10:59 (AM)

Good morning 😀

Have you, my reader, thought of what path you’d like to follow? That of the Practitioner, that of the Illuminatus, or that of the Illuminatus Intelligens?

I’ve been thinking of making my entire blog password protected and allowing real Cuddles to make an account for login. Then, and only then, for avoiding spam reasons, having a forum would be nice.

Just the thought of judgmental snakes acting as if they don’t know this side of me [Because, yes, to avoid “feedback”, I don’t tell anyone about this. I do NOT want negative feedback on being able to express myself the way I do. If you don’t like it, then just NEVER look at this website!! Make one yourself!!!], but sometimes open my pages to laugh and criticize it, makes me want to move. I can see it in the eyes of some.

Everyone here I haven’t met yet practically already knows my name and some very random personal things about me, but everyone acts “brand new”. Every time. You know that I have been “missing”, don’t you? If so, please tell me what lie you have been taught to hide? You know that’s illegal, right, if that has been told to you by the government? “Privacy”, if everyone has already seen something they’re not supposed to see, doesn’t mean that you should not tell me what everyone has been told. I HAVE THE RIGHT TO KNOW TOOOO!!!! I’m the fucking only one who doesn’t know, because the laws of privacy are misunderstood by so many…. “Privacy” means that you shouldn’t have known in the first place. It didn’t have to be “mass-deleted”, now that everyone already knew. My side of the story was never heard. The fabrication was stated as a fact. The message didn’t say that I didn’t want to be found, I didn’t want to be interrogated and I begged to not be sent home. When they asked me who I did want to see, I said “Benoît”. We had made arrangements to meet up again, a few weeks earlier, but my parents didn’t allow me to go. I was devastated from that (because I am in love with him). We are/were just friends, though… 

The cops still called my parents to come and pick me up. This was against my wishes. They had already put me in an isolation cell, to allow me to sleep a little, but while trying to sleep, several interrogarors have walked in and out on me (plus I was too tall to sleep in the cell). I hadn’t slept and had a proper meal in 3 days. I was found by cops from a different city and driven to the police station in my neighborhood, in the afternoon. I got home very late in the evening. 

Even people who I only know from “facial recognition”, suddenly started their conversations with: “I know you’ve had a hard time, mentally…” 


If you only knew how this has negatively influenced our future! Yes, ours, for I’m one of the few people who doesn’t work for the money, but for the accomplishments. I’m trying to make a change!

Cuddle me :[ (only if you’re Cuddle…)

Here’s an analog test to see if you’re Cuddle

  1. When you’re reading this website, are you looking for verification or falsfication?
  2. Is your “soft side” and need for mutual love greater than you show others, due to a difference in character, sometimes?
  3. Would you like to become one of my new close friends and engage in my projects?

If your answers are “verification” (because in my friendships I seek mutual judgment), “yes” [I describe a “deficit of love”] and “yes :D”, you’re Cuddle!

I’m thinking of making a new selection of my pictures from Paris. I have better ones… I have decided to just block everyone who is unnecessary corrective about my material, out of my life :D. It will just be you and me, my Cuddle… 

Haha toch maar geen cardigan voor mn logo? :p

The purple and grey resemble us <3

Shout out to the 881 people reading my post of yesterday <3. Haha I see how much the average didn’t represent my actual traffic.

I might not get to changing my album, for I have a lot of mathematics to do, still… I got to unit 3 yesterday…

13:35 (01:35 PM)

00:17 (AM)  I received two messages from the government. I have to pay back a part of my study financing…

I still want to graduate in (OR BEFORE) 2021.

Dus wat wanneer er zo veel mensen hun studieschuld moeten terugbetalen en ze dit gedaan moeten hebben om het recht mogen hebben te emigreren (voor “””””””de tweede watersnoodramp”””””””””””””” [Hoe veel ” teveel? Lees gewoon niet als je je irriteert aan mijn interpunctie. Ik zeg “tweede” maar eigenlijk, als je naar de lange termijn kijkt, is het “de zoveelste”])?

Ik. Wil. Graag. Verhuizen. Naar. Een. Land. Dat. De. Beginnende. Jonge. Onderneemster/Ondernemer (“man eerst?”). Beter. Beschermt.

Ik heb geen recht op research subsidies? Ik doe onafhankelijk onderzoek…

Soms worden mensen opgesloten omdat ze boetes hebben.

I’m scared to see how “high the deficit is”.

13:50 (01:50 PM)

While listening to the 11th Sky, I’ll be making mathematics exercises *peace sign*. Enjoy the rest of your time while I sometimes leave a message for you on LilFangs.com :]. I post updates ve-ry frequently.

14:03 (02:03 PM)

I still had to turn on my laptop etc to look for the exercise files.

14 year old me?

Should I get a perm and clip-ins a g a i n¿

But then get more loose curls?

Instead of a wig? Or sometimes wear a wig? Sometimes not even wear clip-ins? The perm…?

I felt more comfortable about the way I looked, then…

But I do not have money for that :D.

