I just managed to get myself out of bed… There’s not really anything nutritional and “unique” to eat, so my father and I are going to eat in the center of the town I live in. By “unique”, I mean something that I want to eat varied. When I say “the city center”, I mean the center of Rotterdam. The town I live in, is Capelle aan den IJssel. 

The strange thing about my headaches, is that they emerge when I, for example, jump or shake my head. 


Ugh suddenly this fleh came home. 

Another thing that is eating at me is that my grandmother is getting surgery tomorrow. She has suddenly been diagnosed with “physical dementia”, while I don’t notice anything different about her, except a decrease in self-confidence. The surgery is for “staar”. Literally translated, that is “stare”. The suitable translation is “cataract”. I do not think my grandmother has any form of blindness. Just like my other grandmother, who has had the surgery on both her eyes. My grandfather has had the surgery as well. Meoww I don’t want itt… 

Can you solve it by staring into the Sun? [Indirect Bates reference, when it comes to the influence of the Sun on the eye. His theory related to myopia and farsightedness. This has worked on me!! The only reason why I wear glasses now, is because of astigmatism – which was already there when my glasses also corrected for my myopia.]

“breakfast” past 4 PM. I made two. I can’t finish this one

We’re going out for dinner instead of having a late lunch. 

I still want to publish D.O.C.I.S. before my birthday. The problem is that all I have written out this far, is that short piece a few posts back. 

18:02 (06:02 PM) 

After the heated argument I just had with my parents, I am going to leave the house for a while. I AM NOT MISSING. I REPEAT: I AM NOT MISSING. You can follow all my steps right here. If you want to force me to go back to my room and work 40 hours per week: keep your distance, please. 


Now that my father has said that I can hand in my house key: I don’t really intend to ever go back home. The problem is that my budget is not very high. International governments that might end up searching for me: there are a lot of things I can do for you. Pleaseeeeeeee don’t send me back to the Netherlands. 

20:16 (08:16 PM) 

I am not in a confused state. I am solely consciously protecting my weakened heart from palpitations. If you are, in an argument, forcing me to obey your will, while you don’t even remember my words, then to me, there’s no reason to argue. 

As I’m on my way, I behave very calmly. Therefore, no one has to initiate anything that make me have to stand my ground. 

If I’ll let you know when I’m there? I might. It’s a veryyyyyyyy long journey I’m about to make. 

The idea that they can call the authorities to search for me has always been a burden. What’s the point of living that life, then, anyway? 

“If there’s something, you can count on me. You can always call me.”

“If I could do that, I wouldn’t be packing my bags right now.”

20:51 (08:51 PM) 

There’s an awful lot of cops here. 

Something I told my mother, is that I do not want the Dutch government to monitor my bank expenses again, like they did when I went to the US, to track my location. They don’t have my permission for this. I am 21 years old, so – thank god – my parents don’t have full authority over me. I also don’t want them to monitor my phone usage, or anything else. 

I think it’s a good thing to delete that picture I made yesterday. 


This was before I got into the train. I’m posting it now, because I want to “keep my current location a secret”.



Because of the status of my phone battery and the many itineraries, I’ll stop posting updates, until I have had a chance to charge my phone. I took all chargers, except the one of my camera, I think. Damn… 


Ah shittttt my other train is delayed =.=


The “funniest” part was the: “Make sure you have enough money to travel back home. I don’t want to be rescuing you.” I barely have money to go there XD. 

I have three minutes to transfer… 

Something that will become worse, when I come back, they said, is the way they force me to talk to psychiatrists. If there’s one thing that makes me want to die, it’s that. They know I’m suicidal as fuck. 


Things don’t look well for me, right now. Whatever happens, I DO NOT go home ever again. The GPS location of the bus was off, so the app couldn’t find it, which made me not able to find it in time. Because of this, my other non-refundable forms of travel, I won’t make those either. 

The hotel near the train station was booked full. I’m sooooo tired… 


I could go to sleep forever, right now. That’s how I feel. Most regular people can’t understand that there’s a hand full of people who prefers to cut you off, instead of to keep clashing over and over again.