06:24 (AM) 

My Cuddle!  <3

Let’s do something fast?

I can’t sleep because I keep imagining how things could go down x_x. Talk to me :[. (By that I mean please reason along. I’m trying to find a new way for us to live.) 

It’s interesting how the government is keeping people stuck in this country (with so much ease). They indirectly, through (social) media (PR), say their country is number one and other countries “aren’t doing very well” in terms of their safety. (SO A LOT OF DUTCH PEOPLE ALREADY STAY INSIDE AND CLOSE THEIR DOORS AND WINDOWS. THEY DON’T EVEN WANT TO DO ANYTHING ELSE IN LIFE ANYMORE!! :[ (in their free time)) Also, the majority can’t emigrate whenever they want to, because of financial and bureaucracy reasons. WHAT IS FREEDOM? 

Everyone’s their ally, but that’s their an environmental threat to everyone. (“A sea full of cars and containers heading your way.”) And then they turn it into something financial. I think people have forgotten what they strive for, now that the corporations they work for strive for maximum profit. It used to be about WHAT your contribution is. Now it’s “as long as you work, you’re “a good” in this community”. I used to say it’s good to pay taxes, because it allows for people to receive welfare. Of course the government (that includes the king (what’s his purpose? Especially when we’te all getting flooded and he will already be abroad?)) can already pay for it, just from the 21% tax they receive over your purchases. They say Dutch people are known for not buying much at once. That must be because national prices for things are relatively high. No space to grow foods, too many people… There are taxes on medication?. “Only” 6%!!! We pay for our own medication? Can someone put the dictator running this country on a boat into the middle of the ocean? (THIS IS SO DIFFERENT FROM WHAT YOU, MY CUDDLE (FROM ABROAD), HAVE BEEN TAUGHT IN SCHOOL!!!) 

Also, “sorry for this” (but it’s better I say this): I FUCKING CAN’T STAND THE WAY PEOPLE ARE TAUGHT TO BE SO EAGER TO “PUT YOUR NOSE INTO OTHER PEOPLE’S LIVES TO CORRECT THEM” AND TEACH THEIR CHILDREN TO DO THE SAME THING. YOU’RE DISTURBING A NATURAL PROCESS OF GROWTH, BY DOING THAT. THE WAY THE DUTCH GOVERNMENT HAS A HAND IN SOMEONE’S UPBRINGING IS SOOOO ANNOYING! I WANT TO DECIDE AND WANT TO KEEP FULL CONTROL OVER MYSELF. THEY SAY SELF-PRESERVATION, NO TRUST, NO ABUNDANCE, NO FUTURE, BECAUSE THIS COUNTRY COULD BE FLOODED ANY SECOND AND AFTER THAT THERE’S NOTHING

SAVE MEEEEEEEE :'[. MY NEIGHBORHOOD WILL GO AS ONE OF THE FIRST. 

NEEM DE LEIDING NIET. JE GAAT ALLEEN MAAR OP EEN STEEN WILLEN ZITTEN. VEEL MEER BEN JE MISSCHIEN OOK NIET GEWEND in zo’n situatie?. (Of nja, je kan natuurlijk de leiding nemen, maar ik kies liever mijn eigen weg…) 

It was like I had forgotten about the natural threat “I was born with”. I suddenly remembered the intense fear I used to live in. (Can I emigrate with student debt…..?)

The purpose of life is not profit maximization. It’s also not to look good. It’s also not to obtain a high status. IT’S DEFINITELY NOT TO FAKELY DISCUSS FUCKING ISSUES THAT ACTUALLY DON’T EXIST AND THEN ALWAYS SOMEHOW MAKE PEOPLE BELIEVE IT’S VE-RY SERIOUS. 

If my father were to invest in my business, things would be un-shadied? 

Shout out to the people who say “I don’t believe you if you don’t show your source,” while the majority of (mass/mainstream) sources is crooked? Ahahahahha “Het is waar, want het stond op NU.nl”??????? NEEEE TOCH? 

Yesterday I ate a protein bar and some tomato soup. Every day, I think: I don’t like the taste of (for mass production) genetically modified imported foods, but what am I going to eat today? Will I finally see my B today? I cannot be in the same state as I am in now, on OCTOBER 2ND :[. I want a cuddleee. As in cuddle me please :D. Ah meow I’m really not in the mood for hanging out, talking about airy shit and then PEOPLE ASKING ME ABOUT MY PAIN AND THEN WANTING TO FUCKING POINT OUT WHAT I HAVE DONE WRONG ACCORDING TO THEM. I DO NOT DO THAT TO YOUR FACE EITHER. I ONLY FUCKING WRITE IT DOWN. I DON’T EVEN SAY IT TO SOMEONE ELSE. If you feel offended by my words, feel free TO DO THE SAME THING AS I DO. 

