, pretending that it’s the man who kicked me out 😀

18:57

If I were to continue at full strength, I would fuck up my knuckles. I like fighting with gloves less… 

Now I’m going to swim. I always wear the same shit x_x. Ttyl xxx

My backpack is not in my fucking locker x_x. My fucking grey notebook and passport are in it :'(.

I had it when I came here. It’s not at the lost and found :(. Ffs if someone has taken it: you may keep the cash, but better return the rest of my belongings you won’t use anyway. Letters from a Stoic was in it, too :(. Where the fuck is it x_x. 

My drivers license was in it. My other bank cards, too, but I’m not earning anything, so they’re all fucking empty. Have fun with it. My phone charger was in it, too. My phone battery is on 36%. Motherfuckers who think that I already own millions and who think that I’m solely out for self-preservative shit, can go straight to hell, because if I were as rich as people think I am, I would already own my own fucking state. 

So since I’m now chargerless, my bank cards are Dutch, just like my passport, and my bag is gone with the wind, I’m so fucking done with all of this shit. I’m now not even able to go out and do something by myself anymore. Where the fuck is my bag?

I only care about my bag because I want that fucking notebook!!! A lot of my notes and self-reflection are in it. It has so much emotional value.

But now that I’m bagless – deep down, I hope I’ll still find it, but people are heartless animals – my battery can die at any second and no one has a HTC U11 and I want to be a business owner and not a blogger and I hate texting with my mother in a situation like this, so das war’s. My battery can die at any second. I’m going to continue swimming until my house mate is done working.

My bag is, from a Stoic perspective, one of the few things I need to survive. But I’d rather die than live in a world with people who fear change and thus will never see change. I won’t be blogging if I don’t have my bag. I can’t even go back to the Netherlands right now. Not that I want to HAHA FUCK THAT. Godverdomme, eindelijk rust.

Ciao.

23:11

Look at all of the money I have now! It’s in my pocket. Come steal it, motherfucker, I can kill you with my bare hands :D. 

€3,89! Or €3.89 “in an intercultural context”

I love you too much to already go offline if my phone still has some battery life [“juice”] left. To a part of my readers, I want to say: “My Cuddle, please say something! We’ll be together forever :D” and to another part I want to say: “YOU’RE THE PERSONIFICATION OF SATAN. HOW DARE YOU LOOK AT MY ONE OF A KIND ARTWORK SOLELY TO RIDICULE IT. I’M TRYING TO START A MOVEMENT HERE. IF YOU SABOTAGE IT, I HOPE I’LL BE ABLE TO BECOME SO POWERFUL ONE DAY THAT I CAN YOUR POWER TO FUCK MY SHIT UP AWAY.”

When my phone dies, you can still reach me via email. 

The fucked uppest part of this is that I can’t apply for a job, because I don’t have my passport with me. “I don’t mind” [of course it’s fucking fucked up, but going crazy in real life isn’t going to change shit, so I don’t do it] not having this passport, compared to my other passport, because that one had a lot of stamps from traveling. And I know who took it, but I’m too kind to get him imprisoned for taking my shit. The system should offer enough alternatives for people not to steal. If then thay [I type without autocorrect, so excuse me fot this, but I hope you’ll get used to my high speed typing] person still steals shit, he or she does not contribute to the greater collective, so X him or her out lol. I won’t be doing that to Planet Fang citizens. That’s why I think we should separate our systems – but I want some of the people running our current system on my side, such as President Trump and my sexy B – because then I would “verbannen” that person from my system. It’s important that you have a good heart. If you don’t have a good heart, my system won’t let you in. I’m here especially for those who feel alone in their being. It’s often the people who have a lot to give, who are secluded from the masses. I’m trying to end your days of loneliness! Please Cuddle me ♥

I’m still “at Centro”… I’ve been thinking of applying for a job here. I hope I won’t have to!

“Schöne Feierabend”

Whoop whoooooop

Ughh now tomorrow I need to go to some place to report that I don’t have my passport.