01:48 (AM)

Heys ♥

Instead of sharing my pre-bed thoughts with you – since I passed out a while after I uploaded yesterday’s post – I’ll now share my after waking thoughts with you.

Quicksand

Not so long ago, I described the prospect of a day like this like slowly drowning in quicksand. I don’t want to experience it, but time still works towards it and there’s nothing I can do about it.

Have you ever received a question like: “You hate me, don’t you?” or “You think I’m dumb/untalented, don’t you?” It’s so annoying. Of course I’m not going to give an honest answer. I always respond: “No, of course not,” and then try to come up with some valid sounding argument to back that up. But sometimes I think the opposite of that so much that I’m just silent after that, thinking about how things would go down if I answer honestly. “OF COURSE I DO! WHY DO YOU EVEN ASK?” And then back that up with 1001 arguments starting from my childhood.

I’ve been wanting to vanish for so long that I don’t even remember a moment where I didn’t want to vanish. The only thing stopping me is that I’m not old enough to offer myself luxurious financial stability yet. I’m wise enough, but it takes time to build up healthy finance, without financial support.

[A higher salary comes with age and experience – seriously the amount of money someone of age who knows how to spend and manage savings is wow with the time-advantage. Something I’ll have to be patient for, now that I have years and years of student life ahead of me. I’ve always said that if I can’t make it by making my sole proprietorship grow, I’ll keep studying until I have at least one title in front of my name. I’m now actually combining starting a completely new life by myself with getting that acknowledgement I need to succeed.]

The social circle you start your life with, comes from being born where you’re born. There’s nothing you can do about that. Though we could leave.

They’re not letting me go. Yesterday, before they left to go party, my “uncle” reminded me that my parents have changed my diapers and they expect me to change their diapers. “That’s often one of the reasons why people make children,” was all I could reply. I hope I can get a good consensus when I leave this place for good. Changing the diapers of your child is an obligation, offering moral and financial support to a child wanting to establish a serious independent career is a choice. A choice my parents don’t want to make. That’s all you need to do to take care of me ever – instead of threatening to beat me whenever I do something you don’t like because that is not parenting but fear tactics – so if you don’t take care of me then don’t expect me to take care of you.

A big social event is approaching and I can’t do anything about it.

Acknowledge The Fangs and all of our Problems are Solved

Everyone knows that I have this blog, but not everyone wants to read it. If you do, you must have good reasons why. I hope it’s because you find a relatable soul here. I really hope you do see something real in me.

People often don’t understand why I share every single aspect of my contemporary life here, while I desire to have a serious professional career. I’ve noticed that people have to hide their soul in such environments. It is one of my aims to revolutionize this. Sure, people might attack us for every unique thing we do (and then share publicly) – because they’re talentless fucks. We still should never hide the rough diamonds that we really are.

Plus I can get creative with and about anything, so whatever it is that is stopping you from allowing us to become Graeyniss friends: it will be solved. Especially when I’m a professor yays. 😀  I hope that the way I’ve been reflecting my intelligence here will allow me to receive a short track towards it, the way I was offered special classes for the intelligent in primary school. (That of writing essays and papers from the start.)

I really wonder how the ones with whom I was in that unique IQ class are doing. I wonder if they also feel like this society has nothing to offer and they don’t understand us at all.

People don’t understand how intelligent people can decide to drop out. They want me to be dumb like them. I hate that so very much.

Though I consider the chance of it actually happening very small, I really hope to see you today. I’ll feel like a potato again if you don’t surprise me with your presence today. Please please please! 🙊 Allow me to be myself. I’ll finally be able to give honest answers for once and then start to live a truly happy life.

Meoww I’m going “to still my hunger” and then go back to sleep.

Good night and I really hope to see you today please my sweet Catje. ♥

xxx

12:58 (PM)

Good afternoon ♥

The feeling of tension keeps me wrapped up in my bed. I’m getting very hungry now though – probably one of the reasons why I have tachycardia.

Please don’t Potato me Today

“Will I meet some Graeynissis today?” “Will I be Graeynissless today and want to hide in my room like an underground potato?”
Please give some hearing to your desire to vanish, today. Let’s hit the road and talk about it. 😀 It doesn’t matter that that will be our first time alone, because I’ll know what to ask you and you’ll know what to ask me, so it will be like we’ve known each other for years. 😀 And imagine the thrill of doing something that has never been done before in the history of ever, together with the perfect stranger. 😻

“Stay with your (family) circle,” is a “rule” that is very prevalent in Surinamese culture. “Because the outside world can harm you and we love you and want to protect you.” Do you want to protect me, or do you want your diapers changed and an ear that listens to your monologues? What if it’s the (family) circle that harms you?

Exactly. Then you become like The Fangs vanishing and having this trippy blog screaming for help in trippy ways. Like is this a story or is this a real life? It’s a real life that has invited you to a party over here. 🙂 Please be my companion. 😻

Please be here [Bachstraat 123 in Capelle aan den IJssel] before 5 PM. (The invitation says 16:30 because Surinamese people are often late.) The dress code is very casual but still looking like life is great. So sunglasses in your hair or something and wearing your best smile. 😀 I hope to see how it looks on you 😻

I’ll share my plate with you. 🙂 Assuming that you haven’t contacted my mother (who, by the way, is 56) to tell her that you’re attending. It could have been my phone number on there, but I have this blog so have not much tolerance for “Hey, how are you doing?” because the answer to that rethorical question can be found here and it is thus better to dive into what you know right away. Start the conversation with “So you want the Netherlands to flood?” or something. We can go so wildly far into depth together my meoww. This blog is the diving board for it. (Another reason why I stay away from phone conversations is my ANWB phone anxiety… Mathematics yays.)

Meowss I’m going to eat some and work on FangCatje. I really hope to see you later meow please don’t potato me. 🙁 You’ll be hugged on sight meoww especially if you’re Victishe. 😻 And then too many cheek kisses from my yays yay. 😀

Èh I want to brush my teeth to eat but the shower was just taken. So I’ll flip myself over and wait a little. Tot later yays. 🙂

Meoww this pretty Catje looking like he/she needs a break from life all smooth is photographed by David Bartus.

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15:42 (03:42 PM)

An Important Notice

I’ve just been given the chore of picking up my grandmothers, so I won’t be home until about 04:30 PM. Please wait until I’m home so that I’m certain that you’ll be allowed in. Please don’t let that make you not come to morally support me and keep me happy. I really need your hugs my meow. 🙁

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18:14 (06:14 PM)

Potato Update

Sad Potato Catje 🙁

Antwerp Antwerp Antwerp

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19:59 (07:59 PM)

Potato Update 2.0

I’m missing you, my meow. 🙁
Now I kind of feel like getting wrapped up in bed pet Cuddle mode.
But playing cards now which is quite yay.

~~~