11:18 (AM) 

My Cuddleeeee <3

Goede bijna middag 😀

How’s your weekend? 

If you’re new to LilFangs.com: Welcome, new Cuddle! <3 Thank you for your engagement <33

Yesterday, an impulse made me do some pre-marketing. I hope this will help increase web-traffic when the official release date is. (Because then, I’ll do it again. It will then, for some, not be the first time you come across a personal ad.)

I’m showing you my drafts and process, for the things we can learn from them. 

The emptiness of my stomach woke me up this morning. I later fell asleep again. I want to eat something tasty, with true nutritional value. The shops in my neighborhood are closed today, because this is “a Christian neighborhood” [I am not a Christian, but I do sympathize with the basic aspects of showing and perceiving love that is “part of religion” (in general)].

I decided on going to Erasmus today, to work on my statistics assignment. Hopefully, afterwards, I’ll be able to write some. [They say: “Don’t give away your location.”….. But it’s only to my Cuddle?]

I still need to eat something… The internet says the university food court is open¿ But I won’t make it there if I don’t eat something before I start cycling… 

12:27 (PM) 

I’m searching for better conversationalists in my daily life… People ask me to hang out via text, but for me to say yes to this without regret [and then actually do it ;)], the conversation in which this person proposes to hang out, should at least be half as interesting… I mean, what are we actually talking about? Is the conversation helping us forward? Mostly it’s just me asking questions I actually already know their answer to. With most people who are not that interested in finding their purpose and doing good, I would rather not interact with at all. I’ll be thinking about the future of my projects while they try to discuss what was[¿¿¿ how’s that interesting?] on tv, with me. Ugh and then there’s the dudes asking me for pictures and shit -.-”

Save me, my Graeyniss <3 :[. Please make a power move on me, hehe. 

I want to make music with you and write together and discuss our futures and talk about our roles in the project and do business together and cuddleeee <3

Just left the shower :D. 

I’ll make myself some pourridge… I don’t know what else I should eat? 

13:39 (01:39 PM) 

Haha mid-eating

I used corn flour (the sandy texture type), a sack of vanilla sugar, a teaspoon with normal sugar, raisins, vanilla essence, almond essence and a tiny bit of butter. 

Haha I wonder how large the “I prefer to use a different web browser” audience is. Be my Cuddle 😀 <3

I’ve been FB marketing in Zuid-Holland, Amsterdam, Paris, London, Milan, Los Angeles, New York, Washington, São Paulo, Paramaribo, Toronto and Miami :]. “Twenty euros well spent¿”

16:45 (04:45 PM) 

I already finished the rest of my assignment, played some more zombies @ Pixel Action Heroes and ate “fried egg with nothing” (melt butter in pan, add egg + salt (and random spices)). After doubting whether I should take a jacket with me or not (I’m not), I am now going to “air up” my tyres and start cyclingg.  

I just found out that I’m allowed to drive a tractor? Haha. 

Before I left, I also unsubscribed my grandfather from the Vara gids. 

17:41 (05:41 PM) 

Some things I can’t share here anymore due to the “reefer madness” level of reasoning of some parties in my “close social environment”. 

18:23 (06:23 PM) 

There was a folder with the old Nosce Te Ipsum episode on my computer? Grrrrrrrr

The new one I still have though haha

Protect my external hard drive? 

There to the right is a video of me throwing away the stack of aripiprazol* before going to the counter to print my boarding pass etc

My desktop :p

Is het een “s t r a a t v e r b o d”?? [Does that exist in every country?]

Has anyone seen my B?  :[

Haha even serieus¿¿

Een samenvatting van wat ik weet is [what multiple people have told me]:

“Je hebt je moeder heel erg aan het huilen gemaakt. We hebben allemaal een bericht van een Facebookpagina gedeeld (????????) [heeft er iemand een screenshot? Ik heb het nooit gezien]. Het ging echt viral haha oh my god. Toen jij gezocht werd, werd Benoît ook gezocht.”

ANDERE DETAILS WAREN AL VERGETEN, IS MIJ VERTELD :D. EN DAN WORDT HET RAAR GEVONDEN DAT IK ER NOG AAN DENK? IK HAD EEN PUBLIC RELATIONS BEDRIJF. But now I know: “To make it, I don’t have to make it here.” [I JUST MADE THAT UP.] Haha just go international from the start :D. 

He is/was [will I ever see him again¿] my only outspoken cooperative Graeyniss this far, in the physical realm… Without this project succeeding, I’ll be in biiig trouble when it comes to getting out of student debt while living a life I want to live. 

But without my B, I’ll never be able to fully succeed :[. I have the strategy, he has a better network than I have… Plus, he’s so Cuddle :D. 

