Good morning ♥
I have decided that this will be my last diary post ever. It’s just a side-thing, which has become such a habit that it seems like it has become the only thing I do. Everything else goes unnoticed.
I have so many reasons to stop posting diary posts and post something else frequently. Maybe once a day, instead of multiple times a day. Or once a week…
After sleeping – since I literally spent all night working on Volta’s Plan B in Practice – I’ll share my reasons with you. For now, I’ll be catching some rest, because I feel like I can pass out at any second now xxx
18:33 (06:33 PM)
I used my online diary to reflect the thoughts, feelings and emotions, which aren’t relatable to many. Before I did this online, I used to do this with pen and paper. That’s what I used to do after the three reasons to make it public emerged:
The first one was that when I first started this blog, I was, against my will, forced to undergo a treatment I should have never gotten. They threatened to make it worse and attempt to take away part of my rights. I wanted my side of the story to be public, so that the injustice I was living through would have been noticeable to others, in case they would push through what they had been threatening me with. It would have been my only way out. I managed to escape them – what exactly happened is all in my diary – so it never happened. But in case it all resurfaces: I might not be writing diary posts, then, but I will still expose them.
As my second reason, which was the reason that echoed through my mind every time I wrote something, was that I wanted to be there for others who go through something the people in their environment can’t relate to. Not having anyone to share your feelings with, is not easy. By sharing my unrelatable feelings, I was hoping to comfort those who are also living through things they can’t talk to others about. I hope that I’ve done this for you. I might not do it anymore, so I hope you’ll find comfort in my past.
My last reason was that I just finished the very first Nosce Te Ipsum episode and I wanted to have my own place on the internet where I could forward you to the stores the book is available in, and use it as a platform to share all of my material on.
I look forward to fully keeping everything to myself again. But this was nice…
Ohh there’s one last thing I would like to vent here, because I don’t like to have regular conversations about my feelings: I applied for a job at the financial administration of the company where I worked on the help-desk part of the abroad vehicle assistance department last Summer, and I have been rejected for that function, because my curriculum vitae makes it seem like the job doesn’t suit me.
If the choice to hire me is based on the things I’ve chosen to occupy myself with, I should better apply for the function of world leader somewhere. I would most certainly do that, but I wouldn’t know how to.
So it seems like, if every HR recruiter judges my application like that, I’m doomed to live the rest of my life in poverty. This worries me… I can thrive at any business, at any function. That’s what my curriculum vitae says, when you read it well. It seems like I need a miracle, now that I’m trapped in between two worlds: overqualified for the jobs on my level of education and (when it comes to proofs of education) unqualified for the position of power I desire.
I thought that my previous employer was an open door for me. Especially after receiving the director’s blessing. I was hoping to be able to see him again. But I’m not the type of person who asks again, at another option at the same place, after being rejected. Being rejected twice at the same place would hurt far far farrr too much, and, especially taking into consideration my tachycardia, I won’t take that risk. If things were realistic in my optics, I should have been approached with a request for assistance, by any organization, instead of me applying for jobs that are waaayyyyy below my level.
Ah meoww the thought of never seeing my Vicje again is a very sad thought. Just like the thought of never seeing my B again. It feels like someone is crushing my heart with bare hands 🙁 .
Okayyy I’ll never share my emotional pains on the web again. I won’t miss seeing this “weak” side of myself, which would not be shown, if my diary wouldn’t induce me to show it.
Haha ayy my job hunt for the fixed income I so desperately need, is starting to seriously worry me… Even though this is my first rejection… But those worries will now be expressed with pen and paper again, the way I’ve been doing it all my life. Far away from online eyes.
I love you so much ♥
I will never stop loving you, my dear reader!
Unless you’re a hater who doesn’t want to see me succeed 😀 . Some people only want to prove me wrong. Haha people say shit like “Love your enemies,” but I disagree! It’s degrading to yourself to force yourself to be positive towards someone who feels nothing but negativity for you. Don’t love your enemies!
I hope you’ll love what I’ll do instead of posting diary posts!! It’s all in Volta’s Plan B in Practice!
My love for you goes beyond what words can say. You’ll see it in what is yet to come!!
– xxxxxx –