03:23 (AM) 

I just completely finished the D.O.C.I.S. International website, wrote this article and submitted my application for the double bachelor in Economics and Econometrics at the Erasmus University. Meoow I’m exhaustedddd x_x. 

That frustration from yesterday, about me leaving – I’m so tired of the disrespect – came off more harsh than I meant it.  I will not just leave. I still love them, but I need to do what is the right thing for my heart. If I am rich by then, I will give them money for ever having given money to me (cash or transferred), and then leave. And take those with me who have real potential of being a publicist. (I can’t tell if there’s anyone hiding a publicist personality the way I do, but if that’s so, then he/she is very welcome…)

Meowss I’m going to sleep. Today, I’ll go to the spa in Egmond, with my mother. My WirbelsaΓΌle and I are looking forward to it πŸ™‚ . 

Good night

I love you

xxx

14:10 (02:10 PM) 

Haha Egmond is in the name of the “thermen” I’m going to, but it’s in Haalem.  [If you’re just tuning in: me sharing my location every time and not being assassinated, is me making an indirect privacy statement.] I didn’t know because I was too busy focusing on my admission. 

Why I was rushing to finish my admission on the weekend, while the deadline is in April? Because there is always Monday, and The Head Cuddle [is how I call my brain-to-brain communication] never sleeps, and I am bored to death, so I like to keep a high pace on the process of saving myself. 

There are many more things I want to say, but phones are not allowed and I will be busy swimming naked. Yay freedom πŸ˜€ . 

