How was your night?
The train is riding…
I feel so much weight getting taken off my shoulders right now…
I’m in this private booth in the train ahahahaha. I kind of feel like “a boss” sitting in this train comfortably, knowing that accross the border, there are different rules.
Finally no more people talking to me as if I’m insane…
Okay, they will be calling me, but will I be picking up…
Ah fleh, why do I keep thinking of these people x_x.
I kind of want to take a nap… But I want to “proofread” my first episode as well. I’m going to upload a few pictures and edit the main menu first ahahaha. My decision making has been “messy” since this schizophrenia accusation thing started… Now I try to fit in a certain “overly dedicated type of person”-image. I really “worry” about the impression I’m making on you, with my writing and photography. It’s all “against the rules”, when it comes to my use of language, the simplicity in my pictures and designs (this far… That will definitely change) and the sides of myself I’m showing you. Since I want to be your leader, I shouldn’t show emotions like anger, fear and sadness, “in the rules of formality”. But I want to do things differently… I want you to see me as your companion. The true version of me, not solely my “leader-image”. I want to show you what the world looks like through my eyes. I want to show you real people. Transparent people. I want you to be able to look at me and exactly know what I’m thinking. (The other way around, I’ll master, too, if you give me a little bit of time.)
I just “woke up” from my mini-nap… I hope I’ll have this booth to myself for the rest of this trip. Maybe then, I can record something. We’re now entering the central station of Brussels.
We’re about to arrive in Paris. I’ve checked the first two chapters of NTI’s first episode.
Loool okay I think I’ve gone a stop too far… The train was standing semi-still, but I didn’t see “the pavement of the station”… Ahahahahaha ayyy…. Haha luckily the stop I’m going to is the final stop of the train, I just realized. I’ll be there at one o’clock. (The ticket said the arrival was at 12:35, but we were there around 1 o’clock.)
14:23 (02:23 PM)
I walked around in the neighborhood a little. Now I’m waiting at the hotel, for the check-in. It’s check-ins from 3 PM.
After I’ve checked in, I’ll take a nap, buy some sneakers and groceries. I don’t know what to make yet, for dinner…
17:26 (05:26 PM)
(* Less warm clothes + a handbag)
* Fresh pasta
* Granola bars
* “Provencaalse kruiden”
* White wine
* Some meat…….
00:23 (12:23 AM)
I’m having dinner now… (*link*) Paris is such a beautiful city! Haha the pictures I took on my phone, of “random buildings” (and not even “the highlights) look way better and more interesting than my pictures of Rotterdam.
I’d like to show you the pictures I made today. After my nap, I decided to walk to the Nike store in the “Forum les Halles” (mall).
I present to you: “Lil Fangs” in “The Elevator”
On the way, I walked past a Footlocker. First, I told myself: “Well, I’m on my way to the Nike store now…” Then it started raining contra arguments: “…multiple brands…”, “…shorter walking distance…”, “When I was younger, I always wanted to buy my clothes there (but I rarely did)” etc.
I walked into the store, but spotted only the men’s and kids section. The store wasn’t that big… But I still asked someone where to find the section. After gazing at the women’s shoes for a few seconds, I decided to take a look at the men’s section. That’s how I ended up with white Air Force 1 Nikies on.
I still went to the mall, since I also wanted to buy groceries, and I also decided on buying a good bluetooth speaker. At home, I always use one of my father’s speakers. (He has a bluetooth Bose speaker, speakers you could use in a club and a subwoofer. Oh and the “basic” TV stereo that makes the windows shake.) [I just can’t stand that he doesn’t want to financially support me… His greed……… Fleh.]
By the way, the person who showed me the women’s section, also wants to have a drink with me… I gave him my Instagram… I suck at saying “no” to these kinds of things… He asked me if I was available today. After hours of not responding I said that I was tired and I still had to do grocery shopping for dinner… But then I ended it with: “So would you be available tomorrow?” Only because: “I have plans today, so how about we never meet up?” would sound “strange”. I don’t want to “waste” my time on him (because we don’t have anything in common (otherwise he wouldn’t have worked there. It’s mentality related…) and my time in this city is short. VERY short, my cuddle *looks desperately at you*).
Also, he started the message he sent me with “I really like your smile” and he doesn’t even follow me back… I must have been marked as “hit and run”. FLEH…
I bought Sony speakers and went to the New Look to buy some “summery clothes”… I needed some clothes for Surinam, I told my mother… Will I ever see her again? (I hope not, to be honest…) I still wanted to go to the Nike store for sweatpants, but it was already 8 o’ clock. Standing in line, at New Look, I Googled (#Fangyism) where to find the supermarket inside the mall. I couldn’t find it anymore? Then I saw this “bio supermarket”. It was a walk of only 6 minutes.
The arrow of the navigation would point in the opposite direction I was walking, every time. I ended up walking around in circles (but the sights were pretty, so even though my stomach was crying, it was worth it). I decided to go to the “normal” supermarket behind the hotel I’m sleeping in. (I wanted to type “my house” ahaha.) When I was following the navigation, I suddenly saw that there was a Korean supermarket “right around the corner” of the street I was walking in. (From Rue Opera something, to Rue Theresa something (because the navigation was still acting up, I walked “the larger circle”).)
I found out I don’t like “raspberry wine”, but I bought two bottles… Haha in the supermarket, I was struggling with the product names. Almost all of the labels on the products themselves were in Korean, with a French price sticker on the shelf it was on.
“I was looking for vegetable stock.” I ended up buying salt (a lot of salt…) instead of the stock. It was “easier to ask”… I don’t like approaching people I don’t know, because I can’t predict their response (that well)… It makes me nervous. (But still most of the times my prediction is right. Only these “schizophrenia people” are unpredictable in a “level of heartlessness I can’t precalculate” kind of way.)
I walked back… home… I was carrying my heels in my backpack and the speaker and groceries in plastic bags.
Back home, I still had to buy butter and tomatoes, plus, I felt like drinking cider.
I’m going to do the dishes and then go to sleep. It’s already 01:39 AM…
Good night baby(yyyy) [But not in that annoying tone.]
I love youu