00:20 (12:20 PM) 

Meoww my forum and online bookstore are visible online, but they’re not finished yet. There are some books I still need to add to the (e-book) store [I want to sell tangibles, too, but don’t have the funds and location for stock management, yet], add some refund policy credentials, add terms and conditions, and [the most fun part] add forum topics! I hope I’ll be able to attract Graeynissis to my forum 😻. There is so much to discuss 😻.

My heart slightly fears hatred and harshness on my forum. But my comment sections are peaceful, and so should be my forum. I can’t wait to get my blog out of social isolation, in the right way!!! 

I’m going to continue to work on this for a little while. Interacting with people who think like me excites me :D. Interacting with people who like my writing excites me :D. 

What’s on my mind, as I’m working on these things, is how to assemble the right people for the intimate community I intend to create… I’m thinking of a Google Ads campaign, simultaneously with Volta’s ad campaign, but I hope The Head Cuddle will finally reveal its hidden strength…

Haha I’ve been watching BoJack Horseman while working on this… After Rick and Morty (and before that, yeaaaars of never following anything), it seems like this will be my next “entertainment” aside from writing and walking… I’ll keep it to a minimum.

Oohh meoow something I’ll add to my store is the service of me writing a personalized text for you!!! That’s so much fun!!! It’s great for finding purposes to write for, it’s great for having something to do, it’s great for my network, it’s great for my wallet, it’s great for my name… Yay 😀


04:02 (AM) 

There is a lottt to configure!! I’m not done yet, but I should get some rest… (I guess? I don’t feel tired, but I feel like it’s mandatory to take a break?) 

If people would use me as a text generator, I could make a living!!! I love getting writing tasks!!! Let me write you a book 😻. Or write a text on a canvas, you could use as decoration! 

Omgg I would be soo happy if people would ask me to write personalized texts for them!!! I’d have something to do, maybe have a reason to start a conversation with someone new, and I could get myself out of debt, without wanting to die from the mental slavery I’ll have to put myself through to get there!!! 

My Graeynissis 😻. May I write something for your paper?? 😻 You can let me read in on any topic, and I’ll be able to write about it, as if I’ve mastered the entire subject myself!!! 

Yay 😀 

I’m off to eating some more berries and then go to bed

I love you so much!!♥

Good night! 😀

xxx – 

12:54 (PM) 

Good afternoon ♥

Hehe last night, I didn’t really want to go to bed, and now my bed feels so cosy and warm, I don’t want to leave it… But the excitement of the idea of a finished website, will get me out of bed and behind my laptop! 

My spontaneous impulse to change around this website, came from me asking myself how to quickly find a way to have a more fun website for visitors and find a quick way to earn – after I spent some time studying my Google Analytics and struggled with setting goals for this website, because there’s not much to do here, aside from reading, and now that bills are getting deducted, and there’s not much coming in. 

Here’s what’s on my list for a finished website:

These are quite fun tasks 🙂

I don’t know if I have enough money for a terms and conditions statement x_x. Maybe I’ll have to write it by hand x_x. 

By engagement, I mean that I’ll make some test accounts for the forum and use that to start conversations. 

I’ll still sell tangibles, by forwarding you to the sites where they’re available. When I’m done with all of this, I’ll also draw some new designs for my sweatshop. 

Here’s what everything looks like “before”, including the little editing I did yesterday:

I need to fix that button, too…

This will be a lot less text

Meoww there needs to be a solution for the alignment of the items…

Meoww I can’t wait to see this develop itself 😀

To get started, I’ll get up, put some clothes on, brush my teeth, cook and “foam up” some milk for my chai latte, warm some of yesterday’s left overs and turn on my laptop. Tot later xxx


14:58 (02:58 PM) 

Seconds after I uploaded my 12:54 update, I received a bunch of automated messages about not being selected for the program I applied for, because I didn’t meet all requirements. The only requirement I didn’t meet, was the maximum amount of words in my motivation letter, which I exceeded, because my request to study wasn’t a usual one. 

Why do rejections always have to be so painful… Especially the message sent “on behalf of the programme director”, from the same student’s email address, gives me crazy palpitations and chest pains. I don’t ever want to be part of a selection process again. But I have no choice, currently. In my Volta, I stated that if my alternative education path is off the table, I’ll start applying for jobs again, to earn my acknowledgement and freedom the longer way (if I don’t end up committing suicide from the way I depend on external parties and they always work against me). 

If someone asks me if I’ve heard something yet, I’ll say no, because I fucking hate those words of pity, with an undertone that insinuates that that person didn’t want to see me succeed in the first place. 

I’ve never felt so insulted… The cover of Volta has a model used in econometrics on it, which is not even shit for beginners. And then they tell me that I don’t qualify x_x. (My model is incepted! The ß value resembles the y value of an underlying cross sectional data analysis model. For every topic, there’s a seperate cross sectional analysis, and the conclusions of those individual analyses, are put into one final cross sectional analysis, which is the Volta value.) On the page of the double bachelors program, they state that if the committee finds that you don’t qualify for the double bachelor, they might advice you to either study only econometrics or only economics. To me, they say that I can try to apply for the Dutch program. A Dutch degree is useless. My aspirations are international. I’m trying to earn my way the fuck out of this country. Is my English that bad? Ugh and then they wish me good luck. I’m wished good luck dying? It was my last fucking hope. I want my account there to be permanently deleted. There’s no way in hell I’ll ever follow another Dutch education program. 

I’ll stick to my Volta and start applying for jobs again. After I finish my websites, of course!! I hope some meows want me to write texts for them! I hope they’ll be things for which I need to read myself in on some serious scientific content. That could be an alternative to my alternative. I’ll never stop trying!! I guess… I need that fucking acknowledgement. In fucking English!!!  

The most shocking part, is the automated messages part. My request wasn’t a regular request. Why not go in to what I said? That it’s life or death, wasn’t a fucking joke. I wonder if the person in whose name the automated message was sent, knows about this. We could have been writing history. Now I’m back at ground zero. How the fuck else can I get my B back?  🙁 

Please use my forum… Pleaseeee x_x