If you’d stay inside and close your doors and windows and the second wave makes the water level +5m, you’d run out of oxygen? Are these houses water proof? The difference between the (Rotterdam) Maas and the Seine is intense… 

12:00 (PM) 

What are the things that have been propagated on a mass scale in the period that I was missing? What has been said about me? (Was it the truth? I doubt it….) (How) was B involved? It’s too bad the people in my environment don’t remember it. At least, that is what I have been told. Just like I have heard the way I communicate has changed, and my previous personality is not remembered. I forgot, too, for a few weeks. I’m not a fan of antipsychotics (new and old generation) and lorazepam. 

I have no clue of what the correspondence could have been. I was outside for three days, with a phone that died, because that was the only way I could get out of forced conversations.

I keep getting an error when trying to post? 

Does anyone know where my B is? :[ We used to e-mail back and forth and have hung out privately twice. I only have his work email address and his work phone number. He’s inactive on Facebook… I at least want to know how he is doing now :[. My Cuddle :[.

I risk being assassinated for making this environmental issue they’re trying to keep hidden a largely, actively, OPENLY discussed topic? That’s why I’m not certain anymore about trying to climb up within the Google ranks…? 

13:00 (01:00 PM) 

Meow, what to eat…?

Let’s make pancakes? Or pourridge…? 

It’s going to be pancakes with (big? The sultana type) raisins, apple parts, cinnamon and vanilla. I’m also using soy milk, instead of cow milk. 

I wonder if the web traffic statistics I can see are less than the actual traffic? If ‘s Gravenland Cuddles read it?

If I’ve ever made you feel un-cuddle: that was never my intention :[.

I’m so afraid they have imprisoned my B after the police had interrogated me way too often, while I was way too tired and I was just trying to make him the first person to see after leaving the station :[. Also, I hoped to see him when I left the house three days before? I want to cuddle him :[. I do not want to be a homewrecker :D.  

So the book will be published on all popular platforms (and D. O. C. I. S. International…) and I intent to internationally market it on Google and Instagram. There will be two versions of the book, because the online diary format will not be supported in the popular stores [but this idea has changed again]. After these pancakes :D. 

21:07 (09:07 PM) 

The essence of the fields, the activities and stances in societal discussions of D. O. C. I. S. International is currently undefined. The outcome of Project Nosce Te Ipsum is there to define this, based on the accumulation of personal Nosce Te Ipsum survey outcomes. 

00:07 (AM) 

My Sweetniss 😀

How was your day? <3

Mine was all right. I got up very late, baked pancakes, made a Google Ads campaign for LilFangs.com, did some other SEO stuff, wrote an intro for the D. O. C. I. S. International website and then deleted it and made a new one, improvised with Jazz chords and socialized with my parents, grandmother, sister (with whom I remember a very Cuddle past) and a friend of hers (who is ve-ry Cuddle :]). I’ve also napped from 7 until 9 and had a very nice dinner. And I did regular things like doing the dishes and setting and “un-setting” the dinner table. 

I have also pondered a lot about the PR-related design of D. O. C. I. S. International. About clarity of correspondence and partnering with the right people. 

Also, the deadline for my first assessment is in two days and I haven’t released the episode yet. I want to release an episode I’m truly proud of – which wasn’t really the case for the last edition – so I’m going to continue re-writing it. I will shift my working emphasis to my assessments now, though. On the 12th, 17th and 21st I have deadlines

Currently, I’m twisting the last “two rows” of my hair. I wear twists underneath my wig.

You should know that Auberge de Kieviet is THE place to be for Graeynissis on September 21st ;). I’m not sure yet if I should go to the barbecue of the subsidiary of the company I’ve worked at during the summer. I’m in desperate need of more Graeynissis, and am wondering if I should seek them at the location where I have my test (where I’ll be staying from the 20th until the 22nd ;;;;]) or at the barbecue? I hope this Cuddle Graeyniss is going, but I don’t know if he thinks I’m Cuddle. I need tips on how to keep Graeynissis? Haha I think it would be so cool for us to regularly hang out and do Graeyniss things. 

Please do not think “I can not disturb this Cuddle”. I want to cuddle you :D. 

Here’s the end result:

I’m off to bed. 

Good night, mijn Cishe

(You know that with the words Cuddle, Cuddleniss, Graeyniss, Sweetniss, etc. I’m referring to you, right? You, who is reading my diary. It must feel as random for you as it does for me? I’m afraid people will think I’m a bad leader for showing my emotions and less “Facebook material” things (AHAHAHAHAHAH) like this, on this blog, but I think reflecting on myself like this is good. It helps me keep an overview of things.)

xxx