01:09 (AM) 

Hii my Cuddle ♥

I have no idea what I’m doing anymore x_x. Ich brauch Engagement :(. And some money so that I can be independent :D. 

Other than that, I just came “back online” to say good night. 

Good night ♥

xxx

~•~

12:49 (PM) 

Good afternoon 🙂

How’s your day? 

I’m back in bed after having eaten breakfast – for me, it was breakfast, for him, maybe not – made by my house mate. Tea, seasoned tomatoes and mini baguettes with salmon, of which some were topped with mustard and some were topped with a white spread that also had the sharp taste of mustard. I don’t use my phone as much, when I’m around him, because he keeps saying that he doesn’t like it. So I don’t have any pictures or on-scene writings. Aside from this interference, I’m so comfortable for the amount of time we’ve known each other and in this situation where he’s now kind of stuck with me. I’d rather be the one who owns the house – my lifestyle is much different – and invites people over. The path of getting there is now three times as schwer, because I’m bagless x_x. 

I “don’t know why” “my parents” ask me things about my stolen things, while I haven’t mentioned to them that they were stolen. They hate my website, so why the fuck read it? Grrrr… I don’t want to use my last bits of energy to attempt to level with them anymore. “My father” [mister Elia] asked – via text – if I’ve gone past the police station already. Some reasons why I didn’t go to the police because of my stolen bag are:

  1. I’ve never heard of stolen products being found after them having been reported stolen and/or missing [but yes, of course, there’s that 1/999999 chance]
  2. I’m sick as fuck x_x. What was 25% strength yesterday, is 15% now. I can barely walk and thus I don’t care that much about the bag and getting myself to a station 

It takes two weeks for me to receive my passport. On my way back to where I’m staying – it’s a 45 minutes journey from there to the embassy – I saw an e-mail from the embassy, in which they ask me to come back, because there was one more paper I needed to sign. I was already in the S-bahn…. I haven’t gone back. I need to find a way to pay back my house mate, because that €140 is eating at me. Other than that, I don’t want to go back to the embassy :(. I don’t like bureaucratic shit :'(.

I wish I had the passport of a diplomat x_x. Travelling would be soo chill… 

It was my/”our” [the key to the apartment was in the bag that I now don’t have anymore] intention to go to the doctor’s office today – not doctor Cuddle’s, that’s too far 🙁 – but I feel sooo tired, I really can’t even go outside. I hope that if I rest enough today, I’ll have enough energy to move myself to the doctor’s tomorrow. 

If I were to have cancer: I really don’t want chemo therapy. The effects are often not permanent and it has the most crazy unhealthy side-effects. I’d rather get surgery and consume a lottt of weed, without tobacco. 

I can’t see how many people are reading/have read D.O.C.I.S., and who they are. I don’t have an indication of what kind of effect my writing has on the reader. (Say something, please :(.) I also don’t know if those who read it need more time, or if they’ve read it and don’t know what to do… The thing with this is that the code for engagement is very general – as in that I mention it in almost everything I write, but indirectly, because the available positions within the organization depends on how much land might be available to us one day, so I need to choose wisely. I need to choose, also because I know that this level really isn’t for everyone. I need the best of the best. That’s you! Please tryy. I want us to succeed together! 

So I’ve been putting a lottttttttttt of effort into finding ways to alter the system and drasticallyyyyy improve the quality of life. This is something I do for a, currently, great but undefined collective. I don’t know who’s interested in becoming a part of this, but I’ve put my health problems on the side for us, so that at least the strategy is finished and I’ve left something behind I could call an unspoken legacy. I find that I deserve to be compensated for this, since I’ve created a lot of new value. No one else on this planet can do that the way I do. It’s up to you for me to take that to the next level. If I don’t get a compensation for the outrageous amount of hours I’ve put into this, I’d rather fucking die. I’m not saying that because I want fucking attention – the only thing I want attention for is non-conservative change in the global system we live in. I’m saying that because my cropped up anger leads to intense suicidal tendencies. The last time I did an attempt was when I was in the psychiatric ward, avoiding “my parents”, afraid that they were going to transfer me to the internal “chronical ward”. The first time I wanted to do an attempt, I was 10, but I stopped, because suddenly “my grandmother” and sister spotted me. My grandmother’s worry and the look in my sister’s eyes is what made me stay. What made me want to die was the fucking absurd form of parenting I was stuck in and the thought of the many years to come, before finally being able to spread my wings, not knowing that they were going to interfere in that as well. 

By the way, if you don’t accept my privacy policy, I won’t know what country you’re from and thus also not what places to approach first. 

Soo yess… The Nosce Te Ipsum series is a self-reflection questionnaire for you and me. With the universal standard of human reasoning – what I mentioned in earlier posts, you could see if you’d copy-paste the text in the search bar of this website – and the code that will be generated from your answers, when I’ve explained to someone who’s specialized in AI what to do, after I’ve found this person – is that you¿ – is what forms D.O.C.I.S. International. I want to review everyone’s answers, because it’s important that ambitious and loving person become part of the organization and that materialistic opportunists stay the fuck away :D. 

You’ll have to read about 10% of this to be able to get the full project’s concept. I’m trying to be the challenge of today’s talent. I hope you’re not mad at me for not making this easy :(. I’m not mad at you! I can’t get truly mad at you ever…. Sometimes I use madness to get people to listen… I prefer regular forms of spreading a message, though. 

~•~

15:40 (03:40 PM) 

It’s hard for me to fall asleep… :(. I just came back from eating Mittagessen my Cuddle’s mother had cooked, at the house of the Cuddle(¿) I’m staying at’s neighbor’s. I loved itt. Hänchensomething haha. With rice :D. It would go great with tayer and oxtail! I don’t know if tayer is sold here anywhere¿

When I think of my health, my finances, my future and my intelligence related form of loneliness, my fatigue increases with 99%. It’s already far beyond the regular percent scale. 

If my self-diagnoses stimmen [Gerlish/Englerman :D], I wish I would be peacefully ambushed by oplettende Cuddles. You would make me the happiest person alive, if you’d help me get comfortable… I will give you a lot in return! 

It would lakily be Graeynissimus, if I were – confirmed by experts – as sick as I think and feel I am [others say it’s schizophrenia. They need to back the fuck off :D], and then get money to live from and design my own house and fix my legal identity issues and correct my medical record and fund manufacturing benefit boxes – because the process of me finding investors is veryyyyyyyy slowww – and run my business from my sick bed with sexy Graeyniss nurses. It sounds like a dream… 

Kut Sinterklaas [he is not Santa Claus. NL = Sinterklaas Dec 5/Dec 6 & Christmas Dec 25 & 26] :D. *youth flashbacks* “Waarom krijg ik nooit de dingen die ik echt wil, die misschien duur zijn in mijn optiek – want ik kan ze zelf niet betalen, anders had ik ze al gehad – maar die “mijn ouders” gewoon makkelijk kunnen betalen¿” Als je me, als kind, geen geld wil geven, moet je me ook niet je achternaam geven!!! Grrr…. 

Who the kanker fuck keeps changing the publication dates of my articles? They become invisible on my website, in that way. I don’t want that. Grrrr…. 

~•~

17:02

Two things:

Something I really wonder, is if being a witness is punishable in Germany as well. It is, to the power of infinity on a rocket ship, in the Netherlands. 

I need a more secure form of publishing, because this data loss thingy is not good for my health. Ah meow :(. Why sabotage me?  🙁

~•~