16:49

My Cuddle ♥

Would you know that I’m the same person?

Yesterdayy

My hair is now ready for the colder seasons

While I was braiding, I worked on D.O.C.I.S. (the book): I recorded a video of me talking about the book and organizational changes, as well as a very short tutorial of how I do my hair. I took some pictures of the braiding process:

Haha aw: “Wow, your hair grows so fast!” It’s not my hair… 

Meow

Semi-explicit but comfy asff

Sleeping on the couch and thus close to the TV that is on most of the time, when “my parents¿¿¿” are at home, has now made me realize to what level “we” have sunken. What happened to deeper meaning in TV shows? The guns and explosions seem to be what people appreciate these days. And heartless attitudes. I shouldn’t sweat myself over wanting to be loved by everyone, because some people will just not understand it. 

At the same time, a big lesson is that whatever happened around the previous release made me not continue my marketing strategy – was it the MRI¿ – and now I’m shy to use my social media, because it’s so empty and I don’t have any recent professional pictures… Maybe I could still fix that? But rushing might fuck up the quality and people won’t even try to put their minds to understanding the content, if it doesn’t “look professional” [a.k.a. ads with flashy texts, edited voices and a sexy background beat… x_x], so it’s better if I keep things simple, for now. 

I’m going back to writing. I’m now writing it on my laptop. The 27th is the date on which I currently plan to start making my online environments ready. 

20:47

Finally, I’ve found a way to blend-write everything together. It was going to be tough understanding episode 2 if episode 1 isn’t read, but it’s such disrespect towards my effort if I would not continue, and the establishment of D.O.C.I.S. International must go on, so episode 2 is written in a stand-alone manner, but still continues on the contents of the previous episode. The document on my laptop is more recent than the blog article. 

When it comes to re-asking “my parents(?)” about my identity, my heart already goes crazy when I think of asking it. If I’m wrong, they have ground for restarting the schizoprenia bullshit surveillance with psychiatrists again. If I’m right, I wonder why my life is “one-sided” and why they tell me things like: “You look like your father,” and used to refer to him as “papa”, if he’s not my biological father. A few days ago, I made a collage of pictures of “my parents”, me and this meow of whom I hope that he’s my father and I keep searching for the similarities in our appearance. 

22:07

Okay, my life as CouchFangs was nice, but the sound of the TV is starting to get on my nerves too much. I can’t stand the hateful sense of humor and encouragement of stupidity. I’ll go back to my “back ache bedroom”. Tomorrow, I might go bed shopping, so hopefully this is my last night sleeping in discomfort. What would be a better way to save myself from this discomfort, is to move out. D.O.C.I.S. International will be my lifetime occupation, so from my earnings from this, I’ll need to fund that. 

Meoww I wish I could start this business with my papa, if he’s the loving and intelligent man I think he is. I hope there are alternatives to reach him, that don’t include involving the people whose house I live in, who don’t want me to spend time with him, because they know I’ll like him so much, they might never see me again, and they want to keep me to themselves. 

I really hope my gut is right… If that’s true, then dreams are hereditary :).

22:52

I’m having a stress headache, so I’m going to take a nap without setting an alarm. I wonder when I’ll wake up, because my sleeping schedule is all over the place. 

Good night♥

xxx