Good evening ♥

We are on the verge of presentation day.  I  intended this to be a day of relaxation and it was. 🙂 Aside from my car adventure…

Another Fangs Car Adventure

Passing cars, driving 140 km/h where the speed limit is 100, is a habit of mine. I know the risk I am taking and do not recommend it to anyone. It used to be 160 with a speed limit of 100, so in that sense I’ve changed. But the rush of speeding is one of the things I love most about my life.

Earlier today on my way to see doctor Helberg Amsterdam, around Delft, I pass another herd of cars driving 140 km/h and slow down behind a car that is doing the same thing in a slower pace. In the right corner of my rearview mirror I see a white car with blue and orange color accents move two lanes to the left. I start slowing down.

The car in front of me moves over to the right and am still driving above the speed limit, though “only” 20 km/h now, but the cop car was right behind me. To prevent “onnodig links rijden”, I pass all cars that are driving close behind each other on that same pace and move a lane to the right afterwards. And another one.

Usually I feel a bit annoyed when people pass cars in a pace that feels only 1 km/h harder. A maneuver taking more than 30 seconds to pass a car. Now I was guilty of it myself stressed out by my slow pace, stressed out of fear of getting in trouble with the law.

The cop car ends up in front of me. I fear seeing the “POLITIE, VOLGEN” sign to pull me over. But the car moved another lane to the right, taking the exit to The Hague. I was free to increase my pace to 140 km/h again. (And 170 km/h where 130 is the speed limit.)


After visiting doctor Helberg I went to Alexandrium to buy a subtle shade of lipstick (because deep red is unprofessional, I think¿).

When I was almost there, on the highway, switching lanes became very difficult and the car started to make stange noises. But the notification screen did not indicate any issues. I didn’t understand what was going on and slowed my pace to the legal limits.

Off the highway, I had to hang on to one side of the steering wheel and pull on it with my entire body weight to make a turn. Parking was tough exercise.

In the shopping center I called my mother saying that I’ll bring the car to her office so she could call the *word that impacts my heart rate more than ANWB does (starting with a ends with ale) [it has sooo much Tishe it makes me feel like hiding underneath the sheets from the impact it has on me. I should see a therapist for that (hahahaha) but it’s all sooo embarrassing]*. The filter in the reservoir for power steering was torn. And some other stuff. We now have a replacement Opel Astra I will take to Amsterdam tomorrow. I will miss the turbo diesel engine of my mother’s car, but at least we have a replacement car.

Especially with my international travels and stuff, I should get an ANWB membership or something. And general travel insurance. But money…


My appointment with doctor Helberg was really chill. I was happy to inform him that I have felt a lot less suicidal since I switched from the surveillance in Rotterdam to his second opinion. Especially because with this clean slate my words are not solely focused on pleading not-schizophrenia for the sake of saving my medical record, but being able to voice all of the stress and suicidal thoughts that had added up to.

What was even more yays were our tangents about the differences between the emotional brain and the cognitive brain, and about politics in the context of my essay. I always feel like an hour to speak to him is too short, because there always still is a lot I want to mention when I leave.

When I came home – I took the metro from my mother’s work home after dropping the car off there – I made myself some fried noodles for late lunch and went to sleep for I couldn’t sleep (again) last night and was very tired.

Now my sleep meter is refilled. I’m going to eat, make some little changes to my presentation and shave. Tomorrow is the big day ayyy. I’m looking forward to it. I hope I’ll radiate good energy meow currently that is my greatest worry.

See you later or tomorrow ehehe xxx


21:33 (09:33 PM) [GMT -2]

Capelle aan den IJssel 

Featured image by Guillaume Meurice