00:21 (12:21 AM) 

The new home page of the D.O.C.I.S. International website is done πŸ˜€ . Besides the “this website is being edited”, which I’ll take away when I’m done with all pages. 

I love that I’m finally outing my publisher’s approach! The reason why I kept waiting – and actually sort of still should be waiting – was because I wanted to have more than one publicist [now it’s only me ahahahah], before I transformed my site to that format. With those almost (to be) empty publicists [because saying “propagandist” is too controversial (apparently mainstream people will think that you’re evil when you use this term… I guess the annoyance from that stupidity secretly also made me very…), but when it comes to the diversity of our content, it feels like that word covers the load a lot better] and publications pages, I worry about coming off as a lot less than I can be. But at least now it’s very openly clear that I intend to publish for not only myself. And that I’m attempting to build an empire.

The reason why I’m doing it now, is because I might find suitable publicists at the university πŸ™‚ . I won’t publish a “51 shades of grey” [that’s a joke for a new book’s title… That’s how I find how creativity looks these days… With my unique approach, I hope to raise the bar…] or anything else in that meaningless category of entertainment. You can go to any other publisher in the world for that. Knowledge and wisdom – wisdom being my specialty [because to me, wisdom > knowledge and I detest citing other people’s findings/philosophy] – are the fundaments of D.O.C.I.S. International as an exclusive brand. 

I say “at the university”, because that abstract use of words don’t show that when it comes to finding the right people, there’s so much uncertainty. Also, from many experiences, I’m quite certain that I should not target students for this. Not only because many of them are actually not independent thinkers (it sometimes just seems like that, because they memorize other people’s content in such a way that they start to consider it part of their identity (and then there are superficial people who are worse)). Also because for the size of the endeavor behind my business, I need people who truly know how life works, or at least I need them to know what their purpose in life is (because I need to know what would make them happy after the shift). 

But real Graeynissis are so hard to reach πŸ™ . I hope being a student will work in my advantage. I hope I’ll even be allowed to just have a personal list of Graeynissis to approach for my thesis [just give me a letter of recommendation or something… I won’t survive the student experience until post-doc level…], who would also like to become my publicists, and skip out on all of the student mental slavery nonsense (kan jij niets aan doen…). We could even make a short series of videos about how we’ll establish everything πŸ™‚ . Meooow! 😻

Here are some pictures I’d like to share:

In my diary post of two days ago, I mentioned that I was going to make soup. I made this picture to insert it in the article, but I never did. I used okra, plantain, some yam, celery, unions and a tomato. 

Today, I made these shrimp. I let them rest overnight, in a marinade of ketjap manis and thyme. The next day (today), I added garlic (because I had to buy it, but the best would be to let them chill in that, too). I used griesmeel and paneer (“breadcrumbs” (but they’re in a carton package…)) instead of flour and paneer, because there wasn’t any and it’s a waste of buying it, if it will never be used for anything else [but now I’m in the mood for pancakes… I’m still broke as fuck, though……..]

They were veryyy tastyy

My “natural” approach to attempting to cure a sore throat… It’s going a bit better already πŸ™‚ . But swallowing still hurts a lot… Talking luckily doesn’t (that much) anymore πŸ™‚

Something really random that happend today, was that I got a call from some telemarketeer who wanted get me in touch with this agency of brokers. [That stupid KvK registration of mine gets me phone calls like that.]  And me expressing my “I don’t feel comfortable with gambling. It might be a hype now, but I don’t believe that we’ll go on like this forever. The value is fictive,” didn’t make her say: “Okay. Bye.” “Arguments” for were: “But with these expert brokers, you can make great profits!” “How would you find it if in future, we would all be trading instead of working?” Of course, every sheep would say: “Yay! Infinite money and infinite watching movies!” I said: “I would kill myself.” 

She was trying to get me to click a link she mailed me and sign up for something. For some reason, I really just can’t hang up in someone else’s ear. Even not when even my fucking heart (rate) wants it. I ended up obeying her orders and I was transferred to one of her experts – whose name is very cool πŸ™‚ – who was trying to get me to buy Amazon shares. Because they’re expecting great appreciation in the market for them. (I believe that in the end, it’s the influence of the media, indirectly incentivizing people to anticipate on the prediction, which causes the actual appreciation.)

[To me, mathematics > statistics…] I found his phone lecture on analysis of those “market volatility boxplots” [is how I’ll summarize it, because I suck at memorizing jargon] very interesting. At some point, I said that I would like to try it with ten euros. At the beginning of the conversation, he told me to download AnyDesk – a “controlling your desktop from a distance” application. After some hesitation – just like with the telemarkeer who started the whole thing… I fucking hate that this forcing people to do shit is found normal in our society – I did “make it happen” [hahahahahahaha… It’s funny because I think uni Graeynissis are Cuddle] and then suddenly, while 30 minutes ago I was busy paneering shrimp (unfinished, because I wasn’t able to just hang up), someone I don’t know, who spoke English with a (sexy) foreign accent [but where he was from, I couldn’t tell… Eastern Europe somewhere…], was drawing lines on a series of plots he opened on my laptop screen. 

When I gave in with the ten euros, he opened a screen to sign up on some trading website and asked me to fill it out. The form included a promotion code area and fields for my credit card number and the security code. All of my instincts told me that I shouldn’t show that information to anyone, but I still did it. He filled out a deposit of €1000. I told him that it wasn’t going to work, because I don’t have that much money literally anywhere – I really don’t understand why people always assume that I have money. 