Ik moet mijn schuld terugbetalen. Dat betekent sparen :D. Het is ook eens “bijna December!” En bijna Sinterklaas! En dan die “eind van het jaar rekening” en kutweer :D. Nog meer sparen (+ inflatie)? 


14:44 (02:44 PM)

With what I earn from my book, I would like to fund and be part of a Council. The council puts plans against societal problems into practice, such as ways to end famine. I have made designs for benefit boxes you could purchase as a gift (for someone else of your choice [charity? Give it away to someone else in a different country who lives in an area where there’s less access to basic needs. Track your package!!!! [I REALLY WANT TO DO THIS. TO SHOW YOU I WILL NOT SPEND IT ON MYSELF. FUCK EVERYONE WHO WANTS TO CLAIM THAT I AM A BAD PERSON. (IF YOU’RE HERE TO DO THAT: DO NOT COMPARE ME TO YOURSELF. IK BEN NIET VAN PLAN VOOR DE REST VAN MIJN LEVEN MIJN VRIJE TIJD “VOOR DE TV” TE SPENDEREN. DA’S FUCKING NUTTELOOS! Ik onderneem liever graag echte stappen, in plaats van er alleen maar over te praten. Mensen lullen zoooo veeeeeeel, maar doen heeeeeelemaal NIKS.)] I’m definitely getting my Council members one (safety¿)] and/or for yourself)).

There’s an election for positions within this council during The Benefit. You can run for council member by signing up. Stay tuned :D.

16:41 (04:41 PM)

Everyone who PARTICIPATES gets a lifetime seat in the D.O.C.I.S. International Council.

Practitioners are think tank members and Nosce Te Ipsum participants.

Illuminati [do not mistake me for some stigmatized image [then really please just don’t read my “blog”]. I chose this name as a derivation of the Latin words for “having been illuminated” etc.] are people who, through participation in Nosce Te Ipsum become think tank members and, by writing a thesis from this project, become specialist strategists for D.O.C.I.S. International, in a field of their preference. [Law? Economics? Linguistics? The list goes on…]

Illuminati Intelligentes are participants in project Nosce Te Ipsum and specialist strategists in all fields, because throughout the project, they write a thesis on all fields in which D.O.C.I.S. International intends to operate. 

The Council does not affect the lives of those who don’t want to cooperate with D.O.C.I.S. International, due to differing viewpoints. It is fully independent. 

Is there a weather station that influences the weather? What are all the building sized “fans” throughout this country for, exactly? Warme lucht stijgt…

18:13 (06:13 PM) 

What do you think of my new Paris album?

Haha no comments ;]. I hope you’ll sign up, my Cuddle! Now back to mathematics… 

Haha remember this? 

I deleted that one too. It had 5 songs. Now this is all that is visible. Hopefully one day I’ll upload a new version with better (voice) audio.

I learnt a different notation method in high school¿

19:13 (07:13 PM) 

Only long red peppers as a change-up of what I made yesterday. I also added some white wine.

19:47 (07:47 PM)

I need to do the dishes? I need to move, mann. By cooking for 1 (or 2, my cuddle…¿) there’s a lot less dirty dishes that mostly aren’t even mine. This used to make me wish I was born into a white family sometimes. There it’s often just: “Je hebt toetsen. Kopje thee?” 

Of course this isn’t exactly a racial issue. 

But another reason for me wanting to be white, when I was younger, was to not hear: “HEEY JE LIJKT EEN BEETJE OP ZWARTE PIET!” 

The Surinamese generational anecdote is [some say]: “From a young age, you should learn how to do the houskeeping. Then, when you’re an adult, you’ll know how to do it.” I used to iron A LOTTTTT when I was 10! It’s nice to have children, then, when you’re an adult! I am not really working towards having children and being that type of parent (ever…?).

Heeeey tomorrow is Prinsjesdag! I’ll be tuning in, for sure! You too!??? [Haha I’ll be studying ;). But I wonder what next year’s national financial plans are / prediction is…]

What’s more intensive: making mathematics exercises all day, or being in a building all day, doing things you have been doing for decades, while just randomly walking to people’s desks to talk about random shit [I do not enjoy small talk]? 

I’ll of course not say no. Even though I really want to. I’ll move. Just wait :]. [Haha financieel aan de grond gehouden worden omdat men je niet kwijt wil? Maar ik wil weg??]

00:22 (AM) 

Units 10 to 12 left for tomorrow. I’ll have to start packing… What to pack…? [Haha saaave meeeeeeee. I would pack so differently if you would…]

My Cuddle, I’ll elaborate on a solution to a very naggy social problem of mine. Please keep an eye out for that.

I live for you

Is Cuddle for “I love you”

Good night, MY CUDDLE


[My Nintendo Switch suddenly doesn’t connect to the internet, while the password is saved… I remember, when I was younger, certain web addresses being blocked, such as that of MSN, for coming home “late”…. (But doesn’t a measure like that make me want to get the fuck out of here even more?) I just wanted to relax a little, before going to bed, since I’ve been doing Maths all fucking day…]