13:33 (01:33 PM)Β 

Good afternoon, my love β™₯

How’s my Sweetniss [ = person who is sweet, in Cuddle ] doing today? I hope all is Cuddle πŸ™‚ .

For me, things are unfortunately less Cuddle. I have a fever πŸ™ . Je kan een eitje bakken op mijn voorhoofd. That’s how high my temperature feels. Does anyone want some?

Ooh shitt my egg still had a bird in it… Still petting….

I need a Cishe πŸ™ . Okay… That would make my temperature rise even more [get it? Because you’re so hot in a sense of attraction πŸ˜€ ], but it would still make me feel better…

I don’t want to leave my bed today. But that will make me feel more unproductive πŸ™ . I want to be useful and deliver a contribution to society for which I can receive a compensation πŸ™ . Oh meow πŸ™ . Yet all of this writing is readable for free… It would be read even less if I were to monetize this, I think?

This being so broke I can’t do anything or go anywhere situation randomly got so much worse. At the beginning of yesterday, my bank account wasn’t that close to its limit. But then that donation, the interest for having my account on minus [what the actual fuck… I receive 0.8% interest on my savings account monthly and pay 9.9% “debetrente continu limiet”… Wat voor een conjunctuurbeleid is dat? Ik noem het “crisis”… Met uitgaven stimuleren maken we de aarde leeg πŸ™ . Vroeger waren die percentages veel hoger. Hoe bepaalt de overheid het rentepercentage van een (geprivatiseerde) bank?] and my monthly health insurance fee, which has increased from €109.95 to €117.50 per month for 2019 were deducted. And the €8.37 for groceries, because I wanted tomatoes and feta cheese in the salad, and I bought two tiny cans of canned tuna, to make a spread and/or salad with. I’m now financially trapped…

Does someone want to give me some Cishes and give me some “sickness food”? Like a soup with exotic vegetables. Taking care of this catje might make you able to claim some mantelzorg cash. (I wish I received that when I took care of my grandmothers. (I still don’t understand how they “fell” and got bruised/injured both on the same day…..)) I wish I had some sexy nurse Graeynissis… Hahaha . That would mean very good food prepared with an overdose of love, good conversations and still being able to continue to work on my endeavors, from my bed. Meow . Ahh what’s with these Graeys and the way they’re so hidden from me? πŸ™ I need these Cishes .

But since I’m not able to move your body towards me – it has to be your own independent decision – I’m going to eat the mandarines and granola bar I took upstairs with me last night – first food of the day – take a quick shower and eat some more. xxx


17:18 (05:18 PM)Β 

For some reason, it’s impossible for me to leave my/the bed before 4 pm… Around that time, I get the Family will be coming home… Must… Act… Active…Β pressure and I rush myself through showering etc. Still using men’s soap to hide my sweat odor from my aortic insufficiency.

I had some left overs for second breakfastΒΏ

Now “Studio Fangs” is semi-“back online”. Haha πŸ™ .

After disconnecting and disconnecting the internet, it worked, after the 6th time x_x

Haha why do I do this, while my brain wants rest… All because I said that I want beats… I need a producer meoow. But the beat I have in mind sounds awesomeeee . I hope I can make a good replica of it. Then I can put it on my Spotify account πŸ™‚ .

Ah shiitt I really need to go to the doctor’s, if I’m going to stay alive… Being alive should not hurt, then. I don’t want treatment. I just want to know what I have…


18:25 (06:25 PM)Β 

Okaay I’ve outed part of my health complaints and Jam has now sent me the number of their phycisian. I’ll be calling tomorrow morning. I’m already having palpitations from thinking of it. The receptionist asking me to explain my entire case in less than a minute, and those words deciding if she says “Just take an aspirine,” or allows me to make an appointment… It is important that the doctor does not use my Dutch medical records as reference material.

A Dutch fast food classic is the kapsalon, which I’m eating now. Shout out to the man of the house getting me this:

I’ve not eaten this in sooo loooong

My objective is to finish that beat today.


19:28 (07:28 PM)Β 

Oh mijn godd mijn beat is al gevaarlijk lekker, en hij duurt pas 34 seconden….

I’m writing down all I’m using – this is a lite version, so that’s why all is so empty – so that I can remake this beat, whatever happens… I’m traumatized from data loss…

I’m excited πŸ˜€ . It’s the sound in music I miss…

I don’t know if I’m allowed to earn from music made in this lite version. I think I’ll also upload my old EP. The files from that were on my external hard drive, I think πŸ™ .

Haha this instrumental song – I want to sing and rap on it, but I will not do that without a studio anymore [my EP “Revenge of The Nerds” sounds so awkward because the audio is recorded with my phone…] – includes a split second of the sound of a woman’s moan’s sample (not mine haha). I hope it will help me get people to like this beat. I loveee it alreadyyy.