I told him that I could deposit ten euros (haha) on my prepaid credit card. When I showed him my debit account [it has -€487,57, my limit is -€500 and I have no income (still I would truthfully rather die than do the routine with fixed tasks and colleagues thing again… Never again [hi uni], thanks πŸ™‚ )]. He tried to up my limit, but I told him that changing a limit is only possible when you’re out of the red. Of course people never believe my word and it had to be tried first. And when my brokeness was confirmed – because what’s a broker’s profit with a deposit of ten euros – the conversation was ended. I ended the screen sharing and deleted the AnyDesk application right after, and “ran” CCleaner… 

I have such mixed feelings about trading. That ten euros was because since the moment I started to give in to that telemarketeer, I started to think: Yes, I know it will all collapse one day. But everyone is milking it right now. Why should I keep myself from it? It might get me out of trouble… (But it will never get me the profits I need anyway. That ten euros…. Hahaha that would all vanish to paying all of the parties in between, anyway.)

Such an unethical thought… I’m glad I still have my last ten euros πŸ™‚ . Please become my publicist… Yeaah another reason why I waited with the format of my business website, was because I wanted to be able to invest in your brand, as a business, by means of paying for your (initial) campaign, and then earning from a small share of what your campaign will generate for you. Now it will be the opposite… So I’ll be your publisher – so basically all I offer is 100% of my brainpower and my skills, but no money (yet) – but you’ll very unfortunately have to do the initial investment yourself… You won’t regret that part of your full independence, though! (And that in the beginning we might have to outsource instead of be full monopolists… The company is still “in its baby shoes”. But I love what’s ahead of us! β™₯)

More about this after waking up…! “Tomorrow” doesn’t apply, because it’s now 02:19 AM, but I still “”need” to do my long sleep” otherwise I [= actually the daylight] might [make meΒΏ] feel like shit.  I wonder if sleep, in general, really is necessary? Haha oh yess but of course I don’t want to go against “science”. Just like “the Earth is round”. [I have never seen that in real life, “with my naked eyes”, so…]

“Break of screen gazing” applies better than “sleeping”, I guess. I’m just chilling with my Head Cuddle and sometimes take a nap. Never do I sleep longer than 4 hours in a row. 

Meow

Good night

I love you! β™₯

xxx

13:48 (01:48 PM) 

My Cuddle β™₯

I hope your day is Cuddle πŸ™‚ . I would like to change my statement about not sleeping longer than 4 hours in a row: I do sleep longer than that, when I have a (long) dream.  I want to make a drawing of what I saw, again! (The moon part…) It was about that humans cultivated the moon’s landscape (its craters were changed into very big patterns) and that on the night the moon, by changing itself into text for short periods of time, announced that it was going to shoot fire from the sky, which was going to make all water of fire (“because moon fire is veryy hott”), I was staying in Amsterdam and the family friends who own the house I live in (with them), were on a holiday on the moon [with my family], so I was here chilling with their son [tripping about that my parents’ house is next to water and all of my grandfather’s books would burn… (All houses seemed larger in my dream.)]. After dinner and playing Halo in his room, I suddenly kissed him…? I felt my conscious body’s heart’s distress [my dreams are always lucid], being in that This could lead to an “Oh my god, what the fuck are you doing?” and a great dose of heartache afterwards, or being pleasantly surprised…? worry. And then, the rest of the dream, we were kissing? There wasn’t even moon fire to notice? Haha I feared I was going to be stuck in some nightmare, but it was quite a fun dream 😋. I woke up slightly past twelve AM (for the first time in a long time).

Now I’m going to eat, write [(featuring pen and paper) by means of creating an overview for my websites and motivation letter], shower and wash my hair, and then work on my business website (and motivation letter, hoping that I can finish it all, today…). [You should know that I fall in love very easily, but never out this (first). And that I love too many people to have a traditional relationship (ever again). I hope my future life will include a lot of true love and a lot of nerdy things.] Meow 😸 xxxxxxx. 

~~~

15:56 (03:56 PM) 

A change of plans made me write this article. I’m still in bed… Having my all-seasons blanket from “home” here, and a more convenient room temperature, allow me to sleep with only my panties on again (super yay :D). 

If this were my own home and I were by myself, I would enter the kitchen wearing only my panties, as well. But it isn’t and there are guests downstairs. I might not be able to resist socializing with the family friends’ (steph-)grandchildren, but that would mean that I, again, am another day away from completing my admission. 

I’ve been thinking of writing a What not to write in an motivation letter post and including that in my admission letter, as a link. That’s because I won’t be able to say all that I want to say, in that letter of max 400 words, and there are things “I want the university to know” [haha enallageΒΏ ooh no personification haha. My babyy β™₯], while those are officially not things that will make someone say: “She will be an amazing student!” (Truthfully, I doubt if I’ll survive the dreadful routine and suicidal thoughts that come with being a full time student who has to attend 70% of all tutorials and has to make homework and stuff… But my life depends on it, so failure is not an option (anymore)…) 

So I’m now going to quickly shower, while playing music (as usual, by the way) [and hope that my hunger and the heat from the shower won’t make me pass out], postpone washing my hair with another day (because twisting my afro takes time too haha eww), and go downstairs – with intentions of binge eating… Will be starting my day with dinner…? x_x And then I’ll see if I’ll be able to concentrate on working. My desk is, as it is in every place I’ve ever lived in: the dinner table. I need a sexy office :D.

~~~

16:15 (04:15 PM) 

By the way:

Sort of not bad…. Especially after quitting all other forms of social media, aside from ASKfm

Not bad…?

But still no people reaching out to me or anything, so meooow 😿😾. Okayy now I’m really going to shower xxxxxxxxxxxx

~~~