Our Planet Fang Forum will most certainly include thermen where Graeynissis can gather after their business activities, for some relaxation and good conversation. Naked πŸ˜€ . 

~~~

20:44 (08:44 PM) 

Meoww I’ve been back at the family friends I’m living at for a while. The spa was nice. I must say that I expected to have more space to swim and would be less bothered by people talking, since it’s a place for relaxation. But for some, that still doesn’t mean excluding the long conversations about nothing. It was crampedd. But it was my first time in a steam bath and I absolutely loved ittt! I wish I could walk and lay around naked in a climate like that all day 😻. 

When it comes to my relationship with my mother, it’s just too bad she and my father dragged me through that traumatic experience and I continuously keep getting flashbacks from that, linking the words I hear now to the words that were said then. It makes it very hard for me to open up. And my enthusiasm about doing research leads to a “Please change the topic.” That everything has become so distant, makes me feel a hurting form of sadness. It leads me to a two-way decision: more distance, or somehow solving it. When it comes to my future, what is more fruitful? “Doubts…”

Anyway… Haha the thought of all of these Graeynissis reading my niss makes me nervous… I don’t live a regular exemplary life. I do think that I’m showing an example of new creativity. But meoww the rest is a mess… I need help x_x. Please just save me on Monday? πŸ™ 

What I don’t need help with, is cooking. After coming back, I steamed salmon (with thyme, a slice of lemon and butter on top, in the pan) and mashed parsnip and plantain together to one smooth mess, with a fork. It was tasty πŸ™‚ . But I want my diet to be more healthy… More veggies, less animals…

Mid-cooking

Meowniss πŸ˜€

What saving me would look like…? It’s anything that gets me closer to the acknowledgement of my intelligence, to (financial) independence and to new – real – friendships… The most convenient were if you were to show up at my doorstep [I’m just using that standard phrase… I don’t have a house. I’m staying with family friends of the family. In Capelle, there’s the possession of my possessive father, where he can kick me out at any second, which is what would happen again if I were there now, because I’m not applying for jobs…] and cuddle me and tell others what’s up, because when it comes from me, it’s seen as schizophrenia. Please be my Cuddle β™₯.

All we have to do is take my belongings here and go to Capelle for my grandfather’s books [you will love them, too! πŸ™‚ ] and then I will comfortably install myself in your house πŸ™‚ . Hahahahahaha you will have adopted a wild catje 😸. It’s for Project Nosce Te Ipsum! What we do from there on out… Well, that depends on what the world of Graeynissis needs. I can solve a lot of things, without trippy expertise from books πŸ™‚ . I would love to get that trippy expertise, too! But from an informative book without questions in it, please… I just want to write about what I’ve read and not distract myself with fictive situations in questions… It would make the content of my blog a lot more fun. It would be even more fun – waaaaay more fun – if we would film us 😏😏😏. Talking about sexy bookssss… Your my sexy book, meowww. Finally, a book I can read in a steam bath! Hahahahahaha 😂.

Let’s cuddle? πŸ™ This weather sucks when you’re solo

When we’re together, those factors don’t matter, because I will be all over you πŸ˜€ . With all of my many questions about being a Graeyniss πŸ˜€ . 

Haha about that What not to include post…. I wanted to write a part that would sound like stand-up comedy, but I don’t know if that’s going too far for a “first impression”. (All of it is…? Or maybe me saying that, is just letting those curses of other people get to me. I consider that “Yeah good job, we’ll see how it turns out,” type of shit statements, curses.)

So I guess I’ll continue what I wanted to say here…? My stand-up haha… Another forever draft… That’s definitely what you shouldn’t include in a motivation letter! Haha yes :D. [I’m still typing the rest right now. You’ll see it when you refresh in about 45 minutes…] Here it goes:

Good evening, my Cuddles. 

I wanted to start this with something interactive. But you know what they say: picture your audience naked. So in my mind, you’re sitting there… All oiled up… The all I can think of is…. Oefff hahahaa *takes off suit jacket and is only wearing dress now*. I hope I’ll be able to keep my focus… [*fucking nervous laughter from audience* HAHAHAHAHA] 

You know, when I was in high school, and I had to repeat a year, most of the people I used to hang out with, were already here, in this university.  [haha insert imaginative scenery πŸ˜€ ] When we talked about our lives, often I mentioned how much I hated the dull routines of high school so much that if it weren’t for the “freedom in study” at the university, I would have dropped out. (But then I would have no future, and I am out for success…)

Every time, the introduction, where a hint is given of what is to come, and very simple concepts are introduced. In this phase I only listen in class, and don’t make any homework. Then the pace becomes higher, and the first midterms – multiple subjects all at once – are coming up, so I start to make my own study schedule, which has a higher pace, and I solely study the book’s text and make practice exams. And then, depending on how interesting I find the subject, and depending on how much authority the household distracts me with, my grades are somewhere in between a 4 and a 7. While, if I would have the ability to conform to this mental slavery, and I would do my homework every day, I would only get 10’s, without a single doubt. 

Those whom I considered my friends, then all told me all about how amazing the university is, in full detail. About much freedom you get when you’re a university student. That is the same as saying “Woaah I love speeding. This new road there near *name whatever location* is amazing!” to someone who has just lost his/her car in a traumatic car accident. 

But it’s just high school in a larger construction, with the hottest league of educators… That freedom they described, is that there are less classes to follow. I still need to listen to people discuss homework questions I did not even look at…. All I do is listen in lectures, but meow sometimes it just seems like all sound is muted and that sexy meow is dancing for me on stage… 

That is definitely something that should never be mentioned in a motivation letter! But there is something I should have included, and I could turn it into the most typical human joke in the history of comedy. Here it goes:

I do not want to discuss the philosophy of people in books. I want to discuss my own philosophy. I want people to appreciate me for the ideas I have and have them cite me, for generations long. I don’t understand why people today idolize the people – often dead – whose creations and findings are long obsolete. Unless they’re your ideas *insert whatever name*, you old fuck. 

What’s with the internet these days? I thought people had learnt from past internet bubbles. Today, the whole internet is a bubble, and the whole world will collapse when it bursts. Haha I know you all can’t wait for that day Dutch pension funds say: “Surprise, you will all be paid in Bitcoins!!!” And the fifth generation’s children start their families in the garage, because the Netherlands will be built full, so there is no other space for them to live, but they don’t care, because they can watch The Incredibles part 16 all day!!!! 

People keep settling for smaller and simpler routines. They want that. They don’t even want to spend time actively doing things. It must all go fast, so that they can get behind their screens fast. All of these packages in the supermarket have time indications on it, with time related slogans next to them. Why the haste? To get back behind that screen? [*laughter out of going crazy with annoyance*] 

On Planet Fang, no machine or chemical substance will touch my food! I do not mind plucking some tomatoes for that, a few hours per week. If we all do that, we don’t need to hire people to do that and we don’t even need machines! The supermarket will be the field where everything grows. That is not a joke! Hahaha πŸ˜€ .

If we all mentally chip in, we can easily get to Planet Fang and live a dream. All you have to do, is accept the personal gift I have for you on this table [it’s a watch with a tracking device – because you’re mine haha meoowww you’re not going anywhere * looks at you crazy * (just kidding HAHAHAHAHA), a personal gift that relates to your expertise, and a paper with your assignment(s) for the creation of Planet Fang]. 

My name is Lil Fangs. You are sexy. Please accept me as your personal goddess and ruler of the Earth. You have been a great audience. I love you. Good night! 

*applause*

Haha I’m really going to sleep because my head hurts from pushing myself beyond my sleep, haha… 

I love you πŸ˜€ 

– xxx –