Haha is this “different in a random way” for putting this on Facebook? 


As in my audience is anonymous? 

Let’s do something¿

Ah meoow but that’s why I’m writing this book. I always make the first move -.-”

Surprise me by making the first move :D. That would make me so happy… 

In any other case, I’ll be writing for mass engagement 😀

19:53 (07:53 PM) 

Κην υου ριεδ Κυδδλε? 😀 <3


[yop_poll id=3]

I voted “Yes” :D. You can already vote, if you like… 

The second option will become “No”, when I get home. I made this poll on my phone, and on that I can’t seem to be able to change the answer text for the radio buttons. 

20:05 (08:05 PM) 

I already finished the parts of writing I wanted to do here today. Yay :D. It’s more fun when it’s done :D. Then we can Cuddleee…

* Their test format, with reference to the previous picture, was….

Okay, look…

When you’re near me, you can sometimes clearly see my skull move. And I said: “Every time you see my skull move, I hear his voice. That is something I like [a lotttttttt].” I said that “in confidence”. That back-fired big time. 

Their “research format” (*”barf”*) was: 

“Do you hear voice?” 

  • Yes = pills
  • No = no pills

    “In the beginning”, after my sister, parents and I came back from the EHBO and all of a sudden there were two “psychiatrists” in my bedroom, I didn’t talk. I don’t remember the first time I took their medication, but after I was found after having been missing, at least twice a week there were “doctors” in my house. I told them I didn’t want their “help” and denied their medication. I kept denying that I heard a voice, even though I hear one through the movement of my skull [You can seriously feel it… But calling me crazy would be “the easy way out”]. 

    After a few MONTHS and their frequent visits, I decided to change my script, hoping that they would then fucking stop wanting to talk to me and call me crazy. This one “psychiatrist on nurse level” (“VERPLEEGKUNDIGE”) said: “Yes, you can really trust me. I will not consider it impossible and base my diagnosis on that.” 

    AND THEN SHE DID :D. “Brain-to-brain communication is not real”, they say… 

    [BUT I CAN PROVE IT!! If ANYONE would let me. Just for one hug from him?]

    I then started with fluanxol. The muscle stiffness was ve-ry heavy on me. 

    While on medication [haldol, I really took this]: “Do you hear voice?” “Yes.” (Ik kreeg een “kaakklem”. That is where you lose control of your jaw and tongue muscles and can’t stop sticking out your tongue and showing your teeth, to pull them back in and do the same thing again. Uncontrollable. They gave me an antidote?)

    New type of medication [risperidon, I really took this]: “Do you hear voice?” “Yes. Also, I WANT TO DIE.” [In Erasmus Medisch Centrum, I tried to kill myself. (But they take away sharp things etc… As you can see, I didn’t succeed.) But many patients there HAVE COMMITTED SUICIDE.] 

    New type of medication, because the two-week meds test trial ended: 

    Off medication: “Do you hear voice?” “No.” [Lie.]  “We still want you to take medication for at least a year, since “you are a schizophrenic”.”

    Very fakely on medication: “Do you hear voice?” “No.” [Lie.] “Great! Now you only have to do a blood test [but apparently this was going to be a frequent thing] and visit us once a week.” If I didn’t, they would start a court case against me. The first blood test, I took an overdose the day before (and lied to the “”friend” of my parents who was their messenger, asking me shit when I broke contact with them” about taking them D A I L Y like I was ORDERED TO) 

    21:07 (09:07 PM) 

    I just came back home. Haha my entire personal life is public :D. I like transparency. The Dutch / they say: “Don’t tell anyone personal things. You might be assassinated for it.” 

    You knew I was at the university¿

    Haha it was Cuddle :D. 

    I might finish my heartache story after “dinner”. This was in the old Nosce Te Ipsum. Should I include it?? 😀 Should I include them both?? 😀 Episode 1 and 2, previously deleted… 

    I’ll check my external hard drive!! 

    I’ll allow (haters) + people who understand my writing to propose corrections and then allow my hand-picked Cuddles to accept or decline them AND PUBLISH THEM WITH COMMENTS???. I don’t let my book be proofread. (Because of slow reading for misplaced commas and other nonsense and wanting to be Cuddles fast + it’s my book so if you want to write, write your own book :D.)

    I wonder what my web-traffic increase is 😀

    I made this in the Erasmus hospital. It was a “creativity assignment”. (THE HUMILIATION.)

    It says:

    1. Getting the fuck out of here. (Before Christmas. All of us.)
    2. (Contributing to) eternal peace
    3. Moving to a different country

      In Cuddle :D. 

      22:46 (10:46 PM) 

      My battery is going to die. I’ll be playing Pixel Action Heroes in my bed. 

      I love you, my Cuddle

      Good night